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Speaker 1: Personally, Feldsman, I've got Michelle Pool with me this week.

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Speaker 1: Her instagram one Minute Milk Bites is helping new parents

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Speaker 1: everywhere with advice in quick one minute videos. I'm excited

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Speaker 1: for you all to hear who drops some major family knowledge.

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Speaker 1: Here we go. Michelle Pool is a nurse at the

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Speaker 1: Maven Clinic and she is awesome about sharing so much

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Speaker 1: information online about babies, motherhood, the boobies, all the things.

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Speaker 1: So Michelle, thanks for joining me today.

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Speaker 2: Thanks so much for having me and Morgan very excited

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Speaker 2: to talk all things babies today.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I would love to know. So you work at

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Speaker 1: the Maven Clinic. You work, and you guys are family building, fertility, pregnancy, parenting, menopause,

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Speaker 1: all the things that are around this. But talk to me

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Speaker 1: about starting that and why you got into that line

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Speaker 1: of work. But then also your social media page and

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Speaker 1: why you're sharing the information that you are online.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, how much time do we have? Kidding?

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Speaker 1: You can go as far as you want. We love

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Speaker 1: to get deep on here.

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Speaker 2: The short version is that I have a master's degree counseling,

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Speaker 2: and before I even thought about having a baby, I

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Speaker 2: was a counselor and I helped families with children with

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Speaker 2: special needs and did that kind of behavior therapy. So

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Speaker 2: I was in that world. When I became pregnant. I

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Speaker 2: was told that breastfeeding was easy and natural. It's just

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Speaker 2: like breathing. And I was like, oh, cool, then I

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Speaker 2: don't need to take a class or read any books.

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Speaker 2: That sounds like a big waste of time. But when

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Speaker 2: my baby came around, it.

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Speaker 3: Was really really difficult for me, and I struggled. I

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Speaker 3: was doing all of the things with the breasts and

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Speaker 3: the pumps and the bottles and the formula and the nippleshield,

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Speaker 3: and I started to lose it.

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Speaker 2: And I didn't know what postpartum depression was because I

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Speaker 2: didn't take any of the classes. You see, it's good

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Speaker 2: to take classes, guys. And I just thought, I'm really

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Speaker 2: bad at this. I'm not cut out to be doing this.

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Speaker 2: And luckily I did get some help from a visiting nurse.

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Speaker 2: Things fell into place. My little baby, God bless him,

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Speaker 2: decided to participate and try to figure it out with me.

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Speaker 2: Some babies don't, and that's okay too, But it just worked.

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Speaker 2: And it took a couple of weeks before I was like, oh,

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Speaker 2: it is easy. And natural. After eight weeks of really

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Speaker 2: hard a lot of ups and downs, I would imagine,

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Speaker 2: now it is now, you just put the baby on

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Speaker 2: the breast and we're done. Ah, Like, this is why

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Speaker 2: people breastfeed. I almost gave up, which would have been fine.

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Speaker 2: Something was gonna give my mental health or breastfeeding, and

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Speaker 2: it just worked out that I was able to keep both.

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Speaker 2: But I really, it can be easy and natural if

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Speaker 2: we get through that learning curve, make it through the

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Speaker 2: zombie haze of becoming a new parent. I almost didn't

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Speaker 2: know that because I would have just stopped and what

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Speaker 2: I would have hated breastfeeding and said, don't do that.

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Speaker 2: That's a really bad idea. But because I had both

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Speaker 2: perspectives and I was a counselor, I was like, ah,

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Speaker 2: I think there's a new pathway for me here to

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Speaker 2: use my counseling skills and learn about lactation and babies

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Speaker 2: and then marry those into a new job. I became

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Speaker 2: a nurse because that seemed to be helpful in the

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Speaker 2: whole overarching career path. Did my time as an intern

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Speaker 2: and studied and did the exams and ended up with

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Speaker 2: a lot of different jobs in the realm of babies

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Speaker 2: and newborn care and breastfeeding. I've worked at hospitals, lactation centers,

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Speaker 2: nick us birth centers, outpatient home visits, and then the

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Speaker 2: pandemic app and a lot of things switched over to

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Speaker 2: online and that's where I actually worked for Maveon before

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Speaker 2: that happened. But I have several jobs now, Maven is

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Speaker 2: one of them. They are not only taking care of

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Speaker 2: moms pregnancy, having babies, postpartum, but throughout the life cycle

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Speaker 2: of women, which I just love every bit of that

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Speaker 2: and love being a part of their team. So that's

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Speaker 2: why I'm sitting in front of you today. And the

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Speaker 2: social media just I don't know, two or three years ago,

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Speaker 2: I just felt like I can give more. I'm seeing

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Speaker 2: so many moms who are struggling so much with just

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Speaker 2: not knowing the very basics of this thing. And we

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Speaker 2: can talk more about that, but that's where the social

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Speaker 2: media part came in.

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Speaker 1: I love this and you mentioned that we'll definitely get

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Speaker 1: into it about how it's a life cycle.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 1: We like to think we push people into having kids

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Speaker 1: and oh, it's so exciting and you have a kid

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Speaker 1: and they're here, this is cool, and then it's like

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Speaker 1: everybody disappears. And I've seen that happen and so many

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Speaker 1: of my friends and so many of the people that

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Speaker 1: I love, and it really breaks my heart because that's

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Speaker 1: when that's the most isolating moment of their lives, is

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Speaker 1: this new thing is so exciting and they were so

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Speaker 1: excited for it, But also nobody warns you about what

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Speaker 1: happens after everybody's excited about it, and nobody's that village

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Speaker 1: disperses because they're like, oh, you got it, you know

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Speaker 1: what you're doing, and the moms and dads are sitting

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Speaker 1: there like, no, we don't. Hey, we're still here kind

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Speaker 1: of thing. So we'll definitely get into that. I want

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Speaker 1: to talk about it, but particularly a lot of the

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Speaker 1: content you mentioned about new moms in this very first

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Speaker 1: phase of having the baby and them and being like,

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Speaker 1: what am I doing? And it's a fear I think

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Speaker 1: a lot of women have, especially because they're like, I

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Speaker 1: don't know how to do this and I don't have

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Speaker 1: all these tools. Everybody says the mother instinct happens, and

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Speaker 1: it does, but there's also a lot of fear that

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Speaker 1: comes with that. So what do you see a lot

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Speaker 1: where moms are starting to freak out and they don't

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Speaker 1: know things. Talk to me through those things that you're

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Speaker 1: seeing and experiencing with people.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it ties into what you were just

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Speaker 2: talking about, where we're not set up for a village

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Speaker 2: anymore as a human species. For hundreds of thousands of years,

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Speaker 2: we did live together in community in a village. There

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Speaker 2: weren't lactation consultants. Other mothers were the lactation consultants for

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Speaker 2: the new moms, and we helped each other and if

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Speaker 2: you couldn't breastfeeding, I would breastfeed your baby. Problem solved

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Speaker 2: and then we try to help you. But it was

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Speaker 2: a very village led effort. And now, of course we're

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Speaker 2: very isolated in general, so new parents are isolated. But

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Speaker 2: I think that's just a reflection of the bigger picture

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Speaker 2: of what's been going on probably for the last one

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Speaker 2: hundred to two hundred years, since the industrial Revolution, since

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Speaker 2: we all had to get everybody has to have a job.

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Speaker 2: We can't just have a dad goes off to work

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Speaker 2: and I get to stay home. Not that there's anything

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Speaker 2: wrong with that or wanting to go to work, but

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Speaker 2: a lot of people don't even have the choice. Both

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Speaker 2: parents must go back to work. We are able to

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Speaker 2: move away from our village. I did, and there's good

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Speaker 2: things about that and not to good things about that.

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Speaker 2: When it comes to raising a little baby, I think

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Speaker 2: moms definitely start to feel that isolation if they're not

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Speaker 2: at least near their family or friends. So I think

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Speaker 2: that has a lot to do with kind of the

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Speaker 2: origination of why moms are feeling so disconnected from themselves

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Speaker 2: and their babies and each other, because that's the society

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Speaker 2: that we live in.

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Speaker 1: It's not their fault, yeah, it very much is. And

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Speaker 1: writ like you're mentioning, it's part of that bigger picture.

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Speaker 1: And it's hard to watch because there is such an

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Speaker 1: encouragement of have kids, you should have kids, don't not

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Speaker 1: have kids, but we're not really supporting them in the

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Speaker 1: way to give people the belief that it's safe to do.

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Speaker 1: So it's like this scary thing. And so that's why

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Speaker 1: I love what you're doing, is you found this gap

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Speaker 1: and you're like, I'm trying to provide the support and

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to help you guys through this, and so

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Speaker 1: you do milk bites in which I love, and they're

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Speaker 1: really walking through the basic steps of hey, breastfeeding, So

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Speaker 1: talk to me about breastfeeding and why that kind of

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Speaker 1: became a little niche for you. When it comes to

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Speaker 1: social media.

