WEBVTT - The Fifth Hour: Criminal Boxes 0:00:00.680 --> 0:00:05.440 Kaboom. If you thought four hours a day, minutes a 0:00:05.480 --> 0:00:09.240 week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants of 0:00:09.280 --> 0:00:12.920 the old Republic, a sole fashion of fairness. He treats 0:00:12.960 --> 0:00:15.800 crackheads in the ghetto gutter the same as the rich 0:00:15.840 --> 0:00:20.200 pill poppers in the penthouse. The Clearinghouse of Hot takes 0:00:20.280 --> 0:00:24.080 break free for something special. The Fifth Hour with Ben 0:00:24.120 --> 0:00:33.559 Maller starts right now in the a every Where for 0:00:33.640 --> 0:00:39.400 the final time in the year twenty twenty two. The 0:00:39.479 --> 0:00:45.080 Fifth Hour with Ben Maller and Danny G Radio, we 0:00:45.280 --> 0:00:50.479 bid ado to the year two. Danny G and I 0:00:50.520 --> 0:00:53.159 could sit here and reminisce about what we're gonna remember 0:00:53.159 --> 0:00:55.360 from the year, but that would be generic, boring sports 0:00:55.360 --> 0:00:57.160 Stark Radio. I don't know that we want to do that. 0:00:57.480 --> 0:01:00.280 All I will say is that I'm very happy that 0:01:00.400 --> 0:01:05.759 things got somewhat back to normal in the year two, 0:01:05.880 --> 0:01:13.520 because totally fucked up. It's good to see society getting 0:01:13.560 --> 0:01:16.040 back to normal. I was very happy about that, and 0:01:16.920 --> 0:01:20.399 hopefully that will continue for the rest of our lives. 0:01:20.760 --> 0:01:24.520 That's my my deep thought of the show. As you 0:01:24.640 --> 0:01:34.280 celebrate new beginnings in I slipped back to Yes, you 0:01:34.360 --> 0:01:36.640 fell back in the way back Machine. We will get 0:01:36.640 --> 0:01:40.720 to that. We've got the joy Meter, paying your Dudes, 0:01:41.440 --> 0:01:45.840 joining the Club and Criminal Underworld, plus pop goes the 0:01:45.880 --> 0:01:49.760 Culture and we have Backscratcher as well. So a lot 0:01:49.800 --> 0:01:52.600 to get to buckle up. I'm ready to bring the 0:01:52.640 --> 0:01:57.800 gas spicy hot. Addition of the Fifth Hour with Ben 0:01:57.840 --> 0:02:00.400 Maller and Danny ge and so are Lee eat my 0:02:00.560 --> 0:02:04.320 lead anyway on this podcast comes from the season of giving. 0:02:04.760 --> 0:02:06.920 Oh what a fun season it has been here. We 0:02:07.000 --> 0:02:12.000 had our family holiday gathering, the Mallard family, mostly my 0:02:12.000 --> 0:02:16.079 wife's family, but we had a big holiday gathering last weekend, 0:02:16.080 --> 0:02:21.080 a big events and family from near and nearer and 0:02:21.280 --> 0:02:25.240 a few people from far stopped by the Mallard mansion. 0:02:26.240 --> 0:02:29.520 And it's pretty much the same setup as the Ugly 0:02:29.600 --> 0:02:32.639 Sweater party, except it's not an ugly sweater party. It's 0:02:32.680 --> 0:02:37.920 a shin dig to celebrate Christmas and Hanukkah and all that. 0:02:38.040 --> 0:02:41.400 So we had a massive spread of food and I 0:02:41.440 --> 0:02:44.720 was tasked with picking up the food. I was the 0:02:44.760 --> 0:02:47.400 messenger boy that had to pick up the food. My 0:02:47.440 --> 0:02:53.000 wife had ordered some chicken strips for the party, so 0:02:53.080 --> 0:02:57.960 I arrived at the Raising Canes location. They closed early 0:02:58.040 --> 0:03:00.600 on Christmas Eves. So I got there. They said to 0:03:00.680 --> 0:03:04.239 pick up the chicken fifteen, you know, fifteen minutes or 0:03:04.240 --> 0:03:06.000 so before they closed. So I got there when I 0:03:06.040 --> 0:03:09.400 was supposed to. They closed at three o'clock, so I 0:03:09.440 --> 0:03:11.360 had to get there like two forty five. So I 0:03:11.400 --> 0:03:13.919 showed up right around where I needed to be there 0:03:14.560 --> 0:03:16.360 actually got there little early, so I played on my 0:03:16.400 --> 0:03:18.560 phone for like five minutes in the parking lot until 0:03:18.639 --> 