Speaker 1: Scrubbing in with Beca, Tilly and Tanya wrap an iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2: Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in scrub dub dumb California.
Speaker 3: Hello.
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3: I love scrub dub dup scrub dub dub.
Speaker 4: I do it every week.
Speaker 2: At tune. It's a Dear Bonnia episode. So congrats.
Speaker 4: Everybody was about Tommy and Molly, So thanks for nothing.
Speaker 2: Thing still just the allegations, just allegend.
Speaker 4: Yeah, just the alleged I will have.
Speaker 2: I do want to say last week's or yeah, last
Speaker 2: week's Dear Bonnia episode. I answered a question about Haley
Speaker 2: and Crystal posted the video. The video thank you so much.
Speaker 2: It was hard to get out and I so much love,
Speaker 2: and it was such a conversational thing that I didn't
Speaker 2: intend for it to be like a moment, Like I
Speaker 2: really didn't intend for it to be a moment. I
Speaker 2: was just you know, giving advice. And I also feel
Speaker 2: like I've said a lot of those things on like
Speaker 2: Instagram and questions and stuff. So it was funny in
Speaker 2: like the nicest way. How how much love I.
Speaker 5: Got that I would have thought about her forever is
Speaker 5: like out of a movie.
Speaker 4: Honestly, Yeah, it needs to be like a name of
Speaker 4: one of her songs.
Speaker 6: Honestly, someone was like the way back, so casually just
Speaker 6: said like the most romantic ever. But again, I feel
Speaker 6: like I've said that before, so I felt like I
Speaker 6: was repeating myself.
Speaker 4: You weren't. You've never said any of that before.
Speaker 2: I guess on my maybe somewhere else I've said it.
Speaker 2: I don't know, or I've thought it.
Speaker 4: I don't know, but or you probably said it to
Speaker 4: like people in the comfort of your own.
Speaker 2: Walls, just me and Phoebe Phoebe before, maybe I would
Speaker 2: have thought about her forever. I thought about it. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but thank y'all. It's true, like I always have felt
Speaker 2: so supported by the scrubbing and listeners of scrubbers and
Speaker 2: you guys, and Easton does make me feel like I
Speaker 2: could cry every time I talk about him look at him.
Speaker 2: So that's sweet. Yeah, But anyways, we have more questions
Speaker 2: to hard hitting questions and emails.
Speaker 4: And and Mark is back here.
Speaker 2: I am still with the mask.
Speaker 7: Take the mask off, I can yeah, okay, see that
Speaker 7: I'm not going to see.
Speaker 2: Give him a real voice.
Speaker 4: This is the muffled, is not it anymore?
Speaker 1: Just right there. We go, spewing germs everywhere.
Speaker 4: I have an open container over here.
Speaker 2: Okay, but that has been sitting there for a gross time.
Speaker 2: I think she needs to be done.
Speaker 1: From anonymous, I'll be honest.
Speaker 7: I'm not no g scrubber, but was introduced to your
Speaker 7: podcast on a recent road trip with mcgal Palace.
Speaker 1: We're all devoted scrubbers and they had it on.
Speaker 7: They gave me the lowdown, and I love both of
Speaker 7: your stories and also the dynamic of the four of you.
Speaker 1: So I'm now a listener.
Speaker 7: I'm writing because I know I am a Becca to
Speaker 7: the core, and I wanted to ask her how Haley
Speaker 7: deals with her personality. I'm almost a year into my
Speaker 7: relationship and I love my boyfriend, but he has difficulty
Speaker 7: dealing with my aloofness and avoidant attachment style. I very
Speaker 7: much related to Becca when she mentioned in a recent
Speaker 7: podcast but wanted to sometimes throw away her phone because
Speaker 7: everyone has access. I am so this. I sometimes turn
Speaker 7: off my phone as I wind down and not even
Speaker 7: my boyfriend gets through, and he gets frustrated. It's not
Speaker 7: that I don't love him, it's just me. I've been
Speaker 7: like this all my life. You and Haley have been
Speaker 7: together a while now, can you give me any advice
Speaker 7: on this front. I don't know if I will change
Speaker 7: or if I want to. I just know I want
Speaker 7: to be with him love A dedicated a listener.
Speaker 2: Now, oh, first of all, thank you for yeah, have
Speaker 2: you what do you call it? Like a influenced listener,
Speaker 2: Like someone who just happened to be in the car just.
Speaker 4: Got their cherry pop Jesus, it's really.
Speaker 2: What the old scrubbing and cherry.
Speaker 4: Bob every single of us at some point for seven years.
Speaker 2: True, So anyways, welcome after that. Here's the thing that
Speaker 2: complicates this advice for me is because Hailey is the exception.
Speaker 2: She's not the rule. She's the exception.
Speaker 4: Does everybody know what famous movie that is from?
Speaker 1: I know the phrase, I didn't know.
Speaker 2: I used to watch it every Friday night. Tanya is
Speaker 2: the main character. We've talked about this so many times.
Speaker 1: You're kind of the main character.
Speaker 2: He's just not that Indian.
Speaker 4: It's just not that into you.
Speaker 2: Great movie. I watched it on the plane to gosh. Okay,
Speaker 2: we can't get sidetracked. So I really like Hailey is
Speaker 2: the only person who has been able to climb over
Speaker 2: this wall that I have built. She has a special
Speaker 2: ladder and so she's been able to access access to
Speaker 2: me in a way that no one ever has been
Speaker 2: able to and so she is the exception to that.
