1 00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:14,480 Speaker 1: Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls podcast, a weekly 2 00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:19,320 Speaker 1: conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small 3 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:22,480 Speaker 1: decisions we can make to become the best possible versions 4 00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:26,639 Speaker 1: of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr joy Hard and Bradford, 5 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more information or 6 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:35,560 Speaker 1: to find a therapist in your area, visit our website 7 00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:39,280 Speaker 1: at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While I hope 8 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:43,199 Speaker 1: you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it 9 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:46,400 Speaker 1: is not meant to be a substitute for relationship with 10 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:57,720 Speaker 1: a licensed mental health professional. Hey, y'all, thanks so much 11 00:00:57,720 --> 00:01:01,720 Speaker 1: for joining me for session Therapy for Black Girls podcasts. 12 00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:05,480 Speaker 1: Are you someone who's constantly putting things off into the 13 00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:08,960 Speaker 1: last minute? I know this is something I'm definitely guilty of, 14 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:12,400 Speaker 1: and sometimes I can figure out why I'm procrastinating, and 15 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:15,440 Speaker 1: other times it's not so easy to figure out. So 16 00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:17,800 Speaker 1: I wanted to chat with someone today to help us 17 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:20,760 Speaker 1: try to figure out what might actually be behind all 18 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:24,680 Speaker 1: the procrastinating we do in our lives. For this conversation, 19 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:28,200 Speaker 1: I was joined by Dr Millette and Dolla. Dr and 20 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:31,839 Speaker 1: Dolla is a licensed psychologist working in the suburbs of Atlanta, 21 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:37,840 Speaker 1: She works mainly with adult clients facing concerns around anxiety, depression, 22 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:45,720 Speaker 1: relationship concerns, trauma, immigrant life, and identity concerns. DR and 23 00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:48,840 Speaker 1: Dolla and I chatted about the different ways we procrastinate, 24 00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:52,960 Speaker 1: how to get a better understanding of what's driving our procrastination, 25 00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:57,000 Speaker 1: some tips for getting a little bit better at not procrastinating, 26 00:01:57,720 --> 00:02:00,680 Speaker 1: and she shared some of her favorite resource is to 27 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:03,320 Speaker 1: help you out if you're still looking for more information. 28 00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:07,480 Speaker 1: If you hear anything that really resonates with you while listening, 29 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:10,079 Speaker 1: please be sure to share it with us on social 30 00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:15,480 Speaker 1: media using the hashtag TBG in session. Here's our conversation. 31 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:18,280 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for joining us today, Dr and Dollar. 32 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:21,560 Speaker 1: You're very welcome, glad to be here. Yes, so we 33 00:02:21,639 --> 00:02:24,359 Speaker 1: are going to be talking more about a topic that 34 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:26,560 Speaker 1: we started at the World to Be Well a couple 35 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:29,400 Speaker 1: of weeks ago that we had here in Atlanta. And 36 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:31,480 Speaker 1: when I heard your topic announced, I was like, Oh, 37 00:02:31,639 --> 00:02:35,040 Speaker 1: I definitely want to hear more about this. I think 38 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:39,240 Speaker 1: all of us could benefit, absolutely absolutely. So the topic 39 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:42,720 Speaker 1: we're gonna be chatting more today about is procrastination and 40 00:02:42,840 --> 00:02:46,840 Speaker 1: like the real deal behind procrastination. So what do you 41 00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:50,680 Speaker 1: think we should know about procrastination, dr and dollar procrastination 42 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:52,480 Speaker 1: when you go into kind of like what is the 43 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:56,880 Speaker 1: how is that formally defined? Basically, it's an act of 44 00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:01,360 Speaker 1: unnecessarily postponing decisions actions that you don't need to be made. Right. 45 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:04,880 Speaker 1: It's not forgetting, it's not you know, sometimes people will 46 00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:07,760 Speaker 1: judge themselves or somebody else who has to press it 47 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:09,680 Speaker 1: a lot. So it's not about laziness. It's not that 48 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:13,919 Speaker 1: people don't care. But there's an internal psychological process that's 49 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:18,560 Speaker 1: happening that's keeping you from pursuing something at a pace 50 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:22,359 Speaker 1: that would be most efficient. Mmmm. Okay, and that feels 51 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:24,760 Speaker 1: like the key they are like the most efficient piece. 52 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:30,040 Speaker 1: You're right. Sometimes people will say I work best under 53 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:33,480 Speaker 1: pressure and kind of push things off into the last minute, 54 00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:36,680 Speaker 1: and then that helps, you know, kind of produce something 55 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:39,680 Speaker 1: really quick. But if you think of it like logically, 56 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:42,400 Speaker 1: if you're working at something on something at a at 57 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:45,080 Speaker 1: a reasonable page, it's probably gonna be more quality work, 58 00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:48,720 Speaker 1: it's probably gonna be less stressful. But all of that 59 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:51,960 Speaker 1: gets lost in procrastination. Okay, So if that is the case, 60 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:55,040 Speaker 1: then why do we do it? That's the million dollar question. 61 00:03:57,280 --> 00:04:01,640 Speaker 1: Dollar answers. So basically, whenever we have a task, that's 62 00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:04,040 Speaker 1: especially when it's something that's important to us and we 63 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:06,400 Speaker 1: need to get something done, there's two main processes that 64 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:09,240 Speaker 1: we rely on, right, So number one, of course is 65 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:12,320 Speaker 1: self control, like how can you control kind of how 66 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:14,880 Speaker 1: you skepule in your time and your structure yourself to 67 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:20,800 Speaker 1: be efficient. And then also motivation. You actually have to 68 00:04:20,839 --> 00:04:23,640 Speaker 1: have motivation to do something in order to get it 69 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:27,680 Speaker 1: done efficiently quickly. So you know, for example, cleaning your house, 70 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:30,840 Speaker 1: you might have all the self control and structure in place, 71 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:34,080 Speaker 1: but if you really don't enjoy cleaning your house, that 72 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:37,720 Speaker 1: can become a test that procrastination can be applied in. Right, 73 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:42,400 