0:03:21.880 I needed to go in. So I walked in and 0:03:22.000 --> 0:03:24.960 I told the person I'm here to pick up a 0:03:25.000 --> 0:03:29.000 bunch of chicken strips. And I said, well, what's the name? 0:03:29.000 --> 0:03:32.280 And I gave my name and I said, that's it's 0:03:32.320 --> 0:03:36.160 my name. So they went back and they're running around 0:03:36.160 --> 0:03:38.120 this The guy's talking to some other people on the 0:03:38.160 --> 0:03:40.400 back there and they're going back and forth, and then 0:03:41.040 --> 0:03:43.600 they come back and and they're like, we we don't 0:03:43.600 --> 0:03:45.920 have that order. And I said, how can you not 0:03:45.960 --> 0:03:48.520 have the order? I mean, my wife ordered the food. 0:03:48.560 --> 0:03:50.800 That means you got to have the orders she's and 0:03:50.800 --> 0:03:52.760 and so then the manager come Now we're at the 0:03:52.760 --> 0:03:56.200 stage where the manager comes over and is explaining that 0:03:56.280 --> 0:03:59.200 they don't have the order the food that that that 0:03:59.280 --> 0:04:01.760 we need and so then so then I get on 0:04:01.800 --> 0:04:04.680 the phone with my my wife. I'm like, well i'm here. 0:04:04.720 --> 0:04:06.680 They say they didn't you didn't order it. You must 0:04:06.680 --> 0:04:08.320 not have ordered it, and it must be a milestay. 0:04:08.480 --> 0:04:10.760 She said, no, I ordered it. I talked to somebody 0:04:10.760 --> 0:04:13.720 on the phone. So now, okay, I'll talk. So then 0:04:13.760 --> 0:04:16.640 I tell the manager at the raising cans. I'm like, listen, 0:04:16.760 --> 0:04:18.760 I mean, my wife swears she talked to somebody on 0:04:18.800 --> 0:04:22.040 the phone. She said, whoa, it's a phone order. She says, 0:04:22.120 --> 0:04:26.240 that's totally different. That's a totally different thing. And this 0:04:26.279 --> 0:04:28.480 woman is like explaining to me that they have two 0:04:28.480 --> 0:04:32.599 completely different systems. They have the online order and then 0:04:32.640 --> 0:04:36.240 the phone order, and they these things do not cross. 0:04:38.160 --> 0:04:39.920 Not in my head. Damn, I don't give a ship, 0:04:40.080 --> 0:04:41.520 you know. I just want the food. I gotta get 0:04:41.520 --> 0:04:43.480 out of here. I don't get I don't get anyway. 0:04:43.640 --> 0:04:46.599 Uh paid for the food. I mean the woman thought 0:04:46.640 --> 0:04:48.839 I was speaking speaking cling on when I went in 0:04:48.880 --> 0:04:53.560 there and asked for the chicken. And uh. Anyway, Eventually 0:04:53.720 --> 0:04:59.080 everything worked out, so figured out at the fifty ninth minute, 0:04:59.160 --> 0:05:04.440 fifty ninths second before the clock struck midnight and the party. 0:05:04.800 --> 0:05:06.880 We are gonna have no food at the party. So 0:05:06.920 --> 0:05:10.320 I went back to the Mallard mansion for the parte. 0:05:11.400 --> 0:05:13.800 And this is what this is where I need your help, 0:05:14.839 --> 0:05:17.320 not only you, Danny, but I need you listening to 0:05:17.360 --> 0:05:19.560 this to help me because I believe I'm on the 0:05:19.640 --> 0:05:22.920 right side of history and not the wrong side of history. 0:05:23.200 --> 0:05:26.560 But I'm not sure. So let me explain the situation here, 0:05:27.080 --> 0:05:30.440 and you are your judge, Danny g and you make 0:05:30.520 --> 0:05:34.600 the call on this. So at the holiday parties, some 0:05:34.640 --> 0:05:42.560 people brought some gifts and that caused some controversy. Oh boy, 0:05:42.600 --> 0:05:44.239 so I need to get your help on this. Now. 0:05:44.520 --> 0:05:50.120 My my sister in law and brother in law gave us, 0:05:50.320 --> 0:05:54.119 me and my wife what was described as a couple's gift, 0:05:55.520 --> 0:05:58.520 a couple's gift, the gift we could both enjoy. They 0:05:58.680 --> 0:06:03.960 gave you a massage. Not quite so they presented a 0:06:04.000 --> 0:06:08.400 giant box. Now they explained prior to this that they 0:06:08.240 --> 0:06:11.240 the gift they were giving, they were re gifting that 0:06:11.400 --> 0:06:14.440 they they had gotten it that my brother in law 0:06:14.480 --> 0:06:17.039 had got and he works in television, and it was 0:06:17.080 --> 0:06:20.200 a gift that they gave the crew. And but they 0:06:20.279 --> 0:06:23.640 thought it would be perfect for us as a couple's gifts. 