Speaker 1: Wine Down with Jane Kramer and I heard radio podcast Mark,
Speaker 1: what do we owe the pleasure? Well, I got a
Speaker 1: little text this morning that they implied this maybe a
Speaker 1: juicy one. I knew it, honestly. What's so funny is
Speaker 1: a little teeny piece of me was like, I bet
Speaker 1: you Mark is going to be on today, well, because
Speaker 1: there's some meat on the bones today. And I was like,
Speaker 1: I just have a I have a I have this
Speaker 1: little inkling inside of me that he's going to be
Speaker 1: on today because he loves the juice. Well, I wish
Speaker 1: I could be on more, you guys do These are
Speaker 1: weird times and it doesn't work. But I love being
Speaker 1: on and I'm happy to be here. What time would
Speaker 1: work for you, Mark, Well, I like a little later
Speaker 1: because I have my other duties in the morning, you
Speaker 1: know with seacrest and yeah that's right. Yeah, but not
Speaker 1: that you're not my top priority because in my mind
Speaker 1: and my heart you see. Um, Well, how are you though? Wonderful?
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Yeah, life is good. Life is good.
Speaker 1: You're good. I'm so good, Mark, are you That's great? Yeah,
Speaker 1: You're in a good place. I'm in I'm in the
Speaker 1: best place. I think i've ever been in ever. Ever,
Speaker 1: that's fantastic. Can a friend at test it? Yeah, you
Speaker 1: say so, I'd say so for sure. So all of
Speaker 1: the things that you're doing to become the best you possible,
Speaker 1: you're seeing you're seeing the effects of that. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: it's not attached to a he yes, and that's a
Speaker 1: big deal. I see I see your Instagram and it
Speaker 1: looks like things are going fantastic. Yeah, I have. I'm
Speaker 1: I'm so, I'm good. I'm good. I swear, No, it's good.
Speaker 1: I was. I was talking about that last week. It's
Speaker 1: just like I like this, this version. I like this season.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna this is going to continue fantastic for how
Speaker 1: much longer, just indefinitely and comes around, It comes around. No,
Speaker 1: I mean this is a I think again. You go
Speaker 1: through things, you pass mountains, and you look at the
Speaker 1: mountain and go, wow, I'm so grateful that all these
Speaker 1: things happen, because now I see the new version, the
Speaker 1: healed version, and that's you just take you of course,
Speaker 1: like you might slide back into things because of pass
Speaker 1: but then you remember the work and everything, and I
Speaker 1: think that's just what you feel. Yah, you'll be better
Speaker 1: equipped to deal with it when you do, and you'll
Speaker 1: see it coming. When you start to slip into those things,
Speaker 1: that's great. You gotta fall in love with yourself. Now
Speaker 1: is the time when the guy slip in. When I'm like,
Speaker 1: when you're good, yeah, well, and now, Mark, you'd be
Speaker 1: so proud of me, like my strong boundaries that I have.
Speaker 1: Like I've kicked guys out. I've said like I need
Speaker 1: you to leave like I want to. Yeah. I kicked
Speaker 1: to due out and said I wanted to be alone.
Speaker 1: I was like, guys, that's awesome. It's like, this is amazing,
Speaker 1: But I did it really nice. They didn't like it,
Speaker 1: even though it was I was nice, but that's not
Speaker 1: I'm like, I want to be alone. Yeah, And they
Speaker 1: have to deal with that, And honestly, that just makes
Speaker 1: them desire you more, doesn't it. I mean that just
Speaker 1: it's like showing up in a sold out movie. You're like,
Speaker 1: I gotta see that movie. He's like, I'm seeing that now. Yeah.
Speaker 1: It was. I was talking to Julie actually the other
Speaker 1: day because I had gone on this day and I
Speaker 1: just realized it wasn't gonna work out right. It was
Speaker 1: just some things just didn't weren't aligning, and um, there's
Speaker 1: no point, especially at the age that I'm into, to
Speaker 1: continue on when it's like I already know it's not
Speaker 1: gonna work. So I instead of what old Jana would
Speaker 1: do is like either a if I if I ghosted, no,
Speaker 1: I would just text and then just the text would
Speaker 1: probably slowly just disappeared until they got the hint. But
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm gonna not text, and I'm going to
Speaker 1: pick up the phone and I'm gonna call. Right So
Speaker 1: I call this person and I'm like, hey, I just
Speaker 1: I want to be honest with where I'm at because
Speaker 1: we were spo hang out again, have another date, and
Speaker 1: I was like I just realized that, um, you know,
Speaker 1: there's just some things and I don't see this romantically
Speaker 1: moving on and just like so open, so honest, and
Speaker 1: then you know, he was like oh yeah, yeah, like
Speaker 1: you know, I get that h totally. But then like
Speaker 1: the next day calls and goes, well, do you think
Speaker 1: maybe we could try again? And I'm like, dude, don't
Speaker 1: make me do it again, you know, like I was like,
Speaker 1: you're a heart that was for me to do it
Speaker 1: the first time. So then when he called back and
Speaker 1: said that. I was like, He's like, well, just think
Speaker 1: about it, and I'm like okay, because I'm like, because
Speaker 1: I didn't want to disappoint again, right, it was so
Speaker 1: hard for me to do it in the first place.
Speaker 1: At that point, I think you might be justified and
Speaker 1: kind of ghosting at that point you think, Okay, that's
Speaker 1: what I was going to ask, because I'm like, now,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I already freaking told you I wasn't really interested,
Speaker 1: and like now you've you've called, and I'm like, how
Speaker 1: how do I spell it out again? Yeah? I think
Speaker 1: I think he's right. I think you can ghost okay
Speaker 1: or just okay. Yeah, I mean you've already said your
Speaker 1: peace and him like, keep pushing is not going to
Speaker 1: do any good. So but I'm proud of you. Such
Speaker 1: a guy though, such a guy to be like, you know,
Speaker 1: she didn't mean it. You know what, She's had a
Speaker 1: couple of days without me. She probably misses me, right,
Speaker 1: But before um, yeah, no, Krista come here. But before
Speaker 1: she comes in, Um, I want to tell you guys
Speaker 1: about Dime. I love Dimes so much. Um. It's vegan,
Speaker 1: it's clean, cruelty free, it's affordable, luxury it's great for
Speaker 1: all skin types. So I use the hyaluronic acid serum.
Speaker 1: It's amazing. Um, the TVT cream, Catherine, you like that one. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that one's really good. Um. They're Um, I know it's
Speaker 1: not summer anymore. It's technically summer right right now. But
Speaker 1: their sunscreen is amazing. But all of their products are
Speaker 1: so good. Um, and their their matte lips too are awesome.
Speaker 1: And if you have short eyelashes, try their eyelash serum
Speaker 1: because it'll make your eyelashes grow so long. All right,
Speaker 1: Chris is sorry. Um, what we're gonna say, Oh, I
Speaker 1: was gonna say, Um, you do it the same way. Well,
Speaker 1: what I would do is you do it the same
Speaker 1: way you did the first time, reiterate, and then if
Speaker 1: they come back again, then that's when you go, I
Speaker 1: don't do anything more than twice anymore. I'm done with
Speaker 1: asking for like major things more than twice. I'm done.
