1 00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:09,600 Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hi, everyone, 2 00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:13,280 Speaker 1: welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about 3 00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:16,119 Speaker 1: the choices we make and where they lead us. My 4 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:19,400 Speaker 1: guest today is known for being an actress in cult 5 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:23,920 Speaker 1: classic movies like Hairspray and cry Baby. She was a 6 00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:27,400 Speaker 1: successful talk show host for many years, and now she's 7 00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:30,880 Speaker 1: creating documentary films about things she is passionate about, from 8 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:34,680 Speaker 1: natural birth to marijuana to birth control. She's the host 9 00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:37,840 Speaker 1: of her own podcast, The High Life. This is part 10 00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:41,800 Speaker 1: one of our conversation. Please welcome the incomparable Ricky Lake 11 00:00:41,880 --> 00:00:45,680 Speaker 1: to the Eyes Choose Me podcast. We've never met, Well, 12 00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:48,680 Speaker 1: we've met, but like little brief encounters. 13 00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:49,840 Speaker 2: It doesn't really count. 14 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:54,840 Speaker 1: But yes, and I feel like I know you same same, Okay, 15 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:59,560 Speaker 1: good good. I love to hear about where people come 16 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:01,720 Speaker 1: from and why they are the way they are, So 17 00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:04,959 Speaker 1: if I could, I would love to just explore your 18 00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:07,560 Speaker 1: childhood a little bit, because our childhoods have such a 19 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:11,400 Speaker 1: huge impact on who we are and like the rest 20 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,760 Speaker 1: of our lives. So can you take me back to 21 00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:15,680 Speaker 1: your beginnings a little bit? Like what kind of a 22 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:16,880 Speaker 1: household did you grow up in? 23 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:21,520 Speaker 2: Yeah? So I am from Westchester County, New York. Officially, 24 00:01:21,959 --> 00:01:23,959 Speaker 2: I was raised in Hastings on Hudson, which is like 25 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:28,280 Speaker 2: twenty five minutes outside of the city. And I was 26 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:32,760 Speaker 2: a pretty normal kid. I had a lot of personality, 27 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:35,880 Speaker 2: and I had two parents that you know, stayed married 28 00:01:35,959 --> 00:01:38,480 Speaker 2: until for forty three years. So my childhood I was 29 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:41,560 Speaker 2: in a you know, a home that had its own 30 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:44,319 Speaker 2: dysfunction for sure. It's just my sister and me were 31 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:48,120 Speaker 2: fourteen months apart. I'm the older sibling. I love to perform. 32 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:50,280 Speaker 2: I you know, I'm a little bit older than you. 33 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:53,160 Speaker 2: I'm fifty five, soon to be fifty six. And I 34 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,920 Speaker 2: grew up, you know, watching Little House on the Prairie, 35 00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,240 Speaker 2: and in fact, I changed my name to Laura Ingalls 36 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:00,480 Speaker 2: when I was in like kindergartener first grade. Like, I 37 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:05,000 Speaker 2: was obsessed with Melissa Gilbert and which you know, your 38 00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:08,200 Speaker 2: costar Shannon Daugherty had one of her starts on that show. 39 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:11,000 Speaker 2: But I was like, I saw too oh, and I 40 00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:13,079 Speaker 2: saw Annie. When I was six years old, I went 41 00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:16,800 Speaker 2: to the saw the original Broadway cast and my grandma Sylvia, 42 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:18,639 Speaker 2: who you asked, you know, how am I the way 43 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,359 Speaker 2: I am? Or how did I become who I am. 44 00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:23,760 Speaker 2: So much of it was having my grandma Sylvia as 45 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,600 Speaker 2: my role model, as the matriarch of our family. She 46 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,360 Speaker 2: died when I was nine, but she was the one 47 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:30,560 Speaker 2: that growing up just out of New York, I went 48 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:32,720 Speaker 2: and saw Broadway, I went to see opera, I went 49 00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:35,720 Speaker 2: to see the ballet and so all of that culture. 50 00:02:35,919 --> 00:02:38,080 Speaker 2: You know. I remember seeing Annie and I point and 51 00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:40,560 Speaker 2: I was like, I want to be her. I yeah, 52 00:02:40,639 --> 00:02:41,720 Speaker 2: did you ever do Annie? 53 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:42,240 Speaker 1: No? 54 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:46,720 Speaker 2: Were you a singer? Did you sing? No? Okay, I was. 55 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:50,120 Speaker 2: I wanted to be a singer, and I just like 56 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:51,760 Speaker 2: I just saw that and I was like, that's what 57 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:53,800 Speaker 2: I want to be. And my mother she did the 58 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:57,920 Speaker 2: best she could, but he her, she rejected me and 59 00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:00,520 Speaker 2: the idea of that before anyone else had the chance to. 60 00:03:00,639 --> 00:03:02,959 Speaker 2: She told me that I wasn't the starving orphan type 61 00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:06,200 Speaker 2: and basically encouraged me never to pursue that. So she 62 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:08,800 Speaker 2: didn't cast you. She didn't carry me the audition. She 63 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:11,800 Speaker 2: didn't and you know, and I understand why now, but 64 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:13,680 Speaker 2: at the time it was, you know, it was the 65 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:16,320 Speaker 2: ultimate like slap in the face. And I, you know, 66 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:19,200 Speaker 2: studied singing. I studied dancing. I went through high school 67 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:22,920 Speaker 2: and got really lucky at eighteen to have hear about 68 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:26,280 Speaker 2: the audition for a character Tracy Turnblad in the first Hairspray, 69 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:31,320 Speaker 2: and so it literally changed my entire trajectory. I'd never 70 00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:34,240 Speaker 2: been around openly gay people. I was very sort of 71 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:39,240 Speaker 2: sheltered and green and naive and young. So yeah, to 72 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:42,280 Speaker 2: say that, like, my world just completely exploded after that 73 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:45,200 Speaker 2: and moved my I got to move to la at nineteen, 74 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:48,200 Speaker 2: I visited you on that not you, but on the 75 00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:50,280 Speaker 2: set of Beverly Hills nine on two one O, because 76 00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:52,560 Speaker 2: the guy who played my boyfriend, Link Lark and Michael 77 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:56,080 Speaker 2: Saint Gerard he was on he had an arc on 78 00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:58,360 Speaker 2: nine on two and oh, and I came and watched 79 00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:00,400 Speaker 2: you guys work and was totally star struck. 80 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:03,120 Speaker 1: Oh my god. I wish I had known that that 81 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:03,880 Speaker 1: was happening. 82 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:07,160 Speaker 2: I could have said a lot. Yeah, it's like one 83 00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:09,080 Speaker 2: of those you know, you have these these memories. I 84 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:10,880 Speaker 2: don't have a lot of memories because I'm old now 85 00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:12,560 Speaker 2: and I took a lot of ambience back in the day. 86 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:16,080 Speaker 2: But I do remember that set, and I met Ali Adler, 87 00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:18,239 Speaker 2: who was a writer on your show. At that time, 88 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:22,719 Speaker 2: and just it was a classroom scene and I just like, 89 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:26,400 Speaker 2: I just I felt really young. I was probably nineteen 90 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:29,039 Speaker 2: years old, and I just was like so starstruck and 91 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:31,839 Speaker 2: it just yeah, it was a really really fun experience. 92 00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:32,680 Speaker 2: See you guys work. 93 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:35,880 Speaker 1: That's a good story. Thank God for your grandma, by 94 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:39,920 Speaker 1: the way, Yeah, because otherwise your talents may have never 95 00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:42,840 Speaker 1: come to the surface. And you, you know, like you 96 00:04:42,839 --> 00:04:46,960 Speaker 1: have such a gift. Who knows if it would have happened. 97 00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:49,880 Speaker 2: Yeah. What she gave me was like a belief in 98 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,440 Speaker 2: myself that you can do anything. I mean, she told me, 99 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:55,200 Speaker 2: she's like, you are the best, You're the smartest, you're 100 00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:58,400 Speaker 2: the prettiest, you're the most talented. And you know, clearly 101 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:02,640 Speaker 2: I wasn't, but but I believed it in her eyes 102 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:06,640 Speaker 2: and so that just like just yeah, it was just 103 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:09,760 Speaker 2: that memory, that muscle memory of like she thinks I 104 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:11,720 Speaker 2: can do this. And that's been really like like a 105 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,640 Speaker 2: through line of my entire career because who thought I 106 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:16,360 Speaker 2: could be a talk show host? I was twenty three 107 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,359 Speaker 2: when they offered me that job. I mean, I just 108 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:20,880 Speaker 2: I was like, Okay, they think I could do it? 109 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:22,400 Speaker 2: Say all right, I'm going to do it? 110 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:24,880 Speaker 1: Where did that come from? Like, wait, I'm skipping ahead, 111 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:25,719 Speaker 1: but I really didn't know. 112 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:27,960 Speaker 2: Well, I come from my friends that have known me 113 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,440 Speaker 2: for a very long time that I don't have a 114 00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:34,559 Speaker 2: doubt gene, Like I don't doubt myself. And that's kind 115 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:37,120 Speaker 2: of true where I just like sort of jump feet first. 116 00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:41,880 Speaker 2: I'm very impulsive. I'm extremely impulsive. I act many times 117 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,000 Speaker 2: before I have a chance to really think things through. 118 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:46,320 Speaker 2: But if you look at my life and the choices 119 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:50,320 Speaker 2: I've made, it's mostly worked out. Like my instincts are 120 00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:55,159 Speaker 2: usually right. And yeah, I love that about myself. Like 121 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:57,119 Speaker 2: I'm just one of those people like I get an idea, 122 00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:59,320 Speaker 2: I get a bug up my ass, and I just 123 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:02,360 Speaker 2: go for it, and I yeah, it's worked out pretty well. 124 00:06:02,520 --> 00:06:06,799 Speaker 1: Similar, I too, am impulsive, and I have made choices 125 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:09,160 Speaker 1: very quickly in my life and somehow they've worked out. 126 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,840 Speaker 1: Even if they didn't work out, they worked out. 127 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:13,880 Speaker 2: Give me an example. What's an example that comes to mind? Um? 128 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:17,520 Speaker 1: Okay, well, having a baby when I was twenty one, 129 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:21,800 Speaker 1: twenty two, twenty three in that era that was impulsive 130 00:06:22,279 --> 00:06:24,599 Speaker 1: and crazy because I was so young. 