WEBVTT - Bye Bye BuyWell 0:00:01.120 --> 0:00:06.120 Attention Shoppers. Attention Shoppers Employees Only is an improvised comedy 0:00:06.160 --> 0:00:10.000 podcast about an official big box store. Any similarity to 0:00:10.160 --> 0:00:14.040 real stores or real people is completely co incidental. 0:00:16.680 --> 0:00:19.800 So in the future, please do not take a lot 0:00:19.840 --> 0:00:22.759 of cash out of the register so you can take 0:00:22.840 --> 0:00:27.160 photos with it and make it rain. Ah, you know what, 0:00:28.040 --> 0:00:31.240 who cares? None of this even really matters? 0:00:31.720 --> 0:00:33.120 Oh my good, he finally gave up. 0:00:33.080 --> 0:00:35.920 What uncharacteristic solemnity from you. 0:00:36.040 --> 0:00:40.640 Jer Now, listen, guys. You may know that by Well 0:00:40.720 --> 0:00:46.960 has been struggling nationwide. There's online shopping inflation, the roving 0:00:47.040 --> 0:00:50.760 gangs of looters who attack our stores. We've been operating 0:00:50.760 --> 0:00:53.520 at a loss for a while, and now it looks 0:00:53.560 --> 0:00:55.840 like the board of directors have decided to sell our 0:00:55.880 --> 0:01:00.920 real estate portfolio to a big consortium called a mass equity. 0:01:01.640 --> 0:01:05.160 So what the hell does that mean? The stora will 0:01:05.160 --> 0:01:08.600 close and you'll be out of a job. Stakes two 0:01:08.840 --> 0:01:10.560 right on, lewis nothing. 0:01:10.760 --> 0:01:17.119 We don't set everything by right. 0:01:19.240 --> 0:01:21.720 Okay, let's get out there on the floor and get 0:01:21.760 --> 0:01:22.240 to work. 0:01:22.319 --> 0:01:28.199 Everybody, everybody, my god, Uh, I can't lose my job. 0:01:28.319 --> 0:01:30.560 I owe my landlord like ten k and back rent 0:01:30.640 --> 0:01:32.600 and I've already used the whole of the store I 0:01:32.600 --> 0:01:34.560 worked for was shut down by a consortium. 0:01:34.600 --> 0:01:37.200 Excuse, Oh my god, I can't lose my job. I 0:01:37.200 --> 0:01:38.839 won't be able to send my daughters to a small 0:01:38.880 --> 0:01:40.960 for profit liberal arts college where the major in theater 0:01:41.000 --> 0:01:43.160 and end up working as nannies for fifteen years. 0:01:43.440 --> 0:01:45.640 I can't lose my job. I'll have to go back 0:01:45.680 --> 0:01:48.680 to selling this on the street again. I guess I 0:01:48.800 --> 0:01:51.640 better start calling my old pimps, say if any of 0:01:51.640 --> 0:01:53.400 them hadn't opening for a new bitch. 0:01:53.560 --> 0:01:57.280 Lord. No, I can't lose my job. My girlfriend in 0:01:57.400 --> 0:02:00.840 Nigeria needs me to send her ten thousand this month 0:02:01.000 --> 0:02:03.440 or she'll never be able to reclaim her family estate. 0:02:03.760 --> 0:02:06.320 And now that I say it out loud, I realize 0:02:06.360 --> 0:02:06.919 it's a scam. 0:02:07.240 --> 0:02:09.840 Okay, Jerry, Now you tell us about how you can't 0:02:09.880 --> 0:02:10.800 lose your job. 0:02:11.080 --> 0:02:15.480 Uh, well, you know, it's kind of a funny story. 0:02:15.760 --> 0:02:20.400 My contract has what's called a golden parachute clause, which 0:02:20.440 --> 0:02:24.160 means if Bywell gets bought out, I make somewhere in 0:02:24.240 --> 0:02:28.480 the area a million dollars. Who cares, right, Okay, let's 0:02:28.520 --> 0:02:30.560 get out to work and let's. 0:02:30.520 --> 0:02:34.800 Cry out Jerry Jerry. This fuck. 0:02:35.080 --> 0:02:36.760 You've been a reptillion elite. 0:02:37.040 --> 0:02:37.640 You know what. 0:02:38.120 --> 0:02:40.119 You all have been making fun. 0:02:39.880 --> 0:02:43.800 Of Jerry for years. Well it's Jerry who's laughing now. 0:02:44.280 --> 0:02:47.639 Now you're all sorry you weren't nicer to old Jerry. 0:02:48.000 --> 0:02:50.400 Quit talking to the third person, Jerry. 