WEBVTT - I Choose...Ricki Lake

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<v Speaker 1>You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hi, everyone,

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<v Speaker 1>welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about

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<v Speaker 1>the choices we make and where they lead us. My

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<v Speaker 1>guest today is known for being an actress in cult

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<v Speaker 1>classic movies like Hairspray and cry Baby. She was a

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<v Speaker 1>successful talk show host for many years, and now she's

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<v Speaker 1>creating documentary films about things she is passionate about, from

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<v Speaker 1>natural birth to marijuana to birth control. She's the host

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<v Speaker 1>of her own podcast, The High Life. This is part

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<v Speaker 1>one of our conversation. Please welcome the incomparable Ricky Lake

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<v Speaker 1>to the Eyes Choose Me podcast. We've never met, Well,

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<v Speaker 1>we've met, but like little brief encounters.

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<v Speaker 2>It doesn't really count.

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<v Speaker 1>But yes, and I feel like I know you same same, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>good good. I love to hear about where people come

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<v Speaker 1>from and why they are the way they are, So

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<v Speaker 1>if I could, I would love to just explore your

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<v Speaker 1>childhood a little bit, because our childhoods have such a

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<v Speaker 1>huge impact on who we are and like the rest

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<v Speaker 1>of our lives. So can you take me back to

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<v Speaker 1>your beginnings a little bit? Like what kind of a

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<v Speaker 1>household did you grow up in?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah? So I am from Westchester County, New York. Officially,

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<v Speaker 2>I was raised in Hastings on Hudson, which is like

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<v Speaker 2>twenty five minutes outside of the city. And I was

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<v Speaker 2>a pretty normal kid. I had a lot of personality,

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<v Speaker 2>and I had two parents that you know, stayed married

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<v Speaker 2>until for forty three years. So my childhood I was

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<v Speaker 2>in a you know, a home that had its own

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<v Speaker 2>dysfunction for sure. It's just my sister and me were

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<v Speaker 2>fourteen months apart. I'm the older sibling. I love to perform.

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<v Speaker 2>I you know, I'm a little bit older than you.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm fifty five, soon to be fifty six. And I

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<v Speaker 2>grew up, you know, watching Little House on the Prairie,

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<v Speaker 2>and in fact, I changed my name to Laura Ingalls

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<v Speaker 2>when I was in like kindergartener first grade. Like, I

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<v Speaker 2>was obsessed with Melissa Gilbert and which you know, your

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<v Speaker 2>costar Shannon Daugherty had one of her starts on that show.

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<v Speaker 2>But I was like, I saw too oh, and I

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<v Speaker 2>saw Annie. When I was six years old, I went

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<v Speaker 2>to the saw the original Broadway cast and my grandma Sylvia,

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<v Speaker 2>who you asked, you know, how am I the way

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<v Speaker 2>I am? Or how did I become who I am.

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<v Speaker 2>So much of it was having my grandma Sylvia as

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<v Speaker 2>my role model, as the matriarch of our family. She

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<v Speaker 2>died when I was nine, but she was the one

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<v Speaker 2>that growing up just out of New York, I went

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<v Speaker 2>and saw Broadway, I went to see opera, I went

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<v Speaker 2>to see the ballet and so all of that culture.

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<v Speaker 2>You know. I remember seeing Annie and I point and

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, I want to be her. I yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>did you ever do Annie?

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<v Speaker 1>No?

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<v Speaker 2>Were you a singer? Did you sing? No? Okay, I was.

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<v Speaker 2>I wanted to be a singer, and I just like

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<v Speaker 2>I just saw that and I was like, that's what

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<v Speaker 2>I want to be. And my mother she did the

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<v Speaker 2>best she could, but he her, she rejected me and

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<v Speaker 2>the idea of that before anyone else had the chance to.

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<v Speaker 2>She told me that I wasn't the starving orphan type

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<v Speaker 2>and basically encouraged me never to pursue that. So she

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<v Speaker 2>didn't cast you. She didn't carry me the audition. She

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<v Speaker 2>didn't and you know, and I understand why now, but

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<v Speaker 2>at the time it was, you know, it was the

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<v Speaker 2>ultimate like slap in the face. And I, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>studied singing. I studied dancing. I went through high school

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<v Speaker 2>and got really lucky at eighteen to have hear about

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<v Speaker 2>the audition for a character Tracy Turnblad in the first Hairspray,

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<v Speaker 2>and so it literally changed my entire trajectory. I'd never

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<v Speaker 2>been around openly gay people. I was very sort of

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<v Speaker 2>sheltered and green and naive and young. So yeah, to

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<v Speaker 2>say that, like, my world just completely exploded after that

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<v Speaker 2>and moved my I got to move to la at nineteen,

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<v Speaker 2>I visited you on that not you, but on the

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<v Speaker 2>set of Beverly Hills nine on two one O, because

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<v Speaker 2>the guy who played my boyfriend, Link Lark and Michael

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<v Speaker 2>Saint Gerard he was on he had an arc on

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<v Speaker 2>nine on two and oh, and I came and watched

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<v Speaker 2>you guys work and was totally star struck.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my god. I wish I had known that that

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<v Speaker 1>was happening.

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<v Speaker 2>I could have said a lot. Yeah, it's like one

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<v Speaker 2>of those you know, you have these these memories. I

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<v Speaker 2>don't have a lot of memories because I'm old now

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<v Speaker 2>and I took a lot of ambience back in the day.

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<v Speaker 2>But I do remember that set, and I met Ali Adler,

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<v Speaker 2>who was a writer on your show. At that time,

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<v Speaker 2>and just it was a classroom scene and I just like,

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<v Speaker 2>I just I felt really young. I was probably nineteen

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<v Speaker 2>years old, and I just was like so starstruck and

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<v Speaker 2>it just yeah, it was a really really fun experience.

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<v Speaker 2>See you guys work.

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<v Speaker 1>That's a good story. Thank God for your grandma, by

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<v Speaker 1>the way, Yeah, because otherwise your talents may have never

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<v Speaker 1>come to the surface. And you, you know, like you

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<v Speaker 1>have such a gift. Who knows if it would have happened.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. What she gave me was like a belief in

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<v Speaker 2>myself that you can do anything. I mean, she told me,

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<v Speaker 2>she's like, you are the best, You're the smartest, you're

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<v Speaker 2>the prettiest, you're the most talented. And you know, clearly

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<v Speaker 2>I wasn't, but but I believed it in her eyes

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<v Speaker 2>and so that just like just yeah, it was just

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<v Speaker 2>that memory, that muscle memory of like she thinks I

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<v Speaker 2>can do this. And that's been really like like a

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<v Speaker 2>through line of my entire career because who thought I

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<v Speaker 2>could be a talk show host? I was twenty three

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<v Speaker 2>when they offered me that job. I mean, I just

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, Okay, they think I could do it?

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<v Speaker 2>Say all right, I'm going to do it?

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<v Speaker 1>Where did that come from? Like, wait, I'm skipping ahead,

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<v Speaker 1>but I really didn't know.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I come from my friends that have known me

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<v Speaker 2>for a very long time that I don't have a

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<v Speaker 2>doubt gene, Like I don't doubt myself. And that's kind

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<v Speaker 2>of true where I just like sort of jump feet first.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm very impulsive. I'm extremely impulsive. I act many times

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<v Speaker 2>before I have a chance to really think things through.

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<v Speaker 2>But if you look at my life and the choices

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<v Speaker 2>I've made, it's mostly worked out. Like my instincts are

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<v Speaker 2>usually right. And yeah, I love that about myself. Like

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<v Speaker 2>I'm just one of those people like I get an idea,

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<v Speaker 2>I get a bug up my ass, and I just

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<v Speaker 2>go for it, and I yeah, it's worked out pretty well.

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<v Speaker 1>Similar, I too, am impulsive, and I have made choices

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<v Speaker 1>very quickly in my life and somehow they've worked out.

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<v Speaker 1>Even if they didn't work out, they worked out.

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<v Speaker 2>Give me an example. What's an example that comes to mind? Um?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, well, having a baby when I was twenty one,

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<v Speaker 1>twenty two, twenty three in that era that was impulsive

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<v Speaker 1>and crazy because I was so young.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I was twenty eight when I had my first

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<v Speaker 2>so it's still very young, considering like all my friends,

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<v Speaker 2>they're having kids much. I have my friend, my friend

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<v Speaker 2>Rachel Harris is my age, and she has a five

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<v Speaker 2>year old and seven year old. Oh okay, and I

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<v Speaker 2>have a twenty seven year old and a twenty three

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<v Speaker 2>year old. I can't even imagine trading places like Freaky

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<v Speaker 2>Fridaying with her. That would be crazy. But yeah, I

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<v Speaker 2>had my kids pretty young. But yeah, I mean so yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>so twenty one. Got so how old are your kids?

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<v Speaker 1>Twenty seven, twenty one and eighteen?

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<v Speaker 2>So the twenty seven when you were pregnant when I

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<v Speaker 2>was your daughter? I think you have three girls. I

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<v Speaker 2>have two boys. Your oldest daughter was born in ninety seven.

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<v Speaker 2>Mine too. How is she doing? She's launched, She's awesome.

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<v Speaker 2>Is she the one you have the clothing line with? No?

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<v Speaker 1>She? This is the one that lives in New York

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<v Speaker 1>and doing her thing.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah? Mine, loving heart waiting.

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<v Speaker 1>For her to come back.

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<v Speaker 2>You are see. I'm I'm okay. If they never come back,

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<v Speaker 2>I mean they want them to visit. I love them visiting.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm so glad they have their own lives. I'm an

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<v Speaker 2>empty nester. I was one of those parents. That when

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<v Speaker 2>I dropped my son off at school. And I love

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<v Speaker 2>my children and I love that I'm a mom and

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<v Speaker 2>it's my favorite role of my life as being their mom.

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<v Speaker 2>But when I dropped him off at college, I peeled

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<v Speaker 2>out of that driveway. I couldn't get out of there

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<v Speaker 2>fast enough and like, Okay, one down, one to go.

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<v Speaker 2>You know you're honesty, It's true, and you know your

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<v Speaker 2>whole thing is about choosing you. Yeah, I feel like

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<v Speaker 2>this time in my life is like all about like

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<v Speaker 2>I she was myself and choosing this relationship with my

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<v Speaker 2>new husband. I am playing more than I've played in

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<v Speaker 2>a really long time. It just feels like my fifties

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<v Speaker 2>is like the brightest time of my life is right now.

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<v Speaker 2>It's like reaping the fruits of my labor. Like I've

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<v Speaker 2>worked really hard, I've done the right thing for so long.

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<v Speaker 2>I've made the sacrifices for everyone around me. I've shown

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<v Speaker 2>up for work, I've delivered, and now I kind of

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<v Speaker 2>I don't want to say I'm coasting, but I'm certainly

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<v Speaker 2>coasting way more than I ever have from the rest

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<v Speaker 2>of my life.

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<v Speaker 1>For sure, it feels good. I can feel it through

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<v Speaker 1>this TV screen. I'm so happy for you being happy.

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<v Speaker 1>It's good. Oh we have so many parallels. There's so

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<v Speaker 1>so many. We both got started in the industry when

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<v Speaker 1>we're pretty young. How old are you about the same

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<v Speaker 1>age as you. I was like sixteen seventeen, had very

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<v Speaker 1>you know, great childhood idyllic. I feel like I can

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<v Speaker 1>really relate to you, and I want to know when

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<v Speaker 1>you were growing up in the public I of celebrityism.

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<v Speaker 1>What did you think of all of it? How did

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<v Speaker 1>it feel to you?

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<v Speaker 2>Well, so I was eighteen, So if you were sixteen,

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<v Speaker 2>you were a minor. I was not a miner when

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<v Speaker 2>I got hairspray. I was. I was just a freshman

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<v Speaker 2>in college and I you know, so I was an

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<v Speaker 2>adult quote unquote. But it's definitely not like mature in

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<v Speaker 2>any way. And I didn't know anything different, Like it's

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<v Speaker 2>just it was just my experience. And also like my

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<v Speaker 2>start was with John Waters and this very specific type

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<v Speaker 2>of experience. So it was very felt like camp more

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<v Speaker 2>than it felt like a job. You know. I was

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<v Speaker 2>working really hard, but it was super fun and playful

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<v Speaker 2>and I got famous. Like I So, I've told this

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<v Speaker 2>story before, but I'll share with you. John Waters sat

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<v Speaker 2>me down after we finished making Hairspray. So you know, again,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm eighteen. We just had this summer of my life

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<v Speaker 2>the movie. You know, you wrap the movie, but then

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<v Speaker 2>it takes months for it to come out. And he

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<v Speaker 2>sat me down after the making of the film and

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<v Speaker 2>he said, I want to give you some advice. He's like,

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<v Speaker 2>I have three I want you to remember these three things.

