Speaker 1: Personal Duelsman. This is an episode I like to do.
Speaker 1: It is all based on feedback. The whole reason I
Speaker 1: started this podcast was to make sure other people felt
Speaker 1: less alone and the things that they were dealing with. Well,
Speaker 1: the only way to truly know that I'm helping people
Speaker 1: do that is feedback and reaching out to you guys
Speaker 1: on social media and saying what should we talk about?
Speaker 1: So I did an episode like this background the holidays
Speaker 1: when everybody was really struggling with all kinds of things,
Speaker 1: very specifically to the holidays. But now we're kind of
Speaker 1: just in real life. It's into April, we're starting to
Speaker 1: get into summertime, and I wanted to check in and
Speaker 1: see how everybody was doing and share the things that
Speaker 1: they've been struggling with right now. So we're doing the
Speaker 1: similar aspect in hopes that maybe even more people are
Speaker 1: getting reached because I know the episodes I do are
Speaker 1: on very specific topics and we really dive deep into
Speaker 1: those things. So this is more broadened and it can
Speaker 1: hit so many different levels, and I'll offer advice where
Speaker 1: I can, or just an open space for you to
Speaker 1: feel heard. Maybe it's something that you submitted, or maybe
Speaker 1: it's something somebody else submitted and you're like, dang, I'm
Speaker 1: not alone. Those are the goals that we want to
Speaker 1: accomplish in this episode kicking things off, we've got a
Speaker 1: societal pressure on women after turning thirty. I don't know
Speaker 1: if you guys heard my episode with my parents, and
Speaker 1: I know the microphones were a little off and it
Speaker 1: was kind of funky, But I'm really lucky that I've
Speaker 1: always had parents who never pushed the whole marriage kids
Speaker 1: thing on me. They kind of knew I was going
Speaker 1: to do my own thing, as were all of their
Speaker 1: and they wanted us to be happy. That was the
Speaker 1: most important thing they wanted over us hitting some landmark
Speaker 1: goal of marriage, kids, a home, all that stuff. So
Speaker 1: I did grow up very lucky in that sense. Now,
Speaker 1: as a society, people believe that women the only thing
Speaker 1: they're supposed to accomplish is being a mother and having
Speaker 1: a ring on their hand and the woman to take
Speaker 1: care of their man. That's a very big belief still
Speaker 1: amongst a lot of people, and I love that for
Speaker 1: some people, if those are things that they truly want.
Speaker 1: But I learned really early that that wasn't going to
Speaker 1: be a path for me. I mean as a kid,
Speaker 1: I grew up, you know, white picket fence. I wanted
Speaker 1: four kids, the husband and all the things. And I
Speaker 1: still want those things, but it's certainly evolved in a
Speaker 1: lot of different ways. And what I thought would be
Speaker 1: marriage at twenty one and you know, my career and
Speaker 1: all of these things. No, I mean we're a decade later.
Speaker 1: I'm thirty one years old, I'm not married. I have
Speaker 1: a dog and a cat. I foster animals, and I
Speaker 1: do have my dream job, and I do own a house,
Speaker 1: but I don't have a husband. And if you looked
Speaker 1: at me and old societal standards, I'm a failure for that.
Speaker 1: But I don't think that I am. I think I'm
Speaker 1: a huge success actually, So when I start to think
Speaker 1: about societal pressure, I kind of think of it in
Speaker 1: funny terms, and I'm like, can you just imagine now,
Speaker 1: once upon a time they thought someone like me was
Speaker 1: not a success story because I didn't worth kids yet
Speaker 1: and I didn't say vows to somebody at an altar.
Speaker 1: Those are the two things we're determining of a success
Speaker 1: of a woman in her thirties. Jokes on them, because
Speaker 1: I actually think there's so many more incredible things you
Speaker 1: can accomplish in your lifetime than just that those things
Speaker 1: are incredible. Getting married and having a baby are so exciting,
Speaker 1: and I've made it really important to me and some
Speaker 1: of my friends to celebrate more than just that. We
Speaker 1: celebrated when I released this podcast. We celebrated when one
Speaker 1: of my friends got accepted to move into an apartment.
Speaker 1: We celebrated when somebody adopted two dogs. We celebrate more
Speaker 1: than just those moments in my friendships. Focusing on those
Speaker 1: things has really blurred the lines of societal pressure for me.
Speaker 1: So if you're feeling that way, start celebrating the really
Speaker 1: cool things in your life in the big moments when
Speaker 1: they come and when they happen. Don't wait for those
Speaker 1: moments of the baby shower and the wedding shower. Celebrate
Speaker 1: everything that you're successful at, and it kind of takes
Speaker 1: the power away from what society has taught us. Struggling
Speaker 1: with losing a job after ten years and starting over,
Speaker 1: rejection and all the things, gosh, I can't imagine. I
Speaker 1: know a lot of people are going through this. I've
Speaker 1: seen so many people in recent years losing jobs they've
Speaker 1: had for decades or years, and they're having to start
Speaker 1: over and figure things out. And it is always kind
Speaker 1: of that cheesy saying of rejection is redirection, and I
Speaker 1: do believe it in a way, but I also just
Speaker 1: think that's kind of a cop out to tell somebody
Speaker 1: when they're really struggling. Like, first, we need to recognize
Speaker 1: that this is a person who is now in a
Speaker 1: really uncomfortable, vulnerable position. They don't have a job, and
Speaker 1: job security is everything. It can change the course of
Speaker 1: your life. So I want to recognize to this person
Speaker 1: who wrote this in that that sucks. Losing a job
Speaker 1: absolutely sucks, and you didn't deserve it. But I do
Speaker 1: know that there will be a better outcome because of this,
Speaker 1: and you are the only one that can determine that.
Speaker 1: Can there be a worse outcome? Sure, could you be
Speaker 1: unemployed for a long time, yeah, absolutely, but I also
Speaker 1: believe that you can find a better job. And maybe
Speaker 1: this is a moment in your life where you were
Speaker 1: scared to get a little uncomfortable, because comfortability is amazing.
Speaker 1: You know how many times I've never wanted to get uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh gosh, don't put me through that. I
Speaker 1: just let me keep doing my monotonous things every day
Speaker 1: because it's just easier. But maybe this is the universe screaming, hey,
Speaker 1: let's find something new for you that you really love
Speaker 1: and that you're really passionate about. And I do like
Speaker 1: to think that some moment like this will set you
Speaker 1: on a path that's going to be better. And mindset
Speaker 1: is everything. If you believe that for yourself, then that's
Speaker 1: what's going to happen. Never going to take away the
Speaker 1: fact that this sucks and you feeling rejection is very real,
Speaker 1: but it's not you. Losing a job doesn't have to
Speaker 1: do with you. Of course, in moments it does. Is
Speaker 1: there something that could have happened or you could have done? Sure,
Speaker 1: but people lose their jobs every day and being rejected
Speaker 1: from that does suck. However, being rejected from something is
Speaker 1: a way of saying, hey, this wasn't right for you.
Speaker 1: And I've had a lot of lessons in rejection, so
Speaker 1: I can tell you that Unfortunately, every time rejection has
Speaker 1: been correct, there was a reason that that didn't work
Speaker 1: out for me. So I do like to believe that
Speaker 1: there is better things coming for you, and I'm not
Speaker 1: going to tell you though. Redirection rejection is redirection been
Speaker 1: quite down since Christmas, and I can't shake it words
Speaker 1: of advice or something. I mean, gosh, I hate this
Speaker 1: for you. Seasonal depression is also a very real thing,
Speaker 1: and just depression in general is a really real thing.
Speaker 1: I think you start got to get out of your
Speaker 1: comfort zone to shake this and my moments of depression,
Speaker 1: one of the hardest things that I ever wanted to
Speaker 1: do was leave my house and just even go for
Speaker 1: a walk, be outside. Even in my life now, when
Speaker 1: I get so caught up in everything that's happening, I
Speaker 1: stop taking care of myself. I literally stop showering and
Speaker 1: eating good meals and taking my dog on a walk
Speaker 1: because I have so many other things I have to
Speaker 1: do and that's not good for me. I've realized it.
