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Speaker 1: We were standing at the bar and there was a

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Speaker 1: guy like really pushing me, like really like shoving in

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Speaker 1: my space, and I was like trying to like kind

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Speaker 1: of elbow him back, but not really. And then I

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Speaker 1: turned to the new people that I had just met,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, you were just standing next to

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Speaker 1: somebody at a bar and they're crowding you on your

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Speaker 1: space and you just look at your wine glass and

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Speaker 1: think what would happen if I just smashed this on

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Speaker 1: the bar and then stabbed the person behind me? Really

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Speaker 1: like what would happen?

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Speaker 2: And they looked at me like I, Oh, no, she's psycho.

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Speaker 1: Oh no, psycho? Yeah, and they I'm not even kidding.

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Speaker 1: They were like ah. And then they turned in toward

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Speaker 1: each other to converse, and I was like, oh it failed.

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Speaker 3: Better More Better, Hello, Hi, Welcome to More Better, a

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Speaker 3: podcast where we stop pretending to have it all together

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Speaker 3: and embrace the journey of becoming a little more better

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Speaker 3: every day, or.

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Speaker 2: At least trying to. That small supermaro.

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Speaker 4: And that is the one and only Stephanie Beatrice.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, stop you go.

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Speaker 4: No, I'm here for it.

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Speaker 2: How are you doing?

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Speaker 4: I am okay.

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Speaker 2: Your whole family has the flu. My entire family came

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Speaker 2: down with the flu this past weekend. I am shockingly

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Speaker 2: still healthy and imbelievable think out of the window of

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Speaker 2: possibly contamination. Uh it was bad. It was really really bad.

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Speaker 2: There was yeah fevers and chills and throwing.

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Speaker 4: Up and uh yeah it was. It was bad, man.

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Speaker 2: And I'm I'm so grateful that I happened to be

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Speaker 2: home for this, because David was literally in bed for

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Speaker 2: two days, and I don't know what he would have done.

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Speaker 2: If I was in Atlanta, he would have been like

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Speaker 2: parenting from the floor, like he was out. And I

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Speaker 2: just kept thinking, oh my god, if I wasn't here,

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Speaker 2: if I was in Atlanta, like so you know, silver lining,

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Speaker 2: I was here.

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Speaker 4: I was able to take care of everyone.

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Speaker 2: I lysold like a fucking maniac and like washed hands

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Speaker 2: and like because I was like I cannot go down.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, I'm fucking exhausted, though. Bro, what a

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Speaker 1: what a little break, what a vacation?

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Speaker 4: I know, welcome home, mom?

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Speaker 2: What a treat?

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Speaker 4: What a treat? How are you?

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Speaker 2: We saw coyote on our.

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Speaker 1: Street, I know, yeah, and our dog was like out

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Speaker 1: in the yard like peeing, because get in a house.

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Speaker 2: I like, get your ass in the house, sterrifying, terrifying. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: that's what's been going on here.

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Speaker 3: More Better.

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Speaker 2: Today's episode topic comes from a listener, which is really nice.

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Speaker 2: We love these.

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Speaker 1: Emails and like dms and all that stuff. So if

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Speaker 1: you need help with something in your life or you

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Speaker 1: have a suggestion for a future episode, email us at

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Speaker 1: More Better pod at gmail dot com. You can also

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Speaker 1: include a voice note to be featured on the pod.

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Speaker 1: So we have an email today from Xander. Great name Xander,

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Speaker 1: by the way, I love your name. Okay, Hi, Stephanie

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Speaker 1: and Melissa. I'm Xander from Ohio, and I just want

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Speaker 1: to say how much I've been loving the pod so far.

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Speaker 1: Oh that's nice.

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Speaker 2: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: It really has become a highlight of my week, and

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Speaker 1: it's nice to listen to something that feels like friends

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Speaker 1: talking to each other.

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Speaker 2: That's great.

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Speaker 1: I just graduated college and I'm pursuing certifications in my field.

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Speaker 1: But I'm finding that I'm not naturally good at everything. Shocker,

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Speaker 1: a surprise, surprise, and then none of us are.

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Speaker 2: I feel a little bit like an imposter.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes My question is how do I get How should

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Speaker 1: I get more better at being okay with being bad

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Speaker 1: at things when I first start out, And how have

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Speaker 1: you all dealt with feeling imposter syndrome? The feeling of

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Speaker 1: imposter syndrome? Oh, that's really nice, best Alexander ooh cool

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Speaker 1: spelled A L E K Z A N D R.

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Speaker 3: Wow.

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Speaker 1: Okay, okay, all right, well you're already more better than

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Speaker 1: us at names imposter syndrome. Uh okay, So what does

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Speaker 1: that mean to you, Melissa?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I loved I think this is such a great

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Speaker 2: topic and question. Obviously, I think we've all had feelings

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Speaker 2: of imposter syndrome, but and also like just the thing

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Speaker 2: of like being bad, like being okay with being bad

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Speaker 2: at something. Yeah, that's really interesting to me. I've definitely

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Speaker 2: had that, like.

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Speaker 4: All the first season of Brooklyn nine nine.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, talk to me about seasons one through five.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean definitely.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: For me, it was like the most I think intense

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Speaker 2: first season, just feeling like I didn't know what I

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Speaker 2: was doing. I didn't know if I was good at it,

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Speaker 2: at it being comedy and landing I would get I've

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Speaker 2: talked about it before, how I would like have panic

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Speaker 2: when I got the joke lines. I wanted to have

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Speaker 2: all the setups, because I felt like that was I

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Speaker 2: was more comfortable there, like lobbing something to someone else,

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Speaker 2: like someone else do the funny part, and I'll just

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Speaker 2: like toss you the ball. And I don't know if

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Speaker 2: you remember our producing director first couple of seasons, Craig's

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Speaker 2: Zig and I used to first season, after every take,

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Speaker 2: I would look for Craig through the crowd and then

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Speaker 2: he would just give me a little fun thumbs up. Oh,

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Speaker 2: that's so nice.

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Speaker 4: A generous person.

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Speaker 2: Such a generous person were in Trash the first season

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Speaker 2: I was, and I was just so unsure of everything

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Speaker 2: I was doing. And then he literally became like a

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Speaker 2: crutch like for me. If I didn't he see him

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Speaker 2: and I didn't get my little thumbs up, I would

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Speaker 2: like spiral wow and yeah, and I just you know,

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Speaker 2: And then the funny thing is later I remember, actually

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Speaker 2: it was with a moment I had with Chelsea Peretti.

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Speaker 2: There was a moment where I was with her and

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Speaker 2: Jordan and I want to say it was even like

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Speaker 2: at the Golden Globes or something, and which is such

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Speaker 2: a weird thing to say, Sorry, that was just the setting.

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Speaker 2: But and they were complimenting me on the work I

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Speaker 2: was doing on the show, and I was like so perplexed,

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Speaker 2: like I couldn't even receive the compliments, and I was like, guys,

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Speaker 2: i don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I'm just

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Speaker 2: trying to do different things on every take because I

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Speaker 2: feel like everything I do is bad and I don't

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Speaker 2: know what I'm doing and it's you know, I just

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Speaker 2: feel so lost and I'm so fucking nervous all the time.

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Speaker 4: And they just looked at me and they were like.

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Speaker 2: Like almost like, Babe, that's how you do comedy, Like

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Speaker 2: you just try a bunch of different shit, and they

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Speaker 2: kind of just like gave me this assurance of like

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Speaker 2: the way I was doing it was actually the way

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Speaker 2: I should be doing it. And something about that interaction

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Speaker 2: that moment kind of gave me some extra confidence.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, I'll.

