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Speaker 1: I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the

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Speaker 1: High and Mighty Tour. I'm coming to Washington, d c Norfolk, Virginia, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Detroit, Michigan, Cleveland, Columbus,

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Speaker 1: and Cincinnati, Ohio, Denver, Colorado, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island, Springfield, Massachusetts, Chicago,

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Speaker 1: of Course, Indianapolis, Indiana, Louisville, Kentucky, Albuquerque, Masa, Arizona, Kansas City, Missouri,

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Speaker 1: Saint Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Nashville, Tennessee, Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham,

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Speaker 1: North of Carolina, Saratoga, California, Monterey, California, Modeesto, California, and

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Speaker 1: port Chester, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington.

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Speaker 1: I will be touring from February through June, So go

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Speaker 1: get your tickets now. If you want to come see

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Speaker 1: me perform, I will be on The High and Mighty Tour.

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Speaker 2: Hi, Catherine Hie.

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Speaker 1: Hi, what's happening. I'm in Whistler.

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Speaker 2: You are in Whistler.

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Speaker 3: You know what.

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Speaker 2: I feel very connected to Canadians right now because I

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Speaker 2: have started watching heated rivalry.

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Speaker 1: Have you heard about this, No, I have not. Is

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Speaker 1: this a Canadian show?

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Speaker 2: It does feature hockey players, and.

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Speaker 1: It's I've already lost interest, truly.

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Speaker 2: It is like a Roman It's like popping off everywhere

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Speaker 2: right now.

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Speaker 1: Is it stupid? It sounds stupid.

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Speaker 2: It's a romance novel, but a TV show basically about

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Speaker 2: these two gay hockey players.

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Speaker 1: And she's steem me like a Canadian gay tell novella.

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Speaker 2: Yes, but not a lot of plot.

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Speaker 1: If you if you catch my drift, no, I catch it.

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Speaker 1: It is I catch it. It is very fun. I am

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Speaker 1: in Canada. I represent Canada. Now I'm going to be

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Speaker 1: representing Canada and the Olympics with curling. That's a winter

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Speaker 1: sport and that's something that I excel at. So I

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Speaker 1: just want everyone who's listening to look out for the

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Speaker 1: Winter Olympics in I think they're in Cortina. So yes,

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Speaker 1: I'm in Whistler. I haven't skied yet. I think we're

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Speaker 1: going to venturo into the mountain today and just find

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Speaker 1: out where the freezing level is. Yeah, me and the girls,

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Speaker 1: because I've spent about the last forty eight hours watching

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Speaker 1: movies in my cozy, cozy, cozy cabin and guess who

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Speaker 1: comes up on the couch with me. Here, Doug, he

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Speaker 1: doesn't do that. He does that here. We went for

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Speaker 1: a huge hike yesterday, fucking loved it. And he came

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Speaker 1: home and he's like, he fell asleep in my lap, wet,

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Speaker 1: soaking wet.

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Speaker 2: I feel like Whistler is his happy place, but also

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Speaker 2: your happy place.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: It's like cold, and he's got all his friends there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I love to bundle up.

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Speaker 4: M that's so lovely.

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Speaker 2: Well, I mean, if you can't ski today, at least

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Speaker 2: you can operate, right, Yeah, well that's right.

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Speaker 1: That's a biggerath room, we get. That's always an option. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So we have two very special guests today. We have

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Speaker 1: Emmy Award winning host and producer Ross Matthews and educator

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Speaker 1: and professor doctor Wellington Garcia Matthews, who is married to Ross.

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Speaker 1: They have a children's book that is out and Ross

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Speaker 1: has also executive produced a short film called Poor List,

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Speaker 1: which is currently shortlisted for an Academy Award nomination. That's exciting.

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Speaker 1: Please welcome Ross Matthews and doctor Wellington Garcia. Matthews. Hi,

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Speaker 1: I'm sitting here with my good friends Ross Matthews and

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Speaker 1: Wellington Garcia Matthews. They are a very handsome couple, very

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Speaker 1: handsome gay couple. Sorry, ladies, Yes, they're both taken Ross.

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Speaker 1: We know from well, we go way back from Chelsea

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Speaker 1: Lately Days and then Ross Lately, Yeah, and then Ross

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Speaker 1: Lately and Ross you know now from He's on the

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Speaker 1: Drew Barrymore Show. He's on RuPaul's Drag Race. And his

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Speaker 1: husband is a professor. What is your title exactly, You're

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Speaker 1: a professor of education.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, oh well, there I go. Just like he's super smart,

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Speaker 4: he's his doctorate. He you know, in schools.

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Speaker 1: He's got a shit together, like a real job, and

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Speaker 1: Wellington has a shit together. I can attest to that. Yes,

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Speaker 1: And you guys were living in La and then you

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Speaker 1: moved here.

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Speaker 4: Well I was living in LA. I met Wellington on

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Speaker 4: vacation in Portaviarta back in twenty twenty on a gay cruise.

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Speaker 1: I wish, I mean, I wish too, I were on

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Speaker 1: a gay cruise.

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Speaker 4: I one day I was landlocked at the time, I

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Speaker 4: was at the Pinnacle, which was a resort in Portabayarta,

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Speaker 4: and I ordered a breakfast brito at breakfast and then

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Speaker 4: out walked Wellington and he was on vacation too, and

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Speaker 4: then we got married.

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Speaker 1: And so he was your breakfast burrito.

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Speaker 5: Exiting Wellington Beef Wellington.

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Speaker 4: Oh, I love it. He did it.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't seem like he did though.

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Speaker 4: Then Actually, no, I knew anyway, that's true.

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Speaker 6: I was.

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Speaker 4: I ordered breakfast brito and we met, and then I

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Speaker 4: moved to New York, or I came to New York

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Speaker 4: to see him, and then the Dru show happened. And

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Speaker 4: I've been here for five years.

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Speaker 6: Now.

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Speaker 1: Do you still have your place in Palm Springs.

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Speaker 4: No, we're full East Coast, full.

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Speaker 1: East Coast because this was an unexpected transition for you. You

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Speaker 1: were never going to move to New York.

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Speaker 4: I had no plans. No, I was Palm Springs, I

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Speaker 4: was calf Town. I was Happy Hour, I was. I

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Speaker 4: was there and I was happy. And then you know,

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Speaker 4: I say, you put a saddle on life and just

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Speaker 4: see where it goes. And so that's what I did. Yep, Pia,

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Speaker 4: and that brought me here.

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Speaker 1: Now you love it.

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Speaker 4: I do love it.

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Speaker 1: And you have a house in Westchester.

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Speaker 4: Yes, so we were here in the city. But you

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Speaker 4: know me, I've always been like a little like more

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Speaker 4: Pump Springs in LA I've always been a little removed.

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Speaker 4: So I like the farm land up there. I love

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Speaker 4: the country. We're in the middle of nowhere. It's like wooded.

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Speaker 1: It's like you're turning into Martha Sture at ross.

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Speaker 4: That's how you're something. We live near here, which we

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Speaker 4: were just invited to the house. We went to look

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Speaker 4: at the peonies.

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Speaker 1: Oh oh oh did you Okay? So yes, not even

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Speaker 1: a joke.

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Speaker 4: We live near her and we see her well.

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Speaker 1: She's very social.

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Speaker 4: She likes actually tell you something. She is out and

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Speaker 4: about all the time.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely, you have to be at that age.

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Speaker 4: Listen.

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Speaker 1: If you don't fucking get your shit together and wake

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Speaker 1: up every single day and move around, you're gonna fucking

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Speaker 1: fall apart. You have to get more active the older

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Speaker 1: you get.

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Speaker 4: Are you active?

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Speaker 1: I like, I prefer day outings and I like to

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Speaker 1: be home at night. I like, for sure, I like

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Speaker 1: to drink have cocktails during the day. I don't love

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Speaker 1: to drink at night and then be hungover, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean? Like, I like daytime events, socializing and

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Speaker 1: then being in bed at a reasonable out.

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Speaker 4: Okay, what time do you make a dinner reservation?

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Speaker 6: Like?

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Speaker 4: What is your dinner time?

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Speaker 1: It depends where I am in the world, I'm in Spain,

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Speaker 1: then I go out to dinner eight o'clock at night.

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Speaker 1: At night, if I'm in La all I could have dinner.

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Speaker 1: I'll turn it into a happy hour, do you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean?

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Speaker 4: Absolutely, we like five reservation because we can, we can

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Speaker 4: like dailly dally at dinner and you're still home by seven,

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Speaker 4: right you know daylight?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Yes, But like I was in a viza for

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Speaker 1: a couple of nights, and of course I had dinners

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Speaker 1: at nine pm.

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Speaker 4: God, that would give me anxiety all day.

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Speaker 1: But then you're on a different schedule, like and then

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Speaker 1: you also wake up at three in the afternoon because

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Speaker 1: you're out to five in the morning.

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Speaker 5: You know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: It's a whole different when you.

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Speaker 4: When you get older, though, Like my wake up time

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Speaker 4: is five thirty, and I can go to bed at

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Speaker 4: nine pm, or I can go to bed at midnight

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Speaker 4: and I wake up at five thirty. Yes, you know

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Speaker 4: what I'm saying. That's aggressive, Yeah, it is aggressive. So

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Speaker 4: I'm very specific about a bedtime and a dinner time.

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Speaker 4: And I don't I don't go outside the I don't

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Speaker 4: color outside the lights ChEls.

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Speaker 1: It's funny as we get older, like all the things

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Speaker 1: that kind of either cement into habits or don't. Like

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Speaker 1: I went through a phase where I would wake up

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Speaker 1: like I'm an early I'm definitely a morning persure. And

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Speaker 1: most people would think the opposite is true. They think, oh,

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Speaker 1: sheield be yep at night. For a long period of time,

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Speaker 1: I would wake up every morning six o'clock six thirty

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Speaker 1: in the morning, wherever I was in the world.

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Speaker 4: It doesn't surprise me because you achieve a lot. And

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Speaker 4: I think people that do that wake up early.

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Speaker 1: Okay, okay, you you're welcome. But now I'm going through

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Speaker 1: this phase. And maybe it's because I'm a little jet

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Speaker 1: lag and I've been traveling. But now I'm going through

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Speaker 1: this phase where I just like I'm getting up early,

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Speaker 1: like I will get up early, but I have to

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Speaker 1: set an alte like I never have to set an alarm,

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Speaker 1: like I just know when it's time to go, sure,

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Speaker 1: you know, But like I would, I crave sleeping in,

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Speaker 1: like I want to sleep in till like ten or

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Speaker 1: thir ten or eleven, nothing past that, because then I

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Speaker 1: get a little anxiety.

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Speaker 4: That's never going to happen. I accept that I have

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Speaker 4: lived my life as an active senior since I was young.

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Speaker 4: This is you know what I mean? I love a

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Speaker 4: sensible shoe, I walk.

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Speaker 1: Do you take Boneva?

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Speaker 2: Not yet?

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Speaker 4: But fingers crossed? And who doesn't love a worthers? I

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Speaker 4: love a hard candy, a caramel. But I also still

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Speaker 4: allowed to have hard candies. I thought older people are

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Speaker 4: not allowed to have hard candy. Dentist out, Chelsea, it's easy.

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Speaker 1: Well, that's nice for a couple of other things too.

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Speaker 4: Do you know what that's called when.

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Speaker 1: You tell the blow job?

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Speaker 4: Well, do you know what that's called? This one takes

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Speaker 4: a denture out and gives you one. What it's called

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Speaker 4: the velvet rub. I learned that in Palm Springs. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 4: you like that.

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Speaker 1: Yah, it's true.

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Speaker 4: You're welcome.

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Speaker 1: That's pretty.

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Speaker 4: It is pretty and romantic. No, but I'd never enjoyed anyway.

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Speaker 4: The point is this, I love. I love the way

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Speaker 4: I live my life. Isn't that funny when you get

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Speaker 4: to a certain age. For me, it was like right now,

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Speaker 4: like mid forties is like I always thought, God, I

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Speaker 4: should be living a different way, and I realize that, No,

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Speaker 4: this is how I live it, and I really love it.

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Speaker 1: From Afar watching your maturation and like life, since I've

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Speaker 1: known you for over twenty years, I think it's I

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Speaker 1: think it's great that you've adapted to all of this stuff.