Speaker 1: I mean, you're hearing my voice right now, and I'm
Speaker 1: a little bit sick. And it's because I've ran my
Speaker 1: body so ragged. And when I was in depressive episodes,
Speaker 1: I would notice something similar happen where I wasn't taking
Speaker 1: care of myself. So plan a day where you can
Speaker 1: set aside and focus on things that you really love
Speaker 1: to do, I mean really love. It. Could be doing
Speaker 1: a puzzle, It could go on a hike. It could
Speaker 1: be watching your favorite movie. Spend an entire day doing
Speaker 1: things that only fill up your cup. Forget all of
Speaker 1: the adult responsibilities for the day. The laundry can wait,
Speaker 1: Vacuuming the house can wait. Your job can be set
Speaker 1: aside for a day a week, and whenever you have
Speaker 1: off and focus your energy solely on bringing joy back
Speaker 1: into your life. And it's gonna be hard when you
Speaker 1: feel off because it's the last thing you want to do,
Speaker 1: is like bring joy and serotonin. But the only person
Speaker 1: who can do that for you is you. So take
Speaker 1: that time. Set up a day only things you enjoy.
Speaker 1: I'm not kidding. Cancel everything else, block out a whole day,
Speaker 1: go get a massage, listen to music on repeat. What
Speaker 1: whatever it is. It could be all the free things.
Speaker 1: It could be spending a lot of money on yourself.
Speaker 1: Whatever you need to do, but find your way to
Speaker 1: bring joy back into your life. Whenever I focused and
Speaker 1: did that, I felt myself turned corners And I do
Speaker 1: hope that helps for you. Leadership support when you live
Speaker 1: with a chronic illness. I was messaging somebody on Instagram
Speaker 1: about this. This was the person who sent it in
Speaker 1: And this is really tough, right. We are in a time.
Speaker 1: You guys have heard a few episodes now with a
Speaker 1: few different experts and people talking about chronic illnesses and
Speaker 1: things that people are experiencing right now, and it's tough.
Speaker 1: Everybody's going through so many things and finding jobs and
Speaker 1: managers and gosh, even people who you rent from to
Speaker 1: understand what you're experiencing, because chronic illness affects so much
Speaker 1: more than just your body. It also affects your job,
Speaker 1: the people in your life, et cetera, et cetera, So
Speaker 1: having support from people above you is hard. I think
Speaker 1: some of that comes from lack of understanding. There's lack
Speaker 1: of empathy for sure, too, and you know you can't
Speaker 1: make people empathize. But one thing that we can do
Speaker 1: is be honest and open about the things that we're experiencing.
Speaker 1: Too often we're afraid to have those conversations and be
Speaker 1: honest about it and really be honest about how bad
Speaker 1: it is. So but do it in a way that
Speaker 1: like you're not jeopardizing your job. Right, You don't go
Speaker 1: and say, oh my gosh, I can't do X, Y
Speaker 1: and Z. But I do think we go to our
Speaker 1: leadership and have a one on one conversation with them
Speaker 1: and just say, hey, I'm really struggling with this, and
Speaker 1: I know there's going to be times that this may
Speaker 1: impact me, but I promise that I'm going to do
Speaker 1: everything in my power to complete the job. And I
Speaker 1: just want to know that we're on the same page
Speaker 1: and we're working for the same team here because I
Speaker 1: don't want this to impact my job, I don't want
Speaker 1: it to impact you, but I also am going to
Speaker 1: have moments where this is going to happen. It's really
Speaker 1: easy for us to just expect, you know, people to
Speaker 1: understand and empathize and have compassion, but we're sorely lacking
Speaker 1: that in a lot of ways. We get really caught
Speaker 1: up in our own I even do it like I
Speaker 1: caught up in my own life and gosh, all the
Speaker 1: things that are happening in mind that I can kind
Speaker 1: of forget that. Oh yeah, other people are experiencing a
Speaker 1: crap ton of things too, saying goes for managers and
Speaker 1: bosses and management, they're not thinking about this, especially in
Speaker 1: the ways that you are. So you're gonna have to
Speaker 1: kind of full frontal say the entire plan and kind
Speaker 1: of lay it out in order for you just start
Speaker 1: to find some sort of support in relief. And like
Speaker 1: I said, that could be difficult given a boss or
Speaker 1: a manager if they're not open or willing to have
Speaker 1: these conversations or they see it as a problem. So
Speaker 1: definitely like plan and have the things you want to
Speaker 1: say out, but do it in a way that's supportive
Speaker 1: to you, not like putting you in a bad light,
Speaker 1: because having chronic illness is not your fault and you
Speaker 1: shouldn't be punished for that. So really meticulously pay attention
Speaker 1: to how and what you're going to say. But I
Speaker 1: do think conversations are so important on the topic of
Speaker 1: chronic illness. I got a message from Brittany who wrote
Speaker 1: into me saying she would love to talk about being
Speaker 1: a mom to kids with chronic health conditions, and I
Speaker 1: really wanted to give her the space to share this
Speaker 1: because I think there's many moms, parents, dads out there
Speaker 1: who can relate to what she is sharing and wants
Speaker 1: to make sure other parents feel seen and understood on
Speaker 1: this level.
Speaker 2: Hi, my name's Brittany and I'm a mom to three daughters.
Speaker 2: I have an eight year old, a five year old
Speaker 2: and a three year old, and my eight year old
Speaker 2: and five year old both suffer from a chronic health condition.
Speaker 2: My five year old has food allergies and my eight
Speaker 2: year old was diagnosed in September of twenty four with
Speaker 2: type one diabetes. And as a parent, when your child
Speaker 2: is given a diagnosis that is life changing and life altering,
Speaker 2: it's very scary. There's a lot of fear of the unknown,
Speaker 2: and you really have to more in the life that
Speaker 2: you thought you were going to have. My five year
Speaker 2: old she'll eventually outgrow her food allergies, but my eight
Speaker 2: year old, she won't grow out of type one diabetes.
Speaker 2: And when she was diagnosed, it was super scary and
Speaker 2: it felt like our world got flipped upside down. I
Speaker 2: went from knowing how to take care of my child
Speaker 2: to learning how to give insulin shots and count carbs
Speaker 2: so that we could properly dose her insulin. And while
Speaker 2: they do the best they can to teach you in
Speaker 2: the hospital, it's a crash course and it doesn't make
Speaker 2: it easy to feel confident in what you're doing. We've
Speaker 2: been doing this now for about seven months, and I'm
Speaker 2: only just now feeling confident in us going out to
Speaker 2: eat or going to a birthday party and having an
Speaker 2: idea of how to accurately dose her insulin without having
Speaker 2: a scale to measure the amount of food. It's been
Speaker 2: challenging as a parent to know that at the end
Speaker 2: of the day, I'm doing the best that I can
Speaker 2: and that's all I can do as a mom. I
Speaker 2: know the it feels like the weight of the world
Speaker 2: is on our shoulders. But it's okay to ask for help.
Speaker 2: It's okay to feel sad that your life looks different
Speaker 2: than what you thought it was.
Speaker 1: Going to look like.
Speaker 2: And it's okay that your life is different than your
Speaker 2: siblings and your cousins or your friends. It doesn't make
Speaker 2: it any less rewarding to be a parent if your
Speaker 2: child has a health condition. If anything, it teaches us
Speaker 2: how to be flexible and be adaptable to the changes
Speaker 2: in life. And while I miss what our life used
Speaker 2: to look like, I wouldn't trade anything. I love my
Speaker 2: daughter more than anything. I love all three of my
Speaker 2: girls more than anything. But it's it has been a
Speaker 2: change for us that, while difficult, has brought us all
Speaker 2: closer together. And while like I said, I miss our
Speaker 2: old life, I wouldn't change any of it. If anybody's
Speaker 2: out there dealing with a chronic health condition with their
Speaker 2: kids and it's new and it's scary, just know it
Speaker 2: gets better and it won't be scary once it's not
Speaker 2: new anymore. Anything new is scary because we don't know
Speaker 2: what to expect. But allow yourself to feel sad, allow
Speaker 2: yourself to more in the life you thought you were
Speaker 2: going to have, but embrace the life you were given
Speaker 2: and just love your kids and know it gets better.
