1 00:00:01,440 --> 00:00:07,480 Speaker 1: You love, who is on your heart tonight? How many 2 00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:11,240 Speaker 1: times have I asked that question for the past forty 3 00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:15,680 Speaker 1: two years that I've been taking calls and doing dedications, 4 00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:19,079 Speaker 1: fifty two years on the air. Why do I ask it? 5 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:23,959 Speaker 1: Because my entire radio program is built around heart to 6 00:00:24,079 --> 00:00:27,880 Speaker 1: heart connections. My entire life is built around heart to 7 00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:31,320 Speaker 1: heart connection. Often the caller wants to talk about their 8 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:34,199 Speaker 1: love interests, their boyfriend, their girlfriend, their husband, their wife, 9 00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:36,840 Speaker 1: or they want to talk about their mom or their dad. 10 00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:41,120 Speaker 1: Sometimes about a brother or a sister, a best friend, 11 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:47,560 Speaker 1: a teacher. Life is nothing without connections, Life is nothing 12 00:00:47,640 --> 00:00:53,360 Speaker 1: without love. Today, on this special Valentine's episode of Love Someone, 13 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:56,880 Speaker 1: We're going to talk about the power of connection with 14 00:00:56,960 --> 00:01:01,279 Speaker 1: one of the most knowledgeable and influen Winchell experts on 15 00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:07,760 Speaker 1: the subject, Doctor Gary Chapman, PhD, Author, speaker, pastor, counselor 16 00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:11,920 Speaker 1: has a passion for people and for helping them form 17 00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:17,480 Speaker 1: lasting relationships. Gary is a well known marriage counselor and 18 00:01:17,520 --> 00:01:21,640 Speaker 1: a director of marriage seminars. He's been directly involved in 19 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:26,000 Speaker 1: real life family counseling for more than thirty years. He 20 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:31,560 Speaker 1: too has a nationally syndicated radio program called Building relationships 21 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:35,840 Speaker 1: with doctor Gary Chapman. His book The Five Love Languages 22 00:01:35,959 --> 00:01:40,640 Speaker 1: is one of his most popular titles, topping various bestseller 23 00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:46,319 Speaker 1: charts for years. He's sold over twenty million copies. The 24 00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:50,720 Speaker 1: book has been translated into fifty languages. In this book, 25 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:54,320 Speaker 1: he shares the key to happy, thriving relationships with couples, 26 00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:58,160 Speaker 1: with families, with friendships. And if you've listened to my 27 00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:01,400 Speaker 1: radio show for very long at all, you know I 28 00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:06,160 Speaker 1: refer to this book all the time. It was an amazing, 29 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:09,400 Speaker 1: eye opening book for me, and I've used the information 30 00:02:09,520 --> 00:02:14,360 Speaker 1: to better understand myself those that I love and deepen 31 00:02:14,440 --> 00:02:18,760 Speaker 1: my relationships in so many ways. I've been recommending it 32 00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:22,600 Speaker 1: to my listeners, my family, my friends, anyone who will 33 00:02:22,639 --> 00:02:26,560 Speaker 1: listen to me. Since nineteen ninety two. I have been 34 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:30,359 Speaker 1: begging people to read it ever since it came out. 35 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:33,639 Speaker 1: Doctor Chapman has a new book I'm going to be studying. 36 00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:37,320 Speaker 1: It's called The Love Language That Matters Most, How to 37 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:40,760 Speaker 1: personalized love so they really feel it. It's the long 38 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:44,800 Speaker 1: awaited follow up to his global bestseller and written with 39 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:49,200 Speaker 1: doctors Less and Leslie Parrott. It just came out in January, 40 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:53,200 Speaker 1: but I've already dog eared several pages. This one helps 41 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:57,720 Speaker 1: readers understand why expressions of love sometimes miss the mark, 42 00:02:58,360 --> 00:03:02,560 Speaker 1: and how our personality shapes the way we experience love. 43 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:08,280 Speaker 1: It also offers practical strategies, starting with one key question, 44 00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:13,200 Speaker 1: to help keep both love tanks full. Doctor Chapman is 45 00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:16,200 Speaker 1: with us today this week of Valentine's Week to talk 46 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:19,200 Speaker 1: about the new book, its message, and the incredible power 47 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:22,120 Speaker 1: of love and connection. But before we get into that, 48 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:25,560 Speaker 1: let me tell you about a sponsor that makes my 49 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:29,280 Speaker 1: heart flutter. It would be difficult to think of a 50 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:34,600 Speaker 1: more successful and utterly delightful partnership than the one I 51 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:38,920 Speaker 1: have with Laura Geller Beauty, whether it's a full glam 52 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:42,600 Speaker 1: photo shoot or just putting on lipstick before I pick 53 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:45,280 Speaker 1: the kids up from the bus stop. 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So 71 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:12,239 Speaker 1: while it may be formulated for mature skin, it's also 72 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:16,719 Speaker 1: exceptionally lovely for sensitive skin too. Heck, I can't keep 73 00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:20,960 Speaker 1: my daughters out of my stash. Join me in the millions. 74 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:23,680 Speaker 1: There have to be millions of other Geller gals in 75 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:28,360 Speaker 1: our love affair with Laura Geller Beauty, Do something lovely 76 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:35,640 Speaker 1: for yourself. Shop the sumptuous collection at Lauragellerbauty dot com. 77 00:05:37,279 --> 00:05:42,719 Speaker 1: Welcome to Love Someone with Delilah Gary Chapman, who I 78 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:45,160 Speaker 1: met for the first time, I don't know, fifteen twenty 79 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:50,039 Speaker 1: years ago, and now you are back. I mentioned to 80 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:52,440 Speaker 1: a friend of mine that's staying at my house that 81 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:55,920 Speaker 1: I was having an opportunity to talk to you. She's 82 00:05:56,000 --> 00:06:00,520 Speaker 1: in her early forties, and we started talking about the 83 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:04,839 Speaker 1: Five Love Languages, and it dawned on me, Gary that 84 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:08,240 Speaker 1: that is such a part of my vernacular, Like it's 85 00:06:08,279 --> 00:06:10,640 Speaker 1: such a part of my speech pattern. It's such a 86 00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:13,800 Speaker 1: part of my relating to people when they call me 87 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:17,919 Speaker 1: and they're struggling in a relationship. Somebody will call my 88 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:22,720 Speaker 1: show and I, without thinking, without prefacing it, always say well, 89 00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:26,600 Speaker 1: what is your primary love language? 