1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:12,239 Speaker 1: Mm from grandmothers who whispered in their baby girl in 2 00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:16,920 Speaker 1: two fathers on dimly lit street corners, instructing young soldiers 3 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:20,959 Speaker 1: to always keep their eyes open. You be queen, you 4 00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:24,279 Speaker 1: were fired. You will pass through centuries on the hands 5 00:00:24,320 --> 00:00:28,720 Speaker 1: of your daughters. They called you wisdom. Proverbs on the 6 00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:32,320 Speaker 1: backs of diamond eyed school children who growing into hymnals 7 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:37,200 Speaker 1: recited by amethyst holding urban philosophers who recited neighborhood commandments 8 00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:40,680 Speaker 1: out of the windows of restored Alchemedo cheriots to keep 9 00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:46,080 Speaker 1: the warmth of their blood, be wise, be smart, being black. 10 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:50,760 Speaker 1: Opal Brown courts bloodstone and prayer. Be every form of 11 00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:57,080 Speaker 1: Jim se King told scribe, scribe, told son, son, told wife, 12 00:00:57,480 --> 00:01:00,400 Speaker 1: wife told her daughter, and daughter told the as this is. 13 00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:04,120 Speaker 1: And the ancestors told me that you would come to 14 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:08,920 Speaker 1: give wisdom. Thousands. They said you would come dropping chain 15 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:14,560 Speaker 1: dropping Jim. Hey, welcome to episode twenty three of the 16 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:17,960 Speaker 1: Dropping Gyms podcast. I'm your host, Debbie Brown. We are 17 00:01:18,040 --> 00:01:20,760 Speaker 1: back this week, and UM, first, I just want to 18 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:25,280 Speaker 1: say you guys are hilarious. I have been reading all 19 00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:29,360 Speaker 1: the messages and emails I've gotten over our episode on 20 00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:33,360 Speaker 1: sexual healing. UM, I have to say, I did not 21 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:36,399 Speaker 1: know everyone was going to be that shook, but I 22 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:38,800 Speaker 1: love it and I'm here for it. And so I 23 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:41,759 Speaker 1: just say, if you are uncomfortable with anything that comes 24 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:44,600 Speaker 1: up on this show, just sitting that for a minute, 25 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:47,840 Speaker 1: That's okay, and just investigate, like what am I feeling? 26 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,360 Speaker 1: Where am I feeling that discomfort, and then challenge it 27 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:54,680 Speaker 1: by asking why. UM. So I love that. I love 28 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:58,160 Speaker 1: hearing from you guys on the episodes. UM, just so 29 00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:01,360 Speaker 1: so many beautiful messages, and I'm so grateful. And make 30 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:04,840 Speaker 1: sure you take a second to subscribe and to rate 31 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,800 Speaker 1: and write a review for the podcast. Okay, all right, 32 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:12,960 Speaker 1: So today's show we are talking about God, but specifically 33 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:17,000 Speaker 1: we're talking about God in the context of religion, and so, 34 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:20,360 Speaker 1: as I've shared on a few different episodes, UM, I 35 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:25,880 Speaker 1: am very open to almost all things that exude God's love. 36 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:28,560 Speaker 1: And so growing up, I did not grow up in 37 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:30,840 Speaker 1: the church, but I always longed for the church. I 38 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:33,400 Speaker 1: remember the first time, when I was a little girl 39 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:38,000 Speaker 1: that I heard the stories and the teachings of Jesus, 40 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:42,080 Speaker 1: and I was so profoundly impacted by it and to 41 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:48,920 Speaker 1: this day, uh, and I remember just really sitting in 42 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:54,800 Speaker 1: the works of Christ and feeling like I aspire to 43 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,520 Speaker 1: live and feel like that. And so for me, that 44 00:02:58,639 --> 00:03:03,200 Speaker 1: really represented what the power of teachings are. It doesn't 45 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:05,600 Speaker 1: always have to be done in the right polish way. 46 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:08,079 Speaker 1: You don't always have to know all the text or 47 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:12,640 Speaker 1: all the scripture, all the theology. But if you stay 48 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:17,360 Speaker 1: open and you stay connected to the essence of the understandings, 49 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:22,640 Speaker 1: to the embodiment of the ways of walking in the paths, 50 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:25,639 Speaker 1: I think our lives are so deeply enrenched, and so 51 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:30,079 Speaker 1: I love to explore different belief systems and I'm so 52 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:34,320 Speaker 1: deeply curious about the things that both lead us to 53 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:38,480 Speaker 1: God and the self imposed barriers that keep us from God. 54 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:41,960 Speaker 1: So I'm really excited about this episode. I will be 55 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:48,040 Speaker 1: speaking to a phenomenal, phenomenal woman named Candice Marie Binbo 56 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,280 Speaker 1: and some of you might be familiar. She has a 57 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:54,560 Speaker 1: celebrated podcast called Red Lip Theology. She and I originally 58 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:58,360 Speaker 1: met at this amazing event called God Talk. She's a writer, 59 00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:03,120 Speaker 1: She's an essayist, a screenwriter, a theologian whose work lies 60 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:09,280 Speaker 1: at the intersections of beauty, baking, faith, feminism, culture, and 61 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:12,600 Speaker 1: she gives voice to black women shared experience of healing 62 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:16,360 Speaker 1: and journeying towards wholeness. In two thousand and fifteen, Candice 63 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:19,720 Speaker 1: created Red Lip Theology to encourage women to embrace themselves 64 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:23,920 Speaker 1: as good creation, and through Red Lip Theology, she merges 65 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:28,719 Speaker 1: theological ideals with beauty industry participation to celebrate Black women's 66 00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:33,400 Speaker 1: creativity and spirituality. She also went to seminary school, went 67 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:37,760 Speaker 1: to Duke, was in a PhD program that she decided 68 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,119 Speaker 1: to walk away from on her own terms. And something 69 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:43,920 Speaker 1: I love so much about her is the way she 70 00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:48,359 Speaker 1: challenges thoughts on faith as a woman who has spent 71 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:52,800 Speaker 1: her entire life in the church, whose families have spent 72 00:04:52,920 --> 00:04:55,320 Speaker 1: their entire lives in the church, and who has also 73 00:04:55,440 --> 00:05:00,000 Speaker 1: dedicated her life to God. Really excited to explore these 74 00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:06,200 Speaker 1: conversations with her today, Candice Bevenvo, Welcome to this show. 75 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:10,760 Speaker 1: Thank you for having me. I'm so excited. I am 76 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:14,760 Speaker 1: so hype. So I'm a fan, like I am a 77 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:19,280 Speaker 1: big fan of your brain, of your heart. I love 78 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:22,200 Speaker 1: the way that you think. I love the way that 79 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:25,280 Speaker 1: you share yourself. I fell you on social media. I'm 80 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:28,320 Speaker 1: liking all your posts. Um, but you and I originally met. 81 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:32,680 Speaker 1: Actually now a couple of years ago. Um, but we 82 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:36,320 Speaker 1: we had a chance to connect at God Talk, which 83 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:39,680 Speaker 1: was this beautiful event put together by Teddy Reeves of 84 00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:44,400 Speaker 1: the African American Smithsonian Museum. He did an incredible exhibit 85 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:46,280 Speaker 1: at the museum that we're both a part of, the 86 00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:51,599 Speaker 1: d C Museum on Black spirituality, Black millennial spirituality and 87 00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:55,240 Speaker 1: the church, and this wonderful event that he did, and 88 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,240 Speaker 1: he's done it in multiple cities. This one was in 89 00:05:57,360 --> 00:05:59,400 Speaker 1: l A. We did it at the African American History 90 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:04,039 Speaker 1: Museum in Exposition Park in l A. And I remember 91 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:08,360 Speaker 1: I got there and I didn't know anybody. I didn't know, Um, 92 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,520 Speaker 1: I hadn't been introduced anybody yet. I walked in the 93 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:15,120 Speaker 1: room and I saw you and you were just so bright. 94 00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:18,320 Speaker 1: I remember you had this like gorgeous red lip on 95 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:21,919 Speaker 1: and you just had you had this radiance about you 96 00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:25,080 Speaker 1: was so commanding. And you were a part of the 97 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:27,240 Speaker 1: panel that was right before the one that I did. 98 00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:29,160 Speaker 1: And I had a chance to sit in the audience 99 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:32,120 Speaker 1: and here you speak before I went up, and I 100 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:33,960 Speaker 1: just fell in love with you. I was just like, 101 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:36,760 Speaker 1: oh my god, I love the way her brain works. 102 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:40,760 Speaker 1: And I felt like, you know, you were saying things 103 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,520 Speaker 1: that it really felt like no one in the audience 104 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:46,960 Speaker 1: had ever thought they had permission to thinker here before. 