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Speaker 1: Oh ship as well?

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Speaker 2: Yes, who is this?

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Speaker 1: Shep?

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Speaker 3: Like shepherd?

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Speaker 2: Shep? What's up? Shep? How you doing?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? I not bad?

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Speaker 2: How are you hanging in there? How can I get

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Speaker 2: you today? Shep?

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Speaker 3: Well, I've got kind of a weird story. So my

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Speaker 3: ex girlfriend tried to brainwash me with ayahuasca, but I

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Speaker 3: kind of knew that she was trying to brainwash me,

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Speaker 3: so it didn't work. But through the process of ayahuasca,

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Speaker 3: I kind of got real in touch on myself and

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Speaker 3: I figured out that I was still in love with

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Speaker 3: her cousin who I met when I was six.

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Speaker 4: Where should we start with this? So she tried to

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Speaker 4: like did she did she drug you?

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Speaker 5: No?

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Speaker 3: So we were in a long term relationship. It was

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Speaker 3: pretty imbalanced.

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Speaker 1: It was like a very toxic relationship.

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Speaker 3: But I shouldn't have been in and it was all

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Speaker 3: kind of falling apart. I kind of had enough of it,

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Speaker 3: and she's just a retreat and she'd already had like

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Speaker 3: an ego death on MDMA and kind of confessed to

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Speaker 3: all this manipulative stuff that she was doing in the relationship,

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Speaker 3: and that was really interesting.

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Speaker 2: But then what what kind of what kind of manipulative stuff?

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Speaker 3: Kind of like emotionally just has her hold over me

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Speaker 3: and kind of everyone else in her family, to be honest,

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Speaker 3: has control of what everyone does, all their decisions, like

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Speaker 3: she had like I can message my friends or my

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Speaker 3: mom without her knowing about her. She had control over

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Speaker 3: what I bought, where I went, what I did. It

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Speaker 3: was kind of crazy.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, so she had this ego death.

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Speaker 3: On MDMA and realized she was doing all of this,

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Speaker 3: which was really interesting. But then where when it wore off,

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Speaker 3: she kind of started to freak out because she like

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Speaker 3: exposed herself, I guess, and then started trying to paint

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Speaker 3: me out as being some kind of nascist manipulation and stuff,

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Speaker 3: and her craziness sort of ramped up a lot. And yeah,

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Speaker 3: so then she suggested we go to csio Oasca Tree and.

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Speaker 1: I was open to her because I'd read a bit about.

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Speaker 3: Her and I thought, yeah, it sounds good. It could

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Speaker 3: be good for me and she might get something out

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Speaker 3: of it, who knows. But then on the plane on

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Speaker 3: the way over there, I was sat on the plane

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Speaker 3: and she gave me a phone to like lock something

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Speaker 3: down about the flights or something. I don't know what

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Speaker 3: it was, And so I opened up notes, and I

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Speaker 3: saw on her phone this note that said a destabilization,

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Speaker 3: a technique used in brainwashing, and I was like, what's

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Speaker 3: this And she gave me this weird look like she

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Speaker 3: kind of bared her teeth and she was like, oh,

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Speaker 3: that's that's to do with my sister in law sort

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Speaker 3: of thing, and just tried to brush it off, but

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Speaker 3: it was pretty suss and I was just kind of like, okay,

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Speaker 3: And I mean the noteening about destabilization, like after my

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Speaker 3: aahuasca ceremonies, she was basically like destabilizing as suck. She

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Speaker 3: tried to kind of interrogate me and tell me what

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Speaker 3: all my visions men and time?

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Speaker 2: What's what's your name again? Man? Yep, sheep, sheep. Let

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Speaker 2: me ask you something.

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Speaker 4: And I'm not I promise you, I'm not saying this

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Speaker 4: as like a in like a blaming sense. I'm asking

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Speaker 4: you this because I genuinely want to know, like sincerely,

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Speaker 4: how your brain kind of processed all this. But when

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Speaker 4: she told you all these these things and ways that

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Speaker 4: she manipulated you, and how she was trying to keep

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Speaker 4: you from your friends and you know, your family and

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Speaker 4: and and all this stuff.

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Speaker 2: Why did you what stopped you from from from leaving.

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Speaker 3: So it was a really codependent sort of situation. So

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Speaker 3: a lot of the relationship I didn't feel like I

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Speaker 3: could leave, goes very isolated. But at the same time,

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Speaker 3: I felt like I'd seen something good in her that

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Speaker 3: I kind of wanted to get through to. And kind

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Speaker 3: of the plot kind of thickens because by this point,

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Speaker 3: I think we had our son was like a year

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Speaker 3: and a half old.

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Speaker 2: Oh you guys have a kid together.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, So I was really trying to get through to,

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Speaker 3: you know, the good and her to try and sort

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Speaker 3: things out and to try and help the situation.

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Speaker 2: Mm hmm. Okay, So what happened to retreat?

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Speaker 3: So I was there, her cousin was there because her

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Speaker 3: cousin and her cousin's partner at the time went out

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Speaker 3: like two weeks before us. But then her cousin decided

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Speaker 3: she wanted to stay while I was there with my

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Speaker 3: doctic minipestive partner. So it ended up being me and

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Speaker 3: my partner and her cousin as a retreat. And this

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Speaker 3: is her cousin who I've known since I was six

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Speaker 3: years old and who kind of introduced me to the

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Speaker 3: whole situation, and yeah, it was basically her interrogating me

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Speaker 3: after every ceremony, trying to tell me what it all meant,

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Speaker 3: trying to make sure that I was blaming my family

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Speaker 3: for all of the but I kind of could see

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Speaker 3: what she was doing, so it didn't really work.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god.

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Speaker 4: Still that's still man, that sounds like a complete nightmare,

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Speaker 4: being on being on an intense psychedelic drug while someone's

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Speaker 4: trying to like fuck with your understanding of reality. I mean,

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Speaker 4: that's that sounds awful.

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Speaker 3: Yeah it was. It was kind of a lot to

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Speaker 3: hold on to, but I managed to. I mean I

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Speaker 3: had a fucking amazing experience, and if I'm honest, it

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Speaker 3: was like the best thing I've ever done. Yeah, I

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Speaker 3: like an even.

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Speaker 2: With like all this like shit, Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Because it kind of has a way of just cutting

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Speaker 3: through all the bullshit and you just get right down

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Speaker 3: to the core of you, like no matter what's going on.

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Speaker 3: And I was there, like I really wanted to just

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Speaker 3: work myself and get what I could out of it. So, yeah,

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Speaker 3: it was amazing. I had like an exorcism. I was

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Speaker 3: talking to aliens, trying to save the world, like I

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Speaker 3: saw the spirit world like loads of crazy shit happened

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Speaker 3: was amazing, and yeah, I'd love to do it again,

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Speaker 3: but I mean, this will happened like six years ago now.

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Speaker 3: And so basically we got back after the retreat, it

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Speaker 3: was pretty clear it wasn't going to work out. We

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Speaker 3: were living abroad in France, so I moved into a

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Speaker 3: flat down the road, like an apartment down the road,

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Speaker 3: so I could still be close to my kid. But

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Speaker 3: then she cut me off from him and said that

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Speaker 3: I can't see him anymore, which like I mean, she

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Speaker 3: helped me move out, and then she said that I

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Speaker 3: abandoned him as soon as I moved into this apartment

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Speaker 3: and said that I can see him anymore. And so right, okay,

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Speaker 3: So I ended up moving back to the UK, saving

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Speaker 3: up what I could to get a lawyer and go

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Speaker 3: to court get access to my kid, which I got.

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Speaker 3: But it was actually after I had moved out and

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Speaker 3: I was doing like a lot of meditating and using

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Speaker 3: what I'd learned at the Southwesca retreat, and I had

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Speaker 3: a small amount of MBMA that I took and it

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Speaker 3: all like hit me, like slapped me around the face

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Speaker 3: that I had all these underlying feelings for her cousin

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Speaker 3: who was this that I met when I was six

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Speaker 3: years old, And I told them, I mean, I told

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Speaker 3: my ex first.

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Speaker 1: I said, look, I've realized.

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Speaker 3: I've got feelings for your cousin and she said, well,

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Speaker 3: I don't give a shirt, go and tell her them. Fine,

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Speaker 3: so it's okay, And I went and I told her,

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Speaker 3: and at first she didn't believe me. She just thought

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Speaker 3: I was just trying to say it to be a

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Speaker 3: dick or trying to hurt my ex partner. But throughout

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Speaker 3: the course of the conversation I kind of managed to

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Speaker 3: convince her that I really meant her. And then so

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Speaker 3: my crazy X goes, all right, well, why do you

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Speaker 3: figure out how you feel about him? Then? You know?

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Speaker 3: And so she started trying to figure it out and

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Speaker 3: talk to me about it, and it felt like we

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Speaker 3: were really starting to get somewhere and really kind of

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Speaker 3: figured out that there were feelings down and she didn't

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Speaker 3: know what it meant yet, but she said, well, I'm

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Speaker 3: going to go and tell her that there's feelings there.

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Speaker 3: And I said, I don't know if you should just

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Speaker 3: go and tell her, like this probably needs to get

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Speaker 3: attacked or whatever, but she was like, no, no, trust me,

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Speaker 3: It'll be fine. So she went and told Mike crazy

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Speaker 3: X and she flipped. She was like, she screamed in

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Speaker 3: her face, I want to rip you in half. And yeah,

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Speaker 3: so this girl I mem I was six, she just

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Speaker 3: like suddenly became she kind of retreated, became very confused,

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Speaker 3: and she said basically that actually, well they both started

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Speaker 3: trying to convince me that I was confused and actually

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Speaker 3: I had feelings for the abusive person i'd just broken

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Speaker 3: up with.