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Speaker 2: I think breastfeeding again because we've lost touch with the

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Speaker 2: community the village. Many moms who are having a baby,

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Speaker 2: they've never actually seen somebody having a baby before. So

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Speaker 2: like if we lived in the village five hundred years

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Speaker 2: ago and you were having a baby, I would be

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Speaker 2: at your bedside helping you out. There would be women around,

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Speaker 2: and we would just know what this is and what

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Speaker 2: it looks like and what to do. So a lot

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Speaker 2: of women who are having kids, they've never even seen

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Speaker 2: that happen. And then when it comes to putting a

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Speaker 2: baby to their breast, they've never seen that either until

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Speaker 2: it's their baby, And now mistakes are high. If we're

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Speaker 2: trying to exclusively breastfeed, we're trying to keep the baby

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Speaker 2: alive from the breast alone. But I have no idea

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Speaker 2: what I've never even seen it happen before, so I

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Speaker 2: feel very at a disadvantage. And then the moms, like

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Speaker 2: you mentioned the maternal instinct, there's a baby instinct as well,

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Speaker 2: So moms feel out of touch with that instinct and

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Speaker 2: I think they are, and again that's no fault of

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Speaker 2: their own, but they don't know that the baby has

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Speaker 2: instincts as well, and to learn some of those baby

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Speaker 2: behaviors and the reflexes that the babies are born with

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Speaker 2: to get to the breast can be so helpful before

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Speaker 2: the baby comes along. But all in all, when it

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Speaker 2: comes to baby feeding, we can breastfeed, we can formula feed,

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Speaker 2: we can pump, or all three. Breastfeeding seems to be

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Speaker 2: the harder one to get under our belts and a

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Speaker 2: steeper learning curve. So that's where I give the most

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Speaker 2: help because I feel like it's the hardest of the

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Speaker 2: three things. I do try to talk to pumping moms

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Speaker 2: and formula feeding moms as well, because formula feeding moms

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Speaker 2: get left in the dust sometimes things like you're breastfeeding,

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Speaker 2: that's hard. Pumping's also hard. Oh you're formula feeding. I

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Speaker 2: read the back of the can.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's not that simple. Nothing is ever that simple.

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Speaker 2: That's right. That's right. So I try to help everybody out,

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Speaker 2: But it is the breastfeeding where we're getting the most

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Speaker 2: kind of confused and tied up and lacking just very

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Speaker 2: basic information, not only about the mechanics of it, but

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Speaker 2: also just the biological components of it, which I think

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Speaker 2: are really important to the big story.

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Speaker 1: And a part of this picture. We're obviously seeing a

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Speaker 1: huge shift and people wanting to be aware of what

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Speaker 1: they're consuming, what their babies are consuming, what's happening. So

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Speaker 1: I'm imagining that's also a role in this when it

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Speaker 1: comes to formula and breastfeeding and pumping and stuff. Are

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Speaker 1: you seeing that transition happen as well.

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Speaker 2: It's really heartbreaking to me because moms are always constantly

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Speaker 2: comparing themselves to get a sense of how they're doing.

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Speaker 2: And that's also just a reflection I think of society

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Speaker 2: that we live in, and it's like I have to

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Speaker 2: look at you and you to know that I'm doing

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Speaker 2: a good job, which isn't how anything really works. But

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Speaker 2: they're doing that, and then they're hearing messaging from people

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Speaker 2: like me. I don't say this, but some lactationian consultants

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Speaker 2: may say, or adopters or healthcare professionals may say, breast

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Speaker 2: is best, breastfeeding is best for your baby, and they

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Speaker 2: just hit with that message again and again, and then

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Speaker 2: when that isn't going well, they've tied it up with parenting.

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Speaker 2: It's not just like breast is best. It's like, oh,

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Speaker 2: breast is best, and therefore, if I'm breastfeeding, I'm the

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Speaker 2: best parent. Like I didn't say that, That's not what

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Speaker 2: I said, but that's what they're hearing. And I've been

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Speaker 2: really asking lactation consultants to change that messaging because we

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Speaker 2: know how harmful that can be when the mom is

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Speaker 2: now tied up if I'm breastfeeding really well, that I'm

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Speaker 2: a good parent, and when that starts to fall apart,

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Speaker 2: I'm not as good as a parent anymore. But at

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Speaker 2: least I can pump. And now they're pumping, but comparing

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Speaker 2: like the volumes that they're getting, we're having people telling them, oh,

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Speaker 2: when you pump milk, it's not as good. Is that

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Speaker 2: the baby's just breastfeeding? And then when that's not working,

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Speaker 2: they have to use formula, and so the formula. I'm

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Speaker 2: so grateful that we have formula that nobody has to

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Speaker 2: breastfeed if they don't want to, if they can't, we

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Speaker 2: have something to feed the baby. And we live in

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Speaker 2: this society where the almighty dollar rules, and so formula

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Speaker 2: companies are marketing to these vulnerable moms and trying to

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Speaker 2: tell them why their formula is the best one and

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Speaker 2: it can't even be in this country anymore.

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Speaker 3: Now.

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Speaker 2: It's like, well, you have to go and buy the

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Speaker 2: European formula if you want to be the best mom.

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Speaker 2: So it really is heartbreaking to see these moms just

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Speaker 2: trying to do They just want to do what's best

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Speaker 2: for their baby, but they lose sight that, like their

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Speaker 2: best is the best for the baby. Just being themselves

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Speaker 2: is the best for the baby. Loving the baby, taking

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Speaker 2: care of the baby, the baby trust that I'm going

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Speaker 2: to meet their needs. That's what we got to be

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Speaker 2: focusing on, not like how many ounces of milk you pumped,

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Speaker 2: whether you were at the breast or pumped it, what

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Speaker 2: kind of formula did you buy? But they've tied that

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Speaker 2: up with how good a parent I am. So I'm

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Speaker 2: trying to unravel that problem, which again is people like

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Speaker 2: me caused that. So I want everybody in my side

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Speaker 2: of the screen today to take responsibility here and think

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Speaker 2: about how the language we're using is messing moms up.

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Speaker 1: Well, and it's funny you mentioned that we had just

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Speaker 1: done a podcast episode. We're really talking about social media

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Speaker 1: and how the twist and turns. It's turned on so

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Speaker 1: many different levels, from therapy to parenting to so much

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Speaker 1: a part of what we understand and how we compare

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Speaker 1: ourselves and what that all looks like. And it's super

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Speaker 1: damaging for the real life experience versus the online experience.

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Speaker 1: So I know that's playing such a significant role. And

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Speaker 1: I want to get back to that thing you mentioned

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Speaker 1: about baby instincts because this can also be a way

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Speaker 1: that moms and dads can be the best parent they

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Speaker 1: can be, because I think I should have thought about that,

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Speaker 1: that babies do have instinct there they're a little human,

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Speaker 1: but that's definitely not something anybody has told me about,

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Speaker 1: so to me about that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, this is also it's funny in a way, like

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Speaker 2: it's very sad, but it's also funny because when parents'

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Speaker 2: first time parents who have not been around newborn babies,

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Speaker 2: have not lived in that community where we're helping each

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Speaker 2: other out when they have and I'll get one of

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Speaker 2: my baby props.

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Speaker 1: I love a baby prop. This is perfect baby prop.

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Speaker 2: So we have the baby arrives on the scene and

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Speaker 2: it's like, what do I do with this? And parents' dads,

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Speaker 2: especially are like holding a baby like this, like ah,

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Speaker 2: and they're like, what, Like I need an instruction manual?

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Speaker 2: What do I do with this little creature? Is this

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Speaker 2: even human? It seems like it's a foreign species to us.

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Speaker 2: That's how far we removed we are from it. So

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Speaker 2: part of what I'm doing and in the future, in

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Speaker 2: the near future, I think I'm going to start another

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Speaker 2: Instagram channel or some kind of social media channel where

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Speaker 2: I'm really trying to build these basics of this is

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Speaker 2: a human being. You know how to take care of

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Speaker 2: a human being. You've taken care of a lot of

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Speaker 2: human things in your life. This is one of them.

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Speaker 2: They just happen to be a lot smaller. But when

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Speaker 2: we just reframe it even that, I get parents who

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Speaker 2: are like I never thought of it like that, and

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Speaker 2: I'm like, wow, well, and we have a lot of

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Speaker 2: work to do, but it's good that now you are

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Speaker 2: thinking of this as a human. This is a mammal,

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Speaker 2: and if you can learn some basic things about mammal babies,

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Speaker 2: it's going to apply to your baby as well. And

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Speaker 2: then we can just start to say what are what

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Speaker 2: is this baby mammal born with the ability to do?

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Speaker 2: And there's social media it's problematic in this space, and

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Speaker 2: it's also a blessing because it gives me an opportunity

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Speaker 2: to just get the message out there. There are other

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Speaker 2: providers who are giving good, evidence based, nice, not harmful information,

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Speaker 2: and there are so many videos that we can go

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Speaker 2: watch now of what happens when a baby is born.

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Speaker 2: Did you know that every baby goes through the same

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Speaker 2: nine behaviors after they come.

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Speaker 1: No, can you tell me about these nine behaviors? Because

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Speaker 1: I feel like I feel like I'm reading a whole

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Speaker 1: educational experience right now.

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Speaker 2: It's super cool. So I'm not going to go through

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Speaker 2: all nine of the steps. But if you go anybody

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Speaker 2: that's listening and you want to see what I'm talking about,

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Speaker 2: if you look up newborn babies, breast crawl, newborn babies,

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Speaker 2: the Golden Hour, like then you're gonna see these babies

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Speaker 2: who are fresh out. They're out now, they're living in

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Speaker 2: the world, and they do nine of the same things.

