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Speaker 1: Welcome to Carefully Reckless, the production of Our Heart Radio

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Speaker 1: and the Black Effects. And just like that, we're back

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Speaker 1: with yet another Carefully Reckless episode with your Girl just hilarious.

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Speaker 1: Another jets Fixed My Mess. You already know how I do.

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Speaker 1: This week, we got a guy. Listen. I want more

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Speaker 1: of my guys to submit, okay, because you'll remember, ways

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Speaker 1: back before I started to jett Fix my Mess segments,

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Speaker 1: I used to always talk about, you know, broad topics

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Speaker 1: that people were scared to talk about. And one of

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Speaker 1: the topics where black men and how are men predominantly black?

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Speaker 1: You know, do not open up about things because men

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Speaker 1: just don't feel like they can open up. They don't

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Speaker 1: like to let their guards down. They don't like to

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Speaker 1: be vulnerable, you know, like women do, or like women

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Speaker 1: just naturally are more so than men. So I'm actually

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Speaker 1: very very happy that I do have a guy who

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Speaker 1: submitted voice notes, guys, and he sounds sexy. Y'all tune in, Hey,

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Speaker 1: just I am going to try to make this as

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Speaker 1: short and detail as possible. So some keypactors. I am

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Speaker 1: a transgender female to male transpant. My girlfriend, she's a

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Speaker 1: full blown natural woman. God has loved her death. We've

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Speaker 1: been together for about saying about nine months. I've known

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Speaker 1: of her for like five six years. I chased her

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Speaker 1: and she wouldn't give me time to day. She was

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Speaker 1: in la ship. But I finally got a chance to

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Speaker 1: when she found out my job was later like down

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Speaker 1: the street for her, so we started kicking it. In

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Speaker 1: the beginning, everything was cool. She was this very ambitious person,

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Speaker 1: like she was doing ship for her, laying gold things

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Speaker 1: that don't serve her, trying to get her mental together,

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Speaker 1: start a new job. And of course we knew each

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Speaker 1: other's past like she was him about how her past relationships.

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Speaker 1: She was the one taking a lead on everything. She

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Speaker 1: was the one getting their credits together, thinking look for

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Speaker 1: houses or start buying it together. Ship like that, you know,

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Speaker 1: boss bit ship. So those are things I fell in

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Speaker 1: love with her about. But I also fell in love

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Speaker 1: with her because she provides a space for me to

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Speaker 1: be me, for me to be vulnerable, and I feel

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Speaker 1: like I got to fight with the world on why

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Speaker 1: does ever to be here? So that was cool. We

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Speaker 1: got together, made an official It's like all of a sudden,

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Speaker 1: you know, things in her life just started going downhill.

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Speaker 1: You know, I don't mind she going out here because

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Speaker 1: she happens in life. I'm a very spiritual person. I

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Speaker 1: believe she is gonna happen. But as long as you

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Speaker 1: believe in yourself, trusting God, trusting to God, and you

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Speaker 1: you know, you can get through it. I support her

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Speaker 1: through it. A lot of times she got scared because

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Speaker 1: she wasn't just used to it, and she would mention

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Speaker 1: a lot of times like I'm the first person male

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Speaker 1: or female that she's ever been with where she could

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Speaker 1: really let her feminists side out and trust to take them.

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Speaker 1: You know, I'm a country boy. I was raised how

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Speaker 1: to treat a woman, so I just thought it was

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Speaker 1: doing what I was supposed to do. She don't losing

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Speaker 1: her job. She got very ill and had to get

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Speaker 1: a surgery done, as well as some other illnesses going

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Speaker 1: on to nothing like life brand name, detrimental ship like that.

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Speaker 1: Before a very good few months, she was down bad.

