WEBVTT - "I'M A VIRGIN AT 26"

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<v Speaker 1>Hello, Hey, this is Steve. How's it going on?

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<v Speaker 2>This has gone good? How are you doing, Steve Greed?

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<v Speaker 1>I'm glad to be here. I'm a huge fan.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh I'm a fucking fan of you, dude. Nah, Steve, Steve, Steve,

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<v Speaker 2>what's going on with you today? Steve?

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<v Speaker 1>Well, I come to you, mister ghek. I like I

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<v Speaker 1>go by froud Wood Steve on the internet, so I

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<v Speaker 1>can kind of relate to you as a fellow Greenman. Sorry,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm nervous.

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<v Speaker 2>Never here now, nervous. It's just us here on the computer.

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<v Speaker 1>Exactly, just us on the computer. So my problem is,

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<v Speaker 1>I've been for the past couple of weeks now, I

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<v Speaker 1>have been talking with this girl on the internet, and

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<v Speaker 1>I felt like we made a pretty strong connection. But

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<v Speaker 1>as things have gone I am feeling as if I

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<v Speaker 1>may not be anything more than just a wallet to her.

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<v Speaker 2>Why do you feel that way?

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<v Speaker 1>Well, it seems there's times when I feel like I

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<v Speaker 1>can only get any sort of reciprocation when or any

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<v Speaker 1>kind of attention away from her other friends, is when

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<v Speaker 1>I buy her something.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, have you met this woman in real life before?

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<v Speaker 1>I have not.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, what kinds of things have you been buying for her?

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<v Speaker 1>Well, she's into like kpop stuff, so I bought her.

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<v Speaker 1>They have like these photo card collections that people correct,

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<v Speaker 1>and I bought a whole bunch, a whole collection of

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<v Speaker 1>this one girl that she's into for her. That's one

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<v Speaker 1>thing I bought her stuff on, like video games that

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<v Speaker 1>we play, like Legal Regions Islant. I brought a bunch

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<v Speaker 1>of skins stuff like that.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>I've spent probably upwards of close to one thousand dollars already.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, have you ever video chatted with her?

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<v Speaker 1>Yes?

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, let me ask you this. Why do you think

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<v Speaker 2>you are doing this?

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<v Speaker 1>I can give you an honest answer. I can do it.

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<v Speaker 1>I do it because I think I'm desperate for a

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<v Speaker 1>woman detention, and I think I cring on to the

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<v Speaker 1>first sign of interest in any way, shape or form.

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<v Speaker 2>Mm hmm. Have you always been like that.

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<v Speaker 1>For the last few years of my life? Probably? Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>I think as I get older it becomes worse. Mm hmmm.

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<v Speaker 2>Why do you think it gets worse as you get older?

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<v Speaker 1>Ah, I don't have very much success meeting people in

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<v Speaker 1>real life. I work from a home and I don't drink,

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<v Speaker 1>so I don't like go out to bars or anything.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't. I just it's hard to meet people in

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<v Speaker 1>real life.

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<v Speaker 3>M h.

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<v Speaker 1>M hmm.

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<v Speaker 2>Would you say you have low self esteem? Where do

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<v Speaker 2>you think that comes from?

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<v Speaker 1>Uh, my own insecurities as a as a human. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>a I'm an I'm an overweight man, and self image mostly.

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<v Speaker 2>Mm hm.

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<v Speaker 1>That and I feel there hasn't been a whole lot

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<v Speaker 1>of times in my life where I've been I've had

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<v Speaker 1>reasons to feel confident. I feel like no one else

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<v Speaker 1>has really had confidence in me, So it's hard to

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<v Speaker 1>instill that upon myself. I know that I should. I

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<v Speaker 1>just don't really know how.

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<v Speaker 2>What kinds of things do you think would give you

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<v Speaker 2>more confidence?

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<v Speaker 1>Uh, I don't know. I'd like to see myself, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>start losing some weight. I've been kind of doing that

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<v Speaker 1>a little bit this year, but I think if I can,

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<v Speaker 1>if I can knock that out, it would help my

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<v Speaker 1>at least my self image and self esteem in that

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<v Speaker 1>regard a little bit. But you know, they say you

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<v Speaker 1>can't love anybody, so you love yourself, So I guess

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<v Speaker 1>that's really what I'm working on.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, man, So this is a really this is really

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<v Speaker 2>interesting stuff that you're bringing up here because and this

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<v Speaker 2>is a lesson I had to learn myself that I'm

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<v Speaker 2>telling you here is you're trying to fix an internal

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<v Speaker 2>issue through external means, having the validation of other people,

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<v Speaker 2>having the validation of this girl. It may fix your

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<v Speaker 2>issue temporarily in the moment, but it's not a sustainable

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<v Speaker 2>solution because their validation is fleeting. It is what's the

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<v Speaker 2>word I'm looking for. It is inconsistent and it is

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<v Speaker 2>not a thing that you want to be dependent on.

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<v Speaker 2>Instead of finding the solution to your problem of insecurity

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<v Speaker 2>by trying to get other people to like you, you

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<v Speaker 2>need to go one eighty and find that through means

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<v Speaker 2>that are completely in one hundred percent within your control.

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<v Speaker 2>It is a harder and longer road because sometimes it

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<v Speaker 2>feels like it's a it's a shorter cut to you know,

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<v Speaker 2>pay a girl, you know, for Valoris Skins or for

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<v Speaker 2>whatever else it is, to get her to like you.

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<v Speaker 2>It's like, I think one of the reasons why you

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<v Speaker 2>might feel inclined to do that is because it's a

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<v Speaker 2>little bit of a short cut, and it's like, Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>if I do this, then I don't have to do

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<v Speaker 2>the internal work and walk the long road of building

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<v Speaker 2>internal confidence. And I get that, man. I don't think

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<v Speaker 2>that's something you need to be ashamed of or or

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<v Speaker 2>feel like you're an inceell for or anything like that.

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<v Speaker 2>It's it's a really understandable impulse. But I think that

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<v Speaker 2>if you you got to just really understand that that

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<v Speaker 2>the only sustainable solution to your problem is to walk

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<v Speaker 2>the long road of building internal confidence.

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<v Speaker 1>I agree, I I definitely recognize that obviously, Like you said,

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<v Speaker 1>it's easier said than done, but uh yeah, I couldn't agree.

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<v Speaker 1>I couldn't agree anymore dred percent.

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<v Speaker 2>It is easier said than done. Dude. When I was

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<v Speaker 2>in college, I was like obsessed with Tinder, and I

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<v Speaker 2>was really I was really obsessed with like trying to

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<v Speaker 2>get validation through like you know, other people like me,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, or things like that. And it's just it's

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<v Speaker 2>just not the correct way of going about that. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>you really have to find things within yourself that give

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<v Speaker 2>you self esteem. I mean, now it's and it's weird, man,

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<v Speaker 2>because you know you're saying you're overweight. I mean, dude,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm the most overweight I've been in my life. But

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<v Speaker 2>I feel confident in myself and what gives me confidence

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<v Speaker 2>in myself lately is that I just I know when

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<v Speaker 2>I wake up in the morning that I fucking try.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, that's all that matters. I don't get I

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<v Speaker 2>don't I don't get confidence or validation from people dm

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<v Speaker 2>ing me that you know I've helped them with this podcast,

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<v Speaker 2>or from some girl liking me, or from any of

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<v Speaker 2>that stuff. It's it's lately just been you know what,

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<v Speaker 2>fuck it. I wake up and I do the best

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<v Speaker 2>I can with however limited of energy.

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<v Speaker 4>I have.

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<v Speaker 2>To figure stuff out to try and be nice to people,

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<v Speaker 2>to exert some kind of energy out into the world.

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<v Speaker 2>And if anyone wants to give me shit, go ahead.

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<v Speaker 2>But I fucking tried. That's that's what gives me confidence,

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<v Speaker 2>more than anyone externally telling me anything, you know, And

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<v Speaker 2>it took it took a really long time to get

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<v Speaker 2>to that point. But if you can find something like

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<v Speaker 2>that for yourself, that you can really cling to and

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<v Speaker 2>that you can really believe in, not just like try

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<v Speaker 2>to get yourself to believe in, but that you can

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<v Speaker 2>poke around at all the angles and be like, no,

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<v Speaker 2>this is true, I really I did. I tried, And

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<v Speaker 2>that's my rock of self esteem. Then you'll just be

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<v Speaker 2>happier man's and and I just I know from experience,

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<v Speaker 2>so I don't know if any of that resonated with you, but.

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<v Speaker 1>I think very insightful shit. I think I just wanted

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<v Speaker 1>to throw one one thing and then I kind of

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<v Speaker 1>left this out because it's probably the biggest insecurity I have,

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<v Speaker 1>and I don't admit it to many people, but especially

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<v Speaker 1>the climate, and not climate, but the society, the male

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<v Speaker 1>dominated size society we live in these days where everything's

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<v Speaker 1>about you know, who gets the most bitches or whatever,

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<v Speaker 1>et cetera. Like sex is a lot of big part

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<v Speaker 1>of this world. I'm twenty six years old and I'm

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<v Speaker 1>a virgin, and that drives me insane a little good

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<v Speaker 1>sometimes to think about. You know, I'm not getting any younger.

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<v Speaker 1>My friends they all have they have families like the

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<v Speaker 1>children I have little nephews like and it makes me

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<v Speaker 1>sit here like I'm twenty What am I doing?

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<v Speaker 2>Hmm? Well, first of all, you're not. You're definitely not alone.

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<v Speaker 2>There are lots and lots and lots and lots and

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<v Speaker 2>lots of guys out there who are also Uh. I

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<v Speaker 2>guess you could say, you know, virgins at an age

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<v Speaker 2>where most people aren't. But I mean, tell me, okay,

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<v Speaker 2>tell me more about your personal relationship with that. I

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<v Speaker 2>want to dive a little bit deeper into that. Do

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<v Speaker 2>you feel like an embarrassment? Do you feel you know,

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<v Speaker 2>what is your relationship with that aspect of your life?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's definitely something I'm embarrassed about. I think I've

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<v Speaker 1>only told I've only explicitly told like two or three

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<v Speaker 1>people in my life about it, because you know, I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>obviously it comes up sometimes. I don't feel like, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>if I'm hanging with the boys and everyone's talking about

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<v Speaker 1>like ill, you know, just like sex stuff, I'm just

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<v Speaker 1>sitting there with my my sumb up my ass, not

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<v Speaker 1>knowing any of them that I feel left out. I

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<v Speaker 1>feel embarrassed, I feel ashamed, I feel like I'm behind.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know, I feel I'll feel a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>things about it.

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<v Speaker 2>M why do you feel like you're well, Okay, let

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<v Speaker 2>me ask yourselfing take away if we could for a second,

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<v Speaker 2>take away the boys you know talking about sex. Take

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<v Speaker 2>away the general societal expectation that you lose your virginity

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<v Speaker 2>at a certain age. Take away, the shame take take

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<v Speaker 2>take it all away then just for a second, like

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<v Speaker 2>what's important to you in your life? How does being

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<v Speaker 2>a virgin compare to just what's important to your life

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<v Speaker 2>in general?