105 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:50,440 Speaker 1: And it was so striking because you know, there are 106 00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:54,800 Speaker 1: so many conversations happening, um, not just now. You know 107 00:06:54,839 --> 00:06:57,320 Speaker 1: a lot of the leading conversations are around mental health. There, 108 00:06:57,320 --> 00:07:03,320 Speaker 1: they're around mindfulness, but there are so so many multifaceted 109 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:08,440 Speaker 1: conversations happening around religion and specifically around the Black Church 110 00:07:08,680 --> 00:07:14,760 Speaker 1: exactly exactly. I'm I'm so excited to be here you, um, 111 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:18,360 Speaker 1: I have I have fan girl to you because I 112 00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:22,760 Speaker 1: think that in align with what you just said, there 113 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:26,040 Speaker 1: are so many of us who want to give ourselves 114 00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:31,280 Speaker 1: permission to think about our faith and spirituality differently, and 115 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:37,000 Speaker 1: you help to give permission, um in ways that also 116 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:41,320 Speaker 1: don't make it feel like who we are as spiritual 117 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:46,280 Speaker 1: beings is disjointed from our experience. And so I'm so 118 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,760 Speaker 1: excited to just have I've been looking at like this 119 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:54,680 Speaker 1: is the highlight of my week, like I've been looking forward, same, same, same. 120 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:56,840 Speaker 1: I love that you said that too, because you know, 121 00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:59,280 Speaker 1: I had a conversation with a really close friend this 122 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:02,560 Speaker 1: week that it was it was kind of eye opening 123 00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:04,640 Speaker 1: for me, um, because you know, when you're in the 124 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:07,160 Speaker 1: thick of your own process and you have your own 125 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:10,880 Speaker 1: relationship with God and speak to Him in your languaging, 126 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:16,400 Speaker 1: you don't always understand how other people are observing you 127 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:19,680 Speaker 1: and experiencing that. And so this person in my life, 128 00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:23,480 Speaker 1: who who I respect mentally and have such a gorgeous 129 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:27,320 Speaker 1: relationship of their own with God, Like they asked me 130 00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:31,960 Speaker 1: if I believed in God, and I was shocked. I 131 00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:36,120 Speaker 1: was like, wait, is that a question? Like you don't 132 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:38,600 Speaker 1: see God in me, Like you don't feel God in me? 133 00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:42,640 Speaker 1: Like every ounce of me is in service to God 134 00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:45,760 Speaker 1: and in gratitude to God. But you know, I think 135 00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:47,760 Speaker 1: for them, they said, well, I see you talk about 136 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:50,040 Speaker 1: meditation a lot, so I didn't know if you knew scripture. 137 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:52,360 Speaker 1: And I said, well, why do I have to know 138 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:55,360 Speaker 1: all the scriptures to know God? You know? And and 139 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,800 Speaker 1: that's just such an interesting place to be in now 140 00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:01,280 Speaker 1: that through social media, through the world old, through just 141 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:05,400 Speaker 1: like broadening of our collective consciousness, you know, so many 142 00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:08,199 Speaker 1: of us are realizing that there is not one road 143 00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:12,080 Speaker 1: to God exactly. Yeah, and we also don't always have 144 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:15,240 Speaker 1: to have a middle man exactly. You know, I think um. 145 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:19,880 Speaker 1: I think so much about um, even in my own 146 00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:26,520 Speaker 1: journey with faith, that the scriptures that talk about um 147 00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:31,720 Speaker 1: when Jesus, when Jesus was on the cross and Jesus died, 148 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:36,200 Speaker 1: the veil was ripped in the temples to kind of 149 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:42,439 Speaker 1: to signal that there is no middle man, that there is, 150 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:47,920 Speaker 1: that that this kind of mediator between that that had 151 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:53,040 Speaker 1: been accomplished, right, and that that you have this this 152 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:58,040 Speaker 1: relationship um that you can that you can lean into 153 00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:02,480 Speaker 1: on your own, and gave me permission to explore that 154 00:10:02,559 --> 00:10:05,720 Speaker 1: even further, to realize that I didn't really even need 155 00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:12,560 Speaker 1: a scripture aligning with Jesus to give me permission to 156 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:16,720 Speaker 1: recognize that my relationship with God was my own UM. 157 00:10:17,559 --> 00:10:20,120 Speaker 1: And that you know, I had a mom who who, 158 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,079 Speaker 1: for all the ways that she raised me to be 159 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:26,720 Speaker 1: a bona fide church girl, would always say that God 160 00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:28,920 Speaker 1: was so much bigger. God is so much bigger than 161 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:32,560 Speaker 1: the sixty six books that are in the Bible, and 162 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:37,840 Speaker 1: that our lives are scripture. And so I didn't know 163 00:10:37,880 --> 00:10:40,520 Speaker 1: what that meant, right, Like I didn't know what that 164 00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:42,800 Speaker 1: meant as a kid. I was just like okay, Like 165 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:46,160 Speaker 1: she must have read it in a book somewhere, but 166 00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:52,280 Speaker 1: the but the older I got, I realized that there 167 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:56,080 Speaker 1: are that there are parts of me when I just 168 00:10:56,280 --> 00:11:01,160 Speaker 1: get steal and I can, like my body can shift. 169 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:07,880 Speaker 1: And that is an instant and immediate appeal to who 170 00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:10,080 Speaker 1: I know God to be to come see about me. 171 00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:14,360 Speaker 1: Right that I don't have to quota scripture, but I 172 00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:17,320 Speaker 1: can just get still within myself and it is a 173 00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:22,720 Speaker 1: very clear calling. But not just God, but from my ancestors, 174 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:29,360 Speaker 1: my angels, thea Recha's, everybody that that is conspiring together 175 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:32,640 Speaker 1: in the spirit world to see about me for them 176 00:11:32,679 --> 00:11:37,680 Speaker 1: to come. And I think that we've spent so much time. 177 00:11:39,559 --> 00:11:43,280 Speaker 1: I I just say for me that we were taught 178 00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:47,320 Speaker 1: so so much of us who identify as black women 179 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:51,319 Speaker 1: and are Christian, so much of what we understand faith 180 00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:53,719 Speaker 1: to be is rooted in scripture because all we did 181 00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:58,240 Speaker 1: was go to church, church, Sunday school, Bible study. So 182 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:04,160 Speaker 1: and if it ain't in that book, then then we 183 00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:09,160 Speaker 1: don't really know, you know what. And I think that well, 184 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:11,840 Speaker 1: And it's funny because depending on who's translating the book, 185 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:16,960 Speaker 1: so it's it could be so many different ways that 186 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:20,560 Speaker 1: you're interpreting it or that you're experiencing God like you know, 187 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,800 Speaker 1: some people believe in the God of vengeance, some people 188 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:25,120 Speaker 1: believe in the God of joy like. So much of 189 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:28,719 Speaker 1: it is rooted in how you experience yourself and how 190 00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,640 Speaker 1: you were taught to think. And this is what's so 191 00:12:31,679 --> 00:12:35,920 Speaker 1: funny to me, how you were taught two think of 192 00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:40,880 Speaker 1: God's personality, as if God had a personality that had 193 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:44,199 Speaker 1: anything to do with ego. It is so interesting to me, 194 00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:53,240 Speaker 1: and and and as if you could even find the 195 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:59,560 Speaker 1: words to articulate it. Right, So so it was I 196 00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:02,319 Speaker 1: never again. I was in seminary class, and I was 197 00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:06,480 Speaker 1: in seminary and we were in theology, and my professor said, 198 00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:11,160 Speaker 1: he held up the Bible, and he said, we have 199 00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:18,880 Speaker 1: this book, we have these courses because so much of 200 00:13:18,920 --> 00:13:25,040 Speaker 1: what we are trying to do is find language to 201 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:32,000 Speaker 1: articulate one who cannot be contained by human language. And 202 00:13:32,080 --> 00:13:38,440 Speaker 1: so we fell miserably because we try. We we we 203 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:42,559 Speaker 1: are always grasping towards it. And we and he said, 204 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:46,320 Speaker 1: and we make that grasp towards it a certainty, and 205 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:51,120 Speaker 1: it's never couched in the grace of our of our 206 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:56,120 Speaker 1: human frailty. And so when he said that, I was 207 00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:59,320 Speaker 1: like bro like that gave me. That gave me so 208 00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:04,960 Speaker 1: much more permission to honor that God was bigger. God 209 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:09,000 Speaker 1: is bigger than my language. God is bigger than than 210 00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:17,000 Speaker 1: everything that I thought, Um I knew, um who I 211 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:20,600 Speaker 1: thought I knew God to be and and to be honest, Debbie, 212 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:26,200 Speaker 1: it was. It was very cute to to kind of 213 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:30,880 Speaker 1: to say that, like I was, you know, a budding 214 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:34,760 Speaker 1: theologian and scholar. I gone, and you know it was 215 00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:38,440 Speaker 1: a duke and it was graduated, was doing already work 216 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:42,960 Speaker 1: so um at this kind of intersection of faith and feminism. 