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Speaker 1: Personal Duelsman. This is an episode I like to do.

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Speaker 1: It is all based on feedback. The whole reason I

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Speaker 1: started this podcast was to make sure other people felt

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Speaker 1: less alone and the things that they were dealing with. Well,

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Speaker 1: the only way to truly know that I'm helping people

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Speaker 1: do that is feedback and reaching out to you guys

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Speaker 1: on social media and saying what should we talk about?

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Speaker 1: So I did an episode like this background the holidays

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Speaker 1: when everybody was really struggling with all kinds of things,

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Speaker 1: very specifically to the holidays. But now we're kind of

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Speaker 1: just in real life. It's into April, we're starting to

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Speaker 1: get into summertime, and I wanted to check in and

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Speaker 1: see how everybody was doing and share the things that

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Speaker 1: they've been struggling with right now. So we're doing the

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Speaker 1: similar aspect in hopes that maybe even more people are

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Speaker 1: getting reached because I know the episodes I do are

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Speaker 1: on very specific topics and we really dive deep into

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Speaker 1: those things. So this is more broadened and it can

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Speaker 1: hit so many different levels, and I'll offer advice where

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Speaker 1: I can, or just an open space for you to

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Speaker 1: feel heard. Maybe it's something that you submitted, or maybe

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Speaker 1: it's something somebody else submitted and you're like, dang, I'm

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Speaker 1: not alone. Those are the goals that we want to

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Speaker 1: accomplish in this episode kicking things off, we've got a

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Speaker 1: societal pressure on women after turning thirty. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if you guys heard my episode with my parents, and

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Speaker 1: I know the microphones were a little off and it

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Speaker 1: was kind of funky, But I'm really lucky that I've

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Speaker 1: always had parents who never pushed the whole marriage kids

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Speaker 1: thing on me. They kind of knew I was going

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Speaker 1: to do my own thing, as were all of their

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Speaker 1: and they wanted us to be happy. That was the

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Speaker 1: most important thing they wanted over us hitting some landmark

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Speaker 1: goal of marriage, kids, a home, all that stuff. So

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Speaker 1: I did grow up very lucky in that sense. Now,

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Speaker 1: as a society, people believe that women the only thing

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Speaker 1: they're supposed to accomplish is being a mother and having

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Speaker 1: a ring on their hand and the woman to take

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Speaker 1: care of their man. That's a very big belief still

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Speaker 1: amongst a lot of people, and I love that for

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Speaker 1: some people, if those are things that they truly want.

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Speaker 1: But I learned really early that that wasn't going to

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Speaker 1: be a path for me. I mean as a kid,

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Speaker 1: I grew up, you know, white picket fence. I wanted

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Speaker 1: four kids, the husband and all the things. And I

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Speaker 1: still want those things, but it's certainly evolved in a

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Speaker 1: lot of different ways. And what I thought would be

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Speaker 1: marriage at twenty one and you know, my career and

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Speaker 1: all of these things. No, I mean we're a decade later.

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Speaker 1: I'm thirty one years old, I'm not married. I have

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Speaker 1: a dog and a cat. I foster animals, and I

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Speaker 1: do have my dream job, and I do own a house,

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Speaker 1: but I don't have a husband. And if you looked

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Speaker 1: at me and old societal standards, I'm a failure for that.

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Speaker 1: But I don't think that I am. I think I'm

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Speaker 1: a huge success actually, So when I start to think

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Speaker 1: about societal pressure, I kind of think of it in

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Speaker 1: funny terms, and I'm like, can you just imagine now,

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Speaker 1: once upon a time they thought someone like me was

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Speaker 1: not a success story because I didn't worth kids yet

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Speaker 1: and I didn't say vows to somebody at an altar.

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Speaker 1: Those are the two things we're determining of a success

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Speaker 1: of a woman in her thirties. Jokes on them, because

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Speaker 1: I actually think there's so many more incredible things you

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Speaker 1: can accomplish in your lifetime than just that those things

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Speaker 1: are incredible. Getting married and having a baby are so exciting,

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Speaker 1: and I've made it really important to me and some

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Speaker 1: of my friends to celebrate more than just that. We

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Speaker 1: celebrated when I released this podcast. We celebrated when one

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Speaker 1: of my friends got accepted to move into an apartment.

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Speaker 1: We celebrated when somebody adopted two dogs. We celebrate more

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Speaker 1: than just those moments in my friendships. Focusing on those

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Speaker 1: things has really blurred the lines of societal pressure for me.

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Speaker 1: So if you're feeling that way, start celebrating the really

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Speaker 1: cool things in your life in the big moments when

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Speaker 1: they come and when they happen. Don't wait for those

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Speaker 1: moments of the baby shower and the wedding shower. Celebrate

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Speaker 1: everything that you're successful at, and it kind of takes

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Speaker 1: the power away from what society has taught us. Struggling

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Speaker 1: with losing a job after ten years and starting over,

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Speaker 1: rejection and all the things, gosh, I can't imagine. I

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Speaker 1: know a lot of people are going through this. I've

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Speaker 1: seen so many people in recent years losing jobs they've

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Speaker 1: had for decades or years, and they're having to start

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Speaker 1: over and figure things out. And it is always kind

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Speaker 1: of that cheesy saying of rejection is redirection, and I

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Speaker 1: do believe it in a way, but I also just

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Speaker 1: think that's kind of a cop out to tell somebody

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Speaker 1: when they're really struggling. Like, first, we need to recognize

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Speaker 1: that this is a person who is now in a

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Speaker 1: really uncomfortable, vulnerable position. They don't have a job, and

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Speaker 1: job security is everything. It can change the course of

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Speaker 1: your life. So I want to recognize to this person

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Speaker 1: who wrote this in that that sucks. Losing a job

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Speaker 1: absolutely sucks, and you didn't deserve it. But I do

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Speaker 1: know that there will be a better outcome because of this,

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Speaker 1: and you are the only one that can determine that.

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Speaker 1: Can there be a worse outcome? Sure, could you be

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Speaker 1: unemployed for a long time, yeah, absolutely, but I also

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Speaker 1: believe that you can find a better job. And maybe

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Speaker 1: this is a moment in your life where you were

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Speaker 1: scared to get a little uncomfortable, because comfortability is amazing.

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Speaker 1: You know how many times I've never wanted to get uncomfortable.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh gosh, don't put me through that. I

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Speaker 1: just let me keep doing my monotonous things every day

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Speaker 1: because it's just easier. But maybe this is the universe screaming, hey,

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Speaker 1: let's find something new for you that you really love

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Speaker 1: and that you're really passionate about. And I do like

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Speaker 1: to think that some moment like this will set you

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Speaker 1: on a path that's going to be better. And mindset

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Speaker 1: is everything. If you believe that for yourself, then that's

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Speaker 1: what's going to happen. Never going to take away the

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Speaker 1: fact that this sucks and you feeling rejection is very real,

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Speaker 1: but it's not you. Losing a job doesn't have to

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Speaker 1: do with you. Of course, in moments it does. Is

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Speaker 1: there something that could have happened or you could have done? Sure,

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Speaker 1: but people lose their jobs every day and being rejected

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Speaker 1: from that does suck. However, being rejected from something is

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Speaker 1: a way of saying, hey, this wasn't right for you.

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Speaker 1: And I've had a lot of lessons in rejection, so

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Speaker 1: I can tell you that Unfortunately, every time rejection has

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Speaker 1: been correct, there was a reason that that didn't work

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Speaker 1: out for me. So I do like to believe that

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Speaker 1: there is better things coming for you, and I'm not

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Speaker 1: going to tell you though. Redirection rejection is redirection been

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Speaker 1: quite down since Christmas, and I can't shake it words

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Speaker 1: of advice or something. I mean, gosh, I hate this

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Speaker 1: for you. Seasonal depression is also a very real thing,

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Speaker 1: and just depression in general is a really real thing.

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Speaker 1: I think you start got to get out of your

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Speaker 1: comfort zone to shake this and my moments of depression,

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Speaker 1: one of the hardest things that I ever wanted to

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Speaker 1: do was leave my house and just even go for

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Speaker 1: a walk, be outside. Even in my life now, when

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Speaker 1: I get so caught up in everything that's happening, I

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Speaker 1: stop taking care of myself. I literally stop showering and

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Speaker 1: eating good meals and taking my dog on a walk

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Speaker 1: because I have so many other things I have to

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Speaker 1: do and that's not good for me. I've realized it.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you're hearing my voice right now, and I'm

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Speaker 1: a little bit sick. And it's because I've ran my

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Speaker 1: body so ragged. And when I was in depressive episodes,

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Speaker 1: I would notice something similar happen where I wasn't taking

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Speaker 1: care of myself. So plan a day where you can

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Speaker 1: set aside and focus on things that you really love

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Speaker 1: to do, I mean really love. It. Could be doing

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Speaker 1: a puzzle, It could go on a hike. It could

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Speaker 1: be watching your favorite movie. Spend an entire day doing

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Speaker 1: things that only fill up your cup. Forget all of

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Speaker 1: the adult responsibilities for the day. The laundry can wait,

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Speaker 1: Vacuuming the house can wait. Your job can be set

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Speaker 1: aside for a day a week, and whenever you have

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Speaker 1: off and focus your energy solely on bringing joy back

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Speaker 1: into your life. And it's gonna be hard when you

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Speaker 1: feel off because it's the last thing you want to do,

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Speaker 1: is like bring joy and serotonin. But the only person

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Speaker 1: who can do that for you is you. So take

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Speaker 1: that time. Set up a day only things you enjoy.

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Speaker 1: I'm not kidding. Cancel everything else, block out a whole day,

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Speaker 1: go get a massage, listen to music on repeat. What

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Speaker 1: whatever it is. It could be all the free things.

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Speaker 1: It could be spending a lot of money on yourself.

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Speaker 1: Whatever you need to do, but find your way to

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Speaker 1: bring joy back into your life. Whenever I focused and

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Speaker 1: did that, I felt myself turned corners And I do

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Speaker 1: hope that helps for you. Leadership support when you live

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Speaker 1: with a chronic illness. I was messaging somebody on Instagram

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Speaker 1: about this. This was the person who sent it in

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Speaker 1: And this is really tough, right. We are in a time.

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Speaker 1: You guys have heard a few episodes now with a

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Speaker 1: few different experts and people talking about chronic illnesses and

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Speaker 1: things that people are experiencing right now, and it's tough.

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Speaker 1: Everybody's going through so many things and finding jobs and

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Speaker 1: managers and gosh, even people who you rent from to

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Speaker 1: understand what you're experiencing, because chronic illness affects so much

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Speaker 1: more than just your body. It also affects your job,

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Speaker 1: the people in your life, et cetera, et cetera, So

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Speaker 1: having support from people above you is hard. I think

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Speaker 1: some of that comes from lack of understanding. There's lack

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Speaker 1: of empathy for sure, too, and you know you can't

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Speaker 1: make people empathize. But one thing that we can do

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Speaker 1: is be honest and open about the things that we're experiencing.

