Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, Hi Chelsea, Hi? What is going on?
Speaker 2: Not too much, just loving the fall weather. You've been
Speaker 2: traveling all over though. Where are you headed?
Speaker 1: Well? I'm performing in Milwaukee on Friday night, and then
Speaker 1: I have two shows in Chicago Saturday, Sunday, Milwaukee Sat.
Speaker 1: And Friday night. And then where is that? What's the theater? Oh,
Speaker 1: Bradley's Symphony Center, and then the Chicago Theater Saturday and
Speaker 1: Sunday night. Oh shit, and then another show Sunday night.
Speaker 1: But that's sold out. Chicago first show is sold out.
Speaker 1: We have tickets available for Saturday night, October twenty eighth,
Speaker 1: and tickets available for Milwaukee Thursday night, October twenty six
Speaker 1: I am in New York City waiting for I just
Speaker 1: had to get some more knee surgery. I had to
Speaker 1: get my hat cleaned out, so I am off the pills.
Speaker 1: I had a two day party, pill party, and then
Speaker 1: I have to throw them. Well, I don't throw them
Speaker 1: away because they're gone. They're gone after two days. And
Speaker 1: that's how any excuse to be put under? Yeah, and
Speaker 1: he excuse to be put under. But my doctor said,
Speaker 1: this will allow me afford me the ability to ski
Speaker 1: without pain because my knee has really been acting since
Speaker 1: my worka so I'm going to either get my leg
Speaker 1: removed and replaced. I'm waiting for them to come out
Speaker 1: with some sort of knee enhancement replacement thing where you
Speaker 1: don't even have to get surgery but be put under obviously. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just think it's a matter of months before they
Speaker 1: have some new technology or AI comes up with a
Speaker 1: new knee or something. Yeah, you know. So anyway, we
Speaker 1: have one of my childhood crushes on today mine too.
Speaker 1: His name is John Stamos. I'm very excited about today.
Speaker 1: I know he has a new book out. What is
Speaker 1: it called?
Speaker 2: It is called if You would Have Told Me?
Speaker 1: If you would Have Told Me? Okay, well, we're going
Speaker 1: to see what he is going to tell us because
Speaker 1: there's a lot of juicy stuff in that book. So
Speaker 1: he did tell us a lot of things. A lot
Speaker 1: of celebrity books coming out lately with a lot of
Speaker 1: insight and inside scoop. He is a three time Emmy
Speaker 1: Award No TV Film and Theater actor and his memoir
Speaker 1: is called If You would Have Told Me, and it's
Speaker 1: out this week. Please welcome John Stamos. How are you, honey?
Speaker 3: Pretty good.
Speaker 1: Yeah. John Stamos is in the house. Everybody, John my
Speaker 1: childhood crush. I loved you so much when I was
Speaker 1: talking about you. I mean not to say I don't
Speaker 1: love you now, I mean you're very attractive.
Speaker 3: So I'm getting old. Well we all are I love
Speaker 3: I have a crush on you, oh, because you're smart
Speaker 3: and you're beautiful and I love Remember when I was
Speaker 3: on your other show.
Speaker 1: Yeah, a bit, I've interviewed you before.
Speaker 3: Are you doing good? You look great?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you. You talk about being happy now and
Speaker 3: stuff that makes me happy.
Speaker 1: Oh are you happy?
Speaker 3: I am?
Speaker 1: Yeah? You know what what? I was reading your book?
Speaker 1: You guys, Yeah, yes, of course. The book is called
Speaker 1: if you would have told me it's out this week,
Speaker 1: it's John Stamos's it's your first.
Speaker 3: Book, yes, right, yeah, I want to talk to you
Speaker 3: about the process, because.
Speaker 1: Well, what do you want to talk about? Let's get started.
Speaker 3: How was it?
Speaker 1: I like, I mean, listen, it's a very different medium
Speaker 1: than everything that you're probably used to. So if this
Speaker 1: is your first book, I can understand you probably feel
Speaker 1: a little bit overwhelmed, right.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was. I feel good now that it's done.
Speaker 3: But then no, no, we have to gotten. You don't
Speaker 3: have to gotten sell it.
Speaker 1: Sell it and promote it, and that is a different beast.
Speaker 1: But you know what I find that is nice and
Speaker 1: refreshing about books. And maybe you can think about this
Speaker 1: while you're promoting it. It's like you're not promoting a
Speaker 1: project that you're not completely responsible for. It's your story, right,
Speaker 1: so they're your truths and then you get to just
Speaker 1: talk about yourself in the most kind of I feel like,
Speaker 1: most organic way, rather than promoting a show or a movie.
Speaker 3: You're right, Yeah, it has been interesting that the interviews
Speaker 3: I've done so far, especially the doing this long form,
Speaker 3: because you can really get into because there's a lot
Speaker 3: of you know, intricate stuff in the book and ups
Speaker 3: and down and toffic. But to do it, you know,
Speaker 3: do a quick pop on it.
Speaker 1: It's difficult, right, yes, absolutely, but you want to get
Speaker 1: people interested enough to buy it. Listen, there's a lot
Speaker 1: of interesting stuff in this book.
Speaker 3: And can I ask you a question, So therapies you've
Speaker 3: been that's your Do you think.
Speaker 1: You're interviewing me right now?
Speaker 3: Is that what you're not trying to I just I'm
Speaker 3: fascinated by you always, and I like to ask questions.
Speaker 1: I went to therapy for about two years, intense therapy
Speaker 1: with the sky Dan Siegel, and it changed my I
Speaker 1: mean it took a while. Like if someone said, oh,
Speaker 1: therapy was going to take two years and then probably
Speaker 1: two years of absorbing what you learned in therapy, I
Speaker 1: would have been like, that's too fucking long, like fuck it.
Speaker 1: But I went in before I knew how long it
Speaker 1: was going to take, and so it was like.
Speaker 3: You think it was a couple a couple of a
Speaker 3: couple of seconds.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think. I thought I'm pretty smart, like I'll
Speaker 1: get this quickly. And then as soon as you get deeper,
Speaker 1: have you are you in therapy?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, I talk about in the book to this
Speaker 3: guy Phil Stutz, who's sort of a famous Oh yeah.
Speaker 1: Stuts, the one that they did the documentary.
Speaker 3: Was right, Yeah, okay, I was going to way before.
Speaker 3: I think it was like twelve years ago. I can't
Speaker 3: remember who sent me there. Maybe I had saga go
Speaker 3: I said, we can't be friends anymore until you go
Speaker 3: to therapy. Oh yeah, he was. He was there till
Speaker 3: he died. How he still owes film money? Phil told
Speaker 3: me he said he didn't pay for his last session.
Speaker 1: Well, he doesn't need the money.
Speaker 3: So it helped you.
Speaker 1: Then it helped me, Yes, it helped me immensely. It
Speaker 1: helped me with my self awareness. It helped me understand
Speaker 1: the way that I the vibes I'm giving off if
Speaker 1: my personality was coming before any sort of thoughtfulness. So
Speaker 1: now I'm a little bit more thoughtful and careful with
Speaker 1: my personality rather than throwing it out there. It's not
Speaker 1: necessary for me to insert myself all the time.
Speaker 3: Mike, I said, you've already chimed the world. Stop. You
Speaker 3: don't have to do anymore. Just sit back and you know, yes,
Speaker 3: stuff trying is hard. Maybe that's you.
Speaker 1: Well we get I think we get interesting conversation because
Speaker 1: I think we get very wrapped up in who we.
Speaker 3: Think we are and who we think they want us
Speaker 3: to be. Yes, yeah, I had that a lot too,
Speaker 3: you know, just coming under the scene, you know, being
Speaker 3: a teen idol, and then you know some sort of
Speaker 3: you know guy which wasn't me, like, you know, and
Speaker 3: I'd go on Howard Stern or Jamie Kimmel or all
Speaker 3: these shows, and I gas, oh, you're a playboy. Tell
Speaker 3: me about all the girls you fucked I'm like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 3: doesn't did that none of it? It was true, but
Speaker 3: I felt I had to be that guy for that,
Speaker 3: which is when I and they didn't. It wasn't their fault.
Speaker 3: I played into it. But once I let that go,
Speaker 3: and it's just hard to trust yourself that you're good
Speaker 3: enough and you're interesting enough, and they're charming enough, right
Speaker 3: just to sit and talk. And I didn't like I
Speaker 3: went into growing up kicking and screaming. I just barely
Speaker 3: made it too. I just didn't want to because it
Speaker 3: just seemed boring to me and it really required sober
Speaker 3: up to But it's you know, it's been the greatest.
Speaker 3: I've just turned sixty.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Really, yeah, that's amazing.
Speaker 3: Well look I'm tired of that.
Speaker 1: But you know it's okay, I'm forty.
Speaker 3: We're gonna have a big birthday.