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<v Speaker 2>Always stay humble. Always stay true to yourself. If you're

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<v Speaker 2>going to read and believe the good things people write

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<v Speaker 2>about you, you're going to have to read and believe

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<v Speaker 2>the bad. Basically, keep it all in check, keep it

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<v Speaker 2>all in perspective. And I feel like that advice, that

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<v Speaker 2>talking to and the mentoring he's given me over the

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<v Speaker 2>years has managed to help me stay really pretty grounded

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<v Speaker 2>and very normal, you know. And so yes, it was

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<v Speaker 2>weird becoming famous and making a lot of money and

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<v Speaker 2>people knowing my name. I mean, I loved it. It's

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<v Speaker 2>what I wanted. It's what I dreamed of when I

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<v Speaker 2>saw Annie at six, you know, so like here I am,

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<v Speaker 2>like my dream has come true. And it was ultimately

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<v Speaker 2>like really positive, like there was nothing you know, it

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<v Speaker 2>was only when my career stopped, you know, when I

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<v Speaker 2>was about twenty two, twenty one, twenty two, and I

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<v Speaker 2>didn't get this big part that I wanted. I was

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<v Speaker 2>really devastated. It was a movie called dog Fight. It's

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<v Speaker 2>a movie that probably no one really remembers, but it

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<v Speaker 2>was with River Phoenix and Lily Taylor got the part.

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<v Speaker 2>But it was like something I really really wanted and

0:10:55.679 --> 0:10:57.680
<v Speaker 2>it didn't happen for me. And then I couldn't get arrested.

0:10:57.679 --> 0:10:59.720
<v Speaker 2>I was on China Beach and I didn't get picked

0:10:59.760 --> 0:11:02.160
<v Speaker 2>up my option, you know, the whole thing that things

0:11:02.160 --> 0:11:04.840
<v Speaker 2>happen in our business. And I went from like making

0:11:04.880 --> 0:11:06.679
<v Speaker 2>all this money to making nothing and had to give

0:11:06.760 --> 0:11:08.880
<v Speaker 2>up my house and I was homeless for a short time.

0:11:09.040 --> 0:11:11.040
<v Speaker 2>I had to move. I mean, it was but it

0:11:11.080 --> 0:11:15.160
<v Speaker 2>was the most humbling experience that I'm so grateful for.

0:11:15.360 --> 0:11:18.040
<v Speaker 2>You know. In the end, yes, I lost probably about

0:11:18.040 --> 0:11:20.400
<v Speaker 2>two or three hundred thousand dollars in that, you know,

0:11:20.480 --> 0:11:24.400
<v Speaker 2>that learning experience, but it taught me so much, you know,

0:11:24.520 --> 0:11:28.040
<v Speaker 2>about the value of a dollar, and thankfully I didn't

0:11:28.040 --> 0:11:29.520
<v Speaker 2>have a family to support at that time. You know,

0:11:29.559 --> 0:11:31.400
<v Speaker 2>It's just like changed everything. And then I got my

0:11:31.400 --> 0:11:32.760
<v Speaker 2>talk show. Then I went. Oh, I also went on

0:11:32.840 --> 0:11:36.480
<v Speaker 2>it like a crash crash crazy diet because I realized

0:11:36.520 --> 0:11:37.960
<v Speaker 2>that the reason, you know, one of the reasons I

0:11:38.040 --> 0:11:41.800
<v Speaker 2>wasn't getting parts anymore, I wasn't getting cast in anything,

0:11:41.840 --> 0:11:44.959
<v Speaker 2>is because the novelty of being the fat girl had

0:11:45.040 --> 0:11:47.719
<v Speaker 2>kind of worn off, and I felt like, Okay, the

0:11:47.760 --> 0:11:50.400
<v Speaker 2>only thing I can control in my life is my

0:11:50.400 --> 0:11:52.240
<v Speaker 2>physicality and how I take care of myself. So I

0:11:52.240 --> 0:11:54.320
<v Speaker 2>went on this crash diet. I lost one hundred pounds,

0:11:54.640 --> 0:11:57.880
<v Speaker 2>and then the talk show came my way and lifted

0:11:57.880 --> 0:12:02.760
<v Speaker 2>me out of my uh pover and it changed my

0:12:02.800 --> 0:12:03.520
<v Speaker 2>life for sure.

0:12:04.000 --> 0:12:06.160
<v Speaker 1>Two things on that Okay, so I love those words

0:12:06.160 --> 0:12:09.600
<v Speaker 1>of a wisdom that he gave you, right, really good

0:12:09.640 --> 0:12:12.480
<v Speaker 1>for John Waters. Yeah, those are like fatherly mm hmm.

0:12:12.679 --> 0:12:16.200
<v Speaker 1>That was necessary guidance. But one of them is a

0:12:16.200 --> 0:12:19.160
<v Speaker 1>little hard for me. The part where you are supposed

0:12:19.200 --> 0:12:22.200
<v Speaker 1>to believe in yourself and love and read and believe

0:12:22.280 --> 0:12:24.160
<v Speaker 1>the things that people write about you, the good things,

0:12:24.160 --> 0:12:27.079
<v Speaker 1>but also the bad things. Now, with social media the

0:12:27.080 --> 0:12:29.560
<v Speaker 1>way it is and everybody having some sort of a

0:12:29.559 --> 0:12:32.240
<v Speaker 1>platform to say whatever they think good or bad, do

0:12:32.280 --> 0:12:36.120
<v Speaker 1>you still believe that reading bad things about yourself is

0:12:36.160 --> 0:12:37.440
<v Speaker 1>something you should let in.

0:12:38.160 --> 0:12:41.240
<v Speaker 2>I mean, it's a totally different ballgame now, you know.

0:12:41.400 --> 0:12:44.000
<v Speaker 2>And for me, like I'm so glad I don't do

0:12:44.040 --> 0:12:46.200
<v Speaker 2>a talk show now you know that. I mean, I

0:12:46.240 --> 0:12:48.160
<v Speaker 2>do what I do, and I choose to do what

0:12:48.320 --> 0:12:50.480
<v Speaker 2>I'm doing, like I do my own podcast. I love it.

0:12:50.480 --> 0:12:53.679
<v Speaker 2>It's like you know, it's it's it's completely something I

0:12:53.720 --> 0:12:55.280
<v Speaker 2>want to do. But as far as being in a

0:12:55.320 --> 0:12:58.360
<v Speaker 2>situation where you're having to speak out and be whether

0:12:58.360 --> 0:13:03.040
<v Speaker 2>it's political or controversial or you know, you can't make

0:13:03.080 --> 0:13:06.520
<v Speaker 2>everyone happy and there's this instant reaction from stranger, I mean,

0:13:06.559 --> 0:13:09.479
<v Speaker 2>it's just a brutal thing that I don't really participate

0:13:09.720 --> 0:13:13.160
<v Speaker 2>much in. Like all my posting is very positive, it's

0:13:13.200 --> 0:13:15.320
<v Speaker 2>all about joy, it's all about you know, like very

0:13:15.400 --> 0:13:18.280
<v Speaker 2>much what you're about. Yeah, yeah, I really I think

0:13:18.320 --> 0:13:20.920
<v Speaker 2>it's like the devil in a lot of ways, Like

0:13:21.000 --> 0:13:23.320
<v Speaker 2>we have like made this deal and now with what's

0:13:23.360 --> 0:13:25.719
<v Speaker 2>coming up with AI, I mean, it is all terrifying.

0:13:26.160 --> 0:13:29.880
<v Speaker 2>But the difference is at fifty five, I know who

0:13:29.920 --> 0:13:33.640
<v Speaker 2>I am, I love who I am. I am, Like

0:13:33.800 --> 0:13:36.720
<v Speaker 2>i feel like I'm the best me I've ever been

0:13:37.520 --> 0:13:40.160
<v Speaker 2>and that comes from life experience that comes from, like,

0:13:40.600 --> 0:13:42.880
<v Speaker 2>you know, the things I've achieved, the things I've overcome.

0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:46.040
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I've had like a really beautiful journey, and

0:13:46.080 --> 0:13:48.679
<v Speaker 2>a lot of it's been really hard. I lost my partner,

0:13:48.720 --> 0:13:51.000
<v Speaker 2>my last partner, to mental illness and suicide, and that

0:13:51.120 --> 0:13:54.080
<v Speaker 2>was one of probably the hardest thing I've ever had

0:13:54.080 --> 0:13:57.080
<v Speaker 2>to I can't say I've overcome it, but to deal

0:13:57.120 --> 0:14:00.720
<v Speaker 2>with and learn to live with. But like, yeah, the

0:14:00.760 --> 0:14:03.680
<v Speaker 2>things people say about me, it doesn't really affect me

0:14:03.800 --> 0:14:05.480
<v Speaker 2>at this point. And I think that is like you

0:14:05.520 --> 0:14:08.079
<v Speaker 2>know that cliche when you turn fifty, you don't give

0:14:08.080 --> 0:14:09.800
<v Speaker 2>a shit what other people think about you. It's none

0:14:09.800 --> 0:14:12.800
<v Speaker 2>of your business what people think about you. And it's

0:14:12.880 --> 0:14:15.600
<v Speaker 2>kind of true for me, Like I definitely nothing really

0:14:15.640 --> 0:14:18.280
<v Speaker 2>gets to me. And I'm really also lucky that I

0:14:18.320 --> 0:14:20.400
<v Speaker 2>have a lot of good will in this industry. People

0:14:20.520 --> 0:14:22.480
<v Speaker 2>feel like they know who I am, they like me,

0:14:22.680 --> 0:14:26.600
<v Speaker 2>they root for me, and so there's really not a

0:14:26.680 --> 0:14:28.400
<v Speaker 2>lot of negative stuff that comes my way.

0:14:28.520 --> 0:14:32.040
<v Speaker 1>Thanks right, right, Well, that's because you're just a positive

0:14:32.360 --> 0:14:34.920
<v Speaker 1>energy and positive attracting.

0:14:34.640 --> 0:14:38.560
<v Speaker 2>Positive I think. So, I mean, I am really positive

0:14:38.560 --> 0:14:40.360
<v Speaker 2>and I have a lot to be grateful for.

0:14:40.440 --> 0:14:43.160
<v Speaker 1>And you've had so much. I think also too, it's

0:14:43.240 --> 0:14:46.600
<v Speaker 1>about those hardships that we've endured and that we've lived

0:14:46.640 --> 0:14:49.920
<v Speaker 1>through and learned so much from that make us so

0:14:50.080 --> 0:14:54.280
<v Speaker 1>much more full of gratitude and hope and you know,

0:14:54.360 --> 0:14:56.920
<v Speaker 1>just a sense of like achievement that you survive something

0:14:57.000 --> 0:14:59.680
<v Speaker 1>so terrible. You know, you really start to turn to

0:14:59.760 --> 0:15:02.840
<v Speaker 1>your self in those moments instead of listening to other people.

0:15:02.880 --> 0:15:04.640
<v Speaker 1>I think that's really yeahful.

0:15:05.080 --> 0:15:07.080
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I think all of the traumatic things that

0:15:07.120 --> 0:15:10.160
<v Speaker 2>I've had in my life, and I've had my share,

0:15:10.240 --> 0:15:11.840
<v Speaker 2>you know, we all have stuff we go through, but

0:15:11.880 --> 0:15:14.720
<v Speaker 2>I think all of it has in the end been

0:15:14.760 --> 0:15:17.640
<v Speaker 2>a gift, you know, like I've gotten something out of

0:15:17.960 --> 0:15:21.400
<v Speaker 2>all of the hardship, you know, from being sexually molested

0:15:21.400 --> 0:15:25.280
<v Speaker 2>as a small child to like just you know, living

0:15:25.320 --> 0:15:27.280
<v Speaker 2>through nine to eleven. You know, nine to eleven. I

0:15:27.320 --> 0:15:29.720
<v Speaker 2>was there on that day downtown, watched the whole thing

0:15:29.800 --> 0:15:32.360
<v Speaker 2>unfold before my very eyes, and I was a new mom.

0:15:32.400 --> 0:15:34.480
<v Speaker 2>I had a two month old at that time, So

0:15:34.600 --> 0:15:39.440
<v Speaker 2>that was you know, deeply, deeply like world life changing everything.

0:15:39.480 --> 0:15:41.920
<v Speaker 2>But like for me, it got me to kind of

0:15:42.760 --> 0:15:45.040
<v Speaker 2>make a decision on where I wanted to go with

0:15:45.120 --> 0:15:46.920
<v Speaker 2>my career where I wanted to raise my family. I

0:15:46.920 --> 0:15:48.920
<v Speaker 2>didn't want to be in New York anymore. I left

0:15:48.960 --> 0:15:51.480
<v Speaker 2>New York, I left my talk show, I left my marriage.

0:15:51.520 --> 0:15:54.440
<v Speaker 2>I mean, all of that happened after that experience watching

0:15:54.520 --> 0:15:57.280
<v Speaker 2>that unfold, and in the end it was a gift

0:15:57.360 --> 0:15:59.920
<v Speaker 2>for me. I started focusing on documentary film work, which

0:15:59.920 --> 0:16:03.120
<v Speaker 2>is it's like what I want my legacy to be

0:16:03.400 --> 0:16:06.200
<v Speaker 2>is like these these pieces of work that really question

0:16:06.840 --> 0:16:09.160
<v Speaker 2>why things are the way they are. In that case

0:16:09.200 --> 0:16:11.840
<v Speaker 2>with the birth world, you know, so I sort of

0:16:11.840 --> 0:16:14.600
<v Speaker 2>found my voice and I found my true passion through

0:16:15.400 --> 0:16:16.960
<v Speaker 2>living through something so traumatic.