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Speaker 1: Too often we're afraid to have those conversations and be

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Speaker 1: honest about it and really be honest about how bad

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Speaker 1: it is. So but do it in a way that

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Speaker 1: like you're not jeopardizing your job. Right, You don't go

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Speaker 1: and say, oh my gosh, I can't do X, Y

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Speaker 1: and Z. But I do think we go to our

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Speaker 1: leadership and have a one on one conversation with them

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Speaker 1: and just say, hey, I'm really struggling with this, and

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Speaker 1: I know there's going to be times that this may

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Speaker 1: impact me, but I promise that I'm going to do

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Speaker 1: everything in my power to complete the job. And I

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Speaker 1: just want to know that we're on the same page

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Speaker 1: and we're working for the same team here because I

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Speaker 1: don't want this to impact my job, I don't want

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Speaker 1: it to impact you, but I also am going to

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Speaker 1: have moments where this is going to happen. It's really

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Speaker 1: easy for us to just expect, you know, people to

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Speaker 1: understand and empathize and have compassion, but we're sorely lacking

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Speaker 1: that in a lot of ways. We get really caught

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Speaker 1: up in our own I even do it like I

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Speaker 1: caught up in my own life and gosh, all the

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Speaker 1: things that are happening in mind that I can kind

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Speaker 1: of forget that. Oh yeah, other people are experiencing a

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Speaker 1: crap ton of things too, saying goes for managers and

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Speaker 1: bosses and management, they're not thinking about this, especially in

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Speaker 1: the ways that you are. So you're gonna have to

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Speaker 1: kind of full frontal say the entire plan and kind

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Speaker 1: of lay it out in order for you just start

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Speaker 1: to find some sort of support in relief. And like

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Speaker 1: I said, that could be difficult given a boss or

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Speaker 1: a manager if they're not open or willing to have

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Speaker 1: these conversations or they see it as a problem. So

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Speaker 1: definitely like plan and have the things you want to

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Speaker 1: say out, but do it in a way that's supportive

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Speaker 1: to you, not like putting you in a bad light,

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Speaker 1: because having chronic illness is not your fault and you

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Speaker 1: shouldn't be punished for that. So really meticulously pay attention

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Speaker 1: to how and what you're going to say. But I

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Speaker 1: do think conversations are so important on the topic of

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Speaker 1: chronic illness. I got a message from Brittany who wrote

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Speaker 1: into me saying she would love to talk about being

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Speaker 1: a mom to kids with chronic health conditions, and I

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Speaker 1: really wanted to give her the space to share this

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Speaker 1: because I think there's many moms, parents, dads out there

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Speaker 1: who can relate to what she is sharing and wants

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Speaker 1: to make sure other parents feel seen and understood on

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Speaker 1: this level.

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Speaker 2: Hi, my name's Brittany and I'm a mom to three daughters.

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Speaker 2: I have an eight year old, a five year old

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Speaker 2: and a three year old, and my eight year old

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Speaker 2: and five year old both suffer from a chronic health condition.

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Speaker 2: My five year old has food allergies and my eight

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Speaker 2: year old was diagnosed in September of twenty four with

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Speaker 2: type one diabetes. And as a parent, when your child

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Speaker 2: is given a diagnosis that is life changing and life altering,

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Speaker 2: it's very scary. There's a lot of fear of the unknown,

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Speaker 2: and you really have to more in the life that

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Speaker 2: you thought you were going to have. My five year

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Speaker 2: old she'll eventually outgrow her food allergies, but my eight

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Speaker 2: year old, she won't grow out of type one diabetes.

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Speaker 2: And when she was diagnosed, it was super scary and

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Speaker 2: it felt like our world got flipped upside down. I

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Speaker 2: went from knowing how to take care of my child

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Speaker 2: to learning how to give insulin shots and count carbs

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Speaker 2: so that we could properly dose her insulin. And while

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Speaker 2: they do the best they can to teach you in

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Speaker 2: the hospital, it's a crash course and it doesn't make

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Speaker 2: it easy to feel confident in what you're doing. We've

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Speaker 2: been doing this now for about seven months, and I'm

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Speaker 2: only just now feeling confident in us going out to

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Speaker 2: eat or going to a birthday party and having an

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Speaker 2: idea of how to accurately dose her insulin without having

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Speaker 2: a scale to measure the amount of food. It's been

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Speaker 2: challenging as a parent to know that at the end

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Speaker 2: of the day, I'm doing the best that I can

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Speaker 2: and that's all I can do as a mom. I

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Speaker 2: know the it feels like the weight of the world

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Speaker 2: is on our shoulders. But it's okay to ask for help.

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Speaker 2: It's okay to feel sad that your life looks different

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Speaker 2: than what you thought it was.

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Speaker 1: Going to look like.

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Speaker 2: And it's okay that your life is different than your

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Speaker 2: siblings and your cousins or your friends. It doesn't make

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Speaker 2: it any less rewarding to be a parent if your

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Speaker 2: child has a health condition. If anything, it teaches us

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Speaker 2: how to be flexible and be adaptable to the changes

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Speaker 2: in life. And while I miss what our life used

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Speaker 2: to look like, I wouldn't trade anything. I love my

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Speaker 2: daughter more than anything. I love all three of my

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Speaker 2: girls more than anything. But it's it has been a

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Speaker 2: change for us that, while difficult, has brought us all

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Speaker 2: closer together. And while like I said, I miss our

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Speaker 2: old life, I wouldn't change any of it. If anybody's

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Speaker 2: out there dealing with a chronic health condition with their

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Speaker 2: kids and it's new and it's scary, just know it

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Speaker 2: gets better and it won't be scary once it's not

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Speaker 2: new anymore. Anything new is scary because we don't know

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Speaker 2: what to expect. But allow yourself to feel sad, allow

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Speaker 2: yourself to more in the life you thought you were

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Speaker 2: going to have, but embrace the life you were given

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Speaker 2: and just love your kids and know it gets better.

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Speaker 1: Green flag and red flag you notice right away. Green

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Speaker 1: flags I notice are for sure consistency and people, especially

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Speaker 1: as I've gotten deeper into relationships and the more that

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Speaker 1: I've experien I can pick up within two, three, four

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Speaker 1: dates if a guy is going to show up consistently,

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Speaker 1: like are his words and actions aligning? Is he making

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Speaker 1: me feel like I have this gut feeling now that's

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Speaker 1: so wild. I had kind of started seeing a guy

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Speaker 1: and I think we were about to kind of have

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Speaker 1: our fourth date, and the first few days were so great,

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Speaker 1: but then he started to just back off, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, I don't know where I stand with that guy.

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Speaker 1: And when you don't know where you stand with somebody.

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Speaker 1: It's a bad thing, even in the early stages, because

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Speaker 1: it's so easy for someone to say, Hey, I like you,

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Speaker 1: I want to see you. Hey I don't like you.

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Speaker 1: This is not working out for me. Those two things

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Speaker 1: are actually easy to say if you have a heart. Unfortunately,

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Speaker 1: so if anybody ever makes you feel like you don't

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Speaker 1: know where you stand with him, it's a red flag,

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Speaker 1: and it's gonna to tell you a lot more about

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Speaker 1: a person very quickly. Then. I think a lot of

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Speaker 1: us want to give credit to and our guts are

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Speaker 1: always spot on about that we kind of just shove

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Speaker 1: them away, you know. He started to like somebody get excited.

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Speaker 1: It's fun to be excited about somebody. I was excited

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Speaker 1: about that guy for a brief second, and then I realized,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to be with somebody where I have

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Speaker 1: to question how I feel and what he feels. That's

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Speaker 1: not fun for me. So that's not a good thing.

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Speaker 1: So consistency kind of falls in a red green flag

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Speaker 1: in a way, like I'm paying attention to this and

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Speaker 1: it's either going to turn into a red flag or

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Speaker 1: a green flag. I did an episode about my abusive relationship,

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Speaker 1: which was really one of the first times I've talked

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Speaker 1: about that. So this is in These next two questions

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Speaker 1: are in relation to that, after getting out of a

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Speaker 1: narcissistic and abuse relationship, how to feel safe in a

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Speaker 1: new one, how to stop all the overthinking and reading

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Speaker 1: way too much into every little thing. I'm currently with

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Speaker 1: an amazing guy about to get married in October, but

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Speaker 1: I have days where I'm thinking, when is this going

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Speaker 1: to blow up?

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Speaker 2: Up?

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Speaker 1: Oh? Man, girlfriend, I haven't reached that point yet. You

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Speaker 1: know where I'm about to be married, so I can't

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Speaker 1: tell you that it ever goes away, and I don't

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Speaker 1: think it really does. You know, in the new healthy

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Speaker 1: stage that I'm in currently right now with somebody, I

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Speaker 1: am questioning this every day. When's the shoe going to drop?

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Speaker 1: What's gonna happen? What bad flag are you going to

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Speaker 1: show me? Who are you? This isn't real? And it

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Speaker 1: teeters on this fact that I have to allow this

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Speaker 1: person to not be responsible for the things that I've

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Speaker 1: been through, but also hold this person accountable that I

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Speaker 1: don't experience the same things that I've already experienced. And

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Speaker 1: that's really hard to teeter because this other person deserves

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Speaker 1: respect and your genuine heart and giving them the opportunity,

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Speaker 1: especially this person send for you who has proposed to

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Speaker 1: you and you're about to get married to, giving them

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Speaker 1: the opportunity to show you that not all people are

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Speaker 1: like that. But there is a protection level, and I

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Speaker 1: don't think protection ever goes away. I think you learn

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Speaker 1: to cope with it, and I think you learn to

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Speaker 1: understand it and move through it. And at the end

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Speaker 1: of the day, something that I'm really fighting hard to

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Speaker 1: teach myself is that the other shoe could always drop.

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Speaker 1: But am I really going to keep living my life

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Speaker 1: in new relationships and new friendships and new anything like

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Speaker 1: the shoe is always going to drop? Do I deserve that?

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Speaker 1: Do I deserve to sit there and always be anxious?

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Speaker 1: Or do I deserve to dive in and allow good

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Speaker 1: things to happen to me? Because I deserve good things

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Speaker 1: to happen to me. And I think you're probably in

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Speaker 1: that similar place. But clearly, this is a person that

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Speaker 1: you are with who you do feel safe with, and

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Speaker 1: you feel good enough to be engaged to him, and

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Speaker 1: there is always always the possibility that the shoe will drop,

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Speaker 1: But you have to trust yourself enough to know to

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Speaker 1: get out when the shoe does drop, and to pick

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Speaker 1: yourself back up when that shoe does drop. You have

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Speaker 1: to put the trust back in who you are. It

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Speaker 1: took a lot of time for me to understand trusting

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Speaker 1: in myself and trusting that I was making the right

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Speaker 1: choices for myself and relationships after that one. So a

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Speaker 1: lot of what you're experiencing in this shoe drop, and

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Speaker 1: I can only tell you this because I know the

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Speaker 1: feeling and I'm currently experiencing it, is that you have

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Speaker 1: to trust that you've healed and done the work and

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Speaker 1: that you made the right choice until they prove you otherwise.

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Speaker 1: You can only base your data off of the information

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Speaker 1: that you've been given and the information that you've been

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Speaker 1: given so far. As this is a person who is

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Speaker 1: amazing and wants to marry you. But the minute that

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Speaker 1: ever changes, you know what to do. You know you'll

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Speaker 1: get out, you know you'll do better. So why you

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Speaker 1: and me, girlfriend, are we sitting here and being like,

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Speaker 1: dang the other she's gonna drop sometime soon. Huh, Let's

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Speaker 1: stop doing that both of us, girlfriend, because I got

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Speaker 1: to too. Okay, I do. I'm in this with you.

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Speaker 1: If you have a friend family member in a toxic relationship,

385
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Speaker 1: What are the right things to say to help them

386
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Speaker 1: see what's happening, And how can we truly help someone

387
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Speaker 1: see what's going on and how it looks from the outside.

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Speaker 1: I was having a conversation with somebody about this today

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Speaker 1: and that person who is experiencing something with one of

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Speaker 1: their kids. It's who was like kind of having an

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Speaker 1: experience that I was having, and he wanted a kid's

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Speaker 1: perspective when he's a parent. And I think the best

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Speaker 1: thing that we can offer people when they are in

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00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:21,800
Speaker 1: relationships that we don't support is our support. And I'm

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Speaker 1: not saying that you have to be there all the time.