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<v Speaker 4>Right?

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<v Speaker 2>Like is sex? Is it really important to you? And

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<v Speaker 2>by the way, completely okay if the answer is yes,

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<v Speaker 2>very but I just want to know what the answer is.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I mean I think I mean, to be honest,

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<v Speaker 1>something there. I don't think it's like, it's not super

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<v Speaker 1>important to me. It doesn't define you know, who I am.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not out there looking to you know, stick my

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<v Speaker 1>dick into anything that moves, obviously, but I just think

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<v Speaker 1>it's not it's it's more of just a crutch. I

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<v Speaker 1>guess at this point it's like a milestone that I

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<v Speaker 1>feel like I should have reached, even until as it sounds,

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<v Speaker 1>but I think, you know, it's not super important.

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<v Speaker 2>But yeah, okay, that's what I wanted to know, and

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<v Speaker 2>it would be fine if it is. If you're like, no,

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<v Speaker 2>I really want to know what sex feels like. I

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<v Speaker 2>really want to like if that was your truth, then

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<v Speaker 2>that would you know, It's totally fine. But I was

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<v Speaker 2>just wondering if, if, if that is important to you

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<v Speaker 2>and from what you've told me. Just now you're saying

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<v Speaker 2>it is not.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I mean I wouldn't. I mean, obviously I'm not

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<v Speaker 1>gonna you know, I wouldn't mind. But it's not like

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<v Speaker 1>it's not top priority because I'm my life.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay. But althoughkay, okay, But so all the other things

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<v Speaker 2>that we've been talking about, though, finding a sense of

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<v Speaker 2>security within yourself. That sounds like, and again, tell me

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<v Speaker 2>if I'm wrong, but that sounds like that is important

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<v Speaker 2>to you.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I would like to kind of like you said,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, when you wake up and you're confident in

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<v Speaker 1>yourself that you're trying and you're doing your best every day.

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<v Speaker 1>I want to I want to be able to feel

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<v Speaker 1>that about myself.

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<v Speaker 2>Mm hmmmm. By I don't feel that every day. Sometimes

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, fuck, I was a piece of shit today,

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<v Speaker 2>you know. But even even then, even you know what

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<v Speaker 2>I'm I lately, my thing is, you know, even then,

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<v Speaker 2>even the days where I'm like fuck, I just slept

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<v Speaker 2>all day, I didn't do the things I was supposed

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<v Speaker 2>to do. Try to be less hard on myself and

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<v Speaker 2>just be like, okay, well that's a version of trying

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<v Speaker 2>the best I can in a sense, in a weird way.

0:15:23.920 --> 0:15:31.840
<v Speaker 2>I'm still not working on that, but m dude, I

0:15:31.880 --> 0:15:37.280
<v Speaker 2>feel like walking the path of finding security within yourself.

0:15:38.240 --> 0:15:39.960
<v Speaker 2>It sounds like it's the most important thing for you

0:15:40.040 --> 0:15:45.480
<v Speaker 2>to do right now. And losing your virginity I think

0:15:45.560 --> 0:15:49.440
<v Speaker 2>will happen as a result of that, right, because you'll

0:15:49.440 --> 0:15:52.240
<v Speaker 2>become more attractive if you're more secure in yourself.

0:15:54.600 --> 0:15:54.920
<v Speaker 1>Right.

0:15:54.960 --> 0:15:57.640
<v Speaker 2>But but you know, it's another thing, man. It's like,

0:15:57.680 --> 0:16:01.520
<v Speaker 2>you know, I was just talking about like losing your

0:16:01.600 --> 0:16:04.000
<v Speaker 2>virginity and sex, and well, it's just another It's just

0:16:04.040 --> 0:16:11.120
<v Speaker 2>another external thing. It's just another fucking external thing that

0:16:11.280 --> 0:16:19.240
<v Speaker 2>is not a sustainable way of building self confidence. I

0:16:19.240 --> 0:16:21.360
<v Speaker 2>would look at it like that, It's just another fucking

0:16:21.400 --> 0:16:24.360
<v Speaker 2>external thing. Like like I don't know, dude, Say you

0:16:24.400 --> 0:16:26.920
<v Speaker 2>got to a bar one day and you meet a

0:16:26.960 --> 0:16:30.360
<v Speaker 2>girl and she happens to be into you, and you

0:16:30.360 --> 0:16:32.600
<v Speaker 2>guys have sex and then boom, now you're not a

0:16:32.640 --> 0:16:36.960
<v Speaker 2>virgin anymore. Like is that really gonna change your life?

0:16:37.120 --> 0:16:41.600
<v Speaker 2>You know, like, Okay, maybe you won't feel like so

0:16:42.440 --> 0:16:46.880
<v Speaker 2>whatever about being a virgin, But is that really gonna

0:16:46.920 --> 0:16:50.720
<v Speaker 2>sustainably change your life for the better in a long

0:16:50.840 --> 0:16:55.560
<v Speaker 2>term way? It's not. That's the that's the truth. The

0:16:55.600 --> 0:16:57.960
<v Speaker 2>only way to sustainably change your life for the better

0:16:58.040 --> 0:16:59.680
<v Speaker 2>and long term way is to do all the other ship.

0:16:59.720 --> 0:17:04.440
<v Speaker 2>We've been talking about it about looking inwards. So I

0:17:04.840 --> 0:17:07.879
<v Speaker 2>just hope you recognize that, because because it took me

0:17:08.240 --> 0:17:09.440
<v Speaker 2>a while to recognize that too.

0:17:13.960 --> 0:17:18.320
<v Speaker 1>So I think, yeah, I definitely I don't agree with that,

0:17:18.359 --> 0:17:21.320
<v Speaker 1>But I think going back to the original point, then,

0:17:21.480 --> 0:17:26.720
<v Speaker 1>do you think I should stop talking to this girl?

0:17:27.280 --> 0:17:30.000
<v Speaker 2>Yes, you should definitely stop talking to this girl.

0:17:35.040 --> 0:17:39.480
<v Speaker 1>Gotcha. I tried. I actually did try, but she had

0:17:39.520 --> 0:17:41.480
<v Speaker 1>to me back and then I felt free to again.

0:17:42.119 --> 0:17:44.280
<v Speaker 2>Oh, I mean I did. I. Look, don't don't be

0:17:44.320 --> 0:17:46.199
<v Speaker 2>so hard on yourself. I know that. You know, at

0:17:46.200 --> 0:17:48.240
<v Speaker 2>the beginning you said the chat was calling you or whatever,

0:17:48.280 --> 0:17:51.320
<v Speaker 2>but like you know, it's Look, it's it's tempting. Man.

0:17:51.359 --> 0:17:55.600
<v Speaker 2>You have a you have this like problem, and here

0:17:55.640 --> 0:17:59.920
<v Speaker 2>here is an easy solution to the problem. It's fucking

0:18:00.119 --> 0:18:00.719
<v Speaker 2>fucking tempting.

0:18:00.760 --> 0:18:00.960
<v Speaker 1>Man.

0:18:01.000 --> 0:18:03.359
<v Speaker 2>Like, I get it. I'm gonna sit here and be like,

0:18:03.400 --> 0:18:05.320
<v Speaker 2>I don't know why why is he doing it?

0:18:05.320 --> 0:18:05.399
<v Speaker 1>Like?

0:18:05.440 --> 0:18:09.600
<v Speaker 2>I get it, man, Like it's a tempting band aid

0:18:10.240 --> 0:18:13.000
<v Speaker 2>to the self esteem problem. It's fucking tempting. I totally

0:18:13.000 --> 0:18:17.280
<v Speaker 2>get it. You know, try your that's dude, try your

0:18:17.320 --> 0:18:20.480
<v Speaker 2>best to resip the to resist the temptation. But when

0:18:20.520 --> 0:18:27.159
<v Speaker 2>you give in, don't spiral out of control as beating

0:18:27.160 --> 0:18:31.239
<v Speaker 2>yourself up. It's understandable. You're working on this thing and

0:18:31.280 --> 0:18:33.760
<v Speaker 2>you're not gonna get it perfect the first time, but

0:18:33.800 --> 0:18:35.280
<v Speaker 2>as long as you keep working on.

0:18:35.200 --> 0:18:47.040
<v Speaker 1>It, right well, uh yeah, that was awesome, Thank you,

0:18:47.119 --> 0:18:50.000
<v Speaker 1>Thank you. Well, I really appreciate the time today.

0:18:50.680 --> 0:18:55.760
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, man, and good good luck to you. I'm I I,

0:18:55.880 --> 0:18:57.919
<v Speaker 2>like I said, it's a it's a hard path and

0:18:58.000 --> 0:19:00.000
<v Speaker 2>everyone kind of has their own thing that builds their

0:19:00.240 --> 0:19:03.240
<v Speaker 2>internal self confidence. And it's something I'm fucking working on

0:19:03.320 --> 0:19:09.560
<v Speaker 2>every day still. But you know, it's it's it's kind

0:19:09.560 --> 0:19:13.320
<v Speaker 2>of I think the only way to do it. And

0:19:13.320 --> 0:19:15.439
<v Speaker 2>and and good luck to you and Steve, thanks for

0:19:15.640 --> 0:19:17.119
<v Speaker 2>I know this is something you don't talk to a

0:19:17.160 --> 0:19:20.240
<v Speaker 2>lot of people about, so thanks for, uh you don't

0:19:20.240 --> 0:19:21.920
<v Speaker 2>having the courage to talk to us about.

0:19:21.680 --> 0:19:25.439
<v Speaker 1>It, one hundred percent, it helps kind of having that.

0:19:26.000 --> 0:19:27.960
<v Speaker 1>And I'm m Toby, I can't say that word that

0:19:28.000 --> 0:19:30.320
<v Speaker 1>well of the internet, but you know, a huge fan

0:19:30.359 --> 0:19:32.320
<v Speaker 1>of the therapy gected watching you for a while, so

0:19:32.840 --> 0:19:34.240
<v Speaker 1>figured i'd give it a shot and see if I

0:19:34.240 --> 0:19:34.600
<v Speaker 1>can get on.

0:19:35.720 --> 0:19:39.400
<v Speaker 2>Hey, thanks, Steve, talk too soon, take care a while.

0:19:43.880 --> 0:19:47.560
<v Speaker 2>Let's see. Yeah, everything I was talking to Steve about

0:19:47.640 --> 0:19:53.920
<v Speaker 2>is the thing that took me a while to realize.

0:19:54.680 --> 0:19:58.600
<v Speaker 2>I feel like there's there's and and everyone this. I

0:19:58.600 --> 0:20:03.160
<v Speaker 2>don't think this is specifically like, you know, a guy issue.

