1 00:00:11,840 --> 00:00:14,400 Speaker 1: Good morning, peep Sen. Welcome to bokay FP Daily with 2 00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:19,200 Speaker 1: Meet your Girl Danielle Moody. Recording from the Bunker, Folks. 3 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:23,599 Speaker 1: I'm really excited about today's episode. Once again, we are 4 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:27,920 Speaker 1: celebrating Pride this month as we knock out the next 5 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:32,480 Speaker 1: couple of days of June that is left and today's episode, 6 00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:36,840 Speaker 1: I am talking with the host of the podcast Edges, 7 00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:40,960 Speaker 1: which is all about black hair and healing from my guests, 8 00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:44,200 Speaker 1: Chantey Howell, and we are doing this kind of mash 9 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:47,920 Speaker 1: up crossover episode where you know, you may hear news 10 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:51,479 Speaker 1: stories about me as well as things that she asked 11 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:55,680 Speaker 1: that I shared with her and vice versa. So I 12 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:59,320 Speaker 1: hope that you will enjoy this episode as always, um 13 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:03,320 Speaker 1: side note, side note. If you want my hot takes 14 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:08,399 Speaker 1: on the latest installment of the one six commission the hearings, 15 00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:11,120 Speaker 1: head over to Twitter at D two cents d E 16 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:13,560 Speaker 1: t woc E N T asked. Because I am there 17 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:16,319 Speaker 1: and I am live, you know what I will say 18 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:19,679 Speaker 1: about that. And then coming up next is this conversation 19 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:22,959 Speaker 1: with Sean Tay Howell. It is really disturbing to me 20 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:27,080 Speaker 1: to continue to listen to all the ways in which 21 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:31,000 Speaker 1: Donald Trump and everybody around him, all of his There 22 00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:33,800 Speaker 1: was no fucking team normal and team not Normal. They 23 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:36,000 Speaker 1: were all on the same team, which was Team Trump 24 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:40,240 Speaker 1: and Trumpism, which is about destroying democracy, which is about 25 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:46,040 Speaker 1: creating fundamentalist Christian you know, state and authoritarianism. And so 26 00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:47,760 Speaker 1: there were some people that were willing to break the 27 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:49,440 Speaker 1: law for it, and there were other people that were 28 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:52,560 Speaker 1: willing to bend the law. But the reality here is 29 00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:54,560 Speaker 1: that I don't think that anything is really going to 30 00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:57,160 Speaker 1: come up this. I think that sure the Department of 31 00:01:57,200 --> 00:02:01,320 Speaker 1: Justice has asked for you know, all of the testimonies 32 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:04,480 Speaker 1: that they have seen, the thousands of pages of documents. 33 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:08,200 Speaker 1: You heard the commissions say that they will cooperate so 34 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:12,480 Speaker 1: as not to interfere with an ongoing criminal investigation. We 35 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:15,000 Speaker 1: all see that Donald Trump is going to throw John 36 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,440 Speaker 1: Eastman under the bus, but Donald Trump throws everybody under 37 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:19,880 Speaker 1: the bus but himself. We know the same thing is 38 00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:22,600 Speaker 1: going to be true with Giuliani. But the clear mastermind 39 00:02:22,639 --> 00:02:25,440 Speaker 1: behind this is Donald Trump. And do I think that 40 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:27,520 Speaker 1: white men in power are going to hold other white 41 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:30,120 Speaker 1: men in power accountable? Like I said on Twitter this week, No, 42 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:33,400 Speaker 1: the fuck I don't, right, because that's not how this 43 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:36,400 Speaker 1: legal system was created. The legal system was created for 44 00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:39,240 Speaker 1: white men with power to hold that power and to 45 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:43,400 Speaker 1: preserve their property right, whether that be an actual fucking person, 46 00:02:43,919 --> 00:02:47,840 Speaker 1: as was the concept when the Constitution was written, or 47 00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:52,400 Speaker 1: be a fucking building. But I don't see how this 48 00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:55,920 Speaker 1: is going to turn out to benefit really anyone. And 49 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:58,640 Speaker 1: what we continue to see as the Supreme Court makes 50 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:01,160 Speaker 1: decision after the decision, and as we get down to 51 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:04,760 Speaker 1: the Rugby Wade decision, is that they are willing to 52 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:08,880 Speaker 1: erode any separation we had between church and state, any 53 00:03:08,919 --> 00:03:12,640 Speaker 1: autonomy that women and people with uteruses have been able 54 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:16,560 Speaker 1: to attain. That they are willing to gut the voting 55 00:03:16,639 --> 00:03:21,040 Speaker 1: rights that they're willing to prescribe everyone in America within 56 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:24,800 Speaker 1: AAR fifteen. That that seems to be the only constitutional 57 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:27,359 Speaker 1: amendment that matters and the only thing that they are 58 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:30,240 Speaker 1: willing to hold up. So as we watch our country 59 00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:34,920 Speaker 1: continue to just enter into its dismal demise, the America 60 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,440 Speaker 1: turns to the dark ages, as the rest of the 61 00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:41,200 Speaker 1: world will begin to lap us in terms of creativity, innovation, 62 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:44,800 Speaker 1: and all of those things, because that doesn't come from oppression, right, 63 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:48,000 Speaker 1: Those things don't come from oppression, but they will learn 64 00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:52,960 Speaker 1: that the hard way, as is with white fundamentalists radicalized America, 65 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,920 Speaker 1: that the only way that they do learn is the 66 00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:58,840 Speaker 1: hard way. So if as you're listening to these Pride 67 00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:02,200 Speaker 1: shows you're wondering what is Danielle thinking about X do 68 00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:05,440 Speaker 1: check me out on Twitter and on TikTok. I took 69 00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:09,160 Speaker 1: a brief respite from TikTok, but I will be back 70 00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:12,480 Speaker 1: this week. And speaking of respites, I will make an 71 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:15,920 Speaker 1: announcement here and then tomorrow on Instagram. I am taking 72 00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:19,719 Speaker 1: a break from Woke Wednesdays for the summer. I am 73 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:23,640 Speaker 1: putting my mental health on top, back where it belongs. 