131 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:28,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, I was twenty eight when I had my first 132 00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:31,839 Speaker 2: so it's still very young, considering like all my friends, 133 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:33,640 Speaker 2: they're having kids much. I have my friend, my friend 134 00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:35,440 Speaker 2: Rachel Harris is my age, and she has a five 135 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:37,800 Speaker 2: year old and seven year old. Oh okay, and I 136 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:39,800 Speaker 2: have a twenty seven year old and a twenty three 137 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:43,440 Speaker 2: year old. I can't even imagine trading places like Freaky 138 00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:47,280 Speaker 2: Fridaying with her. That would be crazy. But yeah, I 139 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:51,520 Speaker 2: had my kids pretty young. But yeah, I mean so yeah, 140 00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:53,320 Speaker 2: so twenty one. Got so how old are your kids? 141 00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:56,240 Speaker 1: Twenty seven, twenty one and eighteen? 142 00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:58,880 Speaker 2: So the twenty seven when you were pregnant when I 143 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,320 Speaker 2: was your daughter? I think you have three girls. I 144 00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:04,679 Speaker 2: have two boys. Your oldest daughter was born in ninety seven. 145 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:10,840 Speaker 2: Mine too. How is she doing? She's launched, She's awesome. 146 00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:13,320 Speaker 2: Is she the one you have the clothing line with? No? 147 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:15,080 Speaker 1: She? This is the one that lives in New York 148 00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:16,040 Speaker 1: and doing her thing. 149 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:18,360 Speaker 2: Yeah? Mine, loving heart waiting. 150 00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:18,920 Speaker 1: For her to come back. 151 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:22,400 Speaker 2: You are see. I'm I'm okay. If they never come back, 152 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:25,120 Speaker 2: I mean they want them to visit. I love them visiting. 153 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:28,360 Speaker 2: I'm so glad they have their own lives. I'm an 154 00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:31,280 Speaker 2: empty nester. I was one of those parents. That when 155 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:33,080 Speaker 2: I dropped my son off at school. And I love 156 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,840 Speaker 2: my children and I love that I'm a mom and 157 00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:37,640 Speaker 2: it's my favorite role of my life as being their mom. 158 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:42,120 Speaker 2: But when I dropped him off at college, I peeled 159 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:45,440 Speaker 2: out of that driveway. I couldn't get out of there 160 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:47,920 Speaker 2: fast enough and like, Okay, one down, one to go. 161 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:52,840 Speaker 2: You know you're honesty, It's true, and you know your 162 00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:55,400 Speaker 2: whole thing is about choosing you. Yeah, I feel like 163 00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:59,080 Speaker 2: this time in my life is like all about like 164 00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:02,760 Speaker 2: I she was myself and choosing this relationship with my 165 00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:07,840 Speaker 2: new husband. I am playing more than I've played in 166 00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:09,920 Speaker 2: a really long time. It just feels like my fifties 167 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:13,360 Speaker 2: is like the brightest time of my life is right now. 168 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:16,440 Speaker 2: It's like reaping the fruits of my labor. Like I've 169 00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:19,560 Speaker 2: worked really hard, I've done the right thing for so long. 170 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:23,400 Speaker 2: I've made the sacrifices for everyone around me. I've shown 171 00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:27,280 Speaker 2: up for work, I've delivered, and now I kind of 172 00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:30,040 Speaker 2: I don't want to say I'm coasting, but I'm certainly 173 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:32,360 Speaker 2: coasting way more than I ever have from the rest 174 00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:32,800 Speaker 2: of my life. 175 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:35,120 Speaker 1: For sure, it feels good. I can feel it through 176 00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:39,360 Speaker 1: this TV screen. I'm so happy for you being happy. 177 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:43,040 Speaker 1: It's good. Oh we have so many parallels. There's so 178 00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:45,400 Speaker 1: so many. We both got started in the industry when 179 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:48,200 Speaker 1: we're pretty young. How old are you about the same 180 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:51,199 Speaker 1: age as you. I was like sixteen seventeen, had very 181 00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:54,880 Speaker 1: you know, great childhood idyllic. I feel like I can 182 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:58,040 Speaker 1: really relate to you, and I want to know when 183 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:03,960 Speaker 1: you were growing up in the public I of celebrityism. 184 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:06,640 Speaker 1: What did you think of all of it? How did 185 00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:07,560 Speaker 1: it feel to you? 186 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:09,720 Speaker 2: Well, so I was eighteen, So if you were sixteen, 187 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:11,360 Speaker 2: you were a minor. I was not a miner when 188 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:13,880 Speaker 2: I got hairspray. I was. I was just a freshman 189 00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:16,000 Speaker 2: in college and I you know, so I was an 190 00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:19,240 Speaker 2: adult quote unquote. But it's definitely not like mature in 191 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:21,600 Speaker 2: any way. And I didn't know anything different, Like it's 192 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:24,120 Speaker 2: just it was just my experience. And also like my 193 00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:27,719 Speaker 2: start was with John Waters and this very specific type 194 00:09:27,760 --> 00:09:29,960 Speaker 2: of experience. So it was very felt like camp more 195 00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:32,240 Speaker 2: than it felt like a job. You know. I was 196 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:34,440 Speaker 2: working really hard, but it was super fun and playful 197 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:38,800 Speaker 2: and I got famous. Like I So, I've told this 198 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:40,880 Speaker 2: story before, but I'll share with you. John Waters sat 199 00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:43,840 Speaker 2: me down after we finished making Hairspray. So you know, again, 200 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:46,520 Speaker 2: I'm eighteen. We just had this summer of my life 201 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:48,920 Speaker 2: the movie. You know, you wrap the movie, but then 202 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:50,400 Speaker 2: it takes months for it to come out. And he 203 00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:52,120 Speaker 2: sat me down after the making of the film and 204 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:54,760 Speaker 2: he said, I want to give you some advice. He's like, 205 00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:56,840 Speaker 2: I have three I want you to remember these three things. 206 00:09:57,000 --> 00:10:00,280 Speaker 2: Always stay humble. Always stay true to yourself. If you're 207 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:02,080 Speaker 2: going to read and believe the good things people write 208 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:04,079 Speaker 2: about you, you're going to have to read and believe 209 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:06,120 Speaker 2: the bad. Basically, keep it all in check, keep it 210 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:09,719 Speaker 2: all in perspective. And I feel like that advice, that 211 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:12,480 Speaker 2: talking to and the mentoring he's given me over the 212 00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:16,120 Speaker 2: years has managed to help me stay really pretty grounded 213 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:18,480 Speaker 2: and very normal, you know. And so yes, it was 214 00:10:18,559 --> 00:10:22,640 Speaker 2: weird becoming famous and making a lot of money and 215 00:10:22,679 --> 00:10:25,000 Speaker 2: people knowing my name. I mean, I loved it. It's 216 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,959 Speaker 2: what I wanted. It's what I dreamed of when I 217 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,520 Speaker 2: saw Annie at six, you know, so like here I am, 218 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:32,559 Speaker 2: like my dream has come true. And it was ultimately 219 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:35,640 Speaker 2: like really positive, like there was nothing you know, it 220 00:10:35,679 --> 00:10:39,080 Speaker 2: was only when my career stopped, you know, when I 221 00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:43,000 Speaker 2: was about twenty two, twenty one, twenty two, and I 222 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:45,320 Speaker 2: didn't get this big part that I wanted. I was 223 00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:48,000 Speaker 2: really devastated. It was a movie called dog Fight. It's 224 00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:50,040 Speaker 2: a movie that probably no one really remembers, but it 225 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:53,400 Speaker 2: was with River Phoenix and Lily Taylor got the part. 226 00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:55,640 Speaker 2: But it was like something I really really wanted and 227 00:10:55,679 --> 00:10:57,680 Speaker 2: it didn't happen for me. And then I couldn't get arrested. 228 00:10:57,679 --> 00:10:59,720 Speaker 2: I was on China Beach and I didn't get picked 229 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:02,160 Speaker 2: up my option, you know, the whole thing that things 230 00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:04,840 Speaker 2: happen in our business. And I went from like making 231 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:06,679 Speaker 2: all this money to making nothing and had to give 232 00:11:06,760 --> 00:11:08,880 Speaker 2: up my house and I was homeless for a short time. 233 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:11,040 Speaker 2: I had to move. I mean, it was but it 234 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:15,160 Speaker 2: was the most humbling experience that I'm so grateful for. 235 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:18,040 Speaker 2: You know. In the end, yes, I lost probably about 236 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:20,400 Speaker 2: two or three hundred thousand dollars in that, you know, 237 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:24,400 Speaker 2: that learning experience, but it taught me so much, you know, 238 00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:28,040 Speaker 2: about the value of a dollar, and thankfully I didn't 239 00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:29,520 Speaker 2: have a family to support at that time. You know, 240 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:31,400 Speaker 2: It's just like changed everything. And then I got my 241 00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:32,760 Speaker 2: talk show. Then I went. Oh, I also went on 242 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:36,480 Speaker 2: it like a crash crash crazy diet because I realized 243 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:37,960 Speaker 2: that the reason, you know, one of the reasons I 244 00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:41,800 Speaker 2: wasn't getting parts anymore, I wasn't getting cast in anything, 245 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:44,959 Speaker 2: is because the novelty of being the fat girl had 246 00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:47,719 Speaker 2: kind of worn off, and I felt like, Okay, the 247 00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:50,400 Speaker 2: only thing I can control in my life is my 248 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,240 Speaker 2: physicality and how I take care of myself. So I 249 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,320 Speaker 2: went on this crash diet. I lost one hundred pounds, 250 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:57,880 Speaker 2: and then the talk show came my way and lifted 251 00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:02,760 Speaker 2: me out of my uh pover and it changed my 252 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:03,520 Speaker 2: life for sure. 253 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:06,160 Speaker 1: Two things on that Okay, so I love those words 254 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:09,600 Speaker 1: of a wisdom that he gave you, right, really good 255 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:12,480 Speaker 1: for John Waters. Yeah, those are like fatherly mm hmm. 256 00:12:12,679 --> 00:12:16,200 Speaker 1: That was necessary guidance. But one of them is a 257 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:19,160 Speaker 1: little hard for me. The part where you are supposed 258 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:22,200 Speaker 1: to believe in yourself and love and read and believe 259 00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:24,160 Speaker 1: the things that people write about you, the good things, 260 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:27,079 Speaker 1: but also the bad things. Now, with social media the 261 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,560 