Speaker 1: Green flag and red flag you notice right away. Green
Speaker 1: flags I notice are for sure consistency and people, especially
Speaker 1: as I've gotten deeper into relationships and the more that
Speaker 1: I've experien I can pick up within two, three, four
Speaker 1: dates if a guy is going to show up consistently,
Speaker 1: like are his words and actions aligning? Is he making
Speaker 1: me feel like I have this gut feeling now that's
Speaker 1: so wild. I had kind of started seeing a guy
Speaker 1: and I think we were about to kind of have
Speaker 1: our fourth date, and the first few days were so great,
Speaker 1: but then he started to just back off, and I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't know where I stand with that guy.
Speaker 1: And when you don't know where you stand with somebody.
Speaker 1: It's a bad thing, even in the early stages, because
Speaker 1: it's so easy for someone to say, Hey, I like you,
Speaker 1: I want to see you. Hey I don't like you.
Speaker 1: This is not working out for me. Those two things
Speaker 1: are actually easy to say if you have a heart. Unfortunately,
Speaker 1: so if anybody ever makes you feel like you don't
Speaker 1: know where you stand with him, it's a red flag,
Speaker 1: and it's gonna to tell you a lot more about
Speaker 1: a person very quickly. Then. I think a lot of
Speaker 1: us want to give credit to and our guts are
Speaker 1: always spot on about that we kind of just shove
Speaker 1: them away, you know. He started to like somebody get excited.
Speaker 1: It's fun to be excited about somebody. I was excited
Speaker 1: about that guy for a brief second, and then I realized,
Speaker 1: I don't want to be with somebody where I have
Speaker 1: to question how I feel and what he feels. That's
Speaker 1: not fun for me. So that's not a good thing.
Speaker 1: So consistency kind of falls in a red green flag
Speaker 1: in a way, like I'm paying attention to this and
Speaker 1: it's either going to turn into a red flag or
Speaker 1: a green flag. I did an episode about my abusive relationship,
Speaker 1: which was really one of the first times I've talked
Speaker 1: about that. So this is in These next two questions
Speaker 1: are in relation to that, after getting out of a
Speaker 1: narcissistic and abuse relationship, how to feel safe in a
Speaker 1: new one, how to stop all the overthinking and reading
Speaker 1: way too much into every little thing. I'm currently with
Speaker 1: an amazing guy about to get married in October, but
Speaker 1: I have days where I'm thinking, when is this going
Speaker 1: to blow up?
Speaker 2: Up?
Speaker 1: Oh? Man, girlfriend, I haven't reached that point yet. You
Speaker 1: know where I'm about to be married, so I can't
Speaker 1: tell you that it ever goes away, and I don't
Speaker 1: think it really does. You know, in the new healthy
Speaker 1: stage that I'm in currently right now with somebody, I
Speaker 1: am questioning this every day. When's the shoe going to drop?
Speaker 1: What's gonna happen? What bad flag are you going to
Speaker 1: show me? Who are you? This isn't real? And it
Speaker 1: teeters on this fact that I have to allow this
Speaker 1: person to not be responsible for the things that I've
Speaker 1: been through, but also hold this person accountable that I
Speaker 1: don't experience the same things that I've already experienced. And
Speaker 1: that's really hard to teeter because this other person deserves
Speaker 1: respect and your genuine heart and giving them the opportunity,
Speaker 1: especially this person send for you who has proposed to
Speaker 1: you and you're about to get married to, giving them
Speaker 1: the opportunity to show you that not all people are
Speaker 1: like that. But there is a protection level, and I
Speaker 1: don't think protection ever goes away. I think you learn
Speaker 1: to cope with it, and I think you learn to
Speaker 1: understand it and move through it. And at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, something that I'm really fighting hard to
Speaker 1: teach myself is that the other shoe could always drop.
Speaker 1: But am I really going to keep living my life
Speaker 1: in new relationships and new friendships and new anything like
Speaker 1: the shoe is always going to drop? Do I deserve that?
Speaker 1: Do I deserve to sit there and always be anxious?
Speaker 1: Or do I deserve to dive in and allow good
Speaker 1: things to happen to me? Because I deserve good things
Speaker 1: to happen to me. And I think you're probably in
Speaker 1: that similar place. But clearly, this is a person that
Speaker 1: you are with who you do feel safe with, and
Speaker 1: you feel good enough to be engaged to him, and
Speaker 1: there is always always the possibility that the shoe will drop,
Speaker 1: But you have to trust yourself enough to know to
Speaker 1: get out when the shoe does drop, and to pick
Speaker 1: yourself back up when that shoe does drop. You have
Speaker 1: to put the trust back in who you are. It
Speaker 1: took a lot of time for me to understand trusting
Speaker 1: in myself and trusting that I was making the right
Speaker 1: choices for myself and relationships after that one. So a
Speaker 1: lot of what you're experiencing in this shoe drop, and
Speaker 1: I can only tell you this because I know the
Speaker 1: feeling and I'm currently experiencing it, is that you have
Speaker 1: to trust that you've healed and done the work and
Speaker 1: that you made the right choice until they prove you otherwise.
Speaker 1: You can only base your data off of the information
Speaker 1: that you've been given and the information that you've been
Speaker 1: given so far. As this is a person who is
Speaker 1: amazing and wants to marry you. But the minute that
Speaker 1: ever changes, you know what to do. You know you'll
Speaker 1: get out, you know you'll do better. So why you
Speaker 1: and me, girlfriend, are we sitting here and being like,
Speaker 1: dang the other she's gonna drop sometime soon. Huh, Let's
Speaker 1: stop doing that both of us, girlfriend, because I got
Speaker 1: to too. Okay, I do. I'm in this with you.
Speaker 1: If you have a friend family member in a toxic relationship,
Speaker 1: What are the right things to say to help them
Speaker 1: see what's happening, And how can we truly help someone
Speaker 1: see what's going on and how it looks from the outside.
Speaker 1: I was having a conversation with somebody about this today
Speaker 1: and that person who is experiencing something with one of
Speaker 1: their kids. It's who was like kind of having an
Speaker 1: experience that I was having, and he wanted a kid's
Speaker 1: perspective when he's a parent. And I think the best
Speaker 1: thing that we can offer people when they are in
Speaker 1: relationships that we don't support is our support. And I'm
Speaker 1: not saying that you have to be there all the time.
Speaker 1: If you've gosh, it's gotten so toxic and you're just
Speaker 1: like in it, and you're like, I cannot keep offering
Speaker 1: this person my undenying support every single time they call
Speaker 1: or text me. That's fine, and I understand that, but
Speaker 1: letting them know like, hey, I love you, and I
Speaker 1: don't agree with this decision and I don't agree with
Speaker 1: this relationship, but I am always going to have your
Speaker 1: back and I'm always going to support you. And when
Speaker 1: the time comes that this does or doesn't happen, I'm
Speaker 1: here no matter what allows people who are in those
Speaker 1: relationships to feel safe enough. It like plants a seed
Speaker 1: that when they finally realize for themselves, they don't feel
Speaker 1: scared getting out of it. I was talking to my
Speaker 1: dad the other day after he listened to my podcast
Speaker 1: episode on the abusive relationship. But my parents knew after
Speaker 1: everything happened, and he still like kind of beats himself
Speaker 1: up because he was like, I wish we could have
Speaker 1: done more, And I had told him, you guys did you?
