Speaker 1: Welcome to Creature feature production of I Heart Radio. I'm
Speaker 1: your host of Mini Parasites, Katie Golden. I studied psychology
Speaker 1: and evolutionary biology, and today on the show, we're gonna
Speaker 1: play some squid games with three lucky contestants who definitely
Speaker 1: know what they signed up for. How will these humans
Speaker 1: fare against squids? After all, squids are spineless, right, shouldn't
Speaker 1: be too hard to defeat in a game of life
Speaker 1: and death, So welcome to the game. Contestant number one,
Speaker 1: who is podcaster, comedian and totally read the fine print.
Speaker 1: Molly Lambert, Hello, Hello, Contestant number two, a comedy writer
Speaker 1: for One Dog and can totally hold her breath underwater
Speaker 1: for ten minutes. Lydia bug Hi, thanks for having me.
Speaker 1: And Contestant number three, who is podcast legend, has eight
Speaker 1: arms and two tentacles. D J. Daniel Goodman Hello, Hello,
Speaker 1: happy to be here. Please everybody grab your track suits,
Speaker 1: flippers and floaties because it is time to play squid games,
Speaker 1: you know, with real squids like I was expecting to
Speaker 1: see in the show, but they didn't do for some reason.
Speaker 1: So you all signed the contract and you read all
Speaker 1: the fine print, and the fine fine print and the
Speaker 1: superfine print, right, Ye, totally all right. I just strolled
Speaker 1: through and hit except but I'm very I'm very confident
Speaker 1: with my decision. I skimmed it. I assume there's nothing
Speaker 1: really dangerous and deadly in there that I've just feeled. No, no,
Speaker 1: it just it just indemnifies me in case of like
Speaker 1: sucker related death. So it's fine, don't worry about it.
Speaker 1: So what are you How do you guys? What are
Speaker 1: your attitudes towards squids? I mean, I think you're all
Speaker 1: familiar with the hit show Squid Game, but what about
Speaker 1: real squids, you know, slippery in the ocean, slowing around squids.
Speaker 1: I'll go ahead and jump in here. This is Molly.
Speaker 1: I'm a big squid fan. I like anything that seems
Speaker 1: alien to the human eye, but also we seem alien
Speaker 1: to it. And I was just telling Katie before the
Speaker 1: show about, um, sorry, there's a garbage truck. Oh no,
Speaker 1: maybe the games have begun truck, I was telling Katie.
Speaker 1: I read an article on Live Science, the science news
Speaker 1: aggregator that really stayed with me about a giant female
Speaker 1: squid that was found that they expected to find sperm
Speaker 1: packets from lots of male giant squid, but there was
Speaker 1: only sperm packets from one male giant squid, which raised
Speaker 1: the idea in my mind of weather giant squid of
Speaker 1: each other, uh, experience like jealousy and other emotions that
Speaker 1: we didn't necessarily think squid had, but why wouldn't they
Speaker 1: And then all this happens like a billion feet below
Speaker 1: us where we never get to see it. I find
Speaker 1: very cool squid monogamy that's really sweet and heartfelt, which
Speaker 1: definitely the rest of the show will also be Oh
Speaker 1: what about you, guys? You like squids, dislike squids, neutral
Speaker 1: about squids. I'm terrified of squids. I just I don't
Speaker 1: like anything where when you meet it, you're on it's
Speaker 1: turf and not yours, you know. So any sea creature, yeah,
Speaker 1: like it's it's suspect to me, just any sea creature,
Speaker 1: and a squid especially, like it's just too scary. I
Speaker 1: think they can fight sharks. I feel like in the
Speaker 1: movies there's like, uh, I don't know if this is
Speaker 1: just me remembering this from one thing that I saw,
Speaker 1: but I feel like it's a trope of like someone
Speaker 1: in the water seeing a shark and being like, oh, no,
Speaker 1: and then a squid coming up and like wrestling it.
Speaker 1: I don't know this trope. It sounds great though, I
Speaker 1: love it. Yeah, in my head, it's an extremely common trop.
Speaker 1: I'll go ahead and say I learned that that never happens,
Speaker 1: and that squid are portrayed in a lot of maritime
Speaker 1: fiction is like attacking whales and fighting with whales, and
Speaker 1: there's the squid in the whale and the Natural History
Speaker 1: Museum in New York. But in real life, squid never
Speaker 1: attack whales, and squid are pretty chill. It seems they've
Speaker 1: been framed. They have been framed. They were made to
Speaker 1: look like krack in but it's like they, like whales,
Speaker 1: don't ever like attack human ships. Well, that is a relief.
Speaker 1: I like your confidence, Molly. I hope that stays with
Speaker 1: you throughout the squid games. I think the squid's hired
Speaker 1: Molly as a pr person totally makes sense. Now, surely
Speaker 1: my confidence won't come to bite me in the I'm
Speaker 1: trying to think of a squid thing lash me, suck
Speaker 1: you in the butt, bite you with the squid squid beak? Yeah,
Speaker 1: do squids have beaks like like octopus? To yes, squids
Speaker 1: do have beaks. They have very sharp Well, do not
Speaker 1: want to get squid beaked? I'll say that. So are
Speaker 1: you guys ready for our first game? Yeah, that's about
Speaker 1: ten percent of the enthusiasm that I want. But okay,
Speaker 1: there we go. There it is. So it's pretty simple.
Speaker 1: You just have to pick a cephalopod to hang out
Speaker 1: with inside a tub. You know, it's just chilling in
Speaker 1: the tub with a cephalopod of your choice. So chose
Speaker 1: correctly and you'll have a great time. Choose incorrectly and
Speaker 1: maybe less of a great time. So you see three
Speaker 1: tanks in front of you, each with some kind of
Speaker 1: cephal pod inside. Now I know I'm calling this squid game,
Speaker 1: but these are three different types of cephalopod. They're all
Speaker 1: related and uh. In the first tank is a teeny
Speaker 1: tiny cuddlefish. It's about one inch big three centimeters and
Speaker 1: as a bright purplely iridescent blue like a swimming hummingbird. Uh,
Speaker 1: if you got I actually have images of these that
Speaker 1: you guys can see in your document um. In the
Speaker 1: second tank is a slightly bigger but still itty bitty octopus.
Speaker 1: It's about six inches or fifteen centimeters big, has yellowish
Speaker 1: skin and beautiful, bright blue spots like a peacock. And
Speaker 1: the third tank is a large squid. It's over five
Speaker 1: ft or one point five meters long, and it's flashing
Speaker 1: red and white like some kind of horrifying Christmas light.
Speaker 1: So the clock is ticking. Who do you take a
Speaker 1: swim with? I'm going cuttlefish? Alright, so Daniels going cuttlefish.
Speaker 1: Cuttlefish has been claimed. Can you repeat the three options again? Yes?
Speaker 1: I can, because I'm a lot nicer than the people
Speaker 1: in squid Game, which probably would have gotten shot for
Speaker 1: that very well. In the first tank at teeny tiny
Speaker 1: cuttlefish about an inch long, bright purplely iridescent blue and
Speaker 1: looks kind of like a swimming humming bird. In the
Speaker 1: second tank a pretty little octopus. It's about six inches big,
Speaker 1: has big, bright, beautiful spots like a peacock. And in
Speaker 1: the third tank is a large squid over five ft long,
Speaker 1: and it is flashing red and white. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm going with the big squad. I'm gonna just continue
Speaker 1: to wrap my squids and say, uh, seems like the
Speaker 1: wrong answer, so I'll choose that. Yeah, I'm very comfortable.
Speaker 1: In take two, I like tank to tank two with
Speaker 1: a little octopus. All right, all right, so you guys
Speaker 1: got your got your swim fins on, you getting in
Speaker 1: the tank and let's see what happens. So then you're
Speaker 1: in tank number one with the whole tiny cuttlefish. Don't
Speaker 1: get to cuddle it's it's cuddling like fish. You want
Speaker 1: to cuddle with the cuttlefish? Go ahead, absolutely all right.
Speaker 1: So it sounds ominous, don't do it. Are taking a
Speaker 1: dip with the adorable berries bobtail squid, which is actually
Speaker 1: a cuttlefish, but nevertheless it is called a berry's bobtail squid.
Speaker 1: Adorable name, and hey guess what it is just adorable.
Speaker 1: You're completely safe down, You're fine. Cattle fish, cattlefish. You
Speaker 1: chose what is probably the cutest cephalopod on the planet
Speaker 1: and it's no threat to humans. I really I was
Speaker 1: taking a risk there. Let me tell you a little
Speaker 1: bit about the berries bob tail squid that you are
Speaker 1: now swimming with as buddies. It is found in the
Speaker 1: Indo Pacific Ocean near the Philippines and Indonesia, and it
Speaker 1: is found along the sandy bottom of tropical waters because
Speaker 1: it likes to cover itself in sand during the day
Speaker 1: cosie shy and shy you know, buddies, uh. And at
Speaker 1: night it hunts, using a small amount of bioluminescence to
Speaker 1: be able to locate prey, but not so much that
Speaker 1: predators could see it. It likes to eat small crustaceans
Speaker 1: like shrimps. So, Dan, you have advanced to the next level,
Speaker 1: and you have a new cute little friend. In addition,
Speaker 1: so tank number two, Lydia's hanging out with this cute
Speaker 1: little octopus. What do you want to cuddle this octopus?
