1 00:00:01,800 --> 00:00:04,320 Speaker 1: Welcome to brain Stuff, a production of I Heart Radio. 2 00:00:06,720 --> 00:00:09,360 Speaker 1: Hey brain Stuff. I'm Lauren vog Obam, and this is 3 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:13,680 Speaker 1: another episode from the Vault. Today's classic concerns a novel 4 00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:16,440 Speaker 1: way that people are dealing with the age old issue 5 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:20,200 Speaker 1: of how to heal a broken heart breakup boot Camps, 6 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:26,040 Speaker 1: Hey brain Stuff, Lauren voc Obam. Here, nobody tells us 7 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:29,320 Speaker 1: how to do a breakup. We get advice, encouragement, and 8 00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:32,680 Speaker 1: insistence when it comes to entering romantic relationships, but when 9 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:36,680 Speaker 1: it comes to splitting up, we're on our own. Literally. Sure, 10 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:39,840 Speaker 1: we have condolences murmured to us by anxious eyed friends 11 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:42,760 Speaker 1: and family for a few weeks, and it's generally accepted 12 00:00:42,800 --> 00:00:46,360 Speaker 1: that unusual ice cream eating behavior, possibly combined with a 13 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:49,760 Speaker 1: drastic haircut, might be in order. But otherwise we're given 14 00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:52,680 Speaker 1: free rain to melt down in the manner of our choosing. 15 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:56,560 Speaker 1: After a while, though, people start rolling their eyes. Why 16 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:59,120 Speaker 1: does she still look like she's going to a Morrissey concert, 17 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:01,920 Speaker 1: they ask each other. Or why can't he stop texting 18 00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:04,959 Speaker 1: her at midnight apologizing for not having unloaded the dishwasher? 19 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:09,919 Speaker 1: More often, the truth is breakups are personal. The sudden 20 00:01:09,959 --> 00:01:13,240 Speaker 1: dissolution of a relationship with the human where emotionally closest 21 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:16,920 Speaker 1: to can cause the sensation of life collapsing in on itself. 22 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:21,520 Speaker 1: We spoke with Suzanne Morgan, a relationship counselor at Counseling 23 00:01:21,520 --> 00:01:25,160 Speaker 1: Associates for Well Being in Athens, Georgia. She said, a 24 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:27,520 Speaker 1: breakup or divorce is a loss that needs to be 25 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:30,840 Speaker 1: grieved and it often affects self esteem and identity and 26 00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:33,319 Speaker 1: sometimes even a sense of safety in the physical world. 27 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:35,679 Speaker 1: It can mean the loss of these significant other and 28 00:01:35,720 --> 00:01:38,560 Speaker 1: the relationship, but also the death of the dream one 29 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:41,319 Speaker 1: had for a life imagined or planned with that person. 30 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:45,440 Speaker 1: It's a big deal and emotional healing takes a little time. 31 00:01:45,959 --> 00:01:49,000 Speaker 1: But if you don't have time these days, there's always 32 00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:52,440 Speaker 1: breakup boot camp. In an age of SPA retreats and 33 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:55,720 Speaker 1: clean living seminars, breakup boot camps have sprung up to 34 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:58,640 Speaker 1: fill a need to make the broken hearted feel as 35 00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:01,120 Speaker 1: if they're doing something beside it's wallowing in their own 36 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:04,600 Speaker 1: psychological pain in addition to giving them concrete steps for 37 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:08,040 Speaker 1: moving forward with their lives. And it's a big business. 38 00:02:08,480 --> 00:02:11,560 Speaker 1: Let's take for example, the renew Breakup boot Camp, which 39 00:02:11,639 --> 00:02:14,280 Speaker 1: runs retreats out of New York and California and touts 40 00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:17,720 Speaker 1: on their website a scientific and spiritual approach to healing 41 00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:20,519 Speaker 1: the heart. You can participate in one of their weekend 42 00:02:20,520 --> 00:02:24,360 Speaker 1: getaways communing with psychologists, life coaches, energy healers, and tantric 43 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:27,880 Speaker 1: yoga instructors in addition to others struggling with the aftermath 44 00:02:27,919 --> 00:02:30,679 Speaker 1: of a big breakup for between one thousand, two d 45 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:35,440 Speaker 1: dollars and two thousand four dollars. If that's a little 46 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:37,440 Speaker 1: rich for your blood, you can sign up for text 47 00:02:37,480 --> 00:02:40,560 Speaker 1: messages from a relationship guru for nine dollars a month, 48 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:43,160 Speaker 1: or take a thirty day email course for a hundred 49 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:47,120 Speaker 1: and forty nine dollars. M e n relationship columnist and 50 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:50,800 Speaker 1: founder of Renew Breakup boot Camp invokes the combined powers 51 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:55,280 Speaker 1: of neuroscience, psychology, yoga, meditation, and energy healing to cover 52 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:58,440 Speaker 1: all of your post breakup bases. But it seems like 53 