Speaker 1: Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio
Speaker 1: and the Black Effects. And just like that, we're back
Speaker 1: with yet another Carefully Reckless episode with your Girl just hilarious.
Speaker 1: Another jets Fixed My Mess. You already know how I do.
Speaker 1: This week, we got a guy. Listen. I want more
Speaker 1: of my guys to submit, okay, because you'll remember, ways
Speaker 1: back before I started to jett Fix my Mess segments,
Speaker 1: I used to always talk about, you know, broad topics
Speaker 1: that people were scared to talk about. And one of
Speaker 1: the topics where black men and how are men predominantly black?
Speaker 1: You know, do not open up about things because men
Speaker 1: just don't feel like they can open up. They don't
Speaker 1: like to let their guards down. They don't like to
Speaker 1: be vulnerable, you know, like women do, or like women
Speaker 1: just naturally are more so than men. So I'm actually
Speaker 1: very very happy that I do have a guy who
Speaker 1: submitted voice notes, guys, and he sounds sexy. Y'all tune in, Hey,
Speaker 1: just I am going to try to make this as
Speaker 1: short and detail as possible. So some keypactors. I am
Speaker 1: a transgender female to male transpant. My girlfriend, she's a
Speaker 1: full blown natural woman. God has loved her death. We've
Speaker 1: been together for about saying about nine months. I've known
Speaker 1: of her for like five six years. I chased her
Speaker 1: and she wouldn't give me time to day. She was
Speaker 1: in la ship. But I finally got a chance to
Speaker 1: when she found out my job was later like down
Speaker 1: the street for her, so we started kicking it. In
Speaker 1: the beginning, everything was cool. She was this very ambitious person,
Speaker 1: like she was doing ship for her, laying gold things
Speaker 1: that don't serve her, trying to get her mental together,
Speaker 1: start a new job. And of course we knew each
Speaker 1: other's past like she was him about how her past relationships.
Speaker 1: She was the one taking a lead on everything. She
Speaker 1: was the one getting their credits together, thinking look for
Speaker 1: houses or start buying it together. Ship like that, you know,
Speaker 1: boss bit ship. So those are things I fell in
Speaker 1: love with her about. But I also fell in love
Speaker 1: with her because she provides a space for me to
Speaker 1: be me, for me to be vulnerable, and I feel
Speaker 1: like I got to fight with the world on why
Speaker 1: does ever to be here? So that was cool. We
Speaker 1: got together, made an official It's like all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: you know, things in her life just started going downhill.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't mind she going out here because
Speaker 1: she happens in life. I'm a very spiritual person. I
Speaker 1: believe she is gonna happen. But as long as you
Speaker 1: believe in yourself, trusting God, trusting to God, and you
Speaker 1: you know, you can get through it. I support her
Speaker 1: through it. A lot of times she got scared because
Speaker 1: she wasn't just used to it, and she would mention
Speaker 1: a lot of times like I'm the first person male
Speaker 1: or female that she's ever been with where she could
Speaker 1: really let her feminists side out and trust to take them.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm a country boy. I was raised how
Speaker 1: to treat a woman, so I just thought it was
Speaker 1: doing what I was supposed to do. She don't losing
Speaker 1: her job. She got very ill and had to get
Speaker 1: a surgery done, as well as some other illnesses going
Speaker 1: on to nothing like life brand name, detrimental ship like that.
Speaker 1: Before a very good few months, she was down bad.
Speaker 1: And then it got to a point where she was
Speaker 1: about to be homeless because the time she was living
Speaker 1: with her family was very toxic. So fast ward as
Speaker 1: a guy close to town her about to be homeless
Speaker 1: and trying to find a job. Me, I'm just a
Speaker 1: naturally good hearted person. I'll even I'll give a homeless
Speaker 1: person the last thal. I got a little trying to
Speaker 1: help people. So I went and got an apartment for
Speaker 1: in my name because she couldn't because the ship with
Speaker 1: her eggs how that ship was not the fun her
Speaker 1: whole life up. But I got her apartment my name,
Speaker 1: even furnished that bitch myself, furnished bedroom, living room, kitching appliances,
Speaker 1: all that. I went that guy there for so she
Speaker 1: can get a first start in her own place again,
Speaker 1: so she can get back to finding herself, becoming independent again.
