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Speaker 1: Take a deep breath in through your nose. Hold it now,

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Speaker 1: release slowly again, deep in helle hold release, repeating internally

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Speaker 1: to yourself as you connect to my voice. I am deeply,

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Speaker 1: deeply well. I I am deeply deep well. I am

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Speaker 1: deeply wow. I'm Debbie Brown and this is the Deeply

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Speaker 1: Well Podcast. Welcome to Deeply Well, a soft place to

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Speaker 1: land on your journey. A podcast for the curious and

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Speaker 1: creative that are ready to expand on their path of

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Speaker 1: higher consciousness and self care. This is where you heal,

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Speaker 1: this is where you become. I'm Debbie Brown and this

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Speaker 1: episode is going to be so many things. I already

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Speaker 1: feel in my spirit as we're starting to record this

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Speaker 1: that this episode is going to be filled with so

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Speaker 1: much fun, so much wisdom, and so many expansive thoughts.

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Speaker 1: It is an absolute honor and pleasure to bring to

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Speaker 1: the show today one of my dearest friends, Krista Williams.

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Speaker 1: Krista is the co founder of almost thirty, global community

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Speaker 1: and brand providing online learning and resources for navigating life's transitions.

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Speaker 1: Almost thirty of the podcast is a top spirituality and

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Speaker 1: wellness podcast, reaching over one hundred million downloads. She also

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Speaker 1: is the co creator of Morning Microdose, a daily dose

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Speaker 1: of inspiration, ranked top news podcast by Spotify. Krista leads

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Speaker 1: Global Retreats, speaks all over the world, and is the

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Speaker 1: visionary for Modern Tea, which provides luxury tarot tools for

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Speaker 1: the modern life. Inspired by the impact it's made on

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Speaker 1: her life. She's certified in Internal Family Systems, a psychotherapy

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Speaker 1: technique which she leverages to help others experience greater self love.

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Speaker 1: Lifelong impath, feeler, rebel teacher, and trained energy healer, she

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Speaker 1: is a lover of life and a fan of living it. Christa,

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Speaker 1: Welcome to the show with you.

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Speaker 2: Where we started, I started laughing because I'm so excited

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Speaker 2: to be here. I was just like giggling. I'm like,

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Speaker 2: oh my God, I'm so excited to be here with

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Speaker 2: you. You know.

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Speaker 1: Can I say like, there is a nervousness that comes

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Speaker 1: in me when I have this friends by me.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I was just praying. I'm like grounding my energy,

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Speaker 2: asking all my guides to like put me back on

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Speaker 2: earth because I think there's just such we have such

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Speaker 2: magic together and so to be here in this space

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Speaker 2: where I'm like, I want to be so present with

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Speaker 2: you and I want to just I'm so impressed by you,

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Speaker 2: so I also want to impress There's that part of

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Speaker 2: me that wants to do that. And then when you

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Speaker 2: have your bio read, you're like, oh my god, it's

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Speaker 2: like almost embarrassing.

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Speaker 1: You're you're like, who who is this container?

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Speaker 2: Yes, you're like, thank you for introducing my persona. I

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Speaker 2: am so glad that they're present, but like I'm here

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Speaker 2: right now. Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: Like every time someone reads the bio, I'm always like, oh,

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Speaker 1: stop perceiving me, yestiving me.

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Speaker 2: And I'm like, what is all that stuff?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: You know, like I'm like, oh, that's it always feels

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Speaker 2: out of date. Even if I write it today, it

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Speaker 2: always feels out of date, and it always feels try hard.

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Speaker 2: But it also is like it doesn't cover it's just

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Speaker 2: it's a whole thing.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, And it's interesting because especially in you know,

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Speaker 1: like a non industry way where titles are you know, currency. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's it's like, yeah, it always feels interesting. Like I

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Speaker 1: always feel like I'm cringing because as I'm feeling the

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Speaker 1: ego of it. But at the same time, the people

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Speaker 1: that you're speaking to need the clarity of who you are,

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Speaker 1: what your experiences are, It's this interesting dance.

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Speaker 2: But and I'm like excited for the point in time

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Speaker 2: if I ever have one where I'm so successful that

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Speaker 2: it's like it for itself. Yet, like Barack Obama's Instagram

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Speaker 2: bios like father, You're like you know what I mean,

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Speaker 2: You're just like I can like be so famous that

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Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm a father. That's it. Oh my god,

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Speaker 2: I love that. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just Obama yes or share or just yes.

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Speaker 2: Yes, it's like it speaks for itself. Yes, yes, Oh

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Speaker 2: my gosh.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So speaking of bios being outdated, ye, the speed

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Speaker 1: of the ways in which we grow and transform. Who

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Speaker 1: are you now? What are you living right now?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? In this moment, I'm someone that is changing and

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Speaker 2: transforming and allowing and being with all of the parts

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Speaker 2: to me that I'm reclaiming. I recently left my marriage,

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Speaker 2: so we were together for ten years. You are such

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Speaker 2: an important part of my process in being my support

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Speaker 2: for that. And I'm in a grief portal, you know,

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Speaker 2: And I'm in something where every day feels different, and

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Speaker 2: I think I've reached the point where I'm past like

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Speaker 2: the liberation romanticizing period that I had at the beginning

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Speaker 2: where I had this part of me that really really

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Speaker 2: over indexed on why I wanted to leave and was

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Speaker 2: almost like convincing me why I should go. And so

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Speaker 2: I was so steadfast in that that I really overlooked

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Speaker 2: a lot of the beauty of our relationship and like

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Speaker 2: the love that I had for this person. And so

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Speaker 2: now I'm in the period of really recognizing like the

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Speaker 2: deep grief of losing someone in my life that was

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Speaker 2: so significant and the love that we had. And you know, grief,

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Speaker 2: you could be tying your shoe at the grocery store

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Speaker 2: and it'll hit you and you just never can be prepared.

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Speaker 2: You never know when it's going to happen. But I'm

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Speaker 2: in a period now where I'm really really in it

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Speaker 2: and I'm really really being present for it. And when

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Speaker 2: you're an awakened, enlightened person, that means you get to

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Speaker 2: experience a lot of beauty in your life and then

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Speaker 2: you're really here and present for the pain. So it

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Speaker 2: means I'm very present for the pain. There's no numbing.

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Speaker 2: I miss the days when I would numb almost you know,

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Speaker 2: being present for that grief is really real.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, God, that's so powerful. Yeah, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's really interesting because I think obviously as you know,

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Speaker 1: but I haven't spoken as much on the show about it,

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Speaker 1: but I got divorced from a ten year marriage and

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Speaker 1: I've been divorced for about three years, and I filed

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Speaker 1: for divorce like the first week of the pandemic. So

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Speaker 1: as you go that grief container in the midst of

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Speaker 1: a global pandemic was quite interesting. But you know, I

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Speaker 1: really resonate with what you're saying, because when you're in

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Speaker 1: the it's of getting divorced, you have to lean into

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Speaker 1: the practicality of it, right like, and so you have

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Speaker 1: to you're trying to get really clear on what you know,

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Speaker 1: you're leading motivation for doing it, and you wear it

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Speaker 1: kind of like a mantra so that you can stay

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Speaker 1: in the forward motion. And it's such a deep reminder

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Speaker 1: of like, this is who I'm becoming, and that's what

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Speaker 1: I'm walking towards and these are my convictions why.

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Speaker 2: And when you're.

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Speaker 1: Married, there's so much practicality of figuring out like if

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Speaker 1: you have children, what is custody? How are you going

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Speaker 1: to move forward? And that if you have a home

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Speaker 1: a shared living space, it's like the technical aspects of

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Speaker 1: you know, you're moving out or I'm moving out or

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Speaker 1: we're selling, and you're doing all of like the worldly

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Speaker 1: configurations that there isn't actually the time for what it

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Speaker 1: truly is, which is a heartbreak. Even if it's like

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Speaker 1: coming from such a space of deep knowing and conviction

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Speaker 1: that this is the right pace choice, it's a heartbreak.

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Speaker 1: But you have to almost stay for those that are able,

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Speaker 1: cordial or in the again in the practicality of it.

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Speaker 1: But eventually that that other piece when you have to

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Speaker 1: review what's the totality of our time together? You know,

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Speaker 1: what did that actually look like? How did that feel?

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Speaker 1: Hopefully for some there's like the really great memories to

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Speaker 1: lean into that you grieve and you remember seeing that

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Speaker 1: person as different versions, especially the versions that you really

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Speaker 1: connected with, that verse where you really got each other.

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Speaker 2: Yes.

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Speaker 1: And then for others there's also some of the more

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Speaker 1: you know, painful pieces, which is like, God, they made

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Speaker 1: me feel like this or this happened because of this

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Speaker 1: or this part heard and all of it has to

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Speaker 1: be witnessed.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it is. The practicality period is like over

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Speaker 2: for me, and I'll never forget the move out day

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Speaker 2: because we had lived together, you know, for a long time,

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Speaker 2: and he moved out. I kept the place, and just

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Speaker 2: on that day, I was like I expected to feel

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Speaker 2: so much. I probably talked to you at some point,

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Speaker 2: but I was like full in my masculine like this

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Speaker 2: goes here, this, and I was no feeling at all

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Speaker 2: because I was so much in the let's get it done,

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Speaker 2: let's do this, let's just experience it. But then you

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Speaker 2: move through so many waves of emotions and iterations of being.

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Speaker 2: But I've really noticed and witnessed in this process how

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Speaker 2: I really romanticize a lot of our relationship. And it's

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Speaker 2: very interesting that I only can I don't only remember

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Speaker 2: the good times, but I only am looking at it

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Speaker 2: in a very specific positive light. And it's almost like

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Speaker 2: all the reasons why I feel like we didn't work

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Speaker 2: I overlook and it's been interesting and beautiful, but it's

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Speaker 2: almost like a little bit of delusion there. So I'm

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Speaker 2: curious if at some point I'm going to have the

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Speaker 2: period in time where I'm like angry and when I'm like, yo,

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Speaker 2: this was not okay, this did not work for me,

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Speaker 2: Like because there's an aspect me right now that's really present.