396
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Speaker 1: If you've gosh, it's gotten so toxic and you're just

397
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:29,359
Speaker 1: like in it, and you're like, I cannot keep offering

398
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:34,240
Speaker 1: this person my undenying support every single time they call

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00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:38,639
Speaker 1: or text me. That's fine, and I understand that, but

400
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:45,720
Speaker 1: letting them know like, hey, I love you, and I

401
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:48,040
Speaker 1: don't agree with this decision and I don't agree with

402
00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:51,080
Speaker 1: this relationship, but I am always going to have your

403
00:24:51,119 --> 00:24:55,280
Speaker 1: back and I'm always going to support you. And when

404
00:24:55,359 --> 00:24:59,360
Speaker 1: the time comes that this does or doesn't happen, I'm

405
00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:04,520
Speaker 1: here no matter what allows people who are in those

406
00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:09,920
Speaker 1: relationships to feel safe enough. It like plants a seed

407
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:16,280
Speaker 1: that when they finally realize for themselves, they don't feel

408
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Speaker 1: scared getting out of it. I was talking to my

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Speaker 1: dad the other day after he listened to my podcast

410
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Speaker 1: episode on the abusive relationship. But my parents knew after

411
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:35,119
Speaker 1: everything happened, and he still like kind of beats himself

412
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:37,240
Speaker 1: up because he was like, I wish we could have

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00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:42,159
Speaker 1: done more, And I had told him, you guys did you?

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Speaker 1: Guys supported me, You loved me, you trusted me to

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Speaker 1: make decisions for myself, and you helped me as soon

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Speaker 1: as I was ready. Truth be told, we can't make

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Speaker 1: people make a decision until they're ready in anything, not

418
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Speaker 1: just relationships, but in things that they're dealing with in

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Speaker 1: their own lives. Until somebody is ready to accept what's

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Speaker 1: going on in their life and make a change, we

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00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:10,520
Speaker 1: can't change that for them. So the best thing that

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00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:13,399
Speaker 1: we can do is offer them love and support and

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Speaker 1: kindness in those scenarios however you are able to. Again,

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Speaker 1: this does not mean you need to be so close

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Speaker 1: to somebody that like you're there for them at their

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00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:25,040
Speaker 1: beck and call for the years that they want to

427
00:26:25,119 --> 00:26:28,240
Speaker 1: keep talking about something. I know that as someone who's

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00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:32,000
Speaker 1: in this, nobody had that obligation to me. They shouldn't have.

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Speaker 1: And I did lose friends and stuff over but the

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00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:38,920
Speaker 1: moment that I was ready to get out, I knew

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00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:42,120
Speaker 1: that I was still loved and supported, so I knew

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Speaker 1: that I could go to them. And that's where it

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Speaker 1: becomes really important to just allow people to make their

434
00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:55,640
Speaker 1: own mistakes and decisions. And truthfully, you can only tell

435
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:58,760
Speaker 1: them one time, like hey, I don't support this, and

436
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:01,760
Speaker 1: I don't think this is going to be something that's

437
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:04,679
Speaker 1: beneficial for your life, but I love and support you

438
00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:08,640
Speaker 1: like that conversation can really only happen one time, because

439
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:11,520
Speaker 1: if you keep pushing that like I don't see this,

440
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:14,160
Speaker 1: I don't understand, all you're going to do is push

441
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:17,679
Speaker 1: them further and further away into the opposite direction. So

442
00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:22,360
Speaker 1: say it once, say where you stand, like very proud

443
00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:27,199
Speaker 1: and definitive, and know with like your deepest depth to

444
00:27:27,359 --> 00:27:30,280
Speaker 1: them that like you love them and support them. And

445
00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:33,560
Speaker 1: I do think in the bigger picture that's your more

446
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:38,480
Speaker 1: beneficial situation in my experiences, and I know that that's

447
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:40,480
Speaker 1: really hard for some people even for me. I want

448
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:42,240
Speaker 1: to help people get out of stuff. I'm a challenger.

449
00:27:42,240 --> 00:27:44,679
Speaker 1: I'm going to push you to do better things for

450
00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:48,840
Speaker 1: your life. So I had to learn this also because

451
00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:52,320
Speaker 1: I put myself in this situation. So now being in it,

452
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:57,600
Speaker 1: I can understand when it's not my role to play,

453
00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:00,679
Speaker 1: it's somebody else's role to play in our own life.

454
00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:04,760
Speaker 1: Living in a busy job life, how do you nurture

455
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:07,439
Speaker 1: your friendships as well as alone time? I mean you

456
00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:09,840
Speaker 1: did just hear me. I don't do well with the

457
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:12,120
Speaker 1: lone time. Clearly. I haven't taken a lot of time

458
00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:15,440
Speaker 1: to shower, or eat or clean my house recently because gosh, guys,

459
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:18,760
Speaker 1: life is smacking me in the face. I feel like

460
00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:22,120
Speaker 1: I have not had any time and that's just the reality.

461
00:28:22,280 --> 00:28:25,359
Speaker 1: Like I'm gonna give you some moments here of stuff

462
00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:27,119
Speaker 1: that's really important to me and how I try and

463
00:28:27,119 --> 00:28:31,560
Speaker 1: focus energy in different places. But I'm gonna tell you

464
00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:35,040
Speaker 1: right now like I'm drowning. Honest to god, I am

465
00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:38,800
Speaker 1: struggling in a lot of ways to find my balance

466
00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:41,600
Speaker 1: with this new podcast, in my life, with having a

467
00:28:41,600 --> 00:28:45,120
Speaker 1: full time job, with maintaining friends, with trying to date,

468
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:48,040
Speaker 1: with trying to foster animals, which is really important to me,

469
00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:51,360
Speaker 1: with Remy and I doing therapy work with staying healthy

470
00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:55,560
Speaker 1: and focused on my health, which is really struggling right now,

471
00:28:55,640 --> 00:29:00,280
Speaker 1: like I am drowning. Honestly, there's days I come on

472
00:29:00,360 --> 00:29:01,800
Speaker 1: from work and all I want to do is sleep,

473
00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:06,800
Speaker 1: and I don't have the time to sleep. So I

474
00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 1: do really well a lot of the time. But then

475
00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:14,280
Speaker 1: there's moments like this where holy crap, I'm barely hanging

476
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:17,440
Speaker 1: on for dear life and I don't suggest it. Honestly,

477
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:21,920
Speaker 1: I really don't. Like I feel successful and I feel proud,

478
00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:24,160
Speaker 1: and this podcast is so important to me, and all

479
00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:26,960
Speaker 1: the things that are in my life are so important

480
00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:28,840
Speaker 1: to me, and that's why I keep pushing through it.

481
00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:35,000
Speaker 1: But I think it's really important to have balance. And

482
00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:40,560
Speaker 1: when I'm really busy like this, I try really really hard.

483
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:44,640
Speaker 1: Even if I can't show up physically, like I'm texting

484
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:48,360
Speaker 1: my friends, I will call them. I will send them

485
00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:51,800
Speaker 1: food or buy them coffee, like send Venmo and buy

486
00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:55,200
Speaker 1: them buy them some coffee. Like if I can't show

487
00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:59,560
Speaker 1: up physically, I always try and show up in another way,

488
00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:01,920
Speaker 1: or or I try and make up for the time

489
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:07,160
Speaker 1: that I'm not there physically, because so much of friendship

490
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:10,800
Speaker 1: is wanting to be seen and heard and loved, And

491
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:14,479
Speaker 1: if I want people to do that for me in

492
00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:17,400
Speaker 1: my life and show up for me, then I have

493
00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:19,240
Speaker 1: to make the time to do that for other people.

494
00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:23,520
Speaker 1: It's just like it's a requirement. But there are moments

495
00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:26,160
Speaker 1: in my friendships where like I text them, I'm like, you,

496
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:27,880
Speaker 1: guys are not going to see me for like three weeks,

497
00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:31,840
Speaker 1: I'm dead, leave me alone, And they get it because

498
00:30:31,840 --> 00:30:35,480
Speaker 1: we've established such good basis when I am in a

499
00:30:35,520 --> 00:30:39,560
Speaker 1: healthy space and I do have the time, even like

500
00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:42,920
Speaker 1: in dating, like very early on in relationships, I'm like, no, no, no,

501
00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:46,320
Speaker 1: it is important and imperative to me that I spend

502
00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:48,800
Speaker 1: time with my friends without you. I still want you

503
00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:51,400
Speaker 1: involved and I still want you there, and there's gonna

504
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:53,320
Speaker 1: be a lot of time we're all together. But I

505
00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:56,640
Speaker 1: also need to continue to nurture my friendships like I

506
00:30:56,680 --> 00:31:00,560
Speaker 1: have made that such an important requirement because I was

507
00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:04,400
Speaker 1: in relationships before where I lost friendships and I will

508
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:09,320
Speaker 1: never let that happen again. So I just really put

509
00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:12,680
Speaker 1: it high on the totem pole because the most important

510
00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:16,760
Speaker 1: thing about our lives is connection and community. Like everything

511
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:21,320
Speaker 1: else be damned. Connection and community is genuinely what keeps

512
00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:24,920
Speaker 1: us alive and living, and you have to foster that.

513
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:27,520
Speaker 1: You have to make time for that and make time

514
00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:28,920
Speaker 1: for it in the ways that you can. If you

515
00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:31,600
Speaker 1: have kids, bring the kid along. I don't know how

516
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:33,160
Speaker 1: many times I've told my friends, I'm like, I don't care,

517
00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:35,240
Speaker 1: bring the kid. I just want to see you. I

518
00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:36,880
Speaker 1: want to hang out with you. Or let me show

519
00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:38,320
Speaker 1: up to your house and we'll watch a movie with

520
00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:42,880
Speaker 1: the kid. Like but if you also don't have those friends,

521
00:31:42,920 --> 00:31:45,280
Speaker 1: it's telling of those friendships. Find the friends that will

522
00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:47,560
Speaker 1: do that stuff with you. There's been times where I'm

523
00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:50,520
Speaker 1: so busy and I have Rimmy and I'm like, guys,

524
00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:52,520
Speaker 1: I can't leave Remy. Like I've been so busy, I

525
00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:54,640
Speaker 1: have not paid attention to her. I need to spend

526
00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:57,160
Speaker 1: time with her, and they're like, cool, bring her, or

527
00:31:57,280 --> 00:32:00,760
Speaker 1: let's go to a patio where she can come. Understanding

528
00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:04,080
Speaker 1: your friendships and how busy everybody is is really important,

529
00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:08,520
Speaker 1: and that's how you're gonna nurture it and alone time. Man,

530
00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:10,080
Speaker 1: if you guys figured that one out, let me know,

531
00:32:10,120 --> 00:32:13,560
Speaker 1: because I'm also still working on that I'll try and

532
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:16,120
Speaker 1: schedule myself some like random massages and that's kind of

533
00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:17,560
Speaker 1: where it comes. Or I'll go on a walk with

534
00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:20,440
Speaker 1: Y and those are kind of where I recharge. But

535
00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:26,040
Speaker 1: true alone time and stuff, I don't think I've gotten

536
00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:30,080
Speaker 1: there yet. We're still working on that. Grief depression and

537
00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:34,760
Speaker 1: its toll on relationships. You know, at one point in

538
00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:39,280
Speaker 1: my relationships, I dated a guy who was bipolar, and

539
00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:44,680
Speaker 1: it really did pay a heavy toll on our relationship

540
00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:51,160
Speaker 1: because so much of his experiences would blur the lines

541
00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:56,200
Speaker 1: in our relationship, Like if he was having episodes, you

542
00:32:56,280 --> 00:32:58,840
Speaker 1: would have like good swings and bad swings kind of

543
00:32:58,880 --> 00:33:01,120
Speaker 1: to go along with what was hap happening with him.

