WEBVTT - Second Date Update Classic: Mistah Secure

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<v Speaker 1>Second date of date.

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<v Speaker 2>This happens every so often, but sometimes a listener will

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<v Speaker 2>do a second date update with us that doesn't end

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<v Speaker 2>with a yes.

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<v Speaker 3>Often, But the thing is.

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<v Speaker 2>They're so impressed by us, specifically me and my efforts

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<v Speaker 2>to jumpstart their love lives, that they're willing to call

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<v Speaker 2>back and give it another go.

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<v Speaker 4>You know, you don't have to.

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<v Speaker 5>Do Mountain's mouth anymore with CPR, but.

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<v Speaker 6>I like that.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's why Justin has reached out to us once again.

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<v Speaker 2>He was on a few months back, and last time

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<v Speaker 2>the lady he went out with was not impressed cause

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<v Speaker 2>she showed up an hour late to dinner, but said

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<v Speaker 2>Justin wasn't man enough to be mad about it and

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<v Speaker 2>cancel what?

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<v Speaker 6>Oh?

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<v Speaker 3>I think?

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<v Speaker 4>I remember that it was.

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<v Speaker 2>Really weird and that call definitely crashed and burned, but

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<v Speaker 2>we promised to try and do better for Justin this time.

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<v Speaker 3>So Justin, welcome back.

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<v Speaker 7>Hey, thank you guys for having me.

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<v Speaker 5>Oh man, how long did you wait for your date

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<v Speaker 5>to show up this time? Justin?

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<v Speaker 7>No, she actually came right on time. That side he.

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<v Speaker 5>Test, and you failed it?

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<v Speaker 4>Sure you're to get up and leave and make her way?

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<v Speaker 7>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 2>I think that shows improvement, And I heard that you've

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<v Speaker 2>been actually doing a little bit of research since the

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<v Speaker 2>last time you were on with us.

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<v Speaker 7>Yeah, I feel like the learning process never really ends.

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<v Speaker 7>I'm always trying to better myself, you know.

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<v Speaker 5>So deep.

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<v Speaker 7>So Justice, I heard about this book called Attached. Have

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<v Speaker 7>you guys, are you familiar with it?

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<v Speaker 5>Attached?

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<v Speaker 7>I don't.

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<v Speaker 2>Reading is not on the top of the list of

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<v Speaker 2>hobbies for this group, so but tell us about it.

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<v Speaker 3>What is attached about?

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<v Speaker 7>So this book basically talked about how most people come

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<v Speaker 7>into three different psychological categories while dating. Okay, secure, where

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<v Speaker 7>you can communicate openly and like I could be like, hey,

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<v Speaker 7>I know you're busy, but I just kind of get

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<v Speaker 7>nervous when you don't text back. Could you text me?

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<v Speaker 7>Just let me know, even if it's just like a

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<v Speaker 7>little thumbs up or something.

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<v Speaker 5>Oh, it's like the type of communicator you are, exactly.

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<v Speaker 3>In the story groups, they're secure.

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<v Speaker 7>Yeah. The other two categories are anxious and avoidant. Good

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<v Speaker 7>and anxious people are like the super needy ones where

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<v Speaker 7>it's just like, no, you gotta text me, and if

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<v Speaker 7>you don't hear a text back, you're texting them like

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<v Speaker 7>twenty times, like where are you? Where are you?

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<v Speaker 5>Pose registered for you?

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<v Speaker 4>Oh if I'm necessarily anxious in that sense, but in

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<v Speaker 4>real life I'm anxious a lot.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah. And then what's the other one? Again?

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<v Speaker 7>The last one is avoidant, where like if things start

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<v Speaker 7>getting real, they'll push apart a little bit, like they

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<v Speaker 7>want distance. They don't want to be smothered or anything.

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<v Speaker 4>Okay, can you be more than one? Like I feel

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<v Speaker 4>like i'm the first two combined.

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<v Speaker 3>You have to read the book and find out.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh no, I'm just going to wait for the movie

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<v Speaker 2>to come out.

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<v Speaker 6>Yeah, that was really like a fun movie, Jess.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, if they can, don't.

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<v Speaker 2>Make it really short because my attentions fan isn't great. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>So which which one are you justin?

