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Speaker 1: This is John.

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Speaker 2: This is your og Okay Storytime podcast hosts, and.

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Speaker 1: We have some rocking stories for you coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before you rock out with your socks out, I

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Speaker 2: got a quick tune in an ad break from a sponsors,

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Speaker 2: keeping the show rocking and rolling.

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Speaker 3: So John, it's dump him week, which means we're taking

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Speaker 3: out the trash, at least emotionally speaking.

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Speaker 1: Oh yes we are.

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Speaker 2: We have stories this week that will make you say

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Speaker 2: farewell to toxic relationships and hello to red Flag for

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Speaker 2: your living.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and speaking of hello, if you're new here and

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Speaker 3: looking for that first story in our series, my husband

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Speaker 3: cheated but he has cancer? Should I say, just click

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Speaker 3: the link in the show notes slash description or search

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Speaker 3: DUMPI week, Okay story Time wherever you get your podcasts.

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Speaker 1: All right, Sam, let's get in today's story.

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Speaker 4: My girlfriend broke up with me out of the blue.

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Speaker 4: I don't know how to move on.

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Speaker 5: How out of the blue was it?

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Speaker 1: We'll find out.

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Speaker 4: She did it last week, completely out of the blue.

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Speaker 4: It makes me wonder what that means if you're quoting it.

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Speaker 4: She said that she's been feeling this way for months.

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Speaker 4: I was shocked, asked if that's what she truly wants

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Speaker 4: and she said yes. By the way, this comes from

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Speaker 4: y dash deleted on the r slash okay storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 4: So she said that I didn't show her the love

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Speaker 4: she deserved while I met, I failed to show up

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Speaker 4: as a partner.

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Speaker 5: This is the response to the story we just read.

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Speaker 5: He's like she was telling me that I wasn't, you know,

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Speaker 5: giving her enough this whole time, but I thought she

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Speaker 5: was just stressed.

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Speaker 4: Actually, this is hilarious because of what we know from

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Speaker 4: this story so far, this could be the exact opposite

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Speaker 4: perspective or the exact perspective from the man.

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Speaker 5: She had been telling me for three years that we

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Speaker 5: weren't working.

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Speaker 1: But I thought she was just on her period the

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Speaker 1: whole time. God, is this period ever gonna end?

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Speaker 5: I actually told her to go to the doctor.

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Speaker 4: So she went on to say that my reluctance for

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Speaker 4: marriage and having foster kids was another reason. I asked

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Speaker 4: her if she wanted to take a break from the relationship,

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Speaker 4: and she said, no, he just wants to break up.

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Speaker 4: I'm not anti marriage, but all the marriages around have

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Speaker 4: failed and I'm scared that would have happened to us.

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Speaker 4: Now I'd marry her if it meant not losing her,

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Speaker 4: because marrying someone out of obligation is always the right reason.

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Speaker 4: He asked if I needed space, so she left. I

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Speaker 4: processed everything and slept at a friend's house. The next morning,

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Speaker 4: I came home to her in bed. I climbed in

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Speaker 4: and asked if we could talk some more, which we did.

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Speaker 4: He said, she deserves someone to reciprocate her love, and

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Speaker 4: she shouldn't have to withhold her love, but it's what

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Speaker 4: she has been feeling. He doesn't believe she should have

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Speaker 4: to explain to her partner how and when to be loved.

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Speaker 4: I asked if I could cuddle her, and she left me.

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Speaker 4: She started crying and I asked her why. She reply

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Speaker 4: that it's too late to show affection now she can't

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Speaker 4: remember the last time we cuddled. I told her I

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Speaker 4: could change, but she stated it's too late. So there's

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Speaker 4: many things wrong.

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Speaker 5: Okay, pausing really quick. There is more to this story. Again,

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Speaker 5: this really depends on did she communicate that, because I

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Speaker 5: do think you can ask how you want to be

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Speaker 5: loved and when you want to be loved, because I mean,

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Speaker 5: some people are less physically affectionate, and that's not you know,

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Speaker 5: that doesn't mean that they don't love you.

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Speaker 4: I was thinking about that exact point on the way up. Actually,

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Speaker 4: in a perfect world, we'd be completely gotten. People would

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Speaker 4: understand us, they would know our needs, they would know

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Speaker 4: our values. We wouldn't have to communicate anything that we

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Speaker 4: think would be obvious to anyone else. Yet everyone relates

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Speaker 4: to the world in a completely different way. Everyone wants

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Speaker 4: to receive love in a completely different way. And it's

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Speaker 4: my belief that it's just a fact of reality. We

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Speaker 4: have to get in tune with our exact way of

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Speaker 4: being loved, and it's our responsibility to be responsible for

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Speaker 4: that and to share that and give your partner the

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Speaker 4: opportunity to either meet you in that or not meet

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Speaker 4: you in that.

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Speaker 5: Completely agree. I think it's all about talking to your

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Speaker 5: partner about what you need, because I feel like sometimes

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Speaker 5: I get this with like friends, But I think it's

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Speaker 5: there's moments where I think that they are, you know,

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Speaker 5: mad at me, or like I think I've done something

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Speaker 5: wrong because they're showing affection in different ways. But then

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Speaker 5: I'm just like, oh, no, that's just them. They're not

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Speaker 5: mad at me. They just have their own way of

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Speaker 5: going throughout the world and their own way of expressing

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Speaker 5: love that is different from mine, but does not mean

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Speaker 5: that they love me any less.

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Speaker 4: And we could get curious about how someone else wants

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Speaker 4: to give love, and if that still doesn't feel good

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Speaker 4: for us, we could always make a request, and they

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Speaker 4: have full permission to say no. But at least we

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Speaker 4: gave them the opportunity to meet us. So true, I'll

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Speaker 4: admit our relationship had been very rocky for months, but

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Speaker 4: I thought we were both just stressed and prioritized our

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Speaker 4: own lives. Seed just started UNI and I have a

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Speaker 4: really stressful job. We had spicy sleepy time maybe once

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Speaker 4: in the past two months. Constantly fighting, and she mentioned

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Speaker 4: a few times that she wasn't sure about a relationship

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Speaker 4: and if that's what she wanted. We struggled at having

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Speaker 4: productive conversations about us in the future. The last few

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Speaker 4: months we just drifted on. I cried in bed really bad.

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Speaker 4: You comforted me. We talked a bit more and we

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Speaker 4: both cried, and she said she needed a break, so

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Speaker 4: she turned on in the living room.

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Speaker 5: Classic.

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Speaker 4: I picked up half of my things later in the week,

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Speaker 4: but she specifically asked for me to come by while

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Speaker 4: she was at work, and she is still sad about

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Speaker 4: us breaking up. I altill just want to point that

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Speaker 4: what is happening right now of them like opening up

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Speaker 4: to each other and like expressing care, expressing love, expressing sadness,

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Speaker 4: expressing their emotions. Like it seems like this is what

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Speaker 4: she wanted the whole time, and.

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Speaker 5: It's frustrated that it took her leaving to get that.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and it feels frustrating on both parts, Like for her,

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Speaker 4: like in a perfect world, she could have communicated her

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Speaker 4: needs and maybe give him the opportunity to meet them.

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Speaker 4: And for him, in a perfect world, he could have

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Speaker 4: tuned into the situation, been at tuned to her and

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Speaker 4: sought to be curious about her needs and try to

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Speaker 4: meet them and tried to bring some spark to the relationship.

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Speaker 4: So sometimes it takes people breaking up to realize that, damn,

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Speaker 4: we should have been doing a lot of more different things.

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Speaker 4: I grabbed the last bit of my things on the

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Speaker 4: weekend and asked her if I could see her one

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Speaker 4: more time. She said sure, but doesn't think it'll be

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Speaker 4: the last time we will see each other, and she

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Speaker 4: wants to write me a letter, but is waiting.

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Speaker 1: For her head to clear first, that's.

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Speaker 5: Sweet, it's nice, depending on what the content of the

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Speaker 5: letter is. I've seen some friends give me like breakup

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Speaker 5: letters they received. These are crazy. I don't fully understand

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Speaker 5: the letter writing.

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Speaker 4: I recently ended a friendship through carrier pigeon.

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Speaker 5: Letter, handwritten letter, A type letter where you're like, you suck,

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Speaker 5: this is your fault. A little weird to me.

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Speaker 4: I could just see him like on a typewriter, like

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Speaker 4: in a cottage with like candles and.

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Speaker 1: Being like, you're the worst. I hate you.

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Speaker 4: When I got to my old apartment, I grabbed the

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Speaker 4: last of my things and apologized to her for being

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Speaker 4: a poor partner. That I wish I could go back

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Speaker 4: and change things, but I can't. All I can offer

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Speaker 4: is my sincerest apologies. I told her that I know

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Speaker 4: it's too late to work on things, but I'm sorry.

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Speaker 4: You made it clear you're done with me, and I

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Speaker 4: will respect your decision and give you the time and

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Speaker 4: space you want. I still love you and care for you,

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Speaker 4: and my last loving act will be.

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Speaker 1: Letting you go. I don't know why this read a story.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm really getting into yeah, emotional because we've

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Speaker 4: been together for so long. Forgetting you will be like

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Speaker 4: forgetting a piece of myself.

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Speaker 5: Write this in a letter.

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Speaker 6: Man.

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Speaker 1: Now he becomes a poet. When they're breaking up.

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Speaker 5: He's like, I love you more than the earth loves

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Speaker 5: the moon, and she's like, what the frag man.

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Speaker 4: So I went on and to say that if you

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Speaker 4: ever need someone or feel completely alone, to call me

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Speaker 4: and I'll do whatever I can to help. Also let

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Speaker 4: her know that she could ever find in her heart

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Speaker 4: to forgive me, and believe me when I say I

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Speaker 4: will change, to call me and we can have an

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Speaker 4: adult conversation.

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Speaker 1: I'm moving forward.

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Speaker 4: I return her money she had sent me for an

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Speaker 4: upcoming tripley planned. Told her to use that money to

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Speaker 4: fly home to be with family and heel rather than

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Speaker 4: be in an empty apartment. We hugged tightly, neither one

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Speaker 4: of us wanting to let go, kissed each other for

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Speaker 4: what seemed like forever, and both said we love one another.

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Speaker 1: It's been four days no contact.

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Speaker 4: I've been having moments where I'm at peace with us,

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Speaker 4: ending others where I create a fantasy where she takes

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Speaker 4: me back, and moments where I just break down and cry.

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Speaker 4: Right now, it's clear that she thinks I'm holding her

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Speaker 4: back and she's done with me. Truthfully, I was a

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Speaker 4: crap partner mean at time. It never cheated or h her,

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Speaker 4: But the coldness, anger, and rudeness when I should have

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Speaker 4: been vulnerable about my feelings is probably worse. Our problems

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Speaker 4: really began at the start of this year, when I

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Speaker 4: started a new job. We had less time for one

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Speaker 4: another and stopped prioritizing ourselves. I had to move back

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Speaker 4: home with my parents. I've been working on myself intensely

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Speaker 4: these past four days. Journald meditated, worked on forgiving myself

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Speaker 4: for my past bakes, and listened to therapy videos. Being

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Speaker 4: around family, I made it priority to be more expressive

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Speaker 4: with my love and feelings by spending time with my dad, mom,

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Speaker 4: and siblings. I'm nowhere near where I want to be,

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Speaker 4: but I'm grateful that it's a start, considering that I

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Speaker 4: didn't leave my room or eat anything for the last

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Speaker 4: few two days. Thing is, I secretly hope that by

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Speaker 4: me doing all this, you will somehow see that I

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Speaker 4: can change and take me back. It's delusional, I know,

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Speaker 4: but today I was talking to my cousin about everything,

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Speaker 4: and he was saying what my logical side has been

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Speaker 4: saying all along, he's done with It's over. It also

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Speaker 4: doesn't help that we had adopted two cats together. That's fair,

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Speaker 4: unfortunately one for each person.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, boom, easy split.

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Speaker 4: He had turned two a week before we broke up,

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Speaker 4: and now I will never get to see them grow up.

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Speaker 1: Oh she got both of them.

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Speaker 5: Damn Well, I guess you didn't want to separate them.

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Speaker 1: I will be just a distant memory.

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Speaker 4: I am sorry about the mess of words, but I

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Speaker 4: just had a moment when I came to terms with

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Speaker 4: it all and had a crying session. I don't know

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Speaker 4: what I expected by posting this, but it has helped

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Speaker 4: me vent about my current feeling.

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Speaker 1: First, Wow, let's take a breath.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, hopefully, it seems like going forward into his next relationship,

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Speaker 5: he's really like prepped, like he's got the resources. Now.

