1
00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,800
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Jonas is Sam your og Okay Storytime

2
00:00:02,840 --> 00:00:03,560
Speaker 1: podcast hosts.

3
00:00:03,600 --> 00:00:05,640
Speaker 2: We have some great stories coming up.

4
00:00:05,519 --> 00:00:07,000
Speaker 3: But before that, we have a quick two minute break

5
00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:08,520
Speaker 3: from the sponsors that keep the show alive.

6
00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:13,760
Speaker 2: My cousin revealed my diagnosis to my grandfather. Now everything's

7
00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:14,520
Speaker 2: in chaos.

8
00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:17,119
Speaker 1: It is your diagnosis that you're a chaos wizard.

9
00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:20,440
Speaker 2: A year ago, I twenty five mail was diagnosed with

10
00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:25,319
Speaker 2: limb onset als after a long struggle with experiencing foot

11
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,120
Speaker 2: drop and muscle weakness for a few months, I hid

12
00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:31,600
Speaker 2: my diagnosis from everyone until progression of the disease forced

13
00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:33,440
Speaker 2: me to come clean. By the way, this comes from

14
00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:35,720
Speaker 2: a live specialist eight two eight seven, And if you

15
00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:37,159
Speaker 2: want to submit your own stories, go to the r

16
00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:40,640
Speaker 2: slash Okay Storytime supured it. I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and

17
00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:43,199
Speaker 2: I'm Keon and that's Carly and we're here to give

18
00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:45,199
Speaker 2: good advice goofily, But we don't have all the answers.

19
00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:47,120
Speaker 2: We only know what we'd do, So let us know

20
00:00:47,159 --> 00:00:49,600
Speaker 2: what you would do in the comments. To be honest,

21
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:52,639
Speaker 2: I'm still coming to terms with this and each day

22
00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:55,000
Speaker 2: has been a living heck. As I wake up not

23
00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:58,320
Speaker 2: knowing what motor skills I'll lose next. I have always

24
00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:01,320
Speaker 2: been fiercely independent and the detector of the people I love,

25
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:04,000
Speaker 2: so it unalives me knowing that everyone who loves me,

26
00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:06,920
Speaker 2: my girlfriend especially, now has to bear the burden of

27
00:01:06,959 --> 00:01:10,280
Speaker 2: my illness. The one person I haven't told is my grandpa,

28
00:01:10,319 --> 00:01:12,920
Speaker 2: who raised me and my brother until we were teens

29
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:15,280
Speaker 2: because my parents were at work at the time. He

30
00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:17,080
Speaker 2: is the one who cared for me the most, who

31
00:01:17,120 --> 00:01:20,240
Speaker 2: has literally watched me grow up. I have always promised

32
00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:22,360
Speaker 2: to take care of and given the best of everything

33
00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:24,800
Speaker 2: because he sacrificed to give me as much of a

34
00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:27,880
Speaker 2: happy childhood as he could. Ever, since I was diagnosed,

35
00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:29,840
Speaker 2: the thought of having to tell my grandpa that his

36
00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:35,280
Speaker 2: grandson has an incurable degenerative disease has plagued me, and

37
00:01:35,319 --> 00:01:37,080
Speaker 2: I don't think I can gather up the courage to

38
00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:39,120
Speaker 2: tell him or to face the fact that I can't

39
00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:42,320
Speaker 2: fulfill my promise. He's nearing seventy and I want him

40
00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:44,920
Speaker 2: to live as happily as possible without worrying about me.

41
00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:47,200
Speaker 2: The other day we meant for a family dinner. I

42
00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:50,040
Speaker 2: don't see my grandpa very often now, so before the dinner.

43
00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:52,240
Speaker 2: I was adamant that my grandpa would not find out.

44
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:54,720
Speaker 2: My brother and girlfriend agreed to cover for me using

45
00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:58,080
Speaker 2: a wheelchair by saying I've been injured playing soccer. Grandpa

46
00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:00,840
Speaker 2: accepted the excuse, and all seemed to be well until

47
00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:04,400
Speaker 2: my cousin, who wasn't aware my grandpa didn't know, brought

48
00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:07,920
Speaker 2: it up as I expected. He was devastated and couldn't

49
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:10,880
Speaker 2: stop asking me why I didn't tell him. Later that night,

50
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:14,360
Speaker 2: the sudden emotional shock likely triggered his heart condition. He

51
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:16,680
Speaker 2: has a history of heart attacks. My Grandpa is now

52
00:02:16,680 --> 00:02:19,200
Speaker 2: in the hospital and I haven't been able to stop crying.

53
00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:19,840
Speaker 1: Oh man.

54
00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:23,639
Speaker 2: My brother is furious at my cousin for revealing my diagnosis,

55
00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:26,280
Speaker 2: and even more so for not being apologetics since she's

56
00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:28,840
Speaker 2: insisting that it's my fault because I should have just

57
00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:31,200
Speaker 2: been honest with Grandpa. She called me a manipulative and

58
00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:33,600
Speaker 2: a liar and said that it wasn't my place to

59
00:02:33,639 --> 00:02:35,840
Speaker 2: decide whether Grandpa could handle it or not.

60
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:38,560
Speaker 3: See, the thing is, though, it literally is because it's

61
00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:40,080
Speaker 3: your diagnosis, So your.

62
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:42,160
Speaker 1: Cousin is way out of the yeah, way out of

63
00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:42,760
Speaker 1: pocket here.

64
00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:47,040
Speaker 2: Absolutely, it's not entirely her fault, it was an accident.

65
00:02:47,639 --> 00:02:50,280
Speaker 2: It is not okay that she's responding like this. She

66
00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:51,880
Speaker 2: could be a lot more apologetic.

67
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:53,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, but yeah, he's in the hospital now because of

68
00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:56,000
Speaker 3: a part condition, so it makes sense she's probably being defensive.

69
00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:59,160
Speaker 1: Yes, there's a lot going on here. It's hard. It's

70
00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:00,720
Speaker 1: hard breaking tear news like that.

71
00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,919
Speaker 2: Absolutely, the guilt is eating me alive. But at the

72
00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:06,440
Speaker 2: same time, the aftermath just tells me that I was

73
00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:10,080
Speaker 2: right to hide it because the news absolutely crushed my grandpa.

74
00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:12,040
Speaker 2: I don't know what to do anymore except to pray

75
00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:14,720
Speaker 2: that my grandpa makes it through. Am I the A hole?

76
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:16,920
Speaker 2: And there are some comments, but of course you're not

77
00:03:16,919 --> 00:03:17,280
Speaker 2: the A hole.

78
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:17,520
Speaker 1: No.

79
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:20,200
Speaker 3: Eight, there's not really any a holes here. It's it's

80
00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:22,640
Speaker 3: just it was a misunderstanding. I mean, yeah, your cousin's

81
00:03:22,639 --> 00:03:24,960
Speaker 3: not acting right. But it's like it's extreme situation.

82
00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:27,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, you're going through such a like. I mean,

83
00:03:28,040 --> 00:03:30,120
Speaker 2: I don't even know how I would react in that situation.

84
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:31,880
Speaker 2: So I don't think it's fair for anyone to tell

85
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,639
Speaker 2: you what you're supposed to do and what the right

86
00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:36,600
Speaker 2: answer is, because I don't think there is one. But

87
00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:39,400
Speaker 2: I yeah, I think that all my advice for you

88
00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:42,000
Speaker 2: is is spend the time that you have left with

89
00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:44,800
Speaker 2: your grandpa where you have, you know, not saying that

90
00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:47,520
Speaker 2: you you know, we don't know how it's going to end,

91
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:50,880
Speaker 2: but it is. Again, you lose a lot comment one

92
00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:53,760
Speaker 2: not the A hole, Oh love, I'm so sorry. That's

93
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:56,320
Speaker 2: such a heavy diagnosis. You're not an a hole. But

94
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:59,480
Speaker 2: at sixty nine, your grandpa could live for another twenty years.

95
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:01,560
Speaker 2: You weren't going to be able to hide it forever,

96
00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:04,840
Speaker 2: and he's a grown man. He doesn't need protecting from reality.

97
00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:08,040
Speaker 2: He'll be devastated for sure. Who wouldn't be his precious

98
00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:11,520
Speaker 2: grandson facing such a hard prognosis. His heart will break,

99
00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:13,880
Speaker 2: But that's part of life. And the earlier you know

100
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:17,320
Speaker 2: about something horrendous, the sooner you can start to process it.

101
00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:20,320
Speaker 2: You know your cousin didn't realize you adn't told them.

102
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:22,160
Speaker 2: She's not an a hole for bringing it up. It's

103
00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:23,920
Speaker 2: a big thing and your loved ones are going to

104
00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:26,320
Speaker 2: want to talk about it. It's awful that your grandpa's

105
00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:28,360
Speaker 2: in the hospital, but that's the best place for him

106
00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:30,280
Speaker 2: to be, and I'm sure they're doing all they can

107
00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:33,560
Speaker 2: for him. And it is not your fault or your

108
00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:36,880
Speaker 2: cousin's fault. It's natural to want to grasp on to

109
00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:40,000
Speaker 2: blame when bad things happen, but it doesn't really help

110
00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:43,000
Speaker 2: give yourself and your cousin some grace. You've both had

111
00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:46,080
Speaker 2: a very human reactions to a crap situation. Someone replies,

112
00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:48,200
Speaker 2: maybe the cousin wasn't the a hole for bringing it

113
00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:51,279
Speaker 2: up because they didn't know, but their reaction afterwards turned

114
00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:54,440
Speaker 2: them into one. Calling a terminally ill person a manipulative

115
00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:56,880
Speaker 2: liar for wanting to tell people on their own time,

116
00:04:57,520 --> 00:05:01,080
Speaker 2: isn't crappy behavior? Reply, I mean, Opie asked his brother

117
00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:03,360
Speaker 2: and girlfriend to help him lie to his grandpa, I'd

118
00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:06,320
Speaker 2: say that's pretty manipulative. In the cousins situation, I'd feel

119
00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:10,560
Speaker 2: horribly guilty for triggering Grandpa's medical episode, but also feel

120
00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:14,120
Speaker 2: incredibly angry at Ope for making this something that I'd

121
00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:16,320
Speaker 2: done wrong. How was the cousin meant to know that

122
00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:18,400
Speaker 2: Grandpa was being kept in the dark and then feel

123
00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:21,640
Speaker 2: guilty again about being angry at my terminally ill cousin?

124
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:25,719
Speaker 2: And then I expect I'd end up doubling down, because seriously,

125
00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:28,360
Speaker 2: what was Opie thinking that he just lied? To Grandpa

126
00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,920
Speaker 2: until one of them passed away. Ope, I'm so sorry

127
00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:33,480
Speaker 2: you're going through this. Do you have a therapist you've

128
00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:36,479
Speaker 2: been talking to about your diagnosis? And OP says, I

129
00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:40,240
Speaker 2: don't have a therapist, and quite honestly, I haven't thought

130
00:05:40,279 --> 00:05:43,400
Speaker 2: about it, but perhaps I might look into it. It's

131
00:05:43,520 --> 00:05:46,240
Speaker 2: just that care for als is so dang expensive, and

132
00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:49,000
Speaker 2: the costs are just going to increase from there, especially

133
00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:51,880
Speaker 2: as it progresses. And there is an edit. Thank you

134
00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:54,960
Speaker 2: all for your responses, and especially to those who express

135
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:58,360
Speaker 2: things from my grandpa's perspective. Not sure how much this changes,

136
00:05:58,839 --> 00:06:01,839
Speaker 2: but my cousin's husband saw this post and now cousin

137
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,240
Speaker 2: is livid. My brother just got off a call with

138
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:07,320
Speaker 2: her and apparently he did actually tell her not to

139
00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:10,240
Speaker 2: say anything and let me take the lead, just that

140
00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:12,760
Speaker 2: she highly disagreed, so I guess this was her way

141
00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:15,240
Speaker 2: of voicing her disagreement. Well, now she's aale.

142
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:16,800
Speaker 1: Now she's a huge a hole.

143
00:06:16,839 --> 00:06:19,520
Speaker 2: Actually, yeah, I'm sorry, because I was wondering why the

144
00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:22,680
Speaker 2: brother was so mad at her if she didn't know

145
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,479
Speaker 2: that she wasn't supposed to tell her. But now it's

146
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:27,640
Speaker 2: makes sense that he was mad at her because she

147
00:06:27,760 --> 00:06:29,880
Speaker 2: wasn't she knew that she wasn't supposed to tell anyone.

148
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:32,200
Speaker 2: I didn't know about this part, so I assume benefit

149
00:06:32,279 --> 00:06:35,440
Speaker 2: of the doubt that she didn't know. Again, Appreciate everyone,

150
00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:38,240
Speaker 2: and we'll hopefully be visiting my grandpa as soon as

151
00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:41,039
Speaker 2: we get more news about his condition. Consensus, no a

152
00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:43,560
Speaker 2: hole here, though there are some upfoded You're the a

153
00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:46,799
Speaker 2: hole and everyone sucks comments, mainly because I told everybody

154
00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:49,400
Speaker 2: but my grandpa, and it was clear I couldn't keep

155
00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:51,800
Speaker 2: the secret forever, so I should have told my grandpa

156
00:06:51,839 --> 00:06:54,359
Speaker 2: early instead of waiting until I couldn't hide it anymore.

157
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:56,839
Speaker 2: And there is an update. I think it's really unfair

158
00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:59,000
Speaker 2: to label OP an a hole for this.

159
00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:01,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're an a hole for being a human being

160
00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:02,880
Speaker 3: complicated emotions.

161
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:06,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, dealing with one of the hardest diagnosis. But there

162
00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:10,040
Speaker 2: is an update eighteen days later. Appreciate everyone who commented,

163
00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:13,240
Speaker 2: both support and honest criticism. Been making the most of

164
00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:15,440
Speaker 2: whatever time I have left since then. Some of you

165
00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:18,440
Speaker 2: were sharp and picked up that my LS is fast progressing,

166
00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:21,320
Speaker 2: which is very accurate considering how recently it's felt like

167
00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:24,600
Speaker 2: jumping off one cliff after another, which I'm pretty shocked by.

168
00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:26,960
Speaker 2: In a way, I do thank my cousin for spilling

169
00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:29,360
Speaker 2: my secret because I didn't expect how little time I

170
00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:32,040
Speaker 2: had before I couldn't tide it. My Grandpa did pull through,

171
00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:35,240
Speaker 2: recovered and handled things like a champ. He's not in

172
00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:38,160
Speaker 2: perfect health and obviously neither am I, but we make

173
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:41,800
Speaker 2: it work for everyone's suggestions. I visited him asap and

174
00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:44,040
Speaker 2: we had a long talk. I showed him my post

175
00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:46,640
Speaker 2: as well, with lots of tears and emotional moments. I

176
00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:50,120
Speaker 2: apologized for hiding my condition and promised to be transparent

177
00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:53,920
Speaker 2: from now on. Although I got nagged and lovingly lectured at,

178
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,200
Speaker 2: I do think I felt relieved to get that emotional

179
00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:58,560
Speaker 2: weight over with. Grandpa said a lot, and I can't

180
00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:01,720
Speaker 2: include everything, but the main two things were he already

181
00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:04,480
Speaker 2: sends something was off, though he wasn't sure what exactly

182
00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:08,200
Speaker 2: and definitely did not expect als. He needs no protection

183
00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:11,240
Speaker 2: from reality and wants to support in any way he can.

184
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:13,080
Speaker 2: He'll be moving in with me and my brother, and

185
00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:16,760
Speaker 2: we're looking at hiring caregivers so my brother's not overwhelmed.

186
00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:20,680
Speaker 2: I've begun voice banking due to speech changes, mostly horseness

187
00:08:20,680 --> 00:08:23,640
Speaker 2: and a slight slur, basically like a wasted Mickey mouse.