Speaker 1: Guys supported me, You loved me, you trusted me to
Speaker 1: make decisions for myself, and you helped me as soon
Speaker 1: as I was ready. Truth be told, we can't make
Speaker 1: people make a decision until they're ready in anything, not
Speaker 1: just relationships, but in things that they're dealing with in
Speaker 1: their own lives. Until somebody is ready to accept what's
Speaker 1: going on in their life and make a change, we
Speaker 1: can't change that for them. So the best thing that
Speaker 1: we can do is offer them love and support and
Speaker 1: kindness in those scenarios however you are able to. Again,
Speaker 1: this does not mean you need to be so close
Speaker 1: to somebody that like you're there for them at their
Speaker 1: beck and call for the years that they want to
Speaker 1: keep talking about something. I know that as someone who's
Speaker 1: in this, nobody had that obligation to me. They shouldn't have.
Speaker 1: And I did lose friends and stuff over but the
Speaker 1: moment that I was ready to get out, I knew
Speaker 1: that I was still loved and supported, so I knew
Speaker 1: that I could go to them. And that's where it
Speaker 1: becomes really important to just allow people to make their
Speaker 1: own mistakes and decisions. And truthfully, you can only tell
Speaker 1: them one time, like hey, I don't support this, and
Speaker 1: I don't think this is going to be something that's
Speaker 1: beneficial for your life, but I love and support you
Speaker 1: like that conversation can really only happen one time, because
Speaker 1: if you keep pushing that like I don't see this,
Speaker 1: I don't understand, all you're going to do is push
Speaker 1: them further and further away into the opposite direction. So
Speaker 1: say it once, say where you stand, like very proud
Speaker 1: and definitive, and know with like your deepest depth to
Speaker 1: them that like you love them and support them. And
Speaker 1: I do think in the bigger picture that's your more
Speaker 1: beneficial situation in my experiences, and I know that that's
Speaker 1: really hard for some people even for me. I want
Speaker 1: to help people get out of stuff. I'm a challenger.
Speaker 1: I'm going to push you to do better things for
Speaker 1: your life. So I had to learn this also because
Speaker 1: I put myself in this situation. So now being in it,
Speaker 1: I can understand when it's not my role to play,
Speaker 1: it's somebody else's role to play in our own life.
Speaker 1: Living in a busy job life, how do you nurture
Speaker 1: your friendships as well as alone time? I mean you
Speaker 1: did just hear me. I don't do well with the
Speaker 1: lone time. Clearly. I haven't taken a lot of time
Speaker 1: to shower, or eat or clean my house recently because gosh, guys,
Speaker 1: life is smacking me in the face. I feel like
Speaker 1: I have not had any time and that's just the reality.
Speaker 1: Like I'm gonna give you some moments here of stuff
Speaker 1: that's really important to me and how I try and
Speaker 1: focus energy in different places. But I'm gonna tell you
Speaker 1: right now like I'm drowning. Honest to god, I am
Speaker 1: struggling in a lot of ways to find my balance
Speaker 1: with this new podcast, in my life, with having a
Speaker 1: full time job, with maintaining friends, with trying to date,
Speaker 1: with trying to foster animals, which is really important to me,
Speaker 1: with Remy and I doing therapy work with staying healthy
Speaker 1: and focused on my health, which is really struggling right now,
Speaker 1: like I am drowning. Honestly, there's days I come on
Speaker 1: from work and all I want to do is sleep,
Speaker 1: and I don't have the time to sleep. So I
Speaker 1: do really well a lot of the time. But then
Speaker 1: there's moments like this where holy crap, I'm barely hanging
Speaker 1: on for dear life and I don't suggest it. Honestly,
Speaker 1: I really don't. Like I feel successful and I feel proud,
Speaker 1: and this podcast is so important to me, and all
Speaker 1: the things that are in my life are so important
Speaker 1: to me, and that's why I keep pushing through it.
Speaker 1: But I think it's really important to have balance. And
Speaker 1: when I'm really busy like this, I try really really hard.
Speaker 1: Even if I can't show up physically, like I'm texting
Speaker 1: my friends, I will call them. I will send them
Speaker 1: food or buy them coffee, like send Venmo and buy
Speaker 1: them buy them some coffee. Like if I can't show
Speaker 1: up physically, I always try and show up in another way,
Speaker 1: or or I try and make up for the time
Speaker 1: that I'm not there physically, because so much of friendship
Speaker 1: is wanting to be seen and heard and loved, And
Speaker 1: if I want people to do that for me in
Speaker 1: my life and show up for me, then I have
Speaker 1: to make the time to do that for other people.
Speaker 1: It's just like it's a requirement. But there are moments
Speaker 1: in my friendships where like I text them, I'm like, you,
Speaker 1: guys are not going to see me for like three weeks,
Speaker 1: I'm dead, leave me alone, And they get it because
Speaker 1: we've established such good basis when I am in a
Speaker 1: healthy space and I do have the time, even like
Speaker 1: in dating, like very early on in relationships, I'm like, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: it is important and imperative to me that I spend
Speaker 1: time with my friends without you. I still want you
Speaker 1: involved and I still want you there, and there's gonna
Speaker 1: be a lot of time we're all together. But I
Speaker 1: also need to continue to nurture my friendships like I
Speaker 1: have made that such an important requirement because I was
Speaker 1: in relationships before where I lost friendships and I will
Speaker 1: never let that happen again. So I just really put
Speaker 1: it high on the totem pole because the most important
Speaker 1: thing about our lives is connection and community. Like everything
Speaker 1: else be damned. Connection and community is genuinely what keeps
Speaker 1: us alive and living, and you have to foster that.
Speaker 1: You have to make time for that and make time
Speaker 1: for it in the ways that you can. If you
Speaker 1: have kids, bring the kid along. I don't know how
Speaker 1: many times I've told my friends, I'm like, I don't care,
Speaker 1: bring the kid. I just want to see you. I
Speaker 1: want to hang out with you. Or let me show
Speaker 1: up to your house and we'll watch a movie with
Speaker 1: the kid. Like but if you also don't have those friends,
Speaker 1: it's telling of those friendships. Find the friends that will
Speaker 1: do that stuff with you. There's been times where I'm
Speaker 1: so busy and I have Rimmy and I'm like, guys,
Speaker 1: I can't leave Remy. Like I've been so busy, I
Speaker 1: have not paid attention to her. I need to spend
Speaker 1: time with her, and they're like, cool, bring her, or
Speaker 1: let's go to a patio where she can come. Understanding
Speaker 1: your friendships and how busy everybody is is really important,
Speaker 1: and that's how you're gonna nurture it and alone time. Man,
Speaker 1: if you guys figured that one out, let me know,
Speaker 1: because I'm also still working on that I'll try and
Speaker 1: schedule myself some like random massages and that's kind of
Speaker 1: where it comes. Or I'll go on a walk with
Speaker 1: Y and those are kind of where I recharge. But
Speaker 1: true alone time and stuff, I don't think I've gotten
Speaker 1: there yet. We're still working on that. Grief depression and
Speaker 1: its toll on relationships. You know, at one point in
Speaker 1: my relationships, I dated a guy who was bipolar, and
Speaker 1: it really did pay a heavy toll on our relationship
Speaker 1: because so much of his experiences would blur the lines
Speaker 1: in our relationship, Like if he was having episodes, you
Speaker 1: would have like good swings and bad swings kind of
Speaker 1: to go along with what was hap happening with him.
Speaker 1: And that relationship ended up ending because like all he
Speaker 1: wanted to do was push me away because he didn't
Speaker 1: want me to also experience those things, and so much
Speaker 1: of that relationship And now having experienced like a partner
Speaker 1: like that, and also myself having gone through multiple moments
Speaker 1: of grief and depression, I can tell you that the
Speaker 1: best thing you can ever do is have an open
Speaker 1: line of communication. I wish so many times that he
Speaker 1: would have just talked to me, and I know that
Speaker 1: in the moments where I was so depressed that I
Speaker 1: wish someone would have allowed me to talk to them,
Speaker 1: or that I would have felt comfortable enough to have conversations.
Speaker 1: When we feel deep sadness, deep grief, deep depression, the
Speaker 1: last thing we really want to do is open up.