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Speaker 1: You kind of have just gone whichever way the wind blows,

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Speaker 1: and you know, and that's the way you should live life.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't want to fight it. I don't want

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Speaker 4: to fight the universe. I think you should just sort

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Speaker 4: of pay attention to what opens for you. And I

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Speaker 4: think if you're present and you make the most of

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Speaker 4: it and you pivot, that it can take you. Life

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Speaker 4: can take your extordinary ways. I think people are so

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Speaker 4: rigid and yeah, what they think they should be doing,

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Speaker 4: or who they think they should be, or who that

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Speaker 4: someone wants them to be. And that is exhausting to me.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, how do you see it, Wellington, Like, how do

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Speaker 1: you look at Because I think this is an interesting conversation,

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Speaker 1: especially for our listeners, because so many people are so

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Speaker 1: rigid with their goals and they're this is what's going

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Speaker 1: to happen by the time of twenty five, and this

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Speaker 1: is what's going to happen. And then I'm going to

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Speaker 1: be married by the time I'm thirty, and then I'm

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Speaker 1: going to have a baby by this time, and and

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Speaker 1: I find all of that rigidity to be very hostile. Well,

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Speaker 1: it's also.

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Speaker 4: It's narrow row, yes, and I think you miss out

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Speaker 4: well you talk.

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Speaker 5: I totally agree with you. I think it's limiting, and

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Speaker 5: you know, because then you're ultimately just caught between a

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Speaker 5: little box that you're trying to like check off all

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Speaker 5: the time. And so you know, I'm all about like

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Speaker 5: just getting rid of all that and just doing what

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Speaker 5: you need to do for yourself and whatever makes you happy.

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Speaker 6: Right.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I do think it's important to be goal oriented,

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Speaker 4: but then I just think you will miss stuff if

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Speaker 4: you're not paying attention to every everything and open to anything.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, being open though, like you don't have to Plans

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Speaker 1: can change and even goals can change.

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Speaker 4: Yes, and by the way, you can change and you

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Speaker 4: can change your mind.

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Speaker 1: Right, but and how do you feel? Well, you guys

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Speaker 1: just wrote this book, first of all, congratulations called it's

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Speaker 1: called t you and TiO so cute.

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Speaker 4: It's which means uncle and uncle right in Spanish.

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Speaker 1: Yes, because you're pre.

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Speaker 3: The para.

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Speaker 1: Nolo perfect amente bero.

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Speaker 4: So yeah, fill me in.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm just trying, like I try really hard.

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Speaker 1: To learn the language. I'm not there yet, but I

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Speaker 1: get better and better. My issue, I mean, I take

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Speaker 1: classes all the time, and I go through phases where

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Speaker 1: I'm just constantly immersing myself in Spanish. But my problem.

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Speaker 1: I can understand it, I can read it, I can

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Speaker 1: write it, but I can't speak quickly back and forth

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Speaker 1: doing this. So one thing I could do in you know, English,

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Speaker 1: that's like the easiest thing in the world, is like,

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Speaker 1: because I'm such a grammarian, I have to say everything perfectly,

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Speaker 1: and as soon as I get into a conversation and

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Speaker 1: it goes too quick, I'm like.

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Speaker 4: So you can write it because you can delete and

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Speaker 4: perfect and.

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Speaker 1: No, I can write it because I am looking at

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Speaker 1: the whole scope of things and I can really take

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Speaker 1: my time. And so if I were talking, I have

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Speaker 1: to speak like Joe tango nessitarla despasio, like I have

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Speaker 1: to speak slowly to get all the words right, so

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Speaker 1: I can't just like math it up.

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Speaker 4: I think it's so hot that, you know, I love

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Speaker 4: that he knows Spanish. When he speaks Spanish, it's so

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Speaker 4: fast and good.

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Speaker 1: That's where I'm going to get at one point. I'm

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Speaker 1: never giving up, so well.

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Speaker 5: I'll be your private tutor.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. I appreciate any.

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Speaker 4: Time I can't even rule my arms. Do you know

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Speaker 4: that I believe that that's as good as I can do?

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Speaker 1: So well, Well, when first, I want to talk about

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Speaker 1: the book. Okay, so to and To it's two uncles.

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Speaker 1: You wrote it for little children who have two uncles.

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Speaker 4: Well, it's about it's not even about us, it's about

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Speaker 4: our nephews. It's a true story about our nephews who

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Speaker 4: are our ring bears at our wedding. And Wellington saw

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Speaker 4: them doing something at our wedding day and told me

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Speaker 4: after and and do you want to tell them?

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Speaker 6: Yeah?

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Speaker 5: So they were literally so nervous walking down the aisle,

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Speaker 5: like practicing rehearsing. And I saw that my brother in

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Speaker 5: law kind of just saying, you know, we have to rehearse,

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Speaker 5: we have to practice. And they were just literally no, lie,

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Speaker 5: just nervous out of their minds.

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Speaker 4: Like practicing, like how do we walk? How do we

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Speaker 4: do it? And the fact that they wanted to take

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Speaker 4: it so seriously and wanted to contribute to the wedding

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Speaker 4: in like a profound way, like they really wanted to

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Speaker 4: do a good job for us. We just thought that

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Speaker 4: was like kind of a great lesson for kids that

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Speaker 4: no matter your age or the impact that you're allowed

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Speaker 4: to have as a kid, you matter to your family

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Speaker 4: in a big way. And taking that role seriously, we

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Speaker 4: thought was a great lesson in Wellington as an educator,

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Speaker 4: there's a lot of meat on this bone in terms

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Speaker 4: of having a conversation with kids about their importance and

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Speaker 4: their value.

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Speaker 1: And well not only of their importance and value, but

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Speaker 1: it's also nice that they cared so much about it, right, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: Like that's also a good lesson. To care about something

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Speaker 1: means or to be nervous about something means that you.

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Speaker 4: Do care about it exactly, and then it's okay to

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Speaker 4: be nervous and it's okay to take it seriously and

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Speaker 4: that you know you can have an important role no

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Speaker 4: matter what age you are or whatever role you play

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Speaker 4: in the family. And it was great to write it.

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Speaker 4: And you know, he's like a really smart he does.

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Speaker 4: And so when we decided to write the children book,

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Speaker 4: I was like, I'm not going to write a story,

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Speaker 4: let's go, and I was missing out on so much.

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Speaker 4: When he would read what we wrote, he's like, there's

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Speaker 4: a lot more conversations you can have in terms.

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Speaker 5: Of well, like as a teacher, you know, as a

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Speaker 5: primary teacher that it used to be it's important to

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Speaker 5: ensure that we have vocabulary in there, right, so that

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Speaker 5: way our kids are exposed. So the best way to

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Speaker 5: kind of really get kids to motivate it to actually

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Speaker 5: read is teaching them background knowledge, right and also bringing

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Speaker 5: up vocabulary. And so in the book, I made sure

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Speaker 5: to like use big words so that way the parents

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Speaker 5: can actually have a talking point, you know, and our

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Speaker 5: teachers to have an actual talking point. So a lot

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Speaker 5: of things are in there, especially like even science terms

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Speaker 5: that I put in there about whales and baiannas. So

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Speaker 5: those kind of things just come alive in the story,

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Speaker 5: especially the illustrations that Tommy Doyle did. They're just phenomenal. Honestly.

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Speaker 5: The colors just they just sing.

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Speaker 4: Are you like when when he talks about kids, it's right,

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Speaker 4: I don't know who they talk to kids at all.

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Speaker 4: I get anxiety. You know what kids always say to me,

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Speaker 4: are you a boy or girl?

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Speaker 5: Oh?

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Speaker 4: My god, all the time. I know, so I'm always

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Speaker 4: like hi, I try to butcher it up for kids,

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Speaker 4: you know, so they're not confused.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but you're butchering it up is basically and day.

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Speaker 4: Right, No, I try it to be Arthur.

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Speaker 1: Well, well, tell me about, like to circle back to

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Speaker 1: what we were talking about about, like taking life and

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Speaker 1: being open minded enough when there are changes. Tell me

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Speaker 1: about like your relationship with Russ Did that happen for you?

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Speaker 1: Did that change any of your plans in life because

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Speaker 1: you had your career before you met him, you were

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Speaker 1: already living here. Yes, so it was very serendipitous that

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Speaker 1: he actually got that show right to come here.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it really, I mean it worked out in terms

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Speaker 5: of my life and what's changed. I still, you know,

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Speaker 5: have the same kind of like nine to five kind

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Speaker 5: of schedule. I work all year around, so not much

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Speaker 5: has changed. The only thing that has changed is that

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Speaker 5: we've been relocating, you know, in terms of finding that

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Speaker 5: place that we can really call home, you know, and

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Speaker 5: it was important for me to have him really round it,

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Speaker 5: you know, and to feel like this is his home

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Speaker 5: because I know how much he's left behind in order

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Speaker 5: to bring himself here. So I wanted to make sure

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Speaker 5: that that was just part of the equation. And so

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Speaker 5: he's just phenomenal, as you know, he's genuine the sweetiest

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Speaker 5: person I've ever ever have encountered in my life. And

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Speaker 5: that's and I'm not lying. He's hysterical, hilarious Ross Matthews.

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Speaker 5: There's a reason why he's always always makes me laugh

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Speaker 5: no matter what.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 5: That's our love language, honestly, and I think that's what

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Speaker 5: really keeps us together. And he's so positive and honestly

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Speaker 5: I thought that it was all like a gimmick, but no,

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Speaker 5: this is him, this is him one and I really

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Speaker 5: do enjoy that.

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Speaker 4: Wouldn't it be fun?

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Speaker 1: Though?

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Speaker 4: If I was awful?

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Speaker 1: I'm sure some people are. Though I'm sure some people

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Speaker 1: are acting night. I mean, hello, yeah.

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Speaker 6: We we.

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Speaker 1: Know, but I mean everyone knows that. You know, there's

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Speaker 1: a big facade that people put on. So it's really

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Speaker 1: nice to know that there is a genuineness that you

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Speaker 1: can actually be an upbeat person and mean it. You're

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Speaker 1: not faking it totally.

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Speaker 4: And not a Pollyanne. I don't want to a pollian.

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Speaker 4: If something sucks, we can say it sucks, you know,

401
00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:12,200
Speaker 4: but like right away pivot to what can we do

402
00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:14,960
Speaker 4: to make it better? You know, I've always it served

403
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,880
Speaker 4: me well to always sort of vibrate in a place

404
00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:20,200
Speaker 4: of happiness that really and by the way, he does too.

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Speaker 4: And I think it's important to me to be with

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Speaker 4: somebody who is very really that you know that's always

407
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Speaker 4: number one good looking, no, but really is fluid in

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Speaker 4: their energy. Does that make sense? Like somebody who's like

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Speaker 4: really rigid in who they are and want it their way.

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Speaker 4: And that's not fun. It's not for me. It's not

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Speaker 4: because I like to sort of say, like, how do

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Speaker 4: we feel about this, Let's want this, talk it out

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Speaker 4: and work it out. Oh god, you would hate being

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Speaker 4: with me, you would hate it.

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Speaker 1: I think, Yeah, I forgot I wanted to. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't have the attention span for that.

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Speaker 4: Do you think if I was straight back in the

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Speaker 4: day that you and I would have hooked up.

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Speaker 1: I can't even imagine.

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Speaker 4: That you never thought about it late at night.

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Speaker 1: It's very hard for me to suspend my disbelief in

422
00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:15,159
Speaker 1: such a way. But I mean, I do appreciate, I

423
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:19,840
Speaker 1: do appreciate having the attitude of like, not the attitude

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00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:23,840
Speaker 1: of gratitude. A that's that. That is true. Life is

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Speaker 1: better when you're in a better mood period. As soon

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Speaker 1: as you're in a shitty mood, everything goes wrong.

427
00:17:29,119 --> 00:17:30,960
Speaker 4: And you can control that a little bit. You can

428
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Speaker 4: perspective a couple breaths. You can decide how you react.

429
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Speaker 1: To things, like if you know you miss your flight, Like,

430
00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:38,639
Speaker 1: there's two ways to handle that. If you want to

431
00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:40,679
Speaker 1: throw a fit, then you're going to be in that

432
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Speaker 1: space for a long time. You're going to affect other

433
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Speaker 1: people in a negative way. You're gonna you know, Or

434
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:47,520
Speaker 1: you can be like, whoopsie doodle, I miss my flight.

435
00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:49,440
Speaker 1: Now what let's go at a bar. Let's go to

436
00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:51,320
Speaker 1: the bar, Let's go get a book, or let's go

437
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:54,040
Speaker 1: have a good day at the airport. Yeah, so like

438
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Speaker 1: there's two ways to handle everything.

439
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,119
Speaker 4: But it's hard to remember that sometimes it is. It is,

440
00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,720
Speaker 4: but I don't know. It just really served me so

441
00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:00,680
Speaker 4: well I think in life.