Speaker 1: And what happens is is that we encounter what are 74 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:46,840 Speaker 1: called demotivating factors. These at of things like anxiety, fear 75 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:50,159 Speaker 1: of failure, a lot of times kind of emotional processes 76 00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:54,560 Speaker 1: that that hinder both our motivation and then eventually our 77 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:58,640 Speaker 1: self control. Right. In addition to demotivating factors, there's also 78 00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:01,520 Speaker 1: things that are called hindering fact so things like how 79 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:04,880 Speaker 1: exhausted are you, like mental exhaustion, or you know, I 80 00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:08,280 Speaker 1: have an idea of like a case example of for example, 81 00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:10,920 Speaker 1: somebody who wants to apply to med school, right, and 82 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:14,040 Speaker 1: something like that. Sometimes the rewards that we gain from 83 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:16,359 Speaker 1: the particular thing that we feel like we need to 84 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:20,240 Speaker 1: do are so far in the future that there really 85 00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:25,240 Speaker 1: isn't any reward system in place presently that keeps us motivated. 86 00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:30,840 Speaker 1: And so when you encounter a situation where these demotivating 87 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:34,640 Speaker 1: factors and hindering factors get in your way, they outweigh 88 00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:37,440 Speaker 1: the benefits of it in the present. That's when you 89 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:42,200 Speaker 1: start to procrastinate. Ah, So all along we're just thinking like, oh, 90 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:44,080 Speaker 1: I just don't want to do this, but there's all 91 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:47,320 Speaker 1: this stuff playing out in the background. There's all this stuff, 92 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:50,359 Speaker 1: and honestly, you know, all of that, everything that I 93 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:52,920 Speaker 1: just said can be kind of grouped into what people 94 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:55,880 Speaker 1: might say psychobabble. The bottom line of it, to kind 95 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:59,880 Speaker 1: of simplify that is emotions. Emotions get in the way. Right. 96 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:03,160 Speaker 1: A lot of times when we're procrastinating, there's something about 97 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:09,800 Speaker 1: the activity that brings up negative emotions for us, negative feeling, stress, anxiety, boredom, 98 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:13,440 Speaker 1: whatever it is. And your body, your mind basically says, 99 00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:17,920 Speaker 1: stopping feeling whatever I'm feeling right now is more important 100 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:22,080 Speaker 1: than this task or whatever consequences from this task. Maybe, 101 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:24,120 Speaker 1: and I'm just not going to do it and I'm 102 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:26,400 Speaker 1: going to go do something else that I feel better. 103 00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:30,680 Speaker 1: That's the simple process. So it sounds like a lot 104 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:34,240 Speaker 1: of maybe what my help to manage procrastination would be 105 00:06:34,279 --> 00:06:37,760 Speaker 1: really getting in touch with these emotions. That's it, Yeah, 106 00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:40,640 Speaker 1: that's it. Okay. So if we stick with the example 107 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:44,160 Speaker 1: maybe of applying to like medical school, you said, one 108 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:47,600 Speaker 1: of the main hindering factors would be that, like, the 109 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:49,680 Speaker 1: payoff is so far out in the future that you 110 00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:53,400 Speaker 1: can't necessarily connected to any immediate reward. What might be 111 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:56,320 Speaker 1: some of the emotions underneath that kind of an example, 112 00:06:56,600 --> 00:07:00,520 Speaker 1: So some of the emotions might be things like, I'm 113 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,719 Speaker 1: going to be judged when I do this application. What 114 00:07:03,839 --> 00:07:06,800 Speaker 1: if people basically laugh at my application? Right? What if 115 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:09,440 Speaker 1: it's not good enough? What if I don't get in? 116 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:13,200 Speaker 1: Fear of not getting in? There's also the opposite, right 117 00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:15,120 Speaker 1: of that, that people really don't think about when we 118 00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:17,840 Speaker 1: talk about procrastination or think about it. But what if 119 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:20,600 Speaker 1: I do get That could be the paring of itself, right, 120 00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:23,440 Speaker 1: because there may be this perception of I have to 121 00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:26,840 Speaker 1: learn to function at this next higher level. What if 122 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:30,600 Speaker 1: I can't do that? And if I get in, I'm 123 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:32,760 Speaker 1: going to have to function in that space all the time, 124 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:35,120 Speaker 1: and what if I just what if I failed? Yes, 125 00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:38,400 Speaker 1: so some of the fear of success stuff popping up there. Yeah, 126 00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:42,800 Speaker 1: I'm guessing most people don't have any awareness of this necessarily, right, Like, 127 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:44,600 Speaker 1: it feels like some of this would be playing out 128 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:47,840 Speaker 1: very rapidly so that you wouldn't even necessarily know that 129 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:51,240 Speaker 1: this is connected to the procrastination. Oh absolutely, I mean 130 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:53,280 Speaker 1: I can even talk for my own personal experience of 131 00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:56,200 Speaker 1: I have some writing to do or paperwork I need 132 00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:59,360 Speaker 1: to do, I'm just gonna go check Facebook, or I'm 133 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:02,440 Speaker 1: just like play this game. I'm just gonna play one 134 00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:06,360 Speaker 1: one round and then thirty minutes later, you know nothing 135 00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:08,600 Speaker 1: is done, and now I'm even more anxious. It's a 136 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:14,120 Speaker 1: very quick process that happens. So how do you suggest 137 00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:18,480 Speaker 1: maybe slowing down the process. There are basically four stuffs 138 00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:21,800 Speaker 1: that you want to think about implumencing when prorastination is 139 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:26,960 Speaker 1: a problem. Um Number one is is this goal a 140 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:30,560 Speaker 1: good fit for you? Right? So, for something like do 141 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:32,960 Speaker 1: I want to go to med school? Or not really 142 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:36,320 Speaker 1: thinking about what is your motivation for going to med school? 