90 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:31,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, it surprises me where the term love language pops up? 91 00:06:32,279 --> 00:06:35,000 Speaker 2: I saw it the other day on an Amazon box. 92 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:38,479 Speaker 2: It said our love language is own time delivery. 93 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:45,800 Speaker 1: Yep, yeap. When you first wrote the Five Love Languages 94 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:48,479 Speaker 1: back in the nineties, early nineties, right. 95 00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:51,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, ninety two was published, did. 96 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:57,480 Speaker 1: You ever dream in a million years, how many relationships, 97 00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:01,680 Speaker 1: how many families, how many hearts you would be impacting 98 00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:05,120 Speaker 1: with those five little nuggets of wisdom that you shared 99 00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:05,760 Speaker 1: with us. 100 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:10,880 Speaker 3: Well, the short answer is no, not cross my mind. 101 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:12,160 Speaker 3: I did know. 102 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:16,000 Speaker 2: That the concept would help people because I had discovered 103 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:18,720 Speaker 2: it in my counseling with people. I'd been using it 104 00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:21,760 Speaker 2: at least for five years in my counseling before I 105 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:24,200 Speaker 2: decided to you know, I thought, if I can put 106 00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:26,600 Speaker 2: this in a book and write it in the language 107 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,800 Speaker 2: of the common person, you know, leave out psychological terms 108 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:32,240 Speaker 2: that a lot of people wouldn't understand. But no, I 109 00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:35,320 Speaker 2: had no idea that it would. And what really surprised 110 00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:38,000 Speaker 2: me is not only that it sold twenty million copies, 111 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:41,840 Speaker 2: but that it's been publishing fifty languages around the world. 112 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:45,680 Speaker 2: And the reason that surprised me is before I studied counseling, 113 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:51,080 Speaker 2: I did an undergrad ani master's degree in cultural anthropology, 114 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:54,280 Speaker 2: studying cultures all over the world and how they're organized. 115 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:58,120 Speaker 2: So I was very sensitive to cultural differences. And so 116 00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:01,040 Speaker 2: when the first publisher came, which happened to be Spanish, 117 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:02,920 Speaker 2: I wanted to get the rights. 118 00:08:02,680 --> 00:08:03,280 Speaker 3: To publish it. 119 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:05,200 Speaker 2: I told my publisher, I said, I don't know if 120 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:08,480 Speaker 2: this works in Spanish culture, and they said, well, they've 121 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:10,200 Speaker 2: read the book and they want to publish it. 122 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:12,360 Speaker 3: I said, well, okay, it. 123 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:15,120 Speaker 2: Became their best seller, and then it went from there 124 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:18,600 Speaker 2: to over fifty languages, which I think says to me 125 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:23,880 Speaker 2: that this fundamental need for emotional love is a human 126 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:27,920 Speaker 2: phenomena regardless of the culture. But it does seem to 127 00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:32,000 Speaker 2: me now that these five are pretty fundamental to human culture, 128 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:36,760 Speaker 2: even though the dialects will be different in some cultures. 129 00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:41,480 Speaker 2: You know, for example, there are cultures in which two 130 00:08:41,559 --> 00:08:43,720 Speaker 2: men who know each other meet each other on the street, 131 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:46,520 Speaker 2: they kiss each other on the cheek. Well, we don't 132 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:50,079 Speaker 2: do that in our culture, but that is a dialect 133 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:52,480 Speaker 2: of a physical touch in their language. 134 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,040 Speaker 3: But it's been very. 135 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:58,080 Speaker 2: Encouraging, and so many people have told me when I 136 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:01,960 Speaker 2: do marriage conferences on Saturday around the country, and almost 137 00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:04,520 Speaker 2: every Saturday, there'll be several will come up and say, Gary, 138 00:09:04,559 --> 00:09:07,280 Speaker 2: we just want to let you know that book saved 139 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:10,320 Speaker 2: our marriage. Fifteen years ago or twenty years ago. You know, 140 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:13,000 Speaker 2: we were just at the point of giving up, and 141 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:16,000 Speaker 2: we read the book and the lights came on and 142 00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:18,440 Speaker 2: we took the quia's and learned each other's language and 143 00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:22,280 Speaker 2: we started speaking it and it literally saved our marriage. 144 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:23,800 Speaker 3: It's been very very encouraging. 145 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:29,640 Speaker 1: Well, It has blessed me a thousand times over when 146 00:09:29,679 --> 00:09:34,480 Speaker 1: I speak with people, but mostly in my family with 147 00:09:34,679 --> 00:09:38,400 Speaker 1: my children, because my family is not a typical family. 148 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:42,800 Speaker 1: Most of my children came to me through adoption, and 149 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:46,160 Speaker 1: none of them came as a newborn. So to be 150 00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:51,720 Speaker 1: able to understand their their love language is foundational for me. 151 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:53,120 Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah. 152 00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:55,840 Speaker 2: When I wrote the book on the Five Love Languages 153 00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:58,360 Speaker 2: of Children, which was the second book in the series, 154 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,840 Speaker 2: I said to pair, the question is not do you 155 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:05,760 Speaker 2: love your children? The question is do your children feel loved? 