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Speaker 1: Felsman. This week, I did something this episode a little

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Speaker 1: differently to talk about a topic that many people face,

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Speaker 1: disordered eating. I have on two guests this week who

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Speaker 1: have their own personal experience with the topic and how

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Speaker 1: they use their stories to now help others who are

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Speaker 1: struggling with the same thing. Even more importantly, they are

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Speaker 1: from two different parts of the world, so they have

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Speaker 1: different experiences but also relate in many ways. Here are

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Speaker 1: interviews with Eliza and Tory Payton on disordered eating. Another

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Speaker 1: episode inspired this episode. I was talking with Cara about

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Speaker 1: Integrative Health and her disordered eating experience and how that

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Speaker 1: influenced her career. But I wanted to dedicate an entire

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Speaker 1: episode to this particular topic, disordered eating. So I have

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Speaker 1: on Eliza, who is an eating disorder recovery coach and

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Speaker 1: ten years recovered in her own life. Hi Eliza, how

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Speaker 1: are you?

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Speaker 2: Hi?

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Speaker 3: Am good. I'm happy to be here.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for coming on, and we're going to dive

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Speaker 1: right into this really intense topic and I just appreciate

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Speaker 1: your vulnerability up front. So talk to me about your

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Speaker 1: disordered eating story, where this all started and began for you.

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Speaker 1: Tell me what happened there.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, like I had Pullman Orthrix young. But also I

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Speaker 3: want to maybe started a little bit further because people

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Speaker 3: don't realize like how it actually like. You don't develop

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Speaker 3: like a you know, food blown eating a salta overnight

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Speaker 3: at least like for me, developed actually for years and years.

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Speaker 3: For example, when I was a teenager, I would say

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Speaker 3: maybe a fuele of years old or something. But your

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Speaker 3: body starts to develop. I remember I started to feel

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Speaker 3: like my hips are whiter, and I was one of

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Speaker 3: the first one in my class, like from the girls

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Speaker 3: who developed foods. And I just felt like my body

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Speaker 3: was changing and I felt like that this is why

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Speaker 3: I was so vulnerable too. I want to like maybe

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Speaker 3: control it or diet. So this is when I started

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Speaker 3: to die. First diet I remember I did, was I

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Speaker 3: stopped eating after six pm. And nowadays I think this

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Speaker 3: is called intermitted fasting. But basically I stopped eating after

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Speaker 3: six pm. I allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted

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Speaker 3: throughout the day, but of course since I restricted in

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Speaker 3: the evening, I lost weight, and of course, like for

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Speaker 3: a period of time, I felt good and like it

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Speaker 3: was working and I could keep it up for like

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Speaker 3: half a year, but then There was like one particular

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Speaker 3: night when I was like out with my friends and

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Speaker 3: I was like so hungry, but I was like, no,

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Speaker 3: I can't eat. And it was like finally when I

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Speaker 3: gave in. And I think like this was the first

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Speaker 3: time I had my proper like a binge eating episode,

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Speaker 3: and I was like so taken aback, Like what happened?

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, I can't do this. I would gain

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Speaker 3: all the weight back and everything, but yeah, I couldn't

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Speaker 3: keep up with it. I couldn't stop myself from eating

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Speaker 3: at the night and everything and all the way it

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Speaker 3: came back. And then my mom she never commented on

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Speaker 3: my body or pushed me to diet, but she did

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Speaker 3: some diets herself, and one time we went to a

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Speaker 3: little vocation and she was following this. I guess it

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Speaker 3: was like an Adkins type of diet, and I was like, oh,

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Speaker 3: can I try it as well? Can we do it

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Speaker 3: both of us? And I guess like my mom didn't

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Speaker 3: know anything about diets or how it's like powerful and

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Speaker 3: especially to a teenager even for adult actually, but yeah,

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Speaker 3: like again lost weight. I remember one time I almost

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Speaker 3: painted and my mom was like, oh my god, what's happening?

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Speaker 3: You need to eat, and she was a little bit worried.

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Speaker 3: But basically like from that period of time, I guess

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Speaker 3: my disordered eating started and I developed episodes of binge eating, overeating.

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Speaker 3: It wasn't like bullieve me, I yet done something and

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Speaker 3: I called myself more like an emotion eater or I

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Speaker 3: thought I'm just addicted to the yummy foods or something.

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Speaker 3: But now I know that it wasn't like emotion eating

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Speaker 3: or food addiction. You can develop all of those symptoms

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Speaker 3: because you're restricting food. So anyway, then fast forward to

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Speaker 3: when I was about like twenty years old, I went

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Speaker 3: through this like heartbreak right like I was so in

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Speaker 3: love and we were together for a few years, but

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Speaker 3: we broke up. And I would say that I fell

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Speaker 3: into some kind of depression or something and I abused

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Speaker 3: like alcohol and I was like smoking back then, and

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Speaker 3: I just felt like completely like in a black hole

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Speaker 3: and I had like really like dark thoughts and everything.

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Speaker 3: And I guess like it was huge stress what I

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Speaker 3: went through. And now looking back, I know this is

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Speaker 3: why I started to develop some health symptoms, Like because

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Speaker 3: of stress, my hair was falling out, I developed like

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Speaker 3: acne on my face. I had digestion issues. But back then,

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Speaker 3: of course, like I started to google, like how can

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Speaker 3: I fix myself? I didn't want to like them drugs

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Speaker 3: for the skin, right because for example, like things like aquitain,

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Speaker 3: like it can be like there can be so many

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Speaker 3: bad symptoms from taking drugs. So I'm like, I don't

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Speaker 3: want to take drugs. I want to heal myself from

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Speaker 3: the inside out. Right. I had a good goal. I

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Speaker 3: didn't want to like, oh, I just want to donate

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Speaker 3: to be thin or whatever. I just thought, I want

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Speaker 3: to feel myself. I want to feel good and I

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Speaker 3: don't want to have those symptoms. But this is when I, yeah, googled.

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Speaker 3: I found the clean eating, high carb, low fat, vegan eating,

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Speaker 3: raw foodism, then fruitarianism, all those things, and yeah, I

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Speaker 3: would just generally say, like I I had to eat

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Speaker 3: like very clean. Of course I didn't want to. I

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Speaker 3: don't know this fruitarianism overnight. But maybe first I cut

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Speaker 3: out sugar. Then I cut out airy because like normally

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Speaker 3: you hear, oh, those are that are bad for your

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Speaker 3: skin and everything, so basic, I started took out cut

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Speaker 3: out more and more foods. I started to do those

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Speaker 3: weeks of I'm just going to eat clean the whole week,

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Speaker 3: but since I was already like a binge eater or overeater,

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Speaker 3: then I would always end my week with a binge,

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Speaker 3: basically going to a shop and buying all the foods

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Speaker 3: that I restricted, all the processed foods, junk food like,

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Speaker 3: everything that was like out of limits. Those are the

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Speaker 3: foods that I wanted and prayed and die binge on them.

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Speaker 3: And after one particular binge session, I just ate so

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Speaker 3: much that I was physically so uncomfortable, so painfully full,

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Speaker 3: that I went through toilette and I vomited. And I

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Speaker 3: was at the first moment, I was already aware, Oh

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Speaker 3: my god, like this is what polymics do. This is

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Speaker 3: no like, I'm not developing bulimia. This is just one

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Speaker 3: time I was just overly full. I'm just like helping

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Speaker 3: my body. I just ate too much, blah blah blah.

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Speaker 3: But the truth is because I didn't stop this mindset

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Speaker 3: and I didn't blame the eating, the clean eating. I

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Speaker 3: thought it is healthy, there's nothing wrong with that. I

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Speaker 3: didn't see that how it's restrictive. Then the bing is

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Speaker 3: continued and omitting goes so continued. So yeah, this is

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Speaker 3: how it all begins. Basically.

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Speaker 1: I think the thing that stands out the most for

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Speaker 1: me is hearing you talk about just these wide variety

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Speaker 1: of experiences. I think a lot of people when they

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Speaker 1: hear disordered eating, they automatically think, Oh, this person is

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Speaker 1: eating and then throwing up. That's it. There's no one between,

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Speaker 1: there's no other things happening, And that was so apparent

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Speaker 1: for me. And your beginning story is just these different

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Speaker 1: fluctuations of things that we're seeing in culture. You're seeing

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Speaker 1: and experiencing things that other people are different diets, body

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Speaker 1: image issues, you're clean eating and wanting to go on

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Speaker 1: a new path. None of it is inherently bad, but

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Speaker 1: for someone who is constantly seeing things in a certain light,

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Speaker 1: it's gonna reflect. And that's what I'm saying happened in

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Speaker 1: your journey. So talking about that moment where you start realizing, oh,

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Speaker 1: this is what this is. When did that happen? Oh

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Speaker 1: I am this is a disorder eating pattern? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess from the point I said that the

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Speaker 3: first time I vomited and then the pattern just continued.

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Speaker 3: But I think like all the time I was just

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Speaker 3: telling myself or lying to myself, like you know, like

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Speaker 3: I don't want to be thin necessary. I just want

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Speaker 3: healthy for my health, like for my skin, for my health,

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Speaker 3: for my digestion and everything. And I genuinely thought that

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Speaker 3: certain foods are causing the digestion issues, for example gluten

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Speaker 3: and dairy, and because the thing with those foods are

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Speaker 3: if you actually start to restrict those foods and don't

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Speaker 3: eat them for a while, then your stomach can stop

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Speaker 3: producing the necessary enzymes to eat to digestion them properly.

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Speaker 3: And this is why it can seem that, oh, every

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Speaker 3: time I now eat them a little bit, I have symptoms.

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Speaker 3: I thought that I'm doing the good thing. And that's

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Speaker 3: the thing with clean eating, especially like for me, was

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Speaker 3: that I knew that it wasn't normal, like the symptoms,

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Speaker 3: but I just didn't see what can I do differently

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Speaker 3: or I can't eat all the foods or it's like

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Speaker 3: I'm just trying to do it for my health. So

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Speaker 3: this is where you get in trapped. And also the

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Speaker 3: more you're restrict, the more you start to feel hear

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Speaker 3: all kinds of foods and have a guilt and plus

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Speaker 3: the symptoms and everything, so it's like a big trap.

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Speaker 3: You push yourself into a corner kind.

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Speaker 1: When you were going through all of this. I know

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Speaker 1: you mentioned your mom and how she was doing diets

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Speaker 1: and you wanted to come on, But was there anyone

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Speaker 1: around you who was picking up on you doing this?

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Speaker 1: Or was you really good at hiding what was happening?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, like really good at hiding. It's not only about

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Speaker 3: that you lose a bunch of weight or you restrict

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Speaker 3: your calories like heavily or something, but it can also

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Speaker 3: manifest that's like clean eating or yeah, just avoiding some foods,

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Speaker 3: or or you can't eat out in a restaurant or

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Speaker 3: randomly 're like no, I can't go because they don't

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Speaker 3: serve this and that. And of course, like people do

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Speaker 3: have like real intolerances and everything, but this is not

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Speaker 3: like what I'm talking about them, just talking about how

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Speaker 3: those symptoms people at least, like the highest culture is

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Speaker 3: so normalized that often those behaviors are praised, like people

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Speaker 3: lose weight or try to eat healthy. It's, oh my god,

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Speaker 3: like you are so inspirational, like how do you do it?

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Speaker 3: Even when I remember, like I was young and I

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Speaker 3: stopped eating after six pm, like like my mom didn't

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Speaker 3: mean anything bad, but even she was like oh, you

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Speaker 3: are so good at this or good job, and now

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Speaker 3: I'm like what I know as a coach, I'm like,

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Speaker 3: I don't know, Like she wasn't the bad mom, but

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Speaker 3: I think, like it's so normalized people don't see it

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Speaker 3: as a problem. But of course, like they're perching or

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Speaker 3: the woman thing. This is what I could mass like.

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Speaker 3: I would only do it when I was like completely alone,

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Speaker 3: and since yeah, I didn't look like I have an

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Speaker 3: eating salter, then it was pretty easy to hide it.

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Speaker 1: What was the turning moment when you realized, Okay, I

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Speaker 1: can't do this anymore and I need to get help

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Speaker 1: or I need to change my patterns. Because I hear

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Speaker 1: you mentioning a lot of this, and because you were

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Speaker 1: doing a lot of stuff alone, I imagine that turning

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Speaker 1: point had to be significant for you to finally take

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Speaker 1: that step to turn the corner.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. So I feel like for me, I always wanted

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Speaker 3: to recover and get better, but I searched for the

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Speaker 3: answers from the right wrong places. For example, them high carb,

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Speaker 3: low fat vegan that I was following promote no color restriction.

