WEBVTT - PART 2: Why Your Reputation Matters More Than Ever 0:00:01.400 --> 0:00:05.520 On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space. Your name 0:00:05.760 --> 0:00:09.520 carries energy before you into a room, and eventually who 0:00:09.760 --> 0:00:12.480 you are will matter more than how impressive you looked 0:00:12.840 --> 0:00:15.880 online or even just from the outside right, like from 0:00:15.960 --> 0:00:18.320 seeing you as superficially. 0:00:19.280 --> 0:00:23.360 Yes, and reputation can change. Like we said before, reputation 0:00:23.440 --> 0:00:27.480 can change, but character is the thing that's generally constant 0:00:27.480 --> 0:00:32.839 in us. Hey, lady, have you ever felt like the 0:00:32.880 --> 0:00:37.320 world just doesn't get you? Well, we do. 0:00:38.400 --> 0:00:42.160 Welcome to Cultivating her Space, the podcast dedicated to uplifting 0:00:42.159 --> 0:00:43.800 and empowering women like you. 0:00:44.960 --> 0:00:50.840 We're your hosts, doctor Dominique Brussard and educator and psychologists. 0:00:49.800 --> 0:00:52.960 And Terry Lomax, a techie and transformational speaker. 0:00:53.880 --> 0:00:58.320 Join us every week for authentic conversations about everything from 0:00:58.400 --> 0:01:03.160 fibroids to fake frind As we create space for black 0:01:03.200 --> 0:01:07.240 women to just b Before. 0:01:07.000 --> 0:01:09.119 We dive in, make sure you hit that follow button 0:01:09.120 --> 0:01:11.679 and leave us a quick five star review. Lady, We 0:01:11.720 --> 0:01:14.840 are black founded and black owned, and your support will 0:01:14.840 --> 0:01:16.800 help us reach even more women like you. 0:01:17.840 --> 0:01:22.480 Now, let's get into this week's episode of Cultivating her Space. 0:01:24.400 --> 0:01:27.400 It's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her Space podcast. 0:01:28.360 --> 0:01:31.320 Are you currently a resident of the state of California 0:01:32.000 --> 0:01:37.080 and contemplating starting your therapy journey. Well, if so, please 0:01:37.120 --> 0:01:40.960 reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com. 0:01:41.440 --> 0:01:46.280 That's d R D O M I N I q 0:01:46.600 --> 0:01:52.000 U E b R O U ss ar D dot 0:01:52.040 --> 0:01:56.960 com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I look 0:01:57.000 --> 0:01:58.200 forward to hearing from you. 0:02:00.200 --> 0:02:00.680 Of the day. 0:02:02.080 --> 0:02:08.320 The reality is people are human. People make mistakes, but 0:02:09.080 --> 0:02:13.120 we also have to learn how to protect ourselves, trust 0:02:13.160 --> 0:02:17.359 ourselves and move with wisdom. All right, I'm gonna say 0:02:17.360 --> 0:02:18.920 that one more time for the folks in the back. 0:02:20.520 --> 0:02:28.320 The reality is people are human. People make mistakes, but 0:02:29.080 --> 0:02:33.520 we also have to learn how to protect ourselves, trust 0:02:33.560 --> 0:02:36.639 ourselves and move with wisdom. 0:02:37.320 --> 0:02:41.880 Aim into that. Listen what comes it? Is something coming 0:02:41.919 --> 0:02:43.440 up for you around the quote. 0:02:44.120 --> 0:02:48.000 Yeah, uh, it's I mean, I feel like it's self explanatory. 0:02:48.800 --> 0:02:51.040 But I think the thing that I want to emphasize 0:02:51.320 --> 0:03:01.600 is we are human like from the person that you 0:03:01.880 --> 0:03:05.280 think the most about that you have on the highest 0:03:05.280 --> 0:03:08.520 of five pedestals. And we talked about pedestals last week. 0:03:08.600 --> 0:03:11.400 If you haven't listened the last week's episode, pause this one. 0:03:11.480 --> 0:03:13.640 Go listen to the last week's episode and then come back 0:03:15.520 --> 0:03:19.720 to the person that you think the worst of and 0:03:20.000 --> 0:03:23.239 everybody in between. We are all human. 