442
00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:04,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, as we can see. And so what was

443
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:06,320
Speaker 1: your biggest thing that you did? Was there anything when

444
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:08,280
Speaker 1: you guys got together that you had to overcome that.

445
00:18:08,359 --> 00:18:14,480
Speaker 4: Was like that's fun? What do we fight about, Like

446
00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:23,680
Speaker 4: what's our biggest Wellington's big penis And.

447
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:21,800
Speaker 1: I'm sorry we're talking about children's but.

448
00:18:23,560 --> 00:18:25,480
Speaker 4: Do you know the worst thing that I do? So

449
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:29,159
Speaker 4: I have a small chihuahua, of course, Audrey. She has

450
00:18:29,240 --> 00:18:32,560
Speaker 4: bold eyebrows. She's named after Audrey Hepburn and I take

451
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:35,640
Speaker 4: her out for poopsies and peepe's every day, multiple times

452
00:18:35,640 --> 00:18:38,159
Speaker 4: to the back door, and I lock it when I

453
00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:40,320
Speaker 4: leave when I come back in, you know, because I

454
00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:42,720
Speaker 4: am a protector and I want to make sure everyone's safe.

455
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:45,840
Speaker 4: And so when well whenever Welly goes out to the pool,

456
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:49,760
Speaker 4: I lock the door, you know. And so he tries

457
00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:53,159
Speaker 4: to come in, and multiple times a week he's pounding

458
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,719
Speaker 4: on the back door to be let in because instinctually

459
00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:58,239
Speaker 4: I just lock it. That is the most annoying thing

460
00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:01,600
Speaker 4: that I do. That is annoying that I'm like, it's

461
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:02,200
Speaker 4: just us.

462
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:06,160
Speaker 1: Seriously, right, what So can you stop doing that?

463
00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:07,520
Speaker 4: I tell myself to stop doing it and.

464
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:10,639
Speaker 1: Maybe you can get hypnotized. That's my new answers to

465
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,800
Speaker 1: everybody who's got problems hypnotized. I don't want to do

466
00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:16,000
Speaker 1: it like on a hymnsis for everything.

467
00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:17,920
Speaker 4: But I have to. I would. I would want a

468
00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:21,159
Speaker 4: an independent party watching me get hypnotized. I don'tant to

469
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,240
Speaker 4: be alone in a room with somebody hypnotizing me and

470
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:24,880
Speaker 4: then wake up what happened?

471
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:25,280
Speaker 3: Film?

472
00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:27,040
Speaker 1: I want you to die I'm sure there's that too.

473
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:29,840
Speaker 1: You could probably hire a third party person that watches

474
00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:31,560
Speaker 1: you get hypnotized so that you don't get like finger

475
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:32,840
Speaker 1: blasted while you're getting.

476
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:37,320
Speaker 4: You know what I mean, how long sin I've heard

477
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,439
Speaker 4: the term finger blasted. I want to thank you for

478
00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:42,240
Speaker 4: bringing up back no problem, I will handedly. I was,

479
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:45,200
Speaker 4: I was, I know. I was with this.

480
00:19:45,119 --> 00:19:47,640
Speaker 1: Woman the other night, this German woman who was telling

481
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:49,840
Speaker 1: me that she had this adult onset fear of flying,

482
00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:51,760
Speaker 1: that she's flown all over the world and she's never

483
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:53,760
Speaker 1: had an issue. And she's like, and now I'm scared

484
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:55,480
Speaker 1: to death of flying. And I'm like, you have to

485
00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:58,480
Speaker 1: go get hypnotized, and she's like, hypnotized, what do you mean.

486
00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:00,479
Speaker 1: I'm like, there's hypnotists all over the world that to

487
00:20:00,520 --> 00:20:04,080
Speaker 1: help you with flying, especially if it's an adult onset thing,

488
00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:06,959
Speaker 1: like if it just started the sooner it starts, like

489
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:08,760
Speaker 1: the sooner you nip it in the bud, the sooner

490
00:20:08,760 --> 00:20:10,639
Speaker 1: you can get rid of it. And it's my philosophy. Sure,

491
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:12,520
Speaker 1: I would think if you all of a sudden have

492
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:15,639
Speaker 1: this crazy fear, that you can Anyway, this woman emailed

493
00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:17,399
Speaker 1: me this morning and she's like, oh my god, I

494
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:19,719
Speaker 1: found a hypnotist in Germany. I'm going it's three sessions,

495
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:21,320
Speaker 1: three separate weeks. I have to go for three weeks

496
00:20:21,359 --> 00:20:23,080
Speaker 1: in a row. And she's like, thank you so much.

497
00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:25,720
Speaker 1: I had no idea about hypnotists, and I'm like, really,

498
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,080
Speaker 1: I'm like, are we just only getting Are there only

499
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:29,440
Speaker 1: hypnotists in Los Angeles?

500
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:30,600
Speaker 6: Like?

501
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:32,679
Speaker 1: What about Switzerland? They've got to be up to some

502
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:33,720
Speaker 1: shit like that too.

503
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,280
Speaker 4: But it's not the first place I go to to

504
00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:37,760
Speaker 4: think hypnotists. Have you had a hypnotist experience that really

505
00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:38,159
Speaker 4: worked for you?

506
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:40,600
Speaker 1: Yeah? For smoking? I mean, now I'll smoke once in

507
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,240
Speaker 1: a while, but I did smoke for ten years and

508
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:44,439
Speaker 1: a hypnotist did it. Yeah, three times. I went to

509
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:47,760
Speaker 1: doctor Kerry Gaynor in La Okay, and he was for smoking.

510
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:50,000
Speaker 1: But I'm sure he did planes too, you know what

511
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:50,360
Speaker 1: I mean.

512
00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:52,720
Speaker 4: Can I ask a question when you're hypnotized, do you

513
00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:56,199
Speaker 4: feel what's happening? Are you aware of everything as it's going?

514
00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:59,760
Speaker 4: But I was, But you are involuntarily responding to them.

515
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:04,159
Speaker 1: You're in a very relaxed state. So while you're like

516
00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:06,879
Speaker 1: going okay, ten nine eight, you're going down the stairs,

517
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,080
Speaker 1: you're going down another set of stairs. They're just getting

518
00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:12,359
Speaker 1: you to the most relaxed state and you're still conscious,

519
00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:15,640
Speaker 1: like you you're you're aware of what's going on. You're

520
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:19,600
Speaker 1: just trusting the technique, like you're just like, it's not

521
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:21,560
Speaker 1: like he could have fucked me and I wouldn't have known.

522
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:24,840
Speaker 1: I was, I was awake, but choosing to go along

523
00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:26,400
Speaker 1: with it, Like I was like, there's no way this

524
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:28,960
Speaker 1: is gonna work. But it did. Ten on the third time.

525
00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:31,760
Speaker 1: The third time is the time where you're done, Like

526
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:34,800
Speaker 1: then you quit smoking. Like the first time he tells

527
00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:38,080
Speaker 1: you about how disgusting smoking is, blah blah blah. You're gross,

528
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:40,400
Speaker 1: you're polluting your lungs, you're putting you might as well

529
00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:42,600
Speaker 1: be like breathing in carcinogens. You're like, oh my god,

530
00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:44,399
Speaker 1: I feel like such a dirty whore. Yeah, you're the

531
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:46,640
Speaker 1: second time, you're gross. And then on the third time

532
00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:48,360
Speaker 1: he's like, okay, you won't, you won't. I'm like, can

533
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:49,680
Speaker 1: I hang out with my friends that smoke? Do I

534
00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:51,120
Speaker 1: have to avoid them? He's like, no, no, no, you'll

535
00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:53,400
Speaker 1: never want to have a cigarette. And for ten years

536
00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:55,280
Speaker 1: I really did it. Wow. Now once in a while,

537
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:56,920
Speaker 1: if I'm in Europe, and people are smoking. I'll smoke

538
00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:58,920
Speaker 1: a cigarette here or doesn't help. Yeah, I don't think

539
00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:00,560
Speaker 1: you can get cancer in your eye, nothing, at least

540
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:01,920
Speaker 1: that's what I keep telling myself.

541
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:04,800
Speaker 4: This is fascinating, Chelsea, that you did get I want

542
00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:05,320
Speaker 4: to try it.

543
00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:07,399
Speaker 1: But you could do it for all sorts of things,

544
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,760
Speaker 1: like if people have like I've a rector. I don't

545
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:11,800
Speaker 1: have a rectify, but we have snakes. I'm scared of snakes. Yes,

546
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:13,640
Speaker 1: I don't like, but I'm not going to a hypnotist

547
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:15,320
Speaker 1: about that because it's not like I'm running into snakes

548
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:16,280
Speaker 1: all exactly.

549
00:22:15,920 --> 00:22:17,800
Speaker 4: Who you Steve, It's not happening, right, yes.

550
00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:21,680
Speaker 1: Right, I've actually been deer with Okay, so are you okay? Okay?

551
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:23,920
Speaker 1: I love that I relate most to her understood out

552
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:25,920
Speaker 1: of the family. You could go for like if you're

553
00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:28,960
Speaker 1: a picker, you know you picked yours and your nails,

554
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:30,320
Speaker 1: and you need to get hypnotized for that.

555
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:30,720
Speaker 4: I would do.

556
00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:32,080
Speaker 1: It's all sorts of bad habits.

557
00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:34,600
Speaker 4: Basically, I wonder if they have a hypnotist specifically for

558
00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:36,760
Speaker 4: people who locked the door behind their chihuahua. You know

559
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:37,359
Speaker 4: what I'm saying.

560
00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:40,399
Speaker 2: I think you just need a hide a key for

561
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:44,840
Speaker 2: that good point car.

562
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:47,960
Speaker 1: Or you could get a callar for ross to wear

563
00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:51,360
Speaker 1: and every time the door is locked, you zap ross

564
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:55,320
Speaker 1: like so that you don't go out of bounds. That's

565
00:22:55,359 --> 00:22:57,600
Speaker 1: actually much quicker way to get to the point, because

566
00:22:57,800 --> 00:22:59,840
Speaker 1: I bet you he won't make that mistake more than twice.

567
00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:01,879
Speaker 4: Or I'll just keep making it because I like it

568
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:02,400
Speaker 4: a little bit.

569
00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:04,520
Speaker 1: Or you put the out a different area and that,

570
00:23:06,480 --> 00:23:08,119
Speaker 1: but I would try him no, no, So that that

571
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:11,080
Speaker 1: sounds fun. Yeah, I think. Well, now ozempic or whatever

572
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:15,360
Speaker 1: GLS five whenever anyone's on, I take tepetide. But now

573
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:17,640
Speaker 1: those things kind of cut out all of the bad

574
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:19,719
Speaker 1: habits too. So if you have a like if you're

575
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:21,879
Speaker 1: a sugar addict, if you're an alcoholic, if you're a

576
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:24,080
Speaker 1: drug addict, A lot of people take those and then

577
00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:26,800
Speaker 1: they don't they don't have like I know, reals. When

578
00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:29,720
Speaker 1: I started taking ozempic, I completely could not drink vodka.

579
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:31,840
Speaker 1: I was so grossed out and I was like, who whoa, whoa,

580
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:33,280
Speaker 1: I'm not going to stop drinking, like I'm going to

581
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:34,200
Speaker 1: find a work around.

582
00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:35,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, get this, So that isn't out of me.

583
00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:38,520
Speaker 1: So then I started drinking gin tanker a gin, and

584
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:40,480
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I can drink this, so I'll

585
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:42,840
Speaker 1: drink that really. Yeah, So it kind of like changes

586
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:45,960
Speaker 1: your appetite for things interesting. But if you're an addict,

587
00:23:46,160 --> 00:23:48,800
Speaker 1: it can make you really not want anything fascinating. So

588
00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:51,960
Speaker 1: that's that's good, you know. I mean, people, that's the

589
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:55,199
Speaker 1: biggest problem I think is a food, alcohol, drug, sugar addiction.

590
00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:56,120
Speaker 1: All that shit right.

591
00:23:56,160 --> 00:23:59,280
Speaker 4: Thank god I shared that riveting chihuahua locked door story

592
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:00,480
Speaker 4: that brought us all the way here.

593
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:02,480
Speaker 1: You know, it's a full circle moment.

594
00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:04,240
Speaker 4: What a risk I took it. I paid off time

595
00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:07,160
Speaker 4: to take a chihuahua break. We'll be right back with it, Tom.

596
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:09,160
Speaker 4: We'll be right back with Tom.

597
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:13,439
Speaker 1: Broke off everybody, and okay, we'll be right back with

598
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:22,200
Speaker 1: Tom and his chihuahua. And we're back, okay, right back

599
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:25,200
Speaker 1: with Wellington and Ross and who are a happily married couple.