0:20:03.920 --> 0:20:06.200
<v Speaker 2>I think this is just a general human being thing,

0:20:06.520 --> 0:20:12.880
<v Speaker 2>like the struggle for finding internal validations so that you're

0:20:12.920 --> 0:20:17.000
<v Speaker 2>not looking to other people or to events or you

0:20:17.040 --> 0:20:24.280
<v Speaker 2>know whatever, sex or likes on the internet or whatever,

0:20:24.400 --> 0:20:29.040
<v Speaker 2>whatever the fucking thing is for validation. It's a struggle

0:20:29.040 --> 0:20:32.280
<v Speaker 2>that a lot of people have, and I'm not a

0:20:32.320 --> 0:20:34.600
<v Speaker 2>master of it by any means. It's something I've been

0:20:34.600 --> 0:20:40.960
<v Speaker 2>struggling with for a while. Everyone has that struggle to

0:20:41.040 --> 0:20:44.000
<v Speaker 2>some degree, and it's hard. It's really hard to build

0:20:44.000 --> 0:20:47.639
<v Speaker 2>that internal rock. But I think the first step to

0:20:47.720 --> 0:20:51.160
<v Speaker 2>it is to is to snap the fuck out of

0:20:51.480 --> 0:20:54.400
<v Speaker 2>the mindset of Okay, well, if I finally have sex,

0:20:54.400 --> 0:20:58.240
<v Speaker 2>i'm not a virgin, then I'll feel validated, you know.

0:20:58.760 --> 0:21:00.560
<v Speaker 2>Or Oh, if I have a girlfriend or a boyfriend,

0:21:00.560 --> 0:21:04.240
<v Speaker 2>I'll feel validated. Oh if I make this thing on

0:21:04.280 --> 0:21:06.360
<v Speaker 2>the Internet, and lots of people tell me every day

0:21:06.400 --> 0:21:10.360
<v Speaker 2>how much they they love this thing. I'll feel validated.

0:21:10.400 --> 0:21:12.879
<v Speaker 2>It's it's just not. It doesn't fucking work like that.

0:21:12.920 --> 0:21:20.160
<v Speaker 2>It really doesn't. And I've been really lucky to kind

0:21:20.160 --> 0:21:22.879
<v Speaker 2>of be able to experience all the things that I

0:21:23.080 --> 0:21:26.159
<v Speaker 2>thought would make me feel validated if I were to

0:21:26.240 --> 0:21:30.280
<v Speaker 2>experience them, because that, for me, was the only way

0:21:30.640 --> 0:21:37.000
<v Speaker 2>to then realize, oh, okay, that's not the answer to

0:21:37.080 --> 0:21:39.560
<v Speaker 2>then go back and go okay, you actually have to,

0:21:39.680 --> 0:21:42.040
<v Speaker 2>as I was just talking to Steve about do the

0:21:42.040 --> 0:21:49.760
<v Speaker 2>one eighty and look within for for validation. You know,

0:21:49.800 --> 0:21:54.800
<v Speaker 2>I'm grateful for that, but if I can tell you now,

0:21:56.480 --> 0:22:01.640
<v Speaker 2>you know, if you the first is to realize you're

0:22:01.680 --> 0:22:05.159
<v Speaker 2>not going to find it anywhere other than within. You

0:22:05.240 --> 0:22:10.280
<v Speaker 2>are on a wild goose chase. Otherwise, all right? That

0:22:10.480 --> 0:22:14.080
<v Speaker 2>was That was That was my little gecko talk. That

0:22:14.240 --> 0:22:16.760
<v Speaker 2>was my little gecko talk. Sometimes I forget that I'm

0:22:16.760 --> 0:22:25.200
<v Speaker 2>streaming and I just talk to myself. Thank you again, Steve. Hello, Hello,

0:22:26.240 --> 0:22:28.560
<v Speaker 2>how are you h what's going on?

0:22:28.840 --> 0:22:29.360
<v Speaker 4>How are you?

0:22:30.440 --> 0:22:37.680
<v Speaker 2>I am? I'm a gecko, You're a gecko. What's going

0:22:37.680 --> 0:22:38.000
<v Speaker 2>on with you?

0:22:41.840 --> 0:22:49.600
<v Speaker 4>Nothing? I'm just showing in bed, I was smoking waiting

0:22:49.640 --> 0:22:53.760
<v Speaker 4>again on the show hopefully the weed of course.

0:22:54.240 --> 0:22:55.920
<v Speaker 2>How how stone are you right now?

0:22:58.640 --> 0:23:00.439
<v Speaker 4>To be honest with you, I'm not really that stoned.

0:23:00.520 --> 0:23:06.240
<v Speaker 4>I smoke every day. So more so like, let's chill

0:23:06.359 --> 0:23:07.880
<v Speaker 4>and see if I get on the show.

0:23:08.840 --> 0:23:11.040
<v Speaker 2>Okay, you know I wanted to. I'm gonna. I know

0:23:11.080 --> 0:23:12.159
<v Speaker 2>you have a thing you want to talk about it,

0:23:12.160 --> 0:23:13.480
<v Speaker 2>But I want to ask you this real quick. How

0:23:14.119 --> 0:23:18.680
<v Speaker 2>how does smoking weed make you feel? Because I feel

0:23:18.680 --> 0:23:20.960
<v Speaker 2>like it affects everyone super differently, and I have my

0:23:21.040 --> 0:23:24.120
<v Speaker 2>own way that it makes me feel, and it's I'm

0:23:24.200 --> 0:23:27.639
<v Speaker 2>very interested in how how differently it affects people.

0:23:30.359 --> 0:23:33.320
<v Speaker 4>Well. To be honest with you, I've been smoking every

0:23:33.400 --> 0:23:38.480
<v Speaker 4>day for the past four years, I'd say, like consistently, sure,

0:23:39.520 --> 0:23:42.160
<v Speaker 4>so to be honest with you, it's not so much

0:23:42.160 --> 0:23:45.639
<v Speaker 4>of a like, oh, like I'm so big, like I

0:23:45.640 --> 0:23:47.679
<v Speaker 4>don't even know how to handle myself. It's not like

0:23:47.720 --> 0:23:52.440
<v Speaker 4>a drug to me. It's more so like, let's just chill,

0:23:52.800 --> 0:23:57.040
<v Speaker 4>smoke a bowl, calm down. It just calms everything down.

0:23:57.080 --> 0:23:58.320
<v Speaker 4>Like that's really the best way.

0:23:58.359 --> 0:24:00.520
<v Speaker 2>Well, I feel like after getting high every day for

0:24:00.520 --> 0:24:03.040
<v Speaker 2>four years, it's it's almost like it's your baseline.

0:24:05.119 --> 0:24:08.320
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, basically, I mean even in my fucking license photo,

0:24:09.600 --> 0:24:12.679
<v Speaker 4>we got might be bigged in there. So if I

0:24:12.680 --> 0:24:14.760
<v Speaker 4>get BIGGD colled over out looks the same in my

0:24:14.800 --> 0:24:15.480
<v Speaker 4>license photo.

0:24:15.920 --> 0:24:19.760
<v Speaker 2>You know what. I I want to say that that's

0:24:19.920 --> 0:24:22.639
<v Speaker 2>a smart move, but I feel like that would be

0:24:22.760 --> 0:24:28.720
<v Speaker 2>responsible of me to say, so I'll imply it indirectly. Autumn,

0:24:28.720 --> 0:24:31.119
<v Speaker 2>what's that? What's what's going on? How how can I

0:24:31.119 --> 0:24:31.760
<v Speaker 2>get you today?

0:24:34.320 --> 0:24:39.600
<v Speaker 4>Well, I am in love with somebody that I met

0:24:39.800 --> 0:24:43.720
<v Speaker 4>less than a month ago, and I truly believe that

0:24:43.760 --> 0:24:46.880
<v Speaker 4>it's love it first night. And I know it kind

0:24:46.920 --> 0:24:48.840
<v Speaker 4>of sound stupid, but.

0:24:49.280 --> 0:24:52.199
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, what makes you believe that it is love at

0:24:52.240 --> 0:24:52.640
<v Speaker 2>first sight?

0:24:54.880 --> 0:24:57.960
<v Speaker 4>Well, to think about it though, is like I truly

0:24:58.200 --> 0:25:04.280
<v Speaker 4>believe in like human connection and like soul connections, twin flames, soulmates,

0:25:04.359 --> 0:25:10.120
<v Speaker 4>all of that. Like I can feel somebody's energy while

0:25:10.240 --> 0:25:13.080
<v Speaker 4>talking to them, I can read somebody's body language like

0:25:13.680 --> 0:25:16.760
<v Speaker 4>the whole fucking nine yards, And it's like, just with

0:25:16.880 --> 0:25:21.040
<v Speaker 4>this one specific person, I've never felt more of a

0:25:22.080 --> 0:25:26.680
<v Speaker 4>like a connection almost like I really don't I really

0:25:26.680 --> 0:25:28.080
<v Speaker 4>do know how to describe it, Like the first time

0:25:28.119 --> 0:25:31.520
<v Speaker 4>I hugged him when I first met him, like it

0:25:31.600 --> 0:25:36.400
<v Speaker 4>was unreal. It's there's no words to describe it. That's

0:25:36.400 --> 0:25:38.800
<v Speaker 4>why I feel like love at first sight is really

0:25:39.840 --> 0:25:42.040
<v Speaker 4>a true thing when I don't have any words to

0:25:42.080 --> 0:25:43.440
<v Speaker 4>describe it.

0:25:43.520 --> 0:25:45.040
<v Speaker 2>Is this something that you felt before?

0:25:48.320 --> 0:25:52.439
<v Speaker 4>No, that's the thing. I've never felt it before. And

0:25:52.480 --> 0:25:55.280
<v Speaker 4>now there has tea and we've had like long conversations

0:25:55.280 --> 0:25:55.960
<v Speaker 4>about this too.

0:25:58.320 --> 0:26:05.080
<v Speaker 2>So so are you It says here that you are

0:26:05.640 --> 0:26:09.800
<v Speaker 2>planning on getting married to this guy.

0:26:09.880 --> 0:26:15.000
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, So that's something that really caught my mind because

0:26:16.080 --> 0:26:18.560
<v Speaker 4>it was kind of a joke, like I had like

0:26:18.600 --> 0:26:22.320
<v Speaker 4>a bunch of rings on and I put my left

0:26:22.320 --> 0:26:25.639
<v Speaker 4>hand out and my left hand didn't have a ring finger,

0:26:25.720 --> 0:26:27.840
<v Speaker 4>I mean a ring on my ring finger. And I

0:26:28.000 --> 0:26:31.280
<v Speaker 4>was like, oh, look it's missing something. As a joke,

0:26:31.440 --> 0:26:33.120
<v Speaker 4>you know what I mean, like saying that like it's

0:26:33.160 --> 0:26:36.120
<v Speaker 4>missing a wedding ring. I joke all the time. I'm

0:26:36.119 --> 0:26:39.160
<v Speaker 4>a fucking sarcastic person. And he kind of looked at

0:26:39.200 --> 0:26:41.440
<v Speaker 4>me differently, and I was like, what, you actually want

0:26:41.440 --> 0:26:44.159
<v Speaker 4>to get married to me? And he was like that

0:26:44.200 --> 0:26:47.440
<v Speaker 4>wouldn't be a bad option though, And I was like, wait,

0:26:47.480 --> 0:26:50.520
<v Speaker 4>would you actually like like we kind of just like

0:26:50.600 --> 0:26:54.160
<v Speaker 4>got into a full conversation about it, and we realized, like, no,

0:26:54.359 --> 0:26:58.200
<v Speaker 4>like I would actually get married to you, Like I've

0:26:58.240 --> 0:27:01.480
<v Speaker 4>never felt this type of emotion towards somebody, The type

0:27:01.520 --> 0:27:07.879
<v Speaker 4>of energy towards somebody, Like it's undescribable. That's the problem,

0:27:08.160 --> 0:27:13.520
<v Speaker 4>because there's no way to like actually put it into words.