Speaker 1: Well in two years. I mean, yeah, I gotta start
Speaker 1: planning it now if I'm going to have the right
Speaker 1: kind of birthday party. I just want everyone to know
Speaker 1: that I offered John an edible before this interview started,
Speaker 1: because I forgot he was sober, and this is a
Speaker 1: big problem with me as well. Back to the therapy thing,
Speaker 1: real quick. One of the things I learned, which is
Speaker 1: interesting what you're saying, is, you know, I always thought
Speaker 1: I had to be the center, like the excitement of
Speaker 1: a dinner party or like the entertainment for everybody. Like
Speaker 1: I thought that's what people expected of me, that I
Speaker 1: had to go to every dinner party and just be
Speaker 1: the funniest person there. And if there was another funny
Speaker 1: person there, I was so relieved. I was like, let
Speaker 1: them do it. But everyone is so insecure about their
Speaker 1: own funny that people would look to me and be like, no,
Speaker 1: you go, you do it, and I'll you know. So
Speaker 1: it became this weird cycle of like you impress upon
Speaker 1: yourself what you assume people are expecting of you, when
Speaker 1: really maybe not everybody's expecting any of that.
Speaker 3: No, And then they go to Chelsea's she got to
Speaker 3: calm down, calm down, you know, say with me, I
Speaker 3: thought I was had to be that, and I, you know,
Speaker 3: drinking too, I thought I gotta be, you know, so
Speaker 3: I can be funny and sharp. People see, you know,
Speaker 3: it's fuzzy, is what they saw. Yeah. I bet you
Speaker 3: feel that too, because you know you're you are people
Speaker 3: see you on TV and you're funny, and you're sharp
Speaker 3: and you're very smart too. I think that's what impresses
Speaker 3: me most about you.
Speaker 1: Well, thank you. I appreciate you lost you.
Speaker 3: I know you lost your brother when you're young and
Speaker 3: abandonment issues. But then there was another really sweet brother
Speaker 3: who I met on your show.
Speaker 1: Is he still yeah, Roy is the best, He's the sweetest.
Speaker 1: I will he'll love that he still y passed?
Speaker 3: Did he really?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I mean I'll see you're doing great. By
Speaker 3: the way, I'll see.
Speaker 1: Him in the afterlife anyway. You know how when did
Speaker 1: he die a couple of years ago? Yeah? He was sweet, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: he was a sweetheart. One of the things that I
Speaker 1: was reading about in your book that I took issue
Speaker 1: with is your love of Disneyland and disney World.
Speaker 3: Well I find that annoying, right, Yeah, to be honest
Speaker 3: with you, I was, I was over it. I was done.
Speaker 3: And then I met my wife and he's like me
Speaker 3: back in you know last night.
Speaker 1: Your wife loves disney World? Yea, and she and so
Speaker 1: what was the period of time you were able to
Speaker 1: stay away from disney World or Disneyland a couple weeks?
Speaker 3: It was a couple It was a while, I was
Speaker 3: just it was enough already, I thought, you know, honestly,
Speaker 3: but last night this.
Speaker 1: Why were you spending so much time there?
Speaker 3: In the first it was have you been?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I was.
Speaker 3: I was there honestly, like towards like before I sobered
Speaker 3: up for ten years. It was kind of fun to
Speaker 3: go and get drunk there, you know, And there was a.
Speaker 1: It was dry. It was dry for a long time
Speaker 1: time in the world. They didn't have any alcohol there at.
Speaker 3: The at the Magic Kingdom, Catherine Magic Kingdom they don't,
Speaker 3: but but Epcot they have. You'd have beers across the world.
Speaker 3: But no. I did get over because it's when you
Speaker 3: walk to those gates the rest of the world goes
Speaker 3: away and it's just a it's you have. It's a
Speaker 3: happy place to be.
Speaker 1: That's how I feel about the Playboy. Man.
Speaker 3: You it used to be the last night. So I'm
Speaker 3: leaving town. I'm so busy with all this book stuff.
Speaker 3: And my wife says, and we do this once in
Speaker 3: a while. I was like, I got a surprise. We're
Speaker 3: going on date night tonight. This is the last night.
Speaker 3: I said, great, where is it? I can't tell you,
Speaker 3: you know, I said, O, yeah, I don't have a
Speaker 3: lot of time, but I want to at least spend
Speaker 3: one good night with you before we go. And so
Speaker 3: I said, what do I wear? Said? Boots? Boots are good.
Speaker 3: What else? Well, that's good what you have on? I said,
Speaker 3: is it a hike? Is it outdoors? It might be
Speaker 3: my not you know. So we get so we're driving
Speaker 3: a by Pasadena. We're going up to this neighborhood house
Speaker 3: and there's no parking. I said, what's the date night?
Speaker 3: You and need to what's a Disney party? And there's
Speaker 3: a couple of Disney legends that are going to be
Speaker 3: there and a hundred other Disney any geek fans that
Speaker 3: you're gonna take pictures? I said, this is date night?
Speaker 3: And it was that nice people. But you know, I said,
Speaker 3: every selfie I take you give me a hand job?
Speaker 1: And did she did?
Speaker 5: She?
Speaker 3: Yeah? It was about eight hundred.
Speaker 1: Yeah, when is she going to start giving you the
Speaker 1: hand job?
Speaker 3: I should have Scott something better? Huh probably, So, I
Speaker 3: don't know, but she loves it. I'm you know, I'm.
Speaker 1: Just happy you're in a happy relationship. You know what
Speaker 1: I mean? If you have to give a bunch of
Speaker 1: hand jobs and go to a bunch of Disney events.
Speaker 3: I don't have to give that hand Oh no.
Speaker 1: I mean if you have to get sorry to get
Speaker 1: a bunch of hand jobs and go to a bunch
Speaker 1: of Disney events, then that's the bed you made, and
Speaker 1: now you're to lie in it.
Speaker 3: You're right now. You can I ask you about this,
Speaker 3: Joe Koy, because I.
Speaker 1: Love that you think you're fucking interviewing.
Speaker 3: I'm just I'm interested.
Speaker 1: I have a series of questions I want to ask
Speaker 1: you already.
Speaker 3: I thought it was going to be the greatest thing
Speaker 3: ever to you. I was so happy for for you.
Speaker 3: I didn't know him much. But and then, but do
Speaker 3: you feel like if you fall in love again, you
Speaker 3: kind of keep it quiet for a couple of years.
Speaker 1: Probably you know. I don't need to learn that lesson twice.
Speaker 1: Although I didn't even listen. To be very honest, I
Speaker 1: don't feel regret or a rootful towards the way that
Speaker 1: I behaved publicly with him. I think that was a
Speaker 1: very good exercise for me, and it was nice for
Speaker 1: other people to see that side of me, because I've.
Speaker 2: Never been soft.
Speaker 3: It was a softer show, very.
Speaker 1: Like publicly in love before, so I don't really regret that,
Speaker 1: even though I probably wouldn't choose to operate like that again,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, because it's like, you know,
Speaker 1: who needs to It's almost very like teenager ish. But
Speaker 1: that's how it was cute. It was a thing.
Speaker 3: It just felt so bad.
Speaker 1: But it's okay. I mean, just a relationships end, you know,
Speaker 1: and you learn from them, and and I think that
Speaker 1: the most important thing to do as we get older
Speaker 1: is to remember not to villainize or demonize the people
Speaker 1: who've left our lives and actually look at them and say,
Speaker 1: you know what, what did that person bring out in me?
Speaker 1: That someone that I hadn't been brought out in me before?
Speaker 1: So I think that's okay.
Speaker 3: I have like I think before taking top.
Speaker 1: Off, because John's turning me on.
Speaker 3: Okay, I think before I wrote this book, I would say, oh,
Speaker 3: I have regrets. Yeah, this I didn't. I got dumped,
Speaker 3: I got cheated on a man, And after writing I
Speaker 3: were like, no, that's like what you said, Like, if
Speaker 3: I didn't have those heartbreaks that happened, I wouldn't have
Speaker 3: known how to be right for my marriage.
Speaker 1: Now, well you're yeah, because especially because you were married
Speaker 1: to Rebecca Romaine first before your current wife, and you
Speaker 1: talk about that in the book, and you talk about
Speaker 1: your therapist and that marriage ending right and your therapist
Speaker 1: basically telling you that you weren't ready to be with
Speaker 1: the one and that you had a lot of work
Speaker 1: to do, right, So what were those conversations like.
Speaker 3: Well, it was more it was more about it was
Speaker 3: heartbreaking and I didn't want it to end. And you know,
Speaker 3: I always thought have kids and a thing and you know,
Speaker 3: fairy tale ending. And when it did, it ripped me apart.
Speaker 3: And I was angry for many years, too angry, and.
Speaker 1: It wasn't her or angry at the situation.
Speaker 3: Well her, you know, as I learned. So I had
Speaker 3: the first chapter I wrote was I thought I'd take
Speaker 3: the hardest ones and I wrote about this terrible the
Speaker 3: low point in my life. I had this dui and
Speaker 3: I was driving drunkers drive around Beverly Hills, and I
Speaker 3: went to rehab and I think it was there where
Speaker 3: I discovered, like, so the steps you probably know something.
Speaker 3: The fourth step is your resentments. So I was like,
Speaker 3: she did this to me, she did that, And I'm
Speaker 3: making this long list and the sponsors. Have you done
Speaker 3: I said, noff, and then he goes, so, what part
Speaker 3: did you play in that? I said, what do you mean?
