WEBVTT - “Misquoting Mary Oliver” | Being Bad at Things

0:00:01.080 --> 0:00:02.640
<v Speaker 1>We were standing at the bar and there was a

0:00:02.640 --> 0:00:05.520
<v Speaker 1>guy like really pushing me, like really like shoving in

0:00:05.600 --> 0:00:07.440
<v Speaker 1>my space, and I was like trying to like kind

0:00:07.480 --> 0:00:11.280
<v Speaker 1>of elbow him back, but not really. And then I

0:00:11.320 --> 0:00:13.680
<v Speaker 1>turned to the new people that I had just met,

0:00:13.800 --> 0:00:15.720
<v Speaker 1>and I was like, you were just standing next to

0:00:15.760 --> 0:00:17.680
<v Speaker 1>somebody at a bar and they're crowding you on your

0:00:17.680 --> 0:00:19.439
<v Speaker 1>space and you just look at your wine glass and

0:00:19.440 --> 0:00:21.360
<v Speaker 1>think what would happen if I just smashed this on

0:00:21.440 --> 0:00:24.600
<v Speaker 1>the bar and then stabbed the person behind me? Really

0:00:26.239 --> 0:00:27.760
<v Speaker 1>like what would happen?

0:00:28.040 --> 0:00:31.840
<v Speaker 2>And they looked at me like I, Oh, no, she's psycho.

0:00:32.080 --> 0:00:35.400
<v Speaker 1>Oh no, psycho? Yeah, and they I'm not even kidding.

0:00:35.400 --> 0:00:38.640
<v Speaker 1>They were like ah. And then they turned in toward

0:00:38.680 --> 0:00:44.519
<v Speaker 1>each other to converse, and I was like, oh it failed.

0:00:45.560 --> 0:01:04.600
<v Speaker 3>Better More Better, Hello, Hi, Welcome to More Better, a

0:01:04.640 --> 0:01:06.800
<v Speaker 3>podcast where we stop pretending to have it all together

0:01:06.920 --> 0:01:10.520
<v Speaker 3>and embrace the journey of becoming a little more better

0:01:10.560 --> 0:01:12.400
<v Speaker 3>every day, or.

0:01:12.319 --> 0:01:15.279
<v Speaker 2>At least trying to. That small supermaro.

0:01:15.360 --> 0:01:18.160
<v Speaker 4>And that is the one and only Stephanie Beatrice.

0:01:18.240 --> 0:01:22.240
<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, stop you go.

0:01:23.400 --> 0:01:25.560
<v Speaker 4>No, I'm here for it.

0:01:26.840 --> 0:01:27.440
<v Speaker 2>How are you doing?

0:01:28.480 --> 0:01:32.840
<v Speaker 4>I am okay.

0:01:33.040 --> 0:01:36.000
<v Speaker 2>Your whole family has the flu. My entire family came

0:01:36.040 --> 0:01:39.880
<v Speaker 2>down with the flu this past weekend. I am shockingly

0:01:40.080 --> 0:01:43.600
<v Speaker 2>still healthy and imbelievable think out of the window of

0:01:43.959 --> 0:01:48.560
<v Speaker 2>possibly contamination. Uh it was bad. It was really really bad.

0:01:48.640 --> 0:01:52.240
<v Speaker 2>There was yeah fevers and chills and throwing.

0:01:52.040 --> 0:01:56.960
<v Speaker 4>Up and uh yeah it was. It was bad, man.

0:01:57.080 --> 0:02:00.840
<v Speaker 2>And I'm I'm so grateful that I happened to be

0:02:01.000 --> 0:02:05.120
<v Speaker 2>home for this, because David was literally in bed for

0:02:05.160 --> 0:02:06.920
<v Speaker 2>two days, and I don't know what he would have done.

0:02:06.960 --> 0:02:09.200
<v Speaker 2>If I was in Atlanta, he would have been like

0:02:09.360 --> 0:02:13.320
<v Speaker 2>parenting from the floor, like he was out. And I

0:02:13.480 --> 0:02:15.840
<v Speaker 2>just kept thinking, oh my god, if I wasn't here,

0:02:16.080 --> 0:02:20.640
<v Speaker 2>if I was in Atlanta, like so you know, silver lining,

0:02:20.840 --> 0:02:21.400
<v Speaker 2>I was here.

0:02:21.560 --> 0:02:22.880
<v Speaker 4>I was able to take care of everyone.

0:02:22.960 --> 0:02:26.120
<v Speaker 2>I lysold like a fucking maniac and like washed hands

0:02:26.160 --> 0:02:28.919
<v Speaker 2>and like because I was like I cannot go down.

0:02:29.720 --> 0:02:33.840
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, I'm fucking exhausted, though. Bro, what a

0:02:33.880 --> 0:02:36.079
<v Speaker 1>what a little break, what a vacation?

0:02:36.560 --> 0:02:38.280
<v Speaker 4>I know, welcome home, mom?

0:02:38.600 --> 0:02:39.400
<v Speaker 2>What a treat?

0:02:39.919 --> 0:02:41.480
<v Speaker 4>What a treat? How are you?

0:02:42.639 --> 0:02:43.800
<v Speaker 2>We saw coyote on our.

0:02:43.680 --> 0:02:47.960
<v Speaker 1>Street, I know, yeah, and our dog was like out

0:02:48.000 --> 0:02:52.440
<v Speaker 1>in the yard like peeing, because get in a house.

0:02:52.600 --> 0:02:59.120
<v Speaker 2>I like, get your ass in the house, sterrifying, terrifying. Yeah,

0:02:59.160 --> 0:03:00.320
<v Speaker 2>that's what's been going on here.

0:03:02.760 --> 0:03:03.880
<v Speaker 3>More Better.

0:03:05.160 --> 0:03:09.519
<v Speaker 2>Today's episode topic comes from a listener, which is really nice.

0:03:09.600 --> 0:03:10.440
<v Speaker 2>We love these.

0:03:10.280 --> 0:03:14.040
<v Speaker 1>Emails and like dms and all that stuff. So if

0:03:14.040 --> 0:03:16.400
<v Speaker 1>you need help with something in your life or you

0:03:16.440 --> 0:03:18.720
<v Speaker 1>have a suggestion for a future episode, email us at

0:03:18.800 --> 0:03:22.360
<v Speaker 1>More Better pod at gmail dot com. You can also

0:03:22.400 --> 0:03:24.200
<v Speaker 1>include a voice note to be featured on the pod.

0:03:24.760 --> 0:03:28.799
<v Speaker 1>So we have an email today from Xander. Great name Xander,

0:03:28.880 --> 0:03:32.639
<v Speaker 1>by the way, I love your name. Okay, Hi, Stephanie

0:03:32.639 --> 0:03:34.760
<v Speaker 1>and Melissa. I'm Xander from Ohio, and I just want

0:03:34.800 --> 0:03:36.400
<v Speaker 1>to say how much I've been loving the pod so far.

0:03:36.480 --> 0:03:37.240
<v Speaker 1>Oh that's nice.

0:03:37.280 --> 0:03:37.640
<v Speaker 2>Thank you.

0:03:38.200 --> 0:03:39.720
<v Speaker 1>It really has become a highlight of my week, and

0:03:39.760 --> 0:03:41.600
<v Speaker 1>it's nice to listen to something that feels like friends

0:03:41.640 --> 0:03:42.440
<v Speaker 1>talking to each other.

0:03:42.560 --> 0:03:43.000
<v Speaker 2>That's great.

0:03:43.400 --> 0:03:46.480
<v Speaker 1>I just graduated college and I'm pursuing certifications in my field.

0:03:46.480 --> 0:03:49.880
<v Speaker 1>But I'm finding that I'm not naturally good at everything. Shocker,

0:03:52.120 --> 0:03:55.440
<v Speaker 1>a surprise, surprise, and then none of us are.

0:03:56.120 --> 0:03:58.000
<v Speaker 2>I feel a little bit like an imposter.

0:03:58.160 --> 0:04:01.680
<v Speaker 1>Sometimes My question is how do I get How should

0:04:01.680 --> 0:04:03.800
<v Speaker 1>I get more better at being okay with being bad

0:04:03.880 --> 0:04:06.240
<v Speaker 1>at things when I first start out, And how have

0:04:06.280 --> 0:04:10.240
<v Speaker 1>you all dealt with feeling imposter syndrome? The feeling of

0:04:10.280 --> 0:04:17.520
<v Speaker 1>imposter syndrome? Oh, that's really nice, best Alexander ooh cool

0:04:18.400 --> 0:04:22.200
<v Speaker 1>spelled A L E K Z A N D R.

0:04:23.279 --> 0:04:24.159
<v Speaker 3>Wow.

0:04:24.520 --> 0:04:28.200
<v Speaker 1>Okay, okay, all right, well you're already more better than

0:04:28.279 --> 0:04:33.720
<v Speaker 1>us at names imposter syndrome. Uh okay, So what does

0:04:33.760 --> 0:04:35.160
<v Speaker 1>that mean to you, Melissa?

0:04:36.160 --> 0:04:38.800
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I loved I think this is such a great

0:04:39.320 --> 0:04:43.400
<v Speaker 2>topic and question. Obviously, I think we've all had feelings

0:04:43.400 --> 0:04:46.160
<v Speaker 2>of imposter syndrome, but and also like just the thing

0:04:46.200 --> 0:04:48.880
<v Speaker 2>of like being bad, like being okay with being bad

0:04:48.880 --> 0:04:54.719
<v Speaker 2>at something. Yeah, that's really interesting to me. I've definitely

0:04:56.040 --> 0:04:57.240
<v Speaker 2>had that, like.

0:04:57.240 --> 0:05:00.240
<v Speaker 4>All the first season of Brooklyn nine nine.

0:05:00.640 --> 0:05:03.839
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, talk to me about seasons one through five.

0:05:04.200 --> 0:05:06.440
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I mean definitely.

0:05:06.520 --> 0:05:06.719
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:05:06.760 --> 0:05:09.160
<v Speaker 2>For me, it was like the most I think intense

0:05:10.000 --> 0:05:13.080
<v Speaker 2>first season, just feeling like I didn't know what I

0:05:13.160 --> 0:05:15.520
<v Speaker 2>was doing. I didn't know if I was good at it,

0:05:15.839 --> 0:05:19.760
<v Speaker 2>at it being comedy and landing I would get I've

0:05:19.760 --> 0:05:22.000
<v Speaker 2>talked about it before, how I would like have panic

0:05:22.040 --> 0:05:24.359
<v Speaker 2>when I got the joke lines. I wanted to have

0:05:24.440 --> 0:05:28.160
<v Speaker 2>all the setups, because I felt like that was I

0:05:28.240 --> 0:05:31.520
<v Speaker 2>was more comfortable there, like lobbing something to someone else,

0:05:31.720 --> 0:05:34.480
<v Speaker 2>like someone else do the funny part, and I'll just

0:05:34.600 --> 0:05:38.800
<v Speaker 2>like toss you the ball. And I don't know if

0:05:38.800 --> 0:05:42.679
<v Speaker 2>you remember our producing director first couple of seasons, Craig's

0:05:42.760 --> 0:05:48.000
<v Speaker 2>Zig and I used to first season, after every take,

0:05:48.800 --> 0:05:51.560
<v Speaker 2>I would look for Craig through the crowd and then

0:05:51.600 --> 0:05:53.599
<v Speaker 2>he would just give me a little fun thumbs up. Oh,

0:05:53.640 --> 0:05:54.440
<v Speaker 2>that's so nice.