Speaker 1: But it's actually the one thing that can help us
Speaker 1: through it. And again, I know that's so hard, and
Speaker 1: there's gonna be moments of those bouts and those experiences
Speaker 1: where you're not gonna want to talk to people. But
Speaker 1: even just saying hey, I'm struggling with this, I don't
Speaker 1: want to talk about it, but this is what's happening
Speaker 1: in my life right now is so important. Doesn't mean
Speaker 1: you have to sit there and say, hey, I want
Speaker 1: to have an hour long conversation about the depression that's
Speaker 1: going on in my head. Like you can just say, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm really depressed right now and I don't know what
Speaker 1: I need and I don't know what's happening to me,
Speaker 1: but I really need your support. That communication alone can
Speaker 1: be the difference between this not taking a toll on
Speaker 1: your relationship. So much has to do with communication, and
Speaker 1: it's not the end all be all fixed, because trust me,
Speaker 1: there's gonna be more battles than just that communication. But
Speaker 1: I think being able to communicate your needs and what's
Speaker 1: happening to you and if it's you and everyone around you,
Speaker 1: and that's a really good place to start. And also
Speaker 1: giving yourself grace that you're experiencing these things because no
Speaker 1: one should have to, and making sure that you choose
Speaker 1: a partner that does have empathy and compassion. That's such
Speaker 1: an important tool. I remember telling one of my girlfriends
Speaker 1: when they were in town, I really need to find
Speaker 1: a partner who has the same level of empathy that
Speaker 1: I do, because not only do I have so many
Speaker 1: like mental health struggles, but I had so much empathy
Speaker 1: for other people that when I kept dating these people
Speaker 1: who really lacked, we were always butting heads because it
Speaker 1: just didn't make sense. We were never on the same page.
Speaker 1: So I think when you're someone who struggles with these things,
Speaker 1: you need to find someone who has compassion and empathy.
Speaker 1: But also on that same level, you cannot take advantage
Speaker 1: of someone with compassion and empathy because you have these struggles,
Speaker 1: which is something that I faced in one of those
Speaker 1: ex situations with the guy who is bipolar. I felt
Speaker 1: like I was kind of taken advantage of because of
Speaker 1: my empathy and understanding, which is how I got cheated on.
Speaker 1: But that's story for a different day. Would your twelve
Speaker 1: year old self be proud of you? Now, this was
Speaker 1: a thing that we talked about on the Bobby Bone Show,
Speaker 1: and I really thought about this question. I think my
Speaker 1: twelve year old self would be so so proud of
Speaker 1: where come. I think she would be in shock that
Speaker 1: I have CMA awards and ACM awards sitting on my walls,
Speaker 1: and she'd be shocked that I'm helping people. But I
Speaker 1: also think she would be concerned for the things that
Speaker 1: we went through, the bullying, the suicide thoughts, the abusive relationship,
Speaker 1: not being married yet a lot of those things. I
Speaker 1: think she'd be like, what the freak happened? Are we okay?
Speaker 1: And sometimes he answer to that is no, but most
Speaker 1: of the time yes. So I do think overall she
Speaker 1: would be so proud. And this is a cool check
Speaker 1: in to do, like if you're just going through it
Speaker 1: or you've had some really big years recently, like do
Speaker 1: a check in with yourself and be like, would my
Speaker 1: twelve year old self be proud? And like honestly reflect
Speaker 1: on that, not because you have done anything wrong and
Speaker 1: say you took eighty million different turns that you never
Speaker 1: thought you would. But I believe that recognizing our younger
Speaker 1: selves is a really important part of the growing process
Speaker 1: to understanding who we are and our needs once, dreams, desires.
Speaker 1: I was recently put on anxiety meds. I grew up
Speaker 1: in an era where meds were not the answer, So
Speaker 1: I'm having a hard time accepting these will help me
Speaker 1: and that it's okay to use them. You know, this
Speaker 1: is super tough because when I was going through the
Speaker 1: bullying situation and I was having depression suicidal thoughts, I
Speaker 1: was on depression medicine and I really felt numb during
Speaker 1: that part of my life. Whether it was the meds
Speaker 1: or the things that I was experiencing, probably a combination
Speaker 1: of both. But every time I would open up that
Speaker 1: medicine and it, I was so disappointing in myself. I
Speaker 1: was so sad that I had reached a point where
Speaker 1: I needed help that to that extent. But I look
Speaker 1: back on that now and I'm mad at myself for
Speaker 1: getting mad at myself, because it's like if you break
Speaker 1: your arm and you go to the doctor and you're like,
Speaker 1: I broke my arm and they're like, okay, let's put
Speaker 1: a sling on or you need to have surgery, let's
Speaker 1: fix this, and you get it fixed. That same thing
Speaker 1: is what's happening when you have a mental health problem.
Speaker 1: You're getting medication because you're struggling with something. You're dealing
Speaker 1: with a physical issue and situation that's happening in your body,
Speaker 1: and you're trying to heal it, whether that's with medicine
Speaker 1: or all kinds of other things. But recognizing that just
Speaker 1: because it's mental health, does it make it any less
Speaker 1: serious and more important to heal or take medicine than
Speaker 1: if you were to have a physical injury. And I
Speaker 1: wish someone would have told me that correlation, because I
Speaker 1: really focus on the fact that what I was experiencing
Speaker 1: was invisible to everybody else, even though it was very
Speaker 1: real to me. But because it was invisible to everybody else,
Speaker 1: taking the medication made me feel like I was doing
Speaker 1: something wrong, and you're not. You're literally trying to heal
Speaker 1: and take care of your body. Everybody has different body
Speaker 1: composition and genes and things that are happening in their
Speaker 1: brain and all you were doing is taking steps to
Speaker 1: heal yourself. That's it, end of story. So I don't
Speaker 1: want you to ever feel bad about that, and hopeful
Speaker 1: utilizing that correlation will allow you to not feel bad
Speaker 1: about what's happening. Not on topic for your crowd, but
Speaker 1: I'm struggling with aging. I do actually think this is
Speaker 1: super odd topic. I have a lot of people, Gosh,
Speaker 1: my dad listens to this podcast. Sorry Dad, I'm not
Speaker 1: saying you're aging. You look great, You're amazing. But there's
Speaker 1: so many people who listen to this podcast, and there's
Speaker 1: people who follow me who struggle with this. I can't
Speaker 1: personally relate at this moment in my life to true,
Speaker 1: true aging. I'm not old enough yet, but gosh, I
Speaker 1: hope I have the privilege to be. But I know
Speaker 1: that that's a struggle because with aging comes old age
Speaker 1: and retirement and a lot of people dying and understanding
Speaker 1: what's happening to your body and the changes you're going through.
Speaker 1: There's so much that comes with aging, so struggling that
Speaker 1: is so real, and I think there's a lot of
Speaker 1: people out there that need to hear that, because you know,
Speaker 1: it is one of those things where even I just
Speaker 1: did it in that moment where it was like, gosh,
Speaker 1: it's a privilege to age. But I can sit here
Speaker 1: and say that because I'm thirty one, I haven't hit
Speaker 1: that point yet. I can't imagine what that's like, sixty
Speaker 1: seventy eighty ninety years old, and you're like, I'm really
Speaker 1: struggling with this fact. I can't I can't put myself
Speaker 1: in those shoes yet. But I can sit here and
Speaker 1: say that I see you, and I hope you know
Speaker 1: that you're not alone in that experience, and I hope
Speaker 1: you're getting to do all the things in your life
Speaker 1: that you want to and checking off all the boxes,
Speaker 1: because that's what life is truly about. Please share your
Speaker 1: experience moving to Nashville and buying your own home. No
Speaker 1: man needed. So I loved moving to Nashville. But and
Speaker 1: I didn't have a man during any of those experiences. Now,
Speaker 1: when I moved to Nashville, now, when I lived here
Speaker 1: at first, not when I bought my house, but I
Speaker 1: did have my family, and I think that support system
Speaker 1: was so huge to do all of the things that
Speaker 1: I was doing, and incredibly supportive parents who really helped
Speaker 1: me understand a lot of things, and educate me and
Speaker 1: give me space to do so much stuff that I can't.