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Speaker 2: That's like, wow, it was so beautiful and it was

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Speaker 2: so good and I'm so grateful. And that is a

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Speaker 2: pattern that I have oftentimes. You know, when you understand

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Speaker 2: healing and when you understand this spiritual path, you know,

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Speaker 2: the final destination is forgiveness. You know, the final destination

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Speaker 2: is gratitude. So sometimes I will completely bypass everything and

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Speaker 2: be like I'm so grateful for that experience. Oh my God,

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Speaker 2: like forgiven, who cares not me? And that was amazing? Yeah,

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Speaker 2: like wow, that was really meaningful. And then I completely

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Speaker 2: like forget that, like that sucked and was wrong and yeah,

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Speaker 2: you know, so I am curious if I will reach

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Speaker 2: that point in this healing process. But right now I'm

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Speaker 2: in the like forgive and forget part, which is like fine,

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Speaker 2: fine and fine.

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Speaker 1: The sacred rage will come, yes, yeah, yeah, sacred rage

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Speaker 1: will come.

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Speaker 2: Yes, there is.

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Speaker 1: Yeah there, I mean, there's no way around that part.

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Speaker 1: But bless for some of the more romanticized viewing, because

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Speaker 1: it helps us through, you know, it does. It's like,

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Speaker 1: especially if you've been in a relationship that is so

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Speaker 1: long tenured, it's like you wanted to mean something more

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Speaker 1: than just pain. Yes, you know, like that is an

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Speaker 1: entire version of you that you know in the way

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Speaker 1: that we're each talking. But for everyone their timelines will

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Speaker 1: be different. But ten years, ten years, that's that is

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Speaker 1: making it through undergrad through your doctorate in something right

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Speaker 1: like ten years is an entire version of you that

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Speaker 1: will no longer exist ever, you know. And so sometimes

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Speaker 1: it's even at least I've found, you know, it's like

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Speaker 1: you're grieving that version of you that you weren't fully

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Speaker 1: present with because you may have been in an environment

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Speaker 1: where you were in all the coping mechanisms and all

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Speaker 1: the you know, fawn flight fear. You know. It's like,

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Speaker 1: so it's just it's just so fascinating. I found the

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Speaker 1: way you have to make room, make room for that

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Speaker 1: that version to be laid to rest and accepted. I'm

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Speaker 1: curious about sacred rage and your process with that. You know,

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Speaker 1: what have you done? Because I'm sure that and it'sn't

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Speaker 1: you know. And just in my process with sacred rage,

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Speaker 1: sometimes I will, in order to bypass rage because that

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Speaker 1: feels like a harder emotion, I'll go to depression. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and so and I'll notice and have to be mindful

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Speaker 1: when I'm depressed of like what kind of anger could

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Speaker 1: I be suppressing? So in your process, what was the

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Speaker 1: rage like or how did you work through that? For me,

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Speaker 1: based on my life and background, it was about giving

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Speaker 1: myself this space to actually be angry. Like I think

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Speaker 1: I'm someone and we I mean, we talk about this

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Speaker 1: a lot, but I think, you know, I'm somebody that

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Speaker 1: since I was a kid, always kind of felt like

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Speaker 1: I my human design, my path is the exemplary human.

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Speaker 1: So the blueprint for that is that you're kind of

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Speaker 1: always a role model. So I was a kid who

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Speaker 1: adults were coming to for advice, So I was always

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Speaker 1: finding solutions, but I never actually was able to feel

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Speaker 1: anything for real in my life that I was angry about.

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Speaker 1: I always kind of defaulted to the bypass of I

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Speaker 1: would boundary and I would protect myself very often and

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Speaker 1: remove myself. But it was always about instantaneously moving into

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Speaker 1: the grace or the person in this situation. And so

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Speaker 1: you know, I really realized I want to taste anger

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Speaker 1: like that is I think it's ridiculous this idea that

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Speaker 1: we shouldn't be allowed to be upset or angry about things. Now,

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Speaker 1: there's a balance, there is a harmony to that right,

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Speaker 1: like my I don't believe my anger should ever infringe

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Speaker 1: on another's personhood, that my anger should ever be allowed

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Speaker 1: to cause harm to someone else. That doesn't mean I

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Speaker 1: can't feel it. And that's that's what I had to

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Speaker 1: understand in my process, And so my anger didn't hit

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Speaker 1: me for a long time. My anger hit me, I

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Speaker 1: think too. It's like, you know, I have a young child,

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Speaker 1: so I was just instantly kind of moving into single

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Speaker 1: mom life, global pandemic, and it was like I had

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Speaker 1: just started a really beautiful, expansive role at a company

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Speaker 1: that meant a lot to me. So it was kind

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Speaker 1: of like I had to channel into wisdom really fast.

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Speaker 1: But I knew it would come, and so I used

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Speaker 1: to set like appointments in my phone and in my

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Speaker 1: calendar to cry and to get angry. You know, I

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Speaker 1: knew I wanted to hold myself in a certain way

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Speaker 1: with my child, so I leaned heavy on my meditation

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Speaker 1: practice every day so that I could do it authentically

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Speaker 1: and not performatively. But then it was like setting literally

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Speaker 1: setting an alert in my account, len alert that I

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Speaker 1: would call something you know, beautiful, and I'd be like, oh,

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Speaker 1: that's my cue to cry that's my cute to scream.

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Speaker 1: I did a lot of somatic work, Like I worked

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Speaker 1: with this amazing woman, Jackie the muscle Whisper, and she

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Speaker 1: did a lot of deep fascion work on my body.

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Speaker 1: And that gives you a chance to scream it out,

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Speaker 1: to be pissed. I move into forgiveness really fast, Like

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Speaker 1: even if I'm harmed, I'll cut you off in a second,

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Speaker 1: make no mistake. Like the boundaries are fierce and they're

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Speaker 1: usually forever, but I move into forgiveness really fast, like

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Speaker 1: I see the child and other people really fast, and

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Speaker 1: I'm just like, oh, wow, Like you will be living

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Speaker 1: the life you deserve, you know, for better or worse.

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Speaker 1: You've created you know what will come. And wow, I

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Speaker 1: know that that to make those choices, you had to

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Speaker 1: be X, Y and Z kind of ways, you know.

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Speaker 1: But but yeah, the rage scream, Yeah, you know. And

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Speaker 1: this is for everyone listening. If someone has hurt you,

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Speaker 1: harmed you, if something feels unfair, it's not always that

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Speaker 1: you have to seek justice quote unquote in this external way,

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Speaker 1: though there is absolutely room for that, but it's more

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Speaker 1: like even if it's just in your own pillow with

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Speaker 1: a trusted group of friends, if you book time at

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Speaker 1: maybe you know one of those rooms they have them

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Speaker 1: in LA where you.

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Speaker 2: Need to do make a bunch of stuff, a rage room,

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Speaker 2: let yourself get fucking mad, say like, cuss.

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Speaker 1: Somebody out for filth to yourself, write a rage letter

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Speaker 1: where you are calling them literally everything other than a

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Speaker 1: child of God. Do that and then breathe and burn

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Speaker 1: it and find the joy in your life and move forward.

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Speaker 1: And it's like, that's saying I have so much I

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Speaker 1: want to talk about, so but that's saying is it's

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Speaker 1: so real, Like not that we should ever be seeking revenge,

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Speaker 1: like God has it all covered. But I love the saying.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's like success is the best revenge, like

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Speaker 1: you will see me rise, my Lord, will you see

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Speaker 1: me shine? And hopefully that heals you. Hopefully you can

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Speaker 1: seek atonement through that, you know.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I love what you said about the practicality piece

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Speaker 2: because I think when people hear this they can get overwhelmed.

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Speaker 2: And it's like it's actually, let's take this huge concept

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Speaker 2: of feeling rage for reasons unknown, sometimes known and sometimes

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Speaker 2: unknown and then actually bring it down to like how

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Speaker 2: am I going to do this? Yeah, I'm going to

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Speaker 2: put time on my calendar, and it's actually that easy sometimes. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: that's what I'll do sometimes with you know, I don't

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Speaker 2: love to be in like divine feminine or divine masculine

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Speaker 2: or kind of think about those in such polarities, but

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Speaker 2: I do want to be able to tap into like

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Speaker 2: my true essence and femininity a little more, and I

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Speaker 2: put time on my calendar for it. I'm going to paint,

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna, you know, do my pleasure practice. I'm going

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Speaker 2: to take a bath, I'm going to do all these things.

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Speaker 2: And it happens when we actually create like the foundation

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Speaker 2: and container for it and actually try. And I remember

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Speaker 2: when you were going through your you know, to your

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Speaker 2: portal and the pandemic and really in this period and

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Speaker 2: you made time for your magic. You were like, I

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Speaker 2: actually made time for my magic. And when people want

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Speaker 2: to be powerful, when they want to be magical, when

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Speaker 2: they want to be influential, when they want to be

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Speaker 2: whatever they want to be, you actually have to practically

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Speaker 2: make time for it and really get clear, like if

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Speaker 2: I want to be intuitive, if I want to be

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Speaker 2: whatever these things, put it in the calendar and make

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Speaker 2: time for it, and it can be nebulous. It can

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Speaker 2: be a nebulous thing where I'm like, femininity is the

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Speaker 2: box that I'm putting on my calendar, and then I

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Speaker 2: can feel into what that is. But I really want

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Speaker 2: people as much as they can to really think about

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Speaker 2: what matters to them and really make time for it

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Speaker 2: in ways that they can do.