Speaker 1: way it is and everybody having some sort of a 262 00:12:29,559 --> 00:12:32,240 Speaker 1: platform to say whatever they think good or bad, do 263 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:36,120 Speaker 1: you still believe that reading bad things about yourself is 264 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:37,440 Speaker 1: something you should let in. 265 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:41,240 Speaker 2: I mean, it's a totally different ballgame now, you know. 266 00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:44,000 Speaker 2: And for me, like I'm so glad I don't do 267 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:46,200 Speaker 2: a talk show now you know that. I mean, I 268 00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:48,160 Speaker 2: do what I do, and I choose to do what 269 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:50,480 Speaker 2: I'm doing, like I do my own podcast. I love it. 270 00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:53,679 Speaker 2: It's like you know, it's it's it's completely something I 271 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:55,280 Speaker 2: want to do. But as far as being in a 272 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:58,360 Speaker 2: situation where you're having to speak out and be whether 273 00:12:58,360 --> 00:13:03,040 Speaker 2: it's political or controversial or you know, you can't make 274 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:06,520 Speaker 2: everyone happy and there's this instant reaction from stranger, I mean, 275 00:13:06,559 --> 00:13:09,479 Speaker 2: it's just a brutal thing that I don't really participate 276 00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:13,160 Speaker 2: much in. Like all my posting is very positive, it's 277 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,320 Speaker 2: all about joy, it's all about you know, like very 278 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:18,280 Speaker 2: much what you're about. Yeah, yeah, I really I think 279 00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:20,920 Speaker 2: it's like the devil in a lot of ways, Like 280 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,320 Speaker 2: we have like made this deal and now with what's 281 00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,719 Speaker 2: coming up with AI, I mean, it is all terrifying. 282 00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:29,880 Speaker 2: But the difference is at fifty five, I know who 283 00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:33,640 Speaker 2: I am, I love who I am. I am, Like 284 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:36,720 Speaker 2: i feel like I'm the best me I've ever been 285 00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:40,160 Speaker 2: and that comes from life experience that comes from, like, 286 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:42,880 Speaker 2: you know, the things I've achieved, the things I've overcome. 287 00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:46,040 Speaker 2: I mean, I've had like a really beautiful journey, and 288 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:48,679 Speaker 2: a lot of it's been really hard. I lost my partner, 289 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:51,000 Speaker 2: my last partner, to mental illness and suicide, and that 290 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:54,080 Speaker 2: was one of probably the hardest thing I've ever had 291 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:57,080 Speaker 2: to I can't say I've overcome it, but to deal 292 00:13:57,120 --> 00:14:00,720 Speaker 2: with and learn to live with. But like, yeah, the 293 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:03,680 Speaker 2: things people say about me, it doesn't really affect me 294 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,480 Speaker 2: at this point. And I think that is like you 295 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:08,079 Speaker 2: know that cliche when you turn fifty, you don't give 296 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:09,800 Speaker 2: a shit what other people think about you. It's none 297 00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:12,800 Speaker 2: of your business what people think about you. And it's 298 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:15,600 Speaker 2: kind of true for me, Like I definitely nothing really 299 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:18,280 Speaker 2: gets to me. And I'm really also lucky that I 300 00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:20,400 Speaker 2: have a lot of good will in this industry. People 301 00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:22,480 Speaker 2: feel like they know who I am, they like me, 302 00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:26,600 Speaker 2: they root for me, and so there's really not a 303 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:28,400 Speaker 2: lot of negative stuff that comes my way. 304 00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:32,040 Speaker 1: Thanks right, right, Well, that's because you're just a positive 305 00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:34,920 Speaker 1: energy and positive attracting. 306 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:38,560 Speaker 2: Positive I think. So, I mean, I am really positive 307 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:40,360 Speaker 2: and I have a lot to be grateful for. 308 00:14:40,440 --> 00:14:43,160 Speaker 1: And you've had so much. I think also too, it's 309 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:46,600 Speaker 1: about those hardships that we've endured and that we've lived 310 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:49,920 Speaker 1: through and learned so much from that make us so 311 00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:54,280 Speaker 1: much more full of gratitude and hope and you know, 312 00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:56,920 Speaker 1: just a sense of like achievement that you survive something 313 00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,680 Speaker 1: so terrible. You know, you really start to turn to 314 00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:02,840 Speaker 1: your self in those moments instead of listening to other people. 315 00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:04,640 Speaker 1: I think that's really yeahful. 316 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:07,080 Speaker 2: I mean, I think all of the traumatic things that 317 00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:10,160 Speaker 2: I've had in my life, and I've had my share, 318 00:15:10,240 --> 00:15:11,840 Speaker 2: you know, we all have stuff we go through, but 319 00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:14,720 Speaker 2: I think all of it has in the end been 320 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:17,640 Speaker 2: a gift, you know, like I've gotten something out of 321 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:21,400 Speaker 2: all of the hardship, you know, from being sexually molested 322 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:25,280 Speaker 2: as a small child to like just you know, living 323 00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:27,280 Speaker 2: through nine to eleven. You know, nine to eleven. I 324 00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:29,720 Speaker 2: was there on that day downtown, watched the whole thing 325 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:32,360 Speaker 2: unfold before my very eyes, and I was a new mom. 326 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,480 Speaker 2: I had a two month old at that time, So 327 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:39,440 Speaker 2: that was you know, deeply, deeply like world life changing everything. 328 00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:41,920 Speaker 2: But like for me, it got me to kind of 329 00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:45,040 Speaker 2: make a decision on where I wanted to go with 330 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:46,920 Speaker 2: my career where I wanted to raise my family. I 331 00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:48,920 Speaker 2: didn't want to be in New York anymore. I left 332 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:51,480 Speaker 2: New York, I left my talk show, I left my marriage. 333 00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:54,440 Speaker 2: I mean, all of that happened after that experience watching 334 00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:57,280 Speaker 2: that unfold, and in the end it was a gift 335 00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:59,920 Speaker 2: for me. I started focusing on documentary film work, which 336 00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:03,120 Speaker 2: is it's like what I want my legacy to be 337 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:06,200 Speaker 2: is like these these pieces of work that really question 338 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,160 Speaker 2: why things are the way they are. In that case 339 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,840 Speaker 2: with the birth world, you know, so I sort of 340 00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:14,600 Speaker 2: found my voice and I found my true passion through 341 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:16,960 Speaker 2: living through something so traumatic. 342 00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:25,560 Speaker 1: The other thing I wanted to circle back on that 343 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,440 Speaker 1: you said was the novelty of being the fat girl 344 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:32,600 Speaker 1: wore off. How do you think that shaped who you 345 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:37,840 Speaker 1: are today? Having to really be fronted and faced with 346 00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:42,160 Speaker 1: your appearance being connected in a negative way by people. 347 00:16:42,920 --> 00:16:45,160 Speaker 1: How did that affect your sense of self and your 348 00:16:45,640 --> 00:16:48,400 Speaker 1: your security and yourself all these years. 349 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:52,240 Speaker 2: That's a lot to do, A really good question. I mean, ultimately, 350 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:54,760 Speaker 2: it was incredible that I was one of the very 351 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:57,840 Speaker 2: first I can't think of another ingen new girl that 352 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:01,160 Speaker 2: was two hundred pounds, you know. So it was amazing 353 00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:03,720 Speaker 2: to like break the mold in that way and to 354 00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:07,080 Speaker 2: be so well received, And it was believable watching that movie. 355 00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:10,439 Speaker 2: Even today, it's believable that she wins the contest and 356 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:13,160 Speaker 2: she gets the guy. She pause. 357 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:16,560 Speaker 1: I love that movie so much. I could watch it over. 358 00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:18,440 Speaker 1: We have watched it a million times in our house. 359 00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:20,240 Speaker 1: But you shaped us, Thank you. 360 00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:23,160 Speaker 2: It was so fun and it was me like, I 361 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:25,520 Speaker 2: am just like you are you are. There's a lot 362 00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:28,840 Speaker 2: of you that's Kelly, right, yes, right right, Well, at 363 00:17:28,920 --> 00:17:31,800 Speaker 2: least I want to think that, but I'm very much 364 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:34,640 Speaker 2: I'm Tracy Turnblad trapped in a fifty five year old 365 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:38,399 Speaker 2: gray haired woman. It just it just, I mean a difference. 366 00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:40,560 Speaker 2: Like I was two hundred pounds and adorable when I 367 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,320 Speaker 2: did that movie, But I was two hundred and sixty 368 00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:45,119 Speaker 2: pounds when I did Cry Baby three years later, you know, 369 00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:47,920 Speaker 2: and two hundred and sixty pounds on a five foot 370 00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:51,440 Speaker 2: three inch frame. It was a lot, and and it 371 00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:53,320 Speaker 2: wasn't working anymore like I was, you know, would go 372 00:17:53,359 --> 00:17:55,000 Speaker 2: out on it. I just wasn't getting the parts, and 373 00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:56,960 Speaker 2: so I was in a desperate place where I was 374 00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:59,879 Speaker 2: supporting myself and I was running out of money and 375 00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:02,960 Speaker 2: I needed to do something that I could control. And 376 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,879 Speaker 2: it really was like when I think back on it, 377 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,320 Speaker 2: you know, it wasn't the healthiest way. I starved myself. 378 00:18:07,359 --> 00:18:10,400 Speaker 2: I basically didn't stop eating altogether, but I ate very, 379 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:12,440 Speaker 2: very very little. I joined a gym and would ride 380 00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:14,639 Speaker 2: my bike in the valley. I live north of Victory 381 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:17,160 Speaker 2: if you know where that is, like Woodman and Victory. 382 00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:20,399 Speaker 2: And at the time it was whatever nineteen was that 383 00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:24,120 Speaker 2: ninety two, ninety one ninety two in that area, and 384 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,639 Speaker 2: I no one would viit. My friends wouldn't come visit me. 385 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:29,000 Speaker 2: It was like a very much a Spanish speaking neighborhood. 