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Speaker 3: They say, if you want to be successful at this

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Speaker 3: or be vegan, you have to eat enough calories, like

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Speaker 3: to two five hundred plus calories. If you eat less,

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Speaker 3: like you are restricting, so of course you're going to

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Speaker 3: be in and everything. So I genuinely thought that this

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Speaker 3: is not restrictive and it's cure for my bingches. But

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Speaker 3: I just thought, like the other foods are just addictive

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Speaker 3: and I just have to I don't know, change my

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Speaker 3: taste pots. And they talk about all those things like yeah, totally,

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Speaker 3: like your taste pots are going to change, and so

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Speaker 3: I looked for answers from the wrong places, but I

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Speaker 3: had like always this, I don't want to keep on binging.

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Speaker 3: I don't want to keep having bolima, like I don't

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Speaker 3: understand why it happens. And I guess one year I

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Speaker 3: was searching for answers or googling something about recovery or bolima,

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Speaker 3: and I stumbled upon this like one book and she

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Speaker 3: talked about how she recovered I think like she had

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Speaker 3: Bullyman on her excl fourteen years or something, and she

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Speaker 3: talked about how she recovered from it fully by into

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Speaker 3: it e beating, and I was like, okay, great, and

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Speaker 3: so much of her book like makes and made sense

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Speaker 3: to me and everything, But in the end of the book,

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Speaker 3: like she wrote out what she ate for I guess,

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Speaker 3: like or something, and there was like all kinds of

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Speaker 3: different foods and normal foods and cooked foods, but also

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Speaker 3: like she went out to eat with her friends like

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Speaker 3: hamburgers and French fries. And I was like, okay, like

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Speaker 3: I can't do it because this is on a health field,

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Speaker 3: like she's so lost, and like I thought, like she's

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Speaker 3: like poor her, she doesn't know what she's doing, Like

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Speaker 3: I was so brainwashed in my area. So I was like, no,

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Speaker 3: I can't do it. And then I continued to struggle

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Speaker 3: for another year, and then another year went past, and

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Speaker 3: I guess already like also searching and googling, and I

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Speaker 3: downloaded and ebook again and everything, and I read it

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Speaker 3: and I'm like I've already read this book and it

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Speaker 3: was the same book, like I bought it again. But

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Speaker 3: then reading the book and the event like what she

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Speaker 3: had eaten that week, like I finally it clicked for me,

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Speaker 3: and it was like yeah, like all this year, I

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Speaker 3: wasn't very restricting anymore, but I was heavily restricting on

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Speaker 3: foods that I could eat. And I was like so

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Speaker 3: desperate and so tired that point, and I knew what

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Speaker 3: I'm doing is not working. I was like one hundred

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Speaker 3: percent convinced that it's not working. So I guess like

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Speaker 3: I was finally open minded enough. Two, Okay, I'm gonna

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Speaker 3: try it. Like at this point, I have nothing else

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Speaker 3: to lose, and if I need to quit, throw food whatever.

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Speaker 3: Like in Estonia, like I had such a community and

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Speaker 3: I had business around it and everything. It wasn't like

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Speaker 3: an easy thing to change. But I was like, I'm

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Speaker 3: gonna change my whole life. I'm going to change my friends,

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Speaker 3: I'm going to change my work, you know what I

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Speaker 3: do everything if I can just recover, So I was

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Speaker 3: willing to, like, yeah, just let go all restrictions. So

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Speaker 3: my recovery started when I finally decided that I have

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Speaker 3: to let go all restrictions, not just color restriction but

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Speaker 3: also food restriction and eat the hamburgers and French spies

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Speaker 3: and all the foods I thought are like so unhealthy.

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Speaker 3: And yeah, so.

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Speaker 1: Hearing you say that where you're like, I have to

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Speaker 1: just give up and let go of everything to start

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Speaker 1: over is a hard decision to make you're sitting here,

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Speaker 1: especially the experience you had for so long where you

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Speaker 1: thought you were doing the right thing. It's so important

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Speaker 1: hearing you say I thought I was doing the right thing.

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Speaker 1: I was clean eating, I was doing everything that people

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Speaker 1: were telling me to do, because it is it's a

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Speaker 1: guys in a way if you are doing it in

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Speaker 1: a way that is hurting your body instead of helping

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Speaker 1: your body. And restricting foods is a huge part of

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Speaker 1: that whole movement intuitive eating. Everything you mentioned there is

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Speaker 1: just so important. So thank you for sharing that, because

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Speaker 1: I also know that turning point had to be difficult,

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Speaker 1: but I applaud your ability to let go and say, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I have to start over and I need to do

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Speaker 1: this for myself. And you saw that you made that

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Speaker 1: turning point, which is why you're a coach now to

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Speaker 1: help people do the same thing. What are some things

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Speaker 1: you wish you had known going through this experience originally

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Speaker 1: if you could someone right now that's in your shoes

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Speaker 1: ten plus years ago, what's something you wish you could

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Speaker 1: have had the information?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, since my eating Solder was so tied to the

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Speaker 3: clean eating and being healthy and everything. Of course, at

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Speaker 3: first when I started, I didn't have this connection. But

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Speaker 3: then like after years of trying to clean, eat clean

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Speaker 3: and be healthy and everything. But at the same time,

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Speaker 3: like realizing like I have an eating solder. I wish

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Speaker 3: people would see that as long as you have an

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Speaker 3: eating sold then no clean eating is going to make

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Speaker 3: you healthy. Like eating solder is not a not healthy.

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Speaker 3: It's like those foods whatever you deem it's unhealthy, are

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Speaker 3: not going to hurt you as much as the eating

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Speaker 3: solder will hurt you. So it's like, yeah, getting rid

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Speaker 3: of the eating sold is the top priority. And also

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Speaker 3: I don't know, like we can get into it about everything,

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Speaker 3: but it's not that it's not like I eat now

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Speaker 3: hamburgers and French pries every day and this is what

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Speaker 3: people think. Oh if I just let go and I

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Speaker 3: eat whatever I want. And of course, if you're so deprived,

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Speaker 3: there's gonna be a recovery phase when you have things

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Speaker 3: like extreme hunger, extreme cravings. It's so normal to go

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Speaker 3: through it where you gravitas towards the exact foods you craved.

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Speaker 3: But as long as you stop restricting compensating of course,

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Speaker 3: like perching, I don't know, using whatever methods you used

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Speaker 3: to compensate, then over time, like your cravings and hungred

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Speaker 3: cues and everything will go back to balance. So yeah,

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Speaker 3: it was one of my biggest fears because every time

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Speaker 3: I previously allowed myself to have those foods, I finished.

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Speaker 3: So I'm like, how can that be the answer. But

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Speaker 3: I didn't realize that you have to stop restricting along

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Speaker 3: with that, all the compensating and over exercising, perching like whatever.

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Speaker 3: So then over time the cravings can go back to normal.

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Speaker 3: And now like, I'm into ITV and I eat. I'm

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Speaker 3: like a normal eater. I even sometimes don't like the

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Speaker 3: term intoity eating because it seems, oh, what are the steps,

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Speaker 3: Like it's just normal eating, Like it's just normal eating.

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Speaker 3: And and I don't binge on chunk food anymore. I

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Speaker 3: eat quite a good like variety. Also, I love like

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Speaker 3: good like home cooked meals and like fruit sweatgies. I

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Speaker 3: can eat out. I have no longer, no stress, no

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Speaker 3: guilt over food or anything. So yeah, just people maybe

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Speaker 3: when they hear when they are struggling and in this

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Speaker 3: clean eating mindset, they have so many fears like, oh,

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Speaker 3: but then I would just eat chunk forever. But actually

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Speaker 3: this is not the case. Actually the opposite is true.

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Speaker 3: Your hunger can go back to normal.

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Speaker 1: It sounds like there's just so many different extremes, and

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Speaker 1: as long as you're going to those extremes, it's not

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Speaker 1: good for you. Whether it's the extreme side of being

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Speaker 1: so healthy and such either or the extreme of over eating,

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Speaker 1: of binging, of there's a balance, just as there is

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Speaker 1: with everything in life. There's a balance with food, and

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Speaker 1: you should be able to have fun with your friends

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Speaker 1: while also understanding that there are good foods that are

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Speaker 1: gonna fuel your body. There's also foods out there that

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Speaker 1: are gonna make you feel a little bit more sluggish,

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Speaker 1: and they might have things in them that your body

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Speaker 1: isn't used to breaking down. But that balance is hard

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Speaker 1: to understand because we've been taught so many different things.

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Speaker 1: So the mind plays a lot of tricks as you're

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Speaker 1: going through all of this this is good and that's bad,

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Speaker 1: when in reality, you just need to have things that

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Speaker 1: make your body feel good. That's the bottom line. It's

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Speaker 1: so important hearing you say the different variations of that again,

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Speaker 1: because I think we've been taught to believe disordered eating

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Speaker 1: is very associated with anorexia or bolimia, and that's it.

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Speaker 1: There's so much in between that brings those out. Now,

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Speaker 1: being in this post side of recovery and you're ten

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Speaker 1: years outside of your eating disorder, what's it been like

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Speaker 1: for you? Is there still triggers? Is it a battle

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Speaker 1: every day that you're fighting.

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Speaker 3: No, I wouldn't say there are still triggers in terms

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Speaker 3: of the eating sold But like I said before, like

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Speaker 3: I learned my lesson that so many health symptoms can

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Speaker 3: actually start with stress, and I wish like I would

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Speaker 3: have known it before that, like I don't need to

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Speaker 3: start clean eating or cutting out foods, but firstly, at

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Speaker 3: least like for me, like for my body, stress is

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Speaker 3: a big trigger for me to have symptoms. For example,

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Speaker 3: in twenty eighteen or seventeen or something, when I was

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Speaker 3: already recovered for I don't know like how many years,

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Speaker 3: maybe five years or so, I also went through stress

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00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:57,359
Speaker 3: and it was more like work stress and yeah, and

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Speaker 3: I also started to develop the same symptoms like my

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Speaker 3: hair was falling out, acne again, digestion issues. But now

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Speaker 3: I was like, no, I won't start to restrict foods,

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Speaker 3: even though I was afraid to go to doctor to

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Speaker 3: ask about my digestion because I was afraid they will

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Speaker 3: tell me like yeah, I cut out theairy cut out

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Speaker 3: blah blah blah, and I'm like, I can't cut out foods,

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Speaker 3: so I'm just gonna focus on managing my stress. And yeah,

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Speaker 3: and it worked, and over time, all the symptoms went away.

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Speaker 3: I didn't change anything in my dad. The an acne

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00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:34,800
Speaker 3: went away, the hair loss, the digestion issues issue is

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Speaker 3: a little bit different story because I continue to have

390
00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:41,080
Speaker 3: the symptoms for three years because I I was so

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Speaker 3: afraid to go to doctor because I thought maybe they

392
00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:47,159
Speaker 3: would say restrict something. But luckily I went to doctor

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Speaker 3: and they discovered I had H Pylori bacteria. And I guess,

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Speaker 3: like from my research, I think stress can also trigger it,

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00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,200
Speaker 3: like so many people have it already in their god,

396
00:21:59,280 --> 00:22:03,639
Speaker 3: but due to stress, it can just how I say multiplier,

397
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Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't want to use any incorrect terms.

398
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:10,440
Speaker 3: And I did one week of antibiotic antibiotics and the

399
00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:14,280
Speaker 3: stomach issues went away and I didn't have to start restricting.

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Speaker 3: And so what I just want to say is that

401
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,560
Speaker 3: I finally learned the lesson that at least like for me,

402
00:22:20,359 --> 00:22:23,520
Speaker 3: like stress is a big trigger for health symptoms and

403
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:26,720
Speaker 3: I don't need to start restricting foods, but just start

404
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:31,280
Speaker 3: to focus on reducing stress and managing my stress levels

405
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:36,200
Speaker 3: and like sleep more and do meditation, relaxation, more time

406
00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:39,560
Speaker 3: for myself. They like gate stuff to other people, ask

407
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:42,560
Speaker 3: more help, And yeah, I didn't went back to my

408
00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:45,119
Speaker 3: eating folder because I learned my lesson and I know

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Speaker 3: like from my other clients, like stress is such a

410
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:50,840
Speaker 3: trigger for them as well, and sometimes they start to

411
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:53,399
Speaker 3: restrict again and it's just yeah, I guess like a

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Speaker 3: big learning lesson is the link to the stress.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we don't ever realized how much stress impacts our lives,

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Speaker 1: and we have stress every single day with working in

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00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:10,280
Speaker 1: the roles we play in people's lives. Like, stress is

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Speaker 1: a major factor in our lives, and I don't think

417
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:16,480
Speaker 1: we ever give it enough credit for how it can

418
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Speaker 1: treat our bodies and the pressure it puts on us.