Speaker 2: So I think it would be really hard. I think
Speaker 2: it would be really really hard for her if I
Speaker 2: was still aloof and needed space in the way that
Speaker 2: I have needed in the past. Because like even sometimes
Speaker 2: when we're going to bed, He'll be like about to
Speaker 2: enter rim sleep and she's like, hey, can you look
Speaker 2: at me so we can connect.
Speaker 4: Before we're going to bed, and about she is so mean,
Speaker 4: I'm like thirty.
Speaker 2: Minutes to connect for like before I was about about
Speaker 2: fall asleep. So I do think that would be really
Speaker 2: hard for her. But I think the challenges that you know,
Speaker 2: you want to be with him, so he hasn't been
Speaker 2: able to access that place that like Hayley's been been
Speaker 2: able to access for me. But I think it's just
Speaker 2: having dedicated time and maybe also having a conversation when
Speaker 2: you can fill yourself needing that distance in space, like
Speaker 2: giving him loving reassurance that it's for you, it has
Speaker 2: nothing to do with him, and letting him know that
Speaker 2: you love him. But you need to like fully cut
Speaker 2: yourself off from like conversation like anyone needing you, because
Speaker 2: sometimes you just don't want to be needed. And that's
Speaker 2: just I'm not I'm just gonna stick up for the
Speaker 2: boyfriend here, you know, just I agree, I'm I'm with them,
Speaker 2: I get it.
Speaker 4: I'm just gonna say that relationships are compromise, and if
Speaker 4: he needs a little reassurance while you're winding down, maybe
Speaker 4: you find a happy medium, you know what I mean,
Speaker 4: Maybe you don't turn the phone off, Maybe you like
Speaker 4: give him like the whatever the thing is that they
Speaker 4: can go straight to your ringer or whatever, like you
Speaker 4: just compromise, you know.
Speaker 2: But I think I think that's what I'm saying, Like, Hey,
Speaker 2: I'm about to put my phone on silent, and I
Speaker 2: love you so much I cannot wait to catch up later.
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna like disconnect for a minute. I love you,
Speaker 2: And that way there's no like feeling of being ignored
Speaker 2: or he didn't know it was humming and feels like
Speaker 2: just shut off without a warning, because I think anyone,
Speaker 2: even I would be hurt if someone if Haley just
Speaker 2: was like I need to shut down, I need space
Speaker 2: and didn't give me a heads up and then she
Speaker 2: just put her phone. Well, do not disturb. I'd be upset.
Speaker 4: I'd be losing it, we know.
Speaker 2: So do y'all have any advice if you're because if
Speaker 2: if if your wives did that or while y'all were dating.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that would that would that would freak me out.
Speaker 1: I think I would like it. I'm I'm more like,
Speaker 1: tell ya, I'm always connected.
Speaker 2: But what would make you feel like that?
Speaker 7: Yes, hey, I love you, I'm going on, I need
Speaker 7: to disconnect for a couple of hours.
Speaker 1: And then I'm kind of like, well, I don't count right,
Speaker 1: I don't count as right.
Speaker 4: I know I would feel like from me should connect right.
Speaker 7: So I think that's great. I think that's the best
Speaker 7: you can do. But it still might lead the insecurities.
Speaker 5: That was something that was really hard for me to
Speaker 5: get over because I dated a lot of women that
Speaker 5: would like if they were mad, they just wouldn't talk
Speaker 5: to me or something like. That was a thing that
Speaker 5: was like, So if I didn't hear from Alison for
Speaker 5: like a few hours, oh gosh, she's mad at me,
Speaker 5: you know. And she sat me down on a and
Speaker 5: she's like, if I'm mad at you, I will tell
Speaker 5: you right away.
Speaker 1: You will not.
Speaker 5: You will know immediately that I have that something is wrong.
Speaker 5: That's not how I do things. I don't just like,
Speaker 5: we'll ignore you forever. So if I'm ignoring you because
Speaker 5: I'm doing something else, or my phone died, or I
Speaker 5: just don't want to be on my phone, you don't
Speaker 5: have to worry. And that was great, and uh, that's
Speaker 5: and so sometimes I don't want to hear from her
Speaker 5: for days weeks at a time, and it's cool.
Speaker 1: Baby.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know, and part of me goes, is
Speaker 2: this your person? But it sounds like she's really I
Speaker 2: feel like you were getting at but it sounds like
Speaker 2: to that access, she sounds like she's sure that this
Speaker 2: is her person.
Speaker 4: I don't know if she's sure.
Speaker 2: She says, I just know that I want to be
Speaker 2: with him.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm not, that's not my person. I'm not seeing
Speaker 4: her say this is the one.
Speaker 2: I mean, she's and some basically those different words. I
Speaker 2: just know I want to be with them. I think
Speaker 2: you try this. I think you try communicating when you
Speaker 2: need space, reassure him, give him love so that he
Speaker 2: knows that you're not abandoning him and that's what I think.
Speaker 2: I think that will help.
Speaker 7: There we go next up another anonymous I have a
Speaker 7: question after hearing the Becca Moore podcast.
Speaker 1: You guys talked.
Speaker 7: About either to tell your friend if their partner is cheating,
Speaker 7: and my anxiety arose because I've been dealing with this
Speaker 7: exact issue. My friends live overseas, but we're home for
Speaker 7: a funeral earlier this year. My friend, the wife went
Speaker 7: home earlier than the husband.
Speaker 1: It happened.
