Speaker 1: I leave in I you wanna way back home? Either way,
Speaker 1: we want to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage
Speaker 1: you claim and give us time and a terminol e
Speaker 1: gaye ad.
Speaker 2: We want to send you off in style.
Speaker 1: Do you want to welcome you back home? Tell us
Speaker 1: all about it? We scared her? Was it fine? Malborn?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: To ride? Do you need with Karen and Chris welcome
Speaker 2: to Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: This is Chris Fairbanks and this is Karen Kilgariff.
Speaker 2: Hi, my friend Karen.
Speaker 1: Hi, Chris Fairbanks. What's going down? We just podcasted yesterday? Yeah,
Speaker 1: so we a two in a row is not common
Speaker 1: for us?
Speaker 2: No, it isn't. But I was. You know, when I
Speaker 2: steamrolled the beginning of the show with my story as
Speaker 2: I do, I realized I had kind of a better
Speaker 2: one from yesterday. But I'm like, you know what, maybe
Speaker 2: I'll save it or not. All stories need to be told.
Speaker 1: And now suddenly this opportunity has presented itself to you.
Speaker 2: It needs to be told as much as it needs
Speaker 2: to be a documentary.
Speaker 1: What is it?
Speaker 2: I was walking out of the Walgreens.
Speaker 1: And hold on, this is how the documentary is going
Speaker 1: to start. Yeah, yeah, black screen, and it's Chris's voice saying, oh,
Speaker 1: I was walking like a weird old man.
Speaker 2: Cut to still the way weird old man. Well, hold on,
Speaker 2: I went to get my meta musle at the Walgreens.
Speaker 1: And then it's typewritten I was walking with three eyes.
Speaker 2: Okay, sorry, and I, uh, yeah, I just was getting
Speaker 2: I needed rubber gloves because I'm so I'm just walking
Speaker 2: out of the store with rubber gloves, and I, uh,
Speaker 2: this kid came up to me, or kid. I can't
Speaker 2: tell how old people are sometimes, let's just say he
Speaker 2: was thirty, so sort of a kid to me. And
Speaker 2: he just went started telling a story and I was
Speaker 2: in the right mood to listen. He's like, I just
Speaker 2: got dropped off. I've been in jail for three years
Speaker 2: and I just got out, and you're the first person
Speaker 2: I've talked to that is an in jail. And I
Speaker 2: was like, okay, wow, congratulations you're out, because he was
Speaker 2: like a happy person. But I tried to cut right
Speaker 2: to the chase, and I'm like, I don't have any cash,
Speaker 2: but can I help you with anything? Like I assumed
Speaker 2: I would go into Walgreens and maybe buy him a
Speaker 2: beverage or something, because he also had a knife in
Speaker 2: his pocket, but just like a pocket knife, like anyone,
Speaker 2: and he did have I he was telling me that
Speaker 2: he was in for three years, that it was scary
Speaker 2: that he showered only at three am because he thought
Speaker 2: he was going to get killed. And he did tell
Speaker 2: me a bunch of scary stories, and I did believe him.
Speaker 2: And he did have a bag of his clothes with
Speaker 2: a Bible in it with a bunch of bookmarks, which
Speaker 2: is kind of the if you're if I was going
Speaker 2: to create props for someone outside of just getting out
Speaker 2: of jail, the Bible with all the bookmarks.
Speaker 1: Would definitely yeah, that's that makes you buy it.
Speaker 2: But then he was like, well, I gotta I want
Speaker 2: to call my mom and my girlfriend and I think
Speaker 2: she's still my girlfriend. I don't, but my phone doesn't
Speaker 2: I need my phone activated? And I was like oh,
Speaker 2: and he's like, it shouldn't be it should only be
Speaker 2: thirty dollars, but he had whatever, I paid sixty dollars
Speaker 2: to activate this phone. And then and then he was
Speaker 2: following me. Was he just was fu he wanted a friend.
Speaker 2: I really think that's it. At no point did he
Speaker 2: try and intimidate me, but I, yeah, I pay. I
Speaker 2: went into the boost mobile store or whatever and paid
Speaker 2: his phone bill, and then I came home and I'm like, man,
Speaker 2: I'm a sucker or I did a nice thing. I
Speaker 2: don't know, but I could be both, could be both. Yeah,
Speaker 2: can we just agree that you can be both.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing. I think it's really nice. I think
Speaker 1: if that guy did such a good job convincing you
Speaker 1: with props and with good stories and with the kind
Speaker 1: of you're the first part, it's a great it's good
Speaker 1: writing to start it with, like you're the first person
Speaker 1: I've spoken to outside of jam really grabbed me with
Speaker 1: that one. Yeah he did, and that is he That's
Speaker 1: a sixty dollars idea right there. So you know what,
Speaker 1: I don't think this guy, in the large scheme of things,
Speaker 1: scammed you, because there are people who are being paid
Speaker 1: for scripts that are one thousand percent less interesting than
Speaker 1: what that guy presented to you on the street as
Speaker 1: active living, I don't know, performance art to get you
Speaker 1: to help him.
Speaker 2: And it worked. It was for sixty bucks you started
Speaker 2: writing it. Yeah, you're right, it was. Yeah, let's just
Speaker 2: look at it as a good idea. But I do remember,
Speaker 2: you know, buying carpet cleaner from a guy, door to
Speaker 2: door guy when I lived in a house with only
Speaker 2: wood floors, because he had a skin on his shirt
Speaker 2: and I felt bad for him, and then I was
Speaker 2: immediate buyer's remorse, of course, because I had no carpets,
Speaker 2: and I remembered it being an expensive solution. And then
Speaker 2: to another time, also I get I was intimidated, and
Speaker 2: I just wanted to diffuse the situation by being the
Speaker 2: coolest guy. I'm like, yeah, man, I'll pay your bill.
Speaker 2: Like maybe I was a little scared. There was another
Speaker 2: time I was coming home and this time it wasn't
Speaker 2: it wasn't gloves, it was a burrito. I was just
Speaker 2: holding a burrito. But it was dark, and this guy
Speaker 2: came up to me in the shadows and was like, hey,
Speaker 2: I'm us I have an iPad and some iPods and
Speaker 2: a laptop, and I'm like, are you. I don't want
Speaker 2: to buy any electronics. And then he was like, well
Speaker 2: I have a knife. It's like, oh, that you're selling
Speaker 2: or that you might stab me with like it was
Speaker 2: a a And then.
Speaker 1: Did he answer that question? Sorry, old No.
Speaker 2: He didn't say yes, I might stab you. He just
Speaker 2: said I just said Look, because I wanted everything to
Speaker 2: be cool. I'm like, I'll just give you the money
Speaker 2: I have in my pocket, and then next time I
Speaker 2: see you, maybe I'll buy that iPad because at the
Speaker 2: time I didn't have an iPad. And and he's like, okay, cool,
Speaker 2: Well let me know. And then he gave me his
Speaker 2: phone number, so I had his phone number. I was
Speaker 2: kind of like subtly mugged, but I then had his
Speaker 2: phone number.
Speaker 1: You also helped the mugging yourself by basically volunteering yes
Speaker 1: the money.
Speaker 2: You didn't. This guy had a tattoo and its arms
Speaker 2: of bleeding boxing gloves. Okay, it was two boxing gloves
Speaker 2: with blood dripping on, so that if you have that tattoo,
Speaker 2: I know you can out box me. You can disable me,
Speaker 2: put me to the ground, and take all the money
Speaker 2: you want on your own. I really wanted to eat
Speaker 2: that burrito.
Speaker 1: Did the burrito? Also? He came from the shadows, always bad,
Speaker 1: always for vampires.