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Speaker 1: That's so powerful and it's so real. It's just nothing

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Speaker 1: just becomes because you say it. You know, it's like

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Speaker 1: you really And I think that's what we have been

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Speaker 1: bypassing as a society's especially like the millennial and and

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Speaker 1: Z generations, the elder gen zs, because we are in

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Speaker 1: such a fast pace and it's really about presentation and

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Speaker 1: perception and all these things, and so there hasn't been

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Speaker 1: as much space for the embodiment of process, the figuring

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Speaker 1: out what your tools are, what your gifts are. Like

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Speaker 1: something I say all the time is like, that's not

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Speaker 1: a weekend of vision boarding. That is like, you know

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Speaker 1: what I'm going to give myself the year. I'm going

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Speaker 1: to give myself a two year container to dive into this.

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Speaker 1: We don't have to rush to share. You don't have

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Speaker 1: to rush to teach yoga. After your first class, you

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Speaker 1: don't have to rush to inform the world how to meditate.

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Speaker 1: After a week of meditation, it's live with your practice,

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Speaker 1: embody it, and then see how you're uniquely meant to

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Speaker 1: share it in service to the freedom of others. I Chris, So,

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Speaker 1: one of the things that is so breathtaking about you

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Speaker 1: to me that I just like, you know, one of

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Speaker 1: the things that I shared at the beginning of the

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Speaker 1: episode is like, you have this monumentally successful podcast right

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Speaker 1: one hundred million downloads, like you and Lindsey shout out

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Speaker 1: to Lindsay. You and Lindsay have just such a phenomenal,

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Speaker 1: authentic show and something you do again that I'm just

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Speaker 1: always like, Wow, you share yourself at the deepest level

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Speaker 1: on your show, but not in a way that is egoic.

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Speaker 1: It's not a show where you're talking about yourself and

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Speaker 1: what you're doing for the sake of it. It's like

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Speaker 1: you're such a brilliant person and you get into the

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Speaker 1: fibers like a scientist, like a like a doctor, like

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Speaker 1: you know, like a Harvard professor, with everything you approach

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Speaker 1: and then you kind of like dissect it and learn

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Speaker 1: it and then you share it in a way that

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Speaker 1: really brings people to tools, to new ways of experience

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Speaker 1: in themselves, to new practices. And one of the things

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Speaker 1: that you have been just so beautifully sharing about is

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Speaker 1: what you're sharing about, like the process of uncoupling, the

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Speaker 1: process of becoming, the process of you know, so many

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Speaker 1: different journeys you've been on, whether that is with psychedelics

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Speaker 1: or different kinds of retreats. You recently did something that

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Speaker 1: I mean, I think we were having lunch and you

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Speaker 1: casually mentioned it to me and I literally was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry, what.

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Speaker 2: That's being friends with me like just like, yeah, there's

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Speaker 2: this thing.

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Speaker 1: There's this thing you didn't experience recently where you went

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Speaker 1: on a darkness retreat and you went into this experience

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Speaker 1: also as part of your grief work, moving through the

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Speaker 1: ending of this really substantial relationship. What is what is

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Speaker 1: the darkness?

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Speaker 2: The darkness is something that I was very scared of

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Speaker 2: for a long time. You know. The darkness retreat that

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Speaker 2: I did is something that I had heard about from

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Speaker 2: a friend of mine who was talking about his experience

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Speaker 2: in the darkness. And I said to God in that moment,

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Speaker 2: if this is meant for me, make it easy. And

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Speaker 2: the next day the founder of the Darkness Retreat emailed

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Speaker 2: me and said, we'd love to have you come. Would

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Speaker 2: you be interested to come? And I said, I would

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Speaker 2: love to. You know, I don't really know why I'm

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Speaker 2: doing this, but I trust. And that has been a

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Speaker 2: lot of my path lately is I don't know why

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Speaker 2: I'm doing things that I'm doing, but I'm trusting it,

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Speaker 2: and it's not making sense in the moment. I don't

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Speaker 2: have a clear reason. So that means, you know, outside

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Speaker 2: of the darkness, I'm at rituals and circles and plant

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Speaker 2: medicine ceremonies where they ask my intention and I actually

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Speaker 2: don't even really know. I'm like, I actually don't know

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Speaker 2: in this moment because that's really just my ego being

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Speaker 2: like I really want to connect with my guides and

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Speaker 2: you know, bring back Atlantean codes and whatever it is.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, you know, I wish I did, but

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Speaker 2: I don't know. So I decided to do a Darkness

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Speaker 2: retreat in October. And it was when I decided it

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Speaker 2: was a few months before we had determined in my

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Speaker 2: relationship that it was going to end, and we had

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Speaker 2: been on a trial separation before that, so the darkness

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Speaker 2: just so happened to happen kind of like at the

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Speaker 2: end of the trial separation period. So I knew going

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Speaker 2: into the darkness what was going to happen when we

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Speaker 2: came out, which was our separation inevitably, and I wanted

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Speaker 2: to go in and fully feel my grief, and I

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Speaker 2: wanted to go into the darkness and really really be

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Speaker 2: with my own essence and energy. I really think that

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Speaker 2: we overlook how much we interact with the world outside

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Speaker 2: of us, with the temperature, with caffeine, with supplements, with

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Speaker 2: the light, with people around us, with so many different things.

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Speaker 2: So to be really stripped of that and really tune

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Speaker 2: into the actual soul essence of me in the darkness

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Speaker 2: was my goal. I've never been able to be with

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Speaker 2: my soul in a way like that where I had

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Speaker 2: nothing to react to. Inplant, medicine, ceremonies or things like that,

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Speaker 2: you're essentially entertained. You're watching entertainment. A lot of times

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Speaker 2: I'm watching my soul in different lifetimes, I'm connecting with you,

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Speaker 2: know what I mean, It can be entertainment. So the

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Speaker 2: strip of that was something that really was going to

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Speaker 2: push me that I was excited about. So the darkness

432
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:26,560
Speaker 2: for everyone listening. The Darkness retreats. They hold them all

433
00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:31,360
Speaker 2: over the world. They're from various lineages over time, when

434
00:25:31,359 --> 00:25:35,840
Speaker 2: people would go basically in caves for forty days, you know,

435
00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:39,600
Speaker 2: thirty days, however much time, sometimes without food, sometimes with

436
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:42,680
Speaker 2: This is one that's done in Oregon in the middle

437
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:46,680
Speaker 2: of nowhere. We had food, but it's basically four days,

438
00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:50,720
Speaker 2: four nights and three days in sensory deprivation, in absolute

439
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:58,400
Speaker 2: pitch black, with nothing nothing. So I don't have caffeine, phone, computer,

440
00:25:59,119 --> 00:26:02,680
Speaker 2: anyone to talk to you, any entertainment. I'm being fed

441
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:05,440
Speaker 2: once a day and it's just me with my thoughts

442
00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:08,080
Speaker 2: in a cave. So that's what I did, was four

443
00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:12,600
Speaker 2: nights and three days, and it was incredibly profound.

444
00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:19,320
Speaker 1: Deeply wow. So you are in a space in pitch

445
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:26,040
Speaker 1: black for multiple days, no sense of time whatsoever. None, No, No,

446
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:29,520
Speaker 1: this is bedtime, this is wake time. Like you you're

447
00:26:29,520 --> 00:26:32,320
Speaker 1: an a void, you have no like you're in the womb. Yes,

448
00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:36,359
Speaker 1: you have no idea what's happening. You know that you're living,

449
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:44,720
Speaker 1: you're breathing. When you're in an experience like that, how

450
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:48,000
Speaker 1: do you settle into that knowing you have multiple days left,

451
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:51,480
Speaker 1: because I feel like you'd walk into that room, the

452
00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:58,520
Speaker 1: door closes, and what happened. Oh yeah, So I.

453
00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:00,760
Speaker 2: Go into the room and you have a candle to

454
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:02,520
Speaker 2: light where you like blow out the candle and you

455
00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:04,399
Speaker 2: can do a ritual before you blow out the candle.

456
00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:07,639
Speaker 2: So kind of did the ritual, and it's kind of

457
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:11,960
Speaker 2: like you're like holding on. You're like, Okay, we're gonna

458
00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:14,600
Speaker 2: keep this candle on as long as I can. Blew

459
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:17,280
Speaker 2: out the candle went the first night. So the first

460
00:27:17,359 --> 00:27:19,879
Speaker 2: night's fine because it almost feels like bedtime. You're like,

461
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:22,000
Speaker 2: it's pitch black in here. It feels like bedtime. And

462
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:24,840
Speaker 2: this is blackness that I've actually never experienced in my life.

463
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:26,960
Speaker 2: You can't see your hand this far in front of you.

464
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:30,800
Speaker 2: You cannot. It is no not a semblance of light.

465
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:32,200
Speaker 2: And I hand this far in front of me. I

466
00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:34,800
Speaker 2: can't see, can't see my body, can't see anything. You like,

467
00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:39,440
Speaker 2: don't exist almost. So the first day you're because your

468
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:42,240
Speaker 2: circadian rhythm's thrown off because you're in pitch black. You

469
00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:45,400
Speaker 2: sleep a lot. So I probably slept who knows how long,

470
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:48,000
Speaker 2: maybe twelve hours the first night. Wow got up in

471
00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:50,320
Speaker 2: the morning and was able to kind of like be

472
00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:54,120
Speaker 2: in a rest flow, and I had so much happening

473
00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:57,320
Speaker 2: within my peneo gland because it's releasing so much more

474
00:27:57,359 --> 00:28:00,920
Speaker 2: melatonin because the circadian rhythms off that I felt really

475
00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:03,080
Speaker 2: out of it, but also very peaceful and very good.

476
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:08,320
Speaker 2: But then when the founder comes to feed you, so

477
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:10,520
Speaker 2: basically he brings the food one time a day. His

478
00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:13,680
Speaker 2: name's Scott. He puts it in a little box on

479
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:16,440
Speaker 2: one side of your cave and then closes the door,

480
00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:18,040
Speaker 2: and then you open it and you can get your

481
00:28:18,080 --> 00:28:20,920
Speaker 2: food on the other side. So you're eating the whole time.