0:05:54.760 --> 0:05:55.599
<v Speaker 4>A generous person.

0:05:56.160 --> 0:05:58.920
<v Speaker 2>Such a generous person were in Trash the first season

0:05:59.120 --> 0:06:04.280
<v Speaker 2>I was, and I was just so unsure of everything

0:06:04.320 --> 0:06:06.200
<v Speaker 2>I was doing. And then he literally became like a

0:06:06.279 --> 0:06:09.520
<v Speaker 2>crutch like for me. If I didn't he see him

0:06:09.600 --> 0:06:11.640
<v Speaker 2>and I didn't get my little thumbs up, I would

0:06:11.680 --> 0:06:16.400
<v Speaker 2>like spiral wow and yeah, and I just you know,

0:06:16.480 --> 0:06:20.719
<v Speaker 2>And then the funny thing is later I remember, actually

0:06:20.760 --> 0:06:24.600
<v Speaker 2>it was with a moment I had with Chelsea Peretti.

0:06:24.720 --> 0:06:26.479
<v Speaker 2>There was a moment where I was with her and

0:06:26.600 --> 0:06:29.440
<v Speaker 2>Jordan and I want to say it was even like

0:06:29.520 --> 0:06:34.039
<v Speaker 2>at the Golden Globes or something, and which is such

0:06:34.040 --> 0:06:36.760
<v Speaker 2>a weird thing to say, Sorry, that was just the setting.

0:06:38.480 --> 0:06:42.800
<v Speaker 2>But and they were complimenting me on the work I

0:06:42.839 --> 0:06:46.520
<v Speaker 2>was doing on the show, and I was like so perplexed,

0:06:46.680 --> 0:06:49.480
<v Speaker 2>like I couldn't even receive the compliments, and I was like, guys,

0:06:49.920 --> 0:06:51.920
<v Speaker 2>i don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I'm just

0:06:52.320 --> 0:06:54.400
<v Speaker 2>trying to do different things on every take because I

0:06:54.400 --> 0:06:56.000
<v Speaker 2>feel like everything I do is bad and I don't

0:06:56.000 --> 0:06:58.720
<v Speaker 2>know what I'm doing and it's you know, I just

0:06:58.800 --> 0:07:01.240
<v Speaker 2>feel so lost and I'm so fucking nervous all the time.

0:07:01.320 --> 0:07:03.799
<v Speaker 4>And they just looked at me and they were like.

0:07:03.160 --> 0:07:05.960
<v Speaker 2>Like almost like, Babe, that's how you do comedy, Like

0:07:06.040 --> 0:07:07.880
<v Speaker 2>you just try a bunch of different shit, and they

0:07:08.000 --> 0:07:10.200
<v Speaker 2>kind of just like gave me this assurance of like

0:07:10.560 --> 0:07:12.280
<v Speaker 2>the way I was doing it was actually the way

0:07:12.320 --> 0:07:15.080
<v Speaker 2>I should be doing it. And something about that interaction

0:07:15.160 --> 0:07:18.640
<v Speaker 2>that moment kind of gave me some extra confidence.

0:07:19.040 --> 0:07:20.720
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, okay, I'll.

0:07:20.560 --> 0:07:23.160
<v Speaker 1>Just like, oh, my two of some of the funniest people,

0:07:23.960 --> 0:07:24.800
<v Speaker 1>Yes exactly.

0:07:24.960 --> 0:07:27.240
<v Speaker 2>I mean yeah, Chelsea Pretty and Jordan Pee will tell

0:07:27.280 --> 0:07:28.080
<v Speaker 2>you you're doing okay.

0:07:28.120 --> 0:07:30.920
<v Speaker 4>You're like you're doing good. Maybe I'm doing okay.

0:07:31.280 --> 0:07:36.640
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, what's been your experience with some of this? I

0:07:36.680 --> 0:07:41.880
<v Speaker 2>think imposter syndrome is pretty normal for everybody because it's

0:07:41.960 --> 0:07:44.880
<v Speaker 2>like you know, not to get to wu wu. But

0:07:45.840 --> 0:07:48.160
<v Speaker 2>all of it is based in like our ideas of

0:07:48.200 --> 0:07:52.760
<v Speaker 2>like ourselves and how we how we appear to others,

0:07:53.480 --> 0:07:57.600
<v Speaker 2>and our need for And I'm including myself in this.

0:07:57.640 --> 0:07:59.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm not being like, oh need you know, our need

0:08:00.280 --> 0:08:03.960
<v Speaker 1>for approval from others and how that makes up you know,

0:08:04.840 --> 0:08:07.840
<v Speaker 1>a large part of who we are as people and

0:08:07.880 --> 0:08:08.720
<v Speaker 1>as artists.

0:08:08.840 --> 0:08:12.040
<v Speaker 2>But you know, every but I think everybody feels this way.

0:08:12.120 --> 0:08:16.680
<v Speaker 1>Everybody feels there's something happens and I don't know when, right,

0:08:16.760 --> 0:08:20.480
<v Speaker 1>because I think little kids have it too. Yeah, but

0:08:20.520 --> 0:08:23.480
<v Speaker 1>there's something they're human about wanting to be a part

0:08:23.520 --> 0:08:26.480
<v Speaker 1>of the group and look like you belong to the group.

0:08:26.800 --> 0:08:26.960
<v Speaker 4>Right.

0:08:27.080 --> 0:08:32.480
<v Speaker 1>That's why kids copy adults around them. It's why kids

0:08:32.559 --> 0:08:39.920
<v Speaker 1>copy older kids. It's why teenage girls are so horrible

0:08:39.960 --> 0:08:43.560
<v Speaker 1>to each other sometimes because they're all desiring and wanting

0:08:43.600 --> 0:08:47.679
<v Speaker 1>to belong. Yeah, some of them, some of them. Some

0:08:47.760 --> 0:08:52.080
<v Speaker 1>of us have stronger thinking about myself as a teenage girls,

0:08:52.080 --> 0:08:54.560
<v Speaker 1>some of us have stronger role models in that like

0:08:55.120 --> 0:08:59.400
<v Speaker 1>meaning that not that not that all role models aren't strong,

0:08:59.440 --> 0:09:03.480
<v Speaker 1>but I think that they're something that happens, Like where

0:09:03.679 --> 0:09:06.680
<v Speaker 1>if the adults around you are like, you are inherently good.

0:09:06.960 --> 0:09:10.720
<v Speaker 1>You don't need to be or do anything just by

0:09:10.760 --> 0:09:14.400
<v Speaker 1>being yourself. You're fantastic and great and you're very, very loved.

0:09:15.679 --> 0:09:18.600
<v Speaker 1>And if you have that, I think a lot from

0:09:18.640 --> 0:09:22.160
<v Speaker 1>the time that you're little you probably died, didn't, but

0:09:22.280 --> 0:09:25.560
<v Speaker 1>you probably grow up feeling kind of like I'm pretty deese.

0:09:25.840 --> 0:09:28.400
<v Speaker 1>Like as a person, you know, like I'm pretty decee.

0:09:28.520 --> 0:09:34.120
<v Speaker 1>And and I think, you know, not to put too

0:09:34.160 --> 0:09:36.240
<v Speaker 1>fine a point on it, but I think a lot

0:09:36.240 --> 0:09:38.240
<v Speaker 1>of men grow up.

0:09:38.280 --> 0:09:40.200
<v Speaker 2>Kind of being like I'm pretty decee.

0:09:40.559 --> 0:09:40.800
<v Speaker 3>You know.

0:09:42.320 --> 0:09:46.080
<v Speaker 1>That's why you see a lot of men enter spaces

0:09:46.520 --> 0:09:51.120
<v Speaker 1>where maybe they aren't the best, or aren't experienced, or

0:09:51.200 --> 0:09:56.120
<v Speaker 1>aren't whatever, and they're just like, well, I belong here.

0:09:56.240 --> 0:09:57.840
<v Speaker 2>I belong in the space, right And.

0:09:59.600 --> 0:10:02.319
<v Speaker 1>Because it been told that they belong in spaces from

0:10:02.320 --> 0:10:04.880
<v Speaker 1>the time that they were young, they don't ever remember

0:10:04.920 --> 0:10:08.840
<v Speaker 1>not belonging in spaces. So if you're someone that hasn't

0:10:08.840 --> 0:10:12.640
<v Speaker 1>grown up that way, then when you get into spaces,

0:10:12.880 --> 0:10:17.199
<v Speaker 1>you automatically start feeling like you don't belong You're.

0:10:17.000 --> 0:10:20.760
<v Speaker 2>Not supposed to be here. You are You've somehow managed

0:10:20.800 --> 0:10:23.960
<v Speaker 2>to convince the people in power that you belong here

0:10:24.120 --> 0:10:28.000
<v Speaker 2>by some strange part of your brain that somehow told

0:10:28.040 --> 0:10:30.920
<v Speaker 2>you that it was acceptable for you to even, you know,

0:10:30.960 --> 0:10:34.040
<v Speaker 2>in our case audition, how dare you have the audacity

0:10:34.080 --> 0:10:35.440
<v Speaker 2>to audition for this?

0:10:35.640 --> 0:10:38.440
<v Speaker 1>Like meanwhile, now you've gotten it and you are fucked

0:10:38.520 --> 0:10:42.760
<v Speaker 1>because you do not measure up right. But I think

0:10:42.800 --> 0:10:45.679
<v Speaker 1>the thing that I've started to hold on to as

0:10:45.720 --> 0:10:47.960
<v Speaker 1>an adult, even when it gives me butterflies, is like,

0:10:48.640 --> 0:10:50.760
<v Speaker 1>but there is some small part of me that was like,

0:10:50.920 --> 0:10:55.200
<v Speaker 1>I belong here. There is some flame inside me that

0:10:55.280 --> 0:10:58.760
<v Speaker 1>I can continue to feed that is like bitch.

0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:01.880
<v Speaker 2>You funny, you know, like or like you know.

0:11:01.880 --> 0:11:05.240
<v Speaker 1>I remember I remember auditioning for Rosa Diaz and I

0:11:05.320 --> 0:11:06.760
<v Speaker 1>was like, what do I wear to this?

0:11:06.960 --> 0:11:10.240
<v Speaker 2>Like what do I What do I wear? And I thought, oh,

0:11:10.320 --> 0:11:15.160
<v Speaker 2>I know? And I put together these big black boots

0:11:15.200 --> 0:11:19.840
<v Speaker 2>that I had that were like platform, really sexy boots

0:11:19.840 --> 0:11:21.960
<v Speaker 2>that I had gotten in like a gift exchange or something,

0:11:22.040 --> 0:11:25.959
<v Speaker 2>or a clothing exchange, black jeans, really tight black jeans

0:11:25.960 --> 0:11:27.920
<v Speaker 2>that I had left over from a thing that I

0:11:27.960 --> 0:11:30.600
<v Speaker 2>had done, and a leather jacket that someone had given me.

0:11:31.360 --> 0:11:34.079
<v Speaker 4>And I was like, who am I in this outfit?

0:11:34.320 --> 0:11:34.440
<v Speaker 3>Right?