Speaker 2: And the next night was maximum fun con and so
Speaker 2: on stage. I was like, yeah, this guy gave me
Speaker 2: his phone number. Everyone text him, MATI are you selling
Speaker 2: any iPads? And so all of a sudden he got
Speaker 2: like sixty five texts from the audience. But it's sort
Speaker 2: of backfire because then he is like, who the fuck
Speaker 2: is this? He started threatening people. I was like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: I forgot to mention he was kind of scary, and
Speaker 2: then I felt bad all these sweet podcast fans of
Speaker 2: Jordan's so sorry, Jordan's sorry, Max fun Con.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't I feel like presenting this story this way.
Speaker 1: I feel like you want me to participate in it
Speaker 1: with you and help you unwind it a little.
Speaker 2: I wanted you to yell at me.
Speaker 1: Did you. Yeah? Well, what I'm saying is, next time
Speaker 1: you walk on the lit side of the street, get
Speaker 1: a little more of a lady lens going on your life. Yes,
Speaker 1: we don't walk near the shadows at night. I would
Speaker 1: go get a burrito. That's not the side of the
Speaker 1: street we walk on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was nighttime. I don't know why I was
Speaker 2: looking for.
Speaker 1: Shade you were. You were like, we're I'm going to
Speaker 1: go under this bridge. Well, you know what, I think
Speaker 1: both of those the second guy was mugging you, for sure.
Speaker 2: Yeah, very very casually, because he mentioned the knife and
Speaker 2: I did out loud say to sell me or stab
Speaker 2: me with and he kind of shrugged.
Speaker 1: And I was, how much would you give me for it?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Your life? How much is your life work?
Speaker 1: Were seventy five dollars?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I do get I intimidated by boxing glove tattoos.
Speaker 2: I let a guy in my driveway in Austin. He
Speaker 2: I had a dent in the back of my car,
Speaker 2: and he came to the door. He's like, I'm going
Speaker 2: to fix that dent and he just started working on it.
Speaker 2: And I just wanted to be like, stop, I don't
Speaker 2: want you to bondo the back of my car. But
Speaker 2: then I saw his boxing boxing gloves. He also had
Speaker 2: a boxing glove tattoo. I'm not kidding. I'm just now
Speaker 2: realizing two different guys that have taken advantage of me.
Speaker 2: Because then he drove me to an ATM and he
Speaker 2: wanted more money than he quoted. But I saw that
Speaker 2: boxing glove thing, and you know, I've been I can
Speaker 2: handle myself, Karen, Well, I've been, and by that I
Speaker 2: mean I've I've been punched many times. I've had my
Speaker 2: nose broken a couple times, and I didn't fall down.
Speaker 2: I just kept running my.
Speaker 1: Mouth like Chris Rock. You Chris rocked it where you
Speaker 1: took the hit and you turned put your hands behind
Speaker 1: your back.
Speaker 2: My composure is on a Chris Rock level. Every time
Speaker 2: I've been punched, I immediately come out with a joke like, oh,
Speaker 2: did a fly just land on my nose? Or did
Speaker 2: some grandma just hit me? That was one I used once.
Speaker 2: Nothing against grandma's, but it was a different atmosphere. It
Speaker 2: was the early two thousands.
Speaker 1: It was the early two thousands hitting on old people constantly.
Speaker 1: In the early two thousands, we made them wrap, we
Speaker 1: made them dance to youth music. It was horrible. There's
Speaker 1: a lot of elder abuse.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Confused about where the beef was.
Speaker 1: Yes, ugh, making old ladies talk about beef constant when
Speaker 1: I was like earlier than the two thousands.
Speaker 2: But still yeah, sometimes I confused the early two thousands
Speaker 2: with my early early childhood.
Speaker 1: I want to say this though, about the people who
Speaker 1: you can't tell if they're mugging you or giving you
Speaker 1: a hard sell. This is also happened to me twice. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and one time It was in an office building, and
Speaker 1: it was like right when I was starting a job,
Speaker 1: So it was in this weird kind of empty office
Speaker 1: building and this I heard the elevator ding and then
Speaker 1: the guy walked into my office and was and basically
Speaker 1: sold me a pre bought spot package where it was
Speaker 1: like one hundred and fifty bucks for all these spa treatments.
Speaker 1: And he was cute and he was like he was
Speaker 1: almost like a camp counselor where he immediately squatted down
Speaker 1: by my desk and it's like you look like you
Speaker 1: needed this, you and it was this hard cell that
Speaker 1: I was like, I just I had no choice. It
Speaker 1: was like there was no there's a way people do
Speaker 1: that it manipulatively, the way they speak where you don't
Speaker 1: get to talk, you don't, there's no it's just statements
Speaker 1: he's making about what you want and what you're doing
Speaker 1: and what you need, and you get pulled right into it.
Speaker 1: And then oh you're when you finally do get to participate.
Speaker 1: What you're gonna do is write a check for one
Speaker 1: hundred and fifty dollars and I literally did it. He
Speaker 1: left my office and then I picked up the phone
Speaker 1: and called by bank and said, I don't know what
Speaker 1: just happened, but I need you to cancel this check.
Speaker 2: Did it too? I got a bunch of magazines and
Speaker 2: you had to find a phone number. I'm like a stop,
Speaker 2: I don't want Field and stream.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just got routed by somebody who's good at
Speaker 1: what they do. And also the jail guy. I like
Speaker 1: kind of respect the jail guy because I feel like
Speaker 1: there might be a grain of truth to that story. Yes,
Speaker 1: he has the right, and that's a person just saying hey,
Speaker 1: look I'm in need and I'm trying to make you
Speaker 1: care about it somehow.
Speaker 2: I asked him, I don't think that's bad. No, Actually
Speaker 2: I felt good that that was a different situation. Yesterday.
Speaker 2: He was a sweet kid and he went through some
Speaker 2: something scary, and he actually kept saying how scary it was. Also,
Speaker 2: he said sugar Knight was in the jail. He's like, yeah,
Speaker 2: they haven't sent him to prison, he's just in the jail. County,
Speaker 2: I guess, so I called it county too, and he
Speaker 2: looked at me like, maybe they only call it county
Speaker 2: in movies. That's the sheriff's office. What do you I
Speaker 2: don't Yeah, I think we're right, though, it would be
Speaker 2: the sheriff County jail.
Speaker 1: Or maybe just the the city prison. I don't know
Speaker 1: what it's called Downstown. I have never been a I
Speaker 1: don't know anything. Yeah, Sam, but he did say he
Speaker 1: started to tell me. I maybe even asked like, what
Speaker 1: did you do?
Speaker 2: Was it stabbing someone with your left front pocket knife?
Speaker 2: And no, he just said he didn't really tell me.
Speaker 2: But he said he was walking by a gas station
Speaker 2: and these people start making fun of He said people
Speaker 2: were making fun of me. One of them called me
Speaker 2: Michael Jackson because I was wearing a hat. And anyway,
Speaker 2: he just kind of turned changed the story. But I
Speaker 2: think someone died because he kept talking about all the
Speaker 2: other He said, murderers and everyone in there has killed someone.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, you mean like you. But then in
Speaker 2: his back.
Speaker 1: In three years, I don't think if.
Speaker 2: He actually were well God, he said he told me
Speaker 2: that the other night, an old man came in from
Speaker 2: Beverly Hills and he said he was like in his eighties.
Speaker 2: We talked for a long time. He said he was
Speaker 2: in his eighties. And the guy just came into jail saying,
Speaker 2: I killed my wife. I killed my wife. And and
Speaker 2: then I so know and he's like, well, it sounded
Speaker 2: like the wife was old and confused and had a
Speaker 2: knife and attacked him or that was his story. But
Speaker 2: he was very he was crying. I was like, I
Speaker 2: got to get out of this place. But but yeah,
Speaker 2: he he did have in the bag being crushed by
Speaker 2: the Bible, his Michael Jackson hat. Like he was dressed
Speaker 2: like Michael Jackson that night. He's like he had a
Speaker 2: purple like hat on, like a whatever you call those hats,
Speaker 2: a fedora, thank you, See, I'm so cool. I don't
Speaker 2: even know what they're called. But yes, I've bought a fedora.