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Speaker 2: So it's like they cry, they rest, they like look around,

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Speaker 2: and eventually they get themselves to the breast. So like

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Speaker 2: step nine is like they've latched and started eating. And

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Speaker 2: if I just now this is okay, so here and

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Speaker 2: it has to be a normal vaginal delivery with no interventions,

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Speaker 2: and that's pretty rare these days. It still happens. It

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Speaker 2: happens in birth centers, it can happen in the hospital

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Speaker 2: if you're vocal about it. There's sometimes are compromises we

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Speaker 2: have to make. But we could have a baby who's

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Speaker 2: going skin to skin after birth, full term delivery, and

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Speaker 2: all I have to do as a mom is just

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Speaker 2: make sure the baby doesn't fall off of the bed,

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Speaker 2: and this baby will put herself onto my breast. Parents

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Speaker 2: don't know that, and when they see the videos, they're like,

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Speaker 2: it's mind blowing. I've seen a lot of babies doing

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Speaker 2: this over the years, and it still like makes me

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Speaker 2: weep because it's just this beautiful thing that I have

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Speaker 2: no idea what I'm doing. Thank goodness, this.

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Speaker 1: Baby goes no it got that's natural instinct, Like as

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Speaker 1: soon as they're out of the.

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Speaker 2: Womb one hundred percent, so within the first hour, you're

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Speaker 2: going to see all of those things happen, these stages

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Speaker 2: that our baby mammals go through, and that is that

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Speaker 2: can be a big shift for parents. To see it

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Speaker 2: on a video is one thing, and that can make

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Speaker 2: them say wow. What But then when they have their baby,

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Speaker 2: it's amaz just to have them just sit back. You

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Speaker 2: don't have to do anything. You don't because they're just like,

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Speaker 2: what do I do? Like you don't even have to

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Speaker 2: do anything, literally, like just relax and hold your baby

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Speaker 2: and watch what they can do. And then as we

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Speaker 2: move forward, now it's nice for you to be able

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Speaker 2: to sit up and hold them and do the things,

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Speaker 2: but if you just lean back, they'll do a lot

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Speaker 2: of the work for you, which is super cool.

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Speaker 1: You mentioned that a specifically the traditional style of birth,

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Speaker 1: So does that change if c section is part of

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Speaker 1: this and different things? What does that look like?

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Speaker 2: It can look a lot of different ways. We have,

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Speaker 2: of course, a lot of studies now that show us

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Speaker 2: what it can look like. And so if you have

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Speaker 2: an epidoral, let's say, and some moms want an epidoral,

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Speaker 2: which is totally fine, and some moms don't want an epidoral,

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Speaker 2: but then they do and that's also fine, and some

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Speaker 2: moms don't want one, but then the healthcare team is like,

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Speaker 2: you really should get one because of medical reasons. It's

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Speaker 2: safe for the baby in terms of the medication. But

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Speaker 2: if you think about what an epidural. It is, you know,

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Speaker 2: it's a numbing agent. And so it's not that the

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Speaker 2: baby doesn't get any of the medicine. They do. And

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Speaker 2: so sometimes just depends like the dose of the epidoral,

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Speaker 2: how far away we are from delivering the baby, all

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Speaker 2: of these kinds of things. But we see that babies

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Speaker 2: who were born to a mother who had an epidoral,

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Speaker 2: they're not quite as feisty. If you go look up

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Speaker 2: the breast crawl, you're going to see these babies that

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Speaker 2: are like doing push up some of the mom's chest

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Speaker 2: and bobbing their head and eating their hands and pushing

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Speaker 2: with their feet to get to the breast. And that's

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Speaker 2: what we would love to see. Babies who have some

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Speaker 2: kind of medication in their system might not be quite

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Speaker 2: as bright eyed and bushy tail. They might be a

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Speaker 2: little just a little sloppier, a little more relaxed about

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Speaker 2: the whole thing. And as that medication wears off, they

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Speaker 2: will start to pick up with those behaviors, they don't

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Speaker 2: lose them. It's really important for those moms who had

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Speaker 2: to have an epidural. I hate I had to have

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Speaker 2: a C section. I had all medication, and thank you

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Speaker 2: for all the medication for that, And I had a

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Speaker 2: baby that was flappy and not super into things for

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Speaker 2: a minute, and I've seen lots of babies like that

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Speaker 2: in the job that I do. Keep that baby skin

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Speaker 2: to skin with you. That's if anybody's listening today, if

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Speaker 2: there's one take home message, hold your baby skin to

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Speaker 2: skin as much as you can, as often as you can,

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Speaker 2: and when you get tired of it, give it to dad,

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Speaker 2: give it to your partner, give baby to grandma to

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Speaker 2: hold in skin to skin. It's so good for them.

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Speaker 2: It's really great for breastfeeding.

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Speaker 1: Development.

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Speaker 2: It's like the neurons are firing in the baby when

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Speaker 2: they're held skin to skin. They it's really cool science

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Speaker 2: stuff where they have like sensors on the front of

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Speaker 2: their body that are talking to them about where they

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Speaker 2: are and what they need to do and triggering feeding reflexes.

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Speaker 2: And if the baby has had any medication, as that

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Speaker 2: wears off, I'm going to start seeing some of those

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Speaker 2: behaviors that I wanted to see when they were born.

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Speaker 2: And I'm going to be the first to know if

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Speaker 2: the baby is right here and know that okay, now

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Speaker 2: it's time to feed. So there are some differences, but

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Speaker 2: generally they're short term. Within twenty four to thirty six hours,

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Speaker 2: we should see a baby kind of free of the

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Speaker 2: medication and acting like fiery little mammals trying to eat.

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Speaker 1: Oh wow, that's so fascinating. Then they do not teach

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Speaker 1: you that in school, that's for sure. And it's also interesting.

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Speaker 1: I've seen some stories recently coming out talking about sea sections,

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Speaker 1: so I'd love your take on that, because it's there's

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Speaker 1: and I don't know. You may not have one, and

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Speaker 1: you may not know, but it's more the we're seeing

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Speaker 1: that sea sections were pushed a lot for people to

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Speaker 1: have them and versus having natural birth or whatever they

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Speaker 1: wanted to have. I loved watching my sister navigate this

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Speaker 1: for the first time, because I said it in the

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Speaker 1: very beginning. I was like, one thing I know from

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Speaker 1: all the information I've taken in is just be your

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Speaker 1: own advocate, do whatever you want to do, and stand

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Speaker 1: up for yourself. You deserve that, and she did in

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Speaker 1: every way, and she fought like hell to do the

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Speaker 1: things that she wanted to do as long as it

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Speaker 1: was safe for her and her baby. And that was

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Speaker 1: really cool to watch. But it's also interesting now seeing

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Speaker 1: a lot of the feedback come out online about sea

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Speaker 1: sections and this push to have them done. So is

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Speaker 1: there anything you can share in shed light on that

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Speaker 1: kind of situation that's really unfolding right now.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I mentioned, I had a sea section. My

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Speaker 2: baby was breach and he didn't turn, and he didn't

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Speaker 2: turn and he didn't turn, and when I finally delivered

433
00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:42,600
Speaker 2: be a sea section, they said he was never going

434
00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:45,000
Speaker 2: to turn, like he was folded up like a taco

435
00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:47,560
Speaker 2: this way, there was no room for him to move.

436
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:51,920
Speaker 2: So fank goodness. We have sea sections for medical reasons.

437
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:56,200
Speaker 2: It is major abdominal surgery, and we forget that because

438
00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:59,080
Speaker 2: it's so commonplace when we're talking about having a baby

439
00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:00,920
Speaker 2: and it took oh you can give or you're gonna

440
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:04,120
Speaker 2: have a sea section, it's like it's major abdominal surgery.

441
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:08,280
Speaker 2: And not only is it major abdominal surgery, maybe even

442
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:10,720
Speaker 2: at this point we can hold baby skinned skin after

443
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,359
Speaker 2: a sea section. A lot of hospitals are doing that now.

444
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:16,880
Speaker 2: But imagine like going in for any other abdominal surgery,

445
00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:19,240
Speaker 2: like you're gonna have some kind of liver surgery or surgery.

446
00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:24,080
Speaker 2: You're on your stomach and you are awake for the surgery,

447
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:27,880
Speaker 2: and ten minutes later they go, here's a baby, Please

448
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:31,200
Speaker 2: keep it alive. Can you imagine, But that's what we're

449
00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:33,080
Speaker 2: doing when we have a sea section and we're like,

450
00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:37,240
Speaker 2: here's your baby. Don't pull your stitches out. Be really

451
00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:40,200
Speaker 2: careful holding them, like make sure when you're breastfeeding, they're

452
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:44,040
Speaker 2: not kicking your incision. It's crazy. So we've really normalized

453
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:47,000
Speaker 2: it in a way that I think is a detriment

454
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:49,240
Speaker 2: to the way that moms are thinking about it and

455
00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:51,639
Speaker 2: they're not. And like I said, I'm glad we have

456
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:53,840
Speaker 2: them and everyone you should do what you would like

457
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:57,400
Speaker 2: to do, but make an informed decision and recognize that

458
00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:02,879
Speaker 2: you are having your body open up and they're taking

459
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:05,119
Speaker 2: your organs out and laying them on your stomach and

460
00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:07,399
Speaker 2: then they're cutting. So it's like it's a big deal.

461
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:10,760
Speaker 2: There can be just like with any surgery, there are

462
00:24:11,119 --> 00:24:14,359
Speaker 2: way more risks as you can imagine, involved with this

463
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:18,080
Speaker 2: way of delivering a baby because we do it so much.

