1 00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:07,360 Speaker 1: Wind down with Janet Kramer an I'mheart Radio podcast. All right, 2 00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:10,800 Speaker 1: this line about it. We have Laura Tremaine. So she 3 00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:13,239 Speaker 1: grew up in Oklahoma. She moved to Los Angeles when 4 00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:14,960 Speaker 1: she was twenty two years old. So she's worked in 5 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:19,480 Speaker 1: film television production for many years, MTV, VH one, Fox, 6 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:22,840 Speaker 1: Paramount Pictures, but now she is full time writing. She 7 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:26,640 Speaker 1: has shared a lot about her life with anxiety, mother, 8 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:30,000 Speaker 1: had a marriage. She has a podcast as well, but 9 00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:33,120 Speaker 1: right now she's got a book out called The Life Council, 10 00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:36,680 Speaker 1: Ten Friends every Woman Needs. There's a lot of times 11 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:40,040 Speaker 1: I get questions about friendships, frind breakup. So let's dive 12 00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:42,199 Speaker 1: in with Laura tremain. How are you? 13 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:45,920 Speaker 2: I'm good? How are you look? We both have neon 14 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:46,559 Speaker 2: behind us. 15 00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:47,800 Speaker 1: Our signs? What's your sign? 16 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:50,519 Speaker 2: Say? It says share your stuff. It's kind of hard 17 00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:51,080 Speaker 2: to see on the. 18 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:54,680 Speaker 1: Oh, yep, there it is. You Do you share your stuff? 19 00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:55,800 Speaker 1: You like sharing your stuff? 20 00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:58,240 Speaker 2: I mean I've made a career of it. 21 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:04,720 Speaker 1: Same girl. What's the downside for you of sharing your stuff? 22 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:07,559 Speaker 1: I'm curious, like we're because I have some. 23 00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:14,080 Speaker 2: I mean there's a few. The obvious one would be relational, 24 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:17,400 Speaker 2: like with people in my real life. Of like, there 25 00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:20,679 Speaker 2: I attract people in my real life who are the 26 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:26,039 Speaker 2: opposite of sharers, and so they don't love that I 27 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:27,520 Speaker 2: share my stuff. Even though I try to be very 28 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:31,680 Speaker 2: mindful and respectful of that, it's still it's tricky. And 29 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:34,000 Speaker 2: then the other part, the second hardest part, I think 30 00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:35,960 Speaker 2: would be because I've been doing this for so long 31 00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:40,920 Speaker 2: that when you change, you change your mind on something, 32 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:47,000 Speaker 2: you change the way you believe, the way you vote 33 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:49,800 Speaker 2: a take you might have had ten years ago. When 34 00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:54,520 Speaker 2: that changes, it's harder to walk it through because what 35 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,880 Speaker 2: makes sense to you in your spirit or even would 36 00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:59,800 Speaker 2: make sense to people in your real life. People online 37 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:02,000 Speaker 2: are whatever, have not followed all the dots, you know 38 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:04,400 Speaker 2: what I mean. So it's just like and nor do 39 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:06,440 Speaker 2: they have to, but like it's just harder to unpack 40 00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:07,000 Speaker 2: a little bit. 41 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:09,880 Speaker 1: Why do you think you attract more people that are 42 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:14,160 Speaker 1: private like relationally? Because it's interesting because I when I 43 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:17,320 Speaker 1: was dating post divorce, a lot of the people that 44 00:02:17,639 --> 00:02:21,040 Speaker 1: were very like, very private, like they just they wanted 45 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:24,720 Speaker 1: to stay private. They relationally wanted to stay private like 46 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:28,000 Speaker 1: you know, And I was like, this is interesting that 47 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:29,440 Speaker 1: I keep picking the same person. 48 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:33,720 Speaker 2: I mean, I like, is the is it dumb to 49 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:37,359 Speaker 2: say opposites attract I honestly think my first instinct when 50 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:39,040 Speaker 2: you asked that question, I always try to go with 51 00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:41,920 Speaker 2: my kind of gut instinct is not that I'm necessarily 52 00:02:41,919 --> 00:02:44,960 Speaker 2: attracted to private people. It's that private people are very 53 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:52,919 Speaker 2: attracted to me. Like I don't feel like I am 54 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:57,040 Speaker 2: as overtly taking something from their privacy as they might 55 00:02:57,160 --> 00:03:00,440 Speaker 2: need from someone who likes to share and talk. And 56 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:03,560 Speaker 2: doesn't mean I don't take anything from them, but I 57 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:05,520 Speaker 2: mean just that particular aspect. 58 00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:07,000 Speaker 1: Like you're saying, like it's a trait that they wish 59 00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:07,600 Speaker 1: they had. 60 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:11,080 Speaker 2: Or that they're attracted to, that they want more of, 61 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:14,480 Speaker 2: or that they like observing. You like being in proximity 62 00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:17,720 Speaker 2: to because a lot of people they don't necessarily I 63 00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:20,640 Speaker 2: don't necessarily teach them to open up over time, but 64 00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:23,320 Speaker 2: they like being in proximity to people who open up, 65 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:28,880 Speaker 2: but they like listening or observing. Yeah, my husband would 66 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:31,040 Speaker 2: say that for sure, and then some of my closest 67 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:33,840 Speaker 2: friends would also say that, And then I have family 68 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,720 Speaker 2: members who would never say that. They're like, Nope, they 69 00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:38,680 Speaker 2: don't like it, and they still don't like it right. 70 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:44,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, my boyfriend, he's he's definitely way more private, and 71 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:48,560 Speaker 1: you know, he was kind of had that conversation like, 72 00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:50,840 Speaker 1: you know, I'm like, I'm I talk about a lot 73 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:53,520 Speaker 1: of things now. He's like, well, I think the only 74 00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:55,800 Speaker 1: thing I wouldn't want, you know, to talk about is 75 00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:59,200 Speaker 1: when we have those we face those hardships up. Because 76 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:00,840 Speaker 1: I used to have a podcast with Max husband, So 77 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:04,800 Speaker 1: I'm like, I would never go back to that because 78 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:08,720 Speaker 1: that was like two open wounds, you know, that was 79 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:10,880 Speaker 1: an oversharing and that I think affected us in the 80 00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:14,480 Speaker 1: long run. So like, I wouldn't I would never do 81 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:17,800 Speaker 1: that again with any relationship moving forward again because I 82 00:04:17,839 --> 00:04:24,160 Speaker 1: saw the negative effects of that. Now they were positive, sure, 83 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:26,080 Speaker 1: but at the you know, but also I think more 84 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:27,600 Speaker 1: so like negative. So I was like, I would never 85 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:29,360 Speaker 1: come in and be like, oh, I'm you know, I'm 86 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:31,240 Speaker 1: mad am I this person, you know what I mean, 87 00:04:31,279 --> 00:04:33,520 Speaker 1: Like I always I will I said, I will always 88 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:36,880 Speaker 1: share us as in a positive light, you know, and 89 