Speaker 1: Let's do this wind down with Jannet Kramer and I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio Podcast Eastern. Are you still on a high
Speaker 1: from our jam session? Yeah, he's ready to sing the
Speaker 1: rest of the Settlers. Yeah, I got the book. Yeah,
Speaker 1: east and I had a ready so ready, you better
Speaker 1: watch out. He's going to jump up on stage at
Speaker 1: the farm. I'm counting on that. Wheyars um. Yeah. Last
Speaker 1: week Easton and I sang a little duet together. It
Speaker 1: was a lot of fun. So Michael and I just
Speaker 1: got back from Virginia. His dad celebrated thirty three, thirty
Speaker 1: two years in the fire department, Fire department. He was incredible.
Speaker 1: Just I know, I can't stop. I was going to
Speaker 1: stay like it's like what you need a tissue to like,
Speaker 1: because it's gonna start bleeding. No, I just I can't.
Speaker 1: I cannot handle this crater pimple creater pimple that I have.
Speaker 1: So we woke up super early and Michael is like,
Speaker 1: I don't He's you're like struggling today, Yeah, because I
Speaker 1: only slept like three hours. The bed that we're staying
Speaker 1: at my parents house kind of sinks into the middle.
Speaker 1: It's like literally grabbing on the side of each edge
Speaker 1: of the bed, and so a couple of the nights
Speaker 1: I just kind of got up. I was like, all right,
Speaker 1: this ain't gonna work. You have my pregnant wife the bed,
Speaker 1: and I'll go sep, is it your childhood bed? No,
Speaker 1: it's not. My brother sleeps in that one. Now, wow,
Speaker 1: it's your childhood home. Um, I moved there when I
Speaker 1: was going in junior in high school. So yes, and no,
Speaker 1: I grew up in a different house, but that one's
Speaker 1: still long enough. We had a lot of fun that
Speaker 1: we surprised his dad and so he had no idea
Speaker 1: that we're coming. So it was really sweet. And I
Speaker 1: even did like I even posted a photo of us
Speaker 1: in l A to try to like throw him off,
Speaker 1: and then he he everything just worked out perfect. He
Speaker 1: like just got, oh my god, here piece of six
Speaker 1: stock on your forehead now, like right, he got home
Speaker 1: like two minutes before we pulled in the driveway. I mean,
Speaker 1: it was perfect, and he just looked at Jolie. Jolie
Speaker 1: right knocked on the door. It was so cute that
Speaker 1: it was really fun, and he was, Yeah, he was
Speaker 1: a fire chief, so he had a long, great career,
Speaker 1: So what's he going to do now. I mean, after
Speaker 1: being in such like an adventurous career for so long,
Speaker 1: what's not he doesn't have the personality to sit at home.
Speaker 1: He's got things in the work that he's going to
Speaker 1: work for the state. I know. And then I was like,
Speaker 1: why are we here that you're really not retiring, You're
Speaker 1: going to go back to work. He's like, wow, so
Speaker 1: it was good. So that was that. That was good.
Speaker 1: We're traveling. We don't feel like doing life today. He's like,
Speaker 1: I don't feel like being a dad. I don't feel
Speaker 1: like being a husband today. I don't feel like being
Speaker 1: I know. Oh my god, I'm just staring. He sorry,
Speaker 1: I know. So to re app last week, I have
Speaker 1: not heard from the friend. I probably won't hear from
Speaker 1: the friend. That's fine. Yeah, with Michael and I talked
Speaker 1: about it. It makes me sad, he knows I'm sad
Speaker 1: about it. Yeah, you'll grow through it. I heard from
Speaker 1: one of my friends that's like a weird not friend anymore,
Speaker 1: but not enemies, and she just sent a random text.
Speaker 1: So I write right back to like engage at well.
Speaker 1: I was even telling um, Sarah, actually we're going to
Speaker 1: pick up Jolie from preschool and I was looking back
Speaker 1: at my text messages and she was like congrats in
Speaker 1: your pregnancy, and I said thank you, but nothing after that,
Speaker 1: Like wouldn't you, like like any other of my friends
Speaker 1: would have been like are you so excited? How are
Speaker 1: you feeling? Like when the baby dad? It was like
Speaker 1: literally that was it. And so I was like, you
Speaker 1: know what, And I deleted the text message because I
Speaker 1: was just like, there you go. You're already moving on.
Speaker 1: I know. It's sad though, And my friend Leslie text
Speaker 1: in this morning she said that she was you know,
Speaker 1: she listened to it. She's like, you seem sad, and
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm I'm bummed, right, you know, well, no,
Speaker 1: it's it's always heartbreaking when you have a long time
Speaker 1: friend that you know you're going to have to split weights,
Speaker 1: but you're going to have to agrieve it. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: you have a lot of great friends in your life.
Speaker 1: So what about you beb do you if you ever
Speaker 1: had that you kind of talked about a little bit.
Speaker 1: I kind of have one too, where you know, friends
Speaker 1: for a long time and you know, I don't know,
Speaker 1: just time goes on in life goes only go in
Speaker 1: different directions. And sometimes it becomes one sided and you
Speaker 1: find yourself just having the same conversations. It's not really
Speaker 1: going anywhere, it's not getting any deeper. What has this been?
Speaker 1: You know, you were at the age now where it's
Speaker 1: quality of a quantity. Absolutely with the especially when you
Speaker 1: start having kids and family, your time is limited, so
Speaker 1: you don't have all this time to stay in touch
Speaker 1: with all these friends, you know when they live you know,
Speaker 1: different places, is tough. But I know for Jamas situation
Speaker 1: that was kind of there's some writing in the wall there.
Speaker 1: It started to become one sided there for a few
Speaker 1: years where it's really just take take, take, take take
Speaker 1: by her um and a lot of gift by Janna,
Speaker 1: and that wasn't reciprocated. So yeah, that's exhausting. Yeah that's
Speaker 1: a vampire. Yeah really, I know. I'm sorry. And then
Speaker 1: we can't talk about um my sister in law. It's
Speaker 1: just we can't. It's too bad and it's too much
Speaker 1: of a like it wouldn't be good. How would you
Speaker 1: best describe it, Michael, I'll tell you. I want you
Speaker 1: to be sued and not me. All you have to say.
Speaker 1: I learned a long time ago that fire is hot
Speaker 1: and I shouldn't touch it. It seems like it's blazing
Speaker 1: right now. Yeah, there's no reason to walk over hot cool. No,
Speaker 1: so we're gonna just we're gonna let that one rest
Speaker 1: and peace and peace because just sometimes you just gotta
Speaker 1: just take the highway anything. Yeah. Absolutely, it's it's narcissism,
Speaker 1: and it's got to the point where saying anything is
Speaker 1: literally a waste of breath. There's no logic or reasoning
Speaker 1: in any way, shape or form. Even if you try
Speaker 1: to be empathetic or understanding or validate the feelings, it
Speaker 1: wouldn't matter. It would not matter. So it's just like, Okay,
Speaker 1: that person is going to be that person and we're
Speaker 1: not going to let it affect us exactly. It's another
Speaker 1: situation where you just have to move on. It's just
Speaker 1: so hard for me because like Michael and I want
Speaker 1: to be in like our therapist setting, like we were
Speaker 1: talked about it's like, I mean, what if we like
Speaker 1: sat her down. It was like, so, you know, how
Speaker 1: does it how you feel, like what's going on with
Speaker 1: your world? Like how do you interpret this? And we
Speaker 1: just we can see the outcome of this situation. Her
Speaker 1: just her just still not understanding and just going on
Speaker 1: because I feel like, what's the thing, and that's it's
Speaker 1: like they'll they'll only see their side, and it's like,
Speaker 1: do you even want to waste your breath on that?
Speaker 1: Absolutely not why you want to sit there. But it's
Speaker 1: so frustrating. It's it's erupting. It's just frustrating. It is, Okay,
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Speaker 1: dot Com slash Jana sugar bear Hair dot Com slash Janna. Welcome, Dr.
Speaker 1: Thank you. I walked in at the right time. We're
Speaker 1: talking about narcissism. I know, I know, well, in New
Speaker 1: York we run across a lot of those times. Do
Speaker 1: you live in you? I do live in New York. Awesome,
Speaker 1: We'll welcome to beautiful so happy to be here. When
Speaker 1: did you get in Friday? Friday afternoon? I love it?
Speaker 1: Are you here for work? Work? All sorts of stuff? Nice?
Speaker 1: So um, honey, I know, I know you're here and
Speaker 1: I love you. But we're gonna talk about some of
Speaker 1: vaginas a little bit. Do you know guy stuff too?
Speaker 1: Or is it just I know some guy stuff? Like
Speaker 1: what would you say, specialized in the guy realm? I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm a gastroentrologist and interns. But through my g I work,
Speaker 1: I deal with men, women and all their complaints in
Speaker 1: the behind area. So the buttle, yes, that that. Well, No,
Speaker 1: I mean guy to have issues there just as much
Speaker 1: as women do. So I deal with it all. Have
Speaker 1: you ever had a hemorrhoid? No? Never? How you know what,
Speaker 1: women get a much more because when we have babies
Speaker 1: and we're carrying all that pressure in the area women,
Speaker 1: it's much more common in women. So I had my
Speaker 1: first hemorrhoid when I was pregnant with my daughter Jolie,
Speaker 1: and I literally had to stick my finger up my
Speaker 1: butt like to push the hemorrhoid back. It happens, didn't
Speaker 1: go through that, You didn't. It's miserable you didn't get hemorhids.
Speaker 1: But I don't have it with this pregnancy though. I
Speaker 1: have now a hernia. It's called an inguinal hernia inguino,
Speaker 1: that's what I called it. Inguino. You don't know what
Speaker 1: you're talking about. That's in the urban dictionary. So like,
Speaker 1: what can I just ask you a question about that?
Speaker 1: Because so my doctor basically said that I can't have
Speaker 1: surgery on it until unless it twists. Should be then
Speaker 1: life threatening and you'd have to have surgery. So what
Speaker 1: what should I not do to not have it twist?
Speaker 1: And when will I know if it twists? Well, Okay,
Speaker 1: So basically what a hernia is is where part of
Speaker 1: your intestine is kind of protruding through a little hole
Speaker 1: or defect in the muscle. Yeah, so I've an intestine
Speaker 1: all the way down to my vagina. Yeah, You're intestine
Speaker 1: actually passes all through that entire area. So basically, what
Speaker 1: can you prevent it? Part of it is unpredictable. We
Speaker 1: don't know when that might happen. But you also want
Speaker 1: to avoid like straining a lot carrying very heavy things,
Speaker 1: which if you're pregnant you probably shouldn't be doing anyway.