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Speaker 5: It's sad he didn't have them for his last one,

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Speaker 5: but you know, sometimes sometimes you don't work with a

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Speaker 5: person and it's only a learning experience.

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Speaker 4: It's clear just from the story and the way he's

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Speaker 4: able to articulate himself and his feelings and like complex

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Speaker 4: things and beautiful verbiage that like he has access to

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Speaker 4: his emotions he has access to his inner world, and

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Speaker 4: it seems like this is what she was wanting the

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Speaker 4: whole relationship, And it just sucks that it took them

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Speaker 4: breaking up for him to access something that was there

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Speaker 4: the whole time, that was just missing from the relationship.

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Speaker 4: And it sucks that it actually could have worked out.

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Speaker 4: It could have worked out if again, what we were saying, like,

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Speaker 4: if one he attuned to her and knew that's what

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Speaker 4: she needed and gave it to her, and two she

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Speaker 4: was able to communicate that that is what she needed,

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Speaker 4: like there didn't need to be a breakup, indeed.

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Speaker 5: But that is the end of that story.

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Speaker 7: I won't let my daughter's stepdad walk her down the aisle.

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Speaker 7: They aren't helping with expenses. Yeah, it's kind of pay

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Speaker 7: to play, man. If you if you want to do

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Speaker 7: stuff at the wedding, you gotta pay to play. So

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Speaker 7: my I'm fifty six male daughter twenty five female is

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Speaker 7: getting married next spring. I've been looking forward to this

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Speaker 7: for years, and she and I have always been close.

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Speaker 7: Her mom and I split when she was around twelve,

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Speaker 7: and she mostly lived with me after that. I've been

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Speaker 7: in her life full time, so I always figured i'd

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Speaker 7: have that classic father daughter moment at her wedding. By

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Speaker 7: the way, this comes from user powerful Activity three three

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Speaker 7: three on the r Okay Storytime Subredday. Her mom remarried

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Speaker 7: about five years ago, and let's just say I'm not

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Speaker 7: a fan of her new husband. He's a guy who

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Speaker 7: always needs to be the center of attention, loud and

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Speaker 7: over the top and just exhausting.

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Speaker 1: Oh god, is he me.

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Speaker 7: He's pulled stunts even at family gatherings for my side,

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Speaker 7: always making everything about him. I've put up with it

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Speaker 7: to keep things civil, but it's been a challenge for

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Speaker 7: me all the time. I still invite him for my

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Speaker 7: daughter's sake. Fast forward to now, my daughter is wedding

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Speaker 7: planning and she told me that she'd like her stepdad

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Speaker 7: to walk her halfway down the aisle with me.

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Speaker 1: I couldn't believe it.

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Speaker 7: I told her that, as her actual father, it's a

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Speaker 7: bit hurtful to have to share this big moment with

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Speaker 7: someone who's only been in her life for a few years.

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Speaker 7: I've been there through everything, every school event, every late night,

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Speaker 7: every hard time. Her stepdad has just recently come in

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Speaker 7: to the picture, and it stings that she wants to

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Speaker 7: include him in a moment I always assumed was ours.

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Speaker 7: I get that entirely. I get it, and she also

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Speaker 7: gets it. She'll get it eventually. To make things even

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Speaker 7: harder to swallow, I'm covering all of the wedding expenses.

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Speaker 7: I've spent a significant amount so she could have her

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Speaker 7: dream wedding. I don't want to be petty, but part

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Speaker 7: of me feels like it's only fair to expect that

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Speaker 7: i'd have to the honor of walking her down the aisle,

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Speaker 7: just me and her. She got defensive, saying she wants

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Speaker 7: to include him because he's been supportive. But I explained

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Speaker 7: that to me, this is about a father daughter tradition

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Speaker 7: and how much I value our relationship. Now she's upset,

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Speaker 7: and my ex wife has also joined, saying I'm being

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Speaker 7: selfish and making it all about me. I've now become

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Speaker 7: a full blown topic of discussion, with everyone throwing up

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Speaker 7: some pretty harsh words my way. In frustration, I finally

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Speaker 7: told her that if she really wants him to be there,

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Speaker 7: she should ask him if he'd also like to split

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Speaker 7: the bills.

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Speaker 1: That might have been a bit much, but I was

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Speaker 1: feeling cornered.

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Speaker 5: He's like a little Badger's look at lash out.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, he's just felt gained up on his He's like, well,

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Speaker 7: if he wants to walk you down the aisle so bad,

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Speaker 7: why doesn't he pay for half of it too?

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Speaker 5: I don't. I think he's been a little bit silly.

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Speaker 7: Am I the a hole for not wanting to share

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Speaker 7: the aisle with her stepdad? Especially since I'm also paying

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Speaker 7: for the whole thing? You emphasizing the paying it does

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Speaker 7: kind of make you an a hole. If if I

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Speaker 7: was the daughter and you did that to me, I'd

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Speaker 7: be like, great, we're gonna replan the wedding.

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Speaker 1: You're not going to pay for any of it.

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Speaker 5: Immediately, and you could walk me down the aisle.

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Speaker 7: But now we're going to be in a hovel because

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Speaker 7: apparently we can't afford to pay for this wedding that

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Speaker 7: you are paying for, So don't worry about it. We're

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Speaker 7: going to completely reschedule it. I wanted to add a

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Speaker 7: note here as there is some confusion. My daughter said

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Speaker 7: she wants him to walk her down the aisle, as

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Speaker 7: my ex wife and her husband asked her for this.

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Speaker 7: This was not something that she came up with. I

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Speaker 7: just wanted to provide that clarity. As some people are

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Speaker 7: thinking it was my daughter's wishes.

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Speaker 5: I think that regardless of whether or not it was

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Speaker 5: her idea originally, it seems that she's accepted it and

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Speaker 5: wants to do it, Like it would be different if

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Speaker 5: she was saying, oh, I don't want to do this,

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Speaker 5: and she was kind of fighting against it and this

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Speaker 5: op he was the only one who was like, hey,

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Speaker 5: she shouldn't have to do it if she doesn't want to.

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Speaker 5: But it seems like she's like, okay, you know sure,

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Speaker 5: and he's like, I'm not gonna pay for your wedding

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Speaker 5: if you do this, which I don't like.

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Speaker 7: I'm really stewing on this right now too, and I

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Speaker 7: think my conclusion right now is that, and I think

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Speaker 7: we have some comments potentially an update coming, but I

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Speaker 7: think you weren't really an a hole about it if

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Speaker 7: you would have just kept it like this is how

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Speaker 7: I feel like, I love you, my daughter, I'm your father,

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Speaker 7: like I want this moment for us. Let's get some

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Speaker 7: relevant comments here. We got we got the Buchan Jay

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Speaker 7: forty eight says.

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Speaker 1: Not the a hole.

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Speaker 7: This is your ex wife's and her partner's wish, not

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Speaker 7: your daughter's don't let yourself get manipulated into thinking you're

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Speaker 7: in the wrong here he pays fifty percent. Sure, you

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Speaker 7: lost a lot of reason there. If he doesn't, he

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Speaker 7: doesn't walk her down the aisle. Yeah, I don't think

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Speaker 7: it's fair to put a financial stipulation on.

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Speaker 5: Any of this. Like, I don't agree with that comment.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 7: Beth two one two eight six says he wants to

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Speaker 7: be the center of attention again on someone else's wedding

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Speaker 7: day due dis gross warn daughter that he'll try and

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Speaker 7: upstage her.

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Speaker 5: Okay, but again, same could be said about opee, who's

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Speaker 5: trying to be the center of attention on his daughter's day.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, but I don't even know if it's really the

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Speaker 7: center of attention. He's just like, I want to walk

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Speaker 7: my daughter down.

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Speaker 5: The aisle, Like, but no, I think that I'm saying

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Speaker 5: that about the stepdad.

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Speaker 1: What that he wants to coming?

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Speaker 7: Yeah, well, because it is kind of true, because like

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Speaker 7: if it's like her and the stepdad, then it's gonna

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Speaker 7: be like why is it, why are there two guys

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Speaker 7: walking And then everyone's gonna be talking about how the

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Speaker 7: stepdad walked down the aisle, yeah, with her, instead of

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Speaker 7: just you know living in the moment. Black Starfish Gal says,

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Speaker 7: not the a hole as a consistently active parent even

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Speaker 7: into adulthood. This is a significantly special moment for you

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Speaker 7: and your daughter. Whether you're footing the bill of the

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Speaker 7: wedding or not, you and you alone should be the

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Speaker 7: one walking her down the aisle. Although I have a

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Speaker 7: feeling that the stepdad is the one who suggested this,

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Speaker 7: not your daughter. She might have just been the messenger.

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Speaker 7: Op says, you are right.

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Speaker 1: He did. Him and my ex wife both did.

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Speaker 7: I love my daughter a lot, but my wife left

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Speaker 7: us alone when my daughter was just twelve. She cheated

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Speaker 7: on me and ear and her back on our daughter too.

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Speaker 7: She wanted to come back into our life, and I

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Speaker 7: let her because at the end of the.

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Speaker 1: Day, she is my daughter's mother. However, it hurts me that.

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Speaker 7: My daughter did not stand up to them or cannot

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Speaker 7: clearly see that they are both trying to come between us.

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Speaker 7: Sometimes I do think I should suck it up, but

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Speaker 7: it breaks my heart. At the same time, Black Starfish

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Speaker 7: Gao responds, they are already manipulating your daughter. Do not

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Speaker 7: allow yourself to fall victim to that as well. Stand

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Speaker 7: your ground as the person who's paying for the wedding.

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Speaker 7: Let them know your only requests are to be the

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Speaker 7: one who gives her away because you've walked with her

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Speaker 7: through every stage of life and should be the one

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Speaker 7: walking her down the aisle and the father daughter dance

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Speaker 7: because from what it sounds like, they'll try to take

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Speaker 7: that from you since you're walking her down the aisle.

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Speaker 7: Also talk to your daughter and let her know that

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Speaker 7: asking and expecting you to share this moment with a

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Speaker 7: man who played no part in raising her diminishes the

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Speaker 7: constant love and support that you poured into her. Ohp,

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Speaker 7: he responds, It really means a lot to hear that

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Speaker 7: someone else gets where I'm coming from. It's been rough

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Speaker 7: trying to explain that this isn't about control or making

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Speaker 7: it about me, but rather about honoring the role I've

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Speaker 7: had in her life. I appreciate the advice on setting boundaries.

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Speaker 7: Father daughter dance is something I hadn't even thought about

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Speaker 7: them taking away, but now I'm worried.

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Speaker 1: You're right.

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Speaker 7: I'm going to have a conversation with her and make

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Speaker 7: it clear that those two moments, the walk down the

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Speaker 7: aisle and the dance, are all that I'm asking for

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Speaker 7: as her father black starvis.

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Speaker 1: I think you'll find most people agree with you.

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Speaker 7: Maybe after you've gotten additional feedback, you can speak with

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Speaker 7: your daughter and y'all come to an agreement. It may

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Speaker 7: even help to share some of the feedback you've gotten

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Speaker 7: from her. Good luck to you update us if you can, hope,

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Speaker 7: he says, thank you. I will definitely try to talk

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Speaker 7: to her and give an update tonight as she is

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Speaker 7: coming back from university today. Thank you once again for

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Speaker 7: your advice and supportive words, and we do have an update.

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Speaker 5: I really don't agree with those comments.

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Speaker 7: Look, I think I think he is right to sort

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Speaker 7: of in the context of like this, like it's a

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Speaker 7: traditional like wedding or whatever, and it's like he's her

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Speaker 7: father and he raised her and their mother was absent,

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Speaker 7: and like he's been there for her whole life and

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Speaker 7: is now literally handing her off into like her you know,

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Speaker 7: new family right where it's like she's gonna be with

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Speaker 7: her husband, and it's like, you know, I'm not particularly

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Speaker 7: one for all of the marriage traditions, but like some

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Speaker 7: people really are, and I don't. I don't think it's

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Speaker 7: right for him to hold the fiscal responsibility over there.

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Speaker 7: I don't think that's right, but I think he is

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Speaker 7: totally It's totally fair for him to be like, I

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Speaker 7: kind of amm like to like kind of stand on

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Speaker 7: it and be like, I really just want these two things,

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Speaker 7: regardless of the money.

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Speaker 1: Take the money out of the context.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, just as your father, I just desperately want these

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Speaker 7: two things for us, and that's it.

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Speaker 5: I think that I guess I think that I agree

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Speaker 5: that he's not in the wrong for wanting this, but

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Speaker 5: I think he is the a hole because of the

439
00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:32,920
Speaker 5: way he's asked and the way he's put the money

440
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:35,680
Speaker 5: on her, and the way that he he keeps kind

441
00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:38,800
Speaker 5: of blaming and putting all this stuff on his daughter,

442
00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:41,399
Speaker 5: even as he said, oh well, it wasn't our idea.