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Speaker 2: And this was all six years ago.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, this was six years ago.

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Speaker 3: And I actually just recently, just a couple of weeks ago,

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Speaker 3: because I had a girlfriend last year and I tried

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Speaker 3: to move past the situation and sort of just get

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Speaker 3: on with my life and I still see my kid

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Speaker 3: when I can, but I realized kind of recently that

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Speaker 3: those feelings are still there, like I don't have closure

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Speaker 3: because of how it all ended, it didn't feel like

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Speaker 3: we actually got closure. So I emailed this girl I

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Speaker 3: met when I was six, because I still have an

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Speaker 3: email address, I don't have a phone number, and I

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Speaker 3: explained I still had feelings for her and I felt

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Speaker 3: like I wanted to meet and talk to her.

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Speaker 4: How recently, did you email her like two weeks ago?

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Speaker 2: Okay, did you respond?

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Speaker 3: Well? No, And I don't know if she got it

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Speaker 3: or not. But I don't see why she would have

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Speaker 3: changed her email address. But the thing is if she

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Speaker 3: got because she lives They lived together as soon as

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Speaker 3: I moved out, this girl that I grew up with

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Speaker 3: when I was six moved in because my abusive X

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Speaker 3: always needs like a passional assistant to run around and

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Speaker 3: do her all the cleaning.

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Speaker 1: And cooking and stuff.

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Speaker 3: So they lived together, and they probably would have both

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Speaker 3: were the email. And the fuck knows what's going on

199
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Speaker 3: over there. It might have caused a ship storm, it

200
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Speaker 3: might not.

201
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Speaker 2: How long How long has it been since you've seen

202
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Speaker 2: either of these people?

203
00:10:10,679 --> 00:10:13,360
Speaker 3: So when I go and see my son, to be honest,

204
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Speaker 3: she normally sends my son out with She had two

205
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Speaker 3: children from a previous relationship, and she usually sends her

206
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Speaker 3: daughter out with my son, so I see her. So

207
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Speaker 3: I haven't seen the girl I grew up with for

208
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Speaker 3: a couple of years, and it's probably been about the

209
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Speaker 3: same sort of time with my abu selector as well.

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Speaker 3: I've just seen my son.

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Speaker 1: I pick him up outside the house.

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Speaker 2: How old your son tank.

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Speaker 3: Hold you, I'm thirty seven.

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Speaker 4: Mm hm, And how's everything going with your kid? Because

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Speaker 4: it because I mean, god fucking damn dude, this situation

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Speaker 4: is it was insane. It was insane if you didn't

217
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Speaker 4: have a kid, and having a kid in between it

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Speaker 4: makes it like a hundred times some more.

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Speaker 3: And so she's basically, since I moved out, convinced him

220
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Speaker 3: that I don't actually love him and I'm pretending to

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Speaker 3: love him to hurt her, and he's kind of seems

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Speaker 3: to be buying that story. So the last few times

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Speaker 3: I've seen him, he's fully been I mean, it's weird

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Speaker 3: because we've still got we were really close up until

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Speaker 3: I moved out when he was three and a half,

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Speaker 3: Like we were super close. We get on really really well,

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Speaker 3: and that's still there. But then you can see where

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Speaker 3: him having to live in his mum's story all the

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Speaker 3: time is messing with him, because yeah, he'll he'll say

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Speaker 3: that he doesn't believe I actually love him, and yeah,

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Speaker 3: I don't know. So it's it's tricky understanding what I

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Speaker 3: can do, and I'm trying not to because obviously she's

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Speaker 3: painting her whole story out to him, and I'm obviously

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Speaker 3: trying not to paint my whole story out to him

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Speaker 3: because I think it's it's messed up. But at the

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Speaker 3: same time, when you're in a situation when you know

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Speaker 3: they're being told all of that, so well, I'm supposed

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Speaker 3: to do. So I'm trying to be there and keep

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Speaker 3: contact with him and keep seeing him, keep spending time

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Speaker 3: with them, having fun. But I mean, I don't get

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Speaker 3: phone calls with him too often. Now he's got a

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Speaker 3: phone number, but I'm not allowed at She's. You know,

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Speaker 3: she and her whole family talk to him on the phone,

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Speaker 3: but for whatever reason, she won't give me his number.

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Speaker 4: And I assume that your custody agreement looks something like

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Speaker 4: she spends. He spends most of his time over there,

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Speaker 4: and you get to see him occasionally.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I get to see him for half the school holidays,

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Speaker 3: for any weekend of any month. I can go and

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Speaker 3: see him, but I need to give them a month's notice.

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Speaker 4: Basically, did you have to go through a kind of

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Speaker 4: a crazy court battle.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, in France with a French lawyer and translator and everything.

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Speaker 3: It was expensive and it was long. Yeah, it took

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Speaker 3: about six months. But got down and go to see

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Speaker 3: him again.

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Speaker 2: God damn man, how you doing.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm actually okay. This year, I've actually been starting

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Speaker 3: to feel pretty good with myself, and I think that's

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Speaker 3: why I sort of got to the point of thinking,

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Speaker 3: actually I need closure rather than just not being sure

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Speaker 3: what to do about it and being in loads of

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Speaker 3: pain and just you know, not knowing how I can

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Speaker 3: move along with my life.

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Speaker 4: Well, man, I mean your closure is like you you

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Speaker 4: can never I mean you know this, man, like you

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Speaker 4: can never. You know, closure something you've got to give

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Speaker 4: to yourself, right, because if you if you need closure

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Speaker 4: from this cousin or or this X, you're never going

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Speaker 4: to get it because you can't. You can't make other

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Speaker 4: people give you closure. You can only give it within yourself.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I get that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. I think by emailing her, I just wanted because

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Speaker 3: she probably would have had no idea that I did

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Speaker 3: still have any kind of feelings because I didn't really,

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Speaker 3: I didn't give that impressional give much away over the

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Speaker 3: past years. I mean at the time that I saw

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Speaker 3: her two years ago.

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Speaker 1: Or whatever, the girl I grew up with, I barely spoke.

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Speaker 3: To her, you know. And it's because I mean, she

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Speaker 3: said a bunch of messed up stuff stuff in the

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Speaker 3: whole court battle. I mean, she she submitted to call

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Speaker 3: that I shouldn't see my son ever again, the skirl

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Speaker 3: I grew up with. But I mean, I know that's

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Speaker 3: not her. I know it's coming from my ex. So

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Speaker 3: I don't know. It's a tricky one. Like I had

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Speaker 3: all these mixed feelings about it all. But when I

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Speaker 3: actually get down to the court at all, you know,

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Speaker 3: she turned up on my door step. I invite her in.

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Speaker 4: Straightway, But are you talking about your cousin, I mean,

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Speaker 4: not your cousin that No, you don't have a crush

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Speaker 4: on so your ex's cousin.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, And I guess I wanted her to know that,

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Speaker 3: just have the opportunities in that actually, you know, if

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Speaker 3: she didn't want to get out of the.

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Speaker 2: Well look look look, look, look give with me.

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Speaker 4: Give with me on this, Give with me on this,

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Speaker 4: because this is what I want to know.

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Speaker 5: What I mean.

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Speaker 4: First of all, I'm really sorry to hear that you're

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Speaker 4: you're in such a precocious situation with your son, because

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Speaker 4: that's I mean, that's that's that's that's brutal, that's really brutal.

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Speaker 4: I'm sorry that you're dealing with that. I want to

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Speaker 4: know this, Who's who else has you got in your

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Speaker 4: life right now? Do you are you dating someone else?

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Speaker 4: Are you going out on are you trying to form

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Speaker 4: a new relationship?

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Speaker 2: Do you have friends?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 2: What? What? What does your support system look like outside

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Speaker 2: of that?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I've got friends around me. I was

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Speaker 3: in a relationship for all of the last year, but

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Speaker 3: I think it was at the tail end of that

315
00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:53,880
Speaker 3: relationship had the niggling feeling about not having closure. It

316
00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:56,040
Speaker 3: wasn't just that there were lots of reasons the relationship

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00:15:56,080 --> 00:16:01,520
Speaker 3: didn't work out. But yeah, I mean, I've got my

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00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:04,000
Speaker 3: family will live pretty close by. I've got friends that

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00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:06,400
Speaker 3: go skateboarding with, you know, go down the partner hang

320
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:08,320
Speaker 3: out and you know, of court, some good mates.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, it's okay.

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00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:11,760
Speaker 3: It's not like I'm on my own and I'm just

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00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:14,160
Speaker 3: suffering this dark room or anythink.

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Speaker 1: So No, my life's okay.

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00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:19,240
Speaker 3: I'm enjoying my job. I'm a youth support worker. I

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00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:23,600
Speaker 3: work with teenagers and that's really rewarding. So things are

327
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:26,640
Speaker 3: going pretty good. I'm feeling pretty positive, and I think

328
00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:30,360
Speaker 3: I just wanted to see it if I could get closure,

329
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Speaker 3: and I know what you mean. I mean, you can

330
00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:33,400
Speaker 3: only give closure to yourself, but I want to give

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00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:36,320
Speaker 3: it an opportunity before I go, Okay, you know what,

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00:16:36,480 --> 00:16:38,280
Speaker 3: I'm just going to leave it all behind and move

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00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:39,120
Speaker 3: on with my life.