74 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:27,240 Speaker 1: And I realize that how raw and how vulnerable and 75 00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:30,320 Speaker 1: how angry I get on Woke Wednesdays. While it does 76 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:33,640 Speaker 1: provide other people with a place to share their own 77 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:36,360 Speaker 1: grief and their angst, and it is not healthy for me. 78 00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:40,360 Speaker 1: And so I'm giving myself a little mini vacation. I'm 79 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:43,760 Speaker 1: not ending Woke Wednesdays forever, but I'm giving myself a 80 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:46,520 Speaker 1: summer vacation right now because I need it. It is 81 00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:50,520 Speaker 1: a lot to record five shows every week, six if 82 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:55,040 Speaker 1: you count Democracy Issue, my other podcast, and so adding 83 00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:58,640 Speaker 1: in a seventh, which is Woke Wednesday, half hour of 84 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:01,880 Speaker 1: just ranting. Something had to give and I'd rather not 85 00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:04,640 Speaker 1: be my mental health and wellbeing, and I don't want 86 00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:07,640 Speaker 1: to take away anything from Woke a f or from 87 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:11,480 Speaker 1: democracy ish, So I'm putting Woke Wednesday on the shelf. 88 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:13,800 Speaker 1: But know that I post all the time on all 89 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:17,159 Speaker 1: of social media, so I'm still there. I'm just giving 90 00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:19,960 Speaker 1: myself a bit of a break, all right, friends. Coming 91 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:24,719 Speaker 1: up next my conversation with the host of Edges, another 92 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:32,720 Speaker 1: DCP entertainment podcast, Shante Howell. Hope you enjoy, folks. I 93 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:37,160 Speaker 1: am very excited to welcome to Woke f We are 94 00:05:37,279 --> 00:05:42,440 Speaker 1: doing a cross over two podcasters, two black queer women 95 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:47,039 Speaker 1: during pride doing the most, trying to heal, trying to 96 00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:50,520 Speaker 1: get ourselves together and keep ourselves sane. I am joined 97 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:54,599 Speaker 1: by my fellow podcasters Shante Howell, who is the host 98 00:05:55,040 --> 00:06:00,479 Speaker 1: of Edges. Shanta, tell everyone, your folks are already know. 99 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:03,880 Speaker 1: We're introducing you to our will gayf audience. Tell us 100 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:06,080 Speaker 1: the premise of Edges because I just love it so 101 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:09,760 Speaker 1: much and I love your title. Oh, thank you so much, 102 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:12,120 Speaker 1: and thank you for having me. I'm so excited to 103 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:15,520 Speaker 1: be here, and yeah, so Edges basically was born out 104 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:17,440 Speaker 1: of all the things that I've dealt with with my hair. 105 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:20,200 Speaker 1: When I was sixteen, it caught on fire and I 106 00:06:20,240 --> 00:06:22,160 Speaker 1: was like, I finally got to just like cut this 107 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:25,080 Speaker 1: shit off and come out. And things did not happen 108 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:26,919 Speaker 1: the way I intended it too, and it kind of 109 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:29,920 Speaker 1: unveiled into this whole story of how I came into 110 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:32,279 Speaker 1: myself and my understanding of who I am and what 111 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:34,200 Speaker 1: I want in the world kind of through this lens 112 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,640 Speaker 1: of my hair, and it being this kind of yeah, 113 00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:39,080 Speaker 1: almost like a conduit for that happening in ways that 114 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:42,480 Speaker 1: I didn't expect. So told a little bit too much 115 00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:45,120 Speaker 1: of my own business, told some things that I still 116 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:46,960 Speaker 1: haven't talked to my mom about, so we'll say when 117 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:49,040 Speaker 1: that happens, And then also got to talk to other 118 00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:51,680 Speaker 1: folks who identify as square, who have had their own 119 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:54,359 Speaker 1: hair experiences and just had a ton of solidarity for 120 00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:57,800 Speaker 1: the kind of shared love of the Rhanna pixie cut 121 00:06:57,839 --> 00:06:59,640 Speaker 1: and all of the different things in between that kind 122 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:02,080 Speaker 1: of lead us to where we got. You know, it's 123 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:07,520 Speaker 1: so funny because my hair I've always considered as being 124 00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:11,840 Speaker 1: really a part of my identity as a black woman, 125 00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:15,680 Speaker 1: but not necessarily as a part of my queerness. I 126 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:19,520 Speaker 1: didn't cut my hair off, and I always understood even 127 00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:22,440 Speaker 1: you know, white women who were queer that would come 128 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:24,600 Speaker 1: out and they would cut their hair off as like 129 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:28,440 Speaker 1: an affront to patriarchy, right is I mean I'm saying 130 00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:30,480 Speaker 1: that that That's how I saw it, And I know 131 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:33,360 Speaker 1: a lot of queer women who have always been like, yeah, 132 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:35,120 Speaker 1: I don't I don't need this hair. This is not 133 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:37,680 Speaker 1: my crown and kind of, you know, the pushback from 134 00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:42,040 Speaker 1: the biblical understanding of what was femininity and what was womanness? 135 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:45,440 Speaker 1: So for you, what is what? What was that kind 136 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:48,160 Speaker 1: of part and parcel outside of the tragedy of your 137 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:52,480 Speaker 1: hair catching on fire? Because good God, but like, what 138 00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:58,160 Speaker 1: was how was your blackness and your queerness tied into 139 00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:02,400 Speaker 1: your hair? Yeah? I think for me it was almost 140 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:06,160 Speaker 1: wanting for it to be something that was unspoken. I 141 00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:08,920 Speaker 1: think that I grew up kind of having to explain 142 00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:10,920 Speaker 1: a lot of different parts of myself. So my family's 143 00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:13,800 Speaker 1: also Jamaican. In my younger years, I used to have 144 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:16,080 Speaker 1: an accent. Oh my gosh, I who kid in what 145 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:20,000 Speaker 1: part my family is from? Trelawney Okay, I grew I 146 00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:22,280 Speaker 1: was born in the United States, but my parents were 147 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:25,320 Speaker 1: born in