Speaker 1: She pays the bills in apartment was wearing, got it
Speaker 1: for I don't live there. I'm a truck driver, so
Speaker 1: I'll be going all the time. I wanted her. We
Speaker 1: talked about living together. She wanted me to, but I
Speaker 1: like to follow my ancestors, my spiritual guys, and they
Speaker 1: told me now it was not the time to do it,
Speaker 1: because I'm also on a journey of self discipline and
Speaker 1: financial discipline, and I'm really just trying to stay on
Speaker 1: the road trucking as much as possible. Right now. Stap
Speaker 1: my bread up because it's when twenty four, I'm trying
Speaker 1: to buy property. I'm trying to get my business ventures
Speaker 1: off the ground. So cool, but her being on home space,
Speaker 1: Like I know she's appreciative for her she says it
Speaker 1: all the time. And even with her new job, it's
Speaker 1: like things are getting worse for her still, like she's
Speaker 1: been this very depressive state. She doesn't know who she
Speaker 1: is anymore. I mean, I don't have a problem with
Speaker 1: her getting away because she keeps mentioning it, and she's
Speaker 1: getting weight, she's exhausted all the time, She's been calling
Speaker 1: off for work a lot, being transieden to understand depression
Speaker 1: and anxiety a lot. I understand what any transitional period
Speaker 1: in your life can be. Cat way of told you,
Speaker 1: and I'm very patient with that. But you know, we
Speaker 1: talked about it's like you should really get therapy because
Speaker 1: there's a lot of ship from her past, even from
Speaker 1: growing up, that she hasn't healed from. And she agrees
Speaker 1: she needs therapy, and I told her it's it's actually
Speaker 1: kind of requirement for me because I will listen to her.
Speaker 1: I don't mind being to supporting her, but I don't
Speaker 1: have all the answers to save her. And that's when
Speaker 1: therapy has to come in because that ship can get
Speaker 1: draining for anybody, and I just want her to grow
Speaker 1: and she said she understood that. And ever since, like November,
Speaker 1: she kept saying she's going to get therapy. Then if
Speaker 1: it came, well, when Jay Ray comes in, that's when
Speaker 1: she'll have insurance from her job. I was like, well,
Speaker 1: I can't pay for you to get there. She's like, no,
Speaker 1: she don't want to do that. I was like, well,
Speaker 1: there's free programs. She don't want to do that either.
Speaker 1: There was some specific one she wanted to go to
Speaker 1: and she just wanted to wait until she had some
Speaker 1: money first. Cool, so fast forward wearing Jane were now
Speaker 1: she had some extra money, but instead she buys concert
Speaker 1: tikis where she planning to take a trip somewhere for
Speaker 1: some festival. And then you know, I mentioned it. Girls
Speaker 1: like so have you looked to a morning therapy and
Speaker 1: she was like yeah, but I'm just scared right now
Speaker 1: because I'm going to open up stuff. I don't know
Speaker 1: if I'm ready for that. They open you up, they
Speaker 1: take it out, and it's going to hurt for a minute,
Speaker 1: but you help. That's the whole point of this journey
Speaker 1: is to help, and she's like, I hear you. I
Speaker 1: was like, you know, if it's a financial thing, I
Speaker 1: can help you with that, but she's like, no, she
Speaker 1: doesn't want me to do that. And plus, if her
Speaker 1: heart isn't in it, it's not gonna make a difference
Speaker 1: whether I pay for it or not. I just don't
Speaker 1: know what to do, just because now outside of the
Speaker 1: depression ship depression side issue, I can stick by her
Speaker 1: through that. But it's like even for future wise, with
Speaker 1: marriage and ship, our vision on marriage is kind of different.
Speaker 1: It's not far off. I feel like with work it
Speaker 1: can get there to where we're on the same page,
Speaker 1: as well as certain ship like holiday celebrations. With work,
Speaker 1: we can be on the same page. But I'm starting
Speaker 1: to realize, um, outside of that, like it's hard for
Speaker 1: somebody who doesn't know who they are anymore to be
Speaker 1: in a relationship. And I've expressed that to her, have
Speaker 1: also expressed with our differences and maybe it's not the
Speaker 1: best time to focus on the relationship. Why are you
Speaker 1: going through this and not saying we need to break up?
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm gonna truck driver anyway, I'm never there.
Speaker 1: So I told her, like I even admit her, I
Speaker 1: am not in a place right now to put our
Speaker 1: relationship as a priorithy my side priority right now. It's
Speaker 1: stacking my bread because I want better for both of
Speaker 1: us financially. And she understood them. Like I said, from experience,
Speaker 1: I don't think she need to be in a relationship
Speaker 1: right now, but I don't I think she's gonna take
Speaker 1: that well on top of what she's going through mentally,
Speaker 1: because she has had a history of people leaving her
Speaker 1: in the midst of certain ship happening in her life,
Speaker 1: and it's caused her to have some abandonment issues. And
Speaker 1: I don't want her to feel like I mean, I've
Speaker 1: expressed I'm not going to go anywhere, but I need
Speaker 1: her to folks on her like date herself to things
Speaker 1: for herself. And when she says she does these things,
Speaker 1: she just it doesn't help. And I don't know. I
Speaker 1: don't know what to do. Hold up, Hold up, I
Speaker 1: know the ship getting good, But listen to just a
Speaker 1: couple of seconds of a commercial with you Love Me.