Speaker 1: I'm done with that because if you don't hear me
Speaker 1: by the second time, like you're clearly not going to
Speaker 1: hear me. So that's interesting, walk away and move on.
Speaker 1: That's been a rule that I've kind of lived by. Um. Really,
Speaker 1: probably in the past year and a half, two years. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I like that. It's almost I have to tell you
Speaker 1: just one more thing that just really goes along the
Speaker 1: same line. It's like, I don't think guys are used
Speaker 1: to it's not that they're used to girls breaking up
Speaker 1: with them, or maybe I don't know that the dude
Speaker 1: that this one dude, but or two of them now.
Speaker 1: But the one way that I asked to leave Mark,
Speaker 1: I said, um, I was like, He's like, I just
Speaker 1: kind of sense and that you you know, you you're
Speaker 1: in a mood. I was like, well, no, I realized
Speaker 1: I just want to be alone. And and so I'm
Speaker 1: going to ask you. He's like, do you want me
Speaker 1: to leave? He's a mood, but you know, he gets
Speaker 1: like I'm sensing your energy or whatever. And I'm like
Speaker 1: and I said, yeah, I want to be alone. And
Speaker 1: and so he's like, do you want me to leave?
Speaker 1: And I was like I do. And I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: I just like really want to be alone? Are right? Right? What?
Speaker 1: I but it's new for me? Right, So like I
Speaker 1: genuinely felt that. I mean, the guy flew from Australia.
Speaker 1: I think you're sorry. It was kind of you can
Speaker 1: be sorry for that, but again it wasn't you know,
Speaker 1: I'm like, right, let me drop you off at the
Speaker 1: quantistin I felt bad, but at the same time like yeah,
Speaker 1: like I want to be alone and I'm realizing this
Speaker 1: isn't you know, this isn't a thing. And but then
Speaker 1: the worst part of it was and just like the
Speaker 1: last conversation I had, twenty minutes later, I still don't
Speaker 1: hear the door shut, you know. So then he comes
Speaker 1: back in my room and was like, so, do you
Speaker 1: really want me to leave? Do you want me to
Speaker 1: get an uber? And I was just like again, like
Speaker 1: do you know how do you know how hard this
Speaker 1: is for me? To be honest? Like why do you
Speaker 1: do this? It just once? And then I was like, yes, please,
Speaker 1: thank you from now on off janis something one time
Speaker 1: you get one time because it's like and again, because
Speaker 1: it's hard for me to even do that, you know,
Speaker 1: like you know me, I would just like I would
Speaker 1: lie or I would say like I don't know. So
Speaker 1: like Christo was on a day the other day, which one,
Speaker 1: and she texted me and she goes, oh gosh, I
Speaker 1: just don't think this is gonna work. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: do you want me to call you crying, like I
Speaker 1: can be like do do I need to be like
Speaker 1: do you meet or rescuer? But then there's something about
Speaker 1: that I didn't by the way, you didn't know. You're like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna sit down and I'm gonna yeah. I mean,
Speaker 1: it was a good conversation. But um, immediately when I
Speaker 1: saw this guy, I was like, I'm not attracted to you,
Speaker 1: and he was. He looked older in person, he was
Speaker 1: super skinny. I should probably not say, oh hey, really
Speaker 1: and truly like he didn't. He was skinnier than he
Speaker 1: looked in his photos. His age showed a little more,
Speaker 1: and I was just kind of like me. And he
Speaker 1: even described himself as an acquired taste, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I could acquire that taste. But
Speaker 1: it was good conversation and I didn't need to rescue,
Speaker 1: but I was happy to have that backup. I look
Speaker 1: at my phone and there's miscalls from Janna. Okay, I'm okay.
Speaker 1: So some women set that up. They say, look, you
Speaker 1: call me eight fifteen and nine. I'm seeing this guy.
Speaker 1: You call me, and then you have the option you
Speaker 1: can say, oh, it's just my friend. Jann, Everything's fine.
Speaker 1: You can say what, oh my god, an emergency. I
Speaker 1: gotta go that way. It's up to you. Here's the
Speaker 1: question that I would love to ask mar would you
Speaker 1: want to know like if I mean again, like you,
Speaker 1: I don't even married for a million years now, but
Speaker 1: if you were twenty a couple of weeks ago, thank you, congrats,
Speaker 1: that's amazing. But if you were to come back into
Speaker 1: the dating world, would you want someone to tell you
Speaker 1: right up front? Do you need a softer like what
Speaker 1: do you think a guy wants to do you think
Speaker 1: they need a softer like, um, a softer exit. Do
Speaker 1: you think because I personally don't like ghosting, that's it
Speaker 1: doesn't feel good on the receiving end. Yeah, I think
Speaker 1: as hard as it would be because men and their egos.
Speaker 1: You know, everyone wants to protect the mail ego and
Speaker 1: you have to kind of stroke it and you have
Speaker 1: to be careful with it. But I think the splash
Speaker 1: of cold water is the best way to do it.
Speaker 1: I think that way there's no hope for me because
Speaker 1: if you soften it, I'm going to be like, well
Speaker 1: she did say this that one time, like one sentence
Speaker 1: you said, and think there's hope. So if you really
Speaker 1: just cut it off, then I know, and it's gonna
Speaker 1: be It's gonna suck for twenty four hours, but then
Speaker 1: it teas you to move on. So can we talk
Speaker 1: about when it is appropriate to ghost? Because I know
Speaker 1: I have recently ghosted a guy, partially because he kind
Speaker 1: of ghosted me. But Jannah, are you are you inquiring
Speaker 1: about who the person I should ghost? No? No, I'm
Speaker 1: just asking for a friend following that one. Um, well,
Speaker 1: yes and no, but I was more asking about one
Speaker 1: of my people. I have one thousand percent think you
Speaker 1: should I have, and you think I should go through
Speaker 1: my dude? Yes, but again they're rude and different everybody.
Speaker 1: This just sounds exhausting, right. I saw this, Um, I
Speaker 1: have to pull this up because I thought it was
Speaker 1: so funny, and I'll get back to the ghosting. But
Speaker 1: I saw this thing and said, dating in this generation
Speaker 1: is no. I don't want to hang out with you
Speaker 1: from No. I don't want to flirt on Snapchat while
Speaker 1: you say sexual things to me before you've even met me.
Speaker 1: I want to be picked up, taken on a date,
Speaker 1: and I want the doors open from me. Damn. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm glad you read that, because that was one of
Speaker 1: the things that that was like a hard line that
Speaker 1: I drew with this guy. Is he's asking me for pictures,
Speaker 1: like like you know, all the way pictures, and I
Speaker 1: was and I had to tell him, well, I had
Speaker 1: to tell him twice and I wasn't going to tell
Speaker 1: him again. And I said, frankly, I said, if you're
Speaker 1: going to see me naked, it's going to be in person.