156 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:09,000 Speaker 2: And that's why that's where the love language is. The 157 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:13,480 Speaker 2: concept really helps parents because if you understand that what 158 00:10:13,559 --> 00:10:15,600 Speaker 2: makes one child feel loved is not going to make 159 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:18,600 Speaker 2: another till feel loved, you're going to be far more 160 00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:22,200 Speaker 2: effective and communicating your love to them. And so yeah, 161 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:25,079 Speaker 2: so many parents have said that's been super, super helpful. 162 00:10:25,559 --> 00:10:27,840 Speaker 1: So now we have the new book, the new one 163 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:32,800 Speaker 1: in the series, the love language that matters most, the 164 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:34,080 Speaker 1: one you just released. 165 00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:35,439 Speaker 3: Yeah. 166 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:38,520 Speaker 1: So I'm sure when people hear that, if they've read 167 00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:41,720 Speaker 1: your previous books, are going to say, well, obviously it's 168 00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:45,560 Speaker 1: the one I speak. It's you know, it's touch, it 169 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:47,640 Speaker 1: gives acts of service, or whatever. 170 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:50,760 Speaker 2: Well, the one that matters most. We're saying in the book, 171 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:54,120 Speaker 2: the love language that matters most is the love language 172 00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:56,560 Speaker 2: of your partner, or the love language of the chile, 173 00:10:56,679 --> 00:10:59,360 Speaker 2: the love language of the other person. We are all 174 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:03,160 Speaker 2: by nature self centered, no question about that, and there's 175 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,439 Speaker 2: a good part to that. That means we take care 176 00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:08,480 Speaker 2: of ourselves, we get rest and sleep and feed ourselves 177 00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:12,880 Speaker 2: and so forth. But that can also become selfishness, so 178 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:17,000 Speaker 2: that our focus is on ourselves. You know, love is 179 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:21,080 Speaker 2: an attitude that focuses on the other person. So what 180 00:11:21,080 --> 00:11:23,360 Speaker 2: we're encouraging in this book. One of the things we're 181 00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:27,160 Speaker 2: encouraging is keep that in mind that you're not expressing 182 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:30,400 Speaker 2: love to somebody else in order to get love. You're 183 00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:33,560 Speaker 2: expressing love because you have an attitude of love. You 184 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:36,280 Speaker 2: want to enrich the life of that other person, and 185 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:38,760 Speaker 2: this is one way that you can address one of 186 00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:42,080 Speaker 2: their most fundamental emotional needs, and that is the need 187 00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:42,679 Speaker 2: to fill up. 188 00:11:43,480 --> 00:11:47,120 Speaker 3: So that's kind of the backdrop to the story. 189 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:50,520 Speaker 2: But what really led me to write the book was 190 00:11:50,559 --> 00:11:55,600 Speaker 2: the questions I've had through the years. Two central questions. 191 00:11:55,679 --> 00:11:57,960 Speaker 2: One is people have said in the original book you 192 00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:02,800 Speaker 2: mentioned the term dieects, that their dialects in these languages, 193 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:06,120 Speaker 2: just like there's dialects and spoken language. You know, I 194 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:09,360 Speaker 2: speak English with a Southern accent. If you're in Boston, 195 00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:11,440 Speaker 2: it's a different a different. 196 00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:13,000 Speaker 1: Dialect, a very different dialect. 197 00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:16,920 Speaker 2: And so, but they said you didn't discuss any of 198 00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:20,240 Speaker 2: the dialects. You just mentioned that there were dialects. And 199 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:23,320 Speaker 2: the other question is, you know, you mentioned that there's 200 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:27,479 Speaker 2: personalities and that interfaces with the love languages, but you didn't. 201 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:29,400 Speaker 3: Discuss that how that, how that works. 202 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,959 Speaker 2: And so in the new book, among other things, we 203 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,679 Speaker 2: are addressing those two issues, which I think is going 204 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:38,920 Speaker 2: to help a lot of people be even more effective 205 00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:41,360 Speaker 2: in communicating love on the emotional level. 206 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:55,000 Speaker 1: So for somebody who might be listening to this podcast 207 00:12:55,080 --> 00:13:01,800 Speaker 1: who for whatever reason missed, uh, missed the original lesson 208 00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:06,160 Speaker 1: and the five love languages, go through each one briefly, 209 00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:10,760 Speaker 1: and I'm going to stop and interject my opinions here 210 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:14,360 Speaker 1: and there, or my dialect here and there. Okay, but 211 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:17,960 Speaker 1: each one briefly because it's so good. 212 00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:22,080 Speaker 2: Okay, these are in no particular order of importance. But 213 00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:25,480 Speaker 2: the one is words of affirmation. You look nice in 214 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:29,080 Speaker 2: that outfit, I really appreciate what you did. You know 215 00:13:29,160 --> 00:13:31,439 Speaker 2: one of the things I like about you. It's just 216 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:35,400 Speaker 2: using words to communicate to that person that you value them, 217 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:36,360 Speaker 2: that you love them. 218 00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:38,400 Speaker 3: So words. 