0:03:23.919 --> 0:03:27.040 That's it, Mike Drop, All right, let's get into it. 0:03:27.280 --> 0:03:33.160 So last week we started a very important conversation about reputation, character, integrity, 0:03:33.520 --> 0:03:37.080 and why our reputation matters more than ever, especially in 0:03:37.120 --> 0:03:41.240 this age. And honestly, that conversation, it was so it 0:03:41.280 --> 0:03:44.000 was so rich, and it we kind of went deeper 0:03:44.040 --> 0:03:45.720 than we expected, and so we wanted to come back 0:03:45.720 --> 0:03:47.240 with the part two. So, as Dom said, if you 0:03:47.280 --> 0:03:49.680 have not listened to part one yet, go back listen, 0:03:49.800 --> 0:03:52.240 check it out, and then join us here. But today 0:03:52.280 --> 0:03:55.720 we're going to dive into discernment, and we're talking about 0:03:56.000 --> 0:04:01.480 knowing how and who to trust, accountability without dehumanization, and 0:04:01.520 --> 0:04:03.480 what it means to leave room for growth in a 0:04:03.520 --> 0:04:06.160 world where people are constantly again they can put on 0:04:06.200 --> 0:04:09.000 pedalstols and publicly torn down because like you said, Dom, 0:04:09.480 --> 0:04:11.920 yes we all make or yes, we're all human and 0:04:12.000 --> 0:04:14.640 we make mistakes and it is still important for us 0:04:14.640 --> 0:04:18.200 to protect ourselves. Like just because someone it's just so 0:04:18.279 --> 0:04:20.599 much nuance there, right, like, yes we are human, Yes 0:04:20.640 --> 0:04:23.640 we all make mistakes, and if someone's a repeat offender 0:04:23.680 --> 0:04:25.240 and they keep doing the same thing over and over, 0:04:25.360 --> 0:04:27.400 or they show you their character or who they are 0:04:27.480 --> 0:04:30.520 or who they are deciding to be on a consistent basis, 0:04:30.839 --> 0:04:34.279 we need to make some decisions, right And so we're 0:04:34.279 --> 0:04:36.040 gonna talk right about We're going to dive right into 0:04:36.160 --> 0:04:40.680 how to know who to trust because it's getting tough 0:04:40.720 --> 0:04:43.520 out here in these streets right with AI. And I 0:04:43.560 --> 0:04:46.440 was telling Dom that I saw this video on the 0:04:46.640 --> 0:04:48.960 use of Tube and the YouTube where it was like 0:04:49.000 --> 0:04:52.240 an ad and it was it looked like Oprah, But 0:04:52.279 --> 0:04:54.839 I just you know how AI right now still has 0:04:54.880 --> 0:04:58.960 that funny it's like a little little funky voice to it. 0:04:59.000 --> 0:05:00.880 I knew it wasn't Oprah. We many of us have 0:05:00.920 --> 0:05:02.680 watched Open since we were kids. I know it was 0:05:02.680 --> 0:05:05.480 an open but they were promoting a product with her likeness, 0:05:05.520 --> 0:05:08.279 and I was just like, how is this legal? Number one? 0:05:08.320 --> 0:05:10.840 It's probably not, so I don't know how they're doing it, 0:05:10.880 --> 0:05:14.360 But that's that's pretty scary. 0:05:14.440 --> 0:05:17.920 It is really scary. And I think the thing is 0:05:17.920 --> 0:05:23.120 is that even with the rise of AI taking over 0:05:23.200 --> 0:05:28.240 people's image and likeness, even outside of that, even before that, 0:05:29.000 --> 0:05:34.280 it was still important for us to understand how to 0:05:34.640 --> 0:05:38.840 trust the people around us that we interact with in 0:05:38.920 --> 0:05:40.080 real life. 0:05:40.360 --> 0:05:41.200 Yeah. 0:05:41.600 --> 0:05:46.920 So for me, when I think about like the people 0:05:47.000 --> 0:05:51.440 who are trustworthy, right, I know that I can trust 0:05:51.440 --> 0:05:56.720 you if you are consistent, if and consistent. And here's 0:05:56.760 --> 0:06:01.040 the thing I want to say. With that consistency, you 0:06:01.080 --> 0:06:08.159 can be consistent at being shitty like you can be 0:06:08.640 --> 0:06:11.360 a not so good person. You