Speaker 2: I thought it would look good and then I quit
Speaker 2: wearing it. Or I gave it to charity, just in
Speaker 2: case you were wondering if I ever got caught up
Speaker 2: in this for Dora Craze, I knew you were going
Speaker 2: to ask.
Speaker 1: That, just anticipating all these yeah, all these things. You
Speaker 1: know what that makes me think of is when I
Speaker 1: used to live. I had an apartment on Grace Avenue,
Speaker 1: which was off of Franklin above Hollywood Boulevard. It was
Speaker 1: in that weird little pocket where it's actually super dangerous,
Speaker 1: and there used to be like there was like a
Speaker 1: herd of stray cats, like a hundred because there were
Speaker 1: old ladies that would feed these cats. So they would
Speaker 1: just kind of come around and be in this driveway. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I bet I walked down there.
Speaker 2: Sorry, I'm just saying. I bet I could have picked
Speaker 2: them up and petted them. Anyway, carry on, maybe yeah, you.
Speaker 1: Have the gift gift. But I was walking down to
Speaker 1: get like whatever kind of basics at the at the
Speaker 1: drug store that was down on Hollywood, which is Hollywood Boulevard,
Speaker 1: like this shitty part and literally literally and figuratively. And
Speaker 1: I left the drug store and they went across the
Speaker 1: street because it was one of those super cheap sunglasses
Speaker 1: stores where it was like remember it would be a
Speaker 1: wall of sunglasses is like like hundreds, and they were
Speaker 1: all like five dollars or.
Speaker 2: Something like that. You strike me as someone and I'm
Speaker 2: only we've now never done this together, but I bet
Speaker 2: you like to put on different sunglasses and laugh and
Speaker 2: turn and do different characters wearing the glasses. I can
Speaker 2: see you about these.
Speaker 1: I love to say, what about what about me? And these?
Speaker 1: I'll yell at the top of my life. So I'm
Speaker 1: standing there, and this was like mid nineties, right, so
Speaker 1: it was all those rectangular black frame sunglasses with like
Speaker 1: red lenses or green lenses or so. I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I need a new pair of these sunglasses. And an
Speaker 1: old lady came up to me with a huge smile
Speaker 1: on her face and just stood right on my left
Speaker 1: side and I turned and looked at her, and then
Speaker 1: she goes hello, and then I'm scared. It's like yeah,
Speaker 1: and then I was like hi, and then she walked away.
Speaker 1: And then I went to buy my sunglasses and the
Speaker 1: twenty dollars bill that was in my pocket was gone.
Speaker 1: There are people, and it's Los Angeles, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. It's like a pretty big city. I think
Speaker 1: there's scam artists and not. I think what happened was
Speaker 1: she saw a twenty dollar bill sticking out of my
Speaker 1: pocket and then just came right up and was like, yep,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be right near you. You'll see me so
Speaker 1: that you won't think I'm doing anything.
Speaker 2: And I'm yeah.
Speaker 1: But I think there's various and sundry scammers to all
Speaker 1: levels of scammers from the truly like hey, I don't
Speaker 1: know what to do and I'll just tell you my story.
Speaker 1: And maybe that story worked once and now it's worked
Speaker 1: five hundred times. It's the same exact story, sure, Or
Speaker 1: it could just be like a person who's just like
Speaker 1: a little bit of a pickpocket and knows to keep
Speaker 1: their eyes peeled for dumbasses like me who like keep
Speaker 1: their cash in like a loose pocket.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you like to hang it off like a dancing girl.
Speaker 1: I mean, I truly didn't mean to, and I was
Speaker 1: so angry. I was like that fucking old lady. I
Speaker 1: was gonna have a pair of new par of sunglasses
Speaker 1: and fifty dollars change, and now I have zero things.
Speaker 2: Think back to those glasses, though, aren't you glad you
Speaker 2: didn't buy them?
Speaker 1: Well, you know, here's what I know for a fact
Speaker 1: about those sunglasses from the nineties. There was absolutely no
Speaker 1: UV protection in that glass. It was plastic, So you
Speaker 1: were basically shading your eyes and making your pupure, opening
Speaker 1: your so that the sunbeams could go directly in and get.
Speaker 2: You into your iris, and then reflecting like an upside
Speaker 2: down drawing of a tree off the back lens of
Speaker 2: your eyeball, shooting it back to the image to the
Speaker 2: back side of your cornea, where then the image is
Speaker 2: reversed again back to normal size. It's only upside down
Speaker 2: for a second.
Speaker 1: Where eye bough, Where are the rods and cones in
Speaker 1: that we're firing?
Speaker 2: Most of them are firing. Some are in your brain
Speaker 2: when you get anxious, rods and cones firing your brain.
Speaker 2: And then also it is the rods and codes firing,
Speaker 2: and and they are little loud explosions. Oh you can
Speaker 2: actually hear them. And those happen in your eye, and
Speaker 2: that is what expands your pupil or iris, or the
Speaker 2: everything expands, letting in more light.
Speaker 1: Petit the French call it the petite explosion.
Speaker 2: Yes, it is sure. I had the dumbest joke when
Speaker 2: I was younger about the the the anvil, the stirrup
Speaker 2: and the hammer. The bones in your ear now obsolete,
Speaker 2: no one, they have no purpose anymore. But a lot
Speaker 2: of people don't know that when hundreds of years ago
Speaker 2: in our ears lived a tiny little blacksmith who'd make
Speaker 2: horseshoes for our cavities. I actually used to say that
Speaker 2: as a joke, and wonder why I was having trouble
Speaker 2: on stage and.
Speaker 1: On stage, Yes.
Speaker 2: Yes, I took that to the stage. It was a
Speaker 2: finished joke here and it was finished. It was ready
Speaker 2: for the to be hot off the preas. I've always
Speaker 2: loved the idea of many things, as you know, I
Speaker 2: can't stop talking about it. But a tiny blacksmith that
Speaker 2: is working on the because why isn't an anvil and
Speaker 2: a hammer and stirrup? That's all horse horseplay.
Speaker 1: It's all that's all horseplay, for sure.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I think we're going to keep getting
Speaker 2: taken advantage of because I am unable to do that.
Speaker 2: And maybe I just admire it in someone else because
Speaker 2: they tried to teach us those talking points where the
Speaker 2: only answer can be yes, here's my checkbook back when
Speaker 2: I selling knives or selling coupon books and I hated it.
Speaker 2: I hated doing it.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think some people are definitely built for it,
Speaker 1: because I think there's some people, like sensitive people, people
Speaker 1: who pay attention to what other people do and say
Speaker 1: and are concerned about that. Yeah, they can't do it
Speaker 1: because they're too locked into the response they get. Whereas
Speaker 1: there's other people in this world who literally I really
Speaker 1: could give a shit about other people. They might not
Speaker 1: even be sociopaths. They might just be a little bit
Speaker 1: hardened or had whatever, you know what I mean, it's
Speaker 1: or there that's with how their parents were or whatever.
Speaker 1: So they don't they have no shame, I guess. So
Speaker 1: it's like they'll say or do anything to get their way.
Speaker 1: And when you have that like kind of behind you know,
Speaker 1: that engine behind you, plus like yeah, you really do
Speaker 1: need to get that phone turned on, or say you
Speaker 1: really do need your own fucking brito, You'll do it
Speaker 1: and you'll get it done.
Speaker 2: You know. Oh I forgot. Also when he went to
Speaker 2: activate the phone, he didn't know the number. I'm like, ah,
Speaker 2: this might be a stolen phone. But then the woman
Speaker 2: said is the name on it light? And he said yeah, Crystal.
Speaker 2: And then I was like, wait, your girlfriend's name is
Speaker 2: Crystal Light. And he didn't get it or understand why
Speaker 2: I was laughing, but.
Speaker 1: He didn't.
Speaker 2: No, I guess I don't know. He was in for
Speaker 2: a while, Crystal Light. That again, that's a thing that
Speaker 2: that we believe in Crystal Light, because it believed in us.