464
00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:21,359
Speaker 2: On the plus side, we're good at it. Yeah, I

465
00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:23,840
Speaker 2: would say probably. I don't know the evidence, so don't

466
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:26,359
Speaker 2: quote me on this, but I would imagine that whenever

467
00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:28,600
Speaker 2: we started doing c sections that like, they're probably a

468
00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:30,800
Speaker 2: lot safer than they used to be. I would hope so.

469
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:32,880
Speaker 1: I would hope so as well. I think we've been

470
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:34,120
Speaker 1: doing those for a few decades.

471
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:37,400
Speaker 2: I would hope so. But they do come with some disadvantages,

472
00:24:37,440 --> 00:24:42,040
Speaker 2: and then once you are recovery is a whole different story. Now.

473
00:24:42,119 --> 00:24:45,720
Speaker 2: I remember standing up the first day after I had

474
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:49,280
Speaker 2: that surgery, and it was scary. It was scary. You're

475
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:51,760
Speaker 2: not allowed to drive, you're not allowed to walk up

476
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:54,399
Speaker 2: the stairs, you're not supposed to pick up anything bigger

477
00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:57,359
Speaker 2: than your baby, and if you have other kids at home,

478
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:01,560
Speaker 2: it's a challenge to challenge. So lots of kind of

479
00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:05,080
Speaker 2: risks and downsides that I'm not sure that we're always

480
00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:07,159
Speaker 2: being honest about with moms.

481
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,960
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. I think the wild experience about that too,

482
00:25:10,080 --> 00:25:14,040
Speaker 1: is that you mentioned it and you don't get to

483
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:18,200
Speaker 1: recover completely. You're now going to get kicked out too.

484
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:23,199
Speaker 1: They chose you on this Friday to misbehave. They are

485
00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:26,199
Speaker 1: normally angels during this whole process. They've gotten used to it.

486
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:28,280
Speaker 1: I'm not sure what the warning is, but I thank

487
00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:32,000
Speaker 1: you you mentioned that this like the recovery process, and

488
00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:34,960
Speaker 1: I think about the idea of having to take care

489
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:38,680
Speaker 1: of a newborn, learn to breastfeed, learn to especially new moms.

490
00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:40,560
Speaker 1: Right if you've done this is your four c section,

491
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:42,760
Speaker 1: you probably have a little idea of what's about to happen.

492
00:25:43,119 --> 00:25:47,000
Speaker 1: But what's wild to me is those first newborn moms

493
00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:49,000
Speaker 1: for the very first time are like, I have to

494
00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:50,960
Speaker 1: recover for how long? And I also have to take

495
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:54,359
Speaker 1: care of my baby this whole time, and nobody really

496
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:57,040
Speaker 1: warns you about that in the process. It's yeah, this

497
00:25:57,080 --> 00:25:58,600
Speaker 1: is a big deal, but you'll be fine.

498
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:03,879
Speaker 2: Don't feel like we're super I maybe not honest, but

499
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:06,320
Speaker 2: just not talking about it at all when we're making

500
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:11,119
Speaker 2: informed decisions. And like I said, sometimes it's really not

501
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:14,159
Speaker 2: a decision. In my case, if we have a baby

502
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:16,520
Speaker 2: that's breached. To me, that's not a decision. I guess

503
00:26:16,560 --> 00:26:18,560
Speaker 2: some people might say it is, but in my opinion,

504
00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:21,679
Speaker 2: we're going to have a C section because we're at

505
00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:25,240
Speaker 2: much less risk than delivering badulally in some of these cases.

506
00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:31,240
Speaker 2: But it is super stressful to have to be recovering

507
00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:37,159
Speaker 2: from this and then just I even after birth, I

508
00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:41,560
Speaker 2: remember I felt so sick because of the medication that

509
00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:43,920
Speaker 2: they gave me like I was like a lot of

510
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:45,679
Speaker 2: people are throwing up. I don't remember if I did

511
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:48,119
Speaker 2: or not. I might have, but again they're trying to

512
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:50,480
Speaker 2: like give me a baby when I'm like vomiting, and

513
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:52,679
Speaker 2: I'm like, are you out of your mind? Like what

514
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:53,560
Speaker 2: is happening?

515
00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:55,560
Speaker 1: This is like I can't even take care of myself

516
00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:57,760
Speaker 1: right now. Don't give me something that needs me to

517
00:26:57,800 --> 00:26:59,720
Speaker 1: help it survive, That's right.

518
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:03,160
Speaker 2: So it gets a little weird. I think again, we've

519
00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:06,520
Speaker 2: just normalized it is a normal way to give birth,

520
00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:09,399
Speaker 2: Like the babies are coming out through the window instead

521
00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:15,040
Speaker 2: of the door, and it's very safe relative to other things,

522
00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:18,439
Speaker 2: but compared to a vaginal deliberate it's not quite as safe.

523
00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:23,159
Speaker 2: And then the recovery time is intense, especially sometimes right afterwards.

524
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:25,720
Speaker 2: And this was a planned sea section. When we're talking

525
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:29,320
Speaker 2: about an emergency sea section, that can be way riskier

526
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:32,960
Speaker 2: all the way around. And then depending on why did

527
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:34,720
Speaker 2: we have that in the first place, what was going

528
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:36,560
Speaker 2: on with the mom, what was going on with the baby.

529
00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:38,280
Speaker 2: Now we might have a baby in the nick you

530
00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,680
Speaker 2: for some reason, or mom's had to be moved to

531
00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:42,800
Speaker 2: a different part of the hospital. I can get really

532
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:47,120
Speaker 2: complex and challenging for new parents to navigate this and

533
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:51,800
Speaker 2: just navigated period. Forget about breastfeeding. Sometimes that goes out

534
00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:54,119
Speaker 2: the window pretty quickly when we're in that kind of

535
00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:56,960
Speaker 2: a situation, very much so.

536
00:27:57,200 --> 00:28:00,199
Speaker 1: And we're now to this point where it's after the

537
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:03,359
Speaker 1: baby is born. And a big piece of this, what

538
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:06,240
Speaker 1: we mentioned right at the beginning, is that there's a

539
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:10,040
Speaker 1: stage at which people forget that these parents there exists

540
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:11,760
Speaker 1: and they have a newborn and this is what's happening

541
00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:14,160
Speaker 1: in their lives for the rest of their lives. And

542
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:16,879
Speaker 1: they don't have that village in community as much as

543
00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:19,639
Speaker 1: they did in the very beginning. And there's also postpartum

544
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:22,720
Speaker 1: that comes with that. So what are some things that

545
00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:26,360
Speaker 1: you're seeing maybe to help parents, especially moms, get through

546
00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:30,080
Speaker 1: that postpartum season and get through it without having to

547
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:33,280
Speaker 1: face that, because that is another thing we just really

548
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:36,480
Speaker 1: don't talk about a lot because joyful having a baby.

549
00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:39,120
Speaker 1: It's great, you created life, but hey, also you might

550
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:41,280
Speaker 1: have some depression, anxiety and stress that come with us,

551
00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:44,200
Speaker 1: but don't worry about it. It'll be fine.

552
00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:47,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, that gets really hard to especially not being in

553
00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:52,440
Speaker 2: community because now, and I mentioned I had postpartum depression.

554
00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:54,960
Speaker 2: It didn't go diagnosed because I never told anybody about it,

555
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:57,200
Speaker 2: because what am I going to say, I'm bad at

556
00:28:57,200 --> 00:28:59,080
Speaker 2: being a mom. I don't think I can do this.

557
00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:02,600
Speaker 2: I decided to have a baby, and now I feel

558
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:05,160
Speaker 2: like I can't say I didn't want this or I'm

559
00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:08,479
Speaker 2: bad at this. So the feelings of like shame and

560
00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:12,680
Speaker 2: guilt are big in moms, and it's like it's not

561
00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:16,000
Speaker 2: even their fault, Like we've had this major hormonal flux

562
00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:19,440
Speaker 2: that has triggered some kind of depression. Now if we

563
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:21,800
Speaker 2: have a baby that's not for eastfeeding pain, we're not sleeping,

564
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:25,920
Speaker 2: that makes it all worse. But it's not like they

565
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:28,680
Speaker 2: did something wrong, but they don't know that you can't

566
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:30,960
Speaker 2: see it when you're inside of it. And so now

567
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:33,760
Speaker 2: if you're lucky enough to have a partner, they're the

568
00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:36,560
Speaker 2: ones that are responsible. So one thing I would say

569
00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:40,600
Speaker 2: is that if you're supporting somebody who's pregnant, learn about

570
00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:45,040
Speaker 2: the baby blues and learn about postpartum depression, because we

571
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:48,280
Speaker 2: want to normalize those things so that you understand it's

572
00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:50,920
Speaker 2: pretty normal for that big mood swing to happen over

573
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:54,360
Speaker 2: the first few days after birth and to feel very

574
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:57,120
Speaker 2: teary sometimes even though this is supposed to be the

575
00:29:57,120 --> 00:30:00,040
Speaker 2: happiest day of my life, why am I crying? And

576
00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:02,040
Speaker 2: most of the rest of the day I can move

577
00:30:02,080 --> 00:30:05,080
Speaker 2: out of that and still enjoy myself and still laugh

578
00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:09,080
Speaker 2: or eat dinner something. If that continues to pick up,

579
00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:11,880
Speaker 2: get worse and worse, and now I'm crying more and more.

