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Speaker 1: M h. Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast,

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Speaker 1: a weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all

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Speaker 1: the small decisions we can make to become the best

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Speaker 1: possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy hard

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Speaker 1: and Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more

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Speaker 1: information or to find a therapist in your area, visit

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Speaker 1: our website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While

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Speaker 1: I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast,

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Speaker 1: it is not meant to be a substitute for a

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Speaker 1: relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks

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Speaker 1: so much for joining me for session two oh six

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Speaker 1: of the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast. We'll get right

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Speaker 1: into the episode after a quick word from our sponsors.

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Speaker 1: So this week, I have several community questions that you

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Speaker 1: all submitted, and I'll be answering those in a minute.

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Speaker 1: But first, I wanted to start by sharing my thoughts

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Speaker 1: about a few things that I have been thinking about

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Speaker 1: this week. So first, I want to remind you all

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Speaker 1: that we are still in second place for the Webby Awards.

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Speaker 1: So I would love for you to take a minute

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Speaker 1: right now. I know you have to sign up to

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Speaker 1: vote I hate those systems too, but we really want

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Speaker 1: to win this award if we can. Um, So, if

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Speaker 1: you will go to Therapy for Black Girls dot com,

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Speaker 1: slash a webby and vote for us to be the

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Speaker 1: best health and wellness podcast, I would really appreciate it.

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Speaker 1: So next, Cindy and I will often see like random

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Speaker 1: tweets on the timeline and go into a deep die

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Speaker 1: of oh my gosh, what is this. So this week

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Speaker 1: we both saw, but Cindy sent this tweet to me,

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Speaker 1: a tweet by a Twitter user tinker sec t I

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Speaker 1: n k e r sec that was basically titled, oh

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Speaker 1: my gosh, my brain can break. And so it was

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Speaker 1: an extended thread by this guy who it sounds like

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Speaker 1: it's an info security about basically how he hacked so

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Speaker 1: much that he broke his brain. So he was spending

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Speaker 1: so much time it sounds like, on the computer and

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Speaker 1: doing so much cognitive work that he started to have seizures,

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Speaker 1: and so he went to lots of doctors, you know,

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Speaker 1: nobody could really find out what was going on until

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Speaker 1: finally he was able to make an appointment with a

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Speaker 1: neuro psychologist I believe it was, and he was diagnosed

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Speaker 1: with functional neurological disorder, and so he basically, in his words,

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Speaker 1: he says, I depleted my brain of dopamine and glucose.

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Speaker 1: So I did not even know this was ating, and

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Speaker 1: neither did Cindy, and so we started thinking like, oh

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Speaker 1: my gosh, so just one more thing right for us

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Speaker 1: to be anxious about, like how is this possible? And

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Speaker 1: so that I started doing all this research around, like

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Speaker 1: how do you even test the levels of glucose in

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Speaker 1: your brain? Which then led me to finding that a

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Speaker 1: spinal tap basically was the only way to test this,

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Speaker 1: at least from my preliminary research. I am by no

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Speaker 1: means an expert in this area, and so we were

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Speaker 1: both just really fascinated by this thread because again, it

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Speaker 1: wasn't something that we even knew was possible. But I

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Speaker 1: also think it is just a reminder that we can

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Speaker 1: really do damage to ourselves when we do not take

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Speaker 1: a moment to stop right, when we keep working past

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Speaker 1: our limits, even when our body is giving us indications

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Speaker 1: to slow down. And so if you are listening to

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Speaker 1: this and you know more about functional neurological disorder, or

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Speaker 1: this is something you have some expertise in or you

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Speaker 1: know of someone who has expertise in this area. I'm

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Speaker 1: thinking we want to do a long or fuller episode

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Speaker 1: around this, because again, this wasn't something that we knew of,

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Speaker 1: but it sounds like it is something that we like

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Speaker 1: to have more information about. So if you're listening and

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Speaker 1: this is your area of expertise, and definitely get in

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Speaker 1: touch with us so we can talk about it on