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Speaker 1: So that's a really important one and one that I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't have thought of to be like the underlying here's

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00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:28,359
Speaker 1: the real key issue that you need to work through.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I love to end our episodes on whether it's a

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Speaker 1: piece of advice or perspective that you have for people

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Speaker 1: who are on this journey they're going through it, Maybe

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Speaker 1: they're towards the end, maybe they're right in the middle.

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Speaker 1: What's something that you would love them to know from you?

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Speaker 3: Like one of the things I mentioned already that really

429
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Speaker 3: helped me to even start my recovery, Like I had

430
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Speaker 3: so many objections and hesitations and everything, but was the

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Speaker 3: fact that finally was like open minded to okay, like

432
00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:05,880
Speaker 3: this is clearly not working what I'm doing. And then

433
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:09,360
Speaker 3: I was finding like open minded to hear different things,

434
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:12,840
Speaker 3: even things that contradicted to my previous beliefs about like

435
00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:16,200
Speaker 3: healthy eating and everything. For example, like we talk about

436
00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:19,119
Speaker 3: like eating chunk foods, like how can this be helping

437
00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:22,280
Speaker 3: you recover? Like like I understand total like it doesn't

438
00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:25,199
Speaker 3: make sense, but of course, like we have such a

439
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:27,639
Speaker 3: limited period of time here to talk about it, but

440
00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:29,879
Speaker 3: if it would take time to maybe see my work

441
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,640
Speaker 3: or read my book or something, then you would see

442
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:36,200
Speaker 3: like how it makes total sense. And also thinks about

443
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:39,399
Speaker 3: like going through extreme hunger in recovery, like how this

444
00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:43,720
Speaker 3: is not you binging, this is just aftermath after the restriction,

445
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:45,760
Speaker 3: and how your body is trying to catch up, and

446
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,920
Speaker 3: also things like if you're awaken and I had such

447
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:52,280
Speaker 3: a belief about coming from the DAD mentality and everything

448
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:55,240
Speaker 3: that I need to be responsible for my weight and

449
00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:58,120
Speaker 3: if I just let go of the control, my weight

450
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:01,199
Speaker 3: will just spiral out of control. But actually, like what

451
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:04,280
Speaker 3: I also talk about a lot as well, is like

452
00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:07,040
Speaker 3: your body actually has a set point weight that is

453
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:11,960
Speaker 3: mostly determined by genetics, like regulated by your like normal hunger, fuse,

454
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:15,240
Speaker 3: and metabolism, which is the goal of full recovery. Right,

455
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:18,359
Speaker 3: get your body functioning normally again, So then actually your

456
00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:21,840
Speaker 3: body actually wants to start maintaining your set point effortlessly.

457
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:24,919
Speaker 3: You just eat normally like naturally, you're going to be

458
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,159
Speaker 3: able to then eat one hungry, stop and full, and

459
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:29,280
Speaker 3: there's nothing like I need to manage on a data

460
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:31,760
Speaker 3: basis on my weight, and I didn't know that. Actually

461
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:34,399
Speaker 3: my body wants to stay in home staces, like it

462
00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:37,560
Speaker 3: doesn't want to just fluctuate with weight, and if it does,

463
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:41,119
Speaker 3: then there's something going on either stress or maybe food

464
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:45,000
Speaker 3: restriction that causes you to binge it or whatever. So yeah,

465
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:49,520
Speaker 3: just to be more open minded to the ideas of

466
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:56,640
Speaker 3: letting go all restrictions because in all restrictive eatings alters,

467
00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:59,520
Speaker 3: like this is the first step to start with. You

468
00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:05,040
Speaker 3: cannot cover from eating salter while still restricting like you cannot. Yes,

469
00:26:05,119 --> 00:26:07,840
Speaker 3: it's like a mental issue, but it's also very busic

470
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,400
Speaker 3: and restriction fuels those symptoms.

471
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:15,520
Speaker 1: Thank you for sharing those things. You had said one

472
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:19,320
Speaker 1: more thing that I want to go into, and it

473
00:26:19,440 --> 00:26:22,720
Speaker 1: was it reminded me of this question that I had

474
00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:27,359
Speaker 1: for you. Where I'd love to know on this side

475
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:31,080
Speaker 1: of things, I'm someone who luckily hasn't had the experience

476
00:26:31,080 --> 00:26:34,960
Speaker 1: with disordered eating. What is something I can do to

477
00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:38,000
Speaker 1: support my friends or people that I know that go

478
00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:41,240
Speaker 1: through these things? Like I never want to do or

479
00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:43,080
Speaker 1: say the wrong things. I want to make sure that

480
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:46,439
Speaker 1: I'm a safe space for all of that. What is

481
00:26:46,480 --> 00:26:49,600
Speaker 1: someone on the opposite side of this who can make

482
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:51,560
Speaker 1: sure they're doing the right things? What is something we

483
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:52,240
Speaker 1: can do better?

484
00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:56,280
Speaker 3: Yeah? I think it also depends on whether or not,

485
00:26:56,359 --> 00:26:59,800
Speaker 3: like they are open about them issues they're going through.

486
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:02,119
Speaker 3: I don't know if it's like a good idea to

487
00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:04,240
Speaker 3: start to talk about it if they don't bring it

488
00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:06,280
Speaker 3: up or something, because it can be like a very

489
00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:10,760
Speaker 3: sensitive topic. But yeah, and sometimes like just being there

490
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:15,760
Speaker 3: for them and maybe be vulnerable yourself about whatever else

491
00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:18,879
Speaker 3: you're going through. So maybe it will sign them also

492
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:22,320
Speaker 3: to open up. But the boast often I think like

493
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:27,200
Speaker 3: people need rather somebody to just listen and to understand,

494
00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:30,680
Speaker 3: of course, not to kind of say, yeah, you're doing

495
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:33,440
Speaker 3: the right thing or something, but just listen and understand

496
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:37,000
Speaker 3: and be compassionate and kind and not go with them,

497
00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:39,360
Speaker 3: Oh you should do this, So you should do that,

498
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:42,159
Speaker 3: especially if you don't have experience, and then yes, like

499
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:44,360
Speaker 3: it would be very easy to say the wrong thing.

500
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,920
Speaker 3: But also in general, like with eating salters, you never

501
00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:52,080
Speaker 3: want to mention about like food or diets, like definitely

502
00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:55,560
Speaker 3: no diet talk around them. Definitely, no talk about this

503
00:27:55,680 --> 00:27:58,880
Speaker 3: food is good or bad, healthy and healthy like any

504
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:03,600
Speaker 3: of those labels. No talk about their weight or anybody else's. Wait,

505
00:28:03,680 --> 00:28:08,160
Speaker 3: even criticizing your own body can be say to them that, yeah,

506
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:11,479
Speaker 3: like bodies are something to be criticized or weight is

507
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:15,840
Speaker 3: something to be feared or controlled. So I guess, yeah, like,

508
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:21,040
Speaker 3: don't talk about food, weights and those things, and maybe yeah,

509
00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:25,280
Speaker 3: you can urge the conversation about something else, because even

510
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:27,440
Speaker 3: though they need to get their mind off from their

511
00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:30,280
Speaker 3: food and eating and the last thing maybe they need

512
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:33,600
Speaker 3: is someone close to them start to ask a bunch

513
00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:36,240
Speaker 3: of questions and tell them like what to do or something.

514
00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:39,920
Speaker 3: But it's so hard because I don't know, like, of

515
00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:43,120
Speaker 3: course somebody who is like a parent, and sometimes you

516
00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:46,080
Speaker 3: need to have intervention if you see like things are

517
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:49,760
Speaker 3: really going bad. But it's like, very often I see

518
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:52,960
Speaker 3: that it's so hard to help somebody who is not

519
00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:56,680
Speaker 3: ready or who is who doesn't think there's something wrong.

520
00:28:57,080 --> 00:28:58,959
Speaker 3: Like people ask me like, yeah, like now I'm in

521
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:02,400
Speaker 3: recovery and I see other people dieting and doing this

522
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:04,200
Speaker 3: and that at LISTA, what can I do? I'm like,

523
00:29:04,320 --> 00:29:07,000
Speaker 3: I don't know, because I know when I was deep

524
00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:10,920
Speaker 3: into that, I wasn't open minded enough. I wasn't receptive

525
00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:12,920
Speaker 3: to that because I had my own beliefs and everything.

526
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:18,160
Speaker 3: It would have maybe pushed people away. Even so, but

527
00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:20,960
Speaker 3: what I tell them is that you lead by example,

528
00:29:21,080 --> 00:29:24,240
Speaker 3: be there fully recovered person you can be, and then

529
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:27,880
Speaker 3: maybe your friends or whoever you meet, they will be

530
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:33,000
Speaker 3: positively influenced just by your example, not by what you say,

531
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:34,920
Speaker 3: but what you do and how you are.

532
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:37,640
Speaker 1: I was going to ask you that if you happen

533
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:40,040
Speaker 1: to see a friend experiencing this and you're seeing the

534
00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:43,000
Speaker 1: pattern of behavior, but just like with a lot of

535
00:29:43,960 --> 00:29:47,600
Speaker 1: trauma in our lives. Until somebody is ready to get

536
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:50,760
Speaker 1: the help, you can't force them to have the help.

537
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:55,280
Speaker 1: And that was you answer my next question already.

538
00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:59,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, but maybe if you are vulnerable and you share

539
00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:02,760
Speaker 3: your experience this or something, it will urge them also

540
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:06,360
Speaker 3: to talk about their experiences and open up and be trusting.

541
00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:10,240
Speaker 3: But also don't then jump on the telling them what

542
00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:12,760
Speaker 3: to do. But just in an over a period of time,

543
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:15,920
Speaker 3: they will start to trust you, and maybe then they

544
00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:18,960
Speaker 3: will also trust you around this area if they already

545
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:21,680
Speaker 3: see that you are most of the time like listening

546
00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:24,960
Speaker 3: and compassionate and you love them as they are.

547
00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:28,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a great place first, and do thank you

548
00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:30,720
Speaker 1: so much for being here. Thank you for sharing your

549
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:34,240
Speaker 1: story and talking about something that's very difficult to talk about,

550
00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:37,200
Speaker 1: your journey. Check out all of her stuff. It's amazing.

551
00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:40,360
Speaker 1: Opposite in the description of this podcast, but for those

552
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:43,040
Speaker 1: in recovery or wanting to get into recovery, I think

553
00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:45,160
Speaker 1: this is a great first step. So thank you so much.

554
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:48,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you so much, and thank you for this opportunity.

555
00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:52,600
Speaker 3: And yeah, I'm honored to be here. Yeah, thank you.

556
00:30:56,880 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 1: I was searching social media to find another person to

557
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:04,120
Speaker 1: talk about this topic with, and I found Tory Payton's page.

558
00:31:04,120 --> 00:31:07,680
Speaker 1: She was talking about her experience with an eating disorder

559
00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:10,440
Speaker 1: and the entire experience, and she's really trying to help

560
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:14,520
Speaker 1: people go through the experience alone, which is or not

561
00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:17,120
Speaker 1: go through the experience alone, which the whole purpose of

562
00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:21,400
Speaker 1: this podcast is to talk about hard topics and hopes

563
00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:23,680
Speaker 1: that people feel less alone. So it was the perfect

564
00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:26,840
Speaker 1: matchup when I saw you, so Tory, thank you for joining,

565
00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:27,680
Speaker 1: thanks for being here.

566
00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:30,040
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, thank you for reaching out. I'm so

567
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:33,720
Speaker 2: happy to talk about such an important and not often

568
00:31:33,760 --> 00:31:38,440
Speaker 2: discussed topic, especially in the days of ozembic and the

569
00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:40,800
Speaker 2: lack of body positivity. So I'm really excited.

