Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central. Big tech news. Mark Zuckerberg
Speaker 1: has just revealed that from now on, people will have
Speaker 1: legs in the metaverse. Yeah, and I, for one, I'm
Speaker 1: truly excited for what this means, because first you get legs,
Speaker 1: then you will get feet. Pretty soon you'll be able
Speaker 1: to walk out of the metaverse and go literally anywhere else.
Speaker 1: In climate news, New Zealand has just announced a plan
Speaker 1: to fight methane emissions by taxing cows for their burbs.
Speaker 1: And this is how much billionaires are winning in the world.
Speaker 1: Even cows are getting taxed before them. And by the way,
Speaker 1: even if you support this general idea to try and
Speaker 1: slow climate change, you have to admit if you were
Speaker 1: a cow, you'd be pretty pissed about this. Ah, hold on,
Speaker 1: hold on, it's still my milk might be spent. My
Speaker 1: whole wife on death row. And now you you turn nipple.
Speaker 1: Bitches are gonna text me for bupping? Are you all
Speaker 1: driving a lecture cars? No? Are you're using solid panels? Now? No,
Speaker 1: you're still feeling private hits but I get text Okay,
Speaker 1: well how about this, bitches take that new pitches hows
Speaker 1: New Zealand cars are angry. All right, and in sports news,
Speaker 1: after it came out that NBA star Draymond Green of
Speaker 1: the Golden State Warriors punched his teammate in the face
Speaker 1: during practice, Green has announced that he will be taking
Speaker 1: some time off, which is a great reminder for everyone.
Speaker 1: Do not punch your coworkers unless you want some extra
Speaker 1: vacation time. All right, let's move on to some of
Speaker 1: the bigger stories of the day, which for some reason,
Speaker 1: all involved racism. Yeah. I don't know if you guys
Speaker 1: have ever heard of racism, but it's a pretty hot
Speaker 1: thing these days. And by these days, I mean the
Speaker 1: last like thousand years now. For some reason, for some reason,
Speaker 1: it seemed like everyone was extra racist this weekend. I
Speaker 1: don't know, maybe because it's like a three day weekend,
Speaker 1: you know, people had a little more time to kick
Speaker 1: back and work on their racism. Whatever it was, it
Speaker 1: almost seemed like people were competing to see who could
Speaker 1: be the most racist. So let's dive in to all
Speaker 1: the competition for a segment we call the Amazing Racism.
Speaker 1: I have a first story involving racism. Hails from the
Speaker 1: Great States of Alabama. I know, I'm shocked to what
Speaker 1: makes this racism special is that it's from a senator,
Speaker 1: one of the best people in America, and he said
Speaker 1: out loud on TV. Senator Tommy tubber Villa Alabama is
Speaker 1: facing a significant backlash from major civil rights groups for
Speaker 1: comments he made at a Trump rally over the weekend
Speaker 1: sta Timberville calling out Democrats as being pro crime. He
Speaker 1: also suggested that people who want reparations for ancestral slavery
Speaker 1: aren't to blame for the crime. The Democratic Party, they
Speaker 1: have majority, they could stop this crime today. They won't crime.
Speaker 1: They won't crime because they want to take over what
Speaker 1: you got. They want to control what you have. They
Speaker 1: want reparation because they think the people that do the
Speaker 1: crime are old debt. Bullshit. They're not old debt. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you tell them time me. That thing you just made
Speaker 1: up right now, My reparations is bullshit. We can't have
Speaker 1: that freakning happening. I gotta say people, I've heard racists
Speaker 1: say all kinds of things. I've heard them say that
Speaker 1: black people are criminals, and I've heard them say that
Speaker 1: reparations are reverse racism. But it takes a true racism
Speaker 1: innovator to combine both ideas at the same time. Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is like the stuffed crust pizza of racism, because
Speaker 1: I knew you could have crust, and I knew that
Speaker 1: you could have cheese, but I know you can put
Speaker 1: the cheese inside the crust that's holding the rest of
Speaker 1: the cheese, because now the crust is holding the cheese
Speaker 1: at the same time that this chee. It is now.
Speaker 1: Now if you are confused, if you're confused by what
Speaker 1: this man is saying, congratulations, it means you're saying. But
Speaker 1: his point is that democrats want black people to do
Speaker 1: crime because that's basically reparations which the Democrats believe they deserve.
Speaker 1: And there were just two things I can think of
Speaker 1: off the top of my head. Off the top of
Speaker 1: my head. One, how does this argument explain black people
Speaker 1: who steal things from other black people? Because then who's
Speaker 1: reparating who? And secondly, how is this man going to
Speaker 1: stand on stage and imply that all criminals are black? Huh?
Speaker 1: That is disgusting. Has the senator never watched Netflix? Uh?
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna stand here and let Tommy Chapperville erase
Speaker 1: all these white people's contributions. This is the real rights
Speaker 1: that might to make it seems like white people come
Speaker 1: through crimes. I'll tell you, white people do crime just
Speaker 1: like anybody. These guys gonna make it seems like all
Speaker 1: my white friends in here, you can do the crime.