600
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:26,560
Speaker 1: How many years have you guys been married?

601
00:24:26,560 --> 00:24:26,679
Speaker 6: Now?

602
00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:27,720
Speaker 5: I've got three years now.

603
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:30,520
Speaker 1: Oh, I've always been together five years. Yeah. Oh, it

604
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:32,120
Speaker 1: feels like longer than that, it does.

605
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,720
Speaker 4: It feels like, I mean, that seems it doesn't seem

606
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:37,080
Speaker 4: like a short time, five years together, But I do

607
00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:40,040
Speaker 4: feel like life really began when I met Wellington? For me,

608
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:43,040
Speaker 4: it really in terms of it all coming together and

609
00:24:43,359 --> 00:24:47,000
Speaker 4: being myself and fighting home. Yeah, really finding home great

610
00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:47,640
Speaker 4: way to say it.

611
00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:49,640
Speaker 1: Really I feel that way too, because when I think

612
00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:51,880
Speaker 1: of you, I always think of Wellington like you're a fixture.

613
00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:53,840
Speaker 1: You're You're like a cup. You know, it's not one

614
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:56,120
Speaker 1: or the other. You guys come together as a package.

615
00:24:56,359 --> 00:24:58,720
Speaker 1: And I understand what you're saying when you say life

616
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:00,679
Speaker 1: began with him, because I think a lot of people

617
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:03,920
Speaker 1: who are in really healthy, grounded relationships, do you feel

618
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:06,080
Speaker 1: like that's when their life began. I remember being young

619
00:25:06,119 --> 00:25:08,040
Speaker 1: and not thinking my life was going to begin until

620
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:11,040
Speaker 1: I was successful. Like that for me was a marker.

621
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:13,880
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, this is all just practice until I

622
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:15,640
Speaker 1: begin my real life totally.

623
00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:17,760
Speaker 4: And that's not to discount who we were before we

624
00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:19,760
Speaker 4: met each other. All of that was important, we mattered,

625
00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:22,280
Speaker 4: we were there, but in terms I mean, RuPaul told

626
00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:24,480
Speaker 4: me one time that life begins really when you're forty,

627
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:26,919
Speaker 4: and I didn't understand what that meant until I was

628
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:29,119
Speaker 4: forty and I happened to meet Wellngthn then as well,

629
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:32,040
Speaker 4: And it really is about you you. You have made

630
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:34,920
Speaker 4: all the mistakes, you know, and so if you've touched

631
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:36,480
Speaker 4: the stove you know it was hot, you're not going

632
00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:38,560
Speaker 4: to touch it again. I stopped doing the.

633
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:41,399
Speaker 1: Most of us, most of us, some people don't stop

634
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:42,040
Speaker 1: doing anything.

635
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:45,000
Speaker 4: Well, when I think that's when you become a grown up, Like, yeah,

636
00:25:45,119 --> 00:25:47,639
Speaker 4: when you start doing stop doing the shit that that

637
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:49,600
Speaker 4: hurts you, that's when I think you really become a

638
00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:50,000
Speaker 4: grown up.

639
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:53,960
Speaker 1: M Yeah. I feel like when I turned fifty this year,

640
00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:57,240
Speaker 1: that was like, Okay, I'm a woman, like a full

641
00:25:57,320 --> 00:26:00,440
Speaker 1: fledged woman, Like you can't tell me. Not that you

642
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:02,160
Speaker 1: couldn't tell you could tell me what to do before,

643
00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:05,360
Speaker 1: but there's a different there's a different maturity, Like I'm

644
00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:08,320
Speaker 1: not responsible for your feelings. I don't overthink things. I'm

645
00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:11,240
Speaker 1: not over analyzing anything. You're not going to break me.

646
00:26:11,840 --> 00:26:13,679
Speaker 1: I'm too strong and fierce.

647
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:15,800
Speaker 4: So what is that You describe what it's like? But

648
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:17,520
Speaker 4: what does it feel like to be on that place,

649
00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:20,119
Speaker 4: to be to have that sort of power?

650
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:23,080
Speaker 1: Just feel so strong, Like I just feel like weef

651
00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:25,639
Speaker 1: were day, you know, like like like a tree, Like

652
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:28,040
Speaker 1: I just feel like a real like starting tree. Like

653
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:30,200
Speaker 1: I can be annoyed. I could be tired, I can

654
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:32,120
Speaker 1: get bad news, I can be all of those things.

655
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:34,600
Speaker 1: But you're really like, I'm kind of unshakable at this point,

656
00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:37,120
Speaker 1: and not kind of I am unshakable at this point,

657
00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:39,600
Speaker 1: like you're not going to get me. Yeah, what I mean,

658
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:43,720
Speaker 1: knock me over. Before I felt like, oh, I could

659
00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:46,119
Speaker 1: go through phases where I was weak, or I was

660
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:50,560
Speaker 1: I was emotional, or I would be fragile, and it's like, no, no, no,

661
00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:53,440
Speaker 1: I'm not even if I'm experiencing one of those things

662
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:56,800
Speaker 1: that is just a little like it's it's not a

663
00:26:57,000 --> 00:26:58,240
Speaker 1: it's not going to affect me.

664
00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:01,439
Speaker 4: No, it doesn't mean no, it's not a point of

665
00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:03,919
Speaker 4: weakness or someone could shatter something. It's just you're feeling it.

666
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,280
Speaker 4: But it's in strength. I get it what you're saying,

667
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:07,040
Speaker 4: and I notice it.

668
00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:08,840
Speaker 1: Now more than I feel this way. When I meet

669
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:14,160
Speaker 1: people who are very fragile or seemingly vulnerable, more vulnerable,

670
00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:16,560
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I hope this woman gets to that

671
00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:20,240
Speaker 1: place where she understands her your essence and your worth

672
00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:23,679
Speaker 1: and yeah, you're worth, Like there's enough you've gotten so

673
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:27,840
Speaker 1: far in this life and it's because of your actions.

674
00:27:28,119 --> 00:27:30,080
Speaker 4: Absolutely, And I think if people are listening to this

675
00:27:30,119 --> 00:27:33,720
Speaker 4: and they're feeling weak or fragile, Like, just know that that's

676
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:35,159
Speaker 4: not a state that they have to be in forever.

677
00:27:35,359 --> 00:27:35,520
Speaker 1: Now.

678
00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:38,080
Speaker 4: You will eventually get to a place of strength, right,

679
00:27:38,119 --> 00:27:38,880
Speaker 4: And you also.

680
00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:41,320
Speaker 1: Start making like I like the decisions I make when

681
00:27:41,359 --> 00:27:45,120
Speaker 1: no one's watching, Like I'm proud of who I am

682
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:47,320
Speaker 1: when nobody is looking or watching, that I do the

683
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:50,840
Speaker 1: right thing, that I'm morally correct, that I'm actually doing

684
00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:53,679
Speaker 1: what's best for everyone, That I don't lie, that I

685
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:55,800
Speaker 1: don't try to get out of things by lying, like

686
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:59,560
Speaker 1: I'm always up front, and like I respect myself because

687
00:27:59,600 --> 00:27:59,840
Speaker 1: of that.

688
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:01,720
Speaker 4: Huh, I know what I mean. It's like when I

689
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:03,359
Speaker 4: see a piece of garbage or something and I pick

690
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:05,560
Speaker 4: it up and no one's around, I think, God, I'm good,

691
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:07,119
Speaker 4: so good.

692
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:09,560
Speaker 1: That's right. That's exactly the kind of shit I'm talking

693
00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:12,119
Speaker 1: about the day the day.

694
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:14,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, but it really is. It's those little

695
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 4: things matter even if nobody's looking, you know, in terms

696
00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:18,040
Speaker 4: of what kind of person you want to be.

697
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:20,439
Speaker 1: I guess maybe in my head, I feel like somebody's looking,

698
00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:22,160
Speaker 1: so I'm maybe.

699
00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:23,320
Speaker 4: Because what somebody is you're looking?

700
00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:25,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess my it's I'm the one who's looking

701
00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:28,080
Speaker 1: like I'm always like, oh okay, because I'm like, God,

702
00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:30,080
Speaker 1: you know, when you think about that, I think there's

703
00:28:30,119 --> 00:28:31,879
Speaker 1: a period of time in your life where you're starting

704
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:34,560
Speaker 1: to you want to be accountable, but you're like, who

705
00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:36,200
Speaker 1: am I accountable to? And I think the answer is

706
00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:37,600
Speaker 1: you're accountable to yourself. Really.

707
00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:40,600
Speaker 4: It's so I do that all the time where I

708
00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:43,520
Speaker 4: tell him something that i'm doing because I like, if

709
00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:44,600
Speaker 4: we were out and we go to dinner, I have

710
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:46,800
Speaker 4: a martini. We come home and I have like I

711
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:48,360
Speaker 4: don't want to hang out tomorrow, so all port just

712
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:50,640
Speaker 4: I just want like a sparkling water with lemon. But

713
00:28:50,680 --> 00:28:52,320
Speaker 4: I'll say to him, I'm not having a drink. I'm

714
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:55,760
Speaker 4: just having sparkling water lemon. He's like, okay, okay, right.

715
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:56,760
Speaker 3: Right, why.

716
00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:00,760
Speaker 4: God, But I was like, I need say like, look,

717
00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:02,920
Speaker 4: I'm doing the right thing. I'm not annoying.

718
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:04,600
Speaker 1: Well, first of all, you can tell it's not a

719
00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:06,280
Speaker 1: drink because there's no fucking ice in it. Right.

720
00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 4: Well, no, I still ice in everything you do. I

721
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:09,560
Speaker 4: don't like a hot beverage.

722
00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:11,440
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, honey, you don't have to tell

723
00:29:11,440 --> 00:29:11,920
Speaker 1: me twice.

724
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:12,360
Speaker 4: Thank you?

725
00:29:12,480 --> 00:29:14,720
Speaker 1: When it's cold sparkling water. That's the only thing I

726
00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:17,000
Speaker 1: don't need ice in. If it's really cold sparkling water,

727
00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:18,880
Speaker 1: I don't need the ice because I find that the

728
00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:20,200
Speaker 1: ice dilutes the bubbles.

729
00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:22,440
Speaker 6: You know.

730
00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:26,880
Speaker 4: Of a blizzard and I'm having an iced American.

731
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:28,920
Speaker 1: I don't want to listen. I just got back from Europe.

732
00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:30,200
Speaker 1: You don't have to talk to me about ice and

733
00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:32,760
Speaker 1: want to bring your own I want. Yeah, the icebergs

734
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:34,800
Speaker 1: are melting, and my big idea is to turn those

735
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:40,240
Speaker 1: into fucking ice cubes. Okay, what do we have going on, Catherine?

736
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:44,920
Speaker 2: We have a couple great callers. Our first caller is Joey. Okay,

737
00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:48,720
Speaker 2: he says, Dear Chelsea, I'm listening to your podcast while

738
00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:52,040
Speaker 2: doing my ketamin therapy dog walk, and I'm wondering if

739
00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:54,280
Speaker 2: you have any advice for me. I'm a thirty nine

740
00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:57,120
Speaker 2: year old bartender and recovering drug addict, and my partner

741
00:29:57,160 --> 00:30:00,440
Speaker 2: is a thirty five year old firefighter paramedic slash walking

742
00:30:00,560 --> 00:30:03,959
Speaker 2: Excel spreadsheet. He doesn't seem to be interested in getting

743
00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:06,640
Speaker 2: in touch with his quote unquote feelings, and I've been

744
00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 2: pushing him to connect and all that to benefit our

745
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:12,200
Speaker 2: relationship over the past six years. But how do I,

746
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:17,280
Speaker 2: an audihd emotionally unstable piece of swamp trash, convince him

747
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:21,400
Speaker 2: a successful and literal life saver, of the importance of

748
00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:26,000
Speaker 2: emotional vulnerability and connection. He has literally said, it just

749
00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:28,240
Speaker 2: sucks that the thing I need to work on, quote

750
00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:30,560
Speaker 2: unquote happens to be what makes me so good at

751
00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:33,600
Speaker 2: my job. Am I crazy? He thinks that being a

752
00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:36,400
Speaker 2: dismissive avoidant has given him a leg up in his career.

753
00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:39,280
Speaker 2: I think he's robbing himself in the long run. This

754
00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:41,680
Speaker 2: man is amazing and I love him to death. However,

755
00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:43,880
Speaker 2: I can't seem to gain any traction with the idea

756
00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:47,000
Speaker 2: that emotions are important. I'm not asking him to cry

757
00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:49,120
Speaker 2: while he in debates a patient. I just think he

758
00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:52,200
Speaker 2: could be a better human, partner, medic and leader if

759
00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:55,320
Speaker 2: he were able to allow himself to feel with boundaries

760
00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:57,920
Speaker 2: instead of not at all. I don't know, Maybe it's

761
00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:01,120
Speaker 2: the key. Should I lace his smoothie with la Dusty cheers?