Speaker 1: Do I have to cuddle the octopus? You don't have to.
Speaker 1: I'm just Dan cuddled his uh cuttlefish. Do you want
Speaker 1: to cut a lot toopus? No? I think I just
Speaker 1: want to observe it from a nice neutral distance. All right, So, Lydia,
Speaker 1: you are observing across from you this adorable little octopus.
Speaker 1: It would fit in the palm of your hand. It
Speaker 1: is the blue ringed octopus, and it is so cute,
Speaker 1: so sweet, and the most toxic cephalopod in the ocean.
Speaker 1: So most cephalopods have some kind of venom for hunting,
Speaker 1: but most of them, in fact, pretty much every cephalopod
Speaker 1: in terms of their venom is not a threat to humans.
Speaker 1: This guy is the one exception, and boy is it
Speaker 1: an exception. Uh, hope, by guys, this is great. Thanks
Speaker 1: are one of the world's most venomous marine animals, with
Speaker 1: tetrodotoxin that they can administer through a tiny, aimless bite.
Speaker 1: You may not even know you've been bidding until you
Speaker 1: succumb to paralysis. How are you doing you? Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I'm very uncomfortable. Thank you. Their venom is potent enough
Speaker 1: to kill nearly thirty adult humans in a few minutes.
Speaker 1: There is no anti venom. Treatment for a blue ringed
Speaker 1: octopus bite is artificial respiration and prayer to whatever octopus
Speaker 1: god that you think is best. There is no sure
Speaker 1: fire way to save your life if you've been bitten
Speaker 1: by one of these. It's just try to keep your
Speaker 1: body alive. Hope the tocsin passes before you die. Symptoms
Speaker 1: of the blue ringed octopus bite is nausea, no more breathing,
Speaker 1: heart stopping, body paralysis, blindness, and death. Well, as I die,
Speaker 1: I say I was right. It's okay because I was
Speaker 1: right along. Well, the good news for you, Lydia is
Speaker 1: that you chose to pet the cute little octopus. Oh
Speaker 1: you're good, you're good. Yeah. If you can manage to
Speaker 1: not pet such an adorable octopus, touch or frighten it
Speaker 1: such that it bites you, you'll probably be fine. It's
Speaker 1: probably more afraid of you than you are of it,
Speaker 1: and it's fear of you is what would get you killed.
Speaker 1: So if you hold it in your hands, like I
Speaker 1: have seen way too many people do online. There are
Speaker 1: photos of people holding these in their hands, and when
Speaker 1: you know that's what they're holding, essentially something way worse
Speaker 1: than a loaded gun. It's truly butt clenching. When want
Speaker 1: to watch someone hold one of these cute little octopuses.
Speaker 1: It's like it's something that someone might think like, oh,
Speaker 1: this will go good on Instagram, and then a minute
Speaker 1: later it's like, huh, I'm not breathing so good because
Speaker 1: you don't even feel that's it's so scary because you
Speaker 1: don't even feel them biting you necessarily, so it could
Speaker 1: just be a little nip that you barely even notice,
Speaker 1: and then it's just like no, like oh wow, So
Speaker 1: like why do they need that much of a punch?
Speaker 1: Is that just hunting? Yes, they use it for hunting.
Speaker 1: Their small prey, it helps paralyze their prey. Uh and
Speaker 1: and it's also for defense, but yeah, it's it's mostly um,
Speaker 1: mostly for hunting to kind of incapacitate their prey and
Speaker 1: they make up for their small size in terms of
Speaker 1: hunting with that very potent toxin um. But yeah, they
Speaker 1: do also use it defensively because obviously they will bite
Speaker 1: a human if you hold it and make it feel scared.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to
Speaker 1: touch it. Yeah, if you guys, anyone out there sees
Speaker 1: a cute little especially uh near Australia with blue rings,
Speaker 1: it's yellow, it can be sort of an off white color.
Speaker 1: It can even be sort of a pinky coralie color
Speaker 1: because remember octopuses and and some other species of cephalopod
Speaker 1: can change their skin color and texture, as can this.
Speaker 1: But the main giveaway is is bright blue rings. So
Speaker 1: in general, don't just pick stuff up you find in
Speaker 1: the ocean. I think that's like the safest bet, but
Speaker 1: especially if it's got bright blue rings, the cuter the scarier.
Speaker 1: But not always right. Because Dan chose the cuttlefish that
Speaker 1: is this bright electric blue, it looks it has like
Speaker 1: this amazing bright coloration like a poisoned dart frog would um.
Speaker 1: But it's fine. It's you know, not necessarily want to
Speaker 1: eat it, but you it's not gonna hurt you. He
Speaker 1: was right, though he said cuddle. He was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: Dan really came out on top to he got the
Speaker 1: cutest one and it's not going to murder him. Yeah.
Speaker 1: To be honest with you, I was almost positive that
Speaker 1: was bait and was thinking I was heading for an
Speaker 1: early demise. But I'm betting on Flashing Squid. I think
Speaker 1: I think me and the Flashing squid are gonna be
Speaker 1: best friends. Let's check in with you, uh and take
Speaker 1: number three Molly. So first the bad news. You're in
Speaker 1: the tank with the Red Devil squid, what is considered
Speaker 1: to be the world's most aggressive squid, with a sharp
Speaker 1: kiteness that can puncture diving suits and easily slice through flesh.
Speaker 1: You were trying to eliminate two of us in the
Speaker 1: first in the first round, it's a squeakame Lydia died.
Speaker 1: She didn't Fair Fair didn't pick up the blue ring.
Speaker 1: Doctor pause. Yeah, you're really jumping to conclusions here, Daniel.
Speaker 1: I'm also I too, am a Red devil. So maybe
Speaker 1: to to red devils and that tank well balance each
Speaker 1: other up. Yeah, a little familial symbiosis maybe. So they
Speaker 1: can also disassemble deep sea cameras that they find objectionable
Speaker 1: because they often approach novel items with aggression and try
Speaker 1: to shred it apart. So tee, that's what I'm saying. Like,
Speaker 1: these guys are so smart. People really underestimate eight your
Speaker 1: cephalopods in general, but we all know octopi or smart,
Speaker 1: So like, why wouldn't squid also be super smart? They
Speaker 1: are taking down the surveillance state, like the deep sea
Speaker 1: surveillance state, which I do admire. Yeah, comrade squid. So
Speaker 1: they're on the larger side at over five ft long,
Speaker 1: which is about one point five meters and up to
Speaker 1: a hundred pounds or fifty uh In addition to their
Speaker 1: eight legs, they have two tentacles with two hundred razor
Speaker 1: sharp teeth lined suckers, which they use to wrangle prey
Speaker 1: and pull them in towards their beak and their radula.
Speaker 1: So the radula is sort of like a tongue with
Speaker 1: a bunch of teeth on it. What I love that name, radual.
Speaker 1: It's pretty radd it sounds rad that's a good name
Speaker 1: for it. Yeah, So like the beak kind of chops
Speaker 1: up their prey into smaller bits, and then the radula
Speaker 1: continues to grind prey up until yeah, they can digest it. Uh.
Speaker 1: And the red devil squids do flash red and white
Speaker 1: as communication with each other, but we don't really know
Speaker 1: what exactly it is they're communicating. It's a mystery, like
Speaker 1: that movie with it. I'm going to kill you. What
Speaker 1: was that movie with like the squid aliens Arrival Arrival
Speaker 1: and they make the coffee stains with their tentacles. It's
Speaker 1: kind of like Arrival, except they're real and they flash
Speaker 1: at you. That's what I'm saying, Like, who needs aliens?
Speaker 1: We've got aliens here on Earth and they're underneath the
Speaker 1: ocean having sex with each other in ways you can
Speaker 1: never understand. Sweet monogamous sex with giant squid. It's adorable.
Speaker 1: I just love whenever something contradicts like evo psych people
Speaker 1: you know who are like, but that's not logical, Like
Speaker 1: why wouldn't giant female squid maximize her chances of reproduction?
Speaker 1: And it's like she loved loved with another squid and
Speaker 1: they only want to be with each other, and it
Speaker 1: makes me feel everything. They held their little squid hands
Speaker 1: probably oh my gosh, or like more sad. It's like
Speaker 1: she had sex with this one squid and then never
Speaker 1: saw him again. And just like with a little squid,
Speaker 1: mishap a sham, just like turning onto that one sperm packet.
Speaker 1: You marine biologists have figured in cellular biology into your calculations,
Speaker 1: But what of love thang, what about emotions? Squid emotions?
Speaker 1: So Molly onto the good news for Molly with this aggressive, large,
Speaker 1: all right squid, if you play your cards right, you
Speaker 1: may be able to get out of there with most
Speaker 1: of your fingers intact, and you probably won't die. So
Speaker 1: wild Humboldt a k a. Red devil squid have a
Speaker 1: bad reputation for being aggressive. One of the theories is
Speaker 1: that they're only aggressive either when they're hunting um so
Speaker 1: hopefully it's not too hungry, or when they're confused by
Speaker 1: flashing lights and reflections of scuba divers and their gear. Wow,
Speaker 1: just like redheads, I have a bad reputation as being aggressive,
Speaker 1: but we're just confused by flashing lights. When I see
Speaker 1: like a crosswalk, I just start throwing punches and people
Speaker 1: are like, what are you doing. It's like, well, but
Speaker 1: that that stop walk just insulted my mother. It's speaking
Speaker 1: in redhead perfect, so uh yeah. I think it may
Speaker 1: have to do with the fact that they communicate with
Speaker 1: flashing colors like white and red, and that's how they communicate.