Speaker 1: And I feel like that should just be said once
Speaker 1: time out. Do you know what? He responds back with,
Speaker 1: I don't even want so just she like speaks your truth.
Speaker 1: Cry face, cry laugh face, cry laugh face. I'm like
Speaker 1: getting hot inside right now thinking about it. But I'm
Speaker 1: never dating. I'm like seriously, like, okay, that's just wrong.
Speaker 1: What you said is wonderful. If I'm the guy and
Speaker 1: you say it's going to be in person, I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh great, Like she's open that possible reality that could happen.
Speaker 1: That's so exciting. Yeah, well, clearly this guy just wanted
Speaker 1: to jack with me because moving forward well or something,
Speaker 1: you're out of there, because moving forward it's it's instant gratification.
Speaker 1: Everything has to be right now, right, now, right now,
Speaker 1: right now, right, So it ultimately lead me. And this
Speaker 1: is where I had the weak moment, and I texted
Speaker 1: him again and I was like, and I was like,
Speaker 1: do not text him, but I did. She did. Daddy
Speaker 1: Mark is going to help us men today and the
Speaker 1: younger generation is so frustrating just ask a woman out.
Speaker 1: They're so scared to do that. Yeah, I get it.
Speaker 1: I fear rejection to rejection sucks. I get it. But
Speaker 1: at some point somebody's got to ask somebody out. You
Speaker 1: can't just hang out the rest of your life. Do
Speaker 1: you want the girl to ask or do they want
Speaker 1: the girl totally? I don't think so. I don't that's
Speaker 1: a good question. Probably not. I think they just want
Speaker 1: to keep it, keep it great, keep it as as
Speaker 1: undefined as possible. Well, and so here's the here's that
Speaker 1: part that's frustrating. And so I had someone I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm he if he wants to talk to me, he
Speaker 1: can reach out to me. I never reached out once
Speaker 1: to him. I was just because I'm like, you know what,
Speaker 1: I'm sure he has lots of women throwing himself at
Speaker 1: him or throwing themselves at him. And so then he
Speaker 1: said to me, why don't you ever reach out to me?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, well, I figured, you know, if you
Speaker 1: want to talk to me, you're gonna You're gonna text me.
Speaker 1: And he's like, well, I want to hear from you.
Speaker 1: He's like, I want you to reach out, but then
Speaker 1: when I reach out, it's not then reciprocated. So then
Speaker 1: I'm like, this is what I'm talking about. This is
Speaker 1: what's so annoying with guys like they it's like, I
Speaker 1: don't understand. Do you know what I mean? I see
Speaker 1: to me, it's simple, but apparently it's not to other guys,
Speaker 1: because yeah, I would want to hear from you, and
Speaker 1: if I did, I'd be excited to respond. That's why
Speaker 1: I'm just like, no more games. The next It's like,
Speaker 1: it's just if you think of me, like someone said
Speaker 1: the other day, like well I didn't want to, It's like, no,
Speaker 1: no text me saying or thinking of me. I don't.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna think it. Don't overthink it. I think
Speaker 1: people overthink it all the time. And that's how it
Speaker 1: was with my wife, And that's what was so appealing
Speaker 1: was that there was none of that. If we were
Speaker 1: thinking of each other, we would just call each other
Speaker 1: because there was no texting at the time, but you
Speaker 1: would just call each other. And it was that simple,
Speaker 1: and that's what I loved about it. I was reading
Speaker 1: this book last night while Men Love Bitches and it
Speaker 1: was saying, um, and it was some attraction principle number four.
Speaker 1: Sometimes a man deliberately won't call just to see how
Speaker 1: you'll respond. It's like, basically, it says like trying not
Speaker 1: to say things such as why haven't you called me?
Speaker 1: Or why haven't I heard from you in a week?
Speaker 1: But like to me, I'm like, hey, I think it's
Speaker 1: you know, if we're talking, like yeah, I would like
Speaker 1: to hear from you more. It just feels like a test.
Speaker 1: I don't like that. I don't like the testing there.
Speaker 1: And I feel like that's what happened to you with
Speaker 1: a certain person. And then yeah, it's just this very
Speaker 1: interesting Oh. I mean it's like in her mind, in
Speaker 1: his mind, the book is fascinating. I can't wait to
Speaker 1: read it. It's really a fascinating So is it a
Speaker 1: book on like telling you how to not be a bit?
Speaker 1: It's basically saying like it's not. So it's like the
Speaker 1: bit it's not about being a bitch. It's like the
Speaker 1: bitch is confident. The bitch is like, I'm enough, like
Speaker 1: I need you in my life. Like it's not like,
Speaker 1: but you're still kind, right, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: You're just like, oh, sorry, I'm so busy living my
Speaker 1: fabulous life. Right, I'm not good to my phone. I
Speaker 1: swear it every second of every day. I'm sorry I didn't.
Speaker 1: I didn't watch the game. You won great, no idea,
Speaker 1: but yet I watched the entire game. Crypt that you
Speaker 1: can't find the text. No, I actually deleted it because
Speaker 1: I deleted his number. Okay, so I'll back up a
Speaker 1: little bit. I made myself available for the like, clearly
Speaker 1: made myself available for this guy. I think at least twice.
Speaker 1: You know, I said, these are the days that I'm free.
Speaker 1: I said, when I have my free time. Because I
Speaker 1: do have a daughter, you know, I split custody. Um,
Speaker 1: so when I have my free time, I want to
Speaker 1: make the most of it. And I made that clear.
Speaker 1: And I said, well I've made and Janna helped me
Speaker 1: with this. I said, well, I've made myself available and
Speaker 1: now I'll just leave it in your court. That's when
Speaker 1: he loved cried that's when he laughed cried. It's like
Speaker 1: I was like block him immediately, Like he was like, hey,
Speaker 1: because you put out there like, well, I've you know,
Speaker 1: I've texted you a few times and whenever, you know,
Speaker 1: when when you want to make your I'm available. But
Speaker 1: moving on. Yeah, he's just he's like toxic. He has
Speaker 1: a toxic person. And I think it took me to
Speaker 1: it's time to go, that's when it's time for repeating.
Speaker 1: But I did repeat it. And the thing is, I
Speaker 1: was somewhat conscious that I'm repeating this cycle and trying
Speaker 1: to think through why am I wanting to go back?