217 00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:45,040 Speaker 1: So it was really easy for me to kind of 218 00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:49,560 Speaker 1: say that as like God is so much bigger like 219 00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:52,440 Speaker 1: all of the words that we say. It wasn't until 220 00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:56,600 Speaker 1: I had to live it right when um it was. 221 00:14:57,000 --> 00:15:02,080 Speaker 1: I graduated seminary in May. My mother unexpectedly passed in 222 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:09,960 Speaker 1: that November, and everything about my world crumbled because my 223 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:15,240 Speaker 1: mom was who everything about church was phenonymous with my mother, 224 00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:18,240 Speaker 1: Like my relationship with God, like if I did something 225 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:21,280 Speaker 1: I liked, I would pray and then but I knew 226 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,680 Speaker 1: she I knew if God wasn't hearing me, Guy was 227 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:26,400 Speaker 1: definitely here my mama. So like so that there was 228 00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:29,360 Speaker 1: this that I still had this cushion and I still 229 00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:35,760 Speaker 1: had this buffer. And when my mom passed, there was 230 00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:41,960 Speaker 1: so much about faith that I had to contend with, 231 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:46,600 Speaker 1: because when you think about scripture, there were all of 232 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:49,440 Speaker 1: these scriptures that you know, God will give you the 233 00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:51,760 Speaker 1: desires of your heart if you delight yourself and Him 234 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:59,120 Speaker 1: and and all of these kind of like methodical procedural scriptures. 235 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:04,520 Speaker 1: If you do X, then Y and Z happened. And 236 00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:07,880 Speaker 1: I could not reconcile that my mother had been as 237 00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:12,000 Speaker 1: devoted to God and as devoted to her faith that 238 00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:16,160 Speaker 1: she was, and she died alone from an asthma chad, 239 00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:21,280 Speaker 1: you know that like that you know, our like our 240 00:16:21,920 --> 00:16:24,600 Speaker 1: greatest fears were we were each other's like, I'm not 241 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:27,920 Speaker 1: only child, she was a single mom, like being away 242 00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:31,600 Speaker 1: from each other, and like a crisis like that was 243 00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:36,880 Speaker 1: that's my biggest nightmare, you know, and like and so 244 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:41,040 Speaker 1: when things happened, when that happened, and then a series 245 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:46,480 Speaker 1: of events happened afterwards, it it caused me to look 246 00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:51,520 Speaker 1: at this thing called faith and really asked myself, was 247 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:57,960 Speaker 1: it mine? You know, um, because there's a way that 248 00:16:58,080 --> 00:17:03,720 Speaker 1: I was living admittedly into a faith that belonged to 249 00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:06,719 Speaker 1: my grandmother, a faith that belonged to my mother, and 250 00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:09,560 Speaker 1: I was living into it into the I was living 251 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:12,160 Speaker 1: into it the ways that I thought they would want 252 00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:19,520 Speaker 1: me to. And it wasn't fully authentic to me. It 253 00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:22,160 Speaker 1: wasn't fully authentic to the girl that they were raising, 254 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:24,640 Speaker 1: the one who had a lot of questions that sometimes 255 00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:29,880 Speaker 1: frustrated them. But it was but did not check her 256 00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:33,479 Speaker 1: brain at the door right in every other scenario of 257 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,639 Speaker 1: her life. So why was I doing it when it 258 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:41,120 Speaker 1: came to faith? So it didn't wow, It didn't honor 259 00:17:42,160 --> 00:17:47,200 Speaker 1: who I really knew, and and and was beginning to 260 00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:50,440 Speaker 1: understand that God actually had created me to be right, 261 00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:57,000 Speaker 1: and so that kind of it would it took me 262 00:17:57,160 --> 00:18:02,360 Speaker 1: to say, to understand what it means that our language 263 00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:12,840 Speaker 1: fails us. Yes, yes, And we are always we are 264 00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:18,800 Speaker 1: always trying to speak to a holy thing that its 265 00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:29,640 Speaker 1: greatest power is its mystery. It's greatest power is its mystery. 266 00:18:29,720 --> 00:18:32,919 Speaker 1: And that's why I think it is so hilarious to 267 00:18:33,119 --> 00:18:39,359 Speaker 1: know God. To experience even a partial peace of the 268 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:42,959 Speaker 1: vastness of God's being is to not be in a 269 00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:47,520 Speaker 1: judgment for anyone. And so that's what always is so challenging, 270 00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:49,840 Speaker 1: I think when we have these conversations, and part of 271 00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:53,440 Speaker 1: me even being in the world of mindfulness, it's so 272 00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:57,159 Speaker 1: much around educating my audience, so much around educating people 273 00:18:57,560 --> 00:18:59,879 Speaker 1: on what certain things are and really diving deep in 274 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:03,120 Speaker 1: kind of unpacking them so that it doesn't feel so 275 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:06,200 Speaker 1: conflicting with anything they were taught to know. We're taught 276 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:09,920 Speaker 1: to believe. But there is not one language for God, 277 00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:14,160 Speaker 1: you know, like He God, He, She, Father, Mother, God, 278 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:19,479 Speaker 1: the entity, the being, the just, the supernatural force that 279 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:24,760 Speaker 1: is the divine. It's not fathomable like the fullness of God. 280 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:29,680 Speaker 1: We can pretend. We can study and and and recite 281 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,400 Speaker 1: all of the scriptures, you can study and recite all 282 00:19:32,440 --> 00:19:35,320 Speaker 1: of the belief systems, all of them, it would never 283 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:39,400 Speaker 1: make a dent in the full understanding of what God 284 00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:42,359 Speaker 1: is and what God can be to you. God has 285 00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:45,760 Speaker 1: to be experienced, And I think it's it's much like 286 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:48,280 Speaker 1: you know, it's kind of like when people read all 287 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:50,520 Speaker 1: the self help books or give all the advice but 288 00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:54,520 Speaker 1: aren't applying. Right, You're at the intell intellectualization phase, but 289 00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:58,320 Speaker 1: you have not yet embodied to know God. And this 290 00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:00,719 Speaker 1: is fine. I go to church to like you know, 291 00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:04,280 Speaker 1: I do, Um. I have so many friends that are 292 00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:07,000 Speaker 1: embedded in the church, and I love it. I love 293 00:20:07,119 --> 00:20:12,119 Speaker 1: I honor anyway people authentically. No God, Um, But I 294 00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:15,440 Speaker 1: think it's so you know, it's just so interesting how 295 00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:19,119 Speaker 1: limiting we can make our relationship with Him, because the 296 00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:22,639 Speaker 1: deeper truth is that when you have God fully in 297 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:25,600 Speaker 1: your life, you are in this constant state of surrender. 298 00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:30,040 Speaker 1: This you constantly have access to joy at some level, 299 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:34,600 Speaker 1: and you feel God in every fiber of your being. 300 00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:38,159 Speaker 1: It's a it's a mind body soul connection. You know. 301 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:41,159 Speaker 1: I may not, you know, wake up every Sunday and 302 00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,600 Speaker 1: go to the church, but every single day that I 303 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:47,600 Speaker 1: meditate for one hour with God and with Christ, I 304 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:52,320 Speaker 1: feel it radiating through my being. My body is a buzz. 305 00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:55,760 Speaker 1: And you can't tell me that because I don't show 306 00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:58,880 Speaker 1: up in a certain kind of way that is just 307 00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:03,320 Speaker 1: shred out it. In societal expectation more than anything, and 308 00:21:03,359 --> 00:21:06,760 Speaker 1: in tradition more than anything, you can't. I live my 309 00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:09,080 Speaker 1: life for God. You can't tell me I don't know 310 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:12,639 Speaker 1: God because I don't call him what you call him exactly. No, 311 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:17,439 Speaker 1: It's and it's so interesting and said that because Um, 312 00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:21,480 Speaker 1: I was talking earlier this week with UM. I do 313 00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:26,320 Speaker 1: spiritual direction, and UM one of the one of my 314 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:30,320 Speaker 1: spiritual direction clients. I told her, I said, we're talking 315 00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:35,919 Speaker 1: about mindfulness. And she was nervous, UM because she was like, 316 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:40,080 Speaker 1: where is Jesus in mindfulness? And I was like, well, 317 00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:42,760 Speaker 1: if you get quiet, I think I think you'll hear. 318 00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:47,840 Speaker 1: And I said, I said, I said. The funny thing 319 