0:11:34.480 --> 0:11:38.679
<v Speaker 1>Because like, not the way that I thought of myself.

0:11:38.720 --> 0:11:42.040
<v Speaker 1>I didn't think of myself as like was sort of

0:11:42.200 --> 0:11:45.800
<v Speaker 1>sexy and tough. That was not me at all, But

0:11:45.880 --> 0:11:47.280
<v Speaker 1>it was her on the page, and I was like,

0:11:47.400 --> 0:11:49.920
<v Speaker 1>I could do that, and I lived there's some flame

0:11:50.000 --> 0:11:51.280
<v Speaker 1>in the back of my mind that I was like,

0:11:52.080 --> 0:11:52.760
<v Speaker 1>I could do it.

0:11:53.120 --> 0:11:56.360
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, yeah, yeah.

0:11:57.520 --> 0:12:06.880
<v Speaker 2>Or speaking of imposter syndrome and going back to what

0:12:06.920 --> 0:12:10.480
<v Speaker 2>you were saying about not having role models or not

0:12:10.600 --> 0:12:12.240
<v Speaker 2>having the example that made me.

0:12:12.679 --> 0:12:14.160
<v Speaker 4>That reminded me of that.

0:12:14.080 --> 0:12:17.760
<v Speaker 2>Great quote that America Frarra has about imposter syndrome where

0:12:17.800 --> 0:12:21.320
<v Speaker 2>she essentially said like she had this realization at some

0:12:21.440 --> 0:12:24.560
<v Speaker 2>point that she feels strange in new spaces because she's

0:12:24.640 --> 0:12:28.240
<v Speaker 2>often the first person like her there totally, and like

0:12:28.320 --> 0:12:31.000
<v Speaker 2>that's all it is, right, Like, if you've never seen

0:12:31.040 --> 0:12:33.960
<v Speaker 2>someone who looks like you or has your same background

0:12:34.160 --> 0:12:39.439
<v Speaker 2>or whatever, it is, right, because sometimes it's superficial or

0:12:39.520 --> 0:12:43.480
<v Speaker 2>racial identity, and sometimes it's just our upbringing or our

0:12:43.520 --> 0:12:46.280
<v Speaker 2>family dynamic, whatever it is. And if we've never seen

0:12:46.360 --> 0:12:50.520
<v Speaker 2>someone like us doing the thing that we're trying to do,

0:12:52.000 --> 0:12:56.080
<v Speaker 2>you feel like the first You feel like there's nothing

0:12:56.160 --> 0:13:00.120
<v Speaker 2>to compare yourself to. Right, and that I think is

0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:04.040
<v Speaker 2>is often where those feelings of imposter syndrome come from.

0:13:04.920 --> 0:13:07.080
<v Speaker 4>And but I love the way she kind.

0:13:06.920 --> 0:13:09.000
<v Speaker 2>Of flipped it of just like, oh, it's just that

0:13:09.200 --> 0:13:11.840
<v Speaker 2>maybe this space hasn't been open to someone like me,

0:13:12.080 --> 0:13:14.920
<v Speaker 2>and maybe this is you know, maybe I am the

0:13:14.960 --> 0:13:17.080
<v Speaker 2>first in some sense, but that doesn't mean that I'm

0:13:17.120 --> 0:13:17.880
<v Speaker 2>not qualified.

0:13:17.880 --> 0:13:21.840
<v Speaker 4>That doesn't mean I'm not capable, that doesn't mean you know, yeah, and.

0:13:21.760 --> 0:13:23.880
<v Speaker 2>It just kind of like breaks down some of those

0:13:24.600 --> 0:13:27.800
<v Speaker 2>walls and that idea of being an impostor. Right.

0:13:27.920 --> 0:13:31.079
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, it's just like it's just new. It's just different.

0:13:31.400 --> 0:13:34.640
<v Speaker 2>It's you know, and you don't have someone to kind

0:13:34.640 --> 0:13:38.120
<v Speaker 2>of just hold in your mind of just you know,

0:13:38.200 --> 0:13:40.400
<v Speaker 2>well they did it, so I can do it. You know.

0:13:40.480 --> 0:13:44.760
<v Speaker 2>It's like oftentimes when we're trying something new or intimidating,

0:13:45.480 --> 0:13:48.400
<v Speaker 2>you know, there are times where we have that person like, well,

0:13:48.400 --> 0:13:50.520
<v Speaker 2>they did it, so I know I can do it.

0:13:50.600 --> 0:13:53.120
<v Speaker 2>But when we don't have that, it's just that much

0:13:53.160 --> 0:13:57.000
<v Speaker 2>more overwhelming, that much more intimidating. And it's just all

0:13:57.760 --> 0:14:02.240
<v Speaker 2>fucking fear, right, It's all like resistance in our brains, like,

0:14:03.040 --> 0:14:04.400
<v Speaker 2>and it's such a human thing.

0:14:04.440 --> 0:14:05.160
<v Speaker 4>And I think.

0:14:05.000 --> 0:14:09.320
<v Speaker 2>Everyone no matter where you're from or what you look like,

0:14:09.520 --> 0:14:13.319
<v Speaker 2>has had that feeling before. It's like such a human

0:14:13.440 --> 0:14:18.760
<v Speaker 2>feeling to me. Yeah, it's like I think the goal

0:14:18.960 --> 0:14:25.160
<v Speaker 2>isn't you know, eradicating it, because that's not possible, right, No,

0:14:25.760 --> 0:14:28.600
<v Speaker 2>but I do. I guess the goal is like.

0:14:30.040 --> 0:14:33.320
<v Speaker 1>Doing it anyway or doing it, you know, in terms

0:14:33.400 --> 0:14:37.920
<v Speaker 1>of in terms of what Xander's asking about. It's like,

0:14:38.600 --> 0:14:41.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm trying this new stuff. I'm trying new things and

0:14:42.240 --> 0:14:45.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm shocker, I'm not good at everything that I try

0:14:45.720 --> 0:14:49.560
<v Speaker 1>right right, And like it's a sucky feeling because it's

0:14:49.560 --> 0:14:52.480
<v Speaker 1>embarrassing to not be kind of stuff. You know, it's

0:14:52.600 --> 0:15:01.560
<v Speaker 1>really really hard, embarrassing, and it sucks to fail, Like

0:15:01.640 --> 0:15:04.800
<v Speaker 1>it sucks to try and then fail because like most

0:15:04.800 --> 0:15:09.040
<v Speaker 1>of the time somebody's watching, you know, in the case

0:15:09.080 --> 0:15:11.960
<v Speaker 1>of a joke, it doesn't land and nobody laughs.

0:15:11.680 --> 0:15:12.680
<v Speaker 2>You know, right Faday.

0:15:12.720 --> 0:15:15.640
<v Speaker 1>I went out the other night Saturday, and we went

0:15:15.680 --> 0:15:17.280
<v Speaker 1>to see Kumasi Washington play.

0:15:17.320 --> 0:15:19.440
<v Speaker 2>It's this incredible jazz.

0:15:19.280 --> 0:15:21.880
<v Speaker 1>Musician and his band and it was really great and

0:15:21.880 --> 0:15:23.600
<v Speaker 1>it was in this cool new space. It was very

0:15:23.680 --> 0:15:27.840
<v Speaker 1>like cool so la right, and I was like, Okay,

0:15:27.960 --> 0:15:30.160
<v Speaker 1>I'm just gonna be myself in this space, like I

0:15:30.600 --> 0:15:33.280
<v Speaker 1>don't I don't need to compete. It's not about that.

0:15:33.320 --> 0:15:35.280
<v Speaker 1>I'm just here with my husband and we're having a

0:15:35.280 --> 0:15:38.080
<v Speaker 1>great time. We saw some friends and then I met

0:15:38.080 --> 0:15:41.520
<v Speaker 1>some new people and we were standing at the bar

0:15:41.600 --> 0:15:44.200
<v Speaker 1>and there's a guy like really pushing me, like really

0:15:44.240 --> 0:15:46.360
<v Speaker 1>like shoving in my space, and I was like trying

0:15:46.360 --> 0:15:48.400
<v Speaker 1>to like kind of elbow him back, but not really.

0:15:50.240 --> 0:15:52.040
<v Speaker 2>And then I turned to the new.

0:15:51.840 --> 0:15:53.720
<v Speaker 1>People that I had just met, and I was like,

0:15:53.800 --> 0:15:55.840
<v Speaker 1>you were just standing next to somebody at a bar

0:15:55.960 --> 0:15:57.760
<v Speaker 1>and they're crowding you in your space and you just

0:15:57.760 --> 0:15:59.640
<v Speaker 1>look at your wine glass and think what would happen

0:15:59.640 --> 0:16:02.240
<v Speaker 1>if I just smashed this on the bar and then.

0:16:02.200 --> 0:16:07.120
<v Speaker 2>Stabbed the person behind me, really like what would happen?

0:16:07.400 --> 0:16:11.200
<v Speaker 2>And they looked at me like I, Oh no, she's psycho.

0:16:11.440 --> 0:16:14.760
<v Speaker 2>Oh no, psycho? Yeah, and they I'm not even kidding,

0:16:14.760 --> 0:16:18.240
<v Speaker 2>they were like and then they turned in toward each

0:16:18.280 --> 0:16:23.560
<v Speaker 2>other to converse, and I was like, oh, it failed

0:16:23.720 --> 0:16:24.600
<v Speaker 2>that way.

0:16:24.800 --> 0:16:29.040
<v Speaker 4>That it didn't land for whatever, It just needed context.

0:16:29.040 --> 0:16:31.160
<v Speaker 2>It just you know, if you would said that in

0:16:31.160 --> 0:16:33.440
<v Speaker 2>front of me, I would have died laughing. I mean

0:16:33.640 --> 0:16:38.000
<v Speaker 2>also you know, maybe that they're not funny, maybe they're

0:16:38.000 --> 0:16:40.880
<v Speaker 2>not maybe maybe they're not like yeah, I don't know,

0:16:41.040 --> 0:16:42.040
<v Speaker 2>I don't know the answer.

0:16:42.160 --> 0:16:44.800
<v Speaker 1>But in that moment, I was like, oh, well, you know,

0:16:45.080 --> 0:16:47.880
<v Speaker 1>whereas like a few years ago, ten years ago, I

0:16:47.960 --> 0:16:50.160
<v Speaker 1>might have been like, oh my god, that's so mortifying

0:16:50.160 --> 0:16:52.320
<v Speaker 1>these people, Brad, it's so stupid.

0:16:52.400 --> 0:16:52.800
<v Speaker 4>Whatever.

0:16:53.720 --> 0:16:57.120
<v Speaker 1>I think some of the imposter syndrome stuff is time

0:16:57.560 --> 0:17:02.640
<v Speaker 1>trying plus time meaning try, you try, you try, you try,

0:17:03.360 --> 0:17:06.159
<v Speaker 1>and the more that you try, the more you go Like,

0:17:06.200 --> 0:17:08.720
<v Speaker 1>some of the stuff is just not gonna land, and

0:17:08.720 --> 0:17:15.120
<v Speaker 1>and it's less and less uh embarrassing and painful the

0:17:15.119 --> 0:17:18.760
<v Speaker 1>more that you try. I would assume I'm not I

0:17:18.880 --> 0:17:20.040
<v Speaker 1>don't play sports.