0:06:23.640 --> 0:06:27.279 So giant box and my wife opens it up and 0:06:27.320 --> 0:06:29.600 I kind of opened it on. My wife really opened 0:06:29.880 --> 0:06:32.680 and and it was a very nice gift that was 0:06:32.680 --> 0:06:35.440 in the box. It was very watching the box. It 0:06:35.480 --> 0:06:37.640 turns out it was it was a real gift, as 0:06:37.640 --> 0:06:40.000 we said, but it, uh, it was very nice. I 0:06:40.000 --> 0:06:43.240 gave a thank you. I said, this is a wonderful gift. 0:06:43.400 --> 0:06:51.440 I appreciate that very much. Inside was an espresso maker. Okay, uh, 0:06:51.600 --> 0:06:53.640 so it was very nice and and that was that, 0:06:53.720 --> 0:06:57.200 and I said thank you, and I moved on. My wife. 0:06:57.200 --> 0:06:58.880 I don't want to say she was upset, but she 0:06:59.080 --> 0:07:04.039 was mildly annoyed, Danny at She felt I should have 0:07:04.120 --> 0:07:08.159 been more appreciative of the gift, that I was not, 0:07:08.680 --> 0:07:11.440 that I did not show the proper amount of love 0:07:12.480 --> 0:07:16.679 for the gift. She was unhappy with my My joy 0:07:16.800 --> 0:07:19.640 meter needed to be closer to at ten and I 0:07:19.680 --> 0:07:23.000 was at like a four and she needed at a ten. 0:07:24.080 --> 0:07:26.920 So let me make my case here and I will 0:07:26.960 --> 0:07:29.000 present my case and then I will rest, and then 0:07:29.000 --> 0:07:31.440 I will allow the judge and you, Danny, to determine, 0:07:31.440 --> 0:07:33.880 and you the listener. If you want an email, me 0:07:33.920 --> 0:07:36.480 and tell me what you think about this. So ay, 0:07:38.000 --> 0:07:42.320 it was presented as a gift for both me and 0:07:42.360 --> 0:07:46.760 the wife, a gift we would both enjoy. The problem is, 0:07:47.400 --> 0:07:52.840 I don't drink coffee. This is a coffee maker. My 0:07:52.960 --> 0:07:56.200 wife drinks coffee. I don't drink coffee, and I'm happy 0:07:56.280 --> 0:07:58.080 for her that she has a coffee It's a very 0:07:58.120 --> 0:08:01.200 nice machine. Is a several dar but I will have 0:08:01.400 --> 0:08:05.880 zero use for this, right I be I. It's not 0:08:05.920 --> 0:08:08.320 like I was a total douche. I was polite. I 0:08:08.360 --> 0:08:12.360 said thank you, that's great. I just didn't bend over backwards. 0:08:13.720 --> 0:08:15.680 And and so that was the second ware. And then 0:08:15.680 --> 0:08:19.240 then the final thing parts sea this to me, and 0:08:19.280 --> 0:08:22.000 it's pretty open. I've been very It's the one thing 0:08:22.040 --> 0:08:24.400 I can talk about at parties is it's the real 0:08:24.520 --> 0:08:26.520 odd thing about me is I don't drink coffee. And 0:08:26.520 --> 0:08:28.800 I do an overnight radio show and I don't drink coffee, 0:08:28.800 --> 0:08:31.120 and people are blown away by that. So it's a 0:08:31.120 --> 0:08:33.800 great conversation starter. Everyone in the room knew about it, 0:08:34.040 --> 0:08:37.320 that I don't drink coffee. It would be equivalent of 0:08:37.440 --> 0:08:41.040 giving someone giving me a coffee maker would be akin 0:08:41.679 --> 0:08:46.000 to giving someone in my family who's a vegan a 0:08:46.120 --> 0:08:50.000 subscription to Omaha Steaks, Right, it would be the same. 0:08:50.320 --> 0:08:52.160 They get the same use out of it. You know. 0:08:52.280 --> 0:08:54.600 It's like or if I said, in one couple, you know, 0:08:54.640 --> 0:08:56.480 a couple of one of them eats me, the other 0:08:56.480 --> 0:08:58.280 one doesn't. I said, this is a great couple's gift. 0:08:58.280 --> 0:09:00.400 You guys are gonna enjoy this so much. Here's a 0:09:00.600 --> 0:09:03.400 subscription to stakes. Every month you'll get a different cind 0:09:03.440 --> 0:09:05.600 of meat that will be delivered to your front door. 0:09:05.720 --> 0:09:09.000 So that's my that's my argument, Danny G. How do 0:09:09.040 --> 0:09:12.240 you see it? Let me ask a couple of questions. First, 0:09:12.440 --> 0:09:16.880 all right, your wife e does she start her day 0:09:16.960 --> 0:09:21.079 kind of grumpy before she gets her coffee? Well, she 0:09:21.240 --> 0:09:24.560 claims that she's not a human being until she's had 0:09:24.600 --> 0:09:27.880 a cup of cough. That's all right, because I've heard 0:09:27.920 --> 0:09:31.440 that before too. Like you, there's plenty of women who 0:09:31.480 --> 0:09:34.120 say that, like, oh my god, don't speak to me 0:09:34.200 --> 0:09:36.760 until I've had my coffee. And it's a meme. It's 0:09:36.760 --> 0:09:40.959 a joke, but women say it half jokingly because they 0:09:41.000 --> 0:09:44.160 really mean it. In that case, it is kind of 0:09:44.200 --> 0:09:48.280 a couple's gift because if your girl not your woman 0:09:48.360 --> 0:09:52.599 in particular, but just women in general. If it allows 0:09:52.800 --> 0:09:55.720 us to not have to have a bitchy significant other, 0:09:56.280 --> 0:10:01.319 then it kind of is a couple's gift. I mean, 0:10:02.320 --> 0:10:04.320 I'm not liking what I'm hearing here, Danny, and I 0:10:04.360 --> 0:10:06.000 gotta tell you I'm not. I don't. I don't think 0:10:06.000 --> 0:10:08.760 you're a good judge. But you know, men are supposed 0:10:08.800 --> 0:10:11.480 to stay together here, Danny, But no, here's my wife 0:10:11.480 --> 0:10:16.120 has successfully been able to navigate the coffee this entire time. 0:10:16.160 --> 0:10:18.839 She's found a way to get the coffee, and she's 0:10:18.880 --> 0:10:22.520 lived fine, and she figures it out and and all that, 0:10:22.840 --> 0:10:24.960 and so it's not like this is something where she 0:10:25.040 --> 0:10:27.080 hasn't been able to get coffee. It's not like we're 0:10:27.080 --> 0:10:29.719 in the Sahara desert water and we're getting water now. 0:10:30.080 --> 0:10:33.400 It's not that. Okay, one last quick question. I know 0:10:33.440 --> 0:10:35.760 a lot of guys listening to this right now have 0:10:35.920 --> 0:10:38.559 gone through this same thing. If you were to look 0:10:38.600 --> 0:10:41.440 at a bank statement for the month, are there a 0:10:41.480 --> 0:10:45.599 lot of coffee charges? Oh? God, yes, I think that 0:10:45.840 --> 0:10:48.920 the reason Starbucks stock is as high as it is 0:10:48.920 --> 0:10:53.800 is because of my wife. Absolutely, no question, no question 0:10:53.840 --> 0:10:57.920 about women, especially when they go run errands and go shopping. 0:10:58.320 --> 0:11:01.839 There's something about I gotta go through the Starbucks drive 0:11:01.920 --> 0:11:05.880 through first, and then it's like they can't function and 0:11:05.960 --> 0:11:08.840 run errands unless they have a big Starbucks in their hand. 0:11:09.559 --> 0:11:12.559 This is correct. However, I will play devil's advocate. I 0:11:12.600 --> 0:11:15.880 will point out that this will while it will limit 0:11:16.080 --> 0:11:20.000 the Starbucks, it will not end the Starbucks. That still, 0:11:20.480 --> 0:11:25.360 when out and about, when appropriate, there will be runs 0:11:25.440 --> 0:11:28.720 to the Starbucks on the Starbucks app on her phone, 0:11:28.840 --> 0:11:33.240 she will be ordering said Starbucks. So it's now now. 0:11:33.320 --> 0:11:36.439 I would agree with you if this cut out all Starbucks, 0:11:37.000 --> 0:11:39.920 that this is the this machine is like a gift 0:11:40.000 --> 0:11:43.640 from the gods and no more Starbucks. But that's not 0:11:43.679 --> 0:11:46.480 going to be the case. No. I feel like on 0:11:46.640 --> 0:11:50.680 the thank you and appreciative Ben Mallory