143 00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:38,920 Speaker 1: You know, sometimes it's I don't even want to go, 144 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,760 Speaker 1: but my family expects you to go. So what are 145 00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:44,920 Speaker 1: the factors around this being a goal for you? How 146 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:48,760 Speaker 1: much does it fit with your goals in life? Period? Basically, 147 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:51,679 Speaker 1: why am I doing what I need to do right? Then? 148 00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:55,040 Speaker 1: If that is the issue, then there's some work around 149 00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:58,640 Speaker 1: that that you can do. Once you've explored your goals 150 00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:00,720 Speaker 1: and why you're doing what you're doing, next step is 151 00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:04,760 Speaker 1: figuring out when, how and why you progress me So, 152 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:07,680 Speaker 1: going back to this med school process, is it at 153 00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:11,520 Speaker 1: the very beginning? Is it you know, I don't even 154 00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:13,440 Speaker 1: know if I want to do this? Is it I 155 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:15,760 Speaker 1: don't know what the steps are to apply to med 156 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:18,800 Speaker 1: school and get into med school successfully? Is it I 157 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:21,800 Speaker 1: know the stuffs, but I'm overwhelmed, or you know some 158 00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:24,280 Speaker 1: of those fears that we talked about earlier, Will I 159 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:26,679 Speaker 1: get in? What if I get in? Will I get 160 00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:31,160 Speaker 1: into a good school? And are those the hindrances it 161 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:33,240 Speaker 1: could be around the am cat So you already know 162 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:34,680 Speaker 1: that you want to do this, you know how to 163 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:37,000 Speaker 1: do this, but then you think about now it's time 164 00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:40,480 Speaker 1: to study and sign up for ABCAT and then what's 165 00:09:40,520 --> 00:09:43,240 Speaker 1: happening there? Could there be possible a d h D 166 00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:46,680 Speaker 1: or a learning disability or test anxiety. Are you feeling 167 00:09:46,679 --> 00:09:50,160 Speaker 1: overwhelmed with the studying process and need help structuring that 168 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:54,760 Speaker 1: or is it the actual application? So again, this is 169 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:57,760 Speaker 1: where some of the fears come in. I fear a failure, perfectionism, 170 00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:03,000 Speaker 1: your success, just being a rewhelmed. So understanding when, how 171 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:08,080 Speaker 1: and why I procrastinate on this specific task. Step three 172 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:10,520 Speaker 1: is you want to create a plan of action based 173 00:10:10,559 --> 00:10:13,880 Speaker 1: on this research that you've done around how, when and 174 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:18,760 Speaker 1: why I specifically procrastinate on this particular task. And then 175 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:24,200 Speaker 1: step four is implementing that plan and then also having 176 00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:27,080 Speaker 1: a system in place to monitor the progress because sometimes 177 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:28,840 Speaker 1: we'll come up with the plan, but then we'll need 178 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:31,280 Speaker 1: to tweak in as we go along as things shift, 179 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:33,840 Speaker 1: so you want to make sure you're also kind of 180 00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:38,040 Speaker 1: monitoring how the new plan is going. Got it okay? 181 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,480 Speaker 1: And do you think that these four steps are something 182 00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:43,040 Speaker 1: that you could do by yourself or would you need 183 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:45,720 Speaker 1: to be working with a therapist to do this? No, 184 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,920 Speaker 1: there's a whole sort of professionalists that you can reach 185 00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:50,240 Speaker 1: out to right to help you with depending on where 186 00:10:50,679 --> 00:10:55,240 Speaker 1: kind of the issue lies for you specifically anywhere along 187 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:58,040 Speaker 1: this like the four steps, a therapist would be fantastic 188 00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:01,320 Speaker 1: to have as a way of helping you work the steps, 189 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:04,160 Speaker 1: helping you even figure out out the answers to some 190 00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:08,319 Speaker 1: of these questions. So therapy is definitely I think beneficial 191 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:12,000 Speaker 1: along the way, especially if there's anxiety, fear, if you're 192 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:15,839 Speaker 1: getting overwhelmed, different things like that, therapy is helpful. There 193 00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:19,240 Speaker 1: are also a lot of coaches. For example, you know 194 00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:21,920 Speaker 1: around that I've mentioned a minute ago about MCAT and 195 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:26,280 Speaker 1: possible a d h D or learning disability. There are 196 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,520 Speaker 1: coaches that specifically working people with the a d h 197 00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:33,280 Speaker 1: D diagnosis or learning disability diagnosis to help you really 198 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:36,440 Speaker 1: understand what that diagnosis means, to look at how it 199 00:11:36,559 --> 00:11:40,040 Speaker 1: manifests for you specifically because that varies from person in person, 200 00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:42,040 Speaker 1: and to help you come up with a clear plan 201 00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:46,280 Speaker 1: of limiting the negative impact that has on your life. 202 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:51,840 Speaker 1: I can also think about career counselors, career coaches. So 203 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:54,480 Speaker 1: going back to the earlier questions of isn't that school 204 00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:57,520 Speaker 1: the right for me? So there are professionals around career 205 00:11:57,559 --> 00:12:00,640 Speaker 1: decision making can help navigate that, and there are people 206 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,800 Speaker 1: you can hire who can help you even with you know, 207 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:06,640 Speaker 1: if you're overwhelmed by the steps of applying to my school, 208 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:10,160 Speaker 1: their professionals who do that. So the bottom line is, 209 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,720 Speaker 1: you know, we're using this meth school application process as 210 00:12:12,720 --> 00:12:16,480 Speaker 1: an example, but whatever it is for different people, there 211 00:12:16,559 --> 00:12:19,160 Speaker 1: probably are professionals out there who can help you work 212 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:22,240 Speaker 1: those steps. Mm hmmm. Yeah, And it seems like a 213 00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:24,280 Speaker 1: lot of you know, like before we get to step 214 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,480 Speaker 1: three and four in terms of the action plan and 215 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:29,760 Speaker 1: like assessing the plan, you really need to spend a 216 00:12:29,760 --> 00:12:31,640 Speaker 1: lot of time at step number once I kind of 217 00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:34,839 Speaker 1: figure out where the procrastination is coming from. Because if 218 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:37,280 Speaker 1: it's related to my family wants me to be a doctor, 219 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:39,920 Speaker 1: but I don't really want to, that's a different kind 220 00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:43,840 Speaker 1: of plan