0:16:23.840 --> 0:16:25.560
<v Speaker 1>The other thing I wanted to circle back on that

0:16:25.600 --> 0:16:28.440
<v Speaker 1>you said was the novelty of being the fat girl

0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:32.600
<v Speaker 1>wore off. How do you think that shaped who you

0:16:32.680 --> 0:16:37.840
<v Speaker 1>are today? Having to really be fronted and faced with

0:16:38.160 --> 0:16:42.160
<v Speaker 1>your appearance being connected in a negative way by people.

0:16:42.920 --> 0:16:45.160
<v Speaker 1>How did that affect your sense of self and your

0:16:45.640 --> 0:16:48.400
<v Speaker 1>your security and yourself all these years.

0:16:48.480 --> 0:16:52.240
<v Speaker 2>That's a lot to do, A really good question. I mean, ultimately,

0:16:52.320 --> 0:16:54.760
<v Speaker 2>it was incredible that I was one of the very

0:16:54.800 --> 0:16:57.840
<v Speaker 2>first I can't think of another ingen new girl that

0:16:58.000 --> 0:17:01.160
<v Speaker 2>was two hundred pounds, you know. So it was amazing

0:17:01.240 --> 0:17:03.720
<v Speaker 2>to like break the mold in that way and to

0:17:03.840 --> 0:17:07.080
<v Speaker 2>be so well received, And it was believable watching that movie.

0:17:07.119 --> 0:17:10.439
<v Speaker 2>Even today, it's believable that she wins the contest and

0:17:10.480 --> 0:17:13.160
<v Speaker 2>she gets the guy. She pause.

0:17:13.240 --> 0:17:16.560
<v Speaker 1>I love that movie so much. I could watch it over.

0:17:16.760 --> 0:17:18.440
<v Speaker 1>We have watched it a million times in our house.

0:17:18.480 --> 0:17:20.240
<v Speaker 1>But you shaped us, Thank you.

0:17:20.680 --> 0:17:23.160
<v Speaker 2>It was so fun and it was me like, I

0:17:23.200 --> 0:17:25.520
<v Speaker 2>am just like you are you are. There's a lot

0:17:25.560 --> 0:17:28.840
<v Speaker 2>of you that's Kelly, right, yes, right right, Well, at

0:17:28.920 --> 0:17:31.800
<v Speaker 2>least I want to think that, but I'm very much

0:17:31.920 --> 0:17:34.640
<v Speaker 2>I'm Tracy Turnblad trapped in a fifty five year old

0:17:34.640 --> 0:17:38.399
<v Speaker 2>gray haired woman. It just it just, I mean a difference.

0:17:38.480 --> 0:17:40.560
<v Speaker 2>Like I was two hundred pounds and adorable when I

0:17:40.560 --> 0:17:42.320
<v Speaker 2>did that movie, But I was two hundred and sixty

0:17:42.320 --> 0:17:45.119
<v Speaker 2>pounds when I did Cry Baby three years later, you know,

0:17:45.720 --> 0:17:47.920
<v Speaker 2>and two hundred and sixty pounds on a five foot

0:17:47.960 --> 0:17:51.440
<v Speaker 2>three inch frame. It was a lot, and and it

0:17:51.480 --> 0:17:53.320
<v Speaker 2>wasn't working anymore like I was, you know, would go

0:17:53.359 --> 0:17:55.000
<v Speaker 2>out on it. I just wasn't getting the parts, and

0:17:55.320 --> 0:17:56.960
<v Speaker 2>so I was in a desperate place where I was

0:17:56.960 --> 0:17:59.879
<v Speaker 2>supporting myself and I was running out of money and

0:18:00.560 --> 0:18:02.960
<v Speaker 2>I needed to do something that I could control. And

0:18:03.000 --> 0:18:04.879
<v Speaker 2>it really was like when I think back on it,

0:18:04.960 --> 0:18:07.320
<v Speaker 2>you know, it wasn't the healthiest way. I starved myself.

0:18:07.359 --> 0:18:10.400
<v Speaker 2>I basically didn't stop eating altogether, but I ate very,

0:18:10.480 --> 0:18:12.440
<v Speaker 2>very very little. I joined a gym and would ride

0:18:12.440 --> 0:18:14.639
<v Speaker 2>my bike in the valley. I live north of Victory

0:18:14.680 --> 0:18:17.160
<v Speaker 2>if you know where that is, like Woodman and Victory.

0:18:17.440 --> 0:18:20.399
<v Speaker 2>And at the time it was whatever nineteen was that

0:18:20.480 --> 0:18:24.120
<v Speaker 2>ninety two, ninety one ninety two in that area, and

0:18:24.240 --> 0:18:26.639
<v Speaker 2>I no one would viit. My friends wouldn't come visit me.

0:18:26.800 --> 0:18:29.000
<v Speaker 2>It was like a very much a Spanish speaking neighborhood.

0:18:29.000 --> 0:18:31.920
<v Speaker 2>I lived in a poolhouse my back My little house

0:18:32.000 --> 0:18:34.600
<v Speaker 2>was a like I had a sliding glass door. I mean,

0:18:34.600 --> 0:18:37.159
<v Speaker 2>it was a very humbling time for me, and it

0:18:37.240 --> 0:18:39.800
<v Speaker 2>was appropriate for someone who is my age, you know,

0:18:39.880 --> 0:18:43.240
<v Speaker 2>who was like went from riches rags to riches and

0:18:43.320 --> 0:18:45.760
<v Speaker 2>riches to rags, and then I think it was really

0:18:45.840 --> 0:18:48.080
<v Speaker 2>empowering and being able to change my body in the

0:18:48.080 --> 0:18:51.399
<v Speaker 2>way I did. It worked like I was, you know,

0:18:51.480 --> 0:18:54.240
<v Speaker 2>went from a size twenty four to a size twelve,

0:18:54.800 --> 0:18:58.159
<v Speaker 2>you know, in about like six or eight months, like

0:18:58.200 --> 0:19:00.240
<v Speaker 2>really really short period of time, and I did it

0:19:00.280 --> 0:19:02.679
<v Speaker 2>with the sole purpose of a getting a little bit

0:19:02.680 --> 0:19:05.760
<v Speaker 2>healthier and B getting a job. You know, I needed

0:19:05.760 --> 0:19:08.840
<v Speaker 2>to work. And so the pilot of the talk show

0:19:08.880 --> 0:19:11.840
<v Speaker 2>came around at that time, and it kind of I

0:19:11.840 --> 0:19:15.560
<v Speaker 2>think worked as the narrative or my story of like

0:19:15.680 --> 0:19:19.720
<v Speaker 2>this relatable girl, this young woman that people root for,

0:19:19.920 --> 0:19:22.680
<v Speaker 2>like Tracy Turnblad, you know, I'm like this underdog kind

0:19:22.680 --> 0:19:27.439
<v Speaker 2>of character. And so it wasn't calculated in getting a

0:19:27.440 --> 0:19:28.760
<v Speaker 2>talk like I never thought I was gonna get a

0:19:28.800 --> 0:19:30.879
<v Speaker 2>talk show. Who thinks a twenty something that you're going

0:19:30.920 --> 0:19:33.320
<v Speaker 2>to be picked to do something like that. But it

0:19:33.480 --> 0:19:36.719
<v Speaker 2>just was like this divine thing that just happened and

0:19:36.760 --> 0:19:39.600
<v Speaker 2>it just all worked. Oh did I answer your question?

0:19:39.880 --> 0:19:42.000
<v Speaker 1>You did? I feel as if it made you believe

0:19:42.040 --> 0:19:45.080
<v Speaker 1>in yourself even more than you already did, and it

0:19:45.119 --> 0:19:48.880
<v Speaker 1>made you fight for what you knew was right for you.

0:19:49.280 --> 0:19:49.879
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:19:50.000 --> 0:19:50.800
<v Speaker 1>I like that that.

0:19:51.119 --> 0:19:55.639
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, I mean I I it's so it's so

0:19:55.920 --> 0:19:58.200
<v Speaker 2>I don't spend a lot of time like thinking back

0:19:58.240 --> 0:19:59.960
<v Speaker 2>of like like who I was back then, you know,

0:20:00.240 --> 0:20:01.919
<v Speaker 2>like why I did this or why I did that?

0:20:01.960 --> 0:20:05.960
<v Speaker 2>But yeah, the talk show was such like a comfortable

0:20:06.359 --> 0:20:09.920
<v Speaker 2>arena for me. I was so it was a natural thing.

0:20:09.960 --> 0:20:12.080
<v Speaker 2>Like in the beginning, I would just channel Oprah because

0:20:12.080 --> 0:20:15.119
<v Speaker 2>I was such an Oprah fan and Phil Donahue Bless

0:20:15.119 --> 0:20:18.640
<v Speaker 2>his soul, and Sally Jesse, Like I was a big

0:20:18.680 --> 0:20:21.000
<v Speaker 2>watcher of those shows. So when they gave me the

0:20:21.280 --> 0:20:23.560
<v Speaker 2>microphone and said go, you know, go do it yourself.

0:20:23.720 --> 0:20:25.680
<v Speaker 2>You know, I was like, all right, what would Oprah say?

0:20:25.720 --> 0:20:27.879
<v Speaker 2>I would channel her? Oh what would Opra say? But

0:20:27.920 --> 0:20:29.919
<v Speaker 2>then as I found my footing, It's like I just

0:20:30.400 --> 0:20:32.000
<v Speaker 2>I just was a really good listener, and I was

0:20:32.080 --> 0:20:36.160
<v Speaker 2>really interested and curious about people and relationships. It was fascinating,

0:20:36.160 --> 0:20:38.240
<v Speaker 2>and then it was fun and that it became like

0:20:38.280 --> 0:20:40.920
<v Speaker 2>the party that everyone wanted to come to every day

0:20:40.960 --> 0:20:43.320
<v Speaker 2>at our show. You know, it was like it was

0:20:43.440 --> 0:20:47.240
<v Speaker 2>really special, and I don't think I recognized it. Then

0:20:47.720 --> 0:20:49.199
<v Speaker 2>when I'm in it, I'm just in it, and I

0:20:49.240 --> 0:20:51.679
<v Speaker 2>was like, oh my god, I'm making this money and

0:20:51.760 --> 0:20:54.760
<v Speaker 2>people are like shouting my name, like this is so cool.

0:20:54.760 --> 0:20:57.240
<v Speaker 2>But it just felt so normal, like Okay, this is

0:20:57.280 --> 0:20:59.600
<v Speaker 2>the next chapter of my career. You know. It's now

0:20:59.680 --> 0:21:01.719
<v Speaker 2>looking back on, like what the hell was I thinking?

0:21:02.400 --> 0:21:05.159
<v Speaker 2>How presumptuous for me to assume I know what people

0:21:05.200 --> 0:21:08.440
<v Speaker 2>should do when they're you know, in relationships. It's like, yeah,

0:21:08.480 --> 0:21:10.600
<v Speaker 2>I didn't even know who I was at that time,

0:21:11.200 --> 0:21:13.440
<v Speaker 2>but it was it was fun well.

0:21:13.280 --> 0:21:15.119
<v Speaker 1>Because we grew up in the way we did, like

0:21:15.160 --> 0:21:18.200
<v Speaker 1>in the public eye like that. It's it's as if

0:21:18.200 --> 0:21:21.639
<v Speaker 1>we have somehow been encapsulated in people's minds as that

0:21:21.720 --> 0:21:25.040
<v Speaker 1>younger version of ourselves, you know, like people will always

0:21:25.080 --> 0:21:27.360
<v Speaker 1>see us the way they first saw us. Is that

0:21:27.400 --> 0:21:29.919
<v Speaker 1>ever hard for you or do you embrace that?

0:21:30.320 --> 0:21:33.360
<v Speaker 2>I think it's changed because I have been I've literally

0:21:34.040 --> 0:21:37.280
<v Speaker 2>like had all these different facets of my career, you know,

0:21:37.320 --> 0:21:39.840
<v Speaker 2>like people know me and it's really funny. John Waters

0:21:39.880 --> 0:21:41.880
<v Speaker 2>and I'll joke about it. We're in an airport and like,

0:21:42.359 --> 0:21:43.960
<v Speaker 2>you know, a certain type of personal code to me.

0:21:44.080 --> 0:21:46.040
<v Speaker 2>Oh they know me from this, like we can kind

0:21:46.040 --> 0:21:49.959
<v Speaker 2>of peg him, you know, gay man, he knows obviously

0:21:50.040 --> 0:21:52.359
<v Speaker 2>John Water stuff. But then the pregnant mom saw my

0:21:52.440 --> 0:21:54.719
<v Speaker 2>documentary about birth, you know, like it's just so funny.

0:21:54.720 --> 0:21:58.399
<v Speaker 2>So I think I've reinvented myself and I have changed

0:21:58.400 --> 0:22:01.240
<v Speaker 2>my physicality both in way and you know obviously with

0:22:01.320 --> 0:22:03.040
<v Speaker 2>my gray hair and I shave my head and my like,

0:22:03.119 --> 0:22:06.320
<v Speaker 2>I have a lot of different facets of me. See,

0:22:06.359 --> 0:22:08.680
<v Speaker 2>I look at you, and you look exactly the same

0:22:08.760 --> 0:22:11.200
<v Speaker 2>from nine and two, and oh you haven't changed at all.