Speaker 1: You hear me. You don't listen to these people say
Speaker 1: you can't. You can't do you do the crime. Look,
Speaker 1: you know what, while this is upsetting, you have to
Speaker 1: it's not exactly surprising. I mean, he's an Alabama conservative
Speaker 1: named Tommy Tubbleville. This is not. What would be surprising
Speaker 1: is if he got up on stage and he was like,
Speaker 1: I'd like to open today with my favorite passage from
Speaker 1: James bald When y'all. So that's our first story, and
Speaker 1: I hope you warmed up because this next one is
Speaker 1: a little more unexpected and it takes place in liberal
Speaker 1: l A. In Los Angeles, the big political issue right
Speaker 1: now is a blockbuster tape recording that could force three
Speaker 1: city councilors to resign. Nurie Martinez, a rising star in
Speaker 1: l A politics, potentially faces the care rear in ruins,
Speaker 1: the first Latina chosen to lead the Los Angeles City Council,
Speaker 1: caught on tape making racist and defensive comments during a
Speaker 1: redistrict in meeting with three Latino Democrats. At one point,
Speaker 1: Martinez talks about the black child of Mike Bonnet, a
Speaker 1: white council member, in Spanish, calling the boy a little monkey.
Speaker 1: White guy with a little black kid who's miss behaved
Speaker 1: the jids, bosting off the wall over. There's nothing you
Speaker 1: can do to control him. Don't like a little white kid,
Speaker 1: which I was like, this kid a bet down. Let
Speaker 1: me let me take him around the corner and then
Speaker 1: I'll bring him back. Whoa boy? Yeah, And Latina Democrats
Speaker 1: called the black son of a white colleague a little
Speaker 1: monkey was bouncing all around the walls. I'm sorry, bouncing
Speaker 1: all around the effing walls. Yeah, thank you for censoring yourself. Uh,
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. That was weird. I mean, I'm not
Speaker 1: sure she sensored herself in the right place. That was
Speaker 1: weird of her to black cansting off the Fina was
Speaker 1: like a little monkey. You know, I think he would
Speaker 1: have a sense of the racism and just say I
Speaker 1: think that would be better. But to each their own.
Speaker 1: I guess I'm just crazy that way. You know. Also, like,
Speaker 1: do you know how racist you have to be to
Speaker 1: see a kid misbehaving and your first instinct is to
Speaker 1: use a racial slur against him. It's a little kid,
Speaker 1: all right. We all see kids of every race throw
Speaker 1: a tantrum or misbehave, and I'm I'm not trying to brag,
Speaker 1: but personally I hate all kids equally. Yes, it's not
Speaker 1: it's not the color of their skin that makes them annoying,
Speaker 1: it's the content of their shitty character. What's especially wild
Speaker 1: about the story as well, is that, in the same
Speaker 1: conversation she basically implies that because the kid is black,
Speaker 1: not white, he should be beaten so that he behaves.
Speaker 1: And I'm sorry, people, if you believe that black kids
Speaker 1: deserve to be beaten, you have no place being on
Speaker 1: the l A City Council. You clearly belong in the
Speaker 1: l A p D. But before we run out of time,
Speaker 1: there is one story that has the whole world talking.
Speaker 1: I'm referring, of course, to Kanye West, rapper, entrepreneur, and
Speaker 1: the guy who proved that not even black people can
Speaker 1: make the MAGA hat cool. Kanye has been drifting more
Speaker 1: and much of the right lately, from wearing a White
Speaker 1: Lives Matter shirt, sitting down for an interview with Tucker Caulson.
Speaker 1: But over the weekend, Kanye drifted right off the deep end.
Speaker 1: Yea formerly known as Kanye West, is now blocked from
Speaker 1: using Instagram and Twitter because of racist and anti semitic
Speaker 1: messages that he posted on Friday. Instagram was the first
Speaker 1: site to lock his account after Kanye posted text messages
Speaker 1: between himself and the rapper Sean Diddy Combs. In those messages,
Speaker 1: he accused Diddy of being controlled by Jewish people. After
Speaker 1: did he criticized the shirt Kanye was photographed wearing that
Speaker 1: red White Lives Matter. Then on Sunday, Kanye posted a
Speaker 1: series of tweets, once again targeting Jewish people. You in
Speaker 1: the phrase deaf con three. The rap start lashing out, tweeting,
Speaker 1: I'm a bit sleepy tonight, but when I wake up,
Speaker 1: I am going death con three un Jewish people. The
Speaker 1: funny thing is, I actually can't be anti semitic because
Speaker 1: black people are actually do Also, you guys have toyed
Speaker 1: with me and tried to blackball anyone whoever opposes your agenda.