219 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:43,720 Speaker 2: Another love language is acts of service, doing something for 220 00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:46,160 Speaker 2: the other person that you know they would like for 221 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:49,000 Speaker 2: you to do. In a marriage, that is such things 222 00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:53,760 Speaker 2: as cooking meals, washing dishes, mowing the grass, walking the dog, 223 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:59,480 Speaker 2: changing the baby's diaper, big active service, anything that you 224 00:13:59,559 --> 00:14:02,360 Speaker 2: know the person would like. You know, there's an old 225 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:07,240 Speaker 2: saying action speak louder than words. Well, if this is 226 00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:10,200 Speaker 2: their love language, that's true. It's not true for everyone, 227 00:14:10,559 --> 00:14:13,720 Speaker 2: but for some people, actions do speak louder than words. 228 00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:18,600 Speaker 2: And then number three is gifts. It's universal to give 229 00:14:18,679 --> 00:14:23,160 Speaker 2: gifts as an expression of love. I discovered data and anthropology. 230 00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:26,360 Speaker 2: We've never discovered a culture where gift giving is not 231 00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:30,840 Speaker 2: an expression of love. And so, you know, the gift 232 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:34,040 Speaker 2: says they were thinking about me, Look what they got 233 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:34,320 Speaker 2: from me. 234 00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:36,440 Speaker 3: So gifts. 235 00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:40,720 Speaker 2: And then there's quality time giving the other person your 236 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:45,760 Speaker 2: undivided attention. I do not mean sitting on the couch 237 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:50,520 Speaker 2: watching TV together. Someone else is your attention. TV is off, 238 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:55,280 Speaker 2: computer is down, we're not answering our phone. We're giving 239 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:58,200 Speaker 2: each other our full attention. We're talking and sharing life 240 00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:00,040 Speaker 2: with each other. And you don't have to always be 241 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,320 Speaker 2: sitting down on the couchch talking. It can be walking 242 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:05,760 Speaker 2: down the road talking, or going out to eat, assuming 243 00:15:05,880 --> 00:15:06,600 Speaker 2: that you talk. 244 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:09,280 Speaker 3: We've all seen this in the restaurant. 245 00:15:09,880 --> 00:15:13,400 Speaker 2: They're sitting there, each at the table and they each 246 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:16,720 Speaker 2: have their phone out answering their text messages. That is 247 00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:20,720 Speaker 2: not quality time. That's proximity, but it's not quality time. 248 00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:25,800 Speaker 2: And then number five is physical touch. We've long known 249 00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:29,280 Speaker 2: the emotional power of physical touch. That's why we pick 250 00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:33,080 Speaker 2: up babies, hold them, kiss them, and cuddle them. And 251 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:36,000 Speaker 2: long before the baby understands the meaning of the word love, 252 00:15:36,120 --> 00:15:37,200 Speaker 2: the baby feels. 253 00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:39,800 Speaker 3: Love a physical touch. So those are the five. 254 00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:42,920 Speaker 2: And as you mentioned earlier, the basic concept is that 255 00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:46,920 Speaker 2: each of us, whether it's adults or children, each of 256 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:50,720 Speaker 2: us has what we're calling a primary love language, and 257 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:54,120 Speaker 2: if you don't speak their primary language, they will not 258 00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:57,600 Speaker 2: feel loved, even though you're speaking some of those other languages. 259 00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:01,280 Speaker 2: So that's the basic concept up in a nutshell. 260 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:05,360 Speaker 1: And the language that matters most, as you said a 261 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:09,520 Speaker 1: moment ago, is their primary language the person that you love, 262 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:13,040 Speaker 1: whoever you're connecting to or trying to connect to at 263 00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:13,520 Speaker 1: that time. 264 00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:15,360 Speaker 3: Absolutely absolutely. 265 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:18,000 Speaker 2: And you know, I remember a husband who said my 266 00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:21,240 Speaker 2: wife's language was gifts. And one morning I was taking 267 00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:24,160 Speaker 2: a walk and I saw a bird feather and I 268 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,560 Speaker 2: picked it up and brushed it off, and I brought 269 00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:29,000 Speaker 2: it home and I said, honey, when I was walking, 270 00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:31,400 Speaker 2: I found this bird feather, and I want to give 271 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:34,920 Speaker 2: it to you because it reminded me that you are 272 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:36,720 Speaker 2: the wind beneath my wings. 273 00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:38,880 Speaker 3: And she said, oh, that is so sweet. 274 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:41,720 Speaker 1: Of course she did. Then she called my show and 275 00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:42,960 Speaker 1: asked me to play the song. 276 00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:51,120 Speaker 2: Didn't cost him anything, but it was just an awareness. 277 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:52,640 Speaker 2: Gifts is her language? 278 00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:55,640 Speaker 1: Is what is your primary love language? 279 00:16:55,880 --> 00:16:56,840 Speaker 3: Words of affirmation? 280 00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:59,000 Speaker 1: What a shock that you're a writer. 281 00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:02,040 Speaker 3: Now. 282 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:06,000 Speaker 2: My wife's language is the acts of service, because I 283 00:17:06,119 --> 00:17:09,040 Speaker 2: knew nothing about that when we got married. But what 284 00:17:09,119 --> 00:17:12,680 Speaker 2: I did was just naturally. I gave her words of affirmation. 285 00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:16,400 Speaker 1: You're complimenting her, telling her you love her, how beautiful 286 00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:19,080 Speaker 1: she is. Meanwhile, the garbage is setting next to the 287 00:17:19,119 --> 00:17:22,680 Speaker 1: garbage pail and you are taking it out, so her mind, 288 00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:23,879 Speaker 1: you don't love her at all. 289 00:17:24,359 --> 00:17:27,159 Speaker 3: That's right. One night she said to me, you know, 290 00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:30,040 Speaker 3: you keep on saying I love you. If you love me, 291 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:33,400 Speaker 3: why don't you help me? I said, what do you mean? 292 00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:35,919 Speaker 2: She said, well, you don't ever offer to wash the 293 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,320 Speaker 2: dishes or back in the floors or take out the trash. 