0:22:11.800 --> 0:22:14.480
<v Speaker 1>That's what I hear a lot, and I'm in my mind,

0:22:14.520 --> 0:22:18.760
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, what you talking about? I've changed so much?

0:22:18.960 --> 0:22:20.639
<v Speaker 2>What are the years you were on the air with

0:22:20.800 --> 0:22:22.760
<v Speaker 2>nine of two and I was ten years and ninety

0:22:22.960 --> 0:22:27.159
<v Speaker 2>the entire decade, So nineteen ninety it launched. Yeah, so

0:22:27.280 --> 0:22:29.520
<v Speaker 2>you launched before I went on the air in ninety three.

0:22:29.560 --> 0:22:32.119
<v Speaker 2>So I went from ninety three to four, so basically

0:22:32.680 --> 0:22:36.320
<v Speaker 2>around the same time frame or basically the same age. Wow, yep, yeah,

0:22:36.440 --> 0:22:38.320
<v Speaker 2>that was Those were good times, weren't they.

0:22:38.440 --> 0:22:42.240
<v Speaker 1>Oh? Yes, the best. The nineties were the best.

0:22:42.760 --> 0:22:45.439
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Down, I'm so glad. I talk about it with

0:22:45.480 --> 0:22:47.359
<v Speaker 2>my new husband a lot. Ross he's not my new

0:22:47.440 --> 0:22:49.040
<v Speaker 2>husband two and a half years we've been married, but

0:22:49.680 --> 0:22:52.760
<v Speaker 2>he and I are no similar in age. He's he's

0:22:52.800 --> 0:22:55.720
<v Speaker 2>he's incredible, but like we both are so and maybe

0:22:55.760 --> 0:22:57.560
<v Speaker 2>you feel the same way. I'm so glad I was

0:22:57.600 --> 0:23:01.040
<v Speaker 2>born when I was born, that I lived through our childhood,

0:23:01.040 --> 0:23:04.480
<v Speaker 2>we lived through without cell phones, without you know, those

0:23:05.560 --> 0:23:09.359
<v Speaker 2>distractions and you know, and our kids never knew what

0:23:09.400 --> 0:23:10.440
<v Speaker 2>it was like before that.

0:23:10.600 --> 0:23:13.000
<v Speaker 1>So I don't know what's going to happen to the

0:23:13.080 --> 0:23:16.199
<v Speaker 1>kids these days, to the young And I have my

0:23:16.320 --> 0:23:18.840
<v Speaker 1>daughter the other day because she they have a new

0:23:18.880 --> 0:23:21.000
<v Speaker 1>brother that's two years old, and I asked her, I

0:23:21.040 --> 0:23:22.840
<v Speaker 1>was like, what do you think is going to be

0:23:22.960 --> 0:23:25.960
<v Speaker 1>like for Jack when he's your age? And what she say,

0:23:26.400 --> 0:23:29.480
<v Speaker 1>She's like, I don't know, because even you know, my

0:23:29.560 --> 0:23:31.680
<v Speaker 1>middle one is able to look at my younger ones

0:23:31.720 --> 0:23:33.920
<v Speaker 1>experience right now and think, I'm so glad I didn't

0:23:33.960 --> 0:23:36.879
<v Speaker 1>have to deal with that. Yeah, because they're like four

0:23:36.960 --> 0:23:40.680
<v Speaker 1>or five years apart. Things change so much. But I

0:23:40.680 --> 0:23:41.800
<v Speaker 1>guess we just adapt.

0:23:42.520 --> 0:23:45.240
<v Speaker 2>I mean, yes, we will. I wonder what I mean.

0:23:45.520 --> 0:23:49.080
<v Speaker 2>I watched that Oprah special on AI last week. It

0:23:49.200 --> 0:23:52.760
<v Speaker 2>was so sobering. It was so it's so daunting. I'm

0:23:52.840 --> 0:23:55.880
<v Speaker 2>someone who's like, I don't even I was never taught

0:23:56.240 --> 0:23:59.680
<v Speaker 2>computer skills, really no, I was never like, I learned

0:23:59.680 --> 0:24:03.280
<v Speaker 2>to tie on a typewriter type. I'm really good at it.

0:24:03.440 --> 0:24:05.920
<v Speaker 2>I was so good at it. My sister and I were.

0:24:06.000 --> 0:24:08.439
<v Speaker 2>It's we're a year apart, but with that elective we

0:24:08.440 --> 0:24:10.480
<v Speaker 2>were in the same like doing it at the same time,

0:24:10.520 --> 0:24:13.600
<v Speaker 2>so we got very competitive. So I'm really good at typing,

0:24:13.600 --> 0:24:16.160
<v Speaker 2>but like I couldn't. I can't. I mean, it's embarrassing

0:24:16.200 --> 0:24:18.440
<v Speaker 2>to say, but I can't do like Microsoft word.

0:24:18.760 --> 0:24:22.200
<v Speaker 1>I feel your pain, trust me. I'm like, oh, girls,

0:24:22.200 --> 0:24:24.800
<v Speaker 1>somebody help me here. Yeah, I'm remote. I don't know

0:24:24.800 --> 0:24:25.360
<v Speaker 1>how to work it.

0:24:25.400 --> 0:24:28.359
<v Speaker 2>And with social media, like I don't know how I'm

0:24:28.480 --> 0:24:31.240
<v Speaker 2>I'm just I say, I'm a grandma with this stuff,

0:24:31.320 --> 0:24:33.159
<v Speaker 2>and I just feel like, all right, it's just I

0:24:33.480 --> 0:24:35.680
<v Speaker 2>just missed out on it. Like my kids are very

0:24:35.720 --> 0:24:37.960
<v Speaker 2>savvy with that stuff. They're not big on social media.

0:24:38.000 --> 0:24:40.800
<v Speaker 2>They don't do it neither. My kids they're like readers

0:24:41.280 --> 0:24:43.600
<v Speaker 2>and they're I mean, I'm glad that they're not caught

0:24:43.680 --> 0:24:46.320
<v Speaker 2>up in what seems to be something that's really really

0:24:46.400 --> 0:24:48.320
<v Speaker 2>addicting and challenging to deal with.

0:24:48.640 --> 0:24:50.760
<v Speaker 1>Well, we're doing it. We are doing it. We are

0:24:51.119 --> 0:24:54.120
<v Speaker 1>officially growing up, even though we don't know, we don't

0:24:54.119 --> 0:24:56.879
<v Speaker 1>have our tech skills right now in this you know,

0:24:57.280 --> 0:25:01.879
<v Speaker 1>magical phase of our lives. Are fifth And did you

0:25:01.920 --> 0:25:05.840
<v Speaker 1>have any like trepidation when you were turning fifty when

0:25:05.880 --> 0:25:07.600
<v Speaker 1>you're forty nine, you're like, oh, my god, what's going

0:25:07.680 --> 0:25:08.119
<v Speaker 1>to happen?

0:25:08.880 --> 0:25:13.520
<v Speaker 2>I mean, so it's been five years because I'm fifty five. Yeah,

0:25:13.600 --> 0:25:16.240
<v Speaker 2>it was weird because Okay, so I lost Christian, my partner,

0:25:16.400 --> 0:25:21.000
<v Speaker 2>my second husband, when I was forty eight, so you know,

0:25:21.119 --> 0:25:23.320
<v Speaker 2>I was like a late bloomer in every way. Like

0:25:23.359 --> 0:25:24.959
<v Speaker 2>I was married from twenty five to thirty five with

0:25:24.960 --> 0:25:26.560
<v Speaker 2>my first husband, the father and my kids. And I

0:25:26.640 --> 0:25:29.680
<v Speaker 2>remarried to Christian when I was forty two, and then

0:25:29.920 --> 0:25:34.439
<v Speaker 2>at forty eight he passed. And so coming up on fifty,

0:25:34.440 --> 0:25:36.679
<v Speaker 2>it was such a huge milestone and I was dealing

0:25:36.680 --> 0:25:39.080
<v Speaker 2>with this loss and so much of it was wrapped

0:25:39.119 --> 0:25:41.040
<v Speaker 2>up in trying to like heal from that, trying to

0:25:41.080 --> 0:25:45.600
<v Speaker 2>like get the lesson. And you know, so I did

0:25:45.640 --> 0:25:48.120
<v Speaker 2>celebrate turning fifty, and I you know, but I think

0:25:48.160 --> 0:25:50.840
<v Speaker 2>it was it was bittersweet, you know, because he wasn't

0:25:50.880 --> 0:25:53.680
<v Speaker 2>there for me. But yeah, and I did like a list.

0:25:53.840 --> 0:25:56.359
<v Speaker 2>I mean, something I did and it's not PC, but

0:25:56.400 --> 0:26:00.440
<v Speaker 2>I did it as an exercise, in like a therapeutic exercise,

0:26:00.480 --> 0:26:02.120
<v Speaker 2>which I've I've told people about it and they now

0:26:02.119 --> 0:26:04.040
<v Speaker 2>do it for themselves. So when I was turning fifty,

0:26:04.160 --> 0:26:06.640
<v Speaker 2>I did this list of all the things that I'd

0:26:06.640 --> 0:26:10.560
<v Speaker 2>gone through, achieved, overcome from the time I turned forty

0:26:10.560 --> 0:26:13.560
<v Speaker 2>to the time I turned fifty. And it is quite

0:26:13.600 --> 0:26:16.840
<v Speaker 2>the list, Like it's it runs the gamut, Like it

0:26:16.920 --> 0:26:18.879
<v Speaker 2>runs from like, oh, I stopped speaking to my mother

0:26:19.200 --> 0:26:23.639
<v Speaker 2>to I won my first emmy. I got to go

0:26:23.640 --> 0:26:26.199
<v Speaker 2>on the Oprah Show and profess my love to Christian I.

0:26:26.440 --> 0:26:29.640
<v Speaker 2>You know, it's like a list that's you know, it's

0:26:29.680 --> 0:26:32.679
<v Speaker 2>a lot and and so that's so turning fifty for me,

0:26:33.000 --> 0:26:37.160
<v Speaker 2>it was really like relishing all that I have lived

0:26:37.160 --> 0:26:39.960
<v Speaker 2>through and I've I've lived such a life like I

0:26:40.200 --> 0:26:43.800
<v Speaker 2>wouldn't trade places with anyone else all for all of it,

0:26:43.880 --> 0:26:47.199
<v Speaker 2>Like even losing my partner. You know, I got so

0:26:47.359 --> 0:26:49.639
<v Speaker 2>much out of that relationship, and I, you know, have

0:26:49.720 --> 0:26:52.800
<v Speaker 2>this very very like strong knowing that he is with

0:26:52.880 --> 0:26:54.680
<v Speaker 2>me every step of the way. I believe he brought

0:26:54.680 --> 0:26:57.040
<v Speaker 2>my new husband to me, like you know, and I

0:26:57.080 --> 0:26:58.919
<v Speaker 2>got into plant medicine. I got it. Like there's so

0:26:58.920 --> 0:27:02.840
<v Speaker 2>many things I've done since you know, turning forty and

0:27:02.880 --> 0:27:05.200
<v Speaker 2>since losing him. Like it's like I said before, I

0:27:05.480 --> 0:27:07.680
<v Speaker 2>feel like I'm the best me I I've ever been

0:27:07.800 --> 0:27:10.240
<v Speaker 2>because I think I'm having like, I'm way more open

0:27:10.760 --> 0:27:13.080
<v Speaker 2>in my fifties than I was in my twenties.

0:27:13.200 --> 0:27:16.119
<v Speaker 1>Me too, Me too, Yeah.

0:27:15.200 --> 0:27:17.639
<v Speaker 2>Like I mean I was yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean

0:27:17.680 --> 0:27:19.720
<v Speaker 2>there's so many things that I was so close minded

0:27:19.720 --> 0:27:23.000
<v Speaker 2>about and very judgmental about and just fear filled. And

0:27:23.040 --> 0:27:25.200
<v Speaker 2>I think I'm less fear.

0:27:24.960 --> 0:27:29.240
<v Speaker 1>Filled, definitely. Yeah. I always say I'm less reactive now.

0:27:30.119 --> 0:27:35.680
<v Speaker 1>I'm still impulsive, I'm still yeah quality, I'm an aries okay.

0:27:35.400 --> 0:27:39.200
<v Speaker 2>My son's and ares. I'm a virgo yeah and uh yeah,

0:27:39.200 --> 0:27:40.880
<v Speaker 2>I don't even know what it means, but I'm.

0:27:40.720 --> 0:27:41.160
<v Speaker 1>Just on either.

0:27:41.280 --> 0:27:43.120
<v Speaker 2>I am who I am like like it's like there's

0:27:43.119 --> 0:27:45.000
<v Speaker 2>no changing who I am. I like who I am

0:27:45.240 --> 0:27:47.880
<v Speaker 2>right now. That's the key, right there. You love who

0:27:47.920 --> 0:27:48.320
<v Speaker 2>you are.

0:27:48.440 --> 0:27:51.000
<v Speaker 1>It's the key to happiness, It's the key to freedom.