Speaker 1: Oh no, Kanye, You're gonna do it again. You're gonna
Speaker 1: do it again. I don't even know where to begin
Speaker 1: with this ship. I mean promoting anti Semitism to your
Speaker 1: fifty million followers, not even joking about it, threatening to
Speaker 1: go deaf Con three on Jewish people, which, by the way,
Speaker 1: I know this is not the point, but that's not
Speaker 1: how you say it's I know it's not the main
Speaker 1: issue here. I know that, but it's deaf Con three, alright,
Speaker 1: not deaf Con three. Deaf Con sounds like like a
Speaker 1: trade show where they unveil all the latest coffins or something,
Speaker 1: because like, our newest model comes with Bluetooth. Now you
Speaker 1: can check on to make sure Nana still there. Just
Speaker 1: usually app deaf card. Not to mention, the deaf Con
Speaker 1: scale goes from one to five, so def Con three
Speaker 1: is like in the middle. If you're trying to tell
Speaker 1: people how hard you're gonna go, that's just a weird
Speaker 1: way to do it. You know, I'm about to open
Speaker 1: up a can of whip bass, but I'm gonna put
Speaker 1: half of it in some type of war for later.
Speaker 1: You can warn I don't want to use all my
Speaker 1: whip bass. At the same time. Also, it's funny that
Speaker 1: he starts his threat with I'm a bit sleepy tonight.
Speaker 1: What is that does anti semits doesn't make you tired?
Speaker 1: Is that why mega people love the my pillow guy?
Speaker 1: Is that what this is? But I will say that
Speaker 1: I feel bad for American right wingers, you know, because
Speaker 1: they're getting Kanye Now. I think if they missed college dropouts,
Speaker 1: my beautiful dog twisted fantasy graduation, you know, they missed all.
Speaker 1: They're getting this Kanye. It's like getting to date the
Speaker 1: high school prom king, but decades off the high school. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's you remember Chad from high school. Well, he's got
Speaker 1: uncontrollable flatulence. Now yeah, they might even tax him in
Speaker 1: New Zealand. So those are the contenders in this week's
Speaker 1: Amazing racism. You've got a black guy hating on Jews,
Speaker 1: a white guy hating on black people, and a Hispanic
Speaker 1: woman hating on a white guy for how he raises
Speaker 1: his black kid. You've got like every combination of racism
Speaker 1: in there. And you could find that depressing. You could,
Speaker 1: and I would understand why. But I myself choose to
Speaker 1: see this. I choose to see all these things as
Speaker 1: the glass half full. You know, if everyone is being
Speaker 1: racist against everyone else, then that means that no matter
Speaker 1: what kind of we are, racism is at least one
Speaker 1: thing that we all have in common. And what a
Speaker 1: beautiful thought that is. Tom Cruise is planning to shoot
Speaker 1: scenes for a new movie from the International Space Station,
Speaker 1: which good for him. He's finally getting to work a
Speaker 1: little bit closer to his home planet. This is nice,
Speaker 1: This is It's all about that work life balance. But seriously, people,
Speaker 1: Tom Cruise days winning, right, It's one of the greatest
Speaker 1: movie stars and stuntman is doing things that no one
Speaker 1: has ever done before, just success after success. So maybe
Speaker 1: scientology is right. I don't know. I'm just putting it
Speaker 1: out there. I'm just putting it out there. Another space news.
Speaker 1: Remember how NASA slammed a spaceship into an asteroid to
Speaker 1: test whether they could change its course. Well, yesterday they
Speaker 1: officially announced that it was a success. Yeah. Yeah, the
Speaker 1: asteroid wasn't actually headed to Earth and they hit it
Speaker 1: and now it is so could work. Everyone, Yeah, you
Speaker 1: just kept for us dying. I'm I'm not really sure
Speaker 1: this is all necessary though, like to like send like
Speaker 1: a vessel up to hit the asteroid, spend all that money,
Speaker 1: If we are honest, one immigrant mother could have done
Speaker 1: the same thing just by holding up a slipper. That's
Speaker 1: all she needed to do, just be like, come to
Speaker 1: earth and see what happ Come to earth and see
Speaker 1: what happens. Yeah, that's right. Turn around, turned that turn
Speaker 1: that turn that after a round in in sports news,
Speaker 1: NFL star Davante Adams of the Raiders has now been
Speaker 1: charged with misdemeanor assault for shoving a sideline photographer on Monday. Luckily,
Speaker 1: the photographer was attended to by NFL doctor, so he'll
Speaker 1: be fine. I mean he died, but the doctors still
Speaker 1: hit into play. Next Sunday, they said the game must
Speaker 1: go on. All right, Let's move on to some of
Speaker 1: the biggest stories of the day, starting off with a
Speaker 1: major story about the gig economy. You know, the gig economy,
Speaker 1: the reason you're tend to date had to make a
Speaker 1: stop to deliver shape shack. Well. Over the past decade,
Speaker 1: more and more people have been making a living at
Speaker 1: jobs where the companies they work for are technically not
Speaker 1: their employers. But now America's most famous employee might be
Speaker 1: changing that or at a potential game changer for millions
Speaker 1: of gig workers. The Biden administration proposing a new rule
Speaker 1: that would reclassify millions of them as company employees. The
Speaker 1: new rule who could have wide ranging impact on profits
Speaker 1: at Uber, Lift, Door, Dash and other companies that rely
Speaker 1: on contractors. With that employee label, workers would be eligible
Speaker 1: for protections like a minimum morali wage, overtime pay, jobless benefits,
Speaker 1: and workers come. Wow, If Biden gets this done, it's
Speaker 1: going to shake up the world of apps completely. Because
Speaker 1: you realize right now the reason delivery and car apps
Speaker 1: can take in billions of dollars is partly because they
Speaker 1: don't technically have employees, which is great for them. It's
Speaker 1: the same way some people on technically in a relationship,
Speaker 1: but they still get all the benefits. Yeah, they get
Speaker 1: the sleepovers, but then they don't have to take care
Speaker 1: of you when you're sick. You know, it's just like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry you're not feeling well. I guess I'll see
Speaker 1: you when you're ready to smash bidy. What what Biden
Speaker 1: is suggesting is that these companies have to give their
Speaker 1: work as the benefits that employees would get. And I
Speaker 1: know that you'll agree with me. No one deserves it
Speaker 1: more than them, right because these people are hard workers.