294 00:17:38,359 --> 00:17:40,120 Speaker 2: I mean, you don't offer to help me at all. 295 00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:43,640 Speaker 2: And I didn't say this, but what I was thinking, 296 00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:47,600 Speaker 2: what are you talking about? My mother did those things? 297 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:52,320 Speaker 3: WHOA, we bring our history with us. 298 00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,639 Speaker 1: Good thing you didn't speak that out loud. 299 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:58,320 Speaker 2: Oh I know, I've said to me and many times. Listen, 300 00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:01,720 Speaker 2: you're not married to your mother. You know your wife 301 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:02,760 Speaker 2: is different from your mother. 302 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:06,520 Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, And if your partners and you're eating off 303 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:10,159 Speaker 1: that dish, you can get up and wash that dish. 304 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:14,240 Speaker 2: That's right, Oh my so, but so now you know 305 00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:16,479 Speaker 2: for years now, of course I washed the dishes. 306 00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,800 Speaker 3: Now I can't cook. I just can't cook. 307 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:22,760 Speaker 2: But my wife cooks, and I wash the dishes, and 308 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:24,840 Speaker 2: I back them floors, and I take out the trash 309 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:28,040 Speaker 2: and so forth. And my wife tells me I'm the 310 00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:29,479 Speaker 2: greatest husband in the world. 311 00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:32,320 Speaker 1: She's learned those words of affirmation. 312 00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:34,960 Speaker 3: Oh yes, oh yes, And you've. 313 00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:36,480 Speaker 1: Learned a few acts of service. 314 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:40,320 Speaker 2: Yep, absolutely, and it makes all the difference in the world, 315 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:43,760 Speaker 2: you know, because we're addressing that fundamental need to feel loved. 316 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:48,320 Speaker 1: So if somebody wants to you said, you teach on 317 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:49,920 Speaker 1: Saturdays around the country. 318 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:52,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, I do marriage conferences around the country. 319 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:55,240 Speaker 1: If somebody wanted to find out how to attend one 320 00:18:55,240 --> 00:18:57,840 Speaker 1: of those, where would they go to find that information? Gary? 321 00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:01,680 Speaker 2: They could go to the website five Love Languages dot 322 00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:05,480 Speaker 2: com the number five five Love Languages dot com and 323 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:09,200 Speaker 2: check on events or click on events and it'll show 324 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,960 Speaker 2: you the ones that are coming up this spring, in 325 00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:13,639 Speaker 2: January and February March. 326 00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:18,960 Speaker 1: And since it is the month of romance. They certainly 327 00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:23,200 Speaker 1: could bless themselves, bless their partner, bless their kids by 328 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:27,080 Speaker 1: getting your new book, The Love Language that Matters Most, 329 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:31,760 Speaker 1: and then really investing themselves and figuring out what that 330 00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:34,440 Speaker 1: language is and how to speak it more fluently. 331 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:38,080 Speaker 3: Yeah. I think if they've read the original book, this 332 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:40,439 Speaker 3: new book is going to really take it to a 333 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:42,280 Speaker 3: deeper level because it's. 334 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:46,960 Speaker 2: Going to help them identify the dialects within the language 335 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:50,320 Speaker 2: that maybe they probably already know their primary love language. 336 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:53,960 Speaker 2: But this is going to help them identify the dialects 337 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:56,680 Speaker 2: within that language. So now you know not only what 338 00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:59,679 Speaker 2: their language is, but you know the specific ways of 339 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:02,600 Speaker 2: expressing that that are going to be most meaningful to 340 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:03,520 Speaker 2: them emostly. 341 00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:07,400 Speaker 1: So give me an example of a dialect of your language. 342 00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:08,399 Speaker 1: Words of affirmation. 343 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:12,960 Speaker 2: Well, one would be words of encouragement, you know, saying 344 00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,800 Speaker 2: to them, you know, you really good at that, and 345 00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:19,199 Speaker 2: I just would encourage you. You know, you need to 346 00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:21,159 Speaker 2: do this or that or whatever whatever it is on 347 00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:24,680 Speaker 2: their mind. They're just encouraging them. And then there's there's 348 00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:27,800 Speaker 2: compliments simply say, you know, one of the things I 349 00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:31,840 Speaker 2: like about you, get your smile or whatever. Just looking 350 00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:34,840 Speaker 2: for things that you can compliment them about. And then 351 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:41,320 Speaker 2: there is the words of affirmation, affirming them for something 352 00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:43,639 Speaker 2: they're doing. I don't tell I tell my wife sometimes 353 00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:46,520 Speaker 2: I don't take for granted that you cook. I appreciate 354 00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:49,280 Speaker 2: the fact that you cook, darling. You know, now that's 355 00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:51,560 Speaker 2: not her language, but that that would be an affirmation. 