Speaker 1: We believe in us.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And that was when was that the eighties? This
Speaker 2: guy was shorn in probably nineteen ninety or nineteen eighty
Speaker 2: or so. I don't know how old he was.
Speaker 1: He had part of it, like the other part of
Speaker 1: it is he left fucking jail and at nowhere to
Speaker 1: go and no one to call and nothing in his pockets, Like, yeah.
Speaker 2: I did, I did the right thing.
Speaker 1: That seems like a bad setup.
Speaker 2: Even if he wasn't, even if it's a scam, even
Speaker 2: if he walks around because he, you know whatever, he
Speaker 2: needed the phone activate or did I activate a stolen phone?
Speaker 2: I don't know who cares? Well, he's my friend now.
Speaker 2: And he also wanted me. He said, maybe what's your
Speaker 2: Instagram handle? Maybe we can hang out or you can
Speaker 2: make me dinner, because I said I have to go home.
Speaker 2: I have to I'm making dinner. I kept saying that,
Speaker 2: and uh, anyway, invite himself over for dinner. So maybe
Speaker 2: I did.
Speaker 1: Because he knows you're going to say fucking' yes, Chris.
Speaker 2: What is wrong with me? Why can't I I'm so
Speaker 2: tired of getting steamrolled again. This was a situation of
Speaker 2: being charitable. I'm not ashamed of it.
Speaker 1: No, it's a decision you made. But hey, look, also,
Speaker 1: this is us being out in the world again, Like,
Speaker 1: did you have that whole conversation mask free. That's a
Speaker 1: that's a right change. There's all kinds of things happening
Speaker 1: that we're not prepared for.
Speaker 2: The funny thing was he's like, yeah, I can't believe.
Speaker 2: He said something to the effect like what had how
Speaker 2: how have things been? And I'm like, well, you were
Speaker 2: in jail at the perfect time. The last three years
Speaker 2: have been I mean, we've all been locked in our
Speaker 2: everyone was kind of it was a perfect time to
Speaker 2: be in jail. No one was able, the streets were empty,
Speaker 2: and he's like what, I'm like, yeah, no one was
Speaker 2: driving like downtown, no cars. Like I get he wasn't
Speaker 2: getting those visuals. I'm sure they watched the news, but
Speaker 2: he did. He knew COVID was happening, but the details
Speaker 2: he was fuzzy on because he again was locked.
Speaker 1: In making up new lies to tell you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he was.
Speaker 1: Actually he was distracted by trying to memorize your credit
Speaker 1: card number that he could see.
Speaker 2: He did drive off into Mercedes. Is that a bad sign?
Speaker 2: And the license plate said you sucka on?
Speaker 1: It said thanks dummy, pH and ex dummy.
Speaker 2: He honked his horn and the horn went you're a dummy.
Speaker 1: Actually, that happened one time there. When I lived in
Speaker 1: the Upper Hat, there were a little like kind of
Speaker 1: fake punk rock kids. It was like nineteen ninety one,
Speaker 1: and they would all sit in the Upper Hate and
Speaker 1: literally they were just kind of on drugs and you know,
Speaker 1: wearing kind of shitty clothes. They had a lot of
Speaker 1: piercings and fucked up hair, and they would like literally
Speaker 1: just had their hand out but like, you know, sweatshirt on.
Speaker 1: So they're like all in their sweatshirt, but like gimme.
Speaker 1: And I just remembered being on my way from the
Speaker 1: gap to my second job and being like fuck you.
Speaker 1: And I watched one kid who was just like, oh,
Speaker 1: like that, and then he got up and got into
Speaker 1: one of those old two thousand and two BMW's and
Speaker 1: drove away. I was like a fucking piece of shit.
Speaker 2: That is Yeah, I used to see that. I can't remember.
Speaker 2: There was a name for the fake the kids pretending
Speaker 2: on Guadaloup in Austin, right by ut that was a
Speaker 2: great place for them to And yeah, a bunch of
Speaker 2: them got picked up in a nice suv. Granted it
Speaker 2: was someone's mom probably, but yeah, yeah, to see him
Speaker 2: actually get or the guy that's a cameo in every
Speaker 2: movie that plays guitar while roller skating, and he wears
Speaker 2: that turban and he's like in La Story and anytime there.
Speaker 1: Was like, he's like a Venice Beach guy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, an establishing shot that says you're in California. They
Speaker 2: would go to Venice Beach and probably call him up.
Speaker 2: He was in so many movies, and I saw him
Speaker 2: packing his and he's talented and as sweet man by
Speaker 2: some as far as I know. I saw him getting
Speaker 2: into a very new Mercedes in Nispe after a day
Speaker 2: of But he's out there every day, you know, just
Speaker 2: playing and busking, busking and skating. He's skating and strumming.
Speaker 1: Live talent for tourists. I mean that they pay. It's
Speaker 1: good money.
Speaker 2: He should have a Mercedes.
Speaker 1: Sure, yeah, I just remember those movies has Mercedes? Why
Speaker 1: can't he?
Speaker 2: At the time, I was taking the bus and I
Speaker 2: also had borrowed a Mustang that while I drove it,
Speaker 2: I had to hold on to the convertible top because
Speaker 2: it would fly off. I drove that to that Reality
Speaker 2: Bites Back show. Every day I was holding onto the
Speaker 2: roof of my car while steering to go all the
Speaker 2: way out to some and then everything changed, and I'm
Speaker 2: glad that I had that experience, but boy, it sucks
Speaker 2: to not have a car. The end.
Speaker 1: No, we're doing a podcast, so we're not we're not
Speaker 1: doing any endings conversation.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you're right, Yeah that's not the end. Do
Speaker 2: you not get down, not turn off your devices because
Speaker 2: I saya the end?
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's not. It's not the case. It's not what's happening. No, well,
Speaker 1: I mean I do think it's really it's just weird
Speaker 1: because it's almost like the war in Ukraine started and
Speaker 1: then everyone now is pretending like summer's starting and that
Speaker 1: COVID is over and everything's normal. Like there is a
Speaker 1: very distinct kind of like this is what we're doing
Speaker 1: now thing. So like I went to dinner with my
Speaker 1: friends at that awesome restaurant Kismet over unless Feelis, and
Speaker 1: the waiters still were wearing masks, but everybody else wasn't,
Speaker 1: and everybody was out. I mean, there's just people fucking everywhere,
Speaker 1: and it is this weird. I don't know. I'm just
Speaker 1: bringing it up because I think it's a really I'm
Speaker 1: very excited that it feels different. I don't trust it
Speaker 1: of course either. But it is that kind of thing
Speaker 1: where I'm like, oh, yeah, like hopefully they'll just be
Speaker 1: like shows or things to do or like ways to
Speaker 1: regroup again if this is all actually happening.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, part of me is safely looking at it
Speaker 2: like a little vacation between variants. But it also when
Speaker 2: you see people not like because of things like Ukraine
Speaker 2: or it happened before, when they murdered George Floyd. Everyone,
Speaker 2: it was like, it's a celebration of like, we're not
Speaker 2: the most important thing right now, Let's go out and
Speaker 2: celebrate life because something else is happening that's more important
Speaker 2: than not us worrying about ourselves. There's something healthy about it,
Speaker 2: but a lot of it is just people taking advantage
Speaker 2: of that and they're like, great, I get to go
Speaker 2: and try and make out with people in the streets.
Speaker 1: You know, there's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 2: Hey, That's why it was, Yeah, making out in the streets,
Speaker 2: go do it.
Speaker 1: I'm just excited to get to go out to dinner
Speaker 1: again because I don't cook. Yeah, and I'm tired of
Speaker 1: all the places I've been ordering from.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was the fact that I
Speaker 2: was calling restaurants, getting ingredients going down, getting them coming home.
Speaker 2: That's as crazy I was getting. But yeah, I don't
Speaker 2: want to use order food to my house anymore. I
Speaker 2: really don't want to do that.