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Speaker 1: the podcast. Something else that I have been thinking about

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Speaker 1: this week is TikTok. So I am just kind of

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Speaker 1: like dabbling into TikTok. I probably watched four more TikTok's

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Speaker 1: than I actually create, just because it's interesting. It's, you know,

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Speaker 1: sometimes a fun way to spend time. But I have

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Speaker 1: also been paying attention to just the conversations around black

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Speaker 1: creators on TikTok. And you know, of course, we know

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Speaker 1: that this happens really on all of the social media platforms,

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Speaker 1: that black people are often the ones who create these

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Speaker 1: trends and then other people steal them and it gets

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Speaker 1: away from us and we are not properly inappropriately credited.

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Speaker 1: And so I recently saw another TikTok shared by user

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Speaker 1: Lena mccalop. Her TikTok handle is sweeze, Jane s w E,

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Speaker 1: I z A y n E. I will include all

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Speaker 1: of these in the show notes because I'm sure I'm

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Speaker 1: not pronouncing these things correctly. You may have seen her TikTok,

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Speaker 1: so she um has these hilarious ticktalks that often involved

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Speaker 1: her mom, and so one of the ones that was

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Speaker 1: stolen was one where she made her mom think that

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Speaker 1: she was guest teaching an aerobics class on zoom. She

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Speaker 1: had her mom like participating in the class as well,

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Speaker 1: and then she was pretending like she was cursing the class,

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Speaker 1: and her mom got upset. I mean, it was just

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Speaker 1: a hilarious kit. But in this most recent TikTok that

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Speaker 1: I saw, she shared that she came up with, of course,

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Speaker 1: the content of the idea of this skit, and then

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Speaker 1: shared at least two or three other white people who

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Speaker 1: had stolen her skit without properly crediting her. And so

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Speaker 1: she talks about, you know how upset this made her

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Speaker 1: and really had her anxious to create even new TikTok's

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Speaker 1: and maybe even other content because she was afraid that

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Speaker 1: people would steal it. And this is the first time

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Speaker 1: that I've heard this kind of story. You know, like

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Speaker 1: I said, I kind of keep up with the creating

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Speaker 1: or the creator stories and you know, hearing people's experiences.

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Speaker 1: And again, I think we see this on lots of

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Speaker 1: different platforms, but this, I think just made me think

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Speaker 1: about the mental health concerns and the mental health implications

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Speaker 1: that go into creating things for social media, right, because

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Speaker 1: we do know how quickly sometimes things go viral, and

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Speaker 1: sometimes we don't have any control over whether we are

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Speaker 1: credited for those things, even though we definitely should be

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Speaker 1: in so then how that can sometimes cause depression because

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Speaker 1: you're really sad that you know this thing has gotten

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Speaker 1: away from you, and it feels like other people are

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Speaker 1: getting credit and shine and resources and all kinds of

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Speaker 1: awards and accolades when it is your original idea. And

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Speaker 1: also anxiety about whether you're going to be able to

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Speaker 1: create something that good again or if somebody's going to

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Speaker 1: take it in the future and know it gets away

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Speaker 1: from you. And so it just made me think that

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Speaker 1: this is yet another conversation to have just around how

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Speaker 1: black people are offering the creators of these trends, but

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Speaker 1: so often are not appropriately credited. So just something else

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Speaker 1: I was thinking about and while we're talking about TikTok,

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Speaker 1: I definitely have to share with you my favorite little niece.

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Speaker 1: I'm not really my niece, but my niece in my head, Gabria.

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Speaker 1: So you may have seen Gabria. I'm sure she is

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Speaker 1: often on the TikTok's with her god brother Lauren, and

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Speaker 1: he is the one who's asking, like the tyler's like

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Speaker 1: are you smart? And so Gabria is the one who

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Speaker 1: says yes, and then she answers a question, right, Gabria,

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Speaker 1: are you smarty? Where is Disney worlds Applebee's? Disney World

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Speaker 1: is at Applebee's? Really? Yes? All right? Good job? LORI

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Speaker 1: are you smart? Yes? What does organic mean? Great? It

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Speaker 1: means English? Really okay, good job? That's it? Alright, good job, Jabria?