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<v Speaker 7>So I'm secure with traits of anxious and so you

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<v Speaker 7>can be more than one?

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<v Speaker 3>Okay?

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<v Speaker 5>Okay, So how did that change dating?

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<v Speaker 7>I'm just really open and communicative about what I'm expecting,

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<v Speaker 7>how I feel. No more games of like like you know,

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<v Speaker 7>with the girl who was late, I could just be like,

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<v Speaker 7>hey you're late, that made me feel this way? What's

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<v Speaker 7>going on? You know, just talk about it?

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<v Speaker 6>So we did we go on a dat or we

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<v Speaker 6>just hearing about how your love life has improved.

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<v Speaker 2>For everybody in the or Justin wrote this book and

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<v Speaker 2>he's trying to sell exactly. Yeah, so how does all

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<v Speaker 2>this relate to your your new and improved dating life?

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<v Speaker 7>So I put this on my dating profile where I

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<v Speaker 7>said secure attachment styles only, and it didn't really get

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<v Speaker 7>me any clicks. But then I put that smiley emoji

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<v Speaker 7>with like the sweat drop coming on the forehead, you know,

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<v Speaker 7>and that got me.

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<v Speaker 2>So who matched with your secure people only demand?

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<v Speaker 7>With this wonderful woman named Kelly. She's an interior designer,

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<v Speaker 7>absolutely very very secure, and I kind of wanted to

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<v Speaker 7>have her see what I did. I don't even know

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<v Speaker 7>if we spoke about this last time. I'm a professional rapper,

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<v Speaker 7>Like at least part time did not come up, because, like,

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<v Speaker 7>you know, unless you're super duper famous, people just presume

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<v Speaker 7>your craps.

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<v Speaker 3>You invited CALLI to what watch You wrap somewhere?

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<v Speaker 7>Yeah, to a show that I was doing, and we

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<v Speaker 7>hung out before we got to know each other, and

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<v Speaker 7>then it was time for me to go on stage.

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<v Speaker 7>And I had a couple of songs that night, so

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<v Speaker 7>I did those. The crowd was really into it. Like

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<v Speaker 7>I was a little nervous, you know, sometimes the crowd

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<v Speaker 7>might not be into it. But yeah, but when I

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<v Speaker 7>got off States, she said it was awesome, Like people

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<v Speaker 7>were coming up to me, just like taking photos and

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<v Speaker 7>things of that sort, which is always fun. But I

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<v Speaker 7>kind of worried, like maybe my lyrics were a little

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<v Speaker 7>bit too vulgar. But that's kind of also like the

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<v Speaker 7>nature of the beast of being an artist vulger.

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<v Speaker 5>I mean, you're a rap artist unless you're Will Smith.

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<v Speaker 1>Rapper.

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<v Speaker 7>Yeah, she did say it was awesome, but I remember,

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<v Speaker 7>like there's a point where I made eye contact with

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<v Speaker 7>her while I was wrapping, and I noticed her eyes

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<v Speaker 7>were kind of big where she was like I don't

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<v Speaker 7>know if she thought this, but my read was like

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<v Speaker 7>she's like, what the hell did he just say?

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<v Speaker 5>Can you give a subject material? Like I get to

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<v Speaker 5>know anything?

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<v Speaker 7>Some of it gets political, some of it is just,

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<v Speaker 7>you know, like.

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<v Speaker 4>Democrats secure up in the building.

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<v Speaker 5>Well, okay, got your openers for you the next show.

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<v Speaker 7>I wanted to stay a little longer and hang out more,

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<v Speaker 7>but like while the people were taking photos, she was

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<v Speaker 7>just like, I gotta go. It was so great being you.

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<v Speaker 7>And then yeah, I had a tough time getting another date,

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<v Speaker 7>and I really really did like her, you know, way

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<v Speaker 7>more than the girl all who made me wait an hour.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, by this time you kind of made her wait. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 4>same thing.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, we'll see what Calli has to say, because we're

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<v Speaker 2>gonna drop some beats right here just for you, and

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<v Speaker 2>then we're gonna come back and get your second date

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<v Speaker 2>update right after this.

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<v Speaker 7>All right, sounds great, All right, hold on, man.

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<v Speaker 1>Date.