Speaker 1: The problem with me is is I know that there's
Speaker 1: plenty of fine choices and even healthy choices. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: by the time I'm actually ordering, it's always seven point thirty,
Speaker 1: Like it's always way past the point where I should
Speaker 1: have started to eat or think about it. So I'm tired,
Speaker 1: and I'm hungry and grumpy and low blood sugar, and
Speaker 1: so I'll always in that scenario, I will always order
Speaker 1: a cheese based dinner, which is like the worst case,
Speaker 1: it's the worst thing you do.
Speaker 2: And for cheese to be the main, the actual bass
Speaker 2: of the meal, a bed of.
Speaker 1: Cheese built on it, there needs to be several layers
Speaker 1: of cheese.
Speaker 2: You're talking about lasagna, right, there's I mean, just.
Speaker 1: Me garfielding out. Every day is Monday over.
Speaker 2: Now what day of the week is it?
Speaker 1: It's always money.
Speaker 2: Oh, okay, okay, yeah, it's definitely definitely lasagna.
Speaker 1: Just ridiculous, I don't know. And also because it was
Speaker 1: so hot today that it's like ooh, summertime, there's there's
Speaker 1: just I think cheese. It's cheese. I want hot cheese
Speaker 1: and watch other people eat cheese.
Speaker 2: Spectator sport cold frozen cheese on a stick and lick
Speaker 2: it like a lollipop.
Speaker 1: I mean, I wonder if there is some Oh, I
Speaker 1: guess yogurt. Frozen yogurt is kind of cheesy.
Speaker 2: Oh that I don't ever want that. I don't think
Speaker 2: I'll ever be able to eat frozen yogurt again. That's
Speaker 2: a good thing, though, because tcby is a that memory
Speaker 2: of what a big deal it was to have frozen
Speaker 2: yogurt for the longest time. Oh yeah, that was such
Speaker 2: a big deal and I never got it.
Speaker 1: That's because you don't dyet. It's it's basically you can
Speaker 1: have ice cream with less calories.
Speaker 2: And less Okay, yeah, well I think it's all ruined
Speaker 2: for people. Now that you've you've invented the cheese flavor
Speaker 2: frozen yogurt, Now.
Speaker 1: That I've got to invented mozzarella yogurt, it's ruined.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we sell it, but if you want to get technical,
Speaker 2: this cheese stuff is not the country's best yogurt.
Speaker 1: It's also wasn't it either The country's best or something.
Speaker 1: Thank god.
Speaker 2: Wait right, it's an acrony.
Speaker 1: I can't believe there was something like not being able
Speaker 1: to believe it's yogurt.
Speaker 2: I can't, but that would be ICB. Why I can't
Speaker 2: believe it's not yogurt?
Speaker 1: Are you thinking of I can't believe it it is yogurt.
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm having a Yeah, I just feel like I
Speaker 2: know exactly what you're talking about. But I feel like
Speaker 2: if we go any further, we might look dumb.
Speaker 1: Oh. I think it's happening right this second, since the beginning.
Speaker 2: Of this pot taking care of business yogurt. Yeah, taking business,
Speaker 2: taking care.
Speaker 1: To Oh no, they Tony can't believe yogurt.
Speaker 2: That's what I also was intimidated by a guy once
Speaker 2: with a taken care of Business tattoo because he was
Speaker 2: in Elvis's karate.
Speaker 1: Chris, I think you're blaming tattoos.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I'm shaming bad doorbell motor tattoos when it
Speaker 2: choires in prison. But a lot of the ideas are
Speaker 2: bad and they're just out there to make guys like
Speaker 2: me hand over the money.
Speaker 1: Hand it over, look at the bloody box and glove.
Speaker 2: I just tattoo of handed over on your arm and
Speaker 2: you just roll up your sleeve.
Speaker 1: You flex your muscle, hand it over.
Speaker 2: Let's just get to the point, hand it over backwards.
Speaker 1: I wonder, though, everybody, having been locked in their houses
Speaker 1: for two years, if if on the street scamming is
Speaker 1: like at an all time high, because I honestly, if
Speaker 1: somebody came up to me, it was like, you're the
Speaker 1: first person I've talked to you out of jail. I
Speaker 1: would have probably done exactly what you did. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: not like I would have been like, oh really, peace
Speaker 1: out or whatever.
Speaker 2: Yeah it is.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't have said peace out. I don't know why
Speaker 1: I said it now.
Speaker 2: And then and then slide down your blue lens glasses
Speaker 2: wink peace out with peace sign. He also just got
Speaker 2: me in a good mood a lot, and I feel
Speaker 2: bad about it everything we all do when someone comes
Speaker 2: up and they are down and out. But I gotta go.
Speaker 2: I have one thing to do today. I can't stop. Yes,
Speaker 2: and I do do that, and then I feel bad
Speaker 2: or I go back. But this time, yeah, there was
Speaker 2: nothing I was in. I was the only one in
Speaker 2: the parking lot.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, he picked you. Also, Yeah, if it's in
Speaker 1: a parking lot.
Speaker 2: That's bad too, Yeah, yeah, but there was other people around.
Speaker 2: He at no point he was actually had He looked
Speaker 2: like he was happy to be out of jail and
Speaker 2: wanted to celebrate, but you know, he also just had
Speaker 2: a kind face there. I don't know. That's what I
Speaker 2: was going to tell you is okay.
Speaker 1: Years ago, sorry, but years ago, I read this really
Speaker 1: good article in The New Yorker about a guy who
Speaker 1: had a very similar thing happened to him where a girl.
Speaker 1: He was walking down the street and a girl walked
Speaker 1: up and she was kind of crying and she kind
Speaker 1: of made eye contact but then like whatever, and she
Speaker 1: was like looking around and seeming upset, and so then
Speaker 1: he went, are you okay? And she was like, I
Speaker 1: just and it was like this story where she like
Speaker 1: I just rented this car and I and like I
Speaker 1: gave this guy cash so I could rent this car,
Speaker 1: and da da da, and she tells the story about
Speaker 1: how basically this guy ripped her off yea, and she
Speaker 1: was then stranded in Manhattan and and she's like, I'm
Speaker 1: trying to call my mom. She lives in Queens and
Speaker 1: she's not picking up the phone or whatever, and so's
Speaker 1: it's basically like, she needs to take a cab to Queens,
Speaker 1: she needs a hundred bucks, and he gives it to her.
Speaker 1: And then like three months later, he's walking down the
Speaker 1: same street and he sees her in exactly the same scenario,
Speaker 1: half crying the whole thing, and he walks up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and he walks up to the guy she's talking to
Speaker 1: and says, she got me three months ago. This is
Speaker 1: all a scam. And and then she immediately was like
Speaker 1: fuck you and then just turned around and walked away.
Speaker 1: And he couldn't believe it because he entirely bought into
Speaker 1: this world and it was very easy to buy into
Speaker 1: this world. And then he was so like it was
Speaker 1: kind of about how he felt bad because yeah, this
Speaker 1: is her job and this is like how she makes money.
Speaker 1: But at the same time, he's like, I got scammed.
Speaker 1: At least let me keep you from getting scammed.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's great, that would be That's everyone's dream is
Speaker 2: to catch especially after you've been robbed, you know, to
Speaker 2: catch someone do if I could have caught someone going
Speaker 2: into my garage to steal my bike they bent up
Speaker 2: the door, if I just had gone out and saw
Speaker 2: them and went, oh, hello, it looks like you're breaking
Speaker 2: into my and then they just run away. It would
Speaker 2: feel so good to catch.
Speaker 1: Someone, but we never do unless then they turn around
Speaker 1: and hold up their arm and they're not terrifying noun
Speaker 1: chuck tattoo.
Speaker 2: I just made it worse. Ooh a tattoo of bloody
Speaker 2: nun chucks.
Speaker 1: No, I gotta do it both my bike.
Speaker 2: A flash page of the most intimidating tattoos.
Speaker 1: Good idea. Yeah, I will have about a roaring cat,
Speaker 1: a hissing cats.