Speaker 1: So when they see flashing light, they're like confused. Maybe
Speaker 1: you accidentally insult their mother. Maybe you're like flirting with them,
Speaker 1: because one uh theory is that that flashing red and
Speaker 1: white is actually kind of flirtation or mating maybe in
Speaker 1: some context. So maybe it's like you're flirting with them
Speaker 1: and they're like okay, and then you insult their mother
Speaker 1: on accident, so then they get really confused and angry
Speaker 1: and attack. It kind of seems like they're raving out
Speaker 1: a little bit too. Yeah, I mean, you don't want
Speaker 1: to get in the mosh pit. Maybe they're just motion Yeah,
Speaker 1: Like whenever I see one doing that, it's just like
Speaker 1: I imagine it's just like it's having fun. Yeah, support,
Speaker 1: full support. What's your strategy going to be molly with
Speaker 1: with the squid? I mean, I guess I'll listen to
Speaker 1: reason and try to get away from it in time,
Speaker 1: rather than listen to my instinct and embrace it. You
Speaker 1: want to hug the squid. Yeah, I want to be
Speaker 1: I want to be killed by a giant pulsating Humboldt squid.
Speaker 1: That's like the best death I can imagine. It's pretty sick,
Speaker 1: it's pretty cool. The obituary for that would read great,
Speaker 1: Molly died in the sickest way possible. Molly shralped the
Speaker 1: nar daughter, cousin, squid lover, raped until the end, shralped
Speaker 1: the light fantastic like Captain Ahab did the electric slide
Speaker 1: ride into a watery grave. But you probably won't die.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say, Molly, you're missing like a thumb, maybe
Speaker 1: a pinky. Ain't got bit a little bit because you
Speaker 1: did try to run away, and it did get confused
Speaker 1: and think maybe you're big tuna, but then it tried. Yet,
Speaker 1: what a cool story for me to tell people that
Speaker 1: that's how I lost my finger. Well, he got mistaken
Speaker 1: for a big old tuna and story, so hey, congratulations,
Speaker 1: you three didn't die. Unfortunately, Heston's four through two D
Speaker 1: and fifty six did die because they all chose to
Speaker 1: hug and kiss the blue ring octopus. Ah, it's you know,
Speaker 1: it's a honeypot. It's at my fear saved me, my
Speaker 1: irrational fear. And isn't that the lesson? Isn't that the
Speaker 1: squid lesson? Be fear is good for you? Actually, always
Speaker 1: be afraid. Fear is the mind saver. Yeah, there there
Speaker 1: we go. Love it. We're mixing Dune and squid game. Alright, contestants,
Speaker 1: how you feeling dried off? I gave you some towels,
Speaker 1: gave you some snacks. It still seems all on the
Speaker 1: up and up. Yeah, gave you a capri son and
Speaker 1: some fruit snacks. You know. Hell yeah, I got a
Speaker 1: new best friend with the cuddlefish. We're all good. Dan's
Speaker 1: doing real good. He's doing really out. Yeah, I just
Speaker 1: hanging out. But but if if we're to take anything
Speaker 1: from the traditional arc of cinema, I'm about to get
Speaker 1: my come upance. I mean, I have not too conscripted
Speaker 1: deaths for any of you guys. This is all. It's
Speaker 1: completely fair and based on your free choice. That's totally
Speaker 1: the message. It'll be totally fair, trust me, I believe. Anyways,
Speaker 1: Underwater dodgeball, So you see an underwater dodgeball arena with
Speaker 1: jet propulsion cannons that shoot out sparky dodgeballs at tremendous
Speaker 1: speeds that you can only assume would pulverize you if
Speaker 1: you get hit or maybe explode. Who knows. It's a
Speaker 1: fun game. You see a scoreboard labeled team human and
Speaker 1: Team squid. The score currently reads zero to zero, but
Speaker 1: you can hazard a guess at what might occur if
Speaker 1: those scores start to rise. So, but the look, these
Speaker 1: are fair games, right, So I know that some of
Speaker 1: you might not be the strongest swimmers, you might not
Speaker 1: like dodgeball up. So I will give you a chance
Speaker 1: to skip this game if you can answer the following
Speaker 1: question correctly. So here is your question. The long fin
Speaker 1: inshore squid has the largest blank in the world that
Speaker 1: researchers love to get their hands on. Do they have
Speaker 1: the largest eyeball, tentacle, neuron, spermatozoa, or genitals. I'll read
Speaker 1: that question again, the long fin crap. The long fin
Speaker 1: inshore squid has the largest blank in the world that
Speaker 1: researchers love to get their hands on, the largest eyeball,
Speaker 1: the largest tentacle, the largest neuron, the largest spermatozoa or
Speaker 1: berm or the largest genitals. I'm going sperm. Lidia's going
Speaker 1: sperm Uh, this is Molly and I'm going genitals. And
Speaker 1: I may have read something about squid genitals in that
Speaker 1: article I was telling you about about the giants, so
Speaker 1: so uh, we'll see if I'm right, we'll see. I
Speaker 1: did hear something about their muscular, elongated gigantic squid p
Speaker 1: and I nice, that's how scientific terminology that was used.
Speaker 1: And also with the marine biologists said we have to
Speaker 1: figure this out because children are asking us about it.
Speaker 1: I thought was, well, kids, well you know, look square
Speaker 1: our interesting creatures. Yes they are. I'm gonna go with
Speaker 1: the largest neuron. Little diversity of answers here, all right,
Speaker 1: locking in your guesses, Locked in, Dani today you may
Speaker 1: have had look in the previous challenge and I look
Speaker 1: continuous because you're correct. Ah, this is rig I did
Speaker 1: Gordon Ramsey where it's like you are terrible at being
Speaker 1: bad because you're good. Yeah, I'm shocked that you're doing
Speaker 1: so well. You have chosen the best charges so far. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the answer is neurons. Ladies, very good guesses, because those
Speaker 1: were those were kind of traps because I would be
Speaker 1: tempted to guess those things. I just put in what
Speaker 1: I think I would guess so that I'll trip other
Speaker 1: people up. But indeed it is the neuron. So the
Speaker 1: long fin in shore squid is a very squinty looking squid.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I usually try to like describe animals
Speaker 1: in detail, and I don't really know. It's just squidty you,
Speaker 1: I provided a picture for you, guys. Do you guys
Speaker 1: have any better ways to describe it? No, none of
Speaker 1: this discounts what I was saying about the muscular squid.
Speaker 1: Penis so the largest in the world right because it's
Speaker 1: a whale. It's the largest relative to body size. I've
Speaker 1: read that's a relative to bodies though, see we're getting
Speaker 1: into relativity. Is that the you cannot squirm your way
Speaker 1: out of this one, molly, unlike a squid that probably
Speaker 1: could because squid have gigantic, girthy, fat, juicy neurons. So
Speaker 1: these are called um Actually, in fact, the specific part
Speaker 1: of the neuron that is actually so fat and juicy
Speaker 1: is the axon. So first just a little bit of
Speaker 1: neuron anatomy. Axons are nerve fibers, so it is like
Speaker 1: a long tentacle that comes off a neuron. So imagine
Speaker 1: the neuron like the base of the cell is like
Speaker 1: a potato or some kind of like root vegetable, and
Speaker 1: on one end you have like a few kind of
Speaker 1: short roots coming off of it, sort of smaller roots,
Speaker 1: and that's those are the din drites, and those will
Speaker 1: receive neurotransmitters from other neurons. But then on the other
Speaker 1: end of the potato, which is a neuron, you have
Speaker 1: the axon, which is like a long tail or a
Speaker 1: long tentacle that comes off, and then at the very
Speaker 1: end of that axon will be some more branching roots,
Speaker 1: which are called synaptic terminals, which send off neurotransmitters to
Speaker 1: the next cell. So you have one end of the
Speaker 1: neuron that receives one and that um sends off neurotransmitters,
Speaker 1: and the way that they pass messages along the neuron
Speaker 1: is through this long axon. It's basically like you know,
Speaker 1: like an axial cable axon axial of I don't know,
Speaker 1: it's pint. I guess I'm not really I don't know
Speaker 1: enough about engineering to say that was fantastic. So yeah,
Speaker 1: so there's a chain reaction of what are called action
Speaker 1: potentials that run along the axon. Basically it has to
Speaker 1: do with like sodium channels and all this like chemistry
Speaker 1: slash electricity stuff. Basically, it is sending an electrical signal
Speaker 1: along the the axon. Uh. Axons can be quite long
Speaker 1: in humans. Our longest axon is the sciatic nerve, you know,
Speaker 1: like sciatica, like pain in that nerve. The sciatic nerve
Speaker 1: runs about three ft long, which is about a meter
Speaker 1: from your butt to your toes. So you've got that's
Speaker 1: just one cell, so one axon running from your butt
Speaker 1: to your toes, which I think is pretty interesting. And
Speaker 1: while we may have a pretty long neuron, we do
Speaker 1: not have the thickest, biggest, juiciest neuron that goes to squid.