Speaker 1: You say, just because I didn't have a man, I
Speaker 1: didn't have help, I did have my parents, But I
Speaker 1: did move here by myself. I moved here without knowing anybody.
Speaker 1: And I did buy my home without having a partner.
Speaker 1: And those things are accomplishments in themselves. And to anybody
Speaker 1: who's thinking about making a big move and moving away
Speaker 1: from everything they've ever known, do it. Do it because
Speaker 1: you will never regret it. And do it because you
Speaker 1: can always move back home. You can always move back
Speaker 1: to the place that's comfortable. But what you can never
Speaker 1: do is get an opportunity to move. Those things don't
Speaker 1: come back again. So if you ever get a chance
Speaker 1: to make a fun change, do it. Is it uncomfortable? Yes?
Speaker 1: Are you gonna have to make new friends? Yeah, You're
Speaker 1: gonna have to do all kinds of things. So you
Speaker 1: never thought you could possibly do it, Yes, but do
Speaker 1: it anyway. And if you are in the position to
Speaker 1: buy a home but you're waiting for a partner, don't.
Speaker 1: I love living by myself. I love that I have
Speaker 1: a dog and cat who are my own. I love
Speaker 1: that I get to choose that I gotta have both
Speaker 1: of them and did not have to consult somebody else.
Speaker 1: I love that I can choose anytime I want to
Speaker 1: bring another animal in and foster it. I love that
Speaker 1: this space is entirely mine. I love that I get
Speaker 1: to go out on the backyard and mow my own
Speaker 1: yard and say yeah, I did that, or my house projects,
Speaker 1: or all the things that I've accomplished, I did that.
Speaker 1: It's very empowering. So if you are in a position,
Speaker 1: which I know is an incredibly difficult market right now,
Speaker 1: but if you are in a position to do so
Speaker 1: and buy your own home and the only thing that
Speaker 1: you think you are waiting for as a partner, don't
Speaker 1: because you don't need one man or a woman. You
Speaker 1: do not need one like go for it. Do it.
Speaker 1: I believe it's one of the coolest things that will
Speaker 1: happen in your life. Tips on getting through trauma when
Speaker 1: it's left you stuck in life with no purpose. This
Speaker 1: is really tough because I see in this message that
Speaker 1: you feel you have no purpose because of whatever you've experienced,
Speaker 1: and I hate that you feel this way. I hate
Speaker 1: it for you because you never just to feel that way,
Speaker 1: whatever it was, whatever this trauma was that you experienced.
Speaker 1: But let me make something so clear. You have a purpose,
Speaker 1: and your purpose is you being you beyond anything else.
Speaker 1: If you don't go after a dream job, if you
Speaker 1: don't have a partner, if you don't have friendships, if
Speaker 1: you don't have anything, you being you is a purpose.
Speaker 1: That's the only foundation that you need to start over.
Speaker 1: Which is what it sounds like you're kind of at
Speaker 1: is this starting over point. But you being you and
Speaker 1: you having you is the only thing you need to
Speaker 1: start over and build the life that you've always wanted.
Speaker 1: You were actually in the best place to create the
Speaker 1: life that you've always wanted. A clean slate is something
Speaker 1: that everybody wants. And I'm not saying you technically have one,
Speaker 1: because you do have trauma and you had experience that
Speaker 1: has left you feeling this way. But if you can
Speaker 1: rewrite that narrative in your head that this is something
Speaker 1: that created a clean slate for you to start a
Speaker 1: new journey for yourself, I think you'll start to find
Speaker 1: your purpose and also take care of you. I don't
Speaker 1: have a lot of context, but take care of you,
Speaker 1: because that's going to be important part of this process too,
Speaker 1: how do you handle what other people think. I say
Speaker 1: one wrong thing and dwell on it for months, it
Speaker 1: gets to me. Honestly, I still don't handle it well.
Speaker 1: There's sometimes people come at me. I'm like, I, guys,
Speaker 1: there was one time, I'll be super honest with you, guys.
Speaker 1: I went down and Reddit thread one time and it
Speaker 1: was not a cool experience for me. I had to
Speaker 1: go straight into therapy. I was like, this is a
Speaker 1: horrible place and people hate me, and I don't know
Speaker 1: what I did wrong. There were so many people out
Speaker 1: there that had so many a pinions of me, and
Speaker 1: a lot of people who were acting like they really
Speaker 1: knew me, and they had so many story lines and
Speaker 1: things about me wrong, and I just had to like
Speaker 1: let it happen, and I spiraled. I was so not
Speaker 1: well for a few days. So I need to make
Speaker 1: sure it is known that, like, things do get to me.
Speaker 1: I'm really good a lot of the time about dealing
Speaker 1: with trolls on social media, but things do still get
Speaker 1: to me. It still hurts. It's still like augh, like
Speaker 1: a little shot might be a little pinch, like okay, cool,
Speaker 1: didn't need to take that one, but then you pinch
Speaker 1: me one hundred times. Yeah, I'm gonna start to feel that.
Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, I did learn
Speaker 1: from my my bullying situation in high school that I
Speaker 1: can't make everybody like me. Much to my dismay, I
Speaker 1: would love to make everybody like me. Heck, I'm pretty
Speaker 1: sure that was like one of my goals for the
Speaker 1: first twenty years of my life was that I just
Speaker 1: want everybody to like me. And I had a really
Speaker 1: harsh lesson in that bullying when that bully looked at
Speaker 1: me and said, I just don't like you, and I
Speaker 1: couldn't do anything about it. But she taught me a
Speaker 1: very important lesson that it wasn't my job to make
Speaker 1: everybody like me. It was my job for me to
Speaker 1: like me. And I freaking love me. I'm so proud
Speaker 1: of myself in so many ways. And when you start
Speaker 1: to really focus on your inner self and pour everything
Speaker 1: into you, everything outside of that feels so small. And again,
Speaker 1: there will be moments when it doesn't. I still do.
Speaker 1: I still feel the arrows in my back, little stab,
Speaker 1: little knife pain. Majority of the time I can look
Speaker 1: at that and say, I can't make you like me,
Speaker 1: and that's okay because I like me, so a lot
Speaker 1: of that comes from your inner person. And also I
Speaker 1: say stupid crap all the time, Like, no, really, I
Speaker 1: the things that come out of my mouth sometimes shouldn't.
Speaker 1: So if anybody should be concerned about things that I say,
Speaker 1: and I should probably take it back. It's for sure me.
Speaker 1: I word vomit all the time, so most people do.
Speaker 1: If you feel like you say something and you're like, oh, dang,
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have said that, most people word vomit. Heck,
Speaker 1: most of the time, all of us are like literally
Speaker 1: just allowing things to come out of our mouth. That's
Speaker 1: me right now. Things are literally just word vomiting this
Speaker 1: entire episode. So try not to dwell and sit on
Speaker 1: things that you've said. I promise you're the only person
Speaker 1: that's dwelling on that thing now, unless you like said
Speaker 1: some really hateful stuff, then you might need to have
Speaker 1: a conversation. But I don't think that's what you're doing.
Speaker 1: So just remember that nobody else is doing that to
Speaker 1: your words, only you. We got to start looking inward,
Speaker 1: find that confidence in you and love you for who
Speaker 1: you are and all your quirks and your word vomiting
Speaker 1: like I'm doing right now, the personal drive to do better.
Speaker 1: You share so many good and bad things. What keeps
Speaker 1: you going? Oh? Man, I got you know, that's a
Speaker 1: tough question because, like I said, like, there's moments, guys
Speaker 1: where I don't and there's moments where my depression and
Speaker 1: suicidal and anxiety and all of these things that are
Speaker 1: relatively situational for me will come creeping back in, and
Speaker 1: I'm just like, I like, this week has been so
Speaker 1: hard to meet, especially with all the health problems that
Speaker 1: I've been having lately, and I have so much on
Speaker 1: my plate. There have been moments where I like, I
Speaker 1: just don't want to do it, Like I literally want
Speaker 1: to crawl in a hole and not come back out.
