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Speaker 1: Today if by thinking a crazy homeless lady had a

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Speaker 1: heat stroke, but really she just wanted me to lick

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Speaker 1: her kiddy meowow's.

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Speaker 2: That's the weirdest hub category that I've ever heard.

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Speaker 1: You know, people are getting real specific these days. It's

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Speaker 1: real dialed in. Most lady breaks into my house from

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Speaker 1: heat stroke. That's not the only thing heating opera. Oh

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Speaker 1: this happened in the UK while we were going through

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Speaker 1: the hottest heat wave on the record.

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Speaker 2: Damn you okay, you okay, bro.

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Speaker 1: It's four pm and I'm minding my own dang business

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Speaker 1: in my back garden, trying.

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Speaker 2: To Hey, that's redundant. Everyone in the UK is always

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Speaker 2: minding their own business. Does that mean something that is

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Speaker 2: just like they're polite? I was like, I was like,

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Speaker 2: there's some sort of reference here. I am missing something

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Speaker 2: like business. Is there some sort of like London business thing?

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Speaker 2: But we're gonna get like more hate for the UK.

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Speaker 2: I think something like everyone so we got about it

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Speaker 2: us for like hating ot the UK too much? Yeah,

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Speaker 2: multiple time. I don't even remember what it was like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: because it was so eighty oddo oh I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1: You like tea and crumpets Oh my god. Wow, we

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Speaker 1: won once. That's it. And for that reason, we could

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Speaker 1: say whatever we want in America. Baby, you know what,

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Speaker 1: we're tripling down. Fuck the UK, it's all over. Our

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Speaker 1: forefathers literally gave a giant middle finger into the United

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Speaker 1: States of Kingdoms.

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Speaker 2: That's right, big big wedgie up the yeah, yeah, between

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Speaker 2: the legs, baby right.

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Speaker 1: I was minding my own business in my back garden,

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Speaker 1: tidying up my shed when I hear somebody trying to

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Speaker 1: get into the back gate.

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Speaker 2: Oh, she's trying to get into the back gate. All right, Hey,

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Speaker 2: you know, you know, you know, when your lady's trying

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Speaker 2: to get a sneak a finger into your back gate,

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Speaker 2: I'm like, hey, what you're doing? Does a little dirty

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Speaker 2: back there? Hey? Why are you using only one?

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Speaker 1: Okay, we've talked about this, talking about this for me

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Speaker 1: to feel anything multiple times.

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Speaker 2: Let's let's go for five. You know what. Yeah, throw

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Speaker 2: caution to the way. You've heard of the high five,

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Speaker 2: but have you heard of the low five? So bad?

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Speaker 1: Because that's like, you know, it's like like uncles always

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Speaker 1: go to the kids like, oh hot, uncle.

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Speaker 2: Some people some people have those uncles. This is true.

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Speaker 1: That's where it came from dark, okay, back to the lights,

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Speaker 1: back to.

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Speaker 2: The back to the light.

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Speaker 1: This this woman trying to get her kitty licked. I

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Speaker 1: love how that's that's our version of light. Yes, keeping

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Speaker 1: it fresh. I peeked through the gap to see an

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Speaker 1: elderly woman looking very hot in distress. See she notices

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Speaker 1: me and starts shouting, please help me, please help me.

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Speaker 2: But I can't open the gate. But what does she

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Speaker 2: want to help with a bound that noise? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Maybe what's up, granny? I know you've been around the block.

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Speaker 1: John's trying to pull all the guilts listening. He pot

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Speaker 1: what's good, grannie? If you're over seventy.

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Speaker 2: Hey, if you turn fifty when I was born, call

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Speaker 2: me up me h bro, I'm trying to make that

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Speaker 2: Sahara Frick of the Amazon. If you don't want them

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Speaker 2: to say, that's right, you haven't seen that much wetness

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Speaker 2: since seventy three. Blushed.

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Speaker 1: But I cannot open the gate, so I tell her

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Speaker 1: to go around to the front door. I ran through

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Speaker 1: the house and I told her to come in and

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Speaker 1: take a seat while I get her a glass of water.

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Speaker 2: He told her to come in. Did she tell you

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Speaker 2: to also come.

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Speaker 1: In get a glass of water so I can get

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Speaker 1: you nice and oh my god, she's mumbling gibberish and

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Speaker 1: rocking back and forth telling me that she's lost to

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Speaker 1: do that. Yes, she's rocking back and forth. If you

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Speaker 1: catch him adrift. I suspected she had heat stroke and

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Speaker 1: was suffering from delirium and exhaustion, which is a fair assumption.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because the UK is like ridiculously hot right now.

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Speaker 2: I mean everything's hot, global warming, that's right.