570
00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:44,600
Speaker 1: Yes, we are in a strange time right now. It's

571
00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:48,720
Speaker 1: like the fluctuation. Sometimes it's up and everybody's body positive,

572
00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:51,720
Speaker 1: and then we go back down. And it's the culture

573
00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:55,680
Speaker 1: shift that keeps moving and flowing. And that I had

574
00:31:55,680 --> 00:32:00,400
Speaker 1: an episode with an incredibly intelligent woman named Lindsay Kite,

575
00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:05,360
Speaker 1: and she studied this entire structure of what it looks

576
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:07,640
Speaker 1: like for a body image in the way that it

577
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:12,000
Speaker 1: shaped us in women's culture, and it's what wanted me

578
00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:15,440
Speaker 1: to do this episode specifically on disordered eating because it's

579
00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:19,400
Speaker 1: such an important topic. So, toy, we're going to start

580
00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:23,240
Speaker 1: diving in super deep right away. But tell me about you.

581
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:25,960
Speaker 1: Tell me about your disordered eating journey. Where this all

582
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:26,600
Speaker 1: started for you.

583
00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:31,720
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness. Okay, So honestly, I think it started

584
00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:36,840
Speaker 2: when I was seven. I'm pretty open talking about all

585
00:32:36,880 --> 00:32:40,000
Speaker 2: the different traumatic things I've gone through, just because I

586
00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:43,000
Speaker 2: think in talking about them, I could replain my own story.

587
00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:46,120
Speaker 2: And so when I was seven, I was actually sexually assaulted,

588
00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:48,840
Speaker 2: and from that moment on, I just had a really

589
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:52,080
Speaker 2: complicated relationship with my body. It caused me to have

590
00:32:52,280 --> 00:32:54,880
Speaker 2: just this feeling of disconnection and this feeling like I

591
00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:57,920
Speaker 2: always in some ways needed to punish my body. I

592
00:32:57,960 --> 00:33:01,480
Speaker 2: don't know exactly how to to describe that in super

593
00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:04,440
Speaker 2: articulate language, but it was just like a way of

594
00:33:04,520 --> 00:33:07,800
Speaker 2: navigating the world that felt very disconnected. And so I

595
00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:11,080
Speaker 2: ended up becoming an athlete. Throughout high school I played

596
00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:14,880
Speaker 2: competitive volleyball, and then into college I played competitive volleyball,

597
00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:19,040
Speaker 2: and once I quit volleyball I was about nineteen or

598
00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:21,960
Speaker 2: twenty years old. I didn't end up finishing volleyball because

599
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,600
Speaker 2: I got injured, and once I quit, I just had

600
00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:26,959
Speaker 2: no idea, like how to exist. I had been pushing

601
00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:30,400
Speaker 2: my body for so hard for so long, and through

602
00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:33,520
Speaker 2: that fueling super adequately, making sure I wanted to be

603
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:37,080
Speaker 2: the best at my sport, and so from the fueling perspective,

604
00:33:37,240 --> 00:33:40,920
Speaker 2: everything was good until I stopped playing, and then I

605
00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:43,840
Speaker 2: was like, I have no idea how I'm supposed to exist,

606
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:46,560
Speaker 2: Like I'm not an athlete anymore. I don't have an

607
00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:49,560
Speaker 2: athlete's body, Like what type of body am I supposed

608
00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:52,480
Speaker 2: to have? And so naturally I went to social media

609
00:33:52,520 --> 00:33:54,560
Speaker 2: to see what the other girls were doing at that time,

610
00:33:55,040 --> 00:33:58,760
Speaker 2: and a lot of them were like skinny white sorority girls,

611
00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:01,960
Speaker 2: to be honest, and so so I thought, that's who

612
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:05,560
Speaker 2: I'm supposed to be, Like, that is what a feminine

613
00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:08,719
Speaker 2: woman at this time means, that's what she looks like.

614
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:11,759
Speaker 2: And so I did my absolute artist to lose as

615
00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:13,840
Speaker 2: much weight as I possibly can in as short a

616
00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:17,560
Speaker 2: period of time as I possibly could. So when I

617
00:34:17,600 --> 00:34:20,759
Speaker 2: was twenty years old, I think I dropped thirty or

618
00:34:20,760 --> 00:34:26,560
Speaker 2: forty pounds just really quickly. And from there what started

619
00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:29,320
Speaker 2: is like wanting to lose weight to look good became

620
00:34:30,239 --> 00:34:33,360
Speaker 2: a really deep and dark obsession that lasted five years,

621
00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:36,880
Speaker 2: and it wasn't until May of twenty twenty three that

622
00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:39,600
Speaker 2: I was like, you know what, I have to make

623
00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:42,480
Speaker 2: a change. Like I'm twenty five. I feel like I

624
00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:45,520
Speaker 2: haven't lived any of my twenties because I'm so obsessed

625
00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:50,359
Speaker 2: with my body, with managing food, and I don't want

626
00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:52,279
Speaker 2: to live anymore. Like it got to that point, like

627
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:55,200
Speaker 2: a lot of times we don't think about the implications

628
00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:57,840
Speaker 2: of restriction and the point it can get your body

629
00:34:57,840 --> 00:35:00,439
Speaker 2: and your mind too. But yeah, I just I didn't

630
00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:02,799
Speaker 2: want to keep going, and so two years ago I

631
00:35:02,880 --> 00:35:06,120
Speaker 2: chose to recover. Since then, it's been ups and downs,

632
00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:12,440
Speaker 2: but mainly just feeling so grateful for just like words

633
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:15,000
Speaker 2: don't really describe. I'm just very grateful for having been

634
00:35:15,080 --> 00:35:17,920
Speaker 2: at the lowest of possible lowst now having hope and

635
00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:19,920
Speaker 2: not just having hope, but being able to share it

636
00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:21,799
Speaker 2: with other people, Like it is such a gift, and

637
00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:26,000
Speaker 2: I'm so grateful. However weird it sounds to have gone

638
00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:27,400
Speaker 2: through that so that I can help other.

639
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:28,000
Speaker 3: People through it.

640
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:33,800
Speaker 1: The craziest thing about disordered eating stories. I have another

641
00:35:33,880 --> 00:35:37,240
Speaker 1: person who's on this episode with you, and the vast

642
00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:41,440
Speaker 1: difference is there isn't a one size fits all when

643
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:43,319
Speaker 1: it comes to this and what it looks like and

644
00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:48,279
Speaker 1: how it appears and hers was this natural progression. But

645
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:50,520
Speaker 1: what I can notice is a lot of it is

646
00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:57,080
Speaker 1: societal influence, like outside of your really horrible experience, which

647
00:35:57,480 --> 00:36:00,719
Speaker 1: breaks my heart for you, but something that then set

648
00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:04,919
Speaker 1: you even further on a different path. It's just heartbreaking

649
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:08,960
Speaker 1: to think that started this for you. But looking at

650
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:12,200
Speaker 1: bigger picture in this particular moment in question, I want

651
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:15,440
Speaker 1: to go down. This societal impact is something that is

652
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:20,360
Speaker 1: really difficult for us to understand and address. You're sitting

653
00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:22,719
Speaker 1: here and able to say I saw this, and this

654
00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:24,880
Speaker 1: is what this looked like, and I can see that now.

655
00:36:25,560 --> 00:36:28,560
Speaker 1: But when you were in it, were you ever thinking, oh,

656
00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:31,440
Speaker 1: this is not actually probably very healthy, or this is

657
00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:33,279
Speaker 1: not what I should be doing. Was there ever this

658
00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:36,239
Speaker 1: battle that you were having internally or was it just

659
00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:38,160
Speaker 1: so clear cut like this is who I'm supposed to

660
00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:39,319
Speaker 1: be because that's who they are.

661
00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:43,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's such a good question. I've actually been reflecting

662
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:46,200
Speaker 2: on this a lot lately, just randomly and thinking about

663
00:36:46,640 --> 00:36:50,560
Speaker 2: how do we as women identify ourselves and I think

664
00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:53,400
Speaker 2: I've come to the conclusion that we either put ourselves

665
00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:56,160
Speaker 2: in two boxes because society tells us too, and one

666
00:36:56,239 --> 00:36:59,640
Speaker 2: is appearance and two is performance. I was so caught

667
00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:04,480
Speaker 2: up with on the volleyball side, fueling, like my ego,

668
00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:07,640
Speaker 2: my identity based off of how I was performing at volleyball.

669
00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:11,240
Speaker 2: So once that was gone, once my feeling of sense

670
00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:14,640
Speaker 2: of worth was gone from volleyball, I was like, Okay,

671
00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:17,440
Speaker 2: I don't have that, so now let me focus on appearance.

672
00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:20,479
Speaker 2: And if you go on social media today, you'll see

673
00:37:20,560 --> 00:37:23,880
Speaker 2: plenty of people on skinny Talk but also on Instagram

674
00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:27,040
Speaker 2: that are telling you a woman is supposed to be pretty,

675
00:37:27,239 --> 00:37:30,200
Speaker 2: like that is her role as a human being. You

676
00:37:30,239 --> 00:37:33,680
Speaker 2: need to be pretty, and you need to be soft spoken,

677
00:37:33,800 --> 00:37:37,360
Speaker 2: and you need to be kind and just all of

678
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:40,680
Speaker 2: these expectations for women that really just put us in

679
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:44,279
Speaker 2: a box and you're either the productivity girl or you're

680
00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:48,040
Speaker 2: the like, cute, pretty girl. And so yeah, I would

681
00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:50,880
Speaker 2: say one hundred percent, like during that time, because volleyball

682
00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:52,880
Speaker 2: was gone, I was like, Okay, it's all about how

683
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:56,400
Speaker 2: I look at this point, and it's really scary that

684
00:37:56,480 --> 00:37:58,759
Speaker 2: I feel like we're at a point in history where

685
00:37:58,800 --> 00:38:01,799
Speaker 2: all that is like coming back again, where like the

686
00:38:01,960 --> 00:38:06,240
Speaker 2: skinny Influencer is in again. It's really terrifying for people

687
00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:09,040
Speaker 2: who are trying to recover or heal from those things.

688
00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:12,960
Speaker 1: Right now, what has social media been like? You're mentioning

689
00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:17,080
Speaker 1: the skinny Influencer, and I love how you addressed what

690
00:38:17,160 --> 00:38:18,920
Speaker 1: I just said, and so thank you for going there.

691
00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:20,319
Speaker 1: I know all the things I'm going to ask you

692
00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:23,440
Speaker 1: about are just going to be deep and emotional.

693
00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:26,000
Speaker 2: So we love deep and emotional.

694
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:29,320
Speaker 1: This is good. This is how we talk about these things.

695
00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:32,680
Speaker 1: You're talking about the Skinny Influencer as someone who went

696
00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:34,960
Speaker 1: through it and is now in the post side of it.

697
00:38:36,040 --> 00:38:38,440
Speaker 1: What is social media like for you? What is that

698
00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:42,799
Speaker 1: experience like for you? And making sure I don't know

699
00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:45,000
Speaker 1: if trigger it's the right word, or making sure that

700
00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:48,160
Speaker 1: you're just not impacted by social media in that same

701
00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:48,840
Speaker 1: way anymore.

702
00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:54,520
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness. It is crazy recovering and going through

703
00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:57,879
Speaker 2: that process of healing your relationship with your body and

704
00:38:57,920 --> 00:38:59,960
Speaker 2: being on the other side of it for the moment

705
00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:03,399
Speaker 2: most part, and seeing how many things you thought were

706
00:39:03,480 --> 00:39:06,440
Speaker 2: normal that were actually disordered, like the what I eat

707
00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:09,799
Speaker 2: in a days where girls are eating literally an avocado

708
00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:13,520
Speaker 2: toast in a smoothie, and the fitness influencers that work

709
00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:16,200
Speaker 2: out at the gym multiple hours a day and barely eat,

710
00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:19,840
Speaker 2: or just the girls who are like constantly focused on

711
00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:22,200
Speaker 2: like being the absolute thinness that they can be. Like

712
00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:24,879
Speaker 2: all of these things I thought was so normal, and

713
00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:27,160
Speaker 2: I wanted the ads. I wanted to be super thin

714
00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:30,400
Speaker 2: and skinny and pretty, because not only is that what

715
00:39:31,280 --> 00:39:35,040
Speaker 2: society was telling me women should look like for women,

716
00:39:35,200 --> 00:39:37,600
Speaker 2: but like it told me that's how like men were

717
00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:39,640
Speaker 2: going to like me too, And so I was like, oh, okay,

718
00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:42,879
Speaker 2: like I have to look that way. And so now

719
00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:44,719
Speaker 2: being on the other side of it, I can take

720
00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:48,840
Speaker 2: a step back and be like, wow, that is actually insane.