356 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:54,440 Speaker 2: But it's just looking for something the things they do 357 00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:58,239 Speaker 2: and giving them verbal affirmation and not just assuming that 358 00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:02,280 Speaker 2: they know I appreciate them. So, yeah, those are some examples, 359 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:06,159 Speaker 2: and you know, for example, if affirmation is their language 360 00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:09,840 Speaker 2: and you're giving them words of encouragement, sometimes the words 361 00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:13,200 Speaker 2: of encouragement comes across as you're trying to push them 362 00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:16,600 Speaker 2: to do something maybe they don't want to do. You're saying, 363 00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:18,200 Speaker 2: you know, you're really good at that, you ought to 364 00:21:18,200 --> 00:21:20,800 Speaker 2: start your own podcast, or you ought to do something else, 365 00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:25,119 Speaker 2: you know, in encouraging them to do something, but maybe 366 00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:27,639 Speaker 2: they don't want to do that, you know, and so 367 00:21:27,760 --> 00:21:30,720 Speaker 2: you feel like you're encouraging them, but in reality, they're 368 00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:34,560 Speaker 2: feeling pressure from that would far rather receive a compliment 369 00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:37,960 Speaker 2: about something that you like about them. So at any rate, 370 00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:41,159 Speaker 2: that's just an example of two or three of the dialects. 371 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:47,920 Speaker 1: These conversations would not be possible without my Sweethearts of sponsors. 372 00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:51,879 Speaker 1: I'm so glad to get to share all that Mercy 373 00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:56,159 Speaker 1: Ships is doing in the world with you. They travel 374 00:21:56,240 --> 00:22:01,639 Speaker 1: to medical deserts, providing free, lifetime changing surgeries to people 375 00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:05,640 Speaker 1: in need. Led by an all volunteer crew. They've been 376 00:22:05,680 --> 00:22:10,879 Speaker 1: putting their faith into action for almost fifty years. Mercyships 377 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:15,240 Speaker 1: is all about impact. They performed nearly one hundred and 378 00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:20,200 Speaker 1: twenty thousand free surgeries to date and touched more than 379 00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:24,439 Speaker 1: two million lives. But more than the numbers, it's about 380 00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:31,280 Speaker 1: dreams restored and lives renewed. It's about loving someone. You 381 00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:34,800 Speaker 1: can be a part of this amazing organization. When you 382 00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:41,440 Speaker 1: support Mercyships, you experience the joy and transformation a mother 383 00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:45,720 Speaker 1: seeing her child for the first time, a child finally 384 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:50,199 Speaker 1: able to run and play and dream and just be 385 00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:55,240 Speaker 1: a kid. Visit mercyships dot org to give or learn 386 00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:59,359 Speaker 1: about the other ways you can get involved. That's mercy 387 00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:05,840 Speaker 1: Ships dot org the love language that matters most if 388 00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:12,280 Speaker 1: you want to enrich your marriage, your relationship with your kids, 389 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:18,440 Speaker 1: your best friends. I cannot suggest enough, strongly enough how 390 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:20,879 Speaker 1: much it's blessed me and help me in all of 391 00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:26,159 Speaker 1: my relationships across the board, even with coworkers, even with 392 00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:28,719 Speaker 1: the people that I work with. When you because what 393 00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:31,400 Speaker 1: you're saying is I want to know you, I want 394 00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:34,480 Speaker 1: to understand you, and I want to know how to 395 00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:35,119 Speaker 1: bless you. 396 00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:36,439 Speaker 3: Yeah, you know. 397 00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:40,879 Speaker 2: We wrote a book some time ago now on taking 398 00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:43,840 Speaker 2: the love Languages to work. The books entitled The Five 399 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:48,399 Speaker 2: Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace. We use a different 400 00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:52,679 Speaker 2: word because work relationships are different from family relationships. But 401 00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:56,280 Speaker 2: it's the same fundamentally emotional need. It's the need to 402 00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:59,240 Speaker 2: feel that I'm valued here. I'm not just a cog 403 00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:01,840 Speaker 2: in the machine. People want to know me, you know, 404 00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:06,119 Speaker 2: And we've had great response to that. I wrote it 405 00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:09,760 Speaker 2: with a psychologist who had had twenty years experience working 406 00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:14,080 Speaker 2: with business leaders, and what motivated me was research that 407 00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:17,919 Speaker 2: indicated that seventy percent of the people who have a 408 00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:22,720 Speaker 2: job in this country say they feel little appreciation from 409 00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:26,720 Speaker 2: the people with whom they work. Wow, And sixty four 410 00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:29,159 Speaker 2: percent of the people who leave a job and go 411 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:32,920 Speaker 2: to another job said they left because they didn't feel 412 00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:38,920 Speaker 2: appreciated where they were. So tremendous impact. If it didn't 413 00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:42,400 Speaker 2: have to be the leader of the business, it can 414 00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:47,000 Speaker 2: start anywhere. Just a group of colleagues can get this concept. 415 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:49,800 Speaker 2: To read the book, take the quiz, learn each other's 416 00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:53,520 Speaker 2: appreciation language at work, and it makes all the difference 417 00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:56,400 Speaker 2: in the world in creating a climate, a positive climate. 418 00:24:57,240 --> 00:25:00,280 Speaker 1: Well, we need a positive climate in this world in 419 00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:04,120 Speaker 1: which we live because it is crazy out there. And 420 00:25:04,200 --> 00:25:08,199 Speaker 1: I think anything we can do to deepen relationships, to 421 00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:12,880 Speaker 1: share our heart, to share love, to share peace. Now 422 00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,879 Speaker 1: is the time if ever we needed it, Now is 423 00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:17,760 Speaker 1: the time we need it most. 424 00:25:17,960 --> 00:25:19,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's for sure. 425 00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:24,320 Speaker 1: So Gary, I have a lot of kids. What is 426 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:29,720 Speaker 1: the best or easiest way to discover my child, my grandchild, 427 00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:33,600 Speaker 1: the kid that I'm loving on, to discover what their 428 00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:38,200 Speaker 1: love language is and how to teach them to love 429 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:39,120 Speaker 1: from their heart. 