Speaker 1: They're driving everywhere, they're biking there delivering their taste, testing
Speaker 1: our food before it gets to us. This is hard work.
Speaker 1: So this is a big step for a lot of
Speaker 1: people in the gig economy. But don't forget there are
Speaker 1: drawbacks to being considered an employee. Yeah, like, for instance,
Speaker 1: people singing you happy birthday at work. Yeah, you'll love
Speaker 1: it initially, but once they start on the how old
Speaker 1: are you now, how you'll be like, I have a
Speaker 1: health care but head word cost. All right, let's move
Speaker 1: on to some news about the midterms. The reason your
Speaker 1: inbox is now full of emails with the subject line
Speaker 1: send me four dollars or all guilties. Alf Let's catch
Speaker 1: up on some of the tightest races in our ongoing
Speaker 1: coverage of Vote Demico. Right now, any single Senate race
Speaker 1: in America could determine which party could take control of
Speaker 1: the Senate, giving them the power to get nothing done
Speaker 1: for the next two years. And few races are closer
Speaker 1: right now than the one in Pennsylvania. On the Republican side,
Speaker 1: you have doctor Oz, famous TV doctor and proof that
Speaker 1: even Oprah makes mistakes. And on the Democratic side you
Speaker 1: have John Fetterman, former lieutenant governor, and dude who's just
Speaker 1: going off in the marsh pits. This race has hinged
Speaker 1: on a number of issues like crime, abortion, and the
Speaker 1: fact that doctor Oz has only lived in Pennsylvania for
Speaker 1: less than two years, which is that even a real Pennsylvanian.
Speaker 1: Has this dude even been in a fist fight in
Speaker 1: a wah wah parking lot yet? But now another question
Speaker 1: has begun to take sense of stage in the race,
Speaker 1: John Fetterman's health. Back in May, Fetterman suffered a stroke,
Speaker 1: and even though he's been back on the campaign trail,
Speaker 1: he still hasn't fully recovered. And now his first major
Speaker 1: interview since the stroke has everyone talking. Can voter stress
Speaker 1: that you will be able to do this job on
Speaker 1: day one? Yeah? Of course. This is Pennsylvania Democratic Senate
Speaker 1: candidate John Fetterman's first in person sit down interview since
Speaker 1: a stroke sideline him from the campaign trail for months.
Speaker 1: That auditory processing where I'll hear someone speaking but sometimes
Speaker 1: will be will be precise and what exactly that they're saying.
Speaker 1: I use captioning. His campaign required that he'd be allowed
Speaker 1: to use a transcription program on his computer during our interview.
Speaker 1: I always thought I was pretty empathetic, Uh, emphatic I
Speaker 1: think I was very excuse me, empathetic. Uh. You know,
Speaker 1: that's an example of the stroke empathetic. I always thought
Speaker 1: it was very empathetic before having a stroke, but now
Speaker 1: after having that stroke, I really understand, you know, much
Speaker 1: more kind of the challenges that Americans have day in
Speaker 1: and day out. So, yeah, this interview came out, and
Speaker 1: now obviously you've got people on the right saying peedom
Speaker 1: and forgot a word and he can't understand speech, so
Speaker 1: he's not fit for the Senate. And look, this is politics,
Speaker 1: So I get it. People will jump on any weakness
Speaker 1: to give their party an advantage. I understand that, but
Speaker 1: let's be real, people, it's stumbling over a word every
Speaker 1: now and again disqualified you from politics. America wouldn't have
Speaker 1: had a president for the past six years. Huh, let's not.