Speaker 1: Why am I wanting to this wanting this guy to
Speaker 1: think differently or give me some different response when he's
Speaker 1: clearly being a jerk. And I mean a lot of
Speaker 1: it comes from I've had past toxic relationships and I'm
Speaker 1: still sorting through that and uh, you know then, but
Speaker 1: it was kind of it was a big step in
Speaker 1: healing because I'm like, Okay, this is attractive to me
Speaker 1: and you can find fun in it, maybe, but that's
Speaker 1: only if you're willing to self sacrifice and like lose
Speaker 1: your dignity in the process. And I got on too,
Speaker 1: and I was like, it's not worth one fun night,
Speaker 1: you know. I don't need to be treated this way
Speaker 1: to have a good time. Yeah, because you can find
Speaker 1: an f boy if you really when that's not going
Speaker 1: to me right exactly. Yeah, And that's the problem with
Speaker 1: the dating app culture too, because like, if you're not
Speaker 1: immediately sending pictures of your genitalia, he's just gonna keep
Speaker 1: swiping until somebody does. Yes. Well, yeah, that's why. Okay,
Speaker 1: there's this one guy terrified. Remember he called me in
Speaker 1: the shower. I was like, you know, and I was
Speaker 1: like that was so disappointing, And I'm like you think, yeah,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, what do you wanting me to do
Speaker 1: right now? Because I ain't doing it? You know what
Speaker 1: I mean? Like you're gonna do you need to wine
Speaker 1: and dine. I'm not that girl you can go to
Speaker 1: like Mark said, go go to Tinder or go like
Speaker 1: but I'm just like these guys think that they can
Speaker 1: just call and be like, here's my dick, I'm in
Speaker 1: the shower. What do you want me to like talk
Speaker 1: dirty to you right now? Like my two kids right
Speaker 1: here by talk to you. Yeah. He's just like, what
Speaker 1: are you doing? I'm like, I'm with my children and
Speaker 1: what are you doing. Looks like you're taking a shower, buddy,
Speaker 1: rub a dub dub with the SuDS. And it was
Speaker 1: like the middle of the day. It was in the
Speaker 1: middle of the day. And also he thinks you'll find
Speaker 1: it hot. Yeah, I don't see. I don't find that hot.
Speaker 1: I'm like, is you calling me and you're communicating with
Speaker 1: me and you're taking me on a day and saying, hey,
Speaker 1: when can I see you next? That? Because guys get
Speaker 1: it backwards, because a woman in the shower to a
Speaker 1: guy's like the hottest thing in the world, and so
Speaker 1: they think it goes both ways and it does not
Speaker 1: go do That's such a good point. I think there's
Speaker 1: a lot of things like that that don't go both ways. Yes,
Speaker 1: oh man, it's fun. This is fun. Um okay, well,
Speaker 1: I mean we we brought you on. You were sitting
Speaker 1: over there. This is um. This is my friend Krista.
Speaker 1: Welcome to wind down. Hi, Hi, just let's just hold
Speaker 1: some space just um. So some of y'all know how
Speaker 1: I met Krista. Some of you don't. Um hm, I
Speaker 1: have to really carefully step through this track of mud.
Speaker 1: Um you can do it, can I I think so
Speaker 1: you've said it before. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Um. So
Speaker 1: we met through someone I was dating and someone that
Speaker 1: she was married to, um, the same person. This not
Speaker 1: at the same time, not at the same time. So
Speaker 1: she was married to someone for a long time and
Speaker 1: he was uh. And then later on I met him
Speaker 1: and he was a boyfriend for a for a minute. UM.
Speaker 1: And I actually reached out to her because I was
Speaker 1: started to hear some things and and as a mother
Speaker 1: who was around also her daughter at the time, I
Speaker 1: really wanted to because Okay, I started to think about it,
Speaker 1: I'm like, all right, I have I don't know. I mean,
Speaker 1: myke to my knowledge, is not dating anyone yet. But
Speaker 1: when he does date someone, I would love to sit
Speaker 1: down with that person if they're in a serious relationship,
Speaker 1: just to like they're they're around my children, They're gonna
Speaker 1: be loving on my children, and I personally would want that, right,
Speaker 1: I would want to have that connection with um. And
Speaker 1: I'm not asking to be friends, but like just like, hey,
Speaker 1: you know, my kids are my life, and you know,
Speaker 1: let's let's let's set some boundaries up right of what
Speaker 1: this is going to kind of look like and maybe
Speaker 1: that's overstepping. I don't know, Cat, what do you think
Speaker 1: on that? Like, I definitely think you should have that conversation. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I also think that there's an appropriate time for that conversation. Yes,
Speaker 1: And so Catherine was sitting with me actually when I
Speaker 1: asked for permission to talk to the ex wife who
Speaker 1: is now Krista Um, because there was just a few
Speaker 1: things that were flagged and I was like, man, I
Speaker 1: would love to hear her story, and also, as a
Speaker 1: mom who's around her child, well, I want her to
Speaker 1: know that like I'm a good mom and I you know,
Speaker 1: I just like, let's just have like some you know,
Speaker 1: face to face. So I ended up d mning her
Speaker 1: and was like, hey, I know you know, and I
Speaker 1: would love to sit down with you and at the time,
Speaker 1: I'll let you speak on your feelings with that um
Speaker 1: excuse me. Yeah, at the time, I mean, I'll be
Speaker 1: perfectly honest, I was like, you you hated me? Well, no,
Speaker 1: I did not ever hate you. I did not ever
Speaker 1: hate you or have anything against you, because like you're
Speaker 1: I didn't know you, you know. Um. But at the
Speaker 1: time I was like, so it all kind of became
Speaker 1: very public pretty quickly, and I was like, I don't
Speaker 1: want to be involved in that, Like I know that
Speaker 1: this is it feels like it's moving quickly between her
Speaker 1: and the X um excuse me, And I was. I honestly,
Speaker 1: I was not in the space. I was like, I can't,
Speaker 1: I can't do this. I'm not ready to sit down
Speaker 1: with the first person that my ex dates after our divorce. Hair,
Speaker 1: when you got the notification on your phone that says
Speaker 1: you have a d M frommer, what was your initial response?
Speaker 1: And this is why market here. Um, let's see, I'm
Speaker 1: trying to remember no judgment because now we're like soul sisters,
Speaker 1: so we can we can you know, I'm honestly trying
Speaker 1: to remember, um, because they were like there were already
Speaker 1: swirlings of talk in the community, because I mean we
Speaker 1: live in a pretty tight knit place, and there was
Speaker 1: already kind of swirling and people were asking, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: did you see X y Z? And I was like, oh, God,
Speaker 1: like I just don't. I don't want to be involved
Speaker 1: in this. Sorry, that must have really thought it, okay, um,
Speaker 1: because here I am no putting myself in the middle literally,
Speaker 1: um no. But I was just and I was in
Speaker 1: a new relationship as well, and I just felt like
Speaker 1: I didn't have the space. But my initial reaction was great,
Speaker 1: now she's messaging me, what am I gonna like? Great?
Speaker 1: Now I need to read this and sit with it
Speaker 1: and figure out how to respond. And if you remember Janna,
Speaker 1: my responses were very short because I was like, and
Speaker 1: it was with Katherine, I was very short, very clear,
Speaker 1: not doing this, and she was very respectful about it. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I basically had asked you, um, and you're like,
Speaker 1: just your advice to me was just, um, don't ignore
Speaker 1: what people. I said. If you've heard warnings, go ahead
Speaker 1: and heed those warnings. And that's all I'm gonna say.
Speaker 1: And so she was very respectful, and then we were
Speaker 1: gonna actually meet, But then I got covid. Was that Christmas?
Speaker 1: Was that around the same time, because then you're like,
Speaker 1: you know, I thought about it, Yeah, she thought about it,
Speaker 1: and you're like, yeah, let's get a drink. But then
Speaker 1: when when we were going to get a drink, I
Speaker 1: had to cancel, um because I got I got COVID.