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Speaker 1: And then it got to a point where she was

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Speaker 1: about to be homeless because the time she was living

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Speaker 1: with her family was very toxic. So fast ward as

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Speaker 1: a guy close to town her about to be homeless

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Speaker 1: and trying to find a job. Me, I'm just a

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Speaker 1: naturally good hearted person. I'll even I'll give a homeless

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Speaker 1: person the last thal. I got a little trying to

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Speaker 1: help people. So I went and got an apartment for

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Speaker 1: in my name because she couldn't because the ship with

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Speaker 1: her eggs how that ship was not the fun her

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Speaker 1: whole life up. But I got her apartment my name,

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Speaker 1: even furnished that bitch myself, furnished bedroom, living room, kitching appliances,

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Speaker 1: all that. I went that guy there for so she

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Speaker 1: can get a first start in her own place again,

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Speaker 1: so she can get back to finding herself, becoming independent again.

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Speaker 1: She pays the bills in apartment was wearing, got it

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Speaker 1: for I don't live there. I'm a truck driver, so

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Speaker 1: I'll be going all the time. I wanted her. We

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Speaker 1: talked about living together. She wanted me to, but I

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Speaker 1: like to follow my ancestors, my spiritual guys, and they

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Speaker 1: told me now it was not the time to do it,

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Speaker 1: because I'm also on a journey of self discipline and

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Speaker 1: financial discipline, and I'm really just trying to stay on

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Speaker 1: the road trucking as much as possible. Right now. Stap

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Speaker 1: my bread up because it's when twenty four, I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to buy property. I'm trying to get my business ventures

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Speaker 1: off the ground. So cool, but her being on home space,

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Speaker 1: Like I know she's appreciative for her she says it

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Speaker 1: all the time. And even with her new job, it's

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Speaker 1: like things are getting worse for her still, like she's

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Speaker 1: been this very depressive state. She doesn't know who she

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Speaker 1: is anymore. I mean, I don't have a problem with

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Speaker 1: her getting away because she keeps mentioning it, and she's

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Speaker 1: getting weight, she's exhausted all the time, She's been calling

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Speaker 1: off for work a lot, being transieden to understand depression

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Speaker 1: and anxiety a lot. I understand what any transitional period

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Speaker 1: in your life can be. Cat way of told you,

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Speaker 1: and I'm very patient with that. But you know, we

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Speaker 1: talked about it's like you should really get therapy because

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Speaker 1: there's a lot of ship from her past, even from

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Speaker 1: growing up, that she hasn't healed from. And she agrees

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Speaker 1: she needs therapy, and I told her it's it's actually

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Speaker 1: kind of requirement for me because I will listen to her.

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Speaker 1: I don't mind being to supporting her, but I don't

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Speaker 1: have all the answers to save her. And that's when

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Speaker 1: therapy has to come in because that ship can get

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Speaker 1: draining for anybody, and I just want her to grow

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Speaker 1: and she said she understood that. And ever since, like November,

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Speaker 1: she kept saying she's going to get therapy. Then if

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Speaker 1: it came, well, when Jay Ray comes in, that's when

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Speaker 1: she'll have insurance from her job. I was like, well,

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Speaker 1: I can't pay for you to get there. She's like, no,

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Speaker 1: she don't want to do that. I was like, well,

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Speaker 1: there's free programs. She don't want to do that either.

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Speaker 1: There was some specific one she wanted to go to

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Speaker 1: and she just wanted to wait until she had some

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Speaker 1: money first. Cool, so fast forward wearing Jane were now

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Speaker 1: she had some extra money, but instead she buys concert

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Speaker 1: tikis where she planning to take a trip somewhere for

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Speaker 1: some festival. And then you know, I mentioned it. Girls

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Speaker 1: like so have you looked to a morning therapy and

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Speaker 1: she was like yeah, but I'm just scared right now

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Speaker 1: because I'm going to open up stuff. I don't know

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Speaker 1: if I'm ready for that. They open you up, they

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Speaker 1: take it out, and it's going to hurt for a minute,

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Speaker 1: but you help. That's the whole point of this journey

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Speaker 1: is to help, and she's like, I hear you. I

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Speaker 1: was like, you know, if it's a financial thing, I

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Speaker 1: can help you with that, but she's like, no, she

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Speaker 1: doesn't want me to do that. And plus, if her

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Speaker 1: heart isn't in it, it's not gonna make a difference

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Speaker 1: whether I pay for it or not. I just don't

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Speaker 1: know what to do, just because now outside of the

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Speaker 1: depression ship depression side issue, I can stick by her

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Speaker 1: through that. But it's like even for future wise, with

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Speaker 1: marriage and ship, our vision on marriage is kind of different.