Speaker 1: In fact, In fact, at least Peterman acknowledged that he
Speaker 1: messed up the word and he corrected himself. Yeah, Biden
Speaker 1: wouldn't have noticed, and he would assist her. Negroes Man
Speaker 1: and Trump. Can you imagine Trump? Trump would never even
Speaker 1: acknowledge that all like Trump would have tried to convince
Speaker 1: us that he actually got the word right. He'd be like,
Speaker 1: I always knew that I was emphatic, and I was
Speaker 1: and also empathetic. I was emphatically empathetic, and so emphatic
Speaker 1: about being empathetic emphatic about emphysema. Do we love emphasyma, folks,
Speaker 1: We love it so much? And also as for needing
Speaker 1: to read captions, because he has a troubled understanding of speech, now,
Speaker 1: I don't know is that really a deal breaker? Huh?
Speaker 1: In fact, if you ask me, I think America needs
Speaker 1: more people in politics who actually know how to read.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's just how I see it. If anything, if anything,
Speaker 1: needing captions is super relatable these days. Yeah, have you
Speaker 1: tried watching House of Dragon without captions? It's impossible. I mean,
Speaker 1: half the characters have the same name. Here, you Gonen
Speaker 1: tell a mon to get Rania to warn Ranerious about
Speaker 1: Eagle's dream, but don't tell for serious, He'll tell you serius.
Speaker 1: Did you get that? No? I didn't. I don't know
Speaker 1: what that was. So look, so look, I'm not I'm
Speaker 1: not vouching for feedoment over doctor Os or anything like that,
Speaker 1: but I do think this whole debate is veering into
Speaker 1: the territory of saying that people with disabilities cannot be lawmakers,
Speaker 1: which is trash all right, especially since America already has
Speaker 1: disabled lawmakers serving right now, it shouldn't be disqualifier. But
Speaker 1: Dan Cranshaw is missing an eye, Tammy Duckworth lost both
Speaker 1: her legs right, and Mitch McConnell, he's literally melting all
Speaker 1: the time. But has he let that hold him back? No,
Speaker 1: He gets up every day and he vows to keep
Speaker 1: on working until the moment his face slides right off
Speaker 1: of his skull. Marrow, that's right. Never Now, I tire
Speaker 1: my skirt into opponent ter mar Now. Even though the
Speaker 1: sentence is getting the most attention, there's also a heated
Speaker 1: race for maya of Los Angeles where Congresswoman Karen Bass
Speaker 1: is facing off against real estate tycoon Rick Crusoe, and
Speaker 1: in their final debate last nights, there was one moment
Speaker 1: that got everyone's attention, and it's when the moderator mentioned
Speaker 1: that Karen Bass is a person of color, and then
Speaker 1: Rick Caruso said, uh me too. Then this question goes
Speaker 1: for the both of you. The next mayor of Los
Speaker 1: Angeles will be either an African American woman for a
Speaker 1: white man I'm Italian Italian Americans. You're not white, You're Latin.
Speaker 1: What is that? What is that? We all know what
Speaker 1: this is about, right, this guy is running in Los Angeles,
Speaker 1: so now he's saying I'm Italian, which is a Latin language,
Speaker 1: So I'm basically Latino, right, don't I'm not. I'm not
Speaker 1: claiming should be an expert. But if you tell someone
Speaker 1: you're grabbing Latin food, I think they'll be pretty pished
Speaker 1: off when you come back with all of garden. Right,
Speaker 1: we cannot agree on that. So I think we cann't
Speaker 1: agree that Rick Cruso was just bullshitting here, because I
Speaker 1: promise you when he gets pulled over by the cops,
Speaker 1: he's not like all the officer. What is the problem,
Speaker 1: Senor What's funny about this whole thing is that when
Speaker 1: they came to America, Italians weren't considered whites, but then
Speaker 1: they fought for like a hundred years to change that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and let's be honest, any debate was definitely over by
Speaker 1: the time the Mario trailer came out last week. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because Chris Pratts is out here like it is I Mario.
Speaker 1: So the Senate races are heating up. The mayoral races
Speaker 1: are heating up. But it turns out even in the
Speaker 1: animal Kingdom, my friends, elections are being fought tooth and nail.
Speaker 1: Then update on Fat and Bear a week. It's the
Speaker 1: popular bracket. It has been rocked by a big cheating scandal.
Speaker 1: So each year people vote on the beefiest bear in
Speaker 1: Alaska's Cat Made cat My National Park. Before hibernation season, well,
Speaker 1: the national Park tweeted quote like bear stuff their face
Speaker 1: with fish. Our ballot box too has been stuffed. There
Speaker 1: were thousands of fake votes for Bear seven four seven,
Speaker 1: but even with the fake was removed, Seven four seven
Speaker 1: weighed in at fourteen hundred pounds and still wanted semifinal round.