Speaker 7: I happen to be out with a single friend one
Speaker 7: night and for fun, we were going through her tender matches,
Speaker 7: and later that night she sent me a screenshot of
Speaker 7: my friend's husband on Tinder. I've really struggled but whether
Speaker 7: or not to say anything. They have a family, and
Speaker 7: because they live overseas, I don't really one hundred percent
Speaker 7: know their situation, Like maybe they have an open marriage,
Speaker 7: they don't talk about it. I've been struggling because I
Speaker 7: don't want to be the per and that could potentially
Speaker 7: blow up a family.
Speaker 2: Help. I have a great advice for this. I think
Speaker 2: you take us you take the screenshot, or say hey,
Speaker 2: my friend, I think there's someone using your husband's photo
Speaker 2: and I just want to let you know, they're using
Speaker 2: his photo on a dating like they're using him on
Speaker 2: a date, which I very well could be they could be. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but that way you're off the hook because you're like,
Speaker 2: you're not saying he's cheating, You're just saying, hey, uh,
Speaker 2: his photo and name is being used on a day.
Speaker 4: Is this ostentatious that he hasn't? Thank you so much?
Speaker 4: Thank you, thank you, thank you. It happened after I
Speaker 4: became demir. If he is that ostentatious to be on
Speaker 4: a dating app with a family with his photo, then
Speaker 4: he deserves to be caught.
Speaker 1: Well that's the thing. You may still blow up the family,
Speaker 1: but this family needs to be blown up.
Speaker 2: They can blow it up within themselves. And all you
Speaker 2: did was like, hey, I'm trying to help out. Yeah right,
Speaker 2: you did not. You will not be responsible for whatever
Speaker 2: happens with this, but because you know it will release
Speaker 2: your conscious right.
Speaker 4: You can say, like, I think somebody's catfishing, ye, your
Speaker 4: husband's photos. This is so crazy. But then to put
Speaker 4: it on her to get to the bottom.
Speaker 2: Of it, said, hey, what's going on with this?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Is this you?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, boom. Good advice, But.
Speaker 4: That was actually pretty quick on your feet.
Speaker 7: I need some advice about what to do in a
Speaker 7: post real life Gray's romance. I'm a nurse and I
Speaker 7: started hooking up with one of the surgeons back in April.
Speaker 7: A few weeks in a dating I found out he
Speaker 7: had been seriously dating another of our co workers, but
Speaker 7: was on a break when we started things. He went
Speaker 7: on a trip with her for his birthday and lied
Speaker 7: about going on the trip, saying he was going by himself.
Speaker 7: When she came back ten and with a Hawaii necklace,
Speaker 7: I knew it wasn't the coincidence. We stopped talking for
Speaker 7: a bet. He said some really hurtful things. We saw
Speaker 7: each other every day at work. We were in procedures
Speaker 7: together with him and his girlfriend awkward. So slowly he
Speaker 7: came back into my life, shut her back with our
Speaker 7: daily phone calls, and would hook up here and there.
Speaker 7: Fast forward to now I don't work at that hospital anymore.
Speaker 7: I've moved across the country. The girlfriend ended up hearing
Speaker 7: a rumor from one of the other surgeons that I
Speaker 7: slipped and told months ago, and she.
Speaker 1: Broke up with him.
Speaker 7: He won't confirm it because he knows it will kill
Speaker 7: her to know the truth. The question is, so, here's
Speaker 7: the deal. They're not together. I don't work there, but
Speaker 7: she's been fishing for answers, reaching out to some of
Speaker 7: my friends from work and trying to contact me.
Speaker 1: Should I be honest with her? Or do I move
Speaker 1: on and let it go?
Speaker 2: There's more?
Speaker 1: But wait, there's more.
Speaker 7: He recently put his resignation in because of the whole situation.
Speaker 7: I feel horrible that he lost his girlfriend and his
Speaker 7: job because of our secret fling. Do you think telling
Speaker 7: her would help me feel better about the whole situation
Speaker 7: or what do I do?
Speaker 4: There's something that just makes me so uncomfortable about like
Speaker 4: this actually being reality. It's like soakes really it's so funny,
Speaker 4: or like oh, watch on grays now. I mean then
Speaker 4: thinking about like somebody getting surgery and having like that
Speaker 4: weird dynamic in the surgery room makes me so uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: That they could be just like working on someone saving
Speaker 2: their life while.
Speaker 4: They're like awkward tension, or like someone's thinking about the
Speaker 4: someone's wiener, like you know what I mean, Like I
Speaker 4: don't know, there's just all of it just makes me so.
Speaker 8: Uncozy that my mind didn't go there once the wiener
Speaker 8: but that's common for me, and that's common.
Speaker 7: Less than anyone in this room. I would imagine you
Speaker 7: think about Wieners less than anyone in this room.
Speaker 4: Honestly, think about Wieners all the time. Like I'm not joking.
Speaker 4: They crossed my mind at least a minimum of three
Speaker 4: times a day, just like the general like the gens,
Speaker 4: well Robbie's obviously, but like just the magic of it,
Speaker 4: like like throws and my I don't know it, just
Speaker 4: all of it is so fascinating to me, Like we
Speaker 4: don't have a body part like that us.
Speaker 2: Yeah, right right, thank you for sharing.
Speaker 1: That's very interesting, fascinating.
Speaker 4: I do I think about I will say, at least
Speaker 4: three times a day.
Speaker 1: They are fascinating.
Speaker 7: You're right, yeah, they are a very unique part about
Speaker 7: the part of the right.
Speaker 4: And my robb is like, you guys have boobs. It's
Speaker 4: kind of the same thing, you know, it's just.
Speaker 1: Not they turned into torpedoes.
Speaker 2: And could launch miss.
Speaker 1: Material.