188
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:26,920
Speaker 2: While the people closest to me can still somewhat understand

189
00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:30,280
Speaker 2: what I say. Grandpa tops everyone else and is proudly

190
00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:34,360
Speaker 2: serving as resident translator. Honestly a pleasant surprise how well

191
00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,920
Speaker 2: he gets my speech. But I'm so grateful he's gifted

192
00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:40,320
Speaker 2: me these precious moments. Amidst the frustration, I've since gone

193
00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:43,120
Speaker 2: low contact with my cousin for a variety of reasons,

194
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:46,640
Speaker 2: namely constantly disrespecting my wishes, the major one being that

195
00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:50,880
Speaker 2: she came into my house knowingly with a cold, even

196
00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:53,160
Speaker 2: while we had already warned people not to visit if

197
00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:55,520
Speaker 2: they were sick in any form als. Screws with my

198
00:08:55,559 --> 00:08:58,400
Speaker 2: immune system, and at this stage it's very easy for

199
00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:02,760
Speaker 2: my respiratory system to be compromised, even with minor illnesses,

200
00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:04,439
Speaker 2: minimal breathing issues so far.

201
00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:07,400
Speaker 3: Though, you know, maybe looking at like some support systems online,

202
00:09:07,559 --> 00:09:09,880
Speaker 3: some forums, some communities, if you can get some level

203
00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:12,440
Speaker 3: of like, you know, just help with coping with it.

204
00:09:12,679 --> 00:09:14,440
Speaker 1: And I'm sorry, I'm sorry you're going through this.

205
00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:17,640
Speaker 2: It's terrible, impossible situation to deal with, but I'm glad

206
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,640
Speaker 2: that you have people around you, who are you?

207
00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:19,760
Speaker 3: Know?

208
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,280
Speaker 2: There for you and love you and care a lot

209
00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,640
Speaker 2: about you. I've learned a lot about myself and life

210
00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:28,160
Speaker 2: in general through this disease, and given the aggressive progression,

211
00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:31,440
Speaker 2: I am now mentally preparing to make some hard decisions.

212
00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:35,079
Speaker 2: When I first learned about my diagnosis, I rejected trichotomy,

213
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:38,839
Speaker 2: invasive ventilation and a feeding to but recently I've begun

214
00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:41,679
Speaker 2: to reconsider. I think the worst feeling is just being

215
00:09:41,760 --> 00:09:45,120
Speaker 2: terrified of both living and passing away, trying to stay

216
00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:48,319
Speaker 2: in a good place mentally and emotionally, and always grateful

217
00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:50,719
Speaker 2: to have people I love and who love me by

218
00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:53,600
Speaker 2: my side. I know this update isn't all sunshine, but

219
00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:56,560
Speaker 2: I hope it gives some closure. Thanks everyone. That is

220
00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:59,320
Speaker 2: the end of that story. But uh, anyone who's ever

221
00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:02,560
Speaker 2: gone through was a loved one who is either passed

222
00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:05,640
Speaker 2: or is going through, als some hearts in the chat

223
00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:08,320
Speaker 2: for you, because that's a terrible, terrible thing to go through.

224
00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:12,120
Speaker 3: I revealed to my father's wife the truth about our estrangement,

225
00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:13,800
Speaker 3: and it changed everything.

226
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:15,000
Speaker 1: What was the truth?

227
00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:17,640
Speaker 3: My dad practically gave me up to his sister from

228
00:10:17,679 --> 00:10:20,480
Speaker 3: the moment I twenty seven, Mail was born. My mom

229
00:10:20,559 --> 00:10:22,800
Speaker 3: passed away when she was giving birth to me, and

230
00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:25,559
Speaker 3: my aunt told me he never recovered from that. It

231
00:10:25,679 --> 00:10:28,199
Speaker 3: hurt a lot as a kid that at family events

232
00:10:28,440 --> 00:10:30,720
Speaker 3: he would ignore my existence. By the way, this comes

233
00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:32,959
Speaker 3: from user told his wife. And if you want to

234
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,120
Speaker 3: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

235
00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:36,000
Speaker 3: storytime subret it.

236
00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:38,959
Speaker 1: I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, and I'm Keon, and we're here

237
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:39,679
Speaker 1: to give you good advice.

238
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:40,080
Speaker 2: Goofully.

239
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:42,000
Speaker 3: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

240
00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:44,160
Speaker 3: what we would do. So if you would do something different,

241
00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:46,320
Speaker 3: let us know in the comments. You can imagine the

242
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:49,520
Speaker 3: amount of therapy that put me in. But the crappy

243
00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:51,959
Speaker 3: part was that I never stopped trying to be accepted

244
00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:54,240
Speaker 3: by him. After my high school graduation, he told me

245
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,719
Speaker 3: he has no obligation to me anymore since he was

246
00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:59,120
Speaker 3: sending my aunt money to take care of me around

247
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:02,479
Speaker 3: that times, and I finally started accepting that reality.

248
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:04,280
Speaker 1: So from there we.

249
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,560
Speaker 3: Moved on with our lives. My aunt doesn't talk to

250
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:09,719
Speaker 3: me about him. Sometimes my grandparents do, and that's how

251
00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:12,160
Speaker 3: I found out he got married. They were mad he

252
00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:14,600
Speaker 3: didn't invite me to their wedding, but to me, it

253
00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:17,120
Speaker 3: didn't matter because we're not close. It was his wife

254
00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:19,280
Speaker 3: who wanted to meet me. It's the first time ever

255
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,720
Speaker 3: that he wants to make contact, and it was to

256
00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:24,600
Speaker 3: pretty much say she wants me in their life. She

257
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:27,200
Speaker 3: doesn't know the real reason about why we're estranged.

258
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,880
Speaker 1: He asked me to please not say anything, and maybe

259
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:31,440
Speaker 1: this could be a way to reconcile.

260
00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:34,960
Speaker 2: After all, nobody I'm telling her everything.

261
00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:37,240
Speaker 3: I think it's time for your wife to find out

262
00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:38,040
Speaker 3: who you really are.

263
00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:41,079
Speaker 2: No, there are two options herep You either ignore him

264
00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:44,199
Speaker 2: and don't even talk to him, continue that no contact,

265
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:46,120
Speaker 2: or you tell her everything.

266
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,880
Speaker 3: But he was only doing it for her, That much

267
00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:51,920
Speaker 3: was clear when we talked. I never said I would be,

268
00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:55,080
Speaker 3: but she still insisted on us meeting at their place

269
00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:58,080
Speaker 3: because she really wanted to meet me. All she thinks

270
00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:00,160
Speaker 3: is that we were estranged for not getting along in

271
00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:03,599
Speaker 3: my teenage years, going to college and losing touch because.

272
00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:04,120
Speaker 1: Of life stuff.

273
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:06,199
Speaker 3: It pisses me off that he played it off as

274
00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:09,640
Speaker 3: us just not talking for petty reasons. Meanwhile, the actual

275
00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:13,040
Speaker 3: reason damaged me for years. I told her the truth

276
00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:15,559
Speaker 3: everything he said to me, that he was never apparent

277
00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:18,119
Speaker 3: to me that was all my aunt. It was definitely

278
00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:21,600
Speaker 3: a shock for her. The outcome was a disaster. Everyone

279
00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:24,480
Speaker 3: has heard about this now. My grandma's in particular told

280
00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:27,120
Speaker 3: me she understands my anger. But this was his chance

281
00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:29,880
Speaker 3: finding someone since losing my mom, and now it's been

282
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:30,640
Speaker 3: put in jeopardy.

283
00:12:30,679 --> 00:12:31,880
Speaker 1: My dad is devastated.

284
00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:34,080
Speaker 3: They think it was going too far to ruin his

285
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:36,320
Speaker 3: marriage that way, when he was willing to include me

286
00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:38,680
Speaker 3: in their lives, which could have been the start of

287
00:12:38,679 --> 00:12:39,520
Speaker 3: our relationship.

288
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:44,000
Speaker 2: I'm sorry willing to like, oh, I'm deigning to include

289
00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:45,280
Speaker 2: you in my life. You're welcome.

290
00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:47,079
Speaker 1: Yeah, this was all just selfish for him.

291
00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:49,080
Speaker 3: He was like, all right, I have to do damage

292
00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:51,720
Speaker 3: control because my wife is asking questions about you now,

293
00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:53,200
Speaker 3: so I need you to play it cool.

294
00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:54,680
Speaker 1: It's like, who, no.

295
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:57,720
Speaker 2: Literally, I uses some sort of thing. Yeah, he thinks

296
00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:00,280
Speaker 2: this is like a good deal for a piece, Like yeah,

297
00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:02,280
Speaker 2: I get I get my wife thinking I'm a good

298
00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:03,920
Speaker 2: person out of this, and you get a like, I

299
00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:05,520
Speaker 2: don't know, hang out with me. You're welcome.

300
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:07,400
Speaker 3: It's like you think, after all the work I've done

301
00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:10,120
Speaker 3: to get over this and become okay with the fact

302
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,960
Speaker 3: that you don't care about me at all. Yeah, you

303
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:15,640
Speaker 3: want me now you want to try? No, dude, here's

304
00:13:15,679 --> 00:13:20,520
Speaker 3: a healthy serving of your consequences. They say, not only

305
00:13:20,559 --> 00:13:23,600
Speaker 3: did I ruin that, but also possibly wrecked his marriage.

306
00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:25,680
Speaker 3: She just doesn't agree at all with what he did,

307
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:28,360
Speaker 3: and it could have been avoided if I didn't say anything.

308
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:30,439
Speaker 3: For me, it was hard not to tell the truth

309
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:33,360
Speaker 3: after the lies made it seem like it was nothing serious,

310
00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:36,000
Speaker 3: and also that it was like mostly your fault.

311
00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:38,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, like and it's like, oh, he's just being

312
00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:40,280
Speaker 2: Oh he was just being a teenager.

313
00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:40,800
Speaker 1: Yeah.

314
00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:43,280
Speaker 3: I couldn't ignore what happened after what it did to me.

315
00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:45,360
Speaker 3: I don't know if it was the right call, since

316
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:47,440
Speaker 3: it put their whole marriage at risk. But what do

317
00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:50,200
Speaker 3: you guys think? You've got some comments here? Outrageous Yogurt

318
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:52,160
Speaker 3: eighty says, not the ale. He has the right to

319
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:54,959
Speaker 3: know the true man she married. Also, I'm so sorry

320
00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,080
Speaker 3: you had to endure all that. Your aunt sounds like

321
00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:59,760
Speaker 3: an incredible person, and despite everything, I hope you are

322
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:02,439
Speaker 3: doing as well as you can be under the circumstances.

323
00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:05,319
Speaker 3: OPI replies, it took a long time, but I'm proud

324
00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:08,640
Speaker 3: to say I am doing well. This whole thing reopened

325
00:14:08,679 --> 00:14:11,400
Speaker 3: some stuff, but I'll be talking it out in therapy,

326
00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:13,400
Speaker 3: and it's thanks to my aunt that I always had

327
00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:17,120
Speaker 3: mental and emotional support. Nikki Fox thirteen replies, I'm so

328
00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:20,400
Speaker 3: happy that you're in therapy. It's life changing. Your aunt

329
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:23,000
Speaker 3: sounds lovely and like a genuinely wonderful person.

330
00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:24,040
Speaker 1: OHP says she is.

331
00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,440
Speaker 3: If it weren't for her, my life for sure would

332
00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:28,880
Speaker 3: have fallen apart. My life is stable. I have a

333
00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:31,440
Speaker 3: girlfriend I love and a baby boy on the way.

334
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:34,400
Speaker 3: My aunt is the reason for that. Aggravating Patient eighteen says,

335
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:36,480
Speaker 3: no matter how busy life can get, you don't forget

336
00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:39,200
Speaker 3: to invite your son to your wedding. This woman should

337
00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:41,800
Speaker 3: have insisted on meeting you before she got married. Dear dad,

338
00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:45,600
Speaker 3: estranged children are always red flag. OHPI says, I don't

339
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:47,640
Speaker 3: know how he managed to pull that one off. Shoot.

340
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:49,920
Speaker 3: By the time me and my girlfriend had gotten serious,

341
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:53,280
Speaker 3: I'd already met her whole family. Every distant cousin reply says,

342
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,920
Speaker 3: very dodgy move by your dad. He must have painted

343
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:57,880
Speaker 3: you in a bad light. So I bet she was

344
00:14:57,920 --> 00:15:00,720
Speaker 3: expecting someone very different when she final met you, not

345
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:03,400
Speaker 3: the articulate and mature family man, you are for sure.

346
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:06,760
Speaker 3: Please keep us updated. I'm curious if their relationship survives this.

347
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:09,760
Speaker 3: She sounds like a woman who just couldn't ignore your existence.

348
00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:12,040
Speaker 3: So if she stays, then expects she will lead a

349
00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:14,800
Speaker 3: charge for a genuine apology from your dad, not the

350
00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:17,200
Speaker 3: ahle Opie says, I'm not sure about that.

351
00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:19,840
Speaker 1: Otherwise, why want me in their lives?

352
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:20,080
Speaker 2: Right?

353
00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,480
Speaker 3: Or maybe she thought with some mediation it would be different.

354
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:25,160
Speaker 3: She was super nice to me though. Update eleven days later.

355
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:27,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think. I think if she was really nice

356
00:15:27,440 --> 00:15:30,440
Speaker 2: to you, and also is the person who was pushing

357
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:34,440
Speaker 2: for this meeting, then she probably will either demand that

358
00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:37,760
Speaker 2: he like apologizes and actually puts effort in, or will leave.

359
00:15:38,120 --> 00:15:40,280
Speaker 2: I can't imagine that she would just be like chill

360
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:40,600
Speaker 2: with this.

361
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:43,440
Speaker 3: Words can't express how much it meant to me getting

362
00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:46,200
Speaker 3: so much love from my last post, everyone who supported

363
00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,960
Speaker 3: not just my actions but also acknowledged the hurt to

364
00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:51,480
Speaker 3: all the sweet internet moms who commented in dm me.

365
00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:54,000
Speaker 3: Y'all know how to make someone feel loved, even by

366
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:54,880
Speaker 3: total strangers.

367
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,120
Speaker 1: Since so many people wanted an update here it is.

368
00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:59,200
Speaker 3: It's a little heavy and for a couple of days.

369
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:01,600
Speaker 3: I needed some time to process it and do some crying.

370
00:16:01,640 --> 00:16:04,000
Speaker 3: They're splitting up. I heard it first from my grandma

371
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:06,320
Speaker 3: and then from his wife or I guess ex wife.

372
00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:08,440
Speaker 3: She was legit crying on the phone when she called

373
00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:10,560
Speaker 3: to tell me sorry for putting me in that position.

374
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,760
Speaker 3: Her and my dad had a longer conversation where he

375
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:15,360
Speaker 3: told her everything else he did, so she made that

376
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:17,720
Speaker 3: decision that she can't stay with someone like him, and

377
00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:18,600
Speaker 3: she wanted me to.

378
00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:21,560
Speaker 1: Know how disgusted she is. Also to tell me thanks,

379
00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:23,760
Speaker 1: which is something I really needed to hear. My dad

380
00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:24,440
Speaker 1: is who he is.

381
00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:27,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, But regardless, two people splitting their marriage because of

382
00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:29,160
Speaker 3: what you said is a hard thing not to.

383
00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:29,880
Speaker 1: Feel guilty about.

384
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,880
Speaker 3: This lady is heartbroken going through divorce just a few

385
00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:35,240
Speaker 3: months after getting married. She wanted to make the time

386
00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:38,880
Speaker 3: to reassure someone else that they made the right choice. Unexpectedly, though,

387
00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:41,800
Speaker 3: my dad wanted us to talk yesterday too, my girlfriend

388
00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:44,480
Speaker 3: again didn't want me to trust me. I get her point.

389
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:46,480
Speaker 3: She's the one who didn't want me having dinner with

390
00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:48,600
Speaker 3: them in the first place. For one thing, we didn't

391
00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:50,600
Speaker 3: know what he wanted to talk about, and what that

392
00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:52,000
Speaker 3: would do to my mental health.