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Speaker 1: Are you smart? What does a scientists do? Um? The

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Speaker 1: cars can't go because the side say red and you

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Speaker 1: can't go meanstop and just go yellow it means slow.

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Speaker 1: Now it's just green you go. Oh. I think we

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Speaker 1: I think we were on two different pages, but you

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Speaker 1: read the right words. A good job. Jabria is so

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Speaker 1: adorable as all the kids are. But of course she

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Speaker 1: has become recognizable, and so she was recently I think

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Speaker 1: her fifth birthday was recently, I think this past weekend,

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Speaker 1: and so she had a birthday party and she was

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Speaker 1: interviewed by a local news station and she had the

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Speaker 1: cutest little quote. So she said, when she's out, people

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Speaker 1: will say buster brother from sufar dr from So just

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Speaker 1: so adorable to see her a little personality develop and

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Speaker 1: just really looking forward to seeing how she grows. You know,

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure if she's gonna stay kind of visible

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Speaker 1: in social media, but it definitely looks like it for now.

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Speaker 1: I'm so just looking forward to kind of continue to

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Speaker 1: see her develop. And if you're looking for a smile

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Speaker 1: and a laugh, then Gabria typically can give you one.

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Speaker 1: So she's on TikTok but also on Instagram, so definitely

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Speaker 1: include those in the show notes as well. And then

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Speaker 1: finally I included this in our Sweet Tea Sunday newsletter.

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Speaker 1: So every Sunday afternoon evening, I send out my newsletter

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Speaker 1: basically kind of like recapping the weekend therapy for Black

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Speaker 1: Girls and then sharing some things that I'm like reading

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Speaker 1: or paying attention to, and so this past Sunday. But

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Speaker 1: if you're not on that, you want to get the

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Speaker 1: Sweet Tea Sunday. Let me say that if you would

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Speaker 1: like to get your copy of the Sweet Sunday newsletter

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Speaker 1: you're not already signed up, you can go sit therapy

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Speaker 1: for black Girls dot com slash sweet Tea. I mean,

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Speaker 1: you can sign up and you'll get it every Sunday.

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Speaker 1: But this Sunday I shared an article from l which

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Speaker 1: was an interview with Audie Cornish, who is the co

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Speaker 1: host of All Things Considered and so Autie is somebody

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Speaker 1: who has been like a superstar in radio and things

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Speaker 1: for a very long time, and so she sat down

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Speaker 1: for this interview and one of the questions that they

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Speaker 1: asked her was what was a lesson that you learned

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Speaker 1: the hard way? And the answer that she gave has

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Speaker 1: sat with me, and so I wanted to share it

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Speaker 1: with you as well. So she says, after I had babies,

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Speaker 1: I pulled the full Beyonce. I got two other jobs.

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Speaker 1: I was like, look at me doing all the things.

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Speaker 1: I'm awesome. Then immediately after I was like, why did

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Speaker 1: I do that? My hair was falling out and I

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Speaker 1: was so stressed. I realized I was trying to prove

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Speaker 1: to everyone and myself that I still got it. I

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Speaker 1: want to warn people don't do that. Remember at the

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Speaker 1: end of Homecoming, Beyonce even says, I don't think I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna do that again. Here's the trick. You will be

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Speaker 1: rewarded for working like an animal, but you will also

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Speaker 1: be treated like an animal. People will keep hurling things

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Speaker 1: that you. No one is going to ask you if

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Speaker 1: you need help. No one's going to ask you if

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Speaker 1: it's time to stop when you're really ambitious. The only

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Speaker 1: thing that's going to stop anything is you. So, like

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Speaker 1: I said, that quote is still sitting with me, so

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Speaker 1: I wanted to offer it to you as well, just

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Speaker 1: in case anybody else needs to marinate on it. I'll

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Speaker 1: be back to answer some of your questions right after

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Speaker 1: this break, so we put out a call earlier this week,

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Speaker 1: and you know have done this before that. If you

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Speaker 1: have any questions that you'd like to have answered on

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Speaker 1: the podcast, you can always submit them to us at

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Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash mailbox, and sometimes

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Speaker 1: we read the questions on the episode. So sometimes we

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Speaker 1: read them at the end of an episode, and sometimes

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Speaker 1: we create entire episodes just answering your questions. But good

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Speaker 1: chance that your question could be answered either in an

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Speaker 1: episode or in a future episode if you send it in.