443
00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:43,840
Speaker 5: I just think he could be more supportive, and honestly,

444
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:45,960
Speaker 5: it might work out better for him if he was like, Hey,

445
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,440
Speaker 5: do you actually want to walk your step with your

446
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:51,080
Speaker 5: step father down the aisle, because like, if not, I'll

447
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:53,080
Speaker 5: support you and like kick him out, kick him out.

448
00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:55,440
Speaker 1: I don't think he was really blaming the daughter.

449
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:58,359
Speaker 7: Update After talking with my daughter and and family, I

450
00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:00,800
Speaker 7: have not been able to read all the comments, but

451
00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:03,360
Speaker 7: I see some people asking for an update on the situation.

452
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:04,920
Speaker 7: There is a lot of comments and I won't be

453
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:06,880
Speaker 7: able to reply to every one of them, so I'm

454
00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:09,359
Speaker 7: adding my message here for everyone to read. I didn't

455
00:19:09,359 --> 00:19:11,480
Speaker 7: expect so many people to comment on the situation, and

456
00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:13,960
Speaker 7: I'm really grateful for all the perspectives and messages that

457
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:16,719
Speaker 7: I've received. It made me feel very less alone. I

458
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:18,960
Speaker 7: also got some messages about the costs of the wedding.

459
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:21,399
Speaker 7: I have to add that this is a destination wedding,

460
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:23,240
Speaker 7: so some of the bills are due to flight costs,

461
00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:26,120
Speaker 7: my daughter's makeup artists, and a few gifts I'm giving

462
00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:28,320
Speaker 7: to my daughter. So after taking in your advice, I

463
00:19:28,359 --> 00:19:30,800
Speaker 7: sat down with my daughter have an honest conversation about

464
00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:31,400
Speaker 7: everything that.

465
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:33,840
Speaker 5: Is that I was what I wanted. Yeah, that's yeah,

466
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:35,399
Speaker 5: that was what I wanted from the beginning.

467
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:36,760
Speaker 1: That's the way you got to go about it. You

468
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:38,639
Speaker 1: gotta just say as Yeah.

469
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:41,480
Speaker 7: I explained why walking her down the aisle was so

470
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,520
Speaker 7: important to me, how much it means as her father,

471
00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:47,440
Speaker 7: and why it felt unfair to be asked to share

472
00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:50,280
Speaker 7: this moment with her stepdad. I apologize to her, trying

473
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:52,520
Speaker 7: to express that I never intended to make her worry

474
00:19:52,560 --> 00:19:54,520
Speaker 7: about the bills. I told her, I'm doing it because

475
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,119
Speaker 7: I love her and I want to give her the

476
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,000
Speaker 7: day of her dream. I told her, I said it

477
00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:01,480
Speaker 7: out of frustration, and she has nothing to worry about. Unfortunately,

478
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:04,040
Speaker 7: the talk didn't go as I'd hoped. She got pretty

479
00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:06,479
Speaker 7: upset and told me I was ruining her day and

480
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:08,920
Speaker 7: that I didn't understand the pressure she was under from

481
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:12,040
Speaker 7: everyone to keep the peace. She was worried about her

482
00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:14,240
Speaker 7: mom getting angry, and when I told her I felt

483
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,480
Speaker 7: hurt by all of this, she accused me of threatening

484
00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:19,639
Speaker 7: her and even called me a narcissist. I'll be honest,

485
00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:21,760
Speaker 7: she used terms I don't fully understand.

486
00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:22,520
Speaker 1: But it's stung.

487
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,040
Speaker 7: I don't know, but this sounds like it's really like

488
00:20:25,280 --> 00:20:28,800
Speaker 7: unfair for OP and the daughter, because now the daughter

489
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:31,480
Speaker 7: feels like she needs to, you know, try She was abandoned.

490
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:34,399
Speaker 7: She was abandoned by her mother. Her mother abandoned them

491
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:37,800
Speaker 7: for like another guy. Yeah, so, and as when that

492
00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:39,640
Speaker 7: happens to you as a kid, like it creates like weird

493
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:42,000
Speaker 7: stuff in your head. And now she's thirteen years older

494
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:44,040
Speaker 7: and she's getting married, and now she's like, well, I

495
00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:46,600
Speaker 7: have to like, I have my mom in this moment,

496
00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:48,240
Speaker 7: and it's like I had to make sure I do

497
00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:51,560
Speaker 7: nothing wrong, and now she's feeling like because her dad

498
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:53,800
Speaker 7: is pressing her, she's like she don't understand, Like I'm

499
00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:55,320
Speaker 7: gonna mess up the thing that my mom asked me

500
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,600
Speaker 7: to do, and it's like, that's not fair because I

501
00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,639
Speaker 7: have to. But really it's the mom's fault been putting

502
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:01,520
Speaker 7: this on her at all.

503
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,119
Speaker 5: Absolutely, like, but I think it's just like I guess,

504
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:06,680
Speaker 5: like the only reason I am saying that OP is

505
00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:08,960
Speaker 5: a little bit the a hole here is because I

506
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:10,760
Speaker 5: feel like the daughter is getting caught in the middle

507
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:13,720
Speaker 5: of things that like she's literally just trying to please everyone.

508
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:14,200
Speaker 1: Yeah.

509
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:17,359
Speaker 7: She mentioned that her mom has been really nice to

510
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,840
Speaker 7: her for the past few years and that she doesn't want.

511
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:20,760
Speaker 1: To lose that relationship.

512
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:21,480
Speaker 5: So there's there.

513
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:23,200
Speaker 1: It is exactly to her.

514
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:25,840
Speaker 7: My ex wife is her best friend now and she

515
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:27,120
Speaker 7: didn't have that growing up.

516
00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:27,760
Speaker 1: I get it.

517
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:29,840
Speaker 7: My ex wife and my daughter do have a lot

518
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:32,600
Speaker 7: in common, things like fashion, accessories and other interests.

519
00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:34,600
Speaker 1: My daughter is very much like her in that regard.

520
00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:36,840
Speaker 7: My ex wife and her husband also came over so

521
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:39,160
Speaker 7: they could all discuss it as a family. My sister

522
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:41,359
Speaker 7: happened to be there too, and she stayed to support me,

523
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,920
Speaker 7: which helped me keep my calm. When they all arrived,

524
00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:45,719
Speaker 7: things only got more tense.

525
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:46,960
Speaker 1: My daughter told.

526
00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:48,639
Speaker 7: Them that she no longer wanted me paying for the

527
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:51,320
Speaker 7: wedding and asked if they could step in instead. I

528
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:53,520
Speaker 7: knew this was a very bad idea and knew it

529
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:54,440
Speaker 7: would not end well.

530
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:55,360
Speaker 1: I knew she would.

531
00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:57,280
Speaker 7: Reject it, but it would break my daughter's heart. I

532
00:21:57,320 --> 00:21:59,160
Speaker 7: thought my ex wife would do it in a smart

533
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:01,280
Speaker 7: way that my daughter's not hurt. But my ex wife

534
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:03,639
Speaker 7: flat out said she couldn't pay because she was saving

535
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:06,880
Speaker 7: for her son's college fund, her son from a marriage

536
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:10,399
Speaker 7: before her current husband. Wow, Mom, it's not gonna lie.

537
00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:13,160
Speaker 7: Mom's like, I can't pay for your wedding because I'm

538
00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:14,960
Speaker 7: actually trying to pay for the college of the kid

539
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:15,880
Speaker 7: that I didn't abandon.

540
00:22:16,080 --> 00:22:19,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, it was for him because I abandoned you, and

541
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:21,000
Speaker 5: I don't want to do that with the other kid.

542
00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:23,000
Speaker 7: Her son is fifteen, so college is still five or

543
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,080
Speaker 7: six years away, but she said it was her priority.

544
00:22:25,119 --> 00:22:26,920
Speaker 7: I knew this would end this way, but I never

545
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:30,000
Speaker 7: expected my daughter. I think people go to college.

546
00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:32,439
Speaker 5: He's fifteen. It's got like three years. He said, college

547
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:35,879
Speaker 5: is still five or six. That's not that's not true.

548
00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:37,960
Speaker 7: I knew this would end this way, but I never

549
00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:40,320
Speaker 7: expected my daughter to get frustrated with me and just

550
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:42,840
Speaker 7: ask them directly. I knew she trusted her mom deeply,

551
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:45,040
Speaker 7: and I did. I did want her to know her

552
00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:47,400
Speaker 7: mother is not the best support, but I didn't want

553
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:49,280
Speaker 7: my daughter finding out this way. I could see it

554
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:51,520
Speaker 7: really broke her heart. My daughter really had started to

555
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:54,239
Speaker 7: trust her mother. Her husband then jumped in, saying, I

556
00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:57,440
Speaker 7: was being a making the day about myself.

557
00:22:57,480 --> 00:22:59,560
Speaker 5: That's kind of okay, he's rod.

558
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:00,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, come on, dude.

559
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:00,879
Speaker 5: Gotten.

560
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:04,199
Speaker 7: At that point, I'd finally had enough. I told them

561
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:07,720
Speaker 7: that my intent was never to hold anything over anyone,

562
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:10,680
Speaker 7: especially not my daughter, and I was only hurt because

563
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:12,080
Speaker 7: I wanted a moment with her.

564
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:14,399
Speaker 1: That I'd looked forward to her whole life.

565
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:17,280
Speaker 7: I explained that I was still willing to pay for everything,

566
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:20,280
Speaker 7: but my daughter was visibly upset after realizing that her

567
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:24,240
Speaker 7: mom and stepdad weren't willing to contribute assent to the wedding.

568
00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:26,520
Speaker 5: I think Opia has done a better job this time

569
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:27,720
Speaker 5: of expressing his feelings.

570
00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:28,040
Speaker 1: Yeah.

571
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:30,520
Speaker 7: By the end of it all, my daughter looked heartbroken.

572
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:32,920
Speaker 7: I could see she was hurt realizing her mom would

573
00:23:33,000 --> 00:23:36,359
Speaker 7: rather prioritize her half brother's college fund years down the

574
00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:38,520
Speaker 7: line over helping with her wedding now. She told me

575
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:40,960
Speaker 7: she needed some space to process everything, and I told

576
00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:43,200
Speaker 7: her I'd give her all the space she needs. As

577
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:47,119
Speaker 7: for my ex wife, she wasn't done. She said I'd

578
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:50,000
Speaker 7: ruined everything and that I was the reason my daughter

579
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:53,199
Speaker 7: no longer respects her mother and stepdad. She blamed me

580
00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:56,040
Speaker 7: for this entire mess, saying I'd manipulated the situation to

581
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:58,520
Speaker 7: create a rift between them and my daughter. So I'm

582
00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:02,200
Speaker 7: like you, hey, are you a projector? Because you're projecting

583
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:04,440
Speaker 7: that was you, girl. I want to get you back

584
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:06,679
Speaker 7: at my apartment so I can play movies on the

585
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:10,000
Speaker 7: wall because you're projecting. I'm glad my daughter knows the

586
00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:12,359
Speaker 7: truth about her mom and step now now, but I

587
00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:14,520
Speaker 7: didn't want her to find out this way. So that's

588
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:16,320
Speaker 7: where we're at. I'm just trying to be there for

589
00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:19,040
Speaker 7: my daughter in whatever way she needs. So that's what's

590
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:20,960
Speaker 7: going on. Thank you all again for the support. It

591
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:23,080
Speaker 7: has helped me feel a lot less alone in this

592
00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:25,879
Speaker 7: And by the way, you never have to feel alone

593
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:29,040
Speaker 7: if you join us every weekday three pm.

594
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:31,680
Speaker 1: On YouTube Live. Just tap that profile.

595
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:32,080
Speaker 5: Tap it.

596
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:35,160
Speaker 7: I have to mention my future son in law had

597
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:37,920
Speaker 7: insisted to my daughter that her mom and stepdad should

598
00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:40,080
Speaker 7: pay for the wedding instead of me. When I talk

599
00:24:40,119 --> 00:24:42,480
Speaker 7: to him about it afterward, he explained that he wanted

600
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:44,520
Speaker 7: my daughter to learn that her mom might not have

601
00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:48,960
Speaker 7: the best intentions for so even the daughter's usban Yah

602
00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:52,280
Speaker 7: knows like your mom is not really playing in the

603
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:54,760
Speaker 7: good card here. To be fair, he's not a fan

604
00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:57,639
Speaker 7: of my ex wife because she's made snarky remarks about

605
00:24:57,680 --> 00:24:59,760
Speaker 7: his mother in the past. So I know he only

606
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:01,960
Speaker 7: did is to get back at my ex wife. But

607
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:04,480
Speaker 7: at the end of all of this, it's just left

608
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,880
Speaker 7: my daughter feeling broken. She has a very open heart

609
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:09,399
Speaker 7: and trust people easily. I wanted her to know that

610
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:11,639
Speaker 7: this was wrong, but not in a way where she

611
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,280
Speaker 7: feels betrayed by her own mother. She carries a lot

612
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,520
Speaker 7: of pain from the past. Thank you everyone for your

613
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:19,640
Speaker 7: kind words. I will end this message here. I wish

614
00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:20,360
Speaker 7: you all luck.