762
00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:09,920
Speaker 1: Joey, Hi, Joey, how are you good? Wellington are here today?

763
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:10,280
Speaker 2: Hi?

764
00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:12,520
Speaker 1: I mean, well, they can speak to being in a couple,

765
00:31:12,560 --> 00:31:14,840
Speaker 1: but I mean it's really not your job to get

766
00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:18,440
Speaker 1: somebody else to figure out what their emotional mindset is

767
00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:21,480
Speaker 1: going to is or their growth mindset is going to be.

768
00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:25,560
Speaker 1: Like everyone has to kind of come on to that

769
00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:28,840
Speaker 1: they're in their own way and if they decide to

770
00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:31,600
Speaker 1: do it, some people never do it. But it's really

771
00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:33,920
Speaker 1: hard to be told you have to get better with

772
00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:34,640
Speaker 1: your emotions.

773
00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:37,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, right, listen. I think it's great that you have

774
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:39,719
Speaker 4: sort of said to your your partner, like, hey, this

775
00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:42,680
Speaker 4: is what I think you'd benefit from this, But it's

776
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:45,040
Speaker 4: kind of up to him to be who or him

777
00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:46,280
Speaker 4: or I guess him, right.

778
00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:49,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just assume we don't have any straight men

779
00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:51,240
Speaker 1: calling into this podcast.

780
00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:54,320
Speaker 4: But it's up to them to be who they are.

781
00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:56,120
Speaker 4: And like, the truth is, you kind of have to

782
00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:58,040
Speaker 4: like decide that you just love them as is too.

783
00:31:58,080 --> 00:31:59,760
Speaker 4: If they don't have any growth, you know, you can,

784
00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:01,320
Speaker 4: but you can't dictate it.

785
00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:04,240
Speaker 3: Yeah. I like work on myself so much, and so

786
00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:06,560
Speaker 3: when I see someone who's just like, no, I like

787
00:32:06,600 --> 00:32:08,360
Speaker 3: the way I like me the way I am. If

788
00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:11,520
Speaker 3: you want someone more emotionally available, you know, go find them.

789
00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:16,760
Speaker 1: I'm like, really, well, there's also this thing with a

790
00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:20,560
Speaker 1: spiritual like I'm not saying you're a spiritual narcissist, but

791
00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:22,960
Speaker 1: there can be people when they're working on themselves, they

792
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:26,440
Speaker 1: can kind of have a superiority complex, thinking, Oh, look

793
00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:28,720
Speaker 1: at all this work I'm doing. You're taking care of meane,

794
00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:32,080
Speaker 1: walks with the dog, you're in touch with yourself emotionally, like, oh,

795
00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:35,120
Speaker 1: why you need to work on yourself. It's kind of

796
00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:38,560
Speaker 1: like you don't get to tell somebody else what work

797
00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:40,160
Speaker 1: they need to do. If you're going to be in

798
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:43,280
Speaker 1: that relationship with him, you can leave him and then

799
00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:46,360
Speaker 1: be like, oh, yeah, you're not mature enough or spiritual

800
00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:49,120
Speaker 1: enough or emotionally in touch with yourself enough. But if

801
00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:51,600
Speaker 1: you're in the relationship and you're choosing to be there

802
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:54,720
Speaker 1: and you're doing your work, if anything, you should be

803
00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:57,320
Speaker 1: focusing on your work, and that's it, and that's going

804
00:32:57,360 --> 00:32:59,440
Speaker 1: to lead you to a place of either acceptance or

805
00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:01,800
Speaker 1: you're going to be like, oh, I reject this relationship.

806
00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:03,840
Speaker 1: I need somebody who's more in touch with their emotions.

807
00:33:03,920 --> 00:33:06,400
Speaker 4: It's almost like like just to relate it to something.

808
00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:08,120
Speaker 4: If you were like renovating your house and you were

809
00:33:08,120 --> 00:33:09,960
Speaker 4: really proud of your brand new kitchen and you went

810
00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:12,120
Speaker 4: into somebody else's house in kitchen and told them they

811
00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:14,560
Speaker 4: needed to renovate it. It's it wouldn't It's just not fair,

812
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:16,960
Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying, Like that's their kitchen and

813
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:19,640
Speaker 4: they've got their choice with how to decorate, and so,

814
00:33:20,120 --> 00:33:22,440
Speaker 4: you know, I think take care of you and decide

815
00:33:22,440 --> 00:33:23,760
Speaker 4: if you can live with somebody like that.

816
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:27,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, that that makes sense. I hear you on

817
00:33:27,120 --> 00:33:27,840
Speaker 3: that for sure.

818
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:28,760
Speaker 6: Yeah.

819
00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:32,400
Speaker 4: I like your kitchen by the way.

820
00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:32,520
Speaker 1: I can see it done.

821
00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:33,480
Speaker 3: Tons of work on my kitchen.

822
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:36,920
Speaker 4: You don't need to do a single Yeah understood.

823
00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:39,320
Speaker 1: How long have you been taking ketamine?

824
00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:40,360
Speaker 3: Probably like a year.

825
00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:42,200
Speaker 1: How frequently do you take it?

826
00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:44,520
Speaker 3: Maybe twice a month?

827
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:46,320
Speaker 1: Oh well, that sounds good.

828
00:33:46,520 --> 00:33:48,120
Speaker 4: How has that helped you? I'm not I don't know

829
00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:50,120
Speaker 4: the benefits of it necessarily. Can you tell us.

830
00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:53,640
Speaker 3: So for me? Like I've always just hated myself a lot.

831
00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:54,160
Speaker 6: And uh.

832
00:33:54,480 --> 00:33:57,040
Speaker 3: And you get these lenses that you built up, and

833
00:33:57,120 --> 00:34:00,960
Speaker 3: ketamine just like disassociates you from your and all those

834
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:05,240
Speaker 3: lenses that you have like faggot, idiots, stupid, whatever you've

835
00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:08,879
Speaker 3: got that you see yourself worked. You know, it takes

836
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:11,160
Speaker 3: them all away so you can see what other people see.

837
00:34:11,239 --> 00:34:13,120
Speaker 3: I guess and it can be really powerful.

838
00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:14,400
Speaker 1: Oh that's beautiful.

839
00:34:15,000 --> 00:34:16,960
Speaker 4: Wow, I'm so glad you're able to see what we see.

840
00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:18,839
Speaker 4: We've known you for thirty five seconds and I don't

841
00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:20,719
Speaker 4: think any of those words. Okay, So just so you know,

842
00:34:20,760 --> 00:34:22,440
Speaker 4: I'm glad. I'm glad you can see that.

843
00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:24,920
Speaker 3: I appreciate it. It has come to that point where I

844
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:29,319
Speaker 3: have to either accept it accept this man, which I

845
00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:32,239
Speaker 3: always have. It just does get frustrating because I'm like,

846
00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:35,680
Speaker 3: I go to therapy every fucking week and like look

847
00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:38,760
Speaker 3: for things to fix about me, right.

848
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:41,279
Speaker 1: Right, But that's you. And also like some people don't

849
00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:43,839
Speaker 1: run into that roadblock at the time that you want

850
00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:45,960
Speaker 1: them to run into that roadblock. Like people only do

851
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:48,760
Speaker 1: the work on themselves when they realize something's not working

852
00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:51,320
Speaker 1: for them. They're not just gonna go Like if everything's

853
00:34:51,360 --> 00:34:53,279
Speaker 1: going great for him and its boyfriend is saying, oh,

854
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:55,560
Speaker 1: you need to go to therapy, that's not enough of

855
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:58,200
Speaker 1: a reason unless there's major problems between the two of you,

856
00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:00,320
Speaker 1: and then he would have a choice about whether or

857
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:02,200
Speaker 1: not he wants to go talk about it. But like,

858
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:04,640
Speaker 1: it's really not up to us to tell other people

859
00:35:04,640 --> 00:35:06,320
Speaker 1: what to do with their emotions.

860
00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:09,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think you could suggest once or twice, but

861
00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:11,040
Speaker 4: then we just have to love people who they are,

862
00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:11,319
Speaker 4: you know.

863
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:14,440
Speaker 3: It's when it like you know, pops up. Stay Like

864
00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:18,400
Speaker 3: intimacy right is really hard if you're not willing to

865
00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:22,239
Speaker 3: be vulnerable. So so I crave that intimacy. And that's

866
00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:25,600
Speaker 3: whenever I kind of end up mentioning something about God,

867
00:35:25,719 --> 00:35:31,680
Speaker 3: like I just want you to be here, present, emotionally vulnerable,

868
00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:35,040
Speaker 3: and he has a really hard time doing it right

869
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:38,600
Speaker 3: and he doesn't want to change that because he's an

870
00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:39,600
Speaker 3: amazing hero.

871
00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:40,439
Speaker 1: Wow.

872
00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:43,400
Speaker 4: Well, I mean it's also maybe you define vulnerability differently,

873
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:45,399
Speaker 4: you know, and you can't dictate that for somebody else.

874
00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:47,960
Speaker 4: So I would just work on maybe just seeing him

875
00:35:47,960 --> 00:35:49,560
Speaker 4: for who he is and value him for that.

876
00:35:49,920 --> 00:35:51,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, I know I do love this person. I just

877
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:55,400
Speaker 3: I knew that I needed some outside perspective.

878
00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:57,319
Speaker 4: So well, I hope he gave it to you.

879
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:01,360
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, so definitely, Okay.

880
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:05,239
Speaker 1: All right, thanks for Joey by Joey.

881
00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:07,640
Speaker 2: But I feel like there often is like one partner

882
00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:10,120
Speaker 2: who is a little bit more emotional and one who's

883
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:12,759
Speaker 2: less emotional. Like my parents, My dad is much more

884
00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:14,960
Speaker 2: emotional than my mom is I'm more emotional than my

885
00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:15,440
Speaker 2: husband is.

886
00:36:15,520 --> 00:36:18,279
Speaker 1: Well, definitely, there's different levels of emotion, but there's also

887
00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:21,600
Speaker 1: being in touch with your emotions like certain people, because

888
00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:24,200
Speaker 1: that's a total lack of intimacy too. Before I went

889
00:36:24,239 --> 00:36:26,400
Speaker 1: to therapy, I didn't have any intimacy with any of

890
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:29,959
Speaker 1: my partners. There was no intimacy because I was invulnerable.

891
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:32,759
Speaker 1: I couldn't. I was invulnerable. So like, those things do

892
00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:34,920
Speaker 1: go together. But some people go through life like that

893
00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:37,200
Speaker 1: and that doesn't seem to be a problem. I mean

894
00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:38,960
Speaker 1: for them, you know, you have to hit a wall

895
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:39,600
Speaker 1: of some sort.

896
00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:42,080
Speaker 4: You absolutely do. I mean, well that's life, right. That's

897
00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:44,719
Speaker 4: what we were talking about earlier in the show, is

898
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,080
Speaker 4: these you're making those mistakes, you learning those lessons and

899
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:48,759
Speaker 4: becoming who you want to be. Do you feel totally

900
00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:50,919
Speaker 4: vulnerable now? Are you able to go to that place

901
00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:51,760
Speaker 4: when you're with somebody?

902
00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:54,520
Speaker 1: Yeah? But I mean I could go to that place

903
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:57,960
Speaker 1: with somebody that's a non romantic partner, but I'd have

904
00:36:58,040 --> 00:37:01,960
Speaker 1: to really be Yeah, I can go there with anybody really. Yeah.

905
00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:03,600
Speaker 1: I don't have to be in love with somebody to

906
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:06,480
Speaker 1: be like vulnerable or like uh yeah, yeah, but I'm

907
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:10,000
Speaker 1: also I'm just not that vulnerable. You know what I mean?

908
00:37:10,120 --> 00:37:12,120
Speaker 4: I do know what you mean. Like, that's what I'm saying.

909
00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:13,480
Speaker 4: You have to define it for each other.

910
00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:16,279
Speaker 1: Right, Like I don't want Yeah, Like if I think

911
00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:18,520
Speaker 1: about my desires about connecting with a man, it's not

912
00:37:18,560 --> 00:37:20,880
Speaker 1: on It's not that level. Like I don't need to

913
00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:22,880
Speaker 1: be looking into your eyes and you telling me how

914
00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:24,880
Speaker 1: much I love you and I say about you're in

915
00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:28,080
Speaker 1: the totally different vibe for me exactly is loved?