Speaker 1: Now seven will face off against Bear nine oh one
Speaker 1: for the final round. Voting start this morning. Yes, my friends,
Speaker 1: it appears that a voting scandal has tainted the dignity
Speaker 1: of fat Bear a week and don't you dare love?
Speaker 1: Don't you love? If we cannot trust the sanctity of
Speaker 1: the fat bare vote, then what can't we trust? I
Speaker 1: honestly don't understand this. Who would even care enough about
Speaker 1: a fat by election to try and cheat and stuff
Speaker 1: the battle box? Who is this person who's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I've got to ring this, and it why the fattest
Speaker 1: bear doesn't get any power if it wins. Isn't like
Speaker 1: a bear is gonna win the election and then cut Texas?
Speaker 1: Right right? I use my clause to cut the taxas
Speaker 1: and not for those owning laws. What are you doing?
Speaker 1: And by the way, I feel like the story is
Speaker 1: almost the perfect encapsulation of American culture, all right, because
Speaker 1: when other countries engaged with nature, h there's a reverence,
Speaker 1: you know, it's like the mighty brown bear, weary of
Speaker 1: the coming chun how goes down the winter months. With America,
Speaker 1: it's like, look at this chunky boy. Look at him.
Speaker 1: He's some chunky I just want to dude, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: he's just eate my arm. Take a picture the U
Speaker 1: s economy. Remember how the Fed raised interest rates a
Speaker 1: thousand times in the last week to try and stop inflation.
Speaker 1: Well it turns out it didn't work. Breaking news on
Speaker 1: the economy. Inflation shows no signs of slowing down. The
Speaker 1: last inflation report before the med term elections. Take a
Speaker 1: look at him of these numbers shows that prices rose
Speaker 1: eight point two between September and September, Gasoline prices up
Speaker 1: more than eighteen percent from last year. Food prices still
Speaker 1: up eleven percent, Turkey up from this time last year,
Speaker 1: eggs up, butter, and then get the little candy corn graphic.
Speaker 1: Halloween candy up a whopping thirty across the board. That's right, people,
Speaker 1: Halloween candy lo how they say it like it's necessary
Speaker 1: to live. What are we gonna do without it? Once again,
Speaker 1: inflation numbers are out and prices are still going up,
Speaker 1: affecting everything from gas to Halloween candy. Not only that,
Speaker 1: razor blades are up. One of my zodes are put
Speaker 1: in the candy. How do I live? I will say
Speaker 1: a thirty focus in increasing candy. That is a lot.
Speaker 1: It's so expensive. Parents are gonna start encouraging their kids
Speaker 1: to get into strange vans, you know, just like look,
Speaker 1: look Timmy the stranger says he's got free candy in
Speaker 1: and in this economy, we gotta take a shot. Body,
Speaker 1: we gotta do it. You gotta air tag, I'll find you.
Speaker 1: Who are people? All this? All this inflation is just
Speaker 1: not sustainable, right because because here's the thing. Inflation is
Speaker 1: a lot like masturbation. Right, Yeah, we're a little bit
Speaker 1: as completely natural. But once you start noticing it in
Speaker 1: restaurants and card dealerships, things have gotten out of hands.
Speaker 1: And look, if we had more time, we could talk
Speaker 1: about the Federal Reserve and and it looks like how
Speaker 1: they're gonna keep raising interest rates to try and curb
Speaker 1: this rampant inflation, because that's basically the only tool that
Speaker 1: they have. The problem is raising interest rates takes so
Speaker 1: long to filter through the economy that this could be
Speaker 1: too much raising interest rates, and we just don't know
Speaker 1: it yet. In some ways, raising interest rates is a
Speaker 1: lot like taking mushrooms. Right, you take some, nothing happens,
Speaker 1: so you take some more, nothing happens, and then you
Speaker 1: finished the whole box. And because this stuff clearly doesn't work,
Speaker 1: what brol interest rates? God's agree time for this, because
Speaker 1: all everyone's bills are going up. One of the worst
Speaker 1: people of all time just got the biggest bill of
Speaker 1: all time. Tonight the stunning verdict conspiracy theorists Alex Jones
Speaker 1: ordered to pay nearly a billion dollars for spreading falsehoods
Speaker 1: about the Sandy Park shooting. Jones was not in the
Speaker 1: courtroom for the verdict, but immediately reacted on his online show,
Speaker 1: calling the attorneys for the victims families ambulance chasers and
Speaker 1: mocking the verdict. Yifty seven million, twenty million, fifty million,
Speaker 1: eighty million, hun a million, you get a million, you
Speaker 1: got a hundred million, you got a fifty million. They
Speaker 1: actually believe we're getting Sturney. What a dick. You know.
Speaker 1: I used to watch American movies as a kid, and
Speaker 1: I always thought the bad guys that were in the
Speaker 1: movies were fake. And then I came to this country
Speaker 1: and bad guys are literally in their lay like you
Speaker 1: haven't seen the last of me. Ha ha ha ah.