Speaker 1: You'll listen. I know I'm all over the place, but
Speaker 1: when I visioned my future with the person I want
Speaker 1: to call my wife, I visit somebody I can trust
Speaker 1: to hold me down when I'm not on my a
Speaker 1: game at the some moments. Because I'm very traditional. Where
Speaker 1: as far as I'm provide, I'm gonna protect you, I'm
Speaker 1: leading my I'm trying to build an impart for whatever reason.
Speaker 1: If I fall off, I don't think I could trust her.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm saying that right, but like
Speaker 1: I feel like, if you're gonna be somebody, you trust
Speaker 1: them with your finances, your health and all that. I
Speaker 1: don't think she would do anything bad to me, but
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't think she would know how
Speaker 1: to handle it either, if that makes sense. But I
Speaker 1: don't know. Just as I've dealt with depression personal before,
Speaker 1: so I understand that I'm never gonna leave somebody because
Speaker 1: they're not okay. I just need to know how I
Speaker 1: should approach this, if that makes sense. Appreciate you just
Speaker 1: thanks in advance, love you, Hope you have a great day.
Speaker 1: I love you too. First of all, I want to
Speaker 1: say I appreciate you for being brave enough to expose yourself,
Speaker 1: give that type of awareness on such a broad platform
Speaker 1: such as Carefully Reckless, and you could help other transgendered
Speaker 1: people come forward and tell their stories to me. See,
Speaker 1: thank you very much. All right, now let's get down
Speaker 1: to this girl. Man. Okay, so I understand and how
Speaker 1: it could be very draining. Understand you you have a
Speaker 1: great deal of patience. I can just tell in your
Speaker 1: tone how you talk and internalize certain things. You really
Speaker 1: process ship before you make moves and before you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. All right now, with her, she was
Speaker 1: on an a game. Everything was happening, everything, all the
Speaker 1: good ship, and then she got sick, had to have
Speaker 1: a couple of surgeries, her health diminished, her spirit diminished,
Speaker 1: her joy was wiped away, her confidence gone. Listen, that's
Speaker 1: a lot on a woman. I know that you're not
Speaker 1: undermining her pain or you're not disregarding how she feels.
Speaker 1: But I'm just telling you for confirmation as a person
Speaker 1: who had it all, who can go from that to
Speaker 1: having nothing, which is how she feels. I'm not saying
Speaker 1: that she does not. She's nowhere near where she was.
Speaker 1: That's recipe for disastrous depression. Seriously, for a long time,
Speaker 1: what could almost seem permanent. If you understand what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: and I know you have to understand because you're with
Speaker 1: her and you see she hasn't been happy in a
Speaker 1: long time. So maybe that's where those concert tickets came from.
Speaker 1: You know that trip. It's not in her heart to
Speaker 1: do therapy yet. That's not to say that it will
Speaker 1: never be, but it's not in her to get therapy.
Speaker 1: She is scared of those can of worms that will
Speaker 1: open up if she sits down on the therapist couch
Speaker 1: and have to unleash everything that she's probably purposely buried
Speaker 1: so deeply because she's not ready to face that yet.
Speaker 1: You can't make her ready, like you said, you don't
Speaker 1: have all the answers. You want her to get professional help,
Speaker 1: and until she's ready, she'll just be depressed. She'll be
Speaker 1: in this depressive state. So believe me, she's gonna try
Speaker 1: to do whatever that she can do within her right,
Speaker 1: within her wants to try to be happy. Maybe that
Speaker 1: concert would be a breath of fresh air to her baby.
Speaker 1: Maybe that travel would be a breath of fresh air.