0:27:51.560 --> 0:27:55.359
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. But I kind of have always loved myself, like

0:27:56.080 --> 0:28:00.439
<v Speaker 2>I kind of have. I mean, I'm away, he's like,

0:28:00.560 --> 0:28:04.679
<v Speaker 2>I'm a work in progress and I'm you know, have

0:28:04.760 --> 0:28:07.520
<v Speaker 2>a lot to learn. But I've always been a pretty

0:28:07.520 --> 0:28:10.240
<v Speaker 2>good person. I'm a really good friend. I think I'm

0:28:10.280 --> 0:28:13.600
<v Speaker 2>a really good mom, I'm a really good wife. I'm

0:28:13.640 --> 0:28:18.080
<v Speaker 2>not a great actress. I'll admit that, Like I've been good.

0:28:18.240 --> 0:28:20.840
<v Speaker 2>I've been really good, but I've also been really not good.

0:28:21.520 --> 0:28:24.840
<v Speaker 2>And I'm better. I think it playing being me, you know,

0:28:25.000 --> 0:28:28.360
<v Speaker 2>being authentically myself than I am with taking on characters.

0:28:28.600 --> 0:28:30.840
<v Speaker 1>Well, that's a good thing to know about yourself. I

0:28:30.880 --> 0:28:34.720
<v Speaker 1>love that you also are embracing your beautiful hair.

0:28:35.400 --> 0:28:37.439
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well right now, I meant to put a hat on,

0:28:37.720 --> 0:28:40.920
<v Speaker 2>but because my headphones are too big and the hat

0:28:41.040 --> 0:28:43.360
<v Speaker 2>just helps it stay, and I forgot, But I forgotten.

0:28:43.400 --> 0:28:45.320
<v Speaker 2>I kind of just blew it out really fast. But

0:28:45.360 --> 0:28:48.040
<v Speaker 2>the fact that I have hair is a freaking miracle

0:28:48.080 --> 0:28:51.440
<v Speaker 2>because five years ago I shaved my head. You probably

0:28:51.480 --> 0:28:53.880
<v Speaker 2>are aware of this, but I shaved my head and

0:28:53.960 --> 0:28:58.240
<v Speaker 2>went public about my issue that I was having, which

0:28:58.320 --> 0:29:02.320
<v Speaker 2>was with hair loss. Like it's called andrew genetic alopecia,

0:29:02.440 --> 0:29:05.520
<v Speaker 2>my type of hair loss, and which is basically like

0:29:05.760 --> 0:29:08.480
<v Speaker 2>getting older and women loser hair. You know, It's like

0:29:08.520 --> 0:29:11.240
<v Speaker 2>there's no big you know, like I mean, it's just

0:29:11.400 --> 0:29:13.600
<v Speaker 2>very normal for women to go through that. But for me,

0:29:13.640 --> 0:29:15.960
<v Speaker 2>I was wearing extensions for a really long time and

0:29:16.000 --> 0:29:18.040
<v Speaker 2>that was damaging my hair and the color I was

0:29:18.040 --> 0:29:19.720
<v Speaker 2>putting on my hair. Every three weeks. I was having

0:29:19.960 --> 0:29:22.480
<v Speaker 2>dye my hair and all of it just didn't agree

0:29:22.520 --> 0:29:25.800
<v Speaker 2>with me, and I finally just surrendered. And that was

0:29:26.120 --> 0:29:29.800
<v Speaker 2>again a very traumatic experience for me. I'm someone who's

0:29:29.800 --> 0:29:32.240
<v Speaker 2>an open book. Everyone's known me, they grew up with me,

0:29:32.280 --> 0:29:34.800
<v Speaker 2>they know me for my show. I'm very honest and

0:29:34.920 --> 0:29:37.560
<v Speaker 2>open about everything in my life, and in this case,

0:29:38.040 --> 0:29:40.640
<v Speaker 2>I didn't. I was so ashamed that I was dealing

0:29:40.640 --> 0:29:42.240
<v Speaker 2>with this, and I had it as like sort of

0:29:42.240 --> 0:29:44.360
<v Speaker 2>this deep, dark secret, something I didn't even talk about

0:29:44.360 --> 0:29:46.600
<v Speaker 2>with my therapist. And so when I finally kind of

0:29:46.680 --> 0:29:50.719
<v Speaker 2>came out and and just basically let go of like

0:29:50.800 --> 0:29:52.480
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to just rock a bald head for the

0:29:52.520 --> 0:29:54.880
<v Speaker 2>rest of my life. And you know, you don't know

0:29:54.920 --> 0:29:58.480
<v Speaker 2>what you look like bald until you do it. All, Yeah,

0:29:58.520 --> 0:30:01.600
<v Speaker 2>you don't know how to you like it. I looked

0:30:01.680 --> 0:30:06.480
<v Speaker 2>so good. I looked so good. I was amazed that

0:30:06.520 --> 0:30:08.720
<v Speaker 2>I have actually a good like shaped head, have a

0:30:08.880 --> 0:30:12.080
<v Speaker 2>very small head. I like to think my brain isn't small,

0:30:12.120 --> 0:30:15.720
<v Speaker 2>but my head is small. And so I was relieved.

0:30:15.720 --> 0:30:17.360
<v Speaker 2>But that's not even the point. The point is like

0:30:17.440 --> 0:30:20.440
<v Speaker 2>I just like let go of it, like just bothering me,

0:30:21.080 --> 0:30:24.080
<v Speaker 2>you know, in secret, And that was the release and

0:30:24.560 --> 0:30:27.520
<v Speaker 2>lo and behold. You know, I used a product that

0:30:27.520 --> 0:30:30.680
<v Speaker 2>that helped me, and I also I think stopped stressing

0:30:30.680 --> 0:30:33.000
<v Speaker 2>about it, stopped putting extensions. Anyway, I don't know how

0:30:33.000 --> 0:30:35.560
<v Speaker 2>I got onto that, but yeah, my gray hair, I'm

0:30:35.680 --> 0:30:38.600
<v Speaker 2>very grateful for every strand thank you.

0:30:38.960 --> 0:30:42.160
<v Speaker 1>I want to go white someday, like any way, or

0:30:42.240 --> 0:30:44.880
<v Speaker 1>do you have gray hair? Yeah? I have white hair.

0:30:45.360 --> 0:30:47.600
<v Speaker 2>You do, I think it's white? And so you have

0:30:47.640 --> 0:30:50.440
<v Speaker 2>to do color your hair every three weeks? Is that you're.

0:30:50.440 --> 0:30:52.640
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I'm going today? Actually you are?

0:30:53.480 --> 0:30:56.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well lucky for your blonde, right, I assume you

0:30:56.600 --> 0:31:00.440
<v Speaker 2>are a natural blonde. You don't have brown hair? Yeah, no, No,

0:31:00.640 --> 0:31:03.440
<v Speaker 2>it's and I think with the pandemic, the timing of it,

0:31:03.480 --> 0:31:07.160
<v Speaker 2>like the genius that with my the way it unfolded

0:31:07.160 --> 0:31:09.680
<v Speaker 2>for me because I did this very deliberately at the

0:31:09.800 --> 0:31:12.600
<v Speaker 2>end of twenty nineteen, Like on New Year's Eve Day,

0:31:13.120 --> 0:31:15.880
<v Speaker 2>I had my friend documented, my friend Amanda Demi, who's

0:31:15.880 --> 0:31:19.560
<v Speaker 2>a brilliant photographer. I wanted it documented because I knew

0:31:19.560 --> 0:31:21.040
<v Speaker 2>I had to be public about it. Like I didn't

0:31:21.040 --> 0:31:23.120
<v Speaker 2>do it as like a I did it to be

0:31:23.200 --> 0:31:25.440
<v Speaker 2>set free. But I felt like if I just shaved

0:31:25.440 --> 0:31:27.080
<v Speaker 2>my head and came out with a shaved head. People

0:31:27.080 --> 0:31:29.920
<v Speaker 2>would have thought, you know, that I had cancer god forbid,

0:31:30.000 --> 0:31:32.320
<v Speaker 2>or that I was crazy, you know, like I just

0:31:32.440 --> 0:31:35.280
<v Speaker 2>needed to tell my story, and so I was very

0:31:35.320 --> 0:31:37.360
<v Speaker 2>deliberate about that. But it was right before the pandemic,

0:31:37.400 --> 0:31:40.840
<v Speaker 2>and once the pandemic had happened, nobody could color their hair. Nobody.

0:31:41.040 --> 0:31:43.880
<v Speaker 2>So for me, like I just it would have been

0:31:43.960 --> 0:31:45.360
<v Speaker 2>I would have been shaving my head, but it would

0:31:45.360 --> 0:31:48.120
<v Speaker 2>have been under a different set of circumstances for sure.

0:31:55.080 --> 0:31:57.440
<v Speaker 1>I recently read one of my journal entries when I

0:31:57.480 --> 0:31:59.600
<v Speaker 1>turned fifty, and I talked openly about how I felt

0:31:59.600 --> 0:32:03.760
<v Speaker 1>about eight and the double standard with women and men

0:32:03.840 --> 0:32:06.680
<v Speaker 1>versus men getting older, and I just I love that

0:32:06.800 --> 0:32:10.520
<v Speaker 1>you don't give an f you just are who you are.

0:32:11.480 --> 0:32:15.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And I love being this age. I mean I

0:32:15.320 --> 0:32:18.520
<v Speaker 2>love it. It's like I have so much more just

0:32:19.320 --> 0:32:23.240
<v Speaker 2>wisdom and peace. I mean, it's also my circumstances. So

0:32:23.240 --> 0:32:28.320
<v Speaker 2>I recognize, like I'm privileged, I have money, and I

0:32:28.520 --> 0:32:31.080
<v Speaker 2>you know, like I get it, but I've also like

0:32:31.200 --> 0:32:33.280
<v Speaker 2>been through a lot and coming out the other side,

0:32:33.320 --> 0:32:37.880
<v Speaker 2>like there's just an appreciation and a it's just yeah,

0:32:37.960 --> 0:32:39.960
<v Speaker 2>my husband and I both are in this phase of

0:32:40.040 --> 0:32:45.840
<v Speaker 2>just like stopping and smelling the roses and appreciating the

0:32:46.120 --> 0:32:49.720
<v Speaker 2>little things and the quiet and the calm. And yeah,

0:32:49.760 --> 0:32:53.120
<v Speaker 2>because I recognize the world is crazy and there's so

0:32:53.240 --> 0:32:55.800
<v Speaker 2>much that we can't control, which can make me crazy.

0:32:55.880 --> 0:32:58.000
<v Speaker 2>It could literally, you know, like if I watch the

0:32:58.080 --> 0:33:02.520
<v Speaker 2>news too much, it makes me spin. But my little bubble,

0:33:02.680 --> 0:33:05.160
<v Speaker 2>my little bubble with my dog and my beautiful husband

0:33:05.200 --> 0:33:08.320
<v Speaker 2>in our beautiful house and overlooking the ocean, it's just like,

0:33:08.840 --> 0:33:09.840
<v Speaker 2>pinch me, please.

0:33:10.360 --> 0:33:12.720
<v Speaker 1>I mean I think that that. I feel like I'm

0:33:12.720 --> 0:33:15.280
<v Speaker 1>almost there. You know. I'm a nineteen year old, but

0:33:15.320 --> 0:33:17.760
<v Speaker 1>my twenty one year old moved back in which I love.

0:33:18.360 --> 0:33:21.280
<v Speaker 1>But my husband is really ready for that chapter. He

0:33:21.280 --> 0:33:24.160
<v Speaker 1>doesn't have children of his own, so he's ready to

0:33:24.200 --> 0:33:27.360
<v Speaker 1>have me all to himself, which he hasn't had yet.

0:33:27.520 --> 0:33:29.080
<v Speaker 2>How do you feel about that? Are you ready?

0:33:29.560 --> 0:33:32.520
<v Speaker 1>Part of me's ready? Yeah? Because I love just hanging

0:33:32.560 --> 0:33:35.680
<v Speaker 1>out and being just you know, going with the flow

0:33:35.880 --> 0:33:39.040
<v Speaker 1>and just being chill. And we love doing that together.

0:33:39.440 --> 0:33:41.560
<v Speaker 1>And it's really hard to do that when you have

0:33:41.680 --> 0:33:45.560
<v Speaker 1>kids coming and going and doing what kids do. And

0:33:45.640 --> 0:33:48.520
<v Speaker 1>so I'm like half and half on that one.

0:33:48.800 --> 0:33:52.720
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I just didn't. That just wasn't part of my thing.

0:33:52.760 --> 0:33:55.440
<v Speaker 2>I couldn't wait. And so we have actually like a

0:33:55.520 --> 0:33:57.240
<v Speaker 2>rule in our well, not a rule, but I like

0:33:57.280 --> 0:34:00.720
<v Speaker 2>an agreement that we our kids are never moving back

0:34:00.800 --> 0:34:03.120
<v Speaker 2>and they can visit. They can visit. We're in the

0:34:03.120 --> 0:34:05.080
<v Speaker 2>process of building a little guest house so that we

0:34:05.080 --> 0:34:07.480
<v Speaker 2>have a proper space for people to visit and my

0:34:07.560 --> 0:34:09.200
<v Speaker 2>kids who live my both my kids live in New

0:34:09.280 --> 0:34:12.200
<v Speaker 2>York together, So I definitely want them to visit. I

0:34:12.280 --> 0:34:15.120
<v Speaker 2>just don't want like the moving back in, Like it

0:34:15.239 --> 0:34:18.120
<v Speaker 2>just it just doesn't work for us, you know.