0:27:13.880 --> 0:27:16.520
<v Speaker 2>So it is an indescribable energy that you are feeling.

0:27:19.880 --> 0:27:24.760
<v Speaker 2>What exactly are you looking for? Let me let me

0:27:24.760 --> 0:27:29.520
<v Speaker 2>rephrase this question. Why is love important to you?

0:27:33.119 --> 0:27:37.840
<v Speaker 4>If I'm being truly honest, I feel like I never

0:27:38.400 --> 0:27:40.679
<v Speaker 4>received it in the way that I've always wanted to

0:27:40.760 --> 0:27:45.280
<v Speaker 4>receive love like past relationships. Wise, I'm not talking about

0:27:45.320 --> 0:27:48.040
<v Speaker 4>like my family, like my mom or grandparents or any

0:27:48.040 --> 0:27:50.560
<v Speaker 4>of that type of shit. Like I'm talking about like

0:27:51.119 --> 0:27:55.200
<v Speaker 4>true love, like just wanting to find my true love.

0:27:56.119 --> 0:27:58.160
<v Speaker 4>And I don't know why. Maybe that's just because I've

0:27:58.160 --> 0:28:01.719
<v Speaker 4>always been on like the search for it. But I

0:28:01.800 --> 0:28:04.200
<v Speaker 4>hopped on bumble and I was just like, fuck it,

0:28:04.280 --> 0:28:06.840
<v Speaker 4>let's go get some free dinners.

0:28:07.080 --> 0:28:09.399
<v Speaker 2>And I mean so well, so so so hold on

0:28:09.440 --> 0:28:10.720
<v Speaker 2>top because I want to. I want to, I want to.

0:28:10.760 --> 0:28:12.640
<v Speaker 2>I want to answer you this real quick because because

0:28:12.760 --> 0:28:18.440
<v Speaker 2>you said to me that you want love in your

0:28:18.520 --> 0:28:22.320
<v Speaker 2>life because you've just been searching for You've just been

0:28:22.359 --> 0:28:25.240
<v Speaker 2>searching for it for so long that you haven't even

0:28:25.280 --> 0:28:29.080
<v Speaker 2>stopped to think about why you're searching it or or

0:28:29.359 --> 0:28:31.879
<v Speaker 2>you know, ever asked yourself that question.

0:28:32.359 --> 0:28:35.320
<v Speaker 4>Well, see, that's that's the thing, though I haven't. It's

0:28:35.320 --> 0:28:38.160
<v Speaker 4>not that I haven't stopped, like I have stopped. I've

0:28:38.200 --> 0:28:40.440
<v Speaker 4>stopped and really thought, like, how do I want to

0:28:40.480 --> 0:28:45.880
<v Speaker 4>be treated? How do I want somebody to like really

0:28:46.200 --> 0:28:48.360
<v Speaker 4>treat me in a relationship? How do I want somebody

0:28:48.400 --> 0:28:50.600
<v Speaker 4>to show love towards me? How do I want somebody

0:28:50.600 --> 0:28:54.680
<v Speaker 4>to truly understand me? Can they deal with my depression

0:28:54.720 --> 0:28:58.800
<v Speaker 4>and my anxiety? Like somebody who is one hundred percent

0:28:58.920 --> 0:29:03.719
<v Speaker 4>the person that I imagine them to be and the person

0:29:03.800 --> 0:29:08.160
<v Speaker 4>that I met, Like, he is that, and that's weird.

0:29:08.760 --> 0:29:11.800
<v Speaker 4>So it's weird to find somebody who shows me true loves.

0:29:12.960 --> 0:29:18.000
<v Speaker 2>So you you have imagined this person and you say

0:29:18.040 --> 0:29:21.680
<v Speaker 2>that this is somebody who is exactly who you imagined

0:29:21.720 --> 0:29:27.520
<v Speaker 2>them to be. Basically, Yeah, so let me ask you this.

0:29:28.080 --> 0:29:29.400
<v Speaker 2>You said you've known them for a month.

0:29:31.280 --> 0:29:34.240
<v Speaker 4>Mm hmm. That's the that's the that's the catch there.

0:29:34.560 --> 0:29:38.720
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, how long do you believe that it takes to

0:29:39.240 --> 0:29:40.840
<v Speaker 2>really get to know a person.

0:29:46.200 --> 0:29:51.040
<v Speaker 4>I don't know what I mean, it really depends on

0:29:52.360 --> 0:29:54.400
<v Speaker 4>like the conversation. I don't think there's really like a

0:29:54.480 --> 0:29:59.320
<v Speaker 4>time limit. Like you could spend weeks and weeks working

0:29:59.360 --> 0:30:03.880
<v Speaker 4>with somebody and not know a single fucking thing about

0:30:03.920 --> 0:30:05.560
<v Speaker 4>them because the only thing to talk about is work,

0:30:05.880 --> 0:30:09.400
<v Speaker 4>or they don't talk at all, they're not a social person.

0:30:10.120 --> 0:30:13.600
<v Speaker 4>But when like the other day we sat down and

0:30:13.640 --> 0:30:17.479
<v Speaker 4>watched the stars and smoked the blunt and fucking cuddled

0:30:17.480 --> 0:30:19.880
<v Speaker 4>on the beach and we were talking about life and

0:30:20.000 --> 0:30:24.720
<v Speaker 4>like like goals and like it's just it's not just conversation,

0:30:24.920 --> 0:30:27.960
<v Speaker 4>it's just like really really getting to know somebody. Knowing

0:30:28.000 --> 0:30:35.200
<v Speaker 4>somebody's like true emotion, true feeling Like this, Sam, what else?

0:30:35.560 --> 0:30:37.280
<v Speaker 2>Tell me? What else was going on in your life

0:30:37.280 --> 0:30:37.840
<v Speaker 2>at this moment?

0:30:40.560 --> 0:30:40.840
<v Speaker 5>Really?

0:30:40.880 --> 0:30:44.280
<v Speaker 4>Nothing? I mean I was going out of college, I

0:30:44.320 --> 0:30:48.320
<v Speaker 4>was in a job. I was really just making money

0:30:48.360 --> 0:30:51.880
<v Speaker 4>to pay for college. So it was kind of just like, oh,

0:30:51.960 --> 0:30:54.680
<v Speaker 4>let's just hop on bumble and have some fun. I mean,

0:30:54.760 --> 0:30:59.360
<v Speaker 4>I was in a past relationship a little before that,

0:30:59.680 --> 0:31:01.600
<v Speaker 4>But okay, what was.

0:31:01.920 --> 0:31:03.400
<v Speaker 2>What was that past relationship?

0:31:03.520 --> 0:31:06.160
<v Speaker 3>Like see.

0:31:06.160 --> 0:31:10.880
<v Speaker 4>That's the thing, though, is that was really shitting probably

0:31:10.920 --> 0:31:15.400
<v Speaker 4>about like two weeks, and not even two weeks two days.

0:31:15.920 --> 0:31:19.720
<v Speaker 4>It was an argument after an argument after disagreement, after

0:31:20.680 --> 0:31:22.560
<v Speaker 4>he didn't like the fact that I was going out

0:31:22.640 --> 0:31:26.200
<v Speaker 4>with an old guy best friend who actually has a boyfriend,

0:31:26.320 --> 0:31:28.000
<v Speaker 4>and I tried explaining that to him, and he said

0:31:28.000 --> 0:31:32.120
<v Speaker 4>that he could still hit on me. He didn't like

0:31:32.160 --> 0:31:34.920
<v Speaker 4>that I was going out with my guy cousins, like

0:31:35.880 --> 0:31:38.320
<v Speaker 4>he wouldn't like the fact that I would wear a

0:31:38.400 --> 0:31:41.920
<v Speaker 4>crop top and a skirt, that it wore a lot

0:31:41.920 --> 0:31:46.800
<v Speaker 4>of makeup, that I wore a big, chunky platforms, that

0:31:47.120 --> 0:31:50.200
<v Speaker 4>I didn't mind yelling at somebody on the street who

0:31:50.760 --> 0:31:54.880
<v Speaker 4>would say something back to me. It was very controlling,

0:31:55.440 --> 0:31:57.880
<v Speaker 4>and I am not one to be controlled. I am

0:31:57.920 --> 0:32:04.040
<v Speaker 4>the last person to be controlled. Immediately when it started,

0:32:04.120 --> 0:32:06.240
<v Speaker 4>I mean not immediately, within like two weeks.

0:32:06.440 --> 0:32:09.520
<v Speaker 2>But well, that's good. I'm glad to hear. I'm glad

0:32:09.560 --> 0:32:12.600
<v Speaker 2>to hear that you have at least a baseline of

0:32:13.960 --> 0:32:18.880
<v Speaker 2>what you know is not acceptable to you in this realm.

0:32:19.320 --> 0:32:22.160
<v Speaker 2>And you know, oh look it says okay, it says

0:32:22.160 --> 0:32:24.640
<v Speaker 2>he you're twenty one years old. You're thinking about getting

0:32:24.640 --> 0:32:27.400
<v Speaker 2>married to a guy that you met a month ago.

0:32:29.000 --> 0:32:34.080
<v Speaker 2>I mean, look, conventionally, I'm sure that everybody in your

0:32:34.160 --> 0:32:37.480
<v Speaker 2>life who you've discussed this with is totally telling you

0:32:39.680 --> 0:32:43.040
<v Speaker 2>that that is a terrible idea. Is that correct? Yeah?

0:32:43.080 --> 0:32:46.600
<v Speaker 2>Basically okay, And you know, I'm thinking about it. I'm

0:32:46.640 --> 0:32:49.719
<v Speaker 2>really thinking about I've been thinking so much lately about

0:32:50.320 --> 0:32:53.320
<v Speaker 2>what the point of fucking life is in general. Is

0:32:53.360 --> 0:32:55.840
<v Speaker 2>it to find love? Is it to love yourself? Is

0:32:55.880 --> 0:32:58.080
<v Speaker 2>it to have an impact on the world? Is it this?

0:32:58.320 --> 0:33:01.040
<v Speaker 2>Is it that every one really gets to kind of

0:33:01.080 --> 0:33:06.440
<v Speaker 2>decide in their own way what's important to them. And look,

0:33:06.480 --> 0:33:11.080
<v Speaker 2>you're twenty one years old, and really at this point,

0:33:11.680 --> 0:33:15.920
<v Speaker 2>the only way you could irreversibly change your life is

0:33:16.040 --> 0:33:21.800
<v Speaker 2>if you went to jail, or got pregnant or got

0:33:21.840 --> 0:33:27.160
<v Speaker 2>seriously injured. So look, if you want to go ahead

0:33:27.680 --> 0:33:32.760
<v Speaker 2>and marry this guy who you met a month ago,

0:33:34.480 --> 0:33:36.280
<v Speaker 2>I mean, look, is it a good idea? Isn't a

0:33:36.320 --> 0:33:38.600
<v Speaker 2>bad idea? What does that even mean? A good idea

0:33:38.720 --> 0:33:43.920
<v Speaker 2>or a bad idea? In in this case? I mean,

0:33:44.840 --> 0:33:47.440
<v Speaker 2>you kind of get to decide what's important to you, right,

0:33:47.520 --> 0:33:49.440
<v Speaker 2>And so you're here and you're deciding.