Jamaica, as my grandparents and everybody else, Okay, same. 148 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:27,960 Speaker 1: My family is in Saint Thomas where all the goats 149 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:30,800 Speaker 1: kind of where I'm like squirrels. So yeah, that's something 150 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:33,160 Speaker 1: that I'm doing, hair into it in my heart and 151 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:34,960 Speaker 1: then something that I had to explain a lot. And 152 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:37,319 Speaker 1: so I felt like at that point in time, with 153 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,400 Speaker 1: kind of the excuse of my hair caching on fire, 154 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:43,400 Speaker 1: I wanted to be myself without having to explain that. 155 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:45,800 Speaker 1: And I felt like, you know, it was a time 156 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:48,079 Speaker 1: in my life where if my hair was longer, if 157 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:50,400 Speaker 1: I did have my frow, it would be another thing 158 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:52,440 Speaker 1: that I would have to explain to people about myself. 159 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:55,280 Speaker 1: And I wasn't necessarily consciously thinking of like how do 160 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:58,800 Speaker 1: I feel my most self in general and as an 161 00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:00,800 Speaker 1: artist and as someone who like to make things. So 162 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:03,240 Speaker 1: I think that's something that I've had to come to 163 00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:07,000 Speaker 1: terms with, and the just regular process of coming out 164 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:08,920 Speaker 1: over and over again, like starting a new job and 165 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:11,839 Speaker 1: someone asking like, who is your husband and having to 166 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:14,079 Speaker 1: explain like I am not merely to a man, and 167 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:17,520 Speaker 1: having that conversation over and over again. You know, I 168 00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:20,600 Speaker 1: can remember the conversation as clear as day. Both of 169 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:24,400 Speaker 1: my grandparents have since passed away, but I remember when 170 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:27,640 Speaker 1: when I was graduating from college, I had I had 171 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,960 Speaker 1: two strand twists that I was getting ready to um 172 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:35,600 Speaker 1: my stylist to turn into locks. You know, we were 173 00:09:35,679 --> 00:09:39,559 Speaker 1: starting it from two strand twists. And my Jamaican grandparents 174 00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:45,000 Speaker 1: were beside themselves that I would think that I'm getting 175 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:48,720 Speaker 1: ready to enter into professional society and this was the 176 00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:52,199 Speaker 1: choice that I was making. My grandfather was like where 177 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:54,640 Speaker 1: are you going to work? Like where? Like who is 178 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:58,040 Speaker 1: going to accept you as like a professional if this 179 00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:00,920 Speaker 1: is what you're doing? And I, because I was like 180 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:05,520 Speaker 1: their own, their only contextualization of locks at that time 181 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:08,960 Speaker 1: were Rastafarians, Like that was it? It was like the 182 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:15,400 Speaker 1: this counterculture you know, um understanding for them it was counterculture. 183 00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:17,959 Speaker 1: It's not, but for them it was. And so they 184 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:20,840 Speaker 1: were just like this association like I just don't understand, 185 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,640 Speaker 1: like how you're going to go about that? Um? And 186 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:27,839 Speaker 1: so I remember growing up with there being a lot 187 00:10:27,920 --> 00:10:31,719 Speaker 1: of judgment around hair, right, like the good hair than 188 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:35,720 Speaker 1: not good hair than this, and the that, um what 189 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,960 Speaker 1: was it? Was? It? The same for for you was 190 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:44,000 Speaker 1: that was was there were there fights? Uh? Yeah, I 191 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,319 Speaker 1: didn't have some fights. Um. I would say I had 192 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:48,360 Speaker 1: more judgment on my mom when I got a weave 193 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,480 Speaker 1: and she called it horse hair. But I think a 194 00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:53,240 Speaker 1: lot of the fights that we have were just around 195 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:56,439 Speaker 1: me wanting to express myself through hair. So I did braids, 196 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:58,600 Speaker 1: I did all the things, um, and I would often 197 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:00,360 Speaker 1: just like take my hair out and put it in affron. 198 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:02,400 Speaker 1: It was different than how she sent me to school. 199 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:06,120 Speaker 1: And I think that kind of form of just expressing 200 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:08,480 Speaker 1: myself in a different way through my hair. Like right now, 201 00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:10,280 Speaker 1: the red twist, they're not as bright as they've been 202 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:13,240 Speaker 1: in the past. But you know, my family calls me 203 00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:16,120 Speaker 1: a fire engine at times, and I think just the 204 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:20,600 Speaker 1: sense of wanting to see yourself as you see yourself 205 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:23,520 Speaker 1: within it's definitely something that can be a conflict with 206 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,800 Speaker 1: the ways that family see that. Yeah, And I'm curious 207 00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:29,720 Speaker 1: to know, like, what what was your decision process like 208 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:34,280 Speaker 1: going into locks despite having that kind of societal impression 209 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:36,960 Speaker 1: from your grandparents. Well, I'm going to be honest with you. 210 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:41,920 Speaker 1: Initially it was laziness. I was just tired. I was 211 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:44,480 Speaker 1: tired of doing braids. I was tired of the perm. 212 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:48,000 Speaker 1: I was tired of figuring out what to do with 213 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:51,120 Speaker 1: my natural hair. And I had always loved locks and 214 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:55,079 Speaker 1: I'd seen you know, so many different iterations from micro's. 215 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:57,400 Speaker 1: And I don't even think at that time, because I'm older, 216 00:11:57,679 --> 00:12:00,400 Speaker 1: that they had sister locks, so maybe they weren't called that, 217 00:12:00,559 --> 00:12:03,720 Speaker 1: but UM, I just knew that I always thought that 218 00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:06,840 Speaker 1: they were beautiful and that it was something that I 219 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:09,240 Speaker 1: remember my mother also saying, well, what are you going 220 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:10,680 Speaker 1: to do if you want to change your hair? And 221 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:13,320 Speaker 1: I was just like, I'll cut it like everybody, like 222 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:16,640 Speaker 1: everybody else does. Um. And so for me, it was 223 00:12:16,679 --> 00:12:20,800 Speaker 1: just that feeling of I knew who I was becoming, 224 00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:24,080 Speaker 1: and I knew what I wanted and what I didn't 225 00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:27,560 Speaker 1: want to prescribe to anymore. But the reason why I 226 00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:31,480 Speaker 1: had done two strand twists to grow you know, to 227 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:34,600 Speaker 1: grow out like what was left of a perm that 228 00:12:34,679 --> 00:12:37,160 Speaker 1: I you know, that i'd had, and um kind of 229 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:40,120 Speaker 1: get away from the damage that also the braids had 230 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:44,360 Speaker 1: caused my hair. UM I wanted I didn't start my 231 00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:49,880 Speaker 1: locks from like you know, little tiny tiny um uh twists. 