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Speaker 2: It's hard. I get, I mean, I get it.

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Speaker 4: I get why you want closure, and I get why

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00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:47,000
Speaker 4: you feel like you I get why people feel like

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00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:50,120
Speaker 4: they can't just give it to themselves. But it's a

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00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:53,120
Speaker 4: really powerful feeling when you kind of when you do

339
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:57,680
Speaker 4: throw up your hands and go, I can only I

340
00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:01,920
Speaker 4: really can only give myself close to this thing. You know,

341
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:04,400
Speaker 4: you kind of you kind of like relinquish this desire

342
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:08,480
Speaker 4: for control over this thing that you fundamentally have zero

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00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:13,680
Speaker 4: control over. And then yeah, and then weirdly, you you

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00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:17,640
Speaker 4: regain control, you know, because it's within it's within your

345
00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:20,880
Speaker 4: control to accept you have no control, and that makes

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00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:23,200
Speaker 4: you feel a little bit more powerful over this otherwise

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00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:24,720
Speaker 4: powerless position.

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00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:29,639
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, I do get that, and I think, you know,

349
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:32,080
Speaker 3: I could definitely, I know I'm going to be feeling

350
00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:34,720
Speaker 3: optimistic about moving forwards my life if I do, you know,

351
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:35,960
Speaker 3: just get to a point where it's like, you know

352
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,880
Speaker 3: what it's done in the past and move forwards.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, I guess it was just.

354
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,159
Speaker 3: Figuring out, but I still have feelings there. It was

355
00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:48,680
Speaker 3: just like, all right, well, I'm just gonna reach out

356
00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:50,680
Speaker 3: and just check in one last time.

357
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:57,520
Speaker 4: But all I mean, I mean, you know, all things considered,

358
00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:59,520
Speaker 4: the fact that you seem like you're doing pretty well

359
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,400
Speaker 4: with this this crazy situation is I'm very impressed by.

360
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:04,879
Speaker 4: You know, you didn't let it crumble you or you know,

361
00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:07,040
Speaker 4: you're not the fact that you're not sitting in a

362
00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:11,840
Speaker 4: dark room thinking about your your cousin and and all

363
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:13,320
Speaker 4: this not your guy. You don't know why I keep

364
00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:17,480
Speaker 4: calling this woman that you are are attracted to, I

365
00:18:17,520 --> 00:18:22,320
Speaker 4: don't know why I keep Yeah, I mean, it's also

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00:18:22,359 --> 00:18:24,399
Speaker 4: good that you're not sitting in a dark room thinking

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00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:27,639
Speaker 4: about how much you love your cousin. Whether this woman's

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00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:30,639
Speaker 4: cousin or your cousin, it's good that you're not sitting

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Speaker 4: in a dark room thinking about either.

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00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:36,440
Speaker 2: Yea, So I mean, good, good on you, man.

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00:18:36,520 --> 00:18:39,440
Speaker 4: I mean, just the fact that you're able to live

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00:18:39,480 --> 00:18:44,880
Speaker 4: a happy life despite some pretty miserable circumstances is something

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Speaker 4: that I'm very I'm very impressed by.

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Speaker 3: Thanks man. Yeah, it's taken a while. What didn't help

375
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Speaker 3: a lot, but I was using it to cope for

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00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:57,560
Speaker 3: the first few years is I was smoking a bunch

377
00:18:57,560 --> 00:19:00,560
Speaker 3: of weed. But I stopped doing that and it's really

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00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:03,640
Speaker 3: helped me to start being a lot more positive about everything.

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00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:05,480
Speaker 1: So that was a while.

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00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:07,360
Speaker 3: Agoing out I stopped. But it's definitely a good call

381
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:09,760
Speaker 3: as much of the fields like it helps, like in

382
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:13,120
Speaker 3: the moment, long time, take a picture and help anything.

383
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:15,959
Speaker 4: So tell us, I mean before we go, tell us

384
00:19:16,359 --> 00:19:19,240
Speaker 4: anything else like that, anything else, what else has made

385
00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:23,919
Speaker 4: you feel you know good in your life despite all this.

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00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:26,440
Speaker 4: For anyone else listening who's like, you know, maybe they're

387
00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:28,760
Speaker 4: going maybe they're in the you're like in the uh,

388
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:33,680
Speaker 4: you've like you know, in the in the final stages

389
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:37,080
Speaker 4: of like dealing with this stuff, and it sounds like

390
00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:38,720
Speaker 4: you've been able to process it pretty well.

391
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,280
Speaker 2: What's your advice or what's worked for you.

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Speaker 4: To anyone else who's maybe dealing with some crazy shit,

393
00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:46,760
Speaker 4: I would.

394
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:51,399
Speaker 3: Say, listen to yourself, trust yourself, forgive yourself. You can

395
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:55,480
Speaker 3: only do what you can do, and you know what

396
00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:59,560
Speaker 3: is not helping you, so just don't do it. Just

397
00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:04,439
Speaker 3: stop and that stuff and eventually you will start to

398
00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:07,560
Speaker 3: get in tune with what you feel like you need

399
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,159
Speaker 3: and what you feel like you want to do, and

400
00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:13,960
Speaker 3: just keep listening to that. And thanks can be okay.

401
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,200
Speaker 3: Thanks always turn around, thinks always get better.

402
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:19,920
Speaker 4: Well, Shep, Is there anything else you want to say

403
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:21,640
Speaker 4: to the people of the computer before we go?

404
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,520
Speaker 3: No, I think we pretty much cover it. I just

405
00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:26,480
Speaker 3: think it's crazy that you actually called and we got

406
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:28,760
Speaker 3: to talk to you about this. I was fucking nervous

407
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,680
Speaker 3: at the beginning of going in my life. Yeah, man, no,

408
00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:35,240
Speaker 3: it's cool, and yeah, everyone has a good day.

409
00:20:36,640 --> 00:20:39,920
Speaker 4: Hey, take care of Shep, and good luck in all

410
00:20:40,000 --> 00:20:41,560
Speaker 4: of your future endeavors.

411
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:45,000
Speaker 3: Nice one, Thanks getting Yeah, take care man.

412
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,520
Speaker 4: Man, that was a wild one. Although I just I

413
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:58,080
Speaker 4: really do. I mean, that's such a such a difficult situation.

414
00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:03,600
Speaker 4: I want to say I respect them and optimism, I

415
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:07,840
Speaker 4: really do. I respect his optimism and the fact that

416
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:10,320
Speaker 4: he seems like he's doing pretty well despite all other things.

417
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:12,520
Speaker 4: And not just now, but even like when he's telling

418
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:16,880
Speaker 4: the story about how someone's trying to brainwash him while

419
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:21,040
Speaker 4: he's doing ayahuasca and like I said, that sounds horrible

420
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:23,320
Speaker 4: and he's like, no, it was such a great experience,

421
00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:28,800
Speaker 4: and I'm like, it's some mental resilience being shown by

422
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:32,920
Speaker 4: this guy, so props to him. Maybe it's a British thing.

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00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:37,399
Speaker 4: I think that was the first call I've had with

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Speaker 4: a British person where for a full twenty minutes I

425
00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:46,320
Speaker 4: didn't interrupt by saying something about English McDonald's or something

426
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:50,439
Speaker 4: like that. So, you know, props to me for that

427
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:54,600
Speaker 4: and thanks for calling Shep. Hey, folks, this is Lyle.

428
00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:57,520
Speaker 4: I am very excited to announce that I am going

429
00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:00,760
Speaker 4: back on tour in twenty twenty four or to do

430
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:04,440
Speaker 4: Therapy Gecko Live all across the country. If you've never

431
00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:06,520
Speaker 4: been to one of my live shows before, they are

432
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:11,879
Speaker 4: extremely fun, unpredictable, wild evenings that involve a mix of

433
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:16,040
Speaker 4: group Gecko therapy sessions as well as some material and

434
00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:20,439
Speaker 4: presentations from myself. And if you've been to the show before,

435
00:22:20,720 --> 00:22:24,320
Speaker 4: I have new presentations and will of course be interviewing

436
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:27,280
Speaker 4: new people. If you're a fan of the podcast, you're

437
00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:29,560
Speaker 4: gonna have a great time at the live show, so

438
00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:32,160
Speaker 4: I hope to see you guys there. Go to Therapy

439
00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:35,640
Speaker 4: geckotour dot com or check the link in the episode

440
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:39,560
Speaker 4: description for a full list of cities where tickets are available. Also,

441
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:42,200
Speaker 4: if you don't see your city on the list of cities,

442
00:22:42,359 --> 00:22:45,440
Speaker 4: please still click the link and RSVP with your phone

443
00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:48,119
Speaker 4: number so I can contact you when tickets go on

444
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:51,119
Speaker 4: sale for your city, because I'm going to announce a

445
00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:53,120
Speaker 4: bunch more dates very soon.

446
00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:54,680
Speaker 2: Geck Bluss.

447
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:03,399
Speaker 6: Hello, Hello, no fucking way? Is this wild?

448
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:04,920
Speaker 2: Yeah? Who is this?

449
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:08,600
Speaker 6: Oh my god? This is Nadia?