00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:53,080 Speaker 1: is that I asked her what she understood prayer to be. 320 00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:58,760 Speaker 1: And she's like, it's this conversation you um, you you 321 00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:01,919 Speaker 1: you tell, you tell God what you need, and you 322 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:06,800 Speaker 1: thank God for your for his blessings, and you you 323 00:22:06,880 --> 00:22:09,439 Speaker 1: asked him to protect it. And I mean she she 324 00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:15,800 Speaker 1: laid out this very um clear understanding of what prayer 325 00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:20,000 Speaker 1: was for her, and none of it included listening. And 326 00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:23,000 Speaker 1: I told her that I was like, I said, so, 327 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:26,199 Speaker 1: so in prayer, when does guy have an opportunity to 328 00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:31,040 Speaker 1: talk to you? And and she she kind of looked 329 00:22:31,040 --> 00:22:35,520 Speaker 1: at me, and I said to her, I said, perhaps 330 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:41,280 Speaker 1: it could be possible that you could see the art 331 00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:47,600 Speaker 1: and the practice of mindfulness as a reorientation for you 332 00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:53,400 Speaker 1: to what prayer can truly be. I said, because then 333 00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:57,040 Speaker 1: as you empty yourself, and as you sent to yourself, 334 00:22:57,160 --> 00:23:02,760 Speaker 1: and as you you meditate, you then begin to allow 335 00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:06,960 Speaker 1: to hear God, I said, because it's not about you talking. 336 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:13,680 Speaker 1: I said, so, so how can we best shift what 337 00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:20,639 Speaker 1: we understand mindfulness to be as invitation? Right? And I 338 00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:26,639 Speaker 1: think I think for so many of us, um, we don't. 339 00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:31,400 Speaker 1: It's the silence that is just oh my God, right, 340 00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:35,800 Speaker 1: like so it's it's it's it's having to be with yourself. 341 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:38,720 Speaker 1: I mean, we don't. And and it's so funny because 342 00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:41,600 Speaker 1: so and I know you can get it. Like so 343 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:44,880 Speaker 1: I've growing up in a Christian context, Like we don't 344 00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:49,840 Speaker 1: even like the silence of the holy silence of Advent, 345 00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:55,480 Speaker 1: or even like the holy silence of Good Friday or 346 00:23:55,560 --> 00:23:59,040 Speaker 1: Holy Saturday before Easter, like we always gotta rush to 347 00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:04,680 Speaker 1: Jesus doing something right, like we like we we Advent 348 00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:07,359 Speaker 1: were in Advent, which is this holy time of this 349 00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:13,720 Speaker 1: season of miracles, of expectation and waiting. You can't do 350 00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:19,320 Speaker 1: anything if you're waiting, like it is the most frustrating 351 00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:24,520 Speaker 1: position and space to be. And I watched this beautiful 352 00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:27,880 Speaker 1: I watched the service the other day and I had 353 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:33,040 Speaker 1: to text my friend because the preacher went to the 354 00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:36,840 Speaker 1: cross and then went to Jesus like, and I was like, 355 00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:39,880 Speaker 1: this ain't even boring it, Like can we not just 356 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:48,240 Speaker 1: like stay in the in, in in the silence? Right? 357 00:24:48,359 --> 00:24:50,639 Speaker 1: And I love that you say that, because you know, 358 00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:56,359 Speaker 1: when I experienced Christ, it is for me some of 359 00:24:56,400 --> 00:25:00,399 Speaker 1: the greatest inspirations of Christ. It's the tenderness of Christ. 360 00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:05,760 Speaker 1: And it is the patience of Christ, like that beautiful 361 00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:11,080 Speaker 1: patience of Christ, like moving through the world and listening 362 00:25:11,119 --> 00:25:15,680 Speaker 1: to the small, subtle sounds and signs from God and 363 00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:19,000 Speaker 1: walking as your highest self. You know, that's that's what 364 00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:22,639 Speaker 1: the takeaway of Christ life should be. Christ. You know, 365 00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:26,520 Speaker 1: Christ wasn't a Christian. Christ wasn't any religion. Christ was 366 00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:29,800 Speaker 1: the son of God, the embodiment of the essence of 367 00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:33,199 Speaker 1: God on earth that was meant to be the beacon 368 00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:36,840 Speaker 1: of how we should live. We should aspire to live 369 00:25:36,840 --> 00:25:39,760 Speaker 1: in such a way that we know God the way 370 00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:42,040 Speaker 1: that Christ did, that we live for God the way 371 00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:44,560 Speaker 1: that Christ did. And so it's like, if if any 372 00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:48,399 Speaker 1: of your religious structure doesn't lend that knowing nous to 373 00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:51,880 Speaker 1: you from the inside out, then there are other tools 374 00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:54,040 Speaker 1: that need to be cultivated, because you're missing the point. 375 00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:56,600 Speaker 1: That's the I think that that's the part is that 376 00:25:56,840 --> 00:26:00,159 Speaker 1: so many of us have missed and are missing it 377 00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:07,160 Speaker 1: because Church did not Church and I teach us necessarily 378 00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:11,280 Speaker 1: to be christ Like as much as Church taught us 379 00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:16,960 Speaker 1: how to conform to what culture and society who to 380 00:26:17,119 --> 00:26:20,160 Speaker 1: who culture and society wanted us to be. So when 381 00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:26,639 Speaker 1: when you think about when you think about scripture, there 382 00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:29,600 Speaker 1: is which which a lot of us don't want to 383 00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:34,399 Speaker 1: sit with. When we read scripture, there's about justice, a 384 00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:39,440 Speaker 1: much justification for everything. You can justify murder, you can 385 00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:43,679 Speaker 1: justify I mean, they're like, you can just justifyed genocide. 386 00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:46,760 Speaker 1: You can justify a whole lot of stuff with scripture. 387 00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:55,000 Speaker 1: What gets muddied is when you when you mediate those 388 00:26:55,040 --> 00:27:00,159 Speaker 1: scriptures against the life of Jesus. Because there are some 389 00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:03,440 Speaker 1: there are some parts of scripture, there are some parts 390 00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:07,520 Speaker 1: of the of the text that the love and life 391 00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:13,240 Speaker 1: of Jesus rub against right, But a lot of us 392 00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:19,840 Speaker 1: were not taught to allow the love and life of 393 00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:28,760 Speaker 1: Jesus to permeate who we are. Because that is very 394 00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:33,359 Speaker 1: that is true, that is true, renegade in its in 395 00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:38,520 Speaker 1: its purest form right. So Jesus was rogue like in 396 00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:42,120 Speaker 1: in his you know that the truth is is that 397 00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:47,320 Speaker 1: you know there were Jesus following Jewish customs, Jesus following 398 00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:51,160 Speaker 1: on when he wanted to, because then when someone needed 399 00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:54,640 Speaker 1: to be healed on the Sabbath, Jesus healing on the Sabbath, 400 00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:56,760 Speaker 1: and it was like, bro, like what you don't you know, 401 00:27:56,840 --> 00:27:59,840 Speaker 1: we don't do that, right, So like, so there's there's 402 00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:06,040 Speaker 1: somethink about the inherent essence of Jesus. He was a 403 00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:12,240 Speaker 1: disruptor for real. That exactly that causes you two. It 404 00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:16,840 Speaker 1: is it is in direct opposition sometimes to these very 405 00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:21,080 Speaker 1: rigid structures of dogma and doctrine, right, And so what 406 00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:27,360 Speaker 1: then happens is you find yourself trying to live into 407 00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:32,080 Speaker 1: everything that everybody else wants you to be, because they 408 00:28:32,119 --> 00:28:34,760 Speaker 1: tell you that that is what it means to be holy, 409 00:28:35,240 --> 00:28:37,200 Speaker 1: that is what it means to be pure, that is 410 00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:40,000 Speaker 1: what it means to be righteous, and you find yourself 411 00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:45,160 Speaker 1: crumpling against the weight of that when when you think 412 00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:49,280 Speaker 1: about Jesus's life, the only thing Jesus ever asked for 413 00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:53,480 Speaker 1: was authenticity, right, Because when you are who you are, 414 00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:57,000 Speaker 1: when you are who you are created to be, there's 415 00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:01,360 Speaker 1: a freedom there, and that free them breathe even more 416 00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:04,880 Speaker 1: liberty and even more freedom right and then and it 417 00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:09,000 Speaker 1: is from that that place that then you can say, okay, 418 00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:15,760 Speaker 1: m these actions, these these these relationships, these things may 419 00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:21,200 Speaker 1: not necessarily allow for my highest good. Right, not that 420 00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:26,360 Speaker 1: I'm pushing them away because a because a book or 421 00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:28,920 Speaker 1: because the way someone in turpets that book told me 422 00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:31,920 Speaker 1: to write. Because the truth is, when I'm leaning into 423 00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:35,440 Speaker 1: authenticity and my highest self, I might actually need to 424 00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:39,880 Speaker 1: be inviting in relationships that the church may tell me 425 00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:42,000 Speaker 1: to pull away. I talked about that a lot when 426 00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:46,520 Speaker 1: it when it comes to intimacy and black women, right, like, 427 00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:53,440 Speaker 1: let's go there, girl, like we like case on point. 