00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:39,680 Speaker 1: because I think that helps, you know, keep the relationship 90 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:42,080 Speaker 1: strong too, not think because when you were having all 91 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:44,240 Speaker 1: these negative thoughts, it's like it's not good. 92 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:48,279 Speaker 2: I kind of worried about that with my book writing 93 00:04:48,279 --> 00:04:51,440 Speaker 2: a book about friendship, even though I wrote about it 94 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:56,120 Speaker 2: very positively, it felt like a little bit like what 95 00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:58,080 Speaker 2: you're saying, like when you know, when you see married 96 00:04:58,120 --> 00:05:00,839 Speaker 2: couples go on a reality show about their marriage, and 97 00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:04,520 Speaker 2: then what always happens is they get worsd Like I 98 00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:06,520 Speaker 2: felt that way about writing a book about friendship. I 99 00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:08,039 Speaker 2: was like, if am I going to write about all 100 00:05:08,080 --> 00:05:10,160 Speaker 2: my friends and then end up friendless? Like this is 101 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:12,760 Speaker 2: what's going to happen? Is this the natural trajectory of 102 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:16,160 Speaker 2: things that has not happened so far? But I think 103 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:18,400 Speaker 2: it is human nature. It's almost like we're jinxing it 104 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:22,760 Speaker 2: or when you put it out there, you know, that's 105 00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:27,640 Speaker 2: a vulnerability that you're exposing yourself to. And I try 106 00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:30,279 Speaker 2: not to believe that God or the universe works that way, 107 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,240 Speaker 2: like in a vengeful way, like you put yourself out there, 108 00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:34,960 Speaker 2: so then you're going to get something bad back. I 109 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,719 Speaker 2: have to train my brain to not think like that. 110 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:40,880 Speaker 1: No, I totally a hear you I've written something and 111 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:43,960 Speaker 1: it's you know, writing things like what if you know 112 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:47,160 Speaker 1: something happens or whatever. But it's like your friends are 113 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:48,919 Speaker 1: especially I'm sure the ones that you write about in 114 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:51,880 Speaker 1: your book are friends that have been on such a 115 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:55,159 Speaker 1: journey with you through a lot of your seasons. Now 116 00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:59,359 Speaker 1: I'm curious, like in that, like are there because you 117 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,880 Speaker 1: talk about the friends that you need, you know, are 118 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:04,160 Speaker 1: there new season friends in there? Are those? The ones 119 00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:05,720 Speaker 1: that you worry about? Are the ones that have been 120 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:07,200 Speaker 1: there for for a long time. 121 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:12,400 Speaker 2: Both, I probably care more about those that have been 122 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:16,320 Speaker 2: there for a long time. To damage those would be 123 00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:20,039 Speaker 2: really detrimental to me as a human versus new friends, 124 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:22,360 Speaker 2: which I love new friends. Actually the new friend chapter 125 00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:25,960 Speaker 2: in the book is one of my favorite sections. But 126 00:06:27,279 --> 00:06:31,400 Speaker 2: there's less stakes with a new friend if that ended 127 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:35,000 Speaker 2: or if there was damage there with an old friend, 128 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:36,919 Speaker 2: you know, it's like such a part of your heart. 129 00:06:37,279 --> 00:06:41,040 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean yes, my best friend Kat and 130 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:44,320 Speaker 1: I mean the very few times we've had disagreements, it's like, 131 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:48,960 Speaker 1: oh my god, it feels like a like it's that 132 00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:51,080 Speaker 1: scary feeling of like I can't lose this. It's like 133 00:06:51,120 --> 00:06:53,760 Speaker 1: a family member, you know. It's like that's how fifteen 134 00:06:53,839 --> 00:06:58,760 Speaker 1: years of like love and but you know, people change 135 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:01,920 Speaker 1: and they grow and you just hope that they're they're 136 00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:04,400 Speaker 1: there through you and I mean, I feel very fortunate 137 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:06,680 Speaker 1: with the friends that I have that it's stuck with 138 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:10,960 Speaker 1: me through some of my best seasons and some of 139 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:14,400 Speaker 1: my worst seasons, and some of my ugly seasons, you know, 140 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,520 Speaker 1: where I haven't been the best version of myself. But 141 00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:19,800 Speaker 1: I think, you know, I'm curious with your book. You 142 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,680 Speaker 1: know a lot of why I think my friends like 143 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:24,680 Speaker 1: I have the friends that will be like I need 144 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:26,720 Speaker 1: you to look in the mirror on this one, you know, 145 00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:29,480 Speaker 1: and kind of call me out because I need that. 146 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:34,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I start the book out with a 147 00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:36,760 Speaker 2: little bit of a call out. The first section of 148 00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:39,760 Speaker 2: the book is called a friendship reckoning because in twenty twenty, 149 00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:46,840 Speaker 2: I said something hurtfull accidentally. I just was multitasking and 150 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:50,640 Speaker 2: not thinking it through on a group text, and it 151 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:54,800 Speaker 2: hurt one of my friends so badly she was almost 152 00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:57,560 Speaker 2: willing to end our friendship over it. Now. It was 153 00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:02,400 Speaker 2: the height of the pandemic, emotions were running high. Texts 154 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:05,160 Speaker 2: can obviously be misconstrued, but. 155 00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:08,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, it was. It was. 156 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:12,120 Speaker 2: It was definitely a thing like I've had to walk 157 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:16,960 Speaker 2: through those hard friendship moments, had hard conversations, had to 158 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:20,400 Speaker 2: say do we want to move forward? It's terrible. I 159 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,200 Speaker 2: wanted to start the book out that way because I 160 00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:24,160 Speaker 2: didn't want anyone to think that I was coming from 161 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:27,120 Speaker 2: a place of perfect friendships, right or not? Right? 162 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,280 Speaker 1: Why did you want to write a friendship book? Where 163 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:29,600 Speaker 1: was that? 164 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:34,800 Speaker 2: Because I've been sharing myself on the internet for over 165 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:38,560 Speaker 2: ten years and the friendship topic kept coming up. Now, 166 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,000 Speaker 2: I will say I started when I was a blogger, 167 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:43,480 Speaker 2: like in two thousand and nine, like a long time ago. 168 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:47,040 Speaker 2: I started that blog from a place of loneliness. I 169 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:51,079 Speaker 2: had moved to Los Angeles from Oklahoma, where I'd had, 170 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:53,720 Speaker 2: you know, a hometown friend group and a college friend 171 00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:55,720 Speaker 2: group and a summer camp friend group and a youth 172 00:08:55,760 --> 00:08:57,800 Speaker 2: group friend group and all these things when I was young, 173 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:00,640 Speaker 2: and I moved to this city of ten million people 174 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:02,960 Speaker 2: thinking I would have the same types of friends. And 175 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:06,560 Speaker 2: I didn't. And I spent a lot