can treat people not 0:06:12.000 --> 0:06:16.120 you cannot treat people well. Yeah, and if that's what 0:06:16.160 --> 0:06:24.040 you consistently do, I trust that I trust you. Trusting 0:06:24.080 --> 0:06:29.880 you doesn't mean that I agree with you, that I 0:06:30.120 --> 0:06:33.920 actually or that I like who you are. What it 0:06:34.120 --> 0:06:37.680 means is that at least in this consistency piece, I 0:06:37.720 --> 0:06:42.160 can trust. I can trust you in that your behavior's 0:06:42.279 --> 0:06:47.880 behavior that I don't rock with because you're consistent with it. 0:06:48.760 --> 0:06:56.560 Right now, the type of trustworthy people that we want 0:06:56.600 --> 0:07:01.320 to spend time around insistent in the good things that 0:07:01.360 --> 0:07:08.679 they do. They admit to their mistakes, They treat people 0:07:08.839 --> 0:07:16.560 well in private, They are open to accountability, they don't 0:07:16.920 --> 0:07:23.240 need to perform this level of superiority in line with that, 0:07:23.880 --> 0:07:30.120 they have humility, and they have alignments in their words 0:07:30.200 --> 0:07:31.640 actions and values. 0:07:32.720 --> 0:07:36.520 Those are good. Yeah, I like that. I was just 0:07:36.560 --> 0:07:40.640 gonna say from what you shared, they were all really great. 0:07:40.640 --> 0:07:42.120 And the one that really stood out to me and 0:07:42.120 --> 0:07:45.320 think about personal experience is people who do what they 0:07:45.320 --> 0:07:48.360 say they're going to do right, Like you know what 0:07:48.440 --> 0:07:52.080 to expect. I know that you're accountable but also dependable. 0:07:52.400 --> 0:07:54.120 And I think this is a great time for us 0:07:54.160 --> 0:07:56.360 as individuals, like as humans in this day and age, 0:07:56.400 --> 0:08:00.280 to think about what makes me trust someone, because when 0:08:00.320 --> 0:08:04.040 you see that inconsistency right, or you see the consistency 0:08:04.040 --> 0:08:06.720 in the wrong areas, then you know that, oh, let 0:08:06.800 --> 0:08:09.440 me make some moves. Because we talked about the some 0:08:09.440 --> 0:08:12.520 previous episodes. Now maybe I'm traumatized, but I'm thinking about 0:08:12.520 --> 0:08:16.200 a certain situation of someone who looked good. They were 0:08:16.240 --> 0:08:19.160 fun to be around, there was a good time. I 0:08:19.160 --> 0:08:21.000 had a good time we them, if you know what 0:08:21.080 --> 0:08:26.960 I mean. But they were consistently inconsistent and their words 0:08:26.960 --> 0:08:29.600 did not match the actions. And so I think sometimes 0:08:29.760 --> 0:08:32.679 we can get emotionally and I'm not just talking about relationships, 0:08:32.679 --> 0:08:34.600 but this could this could be you know, it could 0:08:34.640 --> 0:08:37.960 be anything. Right, we get emotionally invested into something and 0:08:38.040 --> 0:08:41.320 even when we see those green flags are not there. 0:08:42.200 --> 0:08:45.360 We're still just like I'm moving ahead. I'm just going 0:08:45.400 --> 0:08:47.520 to keep on going right, And a lot of times 0:08:47.559 --> 0:08:49.640 there are consequences to that, right, and I see them. 0:08:49.720 --> 0:08:51.720 Got to be right one hundred percent of the time. 0:08:51.760 --> 0:08:54.360 But when we don't follow that good or you know, 0:08:54.520 --> 0:08:57.760 something something doesn't feel right here, we end up having 0:08:58.040 --> 0:09:01.600 consequences ultimately because of because of those things. 0:09:02.240 --> 0:09:05.200 Yes, yes, And I think the thing that I you know, 0:09:05.240 --> 0:09:08.280 a couple of others that I want to add to 0:09:08.360 --> 0:09:11.720 this is a person. We can tell that a person 0:09:11.840 --> 0:09:17.160 is trustworthy when they're also when they're open, right, So 0:09:19.000 --> 0:09:22.520 they are open to feedback. Doesn't necessarily mean that they 0:09:22.720 --> 0:09:26.280 like the feedback, right, That's a difference, but they're they're 0:09:26.440 --> 0:09:36.120 open to it. They're they're open to new like new experiences. 