615
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:24,119
Speaker 5: I think he handled it a lot better this time around.

616
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:26,880
Speaker 7: He could have probably approached it a little more delicately,

617
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:29,960
Speaker 7: a little more like yeah, sort of openly or maybe

618
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:33,920
Speaker 7: what's the word vulnerably. He should have been just vulnerable

619
00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:37,480
Speaker 7: and expressed what he wanted by emotion. I think he

620
00:25:37,600 --> 00:25:40,679
Speaker 7: was making it more about the step dad and his

621
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:42,879
Speaker 7: ex wife, which then is going to make his daughter

622
00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:46,399
Speaker 7: defensive automatically because she's trying to nurture and protect this

623
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:47,680
Speaker 7: relationship that she's built.

624
00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:51,520
Speaker 5: And the money and money and speaking about my money,

625
00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:54,160
Speaker 5: I know, La. Again, I realized that it was coming

626
00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:56,119
Speaker 5: from like an emotional outburst, But I think if he

627
00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:58,120
Speaker 5: had just left that out at the conversation.

628
00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:00,239
Speaker 7: Yeah, and he it was not he did it like

629
00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:02,439
Speaker 7: and he was like, oop, I should not have said that,

630
00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:04,399
Speaker 7: and then he clarified in the second conversation he's.

631
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:05,760
Speaker 5: Like, that's why I think in the second part, I

632
00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:07,119
Speaker 5: was Okay, I got it.

633
00:26:07,160 --> 00:26:09,199
Speaker 7: Yeah, can I realized that when you're like, yeah, he's

634
00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:11,240
Speaker 7: gonna I'm like, no, he's not threatening to pull the

635
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:12,080
Speaker 7: wedding out.

636
00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:14,520
Speaker 5: But I'm on the same page now, guys, But yeah.

637
00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:15,480
Speaker 1: You were, you got there. Yeah.

638
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:18,840
Speaker 7: I think we had another kind of switcheroo type story

639
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:20,760
Speaker 7: where it really felt like he was gonna be the

640
00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:22,919
Speaker 7: a hole and then by the end of it, I'm

641
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:24,080
Speaker 7: I'm fully on his side.

642
00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:26,679
Speaker 1: Yeah he's janio og host here.

643
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:28,080
Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to the stories, but he's a

644
00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:29,960
Speaker 2: quick three minute break of ass from our sponsors.

645
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:34,720
Speaker 8: Our friend ruined our concert plans, so we uninvited her.

646
00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:36,160
Speaker 5: I think that's only fair.

647
00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:38,840
Speaker 6: Like I want to have fun and they're not fun.

648
00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:41,919
Speaker 8: So I twenty three female, my friend Carly twenty one female,

649
00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:44,800
Speaker 8: and my other friend Megan twenty three female, are all

650
00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:46,520
Speaker 8: extremely into this one band right now?

651
00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:47,040
Speaker 5: What band?

652
00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:48,399
Speaker 6: Don't have it?

653
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:51,280
Speaker 8: Unfortunately, lucky for us, they're on tour right now. Oh

654
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:54,280
Speaker 8: my god, oh great. All three of us have been

655
00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:56,439
Speaker 8: to one of their shows, and Megan and I have

656
00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:58,920
Speaker 8: been to two. By the way, this comes from user

657
00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:02,840
Speaker 8: public Underscore Access Underscore TVs on the r slash Okay

658
00:27:02,840 --> 00:27:06,240
Speaker 8: storytime subre So, the band just released a new handful

659
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:09,000
Speaker 8: of tour dates in our country in February of next year.

660
00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:11,680
Speaker 8: Though the dates a bit far, we decided we wanted

661
00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:13,280
Speaker 8: to make a trip out of it and go to

662
00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:14,400
Speaker 8: a couple of them in a row.

663
00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:15,760
Speaker 6: You just really liked this band.

664
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:18,240
Speaker 5: You guys really liked the nineteenth seventy. I.

665
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:19,600
Speaker 6: You know, I support that.

666
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:24,240
Speaker 8: We invited our friend pee let's call it Peggy Peggy Peggy,

667
00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:27,399
Speaker 8: twenty two female who isn't as into the band, to

668
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:31,000
Speaker 8: come along because she's never seen them in concert. Our

669
00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:34,440
Speaker 8: plan was to go to three shows, all back to back.

670
00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:36,760
Speaker 6: Carly had an.

671
00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:39,200
Speaker 8: Especially a strict budget compared to the rest of us,

672
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:41,720
Speaker 8: so Megan and I got to work quickly on crafting

673
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:46,000
Speaker 8: an itinerary and schedule and calculating costs as specifically as

674
00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:47,520
Speaker 8: we possibly could.

675
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:48,760
Speaker 6: Wow, you really love this.

676
00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:51,119
Speaker 5: Band, love this man, like good for you?

677
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:53,879
Speaker 8: I guess each of the three shows is in a

678
00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:58,200
Speaker 8: different state, So we had to work out whether going

679
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:02,200
Speaker 8: by plane, train, or rental car was the most cost effective,

680
00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:05,240
Speaker 8: where to stay, what flights to book, et cetera, et cetera.

681
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:09,120
Speaker 8: After probably four or five hours and a very organized

682
00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:11,639
Speaker 8: Google doc, Megan and I ended up doing it and

683
00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:14,320
Speaker 8: wound up with a four way budget, about two hundred

684
00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:19,879
Speaker 8: dollars below Carly's maximum budget, which included flights, rental car, airbnb,

685
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:23,280
Speaker 8: concert tickets, and all taxes and service fees.

686
00:28:23,480 --> 00:28:25,440
Speaker 5: I need to know how much they spent.

687
00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:27,879
Speaker 8: Concert tickets and all taxes and service fees with those

688
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:30,639
Speaker 8: everything but food and gas pretty much if you're going

689
00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:32,480
Speaker 8: through does that get out.

690
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:32,840
Speaker 6: Of a lot?

691
00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:33,360
Speaker 5: Yeah?

692
00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:35,919
Speaker 8: We were excited to share and sent it to Carly

693
00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:38,880
Speaker 8: and Peggy, and after explaining a few things to Peggy,

694
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:42,440
Speaker 8: she agreed without hesitation. Carly, on the other hand, seemed

695
00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:46,760
Speaker 8: dissatisfied with the plan and wasn't understanding our proposed choices,

696
00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:49,000
Speaker 8: despite the fact that I explained all of it in

697
00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:51,440
Speaker 8: the dock I sent her and in our group chat.

698
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:53,560
Speaker 8: Then she said she changed her mind and that our

699
00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:56,880
Speaker 8: budget was still too high. Again, our proposed number was

700
00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:59,959
Speaker 8: substantially lower than what she told us was the maximum

701
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:02,600
Speaker 8: of what she could afford, and wanted to only go

702
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:03,920
Speaker 8: to two of the shows.

703
00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:06,440
Speaker 5: Okay, go ahead, Yeah, that's fair.

704
00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:08,400
Speaker 8: That makes it a bit more expensive for the other

705
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:10,440
Speaker 8: three of us, but that's okay.

706
00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:11,480
Speaker 6: We agree.

707
00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:15,160
Speaker 8: Then Carly starts proposing we shorten our stay considerably.

708
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:17,080
Speaker 5: Okay, at that point, you can't do that.

709
00:29:17,240 --> 00:29:19,120
Speaker 8: Yeah, as we plan to stay in an extra day

710
00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:21,320
Speaker 8: or two after the third show because none of us

711
00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:23,920
Speaker 8: had ever been to the state. Carly said she had

712
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:26,800
Speaker 8: to be back home earlier because she couldn't miss class

713
00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:29,480
Speaker 8: and because the trip was still too expensive, even with

714
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:32,000
Speaker 8: her coming for a couple days less.

715
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:34,479
Speaker 5: At that point, I think Carly just needs to not go.

716
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:37,760
Speaker 8: After so much confusing back and forth, Peggy got frustrated

717
00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:40,400
Speaker 8: and bowed out of the trip as a whole.

718
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:41,960
Speaker 6: And there you go.

719
00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:43,480
Speaker 5: You pushed Peggy out.

720
00:29:43,760 --> 00:29:43,960
Speaker 6: Yep.

721
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:45,880
Speaker 8: Peggy wasn't even a fan of the nineteen seventy five.

722
00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:48,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, she was just like, this sounds too much hassle.

723
00:29:48,840 --> 00:29:51,960
Speaker 8: Carly has a habit of over complicating things and complaining

724
00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:55,560
Speaker 8: about plans that she refuses to help make without offering

725
00:29:55,640 --> 00:29:58,680
Speaker 8: any sort of solutions. At that point, the trip felt

726
00:29:58,680 --> 00:30:01,719
Speaker 8: pretty out of reach, so Meghan proposed a change of plans.

727
00:30:02,120 --> 00:30:05,240
Speaker 8: We only go to that third show, We save money

728
00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:07,840
Speaker 8: by staying in one place, and we all still get

729
00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:08,280
Speaker 8: to go.

730
00:30:08,840 --> 00:30:09,040
Speaker 1: Win.

731
00:30:09,320 --> 00:30:09,560
Speaker 6: Win.

732
00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:13,600
Speaker 5: Everyone agreed, everyone happy.

733
00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:15,959
Speaker 6: Including Carly. Again. Carly agreed.

734
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:19,520
Speaker 8: Meghan and I were pretty disappointed that our plans quickly

735
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:22,080
Speaker 8: went from three shows to one, but we were just

736
00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:25,000
Speaker 8: glad we were able to go to any again. The

737
00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:28,240
Speaker 8: two of us reworked that itinerary budget and schedule to

738
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:31,400
Speaker 8: accommodate the new plan, and now the projected costs were

739
00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:36,600
Speaker 8: even lower. Great Literally, Opie says, even better. However, Peggy

740
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:38,800
Speaker 8: again said she'd have to be home by the same

741
00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:39,760
Speaker 8: day mentioned before.

742
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:41,880
Speaker 5: Peggy, Peggy changed her mind, Meggy.

743
00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:44,000
Speaker 8: I guess change your mind. Peggy again said she'd have

744
00:30:44,080 --> 00:30:46,120
Speaker 8: to be home by the same day mentioned before, which

745
00:30:46,160 --> 00:30:48,320
Speaker 8: was Monday, because she couldn't miss class.

746
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:49,880
Speaker 6: This is important. I think Peggy got I.

747
00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:52,000
Speaker 5: Think Peggy is Carly. I think that's what they meant.

748
00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:55,400
Speaker 8: Next day, presale happens. We buy our tickets early in

749
00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:59,040
Speaker 8: the morning, and all is well. Then hours later, Carly

750
00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:02,080
Speaker 8: asked for the pre code over text, and Megan sent

751
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:04,760
Speaker 8: it to her. When she asked why Carly needed it

752
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:07,600
Speaker 8: since our ticket had already been purchased, she responded that

753
00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:09,760
Speaker 8: one of her friends bought tickets to the band show

754
00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:11,960
Speaker 8: in another state, and Carly wanted to know how much

755
00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 8: it might cost to go with her.

756
00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:16,040
Speaker 6: What, so, Carly is like they already bought.

757
00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:18,920
Speaker 5: The tickets for Carly, OPI and her other friend.

758
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:24,840
Speaker 8: Yes, yes, immediately, me Meghan, and Peggy were all irritated

759
00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:26,560
Speaker 8: by this, So I guess Peggy's back in the conversation.

760
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:28,640
Speaker 6: This is so confusing. This whole reason.

761
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:31,080
Speaker 8: We'd previously changed our plans of going to three shows

762
00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:33,920
Speaker 8: was for Carly's sake because of her budget. Now she

763
00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:36,760
Speaker 8: was all willing to go with another friend on an

764
00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:40,640
Speaker 8: entirely separate trip, which she'd have to pay for two plights, accommodation,

765
00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:41,880
Speaker 8: and a Connitzer ticket.

766
00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:44,400
Speaker 6: For this is just just don't plan with carl anymore.

767
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:46,760
Speaker 5: Literally, just yeah, just don't go on trips with Carly.

768
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:48,680
Speaker 5: I think that's that's the solution.