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<v Speaker 2>He's smart, he's sexy, and he's totally secure. I'm talking

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<v Speaker 2>about our listener, Justin, who's back doing a second date

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<v Speaker 2>update for the second time on our show because we

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<v Speaker 2>failed him the first go round. Yeah, but this time

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<v Speaker 2>Justin went out with a woman named Calli, who he

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<v Speaker 2>described as also secure and right.

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<v Speaker 5>That's their attachment or whatever it is.

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<v Speaker 3>It's a good thing.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and she got to see him in his elements,

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<v Speaker 2>spitting mad bars at a rap show.

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<v Speaker 3>Weird part was while.

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<v Speaker 2>He was taking photos with fans after his performance, Calli

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<v Speaker 2>suddenly ducked out, said.

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<v Speaker 3>She had to go.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and we don't know why. I'm sure Brooke has

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<v Speaker 2>some theories for why.

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<v Speaker 4>I don't know.

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<v Speaker 5>Maybe she just was sick of me. I mean it's

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<v Speaker 5>a long time to go to a rap show and

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<v Speaker 5>then to sit and all the fans coming out.

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<v Speaker 6>Yeah, your date like being on stage and not with you.

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<v Speaker 6>You say you're by yourself and then you're by yourself.

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<v Speaker 4>More literally like as a comedy and greed and your

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<v Speaker 4>date is just watching. Yeah, boring.

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<v Speaker 7>I didn't get that at all. I mean, I didn't

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<v Speaker 7>want to be rude to the people who come up.

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<v Speaker 7>You know, I'm not like a Kanye West or anything.

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<v Speaker 7>They came to the show, I'm gonna take a second

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<v Speaker 7>to say hello back.

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<v Speaker 5>No, we're not saying that that's bad.

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<v Speaker 6>It's just that, like on a first date, that may be.

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<v Speaker 6>You know, it kind of just sucks from her perspective,

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<v Speaker 6>you know.

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<v Speaker 4>But everyone else gets time with you with her.

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<v Speaker 2>Real stars don't take photos with their fans because they're

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<v Speaker 2>past that. And maybe it came across as kind of needy.

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<v Speaker 3>That you need your fans to seem cool. He said

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<v Speaker 3>he was secure, but maybe this whole time, maybe, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>what's the other ones anxious?

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<v Speaker 7>I have? Tracea's anxiousness. I said that it is maybe.

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<v Speaker 3>The anxiousness turned her off. But we're going to call

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<v Speaker 3>her and find out. Let's style. Callie's number and see

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<v Speaker 3>what she has to say.

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<v Speaker 7>All right, here we go. Hello, Hey, is this Cali?

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<v Speaker 3>This is her secure account?

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<v Speaker 8>No, excuse me, my.

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<v Speaker 2>Name is Jeff. I heard that you were secure. Sorry,

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<v Speaker 2>my name is Jeff from the radio show Brooke and

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<v Speaker 2>Jeffrey in the Morning.

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<v Speaker 5>There it is, all right?

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<v Speaker 8>Which radio show?

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<v Speaker 3>I don't don't about it.

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<v Speaker 5>We have a podcast too, Maybe you listen to that.

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<v Speaker 8>I don't think i've heard of you guys. What's just about?

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<v Speaker 2>Well, we do a segment on this show called Second

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<v Speaker 2>Date Update, and we're trying to help one of our

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<v Speaker 2>listeners get a hold of you because you went out

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<v Speaker 2>with him the other night and now you're avoiding him.

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<v Speaker 3>His name is Justin. Oh, well, you guys went to

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<v Speaker 3>a rap show.

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<v Speaker 8>Yeah, I remember him. How much do you guys know?

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<v Speaker 6>Well, we know that he is an up and coming

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<v Speaker 6>rap star and he took you to his show.

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<v Speaker 4>But he said you left while you were doing a

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<v Speaker 4>meet and greet.

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<v Speaker 8>Yeah I did so. I didn't really enjoy him very much.

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<v Speaker 8>Oh No, the show is fine. He's actually a really

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<v Speaker 8>talented rapper. Like I didn't mind the show at all.

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<v Speaker 8>I thought he's pretty good.

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<v Speaker 4>You liked him on stage, but you didn't like him.