Speaker 1: And then when I took that as a sign, I
Speaker 1: was like, all right, Nope, not doing it, because I
Speaker 1: mean it was literally like hours before we were supposed
Speaker 1: to meet, and I was like, no, that's a sign
Speaker 1: I'm staying out. We're dreading it. Even before she got
Speaker 1: the you got the call about the COVID. No, I
Speaker 1: wasn't dreading it. Maybe uneasy, Yeah, I was just kind
Speaker 1: of anxious and like, I don't really know what I'm
Speaker 1: stepping into. Um. I did have a feeling that jan
Speaker 1: is a good person, Like I didn't like I said,
Speaker 1: I didn't have anything against her, and I felt for
Speaker 1: her honestly, and I wanted to step it, like my
Speaker 1: heart wanted to step in and save her, you know,
Speaker 1: prevent a lot of hurt. But I also knew that
Speaker 1: I knew the phase of love bombing that probably was
Speaker 1: going on, and I was like, I'm not going to
Speaker 1: be able to convince her of anything. I just didn't
Speaker 1: feel like it was my place at the time. I didn't.
Speaker 1: I just felt like, why, it's not my responsibility to
Speaker 1: go save every person that he dates. What I think
Speaker 1: the thing that we had when we ended up and
Speaker 1: we will get to there. But with the piece that
Speaker 1: I got from you, which you were like, I didn't
Speaker 1: I didn't think you'd believe me, and that hit my
Speaker 1: Like I said, I don't think that it would have
Speaker 1: been received. Well, yeah, because it's true. I probably would
Speaker 1: have gone back and have been said and then this
Speaker 1: person would have said, oh, X, Y and Z, and
Speaker 1: so I wouldn't have believed her, and like to not
Speaker 1: feel believed as a woman in what they went through
Speaker 1: is is hurtful. It's it's it's hard. That's very true.
Speaker 1: That's that's a really good way to say that. The
Speaker 1: other way is that, yeah, I didn't want to be
Speaker 1: I didn't want to speak my truth and then be
Speaker 1: just passed over again or not listen to. Like that's
Speaker 1: seriously one of my biggest pet peeves is to not
Speaker 1: be listened to and not be heard. But wasn't the
Speaker 1: fact that Janet was reaching out to you and asking
Speaker 1: these questions a sign that she was kind of looking
Speaker 1: for this information and that she was going to believe you,
Speaker 1: Because if she just had hard eyes it was happy
Speaker 1: as can be, she wouldn't have been sending you that
Speaker 1: d M. Probably well sure, but again I'll go back
Speaker 1: to it's not my responsibility to fix every exfit or
Speaker 1: every person that he dates. That was just where I
Speaker 1: had to draw my own personal boundary. So yeah, and
Speaker 1: you were definitely not ready to hear it. Well, that's
Speaker 1: the thing. And as because you've admitted now, right, And
Speaker 1: I told her, And if I would have heard that,
Speaker 1: I would have I would have believed the other side. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but then why were you reaching out? It seems like
Speaker 1: you were seeing problematic behavior, or at least behavior there
Speaker 1: was true, Mark, That's such a good question. Um, it
Speaker 1: really is. And that is I think that's a hard
Speaker 1: question for anyone to answer. It's like she I believe
Speaker 1: in the goodness, and I believe in people's redemption stories,
Speaker 1: and I believe in what people say, and I believe
Speaker 1: in what I believe in growth and people because I've
Speaker 1: experienced that along. I've done that too. And so her version,
Speaker 1: for example, whoever gets my ex is going to I,
Speaker 1: I pray have a different version, right, So her experience
Speaker 1: might not be my experience, and I can I can
Speaker 1: hear some of the things like just like when my
Speaker 1: ex starts dating someone, if I was to sit down
Speaker 1: with them, we might we might And I again, I
Speaker 1: pray we have polar opposite experiences and so and just
Speaker 1: like you are in the best place now, people have
Speaker 1: dated you in the past, dated a different you know,
Speaker 1: but now it's it's different. So I think it's not
Speaker 1: that I wouldn't have believed your I would have been like,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry you experienced that. That's not my reality.
Speaker 1: That's what the difference would have been. So it's like,
Speaker 1: but I still think deep down you knew that it
Speaker 1: was partly your reality for sure, but to believe. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was so clinging onto like it was like I was,
Speaker 1: I was. It was a week before Christmas, and like
Speaker 1: my friend, I was like, I was just clinging onto
Speaker 1: any hope of like having like this fantasy family in
Speaker 1: my brain that wasn't right for either one of us,
Speaker 1: you know. And it was just like this like white knuckling,
Speaker 1: like and I still think people have to be ready.
Speaker 1: I think you have to be ready to hear it,
Speaker 1: to receive it and do something about it. And if
Speaker 1: you're not in that place, you know, I am, I'm
Speaker 1: sorry for your experience, but well, and I think to like,
Speaker 1: if if that were to ever happen again, there wouldn't
Speaker 1: no be reaching out to the ex wife for the
Speaker 1: ex girlfriend. It would just be like, I'm sorry, this
Speaker 1: relationship isn't gonna work for me, that it doesn't matter
Speaker 1: what happened with them doesn't matter. Yeah, So it's like
Speaker 1: that's where now this version would be like, oh no,
Speaker 1: Like I wouldn't have to reach out to anybody because
Speaker 1: I know in my firm foundation of what I deserve,
Speaker 1: what I want in my life, and what doesn't align
Speaker 1: with me, right, And that's where like I was on
Speaker 1: the other side of that talking about the realities, the
Speaker 1: different realities. I was on the other side where I
Speaker 1: had been. So I had been through a lot with
Speaker 1: this guy and was like I knew my truth of
Speaker 1: um experiencing life with him, and I have come to
Speaker 1: my own conclusion that he's never going to change, never
Speaker 1: going to change. And so part of it was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: it sucks that you're in this place and you believe
Speaker 1: that something's going to change, like going back to you
Speaker 1: believe it, like you hope and people you pray that
Speaker 1: they can change, they can and I do, like I
Speaker 1: believe that same thing is that I believe that there
Speaker 1: is that tiny little mustard seed in each and every
Speaker 1: one of us and it, yes, it needs love and nurturing.
Speaker 1: And you know, people are in a dark place and
Speaker 1: they act out or whatever. But at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, if it starts to be a detriment to me,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to take responsibility over that I did
Speaker 1: it for too long, if that makes sense. So how
Speaker 1: did we get here? How did we get from early nervous,
Speaker 1: trepidagious email to being soul sisters? And it's been it's
Speaker 1: gotten some hate, and I think that's another reason why
Speaker 1: we kind of wanted to have this discussion too, because
Speaker 1: I don't think people understand it. And that's again, it's
Speaker 1: not for people to understand. At the time. My intentions
Speaker 1: when I reached back out to her, because we never
Speaker 1: met face to face was my children. My children were
Speaker 1: around her daughter and they were in love with her daughter.