Speaker 3: What none? It might have played, even if it's one percent.
Speaker 3: And I started writing and say, oh, yeah, yeah. And
Speaker 3: it was the first time I really was honest about it.
Speaker 3: And I had just as much to do with the
Speaker 3: end of our marriage as she did, so you know, you.
Speaker 1: Learn, yeah, yeah, what was that last thing that broke
Speaker 1: the like the last straw that broke the camel's back
Speaker 1: in the marriage?
Speaker 3: I started to get emasculated, and I don't know how
Speaker 3: much of it was her fault or how much was mine,
Speaker 3: but I felt the relationship just was like she was
Speaker 3: here and I was down here and I was, oh,
Speaker 3: you're on TV. I'm and it just was not good.
Speaker 3: And we split up for a while and we got
Speaker 3: back together and it was there was a lot of
Speaker 3: rules just didn't work, and I just said, this is
Speaker 3: not working, you know, and we walked away. But I
Speaker 3: have never seen her since.
Speaker 1: But have you never spoken to her since?
Speaker 3: The last time I talked to her was in this
Speaker 3: But thank god, because I did more about myself, like
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna go I would never go into a
Speaker 3: relationship the same way, and thank god I didn't when
Speaker 3: Caitlyn came around.
Speaker 1: Right, And so how did you what tools did you
Speaker 1: have or like that you developed over the years that
Speaker 1: made you be able to like start in a healthy
Speaker 1: way this relationship or healthier.
Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure. I mean I knew that I wanted to.
Speaker 3: I could get by for so many years with fifty
Speaker 3: percent more than most people sixty percent maybe in anything work.
Speaker 3: And I was just always afraid to give a hundred
Speaker 3: because if you failed, then you're then Wow, you gave
Speaker 3: it as all and you failed. So with the relationships,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna give it my all. I'm gonna throw everything
Speaker 3: I'm gonna be and if it doesn't work, at least
Speaker 3: I know how to do that right. Sober and loyal
Speaker 3: and honest and all the stuff it and it it worked.
Speaker 3: Does that make sense?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it makes sense. How many years have
Speaker 1: you been sober?
Speaker 3: Close to eight?
Speaker 1: Eight years? Okay, So would you consider that newly sober? No?
Speaker 3: I was, you know, I was drinking into my fifties
Speaker 3: and it just it was just time.
Speaker 1: Well, you talk. You have a lot of examples in
Speaker 1: the Book of Times where you I mean you don't
Speaker 1: make yourself look good in this book and a lot
Speaker 1: of areas, and I actually appreciate that because I also
Speaker 1: like to be honest. You it's very important to be
Speaker 1: honest and not to gloss over like and pretend like
Speaker 1: you've got your crushing it all the time.
Speaker 3: I started out that way. I was like, I'm going
Speaker 3: to write a hero book. And I started writing like
Speaker 3: this is sex pullshit, and it turned into a phuman
Speaker 3: you know, it was a human story because again, like
Speaker 3: I never wanted. I never thought i'd write a book.
Speaker 3: It wasn't in my thing. I didn't think I was
Speaker 3: sharp enough. And friends of mine that were writing, but
Speaker 3: how do you do it? Why do you even start it?
Speaker 3: I just didn't get it, didn't get it. And then
Speaker 3: when Bob died, I wrote a beautiful obituary kind of
Speaker 3: thing in La Times. I remember, and so people say, oh,
Speaker 3: you're a good writer. And I had a kid too,
Speaker 3: and I said, okay, so now I'm a father. What
Speaker 3: was that like? And I just kept saying no, And
Speaker 3: then I really thought about leaving something behind for him,
Speaker 3: A love letter to all the beautiful people that have
Speaker 3: come in and out of my life, to my wife,
Speaker 3: and I've had a lot of mentors over the years
Speaker 3: that I wanted to talk about. But then the clutch
Speaker 3: was that I found I knew I had them, but
Speaker 3: I dug up all these letters that my mom left me,
Speaker 3: these little notes that she would leave me and my sisters.
Speaker 3: I said, Okay, that's a good place to start. Yeah,
Speaker 3: did your mom pass away?
Speaker 1: Yeah, my mom and my dad are both Dad I'm
Speaker 1: an orphan. I just have my brothers and sisters.
Speaker 3: It's a lot five or so.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's enough of us to go around. Plus we
Speaker 1: have eight nieces and nephews, so there's like, you know,
Speaker 1: we have a big family and all of them are
Speaker 1: married or have girlfriends. And then we have like ten
Speaker 1: cousins that live in LA so we just well not ten,
Speaker 1: but I say ten as a round number, but there's
Speaker 1: eight anyway.
Speaker 3: Who lives at your house?
Speaker 6: Now?
Speaker 3: Do you have any I'm.
Speaker 1: Actually living with No, I'm waiting for my house to
Speaker 1: be built, and I am living with my neighbor. So
Speaker 1: talk to me about being like a father.
Speaker 3: This is something I always wanted, and through the book,
Speaker 3: I was trying to find, like you do, like try
Speaker 3: to find as many relatable issues you know, it's like,
Speaker 3: how many people can relate tonight and play with the
Speaker 3: beach boys people?
Speaker 1: But well, you bring up another topic beach boys. You
Speaker 1: learn transcendental meditation with beach boys, right, because you drum
Speaker 1: for the beach boys. I don't do TM. I do
Speaker 1: regular meditation, but I know a lot of people who
Speaker 1: do TM. What Yeah, Howard does it for sure? How
Speaker 1: do you? How would you.
Speaker 3: Describe it TM?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: You know it's meditate twice twenty minutes. I'm not very
Speaker 3: good at it any more. I mean, I don't keep
Speaker 3: up with it as much as they should. But even
Speaker 3: just to sit for twenty minutes, and you say this
Speaker 3: mantra over over again, one own mind.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well you're not supposed to tell your mantra so
Speaker 1: that much. I know.
Speaker 3: I got it, Catherine, You're doing great, brother way.
Speaker 2: Oh think I'm just enjoying the conversation.
Speaker 3: Well, so, wait, so I wanted to come up with
Speaker 3: relatable things. Oh this is the point was that it
Speaker 3: had something to do with sex. Gosh darn it.
Speaker 1: What was it that you want to have sex with me?
Speaker 3: I want it? I want it. Well, hey, honey, we're
Speaker 3: going date night? Where is it going to be we'll
Speaker 3: be at your house. Yeah, okay, And she was so
Speaker 3: mad because I wouldn't take a tour of the house.
Speaker 3: Is about this. It was Disney's house, lived there for
Speaker 3: a little while, but it wasn't very big. And she's like,
Speaker 3: come on, let's go on this tour.
Speaker 1: But I want to know what you do for four
Speaker 1: hours when you go to Walt Disney's house before the tour.
Speaker 3: What's selfies with everybody there?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 2: Really?
Speaker 1: Do you hate taking selfies? No?
Speaker 3: I don't mind.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, I don't mind it either.
Speaker 3: I want it's easier than signing autographs. And I heard
Speaker 3: you talking about like, you know, you spell a certain
Speaker 3: name and that's not how I spelled it. That's not
Speaker 3: my my mom mom spelled it wrong.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah yeah. I once had a girl name like
Speaker 1: it was Lafourtia, but she spelled it Lafourtia out of
Speaker 1: book signing. This happened. She said her name was Lafortia,
Speaker 1: but with the number four, so la apostrophe four and
Speaker 1: then s H A E. And I was like, that
Speaker 1: can't be on your license like a regular spelling. So
Speaker 1: that's what I was like, Oh, fuck, I better be.
Speaker 1: You have to ask when you're doing. You always go
Speaker 1: like if it's if it's you know, Kate the normal way,
Speaker 1: is it? Kate ka y t?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, I hate that.
Speaker 1: You're also going to get carpal tunnel syndrome.
Speaker 3: I writing because I've been signing. But wait, we were
Speaker 3: talking about sex. I was trying to find relatable stuff.
Speaker 3: I was talking about having a kid, right.
Speaker 1: Okay, that you have to have sex to have a kid. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you do. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I was trying to find where's the last time he
Speaker 3: had six?
Speaker 1: It's been a few months for me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we know.
Speaker 1: Somebody in London?
Speaker 6: Yeah, I was.
Speaker 1: I was on vacation, so I usually get most of
Speaker 1: my action overseas.
Speaker 3: Was it somebody who's met.
Speaker 6: At a bar?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 1: I like that kind of interaction.
Speaker 3: When I was single, And if I saw you at
Speaker 3: a bar in London. First of all, be these guys
Speaker 3: are not intimidated by you.
Speaker 1: Men are intimidated by me, and a lot of them
Speaker 1: cannot perform.
Speaker 3: Is it the glasses do you think?
Speaker 1: No, I don't wear my glasses when I'm out. Those
Speaker 1: are only for today. Because I was reading, men are
Speaker 1: intimidated that how do you mean? And and it see
Speaker 1: and it plays out like they have trouble performing sexually.
