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Speaker 1: The Fred Show is on. It's stay or go.

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Speaker 2: Alexia is here, Hi Alexia, good morning, good morning, Welcome

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Speaker 2: to the program. So it's like group therapy. We call

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Speaker 2: it stairgo. What's going on with this? This boyfriend of yours?

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Speaker 2: Kung Fu Karl, No, Matthew the name is You don't

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Speaker 2: know the joke. It's fine, don't worry about it. But

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Speaker 2: Matthew Carl or Kurt or what was the name again?

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Speaker 2: What matter his name is? People be pissed anyway. We

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Speaker 2: has got Matthew Alexia. What's going on?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? With them? Matthew and I have been Nikuta for

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Speaker 3: about a year and a half, and you know, I

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Speaker 3: adore him. My family can't stand him, though, so that's

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Speaker 3: the problem. They don't give a ton of specific reasons.

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Speaker 3: They usually say he's not good enough for me. My

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Speaker 3: dad claims he's not driven enough and won't be able

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Speaker 3: to take care of me. I think he's a little

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Speaker 3: rough around the edges. You know, he's a little loud,

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Speaker 3: and I guess he swears, you know a little bit,

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Speaker 3: and you know, my parents don't love it. There was

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Speaker 3: one time where he got a little too drunk with

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Speaker 3: my uncle a while back at a family party, and

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Speaker 3: my uncle said that he was hating him, but he

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Speaker 3: really is an amazing person.

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Speaker 1: I think the uncle is my uncle him.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, that's what he That's what he says, which

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Speaker 3: is why he got a little drunk, a little too drunk.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, I kind of wish they would my family

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Speaker 3: would let things go and give him a shot, you know,

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Speaker 3: I think they would say that he's actually a pretty

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Speaker 3: great guy. And I've tried a lot and they're not budging.

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Speaker 1: So they just don't like his personality. They don't.

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Speaker 2: They don't mean you say that he's not good enough.

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Speaker 2: Does he have a bad job? I mean does he

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Speaker 2: Does he have a job? And I mean what I'm

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Speaker 2: trying to think of some of the reasons why somebody

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Speaker 2: might initially think that someone was like good.

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Speaker 3: Enough for you. I mean, they haven't mentioned anything about

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Speaker 3: his job. I mean he I mean, he's a photographer,

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Speaker 3: but I don't, I don't. They haven't mentioned anything about

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Speaker 3: his job.

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Speaker 2: All right, So they don't like his personality. They haven't

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Speaker 2: mentioned this job. They just, for whatever reason, there's a

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Speaker 2: collective feeling among your family that this guy's is not

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Speaker 2: good enough. And the question is, what do you do,

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Speaker 2: because you know, if he can't overcome that, then you

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Speaker 2: wind up with a person who your parents and family

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Speaker 2: don't like forever, and that's probably not going to work.

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Speaker 2: You know, he may not like that very much. Or

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Speaker 2: or do you do the whole like Romeo and Juliette

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Speaker 2: thing where you just say, in spite of you, all

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Speaker 2: our love will prevail, or you know, some sort of

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Speaker 2: romantic thing like that. I mean, are you so compelled

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Speaker 2: to be with this man that you're not going to

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Speaker 2: sort of I don't want to say lean in, but

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Speaker 2: take into consideration the fact that everybody in your family

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Speaker 2: doesn't like this guy? Does that not mean something? I mean,

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Speaker 2: I mean that's dilemma.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I can't picture my life what about him?

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Speaker 3: But my family also means the world to me, and

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Speaker 3: I don't know how it could be with someone that

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Speaker 3: they don't approve of, And.

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Speaker 2: What is his attitude about this? Like he doesn't it

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Speaker 2: is what it is. They don't like me. I like you,

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Speaker 2: so I'll just hang on. I mean, is he is

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Speaker 2: he to get on this too?

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Speaker 3: I mean he's he's you know, I told him, like, hey, like,

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Speaker 3: just be their best behavior.

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Speaker 4: But I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I think I think, now that it's been a year

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Speaker 3: and a half, I think he is kind of like listen,

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Speaker 3: like there's something more I can do, and I just like,

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Speaker 3: I don't know. I'm at this point now where I

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Speaker 3: just I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I cannot imagine being with somebody who my parents did

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Speaker 2: not like. I cannot imagine somebody like saying, you know what, Mom, Amanda,

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Speaker 2: my mom and my sister, I don't care that you

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Speaker 2: don't get a good vibe about this, even though you've

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Speaker 2: known me my whole life. I don't care. I'm just

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Speaker 2: gonna do it anyway. And I don't think that they

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Speaker 2: would disown me, but it would be be a miserable existence.