393
00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:53,840
Speaker 1: It was probably a bad risk.

394
00:16:53,640 --> 00:16:55,720
Speaker 3: To take, but I met with him, and yeah, I

395
00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:57,760
Speaker 3: should listen to my girlfriend more when it comes to

396
00:16:57,800 --> 00:16:58,240
Speaker 3: this stuff.

397
00:16:58,320 --> 00:16:59,240
Speaker 1: First time in my life.

398
00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:01,720
Speaker 3: I think we had a conversation about my mom, how

399
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:03,880
Speaker 3: much he loved her, and then being happy and excited

400
00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:07,159
Speaker 3: about having a family, but then her passing away. And

401
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,680
Speaker 3: he told me, even if it's wrong, he can't ever

402
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:12,919
Speaker 3: not blame me because simply if I hadn't been born.

403
00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:13,600
Speaker 1: She'd still be here.

404
00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,280
Speaker 3: Wow, why don't we just blame the first fish that

405
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:17,240
Speaker 3: crawled out of the ocean.

406
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:19,239
Speaker 1: Wow, It's like that makes no sense that.

407
00:17:19,359 --> 00:17:21,320
Speaker 2: I mean just still like, how old is Opie?

408
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:23,480
Speaker 1: I don't think we had do we have an age

409
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:24,040
Speaker 1: twenty seven?

410
00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:27,480
Speaker 2: I think yeah, like mid late twenties.

411
00:17:27,520 --> 00:17:29,480
Speaker 1: I think Opie's like, yeah, in the late twenties.

412
00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:32,560
Speaker 4: Now, OPI is twenty seven year.

413
00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:37,560
Speaker 2: To go twenty seven years and still have this like

414
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:42,280
Speaker 2: thought that, oh, my baby, my child being born is

415
00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:45,280
Speaker 2: the reason I don't have my wife, like that you still.

416
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,439
Speaker 3: Think that way at least, maybe blame it on the

417
00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:50,480
Speaker 3: healthcare system because.

418
00:17:50,359 --> 00:17:53,320
Speaker 2: Or just where you're at, Like, yeah, there are so

419
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:57,240
Speaker 2: many different reasons that are completely, you know, some out

420
00:17:57,240 --> 00:18:00,439
Speaker 2: of your control entirely, and it does nothing to do

421
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:04,280
Speaker 2: with the baby, because you guys made that, like you

422
00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:07,280
Speaker 2: as parents had made that choice to have a baby,

423
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,600
Speaker 2: presumably unless it was like an accent or something. But

424
00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:12,159
Speaker 2: it seems like you guys probably made that choice to

425
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:14,320
Speaker 2: have a baby. Baby didn't have a choice in being born.

426
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:16,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, let's go back down the line. Wouldn't it be

427
00:18:16,119 --> 00:18:18,399
Speaker 3: your fault for impregnating your partner.

428
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:21,880
Speaker 2: If we're gonna blame people, it's not blame the innocent baby.

429
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:25,399
Speaker 3: He's only sorry for not completely staying away from me

430
00:18:25,600 --> 00:18:28,080
Speaker 3: and saying horrible thing is growing up. While he wasn't

431
00:18:28,119 --> 00:18:31,600
Speaker 3: saying this to be malicious since he seems so sincere,

432
00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:33,760
Speaker 3: it was still an ouch for me. In the end,

433
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:36,240
Speaker 3: we decided having a relationship with each other was never

434
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:39,119
Speaker 3: gonna happen and said goodbye. He at least apologized for

435
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:41,760
Speaker 3: trying to put me in that position. First good thing

436
00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:43,560
Speaker 3: he ever did was tell me what happened with his

437
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:45,920
Speaker 3: wife wasn't my fault, and I just went home, had

438
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:48,680
Speaker 3: my data process, short therapy session and support from both

439
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:50,520
Speaker 3: my aunt and girlfriend to get me through. The rest

440
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:52,600
Speaker 3: of My family is leaving me alone at least so

441
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:54,879
Speaker 3: glad that in the end it was resolved. Not a

442
00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:56,840
Speaker 3: total happy ending, I know, but in the end it's

443
00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:59,879
Speaker 3: better this way. We have some more comments. Sinful Lop

444
00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:03,200
Speaker 3: said his late wife would be ashamed of him, and

445
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:06,239
Speaker 3: user Copper Phoenix says, I thought the same thing. If

446
00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:08,240
Speaker 3: his late wife had known this about him, she would

447
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:11,200
Speaker 3: have rejected him out right long before Op came into

448
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:11,600
Speaker 3: the picture.

449
00:19:11,680 --> 00:19:13,640
Speaker 1: He threw away the only piece.

450
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:17,399
Speaker 3: Of his late wife he had left. What a pathetic man.

451
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:20,720
Speaker 3: And that is the end of that story. Mother of Goodness.

452
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:24,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, bad dad, very bad dad. But it seems like

453
00:19:24,359 --> 00:19:26,720
Speaker 2: you have a great support system. People are very aware

454
00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:28,920
Speaker 2: that you're not in the wrong. So that's all you need.

455
00:19:29,119 --> 00:19:30,600
Speaker 2: Don't worry about your daddy sucks.

456
00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:33,520
Speaker 1: He going to therapy. You got a good uh, good

457
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:34,359
Speaker 1: old girlfriend.

458
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,359
Speaker 3: Turn in your wife and yeah you're already getting the baby,

459
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:38,040
Speaker 3: having the baby.

460
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:41,120
Speaker 2: Let's get that. Let's say, Mike Decker, your wife. That's

461
00:19:41,119 --> 00:19:41,720
Speaker 2: the story.

462
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:44,040
Speaker 3: Yeah that, Uh, if we were gonna throw anyone into

463
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:46,239
Speaker 3: the sun, that man throw him.

464
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:48,600
Speaker 1: If the sun is just a therapy session.

465
00:19:49,119 --> 00:19:51,760
Speaker 2: It's like a I don't know, ball of therapy.

466
00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:55,679
Speaker 1: This guy should go to Yeah It's insane.

467
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:59,560
Speaker 2: I caught a suspicious message on my father's phone, so

468
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:03,959
Speaker 2: I exposed him, ixpose him. I am a twenty year

469
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:06,840
Speaker 2: old guy with no real social life. My only social

470
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:10,080
Speaker 2: exposure is online with friends I've made in video games

471
00:20:10,119 --> 00:20:12,680
Speaker 2: and my immediate family. I like going out to dinner

472
00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:15,560
Speaker 2: with my grandmother and dad stepdad, but he's been my

473
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:18,280
Speaker 2: father figure for years. We went to a local restaurant

474
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:21,480
Speaker 2: and while we were eating and chatting about current political events,

475
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,160
Speaker 2: I glanced over and caught my dad getting a text

476
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,560
Speaker 2: message from someone I'll call Abby. By the way, this

477
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:28,880
Speaker 2: comes from fear Mangelly, and if you want to smit

478
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:30,840
Speaker 2: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay, story time,

479
00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:31,359
Speaker 2: separate it.

480
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,919
Speaker 1: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, and I'm Carly.

481
00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:38,080
Speaker 2: What you're going to confuse the listeners, Kean, that's cu're

482
00:20:38,119 --> 00:20:38,560
Speaker 2: gonna know.

483
00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:39,919
Speaker 1: That's not Carly.

484
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:43,400
Speaker 2: I'm Carle, and we're here to give good advice. Goofily,

485
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:45,280
Speaker 2: But we don't have all the answers. We only know

486
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:46,960
Speaker 2: what we'd do, So let us know what you would

487
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,360
Speaker 2: do in the comments. I didn't get the full context,

488
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:52,120
Speaker 2: but it was on snapchat. Her message to him said

489
00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:55,640
Speaker 2: something like I love you so much, thank you. It's

490
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:58,720
Speaker 2: something about someone named Dan. I didn't get a fully

491
00:20:58,720 --> 00:21:01,320
Speaker 2: see it, honestly, but I know my dad and I

492
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:04,159
Speaker 2: know what is and isn't okay with my parents. I

493
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:06,640
Speaker 2: really wanted to ask about it, but wasn't sure if

494
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:09,800
Speaker 2: it was okay because it felt invasive. However, I felt

495
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:12,320
Speaker 2: burdened with the knowledge and didn't think it was okay

496
00:21:12,359 --> 00:21:15,320
Speaker 2: to ignore. Later, we dropped my grandma off and we

497
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:19,120
Speaker 2: were walking to our respective cars. I stopped him and asked, Hey,

498
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:21,919
Speaker 2: I'm sorry this will be awkward, but who's Abby? And

499
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:22,560
Speaker 2: he said, what.

500
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:23,560
Speaker 3: Do you mean?

501
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:26,160
Speaker 1: He hid him with the justin Bieber said, what do

502
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:26,680
Speaker 1: you mean?

503
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:29,440
Speaker 2: I told him I saw a woman message him. Now,

504
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:32,639
Speaker 2: I can't really convey this clearly, but I know my dad.

505
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:35,679
Speaker 2: In other scenarios, he would immediately tell me what's going on.

506
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:38,280
Speaker 2: He was playing dumb, and it kind of solidified my

507
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:41,359
Speaker 2: beliefs and fears. It almost felt like he was confessing

508
00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:43,879
Speaker 2: but playing. But can you make me say it? So

509
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:46,639
Speaker 2: I told him I saw another woman say I love you.

510
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:48,920
Speaker 2: He took a second to think and said, I'll tell

511
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:51,560
Speaker 2: you later when we start driving. So I said, okay,

512
00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:55,000
Speaker 2: that was progress and acknowledgment. I got in my car,

513
00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:57,520
Speaker 2: he got in his, and I started driving. After like

514
00:21:57,640 --> 00:22:00,800
Speaker 2: five minutes, I decided to call him. Once he picked

515
00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:03,440
Speaker 2: up and said hi, like it was the first time

516
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:05,560
Speaker 2: we spoke that day. I was expecting him to kind

517
00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:07,720
Speaker 2: of know where to start the conversation, but it was

518
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:11,320
Speaker 2: a hello, like it was some surprise. I asked him, Hey,

519
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:15,280
Speaker 2: I need to know what the text was about. He said, oh,

520
00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:17,880
Speaker 2: what text? And I was getting anxious and told him

521
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:21,160
Speaker 2: the one about Abby. He sighed and said, Abby's an

522
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,959
Speaker 2: xt of mine, and she started talking to me one

523
00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:27,240
Speaker 2: day about how her husband divorced her. She was confiding

524
00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,720
Speaker 2: in me about the divorce. I asked his mom know

525
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:34,320
Speaker 2: about this, and he said hesitantly no, He literally did

526
00:22:34,359 --> 00:22:37,320
Speaker 2: that pause. Well, I told him that's something I think

527
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:40,920
Speaker 2: mom would want to know, because that's not normal. You're married, dude.

528
00:22:41,119 --> 00:22:43,959
Speaker 2: He just said I know and did a nervous giggle.

529
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:49,879
Speaker 2: At this time, I felt dissatisfied because my dad is

530
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:52,280
Speaker 2: my hero. I really look up to him. He's always

531
00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:55,160
Speaker 2: been a get the job done kind of person, silent

532
00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:58,920
Speaker 2: and observant. This just felt wrong, so I pushed him, saying,

533
00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:01,400
Speaker 2: I feel like this may be overstepping, but as much

534
00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:04,480
Speaker 2: as this is your wife, she's my mom. It would

535
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:06,359
Speaker 2: make me feel much better if you told her this

536
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:09,280
Speaker 2: person was chatting with you, because I'm sure over two

537
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:12,639
Speaker 2: decades isn't worth the sneaking around about this. Like if

538
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:15,080
Speaker 2: you just told her, hey, my ex messaged me, what

539
00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:17,919
Speaker 2: do you make of this? She would understand. But knowing

540
00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:20,480
Speaker 2: you're talking to another woman you once had a romance

541
00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:23,280
Speaker 2: with and keeping it from her would hurt a lot.

542
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:26,960
Speaker 2: He said, I know, I will. I felt happy with that,

543
00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:29,160
Speaker 2: so I left it at that. I later got home,

544
00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:31,240
Speaker 2: but my mom asked my dad to go out and

545
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:33,439
Speaker 2: pick up my sister, who had been out somewhere. I

546
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:35,879
Speaker 2: called my mom and decided to put up a safety measure.

547
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:38,400
Speaker 2: I told her, Hey, Mom, this is going to sound

548
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:41,040
Speaker 2: scary in an anxious way, but do not panic. I

549
00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:43,600
Speaker 2: need you to listen to me, please. She said, Okay,

550
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:47,000
Speaker 2: what's up. I encountered something today and I told Dad

551
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:49,480
Speaker 2: to tell you. It's not something you should lose sleepover.

552
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:52,600
Speaker 2: Just know I expect Dad to tell you something when

553
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:55,080
Speaker 2: he's home. Let's give it until Saturday. Just let me know.

554
00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:57,520
Speaker 2: If he says anything or not, trust me. If he

555
00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:00,320
Speaker 2: tells you, you'll know, don't tell him. I call you.

556
00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:02,960
Speaker 2: She said, okay. I told her I love her and

557
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:05,439
Speaker 2: to sleep well. The dinner was at seven pm. I

558
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:08,240
Speaker 2: saw the text halfway through and we left at eight pm.

559
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:11,160
Speaker 2: Then we dropped Grandma off around eight forty five pm,

560
00:24:11,240 --> 00:24:13,520
Speaker 2: and that's when I confronted my dad. I got home

561
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:15,520
Speaker 2: around nine pm and called my mom pretty much as

562
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:17,399
Speaker 2: soon as I got in the door. So I was

563
00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:20,439
Speaker 2: sitting and waiting and ten pm hits. I text my

564
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:22,399
Speaker 2: mom if he said anything, and she says no. My

565
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:24,520
Speaker 2: dad goes to bed at ten pm for work. I

566
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:27,399
Speaker 2: kind of cracked because next thing I knew, I was

567
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:30,360
Speaker 2: putting on my jacket. I texted Mom, don't go to bed.

568
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:33,000
Speaker 2: I'm coming over. I know. I said to her, let's

569
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:36,760
Speaker 2: wait until Saturday, but I felt compelled to confront the situation.

570
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:39,840
Speaker 2: To me, him not saying anything was cowardly, not what

571
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:42,639
Speaker 2: my dad would have done. This was evasion, and I

572
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:44,719
Speaker 2: just drove over. I parked on the street by their

573
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:47,679
Speaker 2: house and used my key to let myself in. We

574
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:50,119
Speaker 2: have keys to each other's houses because I live alone,

575
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:52,119
Speaker 2: and if I needed help or anything, I could go

576
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:54,119
Speaker 2: there or they could check on me. My mom was

577
00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:56,920
Speaker 2: expecting me and sitting in the living room two story house,

578
00:24:57,160 --> 00:25:00,200
Speaker 2: dad and sister upstairs. I asked my mom where Dad

579
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:02,119
Speaker 2: was and she said he's in bed. I said I

580
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:04,520
Speaker 2: need him to come downstairs and that there needs to

581
00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:06,760
Speaker 2: be a talk. My mom, who I told not to worry,

582
00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:09,800
Speaker 2: clearly was shocked because I'm acting shook as heck and

583
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:11,880
Speaker 2: not like someone who thinks this is normal and nothing

584
00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:14,000
Speaker 2: to get scared about. Calls him down and he says,

585
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:17,119
Speaker 2: what's up. I look at him and say, listen, this

586
00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:20,119
Speaker 2: is my mom. You need to tell her. And this

587
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:22,679
Speaker 2: guy has the nerve to say tell her what in

588
00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:26,040
Speaker 2: an irritated voice. I won't lie. I got really scared,

589
00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:28,000
Speaker 2: as I don't think I've ever stood up to my dad.