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Speaker 1: Just like, oh, my two of some of the funniest people,

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Speaker 1: Yes exactly.

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Speaker 2: I mean yeah, Chelsea Pretty and Jordan Pee will tell

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Speaker 2: you you're doing okay.

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Speaker 4: You're like you're doing good. Maybe I'm doing okay.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, what's been your experience with some of this? I

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Speaker 2: think imposter syndrome is pretty normal for everybody because it's

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Speaker 2: like you know, not to get to wu wu. But

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Speaker 2: all of it is based in like our ideas of

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Speaker 2: like ourselves and how we how we appear to others,

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Speaker 2: and our need for And I'm including myself in this.

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Speaker 1: I'm not being like, oh need you know, our need

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Speaker 1: for approval from others and how that makes up you know,

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Speaker 1: a large part of who we are as people and

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Speaker 1: as artists.

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Speaker 2: But you know, every but I think everybody feels this way.

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Speaker 1: Everybody feels there's something happens and I don't know when, right,

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Speaker 1: because I think little kids have it too. Yeah, but

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Speaker 1: there's something they're human about wanting to be a part

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Speaker 1: of the group and look like you belong to the group.

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Speaker 4: Right.

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Speaker 1: That's why kids copy adults around them. It's why kids

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Speaker 1: copy older kids. It's why teenage girls are so horrible

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Speaker 1: to each other sometimes because they're all desiring and wanting

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Speaker 1: to belong. Yeah, some of them, some of them. Some

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Speaker 1: of us have stronger thinking about myself as a teenage girls,

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Speaker 1: some of us have stronger role models in that like

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Speaker 1: meaning that not that not that all role models aren't strong,

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Speaker 1: but I think that they're something that happens, Like where

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Speaker 1: if the adults around you are like, you are inherently good.

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Speaker 1: You don't need to be or do anything just by

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Speaker 1: being yourself. You're fantastic and great and you're very, very loved.

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Speaker 1: And if you have that, I think a lot from

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Speaker 1: the time that you're little you probably died, didn't, but

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Speaker 1: you probably grow up feeling kind of like I'm pretty deese.

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Speaker 1: Like as a person, you know, like I'm pretty decee.

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Speaker 1: And and I think, you know, not to put too

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Speaker 1: fine a point on it, but I think a lot

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Speaker 1: of men grow up.

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Speaker 2: Kind of being like I'm pretty decee.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 1: That's why you see a lot of men enter spaces

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Speaker 1: where maybe they aren't the best, or aren't experienced, or

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Speaker 1: aren't whatever, and they're just like, well, I belong here.

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Speaker 2: I belong in the space, right And.

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Speaker 1: Because it been told that they belong in spaces from

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Speaker 1: the time that they were young, they don't ever remember

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Speaker 1: not belonging in spaces. So if you're someone that hasn't

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Speaker 1: grown up that way, then when you get into spaces,

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Speaker 1: you automatically start feeling like you don't belong You're.

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Speaker 2: Not supposed to be here. You are You've somehow managed

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Speaker 2: to convince the people in power that you belong here

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Speaker 2: by some strange part of your brain that somehow told

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Speaker 2: you that it was acceptable for you to even, you know,

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Speaker 2: in our case audition, how dare you have the audacity

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Speaker 2: to audition for this?

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Speaker 1: Like meanwhile, now you've gotten it and you are fucked

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Speaker 1: because you do not measure up right. But I think

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Speaker 1: the thing that I've started to hold on to as

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Speaker 1: an adult, even when it gives me butterflies, is like,

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Speaker 1: but there is some small part of me that was like,

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Speaker 1: I belong here. There is some flame inside me that

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Speaker 1: I can continue to feed that is like bitch.

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Speaker 2: You funny, you know, like or like you know.

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Speaker 1: I remember I remember auditioning for Rosa Diaz and I

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Speaker 1: was like, what do I wear to this?

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Speaker 2: Like what do I What do I wear? And I thought, oh,

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Speaker 2: I know? And I put together these big black boots

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Speaker 2: that I had that were like platform, really sexy boots

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Speaker 2: that I had gotten in like a gift exchange or something,

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Speaker 2: or a clothing exchange, black jeans, really tight black jeans

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Speaker 2: that I had left over from a thing that I

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Speaker 2: had done, and a leather jacket that someone had given me.

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Speaker 4: And I was like, who am I in this outfit?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 1: Because like, not the way that I thought of myself.

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Speaker 1: I didn't think of myself as like was sort of

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Speaker 1: sexy and tough. That was not me at all, But

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Speaker 1: it was her on the page, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: I could do that, and I lived there's some flame

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Speaker 1: in the back of my mind that I was like,

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Speaker 1: I could do it.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 2: Or speaking of imposter syndrome and going back to what

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Speaker 2: you were saying about not having role models or not

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Speaker 2: having the example that made me.

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Speaker 4: That reminded me of that.

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Speaker 2: Great quote that America Frarra has about imposter syndrome where

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Speaker 2: she essentially said like she had this realization at some

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Speaker 2: point that she feels strange in new spaces because she's

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Speaker 2: often the first person like her there totally, and like

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Speaker 2: that's all it is, right, Like, if you've never seen

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Speaker 2: someone who looks like you or has your same background

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Speaker 2: or whatever, it is, right, because sometimes it's superficial or

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Speaker 2: racial identity, and sometimes it's just our upbringing or our

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Speaker 2: family dynamic, whatever it is. And if we've never seen

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Speaker 2: someone like us doing the thing that we're trying to do,

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Speaker 2: you feel like the first You feel like there's nothing

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Speaker 2: to compare yourself to. Right, and that I think is

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Speaker 2: is often where those feelings of imposter syndrome come from.

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Speaker 4: And but I love the way she kind.

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Speaker 2: Of flipped it of just like, oh, it's just that

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Speaker 2: maybe this space hasn't been open to someone like me,

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Speaker 2: and maybe this is you know, maybe I am the

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Speaker 2: first in some sense, but that doesn't mean that I'm

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Speaker 2: not qualified.

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Speaker 4: That doesn't mean I'm not capable, that doesn't mean you know, yeah, and.

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Speaker 2: It just kind of like breaks down some of those

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Speaker 2: walls and that idea of being an impostor. Right.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's just like it's just new. It's just different.

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Speaker 2: It's you know, and you don't have someone to kind

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Speaker 2: of just hold in your mind of just you know,

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Speaker 2: well they did it, so I can do it. You know.

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Speaker 2: It's like oftentimes when we're trying something new or intimidating,

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Speaker 2: you know, there are times where we have that person like, well,

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Speaker 2: they did it, so I know I can do it.

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Speaker 2: But when we don't have that, it's just that much

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Speaker 2: more overwhelming, that much more intimidating. And it's just all

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Speaker 2: fucking fear, right, It's all like resistance in our brains, like,

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Speaker 2: and it's such a human thing.

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Speaker 4: And I think.

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Speaker 2: Everyone no matter where you're from or what you look like,

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Speaker 2: has had that feeling before. It's like such a human

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Speaker 2: feeling to me. Yeah, it's like I think the goal

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Speaker 2: isn't you know, eradicating it, because that's not possible, right, No,

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Speaker 2: but I do. I guess the goal is like.

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Speaker 1: Doing it anyway or doing it, you know, in terms

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Speaker 1: of in terms of what Xander's asking about. It's like,

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Speaker 1: I'm trying this new stuff. I'm trying new things and

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Speaker 1: I'm shocker, I'm not good at everything that I try

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Speaker 1: right right, And like it's a sucky feeling because it's

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Speaker 1: embarrassing to not be kind of stuff. You know, it's

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Speaker 1: really really hard, embarrassing, and it sucks to fail, Like

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Speaker 1: it sucks to try and then fail because like most

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Speaker 1: of the time somebody's watching, you know, in the case

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Speaker 1: of a joke, it doesn't land and nobody laughs.