482
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:22,960
Speaker 2: So he comes and he talks to you. He'll check

483
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,280
Speaker 2: in on you because it's just like a safety precaution

484
00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:28,400
Speaker 2: to kind of see like what's going on. So when

485
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:30,200
Speaker 2: he first came, I was about to go to bed,

486
00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:32,040
Speaker 2: which I thought was for the first night. I was like,

487
00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:33,720
Speaker 2: oh my god, I made it the first day. This

488
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:36,159
Speaker 2: was amazing, Like I crushed, I was meditating, I was

489
00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 2: doing all the things. I didn't breaky all over my body.

490
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:40,760
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm amazing. So I'm like about to

491
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:42,960
Speaker 2: go to bed. I'm like day one, complete check check,

492
00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:46,800
Speaker 2: and I'm laying and I'm hovering between sleep and awake state,

493
00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:49,080
Speaker 2: you know that juicy state where you feel really good.

494
00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 2: You're like, oh my god, yes, it feels amazing. And

495
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:53,240
Speaker 2: he knocks on the door and he's like, hey, Christa,

496
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:57,320
Speaker 2: I am pissed. I'm like, this man is coming to

497
00:28:57,400 --> 00:29:01,640
Speaker 2: wake me up after I'm finishing first day. How rude?

498
00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:04,719
Speaker 2: This is so late. Like, I'm pissed and I'm and

499
00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:07,000
Speaker 2: I gave myself permission on this experience. I was like,

500
00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 2: I'm going to say to Scott whatever I feel. I

501
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:12,640
Speaker 2: went literally said what. I was like, Scott, I really

502
00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:14,760
Speaker 2: don't appreciate you coming so late. I'm about to go

503
00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:17,080
Speaker 2: to bed next time. Can you come earlier in the day.

504
00:29:17,440 --> 00:29:21,040
Speaker 2: And He's like, Christa, it's four pm. And I was

505
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:27,719
Speaker 2: like oh, And that's when I went a little insane.

506
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:31,640
Speaker 2: I was like, wow, that is when anxiety just really

507
00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:34,000
Speaker 2: picked up for me, where I was like, this is

508
00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:36,200
Speaker 2: not even the end of the first day. I'm completely

509
00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:39,080
Speaker 2: awake now, and I have so much more to go.

510
00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:41,280
Speaker 2: I thought I was done with the like it just

511
00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:44,680
Speaker 2: threw me. And then I start kind of talking to him.

512
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:46,960
Speaker 2: I'm like, why am I here? Am I here for you?

513
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:48,880
Speaker 2: Am I here to prove to other people that I

514
00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:51,320
Speaker 2: can do this? Am I here to like share this

515
00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:53,320
Speaker 2: with my community? Am I here because I want to

516
00:29:53,360 --> 00:29:55,920
Speaker 2: feel like I'm cool because I did it? And like

517
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:57,720
Speaker 2: what reasons am I here? Why do I have to

518
00:29:57,800 --> 00:30:00,600
Speaker 2: learn through pain? Why can't I learn through joy? Why

519
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:04,040
Speaker 2: can't I learn through pleasure? Why? Just going and saying

520
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:06,760
Speaker 2: why am I here? And he's just being so present

521
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:08,720
Speaker 2: for it, like he's like I hear. I'm also like,

522
00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:11,560
Speaker 2: are you a cult leader? And if in your cult?

523
00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:15,400
Speaker 2: Like it was just going crazy and had to come

524
00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:18,200
Speaker 2: back home to myself, to mother myself, to be with myself,

525
00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 2: to be with my body and just be present. But

526
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:23,680
Speaker 2: that was probably the hardest moment of it. And then

527
00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:27,520
Speaker 2: the rest of it was more so like grief healing process.

528
00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:29,400
Speaker 2: But there was a moment where I was like, oh,

529
00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:32,840
Speaker 2: I'm going to go crazy, and that feeling where you

530
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:34,920
Speaker 2: kind of want to crawl out of your skin, where

531
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:37,840
Speaker 2: you're so anxious you're like, ooh, I want to I

532
00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:39,680
Speaker 2: don't know what to do with this energy, but it

533
00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:43,800
Speaker 2: feels really really volatile and dangerous. But me giving myself

534
00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:46,120
Speaker 2: permission to say how I felt and speak my truth

535
00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:48,200
Speaker 2: and be present with whatever was going to come out.

536
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:50,360
Speaker 2: Was really all I could do, because it would be

537
00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:53,360
Speaker 2: actually psychotic if I was in a cave in a

538
00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:56,160
Speaker 2: black room lying to this man and being like, I'm

539
00:30:56,160 --> 00:31:00,600
Speaker 2: all good, Scott, life's good, like that would be crazy.

540
00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:02,680
Speaker 1: Oh my god.

541
00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:05,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm glad I haven't told you these stories yet.

542
00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:09,120
Speaker 2: I know this is good. We're getting the full like

543
00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:09,920
Speaker 2: fresh effect.

544
00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:12,760
Speaker 1: I'm just like, whoa God.

545
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:15,720
Speaker 2: That takes some guts, Like, yeah, it's not for the

546
00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:17,880
Speaker 2: faint of heart. I wouldn't recommend it to many people.

547
00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:22,320
Speaker 2: It's the most confronting thing you can do. I think

548
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:25,640
Speaker 2: that personally, it's harder than plant medicine. I've done journeys.

549
00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:29,240
Speaker 2: I'm not like a total expert, but I've done enough.

550
00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:32,440
Speaker 2: And this is you, with you in a way that

551
00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:35,920
Speaker 2: I don't think I will ever have access to again.

552
00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:41,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh my god. When you got ready to leave,

553
00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:48,040
Speaker 1: as you came out of this experience, is it kind

554
00:31:48,040 --> 00:31:52,200
Speaker 1: of this instantaneous integration of the depths that you went

555
00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:56,320
Speaker 1: to while you're in it. Do you take time off

556
00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:59,920
Speaker 1: afterwards to process it? Like as they open that door

557
00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:03,120
Speaker 1: and you felt sun on your skin for the first time,

558
00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:08,000
Speaker 1: your eyes are kind of like achingly stretching open. What

559
00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:10,080
Speaker 1: was the awareness that dropped in right away?

560
00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:16,640
Speaker 2: Well, to be honest, so Scott films you when you

561
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:18,920
Speaker 2: come out, so you can watch the experience, you can

562
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:20,600
Speaker 2: be with it, you can kind of see. So we're

563
00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:24,160
Speaker 2: sitting down, I take off my mask and immediately I'm like,

564
00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:27,960
Speaker 2: I don't want to perform. Yeah, And so I kind

565
00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:33,360
Speaker 2: of had this thing where I was struggling with the

566
00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:36,000
Speaker 2: part of me that wants to perform for people and

567
00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:39,120
Speaker 2: really recognizing that aspect of me where I'm like, this

568
00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:41,400
Speaker 2: man wants me to cry, he wants me to say

569
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:43,960
Speaker 2: these things he wants me So I was actually really

570
00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:47,640
Speaker 2: fighting with that and not really knowing what to do

571
00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:49,480
Speaker 2: because I'm trying to not perform, but I'm trying to

572
00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:51,920
Speaker 2: be authentic. Yeah, and it's just such a focus on

573
00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:54,080
Speaker 2: the other. So I had a hard time coming out

574
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:57,440
Speaker 2: because I felt that feeling, and then I felt the

575
00:32:57,480 --> 00:32:59,440
Speaker 2: feeling of knowing what I had to do when I

576
00:32:59,440 --> 00:33:01,600
Speaker 2: got home and knowing the next step of my grief

577
00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 2: process and what I had to do. I had friends

578
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:06,120
Speaker 2: that also got out of the darkness that day that

579
00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:09,600
Speaker 2: I were in different caves but at the same place.

580
00:33:10,080 --> 00:33:11,880
Speaker 2: And it was so interesting because when I came out

581
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:15,440
Speaker 2: of the darkness, mind was full, grief, full, like deep

582
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:19,400
Speaker 2: thoughts about conditional love, unconditional love, just all of the

583
00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:21,240
Speaker 2: experience that I had been going through, and theirs was

584
00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:24,440
Speaker 2: like joy and bliss. You were like, I love my life,

585
00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:28,840
Speaker 2: I love everything. This is like I was like. So

586
00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:31,080
Speaker 2: then I also had that comparison where I'm like, wow,

587
00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:35,280
Speaker 2: I'm in a different phase as them. But the sensory

588
00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:38,320
Speaker 2: experience of coming out and really noticing all of that

589
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:43,120
Speaker 2: felt really confronting and felt really it felt really painful.

590
00:33:43,440 --> 00:33:45,840
Speaker 2: But I gave myself a few days to stay on

591
00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:49,360
Speaker 2: land and be in nature, be off grid as much

592
00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:51,720
Speaker 2: as I can, to really be with myself and myself

593
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:55,440
Speaker 2: in the light as possible. And they also have a

594
00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:57,520
Speaker 2: healer on site who's amazing. So I worked with that

595
00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:00,840
Speaker 2: healer again for like four hours and we could really process,

596
00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:02,080
Speaker 2: which is really really nice.

597
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:06,400
Speaker 1: My god, I know that's I mean, what a spiritual feast.

598
00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:11,960
Speaker 2: Wow, it truly is, you know. We just yeah, we

599
00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:16,680
Speaker 2: so often run from so many different things, and I

600
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:20,400
Speaker 2: think in it, I really learned about how to heal

601
00:34:20,520 --> 00:34:22,560
Speaker 2: and how to mother myself and how to be with

602
00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:26,240
Speaker 2: my process, like I was able to crystallize and formulate

603
00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:28,640
Speaker 2: what exactly it looks like for me to feel and

604
00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:31,200
Speaker 2: to heal. So because I have the time and space,

605
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:33,360
Speaker 2: you have more time than you could ever want ever,

606
00:34:33,719 --> 00:34:36,759
Speaker 2: you know, a time is just doesn't exist. I was

607
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:38,880
Speaker 2: able to like actually go through the process of like

608
00:34:39,120 --> 00:34:42,800
Speaker 2: something's coming something's coming up. Okay, I'm going to actually

609
00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:44,879
Speaker 2: be present for it, even though it's so scary right

610
00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:46,799
Speaker 2: now and I can feel how much I don't want

611
00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:48,920
Speaker 2: to feel this feeling, I'm going to go for it.