Speaker 1: Some people feel like they don't have it in them
Speaker 1: to do therapy. She may get it later, but that's
Speaker 1: not what she wants right now. She's not ready, and
Speaker 1: that's okay. And then with all that, going on a
Speaker 1: relationship with a man who's never home. That doesn't help either. Now,
Speaker 1: while you can't help that, because listen, this is your
Speaker 1: bread and butter, this is your job. You have plans,
Speaker 1: you have places to go, and I mean that career wise,
Speaker 1: you have a plan. You plan to be a CEO
Speaker 1: of your own company. That's a fucking plan. Not a
Speaker 1: lot of people have those. I don't know what her
Speaker 1: plan is, or even if she has one, but you
Speaker 1: can't make one for her. She has to come up
Speaker 1: out of that on her own. That literally really has
Speaker 1: nothing to do with you. Her depression of where she
Speaker 1: is health wise and her confidence, it has nothing to
Speaker 1: do with you. It has nothing to do with her relationship.
Speaker 1: You feel like she's lost everything, and she could kind
Speaker 1: of make you feel like you're all that she has
Speaker 1: because she's so used to losing people in times of
Speaker 1: triumph and an obstacle and all of that. I understand
Speaker 1: that as well, but that's still not your fault. So
Speaker 1: I understand both of you. However, you can't dim your
Speaker 1: light trying to help somebody else shine. You understand if
Speaker 1: it's going to in some type of way affect your happiness.
Speaker 1: You can let her go without being selfish. You understand
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Like I said, her issues are not
Speaker 1: solely with you and the relationship. It's with where she
Speaker 1: is in her life. At this point, you could still
Speaker 1: break up with her, leave the relationship, and still be
Speaker 1: a friend. Now I know she ain't using you. She
Speaker 1: only want you to pay for therapy. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like we know that's not the thing. But
Speaker 1: she doesn't need a friend. She also needs a therapist,
Speaker 1: She needs counseling, and she needs self love as well.
Speaker 1: She has to love herself enough to know that she
Speaker 1: can pull herself about it and ship, especially since you've
Speaker 1: confirmed to me that her health issues are not life threatening.
Speaker 1: If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and
Speaker 1: then we'll be right back. Okay, So now what can
Speaker 1: I do to pull myself about as fucking mud? Because
Speaker 1: I haven't been here all my life. I slipped into
Speaker 1: this ship. Now I can pull myself out of this
Speaker 1: with the help of friends and therapy and all that
Speaker 1: type of ship. But she has to want to do
Speaker 1: it first. She can't sit around open and being miserable.
Speaker 1: Those type of people love attention. They love to stay
Speaker 1: there because that's the only way that they feel good
Speaker 1: about themselves is when other people feel sorry for them.
Speaker 1: Sometimes that's not all people, that's not all cases, but sometime,
Speaker 1: and that's what it seems like you're describing to me.
Speaker 1: I think the best thing for you to do is
Speaker 1: to move on. I think you need to let it go.
Speaker 1: You ain't there anyway, the Nigga ship, your aunts ain't
Speaker 1: never you're my fucking trap, Robby. You ain't never there.
Speaker 1: She needs somebody who's gonna be there. I'm not trying
Speaker 1: to make you feel bad. I'm just letting you know
Speaker 1: the god on the truth. You've got things to do,
Speaker 1: and you even said it yourself. The relationship is not
Speaker 1: your priority right now. So you still, in the hindsight,
Speaker 1: ultimately have to do what's good for you, what's best
Speaker 1: for you, and that's not being selfish. That's not being selfish.
Speaker 1: You have no kids, you're not married. There's no legal obligation.
Speaker 1: You know. I ain't like you're gonna be a dead
Speaker 1: beat daddy or dead beat husband or whatever. No, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no. You have a plan and you want to
Speaker 1: see it through. And I believe you will. You can
Speaker 1: help her construct a plan. You can help somebody do
Speaker 1: something all you want. If they don't see it, they
Speaker 1: ain't gonna get it. They ain't gonna do it until
Speaker 1: they're ready. You know. That's saying that old saying. You
Speaker 1: can lead a horse to the water, but you can't
Speaker 1: make them drink it. Period. You've done all that you
Speaker 1: could do. It drains you, but you can still have
Speaker 1: her as a friend. I know you love her simply
Speaker 1: how the way you talk about her, But sometimes that's
Speaker 1: just not enough. You loving someone so much, it's not
Speaker 1: enough to some people. That may be in my opinion,
Speaker 1: it's not enough all the time. So I think you
Speaker 1: should check back in with me. I think you should
Speaker 1: sit down and have a real conversation with her. You
Speaker 1: should let her know exactly how you feel. I think
Speaker 1: that YouTube need to take a step back from the
Speaker 1: relationship and you need to let her know where you
Speaker 1: are in life where she is. Guys are not on
Speaker 1: the same page. You have different beliefs, even different beliefs
Speaker 1: than she has. So I would confidently say a marriage
Speaker 1: between you two would not work since everything is kind
Speaker 1: of a little different. I mean, I feel like the
Speaker 1: beginning was honeymoon phase and then not because everything went downhill.