of my twenties 176 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:09,400 Speaker 2: working in film and television production. When I got married 177 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:11,199 Speaker 2: and we decided to start a family, I was at 178 00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:14,200 Speaker 2: home without work friends, without very many local friends, and 179 00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:17,560 Speaker 2: I was super lonely. And so I started this blog. Well, 180 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,360 Speaker 2: I blogged about a lot of things. I wrote about 181 00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:21,400 Speaker 2: a lot of things for many years, but I did 182 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:24,440 Speaker 2: blog about this idea of not having very many local 183 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:26,880 Speaker 2: friends and this huge city that came up a lot, 184 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:31,880 Speaker 2: and so many women would reach out and say they 185 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:34,640 Speaker 2: were lonely, but they were lonely in their hometowns, or 186 00:09:34,679 --> 00:09:36,959 Speaker 2: they were lonely in their new cities or in their 187 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:39,959 Speaker 2: new marriages or whatever, and nobody could figure out why, 188 00:09:41,280 --> 00:09:44,800 Speaker 2: like nice people couldn't make friends, you know, like what 189 00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:48,440 Speaker 2: was wrong with us? And so that just came up 190 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:50,760 Speaker 2: time and time again. I always knew that I wanted 191 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,480 Speaker 2: to write about it, but what held me back from 192 00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:56,880 Speaker 2: writing about it for a long time was, first of all, 193 00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:58,920 Speaker 2: there's a lot a ton out there about friendships, Like 194 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:00,480 Speaker 2: there's a lot a lot of books out there, and 195 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:04,520 Speaker 2: the ones that are out there are like very research driven, 196 00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:07,800 Speaker 2: or they're like by therapists or you know, a psychologist 197 00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:09,679 Speaker 2: or whatever. And I was like, I don't have like 198 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:14,080 Speaker 2: the credentials to write, to write a book about relationships, 199 00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:16,280 Speaker 2: because I don't. I only have my own lived experience. 200 00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:21,559 Speaker 2: I don't have, you know, academic background, but I do 201 00:10:21,679 --> 00:10:25,400 Speaker 2: have like hundreds literally hundreds of hours of talking on 202 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:28,640 Speaker 2: my own podcast, writing on this blog, talking about on 203 00:10:28,679 --> 00:10:32,320 Speaker 2: social media, of hearing from other women over a decade 204 00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:36,760 Speaker 2: about this topic. So I finally got to myself. I 205 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:38,640 Speaker 2: finally got myself to a place where I felt like 206 00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:41,400 Speaker 2: I can write about this as long as I set 207 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,719 Speaker 2: it up as I'm not an expert or I'm you know, 208 00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:47,440 Speaker 2: not a researcher here. I just want to start this 209 00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:50,360 Speaker 2: as a conversation. This book should be a conversation, much 210 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:53,640 Speaker 2: like my own show is, because I want other women 211 00:10:53,679 --> 00:10:56,080 Speaker 2: talking about it with their friends and they talk about 212 00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:57,320 Speaker 2: it with me. They need to talk about it in 213 00:10:57,360 --> 00:11:02,640 Speaker 2: their friend circles or with their you know, online buddies, whoever. 214 00:11:02,679 --> 00:11:04,679 Speaker 2: But we need to be talking about some of these 215 00:11:04,679 --> 00:11:07,280 Speaker 2: aspects of friendships. Nobody ever talks about friendship. We talk 216 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:11,120 Speaker 2: about marriage, we talk about parenthood, we talk about aging parents, 217 00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:15,920 Speaker 2: we talk about childhood trauma. People do not talk about friends. 218 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:18,600 Speaker 2: We have like friends, it's just like water, just like they're. 219 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:20,600 Speaker 1: Or that they're going to stay there too, you know. 220 00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:22,920 Speaker 1: And I think, you know, it's a you bring up 221 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:25,079 Speaker 1: a good point with what you how you start the 222 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:29,040 Speaker 1: book because something happened and that was again like my 223 00:11:29,080 --> 00:11:31,240 Speaker 1: best friend Kat, who's one of my co hosts on 224 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:35,360 Speaker 1: my Monday show, like we we've maybe had in fifteen years. 225 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:43,560 Speaker 1: Three arguments that really, you know, were like rocked us. 226 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:48,080 Speaker 1: And the one recently happened when I was over in 227 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:53,160 Speaker 1: England because my I don't take a minute when I 228 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:56,360 Speaker 1: when I respond back to something, I don't respond. I 229 00:11:56,440 --> 00:12:01,480 Speaker 1: respond kind of feelingless I because I'm not meaning to 230 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:02,880 Speaker 1: hurt feelings. And I don't think that I'm going to 231 00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:07,160 Speaker 1: hurt feelings because I'm my intention is not to hurt feelings. 232 00:12:07,679 --> 00:12:10,800 Speaker 1: But I said a text that ended up hurting your feelings. 233 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,560 Speaker 1: But I was like, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. 234 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:15,040 Speaker 1: But I didn't even think about how it because I 235 00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:17,960 Speaker 1: just put the text message out. It was very work related, 236 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:21,280 Speaker 1: but it was how I like said it, and you know, 237 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:22,960 Speaker 1: her feelings are hurt and I'm you know, I'm talking 238 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,160 Speaker 1: to my boyfriend like I don't understand. But then I'm like, 239 00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:27,319 Speaker 1: oh my god, that's not that wasn't my intention. He's like, well, 240 00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:29,200 Speaker 1: when you write it like that, I'm like, but that's like, 241 00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:32,040 Speaker 1: why would she even think that, Like she's my best friend, like, 242 00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:35,640 Speaker 1: and so I think that's hard because we just think 243 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:40,040 Speaker 1: that their bullet proof when they're not. And that was 244 00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:42,280 Speaker 1: kind of a lesson than I had to go. Well, shoot, 245 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:44,280 Speaker 1: I have to be mindful now of how I use 246 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:48,839 Speaker 1: my words, even in my girlfriend friendships. And I've been 247 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,199 Speaker 1: so aware since I because I'm like, she's one of 248 00:12:51,240 --> 00:12:52,800 Speaker 1: the most important people in my life. I don't want 249 00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:54,960 Speaker 1: to upset her or make her think that she's not 250 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:58,160 Speaker 1: important or any of those things. You know well. 251 00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:01,280 Speaker 2: And also the other part of that is is one 252 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,839 Speaker 2: of my core I have five core friendship philosophies in 253 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:06,440 Speaker 2: the book, and one of them is believe the best. 254 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:11,640 Speaker 2: So it doesn't mean that you didn't say it in 255 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:14,160 Speaker 2: your best way. I mean clearly you didn't. 256 00:13:14,480 --> 00:13:16,800 Speaker 1: Right, I just I just can be very direct because 257 00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:18,720 Speaker 1: we work together too. She's my day to day manager, 258 00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:19,920 Speaker 1: like you know what I mean. So it's just like 259 00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:22,800 Speaker 1: I can. I just am very direct sometimes. 