232 00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:52,160 Speaker 1: They were they were down to my chin. So I 233 00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:54,720 Speaker 1: also think that that was like a different So when 234 00:12:54,720 --> 00:12:57,600 Speaker 1: my grandparents and my family kind of started to see 235 00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:00,199 Speaker 1: how the process was coming along, they're like, oh, it's 236 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:04,360 Speaker 1: still long, which again associates with this idea of like, oh, 237 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:08,920 Speaker 1: you know, she's still feminine, right, but you know me 238 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:12,880 Speaker 1: coming out as well. To my family, I have always 239 00:13:12,920 --> 00:13:17,520 Speaker 1: been you know, feminine presenting. So for them it was 240 00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:20,960 Speaker 1: never like, well, what is she going to look like now? 241 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,760 Speaker 1: It was just like, no, you still know me. This 242 00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:25,400 Speaker 1: is what I look like. I just happened to like women, 243 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:30,439 Speaker 1: so yeah, yeah, And I think just the room for 244 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:33,360 Speaker 1: that to change as well as something that I'm contending 245 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,240 Speaker 1: with a lot, Like I think I get a lot 246 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:39,319 Speaker 1: of questions from my family about like as relationship things 247 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:42,520 Speaker 1: kind of progress through life, like oh are you are you? This? 248 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:44,200 Speaker 1: Are you that? How do you define yourself? And I 249 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,840 Speaker 1: think what I heard a lot too and having conversations 250 00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:49,920 Speaker 1: with people is like, the hair decisions aren't necessarily always 251 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:53,600 Speaker 1: about identity. Oftentimes they're about convenience and ease of life 252 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:57,120 Speaker 1: and having other things that are priority and not wanting 253 00:13:57,280 --> 00:14:00,160 Speaker 1: for hair to be something that is a burden, as 254 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:01,800 Speaker 1: our hair is beautiful and we want it to be 255 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:04,079 Speaker 1: something that reflects us, but it also can take time. 256 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:07,360 Speaker 1: And that's something that I just sense, like a weight 257 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:10,400 Speaker 1: off my shoulders in that acceptance of self of like 258 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:14,960 Speaker 1: not needing to put that much, like prescribe that much 259 00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:17,520 Speaker 1: meaning to it, but also letting it mean that much 260 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:20,560 Speaker 1: to me and not being okay, it's no secret that 261 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:23,960 Speaker 1: the news is horsepill hard to swallow. Thankfully, there's The 262 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:28,680 Speaker 1: Bituation Room podcast hosted by comedian and commentator Francesca Freer 263 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:31,400 Speaker 1: and Tiny for a lighter take on the heavy staff. 264 00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:35,280 Speaker 1: Each week, The Bituation Room brings you progressive comedians, experts, 265 00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:37,400 Speaker 1: and activists to break down the issues in a way 266 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:40,160 Speaker 1: that won't just leave you crying under a weighted blanket. 267 00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:43,920 Speaker 1: Get The Bituation Room on Apple, Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, and 268 00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:50,280 Speaker 1: streaming on YouTube and Twitch. 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New episodes 278 00:15:16,360 --> 00:15:21,920 Speaker 1: every Tuesday. Yeah. I think it's always so interesting because 279 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:26,560 Speaker 1: I have so many black women friends, some queer, some straight, 280 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:32,000 Speaker 1: some non binary, who all have different you know, understandings 281 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:34,680 Speaker 1: of their connection to their hair. Some have had the 282 00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:39,160 Speaker 1: same hairstyle for twenty thirty years, others change it up 283 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:44,320 Speaker 1: literally every week, right, And I think that for black women, ultimately, 284 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:47,000 Speaker 1: it is about freedom. Right, It's about the choice to 285 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:49,800 Speaker 1: be able to present how I feel like presenting, whether 286 00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:53,120 Speaker 1: I change that from Monday to Wednesday or it has 287 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:56,640 Speaker 1: been the same, um, you know, for for decades. I 288 00:15:56,680 --> 00:16:00,440 Speaker 1: think that it is about the freedom of expression. And 289 00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:02,760 Speaker 1: so like now that I'm thinking about it, and I'm like, oh, 290 00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:06,600 Speaker 1: maybe there was like a deeper connectedness to you know, 291 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:10,080 Speaker 1: when I was coming out. I was also when I 292 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:12,400 Speaker 1: was coming out for like the last time. I always 293 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:15,000 Speaker 1: say the last time because it was I consider my 294 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:18,240 Speaker 1: parents the last people that I came out to. Like 295 00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:21,120 Speaker 1: throughout life, I don't really care about recom you know, 296 00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:23,960 Speaker 1: recoming out. But when I came out to them, I 297 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:26,440 Speaker 1: was twenty one, and that was the same time that 298 00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:30,640 Speaker 1: I was going on this the beginnings of the Locke's Journey. 