Speaker 1: You're kind of seen red flags of things that she
Speaker 1: wouldn't take charge of if you two were to take
Speaker 1: your relationship to the next level. But either way, none
Speaker 1: of that matters, babe, because you're not even ready, because
Speaker 1: is your priority right now is your career, developing your
Speaker 1: businesses and getting your business off the ground. You got
Speaker 1: a whole fucking plan. Ain't nothing wrong with that. So
Speaker 1: it looks like love can't even happen for you until
Speaker 1: or who knows, but it ain't right now. But you
Speaker 1: could still be her friend, and if that's what you
Speaker 1: want to do, then do that. If not, I understand
Speaker 1: that even but you can't be chained to her and
Speaker 1: be guilty into staying around because she's always been left
Speaker 1: by people. You can't do that. The question is why
Speaker 1: has everyone left her? Why not saying it's her fault?
Speaker 1: But if we're talking about more than one relationship and
Speaker 1: all that type of ship, then that's that's repetitive behavior.
Speaker 1: And then after a while, who's the common denominator? You
Speaker 1: understand what I'm saying, So it's just a lot more
Speaker 1: to open up your eyes too. But like I said,
Speaker 1: you already got your mind made up going that road,
Speaker 1: make your money, open your business, start your business, become
Speaker 1: a beautiful, black, healthy businessman, and you know, then you'll
Speaker 1: meet your wife. I believe it's all in the cards
Speaker 1: for you anyway you follow your ancests, that you talk
Speaker 1: to those guys and all of that. I believe they
Speaker 1: know what's best for you, because you see, they told
Speaker 1: you right now in a good time to move in
Speaker 1: and it wasn't you've seen that that came to pass,
Speaker 1: you know, But yeah, check back in with me. It's
Speaker 1: all in communication, be honest with Sometimes uncomfortable conversations are
Speaker 1: the best ones because then you leave it all there
Speaker 1: on the table, You leave it all right there. It
Speaker 1: ain't nothing that you held back, so somebody can't say, well,
Speaker 1: I didn't know you felt this way, or I just
Speaker 1: was trying to protect your feelings. No, sometimes it's okay
Speaker 1: to have uncomfortable conversations. Everything's gonna be easy, peasy, be honest,
Speaker 1: be open, be transparent, and then check back in with me.
Speaker 1: And I love you too so very much, sweetheart. Listen
Speaker 1: to these episodes. Been the ones. Okay, look, I'll be
Speaker 1: trying to get more it and the one story with
Speaker 1: the voice notes, and but y'all be giving me some
Speaker 1: juicy ship. These issues are getting more tense, these stories
Speaker 1: are getting deeper and deeper, and y'all be really happy
Speaker 1: me on one. I'll be over here, crime and tense
Speaker 1: and praying while you're talking and missing half to shoot
Speaker 1: y'all be saying, because I can't get past the first
Speaker 1: ten seconds, because I'll be just oh my lord. I
Speaker 1: want to help all of y'all as much as I can,
Speaker 1: you know, So keep submitting, keep submitting. I want more
Speaker 1: more men to submit, to open up. I really enjoyed
Speaker 1: today's episode, not enjoying his pain and not enjoying you know,
Speaker 1: what he's going through, but just enjoying being able to
Speaker 1: assess a man instead of a woman. Transgender or not,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. I love the fact that he could
Speaker 1: open up to me. You know. That's great. That's unlikely,
Speaker 1: especially with our men. So definitely, definitely, definitely do more
Speaker 1: tuneing in than you ever have before. We've come to
Speaker 1: the end of another carefully reckless episod sol with you hilarious.
Speaker 1: Fix my mess, Just fix your mess. I'm gonna be
Speaker 1: fixing your mess for the rest of my life. I
Speaker 1: feel like I don't know or until podcasts go out
Speaker 1: of style, I'm not sure I should take this ship
Speaker 1: on to shut I don't know, y'all let me know,
Speaker 1: But until then, tune into co Parenting Therapy every other
Speaker 1: week Me and Little Baby Father got a new episode
Speaker 1: dropping this evening at seven pm. Make sure you tune
Speaker 1: in only on YouTube. Tune into Carefully Reckless also each
Speaker 1: and every Wednesday morning wherever you get your podcasts, and
Speaker 1: then my deepest pandboys peach. Carefully Reckless is a production
Speaker 1: of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. For more
Speaker 1: podcasts from My Heart Radio, visit the I Heart Radio app,
Speaker 1: Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.