386 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,920 Speaker 2: I lived in a poolhouse my back My little house 387 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:34,600 Speaker 2: was a like I had a sliding glass door. I mean, 388 00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:37,159 Speaker 2: it was a very humbling time for me, and it 389 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:39,800 Speaker 2: was appropriate for someone who is my age, you know, 390 00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:43,240 Speaker 2: who was like went from riches rags to riches and 391 00:18:43,320 --> 00:18:45,760 Speaker 2: riches to rags, and then I think it was really 392 00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:48,080 Speaker 2: empowering and being able to change my body in the 393 00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:51,399 Speaker 2: way I did. It worked like I was, you know, 394 00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:54,240 Speaker 2: went from a size twenty four to a size twelve, 395 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:58,159 Speaker 2: you know, in about like six or eight months, like 396 00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:00,240 Speaker 2: really really short period of time, and I did it 397 00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:02,679 Speaker 2: with the sole purpose of a getting a little bit 398 00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:05,760 Speaker 2: healthier and B getting a job. You know, I needed 399 00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:08,840 Speaker 2: to work. And so the pilot of the talk show 400 00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:11,840 Speaker 2: came around at that time, and it kind of I 401 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:15,560 Speaker 2: think worked as the narrative or my story of like 402 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:19,720 Speaker 2: this relatable girl, this young woman that people root for, 403 00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:22,680 Speaker 2: like Tracy Turnblad, you know, I'm like this underdog kind 404 00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:27,439 Speaker 2: of character. And so it wasn't calculated in getting a 405 00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:28,760 Speaker 2: talk like I never thought I was gonna get a 406 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,879 Speaker 2: talk show. Who thinks a twenty something that you're going 407 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:33,320 Speaker 2: to be picked to do something like that. But it 408 00:19:33,480 --> 00:19:36,719 Speaker 2: just was like this divine thing that just happened and 409 00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:39,600 Speaker 2: it just all worked. Oh did I answer your question? 410 00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:42,000 Speaker 1: You did? I feel as if it made you believe 411 00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:45,080 Speaker 1: in yourself even more than you already did, and it 412 00:19:45,119 --> 00:19:48,880 Speaker 1: made you fight for what you knew was right for you. 413 00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:49,879 Speaker 2: Yeah. 414 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:50,800 Speaker 1: I like that that. 415 00:19:51,119 --> 00:19:55,639 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean I I it's so it's so 416 00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:58,200 Speaker 2: I don't spend a lot of time like thinking back 417 00:19:58,240 --> 00:19:59,960 Speaker 2: of like like who I was back then, you know, 418 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:01,919 Speaker 2: like why I did this or why I did that? 419 00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:05,960 Speaker 2: But yeah, the talk show was such like a comfortable 420 00:20:06,359 --> 00:20:09,920 Speaker 2: arena for me. I was so it was a natural thing. 421 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:12,080 Speaker 2: Like in the beginning, I would just channel Oprah because 422 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:15,119 Speaker 2: I was such an Oprah fan and Phil Donahue Bless 423 00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:18,640 Speaker 2: his soul, and Sally Jesse, Like I was a big 424 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:21,000 Speaker 2: watcher of those shows. So when they gave me the 425 00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,560 Speaker 2: microphone and said go, you know, go do it yourself. 426 00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:25,680 Speaker 2: You know, I was like, all right, what would Oprah say? 427 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:27,879 Speaker 2: I would channel her? Oh what would Opra say? But 428 00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:29,919 Speaker 2: then as I found my footing, It's like I just 429 00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:32,000 Speaker 2: I just was a really good listener, and I was 430 00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:36,160 Speaker 2: really interested and curious about people and relationships. It was fascinating, 431 00:20:36,160 --> 00:20:38,240 Speaker 2: and then it was fun and that it became like 432 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:40,920 Speaker 2: the party that everyone wanted to come to every day 433 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:43,320 Speaker 2: at our show. You know, it was like it was 434 00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:47,240 Speaker 2: really special, and I don't think I recognized it. Then 435 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:49,199 Speaker 2: when I'm in it, I'm just in it, and I 436 00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:51,679 Speaker 2: was like, oh my god, I'm making this money and 437 00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:54,760 Speaker 2: people are like shouting my name, like this is so cool. 438 00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:57,240 Speaker 2: But it just felt so normal, like Okay, this is 439 00:20:57,280 --> 00:20:59,600 Speaker 2: the next chapter of my career. You know. It's now 440 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:01,719 Speaker 2: looking back on, like what the hell was I thinking? 441 00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:05,159 Speaker 2: How presumptuous for me to assume I know what people 442 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:08,440 Speaker 2: should do when they're you know, in relationships. It's like, yeah, 443 00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:10,600 Speaker 2: I didn't even know who I was at that time, 444 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:13,440 Speaker 2: but it was it was fun well. 445 00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:15,119 Speaker 1: Because we grew up in the way we did, like 446 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:18,200 Speaker 1: in the public eye like that. It's it's as if 447 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:21,639 Speaker 1: we have somehow been encapsulated in people's minds as that 448 00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:25,040 Speaker 1: younger version of ourselves, you know, like people will always 449 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:27,360 Speaker 1: see us the way they first saw us. Is that 450 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,919 Speaker 1: ever hard for you or do you embrace that? 451 00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:33,360 Speaker 2: I think it's changed because I have been I've literally 452 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:37,280 Speaker 2: like had all these different facets of my career, you know, 453 00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:39,840 Speaker 2: like people know me and it's really funny. John Waters 454 00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:41,880 Speaker 2: and I'll joke about it. We're in an airport and like, 455 00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:43,960 Speaker 2: you know, a certain type of personal code to me. 456 00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:46,040 Speaker 2: Oh they know me from this, like we can kind 457 00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:49,959 Speaker 2: of peg him, you know, gay man, he knows obviously 458 00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:52,359 Speaker 2: John Water stuff. But then the pregnant mom saw my 459 00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:54,719 Speaker 2: documentary about birth, you know, like it's just so funny. 460 00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:58,399 Speaker 2: So I think I've reinvented myself and I have changed 461 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:01,240 Speaker 2: my physicality both in way and you know obviously with 462 00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:03,040 Speaker 2: my gray hair and I shave my head and my like, 463 00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:06,320 Speaker 2: I have a lot of different facets of me. See, 464 00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:08,680 Speaker 2: I look at you, and you look exactly the same 465 00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:11,200 Speaker 2: from nine and two, and oh you haven't changed at all. 466 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:14,480 Speaker 1: That's what I hear a lot, and I'm in my mind, 467 00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:18,760 Speaker 1: I'm like, what you talking about? I've changed so much? 468 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:20,639 Speaker 2: What are the years you were on the air with 469 00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:22,760 Speaker 2: nine of two and I was ten years and ninety 470 00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:27,159 Speaker 2: the entire decade, So nineteen ninety it launched. Yeah, so 471 00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,520 Speaker 2: you launched before I went on the air in ninety three. 472 00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:32,119 Speaker 2: So I went from ninety three to four, so basically 473 00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:36,320 Speaker 2: around the same time frame or basically the same age. Wow, yep, yeah, 474 00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:38,320 Speaker 2: that was Those were good times, weren't they. 475 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:42,240 Speaker 1: Oh? Yes, the best. The nineties were the best. 476 00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:45,439 Speaker 2: Yeah. Down, I'm so glad. I talk about it with 477 00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:47,359 Speaker 2: my new husband a lot. Ross he's not my new 478 00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:49,040 Speaker 2: husband two and a half years we've been married, but 479 00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:52,760 Speaker 2: he and I are no similar in age. He's he's 480 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:55,720 Speaker 2: he's incredible, but like we both are so and maybe 481 00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:57,560 Speaker 2: you feel the same way. I'm so glad I was 482 00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:01,040 Speaker 2: born when I was born, that I lived through our childhood, 483 00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:04,480 Speaker 2: we lived through without cell phones, without you know, those 484 00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:09,359 Speaker 2: distractions and you know, and our kids never knew what 485 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:10,440 Speaker 2: it was like before that. 486 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:13,000 Speaker 1: So I don't know what's going to happen to the 487 00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:16,199 Speaker 1: kids these days, to the young And I have my 488 00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:18,840 Speaker 1: daughter the other day because she they have a new 489 00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:21,000 Speaker 1: brother that's two years old, and I asked her, I 490 00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:22,840 Speaker 1: was like, what do you think is going to be 491 00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:25,960 Speaker 1: like for Jack when he's your age? And what she say, 492 00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:29,480 Speaker 1: She's like, I don't know, because even you know, my 493 00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:31,680 Speaker 1: middle one is able to look at my younger ones 494 00:23:31,720 --> 00:23:33,920 Speaker 1: experience right now and think, I'm so glad I didn't 495 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:36,879 Speaker 1: have to deal with that. Yeah, because they're like four 496 00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:40,680 Speaker 1: or five years apart. Things change so much. But I 497 00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:41,800 Speaker 1: guess we just adapt. 498 00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:45,240 Speaker 2: I mean, yes, we will. I wonder what I mean. 499 00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:49,080 Speaker 2: I watched that Oprah special on AI last week. It 500 00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:52,760 Speaker 2: was so sobering. It was so it's so daunting. I'm 501 00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:55,880 Speaker 2: someone who's like, I don't even I was never taught 502 00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:59,680 Speaker 2: computer skills, really no, I was never like, I learned 503 00:23:59,680 --> 00:24:03,280 Speaker 2: to tie on a typewriter type. I'm really good at it. 504 00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:05,920 Speaker 2: I was so good at it. My sister and I were. 505 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,439 Speaker 2: It's we're a year apart, but with that elective we 506 00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:10,480 Speaker 2: were in the same like doing it at the same time, 507 00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:13,600 Speaker 2: so we got very competitive. So I'm really good at typing, 508 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:16,160 Speaker 2: but like I couldn't. I can't. I mean, it's embarrassing 509 00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,440 Speaker 2: to say, but I can't do like Microsoft word. 510 00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:22,200 Speaker 1: I feel your pain, trust me. I'm like, oh, girls, 511 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,800 Speaker 1: somebody help me here. Yeah, I'm remote. I don't know 512 00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:25,360 Speaker 1: how to work it. 513 00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:28,359 Speaker 2: And with social media, like I don't know how I'm 514 00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:31,240 Speaker 2: I'm just I say, I'm a grandma with this stuff, 515 00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:33,159 Speaker 2: and I just feel like, all right, it's just I 516 00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,680 Speaker 2: just missed out on it. Like my kids are very 517 00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:37,960 Speaker 2: savvy with that stuff. They're not big on social media. 