of action. Right then, If you know, I 221 00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:46,920 Speaker 1: have a learning disability that is making the MCAT difficult 222 00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:51,319 Speaker 1: for me, that's going to be a different plan exactly. Yeah, Okay, 223 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:55,400 Speaker 1: So what might the kind of really teasing out step 224 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:59,560 Speaker 1: number one look like? So let me think about another 225 00:12:59,640 --> 00:13:04,120 Speaker 1: example of um something that's procrastination. And again I'll use 226 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:06,720 Speaker 1: myself as an example. Right, so I'm co editing a 227 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:10,360 Speaker 1: book right now on Therapy for African American Women. I'm 228 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,680 Speaker 1: responsible for co writing one of these chapters in there, 229 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,720 Speaker 1: and I'm finding that over the past month that I 230 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:18,200 Speaker 1: have a couple of months I'm really not putting in. 231 00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:21,280 Speaker 1: I'm not producing those pages the way I had it 232 00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:23,240 Speaker 1: in my mind of the case that I was going 233 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,560 Speaker 1: to be working at, and I had to kind of 234 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:29,439 Speaker 1: pause and reflect on what's going on that's creating this 235 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:33,439 Speaker 1: and so things that I found that that potentially could 236 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:36,840 Speaker 1: be factors for different people right One of them is, UM, 237 00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:39,200 Speaker 1: what is your overall you know, I call it like 238 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:41,880 Speaker 1: even with therapy, whenever I do therapy with people, kind 239 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:44,959 Speaker 1: of your baseline of self care. How are you doing 240 00:13:45,000 --> 00:13:49,360 Speaker 1: with eating, how are you doing with sleeping, exercise, balance 241 00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:54,480 Speaker 1: between work and rest. Um that really helps UM set 242 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:56,720 Speaker 1: your body up to be at the optical MIIT pace 243 00:13:57,520 --> 00:14:02,400 Speaker 1: of of productivity, of managing stress, all of that. And 244 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:06,040 Speaker 1: one thing that I've learned recently that I've come to 245 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:10,480 Speaker 1: terms with is how I had expectations of myself, of 246 00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:13,920 Speaker 1: my productivity level, of what that looked like before I 247 00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,640 Speaker 1: had a child, versus what that looks like now with 248 00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:18,800 Speaker 1: a three and a half year old who doesn't sleep 249 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:22,800 Speaker 1: through the night. So I was setting a pace for 250 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:27,360 Speaker 1: myself of how the academic me used to perform back 251 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:31,440 Speaker 1: in the day before family, before kids, and expecting myself 252 00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:35,160 Speaker 1: to replicate that that that now when life circumstances have 253 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:40,800 Speaker 1: completely shifted, and so really looking at what are your 254 00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:45,000 Speaker 1: life circumstances currently, how do you accommodate for the things 255 00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:49,040 Speaker 1: that are you know, family responsibilities, work that have to 256 00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:52,760 Speaker 1: get done in addition to this particular goal, how do 257 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:57,240 Speaker 1: those things fit together? I think in general another factor 258 00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:00,040 Speaker 1: that will come up for people if there is a 259 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:03,200 Speaker 1: area there is some level of anxiety that gets kicked 260 00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:09,960 Speaker 1: up with procrastination. Either procrastination you're experiencing anxiety and so 261 00:15:10,080 --> 00:15:13,480 Speaker 1: you are procrastinating as a as an emotion regulation tool right, 262 00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:17,880 Speaker 1: using procrastination too to manage anxiety. Or if you allow 263 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:21,320 Speaker 1: the procrastination to go far long enough, it will create 264 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,480 Speaker 1: anxiety for you because there are these things that really 265 00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:25,960 Speaker 1: need to get done that are important, they're not getting 266 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:30,240 Speaker 1: done and added stress to your life. So having really 267 00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:34,920 Speaker 1: good stress and anxiety anxiety management tools are important both 268 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:39,040 Speaker 1: in preventing procrastination but then also in managing when it 269 00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:41,360 Speaker 1: is there there are also some things that people can 270 00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:46,040 Speaker 1: think about around efficient time management skills that you'll want 271 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:48,880 Speaker 1: to look at. And again these there are professionals who 272 00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:52,400 Speaker 1: can help you implement this. But how do you do 273 00:15:52,480 --> 00:15:56,480 Speaker 1: with structuring yourself? How do you do with setting limits? 274 00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:58,960 Speaker 1: You know that the self control piece that I mentioned 275 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:02,040 Speaker 1: for the beginning, and there there really are these systems 276 00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:06,560 Speaker 1: in place that can make all of this easier, but 277 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:10,360 Speaker 1: they're not necessarily intuitive. And there are people who really 278 00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:13,160 Speaker 1: perfected this as an art form who can help you, 279 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:16,720 Speaker 1: again look at your specific scenario or your kind of 280 00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:20,800 Speaker 1: time and availability and help you identify really good time 281 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:23,240 Speaker 1: management tools. So I want to take a step back 282 00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:25,720 Speaker 1: to something that you said, um in the beginning of 283 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:28,640 Speaker 1: our chat. And I think a lot of people identify 284 00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:30,880 Speaker 1: this way, this whole idea of like I work best 285 00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:33,400 Speaker 1: under pressure. And I think there are some people that 286 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:37,000 Speaker 1: really really believe that. And so they, you know, almost 287 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:39,280 Speaker 1: as a habit and as a ritual, will kind of 288 00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:41,480 Speaker 1: wait us of the last minute because they feel like 289 00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:45,080 Speaker 1: that produces some of their best work. So how would 290 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,560 Speaker 1: you kind of talk to somebody or help them examine 291 00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:51,760 Speaker 1: like is this really accurate? Right? So? And I think 292 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:54,920 Speaker 1: that's a really good question. Is this really accurate? Um? 293 00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,360 Speaker 1: For some people it may be. And I know, you