590
00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:30,520
Speaker 2: There wasn't a reason to, but it's like standing up

591
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:32,320
Speaker 2: to an animal. But I thought to myself that I

592
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:34,639
Speaker 2: won't be pushing away from this because it was eating

593
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:36,840
Speaker 2: me up. So I stood on business and said, you

594
00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:38,840
Speaker 2: need to tell my mom about the text I saw

595
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,199
Speaker 2: on your phone at dinner, and my mom snapped her

596
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:43,440
Speaker 2: head towards my dad. My dad was on a couch

597
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:45,639
Speaker 2: and my mom on a recliner where they were facing

598
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:47,639
Speaker 2: each other, but the recliner is in the corner of

599
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:49,879
Speaker 2: the room, so she was pivoted a little towards me

600
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:52,480
Speaker 2: and him. I was standing up. I think my dad

601
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:55,240
Speaker 2: kind of buckled under the pressure and started off with

602
00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:59,040
Speaker 2: about three months ago, Abby started messaging me. While talking,

603
00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:01,919
Speaker 2: my mom looked over at me and with a concerned expression,

604
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:05,639
Speaker 2: and the softest voice said it's okay, you can go home.

605
00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:08,400
Speaker 2: I'll handle this. And I started getting all emotional because

606
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:10,720
Speaker 2: that felt like I know about this. I don't want

607
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:12,760
Speaker 2: you to be there for this. So I look back

608
00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:15,159
Speaker 2: at my dad, who's still talking and looking at the ground,

609
00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:18,280
Speaker 2: and I start feeling the weirdest blend of sad and angry.

610
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:21,440
Speaker 2: I just left, drove home, and here we are. I'm

611
00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:23,640
Speaker 2: not sure it was the right call. I didn't see

612
00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:25,720
Speaker 2: him say anything bad back to her. I feel like

613
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:28,480
Speaker 2: I reacted to things I shouldn't have because it wasn't

614
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:30,959
Speaker 2: my place. I made deals with both my parents to

615
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:33,680
Speaker 2: do things, Dad to tell her with his words, Mom

616
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:35,800
Speaker 2: to wait for something to happen by Saturday. I think

617
00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:38,360
Speaker 2: I rushed this. I don't actually know what's going on.

618
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:41,440
Speaker 2: I'm scared because I think letting it happen naturally was

619
00:26:41,480 --> 00:26:43,679
Speaker 2: the more mature thing to do. I mean, you know,

620
00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:47,040
Speaker 2: maybe you didn't have the best that night. However, I

621
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:48,840
Speaker 2: don't think that your dad was gotta tell her.

622
00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:52,840
Speaker 3: It's never a child's responsibility to intervene in their parents' marriage. Now,

623
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:55,080
Speaker 3: but you saw something that is not fair for you

624
00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:57,959
Speaker 3: to have seen, and I, yeah, I don't think it

625
00:26:58,000 --> 00:26:58,480
Speaker 3: was handled.

626
00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:00,280
Speaker 2: How old is op twenty nine?

627
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:03,359
Speaker 1: Twenty nine? Yeah, I think it's just a rock and

628
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:04,199
Speaker 1: a hard place for you.

629
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:06,760
Speaker 2: But I think ultimately your mom absolutely deserves to know,

630
00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:08,560
Speaker 2: and I don't think your dad was gonna tell.

631
00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:09,520
Speaker 1: Her and she can handle it.

632
00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:12,119
Speaker 2: So after I left their house, my mom told me

633
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:14,840
Speaker 2: that night around two am, that they had been talking

634
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:17,760
Speaker 2: about it and that she had come to a conclusion.

635
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:20,600
Speaker 2: Once in the morning, she wanted to talk to me.

636
00:27:20,800 --> 00:27:22,679
Speaker 2: She said, thank you for standing up for me, that

637
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:25,560
Speaker 2: it meant an incredible amount to her. Me and her

638
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:27,800
Speaker 2: haven't had the best relationship, honestly, and I guess it

639
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:30,320
Speaker 2: was surprising I would have sided with her on something

640
00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:33,320
Speaker 2: against my dad, But regardless, she was incredibly thankful to

641
00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:35,880
Speaker 2: know I would be there for her like that. Unfortunately,

642
00:27:35,920 --> 00:27:39,080
Speaker 2: my sister happened to overhear what happened, and that really sucks.

643
00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:41,159
Speaker 2: We're going to hang out and watch shows later. For

644
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:44,040
Speaker 2: what went down, my father had been messaged by his

645
00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:47,160
Speaker 2: ex who had gone through divorce and confided in him

646
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:49,520
Speaker 2: about it. At first, it was nothing out of the ordinary,

647
00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:52,679
Speaker 2: but she started getting clingy and would say flirtatious things,

648
00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:59,520
Speaker 2: and it was incredibly suggestive alongside risky pictures. Yeah, that's okay.

649
00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:03,000
Speaker 3: That's an immediate block, buddy, media block, do an immediate block.

650
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:04,560
Speaker 1: You know what you're too.

651
00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:09,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, this behavior had started in July. My dad admitted

652
00:28:09,280 --> 00:28:14,320
Speaker 2: to being receptive and reciprocal. Unfortunately, though he swears he

653
00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:18,600
Speaker 2: never performed in person, suggesting an emotional only affair. Still

654
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:22,320
Speaker 2: an a fair ex wife. I think both are wrong.

655
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:24,600
Speaker 2: But this is exactly what a lot of people were saying.

656
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:29,359
Speaker 2: It wasn't my business. I became too involved. Again, you

657
00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:31,320
Speaker 2: know whether or not that's the truth. Your dad was

658
00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:33,679
Speaker 2: cheating on your mom and was not going to tell her, so.

659
00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:35,480
Speaker 1: It became your business as soon as you saw that.

660
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:37,600
Speaker 2: Exactly. I'm not saying you totally have a right to

661
00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:39,240
Speaker 2: tell your mom. And she deserved.

662
00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:42,080
Speaker 3: No, it's it's not that like you shouldn't have done anything.

663
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:43,600
Speaker 3: When I say that, it's not your place to be

664
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:45,520
Speaker 3: a mediator. It's just like, this is in a fair.

665
00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:47,720
Speaker 1: Situation for you to exactly Yes, yeah, I agree. Did

666
00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:48,880
Speaker 1: you handle it the best? No?

667
00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:51,320
Speaker 3: Would anyone really handle it the best? I mean, like

668
00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:54,320
Speaker 3: probably not, Like it's a hard place.

669
00:28:54,120 --> 00:28:55,920
Speaker 2: To be at the end of the day, Mom deserved

670
00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:57,840
Speaker 2: to know. Dad wasn't going to tell her, so you

671
00:28:57,840 --> 00:29:00,120
Speaker 2: stepped in. I will take that to heart because I'm

672
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:02,520
Speaker 2: a bit off. I'm autistic, like a few had suggested,

673
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:04,800
Speaker 2: but that is not an excuse. It was not my

674
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:07,840
Speaker 2: place to take control of the situation moving forward. My

675
00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:10,400
Speaker 2: mom found some comfort in knowing that he said the

676
00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:13,280
Speaker 2: timelines match up, as we all have very busy lifestyles.

677
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:16,719
Speaker 2: Without too much personal detail, just understand a physical affair

678
00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:19,160
Speaker 2: is far out of the question. But there is a

679
00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:22,600
Speaker 2: little bit left to this story. Any final thoughts.

680
00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:23,880
Speaker 3: I think moving forward, you're gonna have to try to

681
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:25,480
Speaker 3: be as neutral as possible and let them work it

682
00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:26,400
Speaker 3: out in whatever way they do.

683
00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:28,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, it's their their.

684
00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:30,320
Speaker 3: Marriage that now they're going to have to reckon with

685
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:33,320
Speaker 3: what happened, and like I said, you know you saw.

686
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:36,840
Speaker 2: That message all the information. There was an admittance of

687
00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:39,800
Speaker 2: meeting once, but it wasn't planned and it was too

688
00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:42,520
Speaker 2: brief to have really had anything happen. Basically, they saw

689
00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:44,360
Speaker 2: each other at the store once and they caught up,

690
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:46,520
Speaker 2: but my sister had been there. My mom wants to

691
00:29:46,520 --> 00:29:48,840
Speaker 2: talk about therapy because one of the topics that came

692
00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:51,040
Speaker 2: up was how he felt he wasn't needed and it

693
00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:53,880
Speaker 2: felt nice to have someone rely on him. I guess

694
00:29:53,920 --> 00:29:56,040
Speaker 2: that's about it. I'm sure he's going to talk to me,

695
00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:58,640
Speaker 2: and I definitely don't want to lose him. I can

696
00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:01,400
Speaker 2: move forward with someone who wants to move forward alongside me,

697
00:30:01,560 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 2: and that's the end of that story.

698
00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:05,560
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, if your dad blames this on you, then

699
00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:06,880
Speaker 1: he's an eightiesy male.

700
00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:07,720
Speaker 2: Yeah.

701
00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:09,880
Speaker 1: Hey, y'all, it's John og Host here. We're gonna get

702
00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:11,400
Speaker 1: back to the stories. But here's a quick three minute

703
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:12,640
Speaker 1: break from as for more sponsors.

704
00:30:13,120 --> 00:30:17,400
Speaker 2: My wife was caught holding hands with another man. Now

705
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:18,800
Speaker 2: I'm being gas lit about it.

706
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:20,640
Speaker 1: Yep, No, that's instant divorce.

707
00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:24,480
Speaker 2: My wife, thirty six female, and I, forty male, have

708
00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:28,200
Speaker 2: been together five years and got married last year. We

709
00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 2: definitely have our ups and downs, but we're generally happy.

710
00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:33,560
Speaker 2: On Friday, she went out with people from her work

711
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:39,160
Speaker 2: for Christmas drinks and arrived home around midnight absolutely hammered.

712
00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:41,520
Speaker 2: She just said she'd had a good time and went

713
00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:43,800
Speaker 2: straight to bed. By the way, this comes from Throwaway

714
00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:46,040
Speaker 2: Holding Hands and if you want to submit your own stories,

715
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:48,000
Speaker 2: go to the r slash Okay Storytime Separate.

716
00:30:48,360 --> 00:30:50,440
Speaker 1: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota.

717
00:30:50,520 --> 00:30:53,120
Speaker 4: Oh I thought you were Superman, and I'm ke On

718
00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:53,840
Speaker 4: and we're.

719
00:30:53,680 --> 00:30:55,480
Speaker 2: Here to give good advice goofy, but we don't have

720
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:57,480
Speaker 2: all the answers. We only know what we do, So

721
00:30:57,560 --> 00:30:58,920
Speaker 2: let us know what you would do in the comments

722
00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:03,240
Speaker 2: and opiece. Yesterday, I got a message on Instagram from

723
00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:06,880
Speaker 2: an anonymous account claiming to be one of her colleagues,

724
00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:10,920
Speaker 2: saying she'd been flirting a night with one of the

725
00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:14,480
Speaker 2: guys from the office forty four Mail and they'd left

726
00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:17,320
Speaker 2: together at about nine to walk to the train station,

727
00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:19,760
Speaker 2: but she got back at twelve.

728
00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:24,440
Speaker 1: Well, that means you are holding hands for three hours.

729
00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:27,560
Speaker 2: The colleague had a couple more drinks, then went to

730
00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:30,720
Speaker 2: the station herself and says she saw my wife walking

731
00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:33,000
Speaker 2: hand in hand with the guy through the station at

732
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:36,000
Speaker 2: about ten forty five last night. I showed her the

733
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:40,400
Speaker 2: message and asked for an explanation. She claimed she was

734
00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:45,480
Speaker 2: so wasted she doesn't remember anything after eight pm. Off

735
00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:48,600
Speaker 2: the convenient I asked if she went somewhere with the

736
00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:51,440
Speaker 2: guy after they left the group, and she checked the

737
00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:54,440
Speaker 2: location history on her phone, which confirmed they had gone

738
00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:56,600
Speaker 2: to a bar near the station for about an hour.

739
00:31:57,160 --> 00:31:59,480
Speaker 2: She gave me her phone and insisted I check it.

740
00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:03,120
Speaker 2: There were no suspicious messages or anything. As far as

741
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:05,680
Speaker 2: I could tell. She doesn't have the guy's number, and

742
00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:09,440
Speaker 2: they're not following each other on Instagram or friends on Facebook.

743
00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:11,760
Speaker 2: I asked if she was flirting with him, and she

744
00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:15,120
Speaker 2: admitted she was talking mostly to him all night, but

745
00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:17,600
Speaker 2: that's just because he's the only person in her office

746
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:20,160
Speaker 2: she has anything in common with, and they're just friends.

747
00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:22,920
Speaker 2: She's mentioned this guy to me before and said how

748
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:24,040
Speaker 2: much they have in common.

749
00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:27,680
Speaker 3: All of this has so far maintained plausible deniability.

750
00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:30,200
Speaker 2: I yeah, I agree, I agree, because she she came

751
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:33,400
Speaker 2: home pretty hammered. She could have no memory. I asked

752
00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:36,120
Speaker 2: if they were holding hands, and she said, and she

753
00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:39,680
Speaker 2: said she doesn't remember, but doesn't think so. She claims

754
00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:42,520
Speaker 2: to know who sent me the message and says it's

755
00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:45,000
Speaker 2: a woman in the office who hates her, although she

756
00:32:45,040 --> 00:32:48,400
Speaker 2: doesn't know why. Today she's been in a terrible mood

757
00:32:48,440 --> 00:32:51,120
Speaker 2: and we've not really spoken. So that's where we are.

758
00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:53,680
Speaker 2: I'm not sure what to do. And there's an update

759
00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:59,400
Speaker 2: nine days later. Any thoughts, I think that there's plausible diability,

760
00:33:00,080 --> 00:33:02,760
Speaker 2: But now I'd be like a little bit more hesitant about,

761
00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:05,720
Speaker 2: you know, my wife and her relationship with this guy,

762
00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:07,360
Speaker 2: just be a little bit more suspicious.

763
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:09,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know if it's time to do anything.

764
00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:12,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know if you can, oh talk to

765
00:33:12,080 --> 00:33:12,560
Speaker 2: the guy.

766
00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:17,560
Speaker 1: Oh maybe talk to the guy. I don't know, and

767
00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:19,880
Speaker 1: it'd be like, hey, man, it's just made the man.

768
00:33:20,120 --> 00:33:22,920
Speaker 1: I need to know. Were you holding my wife's hand

769
00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:24,600
Speaker 1: for three hours last night?

770
00:33:24,720 --> 00:33:26,560
Speaker 2: How long were you holding her hand? Let me know.

771
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:29,880
Speaker 2: Sam came home from work on Monday and casually said

772
00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:33,880
Speaker 2: she's spoken with the guy Tom and he'd confirmed they

773
00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:37,560
Speaker 2: hadn't held hands, they'd just been walking arm in arm

774
00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:42,040
Speaker 2: because she was wasted and wearing heels. I asked why

775
00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:45,640
Speaker 2: her colleague Helen would make an Instagram account track me

776
00:33:45,800 --> 00:33:49,120
Speaker 2: down and message me saying they had held hands. If

777
00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:52,680
Speaker 2: it wasn't true, she said, Helen is basically in lerve

778
00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:56,520
Speaker 2: with Tom and made a pass at him just after

779
00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:59,600
Speaker 2: his divorce, but he rejected her. I asked why Helen

780
00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:02,400
Speaker 2: would fee threatened by her. She said because her and

781
00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:06,040
Speaker 2: Tom are friends and Helen's a crazy jealous witch. I

782
00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:08,560
Speaker 2: asked why she went for a drink just her and Tom.