544
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:06,080
Speaker 1: And that relationship ended up ending because like all he

545
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:07,960
Speaker 1: wanted to do was push me away because he didn't

546
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:14,680
Speaker 1: want me to also experience those things, and so much

547
00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:19,400
Speaker 1: of that relationship And now having experienced like a partner

548
00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:23,400
Speaker 1: like that, and also myself having gone through multiple moments

549
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:27,840
Speaker 1: of grief and depression, I can tell you that the

550
00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:30,720
Speaker 1: best thing you can ever do is have an open

551
00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:33,920
Speaker 1: line of communication. I wish so many times that he

552
00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:37,280
Speaker 1: would have just talked to me, and I know that

553
00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:41,000
Speaker 1: in the moments where I was so depressed that I

554
00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:43,360
Speaker 1: wish someone would have allowed me to talk to them,

555
00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:49,360
Speaker 1: or that I would have felt comfortable enough to have conversations.

556
00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:56,760
Speaker 1: When we feel deep sadness, deep grief, deep depression, the

557
00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:59,080
Speaker 1: last thing we really want to do is open up.

558
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:03,120
Speaker 1: But it's actually the one thing that can help us

559
00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:09,719
Speaker 1: through it. And again, I know that's so hard, and

560
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:12,960
Speaker 1: there's gonna be moments of those bouts and those experiences

561
00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:15,560
Speaker 1: where you're not gonna want to talk to people. But

562
00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:18,719
Speaker 1: even just saying hey, I'm struggling with this, I don't

563
00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:20,920
Speaker 1: want to talk about it, but this is what's happening

564
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:25,560
Speaker 1: in my life right now is so important. Doesn't mean

565
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:26,759
Speaker 1: you have to sit there and say, hey, I want

566
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:28,759
Speaker 1: to have an hour long conversation about the depression that's

567
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:32,120
Speaker 1: going on in my head. Like you can just say, hey,

568
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:35,440
Speaker 1: I'm really depressed right now and I don't know what

569
00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:38,400
Speaker 1: I need and I don't know what's happening to me,

570
00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:44,640
Speaker 1: but I really need your support. That communication alone can

571
00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:48,480
Speaker 1: be the difference between this not taking a toll on

572
00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:53,799
Speaker 1: your relationship. So much has to do with communication, and

573
00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:57,320
Speaker 1: it's not the end all be all fixed, because trust me,

574
00:34:57,360 --> 00:35:00,840
Speaker 1: there's gonna be more battles than just that communication. But

575
00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:04,680
Speaker 1: I think being able to communicate your needs and what's

576
00:35:04,719 --> 00:35:08,840
Speaker 1: happening to you and if it's you and everyone around you,

577
00:35:09,719 --> 00:35:14,920
Speaker 1: and that's a really good place to start. And also

578
00:35:15,920 --> 00:35:22,759
Speaker 1: giving yourself grace that you're experiencing these things because no

579
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:28,960
Speaker 1: one should have to, and making sure that you choose

580
00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:35,080
Speaker 1: a partner that does have empathy and compassion. That's such

581
00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:38,440
Speaker 1: an important tool. I remember telling one of my girlfriends

582
00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:41,359
Speaker 1: when they were in town, I really need to find

583
00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:44,279
Speaker 1: a partner who has the same level of empathy that

584
00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:50,720
Speaker 1: I do, because not only do I have so many

585
00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:55,920
Speaker 1: like mental health struggles, but I had so much empathy

586
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:58,760
Speaker 1: for other people that when I kept dating these people

587
00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:02,840
Speaker 1: who really lacked, we were always butting heads because it

588
00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:05,600
Speaker 1: just didn't make sense. We were never on the same page.

589
00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:10,800
Speaker 1: So I think when you're someone who struggles with these things,

590
00:36:11,920 --> 00:36:16,160
Speaker 1: you need to find someone who has compassion and empathy.

591
00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:19,920
Speaker 1: But also on that same level, you cannot take advantage

592
00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:23,640
Speaker 1: of someone with compassion and empathy because you have these struggles,

593
00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:28,520
Speaker 1: which is something that I faced in one of those

594
00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:33,760
Speaker 1: ex situations with the guy who is bipolar. I felt

595
00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:36,359
Speaker 1: like I was kind of taken advantage of because of

596
00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:40,040
Speaker 1: my empathy and understanding, which is how I got cheated on.

597
00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:44,400
Speaker 1: But that's story for a different day. Would your twelve

598
00:36:44,440 --> 00:36:47,080
Speaker 1: year old self be proud of you? Now, this was

599
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:49,959
Speaker 1: a thing that we talked about on the Bobby Bone Show,

600
00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:56,040
Speaker 1: and I really thought about this question. I think my

601
00:36:56,120 --> 00:36:59,719
Speaker 1: twelve year old self would be so so proud of

602
00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:04,440
Speaker 1: where come. I think she would be in shock that

603
00:37:04,560 --> 00:37:08,920
Speaker 1: I have CMA awards and ACM awards sitting on my walls,

604
00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:13,640
Speaker 1: and she'd be shocked that I'm helping people. But I

605
00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:18,640
Speaker 1: also think she would be concerned for the things that

606
00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:27,440
Speaker 1: we went through, the bullying, the suicide thoughts, the abusive relationship,

607
00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:31,800
Speaker 1: not being married yet a lot of those things. I

608
00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:37,000
Speaker 1: think she'd be like, what the freak happened? Are we okay?

609
00:37:37,719 --> 00:37:40,600
Speaker 1: And sometimes he answer to that is no, but most

610
00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:43,719
Speaker 1: of the time yes. So I do think overall she

611
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:45,719
Speaker 1: would be so proud. And this is a cool check

612
00:37:45,719 --> 00:37:48,160
Speaker 1: in to do, like if you're just going through it

613
00:37:48,280 --> 00:37:51,360
Speaker 1: or you've had some really big years recently, like do

614
00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:53,200
Speaker 1: a check in with yourself and be like, would my

615
00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:56,400
Speaker 1: twelve year old self be proud? And like honestly reflect

616
00:37:56,440 --> 00:38:00,840
Speaker 1: on that, not because you have done anything wrong and

617
00:38:00,880 --> 00:38:03,279
Speaker 1: say you took eighty million different turns that you never

618
00:38:03,320 --> 00:38:10,920
Speaker 1: thought you would. But I believe that recognizing our younger

619
00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:17,040
Speaker 1: selves is a really important part of the growing process

620
00:38:17,080 --> 00:38:21,400
Speaker 1: to understanding who we are and our needs once, dreams, desires.

621
00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:25,080
Speaker 1: I was recently put on anxiety meds. I grew up

622
00:38:25,120 --> 00:38:27,400
Speaker 1: in an era where meds were not the answer, So

623
00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:30,239
Speaker 1: I'm having a hard time accepting these will help me

624
00:38:30,520 --> 00:38:36,239
Speaker 1: and that it's okay to use them. You know, this

625
00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:39,200
Speaker 1: is super tough because when I was going through the

626
00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:42,640
Speaker 1: bullying situation and I was having depression suicidal thoughts, I

627
00:38:42,719 --> 00:38:49,920
Speaker 1: was on depression medicine and I really felt numb during

628
00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:51,840
Speaker 1: that part of my life. Whether it was the meds

629
00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:54,840
Speaker 1: or the things that I was experiencing, probably a combination

630
00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:59,120
Speaker 1: of both. But every time I would open up that

631
00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:05,200
Speaker 1: medicine and it, I was so disappointing in myself. I

632
00:39:05,239 --> 00:39:07,520
Speaker 1: was so sad that I had reached a point where

633
00:39:07,520 --> 00:39:12,000
Speaker 1: I needed help that to that extent. But I look

634
00:39:12,160 --> 00:39:15,960
Speaker 1: back on that now and I'm mad at myself for

635
00:39:16,200 --> 00:39:21,400
Speaker 1: getting mad at myself, because it's like if you break

636
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:25,080
Speaker 1: your arm and you go to the doctor and you're like,

637
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:28,279
Speaker 1: I broke my arm and they're like, okay, let's put

638
00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:30,399
Speaker 1: a sling on or you need to have surgery, let's

639
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:35,040
Speaker 1: fix this, and you get it fixed. That same thing

640
00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:37,880
Speaker 1: is what's happening when you have a mental health problem.

641
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:46,680
Speaker 1: You're getting medication because you're struggling with something. You're dealing

642
00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:51,880
Speaker 1: with a physical issue and situation that's happening in your body,

643
00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:56,640
Speaker 1: and you're trying to heal it, whether that's with medicine

644
00:39:56,760 --> 00:40:02,160
Speaker 1: or all kinds of other things. But recognizing that just

645
00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:05,640
Speaker 1: because it's mental health, does it make it any less

646
00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:10,560
Speaker 1: serious and more important to heal or take medicine than

647
00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:15,360
Speaker 1: if you were to have a physical injury. And I

648
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:20,120
Speaker 1: wish someone would have told me that correlation, because I

649
00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:22,799
Speaker 1: really focus on the fact that what I was experiencing

650
00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:26,359
Speaker 1: was invisible to everybody else, even though it was very

651
00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:30,720
Speaker 1: real to me. But because it was invisible to everybody else,

652
00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:34,200
Speaker 1: taking the medication made me feel like I was doing

653
00:40:34,239 --> 00:40:38,839
Speaker 1: something wrong, and you're not. You're literally trying to heal

654
00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:41,960
Speaker 1: and take care of your body. Everybody has different body

655
00:40:41,960 --> 00:40:46,680
Speaker 1: composition and genes and things that are happening in their

656
00:40:46,719 --> 00:40:50,920
Speaker 1: brain and all you were doing is taking steps to

657
00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:57,160
Speaker 1: heal yourself. That's it, end of story. So I don't

658
00:40:57,160 --> 00:41:00,000
Speaker 1: want you to ever feel bad about that, and hopeful

659
00:41:00,920 --> 00:41:04,799
Speaker 1: utilizing that correlation will allow you to not feel bad

660
00:41:04,920 --> 00:41:09,839
Speaker 1: about what's happening. Not on topic for your crowd, but

661
00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:14,920
Speaker 1: I'm struggling with aging. I do actually think this is

662
00:41:14,920 --> 00:41:17,720
Speaker 1: super odd topic. I have a lot of people, Gosh,

663
00:41:17,880 --> 00:41:19,640
Speaker 1: my dad listens to this podcast. Sorry Dad, I'm not

664
00:41:19,640 --> 00:41:23,120
Speaker 1: saying you're aging. You look great, You're amazing. But there's

665
00:41:23,120 --> 00:41:25,839
Speaker 1: so many people who listen to this podcast, and there's

666
00:41:25,840 --> 00:41:29,720
Speaker 1: people who follow me who struggle with this. I can't

667
00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:34,080
Speaker 1: personally relate at this moment in my life to true,

668
00:41:34,160 --> 00:41:38,600
Speaker 1: true aging. I'm not old enough yet, but gosh, I

669
00:41:38,600 --> 00:41:41,600
Speaker 1: hope I have the privilege to be. But I know

670
00:41:41,680 --> 00:41:45,960
Speaker 1: that that's a struggle because with aging comes old age

671
00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:52,080
Speaker 1: and retirement and a lot of people dying and understanding

672
00:41:52,160 --> 00:41:55,760
Speaker 1: what's happening to your body and the changes you're going through.