260 00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:25,040 Speaker 2: Right, So, and I believe you, and I'm sure she 261 00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:29,560 Speaker 2: knows that about you, so she can still say this 262 00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:31,760 Speaker 2: hurt my feelings. I don't like it when you speak 263 00:13:31,840 --> 00:13:35,040 Speaker 2: like this to me, Like I, you know, need a 264 00:13:35,080 --> 00:13:38,000 Speaker 2: little bit more padding in a direct comment whatever however 265 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:40,240 Speaker 2: she wants to phrase it for you. But when you're 266 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:43,640 Speaker 2: having that hard conversation about this hurt my feelings. Please, 267 00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:47,240 Speaker 2: don't you know, speak this way or whatever. To believe 268 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:50,600 Speaker 2: you start that conversation believing the best about one another, 269 00:13:51,679 --> 00:13:54,880 Speaker 2: like if she believed the worst about you, or even 270 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,360 Speaker 2: not the best of like yeah, you were trying to 271 00:13:57,360 --> 00:14:00,400 Speaker 2: be mean, you treat me like an employee, I don't 272 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:04,199 Speaker 2: know whatever wherever her brain went. Instead, if you can 273 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:07,120 Speaker 2: both start a hard conversation believing the best, like I 274 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:08,920 Speaker 2: know that you didn't mean it this way because I 275 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:11,880 Speaker 2: know you and I trust your heart. However, when you 276 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:15,520 Speaker 2: text like this, it bums me out. And then you 277 00:14:15,559 --> 00:14:18,440 Speaker 2: can believe the best about her. You believe you know 278 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:20,520 Speaker 2: that she's coming to you with pure intentions, that she's 279 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:22,960 Speaker 2: not trying to like cause a big work fight or whatever. 280 00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:26,520 Speaker 2: If you don't believe the best about each other in 281 00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:28,880 Speaker 2: one of these hard conversations, this is when you get 282 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:31,200 Speaker 2: these like deep riffs, when you start to like think, oh, 283 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:36,320 Speaker 2: she's actually secretly thinking this, or that she doesn't believe 284 00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:38,400 Speaker 2: the best about me, so that it makes us defensive, 285 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:41,200 Speaker 2: like how could like you just said, how could you 286 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:44,520 Speaker 2: think I was being mean? Like you know me? You 287 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,760 Speaker 2: on both sides. You have to believe the best because 288 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,960 Speaker 2: you want them to believe the best about you, you 289 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:51,720 Speaker 2: have to offer the same grace to her, which it 290 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:55,200 Speaker 2: sounds like you guys did, but it's it's easier said 291 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:56,120 Speaker 2: than done, for sure. 292 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:13,000 Speaker 1: Why do you think friendship conversations like aren't talked about? 293 00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:15,520 Speaker 1: Is it just because people can just they're fine to 294 00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:20,320 Speaker 1: let go of them, or is it like another work 295 00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:22,760 Speaker 1: thing that they feel like they have to, like you know, 296 00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:24,440 Speaker 1: then going to like therapy with your friend. 297 00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:27,200 Speaker 2: Well, I do not think people are good to let 298 00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:31,600 Speaker 2: go of them. We already mentioned friendship breakups are it's 299 00:15:31,720 --> 00:15:35,120 Speaker 2: so painful. I have talked to so many women who've 300 00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:37,720 Speaker 2: said that their friendship breakup of a best friend, like 301 00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:41,600 Speaker 2: a deep friendship ending, was more painful than their divorce, 302 00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:45,280 Speaker 2: was more painful than romantic breakups. Like it was that devastating, 303 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:48,560 Speaker 2: and culturally we do not give it any weight. Like 304 00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:51,760 Speaker 2: if you go through a romantic breakup, people are like, yes, 305 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:56,200 Speaker 2: stay in bed, have your grieving period. Nobody says that 306 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,520 Speaker 2: about friendship breakups. You just act like, oh, you're just 307 00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:01,800 Speaker 2: gonna pick up another friend. You know you're out of milk, 308 00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:04,320 Speaker 2: you get more milk. Like people treat friendships like it's 309 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:08,200 Speaker 2: this unending resource when I don't find that to be true. 310 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:10,520 Speaker 2: But to answer you a question of why we don't 311 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:13,200 Speaker 2: talk about it more, I think we've learned about friendships 312 00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:16,120 Speaker 2: when we're really young, like elementary school age, when you 313 00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:19,640 Speaker 2: first start to learn how to be friends, like be kind, share, 314 00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:22,480 Speaker 2: you know, that kind of thing, and then we just 315 00:16:22,680 --> 00:16:26,280 Speaker 2: never revisit the rules that we learn when we're young, 316 00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:28,360 Speaker 2: or the patterns that we get in when we're young. 317 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:34,360 Speaker 2: We literally never revisit it because it's almost like these 318 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,160 Speaker 2: this thing in life that we take for granted, Like 319 00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:37,880 Speaker 2: you learn to read, you don't need to relearn to 320 00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:40,160 Speaker 2: read when you're an adult, like you just it's a 321 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:43,200 Speaker 2: thing we learned, we got it, you do it or 322 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:48,520 Speaker 2: you don't, which actually isn't true, because we learn friendships 323 00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:51,800 Speaker 2: and how to be a friend like under a completely 324 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:55,120 Speaker 2: different life circumstances. So like we learn to be friends 325 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:58,520 Speaker 2: primarily at school, so we're at school together eight hours 326 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:00,800 Speaker 2: a day. Even when we get to be on adulthood, 327 00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:04,560 Speaker 2: like in college or post college life, if you have roommates, whatever, 328 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:08,880 Speaker 2: you are learning friendship with a lot of time on 329 00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:14,520 Speaker 2: your hands, like a lot less responsibility, a lot more resilience, frankly, 330 00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,399 Speaker 2: and then you get to adulthood, life is so different. 331 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:20,920 Speaker 2: You have work, you have a mortgage, maybe you have kids, 332 00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:24,440 Speaker 2: maybe you have health stuff. I don't know, And suddenly 333 00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:27,040 Speaker 2: you can be like, I don't I don't have the 334 00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:29,480 Speaker 2: same amount of time to give toffriends. I don't have 335 00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:31,960 Speaker 2: the same amount of energy. I don't understand why making 336 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:34,560 Speaker 2: friends take so much effort when earlier in my life 337 00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:36,760 Speaker 2: it was so easy. It was sort of served up 338 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:40,440 Speaker 2: to me that was my problem is friends were always around. 339 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:42,439 Speaker 2: So when I got to Los Angeles, I was like, 340 00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:45,439 Speaker 2: I didn't know you had to like make all this effort, 341 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:48,800 Speaker 2: like ask people on a friend date or like introduce yourself. 342 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,760 Speaker 2: Like I'd never had to practice any of those skills 343 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:54,119 Speaker 2: in the first twenty years of my life, and so 344 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:57,520 Speaker 2: it was really eye opening to me to become an adult. 