Speaker 1: But there's something really important to me that I accomplish
Speaker 1: the things that I set out on this earth to accomplish,
Speaker 1: even if it comes with bad moments. Like some of
Speaker 1: my goals in my life at this point. Now, I'm
Speaker 1: going to save as many animals as I can or
Speaker 1: be a part of animals journeys. I really want to
Speaker 1: write a book for Remy, and I want it to
Speaker 1: be like a series about Remy and me rescuing her,
Speaker 1: her becoming a therapy p up, her helping with foster
Speaker 1: animals like a children's book series. That's something I really
Speaker 1: want to do, not that I have any of the
Speaker 1: time for. I want this podcast to continue growing and
Speaker 1: keep finding incredible interviews and people to come on and
Speaker 1: topics to have conversations about. And I really, I really
Speaker 1: want to change the world. You know that it's a
Speaker 1: big and hefty goal that I have, but I really
Speaker 1: want to leave a mark on this world. And that
Speaker 1: means that I'm gonna have to fight through some really
Speaker 1: hard moments to make sure that I can continue accomplishing
Speaker 1: all these all of these goals. So so much of
Speaker 1: my drive really comes from this desire to just make
Speaker 1: things happen for myself. For twelve year old me that
Speaker 1: we were talking about, like, I know, she deserves me
Speaker 1: to keep fighting. The young girl who is so driven
Speaker 1: and what chase streams like nobody's business. She's the one
Speaker 1: that I keep fighting for. She's what I do this for.
Speaker 1: And I want her to look at seventy five eighty
Speaker 1: year old me so many years later and be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: we did all that, look at the life that we had.
Speaker 1: I don't ever want to look back on my life
Speaker 1: right now, twenty years from now, or when I'm on
Speaker 1: my deathbed. I don't ever want to look back and
Speaker 1: say I should have done something. And I think that
Speaker 1: is the end all, be all drive for me. I
Speaker 1: don't ever ever want to leave things on the table.
Speaker 1: It's just not worth it to me. It's not worth
Speaker 1: the feeling that I'll have if I do journey getting
Speaker 1: remy therapy trained. Want to try and don't know where
Speaker 1: to start. So I actually just did an article I'm
Speaker 1: going to be in an issue coming out in June
Speaker 1: for in Focus. I got nominated as a fresh Face
Speaker 1: of philanthropy from Apes Garden, where Remy and I volunteer,
Speaker 1: which is just incredible. I genuinely feel so honored. But
Speaker 1: we were doing the interview process of it and they
Speaker 1: asked how this kind of started, and I was looking
Speaker 1: back at my life and I've always been such a
Speaker 1: massive volunteer, like that was always a huge part of
Speaker 1: who I was. In middle school, I was the Kay's
Speaker 1: was it middle school? Was that freshman year high school? Gosh,
Speaker 1: I don't know. My timeline is so kind of foggy now,
Speaker 1: but I was the case Area president which was an
Speaker 1: organization that really helped organize volunteer events. Volunteers charity organization
Speaker 1: drives all kinds of stuff, and I loved it so
Speaker 1: much that I became the area president for it, an
Speaker 1: area president meaning like of a significant portion of Kansas.
Speaker 1: And I even went to a camp and there was
Speaker 1: case camp and we did all this volunteer stuff and
Speaker 1: I like spoke at it. I had a big speech
Speaker 1: that I had to do and it was one of
Speaker 1: the coolest times of my life. And that kind of
Speaker 1: kick started me then doing leadership studies in some of
Speaker 1: my classes in middle school and high school, to then
Speaker 1: minor in leadership studies in college. And I know, leadership
Speaker 1: studies like everybody's like, ah, those are the your easy classes. Yeah. No,
Speaker 1: as you got into them, you were having the most
Speaker 1: difficult conversations you've probably ever had in your life. But
Speaker 1: leadership studies, in a combination of doing so much volunteer
Speaker 1: stuff really then kickstarted me to then continue volunteering and
Speaker 1: doing leadership work outside of my life as like a
Speaker 1: young kid and into my adult life. And I always
Speaker 1: loved animals. The portion of that happened in college when
Speaker 1: my girlfriends and I when we lived in a house
Speaker 1: together our junior year of college, we fostered like twenty
Speaker 1: seven animals over the course of one year together. One
Speaker 1: of my friends like started that, and that sent me
Speaker 1: on this journey, which is when I'm still on gosh,
Speaker 1: helping the rescue community and shelters and all kinds of
Speaker 1: things like that. So that's where that started. And then
Speaker 1: the two combined when I started volunteering at Kansas Humane
Speaker 1: and Remy came in as a puppy and I was
Speaker 1: training get my parents to adopt her, and when they
Speaker 1: came to meet her, they're like, oh, my gosh, Morgan,
Speaker 1: this dog has bonded to you. That is your dog.
Speaker 1: And they allowed me to get her because I was
Speaker 1: living with my parents at the time, and honestly, I
Speaker 1: was at a position that I probably shouldn't have gotten
Speaker 1: a dog. I just started a new job, I was
Speaker 1: living with my parents, which is not the time, but
Speaker 1: we were meant to be together, and so I adopted
Speaker 1: her and it's been this crazy journey ever since. But
Speaker 1: when we moved to Nashville before COVID, I actually started
Speaker 1: looking for volunteer work for stuff for us to do.
Speaker 1: COVID kind of like really took that on a turn.
Speaker 1: But after COVID I kind of started that process up again.
Speaker 1: And when I was trying to find things that I
Speaker 1: could do with Remy and volunteer because I didn't want
Speaker 1: to take a way my time with her because time
Speaker 1: is so precious, I found therapy work. I was like, dang,
Speaker 1: Remy would be so good at this. We did a
Speaker 1: lot of training together when I first got her as
Speaker 1: a puppy, and she was so well trained already, but
Speaker 1: she loved people. She loves people more than she likes
Speaker 1: other animals, which we have learned. It's always a process.
Speaker 1: But we found Therapy ARC, which is the organization that
Speaker 1: we are certified through, and we basically did a preliminary
Speaker 1: exam with them and they're like, okay, is this even
Speaker 1: a potential therapy animal. She passed that with Flying Colors.
Speaker 1: We went through six weeks of training with them, and
Speaker 1: then after we did the training, we had to take
Speaker 1: the official exam and her and I both had to
Speaker 1: pass because we're a therapy animal team. So like, not
Speaker 1: only does Remy have to be like the best schools
Speaker 1: dog ever, but I also had to be a good
Speaker 1: human partner. To her like, can I hold conversations with people?
Speaker 1: Do I want to interact in my empathetic do I
Speaker 1: have compassion? There was so many kind of levels to this,
Speaker 1: but we took that test and we passed so great.
Speaker 1: We had a moment there where Remy really wanted to
Speaker 1: go after some treats, but we still passed. And that
Speaker 1: is now where we are today. And she is just
Speaker 1: the most special dog and she has saved me in
Speaker 1: so many ways, and she is for sure my soul,
Speaker 1: my heart dog. And Hazel, I love Hazel's my cat.
Speaker 1: She's beautiful and incredible. But at this moment in time,
Speaker 1: Reomy and I have just been through so many things
Speaker 1: that we have such a crazy special bond. Hazel and
Speaker 1: I are getting there. We've been together for like two
Speaker 1: years now, and it's it's so cool. I think animals
Speaker 1: are one of the greatest things that we have in
Speaker 1: our lifetime. All Right, we're nearing the end here or
Speaker 1: we're getting there. How are you planning financially for the
Speaker 1: future from this point in your life? So again, I
Speaker 1: have really awesome parents who really instilled the importance of
Speaker 1: saving money to me really really early on. When I
Speaker 1: was working at Buffalo wild Wings. At sixteen, I was
Speaker 1: setting aside so much money. It was really important for
Speaker 1: me to save a lot of what I was getting
Speaker 1: at that time in my life for what I could save,
Speaker 1: and that started me on a really important journey that
Speaker 1: I've always been good at paying myself first. I've always saved,
Speaker 1: Like every time I get a paycheck, I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: how much can go on my savings account? How much
Speaker 1: could go here? And now I have investment accounts. Now
Speaker 1: I invest in stocks, and I've been investing in my
Speaker 1: four oh one case since I was twenty five years old.