721
00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:51,720
Speaker 2: Like you straight up we're trying to change everything about

722
00:39:51,760 --> 00:39:56,960
Speaker 2: you to fit this like box that isn't even going

723
00:39:56,960 --> 00:39:59,040
Speaker 2: to allow you to fulfill like your purposes and dreams

724
00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:01,359
Speaker 2: and amazing things in life. And so now I think

725
00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:03,560
Speaker 2: I'm easily can take a step back and be like

726
00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:07,680
Speaker 2: toy rein it in that's not for you. We know

727
00:40:07,719 --> 00:40:10,480
Speaker 2: where that led you, we know the path that took you.

728
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:12,600
Speaker 2: You have to focus on what is your purpose on

729
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:16,680
Speaker 2: this earth? And so super easy to compare. Yes, I

730
00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:20,360
Speaker 2: still get little triggers or like little comparison nudges, but

731
00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:22,600
Speaker 2: I always try to bring it back. So, Okay, comparison

732
00:40:22,680 --> 00:40:25,000
Speaker 2: is the thief of joy I have no idea what

733
00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:26,440
Speaker 2: their life is like behind the screen.

734
00:40:26,600 --> 00:40:27,600
Speaker 3: What am I doing? Like?

735
00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:28,960
Speaker 2: How am I helping people?

736
00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:29,080
Speaker 3: Like?

737
00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:30,760
Speaker 2: How am I making a difference in the world.

738
00:40:31,719 --> 00:40:34,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a good reminder for people to have because

739
00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:38,040
Speaker 1: social media. I work in it, it's my job. I

740
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:41,279
Speaker 1: understand it on so many levels. But I am someone

741
00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:43,040
Speaker 1: who can look at it and say there's good and

742
00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:47,200
Speaker 1: there is bad, And that's just the commonality with social

743
00:40:47,200 --> 00:40:54,520
Speaker 1: media is understanding both of those sides. It's hard for

744
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:56,960
Speaker 1: me to understand. So this is why I have people

745
00:40:57,560 --> 00:40:59,920
Speaker 1: like you that come on and share this. When you

746
00:41:00,280 --> 00:41:04,279
Speaker 1: were in this moment of just the very deep you

747
00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:08,120
Speaker 1: mentioned you were like at your lowest point. Yeah, what

748
00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:11,200
Speaker 1: was that moment like for you when this was all

749
00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:14,000
Speaker 1: happening and it was like finally came to its volcano?

750
00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:21,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, I honestly need to like go through a period

751
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:25,080
Speaker 2: of therapy where I can really just sit in how

752
00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:28,280
Speaker 2: horrible those five years were. To be honest, I'd block

753
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:31,520
Speaker 2: it out because that's how bad it was. Every single

754
00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:34,600
Speaker 2: day I woke up, I had this voice in my

755
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:37,719
Speaker 2: head screaming at me, telling me I needed to be skinnier.

756
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:40,640
Speaker 2: I was worthless, I wasn't pretty enough. I needed to

757
00:41:40,680 --> 00:41:45,560
Speaker 2: control my food. And it essentially took away my health physically,

758
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:50,240
Speaker 2: my health mentally, everything I liked about myself, my personality.

759
00:41:50,280 --> 00:41:53,279
Speaker 2: I lost friends. Every day was genuinely a living hell.

760
00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:55,920
Speaker 2: And I know that's not the experience for everyone with

761
00:41:55,960 --> 00:41:59,200
Speaker 2: disordered eating, but for me at this period where I

762
00:41:59,239 --> 00:42:02,320
Speaker 2: had a severe eating disorder, like it was just terrible

763
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:06,840
Speaker 2: and so honestly, like everything just came to a head.

764
00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:09,840
Speaker 2: One night in May where I was alone at home.

765
00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:13,799
Speaker 2: I felt pretty isolated, because this stuff really isolates you,

766
00:42:14,160 --> 00:42:18,000
Speaker 2: and I was engaging in a bunch of negative behaviors

767
00:42:18,000 --> 00:42:22,040
Speaker 2: like binging and purging, and I was like, I think,

768
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:25,000
Speaker 2: this is it. This is the moment. I was sitting

769
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:26,600
Speaker 2: on the bathroom floor and I was like, this is

770
00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:31,399
Speaker 2: the moment where I change things and I decide I'm

771
00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:33,200
Speaker 2: going to try to live a good life and that

772
00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:37,080
Speaker 2: might mean putting on some weight or this is it,

773
00:42:37,120 --> 00:42:39,920
Speaker 2: and I'm just going to be done, Like I'm going

774
00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:42,640
Speaker 2: to let this disease consume me and essentially kill me,

775
00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:45,520
Speaker 2: because that's what eating disorders or like not fueling your

776
00:42:45,520 --> 00:42:50,200
Speaker 2: body will do, like physically to people. And so in

777
00:42:50,239 --> 00:42:54,759
Speaker 2: that moment, I just felt like a whisper honestly from

778
00:42:54,760 --> 00:42:56,520
Speaker 2: God because I'm a Christian, where he was just like,

779
00:42:56,520 --> 00:42:58,919
Speaker 2: you've got to change. This is not what I had

780
00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:01,719
Speaker 2: for you. This is not it. There's something so much

781
00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:04,280
Speaker 2: bigger for you out there, but you have to change.

782
00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:06,560
Speaker 2: I know you're terrified, but you have to.

783
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:11,520
Speaker 1: I've had my own personal super low moments, but hearing

784
00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:16,759
Speaker 1: you recount yours, I know how hard that darkness is.

785
00:43:16,920 --> 00:43:20,160
Speaker 1: Like it doesn't matter what that trouble was, but to

786
00:43:20,400 --> 00:43:22,920
Speaker 1: feel at your lowest moment, your darkest and you're like,

787
00:43:23,719 --> 00:43:26,360
Speaker 1: this is the end of my story, this is the

788
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:30,360
Speaker 1: end of my life. I know that place is so

789
00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:33,400
Speaker 1: hard to then come back from. Even if you do

790
00:43:33,480 --> 00:43:35,400
Speaker 1: get that whisper, even if you do get that little

791
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:41,359
Speaker 1: jolt saying hey, we have to change this, because not

792
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:43,799
Speaker 1: only are you in this moment right here where it's

793
00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:46,799
Speaker 1: the darkest moment ever, but you have to climb out

794
00:43:46,840 --> 00:43:51,319
Speaker 1: of it. And the climb feels like Mount Everest. You're

795
00:43:51,360 --> 00:43:56,360
Speaker 1: never gonna get finished or get there. So now, going

796
00:43:56,400 --> 00:43:59,600
Speaker 1: from this lowest moment, what did your climb kind of

797
00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:02,719
Speaker 1: start to look like? From that bathroom floor and you

798
00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:05,920
Speaker 1: got this whipper and you're trying to figure out Okay,

799
00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:08,680
Speaker 1: I hear you, But what am I supposed to do

800
00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:09,600
Speaker 1: to change this?

801
00:44:10,719 --> 00:44:15,400
Speaker 2: Yeah? I think I think in that moment that was

802
00:44:15,480 --> 00:44:17,880
Speaker 2: like I'm all in. I think everyone has to have

803
00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:21,200
Speaker 2: a moment where they're like, I'm all in. I'm not

804
00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:23,799
Speaker 2: going back. I just made a promise to myself that day,

805
00:44:23,960 --> 00:44:26,840
Speaker 2: I'm not going back to my eating disorder like I refuse.

806
00:44:27,640 --> 00:44:31,680
Speaker 2: And so ever since that day, it's been a slow

807
00:44:32,680 --> 00:44:36,160
Speaker 2: like pruning of myself where I'm just slowly taking out

808
00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:39,799
Speaker 2: the negative and slowly inserting the positive. And so it

809
00:44:39,880 --> 00:44:42,640
Speaker 2: wasn't like one day the next day I woke up

810
00:44:42,680 --> 00:44:46,520
Speaker 2: and everything was better. But the next day I woke

811
00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:48,719
Speaker 2: up and I was like, I'm not going back, and

812
00:44:48,719 --> 00:44:50,840
Speaker 2: I'm going to do whatever I can every day to

813
00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:54,640
Speaker 2: move one step forward. And I think anyone who's healing

814
00:44:54,680 --> 00:44:58,520
Speaker 2: from something like food and body image issues just know

815
00:44:58,719 --> 00:45:02,200
Speaker 2: that it's not a clear path forward. It's not like

816
00:45:02,400 --> 00:45:05,919
Speaker 2: one step every single day all the time. It might

817
00:45:05,960 --> 00:45:10,879
Speaker 2: be one step forward, five steps back, another five steps back,

818
00:45:10,880 --> 00:45:14,240
Speaker 2: and then ten steps forward, Like it's so messy because

819
00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:16,640
Speaker 2: we're in perfect human beings and it's just not going

820
00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:20,919
Speaker 2: to be a perfect linear journey. But the number one

821
00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:23,400
Speaker 2: thing that helped me the most was genuinely believing in

822
00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:26,640
Speaker 2: myself and being kind to myself. I know that sounds crazy,

823
00:45:26,719 --> 00:45:30,640
Speaker 2: I know it sounds very cliche, but for so long

824
00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:33,080
Speaker 2: I had that inner critic voice that I was listening to,

825
00:45:33,239 --> 00:45:36,600
Speaker 2: and it really just made me feel terrible about myself.

826
00:45:36,719 --> 00:45:40,239
Speaker 2: And so I decided from that low moment on the

827
00:45:40,239 --> 00:45:42,640
Speaker 2: one thing I would do is I would believe in myself,

828
00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:44,319
Speaker 2: and I would tell myself that I can do it,

829
00:45:44,360 --> 00:45:47,680
Speaker 2: because I truly believe in the power of your mind,

830
00:45:47,880 --> 00:45:52,359
Speaker 2: and you're like working towards just trying to reframe that

831
00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:55,080
Speaker 2: negative inner critic into a positive one in your mind

832
00:45:55,160 --> 00:45:58,319
Speaker 2: can do so much for you. And so I know

833
00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:00,399
Speaker 2: I touched on a bunch of different things, but that's

834
00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:03,120
Speaker 2: what I would say, Like, it wasn't just like a

835
00:46:03,200 --> 00:46:06,440
Speaker 2: snap and everything was good. It was just the long, slow,

836
00:46:07,239 --> 00:46:11,000
Speaker 2: tedious process of curiosity and grace to myself.

837
00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:16,080
Speaker 1: And that's so important to recognize because healing is never

838
00:46:16,120 --> 00:46:20,560
Speaker 1: a linear journey. It's like circular and square and all

839
00:46:20,600 --> 00:46:23,239
Speaker 1: the geomatic shapes you want to come up with. That's

840
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:27,120
Speaker 1: what healing looks like. And it's really important for people

841
00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:29,239
Speaker 1: to hear that from somebody who went through it. So

842
00:46:29,239 --> 00:46:31,600
Speaker 1: thanks for sharing that. And also it's not crazy at

843
00:46:31,600 --> 00:46:34,080
Speaker 1: all that you were talking about the positive mindset and

844
00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:37,480
Speaker 1: understanding and believing yourself. One of our biggest tools as

845
00:46:37,560 --> 00:46:41,440
Speaker 1: human beings is like recognizing the power and strength we

846
00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:45,520
Speaker 1: have within ourselves to do something. And to your point,

847
00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:48,960
Speaker 1: mindset matters, and we hear it and it sounds to

848
00:46:49,000 --> 00:46:52,080
Speaker 1: everybody so wou We're like, oh your mind, Yeah, no,

849
00:46:52,160 --> 00:46:54,799
Speaker 1: that doesn't matter, but it does. Like at the end

850
00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:56,400
Speaker 1: of the day, your brain is part of your body

851
00:46:56,440 --> 00:47:00,520
Speaker 1: and it's trying to help you. So super powerful stuff

852
00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:02,640
Speaker 1: right there as you're going through these maybe it was

853
00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:05,319
Speaker 1: on the front end, that very low moment, maybe on

854
00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:09,000
Speaker 1: the healing side. What's something you wish you would have

855
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:14,080
Speaker 1: known sooner throughout this entire process, Like something if somebody's

856
00:47:14,080 --> 00:47:15,480
Speaker 1: going through it right now and you're like, dang, I

857
00:47:15,520 --> 00:47:19,960
Speaker 1: wish me at that moment could have known this. What

858
00:47:20,040 --> 00:47:22,479
Speaker 1: would that look like for you? To tell someone else.

859
00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:28,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think honestly, waking can be such a big

860
00:47:28,160 --> 00:47:31,600
Speaker 2: fear with people when they're recovering from something like disordered

861
00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:34,919
Speaker 2: eating or eating disorders. And I just wanted that girl

862
00:47:34,960 --> 00:47:38,120
Speaker 2: to know, who was like terrified for five years of

863
00:47:38,160 --> 00:47:41,479
Speaker 2: gaining weight, that it's really not that big of a deal.