0:17:20.080 --> 0:17:22.639
<v Speaker 2>I'm not I'm not athletic.

0:17:22.200 --> 0:17:26.240
<v Speaker 1>But I would assume that it is similar in terms

0:17:26.280 --> 0:17:29.879
<v Speaker 1>of like training for something, you know.

0:17:30.000 --> 0:17:32.320
<v Speaker 2>And oh, well, I guess I am a little more

0:17:32.359 --> 0:17:36.840
<v Speaker 2>athletic than I thought. You know, you're selling yourself yourself short.

0:17:36.960 --> 0:17:40.000
<v Speaker 4>You are athletic when it turns, when it comes.

0:17:40.040 --> 0:17:43.320
<v Speaker 2>Maybe you're not sporty, but you're not. Yeah, those are

0:17:43.320 --> 0:17:46.360
<v Speaker 2>two different things. Those are two different things. I'm not sporty,

0:17:46.440 --> 0:17:47.840
<v Speaker 2>but I'm athletic.

0:17:47.760 --> 0:17:52.600
<v Speaker 1>Practicing meaning like, uh, doing like fight scenes or like

0:17:52.680 --> 0:17:57.600
<v Speaker 1>practicing stuff like that. The beginning of doing that kind

0:17:57.600 --> 0:18:00.800
<v Speaker 1>of stuff was really scary to me because.

0:18:00.480 --> 0:18:01.960
<v Speaker 2>Like and sometimes I couldn't get it.

0:18:02.000 --> 0:18:03.480
<v Speaker 1>Do you remember that time we were shooting that thing

0:18:03.520 --> 0:18:06.879
<v Speaker 1>in the arcade and I had to like grab a

0:18:06.920 --> 0:18:08.879
<v Speaker 1>gun a certain way and I just like could not

0:18:09.160 --> 0:18:09.560
<v Speaker 1>get it.

0:18:09.600 --> 0:18:10.280
<v Speaker 2>Do you remember this?

0:18:10.600 --> 0:18:11.560
<v Speaker 4>I don't remember.

0:18:12.440 --> 0:18:16.159
<v Speaker 1>We were in that weird arcade slash go kart place

0:18:16.240 --> 0:18:19.400
<v Speaker 1>like way out yeah, yeah, and like there was some

0:18:19.560 --> 0:18:21.200
<v Speaker 1>gun move that I had to do, and they taught

0:18:21.200 --> 0:18:23.199
<v Speaker 1>it to me like right on set, and I was like,

0:18:23.280 --> 0:18:25.159
<v Speaker 1>I'm never fucking gonna get this, and I didn't.

0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:27.359
<v Speaker 2>I couldn't get it. And like I think we did.

0:18:27.440 --> 0:18:27.639
<v Speaker 4>You know.

0:18:27.680 --> 0:18:29.800
<v Speaker 2>They cut it together great and it looked right right,

0:18:30.280 --> 0:18:30.800
<v Speaker 2>But at.

0:18:30.640 --> 0:18:34.280
<v Speaker 1>The time I was like, oh, dying inside because all

0:18:34.320 --> 0:18:35.879
<v Speaker 1>of you guys were there and I was like, I

0:18:35.880 --> 0:18:40.000
<v Speaker 1>can't get this and I look stupid. Ultimately, it was fine,

0:18:40.000 --> 0:18:42.399
<v Speaker 1>They're not going to make me look stupid on the show, right,

0:18:42.880 --> 0:18:48.520
<v Speaker 1>And ultimately I think the thing that happens is we

0:18:48.600 --> 0:18:53.720
<v Speaker 1>are so judgmental of ourselves, yeah, mental of ourselves, and

0:18:53.840 --> 0:18:57.159
<v Speaker 1>some of the judgment is okay, meaning like some of

0:18:57.200 --> 0:18:59.400
<v Speaker 1>the I could have done that better, How could.

0:18:59.200 --> 0:19:01.400
<v Speaker 4>I work that joke better? Or what would you know?

0:19:01.720 --> 0:19:01.760
<v Speaker 3>What?

0:19:02.000 --> 0:19:04.359
<v Speaker 2>What could I do better next time? Like what was

0:19:04.400 --> 0:19:06.440
<v Speaker 2>the feedback that I got from my professors, or what

0:19:06.480 --> 0:19:09.000
<v Speaker 2>was the feedback that I got from you know, whoever

0:19:09.040 --> 0:19:11.320
<v Speaker 2>I'm dealing with on a person personal basis in my

0:19:11.359 --> 0:19:14.000
<v Speaker 2>new job or whatever. Let me apply some of that

0:19:14.040 --> 0:19:17.000
<v Speaker 2>feedback and see how I can get better at this thing. Yes,

0:19:17.240 --> 0:19:20.320
<v Speaker 2>but that's different than I'm so stupid. I'm so bad

0:19:20.320 --> 0:19:22.400
<v Speaker 2>at this, I'll never be good at this. I should

0:19:22.440 --> 0:19:25.639
<v Speaker 2>just stop trying. Yeah, there's there. It's really hard to

0:19:25.720 --> 0:19:30.359
<v Speaker 2>grow from that mindset. Yeah, and I would venture to

0:19:30.400 --> 0:19:34.000
<v Speaker 2>guess that Xander is probably pretty talented. Yeah. And I

0:19:34.000 --> 0:19:37.520
<v Speaker 2>think the thing that happens when you're naturally good at

0:19:37.520 --> 0:19:40.639
<v Speaker 2>something like you know, and I think we feel this

0:19:40.800 --> 0:19:46.080
<v Speaker 2>in our job, right, We've always been naturally good at acting,

0:19:47.520 --> 0:19:51.320
<v Speaker 2>and then when something comes up like a fight choreography

0:19:51.520 --> 0:19:53.879
<v Speaker 2>or a gun move or I never fucking could do

0:19:53.920 --> 0:19:54.960
<v Speaker 2>handcuffs on Brooklyn.

0:19:55.040 --> 0:19:57.719
<v Speaker 4>I was so bad at handcuffs. I could never fucking

0:19:57.760 --> 0:19:58.120
<v Speaker 4>do them.

0:19:58.960 --> 0:19:59.080
<v Speaker 3>Uh.

0:19:59.280 --> 0:20:03.080
<v Speaker 2>It really like throws you because you're like, wait, there's

0:20:03.119 --> 0:20:05.520
<v Speaker 2>something I'm not that I'm not getting right away. There's

0:20:05.520 --> 0:20:08.719
<v Speaker 2>something that's not clicking right away. But the truth is,

0:20:09.640 --> 0:20:13.080
<v Speaker 2>most of the time, for most people, that's how it goes.

0:20:13.320 --> 0:20:16.320
<v Speaker 2>Like my kids are starting, you know, are getting into

0:20:16.400 --> 0:20:21.360
<v Speaker 2>like sports, and they're getting to those ages and uh,

0:20:21.840 --> 0:20:25.400
<v Speaker 2>like little Axel has like started jiu jitsu and now

0:20:25.440 --> 0:20:27.040
<v Speaker 2>he's really into it. But in the beginning he was

0:20:27.080 --> 0:20:29.160
<v Speaker 2>really nervous, he was really shy, and he kept saying,

0:20:29.200 --> 0:20:29.879
<v Speaker 2>I'm not good at it.

0:20:29.960 --> 0:20:30.639
<v Speaker 4>I'm not good at it.

0:20:30.680 --> 0:20:32.119
<v Speaker 2>And I was like, well, no one's ever good at

0:20:32.160 --> 0:20:34.919
<v Speaker 2>anything when they first started. You've never done it before,

0:20:35.119 --> 0:20:37.960
<v Speaker 2>You've never done it. This is your first time. So like,

0:20:38.880 --> 0:20:41.520
<v Speaker 2>there is something about when you are bad at something,

0:20:42.320 --> 0:20:45.280
<v Speaker 2>you gotta gotta get your mind right. You got to

0:20:45.359 --> 0:20:49.280
<v Speaker 2>like stay in that I'm learning, I'm trying something that's hard,

0:20:49.560 --> 0:20:53.520
<v Speaker 2>which is good for me, and being bad at this

0:20:53.720 --> 0:20:56.000
<v Speaker 2>is actually going to make the things I'm already good

0:20:56.000 --> 0:21:01.080
<v Speaker 2>at better and that there will be growth. If you

0:21:01.119 --> 0:21:04.399
<v Speaker 2>can keep your mind right, there can be growth. You

0:21:04.480 --> 0:21:07.200
<v Speaker 2>can get better at the thing that you're attempting to do.

0:21:08.520 --> 0:21:11.560
<v Speaker 2>And it might be a slow might, you might struggle

0:21:11.640 --> 0:21:14.960
<v Speaker 2>through it. It might not be as great as your

0:21:15.000 --> 0:21:19.960
<v Speaker 2>other strengths. But I really believe that, like, if you

0:21:20.080 --> 0:21:22.600
<v Speaker 2>stick with it, if you accept those mistakes, like you

0:21:22.640 --> 0:21:24.840
<v Speaker 2>were saying, you just like kind of roll with it,

0:21:25.320 --> 0:21:29.320
<v Speaker 2>keep checking in, keep challenging yourself to improve, not make

0:21:29.359 --> 0:21:32.560
<v Speaker 2>the same mistakes over and over. Yeah, and just see

0:21:32.560 --> 0:21:36.280
<v Speaker 2>it as like a growth thing. At the end, you

0:21:36.359 --> 0:21:38.800
<v Speaker 2>probably will be pretty decent that the thing you started

0:21:38.840 --> 0:21:41.719
<v Speaker 2>out being bad at, and then the other things that

0:21:41.760 --> 0:21:45.320
<v Speaker 2>you are already good at will improve also, like especially

0:21:45.400 --> 0:21:48.080
<v Speaker 2>if they're all related. Again, we don't know what the

0:21:48.119 --> 0:21:51.840
<v Speaker 2>field is, but you know, just me fumbling with frickin'

0:21:51.880 --> 0:21:56.400
<v Speaker 2>handcuffs for eight seasons of Brooklyn never never got them never,

0:21:56.720 --> 0:21:59.400
<v Speaker 2>God no, I would hold them behind them. I would

0:21:59.400 --> 0:22:02.040
<v Speaker 2>always just make this motion and then just hold them back.

0:22:02.200 --> 0:22:03.000
<v Speaker 4>That's what I was gonna say.

0:22:03.040 --> 0:22:05.760
<v Speaker 2>I got real good at faking it, Yeah, real good

0:22:05.920 --> 0:22:08.400
<v Speaker 2>at figuring out where the camera is, how I can

0:22:08.400 --> 0:22:09.879
<v Speaker 2>fake it, how it can make it look like I

0:22:09.920 --> 0:22:14.040
<v Speaker 2>clicked that shit so fast. Yeah. I never did, ever did.