Speaker 2: Are you sure it's not a cat that enjoys the
Speaker 2: time of the nineteen twenties Rory Felix the cat over. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm not at my best behavior.
Speaker 1: Karen, what happened?
Speaker 2: No, I just keep you know, my brain, My brain's
Speaker 2: on the fritz.
Speaker 1: You know why we can't stop.
Speaker 2: Thinking of James Fritz?
Speaker 1: None of us can. He's America's sweetheart? Is It's because
Speaker 1: we podcasted yesterday used all our talking energys.
Speaker 2: Have you been? Theft? I have said, is my least
Speaker 2: favorite crime. I can understand murder and things like that.
Speaker 2: People can kiss you off, but theft, actually just taking
Speaker 2: someone's thing. It really bothers me. Not from a store,
Speaker 2: I guess as much. But robbing people, I really hate it.
Speaker 2: When did you went to your last When were you
Speaker 2: last robbed? H classic? Well, anyone ever break in your house?
Speaker 1: No, not that I know of. That's why I got
Speaker 1: my dog, George. When I got her, when I was
Speaker 1: living by myself after I came back when I got divorced,
Speaker 1: went off to work in New York and then Chicago,
Speaker 1: and then came home and realized it's just a target
Speaker 1: sitting here waiting to be and had all these It
Speaker 1: was fucking Burbank. It was like it wasn't happening.
Speaker 2: But yeah, that was a nice that was a nice neighborhood.
Speaker 1: But that's when I got George. And that's and basically
Speaker 1: a really loud, kind of lunatic dog bark most most
Speaker 1: things away.
Speaker 2: Most people me away too. I don't want a loud,
Speaker 2: insane barking. Well, I'm just that's something I need to
Speaker 2: get over because I need an animal around in my life.
Speaker 2: I need to get over the mea in the barking thing.
Speaker 2: Did you know I had a thing about that? Nope, Nope.
Speaker 2: I can't take it, Karen.
Speaker 1: Either, because that's all it is. That's all you it
Speaker 1: do with.
Speaker 2: I have been very lucky in my life to be
Speaker 2: only affiliated with quiet, non me owing, non barking cats
Speaker 2: and dogs. I don't know why. It wasn't something you
Speaker 2: know that they learned. Just you can get lucky. Sometimes
Speaker 2: there's a quiet, thoughtful animal in your life, and I'm
Speaker 2: there for it. Am I coming out of left field
Speaker 2: with a lot of the stuff. I'm off, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: Do you think people are going to listen and be like, oh,
Speaker 2: Chris is office rocker today. I mean, we'll get it,
Speaker 2: we'll get it, we'll get a rhythm going. And then
Speaker 2: here I come out of nowhere with that just snooze
Speaker 2: festival change.
Speaker 1: Because let me answer your question that you asked me
Speaker 1: about being right, rab uh.
Speaker 2: This is why I'm back.
Speaker 1: I honestly thought you were. I thought you were literally
Speaker 1: circling back to feline aids again, and I was just like,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I can sit here.
Speaker 2: I told you at the top of the show, I'm
Speaker 2: going to mention feline aids every episode. I was just
Speaker 2: ramping up to it, but we might as well say
Speaker 2: it now. I had a cat once that feline aids
Speaker 2: in the game is quite a surprise. Not enough people
Speaker 2: have heard about it. I've gotten actual threats. Please stop
Speaker 2: talking about feline aids now.
Speaker 1: I'm sure I was going to tell you a story
Speaker 1: about about thinking I was being robbed and actually not being.
Speaker 2: Robbed, and I steamrolled in and I'm.
Speaker 1: Sorry because you're fine, because because we lived in a
Speaker 1: terrible part of Sacramento. This was when we lived in
Speaker 1: the house that was next door to the serial killers,
Speaker 1: Dorothea Poenti's house, and she had only been arrested a
Speaker 1: couple years before you.
Speaker 2: This is something you talked about on your other podcast.
Speaker 2: I do not know about Dorothea Puente's.
Speaker 1: Okay, let me just I'll brief you quickly.
Speaker 2: Okay. Great.
Speaker 1: She was very an old gal, and so she's probably
Speaker 1: in her seventies I think, and she looked even older.
Speaker 1: She ran a boarding house for almost like a halfway house,
Speaker 1: and it was always for it was only for people
Speaker 1: who were on Social Security and oftentimes they were either
Speaker 1: very old, they didn't have anyone to take care of them,
Speaker 1: or they were somehow in need of extra support. And
Speaker 1: she basically made sure what was happening was that their
Speaker 1: social Security check was being mailed to their house to
Speaker 1: her house, which is where they lived, and then she
Speaker 1: would kill them, buried them in the backyard, and keep
Speaker 1: collecting their social Security.
Speaker 2: Did she catch the check?
Speaker 1: I guess I'll tell you right now. No, No, you
Speaker 1: can ask me. I'll tell you.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: There was a bar across the street, a total hideous
Speaker 1: dive bar that even at our most insane and alcoholic
Speaker 1: we would not go into this bar. And it was
Speaker 1: it was eighty feet away from our front door, and
Speaker 1: that's how scary it was. She would go in there
Speaker 1: and they would cash all those checks. So they'd cashed
Speaker 1: all social Security checks from anybody.
Speaker 2: That you think when she went in, they're like kill
Speaker 2: another one. Huh.
Speaker 1: No, No, I think they thought she was a trustworthy
Speaker 1: old lady and they were doing her a service by
Speaker 1: helping her because she lived across the street.
Speaker 2: Wow, is what I think.
Speaker 1: And then that this surprise when she got caught was
Speaker 1: the last person. I actually covered this on the podcast.
Speaker 1: When she got caught, The last person who she was
Speaker 1: taking care of had a bunch of people around him
Speaker 1: that really cared about him, that were like, nowhere is
Speaker 1: he for real? Where is he someone's cashing his checks?
Speaker 1: Where is he, and they finally caught her. No one
Speaker 1: has suspected it, and they dug up that backyard, which
Speaker 1: we could see from our back porch. We seek into
Speaker 1: the yard. There it was. She got caught and arrested,
Speaker 1: and they dug up the backyard. I would say a
Speaker 1: couple years before we lived there, but we could see
Speaker 1: the backyard. Oh okay, So that alone was scary enough
Speaker 1: because there were heat she literally had buried I think
Speaker 1: five between five and ten people in that backyard.
Speaker 2: Wow.
Speaker 1: Insane, just crazy. So anyway, that's the neighborhood we lived
Speaker 1: in where literally one night we had to start yelling
Speaker 1: at a guy because he was beating his girlfriend with
Speaker 1: an old vacuum cleaner. And across the street they just
Speaker 1: would people would dump garbage, so that the across the
Speaker 1: street was an empty lot filled with random garbage. So
Speaker 1: a guy just picked up like an old broken vacuum
Speaker 1: cleaner and started hitting his girl from one of the way.
Speaker 2: Karen, I just want to say that sucks.
Speaker 1: Boo.
Speaker 2: I know, I Hey, jokes.
Speaker 1: Are great, but a lot of people like no, no,
Speaker 1: people do.
Speaker 2: I'm just saying it sucks to do that. That's all
Speaker 2: I'm saying. I don't know why you're saying serious.
Speaker 1: Don't pretend that you're not. I don't pretend that you're
Speaker 1: not doing an ice cream killing joke, like you're literally
Speaker 1: doing a joke. I will pretend find you will, and
Speaker 1: you still you continue to It is bad to do.
Speaker 1: So one night, I'm pretending parked on the street in
Speaker 1: this neighborhood and the car battery to my Volkswagen died.
Speaker 1: And I was really drunk because I had been at
Speaker 1: a bar and I was trying to drive home and
Speaker 1: it was but it was like very close by. It
Speaker 1: was like two blocks away or something. And I was
Speaker 1: sitting there and a guy ran up. It was like
Speaker 1: he knew I was in trouble, but he was on
Speaker 1: so many drugs that he didn't know how to handle.