scale of one 0:11:50.720 --> 0:11:54.240 to ten, you out of five or six would have 0:11:54.280 --> 0:11:57.040 been fine. Your wife should have been the one out 0:11:57.080 --> 0:12:01.560 an eight bending over backwards to thank them. You could 0:12:01.559 --> 0:12:04.840 have been the robin to her batman for that gift. 0:12:05.720 --> 0:12:10.079 All right, Well, I stand by my position, and as 0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:12.920 someone that is not part of the colt that drinks coffee, 0:12:13.800 --> 0:12:18.880 I felt greatly. I don't say I was offended the gift. Shoot, 0:12:19.000 --> 0:12:21.920 here's my position. The gift should have been presented as 0:12:21.960 --> 0:12:26.120 a gift for her. Yeah. I would have been fine 0:12:26.120 --> 0:12:28.040 with it. But when you told me you're giving me 0:12:28.080 --> 0:12:30.120 a gift, I'm thinking, well, this is exciting, this is 0:12:30.160 --> 0:12:31.800 something I can you know. And I open it up 0:12:31.800 --> 0:12:34.319 and it's like a lump of coal for me. I'm like, 0:12:34.360 --> 0:12:37.360 what the hell you know? Anyway, all right, I'm married. 0:12:37.360 --> 0:12:48.440 My wife wants to dress up. She um moving on 0:12:48.679 --> 0:12:54.120 from that. Hey, your dudes, we'd like to welcome Danny 0:12:54.200 --> 0:12:58.640 g Yeah, it's your bar mitzvah. Here, it's your sweet sixteen. 0:12:58.880 --> 0:13:02.280 You've become Uh, you've become one of us, Danny, You've 0:13:02.320 --> 0:13:08.439 crossed over the rubicon. Congratulations, I dodged COVID. We were 0:13:08.480 --> 0:13:15.480 on the third year of it. Yeah, right, when did you? 0:13:15.600 --> 0:13:17.480 Did you know how you got it? Were you at 0:13:17.559 --> 0:13:19.559 some event where somebody had it? Or you have no idea? 0:13:20.480 --> 0:13:23.520 I have no idea. I mean I use about ten 0:13:23.640 --> 0:13:28.480 gobs of hand sanitizer every fifteen minutes, and uh I 0:13:28.920 --> 0:13:32.880 at work, I wiped down the producers station with tons 0:13:32.880 --> 0:13:36.720 of Clorox wipes. In fact, I get some snide remarks 0:13:36.720 --> 0:13:38.319 from are you going to use that whole thing a 0:13:38.400 --> 0:13:42.960 Clarox wipes and I'm like, yep, I am your filthy animals. 0:13:43.559 --> 0:13:46.800 So Jonas Knox and I were the two that would 0:13:46.800 --> 0:13:50.520 always wipe the workstation down. This was pre COVID. Not 0:13:50.679 --> 0:13:54.360 as bad as uh, your boy, what's the famous host 0:13:54.800 --> 0:14:01.480 who doesn't shake people's hands, how a ding ding? Ben? 0:14:01.600 --> 0:14:08.440 Just congratulations, Um, you know, not as bad as Howie Mandel, 0:14:08.559 --> 0:14:11.800 but definitely. You know, some of us grew up with 0:14:11.920 --> 0:14:16.000 parents or a parent who was psycho about germs. That's 0:14:16.080 --> 0:14:19.880 my mom. My mom carried hand sanitizer before it was 0:14:19.920 --> 0:14:23.960 a thing. She always had white. She always made us 0:14:24.000 --> 0:14:26.840 wash our hands a hundred times a day. My mom 0:14:26.960 --> 0:14:31.080 was super psycho still is. So just for some background, 0:14:31.960 --> 0:14:34.560 I haven't been careless with any of it, and I 0:14:34.560 --> 0:14:37.760 feel like that's why I dodged it all these years. 0:14:37.760 --> 0:14:40.520 So I'm thinking, Ben, that it was dirty Las Vegas. 0:14:41.200 --> 0:14:46.560 I'm thinking for Southwest in particular, was the culprit Well, 0:14:46.600 --> 0:14:50.080 you're fortunate that you you flew Southwest prior to the 0:14:50.200 --> 0:14:54.440 last week. I caught one of the last Southwest flights 0:14:54.480 --> 0:14:58.200 that actually flew well Southwest recover from this that I 0:14:58.240 --> 0:15:00.880 don't know but you're you're gonna recover from COVID before 0:15:00.960 --> 0:15:04.520 Southwest Airlines recovers from what the last last week has 0:15:04.560 --> 0:15:08.160 been for that airline. Geez, Louise, for sure, I'm almost better. 