673
00:41:56,760 --> 00:42:00,080
Speaker 1: There's so much that comes with aging, so struggling that

674
00:42:00,360 --> 00:42:04,560
Speaker 1: is so real, and I think there's a lot of

675
00:42:04,560 --> 00:42:08,040
Speaker 1: people out there that need to hear that, because you know,

676
00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:09,960
Speaker 1: it is one of those things where even I just

677
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:11,799
Speaker 1: did it in that moment where it was like, gosh,

678
00:42:12,200 --> 00:42:14,879
Speaker 1: it's a privilege to age. But I can sit here

679
00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:17,000
Speaker 1: and say that because I'm thirty one, I haven't hit

680
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:20,400
Speaker 1: that point yet. I can't imagine what that's like, sixty

681
00:42:20,480 --> 00:42:23,600
Speaker 1: seventy eighty ninety years old, and you're like, I'm really

682
00:42:23,640 --> 00:42:28,560
Speaker 1: struggling with this fact. I can't I can't put myself

683
00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:31,799
Speaker 1: in those shoes yet. But I can sit here and

684
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:35,600
Speaker 1: say that I see you, and I hope you know

685
00:42:35,600 --> 00:42:39,560
Speaker 1: that you're not alone in that experience, and I hope

686
00:42:39,560 --> 00:42:41,959
Speaker 1: you're getting to do all the things in your life

687
00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:46,239
Speaker 1: that you want to and checking off all the boxes,

688
00:42:46,640 --> 00:42:52,040
Speaker 1: because that's what life is truly about. Please share your

689
00:42:52,080 --> 00:42:55,200
Speaker 1: experience moving to Nashville and buying your own home. No

690
00:42:55,320 --> 00:43:01,360
Speaker 1: man needed. So I loved moving to Nashville. But and

691
00:43:01,400 --> 00:43:03,839
Speaker 1: I didn't have a man during any of those experiences. Now,

692
00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:06,440
Speaker 1: when I moved to Nashville, now, when I lived here

693
00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:08,880
Speaker 1: at first, not when I bought my house, but I

694
00:43:08,920 --> 00:43:13,440
Speaker 1: did have my family, and I think that support system

695
00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:15,440
Speaker 1: was so huge to do all of the things that

696
00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:22,720
Speaker 1: I was doing, and incredibly supportive parents who really helped

697
00:43:22,760 --> 00:43:26,200
Speaker 1: me understand a lot of things, and educate me and

698
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:32,360
Speaker 1: give me space to do so much stuff that I can't.

699
00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:34,719
Speaker 1: You say, just because I didn't have a man, I

700
00:43:34,719 --> 00:43:38,839
Speaker 1: didn't have help, I did have my parents, But I

701
00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:41,760
Speaker 1: did move here by myself. I moved here without knowing anybody.

702
00:43:41,800 --> 00:43:44,760
Speaker 1: And I did buy my home without having a partner.

703
00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:51,200
Speaker 1: And those things are accomplishments in themselves. And to anybody

704
00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:54,239
Speaker 1: who's thinking about making a big move and moving away

705
00:43:54,239 --> 00:43:58,240
Speaker 1: from everything they've ever known, do it. Do it because

706
00:43:58,280 --> 00:44:00,840
Speaker 1: you will never regret it. And do it because you

707
00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:03,640
Speaker 1: can always move back home. You can always move back

708
00:44:03,680 --> 00:44:06,120
Speaker 1: to the place that's comfortable. But what you can never

709
00:44:06,160 --> 00:44:10,640
Speaker 1: do is get an opportunity to move. Those things don't

710
00:44:10,800 --> 00:44:14,080
Speaker 1: come back again. So if you ever get a chance

711
00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:18,720
Speaker 1: to make a fun change, do it. Is it uncomfortable? Yes?

712
00:44:19,080 --> 00:44:20,759
Speaker 1: Are you gonna have to make new friends? Yeah, You're

713
00:44:20,760 --> 00:44:22,319
Speaker 1: gonna have to do all kinds of things. So you

714
00:44:22,360 --> 00:44:25,239
Speaker 1: never thought you could possibly do it, Yes, but do

715
00:44:25,320 --> 00:44:30,960
Speaker 1: it anyway. And if you are in the position to

716
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:35,920
Speaker 1: buy a home but you're waiting for a partner, don't.

717
00:44:36,800 --> 00:44:39,960
Speaker 1: I love living by myself. I love that I have

718
00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:42,680
Speaker 1: a dog and cat who are my own. I love

719
00:44:42,719 --> 00:44:45,359
Speaker 1: that I get to choose that I gotta have both

720
00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:47,160
Speaker 1: of them and did not have to consult somebody else.

721
00:44:47,400 --> 00:44:49,880
Speaker 1: I love that I can choose anytime I want to

722
00:44:49,880 --> 00:44:54,239
Speaker 1: bring another animal in and foster it. I love that

723
00:44:54,239 --> 00:44:57,919
Speaker 1: this space is entirely mine. I love that I get

724
00:44:57,960 --> 00:45:01,600
Speaker 1: to go out on the backyard and mow my own

725
00:45:01,680 --> 00:45:04,960
Speaker 1: yard and say yeah, I did that, or my house projects,

726
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:08,160
Speaker 1: or all the things that I've accomplished, I did that.

727
00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:12,360
Speaker 1: It's very empowering. So if you are in a position,

728
00:45:13,000 --> 00:45:15,839
Speaker 1: which I know is an incredibly difficult market right now,

729
00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:17,480
Speaker 1: but if you are in a position to do so

730
00:45:18,360 --> 00:45:20,160
Speaker 1: and buy your own home and the only thing that

731
00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:23,160
Speaker 1: you think you are waiting for as a partner, don't

732
00:45:24,440 --> 00:45:27,080
Speaker 1: because you don't need one man or a woman. You

733
00:45:27,120 --> 00:45:30,600
Speaker 1: do not need one like go for it. Do it.

734
00:45:31,200 --> 00:45:33,080
Speaker 1: I believe it's one of the coolest things that will

735
00:45:33,080 --> 00:45:37,919
Speaker 1: happen in your life. Tips on getting through trauma when

736
00:45:37,960 --> 00:45:44,000
Speaker 1: it's left you stuck in life with no purpose. This

737
00:45:44,120 --> 00:45:48,920
Speaker 1: is really tough because I see in this message that

738
00:45:49,239 --> 00:45:54,279
Speaker 1: you feel you have no purpose because of whatever you've experienced,

739
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:57,640
Speaker 1: and I hate that you feel this way. I hate

740
00:45:57,640 --> 00:46:00,799
Speaker 1: it for you because you never just to feel that way,

741
00:46:00,840 --> 00:46:04,200
Speaker 1: whatever it was, whatever this trauma was that you experienced.

742
00:46:05,239 --> 00:46:09,480
Speaker 1: But let me make something so clear. You have a purpose,

743
00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:15,080
Speaker 1: and your purpose is you being you beyond anything else.

744
00:46:16,280 --> 00:46:18,560
Speaker 1: If you don't go after a dream job, if you

745
00:46:18,600 --> 00:46:20,920
Speaker 1: don't have a partner, if you don't have friendships, if

746
00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:23,840
Speaker 1: you don't have anything, you being you is a purpose.

747
00:46:25,280 --> 00:46:28,640
Speaker 1: That's the only foundation that you need to start over.

748
00:46:30,239 --> 00:46:32,879
Speaker 1: Which is what it sounds like you're kind of at

749
00:46:33,120 --> 00:46:37,960
Speaker 1: is this starting over point. But you being you and

750
00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:42,000
Speaker 1: you having you is the only thing you need to

751
00:46:42,040 --> 00:46:45,920
Speaker 1: start over and build the life that you've always wanted.

752
00:46:46,680 --> 00:46:50,640
Speaker 1: You were actually in the best place to create the

753
00:46:50,680 --> 00:46:54,640
Speaker 1: life that you've always wanted. A clean slate is something

754
00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:57,640
Speaker 1: that everybody wants. And I'm not saying you technically have one,

755
00:46:57,960 --> 00:47:00,880
Speaker 1: because you do have trauma and you had experience that

756
00:47:01,280 --> 00:47:05,719
Speaker 1: has left you feeling this way. But if you can

757
00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:09,960
Speaker 1: rewrite that narrative in your head that this is something

758
00:47:10,800 --> 00:47:14,560
Speaker 1: that created a clean slate for you to start a

759
00:47:14,719 --> 00:47:19,480
Speaker 1: new journey for yourself, I think you'll start to find

760
00:47:19,480 --> 00:47:24,160
Speaker 1: your purpose and also take care of you. I don't

761
00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:26,880
Speaker 1: have a lot of context, but take care of you,

762
00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:30,120
Speaker 1: because that's going to be important part of this process too,

763
00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:34,359
Speaker 1: how do you handle what other people think. I say

764
00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:36,319
Speaker 1: one wrong thing and dwell on it for months, it

765
00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:40,839
Speaker 1: gets to me. Honestly, I still don't handle it well.

766
00:47:40,920 --> 00:47:44,000
Speaker 1: There's sometimes people come at me. I'm like, I, guys,

767
00:47:44,000 --> 00:47:46,320
Speaker 1: there was one time, I'll be super honest with you, guys.

768
00:47:46,600 --> 00:47:48,680
Speaker 1: I went down and Reddit thread one time and it

769
00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:51,400
Speaker 1: was not a cool experience for me. I had to

770
00:47:51,400 --> 00:47:53,440
Speaker 1: go straight into therapy. I was like, this is a

771
00:47:53,480 --> 00:47:55,840
Speaker 1: horrible place and people hate me, and I don't know

772
00:47:55,880 --> 00:47:58,640
Speaker 1: what I did wrong. There were so many people out

773
00:47:58,640 --> 00:48:01,960
Speaker 1: there that had so many a pinions of me, and

774
00:48:02,160 --> 00:48:04,279
Speaker 1: a lot of people who were acting like they really

775
00:48:04,360 --> 00:48:08,440
Speaker 1: knew me, and they had so many story lines and

776
00:48:08,480 --> 00:48:10,480
Speaker 1: things about me wrong, and I just had to like

777
00:48:10,560 --> 00:48:15,319
Speaker 1: let it happen, and I spiraled. I was so not

778
00:48:15,440 --> 00:48:20,000
Speaker 1: well for a few days. So I need to make

779
00:48:20,040 --> 00:48:22,759
Speaker 1: sure it is known that, like, things do get to me.

780
00:48:23,600 --> 00:48:25,479
Speaker 1: I'm really good a lot of the time about dealing

781
00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:28,520
Speaker 1: with trolls on social media, but things do still get

782
00:48:28,560 --> 00:48:32,759
Speaker 1: to me. It still hurts. It's still like augh, like

783
00:48:32,800 --> 00:48:36,160
Speaker 1: a little shot might be a little pinch, like okay, cool,

784
00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:38,600
Speaker 1: didn't need to take that one, but then you pinch

785
00:48:38,680 --> 00:48:40,600
Speaker 1: me one hundred times. Yeah, I'm gonna start to feel that.