Speaker 1: But you know, I think where I got it from.
Speaker 1: Those started, Michael, when we were moving out of our
Speaker 1: Nashville house. That is when it started to hurt because
Speaker 1: I was lifting all those heavy boxes. Had laughs. I know,
Speaker 1: I was pregnant and I was lifting all those boxes
Speaker 1: and we're moving like heavy heavy stuff. Yeah, so that's
Speaker 1: probably why I can't where it came from. And in
Speaker 1: terms of how would you know if it is getting
Speaker 1: what we call strangulated or twisted in a dangerous way.
Speaker 1: It hurts, So sitting down here, I'm like, I mean,
Speaker 1: like they like, it hurts so bad, So it's going
Speaker 1: to get severe paint. Not necessarily Um, with the pregnancy, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, as there's more pressure there, it could be.
Speaker 1: But also once you finish your pregnancy, it might get
Speaker 1: a lot better. So I think it's like reassess after
Speaker 1: you deliver, but most likely have a surgery. It probably
Speaker 1: makes sense to do that, yeah, because you don't want
Speaker 1: to have this kind of ticking time bomb for am
Speaker 1: I allowed to still work out? Um? I mean I
Speaker 1: don't know what's going on with your pregnancy and all that.
Speaker 1: So I've been so fine being able. If my doctor
Speaker 1: was you know, he was just like I just don't
Speaker 1: want you to like lifting heavy weight because he doesn't
Speaker 1: know like whether he's like, well you need to talk
Speaker 1: to a surgeon about whether you can work out. But pregnancy,
Speaker 1: I've been healthy, yeah, I mean, like aerobic type stuff
Speaker 1: is fine. I wouldn't do weight bearing exercises that affect
Speaker 1: that area, pulling on that because it hurts, and I'm
Speaker 1: always like, honey, my heurne out like I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm like eighty years old, but I heard and it
Speaker 1: gets like super So, I mean it's like a baseball
Speaker 1: down there and you haven't seen a surgeon yet because
Speaker 1: it's just because, well, just because this one. I always
Speaker 1: tell people who may need surgery for something is go
Speaker 1: see a surgeon, have a conversation, because what you don't
Speaker 1: want to do is three am on a Saturday night,
Speaker 1: have an emergency and have to call the random person
Speaker 1: who's on calling the r who we have no relationship with.
Speaker 1: So I think it's always good to establish that relationship.
Speaker 1: I tell people of gallstones who aren't necessarily ready to
Speaker 1: get the actual surgery, meet with someone having, like, you know,
Speaker 1: a relationship, so that if God forbid, something does happen
Speaker 1: that you do need something done, even before you deliver,
Speaker 1: you have the person in place. So if I tell
Speaker 1: my husband because I'm kind of a hypochondract where like
Speaker 1: we were in Park City, I'm a hypochondract, I freak
Speaker 1: out really fast. I get like I get superum. For example,
Speaker 1: we were in Park City for his birthday and I
Speaker 1: had a rash on my face. I've never gotten a
Speaker 1: rash on my face, and I'm like, I can't breathe,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna die, like and then yeah, and then I
Speaker 1: thought like my lungs were closing up. He's like, you're fine.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, nine one one, right, now and he's like,
Speaker 1: you're fine. I was like, oh my god, not listening
Speaker 1: to me. I'm having an anxiety attack. And he's like,
Speaker 1: you need to breathe and I'm like and I was
Speaker 1: so angry and for not calling that on one. Eventually
Speaker 1: I was like I can't breathe where I could totally
Speaker 1: breathe bag because when when the nine one did come,
Speaker 1: they're like, you have like oxygen, check it again, and
Speaker 1: mind you it's about eight firemen that come walking in,
Speaker 1: paramedics that look like they're on the calendar. She was
Speaker 1: doing good looking guys. I was like, they're like, what's wrong.
Speaker 1: I was like, I have a rash on my face
Speaker 1: or like we don't see anything. I'm like, this is
Speaker 1: a rash to me, it's but it's like spread like crazy.
Speaker 1: But anyways, so if I tell my husband like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm in a lot of pain in the hernia, like
Speaker 1: he needs to take that serious. Yeah, because it's a
Speaker 1: life threatening can become a serious emergency. Yeah, what about
Speaker 1: Nanna's hypochondria, what's like your best advice on that? Because
Speaker 1: it's hard, you know, I mean you have always like
Speaker 1: this morning, my feet hurt. So I decided answering my foot. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I was like, I have this is the end. Like
Speaker 1: I just was like, oh shoot, like can I can
Speaker 1: we just get to line already? You know. Part of
Speaker 1: the problem is these days with the Internet, I think
Speaker 1: hypochondria has exploded because you can have a little cough
Speaker 1: and then you look it up and you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I have lung cancer obviously you know so, and you
Speaker 1: can just find all this information. So I definitely tell
Speaker 1: my patients and even my friends like all of that
Speaker 1: kind of information. If you are someone who tends to
Speaker 1: get anxious, ignore it, like, don't even look at the Internet,
Speaker 1: because you will drive yourself crazy. If you're someone who
Speaker 1: needs to look, just remember that all of those things,
Speaker 1: or let's say the majority of those things haven't necessarily
Speaker 1: been vetted by a doctor or a medical professional. And
Speaker 1: it's also very individual. So one person may say I
Speaker 1: took X Y Z medicine and I got a horrible reaction,
Speaker 1: But that doesn't mean that the other people who take
Speaker 1: it don't do fine. You know. Like so I always say,
Speaker 1: when you're reading that information, process it within the context
Speaker 1: of a conversation with your doctor. So if you see
Speaker 1: something internet, hopefully you have a good relationship with your doctor.
Speaker 1: Obviously you're not seeing them every week, but you want
Speaker 1: to discuss Okay, there you go, but before you believe
Speaker 1: anything you see on the internet, discussed it with someone
Speaker 1: who actually knows what they're doing. We are oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, there's like a little bump on my
Speaker 1: arm that's been there for eight months. I'm like, whatever,
Speaker 1: it's just something. Everybody's like, you need to go want
Speaker 1: to get that check right. I mean, the flip side
Speaker 1: is also not great. You don't ignore things. Um, so
Speaker 1: there's a happy medium there. But I also think it's
Speaker 1: funny that people there are people who are so you know,
Speaker 1: obsessed with like every little rash or this and that,
Speaker 1: and yet they eat terribly, they don't exercise, like they're
Speaker 1: not doing the things that actually will keep them healthy.
Speaker 1: And if you focus all that energy on that kind
Speaker 1: of behaviors, chances are you're gonna be great and be
Speaker 1: very happy whenever. Like, because we're hypochondriacs, So my dad
Speaker 1: told me whenever I have an ailment that I'm required
Speaker 1: to wait three weeks before I'm allowed to worry about
Speaker 1: it because I would be like because it goes away
Speaker 1: like the feet thing is already gone, like that was
Speaker 1: this morning, the footing. The footing was this morning and
Speaker 1: last night a little it's gone. And like I have
Speaker 1: the scar and I'm convinced that like the thing they
Speaker 1: removed is coming back, like I just right three years. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I just can go crazy. I mean, I will say that.
Speaker 1: With the hernia thing though, you you were mad that
Speaker 1: I hadn't checked on it because it's been like two months.
Speaker 1: But I thought it was cancer. That's why, because it
Speaker 1: kept growing and I was like, it's a lump. I
Speaker 1: have cancer. And it's interesting because you thought it was
Speaker 1: something terrible and for that reason you didn't go Yeah,
Speaker 1: And that's like I have patience like that, And sadly
Speaker 1: sometimes I will I do colonoscar Bey's all the time.
Speaker 1: I'll find cancers and sometimes people have no symptoms and
Speaker 1: they have no idea. But there are other times where
Speaker 1: people had symptoms and they were so scared about getting
Speaker 1: that diagnosis that they delayed going to the doctor. And
Speaker 1: when it comes to some like cancer, time is so important,
Speaker 1: especially exactly, but there's something you can't touch, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean there's some cancers addict. I was just gonna
Speaker 1: say you just have the stomachache and then you're done. Yeah, unfortunately, um,
Speaker 1: and not everyone. But it doesn't have great survival race. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it doesn't cause symptoms until it's quite advanced, which is
Speaker 1: which is so what can you do in that situation? Well,
Speaker 1: there's not mine. I mean, even if you have a
Speaker 1: family history of pancreatic cancer, there is really still no
Speaker 1: screening test for it, unfortunately, because again, like it doesn't
Speaker 1: really manifest even on a cat scan until it's fairly significant.
Speaker 1: Sometimes catch it if they're in there for something else
Speaker 1: and do the whipple, because I'd watch a ton of
Speaker 1: grason at right. Well, whipple is an absolutely massive, massive
Speaker 1: surgery that, like you know, you're getting for another very
Speaker 1: serious problem. Colon oscarpy is mostly from men. No, I'm
Speaker 1: so glad you brought that up, because I need to
Speaker 1: get a colonoscopy soon. No women are. She did because
Speaker 1: her husband passed away from colon cancer. Women and men
Speaker 1: have the exact same risk of colon cancer. It is
Speaker 1: the third cancer killer from men and women, and we're
Speaker 1: all supposed to get it. We used to say age fifty.
Speaker 1: Just about a month ago they changed the recommendation to
Speaker 1: forty five. So yeah, I'm forty six, So I definitely
Speaker 1: fell into that. I didn't think I needed it. I
Speaker 1: literally thought it was just for men because Uncle Roy
Speaker 1: when got his done, and so I just thought it
Speaker 1: was like for dudes. And I've never heard like my
Speaker 1: mom get one? She should do your parents get a colonoscopy?
Speaker 1: I know my dad has. Yes, See why is it
Speaker 1: like maybe just I don't know, maybe it's just one
Speaker 1: of those things that I get a colonic Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: totally different, totally different. And what's the deal with mammograms
Speaker 1: to what age are we supposed to do that? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Well okay, first, why did they lower it for colonoscopies?