299 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:33,800 Speaker 1: So maybe there was correlation that I actually have an 300 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:39,479 Speaker 1: unpacked um to that sense from me of independence, independence 301 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:42,480 Speaker 1: from who I was, who you thought I was, and 302 00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:46,720 Speaker 1: now I'm defining myself in these different physical iterations as 303 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:50,280 Speaker 1: well as like identity wise about who I am. So 304 00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:52,640 Speaker 1: maybe there was a reclamation and that I never thought 305 00:16:52,640 --> 00:17:00,640 Speaker 1: about that. Shane so much beyond that too, Like at 306 00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:02,440 Speaker 1: some point in time, I dyed my hair red and 307 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:05,720 Speaker 1: that was a huge career trans transition for me too. 308 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:07,360 Speaker 1: And I think there's so many ways in which it's 309 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:09,840 Speaker 1: like we have the conversation about the big chop or 310 00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:12,359 Speaker 1: locks or whatever have you, and all of these little 311 00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:14,840 Speaker 1: decisions that we make with our hair actually means so 312 00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:18,640 Speaker 1: much more than we could ever realize. And that kind 313 00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:21,240 Speaker 1: of makes me curious about where you've gone since the Bob, 314 00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:24,680 Speaker 1: because he started with the bomb. Yeah, and I'm gonna 315 00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:26,760 Speaker 1: tell you so this is so funny because I don't 316 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:28,600 Speaker 1: think that I've ever talked about this on the show, 317 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:33,360 Speaker 1: so my locks used to be. For the longest time, 318 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,040 Speaker 1: I'd never cut them. From when I started growing them 319 00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:41,600 Speaker 1: in two thousand and one until twenty nineteen, I never 320 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:46,240 Speaker 1: cut my hair. So my locks were literally and I 321 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:48,399 Speaker 1: used to wear them curly, so they were you know, 322 00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:51,640 Speaker 1: I used to do the flexy rods and you look 323 00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:54,359 Speaker 1: at older pitches of me, it looks like they're past 324 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:57,160 Speaker 1: my shoulders, but my hair was actually down to my butt. 325 00:17:57,920 --> 00:18:01,119 Speaker 1: And what ended up happening is, you know, as folks 326 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:04,480 Speaker 1: do know, UM, I got a divorce two years ago, 327 00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:08,400 Speaker 1: and a part of that divorce, UM, going through that 328 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:16,679 Speaker 1: separation process, I cut twelve inches of my hair off. 329 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:18,959 Speaker 1: I was like, I'm like looking at my hair right now, 330 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:21,800 Speaker 1: and I'm imagine I'm like, I cut twelve inches of 331 00:18:21,920 --> 00:18:24,800 Speaker 1: my hair off. I remember my stylus and I we 332 00:18:24,880 --> 00:18:27,720 Speaker 1: did it in like two sessions, right, because I didn't 333 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:31,480 Speaker 1: want like the shock, right, So we did like six inches, 334 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:33,920 Speaker 1: and then I came back and we did another six inches. 335 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,000 Speaker 1: And then I've cut it since. You know, I've cut 336 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,760 Speaker 1: it again since, but more so to like even things out, 337 00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:43,120 Speaker 1: and I stopped doing it curly. So it was like 338 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:47,920 Speaker 1: for me, that was the kind of the death of 339 00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:52,359 Speaker 1: that version of me, um of that of that person 340 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:56,480 Speaker 1: that was married. Of what what the preconceived notions were, 341 00:18:56,840 --> 00:18:59,359 Speaker 1: what all of that weight? Because I do believe and 342 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,959 Speaker 1: this is something that again didn't come to me as 343 00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:06,080 Speaker 1: a young person when I was starting the journey. But 344 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,400 Speaker 1: you know how you would always hear how your hair 345 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,880 Speaker 1: holds energy, and how in certain cultures they wrap their 346 00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:15,560 Speaker 1: hair and all of these different things because of you know, 347 00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:20,000 Speaker 1: because of the energy that it holds. And that was 348 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:23,080 Speaker 1: very true as I was going through my divorce. It 349 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:27,320 Speaker 1: was a shedding that really need that I really needed 350 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:31,760 Speaker 1: to have of this other version of myself. And I 351 00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:36,840 Speaker 1: referred to her actually in a short creative writing piece 352 00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:40,160 Speaker 1: that I did last year with this group called Generation Women, 353 00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:43,400 Speaker 1: I referred to her as all to D and so 354 00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:47,560 Speaker 1: the alternative Danielle, the alternative D. And yeah, I just 355 00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:51,119 Speaker 1: it was time to put her to rest. And that's 356 00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:52,960 Speaker 1: what it and that's what it looked like to me. 357 00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:57,200 Speaker 1: It looked like changing, you know, this outward appearance that 358 00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:02,040 Speaker 1: had become a signifier. People would recognize me, you know, 359 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:05,280 Speaker 1: from TV, from whatever because of the curly locks and 360 00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:07,520 Speaker 1: you know, in the long, big hair, and I was, 361 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:10,200 Speaker 1: and I was done with that. I wanted I wanted 362 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:13,640 Speaker 1: to reinvent. Yeah, you're like, I am I am not 363 00:20:13,720 --> 00:20:17,639 Speaker 1: just I am not my ye, but I'm not my hair. Yeah, 364 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:21,360 Speaker 1: and yet it's such a big like I am, I 365 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:23,320 Speaker 1: feel very much the opposite where I'm like, if you 366 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,280 Speaker 1: see me in these streets, if you see my red twist, 367 00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:28,040 Speaker 1: you know it's me. Um. So it's just interesting to 368 00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:31,600 Speaker 1: think about that like spectrum of yeah, just relating to 369 00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:33,720 Speaker 1: what it means and what you want it to mean 370 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:36,640 Speaker 1: to you and if it's okay for me to ask, 371 00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:38,919 Speaker 1: I'm curious to know, like, what are the parts of 372 00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:41,080 Speaker 1: you that you shed when you cut those twelve inches? 