518 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,800 Speaker 2: They don't do it neither. My kids they're like readers 519 00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:43,600 Speaker 2: and they're I mean, I'm glad that they're not caught 520 00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:46,320 Speaker 2: up in what seems to be something that's really really 521 00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:48,320 Speaker 2: addicting and challenging to deal with. 522 00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:50,760 Speaker 1: Well, we're doing it. We are doing it. We are 523 00:24:51,119 --> 00:24:54,120 Speaker 1: officially growing up, even though we don't know, we don't 524 00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:56,879 Speaker 1: have our tech skills right now in this you know, 525 00:24:57,280 --> 00:25:01,879 Speaker 1: magical phase of our lives. Are fifth And did you 526 00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:05,840 Speaker 1: have any like trepidation when you were turning fifty when 527 00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:07,600 Speaker 1: you're forty nine, you're like, oh, my god, what's going 528 00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:08,119 Speaker 1: to happen? 529 00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:13,520 Speaker 2: I mean, so it's been five years because I'm fifty five. Yeah, 530 00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:16,240 Speaker 2: it was weird because Okay, so I lost Christian, my partner, 531 00:25:16,400 --> 00:25:21,000 Speaker 2: my second husband, when I was forty eight, so you know, 532 00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:23,320 Speaker 2: I was like a late bloomer in every way. Like 533 00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:24,959 Speaker 2: I was married from twenty five to thirty five with 534 00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:26,560 Speaker 2: my first husband, the father and my kids. And I 535 00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:29,680 Speaker 2: remarried to Christian when I was forty two, and then 536 00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:34,439 Speaker 2: at forty eight he passed. And so coming up on fifty, 537 00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:36,679 Speaker 2: it was such a huge milestone and I was dealing 538 00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:39,080 Speaker 2: with this loss and so much of it was wrapped 539 00:25:39,119 --> 00:25:41,040 Speaker 2: up in trying to like heal from that, trying to 540 00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:45,600 Speaker 2: like get the lesson. And you know, so I did 541 00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:48,120 Speaker 2: celebrate turning fifty, and I you know, but I think 542 00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:50,840 Speaker 2: it was it was bittersweet, you know, because he wasn't 543 00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:53,680 Speaker 2: there for me. But yeah, and I did like a list. 544 00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:56,359 Speaker 2: I mean, something I did and it's not PC, but 545 00:25:56,400 --> 00:26:00,440 Speaker 2: I did it as an exercise, in like a therapeutic exercise, 546 00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:02,120 Speaker 2: which I've I've told people about it and they now 547 00:26:02,119 --> 00:26:04,040 Speaker 2: do it for themselves. So when I was turning fifty, 548 00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:06,640 Speaker 2: I did this list of all the things that I'd 549 00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:10,560 Speaker 2: gone through, achieved, overcome from the time I turned forty 550 00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:13,560 Speaker 2: to the time I turned fifty. And it is quite 551 00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:16,840 Speaker 2: the list, Like it's it runs the gamut, Like it 552 00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:18,879 Speaker 2: runs from like, oh, I stopped speaking to my mother 553 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:23,639 Speaker 2: to I won my first emmy. I got to go 554 00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:26,199 Speaker 2: on the Oprah Show and profess my love to Christian I. 555 00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:29,640 Speaker 2: You know, it's like a list that's you know, it's 556 00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:32,679 Speaker 2: a lot and and so that's so turning fifty for me, 557 00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:37,160 Speaker 2: it was really like relishing all that I have lived 558 00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:39,960 Speaker 2: through and I've I've lived such a life like I 559 00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:43,800 Speaker 2: wouldn't trade places with anyone else all for all of it, 560 00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:47,199 Speaker 2: Like even losing my partner. You know, I got so 561 00:26:47,359 --> 00:26:49,639 Speaker 2: much out of that relationship, and I, you know, have 562 00:26:49,720 --> 00:26:52,800 Speaker 2: this very very like strong knowing that he is with 563 00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:54,680 Speaker 2: me every step of the way. I believe he brought 564 00:26:54,680 --> 00:26:57,040 Speaker 2: my new husband to me, like you know, and I 565 00:26:57,080 --> 00:26:58,919 Speaker 2: got into plant medicine. I got it. Like there's so 566 00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:02,840 Speaker 2: many things I've done since you know, turning forty and 567 00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:05,200 Speaker 2: since losing him. Like it's like I said before, I 568 00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:07,680 Speaker 2: feel like I'm the best me I I've ever been 569 00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:10,240 Speaker 2: because I think I'm having like, I'm way more open 570 00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:13,080 Speaker 2: in my fifties than I was in my twenties. 571 00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:16,119 Speaker 1: Me too, Me too, Yeah. 572 00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:17,639 Speaker 2: Like I mean I was yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean 573 00:27:17,680 --> 00:27:19,720 Speaker 2: there's so many things that I was so close minded 574 00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:23,000 Speaker 2: about and very judgmental about and just fear filled. And 575 00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:25,200 Speaker 2: I think I'm less fear. 576 00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:29,240 Speaker 1: Filled, definitely. Yeah. I always say I'm less reactive now. 577 00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:35,680 Speaker 1: I'm still impulsive, I'm still yeah quality, I'm an aries okay. 578 00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:39,200 Speaker 2: My son's and ares. I'm a virgo yeah and uh yeah, 579 00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:40,880 Speaker 2: I don't even know what it means, but I'm. 580 00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:41,160 Speaker 1: Just on either. 581 00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:43,120 Speaker 2: I am who I am like like it's like there's 582 00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:45,000 Speaker 2: no changing who I am. I like who I am 583 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:47,880 Speaker 2: right now. That's the key, right there. You love who 584 00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:48,320 Speaker 2: you are. 585 00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:51,000 Speaker 1: It's the key to happiness, It's the key to freedom. 586 00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:55,359 Speaker 2: Yeah. But I kind of have always loved myself, like 587 00:27:56,080 --> 00:28:00,439 Speaker 2: I kind of have. I mean, I'm away, he's like, 588 00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:04,679 Speaker 2: I'm a work in progress and I'm you know, have 589 00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:07,520 Speaker 2: a lot to learn. But I've always been a pretty 590 00:28:07,520 --> 00:28:10,240 Speaker 2: good person. I'm a really good friend. I think I'm 591 00:28:10,280 --> 00:28:13,600 Speaker 2: a really good mom, I'm a really good wife. I'm 592 00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:18,080 Speaker 2: not a great actress. I'll admit that, Like I've been good. 593 00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:20,840 Speaker 2: I've been really good, but I've also been really not good. 594 00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:24,840 Speaker 2: And I'm better. I think it playing being me, you know, 595 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:28,360 Speaker 2: being authentically myself than I am with taking on characters. 596 00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:30,840 Speaker 1: Well, that's a good thing to know about yourself. I 597 00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:34,720 Speaker 1: love that you also are embracing your beautiful hair. 598 00:28:35,400 --> 00:28:37,439 Speaker 2: Yeah, well right now, I meant to put a hat on, 599 00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:40,920 Speaker 2: but because my headphones are too big and the hat 600 00:28:41,040 --> 00:28:43,360 Speaker 2: just helps it stay, and I forgot, But I forgotten. 601 00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:45,320 Speaker 2: I kind of just blew it out really fast. But 602 00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:48,040 Speaker 2: the fact that I have hair is a freaking miracle 603 00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:51,440 Speaker 2: because five years ago I shaved my head. You probably 604 00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:53,880 Speaker 2: are aware of this, but I shaved my head and 605 00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:58,240 Speaker 2: went public about my issue that I was having, which 606 00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:02,320 Speaker 2: was with hair loss. Like it's called andrew genetic alopecia, 607 00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:05,520 Speaker 2: my type of hair loss, and which is basically like 608 00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:08,480 Speaker 2: getting older and women loser hair. You know, It's like 609 00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:11,240 Speaker 2: there's no big you know, like I mean, it's just 610 00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:13,600 Speaker 2: very normal for women to go through that. But for me, 611 00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:15,960 Speaker 2: I was wearing extensions for a really long time and 612 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:18,040 Speaker 2: that was damaging my hair and the color I was 613 00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:19,720 Speaker 2: putting on my hair. Every three weeks. I was having 614 00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:22,480 Speaker 2: dye my hair and all of it just didn't agree 615 00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:25,800 Speaker 2: with me, and I finally just surrendered. And that was 616 00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:29,800 Speaker 2: again a very traumatic experience for me. I'm someone who's 617 00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:32,240 Speaker 2: an open book. Everyone's known me, they grew up with me, 618 00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:34,800 Speaker 2: they know me for my show. I'm very honest and 619 00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:37,560 Speaker 2: open about everything in my life, and in this case, 620 00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:40,640 Speaker 2: I didn't. I was so ashamed that I was dealing 621 00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:42,240 Speaker 2: with this, and I had it as like sort of 622 00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:44,360 Speaker 2: this deep, dark secret, something I didn't even talk about 623 00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:46,600 Speaker 2: with my therapist. And so when I finally kind of 624 00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:50,719 Speaker 2: came out and and just basically let go of like 625 00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:52,480 Speaker 2: I'm going to just rock a bald head for the 626 00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:54,880 Speaker 2: rest of my life. And you know, you don't know 627 00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:58,480 Speaker 2: what you look like bald until you do it. All, Yeah, 628 00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:01,600 Speaker 2: you don't know how to you like it. I looked 629 00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:06,480 Speaker 2: so good. I looked so good. I was amazed that 630 00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:08,720 Speaker 2: I have actually a good like shaped head, have a 631 00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:12,080 Speaker 2: very small head. I like to think my brain isn't small, 632 00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:15,720 Speaker 2: but my head is small. And so I was relieved. 633 00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:17,360 Speaker 2: But that's not even the point. The point is like 634 00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:20,440 Speaker 2: I just like let go of it, like just bothering me, 635 00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:24,080 Speaker 2: you know, in secret, And that was the release and 636 00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:27,520 Speaker 2: lo and behold. You know, I used a product that 637 00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:30,680 Speaker 2: that helped me, and I also I think stopped stressing 638 00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:33,000 Speaker 2: about it, stopped putting extensions. Anyway, I don't know how 639 00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,560 Speaker 2: I got onto that, but yeah, my gray hair, I'm 640 00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:38,600 Speaker 2: very grateful for every strand thank you. 641 00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:42,160 Speaker 1: I want to go white someday, like any way, or 642 00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:44,880 Speaker 1: do you have gray hair? Yeah? I have white hair. 643 00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:47,600 Speaker 2: You do, I think it's white? And so you have 644 00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:50,440 Speaker 2: to do color your hair every three weeks? Is that you're. 645 00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:52,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm going today? Actually you are? 646 00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:56,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, well lucky for your blonde, right, I assume you 647 00:30:56,600 --> 00:31:00,440 Speaker 2: are a natural blonde. You don't have brown hair? Yeah, no, No, 648 00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:03,440 Speaker 2: it's and I think with the pandemic, the timing of it, 649 00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:07,160 Speaker 2: like the genius that with my the way it unfolded 650 00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:09,680 Speaker 2: for me because I did this very deliberately at the 651 00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:12,600 Speaker 2: end of twenty nineteen, Like on New Year's Eve Day, 652 00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:15,880 Speaker 2: I had my friend documented, my friend Amanda Demi, who's 653 00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:19,560 Speaker 2: a brilliant photographer. I wanted it documented because I knew 654 00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:21,040 Speaker 2: I had to be public about it. Like I didn't 655 00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:23,120 Speaker 2: do it as like a I did it to be 656 00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:25,440 Speaker 2: set free. But I felt like if I just shaved 657 00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:27,080 Speaker 2: my head and came out with a shaved head. People 658 00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:29,920 Speaker 2: would have thought, you know, that I had cancer god forbid, 659 00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:32,320 Speaker 2: or that I was crazy, you know, like I just 660 00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:35,280 Speaker 2: needed to tell my story, and so I was very 661 00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:37,360 Speaker 2: deliberate about that. But it was right before the pandemic, 662 00:31:37,400 --> 00:31:40,840 Speaker 2: and once the pandemic had happened, nobody could color their hair. Nobody. 