450
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:11,199
Speaker 2: Nadia? What's going on? How can I get you today?

451
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:18,159
Speaker 6: Oh shit? Well, first of all, I'd like to say

452
00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:21,280
Speaker 6: I went to your live show in Orlando last week.

453
00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:22,919
Speaker 5: Oh bomb.

454
00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:28,720
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, it was really cool. Honestly, it was my

455
00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:30,920
Speaker 6: first live show with you, and it was way better

456
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,119
Speaker 6: than I expected it to be. And I even I

457
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:35,840
Speaker 6: took my dad, and my dad's like a sixty year

458
00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:39,760
Speaker 6: old old buff Republican that likes World War two ship

459
00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:40,639
Speaker 6: and he loved it.

460
00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:46,360
Speaker 2: Dude, really, that's so awesome. Actually had a good time.

461
00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:49,200
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, it was really cool.

462
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:49,840
Speaker 4: It was.

463
00:23:50,119 --> 00:23:52,399
Speaker 6: It turned like, the turnout was way better than I

464
00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:55,919
Speaker 6: expected it to be, and I honestly like, and I

465
00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:57,600
Speaker 6: went with a couple of high school friends too, and

466
00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:00,760
Speaker 6: they we just weren't expecting what was going to happen.

467
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:04,000
Speaker 6: So we came in with no expectations at all and

468
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:06,560
Speaker 6: it was just like boom, mind blown. So it was

469
00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:07,120
Speaker 6: really cool.

470
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:10,320
Speaker 4: Well, god damn, thanks Doddie. That makes me feel really good.

471
00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:12,600
Speaker 4: I've had there are some dude, I swear to god,

472
00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:14,919
Speaker 4: I've had some shows where I wake up in the

473
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:17,840
Speaker 4: middle of the night and I'm like, oh fuck, like

474
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:19,560
Speaker 4: it'll just keep me up at night, you know.

475
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:21,959
Speaker 2: But uh, really was that one?

476
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:22,520
Speaker 6: But that show?

477
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:24,880
Speaker 2: No, I think that I think that one went well.

478
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:25,440
Speaker 2: I think that one.

479
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:27,159
Speaker 4: I mean I always always hard on myself, but I

480
00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:29,159
Speaker 4: think I think that one was fun. I'm trying to

481
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:31,240
Speaker 4: think with the highlights of that were not to bore

482
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:34,119
Speaker 4: the listeners with. I mean, I guess this whole thing.

483
00:24:34,119 --> 00:24:36,240
Speaker 4: I guess this is just an impromptu ad for my

484
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:39,520
Speaker 4: live show. But uh, what was the highlight of the Orlando?

485
00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:39,800
Speaker 6: Who was?

486
00:24:40,119 --> 00:24:42,000
Speaker 2: Who do you remember from that show?

487
00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:46,760
Speaker 6: I'm trying to always always remember the girl that was

488
00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:53,440
Speaker 6: wearing the pickle Grick costume with the with the eyeball hat, like, yeah,

489
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:57,560
Speaker 6: like her story was pretty sick. But honestly, besides that,

490
00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:01,320
Speaker 6: I mean, I don't know if I'm allowed to say, oh.

491
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:03,200
Speaker 4: No, don't don't don't don't spoil anything that I don't

492
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:04,760
Speaker 4: talk about anything that I said.

493
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:07,200
Speaker 2: I don't want to spoil it anyway. We can still

494
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:11,560
Speaker 2: stop talking about my show? How can I? What's what's

495
00:25:11,640 --> 00:25:12,240
Speaker 2: up with you? Man?

496
00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:20,440
Speaker 6: So recently, I just got out of a, in my opinion,

497
00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:25,359
Speaker 6: a pretty toxic and kind of abusive relationship with the

498
00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:31,280
Speaker 6: guy that I met at a sex club, which I mean,

499
00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:33,080
Speaker 6: if I meet a guy at a sex club, that's

500
00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:41,119
Speaker 6: immediately a red flag. But I mean I immediately, like really

501
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:44,240
Speaker 6: fell in love with him, like head over heels, and

502
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:47,240
Speaker 6: I kind of just kept putting off the red flags

503
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:48,879
Speaker 6: until it's kind of like too late.

504
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:49,880
Speaker 5: Though.

505
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:57,240
Speaker 6: When I finally cut it off, I felt so alone.

506
00:25:57,359 --> 00:26:01,080
Speaker 6: I mean, I live alone. I I'm going to college alone.

507
00:26:01,119 --> 00:26:04,480
Speaker 6: I'm twenty two and I'm living alone for the first time,

508
00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:08,840
Speaker 6: and I it's like the first time in a while

509
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,920
Speaker 6: that I've that weekends have come along and I had

510
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,800
Speaker 6: like no plans. I don't have anybody to see. I

511
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:17,679
Speaker 6: don't talk to anybody. I don't have a lot of

512
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:20,479
Speaker 6: friends at school, not because I don't want to make friends,

513
00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:24,960
Speaker 6: but my school is just so oriented around studying and

514
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:28,400
Speaker 6: doing shit school stuff like I don't really have time

515
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:31,560
Speaker 6: to even make friends. So I've kind of just been

516
00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:35,720
Speaker 6: on a binge on dating apps, which I've kind of

517
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:38,320
Speaker 6: always told myself that I didn't want to do because

518
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:41,800
Speaker 6: I mean, I don't really think that real love is

519
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:44,000
Speaker 6: found on dating apps. I feel like it's just found

520
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:47,479
Speaker 6: naturally out there. But I just feel so lonely, like

521
00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:50,840
Speaker 6: I don't know what else to do. I even went

522
00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:54,600
Speaker 6: to the club by myself, and I mean I didn't

523
00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:56,199
Speaker 6: have a bad time, but I was literally just on

524
00:26:56,240 --> 00:27:00,400
Speaker 6: my phone the whole time, Like I don't really know, you.

525
00:27:00,359 --> 00:27:04,879
Speaker 4: Know, well, you know, I mean, I'll say this, I

526
00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:09,159
Speaker 4: struggle a lot with loneliness myself. Vice made a whole

527
00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:12,880
Speaker 4: twenty minute documentary about how sad and lonely I am.

528
00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:14,480
Speaker 2: So that's a thing.

529
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:18,840
Speaker 4: So I don't know, this is this is a thing

530
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:23,280
Speaker 4: that I am. I am trying to hack myself. I

531
00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:26,639
Speaker 4: will say about the dating apps though, is people people

532
00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:29,600
Speaker 4: will say that like real you know, they're they're fake

533
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:33,760
Speaker 4: or whatever, But that dating app is is just like

534
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:36,200
Speaker 4: a person is a person, you know what I mean.

535
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:38,159
Speaker 4: A dating app is just a dating app is just

536
00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:42,280
Speaker 4: a way to make it so that you can meet

537
00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:45,600
Speaker 4: more people. The people you meet on the apps are

538
00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:51,040
Speaker 4: not necessarily reflective of the app experience itself. It's reflective

539
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:53,240
Speaker 4: of those people you know.

540
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:57,800
Speaker 6: Right, and you know and that you're exactly right, because

541
00:27:57,800 --> 00:27:59,399
Speaker 6: I mean, I have a high school friend that married

542
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:01,959
Speaker 6: a girl like met off of Tender, So it's just

543
00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:05,480
Speaker 6: like it's totally possible. But I just feel like I'm

544
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:08,720
Speaker 6: putting myself out there to so many people. It just

545
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:13,000
Speaker 6: kind of feels weird, like I've never been I'm not

546
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:17,040
Speaker 6: like an introverted person, but I'm also not that extroverted place.

547
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:20,439
Speaker 6: Kind of just feels like, especially on Tender, just like

548
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:22,439
Speaker 6: you know, Tender is the app for people that just

549
00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:25,680
Speaker 6: want to fuck and I can't even do that.

550
00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:28,639
Speaker 4: Well okay, well again again. I mean people say that

551
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:30,119
Speaker 4: they're like, oh, Tender is the app for people just

552
00:28:30,119 --> 00:28:31,440
Speaker 4: want to fuck, but I you know, I have I have.

553
00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:34,320
Speaker 4: I have a couple of really good friends who are

554
00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:37,040
Speaker 4: in like long term relationships from Tender. The app, the apps,

555
00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:41,959
Speaker 4: the people apps are just like fucking services that connect people.

556
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:44,440
Speaker 4: It's it's the actual relationship you have with the person

557
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:46,920
Speaker 4: once the app has connected you to them, is reflective

558
00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:50,160
Speaker 4: of the person itself and reflective of view, you know

559
00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:54,920
Speaker 4: what I mean. Yeah, so, but anyway, that's you know,

560
00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:55,920
Speaker 4: I guess like.

561
00:28:57,440 --> 00:28:59,280
Speaker 2: I don't know. So you say, this is your first

562
00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:00,120
Speaker 2: time that you've been.

563
00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:06,920
Speaker 4: Alone in Are you like a serial monogamous as they

564
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:10,000
Speaker 4: might call them.