Speaker 1: We are seeing a trend of colon cancer occurring in
Speaker 1: younger people these days. Interesting, not exactly clear why. It
Speaker 1: may actually have to do with food, processed foods that
Speaker 1: were those to also lack of exercise. Um so when
Speaker 1: you know, fifty used to make sense, but we were
Speaker 1: seeing more and more younger people, so it was, you know,
Speaker 1: established by societies that we should to make an appointment
Speaker 1: in June. There you go. Oh my god. Mammograms is
Speaker 1: a very marking issue. Yeah, in terms of when to
Speaker 1: get a mammogram. UM. The guidelines keep changing, you know,
Speaker 1: guyde colleges feel differently than breast cancer surgeons who do
Speaker 1: feel differently than in the American Cancer Society. I generally
Speaker 1: still think forty is at the right time for women
Speaker 1: to have at least a baseline mammogram. So Dr Rush,
Speaker 1: can we give a little p s A about your
Speaker 1: first mammogram because I got totally freaked out the first
Speaker 1: time I went, because they called me a few days
Speaker 1: later and all they said was we need for you
Speaker 1: to come back in. They didn't say, oh, because this
Speaker 1: is your first one, your breast might be more dense
Speaker 1: that we have nothing to go off of. They just said,
Speaker 1: we see something you need to come back in. So
Speaker 1: for like three days, why don't they tell you like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm really sorry, but you know, we need
Speaker 1: you to come back in. But it's only because you know,
Speaker 1: you might be a little more and we don't have
Speaker 1: anything to go off of. Yeah, no they should. I
Speaker 1: mean where I get mine UM, and I also have
Speaker 1: dense breasts, so every time I go they need additional views.
Speaker 1: I mean luckily they do it right there. Like the
Speaker 1: doctor will look at it and say Okay, no, we
Speaker 1: need to take more um. But yeah, even for those
Speaker 1: five minutes, it's like nerve wracking because you're like, why,
Speaker 1: why do you need to take more. It's a very
Speaker 1: routine part of a mammogram, so women shouldn't be alarmed
Speaker 1: when that happens. Of course, that's easier than done, and
Speaker 1: it's a scary kind of phone call to get. But yeah,
Speaker 1: depending on kind of the density of your breast, it's
Speaker 1: harder to see things that something might look like something
Speaker 1: cancers when it's really not. They just need to take
Speaker 1: different angles for your first one. Just remember if they
Speaker 1: call you back. My girlfriend just had something like that
Speaker 1: happened where and then there. Then she asked those cancer
Speaker 1: the doctors like, I don't know, and they had to
Speaker 1: take a thing, but it was just her lymph nodes
Speaker 1: on both sides just had to But it was you
Speaker 1: say a prayer. I'm like, oh my God, like why
Speaker 1: is this happening? And they made an ultrasound as well,
Speaker 1: like untually get ultrasounds. Now I don't node in college
Speaker 1: behind my right nipple. Are you serious, asked my trainers,
Speaker 1: and they kind of gave me one of those. Uh,
Speaker 1: he's probably gonna get that checked out. Can men get
Speaker 1: breast cancer? They can. It's rare, but they absolutely can.
Speaker 1: And if they have a family history breast cancer, meaning
Speaker 1: a female relative, they're at higher risk for it. Well,
Speaker 1: my grandma, but there's more lung cancer that got hurt.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, did she smoke? Yeah she did, but
Speaker 1: she had breast but then it went to her lungs.
Speaker 1: But anyways, I almost died. You didn't realize contribute to
Speaker 1: the breast. But you always you always say you have
Speaker 1: lumps places though, like you show me things all the time.
Speaker 1: You're like looking behind it, behind your ear. There's one.
Speaker 1: It's just limplanes just kind of flare up whenever, or
Speaker 1: can when you have an infection or and you might
Speaker 1: even realize that you have a little virus, you know,
Speaker 1: and that can make your limp node swell up. But
Speaker 1: if it's permanently swelling or certainly getting bigger, you definitely
Speaker 1: want to talk to you. What do you think about
Speaker 1: boob jobs? Then? What do I think about them? Like?
Speaker 1: Do you think it's do you think it's do you
Speaker 1: think it's not good? Because of what? I don't think it.
Speaker 1: I don't think it. It poses a medical risk in
Speaker 1: terms of like breast cancer or anything like that. Um,
Speaker 1: I think it's a very major surgery, so I don't
Speaker 1: think anyone should just take it lightly. And with any surgery,
Speaker 1: you know, you can have a risk of infection and
Speaker 1: things going wrong and dying from anesthesia. You know, like
Speaker 1: these things can happen, so it should be a very
Speaker 1: careful decision. I feel like I've gone down so many
Speaker 1: times from anesthesia, Like it's like my skittles, Like I
Speaker 1: don't have my gall butter on my appendic tent. You know,
Speaker 1: I feel like I've gone down a lot. Do they
Speaker 1: even give you anaesthesia and romanium when you go It's
Speaker 1: a long story, but so okay, So I don't have
Speaker 1: my gall bladder independix? What is that doing? Is that bad? No? Well,
Speaker 1: losing your and by the way, the thing with the
Speaker 1: breast surgery, um, you know most of them you have
Speaker 1: to do. I think all of them replace it every
Speaker 1: ten years, every twelve years. So it's another thing just
Speaker 1: to think about another surgery when you're ten years older.
Speaker 1: You may not be as healthy, but now they can
Speaker 1: put that in there, yes, then they're not as round them.
Speaker 1: When did you lose your appendix. That's another one of
Speaker 1: my hypochondria years. I actually googled the other day most
Speaker 1: common age for appendicitis and I'm out of the way right. Well,
Speaker 1: I mean appendicitis because they could come out like any
Speaker 1: age though cana the Well, my story is a little
Speaker 1: different because I was nineteen in Romania. I was shooting
Speaker 1: a horror film and I kept having like really bad
Speaker 1: pains down there. Um, and so when one of the
Speaker 1: night shoots, my leg went numb and they rushed me
Speaker 1: the hospital and they said my appendix was a plane
Speaker 1: that they had to take my appendix out. Well, really,
Speaker 1: it was never my penis that was the problem. It
Speaker 1: was my gall bladder. I was passing stones, so they
Speaker 1: took out. So they took out like they took out
Speaker 1: my appendics didn't even need to. And then, um, I
Speaker 1: had long story short, I had to get flow like
Speaker 1: flown back to the States and then within twenty four
Speaker 1: to take my gall bladder. I was. My pancreas was
Speaker 1: so messed up and pneumonia, it was a whole like
Speaker 1: it was crazy. I know, it's really bad. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: the real life version will be a lifetime in twenty years. Um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: your appendix luckily doesn't do anything really, so you don't
Speaker 1: need it. Then why did God put it in our body?
Speaker 1: We're not sure. It's called a vestigial organ, meaning at
Speaker 1: some point it probably had a purpose um evolutionarily, for
Speaker 1: whatever reason, we kind of outgrew its purpose, but it's
Speaker 1: still there um and really at this point only it
Speaker 1: does contain some immune cells, but you have plenty of others,
Speaker 1: so you don't really need it. And then what about
Speaker 1: the gall bladder? Now, yeah, you know it does contain bile,
Speaker 1: which helps you digest fat and things like that. So
Speaker 1: sometimes people who lose their gall bladder may not process
Speaker 1: fat as well, they may get diarhe a little bit more.
Speaker 1: But now, like in real fast going number one or
Speaker 1: number two because the same amount of time, how can bathroom? Honey?
Speaker 1: Do you have any questions on why your swings left
Speaker 1: or right or anything like that. I don't any any
Speaker 1: of vagina questions or anything I do. Uh, what about testosterone? Like,
Speaker 1: do you think that's something that guys should get checked?
Speaker 1: Is it something? Yeah? You know I found this in
Speaker 1: New York to be this craze now, especially with like
Speaker 1: Wall Street guys and everyone's taking testosterone or feel like
Speaker 1: they have a testosterone, and I think it's sorry, I
Speaker 1: don't know that. So testosterone is a male hormone. U, yeah,
Speaker 1: we have estrogen. Men have testosterone, But why would you
Speaker 1: want more of it to make you stronger, able to
Speaker 1: look more ways, able to sexually perform better, more frequently,
Speaker 1: whatever it is. But the truth is, too much testosterone
Speaker 1: can actually harm your body and your heart. Um, So
Speaker 1: it's not something you should just take without real life,
Speaker 1: you know, checking whether you were actually deficient or not.
Speaker 1: So some testosterone is normal to decline a bit as
Speaker 1: a man ages um, but before getting any sort of
Speaker 1: supplement or injection, you really should check the level with
Speaker 1: a reputable doctor because there are some you know kind
Speaker 1: of doctors will just give it to anybody. I know
Speaker 1: a guy that gets uh, like pellets like tesac and
Speaker 1: like pellets injected his but and that's like the newest
Speaker 1: thing I heard of it. Yeah, yea yeah, not not
Speaker 1: the whole or nothing, but right right, right, yeah. So
Speaker 1: it's just interesting because I, like you're saying, I've heard
Speaker 1: more about this, like guys taking I'm taking to and
Speaker 1: I'm doing this undering that I'm like no, and like
Speaker 1: human growth hormone is like another thing that's sort of
Speaker 1: being used in a similar way. But again, like all
Speaker 1: of these things, you know, even if you can buy
Speaker 1: something without a prescription or whatever, that doesn't mean it
Speaker 1: can't harm your body in a significant one botox does.
Speaker 1: Is that harming me? No, it shouldn't. It really shouldn't.
Speaker 1: I mean there's a few people who might have that
Speaker 1: random you know, one and ten thou reaction where they
Speaker 1: d b I. Yeah, they get you know, a Drew
Speaker 1: b I or whatever. But for the most part, it's
Speaker 1: it's safe. It's very superficial. Why do people say, well,
Speaker 1: it's a whatever, it's poisons it is, And I mean
Speaker 1: the way it works is it paralyzes um the muscles
Speaker 1: of your face. So you can imagine if you injected
Speaker 1: botox into your heart and it paralyzed your heart, you
Speaker 1: would die, you know. But it's not getting to there.
Speaker 1: It's it's such a superficial injection. So what about the
Speaker 1: other fillers. There's this new one sculpture that they are
Speaker 1: injecting eight vials in each like butt cheek, and it
Speaker 1: helps build collagen instead of having the Brazilian butt lift,
Speaker 1: and it lifts up the button builds collagen have you.
Speaker 1: I don't know it um in particular. Again, I my
Speaker 1: thing with cosmetic injections. I always I have a couple
Speaker 1: of very good friends from med school for dermatologists, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, go to a dermatologist, you know, don't across
Speaker 1: the hall. Yeah, that's what I did this weekend. I
Speaker 1: had that injected. How does it feel? I don't know,
Speaker 1: We'll see. I don't understand why people like I don't.