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Speaker 2: And the fact that everybody feels a certain kind of way,

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Speaker 2: you know what I mean. It's like maybe if mom

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Speaker 2: or dad didn't like him, but other people saw something

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Speaker 2: good at him or whatever, But for whatever reason, everybody

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Speaker 2: gets a bad vibe about this guy. I think that's

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Speaker 2: somebody consider right, or I mean, I suppose they could

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Speaker 2: all be really toxic and getting together behind your back,

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Speaker 2: But what would be the motivation there? You know, why

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Speaker 2: would somebody why would your family? Why would your family

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Speaker 2: resist a person who was good for you. Do you think, Oh,

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Speaker 2: when you put it that way, I know a lot

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Speaker 2: of brilliance, a lot of brilliance coming out of the

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Speaker 2: cold medicine, a lot of brilliance. Let me take some

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Speaker 2: vocals on this and see what people have to say.

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Speaker 2: But Alexi, I wish you well. It's got to be

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Speaker 2: hard because if your family's important to you and this

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Speaker 2: guy's important to you and you can't find a way

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Speaker 2: to bring them together, especially if they're both digging in,

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Speaker 2: Because I can see a situation where I'm like, I'm sorry,

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Speaker 2: your family doesn't like me, but there's nothing wrong with me.

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Speaker 1: Well, you didn't like your brother in law when they

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Speaker 1: first started dating.

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Speaker 2: I didn't not like him. It wasn't fundamental dislikes.

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Speaker 5: No.

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Speaker 1: I never said he was a bad person.

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Speaker 2: No, I didn't. I said I didn't think he was

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Speaker 2: worthy of her. Now, the question here is does your

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Speaker 2: family believe the same thing that I did, And is

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Speaker 2: it going to take time for him to prove that

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Speaker 2: he does deserve you, to show what he brings to

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Speaker 2: the table that he's obviously not now, or that they

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Speaker 2: believe that he's not now, or is it a matter

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Speaker 2: of they know something about him, or they've seen a

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Speaker 2: side of him that they don't like. That that's fundamental,

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Speaker 2: because you're right, my brother in law, while he had

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Speaker 2: no obligation to really prove anything to us, has absolutely

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Speaker 2: stepped up. And you know, he's an incredible guy. He's

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Speaker 2: been a really he's a great father, he's a great husband.

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Speaker 2: So some of the things that we initially were like, boy,

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Speaker 2: these two really come from very different places, and I'm

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Speaker 2: not sure how they find the perspective to make it

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Speaker 2: all work. They seem to have managed to do that.

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Speaker 2: At least, you know, we think so it's possible. But

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Speaker 2: what I can tell you is we never thought he

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Speaker 2: was like a thief or a crook, or a liar

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Speaker 2: or a cheater or something like that. I think if

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Speaker 2: I if I had evidence of any of that, I'm

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Speaker 2: not sure that I ever would have turned the corner

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Speaker 2: on the guy. Honestly, I don't want my sister to

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Speaker 2: be with it guy like that, and she's not, so

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Speaker 2: I don't know. I think that's what you have to evaluate,

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Speaker 2: is is this something where if he just warms up

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Speaker 2: and he tries really hard, And that's another thing, you know,

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Speaker 2: whether you like it or not, you are kind of

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Speaker 2: auditioning for the role.

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Speaker 1: You know, Kiky's got a huge family.

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Speaker 2: For example, brothers and sisters and cousins and all the

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Speaker 2: rest of it. If I were dating you, I would

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Speaker 2: be intimidated at first, because it's like, that's a lot

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Speaker 2: of people I gotta win over. Yeah, you know, and

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Speaker 2: inevitably there will be some people that don't like me.

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Speaker 2: But if the vast majority do, then I think, you know,

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Speaker 2: in time, maybe everyone comes around as he's who I am.

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Speaker 2: But if I've got like a shady past and I'm

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Speaker 2: not treating you well whatever, and they all know about that,

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Speaker 2: I may never outlive that.

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Speaker 4: Exactly, you know, And I would I would take he

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Speaker 4: to my family's warning. Absolutely, the people that look the most,

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Speaker 4: if all of them are saying the same thing, it's

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Speaker 4: a red flag girl.

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Speaker 1: You need to I don't know.

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Speaker 5: I've seen some parents that just don't like anyone that

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Speaker 5: their children date.

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Speaker 4: Well that's true, but like the whole like the uncles

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Speaker 4: even are agreeing with this, the extended family.

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Speaker 5: Or one uncle liked him because he wanted to get

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Speaker 5: him drunk.