345 00:17:58,040 --> 00:17:59,560 Speaker 2: And I think that this is true for a lot 346 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:02,440 Speaker 2: of people, Like we had no idea. We're never taught 347 00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:08,560 Speaker 2: that there's maintenance involved and effort involved and friendship and 348 00:18:08,359 --> 00:18:10,160 Speaker 2: and for a lot of people, we don't ever really 349 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:13,000 Speaker 2: examine it until something bad happens, until we go through 350 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,560 Speaker 2: a lonely period, until we have a friend break up, 351 00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:19,600 Speaker 2: you know, until we go through something where we're like, oh, 352 00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:23,440 Speaker 2: I maybe haven't paid much as much attention to friends 353 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:24,280 Speaker 2: as I should have. 354 00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,320 Speaker 1: Well, I think that piece is hard. Like I mean, 355 00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:30,960 Speaker 1: I have a high school, high school best best friend, 356 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:34,560 Speaker 1: you know, since middle school, and we don't talk hardly 357 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:38,280 Speaker 1: at all. Really, I mean, you know, we maybe catch 358 00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:41,400 Speaker 1: up once a month. You know, it's been a little 359 00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:44,440 Speaker 1: bit more now, but before I was a couple every 360 00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:47,919 Speaker 1: or so months. But I still love her, you know, 361 00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:51,040 Speaker 1: very much. It's just you know, with kids and getting older, 362 00:18:51,119 --> 00:18:53,960 Speaker 1: it's different states. Like it's it's really hard. But I 363 00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:57,280 Speaker 1: will say that the fallout friendships I'm curious about because 364 00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,400 Speaker 1: in my mind, I'm like, there's you know, there's been 365 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:03,000 Speaker 1: one for sure that really hurt. But in my mind, 366 00:19:03,040 --> 00:19:06,359 Speaker 1: I go, Okay, well, I guess that friendship just didn't 367 00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:08,440 Speaker 1: mean as much to them as it did to me. 368 00:19:08,520 --> 00:19:11,920 Speaker 1: And like do do I did? I wouldn't have wanted 369 00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:14,640 Speaker 1: that anyways, if that's how it was gonna. 370 00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:18,320 Speaker 2: Be, Well, why do you assume it didn't mean as 371 00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:20,280 Speaker 2: much to her because she was willing to end it? 372 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:25,320 Speaker 1: She was Well, it wasn't a she, it was a yeah, 373 00:19:25,359 --> 00:19:30,680 Speaker 1: he like he sold something to a story. Oh and yeah, 374 00:19:30,880 --> 00:19:34,080 Speaker 1: and it was my best friend, so it was that 375 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,399 Speaker 1: was really hard, you know, because like we had a 376 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:39,080 Speaker 1: fallout and then you go do that, so it's like, 377 00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:40,439 Speaker 1: were you even my best friend? 378 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:47,120 Speaker 2: Yeah? No, that is a betrayal. Yeah, so that's different. 379 00:19:47,840 --> 00:19:51,360 Speaker 2: I think that's like in a different category of friendship breakup. 380 00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:55,640 Speaker 2: Like a betrayal especially like of that magnitude is enormous 381 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:57,520 Speaker 2: and something you'll you'll never get over that. I mean, 382 00:19:57,520 --> 00:20:01,360 Speaker 2: that can't be repaired most ship breakups, I think, are 383 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,640 Speaker 2: you know, you hurt my feelings, we're growing apart. 384 00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:06,920 Speaker 1: Do you think those kind of friendships are repaired. 385 00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:10,760 Speaker 2: I think they can be, But I don't think most 386 00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:16,400 Speaker 2: friendship breakups or friendship changes like we're talking about, involve 387 00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:21,080 Speaker 2: immense betrayal. What you're describing is a mince betrayal. I'm 388 00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:23,159 Speaker 2: just saying that to affirm to you that that is 389 00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:26,720 Speaker 2: a whole different level of grief that you have to 390 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:29,320 Speaker 2: go through on top of leaving, on top of losing 391 00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:29,760 Speaker 2: the friend. 392 00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:32,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, it was a long time ago, but yeah, and 393 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:35,920 Speaker 1: it was not fun. But that's what I always kind 394 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,200 Speaker 1: of that's l like my arm kind of went out 395 00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:40,080 Speaker 1: to a lot of like I keep people at very 396 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:42,440 Speaker 1: I have a very small circle, and I have a 397 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:47,000 Speaker 1: hard time letting other new friends come in just because 398 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,960 Speaker 1: I don't like who can I trust, right, and like 399 00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:53,080 Speaker 1: who's not going to say something or you know. 400 00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:58,399 Speaker 2: Well, it seems like that would be harshly a public 401 00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:00,760 Speaker 2: figure problem, like in some way, like you're going to 402 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:05,560 Speaker 2: have different considerations than sure other people do. But that 403 00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:08,280 Speaker 2: affects a lot of people too, Like I grew up 404 00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:11,760 Speaker 2: in a really small town, so public figure is relative, right, 405 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:16,080 Speaker 2: But it's the same thing of who can you trust? 406 00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:21,080 Speaker 2: Who is going to harm my reputation or share a 407 00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:26,680 Speaker 2: secret or anything like that. Anyone who's gone through something 408 00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:30,120 Speaker 2: hard will tell you that they circle the wagons right 409 00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:38,600 Speaker 2: with like the closest people. Because your betrayal happened in adulthood. 410 00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:40,960 Speaker 2: But this happens to a lot of us when we're young. 411 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:43,720 Speaker 2: If you get mean girled, if you're bullied, if your 412 00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:46,080 Speaker 2: best friend in high school steals your boyfriend, all those 413 00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:48,560 Speaker 2: different stories that can for sure affect the way that 414 00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:52,280 Speaker 2: you do friendship going forward, even on you know, just 415 00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:54,880 Speaker 2: in your own life, it only affects you, but it 416 00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:58,280 Speaker 2: affects you, like for the rest of your life of 417 00:21:58,359 --> 00:22:04,359 Speaker 2: how you walk in friendship, Like I A lot of 418 00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:08,879 Speaker 2: times hear women say some version of this diminishes a 419 00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,359 Speaker 2: little as we get older. But when we're younger, don't 420 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,600 Speaker 2: you hear women who are like, oh, I'm a guys girl, 421 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:18,040 Speaker 2: Like I only have guy friends. All I hear when 422 00:22:18,040 --> 00:22:20,760 Speaker 2: I hear a woman say that is who hurt you? 423 00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:23,600 Speaker 2: Like somebody hurt you. It doesn't mean that you can't 424 00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:26,120 Speaker 2: prefer to be around men, and like, really love that dynamic. 425 00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:29,919 Speaker 2: I'm sure you do. But when you swear off a 426 00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:33,720 Speaker 2: whole gender set that is probably coming from a place 427 00:22:33,760 --> 00:22:36,200 Speaker 2: of hurts. You probably got mean girled. You probably lost 428 00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:38,240 Speaker 2: your best friend in some really painful way, and so 429 00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:41,680 Speaker 2: now you don't trust women anymore, you know, you only 430 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:45,080 Speaker 2: trust men? And yeah, I just think we get into 431 00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:48,080 Speaker 2: these habits a lot of times. They start when we're young, 432 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:51,280 Speaker 2: and we never examine them when we're older, of like, well, 433 00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:53,679 Speaker 2: why don't I have more friends? Or why is it 434 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:56,000 Speaker 2: hard for me to make friends? Or why don't I 435 00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:56,639 Speaker 2: trust people? 