Speaker 1: I just understand that, like why, like why do you
Speaker 1: want the kardash Ham But I don't want the kardashi Ham?
Speaker 1: But I just want Fine, you asked about it after
Speaker 1: you already did. I'm asking for a friend. I do
Speaker 1: not want Kardashian, but I just I'm going to be
Speaker 1: forty five in June. How do I get rid of cellulate?
Speaker 1: I don't have. I don't have any for anyone listening,
Speaker 1: but just for some reason, you can't, can Yeah? I
Speaker 1: mean so you know what cellulated is, right, It's those
Speaker 1: those fibrous bands of tissue that kind of cut across
Speaker 1: the fat and give you that dimpling appearance to your skin.
Speaker 1: So it's it's hard. I mean, there's anything that claims
Speaker 1: to really get rid of it is really only going
Speaker 1: to maybe temporarily reduce the appearance of it. So there's
Speaker 1: some kind of caffeine based creams that can do that. Um,
Speaker 1: But it's really just for for some reason, certain people
Speaker 1: are more predisposed to get cellulate than others. But you know,
Speaker 1: toning exercises, losing weight can help a bit, um, but
Speaker 1: unfortunately it's kind of genetic. Why did you go into career? Yeah, um,
Speaker 1: I in med school. I loved like surgery. I love
Speaker 1: being able to look inside someone and immediately see a problem.
Speaker 1: I think I'm kind of a little bit of an
Speaker 1: impatient person, like I like to see the issue and
Speaker 1: fix it. But I didn't love the surgeon kind of
Speaker 1: lifestyle of you see a patient once, you may never
Speaker 1: see them again, or you'll see them like one time
Speaker 1: after to check their wound and then they're done. So
Speaker 1: in gas from geology, I kind of get to do both.
Speaker 1: I do these mini procedures colin ascopies and ascopies where
Speaker 1: I can actually go in remove a polyp, you know,
Speaker 1: biopsy of cancer, fix a bleeding ulcer, you know, kind
Speaker 1: of the exciting stuff. But then I also have to
Speaker 1: me exciting. I love it. You have such passion for
Speaker 1: you to I do the days of doing procedures. It's
Speaker 1: like I'm not working. I just enjoy it so much.
Speaker 1: But then I have those long term patients with Crohn's
Speaker 1: disease or irritable bell or whoever, so that I've known
Speaker 1: for years and years, and I get to develop those relationships.
Speaker 1: What's the best and worst thing you can eat for
Speaker 1: those symptoms? Um for which symptoms? Well for just digestive,
Speaker 1: just general for to be healthy and your digestive tract.
Speaker 1: The best things you can need. I would say fiber.
Speaker 1: Fiber is like we hear about it, so you know,
Speaker 1: we've heard about it for years, but now we're even
Speaker 1: learning more about how important fiber is and how most
Speaker 1: of us are not getting nearly is enough, you know
Speaker 1: they I think the recommendation for women is twenty five
Speaker 1: grams a day most American women are getting, like you
Speaker 1: should be meta mucles great. I think you can get
Speaker 1: it in food though as well. And we know how
Speaker 1: where the plant based diet is, so if you get
Speaker 1: it that that yep. And then probiotics, I'm interesting passionate
Speaker 1: about probiotics, healthy bacteria. You know it started in the
Speaker 1: g I world and how good it is for our gut.
Speaker 1: But we're now learning that healthy bacteria and maintaining a
Speaker 1: balance in your gut effects your immunity, your metambolism, you're
Speaker 1: the way you gain or lose weight, even personality. They've
Speaker 1: done studies now on things like depression and anxiety and
Speaker 1: what's the best probot because we give we give our
Speaker 1: daughter a probiotic in the morning in her in her milk.
Speaker 1: But what I've never actually heard of adults taking probiotics.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, for sure, I think you know, and I
Speaker 1: you know, full disclosure. I have a probiotic skincare company
Speaker 1: called Tula, and we actually have a to U l
Speaker 1: A and we have a probiotic supplement as well, which
Speaker 1: is for GI health and skin health. But I think
Speaker 1: generally when I'm talking to any patients like, yeah, now
Speaker 1: I designed it, you know. And this is the thing
Speaker 1: about probiotics is that anyone can really put anything together
Speaker 1: and market it. It's not very regulated the probiotic industry.
Speaker 1: So there are hundreds of probiotics out there and it's
Speaker 1: kind of hard to tease out which ones are good
Speaker 1: or not. There are a couple that I do recommend
Speaker 1: to my patients if they have specific GI issues. Aligne
Speaker 1: is one, cultural is another one. But what I also
Speaker 1: tell people is we're now learning it's important to have
Speaker 1: a real variety of bacteria and that the best way
Speaker 1: to get that is really through food. So yogurt that
Speaker 1: says with live and active cultures, um kafeir is like
Speaker 1: a yogurt, like drink, um sauer kraut, kim chi, tempei miso.
Speaker 1: All of these things have a variety of probiotics in them,
Speaker 1: So really trying to get that into your really your
Speaker 1: daily diet, okay, and what not to eat. Processed foods
Speaker 1: are not good. Sugar is really anti inflammatory. I think
Speaker 1: from fruit it's okay, But the added sugar, you know,
Speaker 1: refined sugar, we don't like. Um. I mean the worst
Speaker 1: things in the world really are processed meats in terms
Speaker 1: of your g I health, So only cancer cold cuts
Speaker 1: are terrible favorite and cheese and wine is like my
Speaker 1: like wine is good, cheese, I'm I'm really leaning more
Speaker 1: towards the antibiotic free, so organic cheese is I don't
Speaker 1: like the antibiotics in the dairy. But um, hot dogs
Speaker 1: are terrible. Oh yeah. I mean if it's as nitrate free,
Speaker 1: then it's fine, But it's the nitrates in the hot
Speaker 1: dogs which are really cancer causing. Red meat. Absolutely, red
Speaker 1: meat is not good. I mean even like even if
Speaker 1: you bought a cow, because we eat steak a lot.
Speaker 1: We love, not a lot, but I mean we like
Speaker 1: every two weeks or so. Yeah, well every two weeks
Speaker 1: is fine. Yeah. I would just say on a daily basis,
Speaker 1: the majority of your plate should be plant based. And
Speaker 1: what I mean by that is vegetables, fruits, les, nuts,
Speaker 1: you know, things that come from the earth. But what
Speaker 1: if like your body type, like sorry, maybe what if
Speaker 1: the blood type thing, because some blood types are meant
Speaker 1: to be like more carna. Whatever is that? I don't
Speaker 1: know if I really buy that. I don't think there's
Speaker 1: anybody that benefits from like a high red meat diet.
Speaker 1: But what about like back in the day, like they
Speaker 1: ate meat and they live a long time, they didn't
Speaker 1: really live a long time. Yeah, maybe that's what our
Speaker 1: appendix was for. Maybe maybe besides probiotics, is there anything
Speaker 1: else you recommend with daily multi bottom? You know, I
Speaker 1: know fish oils years back when I was in athletics,
Speaker 1: that was like a big thing which was taking fisher
Speaker 1: wars every day. Is that? Yeah? I think fish oil
Speaker 1: you know why? Fish oil as good as the omega threes,
Speaker 1: and I think I recommend getting that through walnuts and
Speaker 1: fish um as opposed to the supplement. If for whatever
Speaker 1: reason you can't get it in your diet, then I
Speaker 1: think fish oil is a good one. I think vitamin
Speaker 1: D is something that a lot of people these days
Speaker 1: are deficient in, so that actually when emple meant women, Yes,
Speaker 1: and it's important for a bone strength, so that's an
Speaker 1: important one. But even just a regular daily vitamin. I mean,
Speaker 1: the studies have really gone back and forth on that,
Speaker 1: and some recent studies show it's it's harmful to take
Speaker 1: a daily vitamin. So again getting those vitamins from a
Speaker 1: variety of brightly colored fruits and vegetables. I mean, I
Speaker 1: know I sound a little pollyannical about it. It's the true.
Speaker 1: That's actually the healthiest thing you can do. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: I switching gears. You just want to know the most
Speaker 1: common question you get that women are embarrassed to ask you,
Speaker 1: but you get it all the time. Um, I get
Speaker 1: a lot. I mean women when they come to see
Speaker 1: me Um. Women, unfortunately, we're raised to like not really
Speaker 1: talk about our bound movements and passing gas and diarrhea
Speaker 1: and all those things. It's not ladylike. Um, that's what
Speaker 1: you know. I think that's changing, which is a good thing.
Speaker 1: But um, so I think a lot of times women
Speaker 1: are embarrassed about like I passed so much gas and
Speaker 1: I can't I can't go to the bathroom and my
Speaker 1: boyfriend's place because it's so loud, or I'm so embarrassed
Speaker 1: to go on dates things like that. Um, And so
Speaker 1: then we'll talk about, you know, what are they eating
Speaker 1: or could this be a sign of silliac disease which
Speaker 1: is a you know, reaction to gluten wheat protein, which
Speaker 1: is very common these days, and the different causes for that. Um,
Speaker 1: I guess I would say that's probably one of the
Speaker 1: most common embarrassing complaints that people talk about. Yeah, getting
Speaker 1: rid of that stereotype, which is great, you know, it's true.
Speaker 1: Like even doctor Oz back in the day, the fact
Speaker 1: that he talked about what should your poop look like?
Speaker 1: I mean that is why I know right after school
Speaker 1: and I was like, if my poop looks like it's
Speaker 1: the toilet, like I have a healthy poop. I'm like,
Speaker 1: doctor as would like that poop doctors approved. Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: so funny. I like I remember catching that. It opened
Speaker 1: up the door to um. These kinds of conversations. I
Speaker 1: wrote a book a few years ago called What the Yuck?
Speaker 1: The Freaky and Fabulous Truth About your Body, And it's
Speaker 1: all about these embarrassing questions that women have. You know,
Speaker 1: when it comes to pregnancy, all sorts of weird things happen,
Speaker 1: or fertility or anal sex, like all these things that
Speaker 1: women may not feel comfortable discussing. Is anal sex healthy?
Speaker 1: Should we be doing that? Or not? Well? Should you?