0:33:49.080 --> 0:33:52.600
<v Speaker 1>That love is important to you.

0:33:52.600 --> 0:33:55.440
<v Speaker 2>You're deciding that this connection is important to you, and

0:33:55.480 --> 0:33:58.120
<v Speaker 2>if you want to go ahead and map your actions

0:33:58.440 --> 0:34:00.400
<v Speaker 2>at this point in your life to what's important to

0:34:00.400 --> 0:34:03.960
<v Speaker 2>you right now, and then you know if later you

0:34:04.120 --> 0:34:08.719
<v Speaker 2>decide that, oh, that actually is not what's important to me, Oh,

0:34:08.760 --> 0:34:13.120
<v Speaker 2>this actually wasn't the great decision. You know, you can

0:34:13.200 --> 0:34:16.600
<v Speaker 2>change the course. So I don't think that you're about

0:34:16.640 --> 0:34:21.239
<v Speaker 2>to do anything that's completely irrational and crazy. Do I

0:34:21.280 --> 0:34:23.760
<v Speaker 2>personally believe that this is going to work out forever?

0:34:25.880 --> 0:34:28.320
<v Speaker 2>I don't fucking know. I'm sure that there are plenty

0:34:28.320 --> 0:34:31.400
<v Speaker 2>of people out there who've been in similar situations that

0:34:31.440 --> 0:34:34.560
<v Speaker 2>have made them very happy, and really, not me or

0:34:34.560 --> 0:34:37.400
<v Speaker 2>anyone else in your life can tell you for sure

0:34:37.960 --> 0:34:40.160
<v Speaker 2>whether or not this is going to work out. But

0:34:40.560 --> 0:34:45.000
<v Speaker 2>I think you should do you know, whatever maps to

0:34:45.040 --> 0:34:47.920
<v Speaker 2>what's important to you in life right now, and know

0:34:48.000 --> 0:34:51.959
<v Speaker 2>that if what's important to you changes later, then that's okay.

0:34:52.040 --> 0:34:53.600
<v Speaker 2>You can always change the course.

0:34:55.320 --> 0:34:57.080
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:34:57.160 --> 0:34:57.680
<v Speaker 4>I like that.

0:35:00.560 --> 0:35:03.839
<v Speaker 2>I needed that, Adam. Is there anything else you want

0:35:03.880 --> 0:35:05.480
<v Speaker 2>to say to the people of the computer before.

0:35:05.200 --> 0:35:05.560
<v Speaker 3>We go.

0:35:10.360 --> 0:35:12.239
<v Speaker 4>Smunk a lot of weed? It'll help.

0:35:13.840 --> 0:35:15.200
<v Speaker 2>Thanks for calling, Autumn.

0:35:16.440 --> 0:35:21.880
<v Speaker 4>Of course, do you have a great one.

0:35:21.400 --> 0:35:23.360
<v Speaker 2>That was interesting. I feel like I'm about to repeat

0:35:23.400 --> 0:35:27.000
<v Speaker 2>everything I just said, but like, I've really been thinking

0:35:27.040 --> 0:35:30.000
<v Speaker 2>a lot about what the point, like I said, with

0:35:30.080 --> 0:35:34.440
<v Speaker 2>the fucking point of life is. And I have a

0:35:34.480 --> 0:35:39.920
<v Speaker 2>complicated relationship with relationships. We get a lot of relationship

0:35:40.080 --> 0:35:47.160
<v Speaker 2>stuff on this podcast. A lot of people having problems

0:35:47.360 --> 0:35:50.359
<v Speaker 2>or having whatever the opposite of problems are with their

0:35:50.440 --> 0:35:54.760
<v Speaker 2>romantic life. And some people's romantic lives make them very happy.

0:35:54.800 --> 0:36:00.919
<v Speaker 2>Some people's romantic lives make them very sad. But I mean, look,

0:36:00.960 --> 0:36:03.000
<v Speaker 2>if this girl goes and gets married to this guy,

0:36:03.719 --> 0:36:05.239
<v Speaker 2>if she has a kid with him, that's a whole

0:36:05.239 --> 0:36:06.919
<v Speaker 2>other thing. But if she just gets married to him,

0:36:08.840 --> 0:36:13.080
<v Speaker 2>uh fuck man, I don't know. Maybe it makes her happy,

0:36:13.120 --> 0:36:19.840
<v Speaker 2>maybe it doesn't. But if anything I think is important

0:36:19.840 --> 0:36:23.440
<v Speaker 2>for her to know is that she can always change

0:36:23.440 --> 0:36:28.040
<v Speaker 2>the course no matter what. So go with your gut.

0:36:28.480 --> 0:36:38.120
<v Speaker 2>I suppose I don't know. Hello, Hello, Hey is this Jordan?

0:36:39.680 --> 0:36:40.520
<v Speaker 3>They say, that's right?

0:36:42.239 --> 0:36:43.240
<v Speaker 2>What's going on, Jordan?

0:36:45.200 --> 0:36:50.080
<v Speaker 3>Nothing much? Just got off from a long day at work.

0:36:50.640 --> 0:36:51.880
<v Speaker 2>What do you do for work?

0:36:53.920 --> 0:36:56.799
<v Speaker 3>I actually work at a dispensary in Baltimore.

0:36:58.000 --> 0:36:59.799
<v Speaker 2>They have dispensaries in Baltimore.

0:37:01.320 --> 0:37:04.200
<v Speaker 3>Yes, it's a medical dispensary.

0:37:04.280 --> 0:37:06.759
<v Speaker 2>Holy shit, really, because how easy is it to get

0:37:06.800 --> 0:37:07.840
<v Speaker 2>the med card?

0:37:09.080 --> 0:37:11.600
<v Speaker 3>So it's honestly not that hard. You have to apply

0:37:11.680 --> 0:37:13.719
<v Speaker 3>through the state and like prove that you have a

0:37:13.760 --> 0:37:16.920
<v Speaker 3>medical need, and then once you apply with the state,

0:37:17.400 --> 0:37:20.160
<v Speaker 3>you go to a doctor and then get certified through them.

0:37:20.200 --> 0:37:23.040
<v Speaker 3>So it's like it's basically just a two part process

0:37:23.040 --> 0:37:24.000
<v Speaker 3>where you get pay twice.

0:37:24.760 --> 0:37:28.880
<v Speaker 2>What is the least severe medical issue I could claim

0:37:28.880 --> 0:37:30.719
<v Speaker 2>to have to get a med card to Maryland?

0:37:33.320 --> 0:37:36.200
<v Speaker 3>Honestly, I heard somebody just say back pain or headaches,

0:37:36.200 --> 0:37:41.440
<v Speaker 3>even if they haven't had it like consistently. It ranges,

0:37:41.560 --> 0:37:44.000
<v Speaker 3>But I think the least severe would either be like

0:37:45.080 --> 0:37:48.879
<v Speaker 3>consistent knee pain or something like back pain something like that.

0:37:50.920 --> 0:37:53.719
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. I guess they can't really make you prove a

0:37:53.760 --> 0:38:00.760
<v Speaker 2>headache because they can't like go into your head. Yeah, exactly, Jordan.

0:38:00.880 --> 0:38:04.319
<v Speaker 2>It says here that you're haunted by one of your

0:38:04.360 --> 0:38:06.480
<v Speaker 2>extra roommates. What's going on with this?

0:38:07.280 --> 0:38:12.279
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, So I had a friend from high school. We

0:38:12.320 --> 0:38:17.439
<v Speaker 3>had been friends for like ten years, and she when

0:38:17.480 --> 0:38:19.920
<v Speaker 3>I moved home from college, I had started dating. If

0:38:19.960 --> 0:38:22.880
<v Speaker 3>somebody moved in with them, we had been friends hanging

0:38:22.880 --> 0:38:26.880
<v Speaker 3>out like every couple of weekends here and there, and

0:38:26.920 --> 0:38:30.000
<v Speaker 3>when my ex and I broke up, I moved back

0:38:30.000 --> 0:38:32.359
<v Speaker 3>into my mom's like empty house for a little bit

0:38:32.440 --> 0:38:35.279
<v Speaker 3>before I like couch hopped for a bit, and she

0:38:35.480 --> 0:38:38.879
<v Speaker 3>proposed the idea that we get a place together. At

0:38:38.920 --> 0:38:41.600
<v Speaker 3>the time, she said she had an issue with her

0:38:41.640 --> 0:38:46.480
<v Speaker 3>social security and I believed her just because she was

0:38:46.520 --> 0:38:48.799
<v Speaker 3>a high school friend. We had been really close for

0:38:48.840 --> 0:38:52.080
<v Speaker 3>a while, so she said she couldn't get her name

0:38:52.200 --> 0:38:55.200
<v Speaker 3>on the leaf. So I was in a situation where

0:38:55.239 --> 0:38:57.400
<v Speaker 3>I didn't really have anywhere to go. At that point,

0:38:58.520 --> 0:39:02.160
<v Speaker 3>I took up a job at the teature and got

0:39:02.160 --> 0:39:06.880
<v Speaker 3>the apartment, and she said that she would pay in everything,

0:39:07.000 --> 0:39:09.360
<v Speaker 3>get her name Malise as soon as her social security

0:39:09.840 --> 0:39:13.719
<v Speaker 3>issue was cleared up. Six months into it, like she

0:39:13.840 --> 0:39:15.840
<v Speaker 3>moved in. I let her move in without giving me

0:39:15.960 --> 0:39:19.800
<v Speaker 3>anything to start, which was my mistake. I was too trusting,

0:39:21.440 --> 0:39:25.239
<v Speaker 3>and she immediately took the gym fobs. She wouldn't put

0:39:25.239 --> 0:39:28.000
<v Speaker 3>it back on the common hook. She took the mailbox key,

0:39:28.120 --> 0:39:31.200
<v Speaker 3>she wouldn't let me have that. It got to the

0:39:31.200 --> 0:39:33.799
<v Speaker 3>point where six months in she still owed me eight

0:39:33.880 --> 0:39:39.200
<v Speaker 3>hundred dollars, she wasn't really paying rent on time, and

0:39:39.280 --> 0:39:44.200
<v Speaker 3>her cats were tearing the apartment up. And then I

0:39:44.200 --> 0:39:47.120
<v Speaker 3>guess about four months before the end of the lease,

0:39:47.239 --> 0:39:51.200
<v Speaker 3>she had almost called off was paying me out. She

0:39:51.239 --> 0:39:54.480
<v Speaker 3>started acting really crazy, like I had surgery on the

0:39:54.520 --> 0:39:57.759
<v Speaker 3>back of my head, and my family was over and

0:39:58.239 --> 0:40:01.319
<v Speaker 3>she's fits saying they were too out and like how

0:40:01.400 --> 0:40:03.399
<v Speaker 3>dare we come into the apartment like that? And then

0:40:03.440 --> 0:40:06.279
<v Speaker 3>two nights later she had friends over until two in

0:40:06.280 --> 0:40:11.239
<v Speaker 3>the morning on a work night for me, and very

0:40:11.239 --> 0:40:14.239
<v Speaker 3>shortly thereafter, she moved all of her stuff out. She

0:40:14.360 --> 0:40:18.840
<v Speaker 3>stole my mail, a bunch of my stuff, and she

0:40:19.320 --> 0:40:22.239
<v Speaker 3>abandoned the so called lease, which her name really wasn't on.