436 00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:59,280 Speaker 1: And do you write all about all that in your book? 437 00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:03,000 Speaker 2: I mean yet not quite as exactly as we're talking 438 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:05,760 Speaker 2: about it, but for sure I talk about the patterns 439 00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:09,440 Speaker 2: that we learned when we're young and how it affects 440 00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:13,280 Speaker 2: our adult friendships. The main point of the book is 441 00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:18,879 Speaker 2: more though, about addressing our loneliness, because so many of 442 00:23:18,920 --> 00:23:22,040 Speaker 2: us feel lonely in so many different types of circumstances 443 00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:26,720 Speaker 2: in so many cities, big and small. And I really 444 00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:30,800 Speaker 2: wanted to write about what I had to do, which 445 00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:33,960 Speaker 2: was changed my perspective on friendships. When I didn't have 446 00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:37,280 Speaker 2: very many local friends in LA I had to make 447 00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:40,000 Speaker 2: something work for myself. I turned to the internet. I 448 00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:43,360 Speaker 2: made internet friends, which I do write about. I poured 449 00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:46,040 Speaker 2: into my childhood friends that were back in Oklahoma, which 450 00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:48,760 Speaker 2: is where I was from. But I was like, I'm 451 00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:50,960 Speaker 2: just going to invest in these relationships even though they're 452 00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:53,840 Speaker 2: not local, Like I'm going to call more, email, more, 453 00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:57,359 Speaker 2: that kind of thing. I looked around at co workers 454 00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:02,080 Speaker 2: and even though they weren't like my type of galpal 455 00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:05,399 Speaker 2: that I pictured, like this was a coworker, but we 456 00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:08,320 Speaker 2: that's an intimacy because we saw each other every single day, 457 00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:10,600 Speaker 2: we had lunch together every day. They understood a part 458 00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:14,160 Speaker 2: of my life, my work life that other people didn't understand. 459 00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:17,919 Speaker 2: So I'm going to sort of elevate these people that 460 00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:19,720 Speaker 2: are in my life, which is what a lot of 461 00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:24,000 Speaker 2: the book is about. Looking around at your existing landscape 462 00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:27,680 Speaker 2: and instead of feeling like I don't have any friends 463 00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:30,920 Speaker 2: or I don't have enough friends, or feeling this lack 464 00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:32,720 Speaker 2: that a lot of us feel, which makes us feel 465 00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:38,520 Speaker 2: lonely disconnected, to look around who is there and see like, Okay, 466 00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:41,080 Speaker 2: maybe I wouldn't have given this person the title of 467 00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:44,800 Speaker 2: friend because they're my neighbor, they're a sports mom, they're 468 00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:49,240 Speaker 2: a coworker, whatever, but I'm going to see that actually 469 00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:51,960 Speaker 2: they are a part of my daily life. I'm a 470 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:55,240 Speaker 2: part of theirs, and sort of elevating all of these 471 00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:58,560 Speaker 2: relationships in our life that we either don't give credit 472 00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:03,359 Speaker 2: to or like. Another big piece I think is we 473 00:25:03,520 --> 00:25:06,960 Speaker 2: have a friend, but she doesn't tick a certain box 474 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:10,320 Speaker 2: for us, like she's super fun, but like you would 475 00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:13,200 Speaker 2: not have a heart to heart with her, or the opposite, 476 00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:15,320 Speaker 2: like she's great for a heart to heart, but like 477 00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:19,000 Speaker 2: maybe she's a stick in the mud. I say that 478 00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:21,560 Speaker 2: because I'm that person, like I will love to deep 479 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:25,360 Speaker 2: die with you, but like I'm not ever described as fun. Probably, 480 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:30,359 Speaker 2: So instead of seeing like our friends like uh, like 481 00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:33,639 Speaker 2: she's not quite like she's not this or that or whatever. 482 00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:35,680 Speaker 2: Like I really want a friend that's x y Z 483 00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:38,080 Speaker 2: that we can be Like no, let the heart to 484 00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:40,640 Speaker 2: heart girl be the heart to heart girl, and then 485 00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:43,200 Speaker 2: find you a fun friend that never wants to go deep. 486 00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:45,919 Speaker 2: Those are two different people that does not have to 487 00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:48,560 Speaker 2: be the same person, and they are going to serve 488 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:51,280 Speaker 2: on your life counsel. And what a joy it is 489 00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:56,320 Speaker 2: to like see people in their strengths instead of thinking 490 00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:59,480 Speaker 2: that they're not fulfilling you in some way. This also 491 00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:02,320 Speaker 2: freezy up for you to be that way too. Like 492 00:26:02,359 --> 00:26:04,280 Speaker 2: I just said, like I'm not exactly the fun friend. 493 00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:07,200 Speaker 2: I have other people that I let be the fun friend, 494 00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:10,000 Speaker 2: Like I'm gonna live for sure. Yeah, Like yeah, call 495 00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:11,720 Speaker 2: me when you want a heart to heart. If you 496 00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:14,520 Speaker 2: want a margarita, call Tracy, Like I just for sure. 497 00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:17,280 Speaker 2: That's how we have, Like there's five of us in 498 00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:19,320 Speaker 2: a little queendom. We have like a little quendom chat. 499 00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:21,080 Speaker 2: But it's like every single one of us have the 500 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:23,000 Speaker 2: like if you're gonna go if you want just like 501 00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:26,760 Speaker 2: a really fun get dressed up, You're gonna go with Pammy. 502 00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:28,880 Speaker 2: If you want like a heart to heart. You're gonna 503 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:31,639 Speaker 2: come to me like I will. We will spill everything together. 504 00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:33,840 Speaker 2: If you want just to like chill out watch TV, 505 00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:35,840 Speaker 2: you're gonna go to cat like it's like we're all 506 00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:37,879 Speaker 2: we all have our thing and it's like but together 507 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:39,920 Speaker 2: we we're great. 508 00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:40,399 Speaker 1: You know. 509 00:26:40,760 --> 00:26:43,040 Speaker 2: Well that is the life Counsel. That's the whole book. 510 00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:44,880 Speaker 2: You already have it. You don't need to read. 511 00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:47,240 Speaker 1: Oh very okay, Well that was my next question because 512 00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:48,560 Speaker 1: you say you know the ten friends you knew. I 513 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:50,800 Speaker 1: was like, give meet because I was like, obviously I 514 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:53,040 Speaker 1: want the listeners to read read the book as well, 515 00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:55,080 Speaker 1: so not give them all away, but like, what's one 516 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:56,400 Speaker 1: friend you really need? 517 00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:58,400 Speaker 2: Oh, I'll give them all away. I have no problem. 