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm prescribing it to you. I don't know,
Speaker 1: but um, anal sex is one of those things that
Speaker 1: if you're going to do it, you mean, you need
Speaker 1: to do it the right way, meaning there should be
Speaker 1: a lot of lubrication. You have to be relaxed because
Speaker 1: if you are tense, um, you could cause trauma in
Speaker 1: that area. And that's not good because I said, well,
Speaker 1: it's it's not really hemorrhoids, but you can cause irritation,
Speaker 1: like an actual inflammation of your colon if you're breaking
Speaker 1: the you know, the skin there you can get an
Speaker 1: infection and you're more prone to getting STDs if there's
Speaker 1: broken skin there. Um, you want to be careful about
Speaker 1: not having anal sex and then immediately having vaginal sex
Speaker 1: without cleaning. Yeah, I mean you can, Like those are
Speaker 1: the worse than a bladder infection and you can't. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, that I'm that I'm waking up the husband
Speaker 1: at three o'clock in the morning. I need the orange
Speaker 1: pill from for the U T I. Yeah. So it's
Speaker 1: one of those things where I certainly don't say don't
Speaker 1: do it, but if you're gonna do what you have
Speaker 1: to do, well. On that note, Dr ros Dr Rage,
Speaker 1: where can we find you? You can find me at
Speaker 1: Dr Roshani Raj dot com. It's d R Roshani Raj
Speaker 1: dot com. Okay, So what I think is really cool
Speaker 1: is this thing called Outdoor Voices. Outdoor Voices makes high
Speaker 1: quality active apparel to take you from gym life to
Speaker 1: everyday life seamlessly and fashionably. I think it's great because
Speaker 1: I love of love just living in workout clothes, but
Speaker 1: I like it when it also is trendy and fashionable too.
Speaker 1: It's available for both men and women, and Outdoor Voices
Speaker 1: clothing is made to also sweat in, so the tech
Speaker 1: sweat is cool to the touch material that wicks sweat
Speaker 1: and keeps you dry during high intensity workouts, which is
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Speaker 1: Visit outdoor voices dot com, slash jama and enter Jamma.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna let you do the intro because this is
Speaker 1: your is this your friend like bestie eating is I
Speaker 1: just had massive vertigo, So more like my sister. M
Speaker 1: J is the one m J from Shows of Sunset
Speaker 1: has just joined us. Oh my god, I love the enthusiasm.
Speaker 1: Thank you. You want some siddle. So m J is
Speaker 1: more like my sister than she is my friends. She is.
Speaker 1: She was my real estate client. Yes, yes, and so
Speaker 1: we spent so much time together because I well know,
Speaker 1: the thing that you do when you're seducing your clients
Speaker 1: is that you take them on a really nice brunch
Speaker 1: before you go house hunting. For about three and a
Speaker 1: half hours, we went to Coyote this one time, nice
Speaker 1: and on time. It's on Beverly bol of a liquid
Speaker 1: brunch for sure. We also ate food, did we Nachos
Speaker 1: and Margarita's cane? You had vegetarian, but it was a
Speaker 1: vegan and it was also a double date by yes,
Speaker 1: So well, you don't want to go grumpy, hungry on
Speaker 1: or angry on house hunting, right, No, you can't because
Speaker 1: you're just out. If it was if we were house
Speaker 1: hunting and went to Mexican food this day, this time
Speaker 1: of my life, I would have bathroom emergence, sees the whole.
Speaker 1: This was twelve years ago, wasn't twelve twelve? I think?
Speaker 1: So they're teen years ago and you just got married,
Speaker 1: I did, How okay, so how long have you been
Speaker 1: with your now husband? Exactly four years since we swiped
Speaker 1: on Tinder? Yeah, it was it was all all the
Speaker 1: communication was within the app, and then the app would
Speaker 1: crash and then we would have absolutely no way of
Speaker 1: getting in touch with each other. So and then I
Speaker 1: would panic because I really liked him, but he wouldn't
Speaker 1: ask me for my damn phone number. He wouldn't push
Speaker 1: the relationship to the next point of even phone number,
Speaker 1: And then I had to ask him, when are you
Speaker 1: gonna ask me for my phone number, and then he said, okay,
Speaker 1: well whenever you're comfortable. That was game. That was That
Speaker 1: was a game. And Michael and I met on Twitter,
Speaker 1: and I like Twitter and Tinder, like we just have
Speaker 1: the classic left star. So he definitely sought you out.
Speaker 1: Duh when I was your first mine? What did you hi?
Speaker 1: I'm a big fan. Did you use all on forty characters?
Speaker 1: I followed him when that's when he was like, hey,
Speaker 1: thanks for the follow like I'm a fan or whatever.
Speaker 1: And then but then I gave him my number because
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not gonna like props for you for waiting,
Speaker 1: but I just like couldn't. I'm not like, I'm like,
Speaker 1: here's my number, let's just like get to hours later.
Speaker 1: I was. It was twenty four hours. Oh that's that's
Speaker 1: as well. There you are you guys beat us? Do
Speaker 1: you now have a baby? How long altogether since you tweeted?
Speaker 1: Since we're starting from swipe, we start from four years ago.
Speaker 1: But let me tell you it's been a ride, sister,
Speaker 1: Oh for sure. Yeah. I was actually thinking about how
Speaker 1: I think, you know, they say work smarter. It's kind
Speaker 1: of an annoying way to say what fight smarter is
Speaker 1: when I was thinking about in the chart, what's your
Speaker 1: biggest issue with your husband? Oh, the stupidest thing you
Speaker 1: could come up with, Like he tossed his food into
Speaker 1: the trash bin from a distance, and so then it
Speaker 1: like trickles onto the floor and inside of the trash
Speaker 1: can has like catchup, and then it gets dry and crusty,
Speaker 1: and so then I start dry eaving while I'm trying
Speaker 1: to clean it to ice cream. And then eventually he'll
Speaker 1: get he'll get angry because we're both real hotheads, but
Speaker 1: I love Tommy. Is a problem with you guys both
Speaker 1: being hoteads? Yeah, because like the last fight we had,
Speaker 1: he didn't talk to me for seven days. What do
Speaker 1: you think about that? I don't do that. We're hot
Speaker 1: heads too, but we've learned to. How is your communication?
Speaker 1: It's improving. I swear it's improving. I'm really I don't
Speaker 1: know if it sounds possible, but I really think that
Speaker 1: he's listening to my grievances and fixing them. He loves
Speaker 1: you so much, and you can see it when he's
Speaker 1: looking at her. It is the sweetest, sweetest, It really
Speaker 1: is what makes you a shock? The phone rang, Yeah,
Speaker 1: and someone I thought it was a crank call. Someone said,
Speaker 1: would you be interested in participating in this docuseries about
Speaker 1: your family and friends? And I said, why would you
Speaker 1: want me? Yeah? And then you know it was a
Speaker 1: r N Secross production, and so the development guy who's
Speaker 1: I'm still close with, um Jesse lead, he came over
Speaker 1: and got to know us, and he put together the
Speaker 1: sizzle reel and the rest is history. What's the craziest
Speaker 1: thing about you? Oh, oh my god, lightning around? Um,
Speaker 1: I can say, like I do gross things. I don't
Speaker 1: think I like like like no, no, like I just
Speaker 1: picked my nose. Um, well, okay. If Tommy was here,
Speaker 1: he would say that I don't take the food into
Speaker 1: the kitchen right after I finished eating it. But I'm like,
Speaker 1: but I might want like another bite later, like how
Speaker 1: much later, like tomorrow. I have no idea what my
Speaker 1: craziest thing is. What's your craziest thing, honey, that's not nice?
Speaker 1: Probably well it's it just depends. Like we talked earlier,
Speaker 1: like I'm a hypochondrac so like definitely that's something. And
Speaker 1: then I just, um, I I ruminate a lot, like
Speaker 1: that's my crazy. So that must really hurt you because
Speaker 1: if you're wondering and worried, you know, up staying up
Speaker 1: at night, worried about what could be wrong with you.
Speaker 1: I would want to hear you from having that problem.
Speaker 1: Thank you. I'm cured, okay. During during your pregnancy. Her
Speaker 1: craziest thing is her nightstand. What your nightstand got like
Speaker 1: ten lacroix three days ago? Things that like if I
Speaker 1: don't clean it off, it would be I mean, as
Speaker 1: tall as the lamp on the nightstand, just how it is.
Speaker 1: It's just mostly when she's pregnant. I hate Lacroix. Only
Speaker 1: when I'm pregnant I can drink it. Oh, it's my
Speaker 1: favorite thing. Do you get heart burn? I didn't get heartburn?
Speaker 1: Wait do you have any so no kids yet? Do
Speaker 1: you want to have kids? Of course? Yeah? Yess Here
Speaker 1: so first I froze my eggs and then i'm did
Speaker 1: you freeze your eggs? Here? What do you mean like
Speaker 1: in l A? Oh? Yes, we're which were play? Which place? Um? Actually?
Speaker 1: SCRC Southern California Reproductive Doctor um doctor Shoen Goodeer. Oh
Speaker 1: he I just did a second with him and the doctors.
Speaker 1: He's awesome, He's so sweet. I am in such good
Speaker 1: hands with him. Yeah, he's awesome. Yeah, and I went
Speaker 1: to high school with him. That's funny. Yeah, so he's
Speaker 1: actually a really, really good guy. Um. I would run
Speaker 1: into him it's places like Rackons, and he would say,
Speaker 1: you're my only friend who hasn't frozen their eggs. So
Speaker 1: I really had um an ignorant mentality about it because
Speaker 1: I thought I had all the time in the world.
Speaker 1: I'm now forty five, but at the time, I was
Speaker 1: in my third late thirties, and I think that the false,
Speaker 1: um misleading things that we read about women getting pregnant
Speaker 1: late in their forties gives women in their late thirties
Speaker 1: a false sense of security that they should wait when
Speaker 1: they shouldn't. Well, and I will say this because I
Speaker 1: feel like I got misquoted. I would went to a
Speaker 1: premier last week and US Weekly asked me something and
Speaker 1: I said, I personally wanted to be done at thirty five.
Speaker 1: But for me, it's like they put such a target
Speaker 1: on women over thirty five because after thirty five year geriatric.
Speaker 1: But I didn't mean that. It's not it's not a
Speaker 1: bad thing to be able to have. I heard about that.
Speaker 1: Actually you're getting backlash for it. Yeah, But I'm like,
Speaker 1: I didn't say like for me personally, I just wanted
Speaker 1: to be done before. We've had a really hard time
Speaker 1: getting pregnant, and you know, I'm blessed that we're pregnant
Speaker 1: for the second time, and I I just I want
Speaker 1: to stop after this, Like I don't want to test
Speaker 1: my I don't want to go through like what we've
Speaker 1: been through. I would love to have had my kids younger.