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Speaker 2: You know, right Faday.

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Speaker 1: I went out the other night Saturday, and we went

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Speaker 1: to see Kumasi Washington play.

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Speaker 2: It's this incredible jazz.

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Speaker 1: Musician and his band and it was really great and

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Speaker 1: it was in this cool new space. It was very

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Speaker 1: like cool so la right, and I was like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm just gonna be myself in this space, like I

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Speaker 1: don't I don't need to compete. It's not about that.

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Speaker 1: I'm just here with my husband and we're having a

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Speaker 1: great time. We saw some friends and then I met

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Speaker 1: some new people and we were standing at the bar

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Speaker 1: and there's a guy like really pushing me, like really

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Speaker 1: like shoving in my space, and I was like trying

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Speaker 1: to like kind of elbow him back, but not really.

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Speaker 2: And then I turned to the new.

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Speaker 1: People that I had just met, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: you were just standing next to somebody at a bar

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Speaker 1: and they're crowding you in your space and you just

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Speaker 1: look at your wine glass and think what would happen

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Speaker 1: if I just smashed this on the bar and then.

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Speaker 2: Stabbed the person behind me, really like what would happen?

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Speaker 2: And they looked at me like I, Oh no, she's psycho.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, psycho? Yeah, and they I'm not even kidding,

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Speaker 2: they were like and then they turned in toward each

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Speaker 2: other to converse, and I was like, oh, it failed

301
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Speaker 2: that way.

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Speaker 4: That it didn't land for whatever, It just needed context.

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Speaker 2: It just you know, if you would said that in

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Speaker 2: front of me, I would have died laughing. I mean

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Speaker 2: also you know, maybe that they're not funny, maybe they're

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Speaker 2: not maybe maybe they're not like yeah, I don't know,

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Speaker 2: I don't know the answer.

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Speaker 1: But in that moment, I was like, oh, well, you know,

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Speaker 1: whereas like a few years ago, ten years ago, I

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Speaker 1: might have been like, oh my god, that's so mortifying

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Speaker 1: these people, Brad, it's so stupid.

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Speaker 4: Whatever.

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Speaker 1: I think some of the imposter syndrome stuff is time

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Speaker 1: trying plus time meaning try, you try, you try, you try,

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Speaker 1: and the more that you try, the more you go Like,

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Speaker 1: some of the stuff is just not gonna land, and

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Speaker 1: and it's less and less uh embarrassing and painful the

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Speaker 1: more that you try. I would assume I'm not I

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Speaker 1: don't play sports.

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Speaker 2: I'm not I'm not athletic.

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Speaker 1: But I would assume that it is similar in terms

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Speaker 1: of like training for something, you know.

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Speaker 2: And oh, well, I guess I am a little more

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Speaker 2: athletic than I thought. You know, you're selling yourself yourself short.

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Speaker 4: You are athletic when it turns, when it comes.

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Speaker 2: Maybe you're not sporty, but you're not. Yeah, those are

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Speaker 2: two different things. Those are two different things. I'm not sporty,

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Speaker 2: but I'm athletic.

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Speaker 1: Practicing meaning like, uh, doing like fight scenes or like

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Speaker 1: practicing stuff like that. The beginning of doing that kind

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Speaker 1: of stuff was really scary to me because.

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Speaker 2: Like and sometimes I couldn't get it.

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Speaker 1: Do you remember that time we were shooting that thing

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Speaker 1: in the arcade and I had to like grab a

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Speaker 1: gun a certain way and I just like could not

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Speaker 1: get it.

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Speaker 2: Do you remember this?

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Speaker 4: I don't remember.

339
00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:16,159
Speaker 1: We were in that weird arcade slash go kart place

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Speaker 1: like way out yeah, yeah, and like there was some

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Speaker 1: gun move that I had to do, and they taught

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Speaker 1: it to me like right on set, and I was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm never fucking gonna get this, and I didn't.

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Speaker 2: I couldn't get it. And like I think we did.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 2: They cut it together great and it looked right right,

347
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Speaker 2: But at.

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Speaker 1: The time I was like, oh, dying inside because all

349
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Speaker 1: of you guys were there and I was like, I

350
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Speaker 1: can't get this and I look stupid. Ultimately, it was fine,

351
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Speaker 1: They're not going to make me look stupid on the show, right,

352
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Speaker 1: And ultimately I think the thing that happens is we

353
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Speaker 1: are so judgmental of ourselves, yeah, mental of ourselves, and

354
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Speaker 1: some of the judgment is okay, meaning like some of

355
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Speaker 1: the I could have done that better, How could.

356
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Speaker 4: I work that joke better? Or what would you know?

357
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:01,760
Speaker 3: What?

358
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,359
Speaker 2: What could I do better next time? Like what was

359
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:06,440
Speaker 2: the feedback that I got from my professors, or what

360
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:09,000
Speaker 2: was the feedback that I got from you know, whoever

361
00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:11,320
Speaker 2: I'm dealing with on a person personal basis in my

362
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:14,000
Speaker 2: new job or whatever. Let me apply some of that

363
00:19:14,040 --> 00:19:17,000
Speaker 2: feedback and see how I can get better at this thing. Yes,

364
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:20,320
Speaker 2: but that's different than I'm so stupid. I'm so bad

365
00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:22,400
Speaker 2: at this, I'll never be good at this. I should

366
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Speaker 2: just stop trying. Yeah, there's there. It's really hard to

367
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:30,359
Speaker 2: grow from that mindset. Yeah, and I would venture to

368
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:34,000
Speaker 2: guess that Xander is probably pretty talented. Yeah. And I

369
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Speaker 2: think the thing that happens when you're naturally good at

370
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Speaker 2: something like you know, and I think we feel this

371
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:46,080
Speaker 2: in our job, right, We've always been naturally good at acting,

372
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:51,320
Speaker 2: and then when something comes up like a fight choreography

373
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Speaker 2: or a gun move or I never fucking could do

374
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Speaker 2: handcuffs on Brooklyn.

375
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Speaker 4: I was so bad at handcuffs. I could never fucking

376
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Speaker 4: do them.

377
00:19:58,960 --> 00:19:59,080
Speaker 3: Uh.

378
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:03,080
Speaker 2: It really like throws you because you're like, wait, there's

379
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:05,520
Speaker 2: something I'm not that I'm not getting right away. There's

380
00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:08,719
Speaker 2: something that's not clicking right away. But the truth is,

381
00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:13,080
Speaker 2: most of the time, for most people, that's how it goes.

382
00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:16,320
Speaker 2: Like my kids are starting, you know, are getting into

383
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:21,360
Speaker 2: like sports, and they're getting to those ages and uh,

384
00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:25,400
Speaker 2: like little Axel has like started jiu jitsu and now

385
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:27,040
Speaker 2: he's really into it. But in the beginning he was

386
00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:29,160
Speaker 2: really nervous, he was really shy, and he kept saying,

387
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:29,879
Speaker 2: I'm not good at it.

388
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Speaker 4: I'm not good at it.