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Speaker 1: So the first question we have is how do you

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Speaker 1: cope with having toxic family members when you still depend

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Speaker 1: on them financially. I'm in my early twenties, So the

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Speaker 1: answer to this is boundaries and making a plan to

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Speaker 1: support yourself as soon as you can. You know, the

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Speaker 1: unfortunate reality is that we can't change anyone else. We

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Speaker 1: can only change ourselves and how we respond to others.

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Speaker 1: So boundary setting in this case might look like being

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Speaker 1: of course, choosing certain topics to discuss with them, and

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Speaker 1: then having others that you won't and then of course,

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Speaker 1: like I said, you know, doing what you can in

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Speaker 1: so that you will be able to support yourself financially

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Speaker 1: as soon as possible. So we also had a couple

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Speaker 1: of questions around ghosting, and it feels like this has

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Speaker 1: come up a lot, you know. Of course, you know,

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Speaker 1: I don't know why we would think that a pandemic

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Speaker 1: And so you know, if you haven't listened to session

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Speaker 1: one nineteen of the podcast about when you're ghosted. I

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Speaker 1: definitely encourage you to listen to that one. But like

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Speaker 1: I said, we do have a couple of questions about

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Speaker 1: ghosting here. So the first one is, I was ghosted

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Speaker 1: about two months ago, I reached out to check in,

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Speaker 1: and now we're back in contact. How do you let

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Speaker 1: go of the fear that he will ghost again? So

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Speaker 1: I would say that that fear is pretty founded. So

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Speaker 1: I'd first encourage you not to be too hard on

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Speaker 1: yourself for having it. Secondly, if you haven't already, I'd

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Speaker 1: encourage you to have a conversation with him about why

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Speaker 1: he fell out of contact in the first place, and

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Speaker 1: what things he might do differently in the future. If

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Speaker 1: he's not able to our refuses to give you a

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Speaker 1: clear answer about what happened, then I'd wonder if this

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Speaker 1: is really someone you want to invest a significant amount

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Speaker 1: of time and energy into. The next question about ghosting.

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Speaker 1: I was ghosted recently and have been having a really,

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Speaker 1: really hard time as the situation left me not only

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Speaker 1: confused and devastated, but also brought up unresolved trauma related

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Speaker 1: to abandonment issues. I was abandoned in prior relationships by

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Speaker 1: my parents and in friendships. I truly could use advice

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Speaker 1: on how to be patient and kind to myself, but

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Speaker 1: also how to move forward while figuring out how to

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Speaker 1: work and manage these feelings. So first, I'm really, really

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Speaker 1: sorry that this happened to you, and I want you

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Speaker 1: to hear that it is completely normal for your old

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Speaker 1: wounds related to abandonment to be very tender right now

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Speaker 1: given this a new situation where you were ghosted. Anytime

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Speaker 1: we've had an attachment wound in our history, and an

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Speaker 1: attachment wound refers to a rupture in the relationship with

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Speaker 1: important figures in our lives when that trust has been violated,

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Speaker 1: So anytime there is the presence of a wound, it

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Speaker 1: makes it more difficult to be trusting and subsequent relationships.

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Speaker 1: So it sounds like you had already worked through quite

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Speaker 1: a bit and even being open and vulnerable to this

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Speaker 1: new person, and then they violated your trust. So it's

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Speaker 1: completely normal for you to be incredibly hurt and feeling

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Speaker 1: really raw right now. I'd encourage you to continue being

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Speaker 1: gentle and patient with yourself as you mentioned you were,

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Speaker 1: and also leaning on your support system if you can.