Speaker 1: So a lot of times I will be out with
Speaker 1: a man and you know, we're at a bar or something,
Speaker 1: or at a club. I mean not that I'm a clubber,
Speaker 1: but like when I'm in London, I go out. When
Speaker 1: I'm in Spain, I'm out and I'll be like, do
Speaker 1: you want to come back to my house? And then
Speaker 1: we get back to my house and they cannot perform sexually.
Speaker 1: This is a constant in my life and it's obviously
Speaker 1: my personality, and men are just either scared or turned
Speaker 1: off or I don't know, But why would they come
Speaker 1: back to my house if they weren't going to be
Speaker 1: able to perform? I don't get that.
Speaker 3: There're the wrong guys, these guys.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I just keep auditioning different people and seeing
Speaker 1: who could appen.
Speaker 3: What happens. So you're in London, you say come back
Speaker 3: to my place and the guy goes.
Speaker 1: Sometimes they'll so once a guy was like, I go,
Speaker 1: do you want to come back to my place? And
Speaker 1: he left, He goes, he goes, I'm going to the bathroom,
Speaker 1: and he goes, I'll be right back, and he never
Speaker 1: came back.
Speaker 3: I can't imagine any fool would do that. But see
Speaker 3: the thing about these fantasy like and I try to
Speaker 3: talk about it in here too, where when I was
Speaker 3: a kid, some penhouse girl came into my dressing room
Speaker 3: at General Hospital and had sex with me, and I
Speaker 3: was depressed afterward, you know, and I think, you know,
Speaker 3: I think people maybe think that our lives, they probably
Speaker 3: think our lives are fantastic, right they pulled the curtain
Speaker 3: behind like, oh she's fucked up, Yeah, captain.
Speaker 4: But yeah, yeah, I like that scene too, because you
Speaker 4: talk about like the glaring overhead light and the vinyl
Speaker 4: you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: Like it.
Speaker 2: You know, it wasn't the fantasy.
Speaker 3: No. I tried to Yeah again, I tried to find
Speaker 3: the relatable stuff. I started off with getting this dui,
Speaker 3: and so I thought, okay, that's a good place to start,
Speaker 3: the hardest thing I thought. It turns out it wasn't.
Speaker 3: And the five stages of grief there were more booze
Speaker 3: and taccon bullshit. And then then the second chapter I wrote,
Speaker 3: which happened to be the end, was the day I
Speaker 3: found out that Bob died. And by this point, you know,
Speaker 3: my five stages of grief were therapy and family and prayer,
Speaker 3: you know, getting my shit together, and it was so
Speaker 3: then I had to figure out how a to b Yeah,
Speaker 3: but I tried not to be honest. You know a
Speaker 3: lot of the times. My mother kept every teen magazine,
Speaker 3: every calendar, every journal, every picture. You took a lot
Speaker 3: of pictures, so it was sort of easy to fact
Speaker 3: check everything as well.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, because you don't want to put out a
Speaker 1: book like this and not be truthful. And I think
Speaker 1: part of the catharsis of doing writing a book is
Speaker 1: being able to be truthful because when you are in
Speaker 1: the public eye, you have such little privacy that you
Speaker 1: try to retain. I know this from being friends with
Speaker 1: lots of celebrities, and I know you've been famous since
Speaker 1: you were a little boy basically, so I've really never
Speaker 1: had a private private life. You have to kind of
Speaker 1: really protect what is private because so much of it
Speaker 1: is public, and now with social media, everyone there's no privacy.
Speaker 1: And I'm not a private person. I don't care, like
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be private. I don't care if
Speaker 1: people know about my personal stuff. I'm not that kind
Speaker 1: of celebrity. But I can respect the fact that celebrities
Speaker 1: feel that way. You know, they want they want something
Speaker 1: that they can keep for themselves. So I get that,
Speaker 1: but I think the true like, you know, when you
Speaker 1: write a book like this, you kind of have to
Speaker 1: give people something that they don't know.
Speaker 3: It was very hard at first, and then I really
Speaker 3: got into it and it was doing all and then
Speaker 3: the audiobook was a trip to you.
Speaker 1: Know, Yeah, that's annoying. I don't like. I don't love
Speaker 1: recording that that could.
Speaker 3: Be like thirty five days. They say it takes four
Speaker 3: or five days.
Speaker 1: First of all, it should not take you thirty five days.
Speaker 1: I mean that's like an elephant's gestation period. I don't
Speaker 1: I don't understand that should never take you.
Speaker 3: It was my fault was rewriting it as I had
Speaker 3: time to rewrite it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what I don't like when they give
Speaker 1: you direction when you're recording your audiobook, but they're like,
Speaker 1: talk more slowly. I'm like, I don't talk slowly, so
Speaker 1: what that doesn't sound like me?
Speaker 3: I had a good dragon. I did this thing for
Speaker 3: Amazon that that's that didn't come out or something, but
Speaker 3: it was it was sleep. It was first to put
Speaker 3: people to sleep, and I was like okay, and I
Speaker 3: didn't really know what kind of voice I The Cowboy
Speaker 3: and the Horse. Can you slow it down a little bit? People, okay,
Speaker 3: the Cowboy and the Horse. Could you, sorry, Dan, can
Speaker 3: you less inflection? We're trying to put people to sleep.
Speaker 1: And the night up. All right, we're going to take
Speaker 1: a break and we're going to be right back. And
Speaker 1: we're right back. We're back, John Stamos. And guess what
Speaker 1: we're doing now. We're going going to give advice to
Speaker 1: the strangers. Okay, that's what we're doing.
Speaker 3: And what's and okay, the show is about giving advice.
Speaker 1: It's called Dear Chelsea.
Speaker 3: I know I listened to it. Do you feel you're
Speaker 3: qualified enough to give?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 1: Okay, but that doesn't matter. And by the way, yes,
Speaker 1: actually I am because I'm right, I read, I listen,
Speaker 1: and I care. So I think those are really.
Speaker 3: Your super intelligent The last time you're on Howard Stern,
Speaker 3: I was so impressed too with you. Do you remember that?
Speaker 1: I don't know? Okay, So anyway, Catherine, what advice do
Speaker 1: you need from me? Well we're going to see we
Speaker 1: have letters and we have callers. What's the first one, Catherine?
Speaker 2: So this first one comes from sober.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, well that's you, and then I guess your
Speaker 1: alter ego.
Speaker 3: Yes, it keeps me out of trouble being.
Speaker 1: So I can see that, and I can see that
Speaker 1: that you get into trouble. I don't get into.
Speaker 3: That much trouble. I would tell me this though, in
Speaker 3: order to get into that, in order to be picked
Speaker 3: up by some British guy with bad teeth in a bar,
Speaker 3: you'd have to be a little fucked up, right.
Speaker 1: I mean I'm drinking, yeah, and yeah, sometimes I smoke weed.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I do mushrooms, LSD. I like all sorts of microdosing,
Speaker 1: So I do that a lot. I know you're jealous
Speaker 1: right now.
Speaker 3: A little bit.
Speaker 1: I know a.
Speaker 3: Lot of it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't get into trouble. Trouble like, I have
Speaker 1: a pretty good system going.
Speaker 3: But I mean the inhibition's dropped down. Have you ever
Speaker 3: been sober and just like met some guy in London
Speaker 3: and ask them to come home. It takes a little
Speaker 3: bit of right, Yeah, no, I haven't. Yeah, that was
Speaker 3: a big part of it for me. It was. And
Speaker 3: then you get yourself in it would be with the
Speaker 3: wrong people and the wrong yeah type of right.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, yeah, wowkay good, it is trying to
Speaker 1: get me sober.
Speaker 3: And no, sounds like you are sounds to have a problem.
Speaker 1: Sounds like you're jealous.
Speaker 6: H No.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well let's keep this guy's sober. He's says dear Chelsea.
Speaker 4: I'm a forty four year old gay man who's newly sober.
Speaker 4: I started using drugs and alcohol when I was fifteen
Speaker 4: and took to them right away. I loved the feeling
Speaker 4: of being drunk or high, and I felt like it
Speaker 4: took away all my problems. At first, I used socially,
Speaker 4: and for many years it wasn't a problem in my life.
Speaker 4: But after about twenty years it cut up with me
Speaker 4: and turned into abuse. I hit my low when I
Speaker 4: lost a really big job. I've been sober for ten
Speaker 4: months now and plan to stay that way. My drug
Speaker 4: use became such a daily part of my life. I
Speaker 4: had something come up and something to come down, and
Speaker 4: something to go really up and something to go really down.
Speaker 4: I'm not working right now, by the way. No, but
Speaker 4: you do mention in your book. You were like, yeah,
Speaker 4: it was my own pharmises. I don't have a boyfriend,
Speaker 4: and I'm not working right now, and I'm really missing
Speaker 4: drugs and alcohol a lot. I'm having trouble finding joy
Speaker 4: without my vices and worried I'll never have fun again.
Speaker 4: Daily life and socializing seems boring to me. I know
Speaker 4: you enjoyed drugs socially and thought you could help shed
Speaker 4: some light on my scenario. Best sober, Oh, this is
Speaker 4: perfect time. Just this is for you to answer because you.
Speaker 1: Know you have to speak to sobriety. I'm the one
Speaker 1: who still uses and you don't, so.