389
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Speaker 2: And I was like, well, no one's ever good at

390
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:34,919
Speaker 2: anything when they first started. You've never done it before,

391
00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:37,960
Speaker 2: You've never done it. This is your first time. So like,

392
00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:41,520
Speaker 2: there is something about when you are bad at something,

393
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:45,280
Speaker 2: you gotta gotta get your mind right. You got to

394
00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:49,280
Speaker 2: like stay in that I'm learning, I'm trying something that's hard,

395
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:53,520
Speaker 2: which is good for me, and being bad at this

396
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,000
Speaker 2: is actually going to make the things I'm already good

397
00:20:56,000 --> 00:21:01,080
Speaker 2: at better and that there will be growth. If you

398
00:21:01,119 --> 00:21:04,399
Speaker 2: can keep your mind right, there can be growth. You

399
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:07,200
Speaker 2: can get better at the thing that you're attempting to do.

400
00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:11,560
Speaker 2: And it might be a slow might, you might struggle

401
00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:14,960
Speaker 2: through it. It might not be as great as your

402
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:19,960
Speaker 2: other strengths. But I really believe that, like, if you

403
00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:22,600
Speaker 2: stick with it, if you accept those mistakes, like you

404
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,840
Speaker 2: were saying, you just like kind of roll with it,

405
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:29,320
Speaker 2: keep checking in, keep challenging yourself to improve, not make

406
00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:32,560
Speaker 2: the same mistakes over and over. Yeah, and just see

407
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:36,280
Speaker 2: it as like a growth thing. At the end, you

408
00:21:36,359 --> 00:21:38,800
Speaker 2: probably will be pretty decent that the thing you started

409
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:41,719
Speaker 2: out being bad at, and then the other things that

410
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:45,320
Speaker 2: you are already good at will improve also, like especially

411
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:48,080
Speaker 2: if they're all related. Again, we don't know what the

412
00:21:48,119 --> 00:21:51,840
Speaker 2: field is, but you know, just me fumbling with frickin'

413
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:56,400
Speaker 2: handcuffs for eight seasons of Brooklyn never never got them never,

414
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:59,400
Speaker 2: God no, I would hold them behind them. I would

415
00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:02,040
Speaker 2: always just make this motion and then just hold them back.

416
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Speaker 4: That's what I was gonna say.

417
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:05,760
Speaker 2: I got real good at faking it, Yeah, real good

418
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:08,400
Speaker 2: at figuring out where the camera is, how I can

419
00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:09,879
Speaker 2: fake it, how it can make it look like I

420
00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:14,040
Speaker 2: clicked that shit so fast. Yeah. I never did, ever did.

421
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:17,440
Speaker 2: But I walked away with a new skill of being

422
00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:20,679
Speaker 2: able to fake that shit so good. Yeah, man. And

423
00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:23,880
Speaker 2: that's like that's the I mean, that's the other thing

424
00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:27,560
Speaker 2: is like the narrow idea of what is supposed to happen,

425
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:31,240
Speaker 2: the narrow, narrow ideas of how this is supposed to go,

426
00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:34,200
Speaker 2: and how you were a success at this. Right, if

427
00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:36,600
Speaker 2: you measured your success on whether or not at the

428
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:39,280
Speaker 2: end of eight seasons you could actually do those handcuffs,

429
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:42,000
Speaker 2: you'd still be fucking pissed off at yourself. But if

430
00:22:42,040 --> 00:22:45,760
Speaker 2: you measure your success about like, well, does it look

431
00:22:45,840 --> 00:22:48,000
Speaker 2: like I know what I'm doing as a cop on camera?

432
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,960
Speaker 2: And was anybody distracted during the scene? And is the

433
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:53,720
Speaker 2: storyline still going? The answer is yes to all of

434
00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:55,440
Speaker 2: those things. So yeah, you were success.

435
00:22:55,480 --> 00:22:57,520
Speaker 1: It's sometimes about how you're looking at the thing, like

436
00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:01,600
Speaker 1: you were saying, and my picture incrementally getting better at

437
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:03,640
Speaker 1: this thing? Am I Maybe you're not like the best

438
00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:05,399
Speaker 1: in your fucking class, but maybe you had fun. I

439
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:08,760
Speaker 1: mean I took a flower arranging class and ikebana class

440
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:09,840
Speaker 1: once and like, oh.

441
00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:10,960
Speaker 4: I remember when you did that.

442
00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:15,359
Speaker 2: I was not good at it, but it was fun.

443
00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:17,280
Speaker 2: Like the teacher would come around and be like no,

444
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:20,800
Speaker 2: and she would she would take her We had these

445
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:23,280
Speaker 2: shears that we had to get that were like super

446
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:27,359
Speaker 2: super sharp cutting shears, and literally she would come around

447
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:30,160
Speaker 2: and like chop the heads off my flowers. Oh my god,

448
00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:32,879
Speaker 2: take it things out, because she just was not having

449
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:34,200
Speaker 2: my arrangement.

450
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,000
Speaker 4: She was like, you are a wasting space here.

451
00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:39,520
Speaker 2: Basically, she was like, you're really bad at this, thank

452
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:42,399
Speaker 2: you for trying. And I was probably pretty bad, but

453
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:44,840
Speaker 2: like I had fun. It was just a community college

454
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:47,479
Speaker 2: class and it was really fun. I mean I didn't

455
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:50,000
Speaker 2: I didn't need to be the best in was I

456
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:52,560
Speaker 2: a little jealous, Yeah, I was a little jealous of

457
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:54,679
Speaker 2: some of the women that were in my class that

458
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:58,119
Speaker 2: were really good at it, but like, oh, I just

459
00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:00,760
Speaker 2: wanted to have a good time and have fun. I

460
00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 2: would take another class like that. I mean it was fun. Yeah,

461
00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:05,400
Speaker 2: And there's.

462
00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:06,240
Speaker 4: Something to be said too.

463
00:24:06,359 --> 00:24:10,080
Speaker 2: I think about these experiences, whether it's work or it's hobby.

464
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:12,760
Speaker 2: I think doing things that we're bad at is so

465
00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:17,120
Speaker 2: good for like grit and resilience. You know, like if

466
00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:19,280
Speaker 2: we just did shit that we were good at all

467
00:24:19,359 --> 00:24:23,119
Speaker 2: the fucking time, first of all, I think we'd just

468
00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:23,919
Speaker 2: be monsters.

469
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:26,560
Speaker 4: We'd be like narcissistic. I mean, you've met these people.

470
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:30,520
Speaker 2: You have met these people, right that never attempted, never

471
00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:33,080
Speaker 2: took any risks, never attempted to do anything they were

472
00:24:33,119 --> 00:24:35,960
Speaker 2: bad at, right, and talk a lot of shit about

473
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:39,920
Speaker 2: a lot of shit. They have no frustration tolerance, right,

474
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:42,320
Speaker 2: They're like the type of person that melts down and

475
00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:45,320
Speaker 2: the second they can't get their way. God. And so

476
00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:48,000
Speaker 2: I think there is something to be said about this

477
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:50,960
Speaker 2: practice of like doing something that you're not good at

478
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:54,920
Speaker 2: and it just building resilience in you and curate. And

479
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:57,480
Speaker 2: I mean it's so cliche to say, but like I

480
00:24:57,560 --> 00:25:00,719
Speaker 2: really think it's true. Like we have to expe it's failure,

481
00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:03,880
Speaker 2: We have to experience being bad at something. It grounds us,

482
00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:06,919
Speaker 2: it humbles us. Those are all good things, right, and

483
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:09,640
Speaker 2: it makes us tougher, makes it tougher. Like the more

484
00:25:09,720 --> 00:25:12,000
Speaker 2: you do it, the next time you're faced with something

485
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:15,840
Speaker 2: that you're not good at, you're gonna be less afraid

486
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:16,040
Speaker 2: of it.

487
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:16,640
Speaker 4: You're gonna have.