Speaker 2: You know. This is the thing. I'm curious about this
Speaker 2: what if if people, well women think about this multiple
Speaker 2: times a day. I feel like you're h hit me up.
Speaker 2: I don't know what I've learned about the scrubbers as
Speaker 2: Tonya is never as the tots are strong.
Speaker 4: The tots are strong and they have weird minds.
Speaker 2: I appreciate that you called them the tots without any
Speaker 2: arguments catching on, isn't it?
Speaker 8: Yeah?
Speaker 4: I like them.
Speaker 2: Okay, anyways, back we decide the anonymous. Here's my thing.
Speaker 2: I don't think there's any reason that you need to
Speaker 2: talk to her, Like you have moved on, you're not
Speaker 2: working there, you're not with him, you're not talking to him,
Speaker 2: you don't see her. However, if you feel like it
Speaker 2: will somehow make you feel better about the situation by
Speaker 2: talking to her and like giving her honest truth because
Speaker 2: it sounds like this guy just lied to everyone he
Speaker 2: was involved with, then I say, have a phone call,
Speaker 2: but like, you don't need to be best friends with her.
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 4: This happened to me once. Actually, was I with you?
Speaker 4: I can't remember where I was. I was on vacation
Speaker 4: with was it you?
Speaker 2: No, you were on vacation I think with Paulina and Sophia.
Speaker 4: Okay, that's what I thought that I thought. And then
Speaker 4: some girl called me who was dating a guy that
Speaker 4: I dated in my past, and basically asked me she
Speaker 4: said she saw my name and his phone and she
Speaker 4: thought that he was cheating with me, I guess, And
Speaker 4: I was like, you could not be farther from the truth,
Speaker 4: like this is so I talked to her. I mean
Speaker 4: it was like a brief con wasn't sitting there like
Speaker 4: chit chatting and having a long conversation. But I talked
Speaker 4: to her and was like, he's her mind. Yeah, because
Speaker 4: I can't remember again. I think I was reaching out
Speaker 4: about We were texting about something super super inocuous. Thank you,
Speaker 4: thank you.
Speaker 2: Did you get the own diction yeary.
Speaker 4: Ostentatious? I'm not inocuous, but yeah, So I told her.
Speaker 4: I was like, yeah, I hit him up because something,
Speaker 4: and he responded it was literally nothing. If he is
Speaker 4: cheating on you, it's not with me, So keep your
Speaker 4: searching because 'tis not me.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think it sounds like it'll it will probably
Speaker 2: ease your mind, and he's her mind if y'all just
Speaker 2: have a conversation and can talk about it. But I
Speaker 2: just am saying, if you're ready to move on and
Speaker 2: let it be in the past, let it be in
Speaker 2: the past.
Speaker 1: And don't feel horrible that he lost his girlfriend.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that thing to do with you or her. This
Speaker 2: was his doing and he's a liar.
Speaker 1: And if you would feel better talking to her, talk
Speaker 1: to her, you know, women.
Speaker 2: Loving women wlwi WP platonic.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you get it all off your chest. You'll feel better.
Speaker 1: Maybe you'll feel better maybe just you know, yes, I
Speaker 1: say it's fine, do it. Can we take a break?
Speaker 1: Would you guys?
Speaker 2: Mind?
Speaker 4: Oh my god?
Speaker 7: Oh he's the next one. Mikayla's got one coming up
Speaker 7: and it is religion based.
Speaker 1: Icy coming back.
Speaker 2: All right, we are back, and this is from Mikayla.
Speaker 7: MICHAELA says, I'm a huge Frian of the podcast. I'm
Speaker 7: a fairly religious person and believe that God showed me
Speaker 7: this podcast when I really needed it.
Speaker 1: Thanks God.
Speaker 7: I know that both of you are modern women with
Speaker 7: a strong faith, but you also go against some of
Speaker 7: the typical rules of what a Christian should do swearing, sexuality, sex, etc.
Speaker 7: Despite the judgments of other Christians, you hold true to
Speaker 7: your faith and ignore would people think of you. So
Speaker 7: my question is how do you block out other people's
Speaker 7: judgments of your faith. I'm going through an interesting faith
Speaker 7: journey right now, and I find myself thinking about what
Speaker 7: other people think about my faith more than what God does.
Speaker 7: How do I stop that? Any advice would be very appreciated.
Speaker 7: Love you both in the podcast is amazing.
Speaker 4: So nice. Thank you Michaela, Thanks Mikaelea. People are critical.
Speaker 2: Of every little.
Speaker 4: Thing, and people judge for every little thing, and I
Speaker 4: find it I have such a different opinion because I
Speaker 4: just feel like my faith is my relations my relationship
Speaker 4: with God. That is something that's mine. Nobody can take
Speaker 4: that from me, nobody can judge that. Or if you do,
Speaker 4: then that's on you. Like I would get DMS all
Speaker 4: the time a woman of God. How do you believe
Speaker 4: in the zodiac? And I'm like, if you don't, then
Speaker 4: you don't. It's a fun, silly thing that I like to, like,
Speaker 4: you know, like play around with and think about and
Speaker 4: engage with, and like I just find it fun and silly.
Speaker 4: It's not that deep. I think that's kind of where
Speaker 4: my mentality is. So I just think people are going
Speaker 4: to judge you for everything, and I think you just
Speaker 4: have to not care what people think about you.