Speaker 1: And it's actually the that axon and squid is called
Speaker 1: the squid giant axon. Because sometimes Bill just just don't
Speaker 1: want to spend that much time naming things. Just like
Speaker 1: it's the squid giant axon. Guys, that's enough. That's enough,
Speaker 1: simple squid giant X and we're fine with that. Easy
Speaker 1: to remember, you know, it says what it is on
Speaker 1: the package there, you go on your package of squid
Speaker 1: giant axons I had, I would, I feel like I
Speaker 1: would want to try it as like a spaghetti, like
Speaker 1: a big package of it, just to see, because then
Speaker 1: maybe make me smarter, you know. Yeah, that's the medieval thinking.
Speaker 1: If you eat its brain and you get smart. I've
Speaker 1: always ascribed to that. I would leave its brain alone.
Speaker 1: Seems cursed. It seems cursed. It would be one long
Speaker 1: slurp too with the right pesto. I don't want a
Speaker 1: squid coming in. I don't want it's like brothers and
Speaker 1: sisters coming for revenge. Yeah you wait, my family's brains
Speaker 1: like a plate of spaghetti. I want the squid to
Speaker 1: know that I am like a friend of the squid.
Speaker 1: You ate us like spaghetti, and that made me upsett e.
Speaker 1: I have a question for you, Katie. Is the plural
Speaker 1: of squid squid or squids? I looked into it and
Speaker 1: it seemed like it was squid for a singular or
Speaker 1: a plural, But my heart wants to say squids to
Speaker 1: differentiate it seems controversial. I'm gonna say you can use
Speaker 1: either because actually think technically, if you're referring to like
Speaker 1: a group of squid, you would say squid. But if
Speaker 1: you're like referring to two different species of squids, I
Speaker 1: think you'd use plural. But you know, I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think use whatever you feel comfortable with. It's kind
Speaker 1: of like with octopus. Actually, the plural of octopus is
Speaker 1: not octopi. It's octopus or octopuses. But a lot of
Speaker 1: people say occupy and you know what they mean. So
Speaker 1: you know, that's a great thing about language. We knew
Speaker 1: what you meant, you know what you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: I don't think cephalopods are like taking note and like
Speaker 1: jotting down like every time you get this wrong. Anyways,
Speaker 1: you guys have bigger fish to fry because you're in
Speaker 1: a fight for your lives right now against squids, so
Speaker 1: staying alive. Yeah, but before before you guys have to
Speaker 1: go to fight to the death, let's learn a little
Speaker 1: bit more about the giant squid axon because it's so
Speaker 1: big and juicy, and I mean juicy, like sometimes scientists
Speaker 1: will juice it or milk it for the plasma inside
Speaker 1: of it, because it's a it's called axoplasm, and it's
Speaker 1: like the goo inside your axons, and usually axons are
Speaker 1: so thin. It's hard to like get much goo out,
Speaker 1: but with these you can, like I guess it's I
Speaker 1: don't know if they take a rolling pin to a
Speaker 1: or what, but they can extract the goo out of
Speaker 1: these axons. I'm so glad I was never an intern
Speaker 1: for a scientist. Yeah, because they have to they do,
Speaker 1: Like they collect these squid, the the long fin inshore squid,
Speaker 1: and most squid do have these giant neurons, but I
Speaker 1: think for whatever reason, the long fin inshores like is
Speaker 1: the best for harvesting. Like, they're relatively common, uh and
Speaker 1: they have a really nice thick one ax on, a
Speaker 1: nice thick axon, uh and for decades actually they've been
Speaker 1: using these for research. So unfortunately this does kill the
Speaker 1: squid because they dissect the squid and extract the axon.
Speaker 1: So when I say thick, it's like one millimeter in diameter,
Speaker 1: which is a hundred times thicker than a human axon.
Speaker 1: That it's actually thick enough to be able to attach
Speaker 1: electrodes to it and run current through it to measure voltage,
Speaker 1: which is insane. They can like literally attach the electrodes
Speaker 1: and measure the voltage of this axon, which has been
Speaker 1: great for neuroscience. They're like Frankenstein a squid. I'm going
Speaker 1: to say that seems like a terrible idea, Like, let's
Speaker 1: Frankenstein as squid, you guys, please, we have too many
Speaker 1: problems already. It's actually Frankenstein's squid. The squid is not Frankenstein.
Speaker 1: So now I've explained what this does for scientists who
Speaker 1: are willing to like get squid guts on their hands.
Speaker 1: But what does this thickness of the axon do for
Speaker 1: the squid. Well, it allows for extremely rapid transmission of
Speaker 1: signals to and from the mantle, giving it incredible reflexes
Speaker 1: to quickly evade threats. So by having such a large diameter,
Speaker 1: electrical signals can travel more quickly and experience less resistance.
Speaker 1: The giant axon controls the squid's jet propulsion system, which
Speaker 1: is how they dart around and how they swim, so
Speaker 1: as soon as it senses a threat, it can activate
Speaker 1: its propulsion system in dart away with incredible speed, all
Speaker 1: thanks to its thick, juicy axon. So Dan, you're fine.
Speaker 1: You can just like take a breather, hang out with
Speaker 1: your little Barry bobtail cuddlefish friend. Unfortunately, Molly and Lydia.
Speaker 1: You do have to play dodgeball, and your opponent is
Speaker 1: the long fin inchore squid who has incredible reflexes thanks
Speaker 1: to this thick, juicy axon. I'm gonna get a die
Speaker 1: out and see digital die is this D and D?
Speaker 1: Are we playing D and D? We're playing squid D
Speaker 1: and D. I tricked you guys into playing squid D
Speaker 1: and D. I'm sorry, Okay, I'm so like, I love you.
Speaker 1: You are the You're the squid dungeon master. So I'm
Speaker 1: gonna say, like your chances this is very scientific and
Speaker 1: also super math. I'm gonna say your chance of defeating
Speaker 1: these squid are like two and six. I'm gonna let
Speaker 1: you know if it's if it's me and my current
Speaker 1: physical body and I have to dodge things or do
Speaker 1: a lot of movement. Um in any way, it's going
Speaker 1: to be a low number, Katie, It's gonna be real low.
Speaker 1: Molly's also missing fingers. I think from her encounter with
Speaker 1: a humboldt squid. Does that impact her DEX modifier? Um?
Speaker 1: It actually it does. But this is an agility, not DEX.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna throw the dodge ball with my beak.
Speaker 1: So how about how about you each choose like a
Speaker 1: couple of numbers between one and six? How many? Just one? No? Two?
Speaker 1: Numbers between one and six, five and three, five and three. Okay,
Speaker 1: let me see, I'm so excited for these roles. Oh Lydia,
Speaker 1: you survived. Nice, you got a three? Very cool, Molly,
Speaker 1: how about you pick a number between five and three.
Speaker 1: This is how Dungeons and Dragons totally works, and also
Speaker 1: how dodgeball works. By the way, four four, You can
Speaker 1: pick one more number because I'm giving you a two
Speaker 1: and six chance, one and four. Here we go. Oops,
Speaker 1: you died? Oh no, you were too good for this world.
Speaker 1: I mean unless like there's a twist at the end.
Speaker 1: But there wouldn't be a twist at the end. There
Speaker 1: could be. I would never do that to you guys.
Speaker 1: As fast as I became, I'm becoming a squid. Yeah
Speaker 1: to say, Molly is the squid running the squid game, right,
Speaker 1: Dr Moreau, right exactly island of doctor squid row. How
Speaker 1: did we miss all those tentacles? Nice was a good one.
Speaker 1: You have to go in the punishment box just for
Speaker 1: that one. Her body, her dead body is in the
Speaker 1: punish coach. I mean, that's kind of what happens in
Speaker 1: the show. If you've seen it, it feels like she
Speaker 1: got she got punished by dying. That's true, but then
Speaker 1: it's like humiliating my dead body. That's an extra level.
Speaker 1: Was like giving it to a squid to kind of
Speaker 1: like play around with. Game just got real, all right, So, sadly,
Speaker 1: contestant number one did pass on when she was obliterated
Speaker 1: by underwater dodgeballs that were at were explosive and spiky,
Speaker 1: and she did not manage to beat the squid. That
Speaker 1: we're much faster, it had better reflexes. Lydia some house
Speaker 1: survived and Dan managed to skip that game by guessing
Speaker 1: correctly that uh, big fin long short wait, long fin,
Speaker 1: wait a minute, long Fin and short squid have the
Speaker 1: biggest neurons in the world. Major emphasis. But Molly, if
Speaker 1: you want to haunt the podcast with your presence, you
Speaker 1: know that's that's not for me to uh to say
Speaker 1: you can't be ghosts and haunt people. Oh, I'm just
Speaker 1: plotting my revenge from the squid cage where my soul
Speaker 1: is slowly being drained out of my body by cool
Speaker 1: little cute blue octopus. Babies. Yeah, no, I like that energy.
Speaker 1: So Part three, the most exciting game in our final
Speaker 1: game is the Squid Olympic Games. In this part of
Speaker 1: the games, you see a giant Olympic pool. You must
Speaker 1: either pick a water based competition of your choice that
Speaker 1: requires no equipment and the eat some squids at this
Speaker 1: game easy right, Or you can hang out in a
Speaker 1: giant fish tank containing a colossal squid, armed with nothing
Speaker 1: but your wits and your charms. You have to survive
Speaker 1: thirty minutes with the colossal squid, and hey, you know what,
Speaker 1: I'll even give you, guys a little gift. I will
Speaker 1: give you the athletic prowess of Michael Phelps. So what
Speaker 1: do you guys choose? Except for Molly who is dead
Speaker 1: ripping peace? Are we allowed to pick a game that
Speaker 1: involves the spoken word? Because how could because how could
Speaker 1: a squid say fish out of water and catch me
Speaker 1: in Marco polo? That was my exact thought. I was
Speaker 1: just gonna ask if squids can hear? You can't. I
Speaker 1: won't answer whether squids can hear. You can't choose a
Speaker 1: game that uses the spoken words, but you must have
Speaker 1: uom that the squid even if they cannot use language.