916
00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:28,799
Speaker 4: I think so too.

917
00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:30,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, uh huh.

918
00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:32,360
Speaker 4: Like I don't need to be sobbing in your arms

919
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:34,120
Speaker 4: and raping as we hold each other.

920
00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:36,640
Speaker 1: Exactly to be intimate. Yeah, that's a bit much for me.

921
00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:39,920
Speaker 1: I'm good and for most of us. What else we got?

922
00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:44,120
Speaker 2: Catherine Well, Our next caller is Heather, and she says,

923
00:37:44,120 --> 00:37:47,640
Speaker 2: dear Chelsea. I started doing drag in twenty fourteen, a

924
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:50,240
Speaker 2: few years after moving to San Francisco from the South,

925
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:53,600
Speaker 2: perpetually a late bloomer. I was thirty nine when I started,

926
00:37:53,880 --> 00:37:55,960
Speaker 2: and it took that long for me to realize I

927
00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:58,400
Speaker 2: could be a drag queen. As a sis woman, I

928
00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:01,040
Speaker 2: quickly joined a weekly show at midnight on a Tuesday

929
00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:03,760
Speaker 2: at one of San Francisco's oldest gay bars, the stud

930
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:06,040
Speaker 2: as well as other gigs as I could get them.

931
00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:08,280
Speaker 2: It was never my full time job, but it did

932
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:12,160
Speaker 2: use a significant amount of my time and creativity. In return,

933
00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:15,399
Speaker 2: I discovered my sexuality, sense of gender, a great group

934
00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:19,560
Speaker 2: of friends, a newfound confidence, wild creativity, and a best

935
00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:22,320
Speaker 2: friend who became my wife now of over five years.

936
00:38:22,719 --> 00:38:25,000
Speaker 2: When COVID hit, both my wife and I stopped doing

937
00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:29,120
Speaker 2: drag almost entirely. In twenty twenty two, we moved to Portland, Oregon,

938
00:38:29,239 --> 00:38:31,880
Speaker 2: a place with lots of drag opportunities. Both of us

939
00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:34,160
Speaker 2: miss what drag brought to our lives, so we sought

940
00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:37,320
Speaker 2: out some easy opportunities to perform, primarily at a community

941
00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:40,360
Speaker 2: center which has a great, big audience but is low pressure.

942
00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:42,080
Speaker 4: But some things changed.

943
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:44,840
Speaker 2: The problem I'm finding is that shows now cause me

944
00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:48,520
Speaker 2: complete overwhelm, exhaustion, and a feeling of burnout. Since I'm

945
00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:51,680
Speaker 2: doing just one show every few months. One of the

946
00:38:51,680 --> 00:38:53,680
Speaker 2: big hurdles is the makeup. You know, when you do

947
00:38:53,719 --> 00:38:56,640
Speaker 2: batwinged eyeliner every day and it's so easy, and if

948
00:38:56,680 --> 00:38:59,239
Speaker 2: you stop for a while, it's a hot mess. Imagine that,

949
00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:01,360
Speaker 2: But a whole face that takes one to two hours.

950
00:39:01,760 --> 00:39:03,959
Speaker 2: I also get too involved in helping run the show,

951
00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:07,680
Speaker 2: which leaves me exhausted rather than invigorated. I love going

952
00:39:07,719 --> 00:39:10,640
Speaker 2: to group rehearsals and thinking of numbers, then preparing, and

953
00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:13,440
Speaker 2: during the show I have anxiety and a sense of dread.

954
00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:15,520
Speaker 2: Is it time for me to let go of drag

955
00:39:15,680 --> 00:39:19,040
Speaker 2: entirely and forever? Grateful for all it's given me. Even

956
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:21,080
Speaker 2: the few shows I've done in Portland have led to

957
00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:24,120
Speaker 2: friendships and community. Meeting people in the dressing room of

958
00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:26,360
Speaker 2: a drag show is my favorite way to meet people.

959
00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:29,239
Speaker 2: Love Heather aka Bamaslama Ding Dong.

960
00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:33,919
Speaker 1: Okay, this ross is over to you? Oh well ross

961
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:36,480
Speaker 1: is ag yees in house drag experts.

962
00:39:36,719 --> 00:39:39,520
Speaker 4: Well, I've seen a lot of great drag on RuPaul's

963
00:39:39,560 --> 00:39:41,560
Speaker 4: Drag Race up close. Hi Heather, how are you?

964
00:39:42,239 --> 00:39:45,279
Speaker 6: Hi? Big fans of all of you, Thank you.

965
00:39:45,719 --> 00:39:48,040
Speaker 4: I love that you do drag. Drag is for everybody,

966
00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:49,680
Speaker 4: and it's such a beautiful art form. But it is

967
00:39:49,719 --> 00:39:50,279
Speaker 4: a lot of work.

968
00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:50,440
Speaker 6: You know.

969
00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:53,440
Speaker 4: These queens we have on Drag Race have spent years,

970
00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:57,200
Speaker 4: some decades perfecting the art and it still takes them

971
00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:59,080
Speaker 4: forever to do their makeup and think of the numbers,

972
00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:01,879
Speaker 4: and so much goes in to it. Listen, I think, well,

973
00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:03,960
Speaker 4: I know the drag has brought a lot into your

974
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:05,920
Speaker 4: life and you've loved it, you've enjoyed it. But the

975
00:40:06,000 --> 00:40:09,560
Speaker 4: truth is it is an extracurricular activity for you, right right,

976
00:40:09,680 --> 00:40:12,000
Speaker 4: and so those are meant to bring you joy. So

977
00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:14,120
Speaker 4: if it's not bringing you joy right now, I think

978
00:40:14,160 --> 00:40:15,839
Speaker 4: you have to adjust how you're approaching it. If you're

979
00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:18,920
Speaker 4: liking the picking the songs, and then that maybe you're

980
00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:21,240
Speaker 4: helping out at drag shows. You know, there's the people

981
00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:23,080
Speaker 4: that are so integral to those drag shows and drag

982
00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:25,879
Speaker 4: brunches who help out in the backstage or carry the

983
00:40:25,920 --> 00:40:28,840
Speaker 4: tip jar around or help the queens. There's ways you

984
00:40:28,880 --> 00:40:30,960
Speaker 4: can be involved with the art form if the actual

985
00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:33,040
Speaker 4: art form itself isn't bringing you the joy you need.

986
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:35,840
Speaker 4: What it brought you is still there whether you're in

987
00:40:35,920 --> 00:40:36,560
Speaker 4: drag or not.

988
00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:40,040
Speaker 6: Right, And I have tread that I've done stage manager

989
00:40:40,719 --> 00:40:43,480
Speaker 6: and things like that. At the end of the day,

990
00:40:44,239 --> 00:40:49,000
Speaker 6: the spotlight is important, you know. So I guess I'm

991
00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:52,440
Speaker 6: trying to figure out, Yeah, what is the next step

992
00:40:52,440 --> 00:40:55,399
Speaker 6: where I can still be involved? I see other drag

993
00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:59,120
Speaker 6: queens do stand up comedy or move on to other

994
00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:00,400
Speaker 6: things music.

995
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:02,040
Speaker 4: All that takes effort to.

996
00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:06,040
Speaker 6: So it's hard to put into words what drag brings

997
00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:09,200
Speaker 6: to you. You know, it brings such a power and

998
00:41:09,640 --> 00:41:10,680
Speaker 6: a different element.

999
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:12,360
Speaker 4: Can you tell us what it brought to you? Like,

1000
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:14,520
Speaker 4: what did it feel like when you were in that

1001
00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:18,560
Speaker 4: spot like in drag? Like what were you drawn to it?

1002
00:41:18,760 --> 00:41:22,520
Speaker 6: Just it multiplies confidence you know so much and you

1003
00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:26,359
Speaker 6: get to live out every fantasy of you know, look

1004
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:30,920
Speaker 6: like Barbie, look like an alien, that that kind of

1005
00:41:31,400 --> 00:41:32,960
Speaker 6: extreme creativity.

1006
00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:33,879
Speaker 1: I do love.

1007
00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:38,160
Speaker 6: I feel like that it'll be figured out, and I

1008
00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:42,960
Speaker 6: do agree with you there's plenty to do to support

1009
00:41:43,280 --> 00:41:44,360
Speaker 6: the shows.

1010
00:41:45,000 --> 00:41:45,320
Speaker 2: Chelsea.

1011
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:47,239
Speaker 1: You've talked before about.

1012
00:41:46,920 --> 00:41:49,439
Speaker 2: Like having to take a break from stand up when

1013
00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:51,560
Speaker 2: it was like not feeling life.

1014
00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:51,960
Speaker 1: Giving to you.

1015
00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:54,080
Speaker 2: Can you talk a little bit about that and what brought.

1016
00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:54,359
Speaker 4: Me back to now?

1017
00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:56,640
Speaker 1: I just feel like sometimes if you're not feeling something,

1018
00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:59,359
Speaker 1: you shouldn't struggle with it, you know, don't like fight

1019
00:41:59,400 --> 00:42:01,880
Speaker 1: it to the death, take a break and walk away,

1020
00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:04,680
Speaker 1: and sometimes you get a fresh perspective. Not sometimes almost

1021
00:42:04,719 --> 00:42:05,120
Speaker 1: every time.

1022
00:42:05,160 --> 00:42:07,160
Speaker 4: It's almost like writer's block a little bit. Yeah, you're

1023
00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:07,959
Speaker 4: having drag block.

1024
00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:13,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, maybe you are. I like that. I mean

1025
00:42:13,520 --> 00:42:15,760
Speaker 1: that there is true to that. I think it's always

1026
00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:18,160
Speaker 1: healthy to take a break. I mean, if something's not

1027
00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:20,560
Speaker 1: giving you the same vibes that it gave you, then yeah,

1028
00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:22,319
Speaker 1: there's nothing wrong with taking a break. And it doesn't

1029
00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:24,840
Speaker 1: have to be like you're broken up. It's just like

1030
00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:26,319
Speaker 1: you're taking a break. You know.

1031
00:42:26,920 --> 00:42:29,439
Speaker 4: Art is work, but it also should bring you joy

1032
00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:32,319
Speaker 4: and pride, you know, and so maybe it's a little

1033
00:42:32,320 --> 00:42:33,239
Speaker 4: distance would help that.

1034
00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:35,800
Speaker 1: If you miss it in a few weeks or a

1035
00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:38,400
Speaker 1: few months, you check in with yourself. Do you miss it?

1036
00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:40,399
Speaker 1: Do you want to go back, do you feel the urge?

1037
00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:41,680
Speaker 1: Do you want to go see a show and not

1038
00:42:41,800 --> 00:42:44,279
Speaker 1: participate in one? Or do you want to be in one?

1039
00:42:44,320 --> 00:42:46,600
Speaker 1: And just check in with yourself even write about it,

1040
00:42:46,680 --> 00:42:48,440
Speaker 1: journal about it at night before you go to bed.

1041
00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:50,759
Speaker 1: Do I miss drag today? No? I don't. What am

1042
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:53,759
Speaker 1: I feeling today? And just kind of keep an emotional

1043
00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:56,719
Speaker 1: kind of record of how you're feeling and that'll give

1044
00:42:56,719 --> 00:42:58,520
Speaker 1: you all the indicators you kind of need to know.

1045
00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:02,120
Speaker 1: I think a lot of a are just not in

1046
00:43:02,160 --> 00:43:05,040
Speaker 1: the practice of listening to ourselves as well as we should.

1047
00:43:05,480 --> 00:43:09,520
Speaker 1: And if you really are with yourself and you give

1048
00:43:09,520 --> 00:43:12,160
Speaker 1: yourself time to digest something and to think about something,

1049
00:43:12,719 --> 00:43:15,479
Speaker 1: and really like, Okay, I have an hour free today,

1050
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:17,160
Speaker 1: I'm going to think about how I feel about drag

1051
00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:20,400
Speaker 1: like that, really dedicate the time that it deserves to

1052
00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:23,799
Speaker 1: be thought about and considered and contemplate it, and then

1053
00:43:23,960 --> 00:43:26,000
Speaker 1: you'll come up with your answer whether or not you're

1054
00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:27,719
Speaker 1: ready to give it up or you want to go

1055
00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:29,919
Speaker 1: back at it fully or in a different way.

1056
00:43:30,400 --> 00:43:33,680
Speaker 6: Yeah. I've had a lot of stress in my life

1057
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:37,440
Speaker 6: over the last year, and one thing I am looking

1058
00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:39,880
Speaker 6: for is that kind of escape and outlet.