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Speaker 1: It's not far off. I feel like with work it

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Speaker 1: can get there to where we're on the same page,

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Speaker 1: as well as certain ship like holiday celebrations. With work,

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Speaker 1: we can be on the same page. But I'm starting

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Speaker 1: to realize, um, outside of that, like it's hard for

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Speaker 1: somebody who doesn't know who they are anymore to be

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Speaker 1: in a relationship. And I've expressed that to her, have

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Speaker 1: also expressed with our differences and maybe it's not the

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Speaker 1: best time to focus on the relationship. Why are you

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Speaker 1: going through this and not saying we need to break up?

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Speaker 1: I mean, I'm gonna truck driver anyway, I'm never there.

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Speaker 1: So I told her, like I even admit her, I

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Speaker 1: am not in a place right now to put our

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Speaker 1: relationship as a priorithy my side priority right now. It's

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Speaker 1: stacking my bread because I want better for both of

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Speaker 1: us financially. And she understood them. Like I said, from experience,

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Speaker 1: I don't think she need to be in a relationship

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Speaker 1: right now, but I don't I think she's gonna take

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Speaker 1: that well on top of what she's going through mentally,

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Speaker 1: because she has had a history of people leaving her

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Speaker 1: in the midst of certain ship happening in her life,

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Speaker 1: and it's caused her to have some abandonment issues. And

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Speaker 1: I don't want her to feel like I mean, I've

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Speaker 1: expressed I'm not going to go anywhere, but I need

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Speaker 1: her to folks on her like date herself to things

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Speaker 1: for herself. And when she says she does these things,

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Speaker 1: she just it doesn't help. And I don't know. I

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Speaker 1: don't know what to do. Hold up, Hold up, I

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Speaker 1: know the ship getting good, But listen to just a

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Speaker 1: couple of seconds of a commercial with you Love Me.

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Speaker 1: You'll listen. I know I'm all over the place, but

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Speaker 1: when I visioned my future with the person I want

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Speaker 1: to call my wife, I visit somebody I can trust

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Speaker 1: to hold me down when I'm not on my a

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Speaker 1: game at the some moments. Because I'm very traditional. Where

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Speaker 1: as far as I'm provide, I'm gonna protect you, I'm

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Speaker 1: leading my I'm trying to build an impart for whatever reason.

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Speaker 1: If I fall off, I don't think I could trust her.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm saying that right, but like

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Speaker 1: I feel like, if you're gonna be somebody, you trust

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Speaker 1: them with your finances, your health and all that. I

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Speaker 1: don't think she would do anything bad to me, but

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't think she would know how

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Speaker 1: to handle it either, if that makes sense. But I

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Speaker 1: don't know. Just as I've dealt with depression personal before,

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Speaker 1: so I understand that I'm never gonna leave somebody because

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Speaker 1: they're not okay. I just need to know how I

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Speaker 1: should approach this, if that makes sense. Appreciate you just

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Speaker 1: thanks in advance, love you, Hope you have a great day.

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Speaker 1: I love you too. First of all, I want to

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Speaker 1: say I appreciate you for being brave enough to expose yourself,

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Speaker 1: give that type of awareness on such a broad platform

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Speaker 1: such as Carefully Reckless, and you could help other transgendered

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Speaker 1: people come forward and tell their stories to me. See,

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Speaker 1: thank you very much. All right, now let's get down

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Speaker 1: to this girl. Man. Okay, so I understand and how

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Speaker 1: it could be very draining. Understand you you have a

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Speaker 1: great deal of patience. I can just tell in your

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Speaker 1: tone how you talk and internalize certain things. You really

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Speaker 1: process ship before you make moves and before you know

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying. All right now, with her, she was

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Speaker 1: on an a game. Everything was happening, everything, all the

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Speaker 1: good ship, and then she got sick, had to have

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Speaker 1: a couple of surgeries, her health diminished, her spirit diminished,

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Speaker 1: her joy was wiped away, her confidence gone. Listen, that's

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Speaker 1: a lot on a woman. I know that you're not

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Speaker 1: undermining her pain or you're not disregarding how she feels.