0:02:50.280 --> 0:02:52.000 Liz, Jerry is rich. 0:02:52.600 --> 0:02:54.640 He can afford to talking the third person. 0:02:54.720 --> 0:02:58.160 Now, look who landed on boardwalking park place and now 0:02:58.200 --> 0:02:59.920 he's wearing a top hat. 0:03:00.280 --> 0:03:04.519 Rich uncle penny Bags type by. 0:03:06.240 --> 0:03:10.120 Ooh, that Trump lawyer Sidney Powell pled guilty to helping 0:03:10.160 --> 0:03:13.119 Trump try to overturn the election in Georgia. And she's 0:03:13.160 --> 0:03:16.160 gonna testify. This could really help nail him. 0:03:16.600 --> 0:03:20.080 What a day, Liz. You had to start it, didn't you. 0:03:20.160 --> 0:03:24.160 Why don't you wake up, Elizabeth? Every time Trump commits 0:03:24.200 --> 0:03:26.880 a so called crime, he posts a tweet about it, 0:03:27.080 --> 0:03:30.120 and they haven't nailed him yet. You better emotionally prepare 0:03:30.160 --> 0:03:33.720 yourself Milania to redecorate the White House again. You better 0:03:33.760 --> 0:03:34.080 do it. 0:03:34.280 --> 0:03:37.800 No those bleak ass Christmas trees. I won't have it. 0:03:37.880 --> 0:03:41.360 Money. It looked like a grown up version of Fao Schwartz. 0:03:41.360 --> 0:03:43.600 If you took Christmas and all the teddy bears out 0:03:43.640 --> 0:03:47.520 of it. That Sydney Powell, she flipped and Kenneth cheesebro too. 0:03:47.880 --> 0:03:49.960 They went down, They went down, They went down. The 0:03:49.960 --> 0:03:53.080 big boy hadn't gone down. As long as he is 0:03:53.080 --> 0:03:55.240 still standing, then we're still good. 0:03:55.560 --> 0:03:58.120 Whatever, Arnold, I'm not gonna let you ran on my parade. 0:03:58.160 --> 0:04:00.480 I cannot wait for these trials to get underwack. Me 0:04:00.600 --> 0:04:03.320 and the other Facebook resistance moms are already planning our 0:04:03.400 --> 0:04:05.880 victory party. We're gonna crack open a few bottles of 0:04:05.920 --> 0:04:08.560 two buck chuck from Trader Joe's Wear are lock them 0:04:08.640 --> 0:04:10.560 up cardigans and let it rip. 0:04:11.040 --> 0:04:13.560 I'm with you, Liz. I mean, all those people did 0:04:13.640 --> 0:04:17.040 conspire to rig the election, but not for Trump. They 0:04:17.040 --> 0:04:21.000 did it for the Rosicrucian brotherhood who secretly rules our 0:04:21.040 --> 0:04:22.400 world behind the shadows. 0:04:22.880 --> 0:04:26.760 They only find her six thousand dollars six grand I've 0:04:26.800 --> 0:04:29.479 had lash extensions that were more expensive than trying to 0:04:29.520 --> 0:04:30.279 steal an election. 0:04:31.000 --> 0:04:34.440 Look, Sidney Powell was compromised from the start. She made 0:04:34.440 --> 0:04:36.720 Trump look bad with all that talk about you go 0:04:36.960 --> 0:04:40.359 chab bez and unleashing the crake in. She needs to 0:04:40.440 --> 0:04:44.200 unleash the cosmetologist on those crazy eyes of hers. She 0:04:44.279 --> 0:04:47.120 looks like Kathy Bates and misery right before she breaks 0:04:47.120 --> 0:04:49.240 the ankles with the hammer. It's what she tried to 0:04:49.240 --> 0:04:50.160 do to my president. 0:04:50.360 --> 0:04:51.920 This has got to be a weird case for a 0:04:51.920 --> 0:04:54.800 probation officer. It's like, hey, have you been hanging out 0:04:54.839 --> 0:04:58.440 near any polling places? Somebody saw you with a Dominu machine. Sidney. 0:04:58.440 --> 0:04:59.719 You swore to me you were a clean. 