1059
00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:42,480
Speaker 1: So release, right, what.

1060
00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:44,600
Speaker 6: You're talking about. I think it also give me an

1061
00:43:44,640 --> 00:43:46,360
Speaker 6: opportunity to try other things.

1062
00:43:46,840 --> 00:43:50,120
Speaker 1: Sure, yeah, absolutely. And it should be fun, right, You

1063
00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:51,759
Speaker 1: need to release, You need to have a good time.

1064
00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:53,560
Speaker 1: It should be fun whatever you choose to do and

1065
00:43:53,560 --> 00:43:56,919
Speaker 1: how you spend that time. Sure, sure, all.

1066
00:43:56,880 --> 00:43:58,560
Speaker 2: Right, Heather, thanks so much for calling in.

1067
00:43:58,840 --> 00:44:01,839
Speaker 1: Thank you, Heather, good luck, Heather, thank you.

1068
00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:04,080
Speaker 4: Is there an art that you wish you were like,

1069
00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:04,839
Speaker 4: that you could do.

1070
00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:08,719
Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, of course, anything I wish I could do,

1071
00:44:08,760 --> 00:44:11,120
Speaker 1: anything I wish I could sing, Oh for sure. I

1072
00:44:12,480 --> 00:44:15,000
Speaker 1: could sing. I wish I could dance. I wish I

1073
00:44:15,040 --> 00:44:15,880
Speaker 1: may be a good dancer.

1074
00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:18,799
Speaker 4: This one can move like the I've seen you dance.

1075
00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:21,200
Speaker 4: I've seen you dance Wellington. This summer, I was like,

1076
00:44:21,239 --> 00:44:23,239
Speaker 4: I love drawing. I was like, I really want to

1077
00:44:23,239 --> 00:44:24,880
Speaker 4: get good at it. I want to become like an artist,

1078
00:44:24,920 --> 00:44:26,520
Speaker 4: you know. And so I got I bought like the

1079
00:44:26,560 --> 00:44:28,319
Speaker 4: markers and the pen and the paints and the things,

1080
00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:31,800
Speaker 4: and I'm I'm just terrible, terrible. I sit in my

1081
00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:33,319
Speaker 4: room and I and then I crumple it up and

1082
00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:35,120
Speaker 4: I'm like that is awful and I throw it away.

1083
00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:37,360
Speaker 1: What are you doing? And what kind of art? What

1084
00:44:37,360 --> 00:44:37,680
Speaker 1: do you mean?

1085
00:44:37,719 --> 00:44:40,440
Speaker 4: Market? I want to well. I saw this woman on

1086
00:44:40,440 --> 00:44:43,640
Speaker 4: TikTok who is so incredible what she can draw, and

1087
00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:45,400
Speaker 4: she and I said what do I messaged her right

1088
00:44:45,440 --> 00:44:47,640
Speaker 4: the total stranger. I said, what do you use? She

1089
00:44:47,719 --> 00:44:49,000
Speaker 4: told me the pens and they say, do you have

1090
00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:50,719
Speaker 4: any advice? Because I would love to draw like you?

1091
00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:52,680
Speaker 4: And she said just start. So I was like, oh shit.

1092
00:44:53,239 --> 00:44:55,040
Speaker 4: So I went and I got it, and I am

1093
00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:57,759
Speaker 4: just I'm so bad at it. But I look at

1094
00:44:57,760 --> 00:44:59,560
Speaker 4: the well, I thank you, but it's real. It's not

1095
00:44:59,640 --> 00:45:01,600
Speaker 4: coming out the way I want to do it, you know,

1096
00:45:01,680 --> 00:45:03,480
Speaker 4: And that's because you've.

1097
00:45:03,280 --> 00:45:05,280
Speaker 1: Never done it before and you're over forty.

1098
00:45:05,320 --> 00:45:06,960
Speaker 4: You got to keep at it, I guess so, but

1099
00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:09,680
Speaker 4: I've got in my head and then the execution is

1100
00:45:09,719 --> 00:45:10,280
Speaker 4: just yeah.

1101
00:45:10,080 --> 00:45:11,960
Speaker 1: But you'll get there. You have to even you're not

1102
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:13,880
Speaker 1: just going to start doing something and be amazing at it.

1103
00:45:14,200 --> 00:45:15,680
Speaker 4: That's how it should be. That's what I want to

1104
00:45:15,760 --> 00:45:17,279
Speaker 4: think about that, you know what I mean.

1105
00:45:17,360 --> 00:45:19,279
Speaker 1: If that we're life, then we'd all just be doing

1106
00:45:19,280 --> 00:45:21,799
Speaker 1: whatever the fuck we wanted all the time. You have

1107
00:45:21,840 --> 00:45:24,239
Speaker 1: to put in the time to get the results. Yes,

1108
00:45:24,280 --> 00:45:26,880
Speaker 1: you're true, So don't give up on yourself yet. Okay.

1109
00:45:27,040 --> 00:45:30,640
Speaker 4: But but to Heather's point, like it's it is frustrated

1110
00:45:30,640 --> 00:45:32,439
Speaker 4: this art that I love, I do find it also

1111
00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:35,799
Speaker 4: very frustrating. So I was relating to to Heather when

1112
00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:38,080
Speaker 4: she was talking about drag and I just think, but

1113
00:45:38,200 --> 00:45:39,440
Speaker 4: if you want to love it to your point, you

1114
00:45:39,480 --> 00:45:39,680
Speaker 4: got it.

1115
00:45:39,719 --> 00:45:42,080
Speaker 1: That's how I feel about Spanish. It's so frustrating to

1116
00:45:42,120 --> 00:45:44,200
Speaker 1: me that it's taken me so long to become like

1117
00:45:44,320 --> 00:45:47,479
Speaker 1: fluent fluent, but I love it. I'm not gonna quit

1118
00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:49,200
Speaker 1: and I'm not there yet. And I have to always

1119
00:45:49,239 --> 00:45:51,200
Speaker 1: go You're learning, like even when I fuck up or

1120
00:45:51,440 --> 00:45:53,200
Speaker 1: I'm taking a test and I'm like, oh I got

1121
00:45:53,280 --> 00:45:55,759
Speaker 1: eight answers wrong out of twenty. Fuck at least, I

1122
00:45:56,160 --> 00:45:59,200
Speaker 1: like you learn something with every mistake. Okay, So like.

1123
00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:01,160
Speaker 5: We're gonna make sure we give you the T O

1124
00:46:01,160 --> 00:46:02,479
Speaker 5: and T in Spanish because it comes.

1125
00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:08,360
Speaker 1: Out in Spanish Spanish esperrlo.

1126
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:10,760
Speaker 4: I actually wrote the forward.

1127
00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:14,680
Speaker 5: We translated it as well, and I read the audio

1128
00:46:14,719 --> 00:46:17,280
Speaker 5: in Spanish and he does the English version.

1129
00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:19,719
Speaker 1: Oh nice, so and T.

1130
00:46:20,239 --> 00:46:22,560
Speaker 4: I'll send you a picture to I'll draw you. Oh

1131
00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:26,360
Speaker 4: my god, your workers, workers, they're good markers to Catherine.

1132
00:46:26,400 --> 00:46:28,520
Speaker 1: Do we have a time for another call? Or what's

1133
00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:29,000
Speaker 1: our story?

1134
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:30,839
Speaker 2: Your mark We can take a break and I have

1135
00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:32,160
Speaker 2: one more question.

1136
00:46:32,440 --> 00:46:33,879
Speaker 1: All right, we'll take a break and we'll be right

1137
00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:40,239
Speaker 1: back and we're back with c O and te O.

1138
00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:44,480
Speaker 1: Remind me to send Ross and new magic markers set

1139
00:46:44,600 --> 00:46:47,400
Speaker 1: for his for his journey. And I'm going to use

1140
00:46:47,440 --> 00:46:49,800
Speaker 1: markers in my Spanish my Spanish workbook.

1141
00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:53,239
Speaker 4: Also tend you these markers. They're beautiful markers, they have a.

1142
00:46:53,200 --> 00:46:54,840
Speaker 1: Great markers, are thick markers.

1143
00:46:54,920 --> 00:46:58,520
Speaker 4: Yes, it's about how you angle your hand. There's a

1144
00:46:57,840 --> 00:46:59,680
Speaker 4: fine yes.

1145
00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:03,160
Speaker 2: Well, our last question comes from Cassidy. This is just

1146
00:47:03,200 --> 00:47:06,000
Speaker 2: an email, she says, Dear Chelsea, I have been with

1147
00:47:06,080 --> 00:47:08,759
Speaker 2: my girlfriend for a year. In gay fashion, we often

1148
00:47:08,760 --> 00:47:11,200
Speaker 2: talk about the future marriage and what to burn in

1149
00:47:11,239 --> 00:47:13,799
Speaker 2: case of sudden death. For the last few months, she's

1150
00:47:13,840 --> 00:47:15,839
Speaker 2: told me. For her birthday, she wanted to tell her

1151
00:47:15,840 --> 00:47:19,279
Speaker 2: family about me. She has four sisters. One I know

1152
00:47:19,400 --> 00:47:22,200
Speaker 2: and is fully supportive, and the second is deeply Catholic

1153
00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:24,840
Speaker 2: and not a factor we care about. The other two, however,

1154
00:47:24,920 --> 00:47:27,799
Speaker 2: are a different story. She told her youngest first, which

1155
00:47:27,840 --> 00:47:31,040
Speaker 2: was easy. She was curious, supportive, and kind. Then she

1156
00:47:31,120 --> 00:47:34,080
Speaker 2: told the oldest. After a long silence. She asked that

1157
00:47:34,120 --> 00:47:37,080
Speaker 2: their parents not be told, since her mom is quote

1158
00:47:37,160 --> 00:47:40,160
Speaker 2: a worrier. My girlfriend's plan is to bring me around

1159
00:47:40,200 --> 00:47:44,240
Speaker 2: as her quote friend. I declined this option. She deeply

1160
00:47:44,280 --> 00:47:47,040
Speaker 2: needs her older sister's approval for most things in her life,

1161
00:47:47,080 --> 00:47:50,480
Speaker 2: which is my main concern. I am, in other people's words,

1162
00:47:50,600 --> 00:47:55,120
Speaker 2: fiercely independent. Admitting these recent events maybe incredibly sad. It

1163
00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:58,640
Speaker 2: was difficult, she swears, it's not if, but when I

1164
00:47:58,680 --> 00:48:00,560
Speaker 2: want to be with her? But how do I feel

1165
00:48:00,560 --> 00:48:03,359
Speaker 2: better about this? The reasoning seems trivial and like it's

1166
00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:06,319
Speaker 2: not her decision but her sister's. What else will be

1167
00:48:06,360 --> 00:48:08,799
Speaker 2: up to her sister in the future. For context, she's

1168
00:48:08,840 --> 00:48:12,160
Speaker 2: thirty seven and I'm thirty two. She's never brought someone

1169
00:48:12,160 --> 00:48:14,839
Speaker 2: home and they weren't aware she's gay. I get it

1170
00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:17,080
Speaker 2: coming out as hard, But why am I so sad

1171
00:48:17,080 --> 00:48:19,560
Speaker 2: about it? I'm writing this on my couch as she's

1172
00:48:19,640 --> 00:48:21,840
Speaker 2: at dinner with her family, the one she planned on

1173
00:48:21,840 --> 00:48:25,640
Speaker 2: bringing me to as her girlfriend. Am I catastrophizing this, Cassidy?

1174
00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:29,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, you are catastrophizing it a little bit. I think

1175
00:48:29,120 --> 00:48:32,319
Speaker 1: I think that you should just because this happened, A

1176
00:48:32,480 --> 00:48:35,040
Speaker 1: you don't have to go to be with her family

1177
00:48:35,200 --> 00:48:37,440
Speaker 1: as a friend. You don't have to do that. Like

1178
00:48:37,480 --> 00:48:40,400
Speaker 1: I get that, But like assuming that her sister's going

1179
00:48:40,440 --> 00:48:43,160
Speaker 1: to make every important decision in her life is not true. Like,

1180
00:48:43,360 --> 00:48:45,920
Speaker 1: just because her sister gave her this answer, you didn't

1181
00:48:45,960 --> 00:48:48,760
Speaker 1: like that answer, it's unfair to you. It's not ideal.