430 00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:43,760 Speaker 2: The simplest way is to observe their behavior. That is, 431 00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:47,760 Speaker 2: how do they relate to you and to the siblings 432 00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:51,479 Speaker 2: or to other people. My son's love language, for example, 433 00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:54,320 Speaker 2: is physical touch. And you can discover a child's love 434 00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:56,600 Speaker 2: language at least by the time they're four years old. 435 00:25:57,040 --> 00:25:59,119 Speaker 2: When he was that age and I would come home 436 00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:01,520 Speaker 2: from work and they have to he would run to 437 00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:04,760 Speaker 2: the door, grab my legs and climb on me. He's 438 00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:08,280 Speaker 2: touching me because he wants to be touched. My daughter 439 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:12,439 Speaker 2: never did that at that age. She would say, Daddy, 440 00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:14,359 Speaker 2: come into my room. I want to show you something. 441 00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:18,560 Speaker 2: She wanted my undivided attention. She wanted quality time. So 442 00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:22,359 Speaker 2: observe their behavior. And then the second clue is what 443 00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:27,240 Speaker 2: do they request most often? If they're saying, you know, 444 00:26:27,520 --> 00:26:29,760 Speaker 2: can we take a walk together? And that was my 445 00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:33,040 Speaker 2: daughter's common request when she was a teenager day, can 446 00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:35,760 Speaker 2: we take a walk after dinner? She's asking me for 447 00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:39,679 Speaker 2: quality time? And then what do they complain about. I 448 00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:42,680 Speaker 2: had a mother say to me just recently. She said, 449 00:26:43,080 --> 00:26:46,560 Speaker 2: my six year old son said to me, we don't 450 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:49,240 Speaker 2: ever go to the park anymore since the baby came. 451 00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:53,560 Speaker 2: He's telling her his love language. We used to go 452 00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:55,800 Speaker 2: to the park. You and me and I had your 453 00:26:55,920 --> 00:27:01,320 Speaker 2: undivided attention, and the baby's here. Those three things together, 454 00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:03,920 Speaker 2: you can pretty well figure out what a child's love 455 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:04,560 Speaker 2: language is. 456 00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:06,280 Speaker 3: But I would like to add this. 457 00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:10,600 Speaker 2: Don't hear me saying that you only speak the child's 458 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:14,800 Speaker 2: primary love language? No, no, no, no heavy doses of 459 00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:19,000 Speaker 2: the primary, but speak the other four along the way. 460 00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:21,440 Speaker 2: And as the child gets old, or explained to them 461 00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:24,520 Speaker 2: that there are different ways that we express love, and 462 00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:26,760 Speaker 2: we all have a primary language, but here are some 463 00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:29,920 Speaker 2: other ways. So we teach them how to receive love 464 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:32,639 Speaker 2: in all five ways, and we're teaching them how to 465 00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:36,919 Speaker 2: give love. We're preparing them for success in life when 466 00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:40,520 Speaker 2: it comes to relationships. Most of us did not receive 467 00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:43,320 Speaker 2: all five growing up. So when we get to be 468 00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:46,240 Speaker 2: adults and we hit this concept and are trying to 469 00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:47,520 Speaker 2: build our relationships. 470 00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:48,919 Speaker 3: It's a learning curve. 471 00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:52,840 Speaker 2: If you never receive words of affirmation growing up, and 472 00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:57,399 Speaker 2: now your partner's language is words of affirmation. It's going 473 00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:00,280 Speaker 2: to take some effort, but you can do it. That's 474 00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:02,679 Speaker 2: the good news. You can learn to speak any of 475 00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:05,360 Speaker 2: these languages as an adult, even if you didn't get 476 00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:08,520 Speaker 2: them as a child, but far healthier if you can 477 00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:11,280 Speaker 2: give all five of them, but heavy doses of the 478 00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:12,320 Speaker 2: primary five. 479 00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:17,720 Speaker 1: The number five love languages dot com right for all 480 00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:20,119 Speaker 1: things love language related. 481 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:21,400 Speaker 3: Right. 482 00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:24,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, they can get all my books there or you know, 483 00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:27,760 Speaker 2: little birds on all the books they can take. There's 484 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:31,560 Speaker 2: the free quiaz. Now we have a premier quiz if 485 00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:35,280 Speaker 2: they're interested in that, which does include the dialects and 486 00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:38,240 Speaker 2: all of that too. So yeah, that's the website. 487 00:28:38,360 --> 00:28:42,120 Speaker 1: So if I wanted to take the I've taken the 488 00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:45,280 Speaker 1: first quiz, I mean obviously and back in the nineties, 489 00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:48,480 Speaker 1: but you have a premier quiz that would help me 490 00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:51,840 Speaker 1: to figure out like, like you said, like the dialects, 491 00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:52,640 Speaker 1: the nuances. 