Speaker 1: We will slightly modify the game so the squid can
Speaker 1: win FIB no problem, I was really going. I was
Speaker 1: that was a very MINIMAXI question right there. Um, and
Speaker 1: it's only us by ourselves. We can include another person.
Speaker 1: I mean, you've got Molly's ghost. Molly, what are you
Speaker 1: doing as a ghost. Um, I'm not allowed to participate
Speaker 1: in this game, so you guys are on your own.
Speaker 1: Sorry darn it. You know what, I'm going to take
Speaker 1: my chances with the do I have diving equipment from
Speaker 1: spending thirty minutes in a tank with a giant squid? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's not going to be like, well, you suffocated because
Speaker 1: you didn't have any option. You're in the water for
Speaker 1: thirty minutes. You have a thirty minutes of oxygen. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm going to take my chances with the thirty minutes
Speaker 1: of oxygen and the giant squid. I have to correct
Speaker 1: you there, it's a colossal squit, not a giant I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry, my apologies. I'm so sorry the colossal. There
Speaker 1: you go. I'll take my chances, and what about you, Lydia,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna play Marco Polo with the squid please. Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, Molly's ghost, you have just been resurrected as
Speaker 1: a squid and an ironical squist that nobody saw coming.
Speaker 1: What only you're one of the squid now, squid Marco Polo.
Speaker 1: Sounds like a perfect game for me, a squid to play. Okay,
Speaker 1: sounds good. Um So we will check in on what
Speaker 1: happens with Marco Polo. But first, hey, look who it is.
Speaker 1: It's Michael Phelps. He's in the squid games. Now who
Speaker 1: would a guest? And uh He's like, hey, I'll raise
Speaker 1: these squids. No problem, I won't have any problem. You know,
Speaker 1: screw these squid It's gonna be great. Um So, Michael Phelps,
Speaker 1: for reference, can swim it six miles per hour at
Speaker 1: his top speed, which you know, that's pretty good. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's impressive. Yeah, yeah, it's not bad. I feel like
Speaker 1: I feel like you give me some flippers. You're like,
Speaker 1: you give me I mean, I can't swim six miles hour,
Speaker 1: But when you hear it, I guess when you hear
Speaker 1: it outside the water, it's like six miles power is
Speaker 1: a light jog, pretty pretty like it's like what ten
Speaker 1: in a mile? Yeah? No, I mean it is. It's
Speaker 1: actually absurd, like there, it's very fast. It's incredible in
Speaker 1: the water. Yes, yeah, yeah, for a human in the water,
Speaker 1: that's that's nuts. Yes, certainly. So you could try the
Speaker 1: butterfly stroke, you could try some kind of stroke, but
Speaker 1: uh yeah, if you if you try the butterfly stroke,
Speaker 1: you're kind of doomed. Because the Japanese flying squid can
Speaker 1: leap out of the water and glide at speeds of
Speaker 1: up to twenty five miles per hour or eleven per
Speaker 1: second per leap. This is achieved using their jet propulsion system.
Speaker 1: So flying squid are found in the Pacific Ocean near
Speaker 1: the waters of Japan, China, and Russia. They can grow
Speaker 1: to be over twenty inches longer over fifty cimeters. They
Speaker 1: range from sort of a orangey tan color to bluish
Speaker 1: and they can jump and glide over the surface of
Speaker 1: the water, doing repeated jumps for up to thirty meters
Speaker 1: or almost a hundred feet without having to return to
Speaker 1: normal swimming. It is incredibly sick and actually what you
Speaker 1: see when you see one of these squid, and it's
Speaker 1: hard to get footage of it for some reason, like
Speaker 1: I haven't seen that much professional footage. It's mostly caught
Speaker 1: in the background, like someone's jet skiing and suddenly you
Speaker 1: see the squid just launch out of the water. But yeah,
Speaker 1: you'll you'll see this squid just like fling itself out
Speaker 1: of the water, followed by a trail of water because
Speaker 1: it is using jet propulsion of water. So they take
Speaker 1: in water through their mantle cavity, which is also what
Speaker 1: they breathe, and they use powerful muscle con tractions to
Speaker 1: shoot the water out of a siphon coming out of
Speaker 1: their mantle on their underside. So basically it's like as
Speaker 1: if you like would breathe in and then shoot air
Speaker 1: out of like your neck or something, or out of
Speaker 1: your butt. I'm not app I think it's it's kind
Speaker 1: of it's more like the but it's squid and Nanoby
Speaker 1: is kind of weird, like all their junk is up
Speaker 1: in their mantle. They don't really they have a place
Speaker 1: where they excreat waste, but not really a butt so
Speaker 1: to speak. But yeah, so it's as if you like
Speaker 1: breathe in air, shot out of your butt and went
Speaker 1: real fast, um, except instead of air, it's water. So
Speaker 1: if Michael Phelps tries the butterfly he's gonna be eliminated.
Speaker 1: But what about just like, you know, swimming through the water,
Speaker 1: you know, breaststroke. I don't know what the different swimming
Speaker 1: things are. Is one of them? Like, you know what
Speaker 1: is swimming? Like? What are the swimmings that you can do?
Speaker 1: Style is just the regular style? Yeah, regular swim? Yeah.
Speaker 1: The butterfly is that one? Yeah? Butterfly backs? Yeah, you
Speaker 1: could free style whatever. But squids Depending on the species
Speaker 1: of squid, with the some of the like medium to
Speaker 1: larger species, the squids max swimming speed is about eighteen
Speaker 1: miles per hour or eight meters per second, which we
Speaker 1: remember Michael Phelps maximum speed is six miles per hours.
Speaker 1: So squid's wind, You've gone full squid. She's I'm team squad.
Speaker 1: I'm team human extinction, pro squids taken over the dying earth.
Speaker 1: Some squid or cannibal though, so watch watch out, Molly,
Speaker 1: be careful. Well I'm one of them, now, Who who's
Speaker 1: to say I'm not a cannibal squad? That's a good one.
Speaker 1: Freaks me out, Actually, really embrace the squid life. Freaks
Speaker 1: me out when animals eat their own got sorry, it
Speaker 1: is weird, isn't I should have mentioned that with the
Speaker 1: with the I think with the Red Devil squid, they
Speaker 1: also are sometimes cannibals once in a while, but not always,
Speaker 1: you know, depends on their mood, kind of like people. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there you go. Don't kiss me off, don't make you
Speaker 1: know when you just want to bite someone's head off.
Speaker 1: Another redhead thing. Yeah, exactly, it's a redhead thing. Look,
Speaker 1: don't blame me. It's a It's a Monday, and I'm
Speaker 1: a redhead, so it's actually a Friday. Hey, it's a Friday.
Speaker 1: Let's check in with the Marco Polo situation. So Molly,
Speaker 1: what kind of squid are you? I guess I forgot
Speaker 1: to ask. I mean, I think I was kind of
Speaker 1: thinking I was one of those Humboldt squid because I really,
Speaker 1: uh came to identify with it earlier. Yeah, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: like you kind of you. You kind of had had
Speaker 1: an intimate moment with it where it like bit your
Speaker 1: thumb off. So I can see why you would choose
Speaker 1: that we are friends. So it's Molly the Humboldt Squid
Speaker 1: versus Danial. Uh. And uh, I'm gonna say I think
Speaker 1: Molly has a slight advantage here. Uh, Molly. Wait, is
Speaker 1: this the Marco Polo game? Yeah? Wait, who's playing? Oh
Speaker 1: you're about to hang out with a colossal squid? I see,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm taking my chances. I'm squid alright. So
Speaker 1: it's Lydia versus Molly, who is a humboldt squid? Uh?
Speaker 1: And so let's just do two rounds of this. So
Speaker 1: uh when um, who wants to go first? As Marco? Wait?
Speaker 1: Who's Marco and Marco Polo? Is that the guy swimming? No,
Speaker 1: that's the person who is whose eyes covered in theory,
Speaker 1: who has their eyes closed? Okay, okay guy, Okay, who's Marco?
Speaker 1: Who's got their eyes close? First? You want to flip
Speaker 1: a coin, squid's choice, I'll let Molly pick um all
Speaker 1: of my eyes closed? Okay, so Molly goes first. Now, unfortunately,
Speaker 1: molly squid are very reliant on their eyesight in terms
Speaker 1: of hunting, so they do use those huge eyes for hunting,
Speaker 1: and sometimes they'll actually deep seed squid will use bioluminescence
Speaker 1: to help them hunt. But they do have a sense
Speaker 1: of hearing, and they do have a sense of sort
Speaker 1: of taste slash smell, So you're not completely doomed. You
Speaker 1: probably could do a pretty good job of trying. I'm
Speaker 1: just like, how big is the pool? I can go
Speaker 1: really fast? You can move pretty fast. Yeah, if I
Speaker 1: just did like lapse around the pool until I found her,
Speaker 1: like like a vortax, like circling in on you. What
Speaker 1: if I did fish out of water? How would she know?