Speaker 3: You have to you do half of it. Then I'll
Speaker 3: do this.
Speaker 1: Well, okay, I would say that if you've been listen,
Speaker 1: if drugs have caused you to lose a job, to
Speaker 1: lose anything important in your life, you've made the right
Speaker 1: decision by getting sober. For ten months you've been sober.
Speaker 1: Do not throw that in the garbage. You need to
Speaker 1: stay sober. And this is a test. These tests come
Speaker 1: up all the time, right with sobriety, with life, with
Speaker 1: ever you have to have. You can't do something for
Speaker 1: ten months and expect your whole world to change and
Speaker 1: for everything to be perfect for the rest of your life.
Speaker 1: You're feeling down, and then this is a test for
Speaker 1: you to get through to the other side, and I
Speaker 1: promise there will be late at the end of this tunnel.
Speaker 3: I've seen it.
Speaker 1: Yes, speak to sobriety and that's it.
Speaker 3: Exactly, And that was that same way you you were, sir, what's.
Speaker 2: The same sold Just yeah, he just said sober.
Speaker 3: Hang on, just hold on, hold on, holy because it
Speaker 3: does get better. It's hard at first because all of
Speaker 3: a sudden, when you're not doing drugs and drinking, all
Speaker 3: you have is yourself and you're just like, oh, and
Speaker 3: your life is probably pretty shitty from all that. And
Speaker 3: then you go, well, what do I have? What am
Speaker 3: my wife stay sober? What am I staying sober for?
Speaker 3: I have nothing?
Speaker 1: And also, don't define yourself like even you signing the
Speaker 1: letter is sober, writing the letter is sober. It's like,
Speaker 1: that's a very one dimensional way to look at yourself.
Speaker 1: You're so much more than your sobriety. Even though the
Speaker 1: sobriety is the most important thing for you to continue
Speaker 1: doing right now, you're more than that. And once you
Speaker 1: get through the like challenges of remaining sober, because the
Speaker 1: first year is the most difficult, they say, and it's true.
Speaker 1: I'm sure I can only imagine that you are tested
Speaker 1: and tempted so many times. Once you get through this year,
Speaker 1: I promise you you will feel differently about your sobriety
Speaker 1: and it won't be such a teen isn't that right? John?
Speaker 3: One percent? And when the good things come to you,
Speaker 3: and they will, I promise you they will. You go
Speaker 3: to say the course, then you go, oh, I don't,
Speaker 3: and they start to outweigh the you know, the drinking
Speaker 3: and the drinking like we just said, it just would
Speaker 3: take me down the I would, It would low hanging
Speaker 3: fruit good. I'll take three of those, not and just
Speaker 3: the comfort it brings you at the moment. But then
Speaker 3: the next day you wake up, oh shit, I got
Speaker 3: nothing matter what am I doing here?
Speaker 5: All?
Speaker 3: I wanted my whole life? Man, I don't know, but
Speaker 3: this gentleman. I just wanted a family. I wanted kids.
Speaker 3: I wanted a wife. I wanted someone who I loved.
Speaker 3: My parents were great, you know, they had a good relationship,
Speaker 3: and that's what I wanted. And it finally came to me.
Speaker 3: But it would not have come if I slipped after
Speaker 3: ten months or a year and people could see it
Speaker 3: on me, you know, And when I stopped and I
Speaker 3: could be clear and like you do. And now you
Speaker 3: have it where you could just look at someone and
Speaker 3: just be honest and boom boom, then the good stuff comes.
Speaker 3: My wife would have run for the hills if she
Speaker 3: saw how you know how it was before. I thought
Speaker 3: it was cool, man, it was funny.
Speaker 1: I know, it's so funny. I had a friend that
Speaker 1: was telling me the story. We were in my arca
Speaker 1: this summer. A girlfriend of mine and I were and
Speaker 1: she was saying she was taking some drug. I forget
Speaker 1: what it was called. I didn't, I didn't, I wasn't
Speaker 1: even familiar with it. But she was taking some street drug,
Speaker 1: smoking something that's not very popular, but like in certain
Speaker 1: areas of the country it is. Anyway, she was smoking,
Speaker 1: and she thought she was crushing it, you know, she
Speaker 1: thought she was going out being entertaining, having these nic
Speaker 1: where she was so funny and so awesome and charming.
Speaker 1: And she goes and then her friend took a video
Speaker 1: and she was basically passed out, knotted out the entire
Speaker 1: dinner like this, just sitting with her head down. And
Speaker 1: she thought she had crushed that night. And she saw
Speaker 1: that video and she never did that drug again, which
Speaker 1: is a good way to keep people sober.
Speaker 3: I know, I saw this shit like I was slumped
Speaker 3: over in my car when the cops came and TMZ
Speaker 3: has it. All I have to do is look at
Speaker 3: that picture for one second. It makes me so second
Speaker 3: kind of killed. I'm a fucking terrible man. And it
Speaker 3: was on my way to go meet Sago by the
Speaker 3: way with the palm, so I blame him. But I
Speaker 3: want to say a little bit about my wife too,
Speaker 3: because I'm making jokes and stuff about her. She is
Speaker 3: the most wonderful. She's, first of all, the greatest mother sent,
Speaker 3: maybe as good as my mom, and that says a lot.
Speaker 3: And the conversation that we have in our house now
Speaker 3: is so smart and so you know, sharp of politics,
Speaker 3: about the world, about you know. My son's a flirt,
Speaker 3: and he's more like her. I was not a flirt
Speaker 3: at five five and a half. But he's terrible. He's
Speaker 3: like her. He's always got. It was my birthday and
Speaker 3: the other four or five girls bella stella, you know,
Speaker 3: and he's looking at me like, Dad, help him. You
Speaker 3: got yourself into this. But we were at Disney and
Speaker 3: we were embarrassed in a couple.
Speaker 1: Of in August and Disney World there too.
Speaker 3: Yeah, have a great test so much? No, I mean anyway,
Speaker 3: So we're there and one we're there for two days.
Speaker 3: One day we have a guide. She was a nice woman,
Speaker 3: maybe fifty to fifty five, got of just a normal
Speaker 3: and he didn't really pay attention. Day two we have
Speaker 3: this thirty year old hot French girl and he's like, well,
Speaker 3: and his plays and I can't do this because I'm
Speaker 3: married now, but it's pretty good. It's like sola, what's
Speaker 3: my favorite color, what's my favorite food?
Speaker 5: You know?
Speaker 3: And I'm like, can't you do better than that? Son?
Speaker 3: And so he then I over here him saying I
Speaker 3: have his girlfriend and her name is Bella and she's
Speaker 3: really cute and she lives down the street. And then
Speaker 3: the guides at each the rest of me. She walks
Speaker 3: away just as she gets out of earshot. I swear
Speaker 3: to god, he goes, why did I tell her I
Speaker 3: have a girlfriend. But my point to that was that
Speaker 3: we have these great conversations and we are very clear
Speaker 3: with him that no means no and respect women. And
Speaker 3: we didn't have that conversation in my home, but my
Speaker 3: dad was that. My dad was so respectful to my
Speaker 3: sisters and to my mom, and never held she wanted
Speaker 3: to be a housewife and it was beautiful, and he
Speaker 3: never held that over her. He never thought money or
Speaker 3: anything like. He always thought that she had the more
Speaker 3: important job, which she did. Stay sober, buddy, because you
Speaker 3: know it's the thing. It's it's not easy. You know,
Speaker 3: it's not easy thing.
Speaker 1: Well, we're going to go on to our next question. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so let's let's move on to the next one.
Speaker 4: Well, our next question comes from Chloe. She is joining
Speaker 4: us here. She is Chloe with a kay.
Speaker 1: Chloe, my neighbor, was supposed to come on this podcast.
Speaker 1: Friends with Them Chloe, I mean yeah, I mean I
Speaker 1: like Chloe. She's cute and sweet. She's the taller one,
Speaker 1: the taller one, they're all very sweet. You can't say
Speaker 1: that they're not nice and smart.
Speaker 3: Whoever's making a dough for them.
Speaker 4: Anyway, Well, Chloe says, I need your advice. I'm currently
Speaker 4: in love with one of my best friends. I know
Speaker 4: Taylor as old as time. And I actually did not
Speaker 4: pick this one for the Disney reference. I just thought
Speaker 4: it'd be a fun one.
Speaker 2: I noticed my feelings for him about a year ago.
Speaker 3: You're wearing a Mickey Mouse shirt looking she loves Disney World.
Speaker 1: Because she knows how I feel about it, and Chelsea,
Speaker 1: that's why n No, I don't want to bother you
Speaker 1: with these fucking Disney Worlds. I mean, that was the
Speaker 1: most upsetting part of your book to me, was the Disney.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 1: I just personally, I was like, really, this is what
Speaker 1: you're doing in your spare time. I mean that was
Speaker 1: I was. I was flabbergasted. Really, yeah, I didn't.
Speaker 3: Know I used to go and take drugs there. You
Speaker 3: would have liked that, Yeah.
Speaker 1: I would have liked that version of you better.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Key and the and the hair, Yes is focus.
Speaker 3: That's the color of the tank top that I wore
Speaker 3: in the Cocomo video.