0:09:37.640 --> 0:09:44.800 They are open to vulnerability. Though, to me, those are 0:09:44.840 --> 0:09:47.920 other signs that a person is trustworthy. Do are they 0:09:48.000 --> 0:09:55.880 ethical in how they behave right? Are they kind and 0:09:56.000 --> 0:10:02.280 respectful and caring to the people around them? How do 0:10:02.320 --> 0:10:07.080 they treat people that have that they have nothing to 0:10:07.120 --> 0:10:07.959 gain from? 0:10:08.520 --> 0:10:10.680 Yeah? Those are good, Those are great. I love them. 0:10:10.840 --> 0:10:13.000 And then we're going to talk about some red flags. Okay, 0:10:13.559 --> 0:10:16.200 so and again, I think we're kind of giving you 0:10:16.240 --> 0:10:18.679 just ideas on what we value, but you have to 0:10:18.720 --> 0:10:21.040 think about what you value because you might we may 0:10:21.080 --> 0:10:24.079 have differing perspectives. But I know a red flag for 0:10:24.160 --> 0:10:29.960 me is like an overmanaged identity, right, like always obsessing 0:10:30.000 --> 0:10:33.880 about perception but not really focused on the substance, right 0:10:33.960 --> 0:10:36.360 Like I know many people who are like, oh, everything 0:10:36.360 --> 0:10:38.199 has to just look. And don't get me wrong, I 0:10:38.280 --> 0:10:39.920 like to think to look a certain way, but I 0:10:39.960 --> 0:10:42.559 also like to be able to make sure what's below 0:10:42.600 --> 0:10:44.719 the surface is also in order. And so people who 0:10:44.720 --> 0:10:49.040 are just constantly, you know, obsessed with that outside image 0:10:49.040 --> 0:10:51.640 but not necessarily what's happening behind the scenes, you know, 0:10:51.720 --> 0:10:54.600 so committed to looking good but not necessarily being good 0:10:54.720 --> 0:10:58.680 whatever good is. Of course, I would say always performing 0:10:58.760 --> 0:11:01.319 expertise to someone, all always needing to be you know, 0:11:01.440 --> 0:11:05.240 sounding right, or always just not being able to admit 0:11:05.280 --> 0:11:07.840 like I don't know, you know, it's like you ever 0:11:07.840 --> 0:11:09.360 see you ever talk to someone and they just pull 0:11:09.679 --> 0:11:11.920 you see them, they just pulling shit out their ass, 0:11:11.960 --> 0:11:14.000 they just poured out and you're like, I know what 0:11:14.000 --> 0:11:17.120 you're saying, some bullshit, but you just because you can't 0:11:17.120 --> 0:11:18.480 say that you don't know, you just got to make 0:11:18.480 --> 0:11:20.760 some shit up. Yeah, And it's like I don't trust 0:11:20.760 --> 0:11:23.160 it like that, I don't sit right with me right, 0:11:24.000 --> 0:11:26.800 lacking accountability what you talked about before, like always being 0:11:26.800 --> 0:11:30.800 a victim or blaming other people and ability to apologize, 0:11:31.400 --> 0:11:35.840 and in interpersonal relationships time I will. In a particular relationship, 0:11:35.880 --> 0:11:38.920 I asked the question, like, what areas for improvement do 0:11:38.960 --> 0:11:41.320 you have? I think that's a very interesting question to 0:11:41.360 --> 0:11:43.480 ask someone just to see what comes up. How do 0:11:43.520 --> 0:11:46.000 you see yourself right? Like are you always right? And 0:11:46.040 --> 0:11:49.640 the person answered answer the question. I was just like, yeah, 0:11:49.640 --> 0:11:51.040 I don't know. That seems like a red flag, like 0:11:51.040 --> 0:11:52.720 you don't have nothing, you have nothing you can improve 0:11:52.800 --> 0:11:56.040 upon every everything that went wrong in other relationships was 0:11:56.080 --> 0:11:59.800 always the other person. I don't know, Yeah, I don't 0:11:59.800 --> 0:12:00.120 know that. 0:12:00.400 --> 0:12:02.640 Yeah, that's yeah, that's the problem. 