0:15:08.800 --> 0:15:11.160 You're you're you're almost over it though, right If you 0:15:11.240 --> 0:15:14.320 sound pretty good, you sound good. The reason I took 0:15:14.360 --> 0:15:16.520 one of the tests that you and I got at 0:15:16.560 --> 0:15:20.040 the Super Bowl in l A. They were giving away 0:15:20.040 --> 0:15:23.400 free COVID tests and at the time, places were trying 0:15:23.400 --> 0:15:28.600 to scalp these tests for what hundred bucks? Oh yeah, 0:15:28.600 --> 0:15:30.480 they were there. You couldn't find them for a while. 0:15:30.760 --> 0:15:33.600 They were all the stores were sold out. Yeah, lines 0:15:33.640 --> 0:15:36.440 of people waiting to buy these stupid COVID tests back 0:15:36.440 --> 0:15:39.600 in the day. And these little companies, especially some of 0:15:39.600 --> 0:15:44.080 the little urgent cares, were totally taking advantage of everybody. 0:15:44.320 --> 0:15:46.400 Um well, you and I we went to Radio Row 0:15:46.520 --> 0:15:48.640 in l A. And they were giving away these free 0:15:48.680 --> 0:15:52.080 COVID tests. So we kept getting back in line, and 0:15:52.120 --> 0:15:53.960 our joke was we were going to sell them on 0:15:54.000 --> 0:16:00.320 the on the black market. Um, so I took. The 0:16:00.360 --> 0:16:04.840 reason I took the test on Christmas morning was because 0:16:05.200 --> 0:16:08.280 my girl I just thought I had a bad head cold, 0:16:08.600 --> 0:16:13.320 but my girl made scrambled eggs and bacon, and I'm hyped. 0:16:13.360 --> 0:16:15.280 I'm like, you know, we only get bacon a few 0:16:15.320 --> 0:16:18.240 times a year. It's a treat. I take a bite 0:16:18.240 --> 0:16:21.440 of the bacon. I can't taste it. I couldn't taste 0:16:21.440 --> 0:16:24.800 the syrup. I couldn't taste the waffle. I couldn't taste 0:16:24.800 --> 0:16:28.800 the eggs. I literally got scared ben because it felt 0:16:28.840 --> 0:16:31.760 like somebody had scraped the taste buds off of my tongue. 0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:39.400 Bake taste like now. I also thought, damn, this actually 0:16:39.440 --> 0:16:42.200 could be a good diet. If this goes on for 0:16:42.240 --> 0:16:44.880 a while, I'm not gonna eat anymore, because what fun 0:16:44.960 --> 0:16:47.640 is it if you can't taste anything? Well, you could 0:16:47.640 --> 0:16:50.000 do that, or you could go the other direction, said, 0:16:50.080 --> 0:16:52.440 just give me some vegetables. I can't taste those, like 0:16:52.440 --> 0:16:54.440 the food you don't like that are good for you. 0:16:54.440 --> 0:16:56.680 You could go the other direction and be like, I'll 0:16:56.680 --> 0:16:59.640 just eat nothing but broccoli and cauliflower. It'd be great. 0:17:00.280 --> 0:17:03.280 Who cares? Yeah, that's actually a good point. You could 0:17:03.320 --> 0:17:07.040 turn your health around. Um, it got me, It finally 0:17:07.080 --> 0:17:09.720 got me. I'm part of your club. Now, part of 0:17:09.720 --> 0:17:12.840 the club. And see, now you know for sure that 0:17:13.000 --> 0:17:17.040 it's not that bad, right, you know, it's you're sick, 0:17:17.160 --> 0:17:19.520 but you've been sick and you'll be sick more in 0:17:19.560 --> 0:17:22.160 your life before you check out, and so you can 0:17:22.200 --> 0:17:26.480 deal with it, and it's a manageable situation. I wish 0:17:26.520 --> 0:17:28.240 I I have a buddy of mine I used to 0:17:28.240 --> 0:17:30.920 work with in radio who I wanted to see this week. 0:17:30.920 --> 0:17:33.840 I had some time off from the radio show, and 0:17:34.160 --> 0:17:37.600 he will not meet me because he's afraid of getting 0:17:37.640 --> 0:17:40.520 COVID and he doesn't want to leave. He's still wanted 0:17:40.520 --> 0:17:42.600 these guys. He will not leave his house, And like, 0:17:42.880 --> 0:17:45.960 what what is the point of living? You know, you 0:17:46.080 --> 0:17:48.800 gotta be around people. Otherwise you're gonna be dead forever. 