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Speaker 1: But I'm just telling you for confirmation as a person

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Speaker 1: who had it all, who can go from that to

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Speaker 1: having nothing, which is how she feels. I'm not saying

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Speaker 1: that she does not. She's nowhere near where she was.

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Speaker 1: That's recipe for disastrous depression. Seriously, for a long time,

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Speaker 1: what could almost seem permanent. If you understand what I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: and I know you have to understand because you're with

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Speaker 1: her and you see she hasn't been happy in a

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Speaker 1: long time. So maybe that's where those concert tickets came from.

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Speaker 1: You know that trip. It's not in her heart to

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Speaker 1: do therapy yet. That's not to say that it will

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Speaker 1: never be, but it's not in her to get therapy.

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Speaker 1: She is scared of those can of worms that will

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Speaker 1: open up if she sits down on the therapist couch

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Speaker 1: and have to unleash everything that she's probably purposely buried

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Speaker 1: so deeply because she's not ready to face that yet.

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Speaker 1: You can't make her ready, like you said, you don't

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Speaker 1: have all the answers. You want her to get professional help,

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Speaker 1: and until she's ready, she'll just be depressed. She'll be

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Speaker 1: in this depressive state. So believe me, she's gonna try

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Speaker 1: to do whatever that she can do within her right,

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Speaker 1: within her wants to try to be happy. Maybe that

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Speaker 1: concert would be a breath of fresh air to her baby.

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Speaker 1: Maybe that travel would be a breath of fresh air.

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Speaker 1: Some people feel like they don't have it in them

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Speaker 1: to do therapy. She may get it later, but that's

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Speaker 1: not what she wants right now. She's not ready, and

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Speaker 1: that's okay. And then with all that, going on a

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Speaker 1: relationship with a man who's never home. That doesn't help either. Now,

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Speaker 1: while you can't help that, because listen, this is your

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Speaker 1: bread and butter, this is your job. You have plans,

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Speaker 1: you have places to go, and I mean that career wise,

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Speaker 1: you have a plan. You plan to be a CEO

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Speaker 1: of your own company. That's a fucking plan. Not a

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Speaker 1: lot of people have those. I don't know what her

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Speaker 1: plan is, or even if she has one, but you

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Speaker 1: can't make one for her. She has to come up

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Speaker 1: out of that on her own. That literally really has

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Speaker 1: nothing to do with you. Her depression of where she

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Speaker 1: is health wise and her confidence, it has nothing to

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Speaker 1: do with you. It has nothing to do with her relationship.

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Speaker 1: You feel like she's lost everything, and she could kind

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Speaker 1: of make you feel like you're all that she has

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Speaker 1: because she's so used to losing people in times of

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Speaker 1: triumph and an obstacle and all of that. I understand

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Speaker 1: that as well, but that's still not your fault. So

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Speaker 1: I understand both of you. However, you can't dim your

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Speaker 1: light trying to help somebody else shine. You understand if

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Speaker 1: it's going to in some type of way affect your happiness.

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Speaker 1: You can let her go without being selfish. You understand

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Like I said, her issues are not

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Speaker 1: solely with you and the relationship. It's with where she

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Speaker 1: is in her life. At this point, you could still

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Speaker 1: break up with her, leave the relationship, and still be

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Speaker 1: a friend. Now I know she ain't using you. She

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Speaker 1: only want you to pay for therapy. You know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like we know that's not the thing. But

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Speaker 1: she doesn't need a friend. She also needs a therapist,

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Speaker 1: She needs counseling, and she needs self love as well.