know, 294 00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,240 Speaker 1: at the event where I first was talking to a 295 00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:01,040 Speaker 1: group of people about destination, one of the things that 296 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:05,760 Speaker 1: came up was one person brought up things around school 297 00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:08,760 Speaker 1: work and getting things turned in on time and really 298 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:12,080 Speaker 1: hitting that send button on an assignment at eleven you know, 299 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:17,639 Speaker 1: when it's do at em And I asked, well, okay, 300 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:20,480 Speaker 1: So two things to keep in mind. One, what is 301 00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:24,440 Speaker 1: the emotional impact the stress level that this process creates 302 00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:26,680 Speaker 1: for you? And to how do you feel about the 303 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:29,960 Speaker 1: grades that you're getting. Now, if the stress level that 304 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:33,879 Speaker 1: this is creating is manageable, it's not fun. But you know, 305 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,760 Speaker 1: the reality is we do need a little bit of 306 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:39,800 Speaker 1: stress to produce. That's part of that stress versus distress difference. 307 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:42,560 Speaker 1: A little bit of stress is actually a motivating things. 308 00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:45,959 Speaker 1: So that's not necessarily a bad thing. Um. But as 309 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:48,680 Speaker 1: long as the stress is not overwhelming, and as long 310 00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:51,120 Speaker 1: as you're okay with the grades that you're bringing in, 311 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:54,720 Speaker 1: then it's maybe it's not a problem. Maybe it really 312 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:58,439 Speaker 1: is part of your process. However, if even one of 313 00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:01,960 Speaker 1: those is at a level that feels not cholerable problem. 314 00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:04,879 Speaker 1: That's when you know that something needs to change. M Okay, 315 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:07,280 Speaker 1: So you'd be looking at like, what's the level of 316 00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,679 Speaker 1: impact that this really has for you? What's the impactful 317 00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:12,880 Speaker 1: for you in terms of UM, your stress and kind 318 00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:18,560 Speaker 1: of your emotional process, and also in achieving the goals 319 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:21,359 Speaker 1: that you're working towards. Are you still making progress and 320 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:24,720 Speaker 1: moving forward at a pace that feels good enough? Mm hmmm. 321 00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:27,719 Speaker 1: Something else that I think would be really be important 322 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:30,199 Speaker 1: to chat about is um And we talked about this 323 00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,880 Speaker 1: a lot in the community. A lot of people kind 324 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:37,359 Speaker 1: of get into this perfectionism UM when really what they're 325 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:40,040 Speaker 1: doing is procrastinating, but they're kind of have kind of 326 00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:42,360 Speaker 1: created this narrative like I just wanted to be perfect. 327 00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:44,240 Speaker 1: I can't you know, work, I have to work until 328 00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:47,320 Speaker 1: it is perfect. Absolutely. That's one of the things that 329 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:50,320 Speaker 1: it's actually a huge tep around this is avoid that 330 00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:54,199 Speaker 1: perfectionist mindset, right. It's really it really goes back to 331 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:55,720 Speaker 1: and it's it's kind of the language I used to 332 00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:58,760 Speaker 1: just a second ago with UM that waiting until the 333 00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:05,639 Speaker 1: last minute, what is good enough? Especially around projects that 334 00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:08,280 Speaker 1: are really big UM And I say that and sometimes 335 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:11,280 Speaker 1: people will hear what is good enough and automatically view 336 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:14,680 Speaker 1: that as a deficit or something that is less than. 337 00:19:15,520 --> 00:19:21,000 Speaker 1: But you really have to look at yourself holistically, meaning 338 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:23,359 Speaker 1: what are all the different roles that you have in 339 00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:25,879 Speaker 1: your life, what are all the different responsibilities that you 340 00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:28,119 Speaker 1: have in your life? Who are all the people that 341 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:32,680 Speaker 1: are depending on you in your life? Um? And if 342 00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:36,200 Speaker 1: you're aiming for perfect in every single one of those areas, 343 00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:40,680 Speaker 1: you will burn out. That's not a sustainable pace. And 344 00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:45,240 Speaker 1: so really being successful and at peace in life, to me, 345 00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:49,520 Speaker 1: it comes from modulating that. And so some days I 346 00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:52,439 Speaker 1: show up for my kid and I'm at from my 347 00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:54,560 Speaker 1: kid because I know he needs it in this moment. 348 00:19:55,119 --> 00:19:57,399 Speaker 1: Other Times I say, you know, I reach out to 349 00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,359 Speaker 1: family I need to support with this kid because there's 350 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:01,560 Speaker 1: I have lines that need more from me right now, 351 00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:07,120 Speaker 1: and so I show up for them. Other times it's, um, 352 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:10,720 Speaker 1: you know, professional commitments or personal commitments. I just got 353 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,280 Speaker 1: back from a trip to see, you know, my best friend, 354 00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:15,680 Speaker 1: and there are other things that have to be put 355 00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:17,439 Speaker 1: on the back burner in order to be able to 356 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:21,560 Speaker 1: make that happen. So I think when people think about perfectionism, 357 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,879 Speaker 1: they kind of get hyper focused on specific areas of 358 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:27,960 Speaker 1: their life and forget that there are a whole person 359 00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:32,760 Speaker 1: with multiple pieces of them that are going out at 360 00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:36,000 Speaker 1: any given moment. Does that make sense? And really thinking 361 00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:41,920 Speaker 1: of yourself holistically and what would perfectionism? What would that 362 00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:44,720 Speaker 1: do to you if you're trying to show up from 363 00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:47,439 Speaker 1: that place in every area of your life. Yeah, And 364 00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,560 Speaker 1: I think that goes back to the conversation that you 365 00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:53,440 Speaker 1: talked about earlier related to the anxiety, right, because what 366 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:56,320 Speaker 1: what is this idea of perfection? Like does perfection really 