Speaker 1: That was a good song. So it's still okay, go
Speaker 1: on solo, John, stay focused, focused, but just try and
Speaker 1: listen to these are about the callers about to get
Speaker 1: raising Bobby questions.
Speaker 3: Where are they.
Speaker 1: Come on?
Speaker 4: You?
Speaker 1: Just stay focused and watch what happens.
Speaker 4: So I noticed my feelings for him about a year
Speaker 4: ago and didn't want to act on them because he's
Speaker 4: part of my core group of friends. We recently went
Speaker 4: on a trip to celebrate a friend's thirtieth birthday, and
Speaker 4: since we were the only single people in the group,
Speaker 4: we were put in the singles room together and well,
Speaker 4: after many cocktails, we ended up hooking up.
Speaker 2: I need your advice on what to do next.
Speaker 4: His best friend told me that I'm his dream girl,
Speaker 4: but he's hesitant to make a move because he doesn't
Speaker 4: want to lose our friendship. I initiated the hookup. Do
Speaker 4: I need to also initiate the next move? And do
Speaker 4: I tell him how I feel or risk losing our
Speaker 4: friendship forever?
Speaker 1: Chloe, this is the first time you've been one step
Speaker 1: ahead of me the entire the entire episode. John just
Speaker 1: put on his headphones before I did, and that was pretty.
Speaker 3: Quick, or observen I've I've had him since I walked
Speaker 3: in the room.
Speaker 1: Chloe, Hi, Hi, Chloe, how are you?
Speaker 6: I'm doing great?
Speaker 2: How are you?
Speaker 1: Guys? Chloe with a K.
Speaker 6: Chloe with the K.
Speaker 1: Is our special guest and he's going to start to
Speaker 1: ask you a series of questions. I'm right to referred
Speaker 1: to it as a barrage.
Speaker 3: But so so how long have you been close? Like
Speaker 3: how does that? Have you ever fall in love with
Speaker 3: a friend?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've had sex with them and thought I was
Speaker 1: in love with them, And then.
Speaker 3: Are you in love with him? Do you love him?
Speaker 6: I definitely do. He's the dream of man, He's the
Speaker 6: total package.
Speaker 1: Well, she's worried about his family, his reaction and if
Speaker 1: he feels the same way because he's a little bit
Speaker 1: more trepidacious than she is. Right, yes, exactly.
Speaker 3: You guys hooked up, right, and so afterwards was it like, uh,
Speaker 3: you know, like straight up you know, like like why
Speaker 3: do we do that?
Speaker 6: Or No, not at all. It was just very much
Speaker 6: like I think we're both in the zone of, well
Speaker 6: we did that. Now we either go back to just
Speaker 6: being completely friends, or we naga maybe of friends with benefits,
Speaker 6: a relationship, whatever that next step would be.
Speaker 1: Would you be okay with friends with benefits?
Speaker 6: I wouldn't be opposed.
Speaker 3: Oh is he there? Can we talk to him?
Speaker 1: No, he's not here, obviously not there about it?
Speaker 3: Or is a teacher?
Speaker 2: That's very cute.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's beautiful, that's cute.
Speaker 1: I think you should just listen. I think there's only
Speaker 1: one avenue forward, and you just need to make this happen.
Speaker 1: I think you need to just go to him and
Speaker 1: be very honest about how strong your feelings are. You
Speaker 1: just said you love him, you feel like you're in
Speaker 1: love with him? Yes, yeah, go for it. Go tell
Speaker 1: him you know what's he gonna and if he says
Speaker 1: no and he resists it, then be like listen, You've
Speaker 1: told him your truth. Hopefully he will come to his senses.
Speaker 1: But you can't move forward without honesty. You only get
Speaker 1: to live once. You should just go take a leap
Speaker 1: of faith and hope that it works out. And it
Speaker 1: probably will.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, I just needed a little a little push
Speaker 6: in that direction because all of my friends are very
Speaker 6: wishy washy on maybe you should, maybe you shouldn't.
Speaker 1: But what advantage would you have by not saying anything?
Speaker 6: Nothing, No advantage. We would be stuck in the unknown.
Speaker 3: Does he listen to this podcast?
Speaker 1: No, he's a straight man. You're the only straight man
Speaker 1: that listens to this. Listen. I think it's good to
Speaker 1: take life by the balls and have balls, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? And I think by you calling in,
Speaker 1: is you trying to just get your balls in the
Speaker 1: right order. And I want to tell you they're in
Speaker 1: the right order. Go for it. I don't think you're
Speaker 1: ever gonna regret speaking your truth to somebody and saying
Speaker 1: and proclaiming your love or adoration and saying, let's go
Speaker 1: for it. There's nothing set in stone. We don't have
Speaker 1: to commit to each other. We're not getting married, but
Speaker 1: we're both gonna try and have a relationship and see
Speaker 1: where we go and if it works out, fucking awesome,
Speaker 1: and if it doesn't work out, we'll always try to
Speaker 1: remain friends.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's great about tomorrow. Like you said, you gotta
Speaker 3: fucking go for it.
Speaker 1: How are you gonna do it? How are you gonna
Speaker 1: tell him?
Speaker 3: Do you want us to do it?
Speaker 6: I have started a little text note in my phone
Speaker 6: of things I was gonna say, and then I deleted
Speaker 6: it and I restarted, and so far it's I think
Speaker 6: you know that I like you something along those lines,
Speaker 6: because it's very I'm not being hidden about it. I'm
Speaker 6: not being coy about it. He knows that I find
Speaker 6: him attractive, he knows that I like him. So I
Speaker 6: think it's just again me taking the initiative and being like, hey,
Speaker 6: what should we do?
Speaker 5: Now?
Speaker 6: What are we doing?
Speaker 2: H But like, I don't think this is a text, right,
Speaker 2: Like this is a like invite him out? Go to dinner.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, this is a face to face And
Speaker 1: don't be like this is coming from somebody who's a
Speaker 1: very dominant personality. You don't have to make him agree
Speaker 1: to anything. You just are inviting him to join you
Speaker 1: in this relationship. It's not like this is how I feel,
Speaker 1: this is what's going to happen. I don't think you're
Speaker 1: going to say it that way, but I don't want
Speaker 1: you to confuse what I'm saying with that you want
Speaker 1: to go in and say this is how I feel.
Speaker 1: I want to start something with you. I would like
Speaker 1: to have us try a relationship and with the understanding
Speaker 1: that if it doesn't work out, we will remain friends.
Speaker 1: We can both be very mature about this. And let's
Speaker 1: not go into this assuming it's all going to be
Speaker 1: sunshine and roses, because that's a big mistake people make too.
Speaker 1: And at the first sign of like a difficult time.
Speaker 1: You know some people, you want to be able to
Speaker 1: know that they can handle that in your relationship and
Speaker 1: handle difficult conversations and blah blah blah. So it's not
Speaker 1: like you're signing up to get married. Yeasant, love is blind,
Speaker 1: Yeah right, we barely know you, but I think he's lucky.
Speaker 3: You'd be lucky to have you. Oh you seem like
Speaker 3: a really good person.
Speaker 6: Thank you.
Speaker 1: I agree.
Speaker 3: What is that on? What can you figure? What's that
Speaker 3: on the side? There is that? That's a screen or puppets?
Speaker 6: It's a ball ross finger puppet.
Speaker 1: That's cue and your finger blast and your finger puppet
Speaker 1: right now, that's a finger blast. You know what that is, John,
Speaker 1: A finger blast?
Speaker 3: That's a Oh yeah, I'm doing it right now to myself.
Speaker 1: Thank you for calling in, Thank you for calling in,
Speaker 1: Thank you for showing us your puppet, thank you for
Speaker 1: dealing with Thank you for dealing with John Ranks. And
Speaker 1: keep posted let us know what happens. Okay, Yeah, totally,
Speaker 1: thank you so much. Love you guys. Yeah, absolutely more.
Speaker 1: Sorry John, but Chelsea, all right, cut off. So I
Speaker 1: just want to finish.
Speaker 3: I think she was gonna say me, how do you
Speaker 3: keep your balls? Or what were you saying? Get your
Speaker 3: I think you're all mixing.
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter. I could do I could do whatever
Speaker 1: I want. It's my podcast.
Speaker 3: If you pray to your balls, is that sack relgious?
Speaker 1: I think I think keeping your balls in order means flying, right,
Speaker 1: flying straight, you know what I mean, I'm doing it
Speaker 1: like you know, I'm always heading north.
Speaker 4: I feel like that conversation would be easier if she's
Speaker 4: just like hooked up with him again.
Speaker 3: I don't know, I could never figure out like being
Speaker 3: friends and all a sudden falling like one has to
Speaker 3: like Kimmel and Molly, like they work together a song
Speaker 3: and all a sudden one day they're in love with
Speaker 3: each other. It's interesting. One has to She's looking at
Speaker 3: me like I'm a fucking.
Speaker 1: No, I'm not. I'm just thinking like it's I mean,
Speaker 1: there are a million ways to fall in love. Sometimes
Speaker 1: it's one person. Sometimes with well, Joe Coy and me,
Speaker 1: I I knew he liked me a lot and had
Speaker 1: a crush on me, so it had to be my idea.