Speaker 1: And I think, first of all, you should be able
Speaker 1: to have an opinion. That's something that we're not allowed
Speaker 1: to have anymore without getting crushed in the media. But
Speaker 1: I respect your opinion, and I think that if you're
Speaker 1: going to harvest your eggs, then women, you guys should
Speaker 1: do it now. Don't wait until you're forty and over,
Speaker 1: because you're just ruining your chances of like how many
Speaker 1: eggs you can harvest and the quality of the eggs too.
Speaker 1: And that's but that's what I meant to say. And
Speaker 1: the thing was like, it's sad that it's called geriatric
Speaker 1: at thirty five, because women are, you know, having totally fine,
Speaker 1: healthy pregnancies forty on. So it's like, but why at
Speaker 1: thirty five, I'm like, that to me is still young.
Speaker 1: Why has that being called geriatric? I mean, I know
Speaker 1: the chances of healthy pregnancy and all those things go up,
Speaker 1: but it's still like it puts such a negative kind
Speaker 1: you know, and like makes you just feel old and gross.
Speaker 1: I'm like, why why would they do that? I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't like it. It's no, it's total manipulation. I agree.
Speaker 1: Um so I froze eggs, and then when Tommy and
Speaker 1: I were ready to have kids, we created the embryos.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know why I said ready to
Speaker 1: have kids when I knew that we were going to
Speaker 1: have a future to get there before you met Tommy.
Speaker 1: And then I did another round when we were together,
Speaker 1: and then I we made embryos, thank god. And then
Speaker 1: now the other thing that's very misleading is that you
Speaker 1: think that once you have the embryos, that you can
Speaker 1: just get pregnant tomorrow. It's taken me off. I think
Speaker 1: it's been a process of like almost a year. Because
Speaker 1: how many implantations have you done. I haven't done any yet,
Speaker 1: but I the day before two of them that yeah,
Speaker 1: it was canceled, and one because of polyps and another
Speaker 1: one because of the lining, and one of the rounds.
Speaker 1: I didn't see the increase in my medication on the
Speaker 1: calendar because it was really finite, like fond and I
Speaker 1: didn't know. So yeah, I mean, and I did a
Speaker 1: mock cycle to make sure that everything would go well.
Speaker 1: So here we are. I will say, it's so frustrating,
Speaker 1: and I wish your husband was here because I know
Speaker 1: from Michael, like especially the amount of medicine. First of all,
Speaker 1: freezing my exact process. I mean, all that, all that,
Speaker 1: all those hormones, I mean, it makes you effing crazy, yes,
Speaker 1: and then going through the process of the embryos or
Speaker 1: you know that that month lead up before that, all
Speaker 1: the shots, all the injections. Thus, progester own shots are
Speaker 1: no joke. I mean, could you even sit down after
Speaker 1: you got those shots? Basic right here, it's like there's
Speaker 1: like a nut underneath. Yeah, I mean it hurts so bad.
Speaker 1: And I mean, luckily my husband. I don't know how
Speaker 1: your husband was, but my husband's was just you know,
Speaker 1: he helped. I gave him a shot of progester own.
Speaker 1: It was not the needle and I didn't actually inject it,
Speaker 1: but I mean like he let me like put the
Speaker 1: because I was in the needles. It's a huge, but
Speaker 1: it's like it's long and thick and super scary and like.
Speaker 1: And I even said to him, I was like, you
Speaker 1: need to give me a lot of grace this next
Speaker 1: month because my hormones are going to be up and
Speaker 1: down and I don't even know what's going on with me. Yes,
Speaker 1: I would ask Tommy and his friends please send him
Speaker 1: links to articles about being more compassionate, because Tommy is
Speaker 1: very Archie Bunker when it comes to this topic. There's
Speaker 1: no compassion. He doesn't care, he won't like, he doesn't
Speaker 1: care about what. He doesn't care. If I have my
Speaker 1: body's going through incredibly emotional roller coaster physically, I would
Speaker 1: get migraines. I would have v Yeah. I really thought
Speaker 1: I was on the brink of an an irreversible depression
Speaker 1: because it was so hard the previous cycle, and I
Speaker 1: figured out I just turned it around. I must have
Speaker 1: been the grace of God, because before that, I was like,
Speaker 1: am I going to be stuck in this reverse feeling?
Speaker 1: How long is this gonna last? Is going to get worse?
Speaker 1: And then the person next to me was not like
Speaker 1: compassionate at all. And we know Tommy loves me. So
Speaker 1: this isn't to bash him at all. He's just a
Speaker 1: real New Yorker. Yeah, very Archie bunker though when it
Speaker 1: comes to that. So it's hard because, like you were saying,
Speaker 1: you really need someone to be extremely like hoddle you
Speaker 1: and do that hand holding and just give you that
Speaker 1: encouragement that you want dessert. I mean, he's in the
Speaker 1: feel yeah, all I knows, especially the second time around
Speaker 1: when we did it. Um. This last time, it was
Speaker 1: it helped me to be more compassionate by being more
Speaker 1: involved with understanding her medical schedule, knowing that she had
Speaker 1: to take Hey, honey, reminder we have you know you
Speaker 1: have to take this. I mean granted she was better
Speaker 1: at it than I was, but still making sure I
Speaker 1: knew what she had to take that day, I tried
Speaker 1: to do as good as I could. Um, because that
Speaker 1: just naturally got me more involved. Whether you know Tommy
Speaker 1: does that and still doesn't express as much compassion, at
Speaker 1: least you probably won't feel as alone. Yeah, he'd be like,
Speaker 1: hey babe, remember today you up your progesterone. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: thank you, amazing, This is exactly I'm so glad that
Speaker 1: you said what you said, because I actually talked to
Speaker 1: Jenn about this when we when I did go to
Speaker 1: the doctor appointment alone, then he didn't know what was
Speaker 1: going on. Right when I asked him to come with me,
Speaker 1: then everything he started to feel it more because he
Speaker 1: was seeing it rather than hearing about it when he
Speaker 1: got home that night. So it really does make a
Speaker 1: really big difference and also really engaging him. So I
Speaker 1: would forward the calendar to him, I would ask him
Speaker 1: to check it for me, and obviously strategically just because
Speaker 1: I did succeed in engaging him so these previous cycles
Speaker 1: when he wasn't being that way, I wasn't having him
Speaker 1: come along this particular in the middle of a cycle now,
Speaker 1: so um, you're right. I think that's completely the best
Speaker 1: way to engage and and share the experience together at
Speaker 1: being there physically. And have you asked him verbally said
Speaker 1: like Tommy, I need your help with this. Yeah, like
Speaker 1: in a baby voice, like babe, are you gonna help me?
Speaker 1: It's just just again from just hearing what Jen said,
Speaker 1: like an old you know Archie Bunker, New Yorker, that
Speaker 1: you know, masculinity, we want to feel needed and that
Speaker 1: our woman needs us to be able to do something.
Speaker 1: So if you know, if jan came to me in
Speaker 1: a serious not in a way, but serious like, honey,
Speaker 1: I really need your help, like I'm struggling with staying
Speaker 1: on schedule. I'm struggling with this, Like I could really
Speaker 1: use your help to guide me to you know, get
Speaker 1: to where I need to be with this, Like can
Speaker 1: you help me? I think that you're a hundred percent right.
Speaker 1: And for anyone who's has this ahead of them, this
Speaker 1: advice that you're giving will work. We applied it this
Speaker 1: time and it makes all the difference. So he's doing
Speaker 1: better now. Yes, okay now, but he has his mentality
Speaker 1: towards life is walk it off. It works. But also
Speaker 1: like no, he's in. He's improved because I started to
Speaker 1: make sure that he comes with me. Yeah, I mean definitely,
Speaker 1: that's because then he knows. But I mean it's for
Speaker 1: the whole year he didn't There was a whole like
Speaker 1: like nine out of the twelve months there wasn't that support.
Speaker 1: So it's just on your body. Yeah, and then and
Speaker 1: then having to be able to go because I remember
Speaker 1: when they said that my line almost wasn't ready and
Speaker 1: I'm like wait, so all the as injections for for nothing,
Speaker 1: for nothing. All that money was for nothing for your
Speaker 1: body to go through that cool. I mean, so, how
Speaker 1: many embryos do you have? We have one batch. I mean, honestly,
Speaker 1: my doctor good Deer said, don't worry about the number,
Speaker 1: and I actually don't know. I know that we have
Speaker 1: one batch that's sitting in the lab frozen and one
Speaker 1: that's currently like I don't know, Yeah, few, okay, I honestly,
Speaker 1: like psychologically at the time, I didn't want to pressure myself.
Speaker 1: So it's it's hard. And I mean Jane and I
Speaker 1: having gone through it, you know twice, we just understand
Speaker 1: the amount of emotional pressure and you know how much
Speaker 1: it affects people that go through this, So you know,
Speaker 1: people don't realize sometimes how hard it is to get pregnant,
Speaker 1: especially through this IVF process. That we just were very
Speaker 1: empathetic towards you know, you and Tommy and people have
Speaker 1: to go through this because we understand. For Shandon, it's hard. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I documented the last IVF. Obviously it didn't end well,
Speaker 1: but um we got pregnant and we lost it. But
Speaker 1: you should watch it. Usually watch like it's Michael's in
Speaker 1: it too, and it's just it's just shows kind of
Speaker 1: like what we go through, so maybe he'll be more
Speaker 1: empathetic after you see something like that too. So it's
Speaker 1: it's it's in a YouTube channel, so okay, yeah, we
Speaker 1: will check it out. Yeah, self flux, self fluck. Now
Speaker 1: I'm getting um, so when does it once? The show
Speaker 1: on what night seen? It's on Thursday nights, okay, and
Speaker 1: it's the big wedding season for you. I get married
Speaker 1: at the end, so that'll probably be around the end
Speaker 1: of October. Okay, yes, and then we actually, um, I
Speaker 1: didn't watch last week's episode because that was the episode
Speaker 1: that was dedicated to my father. So unfortunately, after just
Speaker 1: a lot of health complications, Um, you know, he went
Speaker 1: to heaven. So he's resting, he's fully in a better place.