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Speaker 1: The people in your life who have affirmed you and

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Speaker 1: who have proven to you that they're there for you.

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Speaker 1: If you don't already have a therapist, then that may

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Speaker 1: be something that you look into so that you can

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Speaker 1: have an additional space and support to process how you've

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Speaker 1: been feeling. You might also want to look into a

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Speaker 1: therapy group. So a group therapy can be really powerful

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Speaker 1: for people with concerns around abandonment and attachment because its

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Speaker 1: you an opportunity to form new relationships in real time

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Speaker 1: that is safe and facilitated. Our next couple of questions

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Speaker 1: some alternative paths to working as a therapist or mental

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Speaker 1: health professional outside of universities or institutions which teach from

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Speaker 1: a historically male whitewash lends. So I'm not really aware

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Speaker 1: of any other past to becoming a mental health professional,

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Speaker 1: at least here in the US that don't involve more

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Speaker 1: traditional schooling. Now, there are definitely some graduate programs that

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Speaker 1: have a more diverse faculty and some that do a

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Speaker 1: better job of expanding the curriculum to include a diversity

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Speaker 1: of thought, but it would likely still be accredited by

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Speaker 1: a professional organization like the A p A or a

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Speaker 1: c A, which means that there will be some things

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Speaker 1: that have to be included in the curriculum. So what

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Speaker 1: most colleagues I know have done is to get their

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Speaker 1: credentials from the system that currently exists and then and

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Speaker 1: simply deconstructed, reimagine it, and augment it to work with

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Speaker 1: the communities that they serve. So there's nothing to stop

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Speaker 1: you from augmenting the more traditional schooling that you might

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Speaker 1: get with other modalities. So in session two oh three,

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Speaker 1: Dr G talked about this sum during our interview about gender,

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Speaker 1: and in session one seventy three, so did Phoenix during

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Speaker 1: our interview about repairing our relationship with nature. So they

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Speaker 1: are both great examples of people who have done traditional

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Speaker 1: schooling but have also flipped it to be something that

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Speaker 1: is a benefit for them. So I encourage you to

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Speaker 1: check those out. Our next question, how can you professionally

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Speaker 1: discuss burnout with your organization without feeling like a slacker.

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Speaker 1: Most of my peers are just dealing with it instead

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Speaker 1: of communicating the need for a break. So I think

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Speaker 1: that this is a really hard question because that is

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Speaker 1: kind of like how the system is built right. It

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Speaker 1: is built for us to feel guilty or for like

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Speaker 1: we're being a slacker for not working hard despite the

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Speaker 1: relacious year that we've all been through. So this is

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Speaker 1: why in every presentation I give with a company, I

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Speaker 1: talk about how the team is likely struggling even if

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Speaker 1: they don't feel safe and comfortable enough to say so.

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Speaker 1: So if you are listening and you are responsible for

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Speaker 1: managing people, give them a break. Everybody is struggling. I

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Speaker 1: also think that sometimes it just requires one person to

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Speaker 1: start the conversation for others to feel safe enough sharing

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Speaker 1: their struggling too. Now, if you're always the one starting

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Speaker 1: these hard conversations, I definitely understand why you might not

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Speaker 1: have one to do that again. And I'm not saying

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Speaker 1: you have to be the one to start this one

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Speaker 1: as well. I know that gets old. But if you

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Speaker 1: feel like you can, perhaps you can go to other

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Speaker 1: colleagues probably and tell them that you'd like to bring

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Speaker 1: it up maybe in the next staff meeting, and ask

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Speaker 1: if they will support you. So then at least that

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Speaker 1: way you know that you'll have some backup when you

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Speaker 1: bring up the conversation. The other thing that you can

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Speaker 1: do is to perhaps share you know, I think one

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Speaker 1: of the things that is happening right now is that

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Speaker 1: you're hearing lots of executives and people who kind of

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Speaker 1: study workplaces right a lot about burnout and what that's

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Speaker 1: looking like in the workplace. And you know, so even