663 00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:43,880 Speaker 2: So for me, like I just it would have been 664 00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:45,360 Speaker 2: I would have been shaving my head, but it would 665 00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:48,120 Speaker 2: have been under a different set of circumstances for sure. 666 00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:57,440 Speaker 1: I recently read one of my journal entries when I 667 00:31:57,480 --> 00:31:59,600 Speaker 1: turned fifty, and I talked openly about how I felt 668 00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:03,760 Speaker 1: about eight and the double standard with women and men 669 00:32:03,840 --> 00:32:06,680 Speaker 1: versus men getting older, and I just I love that 670 00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:10,520 Speaker 1: you don't give an f you just are who you are. 671 00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:15,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, And I love being this age. I mean I 672 00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:18,520 Speaker 2: love it. It's like I have so much more just 673 00:32:19,320 --> 00:32:23,240 Speaker 2: wisdom and peace. I mean, it's also my circumstances. So 674 00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:28,320 Speaker 2: I recognize, like I'm privileged, I have money, and I 675 00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:31,080 Speaker 2: you know, like I get it, but I've also like 676 00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:33,280 Speaker 2: been through a lot and coming out the other side, 677 00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:37,880 Speaker 2: like there's just an appreciation and a it's just yeah, 678 00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:39,960 Speaker 2: my husband and I both are in this phase of 679 00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:45,840 Speaker 2: just like stopping and smelling the roses and appreciating the 680 00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:49,720 Speaker 2: little things and the quiet and the calm. And yeah, 681 00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:53,120 Speaker 2: because I recognize the world is crazy and there's so 682 00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:55,800 Speaker 2: much that we can't control, which can make me crazy. 683 00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:58,000 Speaker 2: It could literally, you know, like if I watch the 684 00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:02,520 Speaker 2: news too much, it makes me spin. But my little bubble, 685 00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:05,160 Speaker 2: my little bubble with my dog and my beautiful husband 686 00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:08,320 Speaker 2: in our beautiful house and overlooking the ocean, it's just like, 687 00:33:08,840 --> 00:33:09,840 Speaker 2: pinch me, please. 688 00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:12,720 Speaker 1: I mean I think that that. I feel like I'm 689 00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:15,280 Speaker 1: almost there. You know. I'm a nineteen year old, but 690 00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:17,760 Speaker 1: my twenty one year old moved back in which I love. 691 00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:21,280 Speaker 1: But my husband is really ready for that chapter. He 692 00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:24,160 Speaker 1: doesn't have children of his own, so he's ready to 693 00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:27,360 Speaker 1: have me all to himself, which he hasn't had yet. 694 00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:29,080 Speaker 2: How do you feel about that? Are you ready? 695 00:33:29,560 --> 00:33:32,520 Speaker 1: Part of me's ready? Yeah? Because I love just hanging 696 00:33:32,560 --> 00:33:35,680 Speaker 1: out and being just you know, going with the flow 697 00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:39,040 Speaker 1: and just being chill. And we love doing that together. 698 00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:41,560 Speaker 1: And it's really hard to do that when you have 699 00:33:41,680 --> 00:33:45,560 Speaker 1: kids coming and going and doing what kids do. And 700 00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:48,520 Speaker 1: so I'm like half and half on that one. 701 00:33:48,800 --> 00:33:52,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, I just didn't. That just wasn't part of my thing. 702 00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:55,440 Speaker 2: I couldn't wait. And so we have actually like a 703 00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:57,240 Speaker 2: rule in our well, not a rule, but I like 704 00:33:57,280 --> 00:34:00,720 Speaker 2: an agreement that we our kids are never moving back 705 00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:03,120 Speaker 2: and they can visit. They can visit. We're in the 706 00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:05,080 Speaker 2: process of building a little guest house so that we 707 00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:07,480 Speaker 2: have a proper space for people to visit and my 708 00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:09,200 Speaker 2: kids who live my both my kids live in New 709 00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:12,200 Speaker 2: York together, So I definitely want them to visit. I 710 00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:15,120 Speaker 2: just don't want like the moving back in, Like it 711 00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:18,120 Speaker 2: just it just doesn't work for us, you know. 712 00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:21,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that you have that boundary, though, like, 713 00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:23,799 Speaker 1: oh yeah, I feel like I don't know if I 714 00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:27,319 Speaker 1: could ever say that to my daughters, Like really I 715 00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:28,200 Speaker 1: kind of want to. 716 00:34:28,320 --> 00:34:30,040 Speaker 2: I like if I even had that conversation. There's just 717 00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:32,120 Speaker 2: an understanding. We don't need to spell it out, but 718 00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:36,000 Speaker 2: there's like like they're they're launching, they're starting their own lives. 719 00:34:36,120 --> 00:34:39,560 Speaker 2: My yeah, I want one son's in graduate school, the 720 00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:42,360 Speaker 2: other ones in art school. They're thriving, they're happy. I 721 00:34:42,400 --> 00:34:44,279 Speaker 2: don't hear from them that often. I don't know, how 722 00:34:44,280 --> 00:34:46,920 Speaker 2: about you, you talking to your daughters, maybe once or 723 00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:49,719 Speaker 2: twice a week, Like lately, my older son Milo, he 724 00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:53,600 Speaker 2: calls me just to fill me in on what's going on, 725 00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:57,880 Speaker 2: and it's like such a joy I could cry because 726 00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:00,239 Speaker 2: normally when they call me, it's they need something, there's 727 00:35:00,239 --> 00:35:04,360 Speaker 2: something's wrong, you know, And lately it's been so nice 728 00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:06,000 Speaker 2: that I get a phone call and like, what do 729 00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:09,200 Speaker 2: you need? Nothing, I just wanted to fill you. I'm like, oh, 730 00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:13,439 Speaker 2: oh my god, this time has come feeling. It's amazing. Yeah, 731 00:35:13,560 --> 00:35:16,279 Speaker 2: it's really Yeah, I'm really it's like that thing that 732 00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:20,759 Speaker 2: like I'm really proud of who they are and that 733 00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:24,359 Speaker 2: they're happy. Like that's like they're they're super happy. I've 734 00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:26,799 Speaker 2: done my job, I think. I mean, there's always going 735 00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:28,840 Speaker 2: to be blips in the road, but yeah, right now 736 00:35:28,880 --> 00:35:32,839 Speaker 2: today I can truly celebrate that, like they're doing really well. 737 00:35:33,239 --> 00:35:35,719 Speaker 1: Yeah, and now your next job is just you, you in 738 00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:38,800 Speaker 1: your life, you being happy, you choosing you. It's the best. 739 00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:41,960 Speaker 1: I'm really good at that job. Yeah, it's working. 740 00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:42,680 Speaker 2: Wait. 741 00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:46,080 Speaker 1: You and i've both been married before, and we've both 742 00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:49,239 Speaker 1: had to go through divorces in the you know spotlight. 743 00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:51,800 Speaker 2: Yes I have. I think what you've been married three times, 744 00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:54,400 Speaker 2: I've been married three times and I say this is 745 00:35:54,480 --> 00:36:00,000 Speaker 2: my third and last and favorite marriage. No, that's good, 746 00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:01,600 Speaker 2: and I was very much in love with my first 747 00:36:01,719 --> 00:36:04,439 Speaker 2: I was absolutely When I got married at twenty five, 748 00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:06,520 Speaker 2: I thought it was forever. When I got married at 749 00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:10,880 Speaker 2: forty two, I thought it was forever. But think, I 750 00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:12,799 Speaker 2: think the piece that was missing if I can break 751 00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:15,040 Speaker 2: it down. And it's obviously way more complex than this, 752 00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:18,080 Speaker 2: but just to simplify, I don't think I had the 753 00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:21,400 Speaker 2: self love then and the knowing of who I was 754 00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:24,080 Speaker 2: that I do now. Does that make sense. 755 00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:27,160 Speaker 1: One hundred percent? Yeah? I mean my husband and I 756 00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:30,759 Speaker 1: joke about it sometimes because I will get insecure or 757 00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:33,719 Speaker 1: feel a certain type of way and say, like, you know, 758 00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:37,279 Speaker 1: this is old me. I don't do this anymore. Like 759 00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:39,040 Speaker 1: he had the best years of my life, and I'd 760 00:36:39,040 --> 00:36:41,279 Speaker 1: feel so bad that now I'm older because I'm nine 761 00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:43,359 Speaker 1: years older than Dave, and I. 762 00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:44,120 Speaker 2: Feel for you. 763 00:36:45,640 --> 00:36:48,360 Speaker 1: I feel like he got the short end of the stick, 764 00:36:48,360 --> 00:36:51,680 Speaker 1: almost like he You know, it could be perceived as such, 765 00:36:51,719 --> 00:36:54,600 Speaker 1: but honestly, the truth is he's getting the best version 766 00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:57,400 Speaker 1: of me that better, way better than any of the 767 00:36:57,400 --> 00:37:00,560 Speaker 1: other two had because I've learned so much about myself 768 00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:04,680 Speaker 1: and what I've worked so hard to learn more about 769 00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:07,719 Speaker 1: myself so that I could be in a healthy relationship 770 00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:11,600 Speaker 1: with somebody else, because I do love to be partnered, 771 00:37:12,280 --> 00:37:15,239 Speaker 1: and I just was like struggling and not being able to, 772 00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:18,440 Speaker 1: you know, have success in that area. And so now 773 00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:20,960 Speaker 1: I'm like, you, you may not have gotten all the 774 00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:24,440 Speaker 1: glitz and the glamour of you know, that sudden fame 775 00:37:24,520 --> 00:37:26,600 Speaker 1: and all the money. You know. I joke, and I'm like, 776 00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:30,240 Speaker 1: I gave my first husband a Harley antique T bird, 777 00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:32,759 Speaker 1: you know, a Corvette on this you know, all the 778 00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:35,760 Speaker 1: things that the other husband's got. And he's like, yeah, wow, okay, 779 00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:39,120 Speaker 1: now I'm much more sensible and less impulsive about like 780 00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:40,400 Speaker 1: financial decisions. 781 00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:43,799 Speaker 2: Right. I was dating this guy after my first marriage ended. 