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Speaker 1: I like it hot, though, poor woman, and thank god

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Speaker 1: that I saved her. Now I pop upstairs to get

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Speaker 1: it's a great human like because he knows how the

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Speaker 1: story ends, but he's still saying like, oh this poor woman, Like,

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Speaker 1: thank god I was here to help her, you know,

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Speaker 1: shout out to you, like shout out, shout out to

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Speaker 1: op for being a good smariton. I pop upstairs to

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Speaker 1: get a damp towel on the fan. When I return,

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Speaker 1: I find the woman sitting on my sofa, smoking a

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Speaker 1: cigarette and playing with her little kitty.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, she's being a little dj. What do

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Speaker 2: you do? Like, what do you say to that? Stop? Please?

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Speaker 2: I don't know, I don't know what.

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Speaker 1: Ah, let me join oh, yeah, I think you had

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Speaker 1: heat stroke before.

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Speaker 2: But until we turn it up a couple of.

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Speaker 1: So you hear you feel a second wave from my

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Speaker 1: wave venus, he's thinking to save as me. You can't

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Speaker 1: do that. I yell and be amusement. But she carries

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Speaker 1: on telling me how nice is she can do that.

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Speaker 1: She can't. She carries on telling me how nice it feels.

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Speaker 1: But it feels great. Why would I stop?

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Speaker 2: Sam? It feels great?

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Speaker 1: She got a point, She got a point. She's not lying,

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Speaker 1: she's telling that. She's being honest. I know.

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Speaker 2: Maybe if you weren't so judge, yeah, and took some notes,

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Speaker 2: you would become a better lover. Op. What happened to

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Speaker 2: respecting honesty? Yeah? How about you learn a thing, or

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Speaker 2: do about a thing, or do for real? Can you

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Speaker 2: lick my little kitty?

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Speaker 1: She asks, to which I said yes, Damn, I've.

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Speaker 2: Been awaiting all year for this. I said, no way,

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Speaker 2: And she has to get out? How do you like

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Speaker 2: move her? Like? Where do you pick her up?

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Speaker 1: Because you don't know what's gonna happen? Do you try

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Speaker 1: to put pants on? Maybe like throw a blanket.

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Speaker 2: And then just like burrito and just yeah, you can

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Speaker 2: get a carpet and roll it up in the carpet

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Speaker 2: like a little little little burrito brito exactly.

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Speaker 1: This next part is you know, Sam, we thought it

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Speaker 1: was we thought the story was terrible. Yeah, but uh,

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Speaker 1: the antie is up by one thousand percent.

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Speaker 2: Okay, it's anti. Do you have a dog? What if

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Speaker 2: you catch my drift like like putting peanut butter.

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Speaker 1: Putting peanut butter in certain places and letting dogs do

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Speaker 1: what they do best. Wow, man's best friend just became

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Speaker 1: woman's best friend.

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Speaker 2: If you know it, I maan. You know, when you

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Speaker 2: got a tongue that long, you can know all the places.

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Speaker 1: The question is what that tongue do honestly do everything? Okay,

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Speaker 1: this is genius. I see my chance to get her

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Speaker 1: out of the house. Why yes, I do have a dog,

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Speaker 1: come with me? And I managed to get her up

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Speaker 1: and out into the guarden.

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Speaker 2: She's really trying to come with them. Come together? Right? Nah?

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Speaker 2: How oh for me?

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Speaker 1: But good god, that's that's a whole new meaning on

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Speaker 1: that song. That not a Beatles fan. A few yeah,

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Speaker 1: and she come in with the dogs and a peanut butter.

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Speaker 2: The yuppies that she just do what she please? Come together?

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Speaker 2: With my dog on my couch, new song of art.

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Speaker 1: Yeah he beatles who come together parentheses with my dog.

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Speaker 2: Grabbed the peanut butter a basic.

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Speaker 1: But as she's walking to get to the garden, she

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Speaker 1: collapses onto the floor, making gagging noises, telling me she's

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Speaker 1: going to die still with her hand between her legs. Yo,

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Speaker 1: when she gagging that sweet so bad. This woman's dying

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Speaker 1: from He literally, I'm trying to make her die from

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Speaker 1: a different kind of strug.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, we're going.

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Speaker 1: It's one hundred degree and I myself am struggling to

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Speaker 1: be fair, so I know she will be in trouble

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Speaker 1: if we do not get her out of the heat.

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Speaker 1: Oh he is still trying to be a good Samaritan

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Speaker 1: here and get her out her arm's way.

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Speaker 2: Oh he's the most British person I know.

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Speaker 1: Yes, yes, I call nine nine nine, call nine one one, buddy, Yeah, what.

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Speaker 2: Are you German? Nine like? Come on no, don't say no, no, no,

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Speaker 2: say yes yes, yes, that's right. We're just like clouding us.

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Speaker 1: Yes, we're taking. We're taking, like everything you love. If

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Speaker 1: you have a number, I don't care what it is,

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Speaker 1: I am destroying you with it. They take five minutes

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Speaker 1: to answer. Of course, we love the UK, we love them.