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Speaker 1: sharing some of those resources, if there's like a company

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Speaker 1: while listener or something like that, even sharing some of

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Speaker 1: those resources may get some conversations started for people to

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Speaker 1: kind of take a closer look at what's happening in

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Speaker 1: your space. Our next question, how do we care for

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Speaker 1: ourselves in a society that perpetuates harm and trauma in

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Speaker 1: people of color? Oh? Yeah, So this is such a

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Speaker 1: tough question because it feels so unfair and it's something

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Speaker 1: I wish we didn't have to ponder, but sadly reality

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Speaker 1: dictates otherwise. And so the things that I think are

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Speaker 1: important are surrounding ourselves with loved ones who act as

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Speaker 1: a bit of a buffer from the rest of the world,

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Speaker 1: and finding respite in that as often as we possibly can,

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Speaker 1: setting boundaries as much as we can around triggering news

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Speaker 1: and other content, getting involved in dismantling these systems as

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Speaker 1: much as we can, and heavily investing into taking care

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Speaker 1: of one another however we can. I'll be back with

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Speaker 1: more answers to your questions right after the break. So

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Speaker 1: our next couple of questions, it seems, are around boundary setting.

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Speaker 1: So the first question is what do I do when

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Speaker 1: I set some boundaries for the sake of my sanity

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Speaker 1: and nine of people I considered as friends, including my

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Speaker 1: ex lover, now all stopped talking to me. They say,

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Speaker 1: I'm too uptight, So I would say that it sounds

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Speaker 1: like you're moving in the right direction. You have to

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Speaker 1: remember that the people who benefited the most from your

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Speaker 1: yeses are often the most disturbed by your nose. So

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Speaker 1: you remember that being super available, super accommodating, and whatever

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Speaker 1: else allow them to function in a way that was

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Speaker 1: optimal for them. And so now you saying no or

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Speaker 1: being less accommodating is an inconvenient for them, and that

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Speaker 1: is okay. The alternative is you continuing not to set boundaries,

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Speaker 1: and then you continuing to feel like your sanity is

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Speaker 1: in jeopardy. People who love you and want the best

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Speaker 1: for you will be okay with you making sure that

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Speaker 1: you are taking care of yourself, even if it makes

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Speaker 1: their life a little more complicated. Another question about boundaries,

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Speaker 1: How do you set boundaries with an emotionally immature person

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Speaker 1: without it blowing up? So this one, you know, I

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Speaker 1: want you to hear that there's absolutely no way that

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Speaker 1: you can prevent against this happening. If someone is going

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Speaker 1: to blow up, they're going to do it, no matter

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Speaker 1: how nicely you craft your words or how gently you speak.

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Speaker 1: Your responsibility is to be clear in your boundaries and

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Speaker 1: to be prepared to enforce them. So when we go

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Speaker 1: into these kinds of conversations trying to control how the

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Speaker 1: other person is going to react or how they're going

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Speaker 1: to respond, we really do ourselves a disservice because then

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Speaker 1: our message often gets lost. And so it's really important

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Speaker 1: to remember that we don't have control over how other

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Speaker 1: people respond or react to what we say. We only

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Speaker 1: have control over what we say and then how we

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Speaker 1: respond to it. Our next question is around it sounds

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Speaker 1: like graduate programs. So if one has their own mental

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Speaker 1: health issues and their in treatment, should they wait until

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Speaker 1: after their treatment to strive to become a their at

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Speaker 1: this so I would say absolutely not. You know, I

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Speaker 1: think it's important to remember that we are all works

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Speaker 1: in progress, none of us therapists included are perfect or

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Speaker 1: completely healed from anything. We are all works in progress.

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Speaker 1: So in many cases, I lived experiences with mental health

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Speaker 1: concerns can give us a deeper understanding and empathy for

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Speaker 1: how our clients may be feeling. So if you can

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Speaker 1: commit to the schedule and other program requirements, then I

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Speaker 1: don't think that there's any reason for you to wait.