565
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:15,880
Speaker 6: No, not necessarily, But I've never been into like polyamory

566
00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:20,640
Speaker 6: or like you know, doing before. When I got with

567
00:29:20,680 --> 00:29:26,920
Speaker 6: this toxic relationship guy, I was sleeping with him and

568
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:30,600
Speaker 6: then also sleeping with another guy, and it was kind

569
00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:32,080
Speaker 6: of like I was talking to a couple of guys

570
00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:35,400
Speaker 6: and it was that. But it always just seems to

571
00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:38,520
Speaker 6: fall to one person. I feel like I'm just more

572
00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:41,520
Speaker 6: comfortable with one person. I feel like talking to a

573
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:43,280
Speaker 6: lot of people and sleeping with a lot of people

574
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:45,560
Speaker 6: at the same time is kind of a lot of work,

575
00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:49,160
Speaker 6: to be honest, and I don't really have a lot

576
00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:51,719
Speaker 6: of time to do that either. I mean, I'm a pilot.

577
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:53,960
Speaker 6: I just got my pilot's license, and I'm doing training

578
00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:57,480
Speaker 6: at school and I go to school Monday through Saturday,

579
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:02,560
Speaker 6: so it's kind of hard to keep up with a

580
00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:06,200
Speaker 6: lot of people at the same time. Yet I don't

581
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:08,680
Speaker 6: have I feel like I don't have enough people. I

582
00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:10,800
Speaker 6: don't know that doesn't really make sense. I guess really

583
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:13,280
Speaker 6: contradict you.

584
00:30:13,440 --> 00:30:14,920
Speaker 4: When you went into the when you so you went

585
00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:18,360
Speaker 4: to the club by yourself and you you did you

586
00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:20,480
Speaker 4: like try to talk to anyone there?

587
00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:24,320
Speaker 6: Absolutely not. No, I did not talk to anybody there

588
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:27,560
Speaker 6: because because I couldn't find anybody that was alone. If

589
00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:30,240
Speaker 6: I could have found somebody that was alone, I could

590
00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:33,520
Speaker 6: have probably you know, went up to them and been like, Yo,

591
00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:35,400
Speaker 6: what's up? I like your shirt?

592
00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:40,800
Speaker 2: Or were you and were you?

593
00:30:40,840 --> 00:30:43,040
Speaker 4: Were you there like looking like what do you have

594
00:30:43,040 --> 00:30:45,240
Speaker 4: a mission? While you were there? Where you want to

595
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:45,680
Speaker 4: meet people?

596
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:46,960
Speaker 2: What was your mission?

597
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:50,959
Speaker 6: I was gonna get somebody's number that night. My mission

598
00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:53,080
Speaker 6: was I'm going to try and get somebody's number that night.

599
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:57,080
Speaker 6: But literally it was a Friday night, Friday night before

600
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:03,800
Speaker 6: actually last Friday night of spring break before. I guess

601
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:06,320
Speaker 6: I was saying Patrick's Day. So yeah, it was last Friday.

602
00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:10,480
Speaker 6: So everybody was with a group or a partner. And

603
00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:13,840
Speaker 6: one of my biggest fears of like walking up to

604
00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:16,520
Speaker 6: a guy or something is like they're with their girlfriend

605
00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:19,520
Speaker 6: and like some bitches out here are crazy. Okay. I

606
00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:22,640
Speaker 6: don't want anybody to get my wrong idea because my

607
00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:25,440
Speaker 6: first intention is always make friends first, and you know,

608
00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:28,200
Speaker 6: like do whatever adult shit later.

609
00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:32,240
Speaker 4: But yeah, do you know how many do you know

610
00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:34,760
Speaker 4: how many single guys go out to the bars at

611
00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:38,920
Speaker 4: the clubs at night and just and wish that someone

612
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:40,520
Speaker 4: would come talk to them.

613
00:31:41,680 --> 00:31:43,880
Speaker 6: Yeah, and I would have totally done it, But it's

614
00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:46,960
Speaker 6: just like everybody was paired up or in a huge group,

615
00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:49,200
Speaker 6: so it's kind of weird. Maybe I just maybe I

616
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:51,120
Speaker 6: should have just gone to the bar instead of a club.

617
00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:55,640
Speaker 4: I like, I like your way of thinking, like putting

618
00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:59,120
Speaker 4: yourself out there. I mean that's uh, it's like going

619
00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:01,400
Speaker 4: out alone to a bar or a club and like

620
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:05,160
Speaker 4: walking up to a group of people and like introducing yourself.

621
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:08,920
Speaker 2: But that takes a lot of a lot of balls.

622
00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:11,959
Speaker 4: But also it's like, dude, secret I know you're like

623
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:13,760
Speaker 4: in your head about it, but like, secretly, isn't that

624
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:14,720
Speaker 4: what everyone wants?

625
00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:16,400
Speaker 2: Isn't that what you like?

626
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:19,680
Speaker 4: Like isn't that why you go out to the bar

627
00:32:19,760 --> 00:32:22,760
Speaker 4: and the club to like have an experience meet new people?

628
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:25,720
Speaker 4: Like you're actually when you walk up to a group

629
00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:28,960
Speaker 4: of people and you you or a stranger when you

630
00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:31,000
Speaker 4: start talking to them, you're you're in a way you're

631
00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:34,640
Speaker 4: like doing them a service, you know, like because you're

632
00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:37,120
Speaker 4: because you're That's that's what they wanted at of going

633
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:41,120
Speaker 4: out is to meet new people and experience life. I mean,

634
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:43,360
Speaker 4: I guess I assume that most of the time. I

635
00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:46,360
Speaker 4: guess some people just want to go out to a

636
00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:48,840
Speaker 4: bar and only talk to their friends.

637
00:32:48,920 --> 00:32:55,840
Speaker 6: But you know, yeah, I totally get that. And I

638
00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:59,240
Speaker 6: mean I'm, like I said, I'm only twenty two, and

639
00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:04,280
Speaker 6: I've never really had many experiences with bars and clubs.

640
00:33:04,760 --> 00:33:09,000
Speaker 6: But yeah, I've been starting to go out more and

641
00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:13,280
Speaker 6: I hope to go out again, preferably with somebody a friend,

642
00:33:13,720 --> 00:33:15,760
Speaker 6: just so that I don't feel like so awkward and

643
00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:18,560
Speaker 6: weird about it. But I feel like I could totally

644
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:21,360
Speaker 6: go out to a bar and talk to somebody. I

645
00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:24,840
Speaker 6: would just need to find the right bar because most

646
00:33:24,880 --> 00:33:28,760
Speaker 6: of the bars around this town are just like only

647
00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:33,280
Speaker 6: old people or criminals or just you know people.

648
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:35,680
Speaker 2: That I ask. Not what can I ask where?

649
00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:37,720
Speaker 4: You don't have to get too specific you want to,

650
00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:40,880
Speaker 4: but like where what can I ask you?

651
00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:41,800
Speaker 2: What city this is?

652
00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:43,200
Speaker 4: Oh?

653
00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:46,080
Speaker 6: Yeah, Like I live in Ormond Beach and that's a

654
00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:49,560
Speaker 6: small town right by Daytona Beach. Florida. I guess like

655
00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:54,560
Speaker 6: the world world's most famous beach, but it's it's really

656
00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:58,400
Speaker 6: just a tourist town for whenever Bike Week or October

657
00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:02,560
Speaker 6: or October pest come along. It's like a motorcycle town.

658
00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:05,920
Speaker 6: And then obviously there's the College of Daytona State here

659
00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:11,440
Speaker 6: and my college. But it's really small. There's like really

660
00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:14,600
Speaker 6: like pretty run down to tourist town, a lot of

661
00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:19,040
Speaker 6: homeless people, a lot of drug addicts and shootings and whatnot.

662
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:22,200
Speaker 6: It's not really really that unsafe, but I mean, shit

663
00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:23,359
Speaker 6: happens everywhere you go.

664
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:27,080
Speaker 4: I mean, I think you got the right idea, man,

665
00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:31,320
Speaker 4: putting your putting yourself out there, trying to make friends,

666
00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:32,279
Speaker 4: because that's the thing.

667
00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:33,719
Speaker 2: That's what I've realized is.

668
00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:39,680
Speaker 4: No one's gonna hand you your life on a silver platter,

669
00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:41,640
Speaker 4: you know what I mean. You actually have to go out,

670
00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:44,960
Speaker 4: whether it's the bars or the dating apps or whatever,

671
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:48,080
Speaker 4: and you actually have to put yourself out like your

672
00:34:48,160 --> 00:34:50,800
Speaker 4: you know, your perfect boyfriend or girlfriend aren't just gonna

673
00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:53,040
Speaker 4: and your group of friends. They're not just gonna appear

674
00:34:53,040 --> 00:34:55,400
Speaker 4: in your lamp. You have to actually like go do

675
00:34:55,480 --> 00:34:59,439
Speaker 4: a bunch of fucking work. It sucks maybe it doesn't suck.

676
00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:02,200
Speaker 4: Maybe it's good. I shouldn't say it sucks, and it

677
00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:05,600
Speaker 4: sucks a lot. I'm not gonna deny that it sucks.

678
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:07,239
Speaker 2: I really do.

679
00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:09,439
Speaker 4: I really try to be positive and optimistic about things,

680
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:10,440
Speaker 4: but god, it sucks.

681
00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:11,959
Speaker 2: It sucks. You have to do work.

682
00:35:12,040 --> 00:35:15,600
Speaker 4: It would be so nice if everyone was just born

683
00:35:15,719 --> 00:35:21,839
Speaker 4: with friends and uh fucking h romantic partners and all

684
00:35:21,880 --> 00:35:24,520
Speaker 4: these things. But you actually have to go out and

685
00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:28,640
Speaker 4: you not only you not only listen how crazy and

686
00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:32,480
Speaker 4: fucked up this is. You not only have to go

687
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:37,839
Speaker 4: out and find and make connections with other people, you

688
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:41,520
Speaker 4: also have to like improve yourself and shit to like

689
00:35:41,719 --> 00:35:43,640
Speaker 4: make it so that other people want to be around you.