Speaker 1: And that piece was what broke me the most, was
Speaker 1: that I prematurely introduced my children to someone and I
Speaker 1: then involved another child around my children that they fell
Speaker 1: in love with the other person. They never mentioned the
Speaker 1: name once, but the child's name over and over and over.
Speaker 1: When do we get to see And it literally broke
Speaker 1: my heart because I'm like, well, there we go. I
Speaker 1: just I messed this up. I I I screwed this up.
Speaker 1: You know, and now my kids are are paying the price,
Speaker 1: and it broke my heart. And so I reached out
Speaker 1: to her and I said, I don't know if you know,
Speaker 1: but we're not together anymore. I said, Jason, and Jason
Speaker 1: her daughter had a insane connection, like insane where every
Speaker 1: day like mommy wears, where's you know? Your daughter? Were where? Where? Where?
Speaker 1: And so I was just like, all right, I have to, like,
Speaker 1: I have to reach out to her. So um, I
Speaker 1: was like, it's not fair for the kids what they
Speaker 1: went through losing her again. They don't mention the other name,
Speaker 1: They just are mentioning her. So is there a way
Speaker 1: that maybe we could let them face time every once
Speaker 1: in a while and then just wean it out that way,
Speaker 1: It's not just this dramatic someone who was with us
Speaker 1: seven is now no longer. They're never going to see again.
Speaker 1: And I didn't want to have that conversation with him
Speaker 1: because I didn't think that would be received well um
Speaker 1: nor and we needed to you know, both move on,
Speaker 1: and because it wasn't right for either one of us, right,
Speaker 1: so um, and so I reached out to her and
Speaker 1: I said that, and I was like, you know, I
Speaker 1: totally understand if you don't you know, if you don't
Speaker 1: want to, I get it again. I'm not trying to
Speaker 1: like rub dirt in an open wound, like I just
Speaker 1: like and selfishly like what I mean that selfishly you
Speaker 1: were so graciously opening, like opened your heart to like
Speaker 1: knowing my mama heart was ruined for my kids and
Speaker 1: because you could have been like no, like that that
Speaker 1: was your that was your mistake made, and you need
Speaker 1: to figure that out and instead, Yeah, I mean if
Speaker 1: immediately as soon as I read her text and I
Speaker 1: read the words were not together anymore, my first very
Speaker 1: first thought was great, now I get to explain to
Speaker 1: my daughter why she can't go over to Jason Jonas anymore,
Speaker 1: you know, because I know that he's not going to
Speaker 1: do it, and and then she's just gonna be left wondering.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, clearly, the only way that I can
Speaker 1: remedy this is to, yeah, talk to Janna, and I
Speaker 1: can be mature about it, and I can you know,
Speaker 1: we can like dip our toe in and see if
Speaker 1: there's I mean, quite honestly, see if there is some
Speaker 1: kind of connection, see if like each other, you know,
Speaker 1: we we resonate or whatever and when and what happened
Speaker 1: was is, so she goes, what if we just you
Speaker 1: and I get together first? And I go, and she was,
Speaker 1: and then we can discuss how we handle the kids situation.
Speaker 1: And I said, I think that's a really great idea.
Speaker 1: And again like I'm like, thank you, thank you, thank you,
Speaker 1: Like I just I so appreciate that. And she came
Speaker 1: over and I mean two bottles later, we had a
Speaker 1: lot in common. Was there that night too, And you
Speaker 1: know it was like this we shared, you know, she
Speaker 1: shared her experiences with her asked I shared my experiences
Speaker 1: in my past. And it wasn't even about like we
Speaker 1: didn't we weren't bashing the first of all, we weren't
Speaker 1: bashing her ex. We weren't bashing my ex. Is you know,
Speaker 1: it was just like a this thread, this commonality of
Speaker 1: like two people that you know, as we just we
Speaker 1: connected on so many layers and I was just like, wow,
Speaker 1: like this is this is actually a friendship. But this
Speaker 1: is like I I relate to everything you're saying, She's
Speaker 1: relating to things that I'm saying. And we realized from there,
Speaker 1: like how similar we were? Yeah, echo that heck of
Speaker 1: that and and it's so interesting too. And I was
Speaker 1: telling her this last night and then now then we've
Speaker 1: obviously gotten the kids together and you know, they've done
Speaker 1: some sleepovers and I mean they're just like grand like
Speaker 1: they they love it. It's so much fun and it's
Speaker 1: such a happy ending for them. I love that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's like they get they get there her daughter
Speaker 1: and I got a friend, you know, like I got
Speaker 1: this sole sister friendship where it's like we relate and again,
Speaker 1: like people are like, oh, like it's so immature, and
Speaker 1: it's like, explain to me how protecting and how loving
Speaker 1: my children and how connecting with someone that I connect
Speaker 1: with this immature is. I'm not rubbing, we're not rubbing,
Speaker 1: we're not talking bad Like there's truly like I even
Speaker 1: told her, I was like, I don't even want to
Speaker 1: bring up his name in this house. Yeah, we can
Speaker 1: talk about our past experiences, but like, let's not like
Speaker 1: this isn't a bashing of a man session. This is
Speaker 1: just like how do we lift each other up from
Speaker 1: things that we've been through? How can I how can
Speaker 1: we pray together? How can we grow together? How can
Speaker 1: we like it's not about bashing the men that we've
Speaker 1: been with No, we're very much both on a healing
Speaker 1: journey and Janet, it could be anybody that had a
Speaker 1: similar situation, Like I talked to several of my girlfriend
Speaker 1: I was actually just on a walk today with a
Speaker 1: girlfriend and she was telling me about this four month
Speaker 1: about with this really terrible guy that she dated that
Speaker 1: was like such a world when he ended up suing
Speaker 1: her and all of this stuff, and there were common
Speaker 1: threads there, you know. So it's I think that's a
Speaker 1: big bond. And while it's an unfortunate circumstance to bond
Speaker 1: over um, I think we look at wanting to just
Speaker 1: evolve from it and grow and lift each other up
Speaker 1: in other people. What I got from that last relationship
Speaker 1: with such a gift in like a step in the
Speaker 1: right direction for my personal growth and healing and like
Speaker 1: but from that like it wasn't so I got that
Speaker 1: from that relationship. And I also got a friendship and
Speaker 1: my children have their friendship still and and I was
Speaker 1: we were talking about this last night, I go or
Speaker 1: the other night where it's so crazy that it's it's
Speaker 1: the women in my life that have given me more
Speaker 1: than the man, when the men have ever so like
Speaker 1: when I think back to like my ex husband John,
Speaker 1: my best girlfriend is Julie, so his wife, right, So
Speaker 1: like Julie has given me more than John and I
Speaker 1: ever was, Krista has given me more than what that
Speaker 1: relationship with And like my Queendom, my girls have given
Speaker 1: me more than I ever felt in my marriage. It's
Speaker 1: like so that the women in my life are the
Speaker 1: ones that have given me more than any man could
Speaker 1: ever give me. And it's like I almost met some
Speaker 1: of them to have these beautiful friendships. Well, everything happens
Speaker 1: for a reason. It kind of goes back to that.