0:22:14.720 --> 0:22:17.440
<v Speaker 2>But I walked away with a new skill of being

0:22:17.480 --> 0:22:20.679
<v Speaker 2>able to fake that shit so good. Yeah, man. And

0:22:20.720 --> 0:22:23.880
<v Speaker 2>that's like that's the I mean, that's the other thing

0:22:24.000 --> 0:22:27.560
<v Speaker 2>is like the narrow idea of what is supposed to happen,

0:22:27.920 --> 0:22:31.240
<v Speaker 2>the narrow, narrow ideas of how this is supposed to go,

0:22:31.400 --> 0:22:34.200
<v Speaker 2>and how you were a success at this. Right, if

0:22:34.240 --> 0:22:36.600
<v Speaker 2>you measured your success on whether or not at the

0:22:36.680 --> 0:22:39.280
<v Speaker 2>end of eight seasons you could actually do those handcuffs,

0:22:40.080 --> 0:22:42.000
<v Speaker 2>you'd still be fucking pissed off at yourself. But if

0:22:42.040 --> 0:22:45.760
<v Speaker 2>you measure your success about like, well, does it look

0:22:45.840 --> 0:22:48.000
<v Speaker 2>like I know what I'm doing as a cop on camera?

0:22:48.200 --> 0:22:50.960
<v Speaker 2>And was anybody distracted during the scene? And is the

0:22:51.000 --> 0:22:53.720
<v Speaker 2>storyline still going? The answer is yes to all of

0:22:53.800 --> 0:22:55.440
<v Speaker 2>those things. So yeah, you were success.

0:22:55.480 --> 0:22:57.520
<v Speaker 1>It's sometimes about how you're looking at the thing, like

0:22:57.560 --> 0:23:01.600
<v Speaker 1>you were saying, and my picture incrementally getting better at

0:23:01.600 --> 0:23:03.640
<v Speaker 1>this thing? Am I Maybe you're not like the best

0:23:03.680 --> 0:23:05.399
<v Speaker 1>in your fucking class, but maybe you had fun. I

0:23:05.440 --> 0:23:08.760
<v Speaker 1>mean I took a flower arranging class and ikebana class

0:23:08.760 --> 0:23:09.840
<v Speaker 1>once and like, oh.

0:23:09.720 --> 0:23:10.960
<v Speaker 4>I remember when you did that.

0:23:11.240 --> 0:23:15.359
<v Speaker 2>I was not good at it, but it was fun.

0:23:15.440 --> 0:23:17.280
<v Speaker 2>Like the teacher would come around and be like no,

0:23:17.480 --> 0:23:20.800
<v Speaker 2>and she would she would take her We had these

0:23:21.080 --> 0:23:23.280
<v Speaker 2>shears that we had to get that were like super

0:23:23.560 --> 0:23:27.359
<v Speaker 2>super sharp cutting shears, and literally she would come around

0:23:27.480 --> 0:23:30.160
<v Speaker 2>and like chop the heads off my flowers. Oh my god,

0:23:30.240 --> 0:23:32.879
<v Speaker 2>take it things out, because she just was not having

0:23:32.880 --> 0:23:34.200
<v Speaker 2>my arrangement.

0:23:34.880 --> 0:23:37.000
<v Speaker 4>She was like, you are a wasting space here.

0:23:37.080 --> 0:23:39.520
<v Speaker 2>Basically, she was like, you're really bad at this, thank

0:23:39.560 --> 0:23:42.399
<v Speaker 2>you for trying. And I was probably pretty bad, but

0:23:42.440 --> 0:23:44.840
<v Speaker 2>like I had fun. It was just a community college

0:23:44.880 --> 0:23:47.479
<v Speaker 2>class and it was really fun. I mean I didn't

0:23:47.880 --> 0:23:50.000
<v Speaker 2>I didn't need to be the best in was I

0:23:50.080 --> 0:23:52.560
<v Speaker 2>a little jealous, Yeah, I was a little jealous of

0:23:52.600 --> 0:23:54.679
<v Speaker 2>some of the women that were in my class that

0:23:54.720 --> 0:23:58.119
<v Speaker 2>were really good at it, but like, oh, I just

0:23:58.160 --> 0:24:00.760
<v Speaker 2>wanted to have a good time and have fun. I

0:24:00.760 --> 0:24:04.800
<v Speaker 2>would take another class like that. I mean it was fun. Yeah,

0:24:04.880 --> 0:24:05.400
<v Speaker 2>And there's.

0:24:05.240 --> 0:24:06.240
<v Speaker 4>Something to be said too.

0:24:06.359 --> 0:24:10.080
<v Speaker 2>I think about these experiences, whether it's work or it's hobby.

0:24:10.480 --> 0:24:12.760
<v Speaker 2>I think doing things that we're bad at is so

0:24:13.000 --> 0:24:17.120
<v Speaker 2>good for like grit and resilience. You know, like if

0:24:17.119 --> 0:24:19.280
<v Speaker 2>we just did shit that we were good at all

0:24:19.359 --> 0:24:23.119
<v Speaker 2>the fucking time, first of all, I think we'd just

0:24:23.119 --> 0:24:23.919
<v Speaker 2>be monsters.

0:24:23.960 --> 0:24:26.560
<v Speaker 4>We'd be like narcissistic. I mean, you've met these people.

0:24:26.960 --> 0:24:30.520
<v Speaker 2>You have met these people, right that never attempted, never

0:24:30.560 --> 0:24:33.080
<v Speaker 2>took any risks, never attempted to do anything they were

0:24:33.119 --> 0:24:35.960
<v Speaker 2>bad at, right, and talk a lot of shit about

0:24:36.280 --> 0:24:39.920
<v Speaker 2>a lot of shit. They have no frustration tolerance, right,

0:24:40.000 --> 0:24:42.320
<v Speaker 2>They're like the type of person that melts down and

0:24:42.560 --> 0:24:45.320
<v Speaker 2>the second they can't get their way. God. And so

0:24:45.640 --> 0:24:48.000
<v Speaker 2>I think there is something to be said about this

0:24:48.160 --> 0:24:50.960
<v Speaker 2>practice of like doing something that you're not good at

0:24:51.000 --> 0:24:54.920
<v Speaker 2>and it just building resilience in you and curate. And

0:24:55.880 --> 0:24:57.480
<v Speaker 2>I mean it's so cliche to say, but like I

0:24:57.560 --> 0:25:00.719
<v Speaker 2>really think it's true. Like we have to expe it's failure,

0:25:00.760 --> 0:25:03.880
<v Speaker 2>We have to experience being bad at something. It grounds us,

0:25:03.920 --> 0:25:06.919
<v Speaker 2>it humbles us. Those are all good things, right, and

0:25:06.960 --> 0:25:09.640
<v Speaker 2>it makes us tougher, makes it tougher. Like the more

0:25:09.720 --> 0:25:12.000
<v Speaker 2>you do it, the next time you're faced with something

0:25:12.000 --> 0:25:15.840
<v Speaker 2>that you're not good at, you're gonna be less afraid

0:25:15.880 --> 0:25:16.040
<v Speaker 2>of it.

0:25:16.080 --> 0:25:16.640
<v Speaker 4>You're gonna have.

0:25:16.720 --> 0:25:19.800
<v Speaker 2>Less feelings of imposter syndrome. You're just gonna be like, well,

0:25:19.880 --> 0:25:21.960
<v Speaker 2>I've fucking failed before and it turned out all right,

0:25:22.040 --> 0:25:22.760
<v Speaker 2>So here we go.

0:25:23.000 --> 0:25:23.200
<v Speaker 3>Right.

0:25:32.280 --> 0:25:34.239
<v Speaker 2>So much of it is fear, So much of it

0:25:34.280 --> 0:25:34.640
<v Speaker 2>is fear.

0:25:34.680 --> 0:25:41.560
<v Speaker 1>Fear, and like I you know, fear of I mean,

0:25:41.600 --> 0:25:43.479
<v Speaker 1>for us, a lot of times it's like fear of

0:25:43.640 --> 0:25:46.199
<v Speaker 1>am I gonna get fired right right right, am I

0:25:46.240 --> 0:25:48.359
<v Speaker 1>gonna get let go because they don't think I'm good

0:25:48.600 --> 0:25:50.760
<v Speaker 1>And yeah.

0:25:50.320 --> 0:25:50.800
<v Speaker 4>I don't know.

0:25:50.960 --> 0:25:53.720
<v Speaker 1>Sometimes it's like maybe weren't the right fit for that thing.

0:25:54.240 --> 0:25:57.399
<v Speaker 1>Maybe maybe that wasn't the job for you, Like maybe

0:25:57.400 --> 0:26:01.120
<v Speaker 1>some weird shit happened, and like you know, you don't

0:26:01.119 --> 0:26:04.080
<v Speaker 1>mess with the cast, you don't mess with the whatever,

0:26:04.359 --> 0:26:07.359
<v Speaker 1>and like it's just not the right thing, you know,

0:26:07.680 --> 0:26:10.199
<v Speaker 1>like and that's okay, Like you can't let it. Like

0:26:10.840 --> 0:26:12.800
<v Speaker 1>I mean, we've all heard those stories of people that like,

0:26:13.280 --> 0:26:15.919
<v Speaker 1>oh I almost got that job and I didn't get it,

0:26:15.960 --> 0:26:18.520
<v Speaker 1>and then it went to so and so, but then

0:26:18.760 --> 0:26:20.840
<v Speaker 1>I got this job, which I never would have gotten

0:26:20.880 --> 0:26:24.120
<v Speaker 1>if that had gone you know. Yeah, like there's something

0:26:24.320 --> 0:26:29.120
<v Speaker 1>there's something also to be said about wanting something really bad, yeah,

0:26:29.119 --> 0:26:33.000
<v Speaker 1>and then it not working out and that actually maybe

0:26:33.119 --> 0:26:36.879
<v Speaker 1>is maybe you fail at that and then the better

0:26:36.920 --> 0:26:39.520
<v Speaker 1>thing comes along, right like this or something better for

0:26:39.560 --> 0:26:43.040
<v Speaker 1>the good of all concerned. Sometimes it's just not I

0:26:43.119 --> 0:26:44.760
<v Speaker 1>mean we're talking a lot about like keep trying and

0:26:44.840 --> 0:26:47.159
<v Speaker 1>keep trying until you succeed, but like you might not

0:26:47.200 --> 0:26:50.760
<v Speaker 1>succeed at some stuff and that's okay. You don't have

0:26:50.840 --> 0:26:52.480
<v Speaker 1>to be good at every.

0:26:52.200 --> 0:26:53.040
<v Speaker 2>Single fucking thing.

0:26:53.280 --> 0:26:55.760
<v Speaker 1>You can do some things just because they're fun. You

0:26:55.800 --> 0:26:57.760
<v Speaker 1>can also do some things and try them and.

0:26:57.720 --> 0:27:00.320
<v Speaker 2>Be like that one for me, you know, yeah.

0:27:00.400 --> 0:27:03.920
<v Speaker 1>It's okay, that's okay, it's fine.

0:27:04.320 --> 0:27:07.800
<v Speaker 2>It is okay to not good at stuff like yes,

0:27:08.320 --> 0:27:12.719
<v Speaker 2>And I think the trying is so much more important

0:27:12.880 --> 0:27:17.240
<v Speaker 2>for our personal growth and our happiness than like never trying,

0:27:17.560 --> 0:27:22.000
<v Speaker 2>never taking a risk, never having those experiences right, and

0:27:22.080 --> 0:27:24.800
<v Speaker 2>just playing it safe all the time. I have no

0:27:24.960 --> 0:27:26.960
<v Speaker 2>interest in playing it safe all the time. It sounds

0:27:27.040 --> 0:27:28.879
<v Speaker 2>fucking boring to me, and I think I would be

0:27:29.000 --> 0:27:32.800
<v Speaker 2>miserable person. I mean, I like playing and safe sometimes

0:27:32.880 --> 0:27:36.399
<v Speaker 2>and sometimes when you need it for your mental sure,

0:27:36.880 --> 0:27:39.640
<v Speaker 2>I like, like in the grand scheme of things. Yeah,

0:27:39.800 --> 0:27:43.600
<v Speaker 2>there's a difference between playing and safe and being bored.