864
00:47:41,920 --> 00:47:45,879
Speaker 2: And I know that sounds so just like I'm throwing

865
00:47:45,920 --> 00:47:47,960
Speaker 2: off people's fears and saying they're not important. That's not

866
00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:50,040
Speaker 2: what I mean at all. I just mean, like the

867
00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:55,080
Speaker 2: life that you're going to get is just no comparison

868
00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:57,319
Speaker 2: to the weight that you're going to gain. Like your

869
00:47:57,400 --> 00:48:00,600
Speaker 2: life is going to be so much fuller and better

870
00:48:01,120 --> 00:48:05,040
Speaker 2: and personality, your personality will come back, relationships will be healed,

871
00:48:05,080 --> 00:48:08,000
Speaker 2: Like things will be so much better. And I wish

872
00:48:08,000 --> 00:48:10,880
Speaker 2: i'd told that girl who was so timid to start healing,

873
00:48:11,480 --> 00:48:16,800
Speaker 2: like things genuinely will get better. Like recovery and healing

874
00:48:17,040 --> 00:48:20,399
Speaker 2: is way better even the worst day than the best

875
00:48:20,480 --> 00:48:22,160
Speaker 2: day you ever had when you were struggling.

876
00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:25,880
Speaker 1: That's so powerful. You mentioned the moments where you would

877
00:48:25,920 --> 00:48:29,440
Speaker 1: take five steps forward and ten steps back or vice versa.

878
00:48:30,080 --> 00:48:33,120
Speaker 1: I want someone to hear your words very much so

879
00:48:33,440 --> 00:48:36,520
Speaker 1: in this process because there's probably going to be a

880
00:48:36,560 --> 00:48:40,280
Speaker 1: lot of people out there that are listening and would

881
00:48:40,480 --> 00:48:44,200
Speaker 1: want to give up in the process of healing, and

882
00:48:44,280 --> 00:48:49,080
Speaker 1: sometimes hearing somebody else have these just very normal human moments.

883
00:48:49,120 --> 00:48:51,200
Speaker 1: So if I'm not perfect and I went through this

884
00:48:51,280 --> 00:48:54,640
Speaker 1: and it was all across the board, is really important

885
00:48:54,640 --> 00:48:59,000
Speaker 1: to hear, especially when they're either choosing to start to

886
00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:01,960
Speaker 1: heal or in the process of healing or considering it.

887
00:49:02,760 --> 00:49:05,440
Speaker 1: Can you walk through a little bit for someone who's

888
00:49:05,480 --> 00:49:09,600
Speaker 1: maybe in one of those spaces and they're like, gosh,

889
00:49:09,680 --> 00:49:11,920
Speaker 1: I just I don't think I'm ready for that battle.

890
00:49:12,960 --> 00:49:20,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would say, honestly, the most helpful thing during

891
00:49:20,440 --> 00:49:23,560
Speaker 2: my process was just remembering what I was fighting for.

892
00:49:23,800 --> 00:49:25,759
Speaker 2: If you don't know what you're fighting for, then it's

893
00:49:25,760 --> 00:49:29,400
Speaker 2: going to be a pointless battle. You're not fighting to

894
00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:32,440
Speaker 2: make sure that your therapist or your dietitian feels good

895
00:49:32,640 --> 00:49:35,600
Speaker 2: about the progress you've made. You're not fighting so that

896
00:49:36,560 --> 00:49:39,360
Speaker 2: your family and friends won't be worried about you anymore.

897
00:49:39,800 --> 00:49:42,879
Speaker 2: And you're not fighting for other comments from other people

898
00:49:42,920 --> 00:49:45,160
Speaker 2: about like how healthy you look and like how much

899
00:49:45,200 --> 00:49:48,759
Speaker 2: better life looks on you. You're really fighting for your

900
00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:51,800
Speaker 2: true self that is what healing is about. It's connecting

901
00:49:51,800 --> 00:49:56,200
Speaker 2: with your authentic true self and exploring, like who that

902
00:49:56,280 --> 00:49:59,440
Speaker 2: person is. I had no idea because I was so

903
00:49:59,640 --> 00:50:02,799
Speaker 2: upset with like my eating disorder, with my body, Like

904
00:50:02,880 --> 00:50:05,520
Speaker 2: I had no idea who I was, especially in my twenties,

905
00:50:05,600 --> 00:50:07,759
Speaker 2: Like when I'm supposed to be figuring out like my

906
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:10,920
Speaker 2: identity and who I am, I had no clue. And

907
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:14,760
Speaker 2: so so much of my healing journey I would hold

908
00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:18,640
Speaker 2: on to no, I'm fighting to connect with that person,

909
00:50:19,160 --> 00:50:22,040
Speaker 2: to give her the life she deserves, and like to

910
00:50:22,160 --> 00:50:24,319
Speaker 2: find the things that really truly make me happy in

911
00:50:24,320 --> 00:50:26,760
Speaker 2: this life. And so I will say there were times

912
00:50:26,800 --> 00:50:29,960
Speaker 2: when I would wake up and I was like, I

913
00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:33,759
Speaker 2: have absolutely no motivation today to do anything pro recovery

914
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:36,799
Speaker 2: to help myself in any way. And the only thing

915
00:50:36,840 --> 00:50:39,400
Speaker 2: that kept me going was that, like I wanted to

916
00:50:39,440 --> 00:50:42,640
Speaker 2: feed that true self. Every day, you're either feeding shame,

917
00:50:43,200 --> 00:50:47,800
Speaker 2: you're feeding going backwards, you're feeding like that negative side,

918
00:50:47,840 --> 00:50:51,480
Speaker 2: that negative inner critic, or you're feeding your authentic true self.

919
00:50:51,800 --> 00:50:54,520
Speaker 2: So I think if you can just take a step

920
00:50:54,560 --> 00:50:58,400
Speaker 2: back and think about what is the actual battle happening here,

921
00:50:58,640 --> 00:51:00,960
Speaker 2: I think it's easy to be like Oh yeah, I'm

922
00:51:01,000 --> 00:51:03,799
Speaker 2: just like, I'm just eating food or I'm just exercising.

923
00:51:03,840 --> 00:51:06,560
Speaker 2: Like we can get very nitpicky and like physical about it,

924
00:51:06,840 --> 00:51:09,279
Speaker 2: but no, it's honestly spiritual. This is about who you

925
00:51:09,360 --> 00:51:11,799
Speaker 2: are and fighting for who you are. So that really

926
00:51:11,880 --> 00:51:12,520
Speaker 2: kept me going.

927
00:51:12,560 --> 00:51:16,200
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, and oh my goodness, that's important for

928
00:51:16,320 --> 00:51:19,719
Speaker 1: most things in life too, because we like to think

929
00:51:19,760 --> 00:51:22,600
Speaker 1: that whenever we recover from something, or we start healing

930
00:51:22,680 --> 00:51:25,120
Speaker 1: or we start growing, that we're doing it for somebody

931
00:51:25,120 --> 00:51:28,760
Speaker 1: else or something else. Yeah, when really the journey should

932
00:51:28,800 --> 00:51:32,520
Speaker 1: be about you and your experience and helping you. So

933
00:51:33,120 --> 00:51:36,040
Speaker 1: that's good advice for everything. But I'm so glad I

934
00:51:36,080 --> 00:51:38,839
Speaker 1: had you go down that road in the beginning of

935
00:51:38,840 --> 00:51:41,520
Speaker 1: this too. You share the starting point of your story,

936
00:51:41,640 --> 00:51:46,080
Speaker 1: which was a very unfortunate traumatic situation that happened to you.

937
00:51:47,000 --> 00:51:50,000
Speaker 1: Did you also have to heal that aspect and what

938
00:51:50,120 --> 00:51:55,280
Speaker 1: happened to you to start to heal your disordered eating habits?

939
00:51:55,440 --> 00:51:58,400
Speaker 1: Was that kind of coincided together or were they separated?

940
00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:01,480
Speaker 1: Because this is the first situation and story that I've

941
00:52:01,520 --> 00:52:05,920
Speaker 1: heard where something like that has spearheaded a situation in

942
00:52:05,960 --> 00:52:08,960
Speaker 1: a path for somebody. So I'm curious to know because

943
00:52:09,080 --> 00:52:13,480
Speaker 1: I am positive it's probably and unfortunately not uncommon. So

944
00:52:13,560 --> 00:52:16,000
Speaker 1: I would love to know what that experience was like

945
00:52:16,080 --> 00:52:17,880
Speaker 1: for you in case somebody else out there may have

946
00:52:17,960 --> 00:52:19,040
Speaker 1: something similar happening.

947
00:52:19,960 --> 00:52:22,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, as I've learned and grown over the past couple

948
00:52:22,840 --> 00:52:25,840
Speaker 2: of years in this space, like I would argue that

949
00:52:26,239 --> 00:52:30,600
Speaker 2: all of our hurts or our negative habits, like an addiction,

950
00:52:30,800 --> 00:52:35,800
Speaker 2: like an eating disorder, really is fostered from originally from trauma.

951
00:52:35,920 --> 00:52:38,120
Speaker 2: And it doesn't have to be anything like capital t

952
00:52:38,120 --> 00:52:40,760
Speaker 2: trauma like I experienced. It can be something as small

953
00:52:40,800 --> 00:52:43,080
Speaker 2: as like a comment that was made to you when

954
00:52:43,120 --> 00:52:46,240
Speaker 2: you were very young, or maybe a parent did something

955
00:52:46,440 --> 00:52:48,200
Speaker 2: when you were younger and punished you in a way

956
00:52:48,239 --> 00:52:51,320
Speaker 2: that like wasn't ideal, and so that just for whatever reason,

957
00:52:51,360 --> 00:52:53,719
Speaker 2: your brain stuck onto that and it was very traumatic.

958
00:52:54,320 --> 00:52:57,160
Speaker 2: Trauma also isn't what happens to us, it's how we

959
00:52:57,239 --> 00:53:00,360
Speaker 2: interpret those events, and so our brain can be eat

960
00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:04,239
Speaker 2: really impacted by little and big things that happen to us.

961
00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:07,080
Speaker 2: And so I think if you find yourself in a

962
00:53:07,120 --> 00:53:10,400
Speaker 2: space of disordered eating or in the eating disorder a

963
00:53:10,440 --> 00:53:12,239
Speaker 2: lot of the time, like the work that you have

964
00:53:12,320 --> 00:53:16,200
Speaker 2: to do is reflecting on the past and the past

965
00:53:16,239 --> 00:53:19,400
Speaker 2: traumas and how that impacted your sense of identity, because

966
00:53:19,400 --> 00:53:21,080
Speaker 2: these disorders, at the end of the day, are all

967
00:53:21,120 --> 00:53:26,080
Speaker 2: about identity. They're about like control and where you're putting

968
00:53:26,160 --> 00:53:28,719
Speaker 2: your sense of self. And I think when we have

969
00:53:28,760 --> 00:53:31,480
Speaker 2: a sense of self that is rooted in my worth

970
00:53:31,520 --> 00:53:34,960
Speaker 2: is unchanging, like no matter what I do in this life,

971
00:53:35,440 --> 00:53:40,239
Speaker 2: I have inherent self worth. When we have that perspective,

972
00:53:40,560 --> 00:53:43,920
Speaker 2: it's harder for trauma or those little things to come

973
00:53:44,000 --> 00:53:45,799
Speaker 2: in and dig at us and dig it our core.

974
00:53:46,239 --> 00:53:48,799
Speaker 2: Whereas like when we do let those things impact us,

975
00:53:48,920 --> 00:53:52,440
Speaker 2: we can go to all these negative habits for a

976
00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:54,920
Speaker 2: sense of control, for a sense of identity and purpose.

977
00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:58,400
Speaker 2: I would say most people who struggle with eating disorders,

978
00:53:58,400 --> 00:54:02,080
Speaker 2: disordered eating, like we talked about societal impacts, they're looking

979
00:54:02,120 --> 00:54:04,640
Speaker 2: to society to tell them that they're worthy because they're

980
00:54:04,640 --> 00:54:08,080
Speaker 2: small enough, and they're worthy because they're pretty enough. And

981
00:54:08,160 --> 00:54:10,520
Speaker 2: so when you have that inherent sense of self worth

982
00:54:11,280 --> 00:54:14,000
Speaker 2: and work through those past traumatic events, I think that's

983
00:54:14,040 --> 00:54:16,920
Speaker 2: when the real healing begins, Like at the root of

984
00:54:16,920 --> 00:54:19,239
Speaker 2: all these issues, the full healing happens.