Speaker 1: But that's right. For the faming the parents and the
Speaker 1: first responders of Sandy Hook when he accused them of
Speaker 1: faking the shooting. Alex Jones has been ordered to pay
Speaker 1: nine hundred and sixty five million dollars. Yeah, which is
Speaker 1: a huge amount of money. You know, you up when
Speaker 1: even your great great grandkids will have to declare bankruptcy. Yeah.
Speaker 1: He's basically got millions of sperms swimming around in these boats,
Speaker 1: and every single one of them is a bro gas
Speaker 1: bitch right now, every single one, every single one and
Speaker 1: by the way, by the way, Good luck to Alex
Speaker 1: Jones's lawyer trying to get clients after this, you know, like,
Speaker 1: what's your selling point? You know, in my last case,
Speaker 1: the jury awarded a billion dollars. Wow to your clients,
Speaker 1: well to eight clients. Now, if we had more time,
Speaker 1: we could talk about how Jones's conspiracy theories have only
Speaker 1: become more mainstream since Sandy Hook, and that there's not
Speaker 1: enough billion dollar judgments in the world to change the
Speaker 1: fact that one fifth of Americans think that Sandy Hook
Speaker 1: might have been staged. But we can't get into all
Speaker 1: of that because while Alex Jones's trial is over, Andy
Speaker 1: Warhol's is just beginning. The Supreme Court heard a case
Speaker 1: today involving one of the most famous artists in American history.
Speaker 1: The justices are deciding whether Andy Warhol had legally copied
Speaker 1: another artist's work. They're among Andy Warhol's most iconic portraits,
Speaker 1: the silk screen images of Prints. The image was based
Speaker 1: on a photographed by Lynn Goldsmith. She sued Warhol's foundation,
Speaker 1: claiming copyright infringement. The justices did find some lighter moments
Speaker 1: when Clarence Thomas revealed his musical tastes and let's say
Speaker 1: that I'm both a Prince van which I was in
Speaker 1: the eighties and no longer. Well, not only on Thursday night.
Speaker 1: Who year, Justice Thomas us see you, your little freak
Speaker 1: nasty are six days a week, it's shapeless black robes.
Speaker 1: But then Thursday night hits and you've got that full
Speaker 1: bush of chest heap pop. And now, yeah, I know
Speaker 1: a lot of people right now might be wondering why
Speaker 1: Thomas only listens to Prince on Thursday nights specifically, But
Speaker 1: you see, Clarence Thomas is an originalist. And it says
Speaker 1: right there in the Constitution Thursday night is night. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it says it. It says it. We always go back.
Speaker 1: I don't know why they put that in there, but
Speaker 1: they did. But yeah, the big question in this case
Speaker 1: is if Andy Warhol simply copied the Prince picture or
Speaker 1: if he made it his own by transforming it. And
Speaker 1: it just so happens that I am not expert. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I'm uniquely qualified to answer this question. Now, if
Speaker 1: you compare them and you look very closely, you'll see
Speaker 1: he made it red and purple with some squiddly things.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm such an archae that this is probably
Speaker 1: going all over over your heads. The bottom line is,
Speaker 1: I think it is different than the other one. That's
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Now, Look, if we have the time,
Speaker 1: we could talk about how it's weird that the Supreme
Speaker 1: Court is the only place where you get to be
Speaker 1: an expert on every single issue in the world. It's
Speaker 1: why we'll actually the Supreme Court and Twitter. But we
Speaker 1: just don't have the time for that, because while the
Speaker 1: Supreme Court is trying to decide if certain artists are stealing,
Speaker 1: it's becoming clear that a certain former president definitely is.
Speaker 1: This morning, a new twist in the investigation into former
Speaker 1: President Trump's alleged mishandling of classified documents at his Florida
Speaker 1: state Trump told people to move boxes to his residence
Speaker 1: at the property after advisers received a subpoena in May
Speaker 1: for any classified documents at Mara Lago. That witness account
Speaker 1: was corroborated by security camera footage, which showed people moving
Speaker 1: the boxes. Yeah, I'm sorry. Trump is a legend. Who
Speaker 1: else gets court committing crimes with their own security cameras?
Speaker 1: Who are you? You're in here as this guy's They're like,
Speaker 1: Harry moved those classified documents so I could illegally hide
Speaker 1: them from the FBI. But first by first, let's all
Speaker 1: wave at that blinking red light and tell that our
Speaker 1: names Donald J. Trump. That J stands for genius. It's
Speaker 1: something that's firing about it too. When you think about it,
Speaker 1: you know this is actually inspiring because Trump is so
Speaker 1: bad at crime, but he gets away with so much
Speaker 1: of it. It just shows us that we could do
Speaker 1: crime too. He's like the drunk couple of karaoke. Hearing
Speaker 1: them screeched through don't stop and leaving gives you the
Speaker 1: compidence to try kiss from a rose. And look, if
Speaker 1: we had a little more time, we could have so
Speaker 1: much fun talking about how Trump has once again helped
Speaker 1: the Justice Department cracked the case against him. Or we
Speaker 1: could even get into my personal conspiracy theory that run
Speaker 1: into Sanctus and his people are probably the ones who
Speaker 1: snitched on Trump to get him out of the presidential race.