0:17:48.840 --> 0:17:50.720 You'll be in the ground or burned up or whatever. 0:17:50.880 --> 0:17:52.920 You're not gonna be around people. But while you're alive, 0:17:52.960 --> 0:17:55.600 you gotta be around people. Two guys is enough for me. 0:17:56.680 --> 0:18:02.879 The man enjoy me very very good on that. So 0:18:02.960 --> 0:18:06.240 the criminal underworld, what is this all about? You ask 0:18:07.520 --> 0:18:11.320 a brief tale? So I go back to the holidays, Sware, 0:18:12.359 --> 0:18:16.840 during that particular social events, we had the white Elephant 0:18:16.920 --> 0:18:20.400 gift exchange. Does your family do that? Danny g at 0:18:20.440 --> 0:18:23.520 the the white elephant gift exchange. You know you don't 0:18:23.520 --> 0:18:29.120 do it. Yeah, So this is the main event, and 0:18:29.240 --> 0:18:32.760 it's something I never did up until I got married 0:18:32.920 --> 0:18:35.480 and started going out with a wife because it's it's 0:18:35.480 --> 0:18:42.280 always fascinating to me how excited people get for crap. 0:18:42.480 --> 0:18:45.040 Like my conspiracy on this, I think I might have 0:18:45.080 --> 0:18:48.280 said this on the podcast, but my conspiracy theory has 0:18:48.320 --> 0:18:53.320 been that this has been designed by robber barons of 0:18:53.359 --> 0:18:55.600 business to get people to buy stuff they would not 0:18:55.760 --> 0:19:00.600 normally buy, like gag gifts and like weird looking socks. 0:19:01.480 --> 0:19:06.000 And what was the budget, Well, the I think the budget, 0:19:06.119 --> 0:19:07.600 I don't know that we even had a budget. I 0:19:07.640 --> 0:19:11.480 think we spent about you know, bucks, like we got 0:19:11.480 --> 0:19:16.000 a couple of gifts, and um, we actually did okay. 0:19:16.000 --> 0:19:17.480 But this is just like I feel like the whole 0:19:17.480 --> 0:19:19.760 white elephant thing is just like to help commerce out. 0:19:20.359 --> 0:19:24.640 And we actually got a little mini car vacuum which 0:19:24.720 --> 0:19:30.200 was useful and some flashlights which I felt was was useful. 0:19:30.960 --> 0:19:33.800 But it's not so much about the white elephant gift. 0:19:33.840 --> 0:19:38.639 But while the party was going on, it was mostly adults, 0:19:38.680 --> 0:19:41.560 but there were some younger cousins that are you know, 0:19:41.640 --> 0:19:46.920 little kids that were running amuck and these kids man 0:19:48.080 --> 0:19:52.480 like a wild pack of desperadoes, these little children with 0:19:52.520 --> 0:19:54.880 all these adults boozing it up, and these little kids 0:19:54.880 --> 0:19:58.879 there and it was it was insane. They were unsupervised, 0:19:58.880 --> 0:20:02.760 their parents weren't watching him. They're on the prowl. And 0:20:02.800 --> 0:20:05.280 it turns out that my four year old cousin, he 0:20:05.359 --> 0:20:09.159 just turned four years old, is actually the ringleader of 0:20:09.200 --> 0:20:12.480 a criminal underworld. I did not realize this until after 0:20:12.520 --> 0:20:15.800 the party, But while I was socializing and my wife 0:20:15.840 --> 0:20:20.640 was socializing, my my little four year old, pint size 0:20:20.720 --> 0:20:26.200 cousin was pilfering the Mallard manchion. And after the party, 0:20:26.240 --> 0:20:28.320 we noticed there were some things that we put out, 0:20:28.359 --> 0:20:31.360 some toys and some books for the kids to play with, 0:20:31.800 --> 0:20:34.480 and we noticed that a big chunk of this stuff 0:20:34.560 --> 0:20:38.159 was not there, and we're like, what the what the fuck? 0:20:38.680 --> 0:20:40.960 You know, who would steal this stuff? And then I 0:20:41.040 --> 0:20:44.320 recalled seeing my four year old pal. He had a 0:20:44.640 --> 0:20:46.320 he was a little a little kid. He's carrying on 0:20:46.480 --> 0:20:49.840 a box, and so I put two and two together. 