612
00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:52,040
Speaker 2: I'm going to feel fully in the feeling on my knees,

613
00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:54,879
Speaker 2: crying in bed, you know, moving a mooting, doing all

614
00:34:54,880 --> 00:34:59,440
Speaker 2: of that, allowing it, like the waves to subside, allowing

615
00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:02,360
Speaker 2: myself to be with myself, and then eat like a

616
00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:06,440
Speaker 2: nourishing meal, have like a warm soup, you know, like wow,

617
00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:08,760
Speaker 2: like we just moved a lot of energy. Let's nourish

618
00:35:08,760 --> 00:35:10,680
Speaker 2: the body, Let's be with the body, Let's be with

619
00:35:10,719 --> 00:35:13,680
Speaker 2: the self. And then having a moment of a nap

620
00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:16,680
Speaker 2: or taking a bath kind of moving away from it,

621
00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:19,759
Speaker 2: and then maybe thirty minutes later, my higher self would

622
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:21,200
Speaker 2: guide me back and be like, all right, it's time

623
00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:23,600
Speaker 2: let's go like, let's fucking feel what we need to

624
00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:25,440
Speaker 2: feel and be where we need to be. And I

625
00:35:25,520 --> 00:35:27,879
Speaker 2: was able to really witness like how I best move

626
00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:30,800
Speaker 2: energy in my process and how best I can apply

627
00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:33,200
Speaker 2: that to my life now, giving myself for a permission

628
00:35:33,239 --> 00:35:35,480
Speaker 2: to feel what it is that's coming up.

629
00:35:35,920 --> 00:35:39,319
Speaker 1: Yes, wow, wow, And.

630
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:41,080
Speaker 2: I will say just the last thing on the darkness.

631
00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:44,520
Speaker 2: It was so creep crazy and creepy, almost not creepy,

632
00:35:44,520 --> 00:35:48,560
Speaker 2: but I remember waking up a few times and looking

633
00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:51,520
Speaker 2: over and it was like the darkness was looking back

634
00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:55,040
Speaker 2: at me. It was the crazy. I was like, oh,

635
00:35:56,120 --> 00:36:00,320
Speaker 2: what's up? Like it felt like an entity fully ready

636
00:36:01,080 --> 00:36:04,919
Speaker 2: to see where I wanted to go and be where

637
00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:07,120
Speaker 2: I wanted to be, and thinking about how many people

638
00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:08,960
Speaker 2: I've been in that cave, moving through a lot of

639
00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:11,640
Speaker 2: big things and emotions, and like there's a lot happening

640
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:14,680
Speaker 2: in that room. Had to do a lot of clearing before.

641
00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:17,680
Speaker 2: But it was almost like the divine Mother or the

642
00:36:17,719 --> 00:36:21,040
Speaker 2: womb or like this like being that was just so

643
00:36:21,239 --> 00:36:24,040
Speaker 2: loving and tender. And I'm someone that grew up scared

644
00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:26,319
Speaker 2: of the dark, you know, as someone that psychic and

645
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:29,120
Speaker 2: can see things when you're little. That's not fun, so

646
00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:31,560
Speaker 2: to really feel that part of me too is actually

647
00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:34,840
Speaker 2: really beautiful and befriend the darkness when you.

648
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:40,799
Speaker 1: Left, did you find that you had more peace when

649
00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:43,959
Speaker 1: you'd encounter darkness like at home in your life at night?

650
00:36:44,560 --> 00:36:46,439
Speaker 1: Did it feel triggering afterwards?

651
00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:50,960
Speaker 2: No, I missed it. I realized how much I'm not

652
00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:54,040
Speaker 2: in darkness, Like in my room, there's so many lights

653
00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:56,680
Speaker 2: that keep us up. So I actually missed like the

654
00:36:56,719 --> 00:37:00,279
Speaker 2: purity of it and the ease of it. And at

655
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:02,000
Speaker 2: first when I got out, I was like never doing

656
00:37:02,040 --> 00:37:05,640
Speaker 2: that again, like my bye, thank you for my life back.

657
00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:07,480
Speaker 2: But now that I've been out of it, I'm like, dang,

658
00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:11,759
Speaker 2: I kind of missed that because my nervous system was prestine,

659
00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:15,960
Speaker 2: like I was resting. I was. So my relationship with

660
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:19,280
Speaker 2: darkness now is really seeing it as this beautiful like cleanser,

661
00:37:19,680 --> 00:37:28,080
Speaker 2: this beautiful, like just yeah, so much of what is

662
00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:31,640
Speaker 2: like a destroyer and creator, but like the softness of it,

663
00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:36,120
Speaker 2: you know, the tenderness of it. That's really helped me

664
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:38,680
Speaker 2: feel more balanced in life.

665
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:42,480
Speaker 1: I love hearing you talk about the darkness like I

666
00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:46,040
Speaker 1: have come to love darkness. Oh yeah, Like I walk

667
00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:50,000
Speaker 1: around my house all night with the lights completely off,

668
00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:52,600
Speaker 1: like minding my way through and it's to feel so

669
00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:58,080
Speaker 1: safe in that is so beautiful. Yes, whenever I like

670
00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:02,040
Speaker 1: host retreats that in a nice safe area, like in

671
00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:05,560
Speaker 1: the woods. When I'm at Omega, I always encourage everyone

672
00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:08,840
Speaker 1: to take a dark walk because we don't realize, like

673
00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:12,320
Speaker 1: how often are we allowed to walk and feel safe? No,

674
00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:17,800
Speaker 1: we're protected. There's no real or imagined boogeyman around the corner.

675
00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:21,040
Speaker 1: And you get to practice everything you describe, like being

676
00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:24,560
Speaker 1: in a new layer of peace with your nervous systems,

677
00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:28,520
Speaker 1: you know, having a subtled heart, a subtled spirit, an

678
00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:32,600
Speaker 1: easeful breath while it's completely dark and unknown and you

679
00:38:32,640 --> 00:38:35,799
Speaker 1: have no idea what's around you. And as women especially,

680
00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:39,600
Speaker 1: we don't really get that opportunity, Like very young, we're

681
00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:42,920
Speaker 1: taught to you got to be very vigilant, you know as.

682
00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:43,359
Speaker 2: A black woman.

683
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:46,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, being.

684
00:38:46,239 --> 00:38:51,240
Speaker 2: Dark in the woods what like, Yeah, that's deep. Yeah,

685
00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:54,879
Speaker 2: you know that's I have my experience. But that's that's

686
00:38:55,000 --> 00:39:00,279
Speaker 2: just a different Gabe. It's really special. Just like quickly

687
00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:02,160
Speaker 2: I'll say we did, because I got a lot of questions.

688
00:39:02,760 --> 00:39:05,640
Speaker 2: We did a when Queen of Fua and I had

689
00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:07,960
Speaker 2: our retreat Women who Heal at Omega, which we're doing

690
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:12,640
Speaker 2: again this August. You're on two hundred and fifty acres

691
00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:15,920
Speaker 2: of this sacred land. You're in forest, You're surrounded by trees.

692
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:18,920
Speaker 2: It's completely safe. You know, there aren't people kind of

693
00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:20,879
Speaker 2: in upstate New York, like hiding.

694
00:39:20,600 --> 00:39:24,920
Speaker 1: In the woods, and you actually realize how rare that

695
00:39:25,000 --> 00:39:27,120
Speaker 1: actually is of a feeling and to be able to

696
00:39:27,160 --> 00:39:29,200
Speaker 1: walk out. And I would walk out sometimes with no

697
00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:34,239
Speaker 1: flashlight and you know, just let the stars guide me,

698
00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:36,640
Speaker 1: let the moon guide me. Sometimes I'd bump into things

699
00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:39,160
Speaker 1: because I'd be like staring up at God, looking into

700
00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:43,080
Speaker 1: the cosmos, walking in the pitch black. But I love

701
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:48,680
Speaker 1: that feeling. I love the safety and the sovereignty I feel,

702
00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:52,520
Speaker 1: and the dark I feel so in command of myself

703
00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:57,280
Speaker 1: and my body, so in relationship with God with divine energy,

704
00:39:57,480 --> 00:40:01,480
Speaker 1: like it's such a practice. And feeling safe, you know,

705
00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:05,200
Speaker 1: that kind of aids and informs so many other parts

706
00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:08,839
Speaker 1: of us. One of the things that you brought up

707
00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:12,040
Speaker 1: that when you were first talking about the darkness, which

708
00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:16,760
Speaker 1: I never get to talk to people about that's really

709
00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:21,640
Speaker 1: exciting to me, is you know, you were talking about

710
00:40:21,680 --> 00:40:26,200
Speaker 1: going into this process and kind of having to really

711
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:28,920
Speaker 1: check within the compartments of yourself, like why am I

712
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:30,000
Speaker 1: doing this? Am I doing this?

713
00:40:30,520 --> 00:40:31,319
Speaker 2: To say I did it?

714
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:33,759
Speaker 1: Am I doing this? And I think for some of us,

715
00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:36,320
Speaker 1: like you and me, I would definitely describe as purests,

716
00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:38,920
Speaker 1: like we're really purest when it comes to healing. Like

717
00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:43,080
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't. I haven't even vocalized a loud

718
00:40:43,560 --> 00:40:50,160
Speaker 1: ninety percent, you know, the one day of the experiences

719
00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:52,840
Speaker 1: that I've had or the ways that I've moved through healing,

720
00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:57,600
Speaker 1: And there does come that point, right, especially if you

721
00:40:57,719 --> 00:41:02,400
Speaker 1: are a healer and if you are seasoned at working

722
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:06,359
Speaker 1: your process with yourself. Like something I know for us both.