488
00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:19,800
Speaker 2: Less feelings of imposter syndrome. You're just gonna be like, well,

489
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:21,960
Speaker 2: I've fucking failed before and it turned out all right,

490
00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:22,760
Speaker 2: So here we go.

491
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:23,200
Speaker 3: Right.

492
00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:34,239
Speaker 2: So much of it is fear, So much of it

493
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:34,640
Speaker 2: is fear.

494
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:41,560
Speaker 1: Fear, and like I you know, fear of I mean,

495
00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:43,479
Speaker 1: for us, a lot of times it's like fear of

496
00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:46,199
Speaker 1: am I gonna get fired right right right, am I

497
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:48,359
Speaker 1: gonna get let go because they don't think I'm good

498
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:50,760
Speaker 1: And yeah.

499
00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:50,800
Speaker 4: I don't know.

500
00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:53,720
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's like maybe weren't the right fit for that thing.

501
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:57,399
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe that wasn't the job for you, Like maybe

502
00:25:57,400 --> 00:26:01,120
Speaker 1: some weird shit happened, and like you know, you don't

503
00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:04,080
Speaker 1: mess with the cast, you don't mess with the whatever,

504
00:26:04,359 --> 00:26:07,359
Speaker 1: and like it's just not the right thing, you know,

505
00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:10,199
Speaker 1: like and that's okay, Like you can't let it. Like

506
00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:12,800
Speaker 1: I mean, we've all heard those stories of people that like,

507
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:15,919
Speaker 1: oh I almost got that job and I didn't get it,

508
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:18,520
Speaker 1: and then it went to so and so, but then

509
00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:20,840
Speaker 1: I got this job, which I never would have gotten

510
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:24,120
Speaker 1: if that had gone you know. Yeah, like there's something

511
00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:29,120
Speaker 1: there's something also to be said about wanting something really bad, yeah,

512
00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:33,000
Speaker 1: and then it not working out and that actually maybe

513
00:26:33,119 --> 00:26:36,879
Speaker 1: is maybe you fail at that and then the better

514
00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:39,520
Speaker 1: thing comes along, right like this or something better for

515
00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:43,040
Speaker 1: the good of all concerned. Sometimes it's just not I

516
00:26:43,119 --> 00:26:44,760
Speaker 1: mean we're talking a lot about like keep trying and

517
00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:47,159
Speaker 1: keep trying until you succeed, but like you might not

518
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:50,760
Speaker 1: succeed at some stuff and that's okay. You don't have

519
00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:52,480
Speaker 1: to be good at every.

520
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:53,040
Speaker 2: Single fucking thing.

521
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:55,760
Speaker 1: You can do some things just because they're fun. You

522
00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:57,760
Speaker 1: can also do some things and try them and.

523
00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:00,320
Speaker 2: Be like that one for me, you know, yeah.

524
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:03,920
Speaker 1: It's okay, that's okay, it's fine.

525
00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:07,800
Speaker 2: It is okay to not good at stuff like yes,

526
00:27:08,320 --> 00:27:12,719
Speaker 2: And I think the trying is so much more important

527
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:17,240
Speaker 2: for our personal growth and our happiness than like never trying,

528
00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:22,000
Speaker 2: never taking a risk, never having those experiences right, and

529
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:24,800
Speaker 2: just playing it safe all the time. I have no

530
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:26,960
Speaker 2: interest in playing it safe all the time. It sounds

531
00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:28,879
Speaker 2: fucking boring to me, and I think I would be

532
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:32,800
Speaker 2: miserable person. I mean, I like playing and safe sometimes

533
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:36,399
Speaker 2: and sometimes when you need it for your mental sure,

534
00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:39,640
Speaker 2: I like, like in the grand scheme of things. Yeah,

535
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:43,600
Speaker 2: there's a difference between playing and safe and being bored.

536
00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:46,760
Speaker 2: You know, like there's a big difference there because like

537
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:51,400
Speaker 2: playing in safe you can still grow within that arena,

538
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:56,040
Speaker 2: but being bored like you're never gonna yeah, you're never

539
00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:59,160
Speaker 2: gonna grow, You're never gonna you never and like life

540
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:03,160
Speaker 2: is so oh well, bro, it's pretty short. We don't

541
00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:05,399
Speaker 2: have a lot of time here. There's not a whole

542
00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:08,439
Speaker 2: whole lot not to be like super downy downer about it.

543
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:11,920
Speaker 2: I'm trying to be uppy upper, but there's not there's

544
00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:14,119
Speaker 2: not a lot of time. This is the this is

545
00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:15,960
Speaker 2: your one and precious life.

546
00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:18,760
Speaker 1: Isn't that what Mary Oliver says? I'm misquoting Mary Oliver?

547
00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:22,399
Speaker 1: How dare I fail at misquoting? On miss all of

548
00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:26,119
Speaker 1: our I want to myst poets our time. There's not

549
00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:28,399
Speaker 1: a lot of time, so like, give it a shot,

550
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:30,160
Speaker 1: give it a little shot, just.

551
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:35,399
Speaker 4: A little shot. There's in our in our Nerd time section.

552
00:28:35,640 --> 00:28:38,160
Speaker 1: I want to rename this research that we didn't do,

553
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:40,000
Speaker 1: research that we didn't do.

554
00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:40,920
Speaker 3: I love that.

555
00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:48,760
Speaker 2: From this Forward's article how to shed perfectionism and the

556
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:51,920
Speaker 2: desire to be great at everything by sucking at something.

557
00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:57,360
Speaker 2: There's this great story here. First of all, in the article,

558
00:28:57,600 --> 00:28:59,959
Speaker 2: it says, the freedom of sucking at something can hell

559
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:03,200
Speaker 2: you build resilience, Like we were just saying, embrace imperfection

560
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:06,800
Speaker 2: and find joy in the pursuit rather than the goal.

561
00:29:08,320 --> 00:29:11,480
Speaker 2: And there's this great little story of this dad that

562
00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:14,680
Speaker 2: I want to read. One day, standing outside of school,

563
00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:17,840
Speaker 2: pickup one of my son's classmates parents, John asked me

564
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:20,720
Speaker 2: how my son was doing in school that year? I said,

565
00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:23,480
Speaker 2: he's having a hard time. John turned to my son

566
00:29:23,520 --> 00:29:26,480
Speaker 2: and said, it's so great to suck at something. And

567
00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:29,320
Speaker 2: I watched my son's face light up, and I thought,

568
00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:32,000
Speaker 2: oh my god, that just did more for him than

569
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:35,000
Speaker 2: all the trying to fix the problem. Yes, he never

570
00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:38,160
Speaker 2: learned to write, but he wound up being becoming valedictorian

571
00:29:38,200 --> 00:29:42,640
Speaker 2: of his senior class. Yeah, Henny, yeah right. And it's

572
00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:44,680
Speaker 2: like he was just giving permission to that kid, like,

573
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:48,440
Speaker 2: just suck at it. Yeah, you got to, you gotta work.

574
00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:51,800
Speaker 2: You better suck, You better work, you better suck. Right,

575
00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:54,680
Speaker 2: And then he goes on to say I was forty

576
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:58,080
Speaker 2: and there was no reason why forty plus should learn

577
00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:02,240
Speaker 2: to surf, because it's almost impossible. But I was true,

578
00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:06,280
Speaker 2: horse bro, harsh truth, but also true.

579
00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:09,160
Speaker 4: With a little bit that I have served. Uh.

580
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:12,400
Speaker 2: But I was compelled by it, and I was really

581
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:14,440
Speaker 2: bad at it. I wanted to do it more than

582
00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:17,600
Speaker 2: anything else, yet I couldn't do it. I kept persisting.