580
00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:16,840
Speaker 2: I'm just shutting off emotionally. Now we're headed into postpartum

581
00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:19,840
Speaker 2: depression territory, and again I don't know it because I'm

582
00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:22,560
Speaker 2: inside of it. So for the partner to be able

583
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:24,560
Speaker 2: to be checking in daily and just being like, hey,

584
00:30:25,080 --> 00:30:27,000
Speaker 2: how are you feeling, how are you doing? What can

585
00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:29,479
Speaker 2: I do for you? What's the hardest thing today? I

586
00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:31,640
Speaker 2: like that question a lot. What's the most challenging thing

587
00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:37,480
Speaker 2: for you today? And telling Mom, this is so hard

588
00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:40,040
Speaker 2: right now and you are doing such a great job

589
00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:44,080
Speaker 2: in spite of these challenges. I see how hard you're trying.

590
00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:46,440
Speaker 2: Moms need to hear that, and they're not hearing it

591
00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:49,480
Speaker 2: from the community anymore. They don't get it from the village.

592
00:30:49,760 --> 00:30:53,520
Speaker 2: So that partner has a lot of new responsibilities that

593
00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:57,160
Speaker 2: sometimes as men, they're not as in touch with that

594
00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:00,960
Speaker 2: womanly mothering part of themselves at nurture part of themselves.

595
00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:03,080
Speaker 2: So I think all of this needs to happen before

596
00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:05,480
Speaker 2: we have the baby for it to work out. So

597
00:31:05,520 --> 00:31:06,840
Speaker 2: I think there's a lot of work that can be

598
00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:11,760
Speaker 2: done prenatally with couples going to classes, asking questions, learning

599
00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:16,960
Speaker 2: about what's normal. How can the partner support mom knowing

600
00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:19,080
Speaker 2: the signs, how to talk to her about it, what

601
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 2: to do if we feel like this is not okay,

602
00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:26,640
Speaker 2: You're not alone. There is help and things are going

603
00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:29,400
Speaker 2: to change, but we need to take some action to

604
00:31:29,440 --> 00:31:31,120
Speaker 2: get there. But that falls on the partner a lot

605
00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:31,600
Speaker 2: of the time.

606
00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:34,040
Speaker 1: Well, and I love that you said that, because it

607
00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:37,120
Speaker 1: does right. This isn't just one person who's part of

608
00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:39,560
Speaker 1: this picture, and sometimes it is, and that breaks my

609
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:42,400
Speaker 1: heart in itself, and it's an entirely different story. But

610
00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:46,080
Speaker 1: when there is a partnership that's happening and one of

611
00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:48,960
Speaker 1: them is just removed from the scenario, and I'm like, hey,

612
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:51,800
Speaker 1: you made half of that. Just because it's coming out

613
00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:54,560
Speaker 1: of her, you still have a whole lot of responsibility

614
00:31:54,560 --> 00:31:57,560
Speaker 1: that's about to come. And it's so funny. I was

615
00:31:57,960 --> 00:32:00,400
Speaker 1: my poor brother in law when my sister told me

616
00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:02,920
Speaker 1: she was pregnant. I think I sent him so many

617
00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:05,200
Speaker 1: different social media clips of taking.

618
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:05,400
Speaker 2: Care of her.

619
00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:07,880
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not there. We live in separate cities,

620
00:32:07,920 --> 00:32:12,240
Speaker 1: so you I like you right now. We've gotten along

621
00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:13,960
Speaker 1: this whole time, but I'm gonna make sure that you're

622
00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:15,280
Speaker 1: also going to show up in this way because I

623
00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:18,680
Speaker 1: need you to for my sister. And I knew he would.

624
00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:21,840
Speaker 1: He's an incredible dad and incredible partner, but it was

625
00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:24,480
Speaker 1: like I wanted to help him also have information that

626
00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:26,800
Speaker 1: I don't know that I even knew. It was an

627
00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:30,320
Speaker 1: entire community trying to help to make sure. One of

628
00:32:30,360 --> 00:32:34,360
Speaker 1: the things that I was so profoundly just really in

629
00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:36,440
Speaker 1: touch with for my sister was like I need to

630
00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:38,160
Speaker 1: check in with you all the time, and how are

631
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:40,880
Speaker 1: you doing, and how are you feeling about this? Talk

632
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:42,600
Speaker 1: to me about what you are instead of being like

633
00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:45,120
Speaker 1: how's the baby, talk to me about your new baby.

634
00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:47,480
Speaker 1: It was like, Mom, you're still my sister, and I

635
00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:49,160
Speaker 1: want to know about your life and how you are.

636
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:53,280
Speaker 1: So that was something I really recognized in just a

637
00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:54,840
Speaker 1: lot of friends and a lot of people I've seen

638
00:32:54,880 --> 00:32:55,640
Speaker 1: have babies too.

639
00:32:56,880 --> 00:33:00,360
Speaker 2: She's really lucky to have you, no, thank you, but

640
00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:03,840
Speaker 2: I bet you recognize the need for that well.

641
00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:06,160
Speaker 1: And I hope it helps other people recognize. But it

642
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:09,000
Speaker 1: took me seeing and experiencing other people going through this

643
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:11,479
Speaker 1: to say, I need to make sure I'm aware of

644
00:33:11,520 --> 00:33:15,040
Speaker 1: this when this does happen for my best friend. Need

645
00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:17,160
Speaker 1: to be the one who's checking in on her, because

646
00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:19,640
Speaker 1: it's really easy and too no fault of anybody's right.

647
00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:23,280
Speaker 1: A new baby's exciting, and having a new family member

648
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:26,840
Speaker 1: and all of these things are so exciting, but Mom's

649
00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:29,640
Speaker 1: still there and she's still very much a part of

650
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:33,240
Speaker 1: that picture, so it's not just the baby. And that

651
00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:35,520
Speaker 1: was something that I hopefully me saying that. It was

652
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:38,440
Speaker 1: just like, oh, yeah, I need to flip that switch,

653
00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:40,480
Speaker 1: because it's easy. It gets lost in the mix.

654
00:33:41,480 --> 00:33:44,920
Speaker 2: That's so true. And I like what you said about

655
00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:48,880
Speaker 2: maybe you saying that was the first time that she

656
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:52,960
Speaker 2: even thought about herself, because we forget about ourselves as moms,

657
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:55,040
Speaker 2: and we're so hyper focused on is the baby okay,

658
00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:57,040
Speaker 2: is the baby breathing? Is a baby eating? And I

659
00:33:57,080 --> 00:33:59,520
Speaker 2: forget that, Like I'm here too, and I'm alive, and

660
00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:01,280
Speaker 2: I need to keep myself alive, and I need to

661
00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:05,000
Speaker 2: be okay as possible, and I stop thinking about that.

662
00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:07,840
Speaker 2: So it's important not just to be checking in, but

663
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:11,000
Speaker 2: also for you to make mom remember that she needs

664
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:13,480
Speaker 2: to be thinking about this too. And again, we've lost

665
00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:17,400
Speaker 2: a lot of that connection with other people in a community.

666
00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:21,200
Speaker 2: So if you have a family member that is pregnant

667
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:25,480
Speaker 2: having a baby, friends check in on them. So as

668
00:34:25,520 --> 00:34:28,160
Speaker 2: somebody's checking in on the baby, I promise you like

669
00:34:28,239 --> 00:34:30,560
Speaker 2: that baby's getting checked over a million times a day.

670
00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:34,839
Speaker 2: But mom gets left out sometimes, and that's a bit

671
00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:39,000
Speaker 2: problematic from a lot of different angles in my opinion.

672
00:34:40,040 --> 00:34:43,160
Speaker 2: I hope we're going to do better with Sometimes a

673
00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:46,399
Speaker 2: mom won't even see her doctor for six weeks after

674
00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:48,920
Speaker 2: she delivers, so she has a baby and her first

675
00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:52,879
Speaker 2: obguia check up is six weeks most part Wow, that's

676
00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:56,520
Speaker 2: fifteen lifetimes with a new baby. Six weeks. Oh. Are

677
00:34:56,600 --> 00:34:59,680
Speaker 2: you breastfeeding? No? Like I quit three weeks ago because

678
00:34:59,719 --> 00:35:03,360
Speaker 2: it was so hard, Like your whole life is changing

679
00:35:03,640 --> 00:35:06,480
Speaker 2: day by day, the baby's doing different things. If I'm breastfeeding,

680
00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:10,279
Speaker 2: my body's changing. We need better postpartum support just through

681
00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:13,720
Speaker 2: the medical system as a different topic, but in the meantime,

682
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:17,879
Speaker 2: people who are around mom in her community. Even if

683
00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:21,040
Speaker 2: we're living far away, we do have FaceTime and we

684
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:24,759
Speaker 2: do have phone calls. Take advantage of those. I think

685
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:29,040
Speaker 2: also having conversations about it before we have the baby.