690
00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:50,000
Speaker 4: It's fucking exactly, it's a whole fucking things, and exactly

691
00:35:50,040 --> 00:35:50,719
Speaker 4: it's constant.

692
00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:52,600
Speaker 2: You have to do it constantly. You don't just do

693
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:54,360
Speaker 2: it once and then you're cool for it. You have

694
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:57,200
Speaker 2: to always be fucking working on yourself.

695
00:35:57,200 --> 00:35:59,480
Speaker 4: You have to you have to like stay in shape

696
00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:01,280
Speaker 4: so that you're like physically attractive.

697
00:36:01,320 --> 00:36:03,520
Speaker 2: You have to do all these things. It's such a nightmare.

698
00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:07,839
Speaker 6: Yeah, but you know what, like that aspect isn't even

699
00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:10,960
Speaker 6: that hard for me. My, my issue is finding people

700
00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:15,200
Speaker 6: that are up to that standard, up to you know,

701
00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:20,360
Speaker 6: wanting to constantly improve, wanting to like that strive on

702
00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:24,960
Speaker 6: personal growth, that are working on goals that you know,

703
00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:27,160
Speaker 6: And I understand people getting ruts, Like I'm in a

704
00:36:27,239 --> 00:36:30,480
Speaker 6: rut right now. I'm my apartment is a fucking mess

705
00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:32,680
Speaker 6: after that breakup, and I haven't done my dishes in

706
00:36:32,800 --> 00:36:36,840
Speaker 6: like over a month. But like I mean, I'm still

707
00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:39,480
Speaker 6: going to school, Like there's still the things that are

708
00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:42,920
Speaker 6: more important than doing my damn dishes. I live by myself.

709
00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:45,000
Speaker 6: It would be different if I had somebody living with me.

710
00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:45,839
Speaker 6: That would be kind of.

711
00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:48,560
Speaker 5: Gross, but like I mean, it's still gross. But what

712
00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:50,520
Speaker 5: I mean is like I've always been with like I

713
00:36:50,520 --> 00:36:55,400
Speaker 5: guess babies, they don't like these guys don't want to improve,

714
00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:59,239
Speaker 5: and it kind of just feels like they want to

715
00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:03,160
Speaker 5: take advantage of what I have. It may not it

716
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:06,279
Speaker 5: may not be like directly that, it might be indirectly

717
00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:10,960
Speaker 5: that which just like, uh, the last guy I was with,

718
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:12,560
Speaker 5: I don't even know why I was with him.

719
00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:15,279
Speaker 6: He well, I know I was with him. I was

720
00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:17,440
Speaker 6: with him because I always see the good in people,

721
00:37:17,560 --> 00:37:20,160
Speaker 6: and I feel like he really had the potential to

722
00:37:20,239 --> 00:37:22,839
Speaker 6: be a better person. But he didn't have a high

723
00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:26,520
Speaker 6: school diploma, he couldn't keep a job, he lived with

724
00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:31,799
Speaker 6: his parents. Like, he didn't really benefit me in any

725
00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:40,759
Speaker 6: way besides the potential of getting better. And I don't

726
00:37:40,760 --> 00:37:44,959
Speaker 6: know why I'm so attracted to that. If he could

727
00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:48,200
Speaker 6: get better, I can be there for him and that

728
00:37:48,239 --> 00:37:51,080
Speaker 6: would be great. Like I love the idea of growing

729
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:54,560
Speaker 6: with somebody, but he can't always grow with somebody.

730
00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:55,960
Speaker 3: I guess you know.

731
00:37:56,160 --> 00:37:59,600
Speaker 4: It's this brings up some stuff that I was actually

732
00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:02,080
Speaker 4: I was actually talking to some friends about this recently.

733
00:38:02,640 --> 00:38:03,160
Speaker 2: Is this.

734
00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:08,799
Speaker 4: Well, okay, I'll say this first. Uh, I think this

735
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:12,920
Speaker 4: is a realm of life. It's it's it's at these

736
00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:16,000
Speaker 4: two things kind of tie into each other. The idea

737
00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:19,520
Speaker 4: of like being picky when you're selecting your romantic partner,

738
00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:22,120
Speaker 4: and how that is like can sometimes be good and

739
00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:22,879
Speaker 4: sometimes be bad.

740
00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:24,439
Speaker 2: I think it's a good thing.

741
00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:28,000
Speaker 4: I mean, this is an important fucking part of life,

742
00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:31,400
Speaker 4: and if you're not picky enough, you will waste a

743
00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:38,680
Speaker 4: lot of time and energy and emotions. And what I

744
00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:40,400
Speaker 4: was gonna say, I've been talking to my friends about this,

745
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:43,759
Speaker 4: is this weird dynamic between like the two schools of

746
00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:50,160
Speaker 4: thought in relationships, which are do you search and search

747
00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:51,759
Speaker 4: and search and be picky and be picking and be

748
00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:57,640
Speaker 4: picky until you find somebody who you're compatible with on

749
00:38:57,800 --> 00:39:00,239
Speaker 4: like a like almost like one hundred percent or ninety

750
00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:06,120
Speaker 4: percent or whatever. Or do you pick someone and fucking

751
00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:11,200
Speaker 4: make it work and grow together until you make yourselves

752
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:15,040
Speaker 4: compatible with one another? And I don't, I genuinely in

753
00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:16,279
Speaker 4: this is why I was talking to my friends about

754
00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:18,120
Speaker 4: this is like I don't, I don't know which of

755
00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:20,840
Speaker 4: those two schools are.

756
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:25,200
Speaker 2: The the quote unquote right one.

757
00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:29,600
Speaker 4: And then like when if you are in a relationship, like,

758
00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:33,920
Speaker 4: at what point do you do you go, Okay, this

759
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:37,080
Speaker 4: is a fundamental We've we've grown enough or been around

760
00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:39,000
Speaker 4: each other for long enough that we've discovered these sort

761
00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:44,200
Speaker 4: of fundamental incompatibilities. Do we a cut our losses and

762
00:39:44,600 --> 00:39:47,359
Speaker 4: move on until we find someone who's more compatible with

763
00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:49,400
Speaker 4: us or maybe we've grown in different directions, or do

764
00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:53,840
Speaker 4: we be fucking sit there and go to therapy and

765
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:55,320
Speaker 4: work on it together.

766
00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:57,480
Speaker 2: And I don't, I don't know, I really don't know.

767
00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:07,319
Speaker 6: See when I was in that predicament, I only had

768
00:40:07,360 --> 00:40:10,400
Speaker 6: really one person to go to and that was my aunt,

769
00:40:10,560 --> 00:40:14,799
Speaker 6: because she was really the only person that actually is

770
00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:17,960
Speaker 6: still currently experiencing what I was going through, a toxic

771
00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:20,799
Speaker 6: relationship with a drug addict that would beat the shit

772
00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:24,560
Speaker 6: out of her. And I don't know, like if he's

773
00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:28,480
Speaker 6: still doing it. She says he's not. She says he's sober.

774
00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:33,640
Speaker 6: She says that he stopped beating her, but it just

775
00:40:33,840 --> 00:40:41,319
Speaker 6: before he actually made the switch. He actually in an

776
00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:46,360
Speaker 6: invertedly put her in the hospital because he was beating

777
00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:48,240
Speaker 6: the fuck out of her in her kitchen. She couldn't

778
00:40:48,239 --> 00:40:52,759
Speaker 6: get anywhere. And mind you, my aunt, she's in Alabama,

779
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:58,600
Speaker 6: country girl, redneck who raises like thirty American bullies and

780
00:40:58,719 --> 00:41:01,840
Speaker 6: has guns all over the house. And for this motherfucker

781
00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:03,960
Speaker 6: to be able to trap her in the one area

782
00:41:03,960 --> 00:41:06,400
Speaker 6: of the house that she couldn't get her gun to

783
00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:11,480
Speaker 6: protect herself is fucking wild. But anyway, like he was

784
00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:18,000
Speaker 6: beating her senseless in her kitchen and her dog. He

785
00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:20,600
Speaker 6: was like on top of her on the floor and

786
00:41:20,719 --> 00:41:23,520
Speaker 6: her dog was so riled up. At this point he

787
00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:26,680
Speaker 6: went to go attack her, but she like moved her

788
00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:29,719
Speaker 6: arm I guess, you know, fighting him, and that dog

789
00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:33,319
Speaker 6: bid her and it ripped her arm to shreds. It

790
00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:36,799
Speaker 6: looked like she got fucking attacked by an alligator. Like

791
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:40,360
Speaker 6: these photos that I got were ridiculous.

792
00:41:40,719 --> 00:41:43,319
Speaker 2: She was beaten by this guy, and then on top

793
00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:44,279
Speaker 2: of that, the dog bitter.