Speaker 1: And I think that it's a really like what I
Speaker 1: am proud of right now about our show is that
Speaker 1: we did have a couple of scuffles, but then we
Speaker 1: all came together and they were all there for me
Speaker 1: and I really even though I didn't watch the episode
Speaker 1: because I wasn't I don't want to go through that
Speaker 1: right now, right, Um, all the feedback that I saw
Speaker 1: on Twitter and social was we really like seeing the
Speaker 1: way the bond is there and we come together for
Speaker 1: one another. So that I think really warms my heart
Speaker 1: because you know, it's that's what it matters, what what
Speaker 1: matters in life? Right support from your family? Yes? Did
Speaker 1: I like that? Right? Well? I I just appreciate you
Speaker 1: being open and I'm I'm I'm excited. I'm hopeful for
Speaker 1: you guys in your IV because you have an amazing
Speaker 1: doctor and they're a great center. And I mean I
Speaker 1: still talked to Dr Dancer and you know, I still
Speaker 1: send them a ultrasound pictures and even though it wasn't
Speaker 1: through them, but they're they're connected, you know, like they
Speaker 1: just they want to be a part of your life.
Speaker 1: Because after how any weeks do you switch to do
Speaker 1: they refer you? I still need well know so that
Speaker 1: when we lost the last five VF we got pregnant naturally.
Speaker 1: Um the cycle afterwards, you got pregnant naturally. Wow, that's amazing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was great, but it was scary because we had
Speaker 1: lost like so many before, but we um. Doctor Danzer
Speaker 1: was like, I want to see you like on a
Speaker 1: weekly basis to make sure like everything's fine. So I
Speaker 1: think you switched around like six. Yeah, and don't read
Speaker 1: stuff online about when you can get a positive I
Speaker 1: read it already, okay, because I did it on the
Speaker 1: four days post five day transfer. It's not accurate. Well,
Speaker 1: so it wasn't at the time, and I was like
Speaker 1: crying and Mike's like, what's wrong. I was like nothing,
Speaker 1: and I look back in the trash and there was
Speaker 1: like a little teeny faint line. But I drove myself
Speaker 1: crazy for the five days following. Yeah, what I read
Speaker 1: was don't try to take a home pregnancy test because
Speaker 1: it won't be accurate and it'll give you a false disappointment. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so they must have seen what how U been to you?
Speaker 1: And then something for me, I think there's this other
Speaker 1: crazy girls like me. They are like the third day
Speaker 1: afterwards and like, am I pregnant yet? M J? What's
Speaker 1: your timeline now? Like where are you guys at when
Speaker 1: you do you know when you're going to implant you?
Speaker 1: I don't have the My actual calendar doesn't go that far.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you guys remember that. You know,
Speaker 1: you take the the progesterone towards the end and the
Speaker 1: the lupron, which is you know, like the estrogen shots
Speaker 1: and all those fun meds. So every few days we
Speaker 1: do the blood work and ultrasound and then we find
Speaker 1: out if we're this far along and if you're uterous
Speaker 1: line and if I'm polyp free because I had to
Speaker 1: have two poll up surgeries back to back in addition
Speaker 1: to that false um the lining. So so at this point,
Speaker 1: they don't give me, you know, anything past a week.
Speaker 1: And then even though I really want to know, and
Speaker 1: I ask questions or like, just take it as we
Speaker 1: tell you, and they're like, it's it is hard, but um,
Speaker 1: it seems to keep a very positive outlook. Yeah, you're
Speaker 1: very positive, feel very Yeah, I feel happy. I just
Speaker 1: trust me. I've thought about everything and I default to
Speaker 1: just being happy via condos, you know, count your blessings
Speaker 1: and that's where I leave it. So we're just like
Speaker 1: trying to laugh a lot. And you know, I have
Speaker 1: the most shallow um library of movies. Like it's all
Speaker 1: these comedies like Practically like Cannonball Run and like Bad
Speaker 1: Newspairers and Overboard, like the really shallow stuff. Because I'm
Speaker 1: just being you know, positive and send offs for your
Speaker 1: best age and I'm just so happy because I've known
Speaker 1: the boyfriends of the past. Oh I love Tommy so much.
Speaker 1: That's another episode. So happy to found each other and
Speaker 1: that you're in the space and I can't wait for
Speaker 1: this future baby because you were the first person to
Speaker 1: hold Rocko and I can't wait to hold this little
Speaker 1: or two bundles or three bundle joy. No way that
Speaker 1: my my girlfriends have six and seven month old children
Speaker 1: and they are like running around out of control. I
Speaker 1: was like, five months was so much easier because you
Speaker 1: know Jesse and Marissa. Actually, so it's actually gonna be
Speaker 1: like this, how has your pregnancy been. This one's been hard.
Speaker 1: My first pregnancy was hard too, but not as bad.
Speaker 1: But they say when you get older, your sickness, but
Speaker 1: then it's all about your mom. Like if your mom
Speaker 1: had morning sickness and you then you're more prone to
Speaker 1: have morning sickness and she didn't, then you probably want
Speaker 1: My mom is like, oh no, I drove myself ten minutes.
Speaker 1: I gave birth four minutes. Like she makes it sound
Speaker 1: so simple. Well I feel like I mean like my
Speaker 1: mom too, was like yeah, she's like no drugs, and
Speaker 1: I was like, give me the epidurl, she's lying. They're
Speaker 1: lying out it was so painful. The second my water broke,
Speaker 1: I was like, give it to me now and then
Speaker 1: and end up having C section. And now I'm going
Speaker 1: to do a C section. Everyone's like, why don't you
Speaker 1: do a V back? I'm like, because of you google
Speaker 1: v back and what can happen? Like, no, I'm good,
Speaker 1: c section already scheduled, can't wait? Can you tell me?
Speaker 1: Um are you concerned about because you were saying, don't
Speaker 1: read anything online? But so I told Dr Gair that
Speaker 1: I wanted to do a C section as well. And
Speaker 1: I'm not even pregnant yet. That's that's honestly, we don't.
Speaker 1: We don't. I would say to like, to some of
Speaker 1: my friends that I would say, dos actually, don't pee
Speaker 1: yourself when you laugh, and you keep your regina intact
Speaker 1: so your husband can never threaten to leave you because
Speaker 1: everything isn't is still still there. So yeah, so that's perfect.
Speaker 1: No c section all the way, It's totally fine. My Actually,
Speaker 1: my dad was like, when you have baby Sesadian, it's
Speaker 1: like really okay, And so now I have my dad
Speaker 1: and my doctor endorsing it. Yeah, no, no, we'll visit you.
Speaker 1: I'll bring you some and when when you're all setting done. Great,
Speaker 1: thanks for thank you for having me. It was fun.
Speaker 1: It was amazing when you're like, sister comes into work
Speaker 1: and you're like, isn't it fun? So much fun? Like
Speaker 1: besties best So I'm in there. I am. Oh, it's
Speaker 1: gonna be on Bravo. Unfortunately, got stop it my worst nightmare.
Speaker 1: Stop now we have to watch it. I would never know, seriously,
Speaker 1: if it wasn't MJ. I don't care if my sisters
Speaker 1: I'm not going to say her name. My real sister
Speaker 1: was like had her own show and was getting married.
Speaker 1: I probably wouldn't wouldn't do it. When was the actual wedding,
Speaker 1: it was um like it was like in me, like
Speaker 1: I hate that she knew that. I got backlash for
Speaker 1: that comment because it really bothered me. Okay, but she
Speaker 1: knows everything. M J is more up to date on
Speaker 1: pop culture than anyone I know. She watches more e
Speaker 1: than anyone I know. She knows everything. I just feel
Speaker 1: like they didn't take like what I said on the
Speaker 1: car like I just I mean, and there's something wrong
Speaker 1: with saying I just want to be done by thirty five.
Speaker 1: There's something wrong with that. Some people just digested they
Speaker 1: digested the information differently than you were. Yeah, but I
Speaker 1: wasn't trying to say that any after thirty five is bad,
Speaker 1: not not at all, Like I'm just and but technically
Speaker 1: it is a geriatic geriatric pregnancy, and like the risk
Speaker 1: and are a lot higher, and that's just something for me.
Speaker 1: I've always been scared of of course, and then not that.
Speaker 1: But if I if I wasn't pregnant, we still would
Speaker 1: have tried, even if I was thirty six or seven,
Speaker 1: so obviously, but it's just for me now that we've
Speaker 1: been blessed, you know, with the second one now, like
Speaker 1: I would like to be done. But they took it
Speaker 1: as like it's I'm not doing thirty five because it's geriatric.
Speaker 1: But I'm like, that's not what I meant. Many people
Speaker 1: like to criticize everybody any little thing they say. I mean,
Speaker 1: we'll probably get twenty emails for me saying that it's
Speaker 1: that shaming, skinny shaming, old shaming, young shaming, slot shaming,
Speaker 1: like green shaming, purple shaming. It was like everybody is
Speaker 1: saying it, Well, there's all kinds of different things you
Speaker 1: have to worry about after thirty five. You have to
Speaker 1: have the am neo you have to you know, there's
Speaker 1: different levels of concern, so it's totally fine. Yeah, I know.
Speaker 1: I just bothered me because women are like, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm one forties and I'm still trying. But yeah, whoa
Speaker 1: to you that's geriatric. I'm like, no to the guy
Speaker 1: metically that the medical Dictionary it says geriatric. Like and
Speaker 1: for me personally, I just want to be done, like
Speaker 1: not saying we're done done with kids, but like Michael
Speaker 1: and I want to adopt, like I just I and
Speaker 1: I don't want to go through anymore miscarriages. It's freaking
Speaker 1: heartbreaking Emotionally, I just I want to be like, if
Speaker 1: we're blessed to have this baby come out and you know,
Speaker 1: God willing, everything's great, like then I then I do
Speaker 1: want to be done. But now, but now I feel
Speaker 1: like I have like the shadow on me, like something
Speaker 1: might have in now because I like, you know, I
Speaker 1: don't think so. One of the things that I'm crazy
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Speaker 1: audible dot com, slash Janna or again text Janna to
Speaker 1: five five hundred Michael, Why you on your phone? I'm
Speaker 1: a businessman. Um, you were just on your phone. I know.
Speaker 1: I got a text a weird book. I got a
Speaker 1: text from I got a text from my friend who
Speaker 1: listened to the podcast. Wait wait yeah, a quotes the
Speaker 1: friend the friend, the best friend. UM, well this start,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to do go I'm not going to
Speaker 1: go all into it, but some of it was Hey,
Speaker 1: So I just listened to your wine down and I
Speaker 1: was like, based off of it. I know you might
Speaker 1: not want to hear from me, but I which that
Speaker 1: makes me sad because I do want to hear from you.