583
00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:20,520
Speaker 2: Hearing John's voice saying it's great to suck at something,

584
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:23,560
Speaker 2: I thought that this could be my thing. It gave

585
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:27,400
Speaker 2: me permission to keep doing it and keep trying. Yeah.

586
00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:27,960
Speaker 4: I love that.

587
00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:32,000
Speaker 2: I love that that right, It's just like and you know,

588
00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:35,920
Speaker 2: the enjoying the pursuit of the thing, right, because sometimes

589
00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:38,800
Speaker 2: the other part is like, yes, I think it's great

590
00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:41,400
Speaker 2: to just suck at something like your flower class, but

591
00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:44,640
Speaker 2: you enjoyed it. You enjoyed the pursuit of trying to

592
00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:45,640
Speaker 2: learn how to do that.

593
00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:45,920
Speaker 3: Right.

594
00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:50,040
Speaker 2: It wasn't about becoming this like amazing flower arranger, right,

595
00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:52,760
Speaker 2: you enjoyed the ride. And I think that that is

596
00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:56,640
Speaker 2: such an important like mind shift if you could reframe

597
00:30:56,680 --> 00:30:59,080
Speaker 2: it for yourself that way. And then the other side

598
00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:01,160
Speaker 2: that we haven't even talked about is like the times

599
00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:03,920
Speaker 2: that you get totally fucking surprised by like all of

600
00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:06,719
Speaker 2: a sudden something clicks and you become really good at

601
00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:09,719
Speaker 2: the thing you sucked at. Like that also happens. Sometimes

602
00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:12,959
Speaker 2: it doesn't that happen, but like you would never know,

603
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:15,440
Speaker 2: you would never have that experience, You would never get

604
00:31:15,480 --> 00:31:19,000
Speaker 2: that incredible surprise if you didn't like stay in the suck,

605
00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:21,880
Speaker 2: you know, and I said to yourself, I'm gonna suck

606
00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:24,840
Speaker 2: at this and that's it, and it's okay, it's okay.

607
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:29,080
Speaker 2: It's just like reframing your mindset. It does feel yucky.

608
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:32,240
Speaker 1: It does feel yucky, yucky, and it's so That's the thing,

609
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:35,400
Speaker 1: is like it's okay. I have to keep telling myself

610
00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:37,400
Speaker 1: that in my own life it's okay.

611
00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:40,120
Speaker 2: For it to feel lucky. It doesn't always have to

612
00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:43,920
Speaker 2: feel good. It doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't. I think

613
00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:47,240
Speaker 2: we're so used to wanting to be comforted and wanting

614
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:51,360
Speaker 2: to be comfortable, and we have a lot of creature comforts.

615
00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:55,240
Speaker 2: We're very very very very lucky. Most of us are

616
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:58,920
Speaker 2: really in we have rooms over our heads, we have

617
00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:02,800
Speaker 2: our family are okay, you know. Like again, I'm just

618
00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:05,760
Speaker 2: thinking about the fires again, and it's like we're so

619
00:32:07,200 --> 00:32:12,840
Speaker 2: we're so happy to be comfortable that like the even

620
00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:17,160
Speaker 2: the feeling of the possibility of feeling uncomfortable is like, no,

621
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:18,360
Speaker 2: I don't want to do that. I don't want to

622
00:32:18,360 --> 00:32:19,320
Speaker 2: do that. I'm terrified of.

623
00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:20,800
Speaker 4: That, you know, fear Again.

624
00:32:20,840 --> 00:32:23,600
Speaker 2: For me, it's like motherhood. A lot of motherhood for.

625
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:26,920
Speaker 1: Me is like ooh, I don't know if this is

626
00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:28,760
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm good at this, and I

627
00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:31,840
Speaker 1: don't I can't really see whether or not I'm good

628
00:32:31,880 --> 00:32:33,920
Speaker 1: at it or not. And yeah, I have to keep

629
00:32:33,960 --> 00:32:37,240
Speaker 1: telling myself I am good at this It's not going

630
00:32:37,280 --> 00:32:41,280
Speaker 1: to feel amazing and comfortable every second. A lot of

631
00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:44,240
Speaker 1: this is going to feel bad, downright bad and yucky

632
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:44,880
Speaker 1: and like.

633
00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:52,320
Speaker 2: Boo boo. Yeah. But you know, it's like nine years

634
00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:55,720
Speaker 2: in I look back and I feel like I'm such

635
00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:59,240
Speaker 2: a more resilient person because of motherhood. Oh my god,

636
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:00,440
Speaker 2: totally totally.

637
00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:03,600
Speaker 1: I mean three years in, I'm like, whoa I am.

638
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:06,360
Speaker 1: I'm fucking some of the ship that I deal with

639
00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:07,840
Speaker 1: or like in my life or whatever.

640
00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:10,760
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm fucking tough. I'm like fucking tough and

641
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:13,000
Speaker 2: like for me, no tough.

642
00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:15,680
Speaker 1: Yeah that's still because I always thought of myself as

643
00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:19,440
Speaker 1: like a really soft, little like sensitive flower, and like

644
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:24,640
Speaker 1: I'm tough and I'm still sensitive. I'm still a sensitive flower. Yeah,

645
00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:26,480
Speaker 1: you can be both of those things can be true

646
00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:30,160
Speaker 1: at the same time. Anyway, that was a real side

647
00:33:30,200 --> 00:33:33,520
Speaker 1: side road that we took more research that we didn't do.

648
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:38,960
Speaker 2: Uh okay, this I thought was really fun. There's like

649
00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:41,840
Speaker 2: a ton of famous people that were not you know,

650
00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:44,840
Speaker 2: didn't do it.

651
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:47,480
Speaker 1: Didn't didn't they didn't crack right off the bat, you know,

652
00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:48,640
Speaker 1: famous failures.

653
00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:50,080
Speaker 2: This is why we love these stories.

654
00:33:50,280 --> 00:33:55,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, comforting Smoan Biles, arguably the greatest athlete of all time.

655
00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:59,720
Speaker 1: Uh didn't make the US women's junior national team. Martin

656
00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:02,640
Speaker 1: Letting junior got to see in public speaking.

657
00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:04,640
Speaker 2: Oh wow, oh wowow wow.

658
00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:05,000
Speaker 3: Wow wow wow.

659
00:34:05,040 --> 00:34:06,440
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm going to venture to say that that

660
00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:08,839
Speaker 2: teacher was probably racist, but also.

661
00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:12,239
Speaker 3: Uh.

662
00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:17,600
Speaker 2: Producers rejected thirty of Sylvester Saaloon's screenplays before Rocky. Think

663
00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:20,680
Speaker 2: about that, Wow about that and like big out.

664
00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:23,600
Speaker 1: When you think about Rocky as a piece of art,

665
00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:28,520
Speaker 1: it's like he wrote that so specifically for himself.

666
00:34:28,719 --> 00:34:31,200
Speaker 2: Nobody else could have played that role. It was all

667
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:38,520
Speaker 2: of his, you know, idiosyncratic, weird little bits of him that.

668
00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:41,400
Speaker 1: He played into that thing and made it. You know,

669
00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:45,799
Speaker 1: it's iconic, legendary. Oprah Winfrey fired from her first TV

670
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:48,239
Speaker 1: job as an anchor in Baltimore, m.

671
00:34:49,560 --> 00:34:53,400
Speaker 2: Fired, fired. Steven Spielberg rejected twice by the University of

672
00:34:53,480 --> 00:34:57,680
Speaker 2: Southern California School of Cinematic Arts. Rejected twice twice.