0:40:22.560 --> 0:40:26.919
<v Speaker 3>I was just letting her learn. And then she used

0:40:26.920 --> 0:40:29.160
<v Speaker 3>the money that she should have paid rent with and

0:40:29.360 --> 0:40:34.040
<v Speaker 3>bought a new Cameron And she's continuing to take pictures

0:40:34.080 --> 0:40:39.320
<v Speaker 3>for all of our friends for like graduation, baby picture's

0:40:39.400 --> 0:40:41.480
<v Speaker 3>weddings with that money.

0:40:42.320 --> 0:40:44.799
<v Speaker 2>So how was this a two bedroom apartments and you

0:40:44.840 --> 0:40:46.440
<v Speaker 2>just put your name on the lease for the whole thing?

0:40:47.920 --> 0:40:48.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

0:40:48.840 --> 0:40:50.240
<v Speaker 2>Did she ever pay you anything?

0:40:52.480 --> 0:40:52.719
<v Speaker 4>Yeah?

0:40:52.719 --> 0:40:56.000
<v Speaker 3>So she started paying me off the eight hundred initially,

0:40:56.360 --> 0:40:58.799
<v Speaker 3>and then she was she was still like owing me

0:40:58.840 --> 0:41:01.960
<v Speaker 3>like five hundred dollars, but she was paying ran consistently

0:41:02.040 --> 0:41:06.680
<v Speaker 3>for a bit. Then all of a sudden she stopped

0:41:06.680 --> 0:41:07.920
<v Speaker 3>paying and ditched.

0:41:09.400 --> 0:41:12.600
<v Speaker 2>Interesting, So, all right, tell me what was your relationship

0:41:12.719 --> 0:41:15.000
<v Speaker 2>like with this person before you moved in with her?

0:41:15.080 --> 0:41:17.360
<v Speaker 2>Were you guys friends for a long time?

0:41:19.120 --> 0:41:22.040
<v Speaker 3>Yeah? So we met in our freshman year of high school,

0:41:22.160 --> 0:41:25.000
<v Speaker 3>and we had been friends since then. She had been

0:41:25.040 --> 0:41:29.080
<v Speaker 3>friends over ten years and fifteen years ish, and we

0:41:29.200 --> 0:41:31.919
<v Speaker 3>had been like we were people who texted every day.

0:41:33.040 --> 0:41:35.000
<v Speaker 3>She was the person I would text and be like, Hey,

0:41:35.000 --> 0:41:36.520
<v Speaker 3>you want to go to Target. We'd jump in the

0:41:36.520 --> 0:41:39.080
<v Speaker 3>car run Target. Like. She was the person I went

0:41:39.120 --> 0:41:42.200
<v Speaker 3>and got groceries with. We're really close. I went to

0:41:42.239 --> 0:41:45.680
<v Speaker 3>all her family stuff. She called my brothers her brother

0:41:47.200 --> 0:41:50.080
<v Speaker 3>like very intertwined, like all of our friends were the same.

0:41:50.280 --> 0:41:53.320
<v Speaker 3>We were really close. And then it just flipped.

0:41:55.600 --> 0:41:59.440
<v Speaker 2>So over the course of your ten year friendship with her,

0:41:59.480 --> 0:42:01.160
<v Speaker 2>it says, you're you're twenty six, you know when you're

0:42:01.160 --> 0:42:07.880
<v Speaker 2>like sixteen. Has she done anything like this at all?

0:42:08.760 --> 0:42:12.240
<v Speaker 2>That found her character at all? This is the first

0:42:12.239 --> 0:42:15.200
<v Speaker 2>time she's she's she's kind of screwed you over.

0:42:16.680 --> 0:42:19.239
<v Speaker 3>This was the first time that she screwed me over.

0:42:19.440 --> 0:42:23.440
<v Speaker 3>But I think, like I think she had more so

0:42:23.520 --> 0:42:27.239
<v Speaker 3>screwed over like ex boyfriends, but never like friends or

0:42:27.280 --> 0:42:29.120
<v Speaker 3>anyone close to her.

0:42:30.120 --> 0:42:32.520
<v Speaker 2>Interesting, what do you what do you think it is

0:42:32.560 --> 0:42:37.680
<v Speaker 2>then that that caused this like shift in personality to

0:42:37.760 --> 0:42:38.520
<v Speaker 2>do this to you.

0:42:41.040 --> 0:42:45.480
<v Speaker 3>Honestly, So the teaching job I took, she encouraged me

0:42:45.600 --> 0:42:48.279
<v Speaker 3>to take that it was at the same school that

0:42:48.360 --> 0:42:50.400
<v Speaker 3>she was in, but she wasn't a teacher. She was

0:42:50.520 --> 0:42:52.800
<v Speaker 3>just an aide to one of the students in this school.

0:42:54.320 --> 0:42:57.319
<v Speaker 3>And I think that when I started doing well there

0:42:57.400 --> 0:43:00.759
<v Speaker 3>and really enjoying it, I don't know if she just

0:43:00.800 --> 0:43:03.520
<v Speaker 3>felt invaded by me working in the same place and

0:43:03.600 --> 0:43:05.680
<v Speaker 3>living with her, But again, she was the one who

0:43:05.760 --> 0:43:09.799
<v Speaker 3>proposed like living together after working together as well, So

0:43:10.200 --> 0:43:12.759
<v Speaker 3>I'm not sure what was going on there, But I

0:43:12.800 --> 0:43:16.000
<v Speaker 3>really do think it is either a jealousy aspect or

0:43:17.760 --> 0:43:19.719
<v Speaker 3>I or maybe she didn't have the money and she

0:43:19.880 --> 0:43:22.560
<v Speaker 3>just thought that I'd be a good person to drag

0:43:22.640 --> 0:43:27.160
<v Speaker 3>into it to take advantage of because a caring though.

0:43:27.840 --> 0:43:29.879
<v Speaker 2>You know, so in the past, like have there been

0:43:29.920 --> 0:43:33.120
<v Speaker 2>situations not where she's necessarily fucked you over, but where

0:43:33.440 --> 0:43:37.040
<v Speaker 2>You've been generous to her, and she's maybe taken advantage

0:43:37.080 --> 0:43:40.839
<v Speaker 2>of it, not that I.

0:43:40.760 --> 0:43:43.799
<v Speaker 3>Can recall honestly, Like it all really started when we

0:43:43.960 --> 0:43:47.680
<v Speaker 3>reconnected once I got back from like college, and after

0:43:47.880 --> 0:43:51.200
<v Speaker 3>the breakup and everything, it just she she really it

0:43:51.239 --> 0:43:54.600
<v Speaker 3>came out of nowhere. I mean, I know she had

0:43:54.640 --> 0:43:58.279
<v Speaker 3>some issues again with exes, but never with friends, and

0:43:58.320 --> 0:44:00.560
<v Speaker 3>she was always very consistent with friends usually.

0:44:01.520 --> 0:44:04.400
<v Speaker 2>And at the end of this, did she just completely

0:44:04.520 --> 0:44:09.640
<v Speaker 2>ghost you or was there a moment of explosive tension?

0:44:12.160 --> 0:44:14.799
<v Speaker 3>So she sent me a bunch of text messages and

0:44:15.040 --> 0:44:16.560
<v Speaker 3>basically told me that.

0:44:18.000 --> 0:44:19.319
<v Speaker 4>Like I was the.

0:44:19.200 --> 0:44:23.160
<v Speaker 3>Reason all this was happening, and that I was inconsiderate

0:44:23.200 --> 0:44:27.120
<v Speaker 3>of her. But I've reminded her again how I let

0:44:27.120 --> 0:44:29.640
<v Speaker 3>her move in without paying anything. I let her pets

0:44:29.680 --> 0:44:32.080
<v Speaker 3>live there when they weren't supposed to. She had people

0:44:32.160 --> 0:44:34.279
<v Speaker 3>over all the time. I really kept to myself, and

0:44:34.800 --> 0:44:37.880
<v Speaker 3>she was a very like as soon as anything happened

0:44:37.920 --> 0:44:40.080
<v Speaker 3>in the house, if anything was off, she would immediately

0:44:40.120 --> 0:44:43.080
<v Speaker 3>blow up. So I actually, for the entire period of

0:44:43.080 --> 0:44:44.920
<v Speaker 3>living there, wouldn't even go in the kitchen, Like I

0:44:45.040 --> 0:44:48.720
<v Speaker 3>never cooked there once because I was afraid of anything

0:44:49.320 --> 0:44:52.160
<v Speaker 3>like going wrong with her because she just had a temper.

0:44:53.080 --> 0:44:59.360
<v Speaker 2>Nothing really just fucking ruins a friendship more than living together.

0:45:00.200 --> 0:45:03.080
<v Speaker 2>I've really just found then that to be true.

0:45:04.280 --> 0:45:06.480
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I definitely regret that for sure.

0:45:07.440 --> 0:45:09.720
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so do you talk to her at all? Still?

0:45:11.560 --> 0:45:11.680
<v Speaker 5>No?

0:45:11.880 --> 0:45:15.319
<v Speaker 3>So she blocked me on everything immediately following that, Like

0:45:15.360 --> 0:45:17.759
<v Speaker 3>she literally took my mail and I had to call

0:45:17.840 --> 0:45:20.279
<v Speaker 3>it the post office and they did a search and

0:45:20.280 --> 0:45:23.799
<v Speaker 3>they actually found it at her own like where she

0:45:24.200 --> 0:45:26.480
<v Speaker 3>was living at the time. I guess where she had

0:45:26.520 --> 0:45:29.000
<v Speaker 3>moved and like, oh, yeah, your old roommate had your mail.

0:45:30.360 --> 0:45:32.160
<v Speaker 3>And I still have things like missing to this day

0:45:32.200 --> 0:45:33.960
<v Speaker 3>that I can't find that I know she took. But

0:45:34.680 --> 0:45:37.400
<v Speaker 3>I've seen my brother has seen her. She goes into

0:45:37.400 --> 0:45:41.120
<v Speaker 3>the jet's office that he works at, but she will

0:45:41.120 --> 0:45:45.520
<v Speaker 3>be real friendly with him, say hi. Nothing else. Nobody

0:45:45.560 --> 0:45:48.560
<v Speaker 3>else really seems to see her besides, like my teacher

0:45:48.600 --> 0:45:50.840
<v Speaker 3>friends still get photos done by her and everything.