786
00:48:43,560 --> 00:48:46,560
Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, I did learn

787
00:48:46,560 --> 00:48:50,840
Speaker 1: from my my bullying situation in high school that I

788
00:48:50,880 --> 00:48:54,440
Speaker 1: can't make everybody like me. Much to my dismay, I

789
00:48:54,440 --> 00:48:57,800
Speaker 1: would love to make everybody like me. Heck, I'm pretty

790
00:48:57,800 --> 00:49:00,120
Speaker 1: sure that was like one of my goals for the

791
00:49:00,160 --> 00:49:02,200
Speaker 1: first twenty years of my life was that I just

792
00:49:02,200 --> 00:49:06,800
Speaker 1: want everybody to like me. And I had a really

793
00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:09,960
Speaker 1: harsh lesson in that bullying when that bully looked at

794
00:49:09,960 --> 00:49:13,520
Speaker 1: me and said, I just don't like you, and I

795
00:49:13,520 --> 00:49:18,880
Speaker 1: couldn't do anything about it. But she taught me a

796
00:49:18,960 --> 00:49:23,640
Speaker 1: very important lesson that it wasn't my job to make

797
00:49:23,680 --> 00:49:27,920
Speaker 1: everybody like me. It was my job for me to

798
00:49:28,120 --> 00:49:32,760
Speaker 1: like me. And I freaking love me. I'm so proud

799
00:49:32,800 --> 00:49:37,800
Speaker 1: of myself in so many ways. And when you start

800
00:49:37,880 --> 00:49:43,720
Speaker 1: to really focus on your inner self and pour everything

801
00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:52,720
Speaker 1: into you, everything outside of that feels so small. And again,

802
00:49:52,800 --> 00:49:55,359
Speaker 1: there will be moments when it doesn't. I still do.

803
00:49:55,600 --> 00:49:58,360
Speaker 1: I still feel the arrows in my back, little stab,

804
00:49:58,440 --> 00:50:02,759
Speaker 1: little knife pain. Majority of the time I can look

805
00:50:02,760 --> 00:50:04,920
Speaker 1: at that and say, I can't make you like me,

806
00:50:04,960 --> 00:50:10,479
Speaker 1: and that's okay because I like me, so a lot

807
00:50:10,520 --> 00:50:15,360
Speaker 1: of that comes from your inner person. And also I

808
00:50:15,400 --> 00:50:18,399
Speaker 1: say stupid crap all the time, Like, no, really, I

809
00:50:20,320 --> 00:50:23,839
Speaker 1: the things that come out of my mouth sometimes shouldn't.

810
00:50:24,640 --> 00:50:28,279
Speaker 1: So if anybody should be concerned about things that I say,

811
00:50:28,280 --> 00:50:30,080
Speaker 1: and I should probably take it back. It's for sure me.

812
00:50:30,200 --> 00:50:34,200
Speaker 1: I word vomit all the time, so most people do.

813
00:50:35,280 --> 00:50:38,719
Speaker 1: If you feel like you say something and you're like, oh, dang,

814
00:50:38,719 --> 00:50:41,680
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have said that, most people word vomit. Heck,

815
00:50:41,760 --> 00:50:43,480
Speaker 1: most of the time, all of us are like literally

816
00:50:43,560 --> 00:50:45,799
Speaker 1: just allowing things to come out of our mouth. That's

817
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:48,840
Speaker 1: me right now. Things are literally just word vomiting this

818
00:50:48,960 --> 00:50:54,200
Speaker 1: entire episode. So try not to dwell and sit on

819
00:50:54,280 --> 00:50:58,720
Speaker 1: things that you've said. I promise you're the only person

820
00:50:59,280 --> 00:51:02,600
Speaker 1: that's dwelling on that thing now, unless you like said

821
00:51:02,600 --> 00:51:04,759
Speaker 1: some really hateful stuff, then you might need to have

822
00:51:04,760 --> 00:51:06,839
Speaker 1: a conversation. But I don't think that's what you're doing.

823
00:51:07,280 --> 00:51:11,120
Speaker 1: So just remember that nobody else is doing that to

824
00:51:11,280 --> 00:51:14,840
Speaker 1: your words, only you. We got to start looking inward,

825
00:51:15,239 --> 00:51:18,480
Speaker 1: find that confidence in you and love you for who

826
00:51:18,560 --> 00:51:22,040
Speaker 1: you are and all your quirks and your word vomiting

827
00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:27,800
Speaker 1: like I'm doing right now, the personal drive to do better.

828
00:51:27,920 --> 00:51:31,200
Speaker 1: You share so many good and bad things. What keeps

829
00:51:31,200 --> 00:51:36,520
Speaker 1: you going? Oh? Man, I got you know, that's a

830
00:51:36,520 --> 00:51:40,200
Speaker 1: tough question because, like I said, like, there's moments, guys

831
00:51:40,239 --> 00:51:43,880
Speaker 1: where I don't and there's moments where my depression and

832
00:51:43,960 --> 00:51:48,680
Speaker 1: suicidal and anxiety and all of these things that are

833
00:51:48,760 --> 00:51:53,960
Speaker 1: relatively situational for me will come creeping back in, and

834
00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:56,600
Speaker 1: I'm just like, I like, this week has been so

835
00:51:56,640 --> 00:51:58,880
Speaker 1: hard to meet, especially with all the health problems that

836
00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:02,160
Speaker 1: I've been having lately, and I have so much on

837
00:52:02,160 --> 00:52:05,320
Speaker 1: my plate. There have been moments where I like, I

838
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:07,279
Speaker 1: just don't want to do it, Like I literally want

839
00:52:07,320 --> 00:52:09,000
Speaker 1: to crawl in a hole and not come back out.

840
00:52:12,080 --> 00:52:19,160
Speaker 1: But there's something really important to me that I accomplish

841
00:52:19,200 --> 00:52:22,520
Speaker 1: the things that I set out on this earth to accomplish,

842
00:52:23,760 --> 00:52:27,520
Speaker 1: even if it comes with bad moments. Like some of

843
00:52:27,560 --> 00:52:30,640
Speaker 1: my goals in my life at this point. Now, I'm

844
00:52:30,640 --> 00:52:34,120
Speaker 1: going to save as many animals as I can or

845
00:52:34,160 --> 00:52:39,080
Speaker 1: be a part of animals journeys. I really want to

846
00:52:39,080 --> 00:52:42,320
Speaker 1: write a book for Remy, and I want it to

847
00:52:42,400 --> 00:52:45,960
Speaker 1: be like a series about Remy and me rescuing her,

848
00:52:46,440 --> 00:52:48,840
Speaker 1: her becoming a therapy p up, her helping with foster

849
00:52:48,920 --> 00:52:52,120
Speaker 1: animals like a children's book series. That's something I really

850
00:52:52,200 --> 00:52:54,360
Speaker 1: want to do, not that I have any of the

851
00:52:54,400 --> 00:53:00,920
Speaker 1: time for. I want this podcast to continue growing and

852
00:53:01,200 --> 00:53:03,759
Speaker 1: keep finding incredible interviews and people to come on and

853
00:53:04,200 --> 00:53:10,839
Speaker 1: topics to have conversations about. And I really, I really

854
00:53:10,840 --> 00:53:13,239
Speaker 1: want to change the world. You know that it's a

855
00:53:13,239 --> 00:53:15,360
Speaker 1: big and hefty goal that I have, but I really

856
00:53:15,920 --> 00:53:20,160
Speaker 1: want to leave a mark on this world. And that

857
00:53:20,239 --> 00:53:21,920
Speaker 1: means that I'm gonna have to fight through some really

858
00:53:21,960 --> 00:53:26,520
Speaker 1: hard moments to make sure that I can continue accomplishing

859
00:53:26,560 --> 00:53:31,080
Speaker 1: all these all of these goals. So so much of

860
00:53:31,120 --> 00:53:36,839
Speaker 1: my drive really comes from this desire to just make

861
00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:41,880
Speaker 1: things happen for myself. For twelve year old me that

862
00:53:41,960 --> 00:53:46,560
Speaker 1: we were talking about, like, I know, she deserves me

863
00:53:46,680 --> 00:53:50,919
Speaker 1: to keep fighting. The young girl who is so driven

864
00:53:51,320 --> 00:53:54,000
Speaker 1: and what chase streams like nobody's business. She's the one

865
00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:56,840
Speaker 1: that I keep fighting for. She's what I do this for.

866
00:53:57,560 --> 00:54:03,239
Speaker 1: And I want her to look at seventy five eighty

867
00:54:03,320 --> 00:54:07,440
Speaker 1: year old me so many years later and be like, yeah,

868
00:54:07,480 --> 00:54:10,240
Speaker 1: we did all that, look at the life that we had.

869
00:54:11,239 --> 00:54:14,719
Speaker 1: I don't ever want to look back on my life

870
00:54:14,800 --> 00:54:18,200
Speaker 1: right now, twenty years from now, or when I'm on

871
00:54:18,239 --> 00:54:21,360
Speaker 1: my deathbed. I don't ever want to look back and

872
00:54:21,400 --> 00:54:25,480
Speaker 1: say I should have done something. And I think that

873
00:54:25,600 --> 00:54:27,719
Speaker 1: is the end all, be all drive for me. I

874
00:54:27,760 --> 00:54:30,560
Speaker 1: don't ever ever want to leave things on the table.

875
00:54:32,360 --> 00:54:35,000
Speaker 1: It's just not worth it to me. It's not worth

876
00:54:35,000 --> 00:54:41,240
Speaker 1: the feeling that I'll have if I do journey getting

877
00:54:41,280 --> 00:54:43,680
Speaker 1: remy therapy trained. Want to try and don't know where

878
00:54:43,719 --> 00:54:48,480
Speaker 1: to start. So I actually just did an article I'm

879
00:54:48,480 --> 00:54:51,240
Speaker 1: going to be in an issue coming out in June

880
00:54:51,239 --> 00:54:54,960
Speaker 1: for in Focus. I got nominated as a fresh Face

881
00:54:55,080 --> 00:54:58,800
Speaker 1: of philanthropy from Apes Garden, where Remy and I volunteer,

882
00:54:58,800 --> 00:55:02,520
Speaker 1: which is just incredible. I genuinely feel so honored. But

883
00:55:02,600 --> 00:55:06,160
Speaker 1: we were doing the interview process of it and they

884
00:55:06,280 --> 00:55:09,280
Speaker 1: asked how this kind of started, and I was looking

885
00:55:09,320 --> 00:55:13,960
Speaker 1: back at my life and I've always been such a

886
00:55:15,280 --> 00:55:19,560
Speaker 1: massive volunteer, like that was always a huge part of

887
00:55:19,560 --> 00:55:25,560
Speaker 1: who I was. In middle school, I was the Kay's

888
00:55:25,880 --> 00:55:28,680
Speaker 1: was it middle school? Was that freshman year high school? Gosh,

889
00:55:28,760 --> 00:55:31,200
Speaker 1: I don't know. My timeline is so kind of foggy now,

890
00:55:31,480 --> 00:55:33,560
Speaker 1: but I was the case Area president which was an

891
00:55:33,640 --> 00:55:40,080
Speaker 1: organization that really helped organize volunteer events. Volunteers charity organization

892
00:55:40,200 --> 00:55:43,160
Speaker 1: drives all kinds of stuff, and I loved it so

893
00:55:43,239 --> 00:55:45,680
Speaker 1: much that I became the area president for it, an

894
00:55:45,719 --> 00:55:48,920
Speaker 1: area president meaning like of a significant portion of Kansas.