0:05:00.000 --> 0:05:03.080 There were irregularities in the voting machines, and all of 0:05:03.120 --> 0:05:05.119 you damn well know it. That is why I prefer 0:05:05.200 --> 0:05:08.159 to vote the safe and secure way by writing my 0:05:08.279 --> 0:05:11.000 vote on a folded scrap of paper and dropping it 0:05:11.040 --> 0:05:13.800 into a big bowl or a cardboard box with a 0:05:13.839 --> 0:05:16.080 slot on the top of it. That has worked when 0:05:16.120 --> 0:05:19.560 every election since kindergarten, all the way up, all the 0:05:19.560 --> 0:05:22.440 way up through the daytime, bar staff shift and there 0:05:22.480 --> 0:05:24.120 is no reason to move on past it. 0:05:24.720 --> 0:05:26.919 I went to the bathroom once at the Amaco, and 0:05:26.960 --> 0:05:29.120 there was the wall had a little slot in it, 0:05:29.360 --> 0:05:33.040 and you were there, Arnold. Was that like a voting booth. 0:05:34.560 --> 0:05:37.480 Sounds like lovers were being pulled in some capacity. 0:05:37.600 --> 0:05:41.320 Yes, well, that is what you call free and fair elections. 0:05:41.400 --> 0:05:46.880 You might have seen some hanging Chad's, a few hanging Chad's, Tom's, Billy's. 0:05:47.520 --> 0:05:49.960 If I've learned anything from dating older men and being 0:05:50.040 --> 0:05:52.920 forced to watch Mafia movies, it's when people start to flip, 0:05:53.040 --> 0:05:55.000 is right when it gets good. We're about to be 0:05:55.040 --> 0:05:57.719 at the part where Trump runs from helicopters and shoots 0:05:57.760 --> 0:06:00.080 a mountain full of cocaine with an oozy r. 0:06:00.120 --> 0:06:01.600 I'm so on lawyer flipping on him though. It is 0:06:01.640 --> 0:06:04.000 like the best kind of story. It's like a crossover 0:06:04.080 --> 0:06:06.960 of my two favorite shows, Law and Order, Criminal Intent 0:06:07.040 --> 0:06:10.320 and Inside with Jensaki. I mean, you can't get better 0:06:10.360 --> 0:06:10.680 than this. 0:06:11.200 --> 0:06:13.960 I mean, thank god she took a plea, though. If 0:06:14.080 --> 0:06:18.600 Earth officials imprisoned Sydney Powell, the military response from her 0:06:18.600 --> 0:06:20.680 home planet would have annihilated us. 0:06:20.720 --> 0:06:23.680 All, Victor, you're on another level today, man. What'd you 0:06:23.760 --> 0:06:24.600 have for breakfast? 0:06:24.880 --> 0:06:28.600 Oh? Uh, just some homemade Havelna sausage. The Havelina is 0:06:28.640 --> 0:06:32.960 a small South Texan desert hog. I butcher them and 0:06:33.200 --> 0:06:34.360 make my own sausages. 0:06:34.800 --> 0:06:37.840 We live in Pennsylvania. Do you bring that meat back 0:06:37.880 --> 0:06:40.599 from trips to Texas? I'm so confused. Is there a 0:06:40.600 --> 0:06:42.560 Havelna sausage delivery service? 0:06:43.040 --> 0:06:45.039 I just got a guy who drives it up for me. 0:06:45.760 --> 0:06:48.880 Granted he doesn't have any refrigeration in his automobile, but 0:06:48.920 --> 0:06:52.200 that's the whole point of sausage, right, it's aged meat. 0:06:52.600 --> 0:06:54.960 Oh lord, I am seeing things today. 0:06:55.120 --> 0:06:57.479 Are these hogs still living and breathing with hair on 0:06:57.520 --> 0:06:59.560 their backs? Or are you just getting trucks full of 0:06:59.640 --> 0:07:00.479 strain meat. 0:07:00.520 --> 0:07:03.120 I'm not out here HEARDing these hogs around. Yeah, it's 0:07:03.120 --> 0:07:06.400 a very civilized vehicle full of loose heavelena meat. 0:07:06.640 --> 0:07:09.760 Oh lord, I tell you all this talk of a 0:07:09.800 --> 0:07:12.800 truck full of hog meat and all this cheese flipping, 0:07:13.480 --> 0:07:16.040 I'm gonna have to get myself back to the meat room, y'all. 0:07:16.080 --> 0:07:17.800 Excuse me, I'm getting hungry. 