0:12:02.640 --> 0:12:05.960 Inconsistency. We talked about this a bit, but treating people 0:12:06.000 --> 0:12:09.160 smaller or people who can't who don't appear to be 0:12:09.160 --> 0:12:12.160 able to do you any good or benefit treating them poorly. 0:12:12.240 --> 0:12:14.560 I mean that right, there is a huge red flag 0:12:14.640 --> 0:12:18.360 to me, like, yes, what are we doing right? 0:12:18.920 --> 0:12:20.920 And I think you know and I think the thing 0:12:21.160 --> 0:12:28.560 to remember is that it's about paying attention to the patterns, yes, 0:12:30.240 --> 0:12:35.200 and not like looking for the patterns and not like 0:12:35.360 --> 0:12:39.920 one offs, right, because again, we are all human. They're 0:12:41.320 --> 0:12:47.360 there may be someone who is truly trustworthy that consistently 0:12:48.280 --> 0:12:54.520 admits to mistakes. They treat people well privately, but then 0:12:55.080 --> 0:13:01.880 they have one day, one moment where they don't take 0:13:01.880 --> 0:13:05.600 accountability for something, like you're pointing out something that they 0:13:05.640 --> 0:13:09.800 didn't do well or where they might have hurt your feelings, 0:13:11.000 --> 0:13:14.040 or you know, you're pointing something out to them, and 0:13:14.280 --> 0:13:19.960 in that instance, they're not taking accountability. Right. Does this 0:13:20.080 --> 0:13:21.880 mean that now all of a sudden we can never 0:13:21.960 --> 0:13:28.960 trust this person? Not necessarily. Let's step back and look 0:13:29.000 --> 0:13:32.839 at the look at the person as a whole. What's 0:13:32.880 --> 0:13:39.640 their general pattern. Do they generally take accountability for things? 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:45.840 Are they generally a consistent person, or are you still 0:13:46.000 --> 0:13:48.440 just getting to know them. There's not been enough time 0:13:49.760 --> 0:13:51.920 for you to make that decision whether or not they 0:13:51.920 --> 0:13:55.920 truly are trustworthy, And so now you have to hold 0:13:55.960 --> 0:13:59.600 off on making a decision about their trustworthiness because this 0:13:59.679 --> 0:14:03.439 is maybe this is the first instance where you've asked 0:14:03.440 --> 0:14:07.360 them to take accountability and they didn't do it because 0:14:07.360 --> 0:14:09.439 we don't have enough time with them, and this is 0:14:09.520 --> 0:14:12.160 the first instance. We don't know if this is how 0:14:12.200 --> 0:14:13.280 they normally get down. 0:14:14.679 --> 0:14:17.280 But it's like a mental note, you know, right, right, 0:14:17.679 --> 0:14:21.720 proceed with caution, yes exactly. I want to get your 0:14:21.720 --> 0:14:23.920 perspective on something. I just thought about this. So the 0:14:23.960 --> 0:14:26.040 other thing I want to say first is the other 0:14:26.080 --> 0:14:28.280 thing to note, tire, is that everyone is not going 0:14:28.360 --> 0:14:29.680 to be your cup of tea, and you're not going 0:14:29.720 --> 0:14:31.480 to be everyone's cup of tea. And that's okay, Like 0:14:31.880 --> 0:14:34.840 it is okay for you to see someone's content or 0:14:34.880 --> 0:14:37.440 to hear someone's perspective and be like, oh, okay, that's interesting. 0:14:37.480 --> 0:14:40.520 That's a different perspective. I don't really that doesn't seem 0:14:40.520 --> 0:14:43.480 like my person or my people, you know, like my vibe. Right, 0:14:43.720 --> 0:14:46.000 So probably not going to file them, Probably just skip 0:14:46.040 --> 0:14:48.520 that content. So speaking of that, I saw this guy. 0:14:49.920 --> 0:14:51.320 I'm not gonna say ny names. I don't even know 0:14:51.320 --> 0:14:53.600 this man's name, but hopefully this doesn't become a thing. 