686
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:31,640
Speaker 2: I think I mentioned that, but just to reinforce everybody

687
00:35:31,680 --> 00:35:34,920
Speaker 2: having a conversation with mom because her whole identity is

688
00:35:34,960 --> 00:35:37,080
Speaker 2: going to change. We often don't talk about that either,

689
00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:39,520
Speaker 2: where it's like, well, I'm having a baby, what do

690
00:35:39,560 --> 00:35:42,120
Speaker 2: I need to buy? What are the hacks? And I'm

691
00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:45,520
Speaker 2: like cool, Like you can get that probably literally anywhere

692
00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:48,000
Speaker 2: on social media. But who's talking about like, your whole

693
00:35:48,040 --> 00:35:50,160
Speaker 2: life is going to change, You're not going to be

694
00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:53,799
Speaker 2: the same person ever again, and your relationship is never

695
00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:57,080
Speaker 2: going to be the same relationship ever again. I think

696
00:35:57,160 --> 00:35:59,759
Speaker 2: we need to spend some time thinking about that and

697
00:36:00,040 --> 00:36:04,160
Speaker 2: walking through that. In addition to all the things we're

698
00:36:04,160 --> 00:36:06,000
Speaker 2: going to buy the baby, showers and all with that.

699
00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:09,000
Speaker 1: Well, that is so important because it is it's a

700
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:10,600
Speaker 1: focus on what all do I need? How do I

701
00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:12,719
Speaker 1: make sure the house is prepared? It's the baby room ready?

702
00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:16,200
Speaker 1: Is do we have everything the baby needs? And those

703
00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:19,120
Speaker 1: conversations there doesn't feel like there's a lot of space

704
00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:21,960
Speaker 1: for it in all of the noise and not intentionally,

705
00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:28,400
Speaker 1: but just there's so much else happening when you do

706
00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:30,239
Speaker 1: have new parents who are coming in or maybe people

707
00:36:30,239 --> 00:36:33,400
Speaker 1: who are thinking about having kids or anything along those lines.

708
00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:36,839
Speaker 1: What are those conversations that you just mentioned a few there,

709
00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:38,400
Speaker 1: and I just want to make sure how all of

710
00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:40,359
Speaker 1: them because this might be the first time they're even

711
00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:42,239
Speaker 1: hearing that they should be talking about these things.

712
00:36:42,480 --> 00:36:49,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think feeling feeling like I really trust my partner?

713
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:51,880
Speaker 2: Do we have any trust issues that we need to

714
00:36:51,880 --> 00:36:55,000
Speaker 2: work on? Talk through and just saying, hey, do you

715
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:57,960
Speaker 2: trust me? What about this relationship? Could I be doing better?

716
00:36:58,040 --> 00:37:04,080
Speaker 2: Because literally, like my life is now dependent upon my partner.

717
00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:06,920
Speaker 2: So the dad sometimes you can change the diapers or

718
00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:11,120
Speaker 2: you're keeping your family alive and dad partner whoever, again,

719
00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:13,080
Speaker 2: if we're lucky enough to have that person is like

720
00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:19,240
Speaker 2: eyes on the big picture now and is baby okay? Yes,

721
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:23,040
Speaker 2: but like mom's pretty attuned to that. Is mom okay?

722
00:37:23,800 --> 00:37:25,600
Speaker 2: And what does that look like? And then is the

723
00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:30,600
Speaker 2: household okay? And talking through I want you to be

724
00:37:30,640 --> 00:37:35,040
Speaker 2: able to tell me when you're feeling anything that's wrong

725
00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:37,680
Speaker 2: or there's a big challenge, like I want to be

726
00:37:37,719 --> 00:37:41,279
Speaker 2: the first to know. I want to hear what do

727
00:37:41,320 --> 00:37:44,640
Speaker 2: you need, Like you can ask me for anything, like

728
00:37:44,719 --> 00:37:48,680
Speaker 2: just really building and making a solid foundation of like trust,

729
00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:51,239
Speaker 2: because it really it can be life and death when

730
00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:54,719
Speaker 2: we talk about like new baby, new mom. There are

731
00:37:54,840 --> 00:37:56,719
Speaker 2: risks that go along with this, and we want to

732
00:37:56,719 --> 00:37:59,800
Speaker 2: make sure that everybody's safe and healthy, and that involves

733
00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:04,680
Speaker 2: level of trust between caregivers. So really working on your

734
00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:07,520
Speaker 2: relationship if there's any sort of stress around that, And

735
00:38:07,600 --> 00:38:10,080
Speaker 2: of course those of us who have been married, like

736
00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:12,040
Speaker 2: leading up to the wedding, it can get a little

737
00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:16,160
Speaker 2: stressful sometimes with our future spouses, and like having a baby,

738
00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:18,719
Speaker 2: sometimes leading up to that can get a little stressful.

739
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:22,319
Speaker 2: And I see it happening postpart him as well. But

740
00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:24,080
Speaker 2: the couples that I know are going to be okay

741
00:38:24,120 --> 00:38:26,880
Speaker 2: are the ones that I know because they've told me

742
00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:31,200
Speaker 2: about like how wonderful this person is for them, and

743
00:38:31,239 --> 00:38:34,120
Speaker 2: they know that and they say it, and they they

744
00:38:34,160 --> 00:38:37,680
Speaker 2: can be vulnerable with that person. They can share their deepest,

745
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:40,400
Speaker 2: darkest fears with that person and trust that they're going

746
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:42,880
Speaker 2: to be able to receive that and help in whatever

747
00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:47,640
Speaker 2: way that they can. So that's critical and then the

748
00:38:47,719 --> 00:38:53,560
Speaker 2: household management. One of the best things that my now

749
00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:56,239
Speaker 2: ex husband did when we were expecting the baby was

750
00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:59,120
Speaker 2: he got very serious and he came in one day.

751
00:38:59,239 --> 00:39:01,040
Speaker 2: I was having a ccon and it was planned. We

752
00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:05,720
Speaker 2: knew like tomorrow we're having a baby or something, and anyway,

753
00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:07,680
Speaker 2: he came in. He's very serious and he has like

754
00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:09,719
Speaker 2: a pad of paper and a pencil and he's like,

755
00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:13,719
Speaker 2: I need you to tell me everything that you do

756
00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:16,960
Speaker 2: in this house. And I was like, ah, and I'm

757
00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:20,040
Speaker 2: telling you. Like he realized I do a lot of

758
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:22,359
Speaker 2: things that he doesn't even know what they are, and

759
00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:25,480
Speaker 2: he realizes that's all going to change, and I'm not

760
00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:28,719
Speaker 2: doing crab for at least a couple of weeks now,

761
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:30,719
Speaker 2: and he's going to have to do it. So that

762
00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:33,880
Speaker 2: was amazing. So I share that story with new couples

763
00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:36,520
Speaker 2: and say, have that conversation, what are each of you

764
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:39,520
Speaker 2: doing in this household and know that Mom's not going

765
00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:41,880
Speaker 2: to be doing a lot of that at least for

766
00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:43,279
Speaker 2: a minute, please.

767
00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:48,279
Speaker 1: No, really, at least for several weeks. Actually, yeah, that's

768
00:39:48,440 --> 00:39:51,279
Speaker 1: those are such important questions. And once again, like you

769
00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:53,880
Speaker 1: speak from that counseling perspective, I'm sure too. Of just

770
00:39:54,640 --> 00:39:56,640
Speaker 1: we do see a lot of resentment that comes after

771
00:39:56,960 --> 00:39:59,879
Speaker 1: people have a baby because life does change, and it's

772
00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:02,000
Speaker 1: to be dramatic. It's supposed to hit you with a

773
00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:05,200
Speaker 1: reality that this is going to be different. It's gonna

774
00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:07,439
Speaker 1: be awesome, and there's gonna be exciting moments, but there's

775
00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:10,000
Speaker 1: also gonna be a lot of changes, and are you

776
00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:12,440
Speaker 1: prepared for that? Are what is your life? It's no

777
00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:14,880
Speaker 1: different than when you're about to get married. It's like,

778
00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:16,160
Speaker 1: are you sure you want to be with that guy

779
00:40:16,160 --> 00:40:16,960
Speaker 1: for the rest of your life?

780
00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:17,120
Speaker 2: Like?

781
00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:21,279
Speaker 1: Have we gone through the whole questions? And have you

782
00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:23,719
Speaker 1: answered all of them? How do you feel? There's a

783
00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:26,600
Speaker 1: cool trend that's been happening online that I've been seeing

784
00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:30,600
Speaker 1: lately of people saying it's important who you marry, and

785
00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:33,080
Speaker 1: they're showing these really hard moments in their life. And

786
00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:37,600
Speaker 1: I wish I could stress that so much more because

787
00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:39,640
Speaker 1: it's all I see, right, And I've seen so many

788
00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:43,600
Speaker 1: different perspectives of this, and I've lived in so many

789
00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:47,080
Speaker 1: different partner situations, and the one thing I always come

790
00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:49,080
Speaker 1: back to is are you gonna be able to get

791
00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:51,600
Speaker 1: me through the toughest moment of my life. Are you

792
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:53,959
Speaker 1: gonna be able to get through loss? Are you gonna

793
00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:55,719
Speaker 1: be able to help me get through? If I do

794
00:40:55,840 --> 00:40:58,000
Speaker 1: decide to have a child and push it out of

795
00:40:58,040 --> 00:40:59,799
Speaker 1: my body? What are you gonna do? What's that going

796
00:40:59,880 --> 00:41:02,600
Speaker 1: to look like? And I wish more people had that

797
00:41:02,680 --> 00:41:05,520
Speaker 1: conversation with themselves before marriage, before having kids, all of it.

798
00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:07,200
Speaker 1: I think that's such an important topic.