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Speaker 2: Has your family been agreeable to other people that you've dated, Alexiya,

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Speaker 2: like is this a new thing.

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Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, they've.

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Speaker 3: Met other boyfriends, but not one that I've been with

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Speaker 3: this long.

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Speaker 1: Yeh.

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Speaker 2: I mean it's it's tough. It's definitely tough. Let's take

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Speaker 2: some phone calls, Alexia, have your radio on. We want

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Speaker 2: to talk about you behind your back. But good luck.

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Speaker 2: I know it's hard and thanks for sharing. Thanks eight

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Speaker 2: five three five Julie, Hi, good morning, Welcome, Good morning, Julie.

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Speaker 2: What stay or go here? This is a woman who's

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Speaker 2: been dating a guy for somewhere between a year and

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Speaker 2: a year and a half, she mentioned, and no one

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Speaker 2: in her family likes him for some reason, and he's

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Speaker 2: beginning to be like whatever, and she's like, I want

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Speaker 2: to be with him, but I also don't know why

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Speaker 2: nobody on my side likes him.

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Speaker 1: You know, what do you do? I would go?

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Speaker 6: So this kind of happened in my family.

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Speaker 7: My cousin was.

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Speaker 6: Dating this guy who he was just overly nice to everyone,

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Speaker 6: was super weird, and turns out that he was a

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Speaker 6: hidden secret drug addict and alcoholic who ended up with

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Speaker 6: a domestic abuse charge on my cousin. No, I would

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Speaker 6: it's the you know what out Yeah, never know what?

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Speaker 6: They're fighting yeah.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I guess you have to really consider, like

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Speaker 2: have your parents been supportive in the past, has your

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Speaker 2: family been supportive in the past, because Cam makes a

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Speaker 2: good point, like maybe, I mean, look, nobody was going

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Speaker 2: to be good enough for my sister until they were.

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Speaker 2: And people can say, well, that's antiquated, or that's not

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Speaker 2: for you to do, or whatever it is.

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Speaker 1: It is. I'm a big brother.

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Speaker 2: So ultimately it was her decision to make, and I

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Speaker 2: would have supported whatever decision she did make, But it

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Speaker 2: was also my job to vet this guy, and for

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Speaker 2: all the people who along the way were like, you know,

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Speaker 2: you were probably pretty mean to the guy. If you

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Speaker 2: ask him, he'll tell you that I would have expected

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Speaker 2: nothing less from somebody who values, you know, a man

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Speaker 2: of the way that I do.

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Speaker 1: Again, I wasn't like terrible to him. I just I

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Speaker 1: needed to see it right.

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Speaker 2: And again, now where I have a decision to make

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Speaker 2: is if she married him, and I'm like, fine, I'm

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Speaker 2: done with both of you.

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Speaker 1: Now.

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Speaker 2: That makes me kind of a prick because ultimately it's

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Speaker 2: her life and if I love her, then I have

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Speaker 2: to support her, and if he's part of it, then fine.

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Speaker 2: But I mean, it's not like, we don't know that

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Speaker 2: this guy's a criminal. We don't know that this boyfriend

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Speaker 2: is you know, a fie or a crook or I

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Speaker 2: would think if she had, I think she would have

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Speaker 2: said that, because that would have been a pretty clear

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Speaker 2: indication all the guy used to you know, cheat on

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Speaker 2: his girlfriend or or you know he's been to jail

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Speaker 2: for domestic abuse or something. Well, okay, well let's have

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Speaker 2: a conversation about that. I don't think she'd call the

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Speaker 2: radio for that, though. I think this sounds like a

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Speaker 2: personality difference.

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Speaker 6: You just never know, Like people, I mean are crazy nowadays,

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Speaker 6: and I'm not saying everyone is, but you just never know. Yeah, yeah, Julie,

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Speaker 6: you're just kind of protect yourself and your family because

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Speaker 6: you don't want anything coming back.

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Speaker 2: And I agree, then you regret something, Yeah, Julie, thank you,

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Speaker 2: have a good day.

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Speaker 6: You're welcome, you too.

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Speaker 4: Love you.

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Speaker 1: Guys does love you too.

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Speaker 2: And I've heard about like really bad examples where it

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Speaker 2: was it was racial for example, like well they don't

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Speaker 2: like him because he's not hispanic, or he's not white,

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Speaker 2: or he's not black, or he's not like us or whatever.