0:34:18.600 --> 0:34:21.600
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I love that you have that boundary, though, like,

0:34:21.880 --> 0:34:23.799
<v Speaker 1>oh yeah, I feel like I don't know if I

0:34:23.800 --> 0:34:27.319
<v Speaker 1>could ever say that to my daughters, Like really I

0:34:27.480 --> 0:34:28.200
<v Speaker 1>kind of want to.

0:34:28.320 --> 0:34:30.040
<v Speaker 2>I like if I even had that conversation. There's just

0:34:30.080 --> 0:34:32.120
<v Speaker 2>an understanding. We don't need to spell it out, but

0:34:32.120 --> 0:34:36.000
<v Speaker 2>there's like like they're they're launching, they're starting their own lives.

0:34:36.120 --> 0:34:39.560
<v Speaker 2>My yeah, I want one son's in graduate school, the

0:34:39.600 --> 0:34:42.360
<v Speaker 2>other ones in art school. They're thriving, they're happy. I

0:34:42.400 --> 0:34:44.279
<v Speaker 2>don't hear from them that often. I don't know, how

0:34:44.280 --> 0:34:46.920
<v Speaker 2>about you, you talking to your daughters, maybe once or

0:34:46.960 --> 0:34:49.719
<v Speaker 2>twice a week, Like lately, my older son Milo, he

0:34:49.960 --> 0:34:53.600
<v Speaker 2>calls me just to fill me in on what's going on,

0:34:53.760 --> 0:34:57.880
<v Speaker 2>and it's like such a joy I could cry because

0:34:57.920 --> 0:35:00.239
<v Speaker 2>normally when they call me, it's they need something, there's

0:35:00.239 --> 0:35:04.360
<v Speaker 2>something's wrong, you know, And lately it's been so nice

0:35:04.360 --> 0:35:06.000
<v Speaker 2>that I get a phone call and like, what do

0:35:06.080 --> 0:35:09.200
<v Speaker 2>you need? Nothing, I just wanted to fill you. I'm like, oh,

0:35:09.560 --> 0:35:13.439
<v Speaker 2>oh my god, this time has come feeling. It's amazing. Yeah,

0:35:13.560 --> 0:35:16.279
<v Speaker 2>it's really Yeah, I'm really it's like that thing that

0:35:16.400 --> 0:35:20.759
<v Speaker 2>like I'm really proud of who they are and that

0:35:20.800 --> 0:35:24.359
<v Speaker 2>they're happy. Like that's like they're they're super happy. I've

0:35:24.400 --> 0:35:26.799
<v Speaker 2>done my job, I think. I mean, there's always going

0:35:26.880 --> 0:35:28.840
<v Speaker 2>to be blips in the road, but yeah, right now

0:35:28.880 --> 0:35:32.839
<v Speaker 2>today I can truly celebrate that, like they're doing really well.

0:35:33.239 --> 0:35:35.719
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and now your next job is just you, you in

0:35:35.760 --> 0:35:38.800
<v Speaker 1>your life, you being happy, you choosing you. It's the best.

0:35:38.880 --> 0:35:41.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm really good at that job. Yeah, it's working.

0:35:42.440 --> 0:35:42.680
<v Speaker 2>Wait.

0:35:42.760 --> 0:35:46.080
<v Speaker 1>You and i've both been married before, and we've both

0:35:46.280 --> 0:35:49.239
<v Speaker 1>had to go through divorces in the you know spotlight.

0:35:49.280 --> 0:35:51.800
<v Speaker 2>Yes I have. I think what you've been married three times,

0:35:51.880 --> 0:35:54.400
<v Speaker 2>I've been married three times and I say this is

0:35:54.480 --> 0:36:00.000
<v Speaker 2>my third and last and favorite marriage. No, that's good,

0:35:59.560 --> 0:36:01.600
<v Speaker 2>and I was very much in love with my first

0:36:01.719 --> 0:36:04.439
<v Speaker 2>I was absolutely When I got married at twenty five,

0:36:04.600 --> 0:36:06.520
<v Speaker 2>I thought it was forever. When I got married at

0:36:06.560 --> 0:36:10.880
<v Speaker 2>forty two, I thought it was forever. But think, I

0:36:10.920 --> 0:36:12.799
<v Speaker 2>think the piece that was missing if I can break

0:36:12.840 --> 0:36:15.040
<v Speaker 2>it down. And it's obviously way more complex than this,

0:36:15.120 --> 0:36:18.080
<v Speaker 2>but just to simplify, I don't think I had the

0:36:18.200 --> 0:36:21.400
<v Speaker 2>self love then and the knowing of who I was

0:36:21.640 --> 0:36:24.080
<v Speaker 2>that I do now. Does that make sense.

0:36:23.880 --> 0:36:27.160
<v Speaker 1>One hundred percent? Yeah? I mean my husband and I

0:36:27.200 --> 0:36:30.759
<v Speaker 1>joke about it sometimes because I will get insecure or

0:36:30.800 --> 0:36:33.719
<v Speaker 1>feel a certain type of way and say, like, you know,

0:36:35.200 --> 0:36:37.279
<v Speaker 1>this is old me. I don't do this anymore. Like

0:36:37.320 --> 0:36:39.040
<v Speaker 1>he had the best years of my life, and I'd

0:36:39.040 --> 0:36:41.279
<v Speaker 1>feel so bad that now I'm older because I'm nine

0:36:41.320 --> 0:36:43.359
<v Speaker 1>years older than Dave, and I.

0:36:43.320 --> 0:36:44.120
<v Speaker 2>Feel for you.

0:36:45.640 --> 0:36:48.360
<v Speaker 1>I feel like he got the short end of the stick,

0:36:48.360 --> 0:36:51.680
<v Speaker 1>almost like he You know, it could be perceived as such,

0:36:51.719 --> 0:36:54.600
<v Speaker 1>but honestly, the truth is he's getting the best version

0:36:54.640 --> 0:36:57.400
<v Speaker 1>of me that better, way better than any of the

0:36:57.400 --> 0:37:00.560
<v Speaker 1>other two had because I've learned so much about myself

0:37:00.600 --> 0:37:04.680
<v Speaker 1>and what I've worked so hard to learn more about

0:37:04.680 --> 0:37:07.719
<v Speaker 1>myself so that I could be in a healthy relationship

0:37:07.760 --> 0:37:11.600
<v Speaker 1>with somebody else, because I do love to be partnered,

0:37:12.280 --> 0:37:15.239
<v Speaker 1>and I just was like struggling and not being able to,

0:37:15.880 --> 0:37:18.440
<v Speaker 1>you know, have success in that area. And so now

0:37:18.440 --> 0:37:20.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm like, you, you may not have gotten all the

0:37:20.960 --> 0:37:24.440
<v Speaker 1>glitz and the glamour of you know, that sudden fame

0:37:24.520 --> 0:37:26.600
<v Speaker 1>and all the money. You know. I joke, and I'm like,

0:37:26.760 --> 0:37:30.240
<v Speaker 1>I gave my first husband a Harley antique T bird,

0:37:30.640 --> 0:37:32.759
<v Speaker 1>you know, a Corvette on this you know, all the

0:37:32.800 --> 0:37:35.760
<v Speaker 1>things that the other husband's got. And he's like, yeah, wow, okay,

0:37:36.440 --> 0:37:39.120
<v Speaker 1>now I'm much more sensible and less impulsive about like

0:37:39.200 --> 0:37:40.400
<v Speaker 1>financial decisions.

0:37:40.560 --> 0:37:43.799
<v Speaker 2>Right. I was dating this guy after my first marriage ended.

0:37:43.840 --> 0:37:45.440
<v Speaker 2>I was dating this guy for a number of years,

0:37:45.480 --> 0:37:47.799
<v Speaker 2>and he was sort of he should have been a rebound,

0:37:47.840 --> 0:37:49.400
<v Speaker 2>like it should have been a few months. He was

0:37:49.440 --> 0:37:51.800
<v Speaker 2>like a hot trainer. But it turned into three and

0:37:51.840 --> 0:37:54.680
<v Speaker 2>a half years and he, you know, he was he

0:37:54.800 --> 0:37:56.960
<v Speaker 2>was really in love with me, I'd say, and he

0:37:57.040 --> 0:37:58.839
<v Speaker 2>wanted to go to the next step and I wasn't

0:37:58.880 --> 0:38:01.279
<v Speaker 2>going to do that. And I remember I bought him

0:38:01.280 --> 0:38:03.680
<v Speaker 2>a car, Like I gave him money to buy a car,

0:38:03.880 --> 0:38:06.239
<v Speaker 2>and because I wanted to show my level of commitment

0:38:06.239 --> 0:38:09.720
<v Speaker 2>to him, but I didn't want to commit like like further,

0:38:09.880 --> 0:38:12.200
<v Speaker 2>like letting him move in or anything. So I did.

0:38:12.280 --> 0:38:15.000
<v Speaker 2>I mean, yeah, and that's like ridiculous. Why like like

0:38:15.200 --> 0:38:16.480
<v Speaker 2>the fact that I did. I can look back and

0:38:16.520 --> 0:38:19.120
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, oh my god, recky, you know, and the

0:38:19.120 --> 0:38:21.000
<v Speaker 2>fact that he took it, the fact that he took it,

0:38:21.080 --> 0:38:22.759
<v Speaker 2>but anyway, anyway.

0:38:22.760 --> 0:38:24.280
<v Speaker 1>And he drove it right on out.

0:38:24.480 --> 0:38:26.879
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well, I actually what I did is I gave

0:38:26.960 --> 0:38:29.160
<v Speaker 2>him the money. I didn't even I gave him the

0:38:29.160 --> 0:38:31.799
<v Speaker 2>money to buy the car of his choosing, basically a

0:38:31.800 --> 0:38:33.840
<v Speaker 2>certain amount of money. I think it was like forty grand.

0:38:33.880 --> 0:38:35.600
<v Speaker 2>I think it was forty grand. And of course I

0:38:35.640 --> 0:38:37.200
<v Speaker 2>can remember that. And this is like in two thousand

0:38:37.200 --> 0:38:40.000
<v Speaker 2>and five or two thousand and six, and yeah, so

0:38:40.040 --> 0:38:41.640
<v Speaker 2>I gave him like and I was like, look, you

0:38:41.640 --> 0:38:43.480
<v Speaker 2>can get whatever you want, but like you'd be an

0:38:43.520 --> 0:38:45.920
<v Speaker 2>idiot to spend more than the forty grand, you know.

0:38:46.280 --> 0:38:47.680
<v Speaker 2>And I don't even remember what he got, but that

0:38:47.880 --> 0:38:50.600
<v Speaker 2>was like an example of me just like that's like

0:38:50.680 --> 0:38:53.160
<v Speaker 2>it's like whatever, I don't look back on that as

0:38:53.239 --> 0:38:55.080
<v Speaker 2>like a fond memory.

0:38:56.280 --> 0:38:57.399
<v Speaker 1>This is true. This is true.

0:38:57.600 --> 0:39:00.279
<v Speaker 2>He probably doesn't either, maybe.

0:39:00.000 --> 0:39:03.520
<v Speaker 1>Hoefully he's not listening. You've been really open about your

0:39:03.680 --> 0:39:06.800
<v Speaker 1>previous husband, Christian, who you talked about briefly here and

0:39:06.840 --> 0:39:11.880
<v Speaker 1>there in this conversation, how he suffered from mental disease bipolar.

0:39:11.920 --> 0:39:15.160
<v Speaker 1>I think, yes, he was bipolar. How did did you

0:39:15.320 --> 0:39:18.799
<v Speaker 1>know about his mental struggles before you married him?

0:39:19.800 --> 0:39:22.600
<v Speaker 2>I did, I did when we got together. And our

0:39:22.640 --> 0:39:25.040
<v Speaker 2>story is so crazy. We met through a house fire,

0:39:25.200 --> 0:39:27.839
<v Speaker 2>like I accidentally started a house fire in the house

0:39:27.880 --> 0:39:29.960
<v Speaker 2>I was living in. The house burned down, and that's

0:39:29.960 --> 0:39:31.560
<v Speaker 2>what kind of brought us together. And it was one

0:39:31.560 --> 0:39:35.200
<v Speaker 2>of those like it never should have happened. It's it's inexplicable,

0:39:35.239 --> 0:39:37.760
<v Speaker 2>Like I can't cut wrap my head around why that happened,

0:39:37.760 --> 0:39:40.320
<v Speaker 2>other than it was divine intervention. And I was supposed

0:39:40.360 --> 0:39:43.120
<v Speaker 2>to get together with Christian, and we got together very quickly,

0:39:43.280 --> 0:39:46.640
<v Speaker 2>and he told me, oh, I've been diagnosed by polar

0:39:47.480 --> 0:39:51.040
<v Speaker 2>and me, I didn't google it. I just said, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,

0:39:51.040 --> 0:39:53.320
<v Speaker 2>I'm a control freak. We all have our things like

0:39:53.040 --> 0:39:55.399
<v Speaker 2>like like that's because I didn't know what bipolar meant.

0:39:55.440 --> 0:39:57.200
<v Speaker 2>I just I was that's always okay. It's like some

0:39:57.239 --> 0:39:59.600
<v Speaker 2>sort of condition that you just kind of deal with,

0:39:59.640 --> 0:40:03.120
<v Speaker 2>like I ADHD, you know, and so I never saw

0:40:03.239 --> 0:40:05.920
<v Speaker 2>so he always was low lying depression, like the depressed.