Speaker 1: But every dynamic is different, and it's kind of the
Speaker 1: most respectful thing to do to another person is also
Speaker 1: is be honest, you know, like in a relationship, like
Speaker 1: these are my feelings, so that they know this is
Speaker 1: how I feel. And if you don't feel the same way,
Speaker 1: like okay, we're coming from two different places, and that
Speaker 1: gives them an opportunity to act in kindness and you know,
Speaker 1: respect as well.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and she's gonna hate herself if she doesn't say anything,
Speaker 4: and then he winds up with somebody else, you know,
Speaker 4: and she like didn't get in there when she had
Speaker 4: a chance. Well, our next color. It's a little bit
Speaker 4: of a turn emotionally.
Speaker 1: But I think John's ready for anything.
Speaker 2: I think so.
Speaker 1: I think what you've demonstrated thus far is that you're
Speaker 1: ready for.
Speaker 4: Okay, right, I have to go, Beth says. I'm hoping
Speaker 4: to get your advice on something I think you can
Speaker 4: relate to. It will make sense in the end, I promise.
Speaker 4: When I was seven, my mom got cancer. At ten,
Speaker 4: my dad got cancer, and at fourteen, my mom got
Speaker 4: a different cancer too. I learned that my dad was
Speaker 4: diagnosed with his second cancer. When I was twenty five.
Speaker 4: My mom had to move into assisted living, and the
Speaker 4: next year, my dad's body lost its battle with the disease,
Speaker 4: and my sister and I helped him pass peacefully via hospice.
Speaker 4: Within the last eighteen months, I hit a triple whammy.
Speaker 4: My mom's body lost its battle. I turned thirty and
Speaker 4: ended a seven year relationship with Many people ask how
Speaker 4: I'm so strong, quote unquote, Well, my coping mechanism is humor.
Speaker 4: I often joke about using the dead parent card to
Speaker 4: get what I want, and I turned things into jokes
Speaker 4: in an attempt to help avoid making my friends uncomfortable
Speaker 4: with my grief. I use self deprecation to give people
Speaker 4: an out if my feelings are too real or heavy. Lately,
Speaker 4: I've realized that now nobody takes my emotion seriously anymore.
Speaker 4: The people who love me assume I can handle everything
Speaker 4: that's happened because I'm used to the trauma. This is
Speaker 4: where I'm hoping Chelsea can help. As a fellow strong
Speaker 4: woman who's been through a lot of shit, who has
Speaker 4: a sarcastic sense of humor and uses dead pan tones,
Speaker 4: how do you convey your needs when necessary? Is it
Speaker 4: your time on a voice? Do you do this only
Speaker 4: in therapy and not with your friends? I could really
Speaker 4: use some help to figure out how to re establish
Speaker 4: connections with those that I know want to support me
Speaker 4: without taking my own jokes on the chin.
Speaker 3: Hi, what's her name?
Speaker 1: Beth?
Speaker 3: Beth? Hi? Bet?
Speaker 1: Hi Bet? This is John Hi?
Speaker 3: Bet? You know Saya was the king of that and
Speaker 3: he would make jokes out of you know when you
Speaker 3: know he had a lot of tragedy in his life,
Speaker 3: and yeah, that was his way of getting through grief.
Speaker 3: And it was probably as Beth was dealing with a
Speaker 3: little bit. He was like that. He would use jokes
Speaker 3: when tragedy is strict, and he had a lot in
Speaker 3: his life. We didn't get along in the beginning at all.
Speaker 3: We had different styles and we you know, we were
Speaker 3: like this, but we finally when his sister, you know,
Speaker 3: got slurroderma and she passed away, and Dave's sister had cancer,
Speaker 3: and my sister.
Speaker 1: The chances that all three of your sisters were so sick.
Speaker 3: My sister made it, thank god, but theirs didn't. And
Speaker 3: so he would make jokes about it. And it was
Speaker 3: fun at first, but then it would be come on, Bob,
Speaker 3: you know, but that was his way. It was it
Speaker 3: was his only way out. But he was always there
Speaker 3: for someone like he would do the jokes jokes, but
Speaker 3: probably you are and then he was there. Then he
Speaker 3: became Bob and he was the most reliable guy on
Speaker 3: the planet. I asked him to host my father's funeral
Speaker 3: and he got up and started with tonight specials or
Speaker 3: cake and cock, and we're out of cake and I
Speaker 3: was like okay, and my Mom's like, oh, but we
Speaker 3: needed but that was a time when everybody we just
Speaker 3: needed to laugh and that was great. And then he
Speaker 3: got very serious and then after that he was right
Speaker 3: by my side through all of it. So maybe you
Speaker 3: do that, Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 5: And I feel like a lot of my friends that
Speaker 5: have tragedy in their lives too, you know, they come
Speaker 5: to me because they know that I've experienced it and
Speaker 5: I've made it through it, and I do have copying
Speaker 5: mechanisms that I've used. It's just this particular loss of
Speaker 5: the loss of my mom, you know, just six months ago,
Speaker 5: has hit me harder than everything else. And I think
Speaker 5: that they're just kind of assuming, you know, I'm going
Speaker 5: to stay on the same track that I have always had,
Speaker 5: and it's kind of like this one's different, though, and
Speaker 5: I really need somebody else to be there for me
Speaker 5: the way that I've been there for a lot.
Speaker 1: That you just said it perfectly, and listen, I want
Speaker 1: you to think you're in therapy. You said yes, yes, yes, okay,
Speaker 1: So I want you to think this is a whole
Speaker 1: new chapter in your life. You've lost your mother and
Speaker 1: that's been the biggest blow. But you've had a million blows.
Speaker 1: But that doesn't make that make this blow any less painful.
Speaker 1: Your reaction and deflection with humor. I have used humor
Speaker 1: my entire life for difficult situations. When anybody used to
Speaker 1: say I'm sorry about your brother dying, I would be like, well,
Speaker 1: you didn't kill him, Like what did you do push
Speaker 1: him off a cliff? Like it is so uncomfortable?
Speaker 3: But was that hard because you didn't take it? You
Speaker 3: would try and then when you were lone it did
Speaker 3: it hit you?
Speaker 1: Or well, it hit me many years later. I had
Speaker 1: kind of delayed grief because I wasn't allowed to grieve
Speaker 1: in my in my mind at that time, I didn't
Speaker 1: want to let myself grieve because everyone around me was
Speaker 1: grieving and I didn't like the looks of that. So
Speaker 1: it hit me a lot later in life, like what
Speaker 1: I lost in the impact that that had on me.
Speaker 1: But I think, listen, you have so much experience in
Speaker 1: this that you need to take this like new chapter
Speaker 1: of your life. You're thirty, this is the first time
Speaker 1: you're going into life without your mother. This can be
Speaker 1: a new experience for your grief, and you can easily
Speaker 1: explain in the most art, you know, eloquent way that
Speaker 1: you just did that you have been using humor to
Speaker 1: deflect to the friends that you need. And this is
Speaker 1: a time in my life where I need to be
Speaker 1: honest with you. I actually need to lean on you,
Speaker 1: I actually need help from you. Just because I've had
Speaker 1: a lot of tragedy doesn't mean that I've become anewer
Speaker 1: to it. You know, you can say all of these
Speaker 1: things to people that you trust and know that love you,
Speaker 1: and I guarantee you are going to get responses that
Speaker 1: are going to help you through this time. And you
Speaker 1: can also look at this new chapter in your life
Speaker 1: as the period of time where you're not going to
Speaker 1: deflect your pain anymore. You're not going to use humor
Speaker 1: every chance you get. And to know, the way that
Speaker 1: John just retold the story of Bob, it does make
Speaker 1: people uncomfortable and it makes them unable to understand how
Speaker 1: to communicate with you or how to help you grieve
Speaker 1: when you're constantly making jokes. So it's not even really
Speaker 1: benefiting you in any way anymore. So you know how
Speaker 1: Oprah always says, things work until they don't. Like humor
Speaker 1: has worked for you now and now it doesn't.
Speaker 5: Yeah, And I hadn't even thought about it from their
Speaker 5: perspective that like, if they are really trying to connect,
Speaker 5: because they'll I have wonderful friends and they'll ask me,
Speaker 5: you know, how things are going, or they'll try to
Speaker 5: bring up both of my parents. And I hadn't even
Speaker 5: considered that, you know, that's selfish of me, that you know,
Speaker 5: they might have been genuine in that. I guess I
Speaker 5: had just always assumed, you know, that they were just
Speaker 5: trying to be nice, or that they just wanted to
Speaker 5: acknowledge the giant elephant in the room, that is, you.
Speaker 3: Know, you're denying their friendship to you. They want to help,
Speaker 3: They want to pour their heart out, and when you
Speaker 3: put this wallup of jokes and things, then they go, oh, man,
Speaker 3: that felt bad because they didn't get to help you.
Speaker 6: Right.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I appreciate that I hadn't thought of it that way.
Speaker 5: And I would be frustrated if somebody did that to me.