428 00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:55,800 Speaker 1: I don't know when this is coming out, but but 429 00:29:55,840 --> 00:30:01,560 Speaker 1: we're recording it on my birthday and so thank you 430 00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:05,960 Speaker 1: and so thanking this time. Like I literally when y'all 431 00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:07,680 Speaker 1: sent the dates, I was like, oh no, we're having 432 00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:09,880 Speaker 1: this conversation on my birthday, Like this is this is 433 00:30:09,920 --> 00:30:15,400 Speaker 1: my treat to myself. But four women, four of my 434 00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:19,280 Speaker 1: home girls, reached out to me to say happy birthday today, 435 00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:24,680 Speaker 1: and they're all they have they all have quarantine bays, 436 00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:30,400 Speaker 1: and we laughed about their quarantine bays. But they said 437 00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:35,480 Speaker 1: to me, in in in. In their own ways, each 438 00:30:35,520 --> 00:30:42,040 Speaker 1: of them thanked me for encouraging them to pursue joy. 439 00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:45,720 Speaker 1: And one of my friends said to me, I am 440 00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:48,960 Speaker 1: the happiest right now that I have been in a 441 00:30:49,200 --> 00:30:52,520 Speaker 1: very long time. And she was, and she said, I'm 442 00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:58,120 Speaker 1: not mean anymore. And another one of my friends told me, 443 00:30:58,240 --> 00:31:02,880 Speaker 1: she said, I I am allowing myself to be held 444 00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:07,760 Speaker 1: and she said, I don't remember the last time that 445 00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:11,280 Speaker 1: I let somebody else hold me up instead of me. 446 00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:14,959 Speaker 1: I'm learning how to let myself be help. And the 447 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:18,640 Speaker 1: truth is is that these dudes and gave them rings 448 00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:21,600 Speaker 1: right the if they if they went to church, it 449 00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:24,680 Speaker 1: would be what are you doing? Like like this is sin, 450 00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:29,120 Speaker 1: Like no, you can't do this. And yet that these 451 00:31:30,080 --> 00:31:33,440 Speaker 1: it's not the relationship, but it is. It is them 452 00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:39,840 Speaker 1: giving themselves permission to to experience joy and pleasure. That's 453 00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:46,520 Speaker 1: allowing them to literally remember themselves. And that's the holy act, right. 454 00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:48,560 Speaker 1: Like one of my friends is like, you know, I 455 00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:52,840 Speaker 1: see this relationship. We've talked about marriage, we talked about children. 456 00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:55,440 Speaker 1: I had another friend who was like, you know what 457 00:31:56,280 --> 00:32:01,040 Speaker 1: if this last by the vaccine, then I'll be amazed, 458 00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:03,880 Speaker 1: but right now I'm enjoying it. It was. It was, 459 00:32:05,640 --> 00:32:10,280 Speaker 1: but we all of us laughed because we all grew 460 00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:13,120 Speaker 1: up in church, and we we talk about how we 461 00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:18,320 Speaker 1: still work to overcome a lot of what we have 462 00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:22,080 Speaker 1: been taught, because I do think a learning it's a 463 00:32:22,120 --> 00:32:26,800 Speaker 1: lifelong journey. But it was just this one step of 464 00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:31,160 Speaker 1: saying that, in a year that has taken so much 465 00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:36,800 Speaker 1: from us, I'm going to give myself something. I'm gonna 466 00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:42,440 Speaker 1: give myself permission to be loved and to experience love 467 00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:48,240 Speaker 1: and joy and and and I'm going to take off 468 00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:54,320 Speaker 1: everything that tells me this is wrong because it's not 469 00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:58,840 Speaker 1: inherent and intrinsic to me, right, you know, Um, But 470 00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:01,440 Speaker 1: it's what other people have said, right. And so I 471 00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:09,400 Speaker 1: think that, like I think that that it requires relationship 472 00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:19,240 Speaker 1: that is deeply, deeply centered in authenticity to say this 473 00:33:19,360 --> 00:33:22,800 Speaker 1: is what I know to be true about God for 474 00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:26,640 Speaker 1: myself and and and for my faith, and these are 475 00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:28,640 Speaker 1: and these are the things that I know to be 476 00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:32,920 Speaker 1: true about what it looks like for me to show 477 00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:38,640 Speaker 1: up as my as my best and my higher self. Um. 478 00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:42,520 Speaker 1: And I don't know, I'm I'm excited because I think 479 00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:46,920 Speaker 1: that that there are so many sisters in our generation 480 00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:50,680 Speaker 1: and coming behind us and even older than us that 481 00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:55,840 Speaker 1: are giving themselves permission to think that right now, Um, 482 00:33:56,000 --> 00:34:00,120 Speaker 1: that that may have done it before previously, but but 483 00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:03,760 Speaker 1: but could not live it out loud in certain ways, 484 00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:06,960 Speaker 1: Like there were ways that I know my mom had 485 00:34:07,040 --> 00:34:13,800 Speaker 1: conversations with me at home that couldn't necessarily be couldn't 486 00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:19,080 Speaker 1: necessarily be conversations and ways that she lived in church 487 00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:22,120 Speaker 1: or publicly, because I mean she was a single mama 488 00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:26,120 Speaker 1: with a baby and with a little girl that she 489 00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:28,800 Speaker 1: was trying to like she was trying to survive, she 490 00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:31,480 Speaker 1: was trying to keep safe, like there were there were 491 00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:36,480 Speaker 1: you know, like there's grace there right Um, And so 492 00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:42,640 Speaker 1: understanding that now, I say, okay, what what do we 493 00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:47,880 Speaker 1: learn about the ways that our mothers and our grandmothers 494 00:34:48,360 --> 00:34:52,840 Speaker 1: may have had to navigate these longings in private that 495 00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:57,080 Speaker 1: give us permission to say we can do this publicly. 496 00:34:59,120 --> 00:35:01,480 Speaker 1: I just have to say, you're the spirit of your 497 00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:04,280 Speaker 1: mom is so strong, because this is the second time 498 00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:06,919 Speaker 1: that you have referenced her and I'm covered in full 499 00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:10,560 Speaker 1: body chills, so I definitely, um, yeah, I felt her 500 00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:15,200 Speaker 1: come into the room. Wow, she's powerful. Literally right now, 501 00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:19,839 Speaker 1: like rubbing my body and freezing. Um. Wow, that that 502 00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:22,000 Speaker 1: was such a beautiful thought because I you know, I 503 00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:26,080 Speaker 1: think too in my own way. I think to that 504 00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:29,919 Speaker 1: piece so much. I think right now, spiritually, so many 505 00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:32,600 Speaker 1: of us can be a little full of ourselves when 506 00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:35,080 Speaker 1: it comes to our relationships with God or the way 507 00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:37,120 Speaker 1: that we're able to show up in the world. Something 508 00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:40,360 Speaker 1: that gets said a lot, which is absolutely accurate, But 509 00:35:40,400 --> 00:35:43,480 Speaker 1: I had to check myself in it and really seat 510 00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:46,080 Speaker 1: myself in some humility. You know, this idea that where 511 00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:48,480 Speaker 1: the you know, where the chain breakers, or where the 512 00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:52,600 Speaker 1: generation that has come to heal our lineage past, present 513 00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:55,160 Speaker 1: and future, and the level of pressure that comes with that, right, 514 00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:59,160 Speaker 1: because that's it's an immense amount of work. But you know, 515 00:35:59,200 --> 00:36:04,000 Speaker 1: it would be deeply unfair to not recognize that every 516 00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:09,400 Speaker 1: generation that has come before us moved us forward in 517 00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:12,719 Speaker 1: the way they were able to given the construct of 518 00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:16,040 Speaker 1: society or their systems at the time, you know. And 519 00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:19,120 Speaker 1: it's like I was thinking about that in terms of 520 00:36:19,120 --> 00:36:21,319 Speaker 1: my journey when I think of like, you know, I 521 00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:23,040 Speaker 1: do all the things, I mean to all the things, 522 00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:25,080 Speaker 1: I do, all the things, but it's all really in 523 00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:29,719 Speaker 1: service to to fully heal myself and and every cell 524 00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:33,840 Speaker 1: in my being and lend that healing generationally for everyone 525 00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:35,840 Speaker 1: that's to come from me. When I'm the ancestor and 526 00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:38,680 Speaker 1: everyone that came before me. I believe that we can 527 00:36:38,719 --> 00:36:42,640 Speaker 1: send healing backwards and forwards. Um. And you know, I 528 00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:47,160 Speaker 1: had gotten a little maybe drunk off my own righteousness 529 00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:50,520 Speaker 1: at times, you know, and I sat down and I thought, God, 530 00:36:50,719 --> 00:36:54,240 Speaker 1: you know, yeah, I'm doing some big work. But also, 531 00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:56,640 Speaker 1: I exist in a time where guess what, I'm allowed 532 00:36:56,680 --> 00:36:59,759 Speaker 1: to be a multi hyphen it, multidimensional woman. I'm in 533 00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:01,839 Speaker 1: a space where I don't have to have a man 534 00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:04,520 Speaker 1: to co sign me, so I can just open a 535 00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:06,480 Speaker 1: bank account and have my own money. I can have 536 00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:10,160 Speaker 1: a career, I can you know, I can do multiple things. 