0:07:18.400 --> 0:07:18.840 Bye. 0:07:19.080 --> 0:07:24.840 Well, oh my god, look at this. An NFL marketing 0:07:24.880 --> 0:07:27.200 exec just made a statement that they had nothing to 0:07:27.200 --> 0:07:31.160 do with Travis Kelsey dating Taylor Swift. Duh, nobody has 0:07:31.240 --> 0:07:34.160 power over Taylor. She's more powerful than God. If Taylor 0:07:34.200 --> 0:07:36.080 told me to kill my firstborn, by the time she 0:07:36.160 --> 0:07:38.880 told me not to, he would already be dead. Okay, 0:07:39.080 --> 0:07:41.720 they cut to her like seventeen times during the game. 0:07:41.960 --> 0:07:43.720 They should just have a separate tailor cam. 0:07:43.800 --> 0:07:47.080 Honestly, Yeah, my daughter's Annie and Tory keep me up 0:07:47.120 --> 0:07:49.240 on all the tailor news, and I think this is 0:07:49.280 --> 0:07:51.520 definitely an upgrade for her. I mean, you could fit 0:07:51.600 --> 0:07:54.960 Joe Jonas, John Mayer and Harry Styles into Travis Kelsey's 0:07:55.040 --> 0:07:56.120 left thigh. 0:07:56.280 --> 0:07:58.600 Yes, he's so hot. He can totally put off that 0:07:58.640 --> 0:08:01.200 weird mustache that makes him look like an undercover hop 0:08:01.240 --> 0:08:02.880 who's too racist to go undercover. 0:08:03.680 --> 0:08:08.160 So hot y'all gabbing about Tay Trav I couldn't help 0:08:08.200 --> 0:08:11.480 over here. And lord, this couple here is in the 0:08:11.520 --> 0:08:15.440 media so much it's impossible not to think about them 0:08:15.560 --> 0:08:18.600 making love, Am I right? I mean we've all imagined it, 0:08:19.200 --> 0:08:23.360 the way Kelsey's muscles flex against Taylor's supple arms, the 0:08:23.480 --> 0:08:26.960 rough contact of his beard against her ruby red lips. 0:08:27.280 --> 0:08:29.000 I was up late last night and I actually did 0:08:29.000 --> 0:08:31.200 some sketches if y'all want to see. 0:08:31.680 --> 0:08:34.640 Oh my god, Victor Whiers, there's squid tensacles. What is this? 0:08:35.040 --> 0:08:37.800 I'm sorry, some different sketches. 0:08:38.280 --> 0:08:41.319 Excuse me, he's doing his charcoal crackings again. 0:08:41.960 --> 0:08:43.600 I've got krackings on the brain, y'all. 0:08:44.160 --> 0:08:47.520 Look, I'll say this, Taylor Swift and I might not 0:08:47.679 --> 0:08:50.120 have much in common, but we both love a good 0:08:50.160 --> 0:08:53.000 tied end. Whoa I tell you, honey, I was a 0:08:53.040 --> 0:08:55.480 center back in high school. I still remember how to 0:08:55.520 --> 0:08:59.200 put them long snaps down on the field. That Travis 0:08:59.280 --> 0:09:02.839 Kelcey watching the play by play. I'm watching the slow 0:09:02.880 --> 0:09:07.160 motion playback half back Power thirty six, honey. 0:09:07.240 --> 0:09:10.720 Yes, yes, Travis Kelsey dating Taylor Swift has made me 0:09:11.040 --> 0:09:14.280 love football now. I can't wait for Travis to dunk 0:09:14.320 --> 0:09:16.640 another ball in the m zones. I just love how 0:09:16.679 --> 0:09:20.080 he receives and like gifts. It's such a generous part. 0:09:20.480 --> 0:09:22.880 I don't think NFL executives had anything to do with 0:09:22.880 --> 0:09:25.480 putting Travis Kelcey and Taylor Swift together. I mean, the 0:09:25.520 --> 0:09:28.000 only time executives at the NFL get involved in their players' 0:09:28.000 --> 0:09:30.200 relationships is when they're trying to beat the allegations. 0:09:30.679 --> 0:09:32.959 Honey. You know what they're doing. They're trying to get 0:09:33.000 --> 0:09:36.800 a new demographic watch in football exactly, so I'm excused 0:09:36.800 --> 0:09:39.960 to say, oh, girls, watch football. They parade those two out, 0:09:40.120 --> 0:09:42.080 they might as well have had Taylor Swift come out 0:09:42.120 --> 0:09:44.040 in the field and fake an injury like half of 0:09:44.080 --> 0:09:47.720 them do. I'm surprised they haven't brought Barbara streisand out 0:09:47.720 --> 0:09:49.040 to throw passes to share. 0:09:49.640 --> 0:09:52.719 Y'all are very right. They should micro cast to all 0:09:52.800 --> 0:09:55.640 the different demographics that their sport has not yet reached. 