723
00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:09,680
Speaker 2: We go deep, deep, deep, deep, deep deep.

724
00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:12,520
Speaker 1: We will seal ourselves in a container and really be

725
00:41:12,719 --> 00:41:17,319
Speaker 1: with whatever it is, and only when it's been like

726
00:41:17,480 --> 00:41:20,640
Speaker 1: integrated and mastered do we come back up for air

727
00:41:20,920 --> 00:41:24,160
Speaker 1: to share the experience. I believe that is the way

728
00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:29,440
Speaker 1: it's in highest service to others, Not to regurgitate information.

729
00:41:29,320 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 2: To my knowledge, yes, I'm good on all that.

730
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:34,640
Speaker 1: But to live it and see how it transformed me

731
00:41:34,680 --> 00:41:38,080
Speaker 1: and from that space have a divine translation of it.

732
00:41:39,400 --> 00:41:41,880
Speaker 1: So I say all that to say I really resonate

733
00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:44,520
Speaker 1: with that because I started thinking that a lot when

734
00:41:44,560 --> 00:41:48,480
Speaker 1: it came to like I did every psychedelic imaginable over

735
00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:51,840
Speaker 1: the last handful of years, like so many experiences. And

736
00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:53,520
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that to say like I do all

737
00:41:53,520 --> 00:41:57,719
Speaker 1: the psychedelics, you know, but it takes it took a

738
00:41:57,719 --> 00:42:02,000
Speaker 1: lot of courage for me. Oh yeah, especially as someone

739
00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:07,400
Speaker 1: who didn't even like smoke cannabis until like my early

740
00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:10,840
Speaker 1: into mid thirties. That was the first, you know time

741
00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:13,239
Speaker 1: and I love but you.

742
00:42:13,200 --> 00:42:16,600
Speaker 2: Know, I love your cannabis. Shit, you make me want

743
00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:16,879
Speaker 2: to smile.

744
00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:18,680
Speaker 1: I'm always like I feel like sometimes they have all

745
00:42:18,719 --> 00:42:21,360
Speaker 1: these little the little three rolls coming out of every.

746
00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:23,560
Speaker 2: Profound thing about it. Though, You're like, cannabis has helped

747
00:42:23,600 --> 00:42:27,960
Speaker 2: me be with my hypervigilance. Yeah, and like be in

748
00:42:28,000 --> 00:42:29,959
Speaker 2: my body in a way that like I wasn't able

749
00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:32,839
Speaker 2: to be. And I really you saying that made me

750
00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:36,120
Speaker 2: realize that's why I was uncomfortable when I would smoke, Yeah,

751
00:42:36,160 --> 00:42:38,240
Speaker 2: because it would it would sort of drop the mask

752
00:42:39,000 --> 00:42:41,759
Speaker 2: of like I gotta say the perfect thing, I gotta

753
00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:44,200
Speaker 2: say the right thing. I got it, like where I

754
00:42:44,239 --> 00:42:48,160
Speaker 2: couldn't the discrepancy between like I'm saying something that's true

755
00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:50,319
Speaker 2: and I'm saying something to please people. Was too hard

756
00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:52,399
Speaker 2: for me to figure out, and so that was really

757
00:42:52,440 --> 00:42:55,839
Speaker 2: powerful for me. What you said about cannabis, Oh, thank you.

758
00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:59,799
Speaker 1: I mean, I think cannabis is the master medicine for

759
00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:03,760
Speaker 1: or getting in your body personally, not pushing this on anyone.

760
00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:05,960
Speaker 1: We all have our own relationships. Also, there is a

761
00:43:06,040 --> 00:43:10,359
Speaker 1: lot of cannabis trauma, especially in communities of color, because

762
00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:13,200
Speaker 1: of the amount of people who lost their lives or

763
00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:17,280
Speaker 1: their freedom because of something that is now almost universally legal.

764
00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:18,720
Speaker 2: So that's a whole other thing.

765
00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:27,000
Speaker 1: Deeply. Well, you were talking about walking into this experience

766
00:43:27,160 --> 00:43:33,120
Speaker 1: and fighting fighting the ways you were deciding if you

767
00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:35,279
Speaker 1: should do it, or why it was for you, or

768
00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:40,080
Speaker 1: the reasoning behind it. And it's interesting because for myself

769
00:43:40,640 --> 00:43:43,000
Speaker 1: that came up when it was time to do more

770
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:47,440
Speaker 1: like pleasure work, more embodiment work in the actual body.

771
00:43:47,520 --> 00:43:49,480
Speaker 1: That's when a lot of my fear came. I found that.

772
00:43:49,560 --> 00:43:52,040
Speaker 1: I was like, I'll do any kind of ceremony, pass

773
00:43:52,120 --> 00:43:54,560
Speaker 1: that my way, or yeah, you know, I'll go into

774
00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:57,960
Speaker 1: the void for you know, twenty four hours and be

775
00:43:58,080 --> 00:44:01,040
Speaker 1: blacked out and deal with me my grief and meet

776
00:44:01,040 --> 00:44:03,160
Speaker 1: my inner child and do like I was doing some

777
00:44:03,400 --> 00:44:10,080
Speaker 1: really ah you know, just like deep excavations. But when

778
00:44:10,080 --> 00:44:14,200
Speaker 1: it came time to learn joy, like that's what required

779
00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:16,960
Speaker 1: them most, surrender from my body, mind and soul, and

780
00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:21,839
Speaker 1: that's what scared me the most. But gratefully bless you know,

781
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:24,319
Speaker 1: a lot of a lot of amazing people and a

782
00:44:24,360 --> 00:44:29,080
Speaker 1: lot of beautiful experiences moved me past that. But ah,

783
00:44:29,120 --> 00:44:34,040
Speaker 1: so another facet of you that is just very epic.

784
00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:39,680
Speaker 1: You know, you're you have a lot of thriving businesses

785
00:44:39,680 --> 00:44:42,400
Speaker 1: in this space, Like you're a brilliant business woman, Like

786
00:44:42,520 --> 00:44:45,879
Speaker 1: you have just an incredible template for what you've set

787
00:44:45,920 --> 00:44:48,520
Speaker 1: up for your company, what you've set up for all

788
00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:51,359
Speaker 1: of your creations, all of your curiosity, all of the

789
00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:53,480
Speaker 1: tools that you've mastered in the ways that you want

790
00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:54,400
Speaker 1: to share them.

791
00:44:54,719 --> 00:44:55,719
Speaker 2: And that in this.

792
00:44:55,719 --> 00:44:59,040
Speaker 1: Space is very rare because this space, and when I

793
00:44:59,040 --> 00:45:01,400
Speaker 1: say space, I'm kind of speaking to what we're referring

794
00:45:01,400 --> 00:45:05,160
Speaker 1: to as like the wellness industry or the communities of healers,

795
00:45:05,239 --> 00:45:07,879
Speaker 1: Like I think sometimes you find.

796
00:45:09,880 --> 00:45:11,160
Speaker 2: It's very rare.

797
00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:14,759
Speaker 1: To find at this moment in time, full embodiment in

798
00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:18,040
Speaker 1: that lane. I think I find that people are in

799
00:45:18,080 --> 00:45:24,360
Speaker 1: one of two buckets. You're either kind of finding a

800
00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:26,560
Speaker 1: way to fully own it. So you have a lot

801
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:29,399
Speaker 1: of people that have this kind of fear of prosperity

802
00:45:29,440 --> 00:45:31,440
Speaker 1: and what that means, and oh no, I don't want

803
00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:33,120
Speaker 1: to charge for it. I don't want to ask for money.

804
00:45:33,160 --> 00:45:35,680
Speaker 1: And the curriculum is to kind of work through that

805
00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:37,799
Speaker 1: so you can embody your worth. And then on the

806
00:45:37,800 --> 00:45:42,359
Speaker 1: flip side something I see a lot and I'm not

807
00:45:42,440 --> 00:45:44,480
Speaker 1: saying this through a lens of judgment. This is not

808
00:45:44,560 --> 00:45:47,920
Speaker 1: an alignment for me, but I'm not in judgment about it.

809
00:45:48,400 --> 00:45:50,400
Speaker 1: But then you see other people that it's like, you know,

810
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:53,879
Speaker 1: eight figure coach and I show people how to do this,

811
00:45:54,040 --> 00:45:56,799
Speaker 1: and then it's a lot of systems that's not like

812
00:45:57,080 --> 00:46:01,160
Speaker 1: teaching healing or mindful awareness, but you're teaching people how

813
00:46:01,160 --> 00:46:04,520
Speaker 1: to get other people to pay you money in MLM. Yes,

814
00:46:05,239 --> 00:46:07,960
Speaker 1: and so it's just really interesting what it is. Those

815
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:10,640
Speaker 1: are like some of the polarities right now in this space.

816
00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:14,120
Speaker 1: And I think you occupy space as such an embodied

817
00:46:14,560 --> 00:46:17,640
Speaker 1: business woman, healer archetype.

818
00:46:17,840 --> 00:46:19,160
Speaker 2: I would love to ask.

819
00:46:18,920 --> 00:46:23,080
Speaker 1: You know, everything that you put forward is so you

820
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:25,520
Speaker 1: as someone that really knows you like it is, so

821
00:46:25,840 --> 00:46:28,440
Speaker 1: you and I know the amount of time and attention,

822
00:46:29,040 --> 00:46:31,600
Speaker 1: whether it's you know, the beautiful modern tarot death that

823
00:46:31,680 --> 00:46:34,239
Speaker 1: you created, or the law of One and all the

824
00:46:34,280 --> 00:46:37,160
Speaker 1: curriculum you move through in that, or what I'm really

825
00:46:37,200 --> 00:46:39,360
Speaker 1: excited to speak to the life at it.