769
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:51,239
Speaker 8: Later in the day, Peggy and I were looking at

770
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:53,959
Speaker 8: the tour dates to check a totally different state, and

771
00:31:53,960 --> 00:31:56,360
Speaker 8: Peggy pointed out the date of another show Carly was

772
00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:58,960
Speaker 8: planning on going to with her other friend. It was

773
00:31:58,960 --> 00:32:01,640
Speaker 8: two days after Carly said she needed to be home

774
00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:03,880
Speaker 8: for class, by smack in the middle of the week.

775
00:32:03,920 --> 00:32:06,320
Speaker 8: So I assume either Carly's plans all along had been

776
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:09,000
Speaker 8: to go to this other show and her excuses of

777
00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:11,720
Speaker 8: having to be home for class or not being able

778
00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:15,160
Speaker 8: to swing the budget were untrue, or she simply made

779
00:32:15,160 --> 00:32:17,640
Speaker 8: a last minute decision to make this extra chip without

780
00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:20,040
Speaker 8: considering that it was wasn't very fair to the other

781
00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:22,480
Speaker 8: three of us, who had downsized our plans for her

782
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:25,480
Speaker 8: sake and were now unable to do more than one concert.

783
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:26,640
Speaker 6: I feel like just cut out.

784
00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:29,840
Speaker 5: Carly, just cut her out, that's the solution. She's making

785
00:32:29,880 --> 00:32:32,720
Speaker 5: everything more complicated than it needs to be. I think

786
00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:36,960
Speaker 5: you just say, hey, we're buying this stuff separately. If

787
00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:39,280
Speaker 5: you want to come, you have to buy your own stuff.

788
00:32:39,280 --> 00:32:40,960
Speaker 5: I'll see you there, set it up, We'll see you there,

789
00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:41,760
Speaker 5: We'll see you there.

790
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:46,400
Speaker 8: But Carly has ruined every single plan. Now Megan and

791
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:48,360
Speaker 8: I are towing with the idea of going to a

792
00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:51,280
Speaker 8: second show together after the one all four of us

793
00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:53,720
Speaker 8: go together. This is not the same show that Carly

794
00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:55,800
Speaker 8: plans on going to you with her friend, but it

795
00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:58,280
Speaker 8: is in the same state. We aren't planning on inviting

796
00:32:58,280 --> 00:33:01,120
Speaker 8: her to this second show, and to completely honest, this

797
00:33:01,280 --> 00:33:03,800
Speaker 8: is in part because we are irritated at her for

798
00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:06,440
Speaker 8: planning that other trip. Chances are she wouldn't be able

799
00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:09,080
Speaker 8: to come anyway, but I know a courtesy invite might

800
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:11,000
Speaker 8: be the mature thing to do. Would I be the

801
00:33:11,080 --> 00:33:13,040
Speaker 8: a hole if I go to the second show without

802
00:33:13,120 --> 00:33:17,160
Speaker 8: inviting her. There's history behind Carly being unreliable and unpredictable

803
00:33:17,320 --> 00:33:20,840
Speaker 8: on trips and being selfish in situations like these. If

804
00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:23,880
Speaker 8: more context is needed, I'd be happy to give some. Sorry,

805
00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:27,520
Speaker 8: this is so long, and that's it. There's no updates

806
00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:28,000
Speaker 8: or anything.

807
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:30,400
Speaker 5: I think that you would not be the ahole if

808
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:34,040
Speaker 5: you didn't invite Carly. I think she's just too much.

809
00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:36,880
Speaker 5: And I think if she brings it up, if she's like,

810
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:38,960
Speaker 5: why didn't you guys invite me? You guys could just be.

811
00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:41,240
Speaker 8: Like you literally had the receipts of yeah, you she

812
00:33:41,440 --> 00:33:44,520
Speaker 8: were everything. Yeah, I would just you would not be

813
00:33:44,560 --> 00:33:45,000
Speaker 8: the a whole.

814
00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:48,560
Speaker 5: No, that was the end of that story. I refuse

815
00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:51,920
Speaker 5: to attend my friend's wedding because she invited my ex

816
00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:54,640
Speaker 5: Why would you do that? I twenty two male, have

817
00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:57,080
Speaker 5: lived across the country from where I grew up for

818
00:33:57,120 --> 00:33:59,200
Speaker 5: the last two years. I go to school and for

819
00:33:59,240 --> 00:34:02,560
Speaker 5: the most part, have distance myself from people back home. Obviously,

820
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:05,800
Speaker 5: this doesn't include family or two to three childhood friends.

821
00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:08,399
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from Middle Trust sixty four

822
00:34:08,400 --> 00:34:10,600
Speaker 5: to forty nine on the Okay storytime separate it.

823
00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:12,560
Speaker 1: So backstory.

824
00:34:13,080 --> 00:34:16,040
Speaker 5: In high school, my friend group consisted of about five

825
00:34:16,120 --> 00:34:19,040
Speaker 5: guys and five girls rough estimate. As people would come

826
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:22,799
Speaker 5: and go over the years, however, the constant were myself,

827
00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:26,200
Speaker 5: my best friend now twenty one male, and three other girls.

828
00:34:26,680 --> 00:34:28,719
Speaker 5: One of the girls I dated throughout high school, and

829
00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:31,080
Speaker 5: we always joked about what our lives would be likely

830
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:33,560
Speaker 5: together in the future. Although we were young, it still

831
00:34:33,640 --> 00:34:35,560
Speaker 5: hurt and felt like I was losing a major part

832
00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:38,200
Speaker 5: of my life when we mutually agreed that we should

833
00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:40,920
Speaker 5: go our separate ways when we both left for college,

834
00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:42,879
Speaker 5: I stayed local for a year and a half while

835
00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:44,960
Speaker 5: she went to school in a different state. A few

836
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:47,400
Speaker 5: months later, I started dating one of the other girls

837
00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:51,000
Speaker 5: from the original friend group. This is friendcest. Yeah, it's

838
00:34:51,040 --> 00:34:51,720
Speaker 5: always messy.

839
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:53,960
Speaker 8: It gets very much, especially if it's like a core

840
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:57,480
Speaker 8: and it's equal sexes.

841
00:34:57,840 --> 00:34:58,440
Speaker 5: It's messy.

842
00:34:58,719 --> 00:34:59,360
Speaker 6: It's messy.

843
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:02,799
Speaker 5: It was great as we were now technically adults and

844
00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:05,560
Speaker 5: able to experience life together. We both thought that this

845
00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:07,839
Speaker 5: was it for both of us, as we both had

846
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:12,160
Speaker 5: serious discussions about permanent plans. However, when I moved further

847
00:35:12,239 --> 00:35:15,320
Speaker 5: away from home later that year for school, it became harder.

848
00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:18,000
Speaker 5: We had a messy breakup and I said some really

849
00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:21,640
Speaker 5: messed up crap. After the breakup, we went no contact

850
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:23,920
Speaker 5: for a month or so before I returned home for

851
00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:26,400
Speaker 5: break and we tried to at least be friends, but

852
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:28,840
Speaker 5: as luck would have it, we realized it was just

853
00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:32,040
Speaker 5: too hard, and about a month later began an almost

854
00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:35,359
Speaker 5: two year long period of no content. I ended up

855
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:38,360
Speaker 5: transferring to a school across the country. About twelve months

856
00:35:38,400 --> 00:35:41,240
Speaker 5: after the second falling out, I began dating this girl.

857
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:43,600
Speaker 5: It was slow at first, as we both had other

858
00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:46,120
Speaker 5: things in life we wanted to focus on regarding school

859
00:35:46,160 --> 00:35:48,920
Speaker 5: and jobs. About a month into dating, I get a

860
00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:51,520
Speaker 5: call out of the blue from my high school girlfriend.

861
00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:52,440
Speaker 5: The first girl.

862
00:35:52,719 --> 00:35:54,960
Speaker 6: Okay, the one that you did no contact.

863
00:35:54,840 --> 00:35:57,399
Speaker 5: No, So that was second. Oh, there were the first

864
00:35:57,480 --> 00:36:00,000
Speaker 5: christ friend groups or so I know it's Bessie.

865
00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:00,920
Speaker 6: You don't do that.

866
00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:03,239
Speaker 5: It was just like they were chill. They were like, yeah,

867
00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:05,960
Speaker 5: we're going to college. Second girl, it was that was

868
00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:06,600
Speaker 5: the messy one.

869
00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:07,000
Speaker 6: Okay.

870
00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:09,880
Speaker 5: We began talking and updating each other on our lives

871
00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:12,719
Speaker 5: after not talking for two years. At first, it was

872
00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:15,120
Speaker 5: nice to just reconnect with someone from high school who

873
00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:17,120
Speaker 5: would not talk to you in a while. But as

874
00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:19,640
Speaker 5: the week went on and we talked on FaceTime every

875
00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:22,400
Speaker 5: night until almost the next morning, both of our feelings

876
00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:23,160
Speaker 5: came back up.

877
00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:26,560
Speaker 8: This is you're kind of cheating on your girl more

878
00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:28,160
Speaker 8: than kind of Yeah, you're cheating.

879
00:36:28,480 --> 00:36:30,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, if you're dating that other girl.

880
00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:32,280
Speaker 6: I don't think you stay official. Yeah, if you're dating

881
00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:34,640
Speaker 6: the newest girl that you went across the country.

882
00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:36,600
Speaker 5: Yeah, and you're like talking to.

883
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:41,000
Speaker 6: Someone every night facetiming, getting giddy.

884
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:45,120
Speaker 5: That's emotional cheating, cheating. By the following weekend, we had

885
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:49,880
Speaker 5: both left our respective relationships. Yep, because of emotional cheating.

886
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:53,160
Speaker 5: We continue talking on FaceTime every night for the following

887
00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:55,560
Speaker 5: months until the end of summer. At the first chance

888
00:36:55,600 --> 00:36:57,720
Speaker 5: we got, I flew to spend a week with her.

889
00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:00,480
Speaker 5: We both thought it would be good to find see

890
00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:06,680
Speaker 5: each other in person. We thought wrong. Oh, that trip

891
00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:08,799
Speaker 5: ended with us in a huge bite and yelling at

892
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:11,880
Speaker 5: each other. Sometimes when you emotionally cheat and leave your

893
00:37:11,920 --> 00:37:14,439
Speaker 5: partner for the person that you emotionally cheated on them,

894
00:37:14,880 --> 00:37:15,520
Speaker 5: it doesn't.

895
00:37:15,239 --> 00:37:18,840
Speaker 8: Work out what happened when you guys met in person.

896
00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:20,080
Speaker 6: That's not how I want to know.

897
00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:23,160
Speaker 5: The following weeks were no better, as every few times

898
00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:25,640
Speaker 5: we talked and tried to at least maintain some sort

899
00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:27,640
Speaker 5: of friendship, it failed miserably.

900
00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:30,359
Speaker 6: This guy's overed girl.

901
00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:32,600
Speaker 5: You just can't be friends with your exes.

902
00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:35,759
Speaker 6: Or just stop being dating your friends.

903
00:37:36,280 --> 00:37:38,040
Speaker 5: Stop dating your friends because you can't be friends with

904
00:37:38,040 --> 00:37:39,960
Speaker 5: your ex. Yeah, that's not a hard and fast rule,

905
00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:42,680
Speaker 5: just for this guy. On a drunken night, I found

906
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:44,520
Speaker 5: out she had gone out on a weekend trip with

907
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:47,400
Speaker 5: a guy and said some terrible things about you or

908
00:37:47,480 --> 00:37:48,000
Speaker 5: just in general.

909
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:48,480
Speaker 6: How do you know?

910
00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:51,560
Speaker 5: We hadn't really connected since, and in fact, she recently

911
00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:53,879
Speaker 5: got engaged to the guy she went on a date

912
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:54,640
Speaker 5: with that night.

913
00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:57,359
Speaker 6: Oh whoa wait, whoa got time?

914
00:37:58,120 --> 00:37:58,359
Speaker 5: Yeah?

915
00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:00,800
Speaker 6: Was it like a week earlier?

916
00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:04,080
Speaker 5: This year, twenty twenty four, I reconnected with the second

917
00:38:04,160 --> 00:38:05,160
Speaker 5: girl in the story.

918
00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:08,960
Speaker 8: Oh my dude, stop going back. Just move on to

919
00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:11,400
Speaker 8: everyone in the story. Stop going back to your exes.

920
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:13,680
Speaker 8: It just if it was a bad breakup, you could

921
00:38:13,719 --> 00:38:15,480
Speaker 8: be cordial, But don't go back.

922
00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:16,480
Speaker 5: You don't have to be besties.

923
00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:17,440
Speaker 6: Oh my goodness.