673
00:34:57,760 --> 00:34:59,839
Speaker 4: You guys, one of the greatest directors of all time.

674
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:02,560
Speaker 2: Boo boo, boom, boom boom. Oh oh, I liked this one.

675
00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:07,760
Speaker 2: Five thousand, one hundred and twenty six is the number

676
00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:11,680
Speaker 2: of failed prototypes Sir James Dyson went through over the

677
00:35:11,719 --> 00:35:18,200
Speaker 2: course of fifteen years before creating the Baglass vacuum cleaner

678
00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:21,040
Speaker 2: that we now know as the Dyson. Now, not only

679
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:25,000
Speaker 2: do I point five billion how much four point five

680
00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:26,240
Speaker 2: billion networth?

681
00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:27,520
Speaker 4: Four point five billion?

682
00:35:28,239 --> 00:35:30,240
Speaker 1: Well, I mean I give him money all the time,

683
00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:34,600
Speaker 1: but five thousand, one hundred and twenty six prototypes over

684
00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:40,560
Speaker 1: fifteen years. Talk about probably feeling imposter syndrome, probably feeling

685
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:43,719
Speaker 1: like maybe you suck and it's not gonna like I'm

686
00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:45,919
Speaker 1: sure there were so many moments that he almost quit.

687
00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:48,440
Speaker 1: I don't know, probably, I mean, there's a there's also

688
00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:51,319
Speaker 1: an element of like blind faith in yourself sometimes that

689
00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:54,600
Speaker 1: I think you have to have battling this right of

690
00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:57,319
Speaker 1: like you can see the thing right and you have

691
00:35:57,400 --> 00:35:59,279
Speaker 1: to like go through the mistakes, you have to go

692
00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:02,359
Speaker 1: through the failure to like write. Like writers talk about that,

693
00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:06,799
Speaker 1: like they I've been watching the SNL documentary. It's so

694
00:36:07,280 --> 00:36:10,560
Speaker 1: on Peacock and Uh, and there's.

695
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:12,880
Speaker 2: A whole episode that just focuses on the writers and

696
00:36:12,920 --> 00:36:15,160
Speaker 2: they like talk about how like they know the first

697
00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:16,920
Speaker 2: draft of the sketch is gonna suck.

698
00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:18,160
Speaker 4: Like they know it you know what I mean.

699
00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:20,560
Speaker 2: But then that gets the next idea and the next idea,

700
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:24,359
Speaker 2: and like it's this building thing to like arrive at

701
00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:26,839
Speaker 2: the funniest version of that sketch. And I think it's

702
00:36:26,920 --> 00:36:29,800
Speaker 2: like that for so many things, Like you gotta suck,

703
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:33,839
Speaker 2: you gotta slug through, you gotta like get through all

704
00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:36,880
Speaker 2: the bad ideas all the to like finally arrive of

705
00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:40,440
Speaker 2: like that light bulb moment where it like clicks and you're.

706
00:36:40,280 --> 00:36:41,640
Speaker 4: Like, oh, this is what it is.

707
00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:44,640
Speaker 2: This is the thing, you know, and you can't get

708
00:36:44,680 --> 00:36:47,560
Speaker 2: there without fucking failing, falling on your face looking like

709
00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:50,560
Speaker 2: an idiot, Like it suck being uncomfortable, Like all the

710
00:36:50,560 --> 00:36:54,799
Speaker 2: things we've been talking about can also lead to greatness.

711
00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:59,680
Speaker 2: And why would you deny yourself your own greatness? Xander, Yeah,

712
00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:04,040
Speaker 2: Zam Xander, God Xander. Don't be afraid of your own greatness.

713
00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:06,160
Speaker 4: Don't be of your own greatness.

714
00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:11,720
Speaker 2: Don't be annoying all those certifications you're bad at right now.

715
00:37:12,040 --> 00:37:14,160
Speaker 2: You might be fucking great at them in the end,

716
00:37:14,360 --> 00:37:16,600
Speaker 2: or they might lead to something else that you're fucking

717
00:37:16,640 --> 00:37:22,799
Speaker 2: great at. Yeah them, don't deny your greatness. More better

718
00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:27,080
Speaker 2: that I think is like a really nice place to

719
00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:30,080
Speaker 2: wrap it up. Yeah, I feel like.

720
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:37,040
Speaker 1: What's interesting is like two people that really understand imposter

721
00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:40,799
Speaker 1: syndrome inside and out, baby, if you asked us the

722
00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:43,239
Speaker 1: right question, but also two people that have come a

723
00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:47,080
Speaker 1: really long way with it. You know, Yes, we've really

724
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:50,080
Speaker 1: both come a very long way with dealing with this

725
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:54,440
Speaker 1: feeling and struggling with it and learning about it. And

726
00:37:54,560 --> 00:37:59,080
Speaker 1: we have really really interesting perspectives in terms of like

727
00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:03,759
Speaker 1: being human being and artists and parents and being where

728
00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:06,640
Speaker 1: we are in our careers and lives. So for someone

729
00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:09,960
Speaker 1: just starting out, I think that's a really good it's

730
00:38:09,960 --> 00:38:12,840
Speaker 1: a good question to ask people, you know, especially people

731
00:38:12,880 --> 00:38:15,520
Speaker 1: that have more experience than you, like, how do you

732
00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:16,000
Speaker 1: deal with it?

733
00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:18,360
Speaker 4: How do you feel about it?

734
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:21,360
Speaker 1: I remember Ted Danson on set like he could not

735
00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:25,680
Speaker 1: remember these lines, which was making me laugh a lot,

736
00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:28,839
Speaker 1: and then he sort of said to us, I mean,

737
00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:32,439
Speaker 1: I'm definitely you know, paraphrasing him, but he was like, God,

738
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:35,719
Speaker 1: isn't wild You just feel like such a you know,

739
00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:38,239
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter how long you've worked or what you've done.

740
00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:40,799
Speaker 1: It's like the lines don't come out of your mouth

741
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:41,879
Speaker 1: on the way that you want them to.

742
00:38:41,960 --> 00:38:44,400
Speaker 2: And you just feel like such an idiot. But he

743
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:47,719
Speaker 2: had such a good.

744
00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:50,200
Speaker 1: Way about saying it, you know, like sort of understanding

745
00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:54,440
Speaker 1: and forgiveness of himself for judging himself as an idiot.

746
00:38:54,200 --> 00:38:56,759
Speaker 2: Because he's not, you know, and he knows he's not,

747
00:38:56,920 --> 00:38:57,960
Speaker 2: but he just feels it.

748
00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:00,239
Speaker 1: So like we're not saying any of this to be

749
00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:03,040
Speaker 1: like you're never going to feel it again. We're saying like, yeah,

750
00:39:03,080 --> 00:39:05,400
Speaker 1: you're gonna feel it. You're human, but these are some

751
00:39:05,520 --> 00:39:08,240
Speaker 1: ways that you can like be more better at dealing

752
00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:11,440
Speaker 1: with the feeling of And you know, it was so

753
00:39:11,880 --> 00:39:13,399
Speaker 1: charming to see him say that too.

754
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:16,000
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I love that, And it's and it's

755
00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:21,279
Speaker 2: also it's something I've seen other actors, particularly like very

756
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:25,320
Speaker 2: experienced older actors, Like every first day of every season,

757
00:39:25,440 --> 00:39:26,760
Speaker 2: Andre Brower would say.

758
00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:28,120
Speaker 4: Oh, I'm nervous, mm hmm.