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Speaker 1: We're actually I'm planning going to London soon. See there

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Speaker 1: you go, we go. Yeah, just take a piss on

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Speaker 1: the freaking Big Ben.

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Speaker 2: I'm only going to London so I could take a

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Speaker 2: crap on your city. Yeah, yeah, kidding, just kidding, is kidding?

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Speaker 2: I will poop in your town.

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Speaker 1: Buy our tickets when we eventually tour there. Eventually they

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Speaker 1: answer and they tell me that there's no ambulances available

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Speaker 1: because you're calling.

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Speaker 2: Facts nine one one would never do you like?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, nine one one comes quick, that's right, don't even

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Speaker 1: need to say it.

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Speaker 2: They ask is she breathing? Is she conscious? Okay?

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Speaker 1: Then if she passes out, put her in a discovery position,

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Speaker 1: fan her and then calls back and we'll try to hurry.

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Speaker 2: What's the discovery position? I feel like she would want

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Speaker 2: you to put her in the discovery position. You know,

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Speaker 2: That's how I'd want to discover you.

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Speaker 1: She keeps asking for the dog, shocking.

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Speaker 2: Trying to give when that dog is a doll.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you know, the mouth is probably warm and uncomfortable.

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Speaker 2: It's like, not have you ever have you? Have you

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Speaker 2: ever been acquainted with the ice cube tricks a little

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Speaker 2: sloppy toppy with one ice cube inside.

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Speaker 1: I do, I do love air conditioning on my ass,

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Speaker 1: but I don't know if I would enjoy that.

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Speaker 2: Actually I never know. To try though, you never know.

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Speaker 2: That's what I say, That's what I always say.

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Speaker 1: And then she keeps asking for me and the dog

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Speaker 1: to make sweet.

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Speaker 2: Love to her weirdest threesome.

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Speaker 1: Ever, when I try to move her into the house,

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Speaker 1: she keeps trying to grab and kiss me. What the

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Speaker 1: heck is going on? You kiss back, bro Hey, you

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Speaker 1: know you say smooth down. The hospital is a five

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Speaker 1: minute walk, so I make the decision to get her

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Speaker 1: there by carrying.

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Speaker 2: Her in the one hundred degree weather. Literally.

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Speaker 1: He says, it's either this or she's gonna die from

201
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Speaker 1: a heat stroke.

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Speaker 2: Or you just let her finish in your apartment.

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Speaker 1: You know, be a gentleman. Yeah, good God, bring the dogs,

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Speaker 1: Bring the dog. So I tell her I know a

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Speaker 1: really nice dog across the road, and I'm going to

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Speaker 1: take her to it.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, man's a dog pimp. This is what

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Speaker 2: this is what really happens on those wagwalks.

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Speaker 1: Oh god, these poor doggies. Roger No, her eyes light

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Speaker 1: up with gleeful excitement, and she heads with me.

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Speaker 2: Out in the garden. Just got to love it.

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Speaker 1: I get her to put her leggings on and begin

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Speaker 1: to walk to the hospital while being essayed the entire way.

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Speaker 1: Nine nine nine rings me back, and I tell them

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Speaker 1: the plan. The closest door is the you're in throat

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Speaker 1: department or something like that. So I'm going to carry

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Speaker 1: her to where there's air conditioning and sit her down.

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Speaker 1: I shout for help in a nurse appears, she fetches

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Speaker 1: some water, and I leave her in their capable hands.

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Speaker 1: They all seem to know who she was, and apparently

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Speaker 1: that she had been in the mental ward, a repeat defender.

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Speaker 1: As I walk out, she yells, where's.

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Speaker 2: The dog to lick my kitty cat? My god, Wow,

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Speaker 2: she's one track mind.

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Speaker 1: You know, some some people say that persistence is dead,

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Speaker 1: but entrepreneurial, entrepreneurial spirit right there.

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Speaker 2: You know, live for the pursuit. Hey, if you have

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Speaker 2: a dream, don't let anyone tell you different, don't let

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Speaker 2: anyone stop you. You have that dream.

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Speaker 1: And you persue it by any means necessary, even if

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Speaker 1: that means you have to go all the way to

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Speaker 1: the worst country on planet Earth.

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Speaker 2: That's right. The country that birthed our country, forcibly, hm,

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Speaker 2: the United Kingdom, that's right.

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Speaker 1: Make it happen, America. The nurses looked puzzled. M I

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Speaker 1: shrug my shoulders and I walk out. I return home,

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Speaker 1: lock all the doors in gay and have a shower

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Speaker 1: to wash the woman's sweat and fanny juice off of me.

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Speaker 1: My god, he literally said, fanny juice. That's we're gonna

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Speaker 1: take that one. That's a great one. I have not

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Speaker 1: seen her today, but I hope she's feeling better. She

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Speaker 1: would feel better if you gave her a dog. Let

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Speaker 1: the dog lack her glitters. Yeah, I'm sorry. Who let

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Speaker 1: the dogs out? You should, that's right.