Speaker 1: So it was always really instilled in me at a
Speaker 1: really early age, and I'm very, very lucky and thankful
Speaker 1: for that. I know a lot of people don't have
Speaker 1: that same experience. So the best thing I can say
Speaker 1: in this direction is start now. Like you can never
Speaker 1: start too late, right, I mean you can, you can
Speaker 1: meet like some of my coworkers and you don't have
Speaker 1: four o one k's, but you can never like be
Speaker 1: too late to start, is what I should say. You
Speaker 1: can always start saving now. In that saving like when
Speaker 1: I was paying myself first, it looked like twenty five dollars.
Speaker 1: It was twenty five bucks of my Buffalo wild Wings
Speaker 1: or my serving money went to my savings. It wasn't
Speaker 1: a lot dead but freakin' gosh, twenty well, my mouth sucks.
Speaker 1: But I don't know ten years from that, like, I've
Speaker 1: only increased that amount that I paid myself first every time,
Speaker 1: and now my savings is so awesome. So that was
Speaker 1: an important easy start for me to do, and I
Speaker 1: really try and suggest it to people. I've also only
Speaker 1: ever had one credit card. I've never opened up. That's
Speaker 1: not that's not true. I did open up a pottery
Speaker 1: barn when I about my house because I needed some deals.
Speaker 1: But beyond that bottery barn, which I really don't use anymore,
Speaker 1: I really just bought when I did my house. But
Speaker 1: I only have one credit card, one debit card, and
Speaker 1: I don't carry a lot of cash. Sometimes I do,
Speaker 1: but I really don't. So like I have gotten some
Speaker 1: financial things and still really early, and I wholeheartedly know
Speaker 1: that I'm very lucky for that, so very exciting. But
Speaker 1: if there's one thing that you're looking for to start
Speaker 1: saving as the first place, heck, it can even be
Speaker 1: five to ten dollars, like just start. Don't think like,
Speaker 1: I can't start. I can't do this, it's too overwhelming.
Speaker 1: Just start. Just start paying yourself first every time you
Speaker 1: get a paycheck, and that will start to build up
Speaker 1: over time. It's a habit. You create a habit. How
Speaker 1: should normal guys approach to women at a bar these
Speaker 1: days without being creepy? We talked about this a little
Speaker 1: bit on the Bobby Bone Show recently, and I think
Speaker 1: your best bet is genuinely to like find very natural approaches.
Speaker 1: Like if you see a cute girl at the grocery
Speaker 1: store and she's looking at a specific item, just like
Speaker 1: kind of like gently walk by. I don't like you
Speaker 1: rush up to her and just be like, hey, I've
Speaker 1: tried that before. It's really awesome. Like, as a normal
Speaker 1: human being, think of connection instead of flirting, Like, think
Speaker 1: of the fact that you just want to connect with
Speaker 1: this human being. I did an episode with a flirt coach, Benjamin,
Speaker 1: and it was cool to talk to him because so
Speaker 1: much of what he thinks the flirt is is just
Speaker 1: connecting with human beings. If we start to look at
Speaker 1: things as just connecting and having human interaction, it takes
Speaker 1: some of that pressure off that this has to be
Speaker 1: a connection. It can just be a fun moment in time.
Speaker 1: So do things just naturally, like how you would if
Speaker 1: you saw a friend, or if a girl's at the
Speaker 1: drink or at the drink at the bar buying a drink,
Speaker 1: then ask her what she's drinking, like, hey, what is that?
Speaker 1: I need a new drink? Or hey, like you guys
Speaker 1: are taking jobs, what are you celebrating tonight? I know
Speaker 1: these sound like kind of corny and stuff, but natural
Speaker 1: integration to your life is what's gonna have the most
Speaker 1: success and not be creepy, because you know, if you
Speaker 1: just go up be like hey you're hot, Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: gonna be creepy, or like hey can I get y'all number?
Speaker 1: Or uh what show snapchat? Yeah, none of those things
Speaker 1: are gonna work. So natural integration. Just think of human
Speaker 1: interaction rather than hey, I'm gonna go flirt with that
Speaker 1: hot girl. That's the best way you're gonna go. And
Speaker 1: our very last one imposter syndrome as a thirty year
Speaker 1: old woman engineer in a male dominated field, let me
Speaker 1: say this, you deserve to be there. You got that
Speaker 1: job regardless of being a thirty year old woman. You
Speaker 1: got that job, and all you have to do is
Speaker 1: own that shit. Own it, like so often with imposter syndrome,
Speaker 1: because I get it. I get it often. I'm kidding
Speaker 1: you right now sitting here on this podcast, like why
Speaker 1: is anybody listening to this? Why would anybody want to
Speaker 1: hear anything that I have to say? You know why?
Speaker 1: Because also the comments tell me that they're like, why
Speaker 1: would anybody want to listen to you? You're not smart,
Speaker 1: you don't need it, you don't need to share information,
Speaker 1: you don't have a successful life, YadA, YadA, YadA. No,
Speaker 1: you know what we're gonna do. We're gonna own that
Speaker 1: shit because we deserve to take up space. We deserve
Speaker 1: to have the jobs that we did do. We deserve
Speaker 1: to be in the spaces that we're in. We worked
Speaker 1: hard for that. You worked hard for that. Do not
Speaker 1: allow anybody to make you feel like you don't deserve
Speaker 1: to be there for any moment in time in your life.
Speaker 1: You deserve to take up space. You deserve to get
Speaker 1: the life that you've always dreamed of and to be
Speaker 1: someone is who is doing something different like you are.
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, you are paving a way for people. You
Speaker 1: are changing a narrative, You are changing a path, and
Speaker 1: that's so cool and so important, and do not ever
Speaker 1: invalidate that experience for you. Are you gonna have moments
Speaker 1: where you're like, dang, I shouldn't be here. Yes, you will.
Speaker 1: I still have those moments every day. But then I
Speaker 1: look myself in the mirror and I say, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: look at me. We did this. We got here, We
Speaker 1: worked hard, we put in the time, we put in
Speaker 1: the effort, and we deserve to be here. And I
Speaker 1: think that's probably what you needed to hear more than
Speaker 1: my take on imposter syndrome. So I hope you heard
Speaker 1: it loud and clear, and anybody else who's listening to
Speaker 1: this episode, I'm so happy you're here. And you also
Speaker 1: deserve to be here. And whatever space you're in in
Speaker 1: your life right now, you deserve to be in. You
Speaker 1: deserve to take up this space. So do it be
Speaker 1: who you have always wanted to be, chase the dreams
Speaker 1: that you always want to chase, and go on after it.
Speaker 1: We do at the end of the day. So much
Speaker 1: of my drive as a human being is that we
Speaker 1: only have one life to live and I am not
Speaker 1: gonna take a single moment of that for granted. And
Speaker 1: you shouldn't either, So go out there, live your life.
Speaker 1: I hope you got something out of this episode. Maybe
Speaker 1: I just weren't vomited all over you, and maybe you
Speaker 1: gave up halfway through and you're not even hearing the
Speaker 1: ending of this, and that's okay too. But along the way,
Speaker 1: I hope you did get something that helped you and
Speaker 1: made you feel seen and heard and less alone, because
Speaker 1: that is the whole purpose of this podcast. It isn't
Speaker 1: me to sit here on a mic and blabber and
Speaker 1: share advice or have interviews. It's really for you guys,
Speaker 1: to feel like you are being connected to That's what
Speaker 1: we're doing here. So I hope you felt it again.
Speaker 1: I'm happy you're here. Thank you for being here. I
Speaker 1: love you. Stay safe and we'll talk soon.