782 00:37:43,840 --> 00:37:45,440 Speaker 2: I was dating this guy for a number of years, 783 00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:47,799 Speaker 2: and he was sort of he should have been a rebound, 784 00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:49,400 Speaker 2: like it should have been a few months. He was 785 00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:51,800 Speaker 2: like a hot trainer. But it turned into three and 786 00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:54,680 Speaker 2: a half years and he, you know, he was he 787 00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:56,960 Speaker 2: was really in love with me, I'd say, and he 788 00:37:57,040 --> 00:37:58,839 Speaker 2: wanted to go to the next step and I wasn't 789 00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:01,279 Speaker 2: going to do that. And I remember I bought him 790 00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:03,680 Speaker 2: a car, Like I gave him money to buy a car, 791 00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:06,239 Speaker 2: and because I wanted to show my level of commitment 792 00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:09,720 Speaker 2: to him, but I didn't want to commit like like further, 793 00:38:09,880 --> 00:38:12,200 Speaker 2: like letting him move in or anything. So I did. 794 00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:15,000 Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, and that's like ridiculous. Why like like 795 00:38:15,200 --> 00:38:16,480 Speaker 2: the fact that I did. I can look back and 796 00:38:16,520 --> 00:38:19,120 Speaker 2: I'm like, oh my god, recky, you know, and the 797 00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:21,000 Speaker 2: fact that he took it, the fact that he took it, 798 00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:22,759 Speaker 2: but anyway, anyway. 799 00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:24,280 Speaker 1: And he drove it right on out. 800 00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:26,879 Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I actually what I did is I gave 801 00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:29,160 Speaker 2: him the money. I didn't even I gave him the 802 00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:31,799 Speaker 2: money to buy the car of his choosing, basically a 803 00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:33,840 Speaker 2: certain amount of money. I think it was like forty grand. 804 00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:35,600 Speaker 2: I think it was forty grand. And of course I 805 00:38:35,640 --> 00:38:37,200 Speaker 2: can remember that. And this is like in two thousand 806 00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:40,000 Speaker 2: and five or two thousand and six, and yeah, so 807 00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:41,640 Speaker 2: I gave him like and I was like, look, you 808 00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:43,480 Speaker 2: can get whatever you want, but like you'd be an 809 00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:45,920 Speaker 2: idiot to spend more than the forty grand, you know. 810 00:38:46,280 --> 00:38:47,680 Speaker 2: And I don't even remember what he got, but that 811 00:38:47,880 --> 00:38:50,600 Speaker 2: was like an example of me just like that's like 812 00:38:50,680 --> 00:38:53,160 Speaker 2: it's like whatever, I don't look back on that as 813 00:38:53,239 --> 00:38:55,080 Speaker 2: like a fond memory. 814 00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:57,399 Speaker 1: This is true. This is true. 815 00:38:57,600 --> 00:39:00,279 Speaker 2: He probably doesn't either, maybe. 816 00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:03,520 Speaker 1: Hoefully he's not listening. You've been really open about your 817 00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:06,800 Speaker 1: previous husband, Christian, who you talked about briefly here and 818 00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:11,880 Speaker 1: there in this conversation, how he suffered from mental disease bipolar. 819 00:39:11,920 --> 00:39:15,160 Speaker 1: I think, yes, he was bipolar. How did did you 820 00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:18,799 Speaker 1: know about his mental struggles before you married him? 821 00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:22,600 Speaker 2: I did, I did when we got together. And our 822 00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:25,040 Speaker 2: story is so crazy. We met through a house fire, 823 00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:27,839 Speaker 2: like I accidentally started a house fire in the house 824 00:39:27,880 --> 00:39:29,960 Speaker 2: I was living in. The house burned down, and that's 825 00:39:29,960 --> 00:39:31,560 Speaker 2: what kind of brought us together. And it was one 826 00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:35,200 Speaker 2: of those like it never should have happened. It's it's inexplicable, 827 00:39:35,239 --> 00:39:37,760 Speaker 2: Like I can't cut wrap my head around why that happened, 828 00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:40,320 Speaker 2: other than it was divine intervention. And I was supposed 829 00:39:40,360 --> 00:39:43,120 Speaker 2: to get together with Christian, and we got together very quickly, 830 00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:46,640 Speaker 2: and he told me, oh, I've been diagnosed by polar 831 00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:51,040 Speaker 2: and me, I didn't google it. I just said, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, 832 00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:53,320 Speaker 2: I'm a control freak. We all have our things like 833 00:39:53,040 --> 00:39:55,399 Speaker 2: like like that's because I didn't know what bipolar meant. 834 00:39:55,440 --> 00:39:57,200 Speaker 2: I just I was that's always okay. It's like some 835 00:39:57,239 --> 00:39:59,600 Speaker 2: sort of condition that you just kind of deal with, 836 00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:03,120 Speaker 2: like I ADHD, you know, and so I never saw 837 00:40:03,239 --> 00:40:05,920 Speaker 2: so he always was low lying depression, like the depressed. 838 00:40:06,200 --> 00:40:08,440 Speaker 2: And he was suicidal actually when I met him, So 839 00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:10,880 Speaker 2: like us getting together and him being a man of 840 00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:13,799 Speaker 2: his word, when he committed to me, he changed his course. 841 00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:15,840 Speaker 2: He was planning to take his life at that time. 842 00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:19,600 Speaker 2: So he was someone that struggled with chronic pain. He 843 00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:23,480 Speaker 2: was someone who he had learning issues. He was brilliant 844 00:40:23,560 --> 00:40:28,200 Speaker 2: and special and amazing, and he also had these incredible challenges. 845 00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:30,920 Speaker 2: And so I knew when I married him that I 846 00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:32,160 Speaker 2: was going to be taking care of him for the 847 00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:33,880 Speaker 2: rest of his life. I was going to be his caretaker, 848 00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:36,200 Speaker 2: you know. And I very much was his caretaker. I 849 00:40:36,239 --> 00:40:38,320 Speaker 2: you know, he couldn't hold a job and all those things, 850 00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:41,160 Speaker 2: but you know, we were very much in love. And 851 00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:44,680 Speaker 2: I believe when he did decide to he couldn't take 852 00:40:44,680 --> 00:40:47,080 Speaker 2: it anymore in this body, in this in this three 853 00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:50,680 Speaker 2: D body meat suit, he chose to check out. But 854 00:40:50,800 --> 00:40:52,799 Speaker 2: I believe he like I took care of him when 855 00:40:52,840 --> 00:40:55,319 Speaker 2: he was here, and he is taking care of me 856 00:40:55,400 --> 00:40:59,200 Speaker 2: right now. Wherever he is. And you know, bipolar is 857 00:40:59,239 --> 00:41:04,480 Speaker 2: something that I mean, bipolar people are the most extraordinarily 858 00:41:04,760 --> 00:41:09,160 Speaker 2: special and charismatic and challenged. You know, it's like they're 859 00:41:09,200 --> 00:41:13,719 Speaker 2: both and and he see living through the psychotic episodes 860 00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:17,400 Speaker 2: that I lived through with him and the mania. You know, 861 00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:19,600 Speaker 2: I mostly dealt with him being like under, you know, 862 00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:21,960 Speaker 2: being under like always like hard to get out of bed, 863 00:41:22,040 --> 00:41:25,839 Speaker 2: hard to motivate, you know, just like just like you know, 864 00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:29,319 Speaker 2: he couldn't kind of like rise to like you know, 865 00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:33,120 Speaker 2: a baseline that was like functioning, you know, and but 866 00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:36,080 Speaker 2: then when the mania trips in, then you oh my god, 867 00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:38,200 Speaker 2: he's like on fire. He's got all these ideas and 868 00:41:38,239 --> 00:41:40,160 Speaker 2: he's getting up in the morning with me and he's 869 00:41:40,200 --> 00:41:42,880 Speaker 2: oil pulling and he's going on a run. And I 870 00:41:42,880 --> 00:41:44,600 Speaker 2: mean it was just like seeing him like at his 871 00:41:44,680 --> 00:41:47,880 Speaker 2: best self. But then, you know, when you're not medicated 872 00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:50,160 Speaker 2: and when you're not being treated in some way, you 873 00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:52,399 Speaker 2: just keep going up and up and up to where 874 00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:54,960 Speaker 2: they think he thought he was. He was God, and 875 00:41:55,000 --> 00:41:56,799 Speaker 2: he thought he could cure cancer with his hands, and 876 00:41:56,840 --> 00:41:58,600 Speaker 2: he didn't need his range Rover, so he left it 877 00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:00,319 Speaker 2: on the side of the road because he could time 878 00:42:00,360 --> 00:42:01,959 Speaker 2: travel and he could. I mean, it was like that 879 00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:09,359 Speaker 2: kind of crazy that was really really so traumatizing. Isn't 880 00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:12,239 Speaker 2: a strong enough word for what I kind of experience 881 00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:14,279 Speaker 2: for me of seeing him change on a dime and 882 00:42:14,320 --> 00:42:16,319 Speaker 2: not being able to save him. Like that's the other thing. 883 00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:18,680 Speaker 2: It's like, I'm this manifesto, I've been able to really 884 00:42:18,719 --> 00:42:21,200 Speaker 2: like take care of things, you know, I'm someone that 885 00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:23,560 Speaker 2: like I can fix stuff, I can pay for stuff, 886 00:42:23,560 --> 00:42:26,160 Speaker 2: I can find the best person. And in this case 887 00:42:26,239 --> 00:42:31,160 Speaker 2: my beloved suffering partner, I could not save him, and 888 00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:37,400 Speaker 2: that was really hard to come to terms with, you know. 889 00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:40,960 Speaker 2: But I am not God. And he was here for 890 00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:43,120 Speaker 2: as long as he was supposed to be here, and 891 00:42:43,760 --> 00:42:48,840 Speaker 2: he was my greatest teacher, like a great love, like 892 00:42:48,880 --> 00:42:50,640 Speaker 2: I would have said, my greatest love. And I would 893 00:42:50,640 --> 00:42:53,440 Speaker 2: never have been lucky enough to find love again. But 894 00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:56,080 Speaker 2: I do feel like he was the step before for 895 00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:57,680 Speaker 2: me to get to where I am now with this 896 00:42:57,719 --> 00:43:01,120 Speaker 2: relationship with my new husband, Ross, who is the pinnacle 897 00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:06,600 Speaker 2: of partners and and I think the work I did 898 00:43:06,640 --> 00:43:10,440 Speaker 2: through getting healing from the loss of Christian made me 899 00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:14,200 Speaker 2: be in a place where I could recognize the quality 900 00:43:14,200 --> 00:43:16,439 Speaker 2: of human that I am attracting now, you know, because 901 00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:19,719 Speaker 2: I would attract I mean the people that I was 902 00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:21,520 Speaker 2: going to say got inside of me. But like you know, 903 00:43:21,560 --> 00:43:25,239 Speaker 2: I mean, I definitely am. It was less discerning than 904 00:43:25,520 --> 00:43:27,920 Speaker 2: than I am now. And now I'm with I'm just 905 00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:31,600 Speaker 2: with the most beautiful person for me, and yeah, it's 906 00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:33,799 Speaker 2: it's the best. It's honestly the best. 907 00:43:40,680 --> 00:43:42,360 Speaker 1: Do you remember when you had that I Choose me 908 00:43:42,440 --> 00:43:44,319 Speaker 1: moment where you were like, I'm going to let love 909 00:43:44,800 --> 00:43:47,239 Speaker 1: happen for me again, because I know you were which time, 910 00:43:47,840 --> 00:43:51,680 Speaker 1: I mean, this last thing feeling from that massive loss 911 00:43:51,719 --> 00:43:55,600 Speaker 1: and all that went with that, and then you met 912 00:43:55,680 --> 00:43:59,800 Speaker 1: Ross and you came to was it an impulsive to 913 00:43:59,840 --> 00:44:02,240 Speaker 1: say when you met Ross too? Or was that something 914 00:44:02,239 --> 00:44:05,840 Speaker 1: that you had to like choose to go down that 915 00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:06,440 Speaker 1: road again? 916 00:44:07,160 --> 00:44:09,879 Speaker 2: You know, I was dating someone else, So I was dating. 917 00:44:09,920 --> 00:44:13,720 Speaker 2: So here's okay, Okay, I was turning a wild woman. 918 00:44:13,920 --> 00:44:14,560 Speaker 1: I love it. 919 00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:16,920 Speaker 2: I know I was openly dating. So just you know, 920 00:44:16,960 --> 00:44:19,279 Speaker 2: I don't cheat. I've never cheated, and as far as 921 00:44:19,360 --> 00:44:22,240 Speaker 2: I know, I have never been cheated on in my life. 922 00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:25,120 Speaker 2: I have never dealt with infidelity as far as I know. 923 00:44:25,800 --> 00:44:28,520 Speaker 2: So I'm dealing with the hair stuff. I'm wearing these extensions. 