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<v Speaker 3>He's on stage persona.

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<v Speaker 8>Yeah, he lost me, I mean before the rap, like

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<v Speaker 8>you were talking about before the show. Oh he guy

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<v Speaker 8>just kept going on about the book, the attachment theory book.

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<v Speaker 5>Was it too much for you?

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<v Speaker 8>He just wouldn't let it go, Like and on a

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<v Speaker 8>first date, the first time I'm ever talking to him,

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<v Speaker 8>he's like psychoanalyzing me and like we're trying to figure

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<v Speaker 8>it out for our personalities match. And I'm like, I

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<v Speaker 8>couldn't find out if I click with you th for

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<v Speaker 8>just having a conversation about what we like to do. Like,

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<v Speaker 8>I mean, it's cool to click with someone and their values,

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<v Speaker 8>but you don't normally figure that out on date one

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<v Speaker 8>and like just based on this one theory, Like it

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<v Speaker 8>was boring to just talk about that and only that.

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<v Speaker 5>It's like people who won't date like other horoscope science.

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<v Speaker 6>Yeah yeah, and you didn't feel like, I mean you

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<v Speaker 6>were interested. You knew from the beginning that you weren't

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<v Speaker 6>going to give him another shot.

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<v Speaker 8>Well I knew after about thirty minutes of him talking

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<v Speaker 8>about this over and over that I was.

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<v Speaker 2>Bored thirty Oh oh, he went on for thirty minutes

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<v Speaker 2>of that attachment theory.

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<v Speaker 6>We talked to him for like five minutes about it,

0:10:48.360 --> 0:10:49.280
<v Speaker 6>and it felt like a lot.

0:10:49.480 --> 0:10:52.280
<v Speaker 3>I know, thirty minutes of that conversation.

0:10:52.320 --> 0:10:55.319
<v Speaker 2>I mean, at least he's passionate about it. Passion is

0:10:55.360 --> 0:10:57.040
<v Speaker 2>a good quality to have about things.

0:10:58.080 --> 0:11:00.200
<v Speaker 8>But he wouldn't let it go. And it was like

0:11:00.200 --> 0:11:03.079
<v Speaker 8>a tedious breakdown of the book, like all the categories

0:11:03.120 --> 0:11:06.160
<v Speaker 8>who they match with, and you know, deciding that Okay,

0:11:06.240 --> 0:11:09.320
<v Speaker 8>I'm secure and he's secure. I was like, okay, but

0:11:09.920 --> 0:11:11.319
<v Speaker 8>only one of us is boring.

0:11:11.640 --> 0:11:18.600
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that really hurts.

0:11:18.440 --> 0:11:20.320
<v Speaker 3>It got to hurt to hear. I don't know.

0:11:20.360 --> 0:11:23.600
<v Speaker 2>Maybe Justin's secure enough to take it in stride, because

0:11:23.640 --> 0:11:25.400
<v Speaker 2>cal I need to tell you he's on the other

0:11:25.480 --> 0:11:29.479
<v Speaker 2>line listening right now and wants to talk to you.

0:11:29.480 --> 0:11:32.960
<v Speaker 8>You had him on the whole time, Yeah he did.

0:11:34.000 --> 0:11:44.400
<v Speaker 1>Justin, Hey, Kelly, hearing how secure he sounds, you could.

0:11:44.200 --> 0:11:47.360
<v Speaker 8>I didn't want to be mean to you. I just

0:11:47.760 --> 0:11:50.800
<v Speaker 8>you need to know that this strategy doesn't work, Like

0:11:50.880 --> 0:11:51.959
<v Speaker 8>women aren't into that.

0:11:52.800 --> 0:11:55.000
<v Speaker 7>It's not a strategy. I just really like the book

0:11:55.000 --> 0:11:57.119
<v Speaker 7>I read, and I thought you were enjoying the conversation,

0:11:57.280 --> 0:11:58.800
<v Speaker 7>like the vibe that I was getting. You know, I'm

0:11:58.840 --> 0:12:02.679
<v Speaker 7>sorry I misread the situation. I didn't know. Maybe it

0:12:02.720 --> 0:12:05.600
<v Speaker 7>was because I was pre show Jitters or something and

0:12:05.640 --> 0:12:06.520
<v Speaker 7>I missed the signs.