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Speaker 2: Now that I mean that kind of stuff is like

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Speaker 2: you're probably not going to overcome it, but also not

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Speaker 2: a reason not to be with someone that you love,

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Speaker 2: right those without saying it doesn't sound like that's the

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Speaker 2: issue here either. So it's I don't know. It makes

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Speaker 2: me wonder whether smoke is there fire. The other thing

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Speaker 2: you have to remember, and I know it's hard, is

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Speaker 2: that when you love somebody, you sometimes are blind to

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Speaker 2: things about them that everybody else can see. You know,

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Speaker 2: like I've I've loved someone before where my sister and

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Speaker 2: mom step back and go, this isn't good, Like you're

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Speaker 2: you're missing stuff here, you know what I mean? And

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Speaker 2: and so then you have to consider like am I blind?

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Speaker 1: Am I blind?

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Speaker 2: I don't think that's a surprise you love. I've admitted

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Speaker 2: to having. I've admitted to it. I've come clean for

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Speaker 2: people made love. You've loved someone but you were in love. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I think it's a different It's a difference. I've had

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Speaker 2: love for people I've dated.

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Speaker 1: I thought we were on the road. Maybe I may have.

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Speaker 2: Even believed at the time that I was in love

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Speaker 2: with someone, but then looking back on it, I was not.

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Speaker 1: It couldn't have been. That's what I think. Hey, Kim,

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Speaker 1: how you doing. What's up?

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Speaker 7: Kid? Got I?

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Speaker 1: I'm in love with you? So there's then.

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Speaker 7: Hi, No, I think that you could stay?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly like.

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Speaker 2: People I get Hi anyway, I think weirdo you think

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Speaker 2: she should stay?

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Speaker 1: Why?

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Speaker 7: I do think she's just day. I think there's a

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Speaker 7: lot of people that are in really relationships with somebody

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Speaker 7: that nobody likes, like, uh oh, my kids don't like her,

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Speaker 7: my you know, everybody doesn't like but then they last

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Speaker 7: for like twenty five thirty years. So there's that, And

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Speaker 7: then you also have the fact that I was in

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Speaker 7: a relationship like that. I was obsessed Hi head over heels.

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Speaker 7: I was so in love my parents. Everybody hated m

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Speaker 7: my sister I have. I have five siblings, none of them.

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Speaker 7: But I went was like, he's cool, he's cool, but

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Speaker 7: I don't know. It's been fifteen years and he, Randon

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Speaker 7: and my brother are like two years ago. Was like,

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Speaker 7: that's I wish that those should have been my kids,

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Speaker 7: that should have been my life. Like it's so weird

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Speaker 7: to me because it's like everybody hated him, but we

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Speaker 7: were just hindered soul no matter what, and uh, it's weird.

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Speaker 7: It's weird.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 2: So to this day you regret breaking up with this

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Speaker 2: man because your family didn't want him.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, I do. But I mean it's kind of like

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Speaker 7: a notebook situation. Though it's like, Okay, I'm gonna go

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Speaker 7: with like this.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just tough. Thank you, Kim, have a good day.

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Speaker 2: It's hard, I mean. And the other thing is, like

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Speaker 2: you you got to consider the sources too, Like my

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Speaker 2: mom and my sister. While they have I think similar

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Speaker 2: amount of love for me, they have different perspectives. So

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Speaker 2: my sister will probably give a pass to things my

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Speaker 2: mom would not because my mom is going to be

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Speaker 2: naturally overprotective.

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Speaker 1: I'm her boy, I'm her first.

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Speaker 2: There's just stuff she just is not ever going to

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Speaker 2: tolerate and and and look past. My sister, on the

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Speaker 2: other hand, I think can sit back and go all right, well,

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Speaker 2: you know, because she's living in this world dating it,

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Speaker 2: or she dated in sort of a relative era.

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Speaker 1: I don't know.

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Speaker 2: I just think she's a little bit more open minded

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Speaker 2: to let's see if we can forgive or look past

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Speaker 2: if they both don't like somebody, right, uh uh you

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Speaker 2: in trouble, Hey, Paige, good morning?

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Speaker 1: Say or go what do you.

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Speaker 8: Think, I think she should definitely go.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 6: Why, well, I agree with you. I think sometimes when

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Speaker 6: you're in a relationship, you don't.

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Speaker 8: See you know what others think, and I think ultimately

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Speaker 8: your friends and family know the best. I dated this

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Speaker 8: guy in college that was a total loser and I

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Speaker 8: didn't realize it at the time, but everyone around me

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Speaker 8: was trying to make me understand that, and I finally

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Speaker 8: had a wake up call.

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Speaker 7: I had my first job.