537 00:37:10,239 --> 00:37:13,600 Speaker 1: I have access to books and to symposiums and to 538 00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:17,719 Speaker 1: meditation retreats and all of these things that no one 539 00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:19,960 Speaker 1: has ever had, you know. And so I love that 540 00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:23,439 Speaker 1: thought you you brought forward, because I do think part 541 00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:27,319 Speaker 1: of our healing is really also extending grace to our 542 00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:31,040 Speaker 1: parents and to our grandparents for the things they didn't know, 543 00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:33,840 Speaker 1: and not judging them through the lens of a child. 544 00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:37,040 Speaker 1: But looking back on them and their choices through our 545 00:37:37,080 --> 00:37:41,920 Speaker 1: adult healed lens that we have now exactly it. Um 546 00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:47,640 Speaker 1: it has been the absolute Um. It's been a gift 547 00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:55,640 Speaker 1: to UH to to in and prayer and meditation, send 548 00:37:55,800 --> 00:38:00,239 Speaker 1: grace and I say it just that way to to 549 00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:07,160 Speaker 1: the twenty six year old who was pregnant and felt alone. Um, 550 00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:13,360 Speaker 1: it has been. It has been. UM been. It's been 551 00:38:13,400 --> 00:38:18,359 Speaker 1: a gift to send an apology to the thirty year 552 00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:21,279 Speaker 1: old mama who was like, why can't this girl just 553 00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:25,160 Speaker 1: be quiet in class? Because I'm doing I'm doing the 554 00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:29,399 Speaker 1: best that I can right like that. And it's it's 555 00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:32,240 Speaker 1: so funny you said that earlier because I cannot stand 556 00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:37,359 Speaker 1: like this will be the generation language. UM. But but 557 00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:41,759 Speaker 1: I will also say that, you know, this year and 558 00:38:41,800 --> 00:38:45,239 Speaker 1: the work that I've done myself has been um. And 559 00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:48,120 Speaker 1: and the work I've done myself through in therapy and 560 00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:54,120 Speaker 1: my own accountability has been one of of of working 561 00:38:54,120 --> 00:38:59,680 Speaker 1: on my own humility. Because there are ways that that 562 00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:07,120 Speaker 1: you UM like success and I use I use air 563 00:39:07,239 --> 00:39:12,880 Speaker 1: quotes in this space can be very seductive, UM, and 564 00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:19,640 Speaker 1: that like when you are doing this kind of work, UM, 565 00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:25,520 Speaker 1: there is this there can often be this seduction towards 566 00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:29,600 Speaker 1: you know, oh, like this hasn't been done before, you 567 00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:33,439 Speaker 1: know this, like like like you know, we can, we can, 568 00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:35,920 Speaker 1: we can figure this out. We can, you know, and 569 00:39:36,000 --> 00:39:37,960 Speaker 1: you can kind of get high off your own supply. 570 00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:43,440 Speaker 1: And And what I found even as I was thinking 571 00:39:43,719 --> 00:39:47,680 Speaker 1: as extending grace to my to my grandma and and 572 00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:49,560 Speaker 1: and what it was like to be young with six 573 00:39:49,680 --> 00:39:53,880 Speaker 1: kids even though she was married, UM, but you know, 574 00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:58,279 Speaker 1: trying and her mother dying unexpectedly, um, and trying to 575 00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:02,399 Speaker 1: figure that out and what and extending grace to my 576 00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:05,680 Speaker 1: mom and what it was like for her has also 577 00:40:05,760 --> 00:40:13,279 Speaker 1: been about um, extending grace to myself to say, you know, 578 00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:23,239 Speaker 1: I at my core this should always be about honoring 579 00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:28,680 Speaker 1: the miracle and the mystery that has been my own healing. 580 00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:34,399 Speaker 1: Right that when we think about where we have our 581 00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:37,719 Speaker 1: own life stories and our own journeys, we do not 582 00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:42,799 Speaker 1: overcome these things to be equipped to do this kind 583 00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:47,160 Speaker 1: of work, to become arrogant like we you know, to 584 00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:50,400 Speaker 1: to to to suggest. And there was the ways that 585 00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:53,520 Speaker 1: I was like I had, you know, like I had 586 00:40:53,640 --> 00:40:56,880 Speaker 1: the degrees, and I had the platform, and I had 587 00:40:57,440 --> 00:41:01,600 Speaker 1: you know, um, this kind space as a cultural critic 588 00:41:02,200 --> 00:41:05,040 Speaker 1: critic and it and it was all working and it's 589 00:41:05,160 --> 00:41:10,440 Speaker 1: still working in in to to to manifest answer prayers. 590 00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:13,759 Speaker 1: And at the same time there's the there's like this 591 00:41:13,840 --> 00:41:19,839 Speaker 1: little shift that can be that the work is fully 592 00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:24,399 Speaker 1: immense and the humility and the gratitude of what has 593 00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:26,759 Speaker 1: happened in your life, and then that could be that 594 00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:31,960 Speaker 1: little shift where ego begins to bleed in and though 595 00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:34,759 Speaker 1: the work can be profound, and though the work can 596 00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:40,440 Speaker 1: still be powerful because um, you know they I believe 597 00:41:40,480 --> 00:41:43,200 Speaker 1: the scripture where it says the gifts come without repentance. 598 00:41:43,960 --> 00:41:50,160 Speaker 1: Um it it is it's tainted still, right because because 599 00:41:50,280 --> 00:41:53,000 Speaker 1: it is suggesting that you are doing this in your 600 00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:56,880 Speaker 1: own kind of power, right, um, that you then have 601 00:41:57,120 --> 00:42:02,279 Speaker 1: the tools, right it It It has the arrogant assumption 602 00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:06,440 Speaker 1: that three generations from us, they're not gonna look back 603 00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:08,080 Speaker 1: and be like, y'all didn't know what the hick y'all 604 00:42:08,160 --> 00:42:13,239 Speaker 1: was doing. So you know, I like, I had this 605 00:42:13,320 --> 00:42:17,600 Speaker 1: conversation with one of my friends and we were laughing 606 00:42:17,800 --> 00:42:22,120 Speaker 1: so hard, like the tears of just joy because we 607 00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:28,160 Speaker 1: went through all of the like things that that generation, 608 00:42:28,280 --> 00:42:32,799 Speaker 1: whatever it would be, will say about millennials and how 609 00:42:33,200 --> 00:42:37,160 Speaker 1: overly ridiculous and out of touch we were, and how 610 00:42:37,239 --> 00:42:41,280 Speaker 1: it is going to be hilarious for us to be 611 00:42:41,640 --> 00:42:45,160 Speaker 1: in the seat that we in, the hot seat that 612 00:42:45,239 --> 00:42:48,440 Speaker 1: we have other people in because we are not gonna 613 00:42:48,440 --> 00:42:53,640 Speaker 1: get it right. We're not right if we even look 614 00:42:53,680 --> 00:42:57,719 Speaker 1: at like our collective consciousness has risen in such a 615 00:42:57,800 --> 00:43:01,120 Speaker 1: staggering way, and just the last three years, right, Like, 616 00:43:01,520 --> 00:43:04,680 Speaker 1: in the last three years, we have for the very 617 00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:09,080 Speaker 1: first time in human history, been having vast conversations about sexuality, 618 00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:14,560 Speaker 1: vasque conversations about gender, vast conversations you know, about trauma 619 00:43:14,600 --> 00:43:17,479 Speaker 1: that women face, trauma that all non white people face. 620 00:43:17,560 --> 00:43:22,600 Speaker 1: Like I mean, it is just incredible and beautiful but 621 00:43:22,640 --> 00:43:25,799 Speaker 1: also overwhelming the amount of unpacking we have been doing 622 00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:29,319 Speaker 1: seven for the last handful of years. And that's just 623 00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:32,279 Speaker 1: the last handful of years. So can you imagine when 624 00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:34,719 Speaker 1: they look back on our lives prior to really like 625 00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:41,080 Speaker 1: we were a hot like think about things that were 626 00:43:41,280 --> 00:43:45,280 Speaker 1: said and that were commonplace that would get you canceled 627 00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:49,719 Speaker 1: forever now just three years ago, and that's really a 628 00:43:49,800 --> 00:43:53,719 Speaker 1: lesson in grace. Like when people's all tweets come up, 629 00:43:53,840 --> 00:43:56,359 Speaker 1: I just I'm like, I sit there and I thank 630 00:43:56,400 --> 00:44:01,320 Speaker 1: God that I deleted all of mine, UM because because 631 00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:04,239 Speaker 1: the truth is is that like we were all fumbling 632 00:44:05,200 --> 00:44:09,600 Speaker 1: UM and I and I honestly, I honestly have this 633 00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:13,799 Speaker 1: conversation with my younger cousin, and I have this conversation 634 00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:21,040 Speaker 1: with friends about learning, and it's and it is actually learning. 