373 00:20:41,119 --> 00:20:43,000 Speaker 1: Like how did that look in your day to day 374 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:45,560 Speaker 1: life and your spirit? You know, I'm going to be 375 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:48,520 Speaker 1: really vulnerable and honest, it looked like a lot of 376 00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:52,480 Speaker 1: letting go of pretend. I had a very a very 377 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:57,760 Speaker 1: public marriage. We were my ex wife and I were 378 00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:00,160 Speaker 1: one of the first couples to be married. We were 379 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:03,919 Speaker 1: on the front lines for marriage equality. We were national 380 00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:08,439 Speaker 1: spokespeople for marriage equality, and so, you know, part of 381 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:12,720 Speaker 1: the beauty of having the privilege and the opportunity to 382 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:16,480 Speaker 1: move in these spaces to be able to present another 383 00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:20,199 Speaker 1: idea of what it means to be queer, what it 384 00:21:20,240 --> 00:21:23,240 Speaker 1: means to be a part of the LGBTQ community. Well 385 00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:27,000 Speaker 1: that's the upside. The downside is that all of a sudden, 386 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:30,800 Speaker 1: you start to become hashtag couple goals and hashtag black 387 00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:33,160 Speaker 1: couple goals and hashtag this, that and the other thing, 388 00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:37,639 Speaker 1: and you become you are then a prisoner of the 389 00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:41,080 Speaker 1: success that you've been able to create for yourself. So 390 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,760 Speaker 1: for me, the shedding was just like I'm going to 391 00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:47,960 Speaker 1: stop pretending like shit is not always instagramable, everything isn't 392 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:51,120 Speaker 1: always great. I'm not going to watch what I say 393 00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:55,240 Speaker 1: in politics when I'm upset because I'm chasing this deal 394 00:21:55,359 --> 00:21:57,640 Speaker 1: or that deal, Like if either you want me as 395 00:21:57,640 --> 00:21:59,760 Speaker 1: who I am or you don't. And I think that 396 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:03,080 Speaker 1: I have finally arrived. And also I'm in my forties now, 397 00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:07,200 Speaker 1: I think that I've finally arrived though through this process 398 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:09,840 Speaker 1: over the last two to three years of you know, 399 00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:13,399 Speaker 1: so much happening in the world, but happening you know, 400 00:22:13,440 --> 00:22:16,320 Speaker 1: in my own family, happening with myself, that it's just 401 00:22:16,359 --> 00:22:19,360 Speaker 1: like either take me or leave me, right, But recognizing 402 00:22:19,359 --> 00:22:22,120 Speaker 1: that I no longer have to pretend to be somebody 403 00:22:22,119 --> 00:22:26,320 Speaker 1: else's version of me, right, And you know, and I 404 00:22:26,359 --> 00:22:29,000 Speaker 1: think that that was true in my marriage, it was 405 00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:31,280 Speaker 1: true in the movement work that I was doing. It 406 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:33,919 Speaker 1: was true in a lot of spaces. So the letting 407 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:38,880 Speaker 1: go of that hair was was the energy but the weight, right, 408 00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:41,960 Speaker 1: because all of that hair was also really heavy, right, 409 00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:44,680 Speaker 1: So I'm carrying all of you know, all of this around, 410 00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:48,439 Speaker 1: and I think that the letting go allowed me to 411 00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:51,080 Speaker 1: really figure out, well, who am I now? How do 412 00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:54,119 Speaker 1: I even like to look right? How do I even feel? 413 00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:57,800 Speaker 1: You know? And so yeah, it was it was a 414 00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:01,360 Speaker 1: lot of that. There was a lot of that. It's 415 00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:04,679 Speaker 1: so interesting to me because we met at what is 416 00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:09,560 Speaker 1: a transitional space in my relationship life, and it was 417 00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:12,480 Speaker 1: so powerful for you to share that with me because 418 00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:15,440 Speaker 1: I feel so much of that and that when you 419 00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:20,760 Speaker 1: are in certain kind of formats of relationships, what success 420 00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:23,600 Speaker 1: looks like to other people and what is worth setting 421 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:26,560 Speaker 1: a boundary for to other people is very different. And 422 00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:29,040 Speaker 1: folks like to say things like, oh, you are this 423 00:23:29,119 --> 00:23:32,080 Speaker 1: beautiful X Y Z couple, like you're such a puller 424 00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:34,119 Speaker 1: of the community, and I see you and I see 425 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:36,000 Speaker 1: you know a couple that works on X Y Z, 426 00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:37,520 Speaker 1: and I'm like, you don't know what it's like to 427 00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:40,200 Speaker 1: live in the everyday life. You don't understand what these 428 00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:44,040 Speaker 1: little cuts do to take you down every day. And 429 00:23:44,080 --> 00:23:48,520 Speaker 1: I think to allow yourself to decide to be happy 430 00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:51,720 Speaker 1: and to decide one is enough and what is enough 431 00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:55,000 Speaker 1: and not care who thinks it's enough or doesn't is 432 00:23:55,040 --> 00:23:58,720 Speaker 1: really it's really powerful. So thank you for that. Yeah, 433 00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:02,199 Speaker 1: you know, I want to for you too, Like you know, 434 00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:05,440 Speaker 1: in your coming out and you said this at the top, 435 00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:07,240 Speaker 1: that you've you know, you come out all the time, 436 00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:10,240 Speaker 1: and I think that particularly if you are feminine presenting, 437 00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:12,920 Speaker 1: that is just you know, that is that they're there 438 00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:16,119 Speaker 1: because people still even in the in this day and 439 00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:19,480 Speaker 1: age in twenty twenty two, still have this idea of 440 00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:22,640 Speaker 1: what gay is, right like what it looks like, and 441 00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:26,280 Speaker 1: it's still wrapped in stereotypes. And so I wonder for you, 442 00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:31,000 Speaker 1: like how how your journey in this You know what 443 00:24:31,119 --> 00:24:35,480 Speaker 1: I always say, it means to live to occupy these 444 00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:39,480 Speaker 1: dualities right which for us we embody it so it 445 00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:41,960 Speaker 1: isn't but the world does not see us as that. 446 00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:44,960 Speaker 1: It's still either you're gay over here, or you're black 447 00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:48,239 Speaker 1: over here and you're a woman over here. It is 448 00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:50,920 Speaker 1: you know, it is this part and parcel. So how 449 00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:54,680 Speaker 1: have you been able to like bring those identities together 450 00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:57,960 Speaker 1: for your for yourself and what and how has that 451 00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:00,919 Speaker 1: been part of the process of the continuation of the 452 00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:03,560 Speaker 1: coming out. Oh gosh, it