0:20:49.880 --> 0:20:52.639 I'm like, wait a minute, you know that's I had 0:20:52.720 --> 0:20:57.399 this epiphany, what's in the box? I called his his 0:20:57.520 --> 0:21:00.760 mom my my first cousin. I said, I think we 0:21:00.880 --> 0:21:04.480 got a situation. I think we got a problem. And 0:21:04.560 --> 0:21:08.920 it turns out that this pint size kleptomaniac had filled 0:21:09.640 --> 0:21:12.119 this this he's a little kid. He filled this box 0:21:12.160 --> 0:21:14.840 with all kinds of toys and books and random ship 0:21:14.920 --> 0:21:18.040 from the house and he watch it and his parents 0:21:18.040 --> 0:21:21.680 didn't even notice because because they were in their own 0:21:21.720 --> 0:21:23.960 world and all that. His parents, I guess we're schnockered, 0:21:24.080 --> 0:21:29.520 and they didn't realize what was going on. And that's crazy. Now. 0:21:29.640 --> 0:21:32.719 Fortunately they brought over the box and they put everything. 0:21:32.840 --> 0:21:36.399 You know, we got everything back. But man, this kid 0:21:36.480 --> 0:21:40.159 is like a future cat burglar. Man, this kid, she's 0:21:40.359 --> 0:21:42.800 four years old. He stole a budget put in the 0:21:42.880 --> 0:21:46.840 box and walked out and oh man, right out of 0:21:46.840 --> 0:21:50.520 the Mallard mansion with all kinds of crap. That's not 0:21:50.680 --> 0:21:54.399 so you're gonna be walking in your footsteps getting all 0:21:54.440 --> 0:21:59.080 the free samples from Costco for lunch. Yeah, okay, I'm 0:21:59.119 --> 0:22:03.240 fine with that. Man. He should be a media freeloader, 0:22:03.280 --> 0:22:04.840 is what he should do someday. Although it's hard to 0:22:04.880 --> 0:22:06.879 do that these days. Back in the old days, media 0:22:07.000 --> 0:22:10.600 freeloader easy to do these days not as much. So 0:22:10.640 --> 0:22:14.000 that was my my tell the backscratcher, Danny, do you 0:22:14.000 --> 0:22:17.800 think we got any messages, any messages to support holiday 0:22:17.840 --> 0:22:21.560 week this last week? The backscratcher on the Fifth Hour 0:22:21.640 --> 0:22:24.680 podcast page. We beg every week. Well, I don't beg. 0:22:25.000 --> 0:22:29.879 We ask kindly for people to put nice reviews out, 0:22:30.040 --> 0:22:32.720 and I think we got any this week. I think 0:22:32.800 --> 0:22:36.560 that you're too busy with the holidays and family and friends, 0:22:36.600 --> 0:22:43.040 so I'm gonna say no. Turns out you are wrong. 0:22:43.160 --> 0:22:49.280 We got one. We got all Hey burg Gibby is 0:22:49.320 --> 0:22:51.080 the name on here. I don't think that's the real name. 0:22:52.000 --> 0:22:57.680 And the headline in this five stars podcast porn podcast 0:22:58.040 --> 0:23:02.720 porn says, if I haven't heard uh, if I haven't 0:23:02.760 --> 0:23:08.359 heard of other kinds of addiction, this would be podcast born. 0:23:08.760 --> 0:23:12.480 I can't wait for the next podcast. Amazing job, BM 0:23:12.480 --> 0:23:19.600 and d G keep it going great. Hello from Nolans. 0:23:20.000 --> 0:23:22.840 So the listener I don't know his name, but he 0:23:23.000 --> 0:23:26.879 is listening in Louisiana and the Bayou. So thank you 0:23:26.920 --> 0:23:31.680 for that. Appreciate it very much. We have a little 0:23:31.720 --> 0:23:36.399 time for pop goes the culture, so you know that 0:23:36.440 --> 0:23:45.040 means the Ohio all there is he ready to go poo. 0:23:52.840 --> 0:23:57.480 And these are actual pop culture stories, Danny, that we 0:23:57.560 --> 0:24:00.879 have put together from the last week, things that stood 0:24:00.880 --> 0:24:05.760 out to us. I saw this go viral on social 0:24:05.800 --> 0:24:09.360 media while I was away from my watch post. Did 0:24:09.359 --> 0:24:14.320 you see, Danny. There is a woman that is such 0:24:14.359 --> 0:24:19.399 a dead ringer for Jim Carey that she says people 0:24:19.520 --> 0:24:22.360 regularly come up to her and then are disappointed when 0:24:22.359 --> 0:24:27.439 they realize she is not Jim Carrey. Have you seen this? No, 0:24:27.720 --> 0:24:30.479