00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:01,040 Speaker 1: that's the kind of firepower for quired for the tall 54 00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:04,799 Speaker 1: order she's promising to fill. According to her website quote, 55 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:08,480 Speaker 1: Renew provides a safe space for women to heal past wounds, 56 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:12,080 Speaker 1: rewire unhealthy patterns and limiting narratives, and enter the next 57 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:16,000 Speaker 1: phase of life with inspiration and empowerment all over the 58 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:19,600 Speaker 1: course of a long weekend. Other breakup boot camps claimed 59 00:03:19,639 --> 00:03:22,600 Speaker 1: to have hit on similarly effective formulas for ushering the 60 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:26,679 Speaker 1: trauma addled love loren through the healing process. One such 61 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:29,240 Speaker 1: program claims a three step program is the way to 62 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:32,400 Speaker 1: go acknowledge your own role in what happened, admit you're 63 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:35,360 Speaker 1: better off without that person, and accept that the relationship 64 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:39,920 Speaker 1: is over. But is all this kerfuffle needed for something 65 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,080 Speaker 1: that the vast majority of us will go through at 66 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:45,040 Speaker 1: least once in our lives. On the spectrum of trauma 67 00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:48,720 Speaker 1: a person can experience, how bad can it be? We 68 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:52,240 Speaker 1: also spoke with Anne Bellwood of Many Colors Counseling, who 69 00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:56,720 Speaker 1: specializes in psychotherapy for women and the LGBTQ community. She 70 00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:59,600 Speaker 1: said people are dealing with all kinds of things during 71 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:03,720 Speaker 1: break up. Psychological trauma is a subjective experience, meaning it 72 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:06,960 Speaker 1: is defined by you and it is characterized by feeling 73 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:10,760 Speaker 1: extremely helpless and overwhelmed. The loss of a close relationship, 74 00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:14,280 Speaker 1: especially depending upon the details of your situation, can absolutely 75 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:16,960 Speaker 1: make you feel this way. I help clients deal with 76 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:19,400 Speaker 1: this by restoring a sense of control over their lives, 77 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:22,720 Speaker 1: making meaning from the past and restoring hope in the future. 78 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:26,320 Speaker 1: So maybe the need for things like breakup boot camps 79 00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,680 Speaker 1: has more to do with our need for extra help 80 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:31,039 Speaker 1: in all areas of our lives that we're constantly holding 81 00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:34,000 Speaker 1: together until the end of an important relationship brings it 82 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:37,920 Speaker 1: all crashing into our laps. And although eating delicious meals, 83 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:41,360 Speaker 1: doing yoga and talking to neuroscientists, life coaches and other 84 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:44,960 Speaker 1: people who have recently been through breakups can definitely help healing, 85 00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:49,080 Speaker 1: unhealthy relationship patterns can take a lifetime, not just a weekend. 86 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:53,640 Speaker 1: Morgan said, I personally think the boot camp idea sounds fine, 87 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:55,599 Speaker 1: but I would look at it more as a retreat 88 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:57,719 Speaker 1: and a way to get support or jump start the 89 00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:01,000 Speaker 1: healing process. I would caution some one planning to attend 90 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:04,200 Speaker 1: that they shouldn't expect a quick fix. Breakups can bring 91 00:05:04,279 --> 00:05:07,480 Speaker 1: up long held, painful wounds and negative beliefs, but they're 92 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:10,760 Speaker 1: actually a good opportunity to change the narrative. This doesn't 93 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:14,160 Speaker 1: happen overnight and requires some work. A breakup can actually 94 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:16,559 Speaker 1: be a positive sign of growth, that one is changing 95 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:20,039 Speaker 1: a pattern or not willing to accept unacceptable behavior anymore. 96 00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:30,359 Speaker 1: Today's episode is based on the article Breakup boot Camp 97 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:32,680 Speaker 1: Help for Surviving a Broken Heart on how stuff works 98 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:35,640 Speaker 1: dot com, written by Jesslyn Shields. Brain Stuff is production 99 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:37,680 Speaker 1: of My Heart Radio in partnership with how stuff works 100 00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:40,480 Speaker 1: dot Com, and it's produced by Tyler Clang. For more 101 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:43,200 Speaker 1: podcasts from my heart Radio, visit the a heart Radio app, 102 00:05:43,279 --> 00:05:46,120 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.