985
00:54:19,719 --> 00:54:22,319
Speaker 1: I am a big believer in fighting for the root

986
00:54:22,360 --> 00:54:25,480
Speaker 1: cause of anything when it comes to issues, and it

987
00:54:25,560 --> 00:54:28,600
Speaker 1: sounds like that is very much a similar way to

988
00:54:28,640 --> 00:54:31,440
Speaker 1: heal a similar situation like yours. So thank you for

989
00:54:31,480 --> 00:54:36,120
Speaker 1: getting into that. Yeah, I do want to look at

990
00:54:36,320 --> 00:54:39,680
Speaker 1: your life now, because we talked about social media and

991
00:54:39,680 --> 00:54:42,600
Speaker 1: how that can have some triggering moments, and you've done

992
00:54:42,600 --> 00:54:46,239
Speaker 1: really well to work through those. Well, what about in

993
00:54:46,320 --> 00:54:50,000
Speaker 1: everyday life? Like I'm picturing two friends, one has gone

994
00:54:50,040 --> 00:54:52,759
Speaker 1: through a similar experience to yours, ones like me who

995
00:54:53,600 --> 00:54:56,000
Speaker 1: can understand and be there, but I may not quite

996
00:54:56,080 --> 00:54:59,320
Speaker 1: be able to put myself in your shoes. So how

997
00:54:59,360 --> 00:55:02,320
Speaker 1: can someone and like me better do that for people

998
00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:05,640
Speaker 1: like you in everyday life? What are experiences that happen

999
00:55:05,680 --> 00:55:08,879
Speaker 1: in everyday life that could be triggering or that could

1000
00:55:08,920 --> 00:55:12,880
Speaker 1: be hurtful that would not help someone like you on

1001
00:55:13,000 --> 00:55:15,800
Speaker 1: their journey to constantly healing and doing better.

1002
00:55:16,160 --> 00:55:19,040
Speaker 2: I love this question, and I think in what you're

1003
00:55:19,080 --> 00:55:22,560
Speaker 2: talking about, it's not just being like proactive and dealing

1004
00:55:22,560 --> 00:55:24,840
Speaker 2: with people who have had eating disorders in the past.

1005
00:55:24,960 --> 00:55:27,120
Speaker 2: It's also being proactive in the sense of we don't

1006
00:55:27,120 --> 00:55:30,000
Speaker 2: want to trigger anyone and cause a future eating disorder

1007
00:55:30,040 --> 00:55:32,640
Speaker 2: for them either. And so I think just being very

1008
00:55:32,719 --> 00:55:36,000
Speaker 2: mindful of like first and foremost. This might be obvious

1009
00:55:36,040 --> 00:55:38,960
Speaker 2: to some people, but body comments like that is not helpful.

1010
00:55:39,040 --> 00:55:41,200
Speaker 2: So it's hells someone Oh it looks like you lost

1011
00:55:41,239 --> 00:55:43,640
Speaker 2: a little bit of weight, or wow, it looks like

1012
00:55:43,640 --> 00:55:46,920
Speaker 2: you've gained weight. Like neither of those things is helpful information.

1013
00:55:47,120 --> 00:55:51,160
Speaker 2: It doesn't tell you anything about the identity of that person.

1014
00:55:51,239 --> 00:55:53,760
Speaker 2: It just tells you about the shell and the shape

1015
00:55:53,760 --> 00:55:57,360
Speaker 2: and size of their shell. I would also say making

1016
00:55:57,400 --> 00:56:01,080
Speaker 2: sure that like you're fueling properly your own people. I

1017
00:56:01,120 --> 00:56:03,480
Speaker 2: know this is again that might seem obvious, but a

1018
00:56:03,520 --> 00:56:06,160
Speaker 2: lot of girls, like even when you go to breakfast

1019
00:56:06,200 --> 00:56:07,840
Speaker 2: in a coffee shop, a lot of girls will just

1020
00:56:07,880 --> 00:56:10,000
Speaker 2: be like, you know what, I'm just gonna grab coffee.

1021
00:56:10,040 --> 00:56:12,480
Speaker 2: I don't need to eat. And it's crazy because little

1022
00:56:12,480 --> 00:56:16,680
Speaker 2: things like that can actually be things that make other

1023
00:56:16,760 --> 00:56:19,520
Speaker 2: girls like me like self conscious, and it's not I

1024
00:56:19,560 --> 00:56:23,120
Speaker 2: do want to be careful. It's not anyone else's responsibility

1025
00:56:23,239 --> 00:56:26,080
Speaker 2: to not trigger me, Like my recovery is my own

1026
00:56:26,120 --> 00:56:28,279
Speaker 2: and I have to protect it and know what's best

1027
00:56:28,320 --> 00:56:31,960
Speaker 2: for me. But I think as empathetic human beings, we

1028
00:56:32,040 --> 00:56:35,360
Speaker 2: should want to protect the people around us, and so

1029
00:56:35,719 --> 00:56:38,600
Speaker 2: obviously on the body side, like not making comments on

1030
00:56:38,640 --> 00:56:41,680
Speaker 2: the food side, like fueling adequately and properly, and not

1031
00:56:41,800 --> 00:56:44,400
Speaker 2: making comments about food or what other people are eating.

1032
00:56:45,080 --> 00:56:48,400
Speaker 2: And then I think, too, like this one is small,

1033
00:56:49,200 --> 00:56:51,880
Speaker 2: but it's something I've really tried to be more intentional about.

1034
00:56:52,120 --> 00:56:55,799
Speaker 2: Is even commenting in general about appearance. I know this

1035
00:56:55,920 --> 00:56:59,520
Speaker 2: might sound a little bit nuanced, but you can say

1036
00:56:59,560 --> 00:57:01,560
Speaker 2: you like some one's dress, or you can say you

1037
00:57:01,640 --> 00:57:04,120
Speaker 2: love their style or their outfit. But do you need

1038
00:57:04,200 --> 00:57:06,600
Speaker 2: to say, oh, my gosh, that dress brings out your

1039
00:57:06,640 --> 00:57:09,239
Speaker 2: figure or oh my gosh, like your boobs look so

1040
00:57:09,320 --> 00:57:11,440
Speaker 2: good in that. I don't know why, as human beings

1041
00:57:11,440 --> 00:57:14,520
Speaker 2: we feel the need to pick apart people's bodies and

1042
00:57:15,360 --> 00:57:18,320
Speaker 2: somehow compliment them or insult them based off of how

1043
00:57:18,320 --> 00:57:21,000
Speaker 2: their body looks, like just all of that in general,

1044
00:57:21,080 --> 00:57:23,080
Speaker 2: Like I want to see humans for who they are, Like,

1045
00:57:23,120 --> 00:57:24,840
Speaker 2: I don't want to just see them as that person

1046
00:57:24,880 --> 00:57:27,560
Speaker 2: exists in a bigger body, or that person looks terrible

1047
00:57:27,680 --> 00:57:31,120
Speaker 2: because they're way too skinny. That doesn't serve anybody. So

1048
00:57:31,160 --> 00:57:34,120
Speaker 2: I think doing your absolute best to just take a

1049
00:57:34,160 --> 00:57:36,480
Speaker 2: step back and be like, Okay, how do I view people?

1050
00:57:36,640 --> 00:57:39,440
Speaker 2: Do I view them based off of appearance or like

1051
00:57:40,120 --> 00:57:42,440
Speaker 2: how they look at any point in time, or am

1052
00:57:42,440 --> 00:57:45,120
Speaker 2: I viewing them as a human as someone deserving of

1053
00:57:45,560 --> 00:57:48,440
Speaker 2: respect and who has inherent worth. I think that's just

1054
00:57:48,480 --> 00:57:52,240
Speaker 2: a really helpful perspective to have, like in general, and

1055
00:57:52,320 --> 00:57:54,400
Speaker 2: I even practice on TV shows by the way, like

1056
00:57:54,720 --> 00:57:56,560
Speaker 2: I used to always comment like, oh my gosh, that

1057
00:57:56,600 --> 00:57:59,320
Speaker 2: guy's so hot or like a girls so hot and whatever.

1058
00:58:00,120 --> 00:58:01,360
Speaker 2: I try to take a stuck back and I'm like,

1059
00:58:01,840 --> 00:58:03,920
Speaker 2: what do I like about their character? What do I

1060
00:58:04,080 --> 00:58:07,160
Speaker 2: like about their impact in the show? And again that

1061
00:58:07,240 --> 00:58:09,560
Speaker 2: might seem crazy to some people, but it really does

1062
00:58:09,680 --> 00:58:12,840
Speaker 2: rewire your brain and how you view other people, which

1063
00:58:12,920 --> 00:58:13,520
Speaker 2: is really cool.

1064
00:58:14,160 --> 00:58:18,320
Speaker 1: And this question really brings out the compassion of human beings. Right,

1065
00:58:18,400 --> 00:58:21,520
Speaker 1: we have gotten away a little bit from having compassion

1066
00:58:21,600 --> 00:58:25,600
Speaker 1: for others. And of course, is there moments of inconvenience

1067
00:58:25,680 --> 00:58:28,680
Speaker 1: and being compassionate and empathetic, Yeah, of course there are.

1068
00:58:28,800 --> 00:58:31,560
Speaker 1: But it's more important for me to be inconvenience than

1069
00:58:31,560 --> 00:58:35,640
Speaker 1: somebody else just for the sake of understanding somebody else's story.

1070
00:58:36,280 --> 00:58:39,120
Speaker 1: And you and I seem very in the same mindset

1071
00:58:39,280 --> 00:58:41,720
Speaker 1: with that, and the idea of how that is. But

1072
00:58:42,360 --> 00:58:45,480
Speaker 1: it's always why I like asking questions like that in

1073
00:58:45,520 --> 00:58:50,000
Speaker 1: regards to hard topics, because even having this conversation in

1074
00:58:50,080 --> 00:58:52,280
Speaker 1: somebody sitting here and hearing it, it just might make

1075
00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:55,440
Speaker 1: them think a little bit twice before they say or

1076
00:58:55,480 --> 00:58:59,200
Speaker 1: do something, because it's really easy to go about our

1077
00:58:59,240 --> 00:59:01,600
Speaker 1: own lives and think about the things that other people

1078
00:59:01,600 --> 00:59:05,240
Speaker 1: have gone through. Of course, right, everybody's lives are really difficult,

1079
00:59:05,560 --> 00:59:07,600
Speaker 1: but it's also part of being a human being is

1080
00:59:07,640 --> 00:59:10,880
Speaker 1: having compassion for others and understand that everybody's going through stuff.

1081
00:59:11,360 --> 00:59:14,320
Speaker 1: So what you said is really important. And I also

1082
00:59:14,360 --> 00:59:18,640
Speaker 1: think it's very important in girlfriend groups guy friend groups too,

1083
00:59:18,680 --> 00:59:22,200
Speaker 1: they just start not as unfortunately equipped to talk about

1084
00:59:22,240 --> 00:59:25,720
Speaker 1: these emotional things, and women tend to go in this direction.

1085
00:59:25,920 --> 00:59:28,840
Speaker 1: So it's not gender specific, but more often than not,

1086
00:59:29,000 --> 00:59:30,880
Speaker 1: women are the ones who are sitting there having these

1087
00:59:30,880 --> 00:59:35,160
Speaker 1: conversations or not eating. And I've been at I cannot

1088
00:59:35,160 --> 00:59:37,920
Speaker 1: tell you how many dinners where somebody is eating and

1089
00:59:37,960 --> 00:59:40,480
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter all. I'm probably her. I'm the one who's, yeah,

1090
00:59:40,520 --> 00:59:42,360
Speaker 1: give me eight apps, I don't care, let me have

1091
00:59:42,400 --> 00:59:44,680
Speaker 1: all of it. And then I have another friend who's

1092
00:59:44,720 --> 00:59:46,800
Speaker 1: I just would like a salad and I'm like, what

1093
00:59:46,960 --> 00:59:48,960
Speaker 1: are we doing? No, we are eating. This is a

1094
00:59:49,000 --> 00:59:53,360
Speaker 1: girl's dinner. And I try to be encouraging, but I

1095
00:59:53,360 --> 00:59:56,160
Speaker 1: also know that in general can be triggering because you're

1096
00:59:56,160 --> 00:59:58,680
Speaker 1: trying to help but you don't really know if it's

1097
00:59:58,720 --> 01:00:01,360
Speaker 1: helping or not. You're just not sure because it's part

1098
01:00:01,360 --> 01:00:03,960
Speaker 1: of that. But I think so much of what you

1099
01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:07,920
Speaker 1: said is in regards to just being compassionate and having

1100
01:00:07,920 --> 01:00:11,120
Speaker 1: a little bit of care intact when we handle things

1101
01:00:11,160 --> 01:00:12,920
Speaker 1: that could potentially be sensitive.