924 00:44:28,560 --> 00:44:31,160 Speaker 2: I'm keeping like the whole thing is secret because I'm 925 00:44:31,239 --> 00:44:33,640 Speaker 2: so ashamed by it. And I'm turning fifty. Okay, I've 926 00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:35,799 Speaker 2: lost my partner. I've lost what I think is going 927 00:44:35,840 --> 00:44:38,160 Speaker 2: to be the last great love of my life. How 928 00:44:38,480 --> 00:44:40,840 Speaker 2: do I Who's going to want me in my fifties? 929 00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:42,920 Speaker 2: You know? And then I shaved my head and I'm 930 00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:47,000 Speaker 2: dating this guy and it's not I was holding on 931 00:44:47,080 --> 00:44:48,880 Speaker 2: for dear life with this guy even though he was 932 00:44:48,880 --> 00:44:51,520 Speaker 2: the wrong guy. And from the beginning he told me 933 00:44:51,960 --> 00:44:54,800 Speaker 2: like he told me he doesn't want partnership. He wanted 934 00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:56,960 Speaker 2: to be free, a free spirit, a Peter Pan. He 935 00:44:57,040 --> 00:44:59,200 Speaker 2: wanted that, you know. So it's like, I what do 936 00:44:59,239 --> 00:45:01,400 Speaker 2: I do when I want something, I'm gonna I'm going 937 00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:03,560 Speaker 2: to like push that square bag in that round hole, 938 00:45:03,600 --> 00:45:07,279 Speaker 2: no matter what. And so I was distracted in this 939 00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:10,520 Speaker 2: relationship that was not making me happy. And Ross comes 940 00:45:10,520 --> 00:45:12,279 Speaker 2: into the picture. I was introduced to him by a 941 00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:15,000 Speaker 2: mutual friend. I you know, I went out with him 942 00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:16,560 Speaker 2: because I was in an open you know. The guy 943 00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:18,760 Speaker 2: wanted an open thing. So I'm like, all right, whatever, wait. 944 00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:21,480 Speaker 1: Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait, yeah, you are 945 00:45:21,520 --> 00:45:23,279 Speaker 1: in an open relationship. 946 00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:26,360 Speaker 2: Yes, but for me, I was thinking, oh, I'm so 947 00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:29,560 Speaker 2: open minded, I'm a free spirit. Okay, yeah, But turns 948 00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:31,520 Speaker 2: out it brought out the worst in me. I was 949 00:45:31,600 --> 00:45:34,560 Speaker 2: so jealous. I was so insecure. I'm not insecure. I 950 00:45:34,600 --> 00:45:36,960 Speaker 2: told you, I love myself. I love every square inch 951 00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:39,920 Speaker 2: of myself. And I was becoming this person that I 952 00:45:39,960 --> 00:45:42,719 Speaker 2: did not recognize. And it was really Again, it was 953 00:45:42,760 --> 00:45:45,560 Speaker 2: another learning experience for me because I find out that 954 00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:50,880 Speaker 2: I'm actually a serial monogamist, like I actually, you know, yeah, 955 00:45:50,960 --> 00:45:52,799 Speaker 2: I'm not as open as I thought I was. So 956 00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:55,520 Speaker 2: I was with that guy this beginning of the pandemic. 957 00:45:56,080 --> 00:45:58,680 Speaker 2: The guy was perfectly nice guy. He just wasn't the guy. 958 00:45:58,840 --> 00:46:01,560 Speaker 2: But I'm thinking he's the guy because there's no other guy. 959 00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:04,120 Speaker 2: And I've got the gray. My hair was shaved, so 960 00:46:04,160 --> 00:46:06,600 Speaker 2: I had like half inch of gray hair. I thought 961 00:46:06,600 --> 00:46:08,320 Speaker 2: I look great, but I was. You know, I'm definitely 962 00:46:08,560 --> 00:46:12,799 Speaker 2: not everyone's type. And I get introduced to Ross and 963 00:46:12,880 --> 00:46:15,880 Speaker 2: what drew me to him is that he grew up Mormon. 964 00:46:16,600 --> 00:46:18,640 Speaker 2: He grew up Mormon. Then this is before the Real 965 00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:21,960 Speaker 2: Housewives of Salt Lake City. Okay, but I'm like fascinated 966 00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:25,719 Speaker 2: I'm an next talk show host. I love like humanity 967 00:46:25,880 --> 00:46:28,360 Speaker 2: and and so I was curious. I went out with 968 00:46:28,480 --> 00:46:30,960 Speaker 2: him literally to talk his ear off about Mormonism and 969 00:46:31,040 --> 00:46:33,520 Speaker 2: just to hear all the crazy stuff that goes on 970 00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:37,360 Speaker 2: behind the scenes. He and he's also six foot six, Okay, 971 00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:40,120 Speaker 2: he's a giant. I am five ' three. On a 972 00:46:40,160 --> 00:46:42,400 Speaker 2: good day, I was wearing a moomoo. I was wearing 973 00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:44,520 Speaker 2: a giant moumou. He said I looked like I was 974 00:46:44,560 --> 00:46:48,839 Speaker 2: four hundred pounds. He said it was false advertising. But yeah, 975 00:46:48,880 --> 00:46:50,800 Speaker 2: we went out and it was not a love connection 976 00:46:51,040 --> 00:46:53,000 Speaker 2: like the first date was not. It was like one 977 00:46:53,040 --> 00:46:56,080 Speaker 2: of those awkward COVID like hugs. You know you want 978 00:46:56,080 --> 00:46:57,880 Speaker 2: to hug, but like you don't want to die from it, 979 00:46:58,239 --> 00:46:59,879 Speaker 2: and so it was just like bye, see you again, 980 00:47:00,160 --> 00:47:02,640 Speaker 2: you know never, and we we. I reached out to 981 00:47:02,719 --> 00:47:05,920 Speaker 2: him like three weeks after that, when I was medicating 982 00:47:06,000 --> 00:47:09,080 Speaker 2: self medicating at home on a couple of cocktails and 983 00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:12,080 Speaker 2: another thing that we won't mention, but basically I was 984 00:47:12,120 --> 00:47:14,680 Speaker 2: like hi, and I wrote him, you know, I'd broken 985 00:47:14,760 --> 00:47:16,359 Speaker 2: up with the other guy again. We've gotten back together, 986 00:47:16,360 --> 00:47:18,160 Speaker 2: broke up again, And I wrote Ross. I was like, 987 00:47:18,160 --> 00:47:20,080 Speaker 2: are we ever going to hang out again? He's like sure, 988 00:47:20,520 --> 00:47:21,759 Speaker 2: and I was like, come over. And he was a 989 00:47:21,840 --> 00:47:24,280 Speaker 2: five minute walk from my house where I was living. 990 00:47:24,280 --> 00:47:26,440 Speaker 2: I was living in the Marina. Five minute walk. He 991 00:47:26,480 --> 00:47:29,760 Speaker 2: walks over and is like sandals and his red solo, 992 00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:34,800 Speaker 2: spicy marg and a cup and yeah, I mean, truth 993 00:47:34,880 --> 00:47:37,400 Speaker 2: be told. I did tell him. I warned him that 994 00:47:37,440 --> 00:47:39,600 Speaker 2: I'm gonna I'm going to I can't believe I'm want 995 00:47:39,600 --> 00:47:41,800 Speaker 2: to say this. I warned him that I'm going to 996 00:47:41,840 --> 00:47:43,240 Speaker 2: be the best lover he's ever had. 997 00:47:44,400 --> 00:47:46,160 Speaker 1: Oh, I love it, You're confident. 998 00:47:46,320 --> 00:47:48,520 Speaker 2: And then yeah, and then I passed out and then 999 00:47:48,520 --> 00:47:52,040 Speaker 2: he you know. So basically that was our meet cute story, 1000 00:47:52,520 --> 00:47:54,560 Speaker 2: and then we became each other. Well, he became my 1001 00:47:54,600 --> 00:47:56,520 Speaker 2: booty call for a number of months while I was 1002 00:47:56,560 --> 00:47:59,400 Speaker 2: still seeing the other guy. I was very open. I 1003 00:47:59,480 --> 00:48:01,279 Speaker 2: told raw, look, I'm a little bit bit of a 1004 00:48:01,320 --> 00:48:04,000 Speaker 2: head case, blah blah blah. But then I literally saw 1005 00:48:04,000 --> 00:48:06,120 Speaker 2: the light. I don't know if you follow like like 1006 00:48:06,239 --> 00:48:09,800 Speaker 2: the moon and astrology in the moon and like, so 1007 00:48:09,880 --> 00:48:14,000 Speaker 2: there was a super blue moon on Halloween of twenty twenty. 1008 00:48:14,280 --> 00:48:15,640 Speaker 2: I don't know if that rings a bell to you, 1009 00:48:15,960 --> 00:48:18,480 Speaker 2: but it was just a big thing, and my friends 1010 00:48:18,520 --> 00:48:21,120 Speaker 2: were telling me, oh, this is a portal you know, 1011 00:48:21,360 --> 00:48:24,120 Speaker 2: knowing and have an intention. Da da dah. And so 1012 00:48:24,280 --> 00:48:26,560 Speaker 2: that was the night. We've been dating for like three 1013 00:48:26,600 --> 00:48:29,120 Speaker 2: months casually, and that was the night on Halloween night 1014 00:48:29,120 --> 00:48:31,120 Speaker 2: where I literally it was like a rom com where 1015 00:48:31,160 --> 00:48:33,239 Speaker 2: I looked and did a double take in my house. 1016 00:48:33,239 --> 00:48:35,560 Speaker 2: He came over and i'd cause I wrote him I 1017 00:48:35,560 --> 00:48:37,279 Speaker 2: was supposed to a party and I canceled, and then 1018 00:48:37,280 --> 00:48:39,359 Speaker 2: I wrote to him and I was like, hey, come over, 1019 00:48:39,600 --> 00:48:41,600 Speaker 2: and this time he put his foot down and he's like, Okay, 1020 00:48:41,920 --> 00:48:44,520 Speaker 2: I'll come over, but I'm staying over this time. You're 1021 00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:46,000 Speaker 2: gonna have to deal with me in the morning, because 1022 00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:48,480 Speaker 2: every other time he'd left, you know, when we finished. 1023 00:48:49,040 --> 00:48:51,960 Speaker 2: And so we that night he came over and he 1024 00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:53,799 Speaker 2: sat on my couch. I remember looking at him and 1025 00:48:53,800 --> 00:48:57,480 Speaker 2: doing a double take, and I was like, Oh, it's you. 1026 00:48:58,520 --> 00:49:01,960 Speaker 2: It's always been you are the one. And that was it, 1027 00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:05,160 Speaker 2: Like it's like the light bulb went on over my head. 1028 00:49:05,280 --> 00:49:07,840 Speaker 2: And then he was he'd been waiting and he doesn't 1029 00:49:07,880 --> 00:49:09,200 Speaker 2: like to admit that, but he was. He was in 1030 00:49:09,239 --> 00:49:11,480 Speaker 2: love with me and waiting for me to come around 1031 00:49:11,960 --> 00:49:14,560 Speaker 2: and we've been together ever since. That was Halloween of 1032 00:49:14,560 --> 00:49:18,399 Speaker 2: twenty twenty and we got married in January twenty twenty two. 1033 00:49:19,200 --> 00:49:22,319 Speaker 2: And we are the happiest people in our fifties that 1034 00:49:22,360 --> 00:49:24,560 Speaker 2: I think you'll ever meet. It's like when it's right, 1035 00:49:24,640 --> 00:49:26,960 Speaker 2: it's right. We've never had an argument, we've never had 1036 00:49:27,000 --> 00:49:30,279 Speaker 2: a crossword, we've never gotten sick of each other, and 1037 00:49:30,320 --> 00:49:34,280 Speaker 2: we spend all of our time together when we're not working. 1038 00:49:34,480 --> 00:49:35,600 Speaker 2: It's which is a lot. 1039 00:49:36,960 --> 00:49:38,920 Speaker 1: Oh my god. I love this conversation so much. 1040 00:49:39,239 --> 00:49:39,799 Speaker 2: It's so good. 1041 00:49:39,880 --> 00:49:41,880 Speaker 1: It's so good. We're going to continue this conver We 1042 00:49:41,920 --> 00:49:45,439 Speaker 1: are going to continue it, but on your podcast Yay. 1043 00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:48,439 Speaker 1: Before we go, I want to ask you, Ricky Lake, 1044 00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:50,800 Speaker 1: what was your last I Choose me moment? 1045 00:49:51,360 --> 00:49:54,160 Speaker 2: This morning, I choose to take really good care of 1046 00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:57,000 Speaker 2: my body and my mind. And so I go on 1047 00:49:57,040 --> 00:49:59,000 Speaker 2: a hike every single morning. As I said, I live 1048 00:49:59,040 --> 00:50:00,600 Speaker 2: in Malibu, and I go out o my door and 1049 00:50:00,640 --> 00:50:02,200 Speaker 2: I do a three mile hike with my dog, most 1050 00:50:02,239 --> 00:50:04,040 Speaker 2: of the time with my husband. This morning, he didn't 1051 00:50:04,120 --> 00:50:06,279 Speaker 2: join me, and then I forced myself to go to 1052 00:50:06,320 --> 00:50:08,640 Speaker 2: my Lagrie pilates class. I do that three to four 1053 00:50:08,640 --> 00:50:11,200 Speaker 2: times a week, and so it's you know, it's like, 1054 00:50:11,239 --> 00:50:14,359 Speaker 2: would I rather stay in bed sometimes? But no, this 1055 00:50:14,440 --> 00:50:16,720 Speaker 2: is done so much for my body and my mind 1056 00:50:16,760 --> 00:50:19,359 Speaker 2: and my spirit, and so that is what I did. 1057 00:50:19,440 --> 00:50:21,560 Speaker 2: That was absolutely a choose me moment. 1058 00:50:22,040 --> 00:50:24,120 Speaker 1: Love it. Hey, I'll see you on the other side. 1059 00:50:24,280 --> 00:50:26,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, I can't wait. Be there, be square. 1060 00:50:30,640 --> 00:50:33,560 Speaker 1: This conversation with Ricky has been too good. We are 1061 00:50:33,600 --> 00:50:36,920 Speaker 1: going to continue part two over on her podcast, The 1062 00:50:37,040 --> 00:50:40,480 Speaker 1: High Life. We'll link to the episode in our show notes, 1063 00:50:40,520 --> 00:50:43,680 Speaker 1: so be sure to check the rest of this conversation 1064 00:50:43,719 --> 00:50:47,560 Speaker 1: out as we continue to choose ourselves each week. I 1065 00:50:47,680 --> 00:50:50,840 Speaker 1: want you to do something fun for yourself this week 1066 00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:53,399 Speaker 1: that will be a mood booster whenever you need it. 1067 00:50:53,440 --> 00:50:56,000 Speaker 1: I want you to make a playlist of all your 1068 00:50:56,040 --> 00:50:59,440 Speaker 1: favorite upbeat songs, music you want to sing and roll 1069 00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:01,920 Speaker 1: down the windows. Two songs that make you want to 1070 00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:04,520 Speaker 1: dance in the kitchen while you're cooking. No sad emo 1071 00:51:04,640 --> 00:51:08,880 Speaker 1: songs on this playlist. Okay, music can be so therapeutic. 1072 00:51:09,520 --> 00:51:12,920 Speaker 1: I want you to make your own I Choose Me playlist. 1073 00:51:13,280 --> 00:51:17,680 Speaker 1: You will find the song in a Mood by Ice 1074 00:51:17,680 --> 00:51:21,000 Speaker 1: Spice online. It always puts me in a good mood. 1075 00:51:21,120 --> 00:51:23,480 Speaker 1: I don't know there's just something about it. Thanks for 1076 00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:26,040 Speaker 1: listening to I Choose Me. You can check out all 1077 00:51:26,120 --> 00:51:29,520 Speaker 1: the social links in our show notes and the link 1078 00:51:29,760 --> 00:51:32,759 Speaker 1: to part two of this incredible conversation with Ricky Lake. 1079 00:51:33,200 --> 00:51:35,880 Speaker 1: So rate and review the podcast and use the hashtag 1080 00:51:35,920 --> 00:51:39,319 Speaker 1: I Choose Me. I hope you'll be here with me 1081 00:51:39,440 --> 00:51:41,279 Speaker 1: next week. I love you, guys,