924
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:20,120
Speaker 5: Neither of us wanted to genuinely see each other, but

925
00:38:20,239 --> 00:38:22,560
Speaker 5: because I was back home for a week, our friends

926
00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:24,240
Speaker 5: thought we had to talk it out at some point,

927
00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:26,720
Speaker 5: and better late than ever, we agreed that we didn't

928
00:38:26,719 --> 00:38:29,680
Speaker 5: have to be friends, but at least cordial. That didn't

929
00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:32,200
Speaker 5: last long, as about a month later we got into

930
00:38:32,239 --> 00:38:33,120
Speaker 5: an argument.

931
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:35,960
Speaker 6: Another argument, Just stop it.

932
00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:37,960
Speaker 8: It's always like things were good and they would do

933
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:40,600
Speaker 8: a huge argument about what I want to know.

934
00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:44,120
Speaker 5: These earths and unsaid resentment towards one another came out.

935
00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:46,680
Speaker 5: I was having a crappy week as I had recently

936
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:49,880
Speaker 5: lost a close family member just days before and was

937
00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:52,680
Speaker 5: trying to deal with it by myself across the country

938
00:38:52,719 --> 00:38:56,080
Speaker 5: while in school. When she started an argument, I exploded,

939
00:38:56,239 --> 00:38:59,200
Speaker 5: and it escalated to us airing everything out, how we

940
00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:01,600
Speaker 5: truly felt about each other and who was to blame

941
00:39:01,640 --> 00:39:04,280
Speaker 5: for everything that went wrong. We haven't said a word

942
00:39:04,320 --> 00:39:06,440
Speaker 5: to each other since, and I have each other blocked

943
00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:09,600
Speaker 5: on everything. Now for the friend this post is regarding,

944
00:39:09,760 --> 00:39:12,560
Speaker 5: she is the third girl from the original friend group.

945
00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:13,880
Speaker 1: No way did I call it.

946
00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:17,439
Speaker 5: Don't don't date her, don't da dator, don't date her.

947
00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:20,040
Speaker 5: We met days into freshman year of high school, and

948
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:23,560
Speaker 5: we were almost inseparable from early on. I loved her

949
00:39:23,719 --> 00:39:24,400
Speaker 5: like a sister.

950
00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:25,280
Speaker 6: Oh my god.

951
00:39:25,560 --> 00:39:29,360
Speaker 5: Okay. People would always question our friendship for a hidden relationship,

952
00:39:29,480 --> 00:39:31,560
Speaker 5: but neither one of us ever looked at each other

953
00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:34,400
Speaker 5: like that. We could talk about anything and everything with

954
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:36,840
Speaker 5: each other. She was the only one who stayed friends

955
00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:38,839
Speaker 5: with all of us, even if we weren't friends with

956
00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:41,640
Speaker 5: each other. We talked almost every day, even after I

957
00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:43,840
Speaker 5: moved across the country. We would be each other's first

958
00:39:43,880 --> 00:39:46,480
Speaker 5: call when something crazy would happen, or tell each other

959
00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:49,600
Speaker 5: how a first date would go. This was until early

960
00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:53,480
Speaker 5: this year. After the explosive final falling out with my ex,

961
00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:56,520
Speaker 5: my friend and I didn't talk. She blocked me for

962
00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:59,480
Speaker 5: a few days, but not until after saying I a

963
00:39:59,520 --> 00:40:02,360
Speaker 5: fed up. I didn't blame her for taking my ex's side.

964
00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:04,600
Speaker 5: I knew that I had messed up too and wasn't

965
00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:07,000
Speaker 5: going to make her feel sorry for me. We didn't

966
00:40:07,040 --> 00:40:09,680
Speaker 5: talk at all until a few months ago. When I

967
00:40:09,719 --> 00:40:12,560
Speaker 5: saw she was engaged on social media. I reached out

968
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:14,560
Speaker 5: to her with a short text saying I was happy

969
00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:17,080
Speaker 5: for her. She replied with a thank you and how

970
00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:20,040
Speaker 5: excited she was. As the weeks went on, I would

971
00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:22,680
Speaker 5: occasionally see her post about her wedding prep and her

972
00:40:22,719 --> 00:40:25,520
Speaker 5: announcing the date, which is in less than two months.

973
00:40:25,719 --> 00:40:28,600
Speaker 5: I was happy for her, but in no way had

974
00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:31,360
Speaker 5: expected that I was going to be invited, as we

975
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:34,560
Speaker 5: hadn't talked in a year other than the one text. Yesterday,

976
00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:37,480
Speaker 5: I received an invitation to the wedding. I was shocked,

977
00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:39,759
Speaker 5: to say the least I knew there wasn't any bad

978
00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:42,279
Speaker 5: blood between us, but I didn't think she'd want me there.

979
00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:46,040
Speaker 5: But we always want you with us every weekday at

980
00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:48,719
Speaker 5: three PMPSD on YouTube. Just have her profile. Got it,

981
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:51,080
Speaker 5: And there is a little bit more to the story.

982
00:40:51,200 --> 00:40:53,840
Speaker 5: But what are your thoughts? Because I have some thoughts.

983
00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:55,000
Speaker 6: What's up with this guy?

984
00:40:55,440 --> 00:40:59,120
Speaker 5: I honestly think that he's totally like if he doesn't

985
00:40:59,120 --> 00:41:01,120
Speaker 5: want to go to this wedding. Because I'm basing this

986
00:41:01,239 --> 00:41:04,200
Speaker 5: off of the title, it seems like perhaps he's going

987
00:41:04,239 --> 00:41:06,440
Speaker 5: to find out that his friend invited his X. But

988
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:09,200
Speaker 5: they were all friends, so it's not like she's, you know,

989
00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:11,080
Speaker 5: doing this out of spite.

990
00:41:11,160 --> 00:41:12,920
Speaker 6: Yeah, this is again, this is going to be messy.

991
00:41:13,040 --> 00:41:14,839
Speaker 5: It was always going to be messy when you start

992
00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:15,920
Speaker 5: dating your friends, it's gonna be.

993
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:19,200
Speaker 8: Messy, especially if it's a close group of friends because

994
00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:21,200
Speaker 8: her friends fall apart and everything like. But this is

995
00:41:21,239 --> 00:41:23,239
Speaker 8: like we certain like high school and we were just

996
00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:25,120
Speaker 8: like a core core group.

997
00:41:25,320 --> 00:41:28,279
Speaker 6: And you dated two of them. Of them, I think

998
00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:30,080
Speaker 6: both of them are to be coming.

999
00:41:30,120 --> 00:41:32,920
Speaker 5: Probably if she's friends with both of them. So I

1000
00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:35,040
Speaker 5: guess it's just like you totally don't have to go

1001
00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:36,760
Speaker 5: to the wedding if you're uncomfortable.

1002
00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:38,120
Speaker 6: But I guarantee you he wants to go.

1003
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:40,279
Speaker 5: Yeah, But like also, I don't think it's going to

1004
00:41:40,360 --> 00:41:42,160
Speaker 5: be a huge deal. Just you can speak.

1005
00:41:44,280 --> 00:41:47,600
Speaker 6: But did you expect that she wasn't good?

1006
00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:50,880
Speaker 5: That's my question? And there was a little bit left.

1007
00:41:50,719 --> 00:41:53,919
Speaker 8: Okay, Like I don't know what's up with this guy?

1008
00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:57,279
Speaker 8: This guy's I want. I want the girlfriends.

1009
00:41:57,560 --> 00:42:01,759
Speaker 5: Yeah, I want the want of Like what happened? What

1010
00:42:01,800 --> 00:42:02,880
Speaker 5: were the arguments about?

1011
00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:04,120
Speaker 6: I need to know, I need to know.

1012
00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:07,920
Speaker 5: Here's my dilemma. Her and both of my exes have

1013
00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:10,759
Speaker 5: gotten closer than ever since the beginning of the year,

1014
00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:14,160
Speaker 5: as all three hang out together with their now fiances.

1015
00:42:14,320 --> 00:42:15,840
Speaker 5: I know for sure they're going to be part of

1016
00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:18,279
Speaker 5: the wedding, which is small, so there's no avoiding that.

1017
00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:20,560
Speaker 5: I want to be there to support her, but also

1018
00:42:20,680 --> 00:42:23,440
Speaker 5: don't want there to be a problem. I'm the complete

1019
00:42:23,480 --> 00:42:25,880
Speaker 5: outcast at an event that just a year ago I

1020
00:42:25,920 --> 00:42:29,200
Speaker 5: wouldn't even thought of having to feel uncomfortable about. I

1021
00:42:29,200 --> 00:42:31,200
Speaker 5: have not been in the best place emotionally over the

1022
00:42:31,280 --> 00:42:33,480
Speaker 5: last few weeks, as the stress of being a senior

1023
00:42:33,520 --> 00:42:36,120
Speaker 5: in college is hitting like a full grown elephant. I

1024
00:42:36,120 --> 00:42:38,799
Speaker 5: don't know if I'm emotionally stable enough right now to

1025
00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:40,960
Speaker 5: make the right decision. I don't know how to respond

1026
00:42:41,160 --> 00:42:43,840
Speaker 5: or what to respond with. I wasn't planning on visiting

1027
00:42:43,840 --> 00:42:46,359
Speaker 5: home around that time, but now I might just have to.

1028
00:42:46,520 --> 00:42:49,560
Speaker 5: There isn't much time until the unofficial deadline to RSVP.

1029
00:42:49,960 --> 00:42:52,520
Speaker 5: What do I do? Do I fly across the country

1030
00:42:52,520 --> 00:42:55,280
Speaker 5: to my hometown for the wedding and risk making things awkward?

1031
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:57,120
Speaker 5: Would I be the a hole if I missed my

1032
00:42:57,160 --> 00:43:00,040
Speaker 5: friend's wedding just because my exes are there? And that

1033
00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:02,359
Speaker 5: is the end of the story. But what is your

1034
00:43:02,400 --> 00:43:04,719
Speaker 5: final advice to give to OPI.

1035
00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:05,400
Speaker 6: I wouldn't go.

1036
00:43:06,120 --> 00:43:08,200
Speaker 8: That's fair, I mean it's I wouldn't go. I feel

1037
00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:10,200
Speaker 8: like you need to talk to I.

1038
00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:12,160
Speaker 5: Think you she needed to talk to the friend who's

1039
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:12,600
Speaker 5: getting married.

1040
00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:13,879
Speaker 6: Yeah, the person who's getting married.

1041
00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:15,919
Speaker 5: And regardless of whether you go or not, I think

1042
00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:18,120
Speaker 5: just having a conversation with her is saying like, hey,

1043
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:19,759
Speaker 5: this is what I've been feeling. I know it's a

1044
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:21,280
Speaker 5: little bit like I don't want it to be awkward

1045
00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:24,000
Speaker 5: for you because this is your day, So I feel like,

1046
00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:27,279
Speaker 5: you know, talk to her. She might say, yeah, maybe

1047
00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:29,399
Speaker 5: that's right. Maybe it's best you don't or she might say,

1048
00:43:29,480 --> 00:43:31,560
Speaker 5: like I talked to them, there's they were done.

1049
00:43:31,760 --> 00:43:33,600
Speaker 6: Yeah, they moved on the story so that they both

1050
00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:34,200
Speaker 6: have partners.

1051
00:43:34,440 --> 00:43:36,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, so I think I think that just ask just

1052
00:43:36,600 --> 00:43:38,600
Speaker 5: if you do go regardless, I don't think you'd be

1053
00:43:38,640 --> 00:43:40,440
Speaker 5: the able if you didn't go. That is the end

1054
00:43:40,440 --> 00:43:41,240
Speaker 5: of that story.

1055
00:43:42,080 --> 00:43:43,960
Speaker 3: Sam here ogi host. We're going to get back to

1056
00:43:44,000 --> 00:43:46,520
Speaker 3: these stories, but here's three minutes fads from our sponsors.

1057
00:43:46,520 --> 00:43:51,000
Speaker 5: First, my wife's friend tried to sabotage our anniversary, so

1058
00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:52,840
Speaker 5: I told my wife to cut her.

1059
00:43:52,760 --> 00:43:54,080
Speaker 1: Off atty anniversary.

1060
00:43:54,280 --> 00:43:57,440
Speaker 5: The woman my wife is missing our anniversary for hates

1061
00:43:57,480 --> 00:43:59,799
Speaker 5: me because I drove a wedge in their friendship. Since

1062
00:43:59,840 --> 00:44:02,480
Speaker 5: my my wife obviously spends a large chunk of her

1063
00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:05,440
Speaker 5: time with me, I also see through her bullying bs

1064
00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:07,840
Speaker 5: and do not have patience for her. Any time my

1065
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:10,279
Speaker 5: wife tries to include this friend in our plans, the

1066
00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:14,200
Speaker 5: friend whinds about nearly everything. By the way, this comes

1067
00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:17,880
Speaker 5: from tokit spun only our slash ookey stores. I've suffered it.