783
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:11,239
Speaker 2: She said that, according to Tom, they walked past this

784
00:34:11,360 --> 00:34:14,680
Speaker 2: bar with an amazing live band playing, so they stopped

785
00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:17,319
Speaker 2: in for a drink. Her only regret was doing too

786
00:34:17,440 --> 00:34:21,040
Speaker 2: many shots too early and getting crap faced. The next day,

787
00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:23,279
Speaker 2: she went shopping after work and came home with a

788
00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:25,840
Speaker 2: new dress. I asked what the occasion was and she

789
00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:29,280
Speaker 2: said her work Christmas party last week was just drinks

790
00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:31,920
Speaker 2: with people from her office. The company Christmas party is

791
00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:35,919
Speaker 2: on Friday. I hardly slept that night. The next day,

792
00:34:35,960 --> 00:34:38,640
Speaker 2: I decided to reply to the Instagram message to get

793
00:34:38,640 --> 00:34:41,719
Speaker 2: some more info. I asked if she thought anything was

794
00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:44,800
Speaker 2: going on with them. Helen quickly replied with a long

795
00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:50,040
Speaker 2: message saying they flirt at work and every once noticed. Apparently,

796
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:52,600
Speaker 2: Sam was going to be let go, but Tom put

797
00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:55,319
Speaker 2: in a good word, so she kept her job. Tom

798
00:34:55,360 --> 00:34:58,200
Speaker 2: protects her in the office and will constantly defend her.

799
00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:01,479
Speaker 2: She also said she also so said, Sam witches about

800
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:04,480
Speaker 2: me to the whole office, and it's clear we don't

801
00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:06,879
Speaker 2: have a happy marriage. I asked if she was going

802
00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:10,080
Speaker 2: to the Christmas party, and she said she was. She

803
00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:12,920
Speaker 2: said she'd update me if anything happened. I think I

804
00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:15,440
Speaker 2: think you have to say, get me the footage. I

805
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:16,160
Speaker 2: need footage.

806
00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:19,719
Speaker 3: So I think you take all of that and what

807
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:21,800
Speaker 3: you take away from it should be that your wife

808
00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:24,160
Speaker 3: is unhappy with your marriage and isn't talking to you

809
00:35:24,239 --> 00:35:24,680
Speaker 3: about it.

810
00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:27,920
Speaker 2: Well, but is that true you know? Or is this

811
00:35:28,000 --> 00:35:29,160
Speaker 2: another Helen lie?

812
00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:33,760
Speaker 3: What I would take away from that is just checking

813
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:37,279
Speaker 3: in with Yeah, check in with my spouse, and then

814
00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:40,239
Speaker 3: if that then you can figure out if it's a lie,

815
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:41,720
Speaker 3: just on that alone.

816
00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:44,239
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's the good old One tells truth and one

817
00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:44,839
Speaker 4: only tells lies.

818
00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:49,680
Speaker 2: One of us always lies, Helen Oh Sam. Sam finished

819
00:35:49,719 --> 00:35:52,560
Speaker 2: work early on Friday, so she had time to get ready.

820
00:35:52,840 --> 00:35:55,520
Speaker 2: She looked amazing and I really didn't want her to go,

821
00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:58,480
Speaker 2: but I felt like I couldn't say anything. They all

822
00:35:58,560 --> 00:36:01,200
Speaker 2: left just before eleven were at the new bar. By

823
00:36:01,239 --> 00:36:04,240
Speaker 2: ten pasted, Sam and Tom turned up just before midnight.

824
00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:08,160
Speaker 2: Sam arrived home about two am, not quite as wasted

825
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:11,600
Speaker 2: as last time, and went straight to sleep. When Sam

826
00:36:11,719 --> 00:36:14,239
Speaker 2: woke up, I just asked her straight out if she

827
00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:18,319
Speaker 2: cheated on me with Tom last night. She angrily denied it.

828
00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:21,040
Speaker 2: I told her I knew she'd been to Tom's house.

829
00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:24,360
Speaker 2: She accused me of spying on her, called me controlling,

830
00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:27,239
Speaker 2: said she was going to stay with her sister. I

831
00:36:27,360 --> 00:36:30,040
Speaker 2: demanded an explanation, and she said she went to his

832
00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:32,000
Speaker 2: house so they could smoke a joint before heading to

833
00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:35,880
Speaker 2: the bar. I thought, you didn't remember any of that. Hmmm,

834
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:41,200
Speaker 2: pretty freaking suspicious. She wouldn't reply to my messages or

835
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:45,719
Speaker 2: answer my calls on the all day Sunday. I called

836
00:36:45,719 --> 00:36:48,200
Speaker 2: her sister, who said she hadn't seen her, but she

837
00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:50,520
Speaker 2: texted me later that she'd spoken to Sam and she

838
00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:54,479
Speaker 2: was okay. Sam came home yesterday morning. I asked where

839
00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:56,719
Speaker 2: she'd been and she just said she couldn't do this

840
00:36:56,840 --> 00:36:59,760
Speaker 2: anymore and wants a divorce. She went to start packing

841
00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:02,040
Speaker 2: some clothes while I try to get her to talk

842
00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:05,160
Speaker 2: to me. I asked if she was leaving me for Tom.

843
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:08,879
Speaker 2: She once again denied anything inappropriate had happened between them,

844
00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:12,600
Speaker 2: but said my jealousy was the final straw. It's clear

845
00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:16,040
Speaker 2: I don't trust her. I'm controlling. I take her for granted.

846
00:37:16,440 --> 00:37:19,200
Speaker 2: She's deeply unhappy, has been for a while.

847
00:37:19,400 --> 00:37:20,920
Speaker 1: Why haven't we talked about that?

848
00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:23,400
Speaker 2: Why didn't you mention any of this until you freaking

849
00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:24,880
Speaker 2: cheated on Ope?

850
00:37:25,960 --> 00:37:29,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, it just sounds sounds like that's the case.

851
00:37:29,239 --> 00:37:31,640
Speaker 4: Is not physical, it's definitely emotional.

852
00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:35,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, so she's gone. It looks like I'll be spending

853
00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:38,799
Speaker 2: my first Christmas alone. I have no idea if she

854
00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:41,080
Speaker 2: was telling the truth, or if it was an affair

855
00:37:41,160 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 2: and there is a second update, I don't think she

856
00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:44,600
Speaker 2: would react that harshly.

857
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:46,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, it seems like she's.

858
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:52,040
Speaker 3: Kept all of her problems and resentments in regards to

859
00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:58,000
Speaker 3: y'all's marriage locked hingshie, except.

860
00:37:57,719 --> 00:37:59,920
Speaker 2: At work where she tells her Yeah.

861
00:37:59,719 --> 00:38:01,880
Speaker 1: And now she's found a perfect app. Don't I need

862
00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:06,120
Speaker 1: to say, Hey, look at you being all jealous. I'm

863
00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:06,880
Speaker 1: out of here.

864
00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:10,560
Speaker 2: You're crazy and poor Helen. Try and tell the truth.

865
00:38:10,719 --> 00:38:11,520
Speaker 2: Be good citizen.

866
00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:16,719
Speaker 1: I was a Helen believer. Yeah, okay from day one.

867
00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:21,520
Speaker 2: Day one update two twenty days after last update. Once

868
00:38:21,560 --> 00:38:24,120
Speaker 2: she was gone, Sam blocked me on all her social

869
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:27,680
Speaker 2: media and refused to return my messages or answer my calls.

870
00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:30,279
Speaker 2: I ended up traveling to the other side of the

871
00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:33,839
Speaker 2: country to spend Christmas with my parents. On Christmas Eve,

872
00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:36,560
Speaker 2: Sam came home and took more of her stuff. I

873
00:38:36,640 --> 00:38:39,719
Speaker 2: watched her on our security cameras. I tried phoning her,

874
00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:42,319
Speaker 2: but she ignored my calls. Christmas wasn't great, and my

875
00:38:42,440 --> 00:38:45,400
Speaker 2: parents were both shocked and in denial about what had happened.

876
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:48,960
Speaker 2: They had no idea we were having issues, and insisted

877
00:38:49,080 --> 00:38:52,080
Speaker 2: Sam would come to her senses and come home. I

878
00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:55,240
Speaker 2: returned home on the twenty seventh. I'd been getting sporadic

879
00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:58,160
Speaker 2: updates from Sam's sister, just letting me know she's all right,

880
00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:02,680
Speaker 2: but without any details. Before all this happened, we'd made

881
00:39:02,719 --> 00:39:05,239
Speaker 2: plans to spend New Year's Eve at Sam's favorite bar

882
00:39:05,280 --> 00:39:07,600
Speaker 2: in the city. I went on my own, but she

883
00:39:07,719 --> 00:39:11,320
Speaker 2: didn't show up. On Tuesday night, I received an Instagram

884
00:39:11,360 --> 00:39:14,600
Speaker 2: message from Helen saying Sam and Tom had arrived at

885
00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:18,080
Speaker 2: work together in Tom's car. On Wednesday night, she sent

886
00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:21,520
Speaker 2: another message saying Sam was poisoning the office against her,

887
00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:25,080
Speaker 2: and that Tom was pushing upper management to transfer her

888
00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:29,000
Speaker 2: to another office or get rid of her. No, no, no,

889
00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:31,080
Speaker 2: Sam's poisoning against Helen.

890
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:33,560
Speaker 1: I revoke my collaps.

891
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:36,040
Speaker 2: She begged me to do something. What is the pace

892
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:38,880
Speaker 2: supposed to do? Hope he doesn't work there. I texted

893
00:39:38,920 --> 00:39:41,360
Speaker 2: Sam and said we needed to talk, but she didn't reply.

894
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,560
Speaker 2: So the next day I called her work switchboard, gave

895
00:39:44,600 --> 00:39:47,279
Speaker 2: a fake name and got put through. I could tell

896
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:49,600
Speaker 2: she wasn't happy to hear my voice, but she agreed

897
00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:51,880
Speaker 2: to meet up after work at a local pub and talk.

898
00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:55,600
Speaker 2: I got there early and she arrived twenty five minutes late.

899
00:39:56,120 --> 00:39:58,920
Speaker 2: She apologized for ignoring my calls and said she still

900
00:39:58,960 --> 00:40:01,600
Speaker 2: cares about me and wants to end things on good terms.

901
00:40:02,239 --> 00:40:05,080
Speaker 2: I said, just tell me the truth. She promised she

902
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:07,840
Speaker 2: wasn't having an affair with Tom and they were just friends.

903
00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:10,759
Speaker 2: She admitted they talked a lot in the office, but

904
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:15,440
Speaker 2: insisted it wasn't an emotional affair. She understands why I

905
00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:18,719
Speaker 2: was suspicious after the Instagram message, but said I should

906
00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:21,719
Speaker 2: have accepted her denial and trusted her. She has a

907
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:24,120
Speaker 2: lot of male friends, but felt like she couldn't hang

908
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:27,239
Speaker 2: out with them because I'd get jealous. I pointed out,

909
00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:29,440
Speaker 2: I've never told her not to hang out with anyone,

910
00:40:29,800 --> 00:40:31,719
Speaker 2: but she said I'd be in a mood whenever she'd

911
00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:34,480
Speaker 2: hang out with a guy friend she feel likes. She

912
00:40:34,560 --> 00:40:36,919
Speaker 2: feels like we only got married to try and fix

913
00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:41,560
Speaker 2: the relationship that was already broken. Our conversations have devolved

914
00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:44,880
Speaker 2: into small talk, and we've drifted apart. I said. I

915
00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:48,239
Speaker 2: heard she and Tom arrived at work together. Sam said

916
00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:50,600
Speaker 2: she went to Tom's after I accused her of cheating and

917
00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:52,280
Speaker 2: knew it was over between us.

918
00:40:52,680 --> 00:40:58,000
Speaker 1: Yeah that whoa wait? The night the whole excused me

919
00:40:58,160 --> 00:40:59,320
Speaker 1: of cheating.

920
00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:02,400
Speaker 2: They spent the weeknd together and agreed they'd make a

921
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:05,480
Speaker 2: better couple than we did. Yeah, I'm sure nothing happened

922
00:41:05,520 --> 00:41:08,400
Speaker 2: between y'all. She needed me to know that nothing happened

923
00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:11,200
Speaker 2: between them until after she told me she wanted a divorce,

924
00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:15,520
Speaker 2: and now they were together. Tom was waiting outside for

925
00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:18,240
Speaker 2: her in the car. All I could do was stand

926
00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:21,200
Speaker 2: up and walk out. Sam texted me saying she knew

927
00:41:21,200 --> 00:41:23,280
Speaker 2: I was up that, but not to do anything stupid.

928
00:41:24,040 --> 00:41:26,800
Speaker 2: I blocked her number. I'm not gonna lie it was

929
00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:29,640
Speaker 2: a rough night. The next day, I was just numb.

930
00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:32,799
Speaker 2: Didn't really do much over the weekend. I dug out

931
00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:36,239
Speaker 2: our marriage certificates so I can start divorce proceedings. I've

932
00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:39,200
Speaker 2: no idea what to say to Helen's, so I haven't replied.

933
00:41:39,840 --> 00:41:41,719
Speaker 2: I think the plan now is to try and find

934
00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:45,200
Speaker 2: a new job closer to my hometown. I've moved across

935
00:41:45,239 --> 00:41:47,319
Speaker 2: the country to live with Sam, and I've never really

936
00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:49,960
Speaker 2: felt settled here. I also don't want to run into

937
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:53,960
Speaker 2: her and Tom around town. Luckily we rent and there

938
00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:58,239
Speaker 2: is a third update, folks, Let's get into it. What

939
00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:02,000
Speaker 2: soon to be ex wife is pregnant and has suggested

940
00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:05,839
Speaker 2: to her friend that it's mine. The only way this

941
00:42:05,880 --> 00:42:09,560
Speaker 2: is possible if she's had our final frozen embryo implanted

942
00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:13,440
Speaker 2: without my permission. I'm waiting for a callback from the clinic,

943
00:42:13,480 --> 00:42:15,600
Speaker 2: but I'm freaking out and want to get an idea

944
00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:19,520
Speaker 2: of the potential consequences at it. I've finally spoken to

945
00:42:19,560 --> 00:42:22,000
Speaker 2: the clinic manager and it seems this is all down

946
00:42:22,040 --> 00:42:25,399
Speaker 2: to my own stupidity. When our last embryo didn't take

947
00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:27,799
Speaker 2: we signed all the paperwork a few weeks later to

948
00:42:27,840 --> 00:42:31,640
Speaker 2: do the final transfer My wife then developed some hormonal issues,

949
00:42:31,680 --> 00:42:34,520
Speaker 2: so we paused the process until she could get it

950
00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:38,040
Speaker 2: sorted out. Then, for various reasons, we decided not to

951
00:42:38,080 --> 00:42:41,480
Speaker 2: proceed with the transfer, which she told the clinic. Apparently

952
00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:43,680
Speaker 2: they just paused the process for up to three years

953
00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:47,200
Speaker 2: in order to protect our deposit and the consent forms

954
00:42:47,280 --> 00:42:51,560
Speaker 2: remained valid. My wife had the transfer six weeks ago.

955
00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:58,279
Speaker 1: Wow, what is wrong, wife, bro Why she.

956
00:42:58,400 --> 00:43:01,520
Speaker 2: Literally left you and had your baby?

957
00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:04,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, She's like, well, this relationship was already broken. We

958
00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:07,480
Speaker 3: just got married to try to save it. I know

959
00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:11,360
Speaker 3: what to do. I'll have your child.

960
00:43:11,520 --> 00:43:16,000
Speaker 2: What Update four? I'm forty one male about to move

961
00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:19,960
Speaker 2: in with my pregnant ex wife thirty seven female. How

962
00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:25,960
Speaker 2: can we make this work? Don't don't do that? Literally,

963
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:26,319
Speaker 2: don't do.

964
00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:27,279
Speaker 4: You want to make that work?

965
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:29,200
Speaker 1: Yeah?

966
00:43:29,239 --> 00:43:31,840
Speaker 2: My ex wife is pregnant with our first child due

967
00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:35,400
Speaker 2: on Christmas Eve. We broke up last Christmas that I

968
00:43:35,440 --> 00:43:38,480
Speaker 2: moved back in with my parents two hundred plus miles away.

969
00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:41,719
Speaker 2: She started a relationship with a coworker, which caused so

970
00:43:41,800 --> 00:43:44,800
Speaker 2: much drama at her work that in February she reached

971
00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:47,880
Speaker 2: a mutual agreement that she would immediately resign in exchange

972
00:43:47,880 --> 00:43:48,960
Speaker 2: for six months salary.