Speaker 1: But I obviously want to apologize for not being there
Speaker 1: for you when I should have. I took a break
Speaker 1: from social media for a while. Um does that include texting?
Speaker 1: Does she concluding texting and social media? Well, she just
Speaker 1: she does. I'm sorry for not reaching out when I
Speaker 1: found out. I'm at fault for that. I do miss
Speaker 1: our friendship and our talks, and do wish we could
Speaker 1: get back to a place where we talk more than
Speaker 1: once in a while. She says. You know, she had
Speaker 1: a hard time ruggling with balance in life once her
Speaker 1: kids came, which I understand, and then there was something
Speaker 1: else that I'm not going to get into because that's personal. Um,
Speaker 1: but there was something going on, And now I feel
Speaker 1: bad because if I was a good friend, I would
Speaker 1: know that she would shut people out when something was wrong.
Speaker 1: You can you can mention that if you want what
Speaker 1: the other reason something, there's a there's a there's a
Speaker 1: health reason in her family. Oh, I thought it was
Speaker 1: you and me No, not because of you and me No.
Speaker 1: So that and I feel like if I truly knew
Speaker 1: my best friend and I knew how she shuts people out,
Speaker 1: that I should have been that. Maybe I should have
Speaker 1: taken that hint and then reached out to her. But
Speaker 1: I feel like I was reaching out so much that
Speaker 1: I wasn't getting it back. So, you know, some of
Speaker 1: them like, well what could what can you do with
Speaker 1: that kind of I don't know, so but she says, anyways,
Speaker 1: I took what you said to her and will always
Speaker 1: support you whatever you do. I want to be best
Speaker 1: friends again. Well you know what I think. I think
Speaker 1: this is a pivotal moment in this friendship, which means
Speaker 1: you guys can get on the phone and go all
Speaker 1: in or it now changes into a different type of
Speaker 1: friendship or an end. You have the reactions right, well,
Speaker 1: because here's the thing again, I know, you know she's busy.
Speaker 1: I'm busy. My girlfriends and national are busy. But I
Speaker 1: at least know what's going on in their lives. At
Speaker 1: least know what's going on, like it's more than just
Speaker 1: like once of every once, And I don't know. I
Speaker 1: just want to I'd like I just if we're going
Speaker 1: to have friendships in our thirties, let's make it meaningful. Well,
Speaker 1: I think you need to you guys happen, so now
Speaker 1: I know, so yeah, maybe I'll give her, But yeah,
Speaker 1: i'll do that. I'll actually now that now that she
Speaker 1: reached out, which I appreciate, I I just honestly didn't
Speaker 1: think she listened anymore, Like I didn't know. I don't know.
Speaker 1: But maybe that's a good thing. When do you think, Mike,
Speaker 1: I think it's a good thing. And I think this
Speaker 1: is where Yeah, and you guys went so long with
Speaker 1: just kind of not addressing the change in y'alls relationship,
Speaker 1: and you know, you assume there's something. She had her reasons,
Speaker 1: You had your reasons. Who knows what it really was.
Speaker 1: You guys didn't talk about it. So now it's hey,
Speaker 1: it's out there in the open. She's kind of told
Speaker 1: you out there to the entire Wine down Whine. I
Speaker 1: was out there. Yeah, But I mean, you know, this
Speaker 1: is the moment to rekindle that and to go back
Speaker 1: to where you guys were, which was you guys could
Speaker 1: still go months without talking, but then as soon as
Speaker 1: you did, it was like you just picked up where
Speaker 1: you left off, which is which is totally okay. It
Speaker 1: doesn't mean you guys have to talk talk every week.
Speaker 1: I just has to get back to that closeness where
Speaker 1: it's okay and you guys feel comfortable in your friendship
Speaker 1: not talking okay. It is absolutely no secret that Memma
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Speaker 1: emails if you'd like. Sorry, Mark, I didn't mean to
Speaker 1: talk over not at all. Probably my place. This is
Speaker 1: from Megan, she said, it sounds like you're the same
Speaker 1: issues I have. I'm the main one in my relationship
Speaker 1: wanting to have sex. I want it so much more
Speaker 1: than him. He's never cheated on me though he's thirty three.
Speaker 1: We've been together five years. We have a three year old.
Speaker 1: We are not married. We do live together. I really
Speaker 1: want to be married. I barely get attention, but he
Speaker 1: works eighty hours a week, so I let it slide.
Speaker 1: He does little sweet things. He fixes me my plate
Speaker 1: at dinner, he brings my favorite candy from the store.
Speaker 1: I'm definitely the touchy feely type and any reassurance. I
Speaker 1: just feel like he's happy with how things are. But
Speaker 1: I'm not thank you for reading this. I'm a huge fan.
Speaker 1: I'm meeting you in October where probably if she's a
Speaker 1: one tree hiller in Wilmington's because there's a convention that'
Speaker 1: um yeah, it sucks. I don't know what to say.
Speaker 1: Just talk to him, tell him how tell tell him,
Speaker 1: you know, tell him you need it more, tell him
Speaker 1: you'd like to whatever word c bang me. Yeah, just
Speaker 1: just just say because here's at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: you know, I mean, you just you need you need
Speaker 1: that attention, and the partner needs to not be a
Speaker 1: selfish What would be the best, like Mike, we would
Speaker 1: be the best way for her to approach this with him.
Speaker 1: That's not going to make him head for the health.
Speaker 1: So thank you Mark for esking. My thought and opinion is, yeah,
Speaker 1: she can bring it up to him. But again, if
Speaker 1: he's working eighty hour work weeks, he that poor guy.
Speaker 1: He's stressed out of his mind trying to provide for
Speaker 1: his his girlfriend and his child. So the last thing
Speaker 1: you want to do is stress him out even more.
Speaker 1: Where when he gets home it's like that's when it
Speaker 1: feels like a chore. Where if it's like you validate, Hey, honey,
Speaker 1: I know you're working your ass off, I know you
Speaker 1: you're probably stressed, I know you're exhausted, but just letting
Speaker 1: you know you know where I'm I could really use
Speaker 1: some more US time, whatever that may be, whether it's sex,
Speaker 1: whether it's designated, no, it's called we call it now
Speaker 1: what intentional, intentional time together? Intentional that's nice, which naturally
Speaker 1: will lead to right more likely. So yeah, just just
Speaker 1: just don't forget that he's probably working butt off and
Speaker 1: he's working this long hours and just validate that. But
Speaker 1: if you can carve time out to spend intentional time together,
Speaker 1: that will create a closeness that you think will lead
Speaker 1: in the direction she wants to go about. That's good
Speaker 1: ns and not light switches, ladies. Not all guys are
Speaker 1: just light switches. I like that he plates your dinner.
Speaker 1: That is nice, that it's really sweetened or train lindsay.
Speaker 1: My dilemma is my boyfriend and I are both young.
Speaker 1: We're both twenty two. We want to take our big
Speaker 1: step and move into an apartment together in the spring.
Speaker 1: The issue is my mother. She's not supportive of the idea.
Speaker 1: She thinks I need to stay home on them out
Speaker 1: of school, which is five years from now. His parents
Speaker 1: are excited. The thing is great, take the staff, have fun.
Speaker 1: She always disc arges this conversation. My mom and never
Speaker 1: has an open mind when talking to me about it.
Speaker 1: It's always inconvenience for her. I want her to be
Speaker 1: excited for us, but I feel like since I'm the
Speaker 1: youngest child, she's holding back because she moved out on
Speaker 1: her own when she was young and she really struggled.
Speaker 1: I'm not naive. I know that we might struggle. A
Speaker 1: lot of young couples do. But I don't want to
Speaker 1: wait until twenty seven to finally be an adult out
Speaker 1: of my own. I say do it. I think I
Speaker 1: think it's will say two things. I think it's important
Speaker 1: to live by yourself before you live in moving with somebody,
Speaker 1: by yourself, by yourself. So I have a feeling, and sorry,
Speaker 1: lindsay love you, but I have feeling at this age
Speaker 1: you might move in with you, but eventually going to
Speaker 1: be living by your own, by yourself. And yeah, and
Speaker 1: and enjoy that time. And there is something I lived on.
Speaker 1: I would say, I could be the president of the
Speaker 1: Optimust Club. But twenty two, you need to live on
Speaker 1: your own with a girlfriend, not with a boyfriend. You
Speaker 1: need to be experiencing your early twenties. Do not if
Speaker 1: you want this relationship to small town and they've been
Speaker 1: together forever, they're going to be together. But there's two
Speaker 1: issues here and there. There's moving in with a boyfriend,
Speaker 1: and there's a moving out and around they're kind of
Speaker 1: separate issues at time. I'm I am so pro move
Speaker 1: out on your own and get a taste of life.
Speaker 1: You don't want to wait till you're the first time,
Speaker 1: because if your her mom wants to stay during college,
Speaker 1: that's the time you're You're gone. Baby, I love you.
Speaker 1: Get a girlfriend, don't move in with a boyfriend. I
Speaker 1: agree with her. I'm not. I just there. Yeah, that
Speaker 1: will not That can only help your relationship. Won't hurt
Speaker 1: your relationship by living apart. He gets to the place
Speaker 1: with a buddy. You need a place with a girlfriend.
Speaker 1: Release and they're saying sign here at lease. It's not
Speaker 1: You're not committed to anything longer than that. Don't buy
Speaker 1: anything with like your friend or your boyfriend. Just lease
Speaker 1: a place for a year, both of you guys somewhere
Speaker 1: and then have fun there because that such a huge
Speaker 1: step already moving out of your house, so have fun.
Speaker 1: It's funny because this is not what she's asking. But
Speaker 1: I do think this is good advice that you got
Speaker 1: to get out from under, but moving with your boyfriend
Speaker 1: might be a big step. We're giving her. The best
Speaker 1: advice are, Yeah, do it live on the edge with
Speaker 1: the girlfriend. So your mama drama just became live by
Speaker 1: yourself with your girlfriend. You're welcome, You're welcome. There you go.
Speaker 1: All right, Well that was fun. Um. Shout out to
Speaker 1: m J for coming in the studio in our sweet doctorage,
Speaker 1: for answering all of our hemorrhoid questions. I mean, she's
Speaker 1: a lightning around ourselves baring. She's awesome and I was
Speaker 1: like trying to trip her up and she wouldn't. Going
Speaker 1: back to your one question, Yeah I know, I was like,
Speaker 1: she's squirrel. But thanks, Thank you guys for listening and
Speaker 1: for being my wine. Nos. Love you