0:09:55.960 --> 0:09:59.040 I'd watch football more if the national anthem were sung 0:09:59.120 --> 0:10:02.240 by Gall, the lead singer of the Norwegian black metal 0:10:02.320 --> 0:10:03.280 band Gorgoroth. 0:10:04.120 --> 0:10:07.080 Well, I've got a quick fix if you want ten 0:10:07.160 --> 0:10:11.120 percent more male viewers of professional football. Is the game 0:10:11.200 --> 0:10:14.120 that the player shouldn't stop with the tackle. There should 0:10:14.120 --> 0:10:15.760 be a tackle on the field and then you just 0:10:15.800 --> 0:10:18.600 see what happens right after it keeps going and going 0:10:18.640 --> 0:10:20.720 and going. You take a commercial break, and you come 0:10:20.760 --> 0:10:21.920 back and they're still at it. 0:10:21.960 --> 0:10:23.679 See this is what I'm saying. I wish the NFL 0:10:23.720 --> 0:10:26.480 would try to market to my demographic. I would watch 0:10:26.520 --> 0:10:28.800 a lot more games if they dressed the players as 0:10:28.800 --> 0:10:33.240 the armies of famous ancient battles. Tonight, the Steelers will 0:10:33.240 --> 0:10:36.280 be dressed as the Carthaginians in the Battle of Kna 0:10:36.920 --> 0:10:39.720 in Bcee. Now that, now that's a throwback Jersey. 0:10:39.760 --> 0:10:43.520 I'dwhere you know, every person from Hannibal on down to 0:10:43.559 --> 0:10:46.400 the lunch boy at the Battle of Kna was gay. 0:10:46.640 --> 0:10:48.440 Every single one of them was gay. 0:10:48.559 --> 0:10:51.880 Every legionary and every member of Hannibal's army, you know, 0:10:52.120 --> 0:10:55.440 fought to the death and then continue to completion, so 0:10:55.520 --> 0:10:55.920 to speak. 0:10:56.120 --> 0:10:59.439 As I understand it, even Hannibal's elephants were mounting each other. 0:10:59.520 --> 0:11:03.000 They mounted the alps and then each other by. 0:11:05.600 --> 0:11:08.679 So that guy Bill Chatter from a mass Equity is 0:11:08.720 --> 0:11:10.679 here today to look at the property. If we can 0:11:10.720 --> 0:11:13.120 convince him that buy well is a bad investment, a 0:11:13.120 --> 0:11:15.560 mass might just cancel the purchase. A witch of Sary 0:11:15.600 --> 0:11:16.720 comes here, comes, he comes. 0:11:16.559 --> 0:11:17.679 From Bill, you know who? 0:11:17.720 --> 0:11:21.560 You remind me of the best friend I had growing up. 0:11:21.920 --> 0:11:23.840 You're funny in the same way that he was. 0:11:24.080 --> 0:11:26.200 I haven't said a word since I got here. You 0:11:26.240 --> 0:11:28.040 started talking the minute they walked in the door. 0:11:28.200 --> 0:11:33.000 Totally, totally, you know, it's just your general vibe. So 0:11:33.000 --> 0:11:35.120 so you can set up here in the break room. 0:11:35.600 --> 0:11:40.280 Can I get you anything? Herbal tea alcohol? I give 0:11:40.320 --> 0:11:41.280 a great BackRub. 0:11:41.960 --> 0:11:44.160 Yeah, yeah, I think I saw a Panera bread on 0:11:44.200 --> 0:11:46.280 the way into town. Could you go get me a 0:11:46.280 --> 0:11:47.080 coffee from there? 0:11:47.320 --> 0:11:50.600 Well, there is a coffee machine right here, and that 0:11:50.720 --> 0:11:55.719 Panera is forty five minutes away, but you got it. 0:11:55.800 --> 0:11:58.200 I'll be back hours from now. 0:11:58.720 --> 0:12:00.000 You got that, good job, Jerry. 0:12:00.240 --> 0:12:02.040 Okay, let me just sit down here and flip the 0:12:02.080 --> 0:12:05.800 old laptop, get some work hours in here. Well, he's 0:12:05.840 --> 0:12:08.800 out of me here. I'm gonna boot this up here. 0:12:09.240 --> 0:12:14.120 Windows familiar boot screen here, Windows. Okay, we've got to 0:12:14.120 --> 0:12:20.160 put a password in here, so it's cheddar better forty 0:12:20.240 --> 0:12:22.679 nine booting up here. 0:12:23.559 --> 0:12:27.920 Hi, I'm Shilah. I heard your company is buying this place, 0:12:27.960 --> 0:12:30.439 and I just thought