973
00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:50,880
Speaker 1: Dang, she's a mess.

974
00:43:51,080 --> 00:43:51,720
Speaker 2: That's crazy.

975
00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:54,520
Speaker 1: They literally are like, we'll pay you six months of

976
00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:57,360
Speaker 1: salary to leave Eve. Get out.

977
00:43:57,600 --> 00:44:00,000
Speaker 2: The relationship ended and she used the settlement money to

978
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:03,680
Speaker 2: you restart the IVF process we'd paused years earlier.

979
00:44:03,719 --> 00:44:06,680
Speaker 1: Oh my, what this lady is a mask? Why would

980
00:44:06,760 --> 00:44:08,879
Speaker 1: you do that? You could have done anything.

981
00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:11,440
Speaker 2: When I found out she was pregnant, I contacted the

982
00:44:11,480 --> 00:44:14,719
Speaker 2: IVF clinic, who explained that the contracts we'd signed at

983
00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:16,920
Speaker 2: the start of the process were still valid and they

984
00:44:16,960 --> 00:44:21,359
Speaker 2: hadn't done anything wrong. I disagreed and hired solicitors specializing

985
00:44:21,360 --> 00:44:25,760
Speaker 2: in clinical negligence and contract law. They managed to negotiate

986
00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:28,160
Speaker 2: a settlement with the clinic in lieu of legal action,

987
00:44:28,640 --> 00:44:30,720
Speaker 2: and my ex and I ended up with about eighty

988
00:44:30,880 --> 00:44:34,520
Speaker 2: pounds or eighty K pounds each after fees. I'm sorry

989
00:44:34,640 --> 00:44:35,799
Speaker 2: she got eighty K.

990
00:44:36,320 --> 00:44:39,000
Speaker 1: She wanted this whatever good. You can use that for

991
00:44:39,040 --> 00:44:39,399
Speaker 1: the kid.

992
00:44:39,560 --> 00:44:42,719
Speaker 2: Plus, the clinic updated their processes to require consent to

993
00:44:42,760 --> 00:44:47,520
Speaker 2: be reconfirmed by both parties before any embryo transfer takes place.

994
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:50,600
Speaker 2: For the last four months, I've been in regular contact

995
00:44:50,600 --> 00:44:54,520
Speaker 2: with my ex discussing settlement negotiations and traveling down south

996
00:44:54,560 --> 00:44:57,960
Speaker 2: for scans. When I asked why she did it, she

997
00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:00,200
Speaker 2: just said she knew this was her last chance to

998
00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:02,960
Speaker 2: have a baby, and when she came into some money,

999
00:45:03,239 --> 00:45:05,240
Speaker 2: she took it as a sign she should go ahead

1000
00:45:05,280 --> 00:45:12,200
Speaker 2: with the embryo transfer before I remember to withdraw consent. Disgusting, Yeah, disgusting, disgusting.

1001
00:45:11,960 --> 00:45:13,680
Speaker 1: Disgusting, literally disgusting.

1002
00:45:13,719 --> 00:45:15,360
Speaker 3: Hey, you know what, if you're too old to have

1003
00:45:15,400 --> 00:45:17,800
Speaker 3: a kid, you can always adopt.

1004
00:45:18,400 --> 00:45:22,120
Speaker 2: Literally, there's so many other options that didn't involve, like

1005
00:45:22,320 --> 00:45:27,319
Speaker 2: coercing your ex partner into a parent, like into a

1006
00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:32,760
Speaker 2: parenting situation. She's since been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which

1007
00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:35,160
Speaker 2: in her mind, has absolved her of any responsibility for

1008
00:45:35,200 --> 00:45:35,600
Speaker 2: her actions.

1009
00:45:35,680 --> 00:45:37,800
Speaker 1: Oh, the opposite of how it works.

1010
00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:41,040
Speaker 2: Oh No, desperate for us to get back together and

1011
00:45:41,200 --> 00:45:44,120
Speaker 2: raise our son as a family. I'm not interested in

1012
00:45:44,160 --> 00:45:46,120
Speaker 2: being a couple, but I obviously don't want to be

1013
00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:49,040
Speaker 2: two hundred miles away from my son. I've got a

1014
00:45:49,040 --> 00:45:51,040
Speaker 2: new job, so I really didn't want to move back

1015
00:45:51,040 --> 00:45:53,400
Speaker 2: down to Hampshire. But she's willing to move up to

1016
00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:56,200
Speaker 2: Yorkshire as long as we live together, So we agreed

1017
00:45:56,200 --> 00:45:58,759
Speaker 2: to spend the settlement money on a house in my hometown.

1018
00:45:58,880 --> 00:45:59,759
Speaker 1: This is all that I know.

1019
00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:01,479
Speaker 2: This is such a bad idea.

1020
00:46:01,560 --> 00:46:05,000
Speaker 1: Buddy, you are not It is not set up for success.

1021
00:46:05,520 --> 00:46:08,000
Speaker 2: Don't do that. Just don't do that. Just try and

1022
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:10,720
Speaker 2: get custody. I don't know. I picked up the keys

1023
00:46:10,800 --> 00:46:13,880
Speaker 2: last week, and I've been furnishing and decorating in preparation

1024
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:16,799
Speaker 2: for us moving in next week. My ex has no

1025
00:46:16,920 --> 00:46:20,440
Speaker 2: friends or family around here and no job. Us living

1026
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:23,160
Speaker 2: together is going to be super awkward, but once the

1027
00:46:23,160 --> 00:46:25,600
Speaker 2: baby comes, I'm hoping we can get into a co

1028
00:46:25,719 --> 00:46:29,239
Speaker 2: parenting routine. The new house has three bedrooms, so we'll

1029
00:46:29,239 --> 00:46:32,040
Speaker 2: have one each in one for a son. We've agreed

1030
00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:34,520
Speaker 2: not to see other people for at least three years,

1031
00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:38,040
Speaker 2: her request. I don't see us rekindling a romantic relationship,

1032
00:46:38,160 --> 00:46:40,880
Speaker 2: but in an ideal world, we'll live together for a

1033
00:46:40,880 --> 00:46:44,000
Speaker 2: few years, then sell the house, by which point she'll

1034
00:46:44,040 --> 00:46:46,040
Speaker 2: be settled here and we can live close to each

1035
00:46:46,080 --> 00:46:48,799
Speaker 2: other and co parent our son. I hope I'm not

1036
00:46:48,840 --> 00:46:53,240
Speaker 2: being unbelievably naive and making a huge mistake. My parents

1037
00:46:53,280 --> 00:46:55,560
Speaker 2: are excited to be grandparents, but they're not keen on

1038
00:46:55,600 --> 00:46:58,439
Speaker 2: the idea of us living together. Yeah, No one's keen

1039
00:46:58,480 --> 00:47:01,719
Speaker 2: on this. This is a idea, and there is an

1040
00:47:01,760 --> 00:47:05,080
Speaker 2: update Update five. I'm forty one male about to move

1041
00:47:05,080 --> 00:47:07,840
Speaker 2: back in with my pregnant ex wife. How can we

1042
00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:11,040
Speaker 2: make this work? Three months after last update. To say

1043
00:47:11,080 --> 00:47:14,200
Speaker 2: my last post got a negative response would be an understatement.

1044
00:47:14,880 --> 00:47:17,600
Speaker 2: It was a strange feeling reading all the replies, saying

1045
00:47:17,680 --> 00:47:20,400
Speaker 2: what a mistake I was making after putting in so

1046
00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:22,799
Speaker 2: much thought and spending lots of time and effort to

1047
00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:24,920
Speaker 2: get where I was. Someone sent me a link to

1048
00:47:24,960 --> 00:47:28,040
Speaker 2: a TikTok of my previous posts during the worst time

1049
00:47:28,080 --> 00:47:29,840
Speaker 2: of my life being read out loud.

1050
00:47:30,080 --> 00:47:34,240
Speaker 3: Sorry, sorry, dude, Hey, it really puts things in perspective.

1051
00:47:34,680 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 2: It made me realize I hadn't even begun to process

1052
00:47:37,560 --> 00:47:40,960
Speaker 2: what happened last Christmas or why. And I contacted a

1053
00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:43,839
Speaker 2: therapist the next day. Good Sam moved in the day

1054
00:47:43,840 --> 00:47:46,320
Speaker 2: before my first appointment. It was awkward, but she was

1055
00:47:46,360 --> 00:47:49,279
Speaker 2: busy organizing her new room, so I just left her

1056
00:47:49,280 --> 00:47:52,160
Speaker 2: to it. That night, we ordered pizza and watched a movie.

1057
00:47:52,239 --> 00:47:56,839
Speaker 2: It was nice, Okay. I met the therapist the next

1058
00:47:56,920 --> 00:47:59,680
Speaker 2: day and explain the situation. He thought the whole thing

1059
00:47:59,760 --> 00:48:03,520
Speaker 2: was a yeah, yeah, that.

1060
00:48:03,440 --> 00:48:05,320
Speaker 4: Makes sense him and everybody else.

1061
00:48:05,360 --> 00:48:08,520
Speaker 1: My guy, she got you with the pregnancy, dude.

1062
00:48:08,440 --> 00:48:11,399
Speaker 2: She really baby dropped you. But as we were now

1063
00:48:11,480 --> 00:48:14,319
Speaker 2: living together, he agreed to help us navigate things as

1064
00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:18,080
Speaker 2: smoothly as possible. He thought couple's therapy would be the

1065
00:48:18,080 --> 00:48:21,879
Speaker 2: best option. Sam and I have seen him every week

1066
00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:26,680
Speaker 2: since then and gone through our entire relationship. After four miscarriages,

1067
00:48:26,719 --> 00:48:30,280
Speaker 2: the last two at twelve plus weeks absolutely wrecked Sam's

1068
00:48:30,320 --> 00:48:34,000
Speaker 2: mental health. I started cooling on the idea of continuing

1069
00:48:34,040 --> 00:48:37,320
Speaker 2: to try for a child instead of talking to Sam.

1070
00:48:37,440 --> 00:48:39,319
Speaker 2: She so desperately wanted to be a mum. I thought

1071
00:48:39,320 --> 00:48:41,439
Speaker 2: it would break her. I just pulled away from her,

1072
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:46,040
Speaker 2: which is probably where a lot of those relationship troubles started. Yeah,

1073
00:48:46,320 --> 00:48:49,520
Speaker 2: of course she noticed and blamed herself and began spiraling.

1074
00:48:49,880 --> 00:48:53,800
Speaker 2: Couple this with undiagnosed bipolar disorder and the hormone issue

1075
00:48:53,800 --> 00:48:56,800
Speaker 2: which resulted from the IBF, and it was a recipe

1076
00:48:56,800 --> 00:49:01,080
Speaker 2: for disaster. Sam thought, possibly correctly, that I wanted out

1077
00:49:01,080 --> 00:49:03,319
Speaker 2: of the relationship, but was too cowardly to come out

1078
00:49:03,360 --> 00:49:06,040
Speaker 2: and say it. So I just checked out and waited

1079
00:49:06,040 --> 00:49:08,480
Speaker 2: for her to get sick of me. The whole tom

1080
00:49:08,600 --> 00:49:11,640
Speaker 2: situation was the straw that broke the camel's back, and

1081
00:49:11,719 --> 00:49:14,120
Speaker 2: she gave up fighting for our marriage and let me

1082
00:49:14,200 --> 00:49:17,760
Speaker 2: get out guilt free. In therapy, I've learned to accept

1083
00:49:17,760 --> 00:49:20,919
Speaker 2: my responsibility for the breakup of our marriage. I wasn't

1084
00:49:20,960 --> 00:49:23,400
Speaker 2: a good husband towards the end, and it's a miracle

1085
00:49:23,480 --> 00:49:26,600
Speaker 2: Sam stuck around as long as she did. The time

1086
00:49:26,640 --> 00:49:29,040
Speaker 2: apart made me realize how much I still love her.

1087
00:49:29,480 --> 00:49:32,879
Speaker 2: We've agreed to try and embrace what has happened and

1088
00:49:33,120 --> 00:49:35,239
Speaker 2: be thankful it brought us to where we are now.

1089
00:49:35,800 --> 00:49:38,920
Speaker 2: So we're now back living as a couple. I canceled

1090
00:49:38,920 --> 00:49:41,880
Speaker 2: the divorce, which was taking ages as Sam refused to

1091
00:49:41,880 --> 00:49:45,400
Speaker 2: engage with it. Our son was born on December eleventh,

1092
00:49:45,480 --> 00:49:49,919
Speaker 2: two weeks earlier than expected, and he's absolutely perfect. I'm

1093
00:49:49,920 --> 00:49:52,840
Speaker 2: holding him as I write this. I know a lot

1094
00:49:52,880 --> 00:49:55,680
Speaker 2: of people who read my previous posts will be disappointed

1095
00:49:56,120 --> 00:49:58,560
Speaker 2: with how I've handled this, but at the end of

1096
00:49:58,600 --> 00:50:01,440
Speaker 2: the day, we've only got one chance at life, and

1097
00:50:01,520 --> 00:50:03,920
Speaker 2: I honestly can't think of a better way to spend mine.

1098
00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:06,680
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not really disappointed. I'm more just concerned.

1099
00:50:06,719 --> 00:50:08,959
Speaker 1: It feels like that was.

1100
00:50:08,960 --> 00:50:12,799
Speaker 2: Correct and then had to come back. Thanks for all

1101
00:50:12,840 --> 00:50:16,520
Speaker 2: your advice over the past year, and Merry Christmas, And

1102
00:50:16,560 --> 00:50:19,680
Speaker 2: there is a sixth update. It doesn't seem like it

1103
00:50:19,719 --> 00:50:22,239
Speaker 2: gets better from here. Seems like it might get a

1104
00:50:22,280 --> 00:50:25,640
Speaker 2: little worse. Update six can I take my son out

1105
00:50:25,680 --> 00:50:29,560
Speaker 2: of the country without his mother's express permission? And five

1106
00:50:29,640 --> 00:50:32,960
Speaker 2: months after last update, my wife gave birth to our

1107
00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:36,960
Speaker 2: son in December. She suffers from untreated bipolar disorder, and

1108
00:50:37,040 --> 00:50:41,399
Speaker 2: after Christmas she developed severe PbD. We agreed she'd go

1109
00:50:41,440 --> 00:50:43,080
Speaker 2: and stay with her mom for a week as she

1110
00:50:43,160 --> 00:50:46,320
Speaker 2: was spiraling and needed a break. She never came back,

1111
00:50:46,920 --> 00:50:48,840
Speaker 2: and we're no longer in direct contact.

1112
00:50:48,920 --> 00:50:50,040
Speaker 1: Oh.

1113
00:50:50,400 --> 00:50:53,520
Speaker 3: She disappeared off the face of the planet after she

1114
00:50:53,520 --> 00:50:54,600
Speaker 3: she baby.

1115
00:50:54,320 --> 00:50:57,360
Speaker 2: Trapped, You had the baby, and then left you with

1116
00:50:57,400 --> 00:50:59,879
Speaker 2: the kid. Our last conversation was over a month ago

1117
00:51:00,000 --> 00:51:02,840
Speaker 2: and it didn't go well. She apparently has no interest

1118
00:51:02,880 --> 00:51:05,720
Speaker 2: in being in our son's life or even getting updates

1119
00:51:05,719 --> 00:51:08,280
Speaker 2: on him. As far as I know, she still lives

1120
00:51:08,280 --> 00:51:10,680
Speaker 2: with her mom two hundred plus miles away.

1121
00:51:11,040 --> 00:51:14,799
Speaker 3: Well good, she probably wouldn't have been good for the kid. No, man,

1122
00:51:14,920 --> 00:51:17,120
Speaker 3: you're going to be a great dad. Yeah, and you're

1123
00:51:17,120 --> 00:51:18,320
Speaker 3: going to find another partner.