1102
01:00:13,800 --> 01:00:15,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think too if you have friends, Like,

1103
01:00:15,720 --> 01:00:19,080
Speaker 2: something that is so important to me is female community,

1104
01:00:19,200 --> 01:00:23,720
Speaker 2: like women supporting and uplifting other women. And when I

1105
01:00:23,760 --> 01:00:25,880
Speaker 2: tell you one of the best parts of my healing

1106
01:00:25,920 --> 01:00:28,920
Speaker 2: journey was my best friend and I were always really close,

1107
01:00:29,320 --> 01:00:32,360
Speaker 2: but just realizing throughout this, through the weight gain, through

1108
01:00:32,560 --> 01:00:35,880
Speaker 2: me looking different at different periods of time, she liked

1109
01:00:35,920 --> 01:00:38,000
Speaker 2: me more the more weight I gained, because I got

1110
01:00:38,000 --> 01:00:41,880
Speaker 2: my personality back like she liked me, and like I

1111
01:00:41,880 --> 01:00:44,240
Speaker 2: could literally cry talking about it because like it just

1112
01:00:44,320 --> 01:00:47,320
Speaker 2: meant so much. Your friends don't care what you look like.

1113
01:00:47,640 --> 01:00:51,040
Speaker 2: Your friends care about you, true friends, true friends care

1114
01:00:51,040 --> 01:00:55,280
Speaker 2: about you. And I think that's beautiful and so encouraging

1115
01:00:55,320 --> 01:00:58,320
Speaker 2: for people who are struggling because you don't have to

1116
01:00:58,400 --> 01:00:59,320
Speaker 2: try so hard.

1117
01:01:00,160 --> 01:01:00,840
Speaker 1: Just be you.

1118
01:01:01,360 --> 01:01:04,160
Speaker 2: Like you asked me earlier, what advice would I give,

1119
01:01:04,240 --> 01:01:08,680
Speaker 2: It's genuinely just be you, to row off all the expectations,

1120
01:01:08,720 --> 01:01:11,200
Speaker 2: the need for appearances and just try to find out

1121
01:01:11,240 --> 01:01:13,920
Speaker 2: who you are and like run full speed ahead with

1122
01:01:14,040 --> 01:01:14,560
Speaker 2: that person.

1123
01:01:14,840 --> 01:01:19,120
Speaker 1: Like and to your point, so much of what I

1124
01:01:19,160 --> 01:01:21,280
Speaker 1: receive on social media because I'm a huge foodie. I

1125
01:01:21,320 --> 01:01:24,320
Speaker 1: love food, like big fan. I will post about everything,

1126
01:01:24,360 --> 01:01:28,040
Speaker 1: and I love like I just like eating food. I

1127
01:01:28,120 --> 01:01:30,960
Speaker 1: like enjoying what I'm eating, even I even when I'm

1128
01:01:30,960 --> 01:01:32,920
Speaker 1: eating healthier. I'm like, how can I make like I

1129
01:01:33,000 --> 01:01:34,960
Speaker 1: just did it the other day. I turned puppy chow

1130
01:01:35,040 --> 01:01:37,480
Speaker 1: from checks to blueberries. I'm like, okay, well healthier.

1131
01:01:38,800 --> 01:01:40,160
Speaker 3: That sounds good, And I was.

1132
01:01:40,120 --> 01:01:42,000
Speaker 1: Like, this is healthier, but I'm still getting what I

1133
01:01:42,080 --> 01:01:44,360
Speaker 1: want out of this, which is like an enjoyable experience.

1134
01:01:44,920 --> 01:01:47,720
Speaker 1: But it's so funny the comments that are constantly coming.

1135
01:01:47,880 --> 01:01:50,440
Speaker 1: You eat so much food, how are you still so small?

1136
01:01:50,440 --> 01:01:53,400
Speaker 1: I'm like, guys, one, you're not seeing me work out

1137
01:01:53,400 --> 01:01:54,960
Speaker 1: all the time because I don't feel the need you

1138
01:01:55,000 --> 01:01:58,600
Speaker 1: have to see it, and two I have decently healthy gens.

1139
01:01:58,680 --> 01:02:02,080
Speaker 1: So let's also this is all relative. But also why

1140
01:02:02,120 --> 01:02:04,320
Speaker 1: are you commenting on how much I'm eating just because

1141
01:02:04,360 --> 01:02:09,320
Speaker 1: I really love food? Even like just the comments around

1142
01:02:09,480 --> 01:02:12,440
Speaker 1: food and exercise, not just about our looks, which we

1143
01:02:12,680 --> 01:02:16,440
Speaker 1: touched on, but it's anything in general that could insinuate

1144
01:02:16,520 --> 01:02:23,080
Speaker 1: any direction about somebody's experience in their life. And it's

1145
01:02:23,160 --> 01:02:24,880
Speaker 1: it is nuanced to your point, like it is right,

1146
01:02:24,920 --> 01:02:26,880
Speaker 1: these are the nitty gritty details.

1147
01:02:27,280 --> 01:02:28,960
Speaker 2: I love what you just said, like I wish I

1148
01:02:29,000 --> 01:02:32,160
Speaker 2: could bottle it up, because I think to your point,

1149
01:02:32,600 --> 01:02:35,400
Speaker 2: it is about appearance in some ways, but it is

1150
01:02:35,480 --> 01:02:38,160
Speaker 2: what I was talking about, the performance aspect. It's almost

1151
01:02:38,200 --> 01:02:42,440
Speaker 2: like food and exercise have been moral deciders of it

1152
01:02:42,480 --> 01:02:44,920
Speaker 2: if we are good enough in society or not. Like

1153
01:02:45,240 --> 01:02:48,760
Speaker 2: how well we perform as women is based off of

1154
01:02:48,800 --> 01:02:50,360
Speaker 2: like how much you work out and how hell do

1155
01:02:50,480 --> 01:02:55,320
Speaker 2: you eat? And I think that's psychotic. Nothing about me

1156
01:02:55,360 --> 01:02:57,840
Speaker 2: as a person, like I could literally be a criminal,

1157
01:02:58,080 --> 01:03:00,960
Speaker 2: but like I'm cool because I'm skinny and eat healthy

1158
01:03:01,000 --> 01:03:04,280
Speaker 2: food and work out a lot, like it makes me me.

1159
01:03:05,160 --> 01:03:07,880
Speaker 1: It is true, it's honestly, now that you said it

1160
01:03:07,880 --> 01:03:11,120
Speaker 1: out loud, it's like the Ted Bundy thing. Everybody finds

1161
01:03:11,200 --> 01:03:13,880
Speaker 1: Ted Bundy super attractive, but like guys, he's a horrible

1162
01:03:13,960 --> 01:03:17,520
Speaker 1: human being, horrible you know, pop culture as well. But

1163
01:03:18,480 --> 01:03:20,400
Speaker 1: it reminded me of that when you're talking about that.

1164
01:03:20,720 --> 01:03:22,720
Speaker 1: And we could go down this rabbit hole all day

1165
01:03:22,760 --> 01:03:25,680
Speaker 1: and I love it, but I always like to end

1166
01:03:25,760 --> 01:03:29,320
Speaker 1: on something that's either whether it's motivational or advice, or

1167
01:03:29,320 --> 01:03:31,000
Speaker 1: something that maybe we didn't touch on that you really

1168
01:03:31,000 --> 01:03:33,880
Speaker 1: want to make sure people hear. So I'm gonna give

1169
01:03:33,880 --> 01:03:36,160
Speaker 1: you the floor and you can in this how you

1170
01:03:36,280 --> 01:03:37,840
Speaker 1: feel like super passionate about.

1171
01:03:38,920 --> 01:03:39,120
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1172
01:03:39,320 --> 01:03:43,200
Speaker 2: I think the biggest like superpower I'm going to use

1173
01:03:43,240 --> 01:03:47,000
Speaker 2: that word is throughout your entire healing journey is leaning

1174
01:03:47,040 --> 01:03:51,320
Speaker 2: into grace and leaning away from shame. I truly believe that,

1175
01:03:51,440 --> 01:03:55,400
Speaker 2: like we have a negative inner critic in our head

1176
01:03:55,720 --> 01:03:58,600
Speaker 2: that is going to want us to embrace shame, to

1177
01:03:58,720 --> 01:04:01,520
Speaker 2: tell us that if we make mistake or if we're

1178
01:04:01,560 --> 01:04:04,400
Speaker 2: not doing something perfectly, we should punish ourselves or we

1179
01:04:04,440 --> 01:04:07,520
Speaker 2: should just give up altogether, and that people around us

1180
01:04:07,520 --> 01:04:10,120
Speaker 2: are ashamed of us. And I just don't think that's true.

1181
01:04:10,200 --> 01:04:13,040
Speaker 2: That's one narrative that part of your brain is telling you.

1182
01:04:13,480 --> 01:04:15,880
Speaker 2: I think we really need to lean into the narrative

1183
01:04:15,880 --> 01:04:19,120
Speaker 2: of grace and of curiosity, because that is the only

1184
01:04:19,160 --> 01:04:21,240
Speaker 2: way you'll get better. You're not going to get better

1185
01:04:21,280 --> 01:04:23,800
Speaker 2: shaming yourself. You're not going to get better saying I

1186
01:04:23,840 --> 01:04:26,040
Speaker 2: wish i'd done that, I should have done that. You're

1187
01:04:26,080 --> 01:04:28,600
Speaker 2: going to get better by being your number one, biggest

1188
01:04:28,680 --> 01:04:32,480
Speaker 2: cheerleader and advocating for yourself. And I wholeheartedly believe that

1189
01:04:32,520 --> 01:04:35,720
Speaker 2: because I was seen in my own journey months in

1190
01:04:35,800 --> 01:04:38,680
Speaker 2: which I would fall into a deep depression because I

1191
01:04:38,760 --> 01:04:42,640
Speaker 2: was so ashamed of XYZ and then pulling myself out

1192
01:04:42,680 --> 01:04:44,720
Speaker 2: of it because I was like, you know what, No,

1193
01:04:44,960 --> 01:04:47,080
Speaker 2: that's going to lead me to death and destruction in

1194
01:04:47,120 --> 01:04:50,720
Speaker 2: my brain like I have to be positive. I have

1195
01:04:50,800 --> 01:04:53,440
Speaker 2: to fight for myself and for my happiness and be

1196
01:04:53,560 --> 01:04:56,520
Speaker 2: my best friend. I truly believe that. So yeah, I

1197
01:04:56,560 --> 01:04:58,240
Speaker 2: think that's the last thing I would say to people.

1198
01:04:59,000 --> 01:05:01,240
Speaker 1: Oh that's so good. You gave us so many great

1199
01:05:01,320 --> 01:05:04,840
Speaker 1: bits of wisdom and understanding. Thank you for walking us

1200
01:05:04,880 --> 01:05:09,360
Speaker 1: through your whole experience and sharing things to help others

1201
01:05:09,680 --> 01:05:12,320
Speaker 1: while they go through or are on this through or

1202
01:05:12,360 --> 01:05:15,400
Speaker 1: in the same situation you are. I just really appreciate

1203
01:05:15,400 --> 01:05:17,400
Speaker 1: your vulnerability and being here with me today.

1204
01:05:17,920 --> 01:05:19,880
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for having me. This was awesome.

1205
01:05:20,440 --> 01:05:22,920
Speaker 1: As always, I'm so happy you're here listening to these

1206
01:05:22,960 --> 01:05:25,440
Speaker 1: episodes and taking in everything so that if you're on

1207
01:05:25,480 --> 01:05:27,760
Speaker 1: a similar journey, hopefully this is the start of a

1208
01:05:27,800 --> 01:05:31,040
Speaker 1: new one. Subscribe to the podcast or follow on Instagram

1209
01:05:31,080 --> 01:05:33,360
Speaker 1: at Take This Personally. You can DM me on there

1210
01:05:33,360 --> 01:05:35,840
Speaker 1: if you have any questions or want a topic discussed,

1211
01:05:36,080 --> 01:05:38,560
Speaker 1: or just want to say hi, Thanks, friends, I love you.

1212
01:05:38,840 --> 01:05:39,160
Speaker 2: Bye.