0:40:06.200 --> 0:40:08.440
<v Speaker 2>And he was suicidal actually when I met him, So

0:40:08.600 --> 0:40:10.880
<v Speaker 2>like us getting together and him being a man of

0:40:10.880 --> 0:40:13.799
<v Speaker 2>his word, when he committed to me, he changed his course.

0:40:13.880 --> 0:40:15.840
<v Speaker 2>He was planning to take his life at that time.

0:40:16.320 --> 0:40:19.600
<v Speaker 2>So he was someone that struggled with chronic pain. He

0:40:19.760 --> 0:40:23.480
<v Speaker 2>was someone who he had learning issues. He was brilliant

0:40:23.560 --> 0:40:28.200
<v Speaker 2>and special and amazing, and he also had these incredible challenges.

0:40:28.800 --> 0:40:30.920
<v Speaker 2>And so I knew when I married him that I

0:40:31.000 --> 0:40:32.160
<v Speaker 2>was going to be taking care of him for the

0:40:32.160 --> 0:40:33.880
<v Speaker 2>rest of his life. I was going to be his caretaker,

0:40:34.000 --> 0:40:36.200
<v Speaker 2>you know. And I very much was his caretaker. I

0:40:36.239 --> 0:40:38.320
<v Speaker 2>you know, he couldn't hold a job and all those things,

0:40:38.360 --> 0:40:41.160
<v Speaker 2>but you know, we were very much in love. And

0:40:41.880 --> 0:40:44.680
<v Speaker 2>I believe when he did decide to he couldn't take

0:40:44.680 --> 0:40:47.080
<v Speaker 2>it anymore in this body, in this in this three

0:40:47.160 --> 0:40:50.680
<v Speaker 2>D body meat suit, he chose to check out. But

0:40:50.800 --> 0:40:52.799
<v Speaker 2>I believe he like I took care of him when

0:40:52.840 --> 0:40:55.319
<v Speaker 2>he was here, and he is taking care of me

0:40:55.400 --> 0:40:59.200
<v Speaker 2>right now. Wherever he is. And you know, bipolar is

0:40:59.239 --> 0:41:04.480
<v Speaker 2>something that I mean, bipolar people are the most extraordinarily

0:41:04.760 --> 0:41:09.160
<v Speaker 2>special and charismatic and challenged. You know, it's like they're

0:41:09.200 --> 0:41:13.719
<v Speaker 2>both and and he see living through the psychotic episodes

0:41:13.760 --> 0:41:17.400
<v Speaker 2>that I lived through with him and the mania. You know,

0:41:17.400 --> 0:41:19.600
<v Speaker 2>I mostly dealt with him being like under, you know,

0:41:19.680 --> 0:41:21.960
<v Speaker 2>being under like always like hard to get out of bed,

0:41:22.040 --> 0:41:25.839
<v Speaker 2>hard to motivate, you know, just like just like you know,

0:41:25.880 --> 0:41:29.319
<v Speaker 2>he couldn't kind of like rise to like you know,

0:41:29.480 --> 0:41:33.120
<v Speaker 2>a baseline that was like functioning, you know, and but

0:41:33.160 --> 0:41:36.080
<v Speaker 2>then when the mania trips in, then you oh my god,

0:41:36.120 --> 0:41:38.200
<v Speaker 2>he's like on fire. He's got all these ideas and

0:41:38.239 --> 0:41:40.160
<v Speaker 2>he's getting up in the morning with me and he's

0:41:40.200 --> 0:41:42.880
<v Speaker 2>oil pulling and he's going on a run. And I

0:41:42.880 --> 0:41:44.600
<v Speaker 2>mean it was just like seeing him like at his

0:41:44.680 --> 0:41:47.880
<v Speaker 2>best self. But then, you know, when you're not medicated

0:41:47.880 --> 0:41:50.160
<v Speaker 2>and when you're not being treated in some way, you

0:41:50.320 --> 0:41:52.399
<v Speaker 2>just keep going up and up and up to where

0:41:52.440 --> 0:41:54.960
<v Speaker 2>they think he thought he was. He was God, and

0:41:55.000 --> 0:41:56.799
<v Speaker 2>he thought he could cure cancer with his hands, and

0:41:56.840 --> 0:41:58.600
<v Speaker 2>he didn't need his range Rover, so he left it

0:41:58.640 --> 0:42:00.319
<v Speaker 2>on the side of the road because he could time

0:42:00.360 --> 0:42:01.959
<v Speaker 2>travel and he could. I mean, it was like that

0:42:02.440 --> 0:42:09.359
<v Speaker 2>kind of crazy that was really really so traumatizing. Isn't

0:42:09.360 --> 0:42:12.239
<v Speaker 2>a strong enough word for what I kind of experience

0:42:12.320 --> 0:42:14.279
<v Speaker 2>for me of seeing him change on a dime and

0:42:14.320 --> 0:42:16.319
<v Speaker 2>not being able to save him. Like that's the other thing.

0:42:16.320 --> 0:42:18.680
<v Speaker 2>It's like, I'm this manifesto, I've been able to really

0:42:18.719 --> 0:42:21.200
<v Speaker 2>like take care of things, you know, I'm someone that

0:42:21.280 --> 0:42:23.560
<v Speaker 2>like I can fix stuff, I can pay for stuff,

0:42:23.560 --> 0:42:26.160
<v Speaker 2>I can find the best person. And in this case

0:42:26.239 --> 0:42:31.160
<v Speaker 2>my beloved suffering partner, I could not save him, and

0:42:31.960 --> 0:42:37.400
<v Speaker 2>that was really hard to come to terms with, you know.

0:42:37.560 --> 0:42:40.960
<v Speaker 2>But I am not God. And he was here for

0:42:41.000 --> 0:42:43.120
<v Speaker 2>as long as he was supposed to be here, and

0:42:43.760 --> 0:42:48.840
<v Speaker 2>he was my greatest teacher, like a great love, like

0:42:48.880 --> 0:42:50.640
<v Speaker 2>I would have said, my greatest love. And I would

0:42:50.640 --> 0:42:53.440
<v Speaker 2>never have been lucky enough to find love again. But

0:42:53.560 --> 0:42:56.080
<v Speaker 2>I do feel like he was the step before for

0:42:56.120 --> 0:42:57.680
<v Speaker 2>me to get to where I am now with this

0:42:57.719 --> 0:43:01.120
<v Speaker 2>relationship with my new husband, Ross, who is the pinnacle

0:43:01.840 --> 0:43:06.600
<v Speaker 2>of partners and and I think the work I did

0:43:06.640 --> 0:43:10.440
<v Speaker 2>through getting healing from the loss of Christian made me

0:43:10.680 --> 0:43:14.200
<v Speaker 2>be in a place where I could recognize the quality

0:43:14.200 --> 0:43:16.439
<v Speaker 2>of human that I am attracting now, you know, because

0:43:16.440 --> 0:43:19.719
<v Speaker 2>I would attract I mean the people that I was

0:43:19.760 --> 0:43:21.520
<v Speaker 2>going to say got inside of me. But like you know,

0:43:21.560 --> 0:43:25.239
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I definitely am. It was less discerning than

0:43:25.520 --> 0:43:27.920
<v Speaker 2>than I am now. And now I'm with I'm just

0:43:27.960 --> 0:43:31.600
<v Speaker 2>with the most beautiful person for me, and yeah, it's

0:43:31.840 --> 0:43:33.799
<v Speaker 2>it's the best. It's honestly the best.

0:43:40.680 --> 0:43:42.360
<v Speaker 1>Do you remember when you had that I Choose me

0:43:42.440 --> 0:43:44.319
<v Speaker 1>moment where you were like, I'm going to let love

0:43:44.800 --> 0:43:47.239
<v Speaker 1>happen for me again, because I know you were which time,

0:43:47.840 --> 0:43:51.680
<v Speaker 1>I mean, this last thing feeling from that massive loss

0:43:51.719 --> 0:43:55.600
<v Speaker 1>and all that went with that, and then you met

0:43:55.680 --> 0:43:59.800
<v Speaker 1>Ross and you came to was it an impulsive to

0:43:59.840 --> 0:44:02.240
<v Speaker 1>say when you met Ross too? Or was that something

0:44:02.239 --> 0:44:05.840
<v Speaker 1>that you had to like choose to go down that

0:44:05.920 --> 0:44:06.440
<v Speaker 1>road again?

0:44:07.160 --> 0:44:09.879
<v Speaker 2>You know, I was dating someone else, So I was dating.

0:44:09.920 --> 0:44:13.720
<v Speaker 2>So here's okay, Okay, I was turning a wild woman.

0:44:13.920 --> 0:44:14.560
<v Speaker 1>I love it.

0:44:14.960 --> 0:44:16.920
<v Speaker 2>I know I was openly dating. So just you know,

0:44:16.960 --> 0:44:19.279
<v Speaker 2>I don't cheat. I've never cheated, and as far as

0:44:19.360 --> 0:44:22.240
<v Speaker 2>I know, I have never been cheated on in my life.

0:44:22.320 --> 0:44:25.120
<v Speaker 2>I have never dealt with infidelity as far as I know.

0:44:25.800 --> 0:44:28.520
<v Speaker 2>So I'm dealing with the hair stuff. I'm wearing these extensions.

0:44:28.560 --> 0:44:31.160
<v Speaker 2>I'm keeping like the whole thing is secret because I'm

0:44:31.239 --> 0:44:33.640
<v Speaker 2>so ashamed by it. And I'm turning fifty. Okay, I've

0:44:33.680 --> 0:44:35.799
<v Speaker 2>lost my partner. I've lost what I think is going

0:44:35.840 --> 0:44:38.160
<v Speaker 2>to be the last great love of my life. How

0:44:38.480 --> 0:44:40.840
<v Speaker 2>do I Who's going to want me in my fifties?

0:44:41.480 --> 0:44:42.920
<v Speaker 2>You know? And then I shaved my head and I'm

0:44:43.000 --> 0:44:47.000
<v Speaker 2>dating this guy and it's not I was holding on

0:44:47.080 --> 0:44:48.880
<v Speaker 2>for dear life with this guy even though he was

0:44:48.880 --> 0:44:51.520
<v Speaker 2>the wrong guy. And from the beginning he told me

0:44:51.960 --> 0:44:54.800
<v Speaker 2>like he told me he doesn't want partnership. He wanted

0:44:54.800 --> 0:44:56.960
<v Speaker 2>to be free, a free spirit, a Peter Pan. He

0:44:57.040 --> 0:44:59.200
<v Speaker 2>wanted that, you know. So it's like, I what do

0:44:59.239 --> 0:45:01.400
<v Speaker 2>I do when I want something, I'm gonna I'm going

0:45:01.440 --> 0:45:03.560
<v Speaker 2>to like push that square bag in that round hole,

0:45:03.600 --> 0:45:07.279
<v Speaker 2>no matter what. And so I was distracted in this

0:45:07.360 --> 0:45:10.520
<v Speaker 2>relationship that was not making me happy. And Ross comes

0:45:10.520 --> 0:45:12.279
<v Speaker 2>into the picture. I was introduced to him by a

0:45:12.320 --> 0:45:15.000
<v Speaker 2>mutual friend. I you know, I went out with him

0:45:15.000 --> 0:45:16.560
<v Speaker 2>because I was in an open you know. The guy

0:45:16.640 --> 0:45:18.760
<v Speaker 2>wanted an open thing. So I'm like, all right, whatever, wait.

0:45:18.600 --> 0:45:21.480
<v Speaker 1>Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait, yeah, you are

0:45:21.520 --> 0:45:23.279
<v Speaker 1>in an open relationship.

0:45:23.400 --> 0:45:26.360
<v Speaker 2>Yes, but for me, I was thinking, oh, I'm so

0:45:26.480 --> 0:45:29.560
<v Speaker 2>open minded, I'm a free spirit. Okay, yeah, But turns

0:45:29.560 --> 0:45:31.520
<v Speaker 2>out it brought out the worst in me. I was

0:45:31.600 --> 0:45:34.560
<v Speaker 2>so jealous. I was so insecure. I'm not insecure. I

0:45:34.600 --> 0:45:36.960
<v Speaker 2>told you, I love myself. I love every square inch

0:45:37.000 --> 0:45:39.920
<v Speaker 2>of myself. And I was becoming this person that I

0:45:39.960 --> 0:45:42.719
<v Speaker 2>did not recognize. And it was really Again, it was

0:45:42.760 --> 0:45:45.560
<v Speaker 2>another learning experience for me because I find out that

0:45:45.640 --> 0:45:50.880
<v Speaker 2>I'm actually a serial monogamist, like I actually, you know, yeah,

0:45:50.960 --> 0:45:52.799
<v Speaker 2>I'm not as open as I thought I was. So

0:45:52.840 --> 0:45:55.520
<v Speaker 2>I was with that guy this beginning of the pandemic.

0:45:56.080 --> 0:45:58.680
<v Speaker 2>The guy was perfectly nice guy. He just wasn't the guy.

0:45:58.840 --> 0:46:01.560
<v Speaker 2>But I'm thinking he's the guy because there's no other guy.