Speaker 2: I think when it comes to like the rules of
Speaker 2: Christianity output rules quotes, every single person likes to cherry
Speaker 2: pick which parts they choose to judge people based on
Speaker 2: and I will say, actually, the hardest thing I have
Speaker 2: had to navigate is judge is is worrying or trying
Speaker 2: not to care about what Christians think about me. Like
Speaker 2: I think, out of anyone that I've gotten like negativity
Speaker 2: or hate from, they have been people of faith, and
Speaker 2: so I've had to just go, you know what, like
Speaker 2: we disagree with each other, like they dis agree with
Speaker 2: who I love and who I'm in a relationship with.
Speaker 2: And to be honest, some of these people, if there
Speaker 2: even if it's a heterosexual relationship, and if the guy
Speaker 2: is someone that I would disagree with and his beliefs
Speaker 2: and how he treats woman or something, I could be like,
Speaker 2: I don't agree with who you're married to or who
Speaker 2: you're in a relationship with. So I think it's like
Speaker 2: I at this moment where I realized that I could
Speaker 2: just go on this rant about how much I love
Speaker 2: doctor Pepper, and the people who love Coke will always
Speaker 2: be like, how could you love doctor Pepper over Coke?
Speaker 2: Like it's the og, how could you love that more?
Speaker 2: And it's like you there is someone that's always going
Speaker 2: to have an opinion on something that you do, whether
Speaker 2: it's faith related, what you eat while you're saying just
Speaker 2: totally innocuous. I don't know or word of the podcast,
Speaker 2: but I think that the whole thing with faith, and
Speaker 2: I do think it's different because I grew up in
Speaker 2: it so like it all the rules and what's right
Speaker 2: and wrong. We're like ingrained in me at a very
Speaker 2: developmental age where I soaked everything in, so like trying
Speaker 2: to navigate what I believe and where I stand in
Speaker 2: my faith, in my relationship with God has been such
Speaker 2: a challenge because when you're told something when you're young,
Speaker 2: it feels like that's the truth and there's no other
Speaker 2: truth and there's no room to question it. So when
Speaker 2: you get older and you start questioning something that's been
Speaker 2: your truth for so long, it's so scary and you
Speaker 2: either have to like go through it and see the
Speaker 2: light at the end of the tunnel, or you just
Speaker 2: stay in the place where you are where you're like,
Speaker 2: I'm now questioning something that I can't find the answer to.
Speaker 2: And the truth is I don't know a lot of
Speaker 2: the things. I'm not a scholar. I only know what
Speaker 2: else Tanya is a scholar today. That's right, but I
Speaker 2: think you just I think what you said is like,
Speaker 2: having a relationship with God is such a personal thing,
Speaker 2: and I think that you need to focus on what
Speaker 2: that is over what other people think, because people will
Speaker 2: always have an opinion.
Speaker 4: And you're so right about the rules. People cherry pick
Speaker 4: they're like, well you're a Christian, you shouldn't do this',
Speaker 4: but they're swearing and they're drinking.
Speaker 2: And it's like, when you really look at it, like
Speaker 2: pick what. Literally, you can meet any single Christian and
Speaker 2: if they have a judgment for you, they could cherry
Speaker 2: pick something, and you could cherry pick something too. On
Speaker 2: the flips contrast, yeah, contradict.
Speaker 1: Taking religion out of it.
Speaker 7: The biggest gift you can give yourself is to stop
Speaker 7: caring what other people think about you and what you do.
Speaker 7: And I really try to express this to my daughters,
Speaker 7: and it doesn't seem to be working because they care.
Speaker 1: I get it.
Speaker 4: It's very debilitating, it really is when you care about
Speaker 4: what people think so deeply, like it really can, like
Speaker 4: it can change the trajectory of your life, like truly.
Speaker 2: But just remember you could be the ripest, juiciest, most
Speaker 2: beautiful peach on a tree and there's still someone who
Speaker 2: just doesn't like peaches.
Speaker 4: Yea, like I prefer a watermelon.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it doesn't I mean you've done anything wrong.
Speaker 1: I'm in a pretty good place with it.
Speaker 7: When I was younger, I remember if I would get
Speaker 7: honked at when driving, whether I did anything wrong or not,
Speaker 7: it would rock me, like the whole drive home and
Speaker 7: the rest of the day I'm thinking.
Speaker 1: Like, oh man, that got honked at me.
Speaker 7: Like I'm like, it would bother me so much, like
Speaker 7: I'd be a little bit mad, but also embarrassed and
Speaker 7: also like like was he right?
Speaker 1: Did I do something wrong? I would really bother me.
Speaker 7: And now I'm like, hey, how you doing okay? Whatever,
Speaker 7: and then you move on. I'm in a much better
Speaker 7: place with it. But I guess we'll have to go
Speaker 7: on that journey.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we do. We go on that journey.
Speaker 2: Just return it with road rage, which is also something
Speaker 2: that I need to work. It's not the right problem,
Speaker 2: it's not, but it's better than just like feeling debilitated
Speaker 2: by their cruelty.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I'm always just like, God, bless you, God bless you.
Speaker 4: You must be having a horrible day that you need
Speaker 4: to honk your horn that much at me, Like sometimes
Speaker 4: I hope your day turns around.
Speaker 2: Sometimes I can have a gentle spirit and I can
Speaker 2: do that, but sometimes I get I get on their
Speaker 2: tail until they in the studio. One day and someone
Speaker 2: a guy cut me off and I honked at him
Speaker 2: to let him know he was in my lane and
Speaker 2: he had his middle finger up to his windshield. I
Speaker 2: saw in my rear view he had it up, and
Speaker 2: then as he passed me, he did it, and I've
Speaker 2: slammed on my horn and like chased him until I
Speaker 2: did get off that.
Speaker 4: No, don't get don't the bird he gave me the bird? Also,
Speaker 4: who does that anymore?