1068
00:44:18,080 --> 00:44:21,560
Speaker 5: Yesterday she was carsick when we had to drive an

1069
00:44:21,560 --> 00:44:23,719
Speaker 5: hour and a half two and from the place we went.

1070
00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:25,640
Speaker 5: As she sat in the back, she tried to solve

1071
00:44:25,640 --> 00:44:29,600
Speaker 5: the problem by eating potato chips and two cans of soda,

1072
00:44:29,640 --> 00:44:32,799
Speaker 5: only to keep complaining she felt sick. I wonder why

1073
00:44:33,160 --> 00:44:35,840
Speaker 5: why those cans of soda were spray. That was a

1074
00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:38,600
Speaker 5: stupid move on her part. She was clearly hinting I

1075
00:44:38,600 --> 00:44:40,239
Speaker 5: should have been the one sitting in the back, but

1076
00:44:40,320 --> 00:44:42,800
Speaker 5: I'm recovering from an injury and the extra room in

1077
00:44:42,840 --> 00:44:46,240
Speaker 5: the passenger seat is helpful. She made very obnoxious digs

1078
00:44:46,239 --> 00:44:49,080
Speaker 5: into my home country and background, to the point where

1079
00:44:49,080 --> 00:44:51,680
Speaker 5: I almost took the train home. Leaving my wife with

1080
00:44:51,760 --> 00:44:54,799
Speaker 5: her friends. Living in a new country has already been exhausting.

1081
00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:57,360
Speaker 5: Having to hear things like that from my wife's friend

1082
00:44:57,680 --> 00:44:59,680
Speaker 5: wasn't pleasant. What did your wife do in all this?

1083
00:45:00,080 --> 00:45:03,400
Speaker 5: Her friend is being kind of awfully Yeah, just a bully,

1084
00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:06,120
Speaker 5: and maybe she's driving. My wife didn't stand up for

1085
00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:08,080
Speaker 5: me against the friend, which hurt my feeling.

1086
00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:10,640
Speaker 6: Ah, but we thought out come on.

1087
00:45:11,120 --> 00:45:13,759
Speaker 5: We spoke at length last night and today about it,

1088
00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:16,560
Speaker 5: agreeing I would never go out with this friend again.

1089
00:45:16,719 --> 00:45:19,440
Speaker 5: Why does the wife want to be friends with this person.

1090
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:20,919
Speaker 6: Who maybe it's like a lifelong friend.

1091
00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:21,520
Speaker 1: Her husband.

1092
00:45:21,719 --> 00:45:23,280
Speaker 6: Yeah, I don't know, but put.

1093
00:45:23,160 --> 00:45:25,239
Speaker 5: Your foot down with this lady. My wife also said

1094
00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:27,600
Speaker 5: it was only a matter of time before the friendship

1095
00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:30,400
Speaker 5: ended because she couldn't deal with the negativity and self

1096
00:45:30,440 --> 00:45:34,400
Speaker 5: centered attitude anymore. Onto the problem. April seventeenth is our

1097
00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:36,640
Speaker 5: first anniversary. My wife is the maid of honor at

1098
00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:39,520
Speaker 5: her wedding and got to choose when the bachelorette party is.

1099
00:45:39,680 --> 00:45:43,200
Speaker 5: She chose the week of our first anniversary, meaning we

1100
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:45,640
Speaker 5: would be flying home from my home country to a

1101
00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:48,960
Speaker 5: very private getaway I had planned on our anniversary, and

1102
00:45:49,040 --> 00:45:51,040
Speaker 5: my wife would leave me that night to go to

1103
00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:54,520
Speaker 5: this bachelorette weekend. I'm upset because my wife knew when

1104
00:45:54,560 --> 00:45:57,440
Speaker 5: our anniversary was. She knows this friend doesn't like me

1105
00:45:57,520 --> 00:45:59,920
Speaker 5: at all, and the friend has made digs and call

1106
00:46:00,320 --> 00:46:03,080
Speaker 5: about my wife getting married before her. I understand my

1107
00:46:03,120 --> 00:46:05,200
Speaker 5: wife is between a rock and a hard place, but

1108
00:46:05,280 --> 00:46:07,840
Speaker 5: I'm tired of having to be understanding at the expense

1109
00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:12,240
Speaker 5: of my feelings over the friend. There's multiple edits, comments

1110
00:46:12,239 --> 00:46:15,480
Speaker 5: and an update edit one. I don't know why everyone

1111
00:46:15,560 --> 00:46:18,440
Speaker 5: is dragging my wife. I have said several times this

1112
00:46:18,480 --> 00:46:20,319
Speaker 5: woman is a bully. Have you never had a friend

1113
00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:22,960
Speaker 5: who is clearly friends with a bully. It's a hard

1114
00:46:22,960 --> 00:46:25,040
Speaker 5: place to be in, especially when the bully has been

1115
00:46:25,080 --> 00:46:30,120
Speaker 5: their friend for nearly twenty years. See okay, so really

1116
00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:32,440
Speaker 5: long time friendship. I have seen my wife interact with

1117
00:46:32,480 --> 00:46:35,480
Speaker 5: this friend and be mentally drained continuously. Now it's a

1118
00:46:35,520 --> 00:46:38,040
Speaker 5: toxic relationship, and those aren't things that are easy to

1119
00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:40,440
Speaker 5: get out of. I have been in a fair few myself,

1120
00:46:40,480 --> 00:46:42,879
Speaker 5: so it's not as simple as she needs to block her.

1121
00:46:42,920 --> 00:46:45,000
Speaker 5: And there is a second edit. I just had a

1122
00:46:45,080 --> 00:46:48,000
Speaker 5: very long discussion with my wife and explain my feelings.

1123
00:46:48,120 --> 00:46:50,920
Speaker 5: She is ending the friendship woman after the other woman

1124
00:46:50,920 --> 00:46:52,799
Speaker 5: in the car's birthday party in a week, so there

1125
00:46:52,840 --> 00:46:55,040
Speaker 5: isn't a fallout. She said her own anxiety about the

1126
00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:58,120
Speaker 5: situation was clouding her judgment and making me feel how

1127
00:46:58,160 --> 00:47:00,279
Speaker 5: I did isn't what she wants at all. I'm an

1128
00:47:00,280 --> 00:47:02,960
Speaker 5: action speaks louder than words sort of person. So we'll

1129
00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:05,799
Speaker 5: see what happens. But she was heartbroken and worried. I

1130
00:47:05,880 --> 00:47:08,800
Speaker 5: was going to start the conversation with a divorce WAMO.

1131
00:47:09,200 --> 00:47:12,920
Speaker 5: And there are some relevant comments that we'll get into now. Oh,

1132
00:47:13,040 --> 00:47:16,719
Speaker 5: he says when asked why they remain friends I don't know.

1133
00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:19,360
Speaker 5: The woman's other friends wised up and dropped her. My

1134
00:47:19,440 --> 00:47:21,560
Speaker 5: wife and this other woman, who I know will drop

1135
00:47:21,600 --> 00:47:23,600
Speaker 5: her as soon as my wife does, got sucked in

1136
00:47:23,680 --> 00:47:25,960
Speaker 5: because she had a crappy homelight. So did I. I'm

1137
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:28,239
Speaker 5: on an a hole though, and adjusted just flying. I

1138
00:47:28,239 --> 00:47:30,920
Speaker 5: wouldn't jump the gun that the friend will destroy our marriage.

1139
00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:33,560
Speaker 5: My wife has already said it's me a million times

1140
00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:36,320
Speaker 5: over the friend. As I said, the friend is a bully.

1141
00:47:36,440 --> 00:47:38,759
Speaker 5: She has made my wife break down crying because I

1142
00:47:38,800 --> 00:47:40,440
Speaker 5: was too sick to have dinner with the friend. When

1143
00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:43,120
Speaker 5: I first moved into the country. I went to the

1144
00:47:43,120 --> 00:47:45,760
Speaker 5: hospital and the woman was giving my wife crap because

1145
00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:48,640
Speaker 5: she didn't get her chance to see me before everyone else.

1146
00:47:49,080 --> 00:47:52,640
Speaker 5: What on what's more important the wedding or the anniversary.

1147
00:47:52,800 --> 00:47:56,399
Speaker 5: We spoke today that she prioritizes our relationship well over

1148
00:47:56,440 --> 00:47:58,719
Speaker 5: the one of her and her friend. She doesn't want

1149
00:47:58,719 --> 00:48:02,200
Speaker 5: to rock the boat that one hundred percent say our anniversary.

1150
00:48:02,239 --> 00:48:04,360
Speaker 5: I know this already, but as I said, the friend

1151
00:48:04,400 --> 00:48:06,960
Speaker 5: is a bully and steamrolls people and their feelings. The

1152
00:48:07,040 --> 00:48:09,239
Speaker 5: other friend in the car try to cut off the

1153
00:48:09,239 --> 00:48:11,640
Speaker 5: friend and the soon to be bride refuse to let

1154
00:48:11,640 --> 00:48:14,000
Speaker 5: her end the friendship. Oh, it's like, I think we

1155
00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:16,359
Speaker 5: should just stop seeing and hanging out.

1156
00:48:16,560 --> 00:48:19,359
Speaker 8: No, stop, No, we're gonna have a fun party, apt

1157
00:48:19,480 --> 00:48:20,320
Speaker 8: bachelor party.

1158
00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:23,120
Speaker 6: You're not. You can't leave, literally can't leave. Leave.

1159
00:48:23,200 --> 00:48:26,120
Speaker 5: She essentially wore her down until the woman complied. As

1160
00:48:26,160 --> 00:48:28,239
Speaker 5: you'll see in the second edit, I spoke with my

1161
00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:31,080
Speaker 5: wife for nearly two hours. She's afraid of the fallout

1162
00:48:31,120 --> 00:48:33,359
Speaker 5: she'll receive from the mutual friends. When I pointed out

1163
00:48:33,400 --> 00:48:35,600
Speaker 5: that the mutual friends are likely friends with this person

1164
00:48:35,640 --> 00:48:38,239
Speaker 5: because of her, it was like a light bulb went off.

1165
00:48:38,719 --> 00:48:41,000
Speaker 5: She'll be ending their friendship as soon as this birthday

1166
00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:43,480
Speaker 5: party for the other woman is over. They were all

1167
00:48:43,719 --> 00:48:46,399
Speaker 5: best friends for the last twenty years, and my wife

1168
00:48:46,440 --> 00:48:48,560
Speaker 5: doesn't want to make things awkward for that friend. And

1169
00:48:48,640 --> 00:48:52,080
Speaker 5: there is an update. There were many discussions and disagreements

1170
00:48:52,160 --> 00:48:54,719
Speaker 5: leading up to her ending the friendship. Things would great

1171
00:48:54,760 --> 00:48:56,640
Speaker 5: at me that my wife was still going along with

1172
00:48:56,680 --> 00:48:58,560
Speaker 5: the friendship for the sake of her other friend in

1173
00:48:58,640 --> 00:49:01,680
Speaker 5: their friendship triangle's birthday party. Every day it was like

1174
00:49:01,719 --> 00:49:04,680
Speaker 5: I was more annoyed because she still hadn't even defended

1175
00:49:04,719 --> 00:49:06,920
Speaker 5: me to the friend and it was showing she cared

1176
00:49:07,080 --> 00:49:09,440
Speaker 5: less about me and how I felt in her country

1177
00:49:09,480 --> 00:49:13,080
Speaker 5: when she knows how much I miss mine. Okay, okay,

1178
00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:14,759
Speaker 5: so this is kind of going back a little bit.

1179
00:49:14,880 --> 00:49:17,480
Speaker 5: Before the wife said I'm going to end the friendship,

1180
00:49:17,560 --> 00:49:19,719
Speaker 5: she knew she needed to end it anyway and said

1181
00:49:19,760 --> 00:49:23,120
Speaker 5: losing our relationship wasn't an option. After a bit of prying,

1182
00:49:23,239 --> 00:49:25,759
Speaker 5: it was clear how psychotic she thinks her friend is.

1183
00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:28,359
Speaker 5: My wife believes her friend will key her car, show

1184
00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:30,960
Speaker 5: up to the house and cause problems, rag all of

1185
00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:33,400
Speaker 5: the other friends involved into it. That yeah, that's not

1186
00:49:33,440 --> 00:49:36,520
Speaker 5: a person to be around with.

1187
00:49:36,800 --> 00:49:37,240
Speaker 6: Yeah.