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Speaker 1: Another grad school question. So, I had severe depression for

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Speaker 1: most of my early twenties. As a result, I've squandered

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Speaker 1: a lot of opportunities and networking and jobs. I even

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Speaker 1: stopped taking care of my teeth. I now find myself

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Speaker 1: in a position where I need recommendations for grad school.

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Speaker 1: I've got a master's, but frankly don't even remember it

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Speaker 1: because I was so depressed and I just don't have them.

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Speaker 1: I don't have a network to tap into, and I'm

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Speaker 1: curious as to where someone can start when they are

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Speaker 1: in this position. So thank you so much for sharing this.

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Speaker 1: I really feel like this is a very important question,

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Speaker 1: because you know to your point, I do think that

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Speaker 1: this is a piece that we don't often talk about, right,

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Speaker 1: or a piece that's often missed. How there can be

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Speaker 1: because of mental health concerns, like just large chunks of

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Speaker 1: time that maybe we can't account for or maybe we

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Speaker 1: don't want to be super forthcoming about. And so my

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Speaker 1: initial thought was for you to perhaps try to have

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Speaker 1: a conversation with the chair of the admissions department or

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Speaker 1: the chair of the admissions committee, to be honest with

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Speaker 1: them about what had happened, and to get their feedback

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Speaker 1: about maybe how you would perceive. But I didn't feel

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Speaker 1: like that was enough of an answer for you, and

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Speaker 1: so I wanted to chat with some other colleagues. So

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Speaker 1: I sent a message to dr Ayana Abrahams, who you have,

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Speaker 1: like maybe heard on the podcast before. She is also

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Speaker 1: a psychologist here in Atlanta, and asked her what suggestions

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Speaker 1: she might have. And so when I told her that

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Speaker 1: I thought, you know, maybe having a conversation with the

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Speaker 1: admission share, she said, MMM, I don't know. That's difficult.

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Speaker 1: I appreciate the transparency practice, but I don't trust that

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Speaker 1: the grad schools will show grace about it. My first

435
00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:16,919
Speaker 1: thought was to offer transparency to potential letter writers. So

436
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:20,920
Speaker 1: if there are professors from your master's program or other

437
00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:24,000
Speaker 1: colleagues or people you've worked with, if you want to

438
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:26,520
Speaker 1: be transparent with them and see if they'd be willing

439
00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:29,240
Speaker 1: to write something, even though it may be vague. That

440
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:32,840
Speaker 1: might be an option. She also said, my second thought

441
00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:36,119
Speaker 1: is to offer transparency to the grad programs and have

442
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:40,199
Speaker 1: coping strategies planned for any rejection. It could be a

443
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:43,720
Speaker 1: good opportunity to engage in some risk taking practice and

444
00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:47,399
Speaker 1: understanding that not everyone will understand, but to try it

445
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:50,920
Speaker 1: out anyway. To build confidence and less shame around your

446
00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:55,040
Speaker 1: mental health history another good option to consider. She also

447
00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:58,560
Speaker 1: suggested consider where you can begin building a new support

448
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:02,280
Speaker 1: system now and just for work purposes, but to practice

449
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:05,240
Speaker 1: connecting with others from a healthier place and to have

450
00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:09,000
Speaker 1: a corrective experience. Therapy can also be a great place

451
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:13,000
Speaker 1: to establish this. A final option, she says, would be

452
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:15,840
Speaker 1: to hold off on applying to school now until you

453
00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:19,359
Speaker 1: build up some of your relationships or additional experience to

454
00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:21,679
Speaker 1: get recent letters from, so that if you choose to

455
00:26:21,720 --> 00:26:25,359
Speaker 1: be transparent in the future, you can say something like, hey,

456
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:28,040
Speaker 1: I really don't have much to show from that time period,

457
00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:30,720
Speaker 1: but I have worked on and with myself and my

458
00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,360
Speaker 1: interests since then and can show you where I am

459
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:36,080
Speaker 1: now and why this program fits who I am now.