518 00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:02,560 Speaker 2: I want to read the book, but I also like 519 00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:04,920 Speaker 2: want people to kind of know what they're getting into. 520 00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:06,879 Speaker 2: I'll read you all ten, but we can focus on 521 00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:10,680 Speaker 2: whichever ones kind of peek your interest. Okay, there's the 522 00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:13,480 Speaker 2: daily duty friend, which, by the way, I did not 523 00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:15,800 Speaker 2: have a daily duty friend till I was forty years old. 524 00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:18,240 Speaker 1: There's the best that's my that's my girl, Tanya. That's 525 00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:20,160 Speaker 1: like I think if I hear when I hear daily duties, 526 00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:22,040 Speaker 1: it's like things that we you know, we have the 527 00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:25,560 Speaker 1: same sports kids and we do the exports activities together 528 00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:29,200 Speaker 1: and like we you know, I help pick up kids, 529 00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:31,399 Speaker 1: same school stuff like that. 530 00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:35,800 Speaker 2: Same mine is a fellow sports mom. But I think 531 00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:38,840 Speaker 2: when we think of friendship, we think all friends should 532 00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:41,320 Speaker 2: be daily duty friends, like only text every day, we 533 00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:44,760 Speaker 2: talk all the time. And my deepest friendships are not 534 00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:46,680 Speaker 2: all that. I didn't have a daily duty friend, like 535 00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:49,680 Speaker 2: I said, till I was forty, But I've always had friends. Okay, 536 00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:55,359 Speaker 2: here's the other the old friend, the business bestie, the 537 00:27:55,480 --> 00:28:00,400 Speaker 2: fellow obsessive. So that's a big one. That's a pop one. 538 00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:06,480 Speaker 2: The battle buddy, Okay, what's the battle buddy? Someone who 539 00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:08,360 Speaker 2: is going through the same battle you are. 540 00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:11,000 Speaker 1: Okay, got it, And that can. 541 00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:15,960 Speaker 2: Be any battle, you know, surface level or deep. And 542 00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:19,920 Speaker 2: they understand this battle in a way that other people don't. 543 00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:24,320 Speaker 2: And maybe you only bond on the battle like again, 544 00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:27,959 Speaker 2: kind of like the coworker. Maybe you aren't connecting in 545 00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:30,919 Speaker 2: other ways. Your life circumstances don't look anything else alike, 546 00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:34,560 Speaker 2: but you're both walking through this particular fire. That kind 547 00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:39,520 Speaker 2: of companion is like absolutely priceless. Okay. Then there's the 548 00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:43,880 Speaker 2: yes friend, that's the fun friend, the mentor. 549 00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:46,760 Speaker 1: The yes friend's also a dangerous friend. Though I've had 550 00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:47,760 Speaker 1: to really nip. 551 00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:49,720 Speaker 2: Those wait say more. 552 00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:54,120 Speaker 1: Because I need to be challenged, I need to like 553 00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:57,840 Speaker 1: be held to being and I can do it on 554 00:28:57,880 --> 00:29:00,680 Speaker 1: myself now. But in my twenties the friends were the 555 00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:05,120 Speaker 1: worst of my friends because twenty Jana's was not great. 556 00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:08,080 Speaker 1: Thirty is you know, now I can like, I'm going 557 00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:10,080 Speaker 1: to be forty this year, so like now I'm like, okay, 558 00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:11,960 Speaker 1: like I can call myself out now. I don't really 559 00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,240 Speaker 1: like whether it's a yes or no. It's like, but 560 00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:18,040 Speaker 1: back in twenty is, those were like, they were fun, 561 00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:21,800 Speaker 1: but they didn't help me become a better version of myself. 562 00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:23,560 Speaker 1: But I guess that wasn't their job. It was mine 563 00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:24,000 Speaker 1: all along. 564 00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:27,360 Speaker 2: I hope that they gave you some good memories. 565 00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:28,440 Speaker 1: They sure did. 566 00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:31,240 Speaker 2: That's right, that's right, and that's a value you can 567 00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:34,520 Speaker 2: be like and my my yes friends are in the past. 568 00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:36,000 Speaker 2: They live in my scrap books. 569 00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:39,320 Speaker 1: Don't really, Yeah, they live in Los Angeles and they're 570 00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:39,840 Speaker 1: still there. 571 00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:45,760 Speaker 2: The other oh, here we go, okay, the mentor, the 572 00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:52,400 Speaker 2: password protector, the new friend, the soul sister, and then 573 00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:54,280 Speaker 2: there's a bonus that I write about, not one of 574 00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:57,280 Speaker 2: the ten friends, but there's a seat at the table 575 00:29:57,600 --> 00:29:58,960 Speaker 2: called the empty chair. 576 00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:03,240 Speaker 1: I love that sounds like my therapist. I thought, the 577 00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:19,080 Speaker 1: empty chair. What do you signify as the empty chair? 578 00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:21,440 Speaker 1: Is it someone that's like in the like a moment, 579 00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:24,520 Speaker 1: or is it just a feeling thing or well. 580 00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:27,160 Speaker 2: I wanted to write about the empty chair because I 581 00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:30,480 Speaker 2: wanted to give space in the book for friendship breakups, 582 00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:33,640 Speaker 2: friendship loss, which we already talked about, but I also 583 00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:37,160 Speaker 2: really wanted so that's the first part of the empty 584 00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:42,040 Speaker 2: chair section. But I also really wanted to keep a 585 00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:48,640 Speaker 2: chair empty at your metaphorical life council table as like 586 00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:51,600 Speaker 2: hope for the friends to come, like almost like I 587 00:30:51,760 --> 00:30:53,640 Speaker 2: leave a light on for you, like I'll leave an 588 00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:56,560 Speaker 2: empty chair for you. Because I think sometimes, as we 589 00:30:56,600 --> 00:31:01,000 Speaker 2: already talked about circling our wagons, sometimes we have like 590 00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:04,040 Speaker 2: a closed off vibe of like I have all the 591 00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:06,000 Speaker 2: friends I need, I don't need it more on my 592 00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:09,160 Speaker 2: to do list, I don't have capacity for a new person. 593 00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:12,320 Speaker 2: And if that's the energy that we're putting out and 594 00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:14,000 Speaker 2: some once we go through seasons where that's the us, 595 00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:17,320 Speaker 2: we can do, which makes sense. But also there are 596 00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:20,960 Speaker 2: so many amazing people that can come into our life, 597 00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:23,280 Speaker 2: that can flow into our life, and if we do 598 00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:27,040 Speaker 2: not have a metaphorical empty chair for them, we are 599 00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:30,920 Speaker 2: going to miss out on an amazing relationship. And so 600 00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:36,040 Speaker 2: I always wanted my circle to be open and not closed, 601 00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:41,080 Speaker 2: and so that required having an empty chair. It's two sided. 