1124
00:51:18,480 --> 00:51:20,560
Speaker 2: Who doesn't suck, who.

1125
00:51:20,400 --> 00:51:21,480
Speaker 1: Embraces your child.

1126
00:51:22,120 --> 00:51:24,560
Speaker 2: But there is a little bit left to this story.

1127
00:51:24,600 --> 00:51:25,960
Speaker 2: Do you owny final thoughts?

1128
00:51:26,200 --> 00:51:28,120
Speaker 3: Get all the stuff that she's saying about not wanting

1129
00:51:28,120 --> 00:51:30,840
Speaker 3: to be a parent in writing, and then do whatever

1130
00:51:30,840 --> 00:51:31,239
Speaker 3: you want.

1131
00:51:31,600 --> 00:51:34,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then make sure she stay is not a

1132
00:51:34,080 --> 00:51:37,320
Speaker 2: parent anyway. I've been offered a second mint at my

1133
00:51:37,400 --> 00:51:40,359
Speaker 2: company's Swedish office, covering maternity leave for a year.

1134
00:51:40,520 --> 00:51:41,520
Speaker 1: Yeah Swedish.

1135
00:51:41,520 --> 00:51:42,920
Speaker 2: She I want to take it, but I don't want

1136
00:51:42,920 --> 00:51:44,560
Speaker 2: to tell my wife, as she would likely try to

1137
00:51:44,600 --> 00:51:47,880
Speaker 2: throw a spanner in the works. I have my son's

1138
00:51:47,920 --> 00:51:51,720
Speaker 2: passport and original birth certificate. Can I just go without

1139
00:51:51,760 --> 00:51:55,239
Speaker 2: telling her? I think you need to get custody. I

1140
00:51:55,280 --> 00:51:57,160
Speaker 2: think you need to take all of the evidence that

1141
00:51:57,239 --> 00:52:00,759
Speaker 2: she has left you and your son and hasn't been

1142
00:52:00,760 --> 00:52:03,720
Speaker 2: around uh, and then use that to get full custody

1143
00:52:03,680 --> 00:52:05,879
Speaker 2: of your son. We also own a house together, which

1144
00:52:05,920 --> 00:52:08,080
Speaker 2: I'd like to rent out while I'm away. If she

1145
00:52:08,160 --> 00:52:10,160
Speaker 2: turns up out of the blue and find someone else

1146
00:52:10,239 --> 00:52:13,160
Speaker 2: living here, could she do anything. There's no mortgage and

1147
00:52:13,200 --> 00:52:14,840
Speaker 2: all the bills are in my name, but she's on

1148
00:52:14,920 --> 00:52:18,160
Speaker 2: the deeds to be clear. If she ever decides to

1149
00:52:18,280 --> 00:52:20,279
Speaker 2: unblock me and wants to see her son. Then of

1150
00:52:20,320 --> 00:52:22,640
Speaker 2: course we'd come back. I'm not looking to take him

1151
00:52:22,680 --> 00:52:25,040
Speaker 2: away from her forever, but I think this would be

1152
00:52:25,040 --> 00:52:27,600
Speaker 2: good for us. And that is the end of that story.

1153
00:52:27,920 --> 00:52:30,840
Speaker 2: I mean, personally, you're naive. Talk to a lawyer.

1154
00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:35,160
Speaker 1: You're naive thinking that that's just gonna become good. I

1155
00:52:35,200 --> 00:52:38,920
Speaker 1: don't know. She needs to treat her bipolar, yeah, but

1156
00:52:38,920 --> 00:52:42,799
Speaker 1: that's not She's to take her mental health seriously. And

1157
00:52:42,800 --> 00:52:45,360
Speaker 1: if she's not gonna do that, this, this this cycle

1158
00:52:45,440 --> 00:52:48,640
Speaker 1: is just gonna go and go over and over and

1159
00:52:48,680 --> 00:52:49,200
Speaker 1: over again.

1160
00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:51,440
Speaker 2: I think you just have to kind of like stay

1161
00:52:51,480 --> 00:52:54,000
Speaker 2: apart from her, regardless of whether or not she comes back.

1162
00:52:54,719 --> 00:52:57,040
Speaker 1: And that's the end of this story. Let's head to

1163
00:52:57,080 --> 00:52:58,320
Speaker 1: the next one.

1164
00:52:58,560 --> 00:53:00,560
Speaker 2: Hey, Sam, we're gonna get back to this. But here's

1165
00:53:00,560 --> 00:53:02,080
Speaker 2: three bites of bads from our sponsors.

1166
00:53:02,680 --> 00:53:06,239
Speaker 3: My husband prioritizes his sick mother over us, and it's

1167
00:53:06,239 --> 00:53:07,640
Speaker 3: starting to ruin our family.

1168
00:53:07,880 --> 00:53:08,680
Speaker 2: I'm sick of this.

1169
00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:11,359
Speaker 1: And there's trigger warning for mentions of use.

1170
00:53:11,640 --> 00:53:14,600
Speaker 3: I never really post on Reddit, but I need advice

1171
00:53:14,719 --> 00:53:17,600
Speaker 3: because I don't know what to do anymore. My husband

1172
00:53:17,640 --> 00:53:19,960
Speaker 3: and I have been married for a decade. We have

1173
00:53:20,120 --> 00:53:23,000
Speaker 3: five children and I'm a stay at home mom, a

1174
00:53:23,080 --> 00:53:26,080
Speaker 3: decision we made together. And by the way, this comes

1175
00:53:26,120 --> 00:53:30,399
Speaker 3: from user mean Butterfly forty five, twenty six. And if

1176
00:53:30,400 --> 00:53:31,800
Speaker 3: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

1177
00:53:31,880 --> 00:53:33,520
Speaker 3: r slash Okay Storytime subprendit.

1178
00:53:33,920 --> 00:53:37,160
Speaker 1: I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia, and I'm Keon and we're here

1179
00:53:37,400 --> 00:53:39,279
Speaker 1: to give you good advice. Goofully, but we don't have

1180
00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:43,400
Speaker 1: all the answers. We're just We're just goofy little gang.

1181
00:53:44,000 --> 00:53:45,440
Speaker 3: We only know what we would do, so if you

1182
00:53:45,640 --> 00:53:48,160
Speaker 3: do something different, let us know in the comments. Ohpi

1183
00:53:48,480 --> 00:53:53,240
Speaker 3: says my mother in law was diagnosed with high blood pressure.

1184
00:53:53,600 --> 00:53:56,680
Speaker 3: She refused to take her prescribed medication, believing all she

1185
00:53:56,719 --> 00:54:00,400
Speaker 3: needed to do was pray and fast for healing well.

1186
00:54:00,440 --> 00:54:03,200
Speaker 3: Three years ago, she had a stroke that left her

1187
00:54:03,239 --> 00:54:06,880
Speaker 3: with aphasia and wheelchair bound about eighty percent of the time.

1188
00:54:07,680 --> 00:54:10,000
Speaker 3: She spent many months in the hospital, and when she

1189
00:54:10,080 --> 00:54:12,239
Speaker 3: was discharged, my husband went over for a couple of

1190
00:54:12,239 --> 00:54:15,640
Speaker 3: weeks to help her settle in. A caretaker and nurse

1191
00:54:15,680 --> 00:54:19,200
Speaker 3: were hired to help her. Unfortunately, my mother in law

1192
00:54:19,320 --> 00:54:22,399
Speaker 3: is a difficult patient and she has cycled through many

1193
00:54:22,440 --> 00:54:26,920
Speaker 3: caretakers and nurses. She has been physically and verbally harmful

1194
00:54:26,960 --> 00:54:30,200
Speaker 3: to her care team. For example, one evening, a caretaker

1195
00:54:30,239 --> 00:54:32,319
Speaker 3: called because my mother in law fired her at three

1196
00:54:32,360 --> 00:54:34,799
Speaker 3: in the morning and threw objects at her when the

1197
00:54:34,800 --> 00:54:37,920
Speaker 3: caretaker told her she couldn't leave until someone else came

1198
00:54:37,960 --> 00:54:41,399
Speaker 3: over to take care of her. All this commotion led

1199
00:54:41,400 --> 00:54:43,960
Speaker 3: to my husband spending more and more time at my

1200
00:54:44,080 --> 00:54:48,040
Speaker 3: mother in law's trying to sort out her care. Initially,

1201
00:54:48,560 --> 00:54:51,000
Speaker 3: he would drive to her place after work every other

1202
00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:53,520
Speaker 3: day to check that all was in order. His mother

1203
00:54:53,640 --> 00:54:55,880
Speaker 3: lives an hour away from us, so driving back and

1204
00:54:55,920 --> 00:54:59,680
Speaker 3: forth after work was strenuous. He asked to sleep over

1205
00:54:59,719 --> 00:55:04,239
Speaker 3: there instead of driving back. Over time, his sleepovers at

1206
00:55:04,280 --> 00:55:08,160
Speaker 3: my mother in law's became more frequent and extended. Last month,

1207
00:55:08,239 --> 00:55:10,719
Speaker 3: he only spent one week at home with me and

1208
00:55:10,760 --> 00:55:13,680
Speaker 3: the children. The rest of the month was spent at

1209
00:55:13,680 --> 00:55:16,759
Speaker 3: his mother's. Last time he was home, our youngest was

1210
00:55:16,880 --> 00:55:19,560
Speaker 3: afraid of him because he thought he was a stranger.

1211
00:55:19,800 --> 00:55:23,880
Speaker 2: Oh ah, that's not good. That's like that's like a

1212
00:55:23,920 --> 00:55:25,080
Speaker 2: wake up call, though.

1213
00:55:25,160 --> 00:55:25,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, it should be.

1214
00:55:26,560 --> 00:55:29,680
Speaker 3: I have raised this issue with him, but he accuses

1215
00:55:29,760 --> 00:55:32,200
Speaker 3: me of being heartless and uncaring.

1216
00:55:32,360 --> 00:55:33,960
Speaker 1: He tells me that his mother needs him.

1217
00:55:34,200 --> 00:55:36,200
Speaker 3: During our call yesterday, I told him that I was

1218
00:55:36,239 --> 00:55:39,000
Speaker 3: thinking of divorce because I am currently living as a

1219
00:55:39,040 --> 00:55:40,040
Speaker 3: single parent.

1220
00:55:40,200 --> 00:55:43,680
Speaker 1: And he didn't take it too kindly. Yeah, who would

1221
00:55:43,719 --> 00:55:44,720
Speaker 1: take that kindly?

1222
00:55:44,800 --> 00:55:46,640
Speaker 2: Hopefully he wakes up though.

1223
00:55:46,719 --> 00:55:47,719
Speaker 1: I mean, that's it.

1224
00:55:47,960 --> 00:55:53,160
Speaker 3: Look, you can't you cannot just swing divorce around unless

1225
00:55:53,200 --> 00:55:54,839
Speaker 3: you really mean it first, of.

1226
00:55:54,760 --> 00:55:58,080
Speaker 2: Which I think she does. But like she's tired of this.

1227
00:55:58,680 --> 00:56:02,160
Speaker 1: It's it's it's not like he's hanging out with the boys. No,

1228
00:56:02,760 --> 00:56:05,800
Speaker 1: his mom had a stroke and refuses to let others

1229
00:56:05,840 --> 00:56:08,120
Speaker 1: take care of her. Yeah.

1230
00:56:08,160 --> 00:56:10,680
Speaker 2: I think he's like he's in a very tough situation,

1231
00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:13,359
Speaker 2: but also needs to kind of listen to what he's

1232
00:56:13,840 --> 00:56:15,720
Speaker 2: I don't think he's hearing what op he's saying.

1233
00:56:16,080 --> 00:56:19,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, we have some comments. Comment one.

1234
00:56:19,480 --> 00:56:21,759
Speaker 3: His mom needs to be moved into a care home

1235
00:56:21,880 --> 00:56:24,400
Speaker 3: that is equipped to handle her. He is dad, and

1236
00:56:24,400 --> 00:56:27,799
Speaker 3: he can't abandon his family. Over seventy five percent of

1237
00:56:27,840 --> 00:56:31,400
Speaker 3: the time, it's harming his relationship with you and the kids.

1238
00:56:31,760 --> 00:56:33,719
Speaker 1: My whole thing is, I feel like there's so many.

1239
00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:36,960
Speaker 3: More solutions to this before we're like, all right, we're

1240
00:56:36,960 --> 00:56:40,400
Speaker 3: gonna divorce unless this stops like that. That seemed like

1241
00:56:40,400 --> 00:56:44,279
Speaker 3: a miscalculation. Don't threaten divorce unless you're ready to go

1242
00:56:44,360 --> 00:56:46,840
Speaker 3: down that path. It is not an empty threat, and

1243
00:56:46,880 --> 00:56:49,680
Speaker 3: it's not something you can always come back from. There's

1244
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:52,800
Speaker 3: a reply an addition to add to the above comment

1245
00:56:53,239 --> 00:56:56,560
Speaker 3: that they will also be multiple people on each shift

1246
00:56:56,640 --> 00:56:59,280
Speaker 3: so they're not getting burned out dealing with her behavior.

1247
00:56:59,800 --> 00:57:00,600
Speaker 1: And another reply.

1248
00:57:00,760 --> 00:57:03,239
Speaker 3: As someone that works in skilled nursing, I can tell

1249
00:57:03,280 --> 00:57:06,000
Speaker 3: you that facilities do get burnt out, and if the

1250
00:57:06,040 --> 00:57:08,560
Speaker 3: patient is so bad that they can't provide care to her,

1251
00:57:08,600 --> 00:57:09,520
Speaker 3: they will find.

1252
00:57:09,280 --> 00:57:11,000
Speaker 1: A way to get her out of the facility.

1253
00:57:11,239 --> 00:57:14,160
Speaker 3: I've seen it done many times, and once she starts

1254
00:57:14,160 --> 00:57:17,400
Speaker 3: getting a name across town, it'll be difficult to find

1255
00:57:17,400 --> 00:57:18,160
Speaker 3: placement for her.

1256
00:57:18,600 --> 00:57:19,320
Speaker 1: Another reply.

1257
00:57:19,560 --> 00:57:24,640
Speaker 3: As someone who has worked in multiple SNFs and ALFs

1258
00:57:24,760 --> 00:57:27,680
Speaker 3: and I've done home care, I can guarantee that there

1259
00:57:27,800 --> 00:57:29,880
Speaker 3: will be a facility that lets her state. No matter

1260
00:57:29,880 --> 00:57:32,600
Speaker 3: how cantanker is she may be as long as she

1261
00:57:32,680 --> 00:57:36,480
Speaker 3: can pay for her stay. It may not be a

1262
00:57:36,640 --> 00:57:39,760
Speaker 3: top notch facility and she may get some sleepy time meds,

1263
00:57:39,800 --> 00:57:42,880
Speaker 3: but they'll keep her. Another reply, and there are people

1264
00:57:42,880 --> 00:57:44,960
Speaker 3: that enjoy working with the feisty people.

1265
00:57:45,280 --> 00:57:48,800
Speaker 1: I love the TBI units and will seek out facilities

1266
00:57:48,800 --> 00:57:50,320
Speaker 1: that have them when I'm looking for work.

1267
00:57:50,760 --> 00:57:54,880
Speaker 3: I will take care of your punchee grandma. And there

1268
00:57:54,920 --> 00:57:57,520
Speaker 3: is another comment. Last time he was home, our youngest

1269
00:57:57,560 --> 00:57:58,720
Speaker 3: was afraid of him because he.

1270
00:57:58,680 --> 00:58:01,640
Speaker 1: Thought he was a stranger. So so what was his

1271
00:58:01,680 --> 00:58:02,520
Speaker 1: reaction to this?