0:27:44.119 --> 0:27:46.760
<v Speaker 2>You know, like there's a big difference there because like

0:27:47.200 --> 0:27:51.400
<v Speaker 2>playing in safe you can still grow within that arena,

0:27:51.720 --> 0:27:56.040
<v Speaker 2>but being bored like you're never gonna yeah, you're never

0:27:56.080 --> 0:27:59.160
<v Speaker 2>gonna grow, You're never gonna you never and like life

0:27:59.200 --> 0:28:03.160
<v Speaker 2>is so oh well, bro, it's pretty short. We don't

0:28:03.200 --> 0:28:05.399
<v Speaker 2>have a lot of time here. There's not a whole

0:28:05.440 --> 0:28:08.439
<v Speaker 2>whole lot not to be like super downy downer about it.

0:28:08.480 --> 0:28:11.920
<v Speaker 2>I'm trying to be uppy upper, but there's not there's

0:28:11.960 --> 0:28:14.119
<v Speaker 2>not a lot of time. This is the this is

0:28:14.160 --> 0:28:15.960
<v Speaker 2>your one and precious life.

0:28:16.040 --> 0:28:18.760
<v Speaker 1>Isn't that what Mary Oliver says? I'm misquoting Mary Oliver?

0:28:18.920 --> 0:28:22.399
<v Speaker 1>How dare I fail at misquoting? On miss all of

0:28:22.480 --> 0:28:26.119
<v Speaker 1>our I want to myst poets our time. There's not

0:28:26.200 --> 0:28:28.399
<v Speaker 1>a lot of time, so like, give it a shot,

0:28:28.720 --> 0:28:30.160
<v Speaker 1>give it a little shot, just.

0:28:30.080 --> 0:28:35.399
<v Speaker 4>A little shot. There's in our in our Nerd time section.

0:28:35.640 --> 0:28:38.160
<v Speaker 1>I want to rename this research that we didn't do,

0:28:38.680 --> 0:28:40.000
<v Speaker 1>research that we didn't do.

0:28:40.240 --> 0:28:40.920
<v Speaker 3>I love that.

0:28:45.280 --> 0:28:48.760
<v Speaker 2>From this Forward's article how to shed perfectionism and the

0:28:48.840 --> 0:28:51.920
<v Speaker 2>desire to be great at everything by sucking at something.

0:28:53.760 --> 0:28:57.360
<v Speaker 2>There's this great story here. First of all, in the article,

0:28:57.600 --> 0:28:59.959
<v Speaker 2>it says, the freedom of sucking at something can hell

0:29:00.200 --> 0:29:03.200
<v Speaker 2>you build resilience, Like we were just saying, embrace imperfection

0:29:03.440 --> 0:29:06.800
<v Speaker 2>and find joy in the pursuit rather than the goal.

0:29:08.320 --> 0:29:11.480
<v Speaker 2>And there's this great little story of this dad that

0:29:11.560 --> 0:29:14.680
<v Speaker 2>I want to read. One day, standing outside of school,

0:29:14.720 --> 0:29:17.840
<v Speaker 2>pickup one of my son's classmates parents, John asked me

0:29:17.880 --> 0:29:20.720
<v Speaker 2>how my son was doing in school that year? I said,

0:29:20.840 --> 0:29:23.480
<v Speaker 2>he's having a hard time. John turned to my son

0:29:23.520 --> 0:29:26.480
<v Speaker 2>and said, it's so great to suck at something. And

0:29:26.520 --> 0:29:29.320
<v Speaker 2>I watched my son's face light up, and I thought,

0:29:29.400 --> 0:29:32.000
<v Speaker 2>oh my god, that just did more for him than

0:29:32.080 --> 0:29:35.000
<v Speaker 2>all the trying to fix the problem. Yes, he never

0:29:35.080 --> 0:29:38.160
<v Speaker 2>learned to write, but he wound up being becoming valedictorian

0:29:38.200 --> 0:29:42.640
<v Speaker 2>of his senior class. Yeah, Henny, yeah right. And it's

0:29:42.640 --> 0:29:44.680
<v Speaker 2>like he was just giving permission to that kid, like,

0:29:45.120 --> 0:29:48.440
<v Speaker 2>just suck at it. Yeah, you got to, you gotta work.

0:29:48.560 --> 0:29:51.800
<v Speaker 2>You better suck, You better work, you better suck. Right,

0:29:52.680 --> 0:29:54.680
<v Speaker 2>And then he goes on to say I was forty

0:29:54.720 --> 0:29:58.080
<v Speaker 2>and there was no reason why forty plus should learn

0:29:58.160 --> 0:30:02.240
<v Speaker 2>to surf, because it's almost impossible. But I was true,

0:30:02.320 --> 0:30:06.280
<v Speaker 2>horse bro, harsh truth, but also true.

0:30:06.440 --> 0:30:09.160
<v Speaker 4>With a little bit that I have served. Uh.

0:30:10.040 --> 0:30:12.400
<v Speaker 2>But I was compelled by it, and I was really

0:30:12.440 --> 0:30:14.440
<v Speaker 2>bad at it. I wanted to do it more than

0:30:14.480 --> 0:30:17.600
<v Speaker 2>anything else, yet I couldn't do it. I kept persisting.

0:30:17.680 --> 0:30:20.520
<v Speaker 2>Hearing John's voice saying it's great to suck at something,

0:30:20.960 --> 0:30:23.560
<v Speaker 2>I thought that this could be my thing. It gave

0:30:23.600 --> 0:30:27.400
<v Speaker 2>me permission to keep doing it and keep trying. Yeah.

0:30:27.440 --> 0:30:27.960
<v Speaker 4>I love that.

0:30:28.400 --> 0:30:32.000
<v Speaker 2>I love that that right, It's just like and you know,

0:30:32.240 --> 0:30:35.920
<v Speaker 2>the enjoying the pursuit of the thing, right, because sometimes

0:30:35.960 --> 0:30:38.800
<v Speaker 2>the other part is like, yes, I think it's great

0:30:38.800 --> 0:30:41.400
<v Speaker 2>to just suck at something like your flower class, but

0:30:41.520 --> 0:30:44.640
<v Speaker 2>you enjoyed it. You enjoyed the pursuit of trying to

0:30:44.720 --> 0:30:45.640
<v Speaker 2>learn how to do that.

0:30:45.800 --> 0:30:45.920
<v Speaker 3>Right.

0:30:45.960 --> 0:30:50.040
<v Speaker 2>It wasn't about becoming this like amazing flower arranger, right,

0:30:50.120 --> 0:30:52.760
<v Speaker 2>you enjoyed the ride. And I think that that is

0:30:52.800 --> 0:30:56.640
<v Speaker 2>such an important like mind shift if you could reframe

0:30:56.680 --> 0:30:59.080
<v Speaker 2>it for yourself that way. And then the other side

0:30:59.080 --> 0:31:01.160
<v Speaker 2>that we haven't even talked about is like the times

0:31:01.160 --> 0:31:03.920
<v Speaker 2>that you get totally fucking surprised by like all of

0:31:03.920 --> 0:31:06.719
<v Speaker 2>a sudden something clicks and you become really good at

0:31:06.720 --> 0:31:09.719
<v Speaker 2>the thing you sucked at. Like that also happens. Sometimes

0:31:09.760 --> 0:31:12.959
<v Speaker 2>it doesn't that happen, but like you would never know,

0:31:13.120 --> 0:31:15.440
<v Speaker 2>you would never have that experience, You would never get

0:31:15.480 --> 0:31:19.000
<v Speaker 2>that incredible surprise if you didn't like stay in the suck,

0:31:19.320 --> 0:31:21.880
<v Speaker 2>you know, and I said to yourself, I'm gonna suck

0:31:21.880 --> 0:31:24.840
<v Speaker 2>at this and that's it, and it's okay, it's okay.

0:31:25.200 --> 0:31:29.080
<v Speaker 2>It's just like reframing your mindset. It does feel yucky.

0:31:29.680 --> 0:31:32.240
<v Speaker 1>It does feel yucky, yucky, and it's so That's the thing,

0:31:32.360 --> 0:31:35.400
<v Speaker 1>is like it's okay. I have to keep telling myself

0:31:35.440 --> 0:31:37.400
<v Speaker 1>that in my own life it's okay.

0:31:37.320 --> 0:31:40.120
<v Speaker 2>For it to feel lucky. It doesn't always have to

0:31:40.200 --> 0:31:43.920
<v Speaker 2>feel good. It doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't. I think

0:31:43.920 --> 0:31:47.240
<v Speaker 2>we're so used to wanting to be comforted and wanting

0:31:47.280 --> 0:31:51.360
<v Speaker 2>to be comfortable, and we have a lot of creature comforts.

0:31:51.360 --> 0:31:55.240
<v Speaker 2>We're very very very very lucky. Most of us are

0:31:55.320 --> 0:31:58.920
<v Speaker 2>really in we have rooms over our heads, we have

0:31:59.480 --> 0:32:02.800
<v Speaker 2>our family are okay, you know. Like again, I'm just

0:32:02.800 --> 0:32:05.760
<v Speaker 2>thinking about the fires again, and it's like we're so

0:32:07.200 --> 0:32:12.840
<v Speaker 2>we're so happy to be comfortable that like the even

0:32:12.880 --> 0:32:17.160
<v Speaker 2>the feeling of the possibility of feeling uncomfortable is like, no,

0:32:17.200 --> 0:32:18.360
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to do that. I don't want to

0:32:18.360 --> 0:32:19.320
<v Speaker 2>do that. I'm terrified of.

0:32:19.280 --> 0:32:20.800
<v Speaker 4>That, you know, fear Again.

0:32:20.840 --> 0:32:23.600
<v Speaker 2>For me, it's like motherhood. A lot of motherhood for.

0:32:23.680 --> 0:32:26.920
<v Speaker 1>Me is like ooh, I don't know if this is

0:32:27.120 --> 0:32:28.760
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if I'm good at this, and I

0:32:28.800 --> 0:32:31.840
<v Speaker 1>don't I can't really see whether or not I'm good

0:32:31.880 --> 0:32:33.920
<v Speaker 1>at it or not. And yeah, I have to keep

0:32:33.960 --> 0:32:37.240
<v Speaker 1>telling myself I am good at this It's not going

0:32:37.280 --> 0:32:41.280
<v Speaker 1>to feel amazing and comfortable every second. A lot of

0:32:41.280 --> 0:32:44.240
<v Speaker 1>this is going to feel bad, downright bad and yucky

0:32:44.480 --> 0:32:44.880
<v Speaker 1>and like.