799
00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:11,120
Speaker 2: It really is. And I just saw something funny and

800
00:41:11,160 --> 00:41:15,080
Speaker 2: it was like, ladies, you're gonna meet a man when

801
00:41:15,080 --> 00:41:17,920
Speaker 2: you're twenty three years old, and you're gonna know that

802
00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:21,760
Speaker 2: he's the one. It's very important that you don't marry.

803
00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:24,840
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh day, okay, Like I feel

804
00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:27,920
Speaker 1: called out a little bit, but all right, it's so true.

805
00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:30,759
Speaker 1: Though sometimes it feels that way and it's just not it.

806
00:41:32,360 --> 00:41:35,520
Speaker 2: And also we do the best we can with where

807
00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:39,600
Speaker 2: we're at hindsight is twenty twenty. Often within the situation,

808
00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:42,520
Speaker 2: it does feel like this is the person, this is

809
00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:44,279
Speaker 2: the one that can do all the things. And then

810
00:41:44,560 --> 00:41:46,520
Speaker 2: when push comes to shop, but I didn't know that

811
00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:48,640
Speaker 2: because we didn't we never had a baby together, so

812
00:41:48,680 --> 00:41:51,440
Speaker 2: a lot of these things are kind of first and

813
00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:53,799
Speaker 2: I don't even know how I'm gonna be so it

814
00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:56,960
Speaker 2: gets it can be like it's not a perfect equation

815
00:41:57,520 --> 00:41:59,920
Speaker 2: where if we talk about it in advance and everything's

816
00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:01,400
Speaker 2: going to be great and there's not going to be

817
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:04,440
Speaker 2: any problems. No, there's definitely that's not how this works.

818
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:08,400
Speaker 1: No, you could have all the conversations you want, you

819
00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:12,800
Speaker 1: can still not be prepared for certain things. That's life.

820
00:42:12,920 --> 00:42:15,920
Speaker 2: And I like to really stress that because the pressure

821
00:42:15,960 --> 00:42:19,080
Speaker 2: to be perfect and having a baby, the pressure to

822
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:22,040
Speaker 2: be perfect parents is bigger than ever, and now social media,

823
00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:24,719
Speaker 2: like the whole world has their opinion on what that

824
00:42:24,760 --> 00:42:28,080
Speaker 2: looks like and how to be the best parent. You're

825
00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:31,319
Speaker 2: going to mess up one hundred percent. You are not

826
00:42:31,480 --> 00:42:34,600
Speaker 2: going to be a perfect parent. But that's okay as

827
00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:38,600
Speaker 2: long as you're able to remain focused on what does

828
00:42:38,640 --> 00:42:40,760
Speaker 2: my baby need right now? And I'm trying my best

829
00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:44,960
Speaker 2: to answer that need. That's a great parent, not somebody

830
00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:47,880
Speaker 2: who bought the right things or showed the right video

831
00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:52,160
Speaker 2: or these kinds of trendy social media things. But you

832
00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:56,400
Speaker 2: have to allow for the flexibility. And I said this

833
00:42:56,440 --> 00:42:59,120
Speaker 2: before in my videos, take that word failure and take

834
00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:01,400
Speaker 2: it out of your vocabulary when it comes to being

835
00:43:01,440 --> 00:43:03,520
Speaker 2: a new parent. When it comes to breastfeeding, get rid

836
00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:06,400
Speaker 2: of that word and replace it with another F word,

837
00:43:06,680 --> 00:43:09,400
Speaker 2: not the one you're thinking of. Replace it with another

838
00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:14,319
Speaker 2: F word. Flexible. I didn't fail at anything. I was

839
00:43:14,480 --> 00:43:18,640
Speaker 2: flexible in meeting the ever changing needs of a little

840
00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:22,560
Speaker 2: baby mammal. And that's where we need. The land is

841
00:43:22,640 --> 00:43:25,040
Speaker 2: just saying like I'm showing up and doing my best,

842
00:43:25,080 --> 00:43:27,360
Speaker 2: but I'm going to get it wrong, and this baby's

843
00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:29,960
Speaker 2: gonna tell me. They're going to tell you got it wrong,

844
00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:32,399
Speaker 2: and you get to try again until you get it right.

845
00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:34,360
Speaker 2: And if you can't get it right, you pick up

846
00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:37,960
Speaker 2: the phone and you call somebody, help, come help me.

847
00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:39,480
Speaker 2: I don't know how to take care of this baby.

848
00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:43,399
Speaker 2: But even that asking for help, that's where again we've

849
00:43:43,440 --> 00:43:46,359
Speaker 2: lost that community, that village. None of that would even

850
00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:49,120
Speaker 2: have happened if we were still living with each other

851
00:43:49,239 --> 00:43:54,319
Speaker 2: in these close knit situations. So you will mess up.

852
00:43:54,680 --> 00:43:57,680
Speaker 2: Your relationship is going to experience friction because you're becoming

853
00:43:57,719 --> 00:44:00,239
Speaker 2: new people and you've never met that person before, or

854
00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:04,239
Speaker 2: you've never met the baby before. This was a new dynamic,

855
00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:06,400
Speaker 2: it's a new family unit. Like, there will be friction,

856
00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:09,279
Speaker 2: there will be stress. How do you work through that

857
00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:12,319
Speaker 2: with each other? How is that con historically? What do

858
00:44:12,360 --> 00:44:14,360
Speaker 2: we need to talk about in terms of how to

859
00:44:14,400 --> 00:44:17,440
Speaker 2: best get through it when it comes up after the

860
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:20,120
Speaker 2: baby arrives. These kinds of things I think are critical.

861
00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:24,080
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, and wow, having those conversations is so important.

862
00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:27,280
Speaker 1: Even the idea that you can have those conversations shows

863
00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:29,080
Speaker 1: that you're in a good place to be able to

864
00:44:29,280 --> 00:44:32,360
Speaker 1: approach this type of situation. It's the ones where you

865
00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:34,200
Speaker 1: may not be able to even have a conversation that

866
00:44:34,560 --> 00:44:37,640
Speaker 1: I would be a little concerned about. But to your point, Yeah,

867
00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:40,400
Speaker 1: nothing's perfect. Everything is going to come with its challenges,

868
00:44:40,520 --> 00:44:42,840
Speaker 1: and I think that's what's so cool about having you

869
00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:47,240
Speaker 1: on to share those experiences to hopefully the whole purpose

870
00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:49,439
Speaker 1: is always of this podcast is to make people feel

871
00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:52,239
Speaker 1: less alone. And the one area that I don't have

872
00:44:52,280 --> 00:44:54,000
Speaker 1: a lot of experience with because I'm not a mom

873
00:44:54,560 --> 00:44:59,200
Speaker 1: or a parent in any way, that is motherhood is

874
00:44:59,239 --> 00:45:02,239
Speaker 1: such a journey and parenthood is, and it's such an

875
00:45:02,280 --> 00:45:07,120
Speaker 1: individualized one that there's just not a one size fits all,

876
00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:10,200
Speaker 1: But there is information you can consume to help you.

877
00:45:10,360 --> 00:45:11,839
Speaker 1: And that's what I think is really cool.

878
00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:15,000
Speaker 2: What you're doing thank you so much. Yeah, everything you

879
00:45:15,040 --> 00:45:17,960
Speaker 2: said is absolutely true, and we have moved out of

880
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:21,839
Speaker 2: the literal village situation, but we still can find it

881
00:45:21,880 --> 00:45:24,680
Speaker 2: if we look forward. It is out there. There are

882
00:45:24,960 --> 00:45:27,839
Speaker 2: places to call if you I don't have anybody else

883
00:45:27,880 --> 00:45:30,000
Speaker 2: to call, Yes, you do. There's phone numbers you can

884
00:45:30,040 --> 00:45:32,400
Speaker 2: call that will pick up at three thirty am and

885
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:36,440
Speaker 2: help you with whatever you've got going on. And knowing that,

886
00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:39,080
Speaker 2: and there are social media accounts like mine, I hope

887
00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:41,600
Speaker 2: to think that are really trying to help you get

888
00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:44,080
Speaker 2: through at support and I do. I get a lot

889
00:45:44,120 --> 00:45:46,520
Speaker 2: of requests in dms. I can't just do that with

890
00:45:46,600 --> 00:45:48,479
Speaker 2: my life. I don't have time or else. I would.

891
00:45:48,480 --> 00:45:50,800
Speaker 2: If I were independently wealthy, y'all, I would be answering

892
00:45:50,840 --> 00:45:53,040
Speaker 2: every single one of the dms about I need help.

893
00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:55,239
Speaker 2: I need help. But I do try once in a

894
00:45:55,280 --> 00:45:57,600
Speaker 2: while to do that. But no that in this In

895
00:45:57,760 --> 00:46:01,120
Speaker 2: the United States, if you have health insurance ones, you

896
00:46:01,200 --> 00:46:03,960
Speaker 2: receive free elactation benefits. So I want everybody to hear

897
00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:06,839
Speaker 2: that and know that you pay nothing as long as

898
00:46:06,840 --> 00:46:10,040
Speaker 2: the lactationan zone is in network with your insurance. Take

899
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:12,680
Speaker 2: advantage that nothing is free. You're paying for it somewhere

900
00:46:12,719 --> 00:46:14,799
Speaker 2: along the line. But when it comes to I show

901
00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:16,720
Speaker 2: up at your house, you don't have to give me anything,

902
00:46:17,160 --> 00:46:19,799
Speaker 2: like I'm getting paid and I'm helping you. And a

903
00:46:19,800 --> 00:46:21,279
Speaker 2: lot of times you can even have like up to

904
00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:24,480
Speaker 2: six visits with a lactation insult and at no extra cost.