635 00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:25,480 Speaker 1: It is truly about learning to be easy on ourselves 636 00:44:25,880 --> 00:44:30,320 Speaker 1: because we were stumbling and fumbling because we were trying 637 00:44:30,360 --> 00:44:33,160 Speaker 1: to we were trying to figure it out. We did 638 00:44:33,239 --> 00:44:37,320 Speaker 1: think we knew everything right, that it was it was 639 00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:41,960 Speaker 1: the fumble of just like of life and trying to 640 00:44:43,040 --> 00:44:46,640 Speaker 1: um and that we a lot of us have been 641 00:44:46,680 --> 00:44:50,960 Speaker 1: formed in certain ways that at one point, you know, 642 00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:54,279 Speaker 1: we might have we might have you know, believed that 643 00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:57,040 Speaker 1: this part of our formation needed work, but this part 644 00:44:57,040 --> 00:45:00,080 Speaker 1: of our formation didn't. And so there were all of 645 00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:07,279 Speaker 1: these pieces of us that we're still that were that 646 00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:11,520 Speaker 1: weren't that weren't just you know, harmon other folk's favorite 647 00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:17,239 Speaker 1: harmonist too, and and that like it is it is 648 00:45:17,360 --> 00:45:24,560 Speaker 1: unfair to look at it is unfair for Candas to 649 00:45:24,719 --> 00:45:31,480 Speaker 1: look back at Candas and be like, why why couldn't 650 00:45:31,520 --> 00:45:35,719 Speaker 1: you think like this? Right? Like, it is unfair what 651 00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:43,080 Speaker 1: I say to her, is by share grace resilience for 652 00:45:43,160 --> 00:45:46,040 Speaker 1: such a time as this, you were able to endure 653 00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:51,400 Speaker 1: and get to displace and let us let us instead 654 00:45:51,480 --> 00:45:54,520 Speaker 1: of wishing that we got there earlier. Because I do 655 00:45:54,640 --> 00:45:56,800 Speaker 1: that a lot, and I have to check myself for 656 00:45:56,960 --> 00:46:05,040 Speaker 1: that honor that I'm here, And should candidates be able 657 00:46:05,040 --> 00:46:11,120 Speaker 1: to see and so forth and so on, then what 658 00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:17,359 Speaker 1: what do I take right so that my growth is 659 00:46:17,480 --> 00:46:22,920 Speaker 1: not rooted in in this and in this kind of 660 00:46:23,960 --> 00:46:28,680 Speaker 1: desire to like outrun trauma, but that my growth is 661 00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:34,360 Speaker 1: rooted in this desire to be to be healed and 662 00:46:34,560 --> 00:46:37,840 Speaker 1: my best self. So when I think about when people 663 00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:41,640 Speaker 1: are saying we're going to be the generation that breaks 664 00:46:41,719 --> 00:46:45,960 Speaker 1: chains in our families and the weight of all of that, 665 00:46:46,840 --> 00:46:53,719 Speaker 1: what I likely suggest is shifting to say, you know what, 666 00:46:54,120 --> 00:46:58,359 Speaker 1: there were. What I hope for us to understand about 667 00:46:58,360 --> 00:47:01,960 Speaker 1: our generations or the work and we're doing, is that 668 00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:08,400 Speaker 1: we are instead of instead of chain breakers. Maybe what 669 00:47:08,520 --> 00:47:11,480 Speaker 1: does it look like for us to be sowing the 670 00:47:11,560 --> 00:47:16,279 Speaker 1: next set of seats that every that every generation so 671 00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:22,480 Speaker 1: seeds right like that, like that, and that we're watering 672 00:47:22,520 --> 00:47:24,879 Speaker 1: them right that, And it doesn't mean that we're gonna 673 00:47:25,160 --> 00:47:27,719 Speaker 1: and where where where we get where we get off 674 00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:30,920 Speaker 1: the hook is that or not off the hook right 675 00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:33,160 Speaker 1: where we give ourselves grace is that it doesn't mean 676 00:47:33,239 --> 00:47:35,640 Speaker 1: we're going to get it right all the time, Like 677 00:47:35,680 --> 00:47:38,520 Speaker 1: they're gonna be some they're gonna do some things that 678 00:47:38,719 --> 00:47:41,520 Speaker 1: other generations have to work through that we're not going 679 00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:45,920 Speaker 1: to get it right. But what we will do is 680 00:47:45,920 --> 00:47:51,280 Speaker 1: our best. And what because we have we have more resources, 681 00:47:51,360 --> 00:47:55,640 Speaker 1: and and the resources that we have are the building 682 00:47:55,680 --> 00:47:58,520 Speaker 1: blocks of the resources that the next generation will have 683 00:47:58,760 --> 00:48:02,520 Speaker 1: and they'll see us doing what we did, and I'll 684 00:48:02,520 --> 00:48:08,919 Speaker 1: pay it forward. And because really quickly for me, I've 685 00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:14,520 Speaker 1: had to like let go of like language that has 686 00:48:14,600 --> 00:48:19,880 Speaker 1: been kind of steeped in it's like power dynamic of violence, 687 00:48:19,960 --> 00:48:24,120 Speaker 1: like of this breaking of this um And that's that's 688 00:48:24,160 --> 00:48:26,919 Speaker 1: because I've experienced a lot of it. And so it's 689 00:48:26,960 --> 00:48:30,040 Speaker 1: like going back to what you said earlier about the 690 00:48:30,080 --> 00:48:34,799 Speaker 1: personality of God and like and and and how we 691 00:48:34,920 --> 00:48:40,719 Speaker 1: have experienced Jesus and the the truth for me is 692 00:48:40,800 --> 00:48:48,440 Speaker 1: that it has been the faithfulness, It has been um, 693 00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:51,399 Speaker 1: the g It has been that God has been a 694 00:48:51,440 --> 00:48:55,640 Speaker 1: soft place to land for me, and that and that 695 00:48:55,719 --> 00:49:03,239 Speaker 1: God has been God has held my hand in the 696 00:49:03,360 --> 00:49:07,680 Speaker 1: darkest moments, and that has been tender care. And so 697 00:49:07,960 --> 00:49:12,200 Speaker 1: when I think about that, that is what in my 698 00:49:12,400 --> 00:49:18,839 Speaker 1: powerful resilient self that I believe and aim and work 699 00:49:18,960 --> 00:49:23,040 Speaker 1: to show in the world, is that in this like 700 00:49:23,760 --> 00:49:29,960 Speaker 1: all of these other forces are brute against our survival. 701 00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:37,440 Speaker 1: And yet we as people need tender care and soft 702 00:49:37,480 --> 00:49:42,040 Speaker 1: places to land. And how do we cultivate those right? 703 00:49:42,200 --> 00:49:47,000 Speaker 1: And some of it comes through unpacking faith, some of 704 00:49:47,040 --> 00:49:51,600 Speaker 1: it comes with understanding that, like our relationships with the 705 00:49:51,680 --> 00:49:54,799 Speaker 1: church might not always be what it has been and 706 00:49:54,840 --> 00:49:57,319 Speaker 1: we might have to walk away from that. It might 707 00:49:57,360 --> 00:50:01,759 Speaker 1: be that, like you know, we give ourselves permiss to 708 00:50:01,760 --> 00:50:07,120 Speaker 1: to explore other avenues of faith and spirituality, so that 709 00:50:07,200 --> 00:50:13,799 Speaker 1: in a world that is so committed to our harm, 710 00:50:13,880 --> 00:50:17,360 Speaker 1: like like, if there's anything that we have learned, I 711 00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:21,360 Speaker 1: mean we are literally we have been in the house 712 00:50:21,400 --> 00:50:23,719 Speaker 1: for almost a year and have and some of us 713 00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:27,640 Speaker 1: have only gotten twelve dred dollars right, and that we 714 00:50:27,760 --> 00:50:30,800 Speaker 1: have a we have a government that is arguing about 715 00:50:30,800 --> 00:50:34,080 Speaker 1: whether or not to give us more. And in a 716 00:50:34,680 --> 00:50:40,720 Speaker 1: when people live in worlds like that, they need soft 717 00:50:40,880 --> 00:50:46,880 Speaker 1: places to land, they need they need softness, and I 718 00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:49,960 Speaker 1: have that is what God is to me. Like I'll 719 00:50:49,960 --> 00:50:52,880 Speaker 1: tell a lot of time, if God is fighting my battles, 720 00:50:53,320 --> 00:50:55,279 Speaker 1: then I know God is fighting my battles. But when 721 00:50:55,320 --> 00:51:00,360 Speaker 1: it comes to me, God the spirit shape shifts and 722 00:51:00,480 --> 00:51:04,120 Speaker 1: becomes what I need, and I need a hug. I 723 00:51:04,120 --> 00:51:09,560 Speaker 1: don't need to necessarily be a part of the the um, 724 00:51:09,640 --> 00:51:14,600 Speaker 1: the breaking of the reclamation of that. It's all of 725 00:51:14,640 --> 00:51:19,399 Speaker 1: these things that that church teaches us. But sometimes God 726 00:51:19,480 --> 00:51:21,239 Speaker 1: is like, Okay, I'm gonna hold you right now, so 727 00:51:21,320 --> 00:51:25,480 Speaker 1: you can take an app and in this map be 728 00:51:25,719 --> 00:51:29,960 Speaker 1: be arrested and know that you're okay and that I've 729 00:51:30,000 --> 00:51:36,879 Speaker 1: got you. And I think that where I see our 730 00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:42,280 Speaker 1: work and the work of so many others, is fighting 731 00:51:42,360 --> 00:51:48,920 Speaker 1: against the notions that that would suggest that God cannot 732 00:51:48,920 --> 00:52:01,560 Speaker 1: be that. You know, the God that I know in 733 00:52:01,600 --> 00:52:05,879 Speaker 1: my life is a God of softness, of tenderness. It's 734 00:52:05,880 --> 00:52:08,400 Speaker 1: a God that is not in constant judgment of me. 735 00:52:08,520 --> 00:52:11,560 Speaker 1: And I think it's so important that we just and 736 00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:15,040 Speaker 1: and I think I think we should all do whatever 737 00:52:15,280 --> 00:52:18,800 Speaker 1: is the thing that gets us nestled closest to God, 738 00:52:19,360 --> 00:52:22,799 Speaker 1: whatever that looks like for you, whatever care practice that is, 739 00:52:22,840 --> 00:52:27,680 Speaker 1: whatever rituals, whichever whichever church, with whichever books, whichever leaders, 740 00:52:27,719 --> 00:52:31,000 Speaker 1: like whoever helps you nestle closest to God and really 741 00:52:31,040 --> 00:52:34,680 Speaker 1: embody the teachings that is, that is what you need 742 00:52:34,719 --> 00:52:37,880 Speaker 1: to pursue. But you know, it's it's so interesting because 743 00:52:37,880 --> 00:52:41,359 Speaker 1: when we think of unpacking so that we can deep 744 00:52:41,360 --> 00:52:44,520 Speaker 1: in our relationship to God. I think it's so important 745 00:52:44,560 --> 00:52:47,359 Speaker 1: to really think of, like, what are our what has 746 00:52:47,440 --> 00:52:50,440 Speaker 1: kept us from getting closer? What are the systems in 747 00:52:50,520 --> 00:52:53,879 Speaker 1: place that have actually held us back or given us 748 00:52:53,880 --> 00:52:56,319 Speaker 1: a warped understanding of who we could show up as 749 00:52:56,360 --> 00:52:59,120 Speaker 1: in the world. Because you know, if we think of 750 00:53:00,320 --> 00:53:03,839 Speaker 1: if we think of certain things that we believe are 751 00:53:04,120 --> 00:53:07,560 Speaker 1: God punishing us, or God's expectations of us, or certain 752 00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:11,399 Speaker 1: behavioral parameters, it's just so important to investigate when did 753 00:53:11,400 --> 00:53:13,920 Speaker 1: those come up? Are they really true? Is that how 754 00:53:14,000 --> 00:53:20,680 Speaker 1: you experience God? Because the earth has existed for billions 755 00:53:20,719 --> 00:53:26,840 Speaker 1: of years? Right, Human human language has existed for thousands, 756 00:53:26,880 --> 00:53:30,640 Speaker 1: Societal societal structures and the way that we know them 757 00:53:30,680 --> 00:53:34,799 Speaker 1: now have existed for thousands. So in the evolutionary timetable, 758 00:53:35,320 --> 00:53:38,920 Speaker 1: humanity has been alive for seconds, you know, And so 759 00:53:39,080 --> 00:53:44,320 Speaker 1: this idea that God could ever fit in such a tiny, 760 00:53:44,480 --> 00:53:48,479 Speaker 1: finite structure of the consciousness we've developed in the last 761 00:53:48,520 --> 00:53:54,080 Speaker 1: few thousand years. You're just selling yourself short exactly. Yeah, 762 00:53:54,640 --> 00:53:59,800 Speaker 1: and then and and you are you are just robbing 763 00:54:00,000 --> 00:54:06,680 Speaker 1: herself of of of all of the ways you get 764 00:54:06,719 --> 00:54:10,600 Speaker 1: to know and understand God. So I mean, Debbie, I 765 00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:15,799 Speaker 1: I didn't go to church for two years. And in 766 00:54:15,840 --> 00:54:22,040 Speaker 1: those two years, I I joined a Buddhist UM, a 767 00:54:22,080 --> 00:54:28,239 Speaker 1: Buddhist UH community and we met once a week UM I. 768 00:54:28,320 --> 00:54:31,839 Speaker 1: We met once a week on a Monday, UM I 769 00:54:32,040 --> 00:54:36,760 Speaker 1: UM once a month, the first Sunday of every month, 770 00:54:37,840 --> 00:54:45,320 Speaker 1: I walked a prayer labyrinth and UM had communion with myself. UM. 771 00:54:45,360 --> 00:54:51,640 Speaker 1: I read spiritual autobiographies UM written by women, and I 772 00:54:51,800 --> 00:54:57,000 Speaker 1: just explored. I became. I allowed myself to be the 773 00:54:57,040 --> 00:55:01,360 Speaker 1: truth seeker that I have always been, m and divine 774 00:55:02,719 --> 00:55:08,120 Speaker 1: and it and I learned and in that and in that, 775 00:55:08,239 --> 00:55:11,520 Speaker 1: I actually got the opportunity to go to Israel for 776 00:55:11,600 --> 00:55:20,440 Speaker 1: a week. And it was the most beautiful two years 777 00:55:20,480 --> 00:55:27,360 Speaker 1: of my life because I actually got circling back around. 