is still a part of 453 00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:09,720 Speaker 1: the process, I will say, Like for me it what 454 00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:15,960 Speaker 1: has been particularly hard is that my most serious queer 455 00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:20,080 Speaker 1: relationship was interracial and there was a lot of things 456 00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:24,360 Speaker 1: that happened in that relationship that I had to challenge 457 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:28,760 Speaker 1: as a black person, and so that made it very 458 00:25:28,880 --> 00:25:31,560 Speaker 1: difficult for me in the conversations I was having with 459 00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:33,920 Speaker 1: my family about my identity and what my careerness meant 460 00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:36,399 Speaker 1: to me, and then also have to have conversations at 461 00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:39,800 Speaker 1: work all the time about you know, what microaggressions I'm 462 00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:42,639 Speaker 1: dealing with, and then after logging off, have to have 463 00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:44,919 Speaker 1: those conversations about how I might be dealing with that 464 00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:48,520 Speaker 1: with extended family. So I think I am still coming 465 00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:51,800 Speaker 1: into that and I see myself becoming more myself still 466 00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:55,520 Speaker 1: more and more each day in the ways that I'm 467 00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:58,600 Speaker 1: not having to be considerate of folks feelings for the 468 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:02,919 Speaker 1: sake of a relationship yet, because if you know, my 469 00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:05,680 Speaker 1: being honest with you definitely so respectful. But if I'm 470 00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:08,119 Speaker 1: being honest with you, that is an act of love, 471 00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:11,000 Speaker 1: and if you can't receive that as such, then I 472 00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:13,959 Speaker 1: don't know what we're doing. And so that's I'm getting 473 00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:15,880 Speaker 1: to that place. I think more and more each day. 474 00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,919 Speaker 1: That has allowed me to be more myself and I'm very, 475 00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:24,440 Speaker 1: very excited for the next chapter of things. Yeah, I'll 476 00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:29,040 Speaker 1: tell you that they're coming into yourself. For me really 477 00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:34,040 Speaker 1: came through the pandemic. I don't know how you experience 478 00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:37,399 Speaker 1: the beginning of COVID, because you know, we're still in COVID, 479 00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:43,120 Speaker 1: But for me, it was even though I was with 480 00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:47,200 Speaker 1: my family in the beginning, it was a lot of solitude. 481 00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:50,159 Speaker 1: It was a lot of like reflection. It was a 482 00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:53,520 Speaker 1: lot of walking, you know, going out on you know, 483 00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:57,520 Speaker 1: on long walks on my own and just really kind 484 00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:01,280 Speaker 1: of digging into my why of things, not how or 485 00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:05,520 Speaker 1: why did this happen to me, but like why am 486 00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:09,560 Speaker 1: I being given this opportunity to reinvent why? You know, 487 00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:12,280 Speaker 1: Like what is it that I want out of this, 488 00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:15,920 Speaker 1: out of these next chapters or if this is it, right, 489 00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:18,040 Speaker 1: because at this time, you know this is the beginning 490 00:27:18,040 --> 00:27:20,119 Speaker 1: of the pandemic. We didn't know what the hell was 491 00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:22,959 Speaker 1: going to happen, right, So if this is it, then like, 492 00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:26,080 Speaker 1: how do i want my life to be of meaning 493 00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:28,480 Speaker 1: and a value? And can it be of meaning and 494 00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:32,040 Speaker 1: a value if I'm hiding behind an avatar that I've 495 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:36,360 Speaker 1: created for myself that isn't actually me? So how did 496 00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:40,440 Speaker 1: you deal with Like were there any revelations or are 497 00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:44,600 Speaker 1: you continuing to have revelations because I feel like I 498 00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:48,359 Speaker 1: have them every day of you know, of what you've 499 00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:52,960 Speaker 1: learned about yourself during these like really pivotal and consequential 500 00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:58,240 Speaker 1: times that we're living in. Yeah, honestly, I think the 501 00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:01,639 Speaker 1: starting of EDGES was that for me, having conversations with 502 00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:04,919 Speaker 1: folks who had very different experiences than me but also 503 00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:08,800 Speaker 1: shared some like similar pinpoints in their journey was really helpful. 504 00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:14,600 Speaker 1: And I think that sense of self came from And 505 00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:17,879 Speaker 1: I'm someone who is like a pisses. I'm Jamaican, so 506 00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:20,679 Speaker 1: I'm like very passive, aggressive, I'll joke everything away, but 507 00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:22,639 Speaker 1: I will do my best to let stuff go and 508 00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:25,639 Speaker 1: it will fester. And I think going back and reflecting 509 00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:28,760 Speaker 1: on moments and really seeing the times that I was 510 00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:30,719 Speaker 1: hurt and the ways that I did not allow myself 511 00:28:30,720 --> 00:28:33,960 Speaker 1: to repair was so crucial to that coming into self. 512 00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:36,640 Speaker 1: And then honestly, like being at a point in time 513 00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:38,560 Speaker 1: where I was so depressed and so stressed and so 514 00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:41,760 Speaker 1: on myself that my hair was falling out was something 515 00:28:41,800 --> 00:28:45,000 Speaker 1: that made me look inside of myself and say, your 516 00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:47,640 Speaker 1: body literally needs to fall apart for you to see yourself. 517 00:28:48,200 --> 00:28:51,760 Speaker 1: You need to stop and do some reflection and care 518 00:28:51,800 --> 00:28:55,040 Speaker 1: for yourself and not think about what it means to 519 00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:56,720 Speaker 1: be a good sister or a good wife or a 520 00:28:56,720 --> 00:29:00,680 Speaker 1: good daughter and have that be at the risk of yourself. 