905
00:46:25,040 --> 00:46:29,200
Speaker 2: So that's really important to remember if you're struggling with breastfeeding, pumping,

906
00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:30,080
Speaker 2: bottle feeding.

907
00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:33,160
Speaker 1: That's why I love that. That's really good to know.

908
00:46:33,200 --> 00:46:34,560
Speaker 1: I don't think a lot of people know that and

909
00:46:34,600 --> 00:46:37,600
Speaker 1: are aware of it. Resources are everything, so we are

910
00:46:37,640 --> 00:46:40,480
Speaker 1: in a different time, but at least hopefully the resources

911
00:46:40,480 --> 00:46:43,360
Speaker 1: are so infinite that you can find what you're looking

912
00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:46,759
Speaker 1: for and hopefully for something like that, Hey, it's girl math,

913
00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:48,839
Speaker 1: it's basically free, so just do it.

914
00:46:49,440 --> 00:46:49,839
Speaker 2: Love that.

915
00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:52,680
Speaker 1: Yes, I do like to end this podcast on it's

916
00:46:52,680 --> 00:46:56,480
Speaker 1: either a piece of advice or motivation, or maybe it's

917
00:46:56,520 --> 00:46:58,840
Speaker 1: something that we didn't talk about that you'd really like

918
00:46:58,920 --> 00:47:01,000
Speaker 1: to talk about. I give the floor over to you

919
00:47:01,040 --> 00:47:03,520
Speaker 1: and you end us on something. So this is me

920
00:47:03,680 --> 00:47:04,960
Speaker 1: transferring power right now.

921
00:47:06,280 --> 00:47:09,279
Speaker 2: Wow, I wasn't ready for this. There's so many little things, but.

922
00:47:10,160 --> 00:47:11,560
Speaker 1: And you can hit a bunch too. If You're like,

923
00:47:11,600 --> 00:47:13,560
Speaker 1: there's no rules to this. I just like to end

924
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:15,879
Speaker 1: on something that you're really passionate about or want to share.

925
00:47:16,680 --> 00:47:20,600
Speaker 2: Everybody out there who's having a baby, going to have

926
00:47:20,719 --> 00:47:23,880
Speaker 2: planning to have a baby, you this is gonna be

927
00:47:23,920 --> 00:47:25,080
Speaker 2: a weird one.

928
00:47:25,360 --> 00:47:25,920
Speaker 1: I love it.

929
00:47:26,600 --> 00:47:30,520
Speaker 2: You are a mammal and that means that by definition,

930
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:34,200
Speaker 2: you do have some behaviors and instincts. You make milk.

931
00:47:34,520 --> 00:47:36,600
Speaker 2: Nobody has to breastfeed. I think that's fine, but you're

932
00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:39,760
Speaker 2: gonna make milk no matter what because your mammal body

933
00:47:39,840 --> 00:47:42,000
Speaker 2: is doing a lot of things growing a baby, creed

934
00:47:42,120 --> 00:47:45,279
Speaker 2: milk for the baby, and maternal instincts are real in

935
00:47:45,360 --> 00:47:47,480
Speaker 2: every mammal end in you. It is inside of you.

936
00:47:47,840 --> 00:47:51,239
Speaker 2: So sitting with yourself and really I think getting to

937
00:47:51,320 --> 00:47:53,840
Speaker 2: that truth. Yeah, you can watch social media, watch videots,

938
00:47:53,880 --> 00:47:57,239
Speaker 2: but also just sit quietly and just think about yourself

939
00:47:57,280 --> 00:48:00,120
Speaker 2: as a mother. Who am I as a mother? Does

940
00:48:00,160 --> 00:48:02,319
Speaker 2: that look like? How have I mothered other people in

941
00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:06,160
Speaker 2: my life? How do I nurture those around me? What

942
00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:09,200
Speaker 2: do I feel when I think about having this baby.

943
00:48:09,360 --> 00:48:12,319
Speaker 2: That's a great way to start getting in touch with

944
00:48:12,480 --> 00:48:14,440
Speaker 2: who you are as a mother, because it is it's

945
00:48:14,480 --> 00:48:18,560
Speaker 2: built into your DNA. You can't escape it. We feel

946
00:48:18,640 --> 00:48:21,640
Speaker 2: very removed from it. But just sitting quietly, even just

947
00:48:21,680 --> 00:48:23,600
Speaker 2: once before you have the baby a couple of times

948
00:48:23,680 --> 00:48:26,719
Speaker 2: would be great. I think going to groups where women

949
00:48:26,760 --> 00:48:29,880
Speaker 2: are talking about these things could be super helpful. But

950
00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:33,320
Speaker 2: you can do this. And the last thing I'll just

951
00:48:33,360 --> 00:48:37,799
Speaker 2: say is that your best is good enough. You are

952
00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:40,880
Speaker 2: the perfect mother for your baby. They think you're literally

953
00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:45,200
Speaker 2: a goddess. That's what they think. You're judging yourself. Stop

954
00:48:45,280 --> 00:48:49,799
Speaker 2: doing that. It's your baby fed. You did a great job,

955
00:48:49,920 --> 00:48:53,840
Speaker 2: is your baby loved cared for? You're doing You're rocking it.

956
00:48:53,840 --> 00:48:56,040
Speaker 2: It doesn't look the way that you want it. That's okay.

957
00:48:56,120 --> 00:48:58,880
Speaker 2: That's another problem though, that has nothing to do with

958
00:48:59,000 --> 00:49:01,640
Speaker 2: your worth as a mother. Get some help, Get help

959
00:49:01,680 --> 00:49:03,600
Speaker 2: before you give up. Get help if you need help.

960
00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:06,640
Speaker 2: But you're doing a great job taking care of this baby,

961
00:49:06,719 --> 00:49:07,279
Speaker 2: just as you are.

962
00:49:08,239 --> 00:49:11,080
Speaker 1: And we wouldn't be here sitting here having this conversation

963
00:49:11,160 --> 00:49:13,719
Speaker 1: if people like you didn't exist. So Michelle, thank you

964
00:49:13,760 --> 00:49:16,200
Speaker 1: for everything that you're doing and the information you're sharing.

965
00:49:16,239 --> 00:49:17,759
Speaker 1: Do you want to shout out your Instagram page so

966
00:49:17,800 --> 00:49:19,480
Speaker 1: they can follow you? If you have that content?

967
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:24,719
Speaker 2: There's one minute milk bites. Please come follow me, drop

968
00:49:24,760 --> 00:49:27,560
Speaker 2: me a message, say you saw me on Warren's podcast.

969
00:49:27,600 --> 00:49:34,359
Speaker 2: I'd love to chat and thank you for listening and

970
00:49:34,400 --> 00:49:36,520
Speaker 2: seeing what I have to do, what I'm doing with

971
00:49:36,560 --> 00:49:39,279
Speaker 2: my life. I love it. It makes me feel very

972
00:49:40,040 --> 00:49:43,440
Speaker 2: validated and motivated to continue. So thanks for having me

973
00:49:43,520 --> 00:49:46,359
Speaker 2: on and letting me spread the word too as many

974
00:49:46,360 --> 00:49:47,960
Speaker 2: people as want to listen to it.

975
00:49:48,560 --> 00:49:51,319
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you are doing amazing things. Like I said,

976
00:49:51,680 --> 00:49:54,000
Speaker 1: I found you from my sister who kept sending me things.

977
00:49:54,000 --> 00:49:55,480
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't even have a baby, but

978
00:49:55,600 --> 00:49:58,439
Speaker 1: I will keep taking this from you. And I thought

979
00:49:58,480 --> 00:50:00,479
Speaker 1: you were going to be such a great guest. You are,

980
00:50:00,520 --> 00:50:03,279
Speaker 1: so thank you for spreading information. Keep going and I'll

981
00:50:03,280 --> 00:50:05,080
Speaker 1: make sure to link her profile in the show notes

982
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:07,200
Speaker 1: too so you guys can find it easily. But again,

983
00:50:07,239 --> 00:50:08,759
Speaker 1: thanks Michelle, I really appreciate it.

984
00:50:09,400 --> 00:50:10,000
Speaker 2: Thanks Marian.

985
00:50:10,520 --> 00:50:13,080
Speaker 1: That wraps up our new Parent episode. Hopefully you all

986
00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:15,839
Speaker 1: got some wisdom or a moment of relatability these last

987
00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:17,520
Speaker 1: two weeks. The next time I talk to you, we

988
00:50:17,560 --> 00:50:19,879
Speaker 1: will be in the new year, starting our next era.

989
00:50:19,960 --> 00:50:22,279
Speaker 1: I'll be sharing an episode with my grandma Bernie, who

990
00:50:22,360 --> 00:50:25,400
Speaker 1: is an incredible woman and firecracker with lots of stories

991
00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:27,239
Speaker 1: to share. I'll post things on my socials in case

992
00:50:27,280 --> 00:50:28,799
Speaker 1: you want to stay in the loop at take this

993
00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:32,080
Speaker 1: personally happy almost New Year friends, Stay safe this week.

994
00:50:32,200 --> 00:50:33,439
Speaker 1: I'm so happy that you're here.