Speaker 1: And you see that you see that article last week
Speaker 1: about women, uh it's called it was called the Rise
Speaker 1: of the Lonely Single Man. I saw that, Yeah, and
Speaker 1: it's about how women are raising their dating standards and
Speaker 1: therefore men are most of the people on dating apps
Speaker 1: and dating opportunities are getting less for them because women
Speaker 1: are raising their standards and they absolutely should because men
Speaker 1: have gotten away with too much for too long. It's
Speaker 1: the whole don't need you, I want you vibe. Yeah. Um,
Speaker 1: but with that too is we're gonna because I'm like,
Speaker 1: all right, Christa, I was like we we met for
Speaker 1: a reason. We I'm like, how can we also encourage
Speaker 1: other single moms or help other moms out there, help
Speaker 1: women that need help getting um, you know, about to
Speaker 1: go through a divorce and so um Catherine's dip in
Speaker 1: her toe in it too. But we so we started
Speaker 1: this Instagram and we're gonna we're gonna it's called all
Speaker 1: in Moms and we're just going to post inspirational things
Speaker 1: or stories that people can relate to. And it's like
Speaker 1: we want like a community of women to come together
Speaker 1: that are just supporting other people are like, hey, I
Speaker 1: need help. Like a lot of women can't get out
Speaker 1: of the marriage. They don't know how to get out.
Speaker 1: It's like this is like I want women to just
Speaker 1: encourage and to help other women, and like go to
Speaker 1: the comments and like flood the comments and like share
Speaker 1: your story, and like we're going to share, you know,
Speaker 1: our stories and just like be a place for just
Speaker 1: like uplifting other women to you know, to to not
Speaker 1: feel alone, because it is a lonely feeling, especially when
Speaker 1: you we've either you've been in a bad relationship or
Speaker 1: you don't know how to get out or like being
Speaker 1: a single mom, Like it's tough. Like I was talking
Speaker 1: to Caitlin on the way here and she was just like,
Speaker 1: I lost it on my kids, like go there, talk
Speaker 1: about it, like and just um, we just so yeah,
Speaker 1: come to Instagram all in months and we're all going
Speaker 1: to be there commenting and loving on you guys. And
Speaker 1: I just want to point to I mean, you pointed
Speaker 1: to earlier how my response when you reached out to
Speaker 1: me after it ended, Um, after that relationship ended, and
Speaker 1: you you said that I was so gracious and open hearted. Well,
Speaker 1: I just want to point to the fact how you were.
Speaker 1: It took a lot of courage for you to even
Speaker 1: reach out to me. And so those are the things
Speaker 1: that we would want to shine a light on, um,
Speaker 1: for women who are going through even just a tough relationship,
Speaker 1: tough marriage, whatever is. Even if you think that the
Speaker 1: world is gonna you know, talk bad about your not understand,
Speaker 1: mainly not understand, like, you should still do the things
Speaker 1: that scare you and reach out to the women who
Speaker 1: you think maybe they can help you. The worst that
Speaker 1: they can say is no. Yeah. I mean, because I've
Speaker 1: had a few women that I've reached out and I'm like, hey,
Speaker 1: I've met your x and um, you know this, And
Speaker 1: I'm like, I just asked for you to know your
Speaker 1: worth and that's all I can give you, like because
Speaker 1: I have to draw a boundary too with myself, like
Speaker 1: I can't continue and that's like and I had to
Speaker 1: talk to Catherine about this, and I was like I
Speaker 1: had to check my relationship with Krista and I'm like,
Speaker 1: am I am I in a relationship with her because
Speaker 1: I'm wanting to make her x mad am I in
Speaker 1: a relationship with her too? Um to have a hold
Speaker 1: of him and I in a relationship with her. So
Speaker 1: I was like I really had to like dissect it,
Speaker 1: talk to you know, Catherine, talked to my therapist because
Speaker 1: I wanted to be clear of what my motivation was,
Speaker 1: so I knew it was my children. But then also
Speaker 1: I'm like, is was there any other piece there? And
Speaker 1: I think once I got clear on like no, like
Speaker 1: I just really connected this person, and I think there's
Speaker 1: you know, there was a reason why we why we
Speaker 1: do connect and why like it's like that's when I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: then I'm like we just can't talk about that person
Speaker 1: because that is like that's the destructiveness, Like I don't
Speaker 1: we don't need to let's ruminate about someone, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like, you are not my friend, and
Speaker 1: that's what's important, not the past of X, Y and
Speaker 1: Z so so mature. It only took us thirty six years.
Speaker 1: We're all growing, I think to really cement the bond here,
Speaker 1: I think the best thing to do would be for
Speaker 1: Catherine to date this guy and then Catherine, are you interesting? Thanks? Mark,
Speaker 1: I'm out all together. I just don't want to date
Speaker 1: anybody just man, man, we don't want to cement any
Speaker 1: other bonds like that in that way. No, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I mean wish wish the best, and I would and
Speaker 1: I would give you a I mean I would say
Speaker 1: go for it, Cat like good, thanks, guys, I'm good.
Speaker 1: And again I also want to echo what Jann is saying,
Speaker 1: like we are not here to talk bad. I am
Speaker 1: not here to talk bad at all. But we do
Speaker 1: have experiences and we have a lot of different relations.
Speaker 1: You know, it's just a life, man, and being a
Speaker 1: single mom and just being like, hey, I'm struggling, and
Speaker 1: you know, and knowing that you are stronger than ever
Speaker 1: sticking out right here that my sweet little christ and
Speaker 1: breast Mark. I mean do you have any questions? Since
Speaker 1: you know, how are you digesting all of this? It's
Speaker 1: all fascinating and I love I love it. I actually
Speaker 1: really like it. I I I hope that we all,
Speaker 1: as much as is tempting to bash men, and no
Speaker 1: one loves doing that more than I do, that there
Speaker 1: are some good guys out there, and I really I'm
Speaker 1: hopeful that the three of you can use this strength
Speaker 1: that you're gathering together to find some of them, because
Speaker 1: they're there somewhere. They really are. I just think they're lazy.
Speaker 1: To be honest with you, Yeah, they really are. But
Speaker 1: why is it that I don't know if y'all may
Speaker 1: be experienced, but the ones that aren't lazy, we're not
Speaker 1: like all the way entirely attracted to because there's one
Speaker 1: thing or like, you know, it's like like that when
Speaker 1: I told you to be with and you're like, this
Speaker 1: is nice. I'm like, but Krista, he has healthy, like
Speaker 1: nice guys. They want them, but they don't really It's
Speaker 1: gonna be interesting when you start dating. I'm like, Katherine,
Speaker 1: why don't you like the nice guys? I'm I'm ready
Speaker 1: for something about the chase and I know, um who
Speaker 1: was it that was on that Yeah, that one was
Speaker 1: talking about them in the egg. The chase is on
Speaker 1: both sides, but yeah, I don't know that's firm needs
Speaker 1: chase egg. But is that a turn off? A guy
Speaker 1: that's really interested and he shows up for he asks
Speaker 1: you on an actual date, shows up to pick you up,
Speaker 1: and he's dressed nicely and he actually like that, that
Speaker 1: doesn't happen anymore, right, But his point, I will say,
Speaker 1: I did have a date that a guy was dressed
Speaker 1: in like full on I was like, I oft in
Speaker 1: he was like in a full on like suit and
Speaker 1: I was like, hello, fifty shades are great, what do
Speaker 1: you want to do? Let's do that. But his point
Speaker 1: is if they're the nice guy and they do that,
Speaker 1: what we're saying is that just not attractive because it's
Speaker 1: they're the nice guy. I just think if the nice
Speaker 1: guy was the guy that like we want, then it
Speaker 1: would be great. If there's gonna be the guy out there.