895
00:55:49,600 --> 00:55:52,480
Speaker 1: And I even went to a camp and there was

896
00:55:52,560 --> 00:55:54,520
Speaker 1: case camp and we did all this volunteer stuff and

897
00:55:55,280 --> 00:55:57,440
Speaker 1: I like spoke at it. I had a big speech

898
00:55:57,480 --> 00:55:59,600
Speaker 1: that I had to do and it was one of

899
00:55:59,600 --> 00:56:02,400
Speaker 1: the coolest times of my life. And that kind of

900
00:56:02,480 --> 00:56:06,880
Speaker 1: kick started me then doing leadership studies in some of

901
00:56:06,880 --> 00:56:09,520
Speaker 1: my classes in middle school and high school, to then

902
00:56:10,200 --> 00:56:13,920
Speaker 1: minor in leadership studies in college. And I know, leadership

903
00:56:13,920 --> 00:56:17,200
Speaker 1: studies like everybody's like, ah, those are the your easy classes. Yeah. No,

904
00:56:17,719 --> 00:56:19,279
Speaker 1: as you got into them, you were having the most

905
00:56:19,320 --> 00:56:22,640
Speaker 1: difficult conversations you've probably ever had in your life. But

906
00:56:22,960 --> 00:56:28,080
Speaker 1: leadership studies, in a combination of doing so much volunteer

907
00:56:28,120 --> 00:56:34,239
Speaker 1: stuff really then kickstarted me to then continue volunteering and

908
00:56:34,520 --> 00:56:39,080
Speaker 1: doing leadership work outside of my life as like a

909
00:56:39,120 --> 00:56:42,880
Speaker 1: young kid and into my adult life. And I always

910
00:56:42,920 --> 00:56:46,200
Speaker 1: loved animals. The portion of that happened in college when

911
00:56:47,120 --> 00:56:49,040
Speaker 1: my girlfriends and I when we lived in a house

912
00:56:49,080 --> 00:56:51,919
Speaker 1: together our junior year of college, we fostered like twenty

913
00:56:52,000 --> 00:56:56,000
Speaker 1: seven animals over the course of one year together. One

914
00:56:56,000 --> 00:56:58,000
Speaker 1: of my friends like started that, and that sent me

915
00:56:58,040 --> 00:57:00,680
Speaker 1: on this journey, which is when I'm still on gosh,

916
00:57:00,719 --> 00:57:04,880
Speaker 1: helping the rescue community and shelters and all kinds of

917
00:57:04,880 --> 00:57:09,839
Speaker 1: things like that. So that's where that started. And then

918
00:57:09,880 --> 00:57:13,600
Speaker 1: the two combined when I started volunteering at Kansas Humane

919
00:57:14,120 --> 00:57:16,800
Speaker 1: and Remy came in as a puppy and I was

920
00:57:16,800 --> 00:57:18,440
Speaker 1: training get my parents to adopt her, and when they

921
00:57:18,480 --> 00:57:20,200
Speaker 1: came to meet her, they're like, oh, my gosh, Morgan,

922
00:57:20,280 --> 00:57:22,280
Speaker 1: this dog has bonded to you. That is your dog.

923
00:57:23,000 --> 00:57:24,680
Speaker 1: And they allowed me to get her because I was

924
00:57:24,720 --> 00:57:27,080
Speaker 1: living with my parents at the time, and honestly, I

925
00:57:27,080 --> 00:57:29,720
Speaker 1: was at a position that I probably shouldn't have gotten

926
00:57:29,760 --> 00:57:33,120
Speaker 1: a dog. I just started a new job, I was

927
00:57:33,200 --> 00:57:35,640
Speaker 1: living with my parents, which is not the time, but

928
00:57:36,840 --> 00:57:39,600
Speaker 1: we were meant to be together, and so I adopted

929
00:57:39,600 --> 00:57:42,840
Speaker 1: her and it's been this crazy journey ever since. But

930
00:57:42,920 --> 00:57:46,160
Speaker 1: when we moved to Nashville before COVID, I actually started

931
00:57:46,160 --> 00:57:48,080
Speaker 1: looking for volunteer work for stuff for us to do.

932
00:57:48,520 --> 00:57:50,920
Speaker 1: COVID kind of like really took that on a turn.

933
00:57:51,280 --> 00:57:54,720
Speaker 1: But after COVID I kind of started that process up again.

934
00:57:55,280 --> 00:57:57,040
Speaker 1: And when I was trying to find things that I

935
00:57:57,040 --> 00:57:59,640
Speaker 1: could do with Remy and volunteer because I didn't want

936
00:57:59,640 --> 00:58:02,439
Speaker 1: to take a way my time with her because time

937
00:58:02,520 --> 00:58:07,360
Speaker 1: is so precious, I found therapy work. I was like, dang,

938
00:58:07,360 --> 00:58:08,760
Speaker 1: Remy would be so good at this. We did a

939
00:58:08,800 --> 00:58:10,360
Speaker 1: lot of training together when I first got her as

940
00:58:10,360 --> 00:58:14,000
Speaker 1: a puppy, and she was so well trained already, but

941
00:58:14,440 --> 00:58:16,960
Speaker 1: she loved people. She loves people more than she likes

942
00:58:17,000 --> 00:58:20,640
Speaker 1: other animals, which we have learned. It's always a process.

943
00:58:21,760 --> 00:58:26,520
Speaker 1: But we found Therapy ARC, which is the organization that

944
00:58:26,520 --> 00:58:31,320
Speaker 1: we are certified through, and we basically did a preliminary

945
00:58:31,400 --> 00:58:33,560
Speaker 1: exam with them and they're like, okay, is this even

946
00:58:33,560 --> 00:58:37,360
Speaker 1: a potential therapy animal. She passed that with Flying Colors.

947
00:58:37,760 --> 00:58:41,360
Speaker 1: We went through six weeks of training with them, and

948
00:58:41,400 --> 00:58:44,360
Speaker 1: then after we did the training, we had to take

949
00:58:44,400 --> 00:58:47,640
Speaker 1: the official exam and her and I both had to

950
00:58:47,680 --> 00:58:50,160
Speaker 1: pass because we're a therapy animal team. So like, not

951
00:58:50,200 --> 00:58:52,120
Speaker 1: only does Remy have to be like the best schools

952
00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:54,760
Speaker 1: dog ever, but I also had to be a good

953
00:58:54,920 --> 00:58:57,720
Speaker 1: human partner. To her like, can I hold conversations with people?

954
00:58:57,800 --> 00:59:00,840
Speaker 1: Do I want to interact in my empathetic do I

955
00:59:00,920 --> 00:59:03,640
Speaker 1: have compassion? There was so many kind of levels to this,

956
00:59:04,320 --> 00:59:07,920
Speaker 1: but we took that test and we passed so great.

957
00:59:08,320 --> 00:59:10,080
Speaker 1: We had a moment there where Remy really wanted to

958
00:59:10,120 --> 00:59:14,360
Speaker 1: go after some treats, but we still passed. And that

959
00:59:14,480 --> 00:59:17,880
Speaker 1: is now where we are today. And she is just

960
00:59:18,960 --> 00:59:22,800
Speaker 1: the most special dog and she has saved me in

961
00:59:23,000 --> 00:59:27,680
Speaker 1: so many ways, and she is for sure my soul,

962
00:59:27,840 --> 00:59:31,640
Speaker 1: my heart dog. And Hazel, I love Hazel's my cat.

963
00:59:31,720 --> 00:59:36,400
Speaker 1: She's beautiful and incredible. But at this moment in time,

964
00:59:36,440 --> 00:59:38,440
Speaker 1: Reomy and I have just been through so many things

965
00:59:38,440 --> 00:59:41,280
Speaker 1: that we have such a crazy special bond. Hazel and

966
00:59:41,280 --> 00:59:43,000
Speaker 1: I are getting there. We've been together for like two

967
00:59:43,080 --> 00:59:47,960
Speaker 1: years now, and it's it's so cool. I think animals

968
00:59:47,960 --> 00:59:50,920
Speaker 1: are one of the greatest things that we have in

969
00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:55,280
Speaker 1: our lifetime. All Right, we're nearing the end here or

970
00:59:55,280 --> 00:59:58,960
Speaker 1: we're getting there. How are you planning financially for the

971
00:59:59,000 --> 01:00:02,040
Speaker 1: future from this point in your life? So again, I

972
01:00:02,040 --> 01:00:05,520
Speaker 1: have really awesome parents who really instilled the importance of

973
01:00:05,560 --> 01:00:08,400
Speaker 1: saving money to me really really early on. When I

974
01:00:08,440 --> 01:00:11,520
Speaker 1: was working at Buffalo wild Wings. At sixteen, I was

975
01:00:11,600 --> 01:00:14,640
Speaker 1: setting aside so much money. It was really important for

976
01:00:14,680 --> 01:00:17,160
Speaker 1: me to save a lot of what I was getting

977
01:00:17,200 --> 01:00:19,680
Speaker 1: at that time in my life for what I could save,

978
01:00:20,440 --> 01:00:23,760
Speaker 1: and that started me on a really important journey that

979
01:00:23,840 --> 01:00:28,440
Speaker 1: I've always been good at paying myself first. I've always saved,

980
01:00:28,480 --> 01:00:30,480
Speaker 1: Like every time I get a paycheck, I'm like, Okay,

981
01:00:30,520 --> 01:00:32,360
Speaker 1: how much can go on my savings account? How much

982
01:00:32,400 --> 01:00:35,880
Speaker 1: could go here? And now I have investment accounts. Now

983
01:00:35,920 --> 01:00:40,000
Speaker 1: I invest in stocks, and I've been investing in my

984
01:00:40,040 --> 01:00:43,400
Speaker 1: four oh one case since I was twenty five years old.

985
01:00:43,880 --> 01:00:47,320
Speaker 1: So it was always really instilled in me at a

986
01:00:47,320 --> 01:00:49,840
Speaker 1: really early age, and I'm very, very lucky and thankful

987
01:00:49,880 --> 01:00:51,680
Speaker 1: for that. I know a lot of people don't have

988
01:00:51,760 --> 01:00:55,360
Speaker 1: that same experience. So the best thing I can say

989
01:00:55,400 --> 01:00:59,520
Speaker 1: in this direction is start now. Like you can never

990
01:00:59,560 --> 01:01:02,480
Speaker 1: start too late, right, I mean you can, you can

991
01:01:02,520 --> 01:01:05,800
Speaker 1: meet like some of my coworkers and you don't have

992
01:01:05,800 --> 01:01:10,080
Speaker 1: four o one k's, but you can never like be

993
01:01:10,200 --> 01:01:13,000
Speaker 1: too late to start, is what I should say. You

994
01:01:13,040 --> 01:01:16,280
Speaker 1: can always start saving now. In that saving like when

995
01:01:16,320 --> 01:01:18,720
Speaker 1: I was paying myself first, it looked like twenty five dollars.

996
01:01:19,200 --> 01:01:21,959
Speaker 1: It was twenty five bucks of my Buffalo wild Wings

997
01:01:22,040 --> 01:01:25,840
Speaker 1: or my serving money went to my savings. It wasn't

998
01:01:25,840 --> 01:01:32,440
Speaker 1: a lot dead but freakin' gosh, twenty well, my mouth sucks.

999
01:01:32,480 --> 01:01:36,720
Speaker 1: But I don't know ten years from that, like, I've

1000
01:01:36,840 --> 01:01:39,959
Speaker 1: only increased that amount that I paid myself first every time,

1001
01:01:40,600 --> 01:01:45,720
Speaker 1: and now my savings is so awesome. So that was

1002
01:01:45,760 --> 01:01:49,680
Speaker 1: an important easy start for me to do, and I

1003
01:01:49,760 --> 01:01:53,080
Speaker 1: really try and suggest it to people. I've also only

1004
01:01:53,120 --> 01:01:57,960
Speaker 1: ever had one credit card. I've never opened up. That's

1005
01:01:57,960 --> 01:01:59,640
Speaker 1: not that's not true. I did open up a pottery

1006
01:01:59,640 --> 01:02:01,760
Speaker 1: barn when I about my house because I needed some deals.