826
00:46:40,640 --> 00:46:42,600
Speaker 2: How how did you really.

827
00:46:44,239 --> 00:46:47,919
Speaker 1: Grow your ability to marry both those worlds and how

828
00:46:47,920 --> 00:46:51,560
Speaker 1: do you view the way that you marry those worlds?

829
00:46:52,640 --> 00:46:56,759
Speaker 2: I just love I love talking to you, and yeah,

830
00:46:56,840 --> 00:46:58,920
Speaker 2: I definitely see that in this space as well. And

831
00:46:58,960 --> 00:47:01,279
Speaker 2: so the life that it was really born from my

832
00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:04,960
Speaker 2: desire to help really ground a lot of the information

833
00:47:05,040 --> 00:47:08,279
Speaker 2: that we see in the spiritual space. I realized, you know,

834
00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:10,279
Speaker 2: I had a period in twenty nineteen where I went

835
00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:13,520
Speaker 2: through like a deep depression and I was so lost,

836
00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:16,520
Speaker 2: and I was just so caught up in all of

837
00:47:16,560 --> 00:47:19,160
Speaker 2: the work and the tools and the resources and all

838
00:47:19,239 --> 00:47:23,120
Speaker 2: the things, and I was spending so much time meditating, visualizing,

839
00:47:23,680 --> 00:47:27,600
Speaker 2: doing affirmations, doing all the things in the mind, and

840
00:47:28,160 --> 00:47:31,080
Speaker 2: I was like, where is the results? Where's the results

841
00:47:31,080 --> 00:47:33,160
Speaker 2: of all this work that I've been doing? And I

842
00:47:33,280 --> 00:47:35,840
Speaker 2: really realized that I needed to ground it in the

843
00:47:35,880 --> 00:47:39,880
Speaker 2: three D and build positive momentum through action. And so

844
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:42,160
Speaker 2: during that period, I was like, how can I actually

845
00:47:42,239 --> 00:47:44,880
Speaker 2: just focus on what I can do today to build momentum,

846
00:47:44,960 --> 00:47:47,360
Speaker 2: to change my life, to hopefully change my life, but

847
00:47:47,440 --> 00:47:51,080
Speaker 2: to change my state today. And that was starting to

848
00:47:51,080 --> 00:47:54,160
Speaker 2: do things like rearranging my room, getting rid of clothes

849
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:57,360
Speaker 2: that didn't fit. That was, cleaning out the cupboards, cleaning

850
00:47:57,360 --> 00:47:59,759
Speaker 2: out the kitchen, cleaning out on emails, getting rid of

851
00:47:59,800 --> 00:48:03,480
Speaker 2: old photos of X's, collapsing timelines of all text messages.

852
00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:07,280
Speaker 2: It really really expanded, but it was like really thinking

853
00:48:07,320 --> 00:48:10,520
Speaker 2: about how we can empower ourselves through these micro actions

854
00:48:10,560 --> 00:48:13,719
Speaker 2: because we know that the microactions mean so much. As

855
00:48:13,719 --> 00:48:15,760
Speaker 2: an example, if we think about getting rid of clothes

856
00:48:15,760 --> 00:48:18,360
Speaker 2: in our closet, when we're picking up a shirt in

857
00:48:18,400 --> 00:48:20,840
Speaker 2: our closet, we're not just looking at a piece of

858
00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:23,520
Speaker 2: clothing or item. Where did we wear that, who were

859
00:48:23,560 --> 00:48:26,040
Speaker 2: we with, How does it fit our body? What's the

860
00:48:26,080 --> 00:48:29,520
Speaker 2: story behind all of it? And there's energy within everything

861
00:48:29,560 --> 00:48:31,120
Speaker 2: that we do. So if we have a home, or

862
00:48:31,120 --> 00:48:33,359
Speaker 2: if we have our phone, or if we have any

863
00:48:33,360 --> 00:48:36,480
Speaker 2: way of being, there's so much underneath what is actually

864
00:48:36,480 --> 00:48:39,520
Speaker 2: at the surface. So the conscious existence of the clothing

865
00:48:39,600 --> 00:48:42,400
Speaker 2: or whatever it is says so much about the subconscious.

866
00:48:42,440 --> 00:48:44,640
Speaker 2: So the life at it was really my hope to

867
00:48:44,680 --> 00:48:47,480
Speaker 2: support people in really grounding a lot of the spiritual

868
00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:50,600
Speaker 2: techniques that exist in the world by actually just giving

869
00:48:50,600 --> 00:48:53,160
Speaker 2: them tactical things they could do to change their life.

870
00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:58,400
Speaker 2: So it's psychology, it's feng Shuei, it's energetic work and

871
00:48:58,600 --> 00:49:01,000
Speaker 2: all of that. But it's all always just inspired by

872
00:49:01,080 --> 00:49:04,120
Speaker 2: what has helped me. It's inspired by what I feel

873
00:49:04,160 --> 00:49:06,400
Speaker 2: like is missing in the space, what I feel like

874
00:49:06,480 --> 00:49:08,960
Speaker 2: can actually help people, what I feel I could be

875
00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:13,080
Speaker 2: a tangible tool, and I've never created something because I'm

876
00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:15,719
Speaker 2: in service to money or I'm in service to the figures.

877
00:49:15,760 --> 00:49:18,160
Speaker 2: And I think whenever we think about coaches or businesses

878
00:49:18,200 --> 00:49:21,120
Speaker 2: that are so I have eight figures, I have seven

879
00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:23,880
Speaker 2: figure focused. I'm always like, well, who's your God? Is

880
00:49:23,920 --> 00:49:25,920
Speaker 2: your God? The figures? Is your God? Money? Or is

881
00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:29,080
Speaker 2: your god God? Because my God is God, and that's

882
00:49:29,120 --> 00:49:30,759
Speaker 2: who's going to lead me to create what I need

883
00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:33,560
Speaker 2: to create and how I need to create it. So

884
00:49:33,640 --> 00:49:35,839
Speaker 2: I stay just inspired by my life and what I

885
00:49:35,880 --> 00:49:38,040
Speaker 2: need and how I can support and I try and

886
00:49:38,120 --> 00:49:43,120
Speaker 2: just create things that are like very me because it's

887
00:49:43,320 --> 00:49:46,640
Speaker 2: just a detour on the path. If we try and

888
00:49:46,719 --> 00:49:49,480
Speaker 2: copy someone else, it just takes so much longer to

889
00:49:49,520 --> 00:49:51,080
Speaker 2: get where we need to go when we're looking at

890
00:49:51,120 --> 00:49:54,880
Speaker 2: other people's stuff, And it just is not a life

891
00:49:54,880 --> 00:49:57,160
Speaker 2: that I would want to live. And it doesn't mean

892
00:49:57,160 --> 00:49:59,640
Speaker 2: I have the biggest success in the world. So that's

893
00:49:59,680 --> 00:50:02,480
Speaker 2: the fall as I'm successful, for sure, but it's not

894
00:50:02,560 --> 00:50:05,640
Speaker 2: like I'm massive or have so much going on. So

895
00:50:05,719 --> 00:50:08,200
Speaker 2: it's not like I follow my own path and I

896
00:50:08,239 --> 00:50:12,399
Speaker 2: blaze my own trail and look at my amazing life

897
00:50:12,480 --> 00:50:14,960
Speaker 2: of millions of homes or all these things. It just

898
00:50:15,040 --> 00:50:17,880
Speaker 2: means that I'm more fulfilled being who I am, and

899
00:50:17,920 --> 00:50:20,560
Speaker 2: I can help quell that like insatiable desire I've always

900
00:50:20,560 --> 00:50:24,080
Speaker 2: had in life to just do something with my existence

901
00:50:24,080 --> 00:50:26,120
Speaker 2: here on earth, like I came here for a purpose,

902
00:50:26,800 --> 00:50:29,759
Speaker 2: like a true purpose, and it's always been this like

903
00:50:29,880 --> 00:50:33,799
Speaker 2: uncomfortable feeling. So my creations are like partly that discomfort

904
00:50:33,840 --> 00:50:35,719
Speaker 2: I have about being a human here on earth and

905
00:50:35,760 --> 00:50:38,560
Speaker 2: wanting to create and do something with my time.

906
00:50:41,600 --> 00:50:45,839
Speaker 1: That's beautiful, that's beautiful. I always wonder like when I

907
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:51,520
Speaker 1: see you know, just just different ways of being where

908
00:50:51,560 --> 00:50:56,239
Speaker 1: people are really touting like wealth or you know, like

909
00:50:56,280 --> 00:50:59,920
Speaker 1: the kind of the financial gain of doing work.

910
00:50:59,680 --> 00:51:00,360
Speaker 2: Of starf nervous.

911
00:51:00,560 --> 00:51:03,279
Speaker 1: It's always you know, something I think to myself is

912
00:51:03,400 --> 00:51:05,239
Speaker 1: you know, what is it that you want me to

913
00:51:05,360 --> 00:51:10,399
Speaker 1: know about you through that? You know, what is the

914
00:51:10,440 --> 00:51:13,080
Speaker 1: hope of how you'll be seen or you'll be received?