0:14:53.640 --> 0:14:55.360 But it's just something I saw social media that thought 0:14:55.440 --> 0:14:57.560 was very interesting and I'm going to dive into it. 0:14:57.600 --> 0:15:01.000 So basically, I saw this guy and I'm gonna give 0:15:01.000 --> 0:15:02.880 you a summary of what he said at this conference. 0:15:02.880 --> 0:15:04.880 I think it was like a relationship panel or something, 0:15:05.360 --> 0:15:10.160 and he was stating that he how some women they 0:15:10.240 --> 0:15:12.960 think they're special because men treat them a certain way. 0:15:13.240 --> 0:15:15.560 And what he was saying is like, I bring everybody 0:15:15.560 --> 0:15:18.560 to meet my mom, I bring everybody to meet my kids. 0:15:18.720 --> 0:15:22.320 I take everyone to Paris. I suck everybody's told everybody 0:15:22.360 --> 0:15:23.880 booty Like he was just going in like all the 0:15:23.920 --> 0:15:25.640 things he does. He's like, I do this to everybody 0:15:25.760 --> 0:15:28.000 because I'm rich and blah blah blah, and there was 0:15:28.080 --> 0:15:30.560 more to it, but and hearing that perspective, I saw 0:15:30.600 --> 0:15:33.600 some woman commenting on that, and they have perspectives. And 0:15:33.680 --> 0:15:36.080 as someone who I think, I've seen this content before, 0:15:36.120 --> 0:15:37.880 and from what I saw before, I thought was content. 0:15:38.880 --> 0:15:40.520 From what I recalled, I thought it was like decent 0:15:40.520 --> 0:15:45.280 content you just scrolling. But after hearing that perspective, there's 0:15:45.280 --> 0:15:47.200 a couple of things. One it seems like he was 0:15:47.200 --> 0:15:49.800 being radically honest, which is like, hey, if that's how 0:15:49.840 --> 0:15:53.040 you get down, that's how we get down too. Something 0:15:53.040 --> 0:15:55.040 about it was just like ugh, like it was just 0:15:55.080 --> 0:15:58.520 like I don't know something about it just didn't. I 0:15:58.520 --> 0:15:59.960 can't put my finger on it, but it didn't sit 0:16:00.040 --> 0:16:02.760 well with me. I was just like, okay, And so 0:16:03.240 --> 0:16:04.960 that's an example. I want to see what your perspective 0:16:05.000 --> 0:16:07.960 is on just that whole interaction of like scrolling seeing someone, 0:16:08.240 --> 0:16:10.080 this is what they share? What do you? What comes 0:16:10.120 --> 0:16:10.400 up for you? 0:16:10.480 --> 0:16:12.680 And you hear that dom So the first thing that 0:16:12.720 --> 0:16:16.720 comes up is I need more I need more context 0:16:16.800 --> 0:16:21.760 on how they engage in other situations, right, and before 0:16:21.800 --> 0:16:25.040 I make a judgment on who they are, whether or 0:16:25.080 --> 0:16:28.120 not they're a trustworthy person, right, Because I think that's 0:16:28.160 --> 0:16:31.360 the question that we're asking, like is this person trustworthy? Right? 0:16:33.000 --> 0:16:37.200 In terms of like the comment that he shared about 0:16:37.480 --> 0:16:44.880 dating and treating every woman the same. My initial thought 0:16:45.160 --> 0:16:52.200 is that in as society, in dating culture, a lot 0:16:52.280 --> 0:16:58.560 of US millennials and older, not so much gen Z millennials, 0:16:58.920 --> 0:17:05.080 because gen Z has been shaped differently. Right, Millennials and older, 0:17:05.920 --> 0:17:10.639 we were socialized to believe that a man is going 0:17:10.720 --> 0:17:14.359 to treat the woman that he wants to marry, that 0:17:14.440 --> 0:17:20.680 he intends to marry in to at a higher standard 0:17:21.880 --> 0:17:29.080 than he's going to treat other women that he dates. Yeah, 0:17:29.119 --> 0:17:34.040 and so I could I can understand where, oh, he 0:17:34.080 --> 0:17:38.640 treats everybody equally, everybody exactly the same. I could see 0:17:38.640 --> 0:17:42.760 