0:32:46.680 --> 0:32:52.320
<v Speaker 2>Boo boo. Yeah. But you know, it's like nine years

0:32:52.320 --> 0:32:55.720
<v Speaker 2>in I look back and I feel like I'm such

0:32:55.760 --> 0:32:59.240
<v Speaker 2>a more resilient person because of motherhood. Oh my god,

0:32:59.320 --> 0:33:00.440
<v Speaker 2>totally totally.

0:33:00.720 --> 0:33:03.600
<v Speaker 1>I mean three years in, I'm like, whoa I am.

0:33:04.200 --> 0:33:06.360
<v Speaker 1>I'm fucking some of the ship that I deal with

0:33:06.480 --> 0:33:07.840
<v Speaker 1>or like in my life or whatever.

0:33:07.880 --> 0:33:10.760
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, I'm fucking tough. I'm like fucking tough and

0:33:10.920 --> 0:33:13.000
<v Speaker 2>like for me, no tough.

0:33:13.080 --> 0:33:15.680
<v Speaker 1>Yeah that's still because I always thought of myself as

0:33:15.680 --> 0:33:19.440
<v Speaker 1>like a really soft, little like sensitive flower, and like

0:33:20.400 --> 0:33:24.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm tough and I'm still sensitive. I'm still a sensitive flower. Yeah,

0:33:24.680 --> 0:33:26.480
<v Speaker 1>you can be both of those things can be true

0:33:26.520 --> 0:33:30.160
<v Speaker 1>at the same time. Anyway, that was a real side

0:33:30.200 --> 0:33:33.520
<v Speaker 1>side road that we took more research that we didn't do.

0:33:34.000 --> 0:33:38.960
<v Speaker 2>Uh okay, this I thought was really fun. There's like

0:33:39.040 --> 0:33:41.840
<v Speaker 2>a ton of famous people that were not you know,

0:33:42.560 --> 0:33:44.840
<v Speaker 2>didn't do it.

0:33:44.960 --> 0:33:47.480
<v Speaker 1>Didn't didn't they didn't crack right off the bat, you know,

0:33:47.560 --> 0:33:48.640
<v Speaker 1>famous failures.

0:33:48.720 --> 0:33:50.080
<v Speaker 2>This is why we love these stories.

0:33:50.280 --> 0:33:55.080
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, comforting Smoan Biles, arguably the greatest athlete of all time.

0:33:55.400 --> 0:33:59.720
<v Speaker 1>Uh didn't make the US women's junior national team. Martin

0:33:59.800 --> 0:34:02.640
<v Speaker 1>Letting junior got to see in public speaking.

0:34:02.840 --> 0:34:04.640
<v Speaker 2>Oh wow, oh wowow wow.

0:34:04.480 --> 0:34:05.000
<v Speaker 3>Wow wow wow.

0:34:05.040 --> 0:34:06.440
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I'm going to venture to say that that

0:34:06.520 --> 0:34:08.839
<v Speaker 2>teacher was probably racist, but also.

0:34:12.120 --> 0:34:12.239
<v Speaker 3>Uh.

0:34:12.520 --> 0:34:17.600
<v Speaker 2>Producers rejected thirty of Sylvester Saaloon's screenplays before Rocky. Think

0:34:17.680 --> 0:34:20.680
<v Speaker 2>about that, Wow about that and like big out.

0:34:21.040 --> 0:34:23.600
<v Speaker 1>When you think about Rocky as a piece of art,

0:34:23.719 --> 0:34:28.520
<v Speaker 1>it's like he wrote that so specifically for himself.

0:34:28.719 --> 0:34:31.200
<v Speaker 2>Nobody else could have played that role. It was all

0:34:31.280 --> 0:34:38.520
<v Speaker 2>of his, you know, idiosyncratic, weird little bits of him that.

0:34:38.520 --> 0:34:41.400
<v Speaker 1>He played into that thing and made it. You know,

0:34:41.560 --> 0:34:45.799
<v Speaker 1>it's iconic, legendary. Oprah Winfrey fired from her first TV

0:34:45.960 --> 0:34:48.239
<v Speaker 1>job as an anchor in Baltimore, m.

0:34:49.560 --> 0:34:53.400
<v Speaker 2>Fired, fired. Steven Spielberg rejected twice by the University of

0:34:53.480 --> 0:34:57.680
<v Speaker 2>Southern California School of Cinematic Arts. Rejected twice twice.

0:34:57.760 --> 0:34:59.839
<v Speaker 4>You guys, one of the greatest directors of all time.

0:35:00.000 --> 0:35:02.560
<v Speaker 2>Boo boo, boom, boom boom. Oh oh, I liked this one.

0:35:03.080 --> 0:35:07.760
<v Speaker 2>Five thousand, one hundred and twenty six is the number

0:35:07.840 --> 0:35:11.680
<v Speaker 2>of failed prototypes Sir James Dyson went through over the

0:35:11.719 --> 0:35:18.200
<v Speaker 2>course of fifteen years before creating the Baglass vacuum cleaner

0:35:18.320 --> 0:35:21.040
<v Speaker 2>that we now know as the Dyson. Now, not only

0:35:21.080 --> 0:35:25.000
<v Speaker 2>do I point five billion how much four point five

0:35:25.040 --> 0:35:26.240
<v Speaker 2>billion networth?

0:35:26.320 --> 0:35:27.520
<v Speaker 4>Four point five billion?

0:35:28.239 --> 0:35:30.240
<v Speaker 1>Well, I mean I give him money all the time,

0:35:30.680 --> 0:35:34.600
<v Speaker 1>but five thousand, one hundred and twenty six prototypes over

0:35:34.760 --> 0:35:40.560
<v Speaker 1>fifteen years. Talk about probably feeling imposter syndrome, probably feeling

0:35:40.680 --> 0:35:43.719
<v Speaker 1>like maybe you suck and it's not gonna like I'm

0:35:43.760 --> 0:35:45.919
<v Speaker 1>sure there were so many moments that he almost quit.

0:35:46.280 --> 0:35:48.440
<v Speaker 1>I don't know, probably, I mean, there's a there's also

0:35:48.520 --> 0:35:51.319
<v Speaker 1>an element of like blind faith in yourself sometimes that

0:35:51.360 --> 0:35:54.600
<v Speaker 1>I think you have to have battling this right of

0:35:54.719 --> 0:35:57.319
<v Speaker 1>like you can see the thing right and you have

0:35:57.400 --> 0:35:59.279
<v Speaker 1>to like go through the mistakes, you have to go

0:35:59.320 --> 0:36:02.359
<v Speaker 1>through the failure to like write. Like writers talk about that,

0:36:02.520 --> 0:36:06.799
<v Speaker 1>like they I've been watching the SNL documentary. It's so

0:36:07.280 --> 0:36:10.560
<v Speaker 1>on Peacock and Uh, and there's.

0:36:10.440 --> 0:36:12.880
<v Speaker 2>A whole episode that just focuses on the writers and

0:36:12.920 --> 0:36:15.160
<v Speaker 2>they like talk about how like they know the first

0:36:15.200 --> 0:36:16.920
<v Speaker 2>draft of the sketch is gonna suck.

0:36:16.800 --> 0:36:18.160
<v Speaker 4>Like they know it you know what I mean.

0:36:18.200 --> 0:36:20.560
<v Speaker 2>But then that gets the next idea and the next idea,

0:36:20.640 --> 0:36:24.359
<v Speaker 2>and like it's this building thing to like arrive at

0:36:24.360 --> 0:36:26.839
<v Speaker 2>the funniest version of that sketch. And I think it's

0:36:26.920 --> 0:36:29.800
<v Speaker 2>like that for so many things, Like you gotta suck,

0:36:29.880 --> 0:36:33.839
<v Speaker 2>you gotta slug through, you gotta like get through all

0:36:33.840 --> 0:36:36.880
<v Speaker 2>the bad ideas all the to like finally arrive of

0:36:36.960 --> 0:36:40.440
<v Speaker 2>like that light bulb moment where it like clicks and you're.

0:36:40.280 --> 0:36:41.640
<v Speaker 4>Like, oh, this is what it is.

0:36:41.680 --> 0:36:44.640
<v Speaker 2>This is the thing, you know, and you can't get

0:36:44.680 --> 0:36:47.560
<v Speaker 2>there without fucking failing, falling on your face looking like

0:36:47.600 --> 0:36:50.560
<v Speaker 2>an idiot, Like it suck being uncomfortable, Like all the

0:36:50.560 --> 0:36:54.799
<v Speaker 2>things we've been talking about can also lead to greatness.

0:36:55.640 --> 0:36:59.680
<v Speaker 2>And why would you deny yourself your own greatness? Xander, Yeah,

0:36:59.800 --> 0:37:04.040
<v Speaker 2>Zam Xander, God Xander. Don't be afraid of your own greatness.

0:37:04.120 --> 0:37:06.160
<v Speaker 4>Don't be of your own greatness.

0:37:06.400 --> 0:37:11.720
<v Speaker 2>Don't be annoying all those certifications you're bad at right now.

0:37:12.040 --> 0:37:14.160
<v Speaker 2>You might be fucking great at them in the end,

0:37:14.360 --> 0:37:16.600
<v Speaker 2>or they might lead to something else that you're fucking

0:37:16.640 --> 0:37:22.799
<v Speaker 2>great at. Yeah them, don't deny your greatness. More better

0:37:24.120 --> 0:37:27.080
<v Speaker 2>that I think is like a really nice place to

0:37:27.080 --> 0:37:30.080
<v Speaker 2>wrap it up. Yeah, I feel like.

0:37:32.440 --> 0:37:37.040
<v Speaker 1>What's interesting is like two people that really understand imposter

0:37:37.120 --> 0:37:40.799
<v Speaker 1>syndrome inside and out, baby, if you asked us the

0:37:40.880 --> 0:37:43.239
<v Speaker 1>right question, but also two people that have come a

0:37:43.280 --> 0:37:47.080
<v Speaker 1>really long way with it. You know, Yes, we've really

0:37:47.120 --> 0:37:50.080
<v Speaker 1>both come a very long way with dealing with this

0:37:50.160 --> 0:37:54.440
<v Speaker 1>feeling and struggling with it and learning about it. And

0:37:54.560 --> 0:37:59.080
<v Speaker 1>we have really really interesting perspectives in terms of like

0:37:59.200 --> 0:38:03.759
<v Speaker 1>being human being and artists and parents and being where

0:38:03.760 --> 0:38:06.640
<v Speaker 1>we are in our careers and lives. So for someone

0:38:06.960 --> 0:38:09.960
<v Speaker 1>just starting out, I think that's a really good it's

0:38:09.960 --> 0:38:12.840
<v Speaker 1>a good question to ask people, you know, especially people

0:38:12.880 --> 0:38:15.520
<v Speaker 1>that have more experience than you, like, how do you

0:38:15.560 --> 0:38:16.000
<v Speaker 1>deal with it?

0:38:16.080 --> 0:38:18.360
<v Speaker 4>How do you feel about it?

0:38:18.400 --> 0:38:21.360
<v Speaker 1>I remember Ted Danson on set like he could not

0:38:21.520 --> 0:38:25.680
<v Speaker 1>remember these lines, which was making me laugh a lot,

0:38:25.760 --> 0:38:28.839
<v Speaker 1>and then he sort of said to us, I mean,

0:38:28.880 --> 0:38:32.439
<v Speaker 1>I'm definitely you know, paraphrasing him, but he was like, God,

0:38:32.600 --> 0:38:35.719
<v Speaker 1>isn't wild You just feel like such a you know,

0:38:35.800 --> 0:38:38.239
<v Speaker 1>it doesn't matter how long you've worked or what you've done.