794
00:41:45,560 --> 00:41:48,480
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, on top of everything, the dog fucking bid

795
00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:50,480
Speaker 6: her and would not let go. But you know when

796
00:41:50,520 --> 00:41:53,359
Speaker 6: the dog bitter, the dude was like, oh my god,

797
00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:55,160
Speaker 6: what the fuck? And you know he was trying to

798
00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:59,000
Speaker 6: do whatever. Literally all he needed to do was get

799
00:41:59,040 --> 00:42:02,040
Speaker 6: a belt to wrap around her arm so that she

800
00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:04,880
Speaker 6: wouldn't bleed out. And the motherfucker was wearing a belt

801
00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:08,080
Speaker 6: the whole time. But you know, everybody was so freaked out,

802
00:42:08,480 --> 00:42:12,239
Speaker 6: like they didn't really know what to do. But eventually,

803
00:42:12,320 --> 00:42:14,279
Speaker 6: like she went to the hospital she had to get

804
00:42:14,280 --> 00:42:18,680
Speaker 6: the surgery. As soon as I found that out, like

805
00:42:18,760 --> 00:42:21,439
Speaker 6: I went straight to Alabama, drove the seven hour drive

806
00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:24,960
Speaker 6: down there, and I stayed with her for like a

807
00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:29,080
Speaker 6: whole week with my other brother to like just taking

808
00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:31,080
Speaker 6: care of her. And the dude wasn't there. The dude

809
00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:33,400
Speaker 6: was out of the house and whatnot. And that was

810
00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:37,560
Speaker 6: when they really broke up. And I was like, Twitter, God,

811
00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:39,600
Speaker 6: if you get back with this guy, blah, blah blah,

812
00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:43,719
Speaker 6: you shouldn't be having to deal with this. To make

813
00:42:43,719 --> 00:42:47,920
Speaker 6: a long story short, they're together now and they're doing great.

814
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:50,960
Speaker 6: So it's just like I had to contact her and

815
00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:54,799
Speaker 6: I was like, look, Diana, like this is what I'm

816
00:42:54,840 --> 00:42:57,880
Speaker 6: going through right now, and you're the only other person

817
00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:02,280
Speaker 6: that is semi close to what I'm going through. Toxic

818
00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:06,080
Speaker 6: relationship kind of got you know, physically and mentally abused

819
00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:08,880
Speaker 6: by this guy, and I'm a little traumatized, but I

820
00:43:08,920 --> 00:43:10,759
Speaker 6: love him, so I don't really know whether to stick

821
00:43:10,800 --> 00:43:14,080
Speaker 6: it out or not. And her advice was pretty much like,

822
00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:17,560
Speaker 6: I don't want to be a hypocrite, but I would

823
00:43:17,560 --> 00:43:19,759
Speaker 6: be a bad aunt if I didn't say run for

824
00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:22,800
Speaker 6: the hills, man, like, get as far away from his

825
00:43:23,120 --> 00:43:26,719
Speaker 6: as you can. But if you really love him and

826
00:43:26,800 --> 00:43:28,840
Speaker 6: you really think you can work it out, you know

827
00:43:28,840 --> 00:43:30,520
Speaker 6: you've got to work not only with him, but with

828
00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:36,000
Speaker 6: his family. He's got to get sober and it's gonna

829
00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:36,440
Speaker 6: be hard.

830
00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:38,759
Speaker 4: But I.

831
00:43:40,280 --> 00:43:42,640
Speaker 6: Can be a hypocrite on one side and say it

832
00:43:42,680 --> 00:43:46,880
Speaker 6: the other on the other, you know, Ultimately, like I

833
00:43:47,040 --> 00:43:51,200
Speaker 6: tried to tell him, look, let's just be friends, and

834
00:43:51,440 --> 00:43:55,520
Speaker 6: it worked for a second, but I had to remember,

835
00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:57,600
Speaker 6: like before we even got together, we were friends, and

836
00:43:57,719 --> 00:44:00,640
Speaker 6: he couldn't really even be a good friend like he was.

837
00:44:01,239 --> 00:44:04,480
Speaker 6: He's too emotionally attached and too obsessed with me to

838
00:44:04,560 --> 00:44:09,000
Speaker 6: be my friend right now. So that's how that kind

839
00:44:09,000 --> 00:44:16,160
Speaker 6: of ended. And I hope she's good, but you'll always

840
00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:16,760
Speaker 6: have those garden.

841
00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:18,680
Speaker 2: I hope she's good too.

842
00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:19,000
Speaker 3: Man.

843
00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:23,080
Speaker 4: Well, I mean, god, damn, I guess it's us.

844
00:44:23,560 --> 00:44:27,520
Speaker 2: It's very useful.

845
00:44:27,120 --> 00:44:29,840
Speaker 4: That you you got to talk to someone close to

846
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:31,520
Speaker 4: you who has been in a similar situation.

847
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:36,160
Speaker 6: Yeah, And I really like her answer too. I mean,

848
00:44:36,320 --> 00:44:39,759
Speaker 6: she didn't want to be a hypocrite, but she was

849
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:44,640
Speaker 6: also really trying to get in with her her situation,

850
00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:49,279
Speaker 6: and she just made me understand, like, look, if you

851
00:44:49,320 --> 00:44:50,799
Speaker 6: feel like you have to have your gun on you

852
00:44:50,840 --> 00:44:53,000
Speaker 6: when you're with him, it's not love. If you feel

853
00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:55,319
Speaker 6: like he's going to trap you, it's not love. And

854
00:44:55,400 --> 00:44:56,480
Speaker 6: that's just basically it.

855
00:44:57,440 --> 00:44:59,960
Speaker 2: I feel like those are two very accurate states.

856
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:07,319
Speaker 6: Yeah, I yeah, And I just feel like I can't

857
00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:10,680
Speaker 6: trust I couldn't trust him anymore, And it's really hard

858
00:45:10,719 --> 00:45:14,359
Speaker 6: when I'm the type of person that loves real hard,

859
00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:19,080
Speaker 6: cares real hard, and trusts real hard until you lose

860
00:45:19,160 --> 00:45:21,600
Speaker 6: my trust. If you break my trust, it's going to

861
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:23,920
Speaker 6: be nearly impossible to gain it back. It's going to

862
00:45:24,000 --> 00:45:27,560
Speaker 6: be years for you to be able to gain my

863
00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:30,720
Speaker 6: trust back, because it's just like I give it all,

864
00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:36,120
Speaker 6: you know, and if you break it, especially for no

865
00:45:36,200 --> 00:45:40,400
Speaker 6: good reason, it's just like it breaks me to the

866
00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:44,640
Speaker 6: point where I kind of like shut myself out from

867
00:45:44,680 --> 00:45:48,399
Speaker 6: everybody else's emotions. Apart from that moment, I'm always thinking

868
00:45:48,440 --> 00:45:52,440
Speaker 6: about other people's emotions first before my own. Well, I

869
00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:54,400
Speaker 6: can't say first before my own. I always think about

870
00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:57,000
Speaker 6: myself first because like I'm my most important person, but

871
00:45:58,160 --> 00:46:02,360
Speaker 6: you know, I'm just that caring and if somebody breaks

872
00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:06,719
Speaker 6: my trust then it's it's pretty much over after that.

873
00:46:07,800 --> 00:46:12,120
Speaker 6: And I feel like so many times that I've had

874
00:46:12,920 --> 00:46:15,520
Speaker 6: my trust broken, I fear that I'm going to get

875
00:46:15,560 --> 00:46:17,919
Speaker 6: trust issues and not be able to trust any guy ever.

876
00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:21,600
Speaker 6: And I don't want that to happen either. I don't

877
00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:23,560
Speaker 6: want to be that type of bitch. I don't want

878
00:46:23,600 --> 00:46:26,240
Speaker 6: to be like the bitch with the trust issues. That's crazy,

879
00:46:26,360 --> 00:46:29,960
Speaker 6: Like I'm not. I feel like I'm a pretty chill individual,

880
00:46:30,920 --> 00:46:33,920
Speaker 6: but it's just like at this point, I feel like

881
00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:37,640
Speaker 6: I'm close to my breaking point in relationships, yet I

882
00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:42,560
Speaker 6: crave one so badly. I don't want to lower my

883
00:46:42,640 --> 00:46:45,759
Speaker 6: standards just because I'm lonely, but I don't know how

884
00:46:45,760 --> 00:46:48,279
Speaker 6: to fill avoid Until then, I'm going.

885
00:46:48,280 --> 00:46:48,600
Speaker 4: To tell you.

886
00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:52,680
Speaker 2: I'm going to tell you something and maybe uh uh.

887
00:46:54,400 --> 00:46:54,840
Speaker 3: Yeah.

888
00:46:55,239 --> 00:46:57,759
Speaker 2: You know this whole idea of like.

889
00:46:59,239 --> 00:47:02,400
Speaker 4: The longer you go being lonely, the more you'll be

890
00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:07,279
Speaker 4: like willing to accept a situation that's like below your

891
00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:18,000
Speaker 4: own standards. You know, that's not a good It's not

892
00:47:18,080 --> 00:47:21,920
Speaker 4: a good it's not a good negotiating position with yourself.

893
00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:25,040
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying. It's not a good negotiation

894
00:47:25,200 --> 00:47:29,800
Speaker 4: position to be in. Now, how exactly you get yourself

895
00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:31,640
Speaker 4: out of that situation so that you can be in

896
00:47:31,680 --> 00:47:36,080
Speaker 4: a better, let's call it negotiating position with yourself and

897
00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:39,080
Speaker 4: with your life and with the relationships and things you

898
00:47:39,200 --> 00:47:43,960
Speaker 4: choose to enter. I'm no expert on that, but I

899
00:47:44,440 --> 00:47:46,120
Speaker 4: think it sounds like you're doing the right thing by

900
00:47:46,120 --> 00:47:48,799
Speaker 4: putting yourself out there and by trying to cultivate this

901
00:47:48,840 --> 00:47:51,759
Speaker 4: like abundance mindset, right because when you go to when

902
00:47:51,760 --> 00:47:54,160
Speaker 4: you do these things that are are positive for yourself,

903
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:57,840
Speaker 4: like go to the you know, get yourself outside of

904
00:47:57,840 --> 00:47:59,680
Speaker 4: your comfort zone and succeed.