Speaker 1: I forgot about that? That seems like cheat? Well, I
Speaker 1: mean it is, but I didn't say I wouldn't cheat
Speaker 1: at the squid game. It's it's true game cheating. Uh.
Speaker 1: But when it's Olydia's turn to try to catch Molly,
Speaker 1: I feel like Molly's going to have a real advantage
Speaker 1: again because of that big juicy axe on. Squid's reflex
Speaker 1: is very good. So if Molly is trying to avoid
Speaker 1: getting touched by Lydia, I think it's going to be
Speaker 1: pretty tricky for Lydia to catch Molly. Molly's also Molly's
Speaker 1: also pretty big, right, Molly? It is pretty big? That is?
Speaker 1: I am Squid. I'm so much faster than Michael Phelps.
Speaker 1: I would like destroy Michael Phelp. But there's more of
Speaker 1: you than Michael Phelps. It depends the size of the pool,
Speaker 1: which I guess we really didn't establish I'm thinking like
Speaker 1: an infinity pool. An infinity pool isn't isn't that? But
Speaker 1: it has that. It just has like a just has
Speaker 1: like a waterfall on one And it doesn't literally mean
Speaker 1: I'm like an infinite pool. No, but I'm I'm using
Speaker 1: it in that. Okay, it's like an infinite infinite pool. Infinite,
Speaker 1: the infinite pool. Perfect. I'm gonna give Molly the advantage
Speaker 1: on this, um this thing, because she is a squid.
Speaker 1: You just can't deny the squid's ultimate power. Um. So
Speaker 1: uh Lydia, pick pick a number between one and six
Speaker 1: h two? All right, what shure do you have? Like? Um,
Speaker 1: do you have a deception multiplier? It's a million? Oh
Speaker 1: well in that case, now sorry, we're not doing it.
Speaker 1: This is alright, So you pick two. Let's see how
Speaker 1: this shakes out for you. Oh my god, I have
Speaker 1: to share this main shot with you guys, Oh my gosh, please, yeah,
Speaker 1: because I feel like you're not going to believe me.
Speaker 1: Is it just a big sign that says death? No,
Speaker 1: that's not how Die work. I don't their name is Die. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I rolled the two. That's amazing. Actually, I'm kind of
Speaker 1: known when I played dn d for doing that, I'm
Speaker 1: really good at, really weirdly lucky at dice rolls. Wait,
Speaker 1: but what does that mean though in this context? Is
Speaker 1: that was that a saving role or was that a
Speaker 1: match of rolling? Cool? Yeah, so now you're gonna Now
Speaker 1: it's Lydia's turn to hunt down Molly with her eyes closed,
Speaker 1: Molly choose, I'm gonna say she's three numbers, h one, five,
Speaker 1: and six. All right, Oh my god, it's a three.
Speaker 1: So has somehow defeated Molly. If there was a into
Speaker 1: this that this would happen, incredible, I'm I'm sorry, squid, Molly,
Speaker 1: this is just not your day. First, you are combated
Speaker 1: by first, you get your thumb bitten off, and then
Speaker 1: you get blown up by a cannon, and then you
Speaker 1: come back as a squid only to be humiliated in
Speaker 1: a game of Marco Polo. But you know, the consolation
Speaker 1: is you're still a cool squid, so you know, heck yeah,
Speaker 1: oh At first thing, I thought she died because but
Speaker 1: then I was like, no, I just caught her in
Speaker 1: Marco Polo. I'm not kill Yeah, no, I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: Here's the thing about the squid games, is I'm not
Speaker 1: going to kill any of the squids, only the humans
Speaker 1: because I'm an animal lover that tracks. No squids are
Speaker 1: harmed in the making of this squid game. No, exactly,
Speaker 1: only a bunch of people, like so many people hurt
Speaker 1: very badly, Molly, Molly was hurt to death, but the
Speaker 1: squids are fine. M So Danil. Finally we come to you.
Speaker 1: You're in the tank with the colossal squid and uh trying,
Speaker 1: you know, just trying to hang out. So let's describe
Speaker 1: the situation for you. And I'm just hanging out. Uh,
Speaker 1: you like brought your little cuttlefish body with you, and
Speaker 1: he's like, no, man, you're in your own with this
Speaker 1: one and scoots off. So what you're facing is the
Speaker 1: colossal squid. They grow up to be about eighteen ft
Speaker 1: five point five meters to forty two ft long or
Speaker 1: thirteen meters. They are different from the giant squid. They're
Speaker 1: actually heavier than the giant squid, if not a little shorter.
Speaker 1: So they weigh over one thousand pounds to about like
Speaker 1: fift hundred pounds or about five hundred seven hundred ms,
Speaker 1: So they're they're hafty boys. They are actually should say,
Speaker 1: hapty girls, because I leave the females do grow to
Speaker 1: be bigger. They are the world's Yeah, real win for
Speaker 1: squid feminism. Squimin is um um. They are the world's
Speaker 1: heaviest invertebrates. They have sharp hooks among their suckers on
Speaker 1: their arms and tentacles that can cause scarring on whales.
Speaker 1: The hooks on their two tentacles can swivel three hundred
Speaker 1: sixty degrees, whereas the hooks on their arms remain stationary. Uh.
Speaker 1: In addition to these hooks, they have suckers that have
Speaker 1: hard serrated interior that can slice and dice as they suck.
Speaker 1: It's like it sounds like something you'd sell the like QVC.
Speaker 1: It sucks, it slices, it dices, slap shop. They also
Speaker 1: have three hearts, like most squid, actually, like all squid.
Speaker 1: I think that's terrified. It's like a cling on in
Speaker 1: star trek. They just have extra because they get stabbed
Speaker 1: so much. Refe is to die. Okay, So, uh, Dan,
Speaker 1: what's kind of gonna be your your strategy with this thing? Oh,
Speaker 1: just you know, hanging out, telling stories, not causing any
Speaker 1: sort of friction and just being a just you know,
Speaker 1: just trying to be chill, So this is probably a
Speaker 1: good strategy. Colossal squid, despite their extremely intimidating features, are
Speaker 1: probably relatively chill. They are huge deep sea creatures. They
Speaker 1: have very slow metabolism, so instead of chasing and hunting prey,
Speaker 1: they probably wait for fish to wander too close to
Speaker 1: their tentacles, upon which point they grab them and pull
Speaker 1: them into their beaks. Uh. And at that point the
Speaker 1: fish kind of uh. I don't think the fish has
Speaker 1: much of a chance. So if it gets you in
Speaker 1: its tentacles, uh, and it's curious about you, wants to
Speaker 1: have a little nibble or is kind of hungry and
Speaker 1: wants to take a bite. I don't think it would
Speaker 1: necessarily see you as food because you're probably bigger than
Speaker 1: the fish that it typically eats, and so smart it
Speaker 1: would be like, oh, that's not food. Yeah, but it
Speaker 1: could be curious and want to like hang out with Daniel,
Speaker 1: even past bat you around a little bit, like you know, yeah, exactly, nibble,
Speaker 1: nibble on your scuba gear. Oh gosh, I have a big,
Speaker 1: juicy tuna that I've conveniently brought with me for this
Speaker 1: very occasion, and it loves swimming too close to swings.
Speaker 1: This is like children's game rules where you're like, well,
Speaker 1: I actually have a tuna and it's got a force.
Speaker 1: Well that's so funny. But yeah, I mean, there are
Speaker 1: a lot of stories of like squid pulling people down
Speaker 1: into the depths or attacking ships, and I think that's
Speaker 1: probably pretty unlikely. I think giant squid and colossal squid
Speaker 1: are probably more likely to hang out at the bottom
Speaker 1: of the ocean waiting for fish to happen by them
Speaker 1: and then they'll grab them. They're kind of ambush predators.
Speaker 1: They don't chase after things as much. Um And when
Speaker 1: there are injuries on whales, it's usually defensive wounds. So
Speaker 1: like the squid fighting against the whale, because whales will
Speaker 1: eat giant squid or colossal squid, something big, a toothed whale,
Speaker 1: like a sperm whale, we'll we'll eat them. And they
Speaker 1: actually do that by like, uh, creating sort of a vortex,
Speaker 1: so they like turn onto their bellies and suck in
Speaker 1: so that they create this vacuum to try to suck
Speaker 1: in the squid. Uh. And so if the squid can
Speaker 1: like grab outside of the whale's body to try to
Speaker 1: like not get eaten it will and so to leave
Speaker 1: these scars. And so there's there's this perception that they're
Speaker 1: these epic battles between squid and whales. But I think, Molly,
Speaker 1: you were the one who brought this up earlier, that
Speaker 1: it's actually just just the poor squid trying to trying
Speaker 1: to live their life and some a whole whale comes along,
Speaker 1: and yeah, I mean it seems like the giant squid
Speaker 1: really don't want to be bothered by us, um because
Speaker 1: they're so rarely seen by humans. Um. I respect that
Speaker 1: so much. If I were a giant squid, I would
Speaker 1: just want humans to leave me alone, let me do
Speaker 1: my giant squid thing at the bottom of the ocean.