0:46:01.680 --> 0:46:04.120
<v Speaker 2>And I've got the gray. My hair was shaved, so

0:46:04.160 --> 0:46:06.600
<v Speaker 2>I had like half inch of gray hair. I thought

0:46:06.600 --> 0:46:08.320
<v Speaker 2>I look great, but I was. You know, I'm definitely

0:46:08.560 --> 0:46:12.799
<v Speaker 2>not everyone's type. And I get introduced to Ross and

0:46:12.880 --> 0:46:15.880
<v Speaker 2>what drew me to him is that he grew up Mormon.

0:46:16.600 --> 0:46:18.640
<v Speaker 2>He grew up Mormon. Then this is before the Real

0:46:18.640 --> 0:46:21.960
<v Speaker 2>Housewives of Salt Lake City. Okay, but I'm like fascinated

0:46:22.000 --> 0:46:25.719
<v Speaker 2>I'm an next talk show host. I love like humanity

0:46:25.880 --> 0:46:28.360
<v Speaker 2>and and so I was curious. I went out with

0:46:28.480 --> 0:46:30.960
<v Speaker 2>him literally to talk his ear off about Mormonism and

0:46:31.040 --> 0:46:33.520
<v Speaker 2>just to hear all the crazy stuff that goes on

0:46:33.560 --> 0:46:37.360
<v Speaker 2>behind the scenes. He and he's also six foot six, Okay,

0:46:37.400 --> 0:46:40.120
<v Speaker 2>he's a giant. I am five ' three. On a

0:46:40.160 --> 0:46:42.400
<v Speaker 2>good day, I was wearing a moomoo. I was wearing

0:46:42.400 --> 0:46:44.520
<v Speaker 2>a giant moumou. He said I looked like I was

0:46:44.560 --> 0:46:48.839
<v Speaker 2>four hundred pounds. He said it was false advertising. But yeah,

0:46:48.880 --> 0:46:50.800
<v Speaker 2>we went out and it was not a love connection

0:46:51.040 --> 0:46:53.000
<v Speaker 2>like the first date was not. It was like one

0:46:53.040 --> 0:46:56.080
<v Speaker 2>of those awkward COVID like hugs. You know you want

0:46:56.080 --> 0:46:57.880
<v Speaker 2>to hug, but like you don't want to die from it,

0:46:58.239 --> 0:46:59.879
<v Speaker 2>and so it was just like bye, see you again,

0:47:00.160 --> 0:47:02.640
<v Speaker 2>you know never, and we we. I reached out to

0:47:02.719 --> 0:47:05.920
<v Speaker 2>him like three weeks after that, when I was medicating

0:47:06.000 --> 0:47:09.080
<v Speaker 2>self medicating at home on a couple of cocktails and

0:47:09.160 --> 0:47:12.080
<v Speaker 2>another thing that we won't mention, but basically I was

0:47:12.120 --> 0:47:14.680
<v Speaker 2>like hi, and I wrote him, you know, I'd broken

0:47:14.760 --> 0:47:16.359
<v Speaker 2>up with the other guy again. We've gotten back together,

0:47:16.360 --> 0:47:18.160
<v Speaker 2>broke up again, And I wrote Ross. I was like,

0:47:18.160 --> 0:47:20.080
<v Speaker 2>are we ever going to hang out again? He's like sure,

0:47:20.520 --> 0:47:21.759
<v Speaker 2>and I was like, come over. And he was a

0:47:21.840 --> 0:47:24.280
<v Speaker 2>five minute walk from my house where I was living.

0:47:24.280 --> 0:47:26.440
<v Speaker 2>I was living in the Marina. Five minute walk. He

0:47:26.480 --> 0:47:29.760
<v Speaker 2>walks over and is like sandals and his red solo,

0:47:30.440 --> 0:47:34.800
<v Speaker 2>spicy marg and a cup and yeah, I mean, truth

0:47:34.880 --> 0:47:37.400
<v Speaker 2>be told. I did tell him. I warned him that

0:47:37.440 --> 0:47:39.600
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna I'm going to I can't believe I'm want

0:47:39.600 --> 0:47:41.800
<v Speaker 2>to say this. I warned him that I'm going to

0:47:41.840 --> 0:47:43.240
<v Speaker 2>be the best lover he's ever had.

0:47:44.400 --> 0:47:46.160
<v Speaker 1>Oh, I love it, You're confident.

0:47:46.320 --> 0:47:48.520
<v Speaker 2>And then yeah, and then I passed out and then

0:47:48.520 --> 0:47:52.040
<v Speaker 2>he you know. So basically that was our meet cute story,

0:47:52.520 --> 0:47:54.560
<v Speaker 2>and then we became each other. Well, he became my

0:47:54.600 --> 0:47:56.520
<v Speaker 2>booty call for a number of months while I was

0:47:56.560 --> 0:47:59.400
<v Speaker 2>still seeing the other guy. I was very open. I

0:47:59.480 --> 0:48:01.279
<v Speaker 2>told raw, look, I'm a little bit bit of a

0:48:01.320 --> 0:48:04.000
<v Speaker 2>head case, blah blah blah. But then I literally saw

0:48:04.000 --> 0:48:06.120
<v Speaker 2>the light. I don't know if you follow like like

0:48:06.239 --> 0:48:09.800
<v Speaker 2>the moon and astrology in the moon and like, so

0:48:09.880 --> 0:48:14.000
<v Speaker 2>there was a super blue moon on Halloween of twenty twenty.

0:48:14.280 --> 0:48:15.640
<v Speaker 2>I don't know if that rings a bell to you,

0:48:15.960 --> 0:48:18.480
<v Speaker 2>but it was just a big thing, and my friends

0:48:18.520 --> 0:48:21.120
<v Speaker 2>were telling me, oh, this is a portal you know,

0:48:21.360 --> 0:48:24.120
<v Speaker 2>knowing and have an intention. Da da dah. And so

0:48:24.280 --> 0:48:26.560
<v Speaker 2>that was the night. We've been dating for like three

0:48:26.600 --> 0:48:29.120
<v Speaker 2>months casually, and that was the night on Halloween night

0:48:29.120 --> 0:48:31.120
<v Speaker 2>where I literally it was like a rom com where

0:48:31.160 --> 0:48:33.239
<v Speaker 2>I looked and did a double take in my house.

0:48:33.239 --> 0:48:35.560
<v Speaker 2>He came over and i'd cause I wrote him I

0:48:35.560 --> 0:48:37.279
<v Speaker 2>was supposed to a party and I canceled, and then

0:48:37.280 --> 0:48:39.359
<v Speaker 2>I wrote to him and I was like, hey, come over,

0:48:39.600 --> 0:48:41.600
<v Speaker 2>and this time he put his foot down and he's like, Okay,

0:48:41.920 --> 0:48:44.520
<v Speaker 2>I'll come over, but I'm staying over this time. You're

0:48:44.560 --> 0:48:46.000
<v Speaker 2>gonna have to deal with me in the morning, because

0:48:46.000 --> 0:48:48.480
<v Speaker 2>every other time he'd left, you know, when we finished.

0:48:49.040 --> 0:48:51.960
<v Speaker 2>And so we that night he came over and he

0:48:52.000 --> 0:48:53.799
<v Speaker 2>sat on my couch. I remember looking at him and

0:48:53.800 --> 0:48:57.480
<v Speaker 2>doing a double take, and I was like, Oh, it's you.

0:48:58.520 --> 0:49:01.960
<v Speaker 2>It's always been you are the one. And that was it,

0:49:02.000 --> 0:49:05.160
<v Speaker 2>Like it's like the light bulb went on over my head.

0:49:05.280 --> 0:49:07.840
<v Speaker 2>And then he was he'd been waiting and he doesn't

0:49:07.880 --> 0:49:09.200
<v Speaker 2>like to admit that, but he was. He was in

0:49:09.239 --> 0:49:11.480
<v Speaker 2>love with me and waiting for me to come around

0:49:11.960 --> 0:49:14.560
<v Speaker 2>and we've been together ever since. That was Halloween of

0:49:14.560 --> 0:49:18.399
<v Speaker 2>twenty twenty and we got married in January twenty twenty two.

0:49:19.200 --> 0:49:22.319
<v Speaker 2>And we are the happiest people in our fifties that

0:49:22.360 --> 0:49:24.560
<v Speaker 2>I think you'll ever meet. It's like when it's right,

0:49:24.640 --> 0:49:26.960
<v Speaker 2>it's right. We've never had an argument, we've never had

0:49:27.000 --> 0:49:30.279
<v Speaker 2>a crossword, we've never gotten sick of each other, and

0:49:30.320 --> 0:49:34.280
<v Speaker 2>we spend all of our time together when we're not working.

0:49:34.480 --> 0:49:35.600
<v Speaker 2>It's which is a lot.

0:49:36.960 --> 0:49:38.920
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god. I love this conversation so much.

0:49:39.239 --> 0:49:39.799
<v Speaker 2>It's so good.

0:49:39.880 --> 0:49:41.880
<v Speaker 1>It's so good. We're going to continue this conver We

0:49:41.920 --> 0:49:45.439
<v Speaker 1>are going to continue it, but on your podcast Yay.

0:49:46.080 --> 0:49:48.439
<v Speaker 1>Before we go, I want to ask you, Ricky Lake,

0:49:48.800 --> 0:49:50.800
<v Speaker 1>what was your last I Choose me moment?

0:49:51.360 --> 0:49:54.160
<v Speaker 2>This morning, I choose to take really good care of

0:49:54.200 --> 0:49:57.000
<v Speaker 2>my body and my mind. And so I go on

0:49:57.040 --> 0:49:59.000
<v Speaker 2>a hike every single morning. As I said, I live

0:49:59.040 --> 0:50:00.600
<v Speaker 2>in Malibu, and I go out o my door and

0:50:00.640 --> 0:50:02.200
<v Speaker 2>I do a three mile hike with my dog, most

0:50:02.239 --> 0:50:04.040
<v Speaker 2>of the time with my husband. This morning, he didn't

0:50:04.120 --> 0:50:06.279
<v Speaker 2>join me, and then I forced myself to go to

0:50:06.320 --> 0:50:08.640
<v Speaker 2>my Lagrie pilates class. I do that three to four

0:50:08.640 --> 0:50:11.200
<v Speaker 2>times a week, and so it's you know, it's like,

0:50:11.239 --> 0:50:14.359
<v Speaker 2>would I rather stay in bed sometimes? But no, this

0:50:14.440 --> 0:50:16.720
<v Speaker 2>is done so much for my body and my mind

0:50:16.760 --> 0:50:19.359
<v Speaker 2>and my spirit, and so that is what I did.

0:50:19.440 --> 0:50:21.560
<v Speaker 2>That was absolutely a choose me moment.

0:50:22.040 --> 0:50:24.120
<v Speaker 1>Love it. Hey, I'll see you on the other side.

0:50:24.280 --> 0:50:26.480
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I can't wait. Be there, be square.

0:50:30.640 --> 0:50:33.560
<v Speaker 1>This conversation with Ricky has been too good. We are

0:50:33.600 --> 0:50:36.920
<v Speaker 1>going to continue part two over on her podcast, The

0:50:37.040 --> 0:50:40.480
<v Speaker 1>High Life. We'll link to the episode in our show notes,

0:50:40.520 --> 0:50:43.680
<v Speaker 1>so be sure to check the rest of this conversation

0:50:43.719 --> 0:50:47.560
<v Speaker 1>out as we continue to choose ourselves each week. I

0:50:47.680 --> 0:50:50.840
<v Speaker 1>want you to do something fun for yourself this week

0:50:51.000 --> 0:50:53.399
<v Speaker 1>that will be a mood booster whenever you need it.

0:50:53.440 --> 0:50:56.000
<v Speaker 1>I want you to make a playlist of all your

0:50:56.040 --> 0:50:59.440
<v Speaker 1>favorite upbeat songs, music you want to sing and roll

0:50:59.480 --> 0:51:01.920
<v Speaker 1>down the windows. Two songs that make you want to

0:51:02.000 --> 0:51:04.520
<v Speaker 1>dance in the kitchen while you're cooking. No sad emo

0:51:04.640 --> 0:51:08.880
<v Speaker 1>songs on this playlist. Okay, music can be so therapeutic.

0:51:09.520 --> 0:51:12.920
<v Speaker 1>I want you to make your own I Choose Me playlist.

0:51:13.280 --> 0:51:17.680
<v Speaker 1>You will find the song in a Mood by Ice

0:51:17.680 --> 0:51:21.000
<v Speaker 1>Spice online. It always puts me in a good mood.

0:51:21.120 --> 0:51:23.480
<v Speaker 1>I don't know there's just something about it. Thanks for

0:51:23.520 --> 0:51:26.040
<v Speaker 1>listening to I Choose Me. You can check out all

0:51:26.120 --> 0:51:29.520
<v Speaker 1>the social links in our show notes and the link

0:51:29.760 --> 0:51:32.759
<v Speaker 1>to part two of this incredible conversation with Ricky Lake.

0:51:33.200 --> 0:51:35.880
<v Speaker 1>So rate and review the podcast and use the hashtag

0:51:35.920 --> 0:51:39.319
<v Speaker 1>I Choose Me. I hope you'll be here with me

0:51:39.440 --> 0:51:41.279
<v Speaker 1>next week. I love you, guys,