where that may feel problematic hearing it right, I'd be 0:17:43.000 --> 0:17:50.840 curious though, One, if he actually does that, h right, Like, 0:17:50.920 --> 0:17:55.000 that's my first point of curiosity. Does he actually treat 0:17:55.119 --> 0:17:56.680 every single woman the same? 0:17:57.480 --> 0:17:58.280 And two? 0:18:00.240 --> 0:18:04.760 If he treats every single woman exactly the same, are 0:18:04.760 --> 0:18:05.760 we then saying that? 0:18:06.280 --> 0:18:06.359 Like? 0:18:06.440 --> 0:18:08.840 Are we saying are what is the judgment that we're 0:18:08.840 --> 0:18:12.120 making on his trustworthiness if he's treating every woman exactly 0:18:12.119 --> 0:18:17.040 the same. Because to me, based on how we understand trustworthiness, 0:18:18.560 --> 0:18:22.240 I would trust him if he is truly being honest 0:18:22.800 --> 0:18:25.600 that he treats every woman that he dates exactly the same. 0:18:27.280 --> 0:18:31.080 I Mean, my next joint of curiosity would be, are 0:18:31.160 --> 0:18:36.600 you telling all of the women that you are seeing 0:18:36.600 --> 0:18:39.240 other women and they are all getting the same treatment? 0:18:39.760 --> 0:18:43.320 Yeah? I appreciate you sharing that though, because I feel 0:18:43.320 --> 0:18:46.240 like you just walked us through a really like a 0:18:46.359 --> 0:18:49.760 nice an interesting process and journey of like a pair 0:18:49.760 --> 0:18:53.040 of social relationship where like, you see someone's content, you 0:18:53.119 --> 0:18:56.479 may want to make a quick snap judgment, and then 0:18:56.520 --> 0:18:58.240 you kind of go through this process of like, oh, okay, 0:18:58.280 --> 0:18:59.600 like are they trust. Well, maybe I don't aquae with 0:18:59.640 --> 0:19:01.399 what he said or even me like it kind of 0:19:01.400 --> 0:19:02.879 made me feel awake. I'm like, well, if you know, 0:19:03.119 --> 0:19:04.760 this is my thought, like if you know that, women 0:19:04.800 --> 0:19:06.719 are going to feel special or they're going to probably 0:19:06.720 --> 0:19:09.720 be more clingy or you know, just like you more 0:19:09.720 --> 0:19:11.560 because you're doing these things and you're doing that, it's 0:19:11.560 --> 0:19:13.679 like that kind of doesn't seem cool. But then at 0:19:13.720 --> 0:19:16.399 the same time, you are being honest, you are being upfront. 0:19:16.440 --> 0:19:18.280 Like I've had men who have been upfront like this, 0:19:18.280 --> 0:19:19.520 this is what I want, this is what I'm trying 0:19:19.520 --> 0:19:22.280 to do, and it's like, you got to respect the honesty. 0:19:22.320 --> 0:19:24.080 So I want to bring that up. But I appreciate 0:19:24.080 --> 0:19:26.600 the process that you walk through to get to like, oh, 0:19:26.600 --> 0:19:28.520 how do I feel about this? And at the same time, 0:19:28.520 --> 0:19:31.000 I think we can resonate with someone's content and not 0:19:31.040 --> 0:19:33.080 be a fan of the person, right, or we could 0:19:33.119 --> 0:19:35.000 be a fan of the person and not necessarily resonate 0:19:35.000 --> 0:19:36.600 with the content. Or I agree with what they said. 0:19:36.800 --> 0:19:38.879 I think this is just a reminder of like we 0:19:38.960 --> 0:19:40.639 get to make the decision, but these are some of 0:19:40.680 --> 0:19:43.320 the things to consider when we're consuming the content, and 0:19:43.359 --> 0:19:45.240 like just because we disagree with someone doesn't mean they're 0:19:45.240 --> 0:19:47.720 a bad person. Right. We're all entitled to our own 0:19:47.760 --> 0:19:51.040 perspectives based on our lived experience. So I appreciate you. 0:19:50.960 --> 0:19:54.159 Sharing exactly exactly, and I think you know and I 0:19:54.200 --> 0:19:57.520 think also to the first thing that I pointed out, right, 0:19:57.800 --> 0:20:03.560 is I need more context. Yes, that