Speaker 2: Like you grow up like.
Speaker 3: Me?
Speaker 4: No, the guy that was flicking you off.
Speaker 1: The finger does dated doesn't give me?
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's giving my get on TikTok.
Speaker 1: Speaking of what are we doing that dance? You sent
Speaker 1: us a dance a few weeks ago?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I don't even know if it's trending anymore.
Speaker 7: But we can try anonymous h beca Tanya Mark and Easton.
Speaker 7: I'm a huge Day One fan. I'm one Tanya to
Speaker 7: my core. But people please are like Becca, Yeah, how.
Speaker 2: We're viewed the people pleaser?
Speaker 4: You are you always talk about how your people please are.
Speaker 2: I think we're all kind of people pleaser.
Speaker 5: Skurvers are like I'm Atania because I'm insane, or I'm
Speaker 5: a becket because I like fast food.
Speaker 2: Yeah, characteristics.
Speaker 1: Anyway.
Speaker 7: I dated a guy in high school for two months.
Speaker 7: We broke up, and I started in my now husband.
Speaker 7: We've been together for eight years now. We live in
Speaker 7: a small town. We run into this guy and his
Speaker 7: now wife a decent amount.
Speaker 1: I think she really hates me.
Speaker 7: I thought I was just overthinking it for a while,
Speaker 7: but after the past few years, anytime I'm around, she
Speaker 7: will grab him to leave or intentionally ignore me. I mean,
Speaker 7: this is in high school for two months. She's also
Speaker 7: made comments to mutual friends that she doesn't like me
Speaker 7: because of us dating prior. Him and I never talk
Speaker 7: unless we see each other out and say hello, nothing more.
Speaker 7: It all seems so silly, but I let it bother me.
Speaker 7: This kind of gets back to what we're talking about
Speaker 7: other people's opinions. I haven't reached out to her a
Speaker 7: few years back and expressed how I'm happy for the
Speaker 7: two of them, and I hope that we're good.
Speaker 1: Do you have any advice moving forward.
Speaker 7: I wish I could just not let it bother me,
Speaker 7: but public situations are super uncomfortable, even for a quick hello.
Speaker 7: I don't want there to be tensioned. But is this
Speaker 7: a lost cause to care about making better? Ps currently
Speaker 7: going through infertility and IVF and your podcast has been
Speaker 7: a top source of cheering me up.
Speaker 1: So love you guys. That's very nice.
Speaker 4: Well, first of all, anonymous, good luck on your IVF journey.
Speaker 2: Yeah, good luck. We're thinking and prying for a beautiful.
Speaker 4: Boisterous Is that like a big lots more energetic.
Speaker 1: How about just a happy result?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Happy result? Yeah, but we love you.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So this is really interesting because when I was in
Speaker 2: San Diego, I had this thing with this guy and
Speaker 2: it was I wouldn't even call it a thing, Like
Speaker 2: we kissed a few times, that's a thing, but like
Speaker 2: I'm saying, like it was, yeah, we made out of
Speaker 2: a couple of times, three times. No, No, it was
Speaker 2: very quite innocent. But he was like super Christian. I
Speaker 2: think I was like his first kid. Like it was,
Speaker 2: but in the in the in that time, it felt significant,
Speaker 2: but like in the grand scheme of things, it's nothing.
Speaker 2: He then fell in love with his now wife, who
Speaker 2: he was he is obsessed with, like since high school,
Speaker 2: he's been obsessed with her, and she even to this
Speaker 2: day still has me blocked on Instagram from seeing her page.
Speaker 2: And I just think it's the weirdest thing. Like I
Speaker 2: ran into them. They live I think in La now
Speaker 2: and I ran into them at a like a breakfast
Speaker 2: spot with Haley, and I was like, Oh, it's my
Speaker 2: girlfriend Hailey and just cold as ice to me, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, God, I mean, I guess that's just someone't
Speaker 2: my girlfriend women, And I just it bothered me, like
Speaker 2: for a long time, and after that, I was like,
Speaker 2: what a miserable Like she just has a lot of
Speaker 2: insecurities and feels like whatever that comes from is not
Speaker 2: my issue to worry about anymore.
Speaker 4: Yeah, honestly, I have a it's not the same situation,
Speaker 4: but I had to have somebody in my life that
Speaker 4: it is very uncomfortable. Yeah, whenever we're around him, it
Speaker 4: does get very tense and there's like this awkward tension
Speaker 4: and it's just it's just the cross I have to bear.
Speaker 4: But I too have somebody in my life that it's
Speaker 4: so awkward. And I, again, I did nothing wrong blocked
Speaker 4: me on social media, like really just does not like me,
Speaker 4: and I again, did absolutely nothing wrong in the situation,
Speaker 4: and it would it got to me for a very
Speaker 4: long time, like it would I would just fixate on
Speaker 4: it because I was just I would make me upset,
Speaker 4: like does it like it seeps into my happy, positive
Speaker 4: energy and it makes me dark because it's so dark
Speaker 4: and like who cares. It's like, get over yourself. But
Speaker 4: at the end of the day, there's literally nothing that
Speaker 4: you can do. Quite literally, you've told them I'm happy
Speaker 4: for you, guys like you can not you're married, Like,
Speaker 4: there's nothing that you can do. People are just going
Speaker 4: to be bitter or be whatever they are, and you
Speaker 4: just have to let them be.
Speaker 7: People hate that there's anyone else in the world that
Speaker 7: has made out with their partner or slept with their
Speaker 7: partner or seen their partner naked or all that stuff.