0:38:38.320 --> 0:38:40.799
<v Speaker 1>It's like the lines don't come out of your mouth

0:38:40.840 --> 0:38:41.879
<v Speaker 1>on the way that you want them to.

0:38:41.960 --> 0:38:44.400
<v Speaker 2>And you just feel like such an idiot. But he

0:38:44.480 --> 0:38:47.719
<v Speaker 2>had such a good.

0:38:46.840 --> 0:38:50.200
<v Speaker 1>Way about saying it, you know, like sort of understanding

0:38:50.320 --> 0:38:54.440
<v Speaker 1>and forgiveness of himself for judging himself as an idiot.

0:38:54.200 --> 0:38:56.759
<v Speaker 2>Because he's not, you know, and he knows he's not,

0:38:56.920 --> 0:38:57.960
<v Speaker 2>but he just feels it.

0:38:58.000 --> 0:39:00.239
<v Speaker 1>So like we're not saying any of this to be

0:39:00.280 --> 0:39:03.040
<v Speaker 1>like you're never going to feel it again. We're saying like, yeah,

0:39:03.080 --> 0:39:05.400
<v Speaker 1>you're gonna feel it. You're human, but these are some

0:39:05.520 --> 0:39:08.240
<v Speaker 1>ways that you can like be more better at dealing

0:39:08.320 --> 0:39:11.440
<v Speaker 1>with the feeling of And you know, it was so

0:39:11.880 --> 0:39:13.399
<v Speaker 1>charming to see him say that too.

0:39:13.640 --> 0:39:16.000
<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, I love that, And it's and it's

0:39:16.040 --> 0:39:21.279
<v Speaker 2>also it's something I've seen other actors, particularly like very

0:39:21.320 --> 0:39:25.320
<v Speaker 2>experienced older actors, Like every first day of every season,

0:39:25.440 --> 0:39:26.760
<v Speaker 2>Andre Brower would say.

0:39:26.640 --> 0:39:28.120
<v Speaker 4>Oh, I'm nervous, mm hmm.

0:39:28.480 --> 0:39:31.759
<v Speaker 2>And sometimes these incredible guest stars that we would have

0:39:31.880 --> 0:39:33.799
<v Speaker 2>come in would do the same thing. And then I

0:39:33.880 --> 0:39:36.040
<v Speaker 2>realized like there was a pattern, and like, oh, they

0:39:36.120 --> 0:39:39.000
<v Speaker 2>feel these feelings, but they have the experience to just

0:39:39.160 --> 0:39:41.640
<v Speaker 2>call it out. Yeah, and they're like in that moment,

0:39:41.640 --> 0:39:45.280
<v Speaker 2>they're simultaneously like forgiving themselves, like you said, for having

0:39:45.280 --> 0:39:49.200
<v Speaker 2>those feelings and maybe making mistakes, but and they're just

0:39:49.239 --> 0:39:51.680
<v Speaker 2>like taking the pressure off themselves, which just like letting

0:39:51.680 --> 0:39:53.160
<v Speaker 2>everyone know, like, oh I'm nervous.

0:39:53.360 --> 0:39:56.080
<v Speaker 1>Oh that's so funny because I never ever say it,

0:39:56.360 --> 0:39:58.520
<v Speaker 1>like I will not I refuse.

0:39:58.760 --> 0:40:01.040
<v Speaker 4>Oh, I'm like totally I started using that.

0:40:01.920 --> 0:40:05.319
<v Speaker 2>I will say it to myself in my trailer or whatever. Yeah, yeah,

0:40:05.400 --> 0:40:07.000
<v Speaker 2>but I won't say it on set. I won't.

0:40:07.520 --> 0:40:08.960
<v Speaker 4>I will say it.

0:40:09.120 --> 0:40:12.839
<v Speaker 1>I'll be like I'm excited. Yeah, I'm like a line

0:40:12.880 --> 0:40:16.359
<v Speaker 1>of myself. Man, I'll be like, I'm excited to do this.

0:40:16.600 --> 0:40:18.840
<v Speaker 1>I can't wait to start.

0:40:19.320 --> 0:40:20.920
<v Speaker 4>I won't. I won't say I'm.

0:40:20.760 --> 0:40:24.760
<v Speaker 2>Nervous because I feel for me, that makes me feel

0:40:24.800 --> 0:40:28.239
<v Speaker 2>too vulnerable. And what I need to do for myself

0:40:28.280 --> 0:40:31.160
<v Speaker 2>for my own process is like I gotta fucking I

0:40:31.160 --> 0:40:33.640
<v Speaker 2>gotta coach myself, and you gotta be like, bit, you

0:40:33.719 --> 0:40:37.200
<v Speaker 2>got this, you practice, you know what you're doing, you belong,

0:40:37.360 --> 0:40:40.719
<v Speaker 2>you are fucking here. You gotta wear those tall black

0:40:40.760 --> 0:40:42.319
<v Speaker 2>boots and those skinny jeans and.

0:40:42.280 --> 0:40:44.120
<v Speaker 1>That blood the jacket, you know what I mean. Like,

0:40:44.160 --> 0:40:48.000
<v Speaker 1>I have to fucking wind myself up about it. I

0:40:48.000 --> 0:40:50.040
<v Speaker 1>can't do the I might be able to.

0:40:50.000 --> 0:40:52.440
<v Speaker 2>When I'm like an old, an old.

0:40:53.239 --> 0:40:56.560
<v Speaker 4>I mean, I think it's different. I think it's great.

0:40:56.560 --> 0:40:58.840
<v Speaker 2>I think what you're describing is that you've learned what

0:40:58.920 --> 0:41:02.520
<v Speaker 2>works for you and those moments when you have those feelings. Yeah,

0:41:02.560 --> 0:41:04.080
<v Speaker 2>and for me, it's like I need to let the

0:41:04.120 --> 0:41:06.880
<v Speaker 2>air out, like to just like say the thing, and

0:41:06.920 --> 0:41:08.680
<v Speaker 2>then it's almost like as soon as I say it,

0:41:08.680 --> 0:41:11.440
<v Speaker 2>it's like released. Like it's like it's like out of

0:41:11.440 --> 0:41:14.920
<v Speaker 2>my body, you know, like everyone knows I'm maybe nervous,

0:41:14.960 --> 0:41:16.960
<v Speaker 2>and they're going to forgive my mistakes that I'm about

0:41:17.000 --> 0:41:18.759
<v Speaker 2>to make, but I know what I'm doing and like

0:41:19.239 --> 0:41:21.120
<v Speaker 2>this is going to like get me back in the

0:41:21.800 --> 0:41:23.560
<v Speaker 2>mental state that I need to be in to do this.

0:41:23.680 --> 0:41:26.319
<v Speaker 2>Because I say that out loud, then it's like I

0:41:26.480 --> 0:41:29.279
<v Speaker 2>planted a little seed and a pot and it'll just

0:41:29.360 --> 0:41:32.960
<v Speaker 2>keep growing and growing the whole time that I'm Oh,

0:41:33.040 --> 0:41:35.799
<v Speaker 2>I think maybe they're being like I'm excited and like

0:41:35.960 --> 0:41:39.200
<v Speaker 2>the seed blew away on the way. Now, it's just

0:41:39.239 --> 0:41:43.160
<v Speaker 2>not true. I'm excited and I and I am excited. Yeah,

0:41:43.200 --> 0:41:45.680
<v Speaker 2>it's and excitement or like basically the same thing just

0:41:45.719 --> 0:41:49.399
<v Speaker 2>in different forms, right. Yeah, So like then I'm like, yeah, bitch,

0:41:49.440 --> 0:41:51.920
<v Speaker 2>I'm fucking excited, you know, and then if I make

0:41:51.960 --> 0:41:57.480
<v Speaker 2>a mistake, I'm like, well, it's because I'm excited. Yeah,

0:41:57.480 --> 0:42:00.000
<v Speaker 2>it's because I'm excited. Guys, It's because I'm really excited

0:42:00.040 --> 0:42:04.240
<v Speaker 2>about this. I don't know if you get tell? Oh God, anyway,

0:42:04.320 --> 0:42:05.160
<v Speaker 2>do you feel more better?

0:42:05.719 --> 0:42:06.840
<v Speaker 4>I do feel more better?

0:42:07.000 --> 0:42:09.200
<v Speaker 2>How do you? This was a good I liked this

0:42:09.280 --> 0:42:13.000
<v Speaker 2>question and I liked thinking about and talking about being

0:42:13.040 --> 0:42:16.080
<v Speaker 2>okay with being bad at something. Yeah, it's good, you

0:42:16.160 --> 0:42:18.320
<v Speaker 2>got that. Yeah, Xander.

0:42:19.719 --> 0:42:23.759
<v Speaker 1>Anyway, guys, thanks for joining us this week, and let

0:42:23.840 --> 0:42:25.680
<v Speaker 1>us know again if you have any topics that you

0:42:25.719 --> 0:42:27.440
<v Speaker 1>want to to talk to us about.

0:42:29.760 --> 0:42:31.640
<v Speaker 2>Okay, bye, bye.

0:42:33.160 --> 0:42:33.480
<v Speaker 3>Better.

0:42:33.960 --> 0:42:35.879
<v Speaker 2>Do you have something you'd like to be more better

0:42:35.880 --> 0:42:37.239
<v Speaker 2>at that you want us to talk about in a

0:42:37.239 --> 0:42:39.920
<v Speaker 2>future episode? Can you relate to our struggles or have

0:42:40.040 --> 0:42:41.600
<v Speaker 2>you tried one of our tips and tricks?

0:42:41.840 --> 0:42:44.759
<v Speaker 1>Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at

0:42:44.800 --> 0:42:47.680
<v Speaker 1>gmail dot com and include a voice note if you

0:42:47.680 --> 0:42:50.399
<v Speaker 1>want to be featured on the pod. Ooh More Better

0:42:50.440 --> 0:42:53.400
<v Speaker 1>with Stephanie Melissa is a production from WV Sound and

0:42:53.480 --> 0:42:57.960
<v Speaker 1>iHeartMedia's Mikutura podcast network, hosted by me Stephanie Beatrice and

0:42:58.120 --> 0:43:01.239
<v Speaker 1>Melissa FUMERA More Better is produced by Isis Madrid and

0:43:01.280 --> 0:43:05.000
<v Speaker 1>Sophie Spencer Zagos. Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderrama and

0:43:05.080 --> 0:43:08.480
<v Speaker 1>Leo Clem at w V Sound. This episode was edited

0:43:08.520 --> 0:43:11.680
<v Speaker 1>by Isis Madrid and engineered by Sean Tracy and features

0:43:11.719 --> 0:43:14.399
<v Speaker 1>original music by Madison Davenport and Helo Boy.

0:43:14.480 --> 0:43:17.200
<v Speaker 2>Our cover art is by vincent Remy's and photography by

0:43:17.280 --> 0:43:21.439
<v Speaker 2>David Avalos. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app,

0:43:21.480 --> 0:43:24.120
<v Speaker 2>Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

0:43:24.480 --> 0:43:35.160
<v Speaker 1>See you next week's sucker Us Bye,