915
00:51:13,120 --> 00:51:16,359
Speaker 1: Because it's like, I mean, I think, who doesn't want

916
00:51:16,360 --> 00:51:19,520
Speaker 1: more money? Right? Like we live on earth, there is capitalism,

917
00:51:19,719 --> 00:51:22,799
Speaker 1: like there is currency, like need it to live, need

918
00:51:22,840 --> 00:51:26,080
Speaker 1: it to have access to the quality of life and

919
00:51:26,080 --> 00:51:28,960
Speaker 1: the felt experience that we want to have, and it's

920
00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:32,040
Speaker 1: our birthright right. No one should be suffering, no one

921
00:51:32,040 --> 00:51:34,960
Speaker 1: should be hungry, no one should be having, you know,

922
00:51:35,040 --> 00:51:38,239
Speaker 1: the bare minimum in any way in any aspect of

923
00:51:38,280 --> 00:51:42,799
Speaker 1: their life. And if the way you position yourself is

924
00:51:42,960 --> 00:51:46,000
Speaker 1: look at what I have because of the work that

925
00:51:46,040 --> 00:51:49,640
Speaker 1: I'm doing, I think it's I think it speaks to

926
00:51:50,160 --> 00:51:53,239
Speaker 1: a desire in people that's low hanging fruit. You know,

927
00:51:53,320 --> 00:51:55,040
Speaker 1: That's what I used to think too. A lot of

928
00:51:55,040 --> 00:51:57,520
Speaker 1: the when you see a lot of like some of

929
00:51:57,560 --> 00:52:01,160
Speaker 1: like the old school churches and pastors, where about wearing

930
00:52:01,200 --> 00:52:05,240
Speaker 1: all the flashy stuff with your congregation and every week

931
00:52:05,360 --> 00:52:09,399
Speaker 1: the you know, the the sermon is about keep being

932
00:52:09,520 --> 00:52:12,080
Speaker 1: motivated about you know, keep praying that bill is going

933
00:52:12,160 --> 00:52:14,800
Speaker 1: to get paid or this, But there's not actually process

934
00:52:14,920 --> 00:52:20,080
Speaker 1: or there's not like a deeper thing being healed or

935
00:52:20,360 --> 00:52:24,040
Speaker 1: or awareness is being brought to right, It's just I

936
00:52:24,040 --> 00:52:25,080
Speaker 1: don't know. It's interesting.

937
00:52:25,239 --> 00:52:27,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that's huge. And that's also you know

938
00:52:27,920 --> 00:52:30,200
Speaker 2: in the life edit, it's just like about bringing conscious

939
00:52:30,200 --> 00:52:34,440
Speaker 2: awareness to everything. Yes. One of the sections is about relationships,

940
00:52:34,920 --> 00:52:39,040
Speaker 2: and like I think oftentimes we feel discomfort in relationships

941
00:52:39,040 --> 00:52:41,480
Speaker 2: a lot of times. Maybe we have friends that we

942
00:52:41,560 --> 00:52:44,520
Speaker 2: haven't off feeling about, you know, those friendships where you're like,

943
00:52:45,160 --> 00:52:48,400
Speaker 2: I don't know, it's not feeling right, it's not feeling aligned,

944
00:52:48,440 --> 00:52:51,640
Speaker 2: it's not feeling the way it should. And like, how

945
00:52:51,680 --> 00:52:55,280
Speaker 2: can we release a lot of energy or like really

946
00:52:55,320 --> 00:52:57,400
Speaker 2: cleanse and clear our space so we can be in

947
00:52:57,480 --> 00:53:00,000
Speaker 2: prestine energy all the time. Yes, and so the life

948
00:53:00,280 --> 00:53:02,239
Speaker 2: it would be you know, in a practice within that

949
00:53:02,360 --> 00:53:05,000
Speaker 2: is like bringing conscious awareness to those and helping to

950
00:53:05,000 --> 00:53:07,759
Speaker 2: give you tools to take action on like the conversation

951
00:53:07,920 --> 00:53:10,920
Speaker 2: or the releasing or the moving on, because all of

952
00:53:10,960 --> 00:53:15,840
Speaker 2: that subconscious off energy and feeling is affecting us in

953
00:53:15,920 --> 00:53:19,839
Speaker 2: ways that we tend to overlook or not really look at.

954
00:53:20,200 --> 00:53:22,239
Speaker 2: And when I've been able to really release a lot

955
00:53:22,239 --> 00:53:25,759
Speaker 2: of unaligned energy or just stagnant energy or energy that

956
00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:27,719
Speaker 2: no longer serves the version of me that wants to

957
00:53:27,760 --> 00:53:30,680
Speaker 2: exist in the world, I'm able to expand and just

958
00:53:30,719 --> 00:53:34,880
Speaker 2: feel so much better and have so much more beauty

959
00:53:34,920 --> 00:53:36,880
Speaker 2: in my life. I've had so much more beauty in

960
00:53:36,920 --> 00:53:41,200
Speaker 2: my life since editing. You know, it's less things, less relationships,

961
00:53:41,360 --> 00:53:47,400
Speaker 2: less whatever, but it's just more beauty. And having beauty

962
00:53:47,440 --> 00:53:51,399
Speaker 2: is just it's so beautiful to exist on earth as

963
00:53:51,440 --> 00:53:54,879
Speaker 2: a human and experience the beauty of the world.

964
00:53:55,239 --> 00:54:01,439
Speaker 1: God, honestly, and on that note, that's a mic job

965
00:54:01,560 --> 00:54:04,719
Speaker 1: right there. At the end of every episode, Christa, I

966
00:54:04,800 --> 00:54:08,480
Speaker 1: love to share soul work with all of our listeners.

967
00:54:09,560 --> 00:54:14,279
Speaker 1: What is a practice, a thought, a prompt me, morsel

968
00:54:14,440 --> 00:54:18,640
Speaker 1: to savor that everyone can enjoy as they move out

969
00:54:18,640 --> 00:54:21,040
Speaker 1: of listening to this episode and move through the week

970
00:54:21,200 --> 00:54:24,040
Speaker 1: and kind of integrate everything that they've heard.

971
00:54:26,600 --> 00:54:31,759
Speaker 2: I think in my work with internal family systems, one

972
00:54:31,800 --> 00:54:33,719
Speaker 2: of the things that I really love about it is

973
00:54:34,200 --> 00:54:36,960
Speaker 2: just loving what is. And I think that's also a

974
00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:40,960
Speaker 2: tool that's been used over time by some spiritual teachers.

975
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:44,120
Speaker 2: But when you really think about it, it's like we

976
00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:46,840
Speaker 2: think about all the work in the self development spirituality space.

977
00:54:47,239 --> 00:54:51,200
Speaker 2: It's so beautiful because it's helping us into more wholeness.

978
00:54:51,239 --> 00:54:54,120
Speaker 2: But how can we just be exactly where we are today,

979
00:54:54,200 --> 00:54:56,600
Speaker 2: right now and not in the future. We want to

980
00:54:56,600 --> 00:54:59,440
Speaker 2: manifest in the relationship we want to be in and

981
00:54:59,480 --> 00:55:01,840
Speaker 2: the job that we want in the having more money

982
00:55:01,960 --> 00:55:04,759
Speaker 2: like in the future, Tripp, you can just really be like, Wow,

983
00:55:04,800 --> 00:55:08,400
Speaker 2: I love myself in this very moment, in this very outfit,

984
00:55:08,560 --> 00:55:12,080
Speaker 2: with this very relationship, with this very job. You know,

985
00:55:12,160 --> 00:55:15,440
Speaker 2: I love exactly what is in this moment. And until

986
00:55:15,480 --> 00:55:18,520
Speaker 2: we're able to love exactly what is as it is,

987
00:55:18,920 --> 00:55:21,760
Speaker 2: we can't move through it. And so just being present

988
00:55:21,800 --> 00:55:25,680
Speaker 2: and loving yourself in whatever phase or stage or process

989
00:55:25,719 --> 00:55:28,520
Speaker 2: you're in, even if it doesn't feel like it's where

990
00:55:28,560 --> 00:55:29,040
Speaker 2: you want to be.

991
00:55:30,800 --> 00:55:33,279
Speaker 1: I love that. What can you love a little more?

992
00:55:34,239 --> 00:55:37,120
Speaker 1: What can you come? And an acceptance with the little

993
00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:39,520
Speaker 1: more even if you want it to change at some point.

994
00:55:40,080 --> 00:55:43,359
Speaker 1: If it's here right now, yes, it serves purpose. How

995
00:55:43,400 --> 00:55:45,400
Speaker 1: can I be with it? Yes? Wow?

996
00:55:45,520 --> 00:55:45,880
Speaker 2: Yeah?

997
00:55:46,000 --> 00:55:47,200
Speaker 1: How can everyone connect with you?

998
00:55:47,719 --> 00:55:50,239
Speaker 2: It's Krista on Instagram. I T s k R I

999
00:55:50,400 --> 00:55:53,440
Speaker 2: S t A almost thirty. It's Krista dot com. And

1000
00:55:53,520 --> 00:55:57,040
Speaker 2: that's that's good. Yeah, that's good. That's good.

1001
00:55:58,640 --> 00:56:01,399
Speaker 1: I love you joining us, love you big time. We'll

1002
00:56:01,440 --> 00:56:05,840
Speaker 1: be back next week. Much love to everybody and now Mistay.

1003
00:56:08,800 --> 00:56:12,280
Speaker 1: Connect with me on social at Debbie Brown. That's Twitter

1004
00:56:12,320 --> 00:56:15,200
Speaker 1: and Instagram, or you can go to my website Debbie

1005
00:56:15,200 --> 00:56:17,720
Speaker 1: Brown dot com. And if you're listening to the show

1006
00:56:17,840 --> 00:56:22,640
Speaker 1: on Apple Podcasts, don't forget. Please rate, review, and subscribe

1007
00:56:22,880 --> 00:56:25,759
Speaker 1: and send this episode to a friend. Deeply Well is

1008
00:56:25,760 --> 00:56:29,000
Speaker 1: a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect Network. It's

1009
00:56:29,040 --> 00:56:33,680
Speaker 1: produced by Jacqueis Thomas, Samantha Timmins, and me Debbie Brown.

1010
00:56:34,320 --> 00:56:38,359
Speaker 1: The beautiful Soundback You Heard That's by Jarrelen Glass from

1011
00:56:38,440 --> 00:56:43,680
Speaker 1: Crystal Cadence. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio

1012
00:56:43,760 --> 00:56:46,880
Speaker 1: app or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.