367 00:20:56,359 --> 00:21:01,160 Speaker 1: exist in any areas? I think towards this thing that's 368 00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:04,000 Speaker 1: not realistic, then you will never feel like you're ready 369 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:06,639 Speaker 1: to kind of unleash this thing, right, you know, So 370 00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,399 Speaker 1: thinking about it again in the contest of anxiety and 371 00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:12,960 Speaker 1: in managing some some type of anxiety for you, And 372 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:16,960 Speaker 1: that's where therapy can be helpful, because really it's a 373 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:20,080 Speaker 1: more beneficial way to think about kind of how you 374 00:21:20,119 --> 00:21:23,760 Speaker 1: show up in different spaces as kind of working progress 375 00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:28,959 Speaker 1: and something that you're honing on a constant basis. And 376 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:32,879 Speaker 1: so rather than thinking about the end product of perfectionism, 377 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:36,119 Speaker 1: thinking about it as I'm working to improvement. I'm working 378 00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:38,879 Speaker 1: towards being better and doing better, and as long as 379 00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:43,840 Speaker 1: you're making movement towards that, that feels fulfilling, that feels satisfying. 380 00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,840 Speaker 1: But sometimes it takes a little bit of therapy around 381 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:52,280 Speaker 1: that to to really really accept that for yourself. M hmmm. Yeah. 382 00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:55,200 Speaker 1: So something else I wanted to expound on Dr and 383 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,280 Speaker 1: Dola that you talked about at the Will to Be 384 00:21:57,400 --> 00:22:01,160 Speaker 1: Will was this whole idea of as entrepreneurs and as 385 00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:04,680 Speaker 1: you know, like post grad school or post undergrad when 386 00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:07,800 Speaker 1: you're used to maybe having a very traditional schedule where 387 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,199 Speaker 1: somebody like planned out what you were supposed to be 388 00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:12,560 Speaker 1: doing and okay, this is due then and then when 389 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:15,680 Speaker 1: you're not in a traditional setting necessarily with people telling 390 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:17,440 Speaker 1: you like what to do and how to spend your time, 391 00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:19,840 Speaker 1: how there can be the struggle to like figure out 392 00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:23,920 Speaker 1: how to do that for yourself. Yes, no external structure 393 00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:27,280 Speaker 1: to create it all for yourself. Yeah, So what are 394 00:22:27,320 --> 00:22:31,919 Speaker 1: some of your tips around that? Number one is it 395 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:33,960 Speaker 1: goes back to kind of what we said about Number 396 00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:38,840 Speaker 1: one for managing procrastinations, What are your goals? What why 397 00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:40,919 Speaker 1: are you an entrepreneur? What are you why are you 398 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:44,520 Speaker 1: doing this? And really having a clearly defined idea of 399 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:47,000 Speaker 1: what it is that you're you're trying to achieve and 400 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:50,320 Speaker 1: recognizing that there are steps to that. Right, so you're 401 00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:52,560 Speaker 1: not going to go from zero to one hundred in 402 00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:56,480 Speaker 1: building a business in two point two seconds, So really 403 00:22:56,560 --> 00:22:58,560 Speaker 1: understanding what it is that you're trying to cheat. And 404 00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:01,960 Speaker 1: for many of us that are going into entrepreneurship, part 405 00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:05,160 Speaker 1: of that is autonomy. Part of that is having more 406 00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:09,480 Speaker 1: freedom to manage your schedule and structure yourself and to 407 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:12,159 Speaker 1: have the freedom to do that. And sometimes what we 408 00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:17,959 Speaker 1: end up doing is we go and and force that 409 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:21,760 Speaker 1: high level, kind of intense structure on ourselves that we 410 00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:24,120 Speaker 1: were trying to get away from in the first place. Right, 411 00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:27,280 Speaker 1: there really has to be an understanding that each of 412 00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:31,760 Speaker 1: us is human, we have limits and if we again 413 00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:34,920 Speaker 1: we have to start with basic self care, eating, sleeping, 414 00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:40,399 Speaker 1: some level of exercise, um where physically we are able 415 00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:43,240 Speaker 1: to to kind of run this long race. If we 416 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:47,320 Speaker 1: go hard too much to too soon, you will burn out. 417 00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:49,439 Speaker 1: And so what you have to have a plan to 418 00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:53,520 Speaker 1: that prevents burnout once again. Then when you're once you're 419 00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:57,240 Speaker 1: able to accept that that um, there is a process 420 00:23:57,280 --> 00:24:02,920 Speaker 1: to this. There's an extended timeline to the is that, um, 421 00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:04,960 Speaker 1: there is going to be you know, the entrepreneurship. There's 422 00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:07,520 Speaker 1: ups and downs and cycles that that are a natural 423 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:11,359 Speaker 1: part of this process. Then you can really think about 424 00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:15,359 Speaker 1: what is the structure again that speaks to my whole self, 425 00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:18,920 Speaker 1: and that speaks to who I am as a person 426 00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:22,040 Speaker 1: and the responsibilities that I hold um in my life, 427 00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:26,240 Speaker 1: whether it's family, friends, you know, different spaces, and how 428 00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:32,000 Speaker 1: do you creating a structure that respects all of that? 429 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:34,640 Speaker 1: If that makes sense? M h yeah, And I don't 430 00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:37,160 Speaker 1: think I had thought about that, right, Like how sometimes 431 00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:40,480 Speaker 1: the drive to entrepreneurship is to kind of get away 432 00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:42,880 Speaker 1: from all these things that we don't enjoy. But because 433 00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:45,879 Speaker 1: it is sometimes all we know, we end up replicating 434 00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:49,280 Speaker 1: that same system in our own businesses. And not only 435 00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:52,800 Speaker 1: is it that's all we know, it's also anxiety. Right, 436 00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:55,639 Speaker 1: So if I'm not pulling in all these hours, is 437 00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:58,600 Speaker 1: my business going to make it? Right? So that fear 438 00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:01,040 Speaker 1: of like is this business is this? Is it's going 439 00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:03,320 Speaker 1: to grow the way I needed to, my bringing an 440 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:07,120 Speaker 1: income that I need to It becomes fear based decision 441 00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:12,040 Speaker 1: making rather than kind of a more sustainable of decision 442 00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:15,280 Speaker 1: making process. Mm hmmm, that's a great point. Thank you 443 00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:17,840 Speaker 1: for sharing it. So something I know that I have 444 00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:20,439 Speaker 1: struggled with that I know you talked about as well, 445 00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:23,880 Speaker 1: is this whole idea of kind of understanding yourself as 446 00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:27,239 Speaker 1: either a morning person or an evening person. And so, 447 00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:29,760 Speaker 1: you know, I again have struggling with this myself because 448 00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:31,959 Speaker 1: I do think I'm much more of an evening person. 