1188
00:49:37,280 --> 00:49:39,040
Speaker 5: It all came to a head when I told her

1189
00:49:39,080 --> 00:49:41,560
Speaker 5: I was not returning to her country from mine. We're

1190
00:49:41,600 --> 00:49:43,960
Speaker 5: back in mine for a Christmas thing with my family

1191
00:49:44,080 --> 00:49:46,720
Speaker 5: if the friendship was still intact. She ended the friendship

1192
00:49:46,760 --> 00:49:49,440
Speaker 5: two days later after the friend called me racist towards

1193
00:49:49,520 --> 00:49:53,120
Speaker 5: the very large white eighty five percent majority of her country.

1194
00:49:53,239 --> 00:49:53,880
Speaker 1: I am white.

1195
00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:57,359
Speaker 6: What I'm wondering what country this is?

1196
00:49:57,480 --> 00:50:00,479
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm wondering if she's like, oh, you're not from

1197
00:50:00,520 --> 00:50:01,280
Speaker 5: my country.

1198
00:50:01,560 --> 00:50:04,040
Speaker 8: So okay, that's that. Yeah, that's a weird thing. But

1199
00:50:04,640 --> 00:50:07,360
Speaker 8: even though even though she's still like, we already know

1200
00:50:07,440 --> 00:50:08,280
Speaker 8: the friend is psychotic.

1201
00:50:08,440 --> 00:50:11,120
Speaker 5: Yeah, she's even more so as expected. The friend has

1202
00:50:11,160 --> 00:50:13,560
Speaker 5: started to go off the rails. So far, it's been

1203
00:50:13,600 --> 00:50:16,520
Speaker 5: excessive phone calls, texts. The friend tried to text me

1204
00:50:16,520 --> 00:50:19,400
Speaker 5: and apologize for comments to salvage anything with my wife,

1205
00:50:19,440 --> 00:50:21,520
Speaker 5: but I had changed my number a week prior. The

1206
00:50:21,600 --> 00:50:24,080
Speaker 5: apology was something along the lines of, sorry if what

1207
00:50:24,120 --> 00:50:28,360
Speaker 5: I said hurt your feelings, but your words hurt mine,

1208
00:50:29,200 --> 00:50:30,520
Speaker 5: good they should.

1209
00:50:30,760 --> 00:50:34,319
Speaker 6: Oh man, you said you what I said?

1210
00:50:34,360 --> 00:50:37,520
Speaker 5: I just pointed out my frustration with lived experiences from

1211
00:50:37,520 --> 00:50:40,400
Speaker 5: the new country. Every day. Friendship is over. Wife is

1212
00:50:40,440 --> 00:50:42,759
Speaker 5: still worried ex friend will keep her card. She is

1213
00:50:42,960 --> 00:50:45,880
Speaker 5: genuinely fearful of this ex friend. We will be installing

1214
00:50:45,920 --> 00:50:48,000
Speaker 5: another camera as soon as we get home that only

1215
00:50:48,280 --> 00:50:50,480
Speaker 5: points to her car, which I think is smart.

1216
00:50:50,280 --> 00:50:52,880
Speaker 6: Good idea, but I feel like, oh my car got keyed.

1217
00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:56,440
Speaker 6: I wonder who it was. Well, yeah, you always need Yeah,

1218
00:50:58,480 --> 00:50:58,920
Speaker 6: I doubt.

1219
00:50:58,960 --> 00:51:00,960
Speaker 5: This is the last update. And we actually booked a

1220
00:51:01,040 --> 00:51:05,640
Speaker 5: vacation for our first year anniversary. And that is another update. Oh,

1221
00:51:05,680 --> 00:51:08,600
Speaker 5: my wife had an exchange of bachelorette party information with

1222
00:51:08,640 --> 00:51:10,520
Speaker 5: the new maid of honor at a cafe. The new

1223
00:51:10,560 --> 00:51:13,160
Speaker 5: maid of honor and her are old friends. She knew

1224
00:51:13,160 --> 00:51:15,640
Speaker 5: exactly why my wife was doing what she did in

1225
00:51:15,800 --> 00:51:16,600
Speaker 5: ending the friendship.

1226
00:51:16,640 --> 00:51:20,080
Speaker 6: Even the new maid of honor be with you. How

1227
00:51:20,080 --> 00:51:20,640
Speaker 6: did you do it?

1228
00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:22,320
Speaker 5: You're not going to be the maid of honor anymore,

1229
00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:25,480
Speaker 5: so I have to be the maid of honor. The

1230
00:51:25,560 --> 00:51:27,800
Speaker 5: ex friend made a request through the Maid of Honor

1231
00:51:27,880 --> 00:51:30,200
Speaker 5: that she wanted my wife to delete all pictures and

1232
00:51:30,280 --> 00:51:32,120
Speaker 5: videos of her from her phone.

1233
00:51:32,239 --> 00:51:34,280
Speaker 6: This is some psycho how.

1234
00:51:34,080 --> 00:51:37,400
Speaker 5: Though it takes so long, they've had twenty years of friendship.

1235
00:51:39,400 --> 00:51:41,359
Speaker 5: It was a bit of a head scratcher with how

1236
00:51:41,400 --> 00:51:43,799
Speaker 5: paranoid the ex friend is because my wife would never

1237
00:51:43,880 --> 00:51:46,560
Speaker 5: ever think to do anything negatively with them. It makes

1238
00:51:46,600 --> 00:51:49,120
Speaker 5: me think what the ex friend would do to all

1239
00:51:49,160 --> 00:51:52,280
Speaker 5: of my wife's images and videos from over the years.

1240
00:51:52,360 --> 00:51:55,240
Speaker 5: If she's thinking my wife would ever do anything with hers,

1241
00:51:55,480 --> 00:51:58,360
Speaker 5: it just seems like another odd bit of controlling behavior.

1242
00:51:58,560 --> 00:52:01,040
Speaker 5: The only real annoyance other than that is I've had

1243
00:52:01,040 --> 00:52:04,000
Speaker 5: to spend out of pocket five hundred dollars for my

1244
00:52:04,040 --> 00:52:07,440
Speaker 5: wife's dress, makeup hair that was already paid for. The

1245
00:52:07,520 --> 00:52:10,360
Speaker 5: dress was forty dollars. She hasn't had her hair and

1246
00:52:10,440 --> 00:52:12,920
Speaker 5: makeup done and someone has already filled her slot as

1247
00:52:12,960 --> 00:52:16,000
Speaker 5: the missing bridesmaid. My wife's spent four hundred dollars on

1248
00:52:16,040 --> 00:52:18,600
Speaker 5: the hotel room we won't get to use for the

1249
00:52:18,640 --> 00:52:22,920
Speaker 5: wedding days. Nearly one thousand dollars out of pocket. Worth

1250
00:52:22,920 --> 00:52:24,920
Speaker 5: it though, Yeah, at least you don't have to deal

1251
00:52:24,960 --> 00:52:26,240
Speaker 5: with the crazy lady.

1252
00:52:26,520 --> 00:52:27,920
Speaker 6: Yeah, a thousand dollars.

1253
00:52:28,120 --> 00:52:30,880
Speaker 5: There's just a thousand dollars to get her out of

1254
00:52:30,880 --> 00:52:31,320
Speaker 5: your life.

1255
00:52:31,800 --> 00:52:36,640
Speaker 8: Toxic, toxic friend that ruins everyone's day, even your wife's,

1256
00:52:37,000 --> 00:52:37,680
Speaker 8: or a thousand dollars.

1257
00:52:37,840 --> 00:52:38,359
Speaker 6: Thousand dollars.

1258
00:52:38,440 --> 00:52:40,480
Speaker 5: The biggest upside has been my wife is much more

1259
00:52:40,520 --> 00:52:43,080
Speaker 5: relaxed over the last month. She doesn't get sucked into

1260
00:52:43,160 --> 00:52:45,520
Speaker 5: drama via text when looking at her phone now, she

1261
00:52:45,680 --> 00:52:48,279
Speaker 5: isn't on Snapchat having to hear the ex friend talk

1262
00:52:48,360 --> 00:52:50,880
Speaker 5: horribly about her friends, her fiance, et cetera, so the

1263
00:52:50,880 --> 00:52:53,719
Speaker 5: messages disappear. I have always said to her, the way

1264
00:52:53,760 --> 00:52:56,000
Speaker 5: she talks about all of the others to you, she's

1265
00:52:56,080 --> 00:52:58,840
Speaker 5: talking right back to them the same way about me.

1266
00:53:00,360 --> 00:53:04,400
Speaker 5: I like, whenever you have a friend who is, you know,

1267
00:53:04,600 --> 00:53:08,840
Speaker 5: bad mouthing other close friends to you, you can imagine

1268
00:53:08,840 --> 00:53:12,759
Speaker 5: they're probably doing that to you. Yeah, doing that about you.

1269
00:53:12,880 --> 00:53:13,759
Speaker 6: Yeah, doing it about you.

1270
00:53:14,560 --> 00:53:16,960
Speaker 5: We've been enjoying the last month of peace and quiet

1271
00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:19,200
Speaker 5: and hope it stays that way. I likely won't have

1272
00:53:19,239 --> 00:53:23,320
Speaker 5: any further update unless it actually happens, and something's always happening.

1273
00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:26,040
Speaker 5: If you join us live every week did three pm

1274
00:53:26,120 --> 00:53:28,759
Speaker 5: PST on YouTube, just tap our prof just tap it

1275
00:53:29,239 --> 00:53:33,279
Speaker 5: and the last update, let's do it. It's been very unexciting.

1276
00:53:33,480 --> 00:53:35,520
Speaker 5: My wife hasn't heard from the ex friend at all.

1277
00:53:35,640 --> 00:53:37,799
Speaker 5: I did actually run into her leaving an event while

1278
00:53:37,840 --> 00:53:41,200
Speaker 5: my wife waited in the car. She definitely recognized me,

1279
00:53:41,360 --> 00:53:43,040
Speaker 5: and when I told my wife as soon as I

1280
00:53:43,080 --> 00:53:45,399
Speaker 5: got back to the car, she joked that the ex

1281
00:53:45,440 --> 00:53:47,920
Speaker 5: friend would be thinking about the run in the entire

1282
00:53:48,120 --> 00:53:50,920
Speaker 5: weekend and it would drive her crazy.

1283
00:53:51,120 --> 00:53:51,680
Speaker 6: Go Iceland.

1284
00:53:51,880 --> 00:53:54,720
Speaker 5: We had an awesome anniversary away together and went away

1285
00:53:54,719 --> 00:53:57,120
Speaker 5: a few more times up until this point this year,

1286
00:53:57,239 --> 00:54:00,279
Speaker 5: and have a few more plans before January. The ex

1287
00:54:00,320 --> 00:54:02,680
Speaker 5: friend got married, but other than that, we have no

1288
00:54:02,760 --> 00:54:05,680
Speaker 5: clue what's happening in her life. My wife's been a

1289
00:54:05,719 --> 00:54:09,080
Speaker 5: lot less stressed in her day today, not having to

1290
00:54:09,080 --> 00:54:11,960
Speaker 5: deal with the constant emotional baggage of the ex friend.

1291
00:54:12,480 --> 00:54:15,640
Speaker 5: She's put our relationship first. In every other instance since

1292
00:54:15,680 --> 00:54:19,600
Speaker 5: the initial hiccup, there will be no updates further unless

1293
00:54:19,640 --> 00:54:24,000
Speaker 5: something happens. Sorry, this has been so boring. It hasn't

1294
00:54:24,040 --> 00:54:27,920
Speaker 5: been thoroughly entertained. What do you mean by your friend drama.

1295
00:54:28,080 --> 00:54:30,560
Speaker 5: I'm glad that she's out of your life, and I

1296
00:54:30,600 --> 00:54:33,360
Speaker 5: hope that your anniversary weekends is fun.

1297
00:54:33,640 --> 00:54:36,480
Speaker 8: Yeah. Again, a thousand dollars money can always get. You

1298
00:54:36,480 --> 00:54:37,399
Speaker 8: can get money back.

1299
00:54:37,440 --> 00:54:40,040
Speaker 5: You can get money, you can't get time.

1300
00:54:39,880 --> 00:54:44,919
Speaker 8: That time stressed and bullying, Like it's just yeah, that's

1301
00:54:44,960 --> 00:54:47,919
Speaker 8: too much, too much, So congrats, Now you have a

1302
00:54:48,000 --> 00:54:48,720
Speaker 8: happy life.

1303
00:54:48,760 --> 00:54:51,040
Speaker 5: Now your life is so much better. Yes, but that

1304
00:54:51,239 --> 00:54:53,960
Speaker 5: is the end of that story, so we'll see you

1305
00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:54,439
Speaker 5: next time.