Speaker 1: But we don't have the time for that because while
Speaker 1: the FBI is investigating Trumps was handling of classified documents,
Speaker 1: Congress is investigating a whole gift and Trump crime. And today,
Speaker 1: at their final hearing, the January six Committee released never
Speaker 1: before seen footage showing what Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer
Speaker 1: were doing while Trump's mob was outside, asking to have
Speaker 1: an intimate conversation with Mike Pence's neck. And it was
Speaker 1: pretty impressive how they were keeping their cool and trying
Speaker 1: to get stuff done, everything from phoning the Vice president
Speaker 1: to even trying to call in the National Guard. But
Speaker 1: one of the craziest moments was when Nancy Pelosi pointed
Speaker 1: out one really smelly reason the lawmakers might not be
Speaker 1: able to stay in the Capitol. What we are being
Speaker 1: told very directly is it's gonna take days for the capital. Again.
Speaker 1: We've gotten a very bad report about the condition. I
Speaker 1: would go, how decacation and all that kind of thing
Speaker 1: as well, I just got off because I spent He
Speaker 1: had the impression permit that mention wants to get everybody
Speaker 1: there to do it there. Yes, I said, well we're
Speaker 1: getting at counter like that is time clean up the
Speaker 1: poopoo that they're making all over them literally and figuratively
Speaker 1: in the capital. Yeah, you heard that right. It turns
Speaker 1: out right wing Jamaric Choir was shooting, or, as Nancy
Speaker 1: Pelosi put it, poop pooing all over the Capitol And
Speaker 1: you know when when I when I was watching this happen,
Speaker 1: I thought to myself, it's so interesting how people like
Speaker 1: Tucker Carlson, we're calling black people animals when the George
Speaker 1: Floyd protests were happening, But when these people were literally
Speaker 1: shifting in the capital, Fox was like, these brave patriots
Speaker 1: are just expressing their frustration and standing up for American democracy. Uh,
Speaker 1: They're They're not the animals. Like I can tell you
Speaker 1: for a fact, even in Minnesota when ship was going
Speaker 1: down and people were raiding that target, there was no
Speaker 1: black man who stopped in the middle of all of
Speaker 1: them was like, hey, yo, hold up, hold up, hey yo,
Speaker 1: hold up. Okay, hold on, hold on. Black lives matter.
Speaker 1: But we don't have the time to talk about those
Speaker 1: moments from the committee because the biggest news of the
Speaker 1: day is that the January six Committee has issued a
Speaker 1: subpoena to speak to the chief of Poopoo himself. Happening now,
Speaker 1: the January six Selectivity punctuates its final hearing before the
Speaker 1: midterm elections with a bombshell a subpoena for former President
Speaker 1: Donald Trump. So this afternoon, I am offering this resolution
Speaker 1: that the Committee direct the chairman to issue a subpoena
Speaker 1: irrelevant documents and testimony under oath from Donald John Trump.
Speaker 1: Oh shit, that's what the J stands for, all on
Speaker 1: a bombshell. Oh and also the fact that they just
Speaker 1: subpoenaed a former president of the United States. It's and
Speaker 1: I mean, how are yeah, finally, how are they only
Speaker 1: deciding on this now? Huh? Only now it's like doing
Speaker 1: a whole murder investigation and then on the last day
Speaker 1: being like, should we like talk to the murderer. Yeah,
Speaker 1: came out of the information about the murderer. Maybe. Now,
Speaker 1: even after this came out, everyone assumes that Trump is
Speaker 1: not going to show up to testify. But I feel
Speaker 1: like he's going to be a little conflicted. Yeah, because
Speaker 1: on the one hand, yes, he thinks this is a
Speaker 1: crooked witch hunt that is out to get him. But
Speaker 1: on the other hand, the ratings. Can you imagine the ratings.
Speaker 1: This would be like the Super Bowl meets water Gates
Speaker 1: meets a Game of Thrones meets a mandatory HR video
Speaker 1: about sexual harassment. Everyone who'll be watching, everyone will be watching,
Speaker 1: and we all know the only thing Donald Trump loves
Speaker 1: more than ratings is grabbing classified documents by the pussy
Speaker 1: and look, whether you like Trump or not, you've got
Speaker 1: to admit this dude as a record breaker. First president
Speaker 1: to be impeached twice, first president to be subpoenab for
Speaker 1: stage in the coup. First president to go to prison maybe,
Speaker 1: first prison to break I don't prison. First president to
Speaker 1: escape to Mexico. First president to be blocked by his
Speaker 1: own wall. Try to escape to Mexican before we go.
Speaker 1: The Daily Show's official vote demic Too Much has just dropped.
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Speaker 1: podcast