I should warn you that this 0:12:30.520 --> 0:12:34.040 is a really bad neighborhood. My cousin was shot and 0:12:34.120 --> 0:12:37.400 stabbed here. She died a They made one of those 0:12:37.440 --> 0:12:39.200 like shrines with all of the candles of her, but 0:12:39.240 --> 0:12:41.520 they used like a really ugly photo. They wouldn't use 0:12:41.559 --> 0:12:44.559 the one I submitted that had like perfect side boob 0:12:44.600 --> 0:12:47.280 and it was so sad. Anyway, you see those shrines 0:12:47.320 --> 0:12:49.200 of all those like dead kids all the time here, 0:12:49.360 --> 0:12:51.679 and I accidentally kicked them over while I'm walking here, 0:12:51.720 --> 0:12:54.000 and then it starts fires and it kills more kids. 0:12:54.400 --> 0:12:55.800 It's just like a bad vibe. 0:12:55.960 --> 0:12:57.800 Yeah, okay, yeah, I'm sorry for your loss. 0:12:58.040 --> 0:13:00.240 Yeah, we know the neighborhood is bad by but he 0:13:00.280 --> 0:13:03.920 turns over lower cub areas. It's called gentrification. Soon all 0:13:03.920 --> 0:13:06.959 those crack houses will be pottery barks. Okay, and the 0:13:06.960 --> 0:13:09.280 little memorials. We're going to incorporate that into some kind 0:13:09.320 --> 0:13:10.960 of large corporate cement park. 0:13:11.720 --> 0:13:15.680 Well sir, hey, hey there, if you're interested in buying 0:13:15.720 --> 0:13:18.360 this building, I have to tell you I've been doing 0:13:18.440 --> 0:13:22.360 maintenance here for years and this building has bad bones. 0:13:22.760 --> 0:13:25.120 And see how the wall gives a little bit when 0:13:25.120 --> 0:13:29.240 you hit it with this sledge hammer here. Yeah, I 0:13:29.280 --> 0:13:31.319 figured we're a couple months away from this entire d 0:13:31.360 --> 0:13:34.439 if it's collapsing and killing hundreds, it is on its 0:13:34.679 --> 0:13:36.040 last seelings. 0:13:37.160 --> 0:13:37.520 Thank you. 0:13:37.679 --> 0:13:39.920 Okay, Yeah, we know the building is a pile of shit. 0:13:40.040 --> 0:13:42.320 We're tearing it down. We just went to land. 0:13:43.120 --> 0:13:45.600 I've been doing a little research, and I hope your 0:13:45.640 --> 0:13:48.800 appraisal of this property is subject to a detailed amortization 0:13:48.920 --> 0:13:51.240 before you put it into escrow, because the market is 0:13:51.400 --> 0:13:54.040 very liquid right now and commodities like this aren't likely 0:13:54.120 --> 0:13:55.160 to yield a capital gain. 0:13:55.400 --> 0:13:57.280 Okay, nothing you just said made any sense. 0:13:57.320 --> 0:13:59.760 You just struggle a bunch of words together by talking 0:13:59.800 --> 0:14:01.280 to it chat GPT here. 0:14:01.760 --> 0:14:04.480 All right, Listen, they say that prompting the chat GPT 0:14:04.840 --> 0:14:07.040 is something we're all gonna have to learn to do better. 0:14:07.120 --> 0:14:08.840 And it was my first time. 0:14:09.400 --> 0:14:12.280 Yeah, sure, might be actually a growth market. If you're 0:14:12.320 --> 0:14:15.080 looking for work, which you're gonna be soon. Listen, I'll 0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:20.480 suck your dick if you cancel the sale. Tempting, but no, sorry. 0:14:20.520 --> 0:14:22.680 I got twenty miles down the road and I realized 0:14:22.720 --> 0:14:25.120 I forgot to ask if you take milk and sugar 0:14:25.720 --> 0:14:28.920 or do you prefer Stevia instead? They don't have that 0:14:29.000 --> 0:14:31.120 at Panera. But I can make an extra stop. 0:14:31.720 --> 0:14:34.560 Yeah, you know, stop at another place. Get stop at 0:14:34.760 --> 0:14:39.040 a local grocer that's gonna last through the year, Get 0:14:39.080 --> 0:14:41.760 some Stevia separately the checkout asle or whatever, and get 0:14:41.760 --> 0:14:45.560 me the pen out Panera. You know, Pericameric. 