Speaker 7: It drives them crazy because they let it drive them crazy.
Speaker 7: You're right, there's nothing you can do. Kill her with
Speaker 7: kindness when you see her be the better person, and
Speaker 7: that's it. It's her issue to deal with and she's
Speaker 7: not going to deal with.
Speaker 2: It, no, sadly, and it's it's got nothing to do
Speaker 2: with you. I think it would be any woman that
Speaker 2: had that looked at him in a romantic way. So
Speaker 2: all you can do is be kind and try to
Speaker 2: not ever be around her as much as you can.
Speaker 1: Yeah, why we shall leave the town as we grew
Speaker 1: up in.
Speaker 7: By the way, this is why we need to get
Speaker 7: out of town, go see the world a little bit,
Speaker 7: because when you grow up in the small towns, these
Speaker 7: things fester.
Speaker 2: Yes, but you're doing great, and you're you're amazing, and
Speaker 2: we love of you.
Speaker 1: How many more do we have time for? Beckaly?
Speaker 2: I would say we have time for one? Pick a
Speaker 2: good one. One more.
Speaker 4: We're getting dicey on the time.
Speaker 7: One more, but I have to take a break, see
Speaker 7: that one more, so we'll make it a butte.
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, we're back for our final dear question.
Speaker 7: Dug through the whole mail bag and shows this one
Speaker 7: for the last one today.
Speaker 4: You don't have a mail bag.
Speaker 7: We have a big mail bag mail box, Yeah, says
Speaker 7: two back, and it's spell wrong.
Speaker 1: It's cute.
Speaker 7: My sister has been with a guy for seven years.
Speaker 7: They recently got engaged. In My entire family and extended
Speaker 7: family all dislike him. They started getting young, so I
Speaker 7: think at for we all just saw him as being immature.
Speaker 7: He'd grow out of it one day, But boy, he
Speaker 7: never has. My sister does everything around the house and
Speaker 7: gives him whatever he wants. Whenever he has an opinion,
Speaker 7: my sister automatically agrees with him without any question. He
Speaker 7: makes comments and does things that are rude without even
Speaker 7: realizing it. For example, he proposed and had an engagement
Speaker 7: party on the same day as my cousin's high school
Speaker 7: graduation and the instead. If my cousins loved my sister,
Speaker 7: they'd find a way to be the engagement party. He
Speaker 7: once told my dad he doesn't need to help my
Speaker 7: sister out around the house because he makes more money
Speaker 7: than she does. He will come over to use my
Speaker 7: dad's tools to work on his car and not even
Speaker 7: come h to come and not even come in to
Speaker 7: SAYHU to the family. These are just a few of
Speaker 7: the many examples as to the point where every little
Speaker 7: thing he does drives our family crazy.
Speaker 2: What do we do?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 2: I was saying earlier that like if someone I used
Speaker 2: to get so defensive about someone not like supporting my relationship,
Speaker 2: like I would get like, how could they it's just love,
Speaker 2: you know, And now I see like these things, I'm like,
Speaker 2: I would never support someone.
Speaker 1: I really like this. I don't have to help out
Speaker 1: around the house because.
Speaker 2: Rage. It's so I know.
Speaker 4: But here's the thing. Rage to you, rage to me,
Speaker 4: rage to you, It is not rage to this anonymous.
Speaker 2: Sister that sounds brainwashed.
Speaker 4: Whatever the case may be. I feel like the problem
Speaker 4: is because I I have been so many situations in
Speaker 4: my life where like, not it doesn't it's not happening
Speaker 4: to me, but like there are people in my life
Speaker 4: who don't like the person that this person is dating,
Speaker 4: or their brother or their sister or whatever their cousin.
Speaker 4: And I feel like when you get involved, especially when
Speaker 4: it's this far down the line, like speak up. If
Speaker 4: it's early days and they're dating somebody and they're saying
Speaker 4: some of this stuff, like I would throw up a
Speaker 4: flag and be like that sounds sus and like I
Speaker 4: would really reassess. But I feel like when it gets
Speaker 4: to this, oh my life, I feel like when it
Speaker 4: gets to I feel like, what it gets to this point,
Speaker 4: like you can't you can't say something without damaging your
Speaker 4: relationship with your sister, Like you just can't.
Speaker 2: I just should have said yes sooner.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's sad they started dating when they were young.
Speaker 7: So I'm sure that the sister has like self esteemishes
Speaker 7: she doesn't think she can do any better than this guy.
Speaker 7: And also there's a chance that she really does love
Speaker 7: him and there's something about him that no one else
Speaker 7: is seeing. She knows him better than anybody else. But
Speaker 7: also when you start dating so young, you don't know
Speaker 7: what else is out there, you have nothing to compare
Speaker 7: it to.
Speaker 4: But also like, you're not the savior.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I'm a sibling.
Speaker 1: What she can do.
Speaker 4: You're not the savior. You're the sibling, and your job
Speaker 4: as the sibling is to support your sibling. And if
Speaker 4: it ends up, if they end up divorced, you're gonna
Speaker 4: be there to pick up the pieces.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I don't really know.
Speaker 2: I really don't know what to say because I think
Speaker 2: a whole family plus extended family hating someone speaks volumes.
Speaker 2: And I think that when you're in a bad situation
Speaker 2: and you are not able to see how people view
Speaker 2: your partner in a negative light, I think that's concerning
Speaker 2: Because I think.