Speaker 5: And I'm you know, am the friend that would sit
Speaker 5: down and you know, grab their shoulders and say, you know,
Speaker 5: I'm here, talk to me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And sometimes all you just need is you like
Speaker 1: as soon as you break that damn and just let
Speaker 1: them know that you're aware of this cover that you've
Speaker 1: been using. All you need is a good cry, and
Speaker 1: your friends show it's not even that we need so much,
Speaker 1: it's that you've put up this kind of wall around
Speaker 1: yourself and you just need to like let that wall
Speaker 1: crumble down.
Speaker 3: Did you get to spend great time with her at
Speaker 3: the end there, and were you guys close and oh yeah.
Speaker 5: I was her primary caregiver for about six years.
Speaker 1: Oh wow.
Speaker 3: She must have been so proud of you and the
Speaker 3: way you took care of her. That means so much
Speaker 3: to a parent, you know. And she died knowing that
Speaker 3: that you are the great daughter and you took care
Speaker 3: of her and you put other your needs aside for
Speaker 3: hers at least you have. That's that's really sweet, right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's very valuable. Six years. I mean, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I felt that a lot of people, or that every
Speaker 1: person would do something like that, give of themselves in
Speaker 1: that way. So you can also take comfort in knowing
Speaker 1: that you know, you were such a support system to
Speaker 1: your mother. But I think more importantly moving forward, you
Speaker 1: want to create this kind of new way of life,
Speaker 1: right like you're thirty. Now you're a grown up. You
Speaker 1: don't have to deflect anymore. You're allowed to be in pain,
Speaker 1: and the minute you let a little out, it's like
Speaker 1: you're blowing up entire gasket. You don't have to look
Speaker 1: at this as like, oh, you're going to be crying
Speaker 1: on your friend's shoulder every single day, Like it's not
Speaker 1: like that. You know how grief is. It comes in
Speaker 1: spurts and it's not constant. And the minute you get
Speaker 1: those walls down, you're just gonna feel so much more
Speaker 1: support coming at you and so much loving energy coming
Speaker 1: towards you that you've been kind of holding at bay.
Speaker 4: I would encourage you next time that you're feeling down
Speaker 4: or you're feeling really emotional, send a text to a
Speaker 4: friend and say to them, you know what I'm really
Speaker 4: going through it right now? Would you be able to
Speaker 4: come over and talk with me or be with me tonight, tomorrow, whenever.
Speaker 2: Let that be sort of your.
Speaker 4: Entree into opening up to a friend that way. You know,
Speaker 4: you know and they know this isn't like funny, funny
Speaker 4: fun times. This is I'm really dealing with it and
Speaker 4: I really need somebody to like, come be with me
Speaker 4: while I process this grief tonight and your friends are
Speaker 4: going to be thrilled.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I hope.
Speaker 5: So I kind of you know, I had written in
Speaker 5: because I was just of saving it for therapy. And
Speaker 5: you know, I have a great therapist and I have
Speaker 5: a great psychiatrist that helps me with my meds, and
Speaker 5: I trust both of them and I'm really thankful for that.
Speaker 5: But I know that that's not healthy to just you know,
Speaker 5: keep it between myself and the person that I'm paying.
Speaker 3: That's free. We're free.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And friendship is free.
Speaker 3: Friendship is free. I bet you've helped so many of
Speaker 3: your friends right in the past, You've been that, You've
Speaker 3: been that person to them, Let them be that to you.
Speaker 5: Yeah. We have a dead parents club group text.
Speaker 1: Oh I love that.
Speaker 5: From like different friend groups that have lost parents or
Speaker 5: siblings in some cases. So yeah, I've brought a few
Speaker 5: people together in that way. But it just struggled when
Speaker 5: it comes to myself and not deflecting.
Speaker 3: What's one of the great things that your mom bestowed
Speaker 3: on you?
Speaker 5: Oh gosh, everything. I know that that's a cliche answer,
Speaker 5: but she was just spicy and sassy and never apologized
Speaker 5: for being herself. She was super materialistic and like, not
Speaker 5: in a annoying way, but in like, yeah, I'm gonna
Speaker 5: buy nice things I like and deserve nice things. I mean,
Speaker 5: like she demanded that she'd be buried with a full
Speaker 5: manicure and jewelry on and I pick up your outfit
Speaker 5: for her to wear.
Speaker 3: And that's that's beautiful, just even to talk about her,
Speaker 3: because did just that movie Coco. Have you ever seen
Speaker 3: that movie Coco? It's a Disney movie.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry talking about it. You and me, No, Vanessa
Speaker 1: and me.
Speaker 3: She it was you know, when the somebody dies, they
Speaker 3: go up to a certain part of have and then
Speaker 3: if you don't keep their name alive, you don't talk
Speaker 3: about them all the good things they did, like you
Speaker 3: just talked about in the Wonder the qualities of your mother.
Speaker 3: Then they die again up there. So it's important to
Speaker 3: talk tell stories about her, laugh about her and make jokes,
Speaker 3: put pictures of her everywhere, and call into podcasts and
Speaker 3: talk about her if you can.
Speaker 1: Okay up, yeah, wrap that up, honey, Okay, keep us
Speaker 1: You're You're gonna be fine, okay. And this is I
Speaker 1: just want you to when you get off this like
Speaker 1: you're thirty. Now you're going into a new part of
Speaker 1: your life. Those old things are going to become something
Speaker 1: of the past, and now you're going to enter adulthood
Speaker 1: and womanhood and you're going to be the woman that
Speaker 1: your mother knew that you were and that you know
Speaker 1: you are. I appreciate that.
Speaker 5: Thank you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, love you, love you, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 3: I am woman. Can you be my friend? Because I
Speaker 3: betually all the friends call you and go, hey, this
Speaker 3: and that you're really good at it. Now I know
Speaker 3: why you have this show.
Speaker 2: She's good at advice.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 3: Thank you, guys, because you've lived so much asot it.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I like people and I'm interested in
Speaker 1: everyone's story, so I pick up a lot of information.
Speaker 1: I think maybe that's why. But sometimes I feel like
Speaker 1: I don't know what I'm talking about it, and sometimes I
Speaker 1: feel like I do. So that's just like everybody in life, right.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you think you're like crushing it, and sometimes you're
Speaker 1: like what the fuck am I doing to giving advice out?
Speaker 1: So you know, I just don't take myself too seriously,
Speaker 1: so it doesn't ever really become a problem.
Speaker 3: Or you're a good friend. I bet. Well, you talk
Speaker 3: about your friends luck, you take them on vacations.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well I like friends, John Stamos. Yes, the book
Speaker 1: is if you would have told me you guys can
Speaker 1: order it. You can go to your local bookstores, which
Speaker 1: I would say to support your local bookstores so that
Speaker 1: we have bookstores in fifty years. And I thank you
Speaker 1: for being here.
Speaker 3: My pleasure. I'm glad.
Speaker 1: It's a pleasure, John Stamos, always a pleasure.
Speaker 3: So it's not enough. We need to get together more
Speaker 3: often and talk and stuff.
Speaker 1: Well, we can just meet up at Disney World. I'm
Speaker 1: there usually two three times a week. I usually go
Speaker 1: from twelve to four Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. I love
Speaker 1: to hit the La traffic.
Speaker 3: You're the one who Mickey Mouse out.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, that's not me. That's not me. But
Speaker 1: I do have a joke in my stand up about
Speaker 1: going to Disney World for the first time at seven,
Speaker 1: and even then I knew it was horseshit. Why because
Speaker 1: I just thought, what is this? This is a nightmare,
Speaker 1: this place, A bunch of grown mice running around trying
Speaker 1: to take photos with me.
Speaker 3: And people say she's bitter. Now you're not. You've changed,
Speaker 3: You've gotten soft, that's bitter. Yeah, except for that Disney rand.
Speaker 3: I'm a huge fan and I think you're smart and
Speaker 3: beautiful and great, and I'm glad to reconnect with you
Speaker 3: because i haven't seen you a few years. And Catherine's fantastic.
Speaker 3: She's like, you need her because I've heard you on
Speaker 3: your own And thanks for having me. I love you.
Speaker 1: Thank you, John about Shalloe. Okay, second shows have been
Speaker 1: added for those of you coming to see my new
Speaker 1: stand up tour, which you have to come because I'm
Speaker 1: having the best time. We added a second show in
Speaker 1: Cincinnati in the daytime at five o'clock PM. I'm doing
Speaker 1: my first show because I don't have a night where
Speaker 1: I can go back, so we added a second show
Speaker 1: at five pm, and the original show is at eight pm.
Speaker 1: Original show is sold out. Second show tickets are available Cincinnati.
Speaker 1: I'm also coming suit Chicago, the Chicago Theater, Portland, Oregon,
Speaker 1: San Francisco. They're both almost completely sold out. And you
Speaker 1: can go to Chelsea Hamler dot com for other tickets
Speaker 1: and other information and if you want to buy some
Speaker 1: of our merch that's all available on Chelseahandler dot com.
Speaker 1: And yeah, guys, I'll see you on the road.
Speaker 4: If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email
Speaker 4: at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and be
Speaker 4: sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited
Speaker 4: and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine Law and
Speaker 4: be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot
Speaker 4: com