905
00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:02,359
Speaker 2: You'll start to realize like.

906
00:48:02,440 --> 00:48:07,480
Speaker 4: Yo, I'm actually uh pretty cool, I'm actually uh uh

907
00:48:08,080 --> 00:48:15,920
Speaker 4: pretty able to find like people that I like, and

908
00:48:16,400 --> 00:48:20,239
Speaker 4: you will find yourself in a better bargaining position. So

909
00:48:21,320 --> 00:48:24,439
Speaker 4: but it's hard because you because if you're lonely and

910
00:48:24,520 --> 00:48:28,000
Speaker 4: like there's an antidote to your loneliness, uh you know,

911
00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:32,640
Speaker 4: right fucking there. You know, it's sometimes it's like I

912
00:48:33,080 --> 00:48:34,920
Speaker 4: don't care if that antidote to my loneliness, you know,

913
00:48:35,080 --> 00:48:38,399
Speaker 4: hits me, Like I just don't want to be alone, right,

914
00:48:39,480 --> 00:48:51,760
Speaker 4: But you know, and so I understand I understand the.

915
00:48:47,880 --> 00:48:50,000
Speaker 2: The the impulse for sure.

916
00:48:50,120 --> 00:48:52,319
Speaker 4: But I think if you hold out a little bit

917
00:48:52,360 --> 00:48:54,760
Speaker 4: longer and you try to develop those parts of yourself

918
00:48:54,800 --> 00:48:59,839
Speaker 4: that want to, you know, do things like put yourself

919
00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:02,560
Speaker 4: out there and go on adventures and improve yourself and

920
00:49:02,600 --> 00:49:05,919
Speaker 4: talk to people and whatnot, and you have fucking hold

921
00:49:05,960 --> 00:49:08,080
Speaker 4: straw in to it, I think I think you'll find

922
00:49:08,120 --> 00:49:11,160
Speaker 4: something better than if you had just kind of settled

923
00:49:11,360 --> 00:49:14,840
Speaker 4: for for something less out of loneliness.

924
00:49:14,960 --> 00:49:20,120
Speaker 6: Yeah. Yeah, you're totally right and badass. I don't see

925
00:49:20,120 --> 00:49:22,280
Speaker 6: why people don't talk to me more often, I think.

926
00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:26,960
Speaker 2: Your fucking Top Gun Maverick, Dude, I saw.

927
00:49:26,800 --> 00:49:29,960
Speaker 6: That's like my dream, well, my dreams to be an astronaut,

928
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:33,080
Speaker 6: but I think becoming Top Gun Maverick, that would be

929
00:49:33,080 --> 00:49:33,560
Speaker 6: pretty close.

930
00:49:33,760 --> 00:49:35,560
Speaker 4: By the way, I'm gonna piss off a ton of

931
00:49:35,600 --> 00:49:39,440
Speaker 4: people right now. Last night I watched the first forty

932
00:49:39,480 --> 00:49:43,160
Speaker 4: minutes of Top Gun Maverick, and I fucking hated it

933
00:49:43,360 --> 00:49:46,479
Speaker 4: so much. And maybe it's because it's it's probably it's

934
00:49:46,560 --> 00:49:50,800
Speaker 4: probably because I didn't I was like talking about my

935
00:49:50,800 --> 00:49:52,359
Speaker 4: friend and I were gonna watch it, and he was like,

936
00:49:52,360 --> 00:49:54,000
Speaker 4: I've heard that you don't need to see the original

937
00:49:54,040 --> 00:49:55,640
Speaker 4: one like the new one.

938
00:49:57,040 --> 00:49:58,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, And that's what I That's what I figured. That's

939
00:49:58,560 --> 00:49:59,319
Speaker 2: what I figured. I hate.

940
00:49:59,360 --> 00:50:01,480
Speaker 4: I probably hated it because I've never seen the original

941
00:50:01,480 --> 00:50:03,040
Speaker 4: Top Gun and I was watching it and I'm like,

942
00:50:03,280 --> 00:50:05,800
Speaker 4: I'm sure if I watched the first one.

943
00:50:06,120 --> 00:50:07,000
Speaker 2: I would like this one.

944
00:50:07,040 --> 00:50:09,960
Speaker 4: But I hated it so much, and my my qualms

945
00:50:09,960 --> 00:50:11,680
Speaker 4: with it are probably negated by the fact that I

946
00:50:11,680 --> 00:50:12,520
Speaker 4: haven't seen the first one.

947
00:50:12,520 --> 00:50:14,319
Speaker 2: But I was watching it and I was like, this

948
00:50:14,440 --> 00:50:16,440
Speaker 2: is not how real people.

949
00:50:16,640 --> 00:50:18,480
Speaker 4: I just I like movies where like it feels like

950
00:50:18,480 --> 00:50:21,240
Speaker 4: you're they're real people, and this felt like a movie

951
00:50:21,280 --> 00:50:25,399
Speaker 4: with actors reciting dialogue to each other and like kind

952
00:50:25,400 --> 00:50:27,560
Speaker 4: of it was forty minutes. Nothing fucking happened for the

953
00:50:27,560 --> 00:50:31,000
Speaker 4: first forty minutes. They're in a bar, just like trying

954
00:50:31,040 --> 00:50:33,640
Speaker 4: to be cool. For like forty minutes, it was just

955
00:50:33,760 --> 00:50:35,680
Speaker 4: it was painful. But yeah, whatever, a bunch of people

956
00:50:35,680 --> 00:50:37,040
Speaker 4: are gonna be like, oh, you didn't see the first one.

957
00:50:37,040 --> 00:50:39,600
Speaker 4: You don't understand this guy, this thing and whatever.

958
00:50:39,640 --> 00:50:43,839
Speaker 6: Anyway, you watched the first one and then you watch

959
00:50:43,880 --> 00:50:46,400
Speaker 6: the second one, you'll understand and you'll really like it

960
00:50:46,440 --> 00:50:48,960
Speaker 6: because you'll get into the story and the background of everything.

961
00:50:48,960 --> 00:50:52,480
Speaker 6: Because that bar is very specific to the first movie,

962
00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:57,120
Speaker 6: and like the whole the songs, the characters, like it

963
00:50:57,160 --> 00:50:59,239
Speaker 6: all fits in with the first movie. So I would

964
00:50:59,280 --> 00:51:01,880
Speaker 6: definitely suggest watch the first movie and then give the

965
00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:05,480
Speaker 6: second movie another chance, like a real chance.

966
00:51:05,920 --> 00:51:09,280
Speaker 4: I'll watch the first because I'm all the because the

967
00:51:09,320 --> 00:51:11,319
Speaker 4: second movie is just like there's a bunch of close

968
00:51:11,400 --> 00:51:14,439
Speaker 4: up shots of like some sad black and white guy,

969
00:51:14,640 --> 00:51:16,359
Speaker 4: and I'm like, oh, I guess I would feel sad

970
00:51:16,360 --> 00:51:19,240
Speaker 4: about this guy if I saw the first one. But anyway,

971
00:51:19,360 --> 00:51:23,759
Speaker 4: fucking is there anything else you want to say to

972
00:51:23,840 --> 00:51:25,160
Speaker 4: the people of the computer.

973
00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:25,440
Speaker 2: Before we go.

974
00:51:25,960 --> 00:51:31,280
Speaker 6: Yeah, everybody, don't settle for whatever's out there. Take your time,

975
00:51:31,760 --> 00:51:37,360
Speaker 6: it's gonna suck. Get a fucking vibrator and go clubbing

976
00:51:37,400 --> 00:51:41,279
Speaker 6: by yourself and get ridiculously drunk. Make sure you buy

977
00:51:41,320 --> 00:51:43,240
Speaker 6: an uber and.

978
00:51:43,360 --> 00:51:46,360
Speaker 5: Stay safe the fullest.

979
00:51:47,040 --> 00:51:48,359
Speaker 2: Take care, Nadia, thanks for calling.

980
00:51:49,440 --> 00:51:50,560
Speaker 6: Take care lysle have a good night.

981
00:51:52,600 --> 00:51:52,880
Speaker 2: People.

982
00:51:52,920 --> 00:51:59,000
Speaker 4: Always forget no matter what, you can always sit at

983
00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:02,200
Speaker 4: home and jack off and no one will ever be

984
00:52:02,239 --> 00:52:04,200
Speaker 4: able to take that away from you.

985
00:52:04,320 --> 00:52:07,480
Speaker 3: There be KNT goes on the line taking your phone

986
00:52:07,520 --> 00:52:08,440
Speaker 3: calls every night.

987
00:52:08,840 --> 00:52:10,719
Speaker 5: The repine KNT goes doing his eye.

988
00:52:10,840 --> 00:52:12,960
Speaker 2: He's teaching you a loud in the liver your life,

989
00:52:13,360 --> 00:52:16,360
Speaker 2: but he's not ready. An expert