460
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:38,840
Speaker 1: When I was in my master's program, I wasn't able

461
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:42,480
Speaker 1: to access my full capacity due to significant mental health stressors.

462
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:44,600
Speaker 1: But I'm on the other side of that now and

463
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:47,600
Speaker 1: interested in moving forward in my career. Here's what I

464
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:51,560
Speaker 1: love about your program slash faculty offerings. So again, that

465
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:54,640
Speaker 1: is what Dr Abrams suggested, But so I do wish

466
00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:56,800
Speaker 1: you good luck in that process. You know, it sounds

467
00:26:56,840 --> 00:26:58,960
Speaker 1: like she has outlined a couple of different options that

468
00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:03,240
Speaker 1: may be things for you to consider. And then our

469
00:27:03,280 --> 00:27:08,200
Speaker 1: final question, what is the appropriate response or approach if

470
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:11,359
Speaker 1: your child or young adult shares with you that they

471
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:16,360
Speaker 1: are transgender. So I would say offering as much affirmation

472
00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:20,159
Speaker 1: and support as you possibly can. I'd encourage you to

473
00:27:20,320 --> 00:27:22,679
Speaker 1: thank them for sharing it with you, and open the

474
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:25,800
Speaker 1: floor for any questions that they might have or anything

475
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:29,280
Speaker 1: that you can assist them with immediately. I think it's

476
00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:31,480
Speaker 1: also a good idea to ask about how they like

477
00:27:31,600 --> 00:27:34,560
Speaker 1: to be referred to and commit to being there to

478
00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:37,879
Speaker 1: support them. You don't have to worry about having the

479
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:40,960
Speaker 1: perfect response of the perfect answers to all of the questions.

480
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:44,199
Speaker 1: You just have to commit to loving and supporting them.

481
00:27:44,240 --> 00:27:46,720
Speaker 1: So if you haven't already listened to Session two or

482
00:27:46,760 --> 00:27:49,919
Speaker 1: three with Dr G about exploring gender, That be a

483
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:52,600
Speaker 1: great one to check out because lots of great information

484
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:55,639
Speaker 1: was shared related to this topic, so I hope that hopes.

485
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,040
Speaker 1: So if you have a question that you would like

486
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:04,080
Speaker 1: to have answered on a future episode, please send it

487
00:28:04,119 --> 00:28:06,760
Speaker 1: to us at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash

488
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:10,399
Speaker 1: mailbox and it just might be answered on air. And

489
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:13,640
Speaker 1: if you don't hear your question answered, don't worry. There's

490
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:15,919
Speaker 1: a good chance that your question was so meaty that

491
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:19,000
Speaker 1: we decided to make an entire episode about it. So

492
00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:22,960
Speaker 1: please stay tuned to check out all of the sessions

493
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,720
Speaker 1: and the articles that I referenced in my answers. Be

494
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:28,240
Speaker 1: sure to visit the show notes at Therapy for Black

495
00:28:28,240 --> 00:28:31,600
Speaker 1: Girls dot com slash Session two oh six, and don't

496
00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:34,080
Speaker 1: forget to text two of your girls right now to

497
00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 1: tell them to check out the episode as well. If

498
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:40,160
Speaker 1: you're looking for a therapist in your area, be sure

499
00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:43,000
Speaker 1: to check out our therapist directory at Therapy for Black

500
00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:46,440
Speaker 1: Girls dot com slash directory. And if you want to

501
00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:50,120
Speaker 1: continue digging into these topics, are just being community with

502
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:52,720
Speaker 1: other sisters, come on over and join us in the

503
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:56,520
Speaker 1: Sister Circle. It's our cozy corner of the Internet, design

504
00:28:56,680 --> 00:29:00,000
Speaker 1: just for black women. You can join us at community

505
00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:03,680
Speaker 1: out Therapy for black girls dot com. Thank you all

506
00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:06,320
Speaker 1: so much for joining me again this week. I look

507
00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:09,640
Speaker 1: forward to continue in this conversation with you all real soon.

508
00:29:10,440 --> 00:29:18,880
Speaker 1: Take it care what