Speaker 1: He didn't know how to take advantage of me.
Speaker 2: That PCP run.
Speaker 1: I don't know what that is.
Speaker 2: On PCP. A lot of guys have superpowers. They try
Speaker 2: and take on a bunch of cops or run from
Speaker 2: a helicopter. Oh, usually PCP that makes you run. That's
Speaker 2: the drug that makes you run.
Speaker 1: This guy was like, yeah, it was a little more.
Speaker 1: He thought he was organized in his thoughts because he
Speaker 1: was pretending to help me jumpstart my car, but he
Speaker 1: didn't have a car, and I was kind of a
Speaker 1: little bit slow, and I was just kind of like sorry,
Speaker 1: wait what and he was doing all this stuff to
Speaker 1: my car and then I was like, oh shit, I
Speaker 1: don't know what this guy's doing. And he's, you know whatever,
Speaker 1: and then he just.
Speaker 2: Ran a car, like drumming on it and tapping and kicking.
Speaker 1: He had opened the back and he was like it
Speaker 1: was he was pulling the caps off the top of
Speaker 1: the battery. And then he took my jumper cables, hooked
Speaker 1: him up, and then like put him aside and went
Speaker 1: and did another thing and did all this stuff and
Speaker 1: then he just ran away.
Speaker 2: Oh he was it was.
Speaker 1: It was so weird. And I literally just unhooked the
Speaker 1: jumper cables, put him in my car and then like
Speaker 1: very slowly drove home of like whatever that was. You
Speaker 1: you basically just missed it by half of it.
Speaker 2: Oh my god. Do you feel like he went ran
Speaker 2: around the corner and laughed at the funny funny skit
Speaker 2: he did or was he not. He's like, I, she's
Speaker 2: so confused, and that is so funny.
Speaker 1: It could have been that it also could have been. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he honestly thought he had a car, and it wasn't
Speaker 1: until he went to or he thought, if he jumpstarts
Speaker 1: my car on another car that he can somehow get
Speaker 1: into that's parked behind me, maybe he can steal my
Speaker 1: car once the car's jumped. Something along those lines. I
Speaker 1: think then he just kind of gave up on the
Speaker 1: entire on the entire thing.
Speaker 2: You maybe thought it was his car. We've made that mistake.
Speaker 1: Someone else is in car.
Speaker 2: Yes, One time in Austin, I I got out, Okay,
Speaker 2: I got out of a grocery store and I was
Speaker 2: being picked up by my girlfriend and I saw my car.
Speaker 2: It was very a red Mustang two door, was like
Speaker 2: the car of Texas. I didn't I bought a car
Speaker 2: right before I drove down there, and everyone had this car.
Speaker 2: And I just got in the car, and the guy
Speaker 2: who was picking up his wife or he thought he was,
Speaker 2: didn't look at me. We just silently drove out of
Speaker 2: the parking lot. And then I was looking at the
Speaker 2: dash and there was like a triple A thing or
Speaker 2: a good Sam's Club sticker, and I just look up
Speaker 2: and there's this old man. It was so great, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, We've made a mistake and he's like
Speaker 2: what oh, And then we laughed. We laughed so hard.
Speaker 2: I'm so glad that he just laughed. And then thank god. Yeah,
Speaker 2: we went back and there was there was Maggie in
Speaker 2: my car and his wife was standing there confused. They
Speaker 2: were about to act out their version because she thought
Speaker 2: it was the funniest thing ever. It was. It was
Speaker 2: right at the same spot. Oh man, what a joy?
Speaker 2: What did joy to remember?
Speaker 1: And that's a very like uber lift thing to happened,
Speaker 1: But you guys did it years before.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it has happened to me and people have
Speaker 2: gotten in my car. It's like, I just have a
Speaker 2: black car. Get the fuck out. I'm very aggressive when
Speaker 2: it happens. Now you get the luck tattoos.
Speaker 1: Take some of that get the fuck out energy and
Speaker 1: bring it toward the scammers that approach you on the street.
Speaker 2: I need to bring it to my own door to door.
Speaker 1: Sales just a little bit. Don't go you know, not
Speaker 1: to quote thirty rock, but don't go to a second
Speaker 1: location with a scammer. If he needs to charge his phone,
Speaker 1: you give him thirty dollars and walk away and say God,
Speaker 1: bless on getting your phone. Yeah, you don't have to
Speaker 1: take on tasks.
Speaker 2: And errow was it was twice as much money. We
Speaker 2: thought it was going to be thirty anyway. But I
Speaker 2: did say at one point, I'm like, well, this is
Speaker 2: where we part ways, and that worked pretty well. You
Speaker 2: have to turn to an old cowboy.
Speaker 1: Yes, you also have to just say it. You have
Speaker 1: to do it. You have to like stop entertaining it
Speaker 1: for a while.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but first give your phone number or Instagram handle.
Speaker 2: That's important.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Did you give him your phone number?
Speaker 2: No, he asked for it, and I said, no, let's
Speaker 2: do the Instagram thing. Because he did. He mentioned that first.
Speaker 2: For all I know, we become friends and he'll be
Speaker 2: listening to this episode by the time we posted, and
Speaker 2: I'll be embarrassed about my new friend who's coming over
Speaker 2: for dinner tonight. He was not yet. Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2: He was a nice guy.
Speaker 1: Look, look, we all got to be careful out there.
Speaker 2: These we do. That's all I'm saying.
Speaker 1: We're all we all haven't done anything. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm doing today. I'm actually going to the doctor today
Speaker 1: for the first time, just for a checkup before COVID.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're just going there's nothing wrong, there's no signs.
Speaker 2: Are you lethargic?
Speaker 1: Yes, but that's not why I made the appointment. No, No,
Speaker 1: I just I haven't been to the doctor in a
Speaker 1: really long time.
Speaker 2: Mind. If I pinch your skin to see if it
Speaker 2: stays in the same.
Speaker 1: Position, is that a good sign or a bad sign?
Speaker 2: It's a sign of dehydration and oftentimes feline as it
Speaker 2: is it is. Are you serious? Even as a kid,
Speaker 2: I would I would pinch my cat's skin to see
Speaker 2: if I guess we know all our cats had leukemia
Speaker 2: or something. It's it's the point is, don't put That's
Speaker 2: why I'm so quiet in a cat, That's why there
Speaker 2: was no mewing. Well, they're also just rampant disease. It
Speaker 2: helps them do better in the poise category of these shows.
Speaker 2: If you put your cat in a cat show, they
Speaker 2: will get leukemia or or. Feline aids are very similar actually,
Speaker 2: and it is. You don't get it from a fucking
Speaker 2: in fighting. You can just get it from another cat's sneeze. Chris, Sorry,
Speaker 2: I'm going to show so tomorrow.
Speaker 1: You're actually talking about feline aids again.
Speaker 2: I know, I know. I know you guys. Your good joke,
Speaker 2: I promised myself.
Speaker 1: Now we're going to dip out, dip back out.
Speaker 2: Jesus Christ. I'm just in a panic because I'm worried
Speaker 2: about your doctor's appointment. What is wrong with you?
Speaker 1: Uh, it's just that I haven't been to the doctor.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, I need some blood tests. I need
Speaker 1: to make sure there's nothing wrong with me. I mean,
Speaker 1: I've been in my house for fucking two and a
Speaker 1: half years. I don't know from any I feel tired,
Speaker 1: but maybe everybody feels tired or whatever, but there's nothing.
Speaker 1: And also I have to get a new neurologist because
Speaker 1: my my neurologist, who I've had for years retired and
Speaker 1: then I just kind of went, oh no, and so
Speaker 1: I have to get a referral. And I have to
Speaker 1: get my Caesar medicine redea.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, shit like that. Are you going to get
Speaker 2: any cameras put in any orifices?
Speaker 1: Not?
Speaker 2: If I'm going to help, That's what I'm literally gonna do.