0:14:44.760 --> 0:14:47.840 Coffee Stevia from a local grocer. You got it? 0:14:47.880 --> 0:14:58.160 Bill, Bye, bye, Oh my god. 0:14:58.640 --> 0:15:02.440 Did you guys see Biten flew into Israel without military protection. 0:15:02.760 --> 0:15:05.480 I'm sorry. The only times I don't use protection is 0:15:05.480 --> 0:15:06.920 when I'm trying to get an old guy to pay 0:15:06.960 --> 0:15:09.880 my rent. This is crazy. Wait, didn't he go to 0:15:10.000 --> 0:15:12.680 Ukraine a couple months ago in the middle of a bombing. 0:15:13.320 --> 0:15:15.800 It's like he's begging for death to hurry up and 0:15:15.840 --> 0:15:16.320 take him. 0:15:16.560 --> 0:15:19.160 Yeah, I really wish Joe wouldn't take risks like this, 0:15:19.600 --> 0:15:22.600 like going to Ukraine, going to Israel, walking down long 0:15:22.640 --> 0:15:26.160 flights of stairs, riding a bike, staying up past eight. 0:15:26.320 --> 0:15:27.920 He shouldn't be doing this kind of stuff. 0:15:28.040 --> 0:15:30.640 Honestly, the same thing happened with my grandma when when 0:15:30.680 --> 0:15:32.560 she turned eighty we had to take all of the 0:15:32.600 --> 0:15:35.120 birthday candles off of her cake because she kept trying 0:15:35.160 --> 0:15:37.240 to light her wig on fire and end it all. 0:15:37.680 --> 0:15:40.160 The fact that they sent one of the Biden clones 0:15:40.240 --> 0:15:44.200 to Israel doesn't impress me. What impresses me is that 0:15:44.240 --> 0:15:48.040 they aged it up from a baby that quickly. They 0:15:48.120 --> 0:15:51.560 must have like dozens of hatchlings in a secret facility 0:15:51.640 --> 0:15:54.360 underneath the Pentagon, just ready to go. I mean, you 0:15:54.360 --> 0:15:56.640 can tell it's young because every time you see the 0:15:56.680 --> 0:15:59.240 clone Bidens, they have the speech patterns of a three 0:15:59.320 --> 0:16:00.000 to four year old. 0:16:00.200 --> 0:16:02.520 He was probably just in the Ukraine to get the 0:16:02.560 --> 0:16:04.880 rest of Hunter Biden's laptop. But if there are any 0:16:04.880 --> 0:16:07.640 more Hunter's dudes in there, they should be released to America, 0:16:07.880 --> 0:16:11.080 or at the very least to me. At Arnold Palmham 0:16:11.160 --> 0:16:12.840 sixty nine at Earthlink. 0:16:12.440 --> 0:16:14.360 Dot Nea I mean, I do think we should give 0:16:14.360 --> 0:16:16.640 an eighty year old man some credit for going into 0:16:16.640 --> 0:16:19.520 two war zones without military protection. I mean, I know 0:16:19.640 --> 0:16:22.320 forty year old Republicans who won't even go into Pittsburgh 0:16:22.560 --> 0:16:24.880 to the Hockey Arena to see Keith Urban. 0:16:25.920 --> 0:16:28.080 I don't know. I don't think it's that brave for 0:16:28.160 --> 0:16:31.080 old people to do dangerous things. What are they risking, 0:16:31.280 --> 0:16:32.640 like two good Tuesdays. 0:16:32.840 --> 0:16:35.600 The US shouldn't be sending eighty year olds into war 0:16:35.720 --> 0:16:38.920 zones anyhow. That's what we have eighteen year olds for, 0:16:39.880 --> 0:16:43.360 although we could send like a strike force of eighty 0:16:43.400 --> 0:16:45.800 year olds to sort of provide a human shield for 0:16:45.880 --> 0:16:49.400 the rest of the younger force, a specially trained unit 0:16:49.480 --> 0:16:51.040 of octogenarians. 0:16:51.560 --> 0:16:54.720 Y'all. He visited that war zone the way a person 0:16:54.800 --> 0:16:57.880 on a carnival cruise visits a foreign country. He was 0:16:57.920 --> 0:16:59.920 there for six damn hours that he's stuck to the 0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:02.200 gift shops near the boat, you know he did. 0:17:02.440 --> 0:17:05.600 Yeah, he definitely came back from Israel with like a magnet. 