Speaker 4: I don't think you realize, what if this all this family,
Speaker 4: if the family and the extended family they all come
Speaker 4: out and they say we don't like this person and
Speaker 4: why it needs to be like whatever it is, then
Speaker 4: your sister is going to turn into a shell and
Speaker 4: she is going to be inward and she's not gonna
Speaker 4: trust anybody, and she's gonna be go further and further
Speaker 4: or deep into this relationship. He's gonna be the only
Speaker 4: thing that she has. She's gonna it's just gonna. I
Speaker 4: just I just don't think you're thinking it through.
Speaker 2: I don't know though, because then it's like she gets
Speaker 2: married and then has to deal with legal stuff if
Speaker 2: something goes down. I just think it's worth having a
Speaker 2: conversation with her privately, not like a family meeting, but like, hey,
Speaker 2: when he says things like this, does he ever say
Speaker 2: those things to you? Like is he? I don't know.
Speaker 2: I think there's a heart to heart that you can
Speaker 2: have as a sister. I feel like if my sister
Speaker 2: was dating someone who I didn't think was healthy, I
Speaker 2: would I would have a heart to heart with her
Speaker 2: and say like I love you, and what I see
Speaker 2: as your sister is can be hurtful some of the
Speaker 2: things that he says. So I just want to make
Speaker 2: sure that you that this is what you want to
Speaker 2: go through with, because marriage is a big deal.
Speaker 7: Are you happy? That's the key is are you happy?
Speaker 7: Because if she is, then I think you got to yeah,
Speaker 7: step away.
Speaker 2: Are you? Are you genuinely happy? Is this how you?
Speaker 2: Is this the person that you envisioned yourself getting married
Speaker 2: to and the person you envisioned having a life.
Speaker 1: Is he going to be a good dad?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I think it's just asking question. Sometimes it's hard
Speaker 2: to ask questions. Sometimes it's hard to like have hard
Speaker 2: conversations out of fear that you're going to push them
Speaker 2: further away. But I think not having the conversation opens
Speaker 2: up more problems for her down the road. That's my opinion.
Speaker 2: You have different opinions.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's beauty.
Speaker 2: That's the beauty of this podcast.
Speaker 4: You get a little bond, you get a little you know,
Speaker 4: you little Bonnie, a little yeah you, little Bonnie, and
Speaker 4: then you decide.
Speaker 2: And then you decide. We will be in Palm Springs
Speaker 2: as mentioned before. So okay, firstly, let me let me
Speaker 2: let me go back. If you ever have any uh,
Speaker 2: dear Bonnie questions you can always d m us on
Speaker 2: Instagram at scrubbing in pod or email us at scrubbing
Speaker 2: In at iHeartMedia dot com. And as for this weekend
Speaker 2: in Palm Springs, we are going to be doing a
Speaker 2: truth or Drink episode, which we know y'all love, so
Speaker 2: submit your questions too.
Speaker 7: I think Crystal is going to put a sorry, no no, no,
Speaker 7: no no, please finish you.
Speaker 4: I think Crystal is going to do like question box
Speaker 4: on Instagram. Sorry, check out that insta hit that insta.
Speaker 7: Can I give some parameters because it's really hard to
Speaker 7: come up with good truth or Drink questions.
Speaker 1: Here's what the reason is.
Speaker 7: Tanya answers everything, so it's hard to find stuff she's
Speaker 7: not comfortable answering. That's why I remember at the live
Speaker 7: showing in West Hollywood, the question was what's the.
Speaker 1: Largest object you ever put in your rear end?
Speaker 7: Because it's weird to ask a question that Tanya might
Speaker 7: not be comfortable answering, and even that.
Speaker 1: So really think.
Speaker 4: Something maybe different, something you'd like.
Speaker 7: To know about Tanya that she might be uncomfortable asking.
Speaker 7: Same with Becca. Becca has a different tolerance for stuff
Speaker 7: that makes her uncomfortable as answering but so you need to.
Speaker 4: Find Becca drinking the whole time.
Speaker 7: But we also don't want to ask a bunch of
Speaker 7: stuff that Becca would never answer in a million years.
Speaker 1: So that's like a fine line. We got to find.
Speaker 7: Here questions that Becca will answer and stuff that Tanya
Speaker 7: would think twice before answering.
Speaker 2: Might take a shot.
Speaker 1: That's why it's hard. But we'll do our best. Then.
Speaker 1: I'm sure you come up with good stuff. You always do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so really put your thinking cap on for this.
Speaker 2: And then and then another teaser. We're going to epic Con.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we're.
Speaker 2: Wow, the Old City, the City of the Bean, the Bean.
Speaker 4: We should go to Juliana Ransay.
Speaker 2: You said was going to RPM.
Speaker 4: Yeah, are you down?
Speaker 2: Sure?
Speaker 4: Yeah, Okay, great.
Speaker 2: I think there's a lot of restaurants there, so maybe
Speaker 2: we can get a list together and see what comes up.
Speaker 2: So cute. Well will she be there? I don't know.
Speaker 4: I don't know. I imagine like when people have restaurants that
Speaker 4: they're just like sitting at the entrance greeting everyone, welcome
Speaker 4: to my restaurant.
Speaker 2: I don't think she's there, but maybe she can meet
Speaker 2: us for a drink or something. Yeah, but we're gonna
Speaker 2: go to Epicom. We're going to interview grays and that
Speaker 2: I mean, I mean a lot of people from all
Speaker 2: different TV.
Speaker 4: Show worlds, like Responders.
Speaker 2: We're not interviewing first or spowners, people that play them
Speaker 2: on television, right right, We're interviewing a lot of actors.
Speaker 2: So that's coming up in September. But we love you
Speaker 2: all so much. Love you have a great weekend. Bye bye,