1007
01:02:02,440 --> 01:02:05,800
Speaker 1: But beyond that bottery barn, which I really don't use anymore,

1008
01:02:05,800 --> 01:02:08,240
Speaker 1: I really just bought when I did my house. But

1009
01:02:08,840 --> 01:02:12,320
Speaker 1: I only have one credit card, one debit card, and

1010
01:02:13,200 --> 01:02:15,240
Speaker 1: I don't carry a lot of cash. Sometimes I do,

1011
01:02:15,840 --> 01:02:20,640
Speaker 1: but I really don't. So like I have gotten some

1012
01:02:20,840 --> 01:02:24,560
Speaker 1: financial things and still really early, and I wholeheartedly know

1013
01:02:24,600 --> 01:02:28,800
Speaker 1: that I'm very lucky for that, so very exciting. But

1014
01:02:29,000 --> 01:02:30,920
Speaker 1: if there's one thing that you're looking for to start

1015
01:02:30,960 --> 01:02:34,000
Speaker 1: saving as the first place, heck, it can even be

1016
01:02:34,040 --> 01:02:37,280
Speaker 1: five to ten dollars, like just start. Don't think like,

1017
01:02:37,440 --> 01:02:39,720
Speaker 1: I can't start. I can't do this, it's too overwhelming.

1018
01:02:39,840 --> 01:02:42,600
Speaker 1: Just start. Just start paying yourself first every time you

1019
01:02:42,640 --> 01:02:45,520
Speaker 1: get a paycheck, and that will start to build up

1020
01:02:45,520 --> 01:02:48,840
Speaker 1: over time. It's a habit. You create a habit. How

1021
01:02:48,880 --> 01:02:50,720
Speaker 1: should normal guys approach to women at a bar these

1022
01:02:50,800 --> 01:02:54,800
Speaker 1: days without being creepy? We talked about this a little

1023
01:02:54,800 --> 01:02:58,200
Speaker 1: bit on the Bobby Bone Show recently, and I think

1024
01:02:58,240 --> 01:03:02,200
Speaker 1: your best bet is genuinely to like find very natural approaches.

1025
01:03:02,240 --> 01:03:04,040
Speaker 1: Like if you see a cute girl at the grocery

1026
01:03:04,040 --> 01:03:07,720
Speaker 1: store and she's looking at a specific item, just like

1027
01:03:08,280 --> 01:03:10,600
Speaker 1: kind of like gently walk by. I don't like you

1028
01:03:10,880 --> 01:03:13,200
Speaker 1: rush up to her and just be like, hey, I've

1029
01:03:13,200 --> 01:03:16,120
Speaker 1: tried that before. It's really awesome. Like, as a normal

1030
01:03:16,200 --> 01:03:21,919
Speaker 1: human being, think of connection instead of flirting, Like, think

1031
01:03:21,960 --> 01:03:23,720
Speaker 1: of the fact that you just want to connect with

1032
01:03:23,720 --> 01:03:27,280
Speaker 1: this human being. I did an episode with a flirt coach, Benjamin,

1033
01:03:27,520 --> 01:03:29,720
Speaker 1: and it was cool to talk to him because so

1034
01:03:29,840 --> 01:03:32,960
Speaker 1: much of what he thinks the flirt is is just

1035
01:03:33,000 --> 01:03:35,840
Speaker 1: connecting with human beings. If we start to look at

1036
01:03:35,840 --> 01:03:40,160
Speaker 1: things as just connecting and having human interaction, it takes

1037
01:03:40,160 --> 01:03:42,120
Speaker 1: some of that pressure off that this has to be

1038
01:03:43,240 --> 01:03:47,000
Speaker 1: a connection. It can just be a fun moment in time.

1039
01:03:47,760 --> 01:03:51,480
Speaker 1: So do things just naturally, like how you would if

1040
01:03:51,480 --> 01:03:54,560
Speaker 1: you saw a friend, or if a girl's at the

1041
01:03:54,640 --> 01:03:57,520
Speaker 1: drink or at the drink at the bar buying a drink,

1042
01:03:58,000 --> 01:04:01,040
Speaker 1: then ask her what she's drinking, like, hey, what is that?

1043
01:04:01,080 --> 01:04:04,160
Speaker 1: I need a new drink? Or hey, like you guys

1044
01:04:04,160 --> 01:04:07,040
Speaker 1: are taking jobs, what are you celebrating tonight? I know

1045
01:04:07,080 --> 01:04:10,120
Speaker 1: these sound like kind of corny and stuff, but natural

1046
01:04:10,120 --> 01:04:12,280
Speaker 1: integration to your life is what's gonna have the most

1047
01:04:12,280 --> 01:04:15,840
Speaker 1: success and not be creepy, because you know, if you

1048
01:04:15,880 --> 01:04:18,200
Speaker 1: just go up be like hey you're hot, Yeah, that's

1049
01:04:18,200 --> 01:04:20,880
Speaker 1: gonna be creepy, or like hey can I get y'all number?

1050
01:04:21,680 --> 01:04:24,640
Speaker 1: Or uh what show snapchat? Yeah, none of those things

1051
01:04:24,640 --> 01:04:29,200
Speaker 1: are gonna work. So natural integration. Just think of human

1052
01:04:29,240 --> 01:04:32,320
Speaker 1: interaction rather than hey, I'm gonna go flirt with that

1053
01:04:32,400 --> 01:04:36,320
Speaker 1: hot girl. That's the best way you're gonna go. And

1054
01:04:36,440 --> 01:04:40,160
Speaker 1: our very last one imposter syndrome as a thirty year

1055
01:04:40,200 --> 01:04:45,200
Speaker 1: old woman engineer in a male dominated field, let me

1056
01:04:45,240 --> 01:04:49,600
Speaker 1: say this, you deserve to be there. You got that

1057
01:04:49,720 --> 01:04:53,960
Speaker 1: job regardless of being a thirty year old woman. You

1058
01:04:54,080 --> 01:04:57,720
Speaker 1: got that job, and all you have to do is

1059
01:04:58,040 --> 01:05:03,800
Speaker 1: own that shit. Own it, like so often with imposter syndrome,

1060
01:05:03,840 --> 01:05:06,160
Speaker 1: because I get it. I get it often. I'm kidding

1061
01:05:06,160 --> 01:05:07,959
Speaker 1: you right now sitting here on this podcast, like why

1062
01:05:08,040 --> 01:05:10,840
Speaker 1: is anybody listening to this? Why would anybody want to

1063
01:05:10,840 --> 01:05:12,600
Speaker 1: hear anything that I have to say? You know why?

1064
01:05:12,640 --> 01:05:14,320
Speaker 1: Because also the comments tell me that they're like, why

1065
01:05:14,360 --> 01:05:16,440
Speaker 1: would anybody want to listen to you? You're not smart,

1066
01:05:16,480 --> 01:05:18,000
Speaker 1: you don't need it, you don't need to share information,

1067
01:05:18,040 --> 01:05:21,440
Speaker 1: you don't have a successful life, YadA, YadA, YadA. No,

1068
01:05:21,840 --> 01:05:24,720
Speaker 1: you know what we're gonna do. We're gonna own that

1069
01:05:25,280 --> 01:05:29,600
Speaker 1: shit because we deserve to take up space. We deserve

1070
01:05:29,680 --> 01:05:32,040
Speaker 1: to have the jobs that we did do. We deserve

1071
01:05:32,640 --> 01:05:35,919
Speaker 1: to be in the spaces that we're in. We worked

1072
01:05:35,920 --> 01:05:39,480
Speaker 1: hard for that. You worked hard for that. Do not

1073
01:05:39,640 --> 01:05:42,400
Speaker 1: allow anybody to make you feel like you don't deserve

1074
01:05:42,520 --> 01:05:45,960
Speaker 1: to be there for any moment in time in your life.

1075
01:05:47,840 --> 01:05:52,880
Speaker 1: You deserve to take up space. You deserve to get

1076
01:05:52,880 --> 01:05:56,400
Speaker 1: the life that you've always dreamed of and to be

1077
01:05:56,640 --> 01:05:59,360
Speaker 1: someone is who is doing something different like you are.

1078
01:06:01,160 --> 01:06:06,040
Speaker 1: Hell yeah, you are paving a way for people. You

1079
01:06:06,080 --> 01:06:10,040
Speaker 1: are changing a narrative, You are changing a path, and

1080
01:06:10,080 --> 01:06:13,200
Speaker 1: that's so cool and so important, and do not ever

1081
01:06:13,280 --> 01:06:17,560
Speaker 1: invalidate that experience for you. Are you gonna have moments

1082
01:06:17,560 --> 01:06:19,439
Speaker 1: where you're like, dang, I shouldn't be here. Yes, you will.

1083
01:06:19,680 --> 01:06:22,160
Speaker 1: I still have those moments every day. But then I

1084
01:06:22,160 --> 01:06:23,760
Speaker 1: look myself in the mirror and I say, no, no, no,

1085
01:06:23,800 --> 01:06:26,000
Speaker 1: look at me. We did this. We got here, We

1086
01:06:26,080 --> 01:06:28,600
Speaker 1: worked hard, we put in the time, we put in

1087
01:06:28,600 --> 01:06:31,680
Speaker 1: the effort, and we deserve to be here. And I

1088
01:06:31,680 --> 01:06:34,080
Speaker 1: think that's probably what you needed to hear more than

1089
01:06:34,120 --> 01:06:37,760
Speaker 1: my take on imposter syndrome. So I hope you heard

1090
01:06:37,760 --> 01:06:40,360
Speaker 1: it loud and clear, and anybody else who's listening to

1091
01:06:40,360 --> 01:06:44,320
Speaker 1: this episode, I'm so happy you're here. And you also

1092
01:06:44,560 --> 01:06:47,200
Speaker 1: deserve to be here. And whatever space you're in in

1093
01:06:47,240 --> 01:06:50,000
Speaker 1: your life right now, you deserve to be in. You

1094
01:06:50,040 --> 01:06:53,720
Speaker 1: deserve to take up this space. So do it be

1095
01:06:54,080 --> 01:06:57,240
Speaker 1: who you have always wanted to be, chase the dreams

1096
01:06:57,240 --> 01:07:00,520
Speaker 1: that you always want to chase, and go on after it.

1097
01:07:01,800 --> 01:07:05,600
Speaker 1: We do at the end of the day. So much

1098
01:07:05,600 --> 01:07:08,760
Speaker 1: of my drive as a human being is that we

1099
01:07:08,840 --> 01:07:12,760
Speaker 1: only have one life to live and I am not

1100
01:07:13,080 --> 01:07:16,400
Speaker 1: gonna take a single moment of that for granted. And

1101
01:07:16,480 --> 01:07:20,880
Speaker 1: you shouldn't either, So go out there, live your life.

1102
01:07:21,160 --> 01:07:23,400
Speaker 1: I hope you got something out of this episode. Maybe

1103
01:07:23,400 --> 01:07:25,760
Speaker 1: I just weren't vomited all over you, and maybe you

1104
01:07:25,800 --> 01:07:28,400
Speaker 1: gave up halfway through and you're not even hearing the

1105
01:07:28,440 --> 01:07:31,880
Speaker 1: ending of this, and that's okay too. But along the way,

1106
01:07:31,920 --> 01:07:34,160
Speaker 1: I hope you did get something that helped you and

1107
01:07:34,400 --> 01:07:37,600
Speaker 1: made you feel seen and heard and less alone, because

1108
01:07:37,640 --> 01:07:40,840
Speaker 1: that is the whole purpose of this podcast. It isn't

1109
01:07:40,880 --> 01:07:43,240
Speaker 1: me to sit here on a mic and blabber and

1110
01:07:43,280 --> 01:07:47,120
Speaker 1: share advice or have interviews. It's really for you guys,

1111
01:07:47,160 --> 01:07:53,360
Speaker 1: to feel like you are being connected to That's what

1112
01:07:53,360 --> 01:07:57,120
Speaker 1: we're doing here. So I hope you felt it again.

1113
01:07:57,360 --> 01:08:00,280
Speaker 1: I'm happy you're here. Thank you for being here. I

1114
01:08:00,360 --> 01:08:03,600
Speaker 1: love you. Stay safe and we'll talk soon.