Speaker 1: And I just love how much we don't know about
Speaker 1: them because of that. It's like, yeah, there's things we
Speaker 1: legitimately don't know about giant squid. Still, that's so cool. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And one of the things we don't know is what
Speaker 1: would happen if you stick a person in a big
Speaker 1: tank with a live giant squid? Right, because they like
Speaker 1: barely even find them, so they could never use them
Speaker 1: for highly unethical animal experiments on some kind of televised
Speaker 1: game show. Is this what you thought squid Game was
Speaker 1: going to be? Though? Yeah, the show you were like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's the show for me about people playing games with squids,
Speaker 1: and then it was like, yeah, that would be a
Speaker 1: bench bench like squid you know, like squid dodgeball, squid tennis, squidness.
Speaker 1: Did you ever watch there was like a reality show
Speaker 1: in the early two thousand's called Man Versus Beast. It
Speaker 1: was just one like two hours on special Danimals eyes
Speaker 1: just lit up, I think they vaguely remember that. I
Speaker 1: watched it again recently and it was like human athletes
Speaker 1: against animals. It was totally unethical and animal cruelty brought
Speaker 1: in real animals for it literally and it was like
Speaker 1: things like a human versus a monkey on an obstacle. Course. Um,
Speaker 1: there was one that was like like a I forget
Speaker 1: it was like a tug of war with a bear
Speaker 1: or something. But um, the animals one, I believe like
Speaker 1: two out of three times. They want so many. My
Speaker 1: favorite was I think it was the bear versus Kobo
Speaker 1: Yashi hot dog eating context. That's what it was. Bear
Speaker 1: just smoked him. Still, it was like you have this
Speaker 1: bear basically like I mean chained up forcing it to
Speaker 1: eat hot dogs. It was like this is this is
Speaker 1: not this is It was horrible, not good nutrition for
Speaker 1: the bear. I feel like every time the animals won,
Speaker 1: they should have been able to eat a producer boom, Yes,
Speaker 1: they should have fed them the competitor. So it was like,
Speaker 1: Kobo yashi, you are eating for your life right here.
Speaker 1: Eat these hot dogs or the bear and eat. The
Speaker 1: show runners for coming up with such an idea, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: I mean, oh yeah. I think one of them was
Speaker 1: like a was like how long can you hang on
Speaker 1: a pull up bar? And it was a monkey versus
Speaker 1: a person like a gymnasipal that and the monkey lost.
Speaker 1: But it was like on a technicality, and it made
Speaker 1: me furious because I was like, the technicality, it's animal
Speaker 1: abuse and it's not fair. That's sorry, it's animal abuse
Speaker 1: and uh incorrectly umpired, which is exactly which is why
Speaker 1: the producers were some of those first two hundred people
Speaker 1: in this squid Game, right. They were all exact everyone
Speaker 1: who made those reality shows in the early two thousand's
Speaker 1: that were really morally horrible. They're all in the squid Game.
Speaker 1: They had first I wish yeah, I mean, like I know,
Speaker 1: that's not like the political point of squid Game. But
Speaker 1: it would be fun to like watch like a reality
Speaker 1: show to the death with a bunch of exploitative reality
Speaker 1: show execs. You know what I mean? Yeah? Right, that
Speaker 1: make a million dollars. There we go. Netflix, are you listening?
Speaker 1: They are rebooting Joe Millionaire, and that's what it should be.
Speaker 1: It should be that the twist is actually a bunch
Speaker 1: of animals are going to eat the producers of Joe
Speaker 1: Millionaire because you reboot that. Now everyone knows that show.
Speaker 1: I think it would be really there's like two thousands nostalgia.
Speaker 1: The twist is that on the new Joe Millionaire, one
Speaker 1: of them is rich and one is poor. There's like
Speaker 1: two bachelors and nobody knows which one is the millionaire
Speaker 1: and who's the poor one. I thought got like all
Speaker 1: Amish girls who they've never heard. I have no idea.
Speaker 1: I want to reboot of Undercover Bosses, but where they
Speaker 1: actually are subjected to bad working conditions, so like literally
Speaker 1: being forced to pee in bottles and stuff. Yes, put
Speaker 1: them in the Amazon factory, all of them right right right,
Speaker 1: getting like into workplace accidents and stuff. Also, on a
Speaker 1: side note about animal competition shows. That first animal show
Speaker 1: completely pales in comparison to the c g I generated
Speaker 1: animal versus Beast fake competition show, where it was just
Speaker 1: who would win in a fight a guerrilla versus a shark,
Speaker 1: And it was like put them on their territory and
Speaker 1: have these c g I animals battle it out, which
Speaker 1: was at least entertaining without the animal cruelty in it.
Speaker 1: I will I will take that. I will take that
Speaker 1: sounds better. Yeah, at least don't make them actually fight. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: c g I animals. Look, that's you know, that's what
Speaker 1: we have god Zilla versus cong for you exactly. You
Speaker 1: have to live at that fantasy somehow destroy a city
Speaker 1: in the process, That's all I ask. Exactly. So um,
Speaker 1: I guess. I mean I would say that I think
Speaker 1: that Daniel and uh Lydia survived. Molly did die but
Speaker 1: did come back as a Humboldt squid, so true. And
Speaker 1: then I died again. Then I died. No, no, you
Speaker 1: didn't die in a game of a game of Mark
Speaker 1: Polos Squid. Well, what the defference from my pride? I'm
Speaker 1: like emerging from the cool bloody anyway, because I just
Speaker 1: had extra blood with me, and I want to be dramatic,
Speaker 1: you know, but Molly, there's no blood coming from Molly
Speaker 1: is fine. No squids were harmed in making him. I'm
Speaker 1: just that sad squid. But here's the twistier twist is
Speaker 1: that we actually have one more game, and this is
Speaker 1: the game we actually play on every episode of this
Speaker 1: show in the new season, and it's called Guess Who's talking?
Speaker 1: Every week on the show, I play a mystery animal
Speaker 1: sound and you guys out in the audience and you
Speaker 1: guys here with me today try to guess who is
Speaker 1: talking in this clip. So first we got to reveal
Speaker 1: who was talking last week. Uh my hint for last
Speaker 1: week is this may sound like a goat, but if
Speaker 1: you try to milk it, you're going to have a
Speaker 1: bed time all right. Uh so do you guys think
Speaker 1: is talking? Wow? Incredible, that was a unique sound. I'm
Speaker 1: going to guess just like first first instinct of what
Speaker 1: that felt like, what I visualized when I heard that sound,
Speaker 1: and say, it's a bird and that interesting. It's a
Speaker 1: tawny frog mouth. M hm, tawny frog mouth. That's an
Speaker 1: interesting That's just what I pictured when I heard that sound. Okay,
Speaker 1: anybody else an he guesses, I have an observation, and
Speaker 1: then I guess as well. When I was listening to that,
Speaker 1: I was like, that really sounds like goats that they
Speaker 1: hear some bad but the tone was too consistent, not
Speaker 1: enough like bam, no volume modulation, not enough sticato, not sticato.
Speaker 1: But I think it's bugs, but I can't say what
Speaker 1: kind of I have no idea what kind of bug
Speaker 1: it is, as there are many bug types. So we
Speaker 1: got one for Tonny frog mouth, shadow bug type. I
Speaker 1: have a bug guess? Can I put in the secondary guess?
Speaker 1: My secondary guess is locust locus? Okay? Am? I allowed? Am?
Speaker 1: I allowed to piggyback off of that sinsid didn't name
Speaker 1: a specific bug. I can't possibly take all that's I'm
Speaker 1: giving Daniel. His answer, you, Molly, that is incredibly kind.
Speaker 1: Doesn't count because I'm a squid fair. I appreciate that,
Speaker 1: Thank you. I just I'm ignorant of bug types other
Speaker 1: than I could say, you know, locust is a great
Speaker 1: I'm back locust. That's a great answer. Okay, So we
Speaker 1: got one for bugs, which is locusts, and one for
Speaker 1: Tonny frog mouth. What about you lydia. I'm picturing a
Speaker 1: small rodent and I'm trying to think of one that
Speaker 1: I don't know what down they make, so I'm going
Speaker 1: to say prairie dogs. Interesting. These are all incredible guesses. Um,
Speaker 1: I mean they're all wrong, but one of them got
Speaker 1: close in a weird way, which I don't know if
Speaker 1: that really counts. But anyways, these are the calls of
Speaker 1: the eastern narrow mouth toads. Wow. Okay, while they're called toads,
Speaker 1: they're actually frogs. So the frog mouth is close name,
Speaker 1: but that is a bird, so you know it definitely,
Speaker 1: because like I was thinking, like what animals kind of
Speaker 1: drone and frogs are right up there. Uh. My other
Speaker 1: wrong guess was going to be cicadas. Cicada is also great. Yes,
Speaker 1: it does sound like cicadas. It does. I mean, all
Speaker 1: your guesses are pretty good. We just listen to it
Speaker 1: again now that we know what it is't imagine a
Speaker 1: toad as we hear this. My gosh, do it again, Encore.
Speaker 1: I don't know why it's so much sillier nerves. I'm
Speaker 1: just imagining a bunch of I like the one that's
Speaker 1: dramatic that's coming in white higher than everyone else. Like yes,
Speaker 1: like a little barbershop quartet made with me, Um Katie.
Speaker 1: I'd love to do a follow up podcast with you
Speaker 1: sometime where we talk about the theory that Havanna syndrome
Speaker 1: is actually just people being unnerved by the sound of
Speaker 1: hearing bugs and frogs at night in Havana, which they've
Speaker 1: never heard really because they're Americans who don't live in
Speaker 1: a tropical climate. Have you heard this theory? I think
Speaker 1: I did hear this at one point that like maybe
Speaker 1: it was Cicada's and people like weren't expecting it to
Speaker 1: be so loud or something or had their sleep disrupted.