0:17:05.800 --> 0:17:08.400 Oh my god, wait, is that why Joe Biden had 0:17:08.440 --> 0:17:11.760 his hair and cornrows? I saw that picture going around Twitter. 0:17:11.880 --> 0:17:13.119 That makes so much sense. 0:17:13.600 --> 0:17:15.760 Did you have a shirt that said one tequila, two tequila, 0:17:15.800 --> 0:17:16.760 three tequila floor. 0:17:17.320 --> 0:17:20.399 I definitely saw a pookashell necklace at some point. I 0:17:20.480 --> 0:17:22.320 just don't get why this couldn't have been a phone call. 0:17:22.480 --> 0:17:25.399 Old people love phone calls. I just spent fifty minutes 0:17:25.440 --> 0:17:27.080 on a FaceTime with my mom's forehead. 0:17:27.160 --> 0:17:29.959 Biden's about to give himself a series of medals for this, 0:17:30.560 --> 0:17:32.959 just for going on a little pleasure cup. Save it, please. 0:17:33.480 --> 0:17:36.560 So many people hate Trump. Everywhere he goes as a 0:17:36.560 --> 0:17:38.960 war zone, and he wears a bright red target on 0:17:39.000 --> 0:17:42.480 his head and paints himself orange. Now that is courage, 0:17:42.600 --> 0:17:45.440 not Joe Biden stumbling around like naked gun. 0:17:46.080 --> 0:17:48.840 I myself have never been to a war zone. The 0:17:48.880 --> 0:17:52.920 most dangerous trip I've taken was a psychedelic journey inside myself, 0:17:52.960 --> 0:17:56.000 where I gazed into the darkness of my very own 0:17:56.119 --> 0:18:00.199 soul and cried publicly. During a screening of Madagas Call 0:18:00.240 --> 0:18:02.480 Her Too Escape to Africa. 0:18:02.880 --> 0:18:04.320 That one has the best soundtrack. 0:18:05.200 --> 0:18:12.480 I do like to move it, Move it, oh man. 0:18:12.520 --> 0:18:15.240 I need a new tub book. You know the books 0:18:15.240 --> 0:18:17.399 I read while I'm having a bubble bath. Should I 0:18:17.440 --> 0:18:20.000 get the new Jada Pinkett Smith memoir where she talks 0:18:20.000 --> 0:18:24.240 about her experiences with ayahuasca, or the new Britney Spears 0:18:24.359 --> 0:18:27.920 memoir that's read by Michelle Williams because Britney said it 0:18:27.920 --> 0:18:31.280 would be too heartbreaking to read herself. This is tough, 0:18:31.400 --> 0:18:32.200 This is tough. 0:18:32.600 --> 0:18:35.040 I like Data Pinkett Smith's book. She said she was 0:18:35.160 --> 0:18:37.639 dealing drugs even when her movie career took off in 0:18:37.680 --> 0:18:38.200 the eighties. 0:18:38.560 --> 0:18:39.560 That's wild. 0:18:40.000 --> 0:18:42.480 That's like if I was buying weed from Millie Bobby Brown. 0:18:43.040 --> 0:18:45.400 Yeah. I just thumbed through the Jada a little bit 0:18:45.520 --> 0:18:48.720 and she talks about ayahuasca, but she calls it mother aya, 0:18:48.840 --> 0:18:51.800 which is pretty much why you don't do ayahuasca. 0:18:51.920 --> 0:18:54.400 Honestly, I'm just jealous. It's so hard to find good 0:18:54.440 --> 0:18:58.360 ayahuasca and Pennsylvania. The closest I got was an expired gatorade. 0:18:58.440 --> 0:19:00.239 It did make me vomit and love my mom. He though. 0:19:00.640 --> 0:19:04.160 Yeah, it's hard to find good Pennsylvania a huasca mostly 0:19:04.240 --> 0:19:07.600 just a gas station vapes or the closest you can get. 0:19:07.760 --> 0:19:10.040 But I am interested in that. Jada Pinkett Smith. When 0:19:10.040 --> 0:19:13.320 I hear she talks about her relationship with Will and 0:19:13.359 --> 0:19:17.760 their separation, I know I relate it sucks to love 0:19:17.840 --> 0:19:20.679 someone but not be able to be near them, And 0:19:20.720 --> 0:19:22.880 that is why I've set up that shrine to Emma 0:19:22.960 --> 0:19:26.600 Stone in my house. If anyone sees a La La 0:19:26.720 --> 0:19:29.200 land standee in the loading dock, that's mine. 0:19:29.760 --> 0:19:32.800 Oh I tell you. If I ever see the two 0:19:32.840 --> 0:19:36.320