449 00:25:32,080 --> 00:25:34,119 Speaker 1: But the rest of the world, you know, like stuff 450 00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:37,119 Speaker 1: is open nine to five, right and even though I 451 00:25:37,200 --> 00:25:39,800 Speaker 1: have my birth of energy at night, you know, FedEx 452 00:25:39,880 --> 00:25:42,760 Speaker 1: is not open at three in the morning, right, you know. 453 00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:44,920 Speaker 1: So so how do you manage that? Because I think 454 00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:47,280 Speaker 1: sometimes I will procress the need to doing things more 455 00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:49,240 Speaker 1: in the evening because I feel like that's where my 456 00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:52,320 Speaker 1: you know, energy is, when really I may be more 457 00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:56,160 Speaker 1: efficient during it doing it during the day. So there's 458 00:25:56,160 --> 00:26:00,399 Speaker 1: a difference between tasks that require others versus things that 459 00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:02,159 Speaker 1: you can do on your own time. So what you 460 00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:04,919 Speaker 1: want to do is really identify your productivity cycle, like 461 00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:07,080 Speaker 1: really being honest for yourself, are you that night out 462 00:26:07,119 --> 00:26:08,679 Speaker 1: that can stay up until three or four in the 463 00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:12,920 Speaker 1: morning and be okay? So putting in things that really 464 00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:15,960 Speaker 1: structuring things that you can do independently, things that you 465 00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:20,200 Speaker 1: need kind of uninterrupted time for during those hours that 466 00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:25,680 Speaker 1: you're most productive. And then um, things that require others, 467 00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:29,639 Speaker 1: things that can be outsourced, putting at things, UM, putting 468 00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:33,000 Speaker 1: those during kind of traditional business hours. That that makes 469 00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:37,359 Speaker 1: sense when you, you know, thinking about entrepreneurship, it's such 470 00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:40,320 Speaker 1: a there's so many things that are required and running 471 00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:43,560 Speaker 1: a business. You can absolutely fit the things that feel 472 00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:47,359 Speaker 1: really need your undivided attention into those hours that work 473 00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:52,399 Speaker 1: best for you, and really other things that require others, 474 00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:55,159 Speaker 1: you know, moving back to different times, it's it's about 475 00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:59,800 Speaker 1: um again, going back to planning, having a clear idea 476 00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:03,120 Speaker 1: of like a task list. This goes back to time management, 477 00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:09,560 Speaker 1: clear tasks lists, clear calendars, where you're organizing things intentionally. 478 00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:13,359 Speaker 1: What happens sometimes is, you know, I'll walk into my office, 479 00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:16,119 Speaker 1: it's Monday morning. I reserve, for example, Monday tuesdays for 480 00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:21,239 Speaker 1: a documentation, paperwork like all non clinical stuff. Right. I 481 00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:23,679 Speaker 1: can come in on a Monday morning, walk into my 482 00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:25,719 Speaker 1: office and think about, okay, now what am I supposed 483 00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:28,479 Speaker 1: to be doing? Where do I need to start? You know, 484 00:27:29,359 --> 00:27:31,680 Speaker 1: and you can imagine that day would go in one direction, 485 00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:35,359 Speaker 1: or I could walk out Friday night with a clear 486 00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:37,919 Speaker 1: list for myself, leave it here at the office so 487 00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:39,719 Speaker 1: I don't need to think about it a little weekend, 488 00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:43,359 Speaker 1: and that way, when I walk in Monday, I have 489 00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:45,800 Speaker 1: this time blocked out and here's my clear list of 490 00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:48,800 Speaker 1: things that I want to accomplish. You know, So having 491 00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:51,480 Speaker 1: that intentionality and planning ahead of punt can help with that. 492 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:55,320 Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Yeah. So I mean, sometimes, like you've mentioned, 493 00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:58,160 Speaker 1: you know, there is a real emotional drive, but sometimes 494 00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:02,399 Speaker 1: procrastination really is just like the lack of structure and disorganization. 495 00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:04,560 Speaker 1: And so if you can put more things in place, 496 00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:07,000 Speaker 1: like you're mentioning, like a Friday night list, so that 497 00:28:07,080 --> 00:28:09,040 Speaker 1: you walk in on Monday morning doing what to do, 498 00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:13,160 Speaker 1: then that can help your data run much smoother exactly. Yeah, 499 00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:15,720 Speaker 1: Even something as simple as what does your workspace look like? 500 00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:18,520 Speaker 1: Is it organized? Do you have all the tools that 501 00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:23,320 Speaker 1: you need? Is it contained in one space? Um? Versus? 502 00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:26,359 Speaker 1: Is it you know, kind of papers everywhere messy? You 503 00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:28,280 Speaker 1: need to go to the store to pick up printer paper. 