Speaker 1: That's like what the hotel. The guys at the hotel
Speaker 1: thought was happening, because they were like, yeah, it's Cuba.
Speaker 1: We don't have like air conditioning or whatever, you know.
Speaker 1: We we just that people weren't used to like hearing
Speaker 1: ambient outdoor noise because and and I'm with the camp
Speaker 1: of people that think it's psychological and not a real
Speaker 1: condition but sort of like a thing that people learn
Speaker 1: about and then think they have um some kind of
Speaker 1: like what is it like psychogenic? Uh yeah, But I
Speaker 1: do think that people, you know, when you when you
Speaker 1: go anywhere else and you hear the different ambient sound
Speaker 1: of the outside in that place, it can be really
Speaker 1: unsettling if you're not used to it. No, but I
Speaker 1: absolutely agree with the heaven a syndrome thing. I think
Speaker 1: that if it's anything, it's probably a bunch of like
Speaker 1: cicadas or frogs or something thing. Um. Probably not like
Speaker 1: um communist microwave ray, because I don't think that makes
Speaker 1: sense with physics, But I do think it makes a
Speaker 1: lot more sense for a bunch of people like who
Speaker 1: are not used to it, being like, oh god, I'm
Speaker 1: surrounded by frog noises and they don't even sound like frogs.
Speaker 1: But yeah, the narrow mouth toad, the sound we just
Speaker 1: heard is it's adorable. They only grow to be up
Speaker 1: to two inches long or fifty three millimeters. They're found
Speaker 1: in North America, midwestern woods and swamps. Um and uh, yeah,
Speaker 1: this call that they do is their mating call. That's
Speaker 1: that's what they have to offer the ladies. And um.
Speaker 1: They actually sometimes even do their mating call while like
Speaker 1: half buried in sand because they don't want to like
Speaker 1: risk getting caught by a predator, and so they just
Speaker 1: kind of pop their head out of the sand and
Speaker 1: started doing this like may with me. This hit me
Speaker 1: a girl, you know you're looking to fine. Also, while
Speaker 1: they're mating, males excrete and adhesive substance that's like glue
Speaker 1: out of their chest so that they stick to the
Speaker 1: female better, so that a rival male them off super clean,
Speaker 1: very clean, but rules. Well again, back to the giant squid.
Speaker 1: The sperm pockets. Nobody knows how they get embedded in
Speaker 1: the female giant squids muscles. Yeah, they have some theories,
Speaker 1: but no one's ever seen it happen. Um, that's where
Speaker 1: the muscular elongated penis comes in. They were like, we
Speaker 1: just assume, like somehow it gets it gets it on
Speaker 1: there and then it um. I just love. They just
Speaker 1: don't know. We don't know. Yeah, there's so many different
Speaker 1: methods of sperm delivery to like some squid, like an
Speaker 1: octopus will just like throw their sperm at the female
Speaker 1: run away because they're afraid of getting eaten. So as
Speaker 1: one does just like just like here's my sperm. Sorry,
Speaker 1: but there was a there was a phrase in the
Speaker 1: article and it was a science article, so I thought
Speaker 1: it was especially funny. But it was like the scientists
Speaker 1: tracking the sperm spangled females sperm and I was like,
Speaker 1: that is what they are say, does that sperm spangled
Speaker 1: And they said, the giant swood has something called like
Speaker 1: a seminal receptacle. Seminal receptacle. Yeah, it's beak. So they
Speaker 1: were like, maybe it goes in there, but then we
Speaker 1: don't know how it gets from there to being embedded
Speaker 1: in the muscles. Just I love trying to think about
Speaker 1: something that breaks your brain to think about. I was saying,
Speaker 1: it's like in all those HP Lovecraft stories, they're always like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's like the horror of this, like tentacle creatures indescribable.
Speaker 1: I love the idea that it's like their love making
Speaker 1: is literally indescribable, because I've ever seen it. Yeah, how
Speaker 1: we got to do like a whole episode just a gooey,
Speaker 1: weird squid and stephal pod mating because it is the
Speaker 1: strangest there are things where like this. I would love
Speaker 1: to just do a mating episode. I'm very interested in
Speaker 1: frog balls in snake balls and frog balls um, which
Speaker 1: is not genitalia. It's when they make they make like
Speaker 1: a critter ballall mate with one female. Yeah, yeah, it's
Speaker 1: like an or mash ground. Yeah, yeah, yeah, an orgy
Speaker 1: bit round. It's like one of the most incredible things
Speaker 1: I've ever I've ever seen, a spherical orgy. Yeah, looks
Speaker 1: like danials trying to look at it. Be or snake ball,
Speaker 1: look up snake ball browsers in private mode. Is it
Speaker 1: similar to a rat king? He is? Actually it's just
Speaker 1: like a rat king, but it's like a horny rat. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Oh god, I'm so stoked to look at this horrifying picture. Wow,
Speaker 1: that damn that is a horny snake ball right there. Nice,
Speaker 1: I love it. The frog ball is even better. Get ready.
Speaker 1: The frog ball is genuinely like, Oh, it's like they're
Speaker 1: having a little friend pile. They're having a little let's
Speaker 1: see this. Oh man, where does legs start and mouth begin?
Speaker 1: We're like the one that's like got one foot on
Speaker 1: the other one's shoulder, like me in like the beginning
Speaker 1: of a rugby match. But horny. But that actually, that's
Speaker 1: that's horny already kind of wish well it's too late
Speaker 1: now yeah, I clicked all right. So it's like when
Speaker 1: you see like the spider with the baby spiders on
Speaker 1: its back, and you wish you hadn't seen it. I
Speaker 1: kind of like those though. I think they're sweet, Like
Speaker 1: you love your babies, you love all five hundred of
Speaker 1: your babies. In any other context, I would agree with you,
Speaker 1: But then I can't get over it. Too many little
Speaker 1: spiders scare me. I big scare, Like what if what
Speaker 1: if they were all contained within a baby Bjorn? Though?
Speaker 1: That was like spider like? Would that be better? That's cute? Honestly, yes,
Speaker 1: thank you that that really helps. Thank you five hundred
Speaker 1: little pacifiers on this one, big baby Bjorn. Anyways, to
Speaker 1: the mystery sound for this week. So the hint is
Speaker 1: wind shield wipers, an el or somebody trying to find
Speaker 1: his damsel in distress. It's like that warble that Okay,
Speaker 1: what do you guys think? If you guess correctly, I'll
Speaker 1: just bliep you at bird. I agree, that's sound. That
Speaker 1: sounded like a bird. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that. Yes,
Speaker 1: I agree with Lydia all birds. That was a singular
Speaker 1: all bird noise right there. It's birds, Molly, what do
Speaker 1: you think? Ah, yeah, it's birds. It's birds first, it's birds. Well,
Speaker 1: the answer to our mystery sound will be answered in
Speaker 1: next week's podcast on next Wednesday. Um, but thank you
Speaker 1: guys so much for joining me. Where can people find you?
Speaker 1: Daniel Lydia and uh squid Molly. You can find me
Speaker 1: at Molly Lambert on Twitter. That's pretty much. You can
Speaker 1: find me on Twitter. Two. I'm at you know Lydia
Speaker 1: like k and O w l y d i A
Speaker 1: uh and dog dot com where I write comedy collumps,
Speaker 1: uh and my Last Fruits. No, just about everything. It's
Speaker 1: just a very fun website name I'm still there. Not
Speaker 1: about how that poor bear was forced to eat. It's
Speaker 1: not a call back to the hot dog Eating Bear,
Speaker 1: the tragic story of the hot dog eating bear. It's
Speaker 1: a fun comedy website. Um. And you can find me
Speaker 1: on all the social media's at DJ underscore, Danial, Instagram, Twitter, Twitch,
Speaker 1: all that stuff. DJ Underscore d A n now find
Speaker 1: me there saying stupid about nothing? But isn't that all? Podcast? Yes,
Speaker 1: thank you, and you can find me at Katie Golden
Speaker 1: or the podcast Creature feature Pod on Instagram, Creature feature
Speaker 1: Pod on Gmail. It's a Creature Creature pod at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com where you can send me in your guests
Speaker 1: from the Mrs Animal sound Noise, your questions, pictures of squids.
Speaker 1: Uh or you can find the show on Twitter at
Speaker 1: creature feet pod. That's f T dot f et That
Speaker 1: is something very different. Um and thanks to the Space
Speaker 1: Cossicks for their super awesome song excel Lumina. If you're
Speaker 1: gonna try the show it just drop into review. I
Speaker 1: love it. Tell your friends, tell your family, Tell your squids, spread,
Speaker 1: spread the squids around. There's more than enough squid for
Speaker 1: everybody to share, which is the point of the squid games.
Speaker 1: That's the lesson. I don't know if you guys picked
Speaker 1: up on that that there's more than enough squid go around.
Speaker 1: Thank goodness, thanks so much for listening. This was a
Speaker 1: production of I Heart Radio for more podcasts like the
Speaker 1: one you just heard was the iHeart Radio app Apple podcast,
Speaker 1: where hey guess what wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Speaker 1: See you next Wednesday.