0:45:51.480 --> 0:45:53.640
<v Speaker 2>Are is any part of you going to attempt to

0:45:53.840 --> 0:45:57.040
<v Speaker 2>go after her legally or just try to find her

0:45:57.080 --> 0:46:00.799
<v Speaker 2>and be like, hey, you owe me these things or

0:46:00.960 --> 0:46:02.680
<v Speaker 2>you know you don't have my stuff.

0:46:02.800 --> 0:46:07.840
<v Speaker 3>I thought about it, like right now, I have a

0:46:07.840 --> 0:46:10.920
<v Speaker 3>lot like going on health wise and like stress wise

0:46:11.000 --> 0:46:13.120
<v Speaker 3>that I don't know if I could handle the additional

0:46:13.160 --> 0:46:18.680
<v Speaker 3>stressor of it. But if it's given the opportunity when

0:46:18.719 --> 0:46:21.640
<v Speaker 3>I'm a little bit more like stable, then I would

0:46:21.680 --> 0:46:24.160
<v Speaker 3>love to figure out my options with that, whether it

0:46:24.239 --> 0:46:27.520
<v Speaker 3>be like small Quan's cord or I don't know what

0:46:27.560 --> 0:46:30.120
<v Speaker 3>that would be. But she's like, because of her, I

0:46:30.200 --> 0:46:33.680
<v Speaker 3>fell for a scammer. I'm like over seventy five one

0:46:33.719 --> 0:46:37.160
<v Speaker 3>hundred dollars in debt because of it. Like I just,

0:46:37.360 --> 0:46:39.520
<v Speaker 3>I was so desperate to pay off my debt that

0:46:39.560 --> 0:46:42.719
<v Speaker 3>I became even more in debt. So I just I'm

0:46:42.840 --> 0:46:46.600
<v Speaker 3>gonna stay under the radar for a bit until things

0:46:46.640 --> 0:46:47.120
<v Speaker 3>clear up.

0:46:48.320 --> 0:46:50.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, no, dude, I feel you. I feel it. I

0:46:50.400 --> 0:46:58.080
<v Speaker 2>feel you when like the going after a conflict or

0:46:58.280 --> 0:47:04.520
<v Speaker 2>or going after retribute becomes more of a of an

0:47:04.560 --> 0:47:07.480
<v Speaker 2>issue than than to just let it be, you know,

0:47:07.760 --> 0:47:10.760
<v Speaker 2>especially because it is it's taxing to hire a lawyer,

0:47:11.000 --> 0:47:14.160
<v Speaker 2>go to the core, gather your evidence, like really build

0:47:14.160 --> 0:47:16.879
<v Speaker 2>a case, do the things. It's a whole fucking thing.

0:47:17.520 --> 0:47:22.320
<v Speaker 2>And I can totally understand weighing that against just dropping

0:47:22.360 --> 0:47:26.680
<v Speaker 2>it and finding that dropping it is is better for

0:47:26.760 --> 0:47:29.600
<v Speaker 2>your piece. I understand where that decision comes from. I

0:47:29.600 --> 0:47:32.560
<v Speaker 2>wanted to ask you, how do you feel? Are you

0:47:32.640 --> 0:47:35.759
<v Speaker 2>in like a mourning feeling at all? I mean a

0:47:35.880 --> 0:47:40.920
<v Speaker 2>ten year friendship that ends like this just out of nowhere?

0:47:41.000 --> 0:47:43.799
<v Speaker 2>Like how how does that feel? How are you what's

0:47:43.800 --> 0:47:44.960
<v Speaker 2>going through your head about that?

0:47:47.560 --> 0:47:47.840
<v Speaker 4>Yeah?

0:47:48.320 --> 0:47:51.120
<v Speaker 3>From all of this, Like I honestly, this is something

0:47:51.160 --> 0:47:55.120
<v Speaker 3>that literally haunted me day to day, like me thinking

0:47:55.120 --> 0:47:58.720
<v Speaker 3>about like what did I do wrong? Like uh, going

0:47:58.760 --> 0:48:01.360
<v Speaker 3>over why I let her come in in the first

0:48:01.360 --> 0:48:04.319
<v Speaker 3>place without paying things, like going over every action and

0:48:04.360 --> 0:48:08.080
<v Speaker 3>every thought based off of that, and then like moving

0:48:08.120 --> 0:48:11.120
<v Speaker 3>forward thinking about my interactions with people. It kind of

0:48:11.840 --> 0:48:13.600
<v Speaker 3>I mean, it really does haunt me because I just

0:48:13.680 --> 0:48:16.799
<v Speaker 3>don't know who I can trust. I mean I've met

0:48:16.800 --> 0:48:20.840
<v Speaker 3>some really great people since they then, who understand and

0:48:20.920 --> 0:48:24.040
<v Speaker 3>are a lot better friends than her. If I see

0:48:24.080 --> 0:48:26.759
<v Speaker 3>any kind of sketchy behavior, I tend to dip out

0:48:26.840 --> 0:48:32.520
<v Speaker 3>very quickly now. But yeah, it's constant anxiety from from that.

0:48:33.880 --> 0:48:35.920
<v Speaker 2>So you're saying that this is so you're saying that

0:48:35.960 --> 0:48:39.080
<v Speaker 2>this is this is influenced, you know, not just your

0:48:39.120 --> 0:48:44.200
<v Speaker 2>relationship with this person, but just your overall trust levels

0:48:44.920 --> 0:48:47.840
<v Speaker 2>and weariness of being taken advantage of in general.

0:48:49.680 --> 0:48:52.080
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, because I mean, again, this is somebody that I

0:48:52.160 --> 0:48:54.440
<v Speaker 3>let into my family, Like she came to all of

0:48:54.480 --> 0:48:57.680
<v Speaker 3>the family birthday party, she came on vacations with us,

0:48:57.719 --> 0:49:02.000
<v Speaker 3>like that was a long friendship. And she watched another

0:49:02.080 --> 0:49:06.440
<v Speaker 3>one of our high school friendships dissolve and was like that,

0:49:06.520 --> 0:49:08.600
<v Speaker 3>I'd never want that to happen to us. So that's

0:49:08.640 --> 0:49:13.239
<v Speaker 3>something that I thought would never happen. But again, like that,

0:49:13.360 --> 0:49:15.359
<v Speaker 3>that's what threw me off so much because of that

0:49:15.480 --> 0:49:17.799
<v Speaker 3>was something I never in a million years. Guest, we

0:49:17.840 --> 0:49:21.719
<v Speaker 3>had literally like not on purpose, but we accidentally have

0:49:21.880 --> 0:49:24.920
<v Speaker 3>matching tattoos because I got mine from my grandmother who

0:49:25.000 --> 0:49:26.839
<v Speaker 3>was born on Saint Pathrick' Day and she was born

0:49:26.840 --> 0:49:30.360
<v Speaker 3>on Saint Patrick's Day. So yeah, like we have tattoos

0:49:30.400 --> 0:49:31.040
<v Speaker 3>that are matching.

0:49:32.160 --> 0:49:34.680
<v Speaker 2>Well well, Jordan, Yeah, it's it's just I mean, this

0:49:34.760 --> 0:49:37.800
<v Speaker 2>is an interesting thing because it's like, on one hand,

0:49:38.239 --> 0:49:45.160
<v Speaker 2>if for you, being generous, being trusting is just important

0:49:45.200 --> 0:49:50.880
<v Speaker 2>to you as you move through life, I feel like it's, yes,

0:49:51.320 --> 0:49:55.520
<v Speaker 2>it's you know, important to stay true to that, but

0:49:55.600 --> 0:49:57.839
<v Speaker 2>it's hard, it's very hard to balance that with Yeah,

0:49:57.840 --> 0:49:59.600
<v Speaker 2>it's important to me to be trusting and generous to

0:49:59.640 --> 0:50:01.799
<v Speaker 2>people to one of my values. But also I don't

0:50:01.840 --> 0:50:05.200
<v Speaker 2>want to get fucked you know. Yeah, it's really hard.

0:50:05.239 --> 0:50:05.520
<v Speaker 4>It's hard.

0:50:05.560 --> 0:50:07.239
<v Speaker 2>It's hard to balance that, it really is. I don't

0:50:07.239 --> 0:50:10.839
<v Speaker 2>have a solution for that, but I you know, at

0:50:10.840 --> 0:50:14.000
<v Speaker 2>the end of the day, you know, it's good that

0:50:14.080 --> 0:50:18.400
<v Speaker 2>your your it's it's nice that you have that generous spirit,

0:50:18.920 --> 0:50:23.480
<v Speaker 2>and I hope that you find a way to continue

0:50:23.520 --> 0:50:29.080
<v Speaker 2>to tap into that in but in uh in in

0:50:29.080 --> 0:50:33.759
<v Speaker 2>in maybe more calculated ways then letting people live with

0:50:33.800 --> 0:50:35.120
<v Speaker 2>you without being on the lease.

0:50:37.160 --> 0:50:38.000
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, definitely.

0:50:38.080 --> 0:50:41.000
<v Speaker 3>And Hey, I'm gonna try to come see you in

0:50:41.120 --> 0:50:43.279
<v Speaker 3>d C. So I hope to see you soon. I

0:50:43.360 --> 0:50:45.520
<v Speaker 3>really appreciate you taking my call and everything too.

0:50:46.040 --> 0:50:48.680
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, thank you for sharing your story. And I'm hot

0:50:48.800 --> 0:50:51.279
<v Speaker 2>fucking ce in d C too. That'll be that'll be

0:50:51.360 --> 0:50:54.239
<v Speaker 2>crazy with the Miracle Theater, four hundred people. You can

0:50:54.320 --> 0:50:57.360
<v Speaker 2>you can watch me ship my fucking pants directly on

0:50:57.400 --> 0:50:58.400
<v Speaker 2>the stage as I.

0:50:58.480 --> 0:51:03.280
<v Speaker 3>Walk out right there with you, So prep yourself.

0:51:04.120 --> 0:51:05.279
<v Speaker 2>Is there anything else you want to say to the

0:51:05.280 --> 0:51:07.200
<v Speaker 2>people of the computer before we go, Jordan.

0:51:08.760 --> 0:51:12.239
<v Speaker 3>No, everybody, have a good night, stay chill, have a

0:51:12.239 --> 0:51:12.640
<v Speaker 3>good night.

0:51:13.320 --> 0:51:14.120
<v Speaker 2>Thanks calling.

0:51:15.600 --> 0:51:16.680
<v Speaker 3>Thanks gat kind of good night.

0:51:19.000 --> 0:51:21.759
<v Speaker 2>Yes, an interesting one. I've dealt with shit like that

0:51:21.800 --> 0:51:23.760
<v Speaker 2>all the like, not dealt with but like I should,

0:51:23.800 --> 0:51:26.840
<v Speaker 2>I guess possibly sometimes dealt with personally, but gotten calls

0:51:26.920 --> 0:51:29.080
<v Speaker 2>like that a lot where somebody does something nice and

0:51:29.120 --> 0:51:32.600
<v Speaker 2>then fucking backfires on them. And I'm trying to think like,

0:51:32.880 --> 0:51:35.520
<v Speaker 2>because you can go to two ways with that, where

0:51:35.560 --> 0:51:37.919
<v Speaker 2>you can go, Okay, I'm never gonna do anything nice

0:51:37.920 --> 0:51:39.960
<v Speaker 2>for anyone ever again because the last time I did,

0:51:39.960 --> 0:51:42.440
<v Speaker 2>I got fucked over and I'm just done. Or you

0:51:42.480 --> 0:51:46.640
<v Speaker 2>can be like, you know what, actually fuck them because

0:51:46.680 --> 0:51:50.040
<v Speaker 2>they're trying to get me. They win if I do that.