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Speaker 1: She has to love herself enough to know that she

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Speaker 1: can pull herself about it and ship, especially since you've

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Speaker 1: confirmed to me that her health issues are not life threatening.

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Speaker 1: If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and

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Speaker 1: then we'll be right back. Okay, So now what can

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Speaker 1: I do to pull myself about as fucking mud? Because

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Speaker 1: I haven't been here all my life. I slipped into

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Speaker 1: this ship. Now I can pull myself out of this

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Speaker 1: with the help of friends and therapy and all that

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Speaker 1: type of ship. But she has to want to do

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Speaker 1: it first. She can't sit around open and being miserable.

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Speaker 1: Those type of people love attention. They love to stay

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Speaker 1: there because that's the only way that they feel good

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Speaker 1: about themselves is when other people feel sorry for them.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes that's not all people, that's not all cases, but sometime,

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Speaker 1: and that's what it seems like you're describing to me.

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Speaker 1: I think the best thing for you to do is

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Speaker 1: to move on. I think you need to let it go.

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Speaker 1: You ain't there anyway, the Nigga ship, your aunts ain't

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Speaker 1: never you're my fucking trap, Robby. You ain't never there.

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Speaker 1: She needs somebody who's gonna be there. I'm not trying

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Speaker 1: to make you feel bad. I'm just letting you know

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Speaker 1: the god on the truth. You've got things to do,

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Speaker 1: and you even said it yourself. The relationship is not

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Speaker 1: your priority right now. So you still, in the hindsight,

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Speaker 1: ultimately have to do what's good for you, what's best

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Speaker 1: for you, and that's not being selfish. That's not being selfish.

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Speaker 1: You have no kids, you're not married. There's no legal obligation.

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Speaker 1: You know. I ain't like you're gonna be a dead

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Speaker 1: beat daddy or dead beat husband or whatever. No, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: no no. You have a plan and you want to

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Speaker 1: see it through. And I believe you will. You can

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Speaker 1: help her construct a plan. You can help somebody do

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Speaker 1: something all you want. If they don't see it, they

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Speaker 1: ain't gonna get it. They ain't gonna do it until

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Speaker 1: they're ready. You know. That's saying that old saying. You

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Speaker 1: can lead a horse to the water, but you can't

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Speaker 1: make them drink it. Period. You've done all that you

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Speaker 1: could do. It drains you, but you can still have

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Speaker 1: her as a friend. I know you love her simply

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Speaker 1: how the way you talk about her, But sometimes that's

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Speaker 1: just not enough. You loving someone so much, it's not

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Speaker 1: enough to some people. That may be in my opinion,

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Speaker 1: it's not enough all the time. So I think you

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Speaker 1: should check back in with me. I think you should

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Speaker 1: sit down and have a real conversation with her. You

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Speaker 1: should let her know exactly how you feel. I think

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Speaker 1: that YouTube need to take a step back from the

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Speaker 1: relationship and you need to let her know where you

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Speaker 1: are in life where she is. Guys are not on

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Speaker 1: the same page. You have different beliefs, even different beliefs

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Speaker 1: than she has. So I would confidently say a marriage

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Speaker 1: between you two would not work since everything is kind

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Speaker 1: of a little different. I mean, I feel like the

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Speaker 1: beginning was honeymoon phase and then not because everything went downhill.

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Speaker 1: You're kind of seen red flags of things that she

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Speaker 1: wouldn't take charge of if you two were to take

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Speaker 1: your relationship to the next level. But either way, none

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Speaker 1: of that matters, babe, because you're not even ready, because

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Speaker 1: is your priority right now is your career, developing your

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Speaker 1: businesses and getting your business off the ground. You got

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Speaker 1: a whole fucking plan. Ain't nothing wrong with that. So

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Speaker 1: it looks like love can't even happen for you until

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Speaker 1: or who knows, but it ain't right now. But you

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Speaker 1: could still be her friend, and if that's what you

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Speaker 1: want to do, then do that. If not, I understand

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Speaker 1: that even but you can't be chained to her and

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Speaker 1: be guilty into staying around because she's always been left

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Speaker 1: by people. You can't do that. The question is why

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Speaker 1: has everyone left her? Why not saying it's her fault?