Speaker 2: I'm going to be like, Hi, I'm a man of
Speaker 2: a certain age. Give me all the cameras in all
Speaker 2: the uncomfortable holes, and please look at my eyeballs. Why
Speaker 2: am I needing different glasses strengths monthly? I want to
Speaker 2: do that too. It's important.
Speaker 1: They're getting worse by the monster eyes.
Speaker 2: Yes, my vision is declining. I'm not too worried about it,
Speaker 2: but I think it should stay the same poor vision,
Speaker 2: at least for a year, not increasingly worse.
Speaker 1: Incorrect because you don't know and you're not an eye doctor.
Speaker 2: No, I'm not an oologist. Well, well there's an optometrist
Speaker 2: and an optomologist. Now I want to make that mistake
Speaker 2: again and buy some glasses out need just because I
Speaker 2: was going to check out my eyeballs. You need them, though,
Speaker 2: Yeah I do, I do, I know, I do.
Speaker 1: Optometrists is the doctor, ophthalmologist is the is the glasses?
Speaker 2: Really I thought it was the opposite.
Speaker 1: Okay, oh wait it is the opposite.
Speaker 2: Maybe it is who knows?
Speaker 1: Oshomologist is the doctor. That's right, that's right. My mom
Speaker 1: used to work in the ophtalmology department, a kaiser. That's
Speaker 1: why I was using such a permanent voice. But actually
Speaker 1: I'm not an expert whatsoever. Yeah, and I won't let
Speaker 1: you interrupt me with that terrible ton. I will keep
Speaker 1: sucking finishing my sentence. Motherfucker, what are you doing?
Speaker 2: I was gonna say, I was curious. I was curious
Speaker 2: how long if they told her it was a temporary job,
Speaker 2: if she was tempting, that's all. I wasn't making a joke.
Speaker 2: Kaiser permanente happens to be the name of the place.
Speaker 1: Jeez, huh, just a weird coincidence.
Speaker 2: Why I jumped down my throat. Yeah, I want to
Speaker 2: get I want to I want to do what you're doing.
Speaker 2: I want to let's go to the doctor, everybody, it's time.
Speaker 2: We've been sitting here laying around.
Speaker 1: God, anything could have happened, anything growing on it.
Speaker 2: We could have mold in our ears.
Speaker 1: Want to be like, hey, will you just take some
Speaker 1: blood and let me know what's what's up?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: Just like take some blood and see, yeah, who knows?
Speaker 1: Also middle aged? You know what I think it is?
Speaker 1: My good friend had a stroke and now he has
Speaker 1: lived a very full life, and you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: like whatever, yeah, but I kept thinking about it after
Speaker 1: he told me about it, where he's fine and he's
Speaker 1: like taking care of it and whatever, and he's now
Speaker 1: very healthy. But I was like, oh, that's right, we're
Speaker 1: just fucking middle aged and we have to care about
Speaker 1: things like this and pay attention to them.
Speaker 2: And yeah, I got a very sweet call from my
Speaker 2: dad that was saying it was time for me to
Speaker 2: get a you know, a proctology thing. And I think
Speaker 2: he's right, it's time we do that stuff. And by
Speaker 2: proctology thing, you know, that's.
Speaker 1: What I mean by a cameratology call, A little a
Speaker 1: sweet sweet.
Speaker 2: It was very it was very kind of him. It
Speaker 2: was just advice. He knows I'm already an adult. But
Speaker 2: he's right, it's time to do these things.
Speaker 1: He's checking in, he's making sure. Did you tell him
Speaker 1: about your eyes and the problems you're having. I don't
Speaker 1: want him to worry, but losing your eyesight is just
Speaker 1: part of getting old.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what most people are saying. There's also a
Speaker 2: documentary about my hip device causing blindness, so I do
Speaker 2: go there.
Speaker 1: Did you watch that? And when you say documentary, do
Speaker 1: you mean a video on YouTube?
Speaker 2: No, it's on Netflix. It talks about a lot of
Speaker 2: bad implants like vaginal mesh is the most famous one
Speaker 2: where there was a settlement and there was a bunch
Speaker 2: of known ones, but my exact hip is featured in it,
Speaker 2: and I just had it put in. I still recovering,
Speaker 2: and there was a guy. But I talked to my
Speaker 2: doctor and he said it has to be There would
Speaker 2: be signs that your body is rejecting it. That happens
Speaker 2: because of a bad installation. And with you, we did
Speaker 2: a perfect thing. But I still in the back of
Speaker 2: my mind, I'm like that metal cobalt is still in
Speaker 2: my body. Apparently that's not supposed to be in a
Speaker 2: human body. Who knows. All I know is I can
Speaker 2: run like the wind. I just don't know where I'm going.
Speaker 1: Ah God, I don't know what's happened. But we can
Speaker 1: never record two podcasts in a row ever.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, have I been that bad?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I maybe you're right.
Speaker 1: Wait, that was a mean thing of me to say, no, no,
Speaker 1: really like that response. Oh no, it was like so delightful.
Speaker 2: Oh no, I've really really been that bad. Nuts I
Speaker 2: knew I was being a little bad.
Speaker 1: I mean, no, you're not being bad at all, but
Speaker 1: I know sure. But talking about medical ship, I started it.
Speaker 1: It's my fault. It's fucking boring as hell. Secondly, you're
Speaker 1: if you have I macular dew generation. If I may.
Speaker 2: Oh, yeah, I've heard of that.
Speaker 1: That's happening anyway you can have. And also, my dad's
Speaker 1: had three different hip replacements. He's had all kinds of
Speaker 1: cobalt in his body, and his eyes are fine.
Speaker 2: So his likeliest titanium, but who knows, maybe he's got
Speaker 2: the cobalt stuff. It's the best.
Speaker 1: Well, he's had them all.
Speaker 2: That's my saying.
Speaker 1: He's he probably had the one that used to be
Speaker 1: mate of Tin.
Speaker 2: Who knows.
Speaker 1: He's real old and he keeps getting his hips replaced,
Speaker 1: so you know he's gone through it.
Speaker 2: I don't care about. It's still the best decision I've
Speaker 2: ever made. But yeah, it is today's episode. It might
Speaker 2: be a snoozefest to some, but the people that already
Speaker 2: like us are going to listen to it and be
Speaker 2: like this was a little different. Is Chris drunk again?
Speaker 1: Can you go to a daytime party?
Speaker 2: I'm drinking water? Oh did I mispronounce vodka.
Speaker 1: Let's end this exactly at an hour. We're right there?
Speaker 2: Okay, cool? Yeah, finally, right, Uh, work for the I'm
Speaker 2: glad you're going to the doctor. I'm also going to go.
Speaker 1: Okay, good. You know what, this can be a running
Speaker 1: a running like bit house, Chris Chris's eyes doing, how
Speaker 1: did his proctology exam go?
Speaker 2: All of it? We can talk about it and going
Speaker 2: to get in the gory details. People love that stuff,
Speaker 2: could they sure do? Yeah? And uh and yeah and uh.
Speaker 2: I'm be careful out there. Don't trust the kind face
Speaker 2: of a stranger.
Speaker 1: All the things. We get some random blood tests when
Speaker 1: you're feeling tired.
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you're feeling tired, take care of that ship.
Speaker 2: And if someone is a sweet and beautiful person and
Speaker 2: they give you any kind of attention, you fucking run.
Speaker 2: That's lesson for Thank you you've been listening to Do
Speaker 2: you need a ride? Dyan? They are? They Are?
Speaker 1: This has been an exactly Right produced by Casey O'Brien.
Speaker 2: Mixed by John Bradley.
Speaker 1: Artwork by Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 2: Theme song by Karen Kilgarriff.
Speaker 1: Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at dinar
Speaker 1: podcast That's d y Nar podcast.
Speaker 2: For more information, go to exactly rightmedia dot com.
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Speaker 2: Podcasts, and don't forget. You can listen to new episodes
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Speaker 1: Thank you both.
Speaker 2: You're welcome.