521 00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:02,720 Speaker 1: Because that's where I find myself a lot. So I 522 00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:05,440 Speaker 1: think that has been my why, and I'm still kind 523 00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:07,760 Speaker 1: of searching for additional wise what I'm curious to know 524 00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:13,080 Speaker 1: what yours is, because I need some inspiration what my wife, 525 00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:18,400 Speaker 1: you know? The For me, I just want to be 526 00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:22,280 Speaker 1: of service. And I think that like just by virtue 527 00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:24,480 Speaker 1: of the work that I do, Like what is my why? 528 00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:28,000 Speaker 1: Like I just my life is about being an educator, 529 00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:32,640 Speaker 1: right And you know, I had started off my career 530 00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:37,880 Speaker 1: as an education lobbyist, as a classroom teacher all of 531 00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:41,680 Speaker 1: these things and how I understand education now has evolved, right, 532 00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:44,320 Speaker 1: Like I use media as a way to educate and 533 00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:47,680 Speaker 1: enlighten people. But I will say that, like you know 534 00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:51,680 Speaker 1: again that why that allowed me to reflect during the 535 00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:55,640 Speaker 1: pandemic was like, am I doing this to like Chase likes? 536 00:29:56,160 --> 00:30:00,400 Speaker 1: Am I doing this to Chase a contributorship on Cape News? 537 00:30:00,440 --> 00:30:03,480 Speaker 1: Am I doing this like for the fame of the thing? 538 00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:06,800 Speaker 1: Or is there something that's deeper there? And that's what 539 00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:09,360 Speaker 1: I mean when I say on wokaf all the time 540 00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:14,520 Speaker 1: about self interrogation, right, like we're never if we're not 541 00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:17,240 Speaker 1: asking ourselves like the why of things like when we're 542 00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:20,560 Speaker 1: having mood swings or you know, our energy is shifting 543 00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:24,360 Speaker 1: or things are coming up, it isn't the first emotion 544 00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:28,200 Speaker 1: isn't coming out of nowhere, right, So if we're not asking, 545 00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:31,160 Speaker 1: like where is this feeling coming from? For ourselves, like 546 00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:36,000 Speaker 1: the why? And keep going until you hit right the core, 547 00:30:36,160 --> 00:30:39,800 Speaker 1: until you hit that foundation. And that comes from years 548 00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:42,440 Speaker 1: of therapy that I went through in order to get 549 00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:44,800 Speaker 1: to the place where I felt strong enough to get 550 00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:50,920 Speaker 1: my divorce. But also just like really understanding that we 551 00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:55,600 Speaker 1: all have our compass the thing that guides us, and 552 00:30:55,800 --> 00:30:57,840 Speaker 1: it is for us. It's up to us to tap 553 00:30:57,920 --> 00:31:01,680 Speaker 1: into that guide and and for me, for so long, 554 00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:04,640 Speaker 1: it was other people that were tapping in and kind 555 00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:07,800 Speaker 1: of charting my path and me not you know, and 556 00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:10,960 Speaker 1: me just kind of following in the direction that they 557 00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:14,960 Speaker 1: turned me and then recognizing that no, this is this 558 00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:16,920 Speaker 1: is actually the same way I want to be. This 559 00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:20,520 Speaker 1: is this, ain't it right? And so I think that 560 00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:24,560 Speaker 1: it's really important to have self interrogation. It is really 561 00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:27,520 Speaker 1: important even when we say to ourselves, you know, I 562 00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:29,440 Speaker 1: don't know, I don't know, it's just like do you 563 00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:32,040 Speaker 1: really not know? Or does it just seem scary to 564 00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:35,800 Speaker 1: unpack it? Yeah? Right, And so I'd rather be scared 565 00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:42,160 Speaker 1: in the unpacking than in the ignorance of it. Yeah. Absolutely, Well, 566 00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:47,320 Speaker 1: this has been an absolute delight. This is the woke 567 00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:52,240 Speaker 1: f meets Edges mashup that we have been working so 568 00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:56,400 Speaker 1: hard to make happen and finally has. And so I 569 00:31:56,440 --> 00:32:01,000 Speaker 1: just want to say, Chantey, I appreciate you. And and folks, 570 00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:03,840 Speaker 1: if you have not checked out Edges Chante, tell people 571 00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:07,320 Speaker 1: how they can check out the first season of your show. 572 00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:10,080 Speaker 1: Oh yes, just search Edges or wherever you get your podcast, 573 00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:12,400 Speaker 1: it's the one with the black woman with the red hair, 574 00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:16,000 Speaker 1: so you can't miss it. Love it. Thank you so 575 00:32:16,080 --> 00:32:17,960 Speaker 1: much and I hope that you'll come back again soon. 576 00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:20,760 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for having me. Dap you fry, 577 00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:25,120 Speaker 1: Happy black Fire Coming, Happy Blackway. Hey, I'm David. Plots 578 00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:29,840 Speaker 1: of Slights, Political gab Fest. As another election season accelerates, 579 00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:32,440 Speaker 1: it can be tricky to sort through all the noise 580 00:32:32,480 --> 00:32:35,600 Speaker 1: and the news. Each week on The gap Fest, John Dickerson, 581 00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:38,880 Speaker 1: Emily Bathlon and I decipher the headlines, break down the races, 582 00:32:38,920 --> 00:32:42,360 Speaker 1: and tell you what issues really matter. We do not 583 00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:45,840 Speaker 1: always agree, We definitely do not always agree, but we 584 00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:49,040 Speaker 1: always deliver thoughtful debate and we always have a good time. 585 00:32:49,520 --> 00:32:59,200 Speaker 1: So subscribe to Slate's Political Gapfest, new episodes every Thursday. 586 00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:01,880 Speaker 1: That is it for me today, Dear friends, Here on 587 00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:05,040 Speaker 1: Woke a f as always. Power to the people and 588 00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:08,520 Speaker 1: to all the people. Power, get woke and stay woke 589 00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:16,240 Speaker 1: as fuck. Get a behind the scenes look at Comedy 590 00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:19,280 Speaker 1: Central's The Daily Show on Beyond the Scenes, an original 591 00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:22,000 Speaker 1: podcast from the Daily Show with Trevor Noah. Every week, 592 00:33:22,040 --> 00:33:24,680 Speaker 1: host Roy Wood Junior goes deeper with the notable guests 593 00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:27,640 Speaker 1: and experts from the Emmy Award winning series. Together, they 594 00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:31,200 Speaker 1: use comedy to tackle current topics from gentrification to gun laws, 595 00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:33,200 Speaker 1: and take a closer look at how and why these 596 00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:35,840 Speaker 1: topics matter. Listen to Beyond the Scenes from the Daily 597 00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:38,960 Speaker 1: Show with Trevor Noah on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, 598 00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:44,360 Speaker 1: or wherever you get your podcast. New episodes every Tuesday.