759
00:39:28,480 --> 00:39:31,759
Speaker 2: And sometimes these incredible guest stars that we would have

760
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:33,799
Speaker 2: come in would do the same thing. And then I

761
00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:36,040
Speaker 2: realized like there was a pattern, and like, oh, they

762
00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:39,000
Speaker 2: feel these feelings, but they have the experience to just

763
00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:41,640
Speaker 2: call it out. Yeah, and they're like in that moment,

764
00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:45,280
Speaker 2: they're simultaneously like forgiving themselves, like you said, for having

765
00:39:45,280 --> 00:39:49,200
Speaker 2: those feelings and maybe making mistakes, but and they're just

766
00:39:49,239 --> 00:39:51,680
Speaker 2: like taking the pressure off themselves, which just like letting

767
00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:53,160
Speaker 2: everyone know, like, oh I'm nervous.

768
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:56,080
Speaker 1: Oh that's so funny because I never ever say it,

769
00:39:56,360 --> 00:39:58,520
Speaker 1: like I will not I refuse.

770
00:39:58,760 --> 00:40:01,040
Speaker 4: Oh, I'm like totally I started using that.

771
00:40:01,920 --> 00:40:05,319
Speaker 2: I will say it to myself in my trailer or whatever. Yeah, yeah,

772
00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:07,000
Speaker 2: but I won't say it on set. I won't.

773
00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:08,960
Speaker 4: I will say it.

774
00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:12,839
Speaker 1: I'll be like I'm excited. Yeah, I'm like a line

775
00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:16,359
Speaker 1: of myself. Man, I'll be like, I'm excited to do this.

776
00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:18,840
Speaker 1: I can't wait to start.

777
00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:20,920
Speaker 4: I won't. I won't say I'm.

778
00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:24,760
Speaker 2: Nervous because I feel for me, that makes me feel

779
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:28,239
Speaker 2: too vulnerable. And what I need to do for myself

780
00:40:28,280 --> 00:40:31,160
Speaker 2: for my own process is like I gotta fucking I

781
00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:33,640
Speaker 2: gotta coach myself, and you gotta be like, bit, you

782
00:40:33,719 --> 00:40:37,200
Speaker 2: got this, you practice, you know what you're doing, you belong,

783
00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:40,719
Speaker 2: you are fucking here. You gotta wear those tall black

784
00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:42,319
Speaker 2: boots and those skinny jeans and.

785
00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:44,120
Speaker 1: That blood the jacket, you know what I mean. Like,

786
00:40:44,160 --> 00:40:48,000
Speaker 1: I have to fucking wind myself up about it. I

787
00:40:48,000 --> 00:40:50,040
Speaker 1: can't do the I might be able to.

788
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:52,440
Speaker 2: When I'm like an old, an old.

789
00:40:53,239 --> 00:40:56,560
Speaker 4: I mean, I think it's different. I think it's great.

790
00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:58,840
Speaker 2: I think what you're describing is that you've learned what

791
00:40:58,920 --> 00:41:02,520
Speaker 2: works for you and those moments when you have those feelings. Yeah,

792
00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:04,080
Speaker 2: and for me, it's like I need to let the

793
00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:06,880
Speaker 2: air out, like to just like say the thing, and

794
00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:08,680
Speaker 2: then it's almost like as soon as I say it,

795
00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:11,440
Speaker 2: it's like released. Like it's like it's like out of

796
00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:14,920
Speaker 2: my body, you know, like everyone knows I'm maybe nervous,

797
00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:16,960
Speaker 2: and they're going to forgive my mistakes that I'm about

798
00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:18,759
Speaker 2: to make, but I know what I'm doing and like

799
00:41:19,239 --> 00:41:21,120
Speaker 2: this is going to like get me back in the

800
00:41:21,800 --> 00:41:23,560
Speaker 2: mental state that I need to be in to do this.

801
00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:26,319
Speaker 2: Because I say that out loud, then it's like I

802
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:29,279
Speaker 2: planted a little seed and a pot and it'll just

803
00:41:29,360 --> 00:41:32,960
Speaker 2: keep growing and growing the whole time that I'm Oh,

804
00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:35,799
Speaker 2: I think maybe they're being like I'm excited and like

805
00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:39,200
Speaker 2: the seed blew away on the way. Now, it's just

806
00:41:39,239 --> 00:41:43,160
Speaker 2: not true. I'm excited and I and I am excited. Yeah,

807
00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:45,680
Speaker 2: it's and excitement or like basically the same thing just

808
00:41:45,719 --> 00:41:49,399
Speaker 2: in different forms, right. Yeah, So like then I'm like, yeah, bitch,

809
00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:51,920
Speaker 2: I'm fucking excited, you know, and then if I make

810
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:57,480
Speaker 2: a mistake, I'm like, well, it's because I'm excited. Yeah,

811
00:41:57,480 --> 00:42:00,000
Speaker 2: it's because I'm excited. Guys, It's because I'm really excited

812
00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:04,240
Speaker 2: about this. I don't know if you get tell? Oh God, anyway,

813
00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:05,160
Speaker 2: do you feel more better?

814
00:42:05,719 --> 00:42:06,840
Speaker 4: I do feel more better?

815
00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:09,200
Speaker 2: How do you? This was a good I liked this

816
00:42:09,280 --> 00:42:13,000
Speaker 2: question and I liked thinking about and talking about being

817
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:16,080
Speaker 2: okay with being bad at something. Yeah, it's good, you

818
00:42:16,160 --> 00:42:18,320
Speaker 2: got that. Yeah, Xander.

819
00:42:19,719 --> 00:42:23,759
Speaker 1: Anyway, guys, thanks for joining us this week, and let

820
00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:25,680
Speaker 1: us know again if you have any topics that you

821
00:42:25,719 --> 00:42:27,440
Speaker 1: want to to talk to us about.

822
00:42:29,760 --> 00:42:31,640
Speaker 2: Okay, bye, bye.

823
00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:33,480
Speaker 3: Better.

824
00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:35,879
Speaker 2: Do you have something you'd like to be more better

825
00:42:35,880 --> 00:42:37,239
Speaker 2: at that you want us to talk about in a

826
00:42:37,239 --> 00:42:39,920
Speaker 2: future episode? Can you relate to our struggles or have

827
00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:41,600
Speaker 2: you tried one of our tips and tricks?

828
00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:44,759
Speaker 1: Shoot us your thoughts and ideas at Morebetter pod at

829
00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:47,680
Speaker 1: gmail dot com and include a voice note if you

830
00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:50,399
Speaker 1: want to be featured on the pod. Ooh More Better

831
00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:53,400
Speaker 1: with Stephanie Melissa is a production from WV Sound and

832
00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:57,960
Speaker 1: iHeartMedia's Mikutura podcast network, hosted by me Stephanie Beatrice and

833
00:42:58,120 --> 00:43:01,239
Speaker 1: Melissa FUMERA More Better is produced by Isis Madrid and

834
00:43:01,280 --> 00:43:05,000
Speaker 1: Sophie Spencer Zagos. Our executive producers are Wilmer Valderrama and

835
00:43:05,080 --> 00:43:08,480
Speaker 1: Leo Clem at w V Sound. This episode was edited

836
00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:11,680
Speaker 1: by Isis Madrid and engineered by Sean Tracy and features

837
00:43:11,719 --> 00:43:14,399
Speaker 1: original music by Madison Davenport and Helo Boy.

838
00:43:14,480 --> 00:43:17,200
Speaker 2: Our cover art is by vincent Remy's and photography by

839
00:43:17,280 --> 00:43:21,439
Speaker 2: David Avalos. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app,

840
00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:24,120
Speaker 2: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

841
00:43:24,480 --> 00:43:35,160
Speaker 1: See you next week's sucker Us Bye,