0:12:06.640 --> 0:12:09.959
<v Speaker 8>But I don't think you were reading that situation right

0:12:10.080 --> 0:12:13.400
<v Speaker 8>at all. And it's just not a good strategy, Like

0:12:13.400 --> 0:12:16.080
<v Speaker 8>it's date one. We're supposed to just talk about, you know,

0:12:16.120 --> 0:12:19.520
<v Speaker 8>all the trivial things likes and dislikes with pizza toppings

0:12:19.559 --> 0:12:23.360
<v Speaker 8>you eat when Netflix shows you're currently binge watching.

0:12:23.120 --> 0:12:26.640
<v Speaker 2>Like he's talking about his favorite book. You know, it's

0:12:26.679 --> 0:12:29.319
<v Speaker 2>not fifty Shades of Gray, but at least it's like adjacent.

0:12:30.200 --> 0:12:32.360
<v Speaker 7>I'm sorry, I'm not basic. I don't want to go

0:12:32.640 --> 0:12:35.600
<v Speaker 7>much and talk about like pizza toppings, Like do you

0:12:35.600 --> 0:12:37.960
<v Speaker 7>know how many girls I go out with? Like I'm

0:12:38.000 --> 0:12:39.520
<v Speaker 7>trying to find somebody who's special.

0:12:40.760 --> 0:12:43.560
<v Speaker 4>Hey, some people can talk about pizza toppings for very

0:12:44.280 --> 0:12:46.520
<v Speaker 4>very much. That just came off a little hot.

0:12:46.760 --> 0:12:48.800
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, came off confident.

0:12:49.240 --> 0:12:52.000
<v Speaker 7>I think the first nats get so repetitive. I thought

0:12:52.040 --> 0:12:55.040
<v Speaker 7>we connected on something deeper, you know, but it sounds like.

0:12:55.000 --> 0:12:56.920
<v Speaker 6>You were listening to her. It sounds like you were

0:12:57.040 --> 0:13:00.600
<v Speaker 6>just like monologuing about a book that you read.

0:13:00.800 --> 0:13:02.880
<v Speaker 7>I thought she was into it, and I apologized. I

0:13:02.880 --> 0:13:05.440
<v Speaker 7>didn't mean to be boring. I gotta be work for you,

0:13:05.480 --> 0:13:12.520
<v Speaker 7>and it's not boring. Wow, I'm a dope rapper. I'm

0:13:12.520 --> 0:13:13.679
<v Speaker 7>one of the best to ever do it.

0:13:14.040 --> 0:13:15.560
<v Speaker 3>Okay, okay's happening.

0:13:15.600 --> 0:13:18.720
<v Speaker 6>I remember you're taking pictures of fans, and that's Jeffrey proved.

0:13:19.720 --> 0:13:21.360
<v Speaker 4>You don't see Kanye taking a picture of anybody.

0:13:22.200 --> 0:13:24.800
<v Speaker 2>Let's just pretend that you didn't hear him call you

0:13:24.840 --> 0:13:25.840
<v Speaker 2>the other bee work.

0:13:26.240 --> 0:13:26.680
<v Speaker 7>Wow.

0:13:26.800 --> 0:13:28.880
<v Speaker 2>Can you see how it was maybe a little bit

0:13:29.040 --> 0:13:32.600
<v Speaker 2>your fault because you were encouraging him. He says that

0:13:32.640 --> 0:13:35.199
<v Speaker 2>she seemed interested.

0:13:35.679 --> 0:13:38.520
<v Speaker 8>Yeah, that can definitely not be blamed on me, just

0:13:38.520 --> 0:13:41.080
<v Speaker 8>because I didn't step in and say, hey, stop talking

0:13:41.080 --> 0:13:42.920
<v Speaker 8>about this, now, you're boring me, like that would have

0:13:42.920 --> 0:13:43.880
<v Speaker 8>been That would have.

0:13:43.760 --> 0:13:46.400
<v Speaker 3>Been very helpful clue to him that he needs to

0:13:46.480 --> 0:13:46.920
<v Speaker 3>change the.

0:13:46.880 --> 0:13:48.480
<v Speaker 5>Subject, and he was really secure.