602 00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:44,840 Speaker 2: It's the chair can be held in grief, in memorial 603 00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:48,960 Speaker 2: in you know, sadness of a friendship ending, but then 604 00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:51,080 Speaker 2: it can also turn and be like, well, I have 605 00:31:51,120 --> 00:31:53,880 Speaker 2: an open seat at my table sort of like that's 606 00:31:53,880 --> 00:31:56,440 Speaker 2: like Taylor Swift's blank space. I have a blank space 607 00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:56,680 Speaker 2: for you. 608 00:31:57,400 --> 00:32:00,480 Speaker 1: I know. I love that because I'm I'm a big 609 00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:02,760 Speaker 1: believer that God sends you people all the time, and 610 00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:08,800 Speaker 1: so it's being open open eyes to that, like I'm 611 00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:13,440 Speaker 1: I will I will welcome people in when it feels like, 612 00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:15,640 Speaker 1: you know, that empty seat, like I just I love 613 00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:17,920 Speaker 1: that even though I can be guarded and not trust, 614 00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:20,200 Speaker 1: I still am open to the like, Okay, is this 615 00:32:20,360 --> 00:32:22,800 Speaker 1: someone that, like I'm, it's supposed to move and me 616 00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:25,360 Speaker 1: in a certain way and like, you know, help me 617 00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:28,920 Speaker 1: with the season or something or so I'm very mindful 618 00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:32,120 Speaker 1: of that piece, and I'm also curious to wrap up. 619 00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:35,160 Speaker 1: There's a lot of when we do talk about friendships, 620 00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:36,680 Speaker 1: a lot of people are like, how do you deal 621 00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:38,880 Speaker 1: with friendship breakup? So it's like, if there's someone out 622 00:32:38,880 --> 00:32:42,400 Speaker 1: there that's listening that wants to reconcile a friendship breakup, 623 00:32:42,440 --> 00:32:43,800 Speaker 1: but they don't want to be the first one, right 624 00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:45,760 Speaker 1: because like I know, like with me and my best friend, 625 00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:48,720 Speaker 1: it's like sometimes we're just so stubborn and so we 626 00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:49,880 Speaker 1: don't want to be the first one to be like 627 00:32:49,960 --> 00:32:53,680 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, and so like, how would you, like, what 628 00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:55,680 Speaker 1: would you say to the person that like misses their 629 00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:58,240 Speaker 1: best friend they had to fall out and they want 630 00:32:58,280 --> 00:32:59,080 Speaker 1: to like get it back. 631 00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:01,680 Speaker 2: Okay, well you have to lose the ego part of it. 632 00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:05,160 Speaker 2: You have to. You just have to talk yourself off 633 00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:07,400 Speaker 2: that legend be the first to reach out. And then 634 00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:11,040 Speaker 2: let me explain what I did with my friend that 635 00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:14,440 Speaker 2: I described that we had a text rift in the 636 00:33:14,440 --> 00:33:16,520 Speaker 2: middle of the pandemic. It's how I start the book off. 637 00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:22,520 Speaker 2: I could tell by our interactions after I said the 638 00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:25,840 Speaker 2: thing that hurt her feelings, that she was so willing 639 00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:27,920 Speaker 2: to end our friendship, and I did not want that 640 00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:30,480 Speaker 2: to happen. So what I did was, this is a 641 00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:34,760 Speaker 2: silly story, but I am glad to tell it. I 642 00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:36,480 Speaker 2: asked her to come over so we could talk face 643 00:33:36,480 --> 00:33:40,800 Speaker 2: to face. We sat in the backyard because this was 644 00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:43,240 Speaker 2: fall twenty twenty. Who sat in the backyard six feet apart? 645 00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:48,440 Speaker 2: I set up my backyard. It looked like a date night. 646 00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:50,640 Speaker 1: Oh my god, I am obsessed. 647 00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:55,960 Speaker 2: I love that I had flowers, I had champagne. I 648 00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:58,760 Speaker 2: put like candles out like I almost giggled once I 649 00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:00,800 Speaker 2: kind of got it going because I'll like, this fully 650 00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:03,440 Speaker 2: looks like I'm trying to seduce her. It's fine. I 651 00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:07,760 Speaker 2: wanted to give the conversation and the friendship like a reverence. 652 00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:11,680 Speaker 2: Like I wanted her to walk in the backyard and 653 00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:16,640 Speaker 2: feel like I cared because I did right, and that 654 00:34:16,800 --> 00:34:21,920 Speaker 2: this was like my last ditch effort to make this work. 655 00:34:22,480 --> 00:34:25,360 Speaker 2: So I did this because I had had a friendship 656 00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:27,960 Speaker 2: breakup in the past, A dear, dear friendship breakup in 657 00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:32,600 Speaker 2: my past, that I didn't fight for that friendship. I 658 00:34:32,719 --> 00:34:35,759 Speaker 2: let it end. I had so many regrets after for 659 00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:37,800 Speaker 2: all the things I didn't say, even if the friendship 660 00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:40,680 Speaker 2: was going to end, I wish that I had expressed 661 00:34:40,719 --> 00:34:42,200 Speaker 2: things in a different way, you know, just like we 662 00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:44,880 Speaker 2: do with romantic relationships when we are like I understand 663 00:34:44,880 --> 00:34:48,200 Speaker 2: why this is ending, but also I want to like 664 00:34:48,400 --> 00:34:50,000 Speaker 2: leave it all on the table, like I want to 665 00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:52,600 Speaker 2: say all the things. I had not done this with 666 00:34:52,600 --> 00:34:56,000 Speaker 2: this friendship in my past. So if this this twenty 667 00:34:56,080 --> 00:34:58,759 Speaker 2: twenty friendship rift I was going through, if it was 668 00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:00,520 Speaker 2: going to end, I was not going to make the 669 00:35:00,560 --> 00:35:02,680 Speaker 2: same mistake like I was going to leave it all 670 00:35:02,719 --> 00:35:06,359 Speaker 2: out on the blanket with the flowers like I was. 671 00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:09,160 Speaker 2: I was going to let her know if she chose 672 00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:11,600 Speaker 2: to end it. I wanted her to know I loved 673 00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:14,080 Speaker 2: her and that I was sorry and everything and. 674 00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:16,120 Speaker 1: Did everything you could do. I did everything like you 675 00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:17,960 Speaker 1: could walk away going okay, I did everything. 676 00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:21,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, why are we Why do we only put that 677 00:35:21,239 --> 00:35:25,920 Speaker 2: type of effort into romantic relationships? Like my friendships are 678 00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:28,799 Speaker 2: so important to me. I didn't want it to end. 679 00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:32,640 Speaker 2: I treated it like the weighty conversation that it was. 680 00:35:33,239 --> 00:35:36,160 Speaker 2: And she told me later when she walked into the backyard, 681 00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:39,040 Speaker 2: she was definitely sort of mad and like a defensive 682 00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:41,080 Speaker 2: mode whatever. And then when she walked in, she sort 683 00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:44,120 Speaker 2: of melted because she could see immediately what I was 684 00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:45,920 Speaker 2: trying to do. And we still went on to have 685 00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:48,520 Speaker 2: a card conversation. We still both cried, we still had 686 00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:51,879 Speaker 2: moments where we were defensive and irritated, but we were 687 00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:54,560 Speaker 2: sitting with these flowers and candles. 688 00:35:56,120 --> 00:35:58,959 Speaker 1: Did she accept the final rose? Yes? She did. 689 00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:01,440 Speaker 2: And you know, this actually sort of ties back to 690 00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:03,520 Speaker 2: the empty chair in a weird way, because you have 691 00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:06,960 Speaker 2: to be willing to receive. You have to be willing 692 00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:12,120 Speaker 2: to receive what people are offering to you. And I 693 00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:16,160 Speaker 2: was offering a sincere apology and a hope to mend 694 00:36:16,520 --> 00:36:20,640 Speaker 2: that friendship, and she chose to receive it. I'm glad 695 00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:22,000 Speaker 2: she did, right. 696 00:36:22,680 --> 00:36:24,800 Speaker 1: I love that. Well, that's I mean. I'm excited to 697 00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:28,239 Speaker 1: read your book. So thank you Laura so much for 698 00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:31,040 Speaker 1: coming on the show. Everyone get the life console ten 699 00:36:31,160 --> 00:36:34,960 Speaker 1: friends every woman needs. I love it. Thank you so 700 00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:37,040 Speaker 1: much for coming on the show. I really appreciate it. 701 00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:39,239 Speaker 2: This was awesome. Thank you for having me.