Speaker 1: But if you're not entirely physically attracted to them, you know,
Speaker 1: like they're handsome in certain lights, you know, I still
Speaker 1: think you can be attracted to them and still they're
Speaker 1: they're easy and nice and you think they exist. No,
Speaker 1: I'm saying I think there's the nice guys that are
Speaker 1: attractive and you are attracted to them, but you don't
Speaker 1: really want them because it's not really the chase and
Speaker 1: it's not that exciting. But what about the guy Krifton
Speaker 1: went out with who says, you know, he's an acquired
Speaker 1: taste or whatever? Does that exist? Because I do feel
Speaker 1: there are guys that are funny, charming, sweet, and and
Speaker 1: that women aren't as superficial as men. No, I agree
Speaker 1: with that, and I also think, like crickets, I do
Speaker 1: think that if you can give it a second, you can.
Speaker 1: You might not at first just physical looks be attracted,
Speaker 1: but once you get to know someone and their personality,
Speaker 1: you can become attracted to them. So I do think
Speaker 1: that this guy doesn't sound like the guys women tend
Speaker 1: to say A sense of humor is more important than looks.
Speaker 1: Is that accurate? I need? Yes, and I also still
Speaker 1: need to be I need to still be attracted, But
Speaker 1: I think I'm not going for the like model boy,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like I just look at
Speaker 1: just text me when you're thinking about me. That's and
Speaker 1: and just yeah, like I think I think it's um,
Speaker 1: I think it's possible. I think they're out there, and
Speaker 1: I think we need to keep our standards. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm a chair. I just about me. I love that
Speaker 1: her text come out. Goodness, I knew, whoa whoa Janna?
Speaker 1: What happened? A strong single? In love with myself? I
Speaker 1: don't anybody that's three weeks ago. Someone someone has um
Speaker 1: entered the chat that I'm it's kind of excited about.
Speaker 1: But I don't know. We'll see but someone so, I
Speaker 1: mean so new kid as a teenager. When that text
Speaker 1: came in, that's kind of cool. What does that mean?
Speaker 1: Was that type daughter? Or is that like an auto message?
Speaker 1: I don't know. I know what it means, but I
Speaker 1: can't say that after all. Right, well this was this
Speaker 1: was fun, right, this feels good. I think we were
Speaker 1: both nervous because like, yes, but I feel like it's yeah.
Speaker 1: But I also feel like I we said what's real? Well,
Speaker 1: and I'll just well, god be weird. It's a million
Speaker 1: percent weird. And look, I think we've canceled this podcast
Speaker 1: date like twice at least. Okay, I think so, um,
Speaker 1: I had to just kind of like I'm the kind
Speaker 1: of person I have to really think about things a
Speaker 1: lot before I actually do them. Um, And I a
Speaker 1: big part of this that Janna is helping me with,
Speaker 1: honestly is one of my goals after my divorce is
Speaker 1: just just find my voice again and to not be
Speaker 1: afraid to speak out and and but the rule with
Speaker 1: that is if I'm speaking my truth, then I don't
Speaker 1: need to feel ashamed about it, and I can do it.
Speaker 1: And then if other people have questions, I'll answer your questions.
Speaker 1: If you are confused or if you want to spe
Speaker 1: you hate at me, I'm probably not going to talk
Speaker 1: to you. Um. But if you have questions and just
Speaker 1: ask me, and you know, according to my own boundaries,
Speaker 1: I'll answer them. But but yeah, it's weird. Had you
Speaker 1: heard this show before? Um, I knew about it. You listened,
Speaker 1: didn't you know? I only only I only knew about
Speaker 1: it when, Um, I think when you started, and I
Speaker 1: think at the time, I was like, I cannot I
Speaker 1: can listen to that? I was like, no, no, like
Speaker 1: that's gonna be way too much of a trigger. I
Speaker 1: don't like. I just I couldn't. Sorry, No, it's fine,
Speaker 1: you're just being you. UM. But then but then as
Speaker 1: it like a few months into their relationship. I was like,
Speaker 1: all right, I'll listen just to like, just to hear
Speaker 1: and and maybe start to form my own opinion about
Speaker 1: this person from afar. You know, without too much judgment.
Speaker 1: You're like annoying, you were you were the trolls on
Speaker 1: my on the on the reddit. No, hell no, hell no. Um.
Speaker 1: But so I listened to a a few and I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: you know, she sounds like she makes sense, she sounds
Speaker 1: like a good person. I don't want to judge anybody. Like.
Speaker 1: We all make mistakes. Um, some of us are stupid.
Speaker 1: It's fine. So well apparently Jenna and I made the
Speaker 1: same mistake. So that was my point. Um, So yeah,
Speaker 1: did I answer your question? Yes? Yeah, And I think
Speaker 1: again at the end of the day, it's like, um,
Speaker 1: and what I've kind of learned too is, you know,
Speaker 1: my my ex will be like when you stop talking,
Speaker 1: it's like I'm not again, I'm not back. These are
Speaker 1: just my experiences, my truths, my my story. This is
Speaker 1: not like a I hate you and you know this
Speaker 1: is what you did. It's like, no, this is just
Speaker 1: these are my experiences and through this, this is how
Speaker 1: I'm going to help x Y help other people, and
Speaker 1: you know, and and connect with other women and like that.
Speaker 1: That's that's the like, that's the goodness and all of it.
Speaker 1: That's the victory. The two of you are getting to
Speaker 1: the other and going oh and the way he choose
Speaker 1: like it's like it's like it was like one moment
Speaker 1: and then it was like and we're done talking about
Speaker 1: that because it's not it's not about the person. It's
Speaker 1: about the experience. It isn't about like the connection. That's up.
Speaker 1: So yeah, good show, ladies. So you are welcome anytime.
Speaker 1: Just let me know. Um we are going to eventually
Speaker 1: have a dating expert on the show, so we will.
Speaker 1: We will definitely have you um in on that one
Speaker 1: because that'll be interest. Going to need a dating update
Speaker 1: from you. Okay, girls, I mean I need to line
Speaker 1: some up first. I don't have any lined up right now,
Speaker 1: so same damn me? Do you like another one? Who
Speaker 1: it's a two for text he's double texting already. I
Speaker 1: don't like it. You know you will like it? Okay,
Speaker 1: Just alright, well talk later. Find so