0:13:48.559 --> 0:13:49.480
<v Speaker 4>Would have been fine with him.

0:13:50.280 --> 0:13:53.640
<v Speaker 8>He's not the best at reading people, because it was

0:13:53.840 --> 0:13:55.439
<v Speaker 8>very clear that I was bored. And you know, when

0:13:55.480 --> 0:13:59.040
<v Speaker 8>you say to somebody like, oh cool, like four times

0:13:59.040 --> 0:14:02.200
<v Speaker 8>in a row. Yeah, luckily you're not really there.

0:14:02.440 --> 0:14:06.120
<v Speaker 2>Luckily, I'm very good at reading people and reading situations

0:14:06.120 --> 0:14:07.840
<v Speaker 2>and sensing a vibe right here.

0:14:09.480 --> 0:14:09.880
<v Speaker 3>I am.

0:14:09.920 --> 0:14:12.960
<v Speaker 2>I'm feeling the love connection happening, and that's why I'd

0:14:12.960 --> 0:14:15.440
<v Speaker 2>like to offer to send Cali out on another date

0:14:15.520 --> 0:14:16.240
<v Speaker 2>with Justin.

0:14:16.360 --> 0:14:17.120
<v Speaker 3>We'll pay for it.

0:14:17.480 --> 0:14:19.240
<v Speaker 7>I'm going to stop you right there. I thought this

0:14:19.320 --> 0:14:22.080
<v Speaker 7>girl was secure. I'm getting so much avoidant and anxious

0:14:22.160 --> 0:14:23.880
<v Speaker 7>vibes from her. I don't think I'm ready for a

0:14:23.880 --> 0:14:26.080
<v Speaker 7>second to you.

0:14:27.800 --> 0:14:30.280
<v Speaker 3>I'm still sensing some vibes going on.

0:14:31.480 --> 0:14:34.800
<v Speaker 8>I don't want to just I not only there's something

0:14:34.800 --> 0:14:35.320
<v Speaker 8>we agree on.

0:14:35.920 --> 0:14:39.080
<v Speaker 7>Ok yeah, I not only misread that conversation, I misread

0:14:39.160 --> 0:14:41.800
<v Speaker 7>her entire profile and who she was as a human being.

0:14:41.840 --> 0:14:43.360
<v Speaker 7>So yeah, hard Pass.

0:14:44.880 --> 0:14:46.360
<v Speaker 2>So I'm getting a sense this is more of just

0:14:46.400 --> 0:14:51.160
<v Speaker 2>a hook up one night thing. Oh okay, she's not

0:14:51.200 --> 0:14:52.840
<v Speaker 2>going to stay the night. She's just going to be

0:14:52.840 --> 0:14:55.200
<v Speaker 2>in and out before the sun even comes up.

0:14:55.840 --> 0:14:58.360
<v Speaker 4>Hard Pass the name of his album.

0:15:01.200 --> 0:15:02.520
<v Speaker 3>That's a good album.

0:15:04.600 --> 0:15:06.240
<v Speaker 2>I'm just trying really hard because I don't want to

0:15:06.240 --> 0:15:07.640
<v Speaker 2>go oh for two with Justin here.

0:15:08.080 --> 0:15:10.240
<v Speaker 7>Listen, you, guys, this is not your fault. I mean,

0:15:10.440 --> 0:15:12.400
<v Speaker 7>I love you, guys, I love the show. I love

0:15:12.440 --> 0:15:14.560
<v Speaker 7>that you like are taking the time to help me you're,

0:15:14.600 --> 0:15:18.160
<v Speaker 7>oh for one, batting five hundred.

0:15:18.240 --> 0:15:18.920
<v Speaker 3>It's pretty good.

0:15:19.000 --> 0:15:23.680
<v Speaker 2>Hey, I don't think I'm calling it fifty to fifty.

0:15:24.200 --> 0:15:26.320
<v Speaker 5>We have definitely never gotten on basis it's.

0:15:26.160 --> 0:15:30.080
<v Speaker 3>In victory in my book. Congratulations Justin. He just got

0:15:30.120 --> 0:15:30.800
<v Speaker 3>hit by a pitch.

0:15:32.200 --> 0:15:33.240
<v Speaker 5>Jeffrey in the morning,