1272
00:58:02,640 --> 00:58:05,120
Speaker 3: Because, quite frankly, if this wasn't a wake up call

1273
00:58:05,160 --> 00:58:08,160
Speaker 3: for him, I'm not sure anything else you say would

1274
00:58:08,240 --> 00:58:10,960
Speaker 3: be a reply, says If it was a wake up call,

1275
00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:14,160
Speaker 3: op wouldn't be posting. Her husband has the mindset of

1276
00:58:14,360 --> 00:58:16,360
Speaker 3: I care for my mother, so you care for the

1277
00:58:16,400 --> 00:58:19,760
Speaker 3: rest he's counting on. I'm dad to give him a

1278
00:58:19,800 --> 00:58:22,800
Speaker 3: relationship with his wife and kids, but if he's not around,

1279
00:58:22,840 --> 00:58:25,440
Speaker 3: they're going to move on without you. Life doesn't stop

1280
00:58:25,560 --> 00:58:28,200
Speaker 3: when you leave your family. Your kids grow up without you,

1281
00:58:28,200 --> 00:58:30,760
Speaker 3: your wife gets by without you, and eventually you're just

1282
00:58:30,800 --> 00:58:34,000
Speaker 3: not necessary. Comment three, it's not really realistic for his

1283
00:58:34,040 --> 00:58:35,240
Speaker 3: mom to be at home anymore.

1284
00:58:35,480 --> 00:58:37,680
Speaker 1: It's time for her to go into a care home.

1285
00:58:38,160 --> 00:58:40,720
Speaker 3: I know no one wants to do that, but he

1286
00:58:40,800 --> 00:58:44,120
Speaker 3: can't sustain this, not just because his family needs him

1287
00:58:44,160 --> 00:58:46,640
Speaker 3: and they do which is more than enough of a reason.

1288
00:58:46,960 --> 00:58:51,040
Speaker 3: But because this will only get more demanding. Comment four.

1289
00:58:51,320 --> 00:58:54,000
Speaker 3: I would just get a lawyer. He knows what he's doing.

1290
00:58:54,160 --> 00:58:56,600
Speaker 3: He has other options, but he won't take them, and

1291
00:58:56,640 --> 00:58:58,480
Speaker 3: he's making you and the kids pay the price because

1292
00:58:58,480 --> 00:59:00,520
Speaker 3: his mother is such an a hole that she gave

1293
00:59:00,560 --> 00:59:01,600
Speaker 3: caregivers a hard time.

1294
00:59:01,920 --> 00:59:03,480
Speaker 2: Like that's I don't know. I feel like that.

1295
00:59:03,480 --> 00:59:05,600
Speaker 1: It's been a month, people, I feel like that.

1296
00:59:05,520 --> 00:59:07,920
Speaker 2: Comment's a little harsh to be like, the man who's

1297
00:59:07,920 --> 00:59:10,840
Speaker 2: taking care of his sick mother knows what he's doing.

1298
00:59:11,240 --> 00:59:12,720
Speaker 2: I don't think he knows what he's doing at all.

1299
00:59:13,160 --> 00:59:14,640
Speaker 4: No one knows what they're doing with this.

1300
00:59:14,920 --> 00:59:17,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, to be clear, that's not that saying that that's

1301
00:59:17,040 --> 00:59:19,040
Speaker 2: not a problem. But I don't think he knows what

1302
00:59:19,080 --> 00:59:21,320
Speaker 2: he's doing. I think that's why you have to have

1303
00:59:21,360 --> 00:59:24,640
Speaker 2: the conversation and like figure out a way to fix this. Yeah,

1304
00:59:24,680 --> 00:59:26,200
Speaker 2: because he doesn't know what he's doing.

1305
00:59:26,720 --> 00:59:29,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm skipping that one. There's an edit, though.

1306
00:59:29,480 --> 00:59:31,920
Speaker 3: I see comments asking the same questions, so I'm going

1307
00:59:31,960 --> 00:59:35,040
Speaker 3: to answer some here. My husband is my mother in

1308
00:59:35,120 --> 00:59:39,040
Speaker 3: law's only child. Our youngest is fifteen months old. I

1309
00:59:39,120 --> 00:59:42,520
Speaker 3: spent most of the pregnancy alone. Because of this situation,

1310
00:59:43,280 --> 00:59:46,520
Speaker 3: I had to drive our older children to extracurricular activities

1311
00:59:46,520 --> 00:59:47,680
Speaker 3: while I was heavily pregnant.

1312
00:59:47,880 --> 00:59:50,240
Speaker 2: So I don't think it's been just a month, right, Well.

1313
00:59:50,120 --> 00:59:52,400
Speaker 3: I think the staying at her place is just because

1314
00:59:53,440 --> 00:59:56,280
Speaker 3: he was at his mother's when I went into labor

1315
00:59:56,320 --> 00:59:58,480
Speaker 3: and our neighbor drove me to the hospital while his

1316
00:59:58,520 --> 00:59:59,960
Speaker 3: wife took care of our children.

1317
01:00:00,240 --> 01:00:02,680
Speaker 1: Dang, Yeah that's sill, which is like.

1318
01:00:03,000 --> 01:00:08,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, still a problem, clearly, but like something that needs

1319
01:00:08,320 --> 01:00:10,520
Speaker 2: to be addressed and if he's not willing to address it,

1320
01:00:10,640 --> 01:00:12,000
Speaker 2: then this is an issue.

1321
01:00:13,320 --> 01:00:16,200
Speaker 3: But yeah, I did not expect the number of children

1322
01:00:16,240 --> 01:00:19,040
Speaker 3: we have to be controversial. I only mentioned our five

1323
01:00:19,120 --> 01:00:21,600
Speaker 3: children to provide context on this issue. I don't want

1324
01:00:21,600 --> 01:00:24,080
Speaker 3: to go into specifics, but how and why we have

1325
01:00:24,240 --> 01:00:27,240
Speaker 3: five children is more complicated than you might imagine. Our

1326
01:00:27,280 --> 01:00:30,120
Speaker 3: house was bought by my father in law for our family.

1327
01:00:30,680 --> 01:00:33,400
Speaker 3: He was a staunch Christian who believed in family values,

1328
01:00:33,480 --> 01:00:36,840
Speaker 3: so he brought this house to support our marriage and family.

1329
01:00:37,280 --> 01:00:39,680
Speaker 3: He was a voice of reason and often played the

1330
01:00:39,800 --> 01:00:43,919
Speaker 3: role of marriage counselor. We miss him terribly. My mother

1331
01:00:43,960 --> 01:00:46,360
Speaker 3: in law does behave better when my husband is around

1332
01:00:46,440 --> 01:00:49,960
Speaker 3: because he knows how to calm her down. So even

1333
01:00:50,000 --> 01:00:53,120
Speaker 3: though she is harmful, my husband knows how to de escalate.

1334
01:00:53,720 --> 01:00:57,400
Speaker 3: She has not been diagnosed with dementia. When we spoke

1335
01:00:57,440 --> 01:00:59,480
Speaker 3: about a care home, my husband was not willing to

1336
01:00:59,520 --> 01:01:01,840
Speaker 3: consider it because my mother in law is attached to

1337
01:01:01,920 --> 01:01:04,280
Speaker 3: her home and he was told that moving her to

1338
01:01:04,320 --> 01:01:07,960
Speaker 3: a place where she's unfamiliar with her surroundings may cause.

1339
01:01:07,680 --> 01:01:09,040
Speaker 1: Her to deteriorate.

1340
01:01:09,800 --> 01:01:12,120
Speaker 3: He also said there are many horror stories of the

1341
01:01:12,120 --> 01:01:14,640
Speaker 3: elderly who said care homes, which is true.

1342
01:01:14,800 --> 01:01:16,680
Speaker 1: We spoke again after my post.

1343
01:01:16,840 --> 01:01:19,600
Speaker 3: He was weeping, saying that his mother is passing away

1344
01:01:19,640 --> 01:01:21,800
Speaker 3: and he wants to spend as much time as possible

1345
01:01:21,840 --> 01:01:23,560
Speaker 3: with her before she passes.

1346
01:01:24,000 --> 01:01:26,040
Speaker 1: He said threatening divorce was cruel.

1347
01:01:26,480 --> 01:01:29,240
Speaker 2: I mean, there's not the old you know, his care

1348
01:01:29,280 --> 01:01:32,400
Speaker 2: home is not the only option. I've had kind of

1349
01:01:32,400 --> 01:01:35,320
Speaker 2: both experiences. My grandfather on my mom's side was in

1350
01:01:35,360 --> 01:01:38,120
Speaker 2: a care home because he was dealing with dementia, and

1351
01:01:38,160 --> 01:01:42,560
Speaker 2: then on my dad's side, my grandmother, they have like

1352
01:01:42,600 --> 01:01:46,720
Speaker 2: a person who an in home care who comes and

1353
01:01:46,760 --> 01:01:49,720
Speaker 2: helps and stuff, and so that that wouldn't necessarily mean

1354
01:01:49,720 --> 01:01:52,960
Speaker 2: that he's you know, fully not like he would still

1355
01:01:53,000 --> 01:01:55,040
Speaker 2: be going and stuff and helping out, but he would

1356
01:01:55,080 --> 01:01:57,320
Speaker 2: probably be doing a lot less work, Like a lot

1357
01:01:57,320 --> 01:01:59,720
Speaker 2: of that burden would be lifted. Yeah, So there's like

1358
01:01:59,760 --> 01:02:04,120
Speaker 2: there's multiple options here. It's just you guys both need

1359
01:02:04,160 --> 01:02:05,880
Speaker 2: to be on the same page that this isn't working

1360
01:02:05,920 --> 01:02:07,360
Speaker 2: the way that it's happening right now.

1361
01:02:07,480 --> 01:02:07,680
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1362
01:02:07,800 --> 01:02:09,560
Speaker 3: I mean it kind of feels like he is aware

1363
01:02:09,560 --> 01:02:11,360
Speaker 3: of that as well. Yeah, and he's just like, well,

1364
01:02:11,360 --> 01:02:12,080
Speaker 3: what am I supposed to?

1365
01:02:12,120 --> 01:02:14,280
Speaker 1: What do I do? He literally does I supposed to?

1366
01:02:14,280 --> 01:02:18,200
Speaker 1: Just like let my mom like, yeah, just like fall apart.

1367
01:02:18,960 --> 01:02:19,400
Speaker 1: I don't know.

1368
01:02:20,240 --> 01:02:22,760
Speaker 3: There's another edit. There are a couple of things I

1369
01:02:22,840 --> 01:02:26,840
Speaker 3: want to clarify. My husband is supervising the nurses and

1370
01:02:26,920 --> 01:02:30,680
Speaker 3: caregivers who care for my mother in law. The caregivers

1371
01:02:30,680 --> 01:02:34,240
Speaker 3: and nurses are board certified professionals with experience and elderly care.

1372
01:02:34,640 --> 01:02:35,880
Speaker 1: Her behavior is more.

1373
01:02:35,720 --> 01:02:38,400
Speaker 3: Agreeable when my husband is around, and there are fewer

1374
01:02:38,400 --> 01:02:41,240
Speaker 3: fits of anger, so he's not wiping my mother in

1375
01:02:41,320 --> 01:02:45,560
Speaker 3: law's bottom, as someone crudely suggested. Many have asked why

1376
01:02:45,640 --> 01:02:48,360
Speaker 3: I allowed this issue to continue for so long. My

1377
01:02:48,480 --> 01:02:50,880
Speaker 3: answer is that my mother in law was a kind, supportive,

1378
01:02:50,920 --> 01:02:54,040
Speaker 3: and generous woman before the stroke. She lived with us

1379
01:02:54,120 --> 01:02:57,080
Speaker 3: for three months when we had our first baby, cooked, cleaned,

1380
01:02:57,120 --> 01:02:59,880
Speaker 3: and cared for the baby when I needed sleep. She

1381
01:03:00,160 --> 01:03:02,080
Speaker 3: was always willing to take the children when my husband

1382
01:03:02,120 --> 01:03:05,720
Speaker 3: and I needed some time to ourselves. The children loved

1383
01:03:06,160 --> 01:03:10,480
Speaker 3: visiting their nana and Papa. Yes, I am frustrated that

1384
01:03:10,520 --> 01:03:13,360
Speaker 3: her refusal to take her prescription caused this chaos and

1385
01:03:13,400 --> 01:03:15,960
Speaker 3: that she has treated her care team poorly, but the

1386
01:03:16,040 --> 01:03:18,480
Speaker 3: last three years are not a full reflection of who

1387
01:03:18,520 --> 01:03:21,960
Speaker 3: she was and the life she lived. She dedicated much

1388
01:03:22,000 --> 01:03:24,439
Speaker 3: of her life to her family, community, and charity work,

1389
01:03:24,480 --> 01:03:28,200
Speaker 3: so please don't condemn her. I have read comments from

1390
01:03:28,280 --> 01:03:31,920
Speaker 3: those with experience in traumatic brain injury rehab, and I

1391
01:03:31,960 --> 01:03:34,480
Speaker 3: do believe the stroke has affected her impulse control and

1392
01:03:34,560 --> 01:03:37,600
Speaker 3: emotional regulation. I also want to add that the stroke

1393
01:03:37,600 --> 01:03:40,280
Speaker 3: happened a few months after the passing of my.

1394
01:03:40,440 --> 01:03:41,240
Speaker 1: Father in law.

1395
01:03:42,040 --> 01:03:47,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, many layers to this complicated emotional lasagna whoooe.

1396
01:03:49,240 --> 01:03:52,080
Speaker 1: The children and I drove to my mother in law's yesterday.

1397
01:03:52,560 --> 01:03:55,720
Speaker 3: I'm letting the kids take some time off school, and

1398
01:03:55,760 --> 01:03:58,880
Speaker 3: the mood instantly lifted when we arrived. As I write this,

1399
01:03:59,040 --> 01:04:01,000
Speaker 3: my toddler is sitting on my mother in law's lap

1400
01:04:01,040 --> 01:04:04,520
Speaker 3: having a conversation. Only the two of them understand. My

1401
01:04:04,640 --> 01:04:07,960
Speaker 3: husband and the older children are playing tag. The caregivers

1402
01:04:08,000 --> 01:04:11,160
Speaker 3: are also cheerful, and we have a little bit more

1403
01:04:11,200 --> 01:04:13,920
Speaker 3: story here, let's keep going.

1404
01:04:14,240 --> 01:04:15,080
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1405
01:04:15,160 --> 01:04:18,040
Speaker 3: When I arrived, my husband and I had a deep

1406
01:04:18,120 --> 01:04:22,040
Speaker 3: conversation about this issue. I apologized for threatening divorce and

1407
01:04:22,080 --> 01:04:25,240
Speaker 3: told him that I am feeling extremely overwhelmed and exhausted,

1408
01:04:25,600 --> 01:04:28,760
Speaker 3: which has affected my interactions with the children because I

1409
01:04:28,800 --> 01:04:30,400
Speaker 3: have become extremely impatient.

1410
01:04:30,880 --> 01:04:33,760
Speaker 1: We cried. We are going to have a serious conversation

1411
01:04:33,800 --> 01:04:36,360
Speaker 1: with my mother in law, hopefully later today, where we

1412
01:04:36,400 --> 01:04:39,520
Speaker 1: will detail how this has affected our lives, suggest an

1413
01:04:39,520 --> 01:04:42,560
Speaker 1: assisted living facility and give her the opportunity to provide

1414
01:04:42,640 --> 01:04:47,000
Speaker 1: her input. It's looking positive but uncertain. There's a very

1415
01:04:47,040 --> 01:04:49,800
Speaker 1: long road ahead of us and many life changing decisions

1416
01:04:49,840 --> 01:04:50,520
Speaker 1: to be made.

1417
01:04:50,800 --> 01:04:53,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, and that is the end of that story once. Yeah,

1418
01:04:53,400 --> 01:04:57,040
Speaker 3: it sounds like you're knocking on the door of figuring

1419
01:04:57,080 --> 01:04:57,440
Speaker 3: it out.

1420
01:04:57,920 --> 01:05:02,480
Speaker 2: It's so hard trying to like help your your aging parents, grandparents,

1421
01:05:02,520 --> 01:05:02,680
Speaker 2: you know,