in order to 0:20:03.680 --> 0:20:08.359 determine whether someone truly is trustworthy. It's not made in 0:20:08.400 --> 0:20:14.280 a snap judgment, because if I'm seeing just that one 0:20:14.320 --> 0:20:21.480 snippet of content, I can make all kinds of assumptions 0:20:21.760 --> 0:20:28.600 about that person that might not even be accurate. It's 0:20:29.119 --> 0:20:35.280 needing the whole content, needing bigger context and asking questions, 0:20:35.400 --> 0:20:39.639 getting curious. And then but when it comes to people 0:20:39.720 --> 0:20:43.560 that we're meeting, like in real life, it's if we 0:20:43.600 --> 0:20:46.080 can't make a snap judgment off of someone that we 0:20:46.200 --> 0:20:54.080 interacted with for five minutes, that it's helpful to give 0:20:54.119 --> 0:21:00.200 it some time, have multiple interactions in various settings to 0:21:00.400 --> 0:21:03.159 then determine is this a trustworthy person? 0:21:04.359 --> 0:21:04.679 Yeah? 0:21:04.760 --> 0:21:09.399 I think particularly also like when it comes to dating, right, 0:21:10.200 --> 0:21:14.560 that as you are trying to determine is this potential 0:21:14.720 --> 0:21:18.840 is this partner or a trustworthy person, it's looking at 0:21:18.880 --> 0:21:24.399 their actions it's looking at are they consistent all the 0:21:24.400 --> 0:21:28.120 things that we mentioned before, but it's also paying attention 0:21:28.280 --> 0:21:31.679 to the stories that they tell you about their past 0:21:32.320 --> 0:21:40.000 right or how they spend their day right, Like, are 0:21:40.040 --> 0:21:45.440 the stories that they're sharing with you? Are they taking accountability? 0:21:45.880 --> 0:21:50.640 Do they have some level of humility? How are they 0:21:50.680 --> 0:21:55.160 treating people from all walks of life that they encounter? 0:21:56.800 --> 0:22:03.680 Are they generally consistent? Are there behaviors and words aligned 0:22:04.080 --> 0:22:06.720 with their values? Do those things also match up with 0:22:06.800 --> 0:22:10.440 what you're looking for in a partner. Those are ways 0:22:10.440 --> 0:22:16.240 in which you can start to see is this person trustworthy? 0:22:17.720 --> 0:22:22.679 Those are good? I love that a lot. Hey lady, 0:22:22.880 --> 0:22:25.080 real quick, before we keep going, we want to put 0:22:25.080 --> 0:22:28.040 you onto something that we're supporting behind the scenes, especially 0:22:28.119 --> 0:22:30.960 when it comes to personal health. 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Okay lady, if you know, 0:23:38.000 --> 0:23:39.320 you know, I'm not going to put all my business 0:23:39.359 --> 0:23:41.600 in the streets, but listen, it works. 0:23:41.800 --> 0:23:44.440 So if you want to know more, you can visit 0:23:44.800 --> 0:23:49.520 soakingwet dot com and use cold her space for ten 0:23:49.560 --> 0:23:52.919 percent off, or click the link in the show notes. 0:23:53.240 --> 0:23:55.480 And now let's get back to the conversation. 0:23:55.680 --> 0:24:01.280 And that contacts us onto accountability, right, accountability with out dehumanization. 0:24:01.400 --> 0:24:03.640 This is a big one because I feel like we 0:24:03.720 --> 0:24:06.159 are just especially in the world of social media, like 0:24:06.200 --> 0:24:09.800 people see something and then you just they just like 0:24:09.880 --> 0:24:14.080 no forgiveness. It seems like ever, right, and in order 0:24:14.119 --> 0:24:17.560 to hold on accountabit accountable. I think you can hold 0:24:17.640 --> 0:24:20.760 them accountable, but also you can they deserve humanity at 0:24:20.800 --> 0:24:22.560 the same time, you know what I mean. Yes, it's 0:24:22.560 --> 0:24:25.560 like we can do both. Yeah, this is yeah, this 0:24:25.600 --> 0:24:27.120 is complex. What do you think about this one? 0:24:28.000 --> 0:24:32.280