492 00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:56,800 Speaker 2: Yes, but it's it's designed for adults relationships, but it 493 00:28:57,280 --> 00:29:02,000 Speaker 2: also includes your relationship with your children. It's it's really 494 00:29:02,200 --> 00:29:07,040 Speaker 2: giving you more information about yourself what your particular dialect is, 495 00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:10,040 Speaker 2: and how the love language is elate percentages. It's a 496 00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:12,400 Speaker 2: fifteen page print out. I mean, it's it's really a 497 00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:16,600 Speaker 2: lot of good information and it interfaces that that premier 498 00:29:16,680 --> 00:29:19,200 Speaker 2: quiz interfaces with the new book. Of course, now you 499 00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:21,240 Speaker 2: have to pay for the premier quiz. The other one's 500 00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:24,520 Speaker 2: been free. My publisher runs that website and they told 501 00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:27,040 Speaker 2: me one hundred and sixty five million people they've taken 502 00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:27,800 Speaker 2: that frequiz. 503 00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:33,640 Speaker 1: Wow, Wow, does that just blow your mind? 504 00:29:34,320 --> 00:29:35,520 Speaker 3: It does, it does. 505 00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:38,640 Speaker 2: And you know, there's a there's a frequiz for married couples, 506 00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:42,440 Speaker 2: there's a free quiz for single adults. There's a frequiz 507 00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:45,200 Speaker 2: for teenagers, and then there's a there's a quiz that 508 00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:48,280 Speaker 2: if the child's not old enough to read that the 509 00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:51,080 Speaker 2: questions that the parent can ask the child that can 510 00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:53,280 Speaker 2: also help discover their their love language. 511 00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:55,920 Speaker 3: So yeah, so it s there's a lot of information 512 00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:57,000 Speaker 3: on that website. 513 00:29:57,200 --> 00:29:59,680 Speaker 1: You know, if we all work together, if everybody uses 514 00:29:59,720 --> 00:30:02,640 Speaker 1: the two the tools they have to increase the amount 515 00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:09,320 Speaker 1: of connectedness, to increase the amount of love expressed and 516 00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:14,960 Speaker 1: shared between families, between people, between couples, in the workplace, 517 00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:18,880 Speaker 1: in schools, think how much better this world would be. 518 00:30:20,280 --> 00:30:21,880 Speaker 3: Absolutely, absolutely, we. 519 00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:23,600 Speaker 1: Got to turn the Titanic around. 520 00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:24,640 Speaker 3: You're right. 521 00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:28,120 Speaker 2: We do have a curriculum for public schools grades one 522 00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:32,200 Speaker 2: through six discovering the love languages at school. And it's 523 00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:34,880 Speaker 2: hard to get into public schools, but when they do, 524 00:30:35,160 --> 00:30:38,960 Speaker 2: they're seeing a tremendous difference because the teacher only has 525 00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:42,440 Speaker 2: to take one hour each week and talk about one 526 00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:44,400 Speaker 2: of the love languages, and by the end of the thing, 527 00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:46,960 Speaker 2: she knows the primary love language of every child in 528 00:30:46,960 --> 00:30:49,280 Speaker 2: the room. And there's a letter they send home to 529 00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:53,120 Speaker 2: the parents and they get the concept. So, yeah, we're 530 00:30:53,200 --> 00:30:57,960 Speaker 2: doing everything we can to help people realize. One of 531 00:30:58,000 --> 00:31:01,240 Speaker 2: the most fundamental decisions person remakes in life is to 532 00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:05,200 Speaker 2: have an attitude of love rather than an attitude of selfishness. 533 00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:09,400 Speaker 2: Because selfishness approaches every relationship with what can I get 534 00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:13,600 Speaker 2: out of it? Love approaches that relationship with how can 535 00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:16,120 Speaker 2: I enrich the life of this other person? 536 00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:19,600 Speaker 1: Gerry, thank you for spending time here with us today. 537 00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:20,600 Speaker 1: God bless you. 538 00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:23,960 Speaker 3: Well, thank you, and God bless you as well. 539 00:31:24,760 --> 00:31:28,040 Speaker 1: This new book The Love Language that matters most, How 540 00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:32,240 Speaker 1: to personalize love so they really feel it. Provides coaching 541 00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:37,000 Speaker 1: on how to personalize love and ways that truly connect together. 542 00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:40,640 Speaker 1: The authors delve into the dialects and the distinctions that 543 00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:45,360 Speaker 1: shape how we give and receive love. Whether you're dating, 544 00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:50,120 Speaker 1: newly married, or decades into your relationship, the book is 545 00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:54,840 Speaker 1: a game changer for deepening connection and making love last. 546 00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:58,280 Speaker 1: You can find more information about this book even order 547 00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:02,640 Speaker 1: a copy at five I've the number five five Love 548 00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:06,920 Speaker 1: Languages dot com, or pick up a copy wherever you 549 00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:11,560 Speaker 1: feed your reading habit. Learning to love well is not 550 00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:16,360 Speaker 1: about rushing to get it right, but about embracing the process, 551 00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:21,720 Speaker 1: one thoughtful step at a time. Mastering your partner's love 552 00:32:21,800 --> 00:32:26,200 Speaker 1: language isn't about getting it perfect. It's about making progress. 553 00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:30,720 Speaker 1: It's about making a consistent effort to show up, set 554 00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:36,240 Speaker 1: your own agenda aside for the moment, empathize, and choose 555 00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:40,040 Speaker 1: to love the person in front of you in the 556 00:32:40,080 --> 00:32:44,200 Speaker 1: way they need it most. Happy Valentine's Day, my friend. 557 00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:47,640 Speaker 1: I hope this season finds you opening your heart to love. 558 00:32:47,840 --> 00:32:50,720 Speaker 1: Love for your partner, your family, your friends, love for 559 00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:55,200 Speaker 1: your community and those less fortunate, Love for people you 560 00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:58,880 Speaker 1: don't like. That's a hard one, but I know you 561 00:32:58,880 --> 00:33:02,040 Speaker 1: can do it There are so many many ways to 562 00:33:02,160 --> 00:33:04,520 Speaker 1: love and to be loved in this world. To show 563 00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:07,840 Speaker 1: others that they are valued, while at the same time 564 00:33:08,040 --> 00:33:13,000 Speaker 1: filling your love tank too. God bless you and thank 565 00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:21,880 Speaker 1: you for joining me on love someone with the Lilah