0:51:50.840 --> 0:51:54.759
<v Speaker 2>You know, if I stop being nice to people because

0:51:54.800 --> 0:51:57.279
<v Speaker 2>this one person fucks me over, then they win. I'm

0:51:57.320 --> 0:51:59.680
<v Speaker 2>not giving this person the power to change my character

0:51:59.719 --> 0:52:03.320
<v Speaker 2>toe how I interact with people. I don't think either

0:52:03.360 --> 0:52:08.120
<v Speaker 2>of those two options is the wrong one, but it's

0:52:08.160 --> 0:52:11.040
<v Speaker 2>interesting to think about because I I really don't know.

0:52:11.080 --> 0:52:18.560
<v Speaker 2>It's a tough situation. Hello, Hello, how's it going.

0:52:19.000 --> 0:52:20.560
<v Speaker 5>I'm doing well? How are you wile?

0:52:22.160 --> 0:52:24.120
<v Speaker 2>I am okay? What's going on with you?

0:52:25.400 --> 0:52:28.480
<v Speaker 5>Heck yeah, doing good, feeling good? It's got all A

0:52:28.520 --> 0:52:31.000
<v Speaker 5>bike run by I mean, it's not a run. I'm

0:52:31.000 --> 0:52:32.640
<v Speaker 5>on a bike, so using a bike.

0:52:34.040 --> 0:52:38.560
<v Speaker 2>Okay, that made a little bit of sense. What's is

0:52:38.560 --> 0:52:40.560
<v Speaker 2>there anything in particularly calls that you talk about.

0:52:42.640 --> 0:52:47.920
<v Speaker 5>Oh yeah, I mean a particular scenario that I found myself.

0:52:48.040 --> 0:52:50.439
<v Speaker 5>I mean, I've been dating this girl for a while,

0:52:51.239 --> 0:52:56.000
<v Speaker 5>it's like four weeks about a month, really cool, kicking

0:52:56.040 --> 0:52:58.400
<v Speaker 5>it off, been having a good time. But every so

0:52:58.560 --> 0:53:01.000
<v Speaker 5>often we hang out, ends up bringing up that she

0:53:01.040 --> 0:53:06.080
<v Speaker 5>wants to punch my balls, and like, at first it

0:53:06.120 --> 0:53:08.759
<v Speaker 5>was like, oh, okay, ha, like it's funny, like so

0:53:08.920 --> 0:53:12.799
<v Speaker 5>with the demeanor, the delivery awesome. But it's consistently being

0:53:12.800 --> 0:53:16.760
<v Speaker 5>brought up each time we hang out, and I'm unclear

0:53:16.760 --> 0:53:19.480
<v Speaker 5>on whether I should be concerned of a surprise attack

0:53:19.600 --> 0:53:23.040
<v Speaker 5>or she'll respect my boundaries and say until I'm ready

0:53:23.040 --> 0:53:23.680
<v Speaker 5>for such things.

0:53:25.960 --> 0:53:28.080
<v Speaker 2>Okay, you're concerned about whether or not she will just

0:53:28.120 --> 0:53:30.480
<v Speaker 2>surprise attack your balls.

0:53:31.680 --> 0:53:34.640
<v Speaker 5>I mean that, and also just to carry the amount

0:53:34.680 --> 0:53:39.480
<v Speaker 5>of the amount of want to put such an action

0:53:39.760 --> 0:53:40.400
<v Speaker 5>into effect.

0:53:41.600 --> 0:53:45.239
<v Speaker 2>Okay, I mean, have you expressed to her that you

0:53:45.280 --> 0:53:49.200
<v Speaker 2>do not want her to to punch you in the balls?

0:53:51.120 --> 0:53:54.920
<v Speaker 5>Oh definitely, yeah. Yeah, It's like, yeah, I'll say I'll

0:53:54.960 --> 0:53:56.359
<v Speaker 5>let her. I told her. I was like, Man, until

0:53:56.400 --> 0:53:58.560
<v Speaker 5>I feel I'm ready, I'll let you know for sure.

0:53:59.200 --> 0:54:02.600
<v Speaker 5>Although John, a little surprise attack I'm having me on the.

0:54:03.680 --> 0:54:09.359
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, John, have you told her that makes you uncomfortable

0:54:09.440 --> 0:54:11.360
<v Speaker 2>when she asks you to punch your balls?

0:54:13.840 --> 0:54:14.760
<v Speaker 3>Uh?

0:54:15.239 --> 0:54:18.560
<v Speaker 5>I don't. I don't know if I'm like totally put

0:54:18.600 --> 0:54:20.480
<v Speaker 5>off because I enjoy hanging out with her.

0:54:20.960 --> 0:54:23.680
<v Speaker 2>John, you're calling a gecko on the internet to tell

0:54:23.760 --> 0:54:27.040
<v Speaker 2>him that you're uncomfortable with this girl, Uh, saying that

0:54:28.000 --> 0:54:30.520
<v Speaker 2>she wants to punch your balls?

0:54:34.440 --> 0:54:36.520
<v Speaker 5>Yeah? Yeah, I don't want my balls punched.

0:54:37.080 --> 0:54:41.960
<v Speaker 2>Okay, So you so have you really? Yeah? Have you?

0:54:42.000 --> 0:54:47.440
<v Speaker 2>Have you really honestly expressed this to her honestly?

0:54:47.520 --> 0:54:51.279
<v Speaker 5>Like sit down and be like a yo, like I

0:54:51.280 --> 0:54:53.680
<v Speaker 5>don't know if Oh no, I don't know. I definitely

0:54:53.760 --> 0:54:55.719
<v Speaker 5>know that I don't want you to punch me in

0:54:55.719 --> 0:54:58.319
<v Speaker 5>the balls right now, and so I hope you can

0:54:58.360 --> 0:55:02.840
<v Speaker 5>respect that. And I'm sure she could, although like anyone

0:55:02.920 --> 0:55:05.840
<v Speaker 5>else with such a desire, it's still gonna sit in

0:55:05.840 --> 0:55:09.640
<v Speaker 5>the back. So it's just like keeping me all my

0:55:09.680 --> 0:55:12.080
<v Speaker 5>toes is all, keeping me all my toes with it.

0:55:12.560 --> 0:55:15.279
<v Speaker 5>I'm sure she could respect it. Although it's like mm hmm,

0:55:15.800 --> 0:55:23.359
<v Speaker 5>there's definitely a good want to do it for sure, John.

0:55:24.200 --> 0:55:26.680
<v Speaker 5>I mean, as a gecko, do you get hit in

0:55:26.719 --> 0:55:28.040
<v Speaker 5>the ball? I don't know about the getto.

0:55:27.840 --> 0:55:32.319
<v Speaker 2>Thing, John, John, are you are you genuinely afraid that

0:55:32.360 --> 0:55:34.520
<v Speaker 2>this girl is gonna punch you in the balls?

0:55:37.280 --> 0:55:38.479
<v Speaker 5>I'm concerned for sure.

0:55:43.840 --> 0:55:50.080
<v Speaker 2>If she does not respect the boundaries that you have

0:55:50.200 --> 0:55:56.960
<v Speaker 2>set between her fists and your balls. Mm hmm, then

0:55:57.200 --> 0:55:59.959
<v Speaker 2>then she is not the one for you, John.

0:56:04.480 --> 0:56:09.200
<v Speaker 5>Okay, No, yeah, definitely that's a good it's a good

0:56:09.200 --> 0:56:10.719
<v Speaker 5>way of putting it. I just hardly. I just think

0:56:10.760 --> 0:56:13.480
<v Speaker 5>it's someone you're just telling me wholesomely of such a

0:56:14.080 --> 0:56:16.080
<v Speaker 5>scenario because he's trying to bring it up like ha

0:56:16.080 --> 0:56:17.920
<v Speaker 5>ha ha. But no one's like a yo.

0:56:18.800 --> 0:56:21.360
<v Speaker 2>No, no, no, this is you're and you're you're like

0:56:21.520 --> 0:56:24.560
<v Speaker 2>passing this off as a joke, but you are you're

0:56:24.600 --> 0:56:32.120
<v Speaker 2>afraid that this woman is going to find the balls? Yeah, okay,

0:56:32.680 --> 0:56:35.439
<v Speaker 2>beyond just be honest with her, John, tell her that

0:56:36.320 --> 0:56:39.480
<v Speaker 2>you will never be interested in that. Tell her stop

0:56:39.480 --> 0:56:48.600
<v Speaker 2>bringing it up, and hopefully she will. Then you know,

0:56:48.600 --> 0:56:50.719
<v Speaker 2>you reevaluate the relationship.

0:56:52.680 --> 0:56:56.040
<v Speaker 5>Most definitely, and it's a good portion of time to

0:56:56.080 --> 0:56:59.160
<v Speaker 5>do that, you know, month in gouts sem my boundaries

0:56:59.200 --> 0:57:08.560
<v Speaker 5>right away, Yes you do. Yeah, thank you John.

0:57:08.600 --> 0:57:09.680
<v Speaker 2>Is there anything else you want to like?

0:57:10.080 --> 0:57:11.520
<v Speaker 5>Ultimately good?

0:57:11.840 --> 0:57:12.960
<v Speaker 2>Is there anything else you want to say to the people

0:57:12.960 --> 0:57:13.759
<v Speaker 2>of the computer before we go?

0:57:16.520 --> 0:57:21.400
<v Speaker 5>Mm hmm that I feel like you don't get enough

0:57:21.440 --> 0:57:24.960
<v Speaker 5>credit for how handsome you are ultomely.

0:57:25.640 --> 0:57:27.880
<v Speaker 2>That's very sweet that you say, especially as a good group.

0:57:28.600 --> 0:57:29.240
<v Speaker 2>Thank you, ma'am.

0:57:31.360 --> 0:57:38.560
<v Speaker 5>Of course, and thank you. Take care of John, you too,

0:57:38.680 --> 0:57:39.959
<v Speaker 5>have a good night, love, bye bye.

0:57:41.120 --> 0:57:43.000
<v Speaker 2>John said he was twenty six on the call screen.

0:57:43.040 --> 0:57:47.120
<v Speaker 2>Anything he is not twenty six. Maybe he is. I

0:57:47.160 --> 0:57:48.280
<v Speaker 2>don't know. I don't know why I said that. I

0:57:48.280 --> 0:57:50.160
<v Speaker 2>don't know what a twenty six year old sounds like.

0:57:51.320 --> 0:57:55.040
<v Speaker 5>EVERYTHNK goes on the line taking your phone calls.

0:57:54.840 --> 0:57:59.919
<v Speaker 2>Every nine ever goes and I'm just teaching you the line.

0:58:00.320 --> 0:58:00.880
<v Speaker 2>But he's not

0:58:01.120 --> 0:58:03.600
<v Speaker 5>Really an expert though,