778 00:55:27,560 --> 00:55:30,600 Speaker 1: It was no longer my grandmother's faith, It was no 779 00:55:30,680 --> 00:55:35,960 Speaker 1: longer my mama's faith. It was mine, and that it was. 780 00:55:36,760 --> 00:55:41,160 Speaker 1: I knew whether and not anybody else agreed, well not anyway, 781 00:55:41,200 --> 00:55:44,680 Speaker 1: but wheen and I other people agreed didn't matter. I 782 00:55:44,800 --> 00:55:50,960 Speaker 1: knew that I could pull from these vast experiences and 783 00:55:51,120 --> 00:55:58,600 Speaker 1: articulations of the divine and create a robust understanding of 784 00:55:58,760 --> 00:56:03,000 Speaker 1: who I was in the world, right like I being 785 00:56:03,040 --> 00:56:08,880 Speaker 1: a seeker being somebody who I love. I love divine curiosity. Um, 786 00:56:08,920 --> 00:56:12,479 Speaker 1: I love that language. But I didn't have to fight 787 00:56:12,560 --> 00:56:16,440 Speaker 1: that anymore. Yeah, I didn't have to fight that anywhere. 788 00:56:16,480 --> 00:56:20,040 Speaker 1: And there was so much freedom in that. And I 789 00:56:20,160 --> 00:56:22,640 Speaker 1: tell I tell people all the time, I'm like, look, 790 00:56:23,320 --> 00:56:28,040 Speaker 1: I'm not saying you gotta you have to to, um 791 00:56:28,920 --> 00:56:31,720 Speaker 1: come to the waters where I am, although they are 792 00:56:31,760 --> 00:56:36,680 Speaker 1: they are wonderful out here. Um. But what I do 793 00:56:36,800 --> 00:56:43,240 Speaker 1: tell them is that your questions are holy right, that 794 00:56:43,600 --> 00:56:48,000 Speaker 1: God is big enough for your questions, and in my 795 00:56:48,200 --> 00:56:52,440 Speaker 1: head wants you to have to being here is exact 796 00:56:53,080 --> 00:56:55,960 Speaker 1: exactly in my head. I tell people, I'm like, in 797 00:56:56,000 --> 00:56:58,000 Speaker 1: my head, I see God like, come on, come on, 798 00:56:58,080 --> 00:57:00,759 Speaker 1: like asking if on it to for your tongue, go 799 00:57:00,800 --> 00:57:04,319 Speaker 1: ahead and ask it because it feel as you ask it. 800 00:57:04,640 --> 00:57:08,919 Speaker 1: I can't unlock all of this other stuff to you. 801 00:57:09,680 --> 00:57:17,520 Speaker 1: And it has been the joy of my of of 802 00:57:17,520 --> 00:57:22,640 Speaker 1: of my life now to honor that about me. It 803 00:57:22,800 --> 00:57:28,840 Speaker 1: is it is it. It changes so much about what 804 00:57:28,920 --> 00:57:30,960 Speaker 1: I know to be and we definitely have to have 805 00:57:31,000 --> 00:57:35,000 Speaker 1: another part two. But like it changes even how I 806 00:57:35,120 --> 00:57:39,480 Speaker 1: understand quote unquote sin and all of these things that 807 00:57:39,520 --> 00:57:45,800 Speaker 1: are it is about no what what dishonors the truth 808 00:57:45,840 --> 00:57:50,840 Speaker 1: of myself and the truth of my relationship. If this 809 00:57:50,920 --> 00:57:55,400 Speaker 1: does not dishonor it, but but also but actually allows 810 00:57:55,480 --> 00:57:58,720 Speaker 1: me to flourish in it, that's not sin. But if 811 00:57:58,760 --> 00:58:03,000 Speaker 1: it dishonors the truth of those relationships, that's sinful. But 812 00:58:03,080 --> 00:58:06,720 Speaker 1: I was able to understand that the more I lead 813 00:58:06,840 --> 00:58:10,400 Speaker 1: into that relationship, the more I lead into what is 814 00:58:10,440 --> 00:58:14,000 Speaker 1: faith and spirituality for me. Right And so I think 815 00:58:15,840 --> 00:58:19,280 Speaker 1: when when when sisters, when sisters reach out and d 816 00:58:19,480 --> 00:58:22,560 Speaker 1: m s and we have conversations, I'm like this, if 817 00:58:22,600 --> 00:58:26,000 Speaker 1: you don't get anything, I just want you to know 818 00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:30,000 Speaker 1: it's okay for you to ask your questions because the 819 00:58:30,280 --> 00:58:35,560 Speaker 1: journey that I'm on that and I told this is 820 00:58:35,600 --> 00:58:39,800 Speaker 1: someone this week. I said, the journey that you say 821 00:58:40,000 --> 00:58:45,080 Speaker 1: has blessed you, it's a journey that started with questions 822 00:58:46,160 --> 00:58:49,800 Speaker 1: because I had no choice but to ask them. My 823 00:58:49,840 --> 00:58:54,160 Speaker 1: mama was gone, and I could not fake it, you 824 00:58:54,240 --> 00:58:57,600 Speaker 1: know the ways that like we're kind of taught to 825 00:58:57,840 --> 00:59:04,960 Speaker 1: fake this um that we're okay, and like the church, 826 00:59:05,040 --> 00:59:08,959 Speaker 1: how the church. Yeah, Like I wasn't like, I ain't 827 00:59:08,960 --> 00:59:11,560 Speaker 1: gonna sit here and pretend like no. I had questions 828 00:59:11,600 --> 00:59:15,600 Speaker 1: and I was mad and and it was not going 829 00:59:15,720 --> 00:59:18,440 Speaker 1: to I was not going to be okay until I 830 00:59:18,480 --> 00:59:21,600 Speaker 1: was able to voice those questions. And so I tell 831 00:59:21,680 --> 00:59:27,040 Speaker 1: people that life it's only because I was able to 832 00:59:27,080 --> 00:59:30,640 Speaker 1: ask the questions, and I gave myself that permission. Ask 833 00:59:30,720 --> 00:59:33,600 Speaker 1: us this is all the time. Just ask it once. 834 00:59:33,800 --> 00:59:38,280 Speaker 1: Once it comes out, it's out there. It's not stupid, 835 00:59:38,520 --> 00:59:42,800 Speaker 1: it's not silly, it's not inappropriate, it's not sinful. But 836 00:59:43,520 --> 00:59:46,560 Speaker 1: once you ask it, then you get the beauty of 837 00:59:46,720 --> 00:59:52,560 Speaker 1: journeying towards the answer and sometimes the answer. Most times 838 00:59:52,600 --> 00:59:56,520 Speaker 1: the answer is the journey itself. That's the that's the answer. 839 00:59:58,760 --> 01:00:02,520 Speaker 1: It's the journey of thing. Yeah, it's the journey. And 840 01:00:02,600 --> 01:00:06,040 Speaker 1: you're sitting there like, wow, like I thought I wanted this. 841 01:00:06,520 --> 01:00:08,960 Speaker 1: I thought I was coming for this and this whole 842 01:00:10,040 --> 01:00:17,600 Speaker 1: beautiful life, this whole beautiful life that has unfolded in 843 01:00:17,680 --> 01:00:21,080 Speaker 1: front of me is more than I could have ever 844 01:00:21,120 --> 01:00:26,640 Speaker 1: asked for, and I'm able to access it are because 845 01:00:26,960 --> 01:00:33,400 Speaker 1: I gave myself permission to ask for it. Mm hmm. 846 01:00:34,840 --> 01:00:37,440 Speaker 1: I love that so much. You know, I think I 847 01:00:37,440 --> 01:00:40,320 Speaker 1: would love to extend out the end of all of um, 848 01:00:40,360 --> 01:00:44,200 Speaker 1: all of our episodes, we do some soul work, so 849 01:00:44,280 --> 01:00:48,200 Speaker 1: we offer up either a journal prompt of thought, UM 850 01:00:48,280 --> 01:00:52,200 Speaker 1: an activity of ritual that anyone listening that feels so 851 01:00:52,280 --> 01:00:55,520 Speaker 1: called can connect to for the next week. So I 852 01:00:55,520 --> 01:00:57,880 Speaker 1: would love to extend to you anything that comes forward 853 01:00:58,000 --> 01:01:00,440 Speaker 1: right now, if you could give all the nerves of 854 01:01:00,520 --> 01:01:03,640 Speaker 1: dropping gems a little soul work that they can take 855 01:01:04,000 --> 01:01:09,360 Speaker 1: with them. Yeah, it's something that it's something that I do. Um, 856 01:01:09,800 --> 01:01:12,959 Speaker 1: it is, it is, and I just I just thought 857 01:01:13,160 --> 01:01:16,600 Speaker 1: I just redid it because it's my birthday today. But UM, 858 01:01:16,800 --> 01:01:22,800 Speaker 1: my recipe for a perfect week. I'm a baker and UM, 859 01:01:22,840 --> 01:01:27,600 Speaker 1: I actually got this from a m I was sitting 860 01:01:27,640 --> 01:01:30,200 Speaker 1: in a in a session at a workshop with a 861 01:01:30,320 --> 01:01:33,360 Speaker 1: therapist and she encouraged us to come up with our 862 01:01:33,440 --> 01:01:37,240 Speaker 1: recipe for a perfect week. All of the things that 863 01:01:37,320 --> 01:01:40,520 Speaker 1: if we did them in this week we could be 864 01:01:40,560 --> 01:01:43,560 Speaker 1: like wow, like this is like the best week ever, 865 01:01:45,240 --> 01:01:48,320 Speaker 1: spending time with ourselves to think about what makes us 866 01:01:48,320 --> 01:01:52,640 Speaker 1: happy so that when we are off for a week, 867 01:01:52,880 --> 01:01:55,200 Speaker 1: when we are when we're feeling a day or a 868 01:01:55,240 --> 01:01:57,920 Speaker 1: few days has been off, we can go back to 869 01:01:58,000 --> 01:02:01,520 Speaker 1: this recipe and see what ingredient we need to add 870 01:02:01,560 --> 01:02:06,200 Speaker 1: to that week for us to have a quote unquote perfect, blessed, 871 01:02:06,200 --> 01:02:09,720 Speaker 1: happy week. Um. For me, I have these games on 872 01:02:09,720 --> 01:02:14,080 Speaker 1: my phone that when I or baking, or or face 873 01:02:14,120 --> 01:02:17,160 Speaker 1: timing with friends and talking telling people that I love them, 874 01:02:17,320 --> 01:02:20,520 Speaker 1: or you know, playing their makeup like. These are things 875 01:02:20,600 --> 01:02:23,720 Speaker 1: that when I add them to my week, um My. 876 01:02:24,160 --> 01:02:27,880 Speaker 1: I love constant comment tea um. Having a cup of tea, 877 01:02:28,120 --> 01:02:33,360 Speaker 1: a cup of constant comment um. One. It helps us 878 01:02:33,400 --> 01:02:36,040 Speaker 1: to get in touch with the things that give us 879 01:02:36,160 --> 01:02:42,160 Speaker 1: joy um, and sit with what makes us happy in 880 01:02:42,200 --> 01:02:47,840 Speaker 1: this world and to it also gives us the ability 881 01:02:48,000 --> 01:02:51,080 Speaker 1: to honor that there may be a lot of things 882 01:02:51,120 --> 01:02:55,360 Speaker 1: going on that we can't control, but there are some 883 01:02:55,480 --> 01:03:00,200 Speaker 1: things that are in our power to shift our to 884 01:03:00,240 --> 01:03:03,920 Speaker 1: shift our spirit in our space. And so there have 885 01:03:04,000 --> 01:03:08,360 Speaker 1: been a lot of things in most of it that 886 01:03:08,520 --> 01:03:13,440 Speaker 1: has been beyond anything that I could control. And when 887 01:03:13,480 --> 01:03:19,640 Speaker 1: I found myself becoming weighted by that, I literally pulled 888 01:03:19,640 --> 01:03:22,040 Speaker 1: out my recipe and was like, Okay, I'm gonna go 889 01:03:22,080 --> 01:03:25,919 Speaker 1: bake some cupcakes. I'm gonna play this toy blast game 890 01:03:26,040 --> 01:03:30,840 Speaker 1: for two hours and re center myself. That says this, 891 01:03:31,280 --> 01:03:35,880 Speaker 1: you can't have everything like I actually get to put 892 01:03:36,000 --> 01:03:39,280 Speaker 1: back into me. I get to hold some things. So 893 01:03:39,360 --> 01:03:42,440 Speaker 1: if I could give so work, I would say that, like, like, 894 01:03:42,520 --> 01:03:45,640 Speaker 1: sit with yourself this week and think about the things 895 01:03:45,720 --> 01:03:48,960 Speaker 1: that if you could do them, just a list that 896 01:03:49,120 --> 01:03:51,160 Speaker 1: they would that there are a part of your recipe 897 01:03:51,400 --> 01:03:54,840 Speaker 1: that that in a week when you are filling heavy, 898 01:03:55,000 --> 01:03:58,480 Speaker 1: you can add that ingredient and and hope to shift 899 01:03:58,520 --> 01:04:02,280 Speaker 1: that shift that that we'scare for that week. M M. 900 01:04:03,240 --> 01:04:07,320 Speaker 1: I love that, Candice. You are just a phenomenon. You're 901 01:04:07,400 --> 01:04:10,880 Speaker 1: such a dynamic woman, such a powerhouse. UM. I just 902 01:04:11,000 --> 01:04:16,640 Speaker 1: celebrate you. I celebrate you in such a grateful way. 903 01:04:17,280 --> 01:04:20,120 Speaker 1: UM and thank you, thank you, thank you for joining 904 01:04:20,120 --> 01:04:23,480 Speaker 1: our show. And how can everybody find you? You can 905 01:04:23,520 --> 01:04:26,800 Speaker 1: find me on Instagram and Twitter at Candice Bimbo for 906 01:04:26,920 --> 01:04:29,400 Speaker 1: best C A N D I C E B E 907 01:04:29,560 --> 01:04:34,880 Speaker 1: N bow and then my website UM is Candice bimbo 908 01:04:34,960 --> 01:04:43,240 Speaker 1: dot com. Beautiful Candice, thank you so much, thank you. Hey. 909 01:04:43,240 --> 01:04:47,000 Speaker 1: Find me on social let's connect at Debbie Brown. That's 910 01:04:47,080 --> 01:04:50,240 Speaker 1: Twitter and Instagram, or go to my website Debbie Brown 911 01:04:50,640 --> 01:04:53,160 Speaker 1: dot com. And if you're listening to the show on 912 01:04:53,200 --> 01:04:58,920 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, please please please don't forget to rate, review, 913 01:04:59,520 --> 01:05:04,040 Speaker 1: and describe, and send this episode to a friend. Dropping 914 01:05:04,120 --> 01:05:06,320 Speaker 1: Jams is the production of I Heart Radio and the 915 01:05:06,320 --> 01:05:10,520 Speaker 1: Black Effect Network. It's produced by Triple and Me Debbie Brown. 916 01:05:11,040 --> 01:05:13,480 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from My heart Radio, visit the I 917 01:05:13,640 --> 01:05:17,320 Speaker 1: heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to 918 01:05:17,360 --> 01:05:20,760 Speaker 1: your favorite shows. H