504 00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:31,520 Speaker 1: You know, things like that really affect perfectionism because again, 505 00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:35,520 Speaker 1: think of the perfectionism is an emotion management tool. And 506 00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:37,280 Speaker 1: if you can run to the store to go pick 507 00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:38,960 Speaker 1: up that paper rather than from here and do what 508 00:28:39,000 --> 00:28:41,160 Speaker 1: you need to do at a moment of stress, you're 509 00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:44,760 Speaker 1: going to do that. Mm so yeah, so I mean, 510 00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:47,160 Speaker 1: and again I think you know, we don't always think 511 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:49,440 Speaker 1: about how much of this is playing out in our 512 00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:53,800 Speaker 1: unconscious right, So you're not necessarily purposely having to go 513 00:28:53,920 --> 00:28:56,480 Speaker 1: do a target run, right, but a target run definitely 514 00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:59,440 Speaker 1: feels much better than like, this is a long list 515 00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:01,600 Speaker 1: of things that need to get done, and while you're 516 00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:03,840 Speaker 1: a target, you might as well stop at the public's 517 00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:07,920 Speaker 1: next door home. And it keeps going on and on, 518 00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:13,680 Speaker 1: right right, Yeah, good points, good points. So what are 519 00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:16,560 Speaker 1: some of your favorite resources dr? And Dalan for anybody 520 00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:18,760 Speaker 1: who maybe wants to read up more on this or 521 00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:21,640 Speaker 1: are there any books or videos that you find yourself 522 00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:25,719 Speaker 1: frequently suggesting for this topic. There is one that really 523 00:29:25,880 --> 00:29:28,000 Speaker 1: was the ham on for me. UM. It was a 524 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:30,520 Speaker 1: New York Times article that came out and it's called 525 00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:35,120 Speaker 1: Why You Procrastinate? Um. I encourage anybody who's really trying 526 00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:38,680 Speaker 1: to understand this process to read that article, and it 527 00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:43,440 Speaker 1: really breaks down this concept of um transt nation being 528 00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:48,200 Speaker 1: an emotion um influenced thing. So a lot of times 529 00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:51,160 Speaker 1: we really go into you know, I'm just not structured, 530 00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:54,440 Speaker 1: or I'm not you know the whole I'm lazy, or 531 00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:58,600 Speaker 1: I'm forgetful, or all of these things that people judge 532 00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:02,200 Speaker 1: themselves um in the ways that they judge themselves around this. 533 00:30:02,720 --> 00:30:05,000 Speaker 1: It really kind of domesticize all of that and lets 534 00:30:05,000 --> 00:30:07,880 Speaker 1: you know it's very much an emotional management process, and 535 00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:10,320 Speaker 1: it does a really good job of explaining that. There's 536 00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:13,360 Speaker 1: also for anybody. You know, like we said, everybody deals 537 00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:16,640 Speaker 1: with procrastination, but it doesn't necessarily mean that it's a 538 00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:19,840 Speaker 1: problem for everybody. If anybody is interested in taking a 539 00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:23,960 Speaker 1: quiz to see how disruptive their procrastination is, and that's 540 00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:26,640 Speaker 1: something that needs attention or not, there's a good quiz 541 00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:31,040 Speaker 1: on very well mind dot com that you can take 542 00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:35,440 Speaker 1: that has it's like tental questions and really breaks it 543 00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:37,880 Speaker 1: down to let you know how how disruptive this is 544 00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:40,320 Speaker 1: for you in particular. And then a lot of the 545 00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:43,680 Speaker 1: information that I share today comes from a website called 546 00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:48,040 Speaker 1: Solving Procrastination dot com. It's one of those where you 547 00:30:48,080 --> 00:30:51,480 Speaker 1: can it really breaks down all the concepts, you know, 548 00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:55,320 Speaker 1: all the the steps to manage procrastination that I mentioned 549 00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:58,160 Speaker 1: earlier came from there, and you can even sign up 550 00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:02,720 Speaker 1: for um sic information for you around different parts of 551 00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:06,000 Speaker 1: this that you want to target for yourself. Oh, those 552 00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:09,200 Speaker 1: sounds like incredible resources and we will linked to all 553 00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:11,760 Speaker 1: of those in the show notes and tell us where 554 00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:14,400 Speaker 1: we can find you online, So your website as well 555 00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:17,400 Speaker 1: as any social media handles you'd like to share. Sure, 556 00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:22,000 Speaker 1: so I am at Atlanta Mental Health Counseling dot com. 557 00:31:22,160 --> 00:31:26,960 Speaker 1: Um the business is called Crossroads Crossroads Mental Wellness Services 558 00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:30,320 Speaker 1: and to find me on Twitter, Facebook all that at 559 00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:32,760 Speaker 1: cross Roads metal Health perfect and we'll add that to 560 00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:35,480 Speaker 1: the show notes as well. Well. Thank you so much 561 00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:38,160 Speaker 1: for all this incredible information today, Dr and Dola. I'm 562 00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:42,680 Speaker 1: sure everybody will appreciate it. I hope it's helpful. Thank you, 563 00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:45,400 Speaker 1: You're welcome, Thank you. I'm so glad Dr and Dolla 564 00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:48,400 Speaker 1: was able to share her expertise with us today. To 565 00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:51,840 Speaker 1: find out more information about her and her practice and 566 00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:55,040 Speaker 1: the resources she shared, check out the show notes at 567 00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:59,640 Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash session. Don't forget 568 00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:01,600 Speaker 1: to share of this episode with two people in your 569 00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:05,080 Speaker 1: circle and share your chakeaways with us either on Twitter 570 00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:08,960 Speaker 1: or in your I G stories using the hashtag tv 571 00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:12,680 Speaker 1: G in session. Remember that if you're looking for a 572 00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:15,640 Speaker 1: therapist in your area, be sure to check out our 573 00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:20,560 Speaker 1: therapist directory at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash directory. 574 00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:23,040 Speaker 1: And if you want to continue digging into this topic 575 00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:26,080 Speaker 1: and meet some other sisters in your area, come on 576 00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:28,800 Speaker 1: over and join us in the Yellow Couch Collective, where 577 00:32:28,800 --> 00:32:31,040 Speaker 1: we take a deeper dive into the topics from the 578 00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:34,920 Speaker 1: podcast and just about everything else. You can join us 579 00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:37,920 Speaker 1: at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash y c C. 580 00:32:39,120 --> 00:32:41,560 Speaker 1: And don't forget to check out our online store where 581 00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:44,280 Speaker 1: you can grab a copy of our guided affirmation track, 582 00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:48,800 Speaker 1: Breakup Journal, or your favorite Therapy for Black Girls T shirts, 583 00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:53,280 Speaker 1: sweatshirts are mug Go ahead and grab your goodies at 584 00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:57,440 Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash shop. Thank you 585 00:32:57,480 --> 00:33:00,120 Speaker 1: all so much for joining me again this week. I 586 00:33:00,200 --> 00:33:02,880 Speaker 1: look forward to continue in this conversation with you all 587 00:33:03,120 --> 00:33:05,120 Speaker 1: real soon. Take it care