1182
00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:51,000
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that's the way the rest of your

1183
00:48:51,040 --> 00:48:53,200
Speaker 1: life is going to go. This is a very important

1184
00:48:53,200 --> 00:48:55,239
Speaker 1: decision for your girlfriend too, and it's going to weigh

1185
00:48:55,280 --> 00:48:57,239
Speaker 1: on her. I'm sure at some point that she has

1186
00:48:57,280 --> 00:49:00,239
Speaker 1: to get her sister's approval for almost everything, and she's

1187
00:49:00,239 --> 00:49:02,279
Speaker 1: going to start to consider is she willing to go

1188
00:49:02,320 --> 00:49:04,799
Speaker 1: through life like that? She can't live a lie. So

1189
00:49:05,360 --> 00:49:08,640
Speaker 1: while I would stand your boundaries and not participate and

1190
00:49:08,680 --> 00:49:11,000
Speaker 1: be pretending to be her friend when you're more than that,

1191
00:49:11,360 --> 00:49:13,759
Speaker 1: I get that. I wouldn't do that either. I don't

1192
00:49:13,760 --> 00:49:15,759
Speaker 1: think you have to like throw in the towel and think,

1193
00:49:15,840 --> 00:49:17,600
Speaker 1: oh my god, her sister's going to be the arbiter

1194
00:49:17,640 --> 00:49:18,560
Speaker 1: of our relationship.

1195
00:49:18,760 --> 00:49:22,319
Speaker 4: I disagree you do, I do? I think. I just

1196
00:49:22,360 --> 00:49:26,600
Speaker 4: think if my very existence is an issue that you're

1197
00:49:26,760 --> 00:49:29,480
Speaker 4: going to let your sister dictate, then we have a

1198
00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:32,399
Speaker 4: real problem here. It would be a deal breaker. Your

1199
00:49:32,480 --> 00:49:34,560
Speaker 4: sister is going to tell you to tell the world

1200
00:49:34,600 --> 00:49:37,640
Speaker 4: that I'm your friend. I would like to simply exist

1201
00:49:37,640 --> 00:49:40,800
Speaker 4: in your world as your partner, and if that can't happen,

1202
00:49:40,920 --> 00:49:43,440
Speaker 4: then that's that's you making that decision, not me.

1203
00:49:43,920 --> 00:49:45,640
Speaker 1: Are with that? Do you agree with that too?

1204
00:49:46,040 --> 00:49:48,279
Speaker 5: Because it's you know, you have to be authentic, you

1205
00:49:48,320 --> 00:49:51,799
Speaker 5: have to be your self, and the fact that she's

1206
00:49:51,800 --> 00:49:54,560
Speaker 5: not allowing her to even be part of the picture,

1207
00:49:54,560 --> 00:49:55,400
Speaker 5: it's problematic.

1208
00:49:55,520 --> 00:49:56,880
Speaker 4: I don't think it's too much to ask to be

1209
00:49:56,920 --> 00:49:58,440
Speaker 4: exists and acknowledge that you exist.

1210
00:49:58,640 --> 00:50:01,799
Speaker 1: Well, it's also it's it's yeah, it's hard when it's

1211
00:50:01,840 --> 00:50:04,680
Speaker 1: your when it's your own sister that you look up to,

1212
00:50:05,320 --> 00:50:07,880
Speaker 1: kind of saying, like, her sister knows she's gay, so

1213
00:50:07,920 --> 00:50:10,959
Speaker 1: there's not a lie there, Like she knows she's gay,

1214
00:50:11,080 --> 00:50:13,839
Speaker 1: she's just telling her to move the thing. So that's

1215
00:50:13,960 --> 00:50:16,600
Speaker 1: that's where the problem comes in. She's not but she's

1216
00:50:16,640 --> 00:50:19,279
Speaker 1: not living a lie. She's just not allowed to live

1217
00:50:19,280 --> 00:50:21,520
Speaker 1: out loud, is what we're saying.

1218
00:50:21,800 --> 00:50:23,640
Speaker 4: Don't you think that that is simple human decency?

1219
00:50:24,800 --> 00:50:24,920
Speaker 2: Right?

1220
00:50:25,080 --> 00:50:27,440
Speaker 4: I hear? Maybe it's because you know, we spent a

1221
00:50:27,480 --> 00:50:29,960
Speaker 4: lot of time when I started on television, it was

1222
00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:31,400
Speaker 4: back in two thousand and one, and there was a

1223
00:50:31,400 --> 00:50:34,480
Speaker 4: lot of fighting for equality and insisting on equality and

1224
00:50:34,520 --> 00:50:38,160
Speaker 4: we matter and and and that was important. I no

1225
00:50:38,200 --> 00:50:40,560
Speaker 4: longer have that fight within me I have If you

1226
00:50:40,719 --> 00:50:43,160
Speaker 4: don't want to give me equality, God bless I.

1227
00:50:43,120 --> 00:50:44,839
Speaker 1: Just yeah, right, right right, I'm not going to.

1228
00:50:44,800 --> 00:50:47,280
Speaker 4: Fight you for that. Right. So the fact that she's

1229
00:50:47,600 --> 00:50:51,160
Speaker 4: now having to fight to be recognized is exhausting to me,

1230
00:50:51,239 --> 00:50:53,000
Speaker 4: and I would tap out of that fight.

1231
00:50:53,040 --> 00:50:56,880
Speaker 1: Okay, that's fair. Well, I mean, yeah, where we're gonna say,

1232
00:50:57,000 --> 00:51:00,239
Speaker 1: you know, just yeah, personal dignity, that's right, it's not.

1233
00:51:00,520 --> 00:51:02,480
Speaker 1: I mean, for somebody to put you on mute is

1234
00:51:02,480 --> 00:51:03,240
Speaker 1: not a good feeling.

1235
00:51:03,480 --> 00:51:05,680
Speaker 5: But I agree with you that, like you know, she's

1236
00:51:05,800 --> 00:51:08,359
Speaker 5: sisters probably won't be the one, you know, making all

1237
00:51:08,400 --> 00:51:09,200
Speaker 5: those decisions.

1238
00:51:09,360 --> 00:51:11,200
Speaker 4: No, but she's letter to make this decision. But this

1239
00:51:11,280 --> 00:51:11,799
Speaker 4: is a big one.

1240
00:51:11,840 --> 00:51:14,600
Speaker 5: But right, but she's just stand her ground and say no,

1241
00:51:14,880 --> 00:51:17,240
Speaker 5: I'm coming, I'm climbing to the stupid party or whatever.

1242
00:51:17,760 --> 00:51:20,160
Speaker 4: Yes, correct, I think this could be Oh that's a

1243
00:51:20,200 --> 00:51:23,040
Speaker 4: quick point. Yes, smart, this is rather than being a

1244
00:51:23,080 --> 00:51:26,080
Speaker 4: red flag deal break or bibitch, this could be a No.

1245
00:51:26,560 --> 00:51:28,919
Speaker 4: I think this would make you better, me better, sister better,

1246
00:51:29,080 --> 00:51:31,440
Speaker 4: mom better, and I'm gonna get to a better place.

1247
00:51:32,040 --> 00:51:33,840
Speaker 4: Yeah that's good. See why he's better than me?

1248
00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:34,840
Speaker 1: I do.

1249
00:51:35,080 --> 00:51:37,040
Speaker 4: I we walked in.

1250
00:51:37,760 --> 00:51:39,440
Speaker 1: Okay, well there you go. There you have it. My

1251
00:51:39,440 --> 00:51:41,880
Speaker 1: advice was wrong. I think there's what was right. I

1252
00:51:41,920 --> 00:51:44,200
Speaker 1: am reconsidered. No, no, no, I think you're right. You

1253
00:51:44,239 --> 00:51:44,879
Speaker 1: guys are right.

1254
00:51:45,520 --> 00:51:48,560
Speaker 4: I didn't think you were wrong, but I just I felt.

1255
00:51:48,320 --> 00:51:50,320
Speaker 1: Your neck crane as soon as I started talking I'm like,

1256
00:51:50,360 --> 00:51:51,160
Speaker 1: what's his problem?

1257
00:51:51,640 --> 00:51:52,080
Speaker 6: Now? I know?

1258
00:51:52,719 --> 00:51:54,839
Speaker 4: Really, I just say it is a pet peeve of mine.

1259
00:51:54,840 --> 00:51:57,200
Speaker 4: It is like, I just know I had family members

1260
00:51:57,239 --> 00:51:59,480
Speaker 4: tell me to tone it down or something.

1261
00:51:59,239 --> 00:52:01,759
Speaker 1: Perfectly, and I think that's beautiful. You actually, I mean

1262
00:52:01,840 --> 00:52:04,080
Speaker 1: you said it. You're right. Nobody shouldn't exist and should

1263
00:52:04,120 --> 00:52:06,879
Speaker 1: be denied. Especially now. It's like, come on, this fight

1264
00:52:06,960 --> 00:52:09,160
Speaker 1: has already happened. Yeah, we already argued this out. It's

1265
00:52:09,160 --> 00:52:11,880
Speaker 1: already been litigated. It's exhausting that people want to take

1266
00:52:11,920 --> 00:52:13,960
Speaker 1: it back. So anyway, send a copy of this to

1267
00:52:14,000 --> 00:52:14,480
Speaker 1: her sister.

1268
00:52:14,800 --> 00:52:15,279
Speaker 4: I love you.

1269
00:52:15,880 --> 00:52:17,560
Speaker 1: Send her a link so her sister can listen to

1270
00:52:17,600 --> 00:52:20,560
Speaker 1: this and realize that she's being inappropriate and she needs

1271
00:52:20,560 --> 00:52:22,000
Speaker 1: to let her sister live out loud.

1272
00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:23,920
Speaker 4: And also, Mom lives in this world. Even though she's

1273
00:52:23,960 --> 00:52:27,040
Speaker 4: a worrier. She's not a bunker. She's fine.

1274
00:52:27,239 --> 00:52:27,640
Speaker 1: Fine.

1275
00:52:28,120 --> 00:52:30,840
Speaker 5: My parents were, you know, very Catholic as well.

1276
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:32,680
Speaker 1: And they're all fine, and they're all fine. Everyone survives.

1277
00:52:32,719 --> 00:52:33,440
Speaker 5: And then I married the.

1278
00:52:35,440 --> 00:52:37,239
Speaker 4: Make it Fine and his dad spent the weekend at

1279
00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:39,040
Speaker 4: our house and we were in the pool. We love

1280
00:52:39,080 --> 00:52:39,440
Speaker 4: each other.

1281
00:52:40,640 --> 00:52:44,040
Speaker 5: We've actually never had the discussion of, uh, we're gay,

1282
00:52:44,200 --> 00:52:44,640
Speaker 5: kind of thing.

1283
00:52:44,640 --> 00:52:47,560
Speaker 1: It's just like this, yeah, or.

1284
00:52:47,480 --> 00:52:48,239
Speaker 4: Maybe he doesn't know.

1285
00:52:49,120 --> 00:52:49,600
Speaker 1: He doesn't know.

1286
00:52:52,200 --> 00:52:53,719
Speaker 4: Whatever it works, I'm fine with it.

1287
00:52:54,360 --> 00:52:56,440
Speaker 1: Okay. And that's your episode of to Your Chelsea for

1288
00:52:56,440 --> 00:52:59,480
Speaker 1: the week. Everybody. Thank you callers, thank you listeners. We'll

1289
00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:02,520
Speaker 1: see you next week. Thank you Ross, thank you Wellington.

1290
00:53:02,719 --> 00:53:03,400
Speaker 1: What a pleasure.

1291
00:53:04,440 --> 00:53:04,960
Speaker 3: I love you.

1292
00:53:05,160 --> 00:53:06,040
Speaker 1: I love you guys.

1293
00:53:07,440 --> 00:53:13,000
Speaker 7: The word of the week is grammarian noun a specialist

1294
00:53:13,120 --> 00:53:18,480
Speaker 7: or expert in grammar. Grammarian. Chelsea is known to be

1295
00:53:18,600 --> 00:53:21,719
Speaker 7: something of a grammarian, which is why we do this

1296
00:53:21,800 --> 00:53:23,600
Speaker 7: segment Grammarian.

1297
00:53:28,520 --> 00:53:30,400
Speaker 1: I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the

1298
00:53:30,600 --> 00:53:34,799
Speaker 1: High and Mighty Tour. I will be touring from February

1299
00:53:34,840 --> 00:53:37,640
Speaker 1: through June, So go get your tickets now if you

1300
00:53:37,680 --> 00:53:40,320
Speaker 1: want good seats and you want to come see me perform,

1301
00:53:40,480 --> 00:53:43,440
Speaker 1: I will be on the High and Mighty Tour. Do

1302
00:53:43,480 --> 00:53:44,560
Speaker 1: you want advice from Chelsea?

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Speaker 2: Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find

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Speaker 2: full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching

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Speaker 2: at Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered

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Speaker 2: by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law And be sure

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Speaker 2: to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com