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Speaker 1: But if we're talking about more than one relationship and

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Speaker 1: all that type of ship, then that's that's repetitive behavior.

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Speaker 1: And then after a while, who's the common denominator? You

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Speaker 1: understand what I'm saying, So it's just a lot more

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Speaker 1: to open up your eyes too. But like I said,

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Speaker 1: you already got your mind made up going that road,

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Speaker 1: make your money, open your business, start your business, become

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Speaker 1: a beautiful, black, healthy businessman, and you know, then you'll

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Speaker 1: meet your wife. I believe it's all in the cards

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Speaker 1: for you anyway you follow your ancests, that you talk

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Speaker 1: to those guys and all of that. I believe they

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Speaker 1: know what's best for you, because you see, they told

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Speaker 1: you right now in a good time to move in

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Speaker 1: and it wasn't you've seen that that came to pass,

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Speaker 1: you know, But yeah, check back in with me. It's

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Speaker 1: all in communication, be honest with Sometimes uncomfortable conversations are

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Speaker 1: the best ones because then you leave it all there

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Speaker 1: on the table, You leave it all right there. It

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Speaker 1: ain't nothing that you held back, so somebody can't say, well,

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Speaker 1: I didn't know you felt this way, or I just

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Speaker 1: was trying to protect your feelings. No, sometimes it's okay

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Speaker 1: to have uncomfortable conversations. Everything's gonna be easy, peasy, be honest,

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Speaker 1: be open, be transparent, and then check back in with me.

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Speaker 1: And I love you too so very much, sweetheart. Listen

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Speaker 1: to these episodes. Been the ones. Okay, look, I'll be

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Speaker 1: trying to get more it and the one story with

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Speaker 1: the voice notes, and but y'all be giving me some

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Speaker 1: juicy ship. These issues are getting more tense, these stories

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00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:12,480
Speaker 1: are getting deeper and deeper, and y'all be really happy

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Speaker 1: me on one. I'll be over here, crime and tense

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00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:18,399
Speaker 1: and praying while you're talking and missing half to shoot

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Speaker 1: y'all be saying, because I can't get past the first

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Speaker 1: ten seconds, because I'll be just oh my lord. I

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Speaker 1: want to help all of y'all as much as I can,

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Speaker 1: you know, So keep submitting, keep submitting. I want more

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Speaker 1: more men to submit, to open up. I really enjoyed

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Speaker 1: today's episode, not enjoying his pain and not enjoying you know,

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Speaker 1: what he's going through, but just enjoying being able to

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Speaker 1: assess a man instead of a woman. Transgender or not,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. I love the fact that he could

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Speaker 1: open up to me. You know. That's great. That's unlikely,

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Speaker 1: especially with our men. So definitely, definitely, definitely do more

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Speaker 1: tuneing in than you ever have before. We've come to

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Speaker 1: the end of another carefully reckless episod sol with you hilarious.

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Speaker 1: Fix my mess, Just fix your mess. I'm gonna be

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Speaker 1: fixing your mess for the rest of my life. I

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Speaker 1: feel like I don't know or until podcasts go out

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Speaker 1: of style, I'm not sure I should take this ship

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Speaker 1: on to shut I don't know, y'all let me know,

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Speaker 1: But until then, tune into co Parenting Therapy every other

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Speaker 1: week Me and Little Baby Father got a new episode

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Speaker 1: dropping this evening at seven pm. Make sure you tune

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Speaker 1: in only on YouTube. Tune into Carefully Reckless also each

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Speaker 1: and every Wednesday morning wherever you get your podcasts, and

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Speaker 1: then my deepest pandboys peach. Carefully Reckless is a production

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Speaker 1: of I Heart Radio and The Black Effect. For more

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Speaker 1: podcasts from My Heart Radio, visit the I Heart Radio app,

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Speaker 1: Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.