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Speaker 8: Interview out of college and he came with me and

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Speaker 8: while I was in my interview, I ended up getting

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Speaker 8: the job, but he was at the local madel Thrift

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Speaker 8: shopping shop lifting and got arrested sharing my interviews. So

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Speaker 8: not saying that this guy is, you know, a shoplister,

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Speaker 8: but just the point of your friends and family know

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Speaker 8: you the best, so you can see it at the

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Speaker 8: time when you're in the relationship.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, thank you, Paige, have a good day.

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Speaker 8: Thank you too.

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Speaker 2: Glad you called. Let's see here? Alicia?

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Speaker 1: Hi, Yeah, Hey, are you stay or go?

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Speaker 2: What do you do if you love someone and nobody

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Speaker 2: in your family likes this person?

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Speaker 1: Nobody? What do you do?

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Speaker 7: Well?

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Speaker 5: The reason that I called is because I actually had

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Speaker 5: this situation that happen in my life, so about ten

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Speaker 5: years ago, and she's got to go. What I did

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Speaker 5: personally was I took the standpoint of okay, me and

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Speaker 5: him against the world, nothing else matters. My entire family

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Speaker 5: disagreed with it. None of them liked him at all whatsoever.

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Speaker 5: They got a weird vibe and ended up moving out

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Speaker 5: of state with him, ended up having children with him,

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Speaker 5: and it was the most abusive situation I've ever been in.

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Speaker 5: So essentially, it's almost like some people, and I'm not

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Speaker 5: saying her boyfriend's abuse, but I'm just saying some people

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Speaker 5: take that as okay, cool. Her family's not around anymore,

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Speaker 5: and you know, just me and her, so I can

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Speaker 5: kind of manipulate her mind. And that's kind of what

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Speaker 5: happened to me, is I just kept going to him

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Speaker 5: no matter what my family said. I was like, if

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Speaker 5: you guys don't like him, then you don't need to

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Speaker 5: be around me. I even took my children away from them,

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Speaker 5: like you guys don't need to see any of us.

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Speaker 5: And then it ended up being really really bad.

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Speaker 1: Wow, I'm glad you got out of there. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I did.

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Speaker 5: And I'm remarried and I'm like happier than I've ever been,

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Speaker 5: but I feel like, let a lesson for me. I

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Speaker 5: feel like if everybody around you, like you guys have

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Speaker 5: been saying, who know, you get a different vibe, there's

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Speaker 5: definitely a reason for it. And luckily my family, you know,

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Speaker 5: they were there to pick me up every time I

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Speaker 5: fell down. And stuff didn't work out with that situation

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Speaker 5: because I mean I went back to I moved back

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Speaker 5: in my house and then went back with him and

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Speaker 5: I moved back in with my house and I was

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Speaker 5: like a back and forth thing for like almost a decades.

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Speaker 5: And no, it was not a good situation. Well, so

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Speaker 5: I wouldn't recommend.

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Speaker 2: And once you agree that, you have to, like in retrospect,

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Speaker 2: you have to be a little bit self aware and

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Speaker 2: sort of consider the sources. Again, like if your family

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Speaker 2: is known to be exclusionary about people who are not

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Speaker 2: like you for whatever reason.

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Speaker 1: I've heard of this before.

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Speaker 2: You know, I know somebody who dated somewhat of a

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Speaker 2: different race and her family wasn't having it. And because

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Speaker 2: they're racist, right, and so it has nothing to do

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Speaker 2: with the person. The person had no chance, you know.

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Speaker 2: So that's one thing absolutely versus if your family is

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Speaker 2: known to be supportive of you, and now all of

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Speaker 2: a sudden and you know that they don't stereotype in

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Speaker 2: that way, and they have an objection, that should be

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Speaker 2: taken more seriously than a situation where someone's just being

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Speaker 2: close minded and bigoted or arrogant or whatever or.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what the words I'm looking for, ignorant.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, no, a hundred percent. I just think that from

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Speaker 5: my perspective back in the day, and maybe her perspective now. Everybody,

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Speaker 5: and I mean you guys, everybody just wants to be loved.

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Speaker 5: Everybody wants to partner, you know you. When she she's

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Speaker 5: in that and she feels like, oh, I've got my person,

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Speaker 5: then that's still that's going to be a really hard

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Speaker 5: thing for her to walk away from based on everybody

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Speaker 5: else's Yeah, you know, everybody else's standpoint. She's in it

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Speaker 5: and she's in love, and she's thinking, no, I just

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Speaker 5: I just want my person, and it's it's definitely a

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Speaker 5: lot harder or easier said than done, just to like go.

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Speaker 5: But again, like I said, in my situation, it took

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Speaker 5: ten years of my life. It was almost a third

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Speaker 5: of my life by the time I got out of

401
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Speaker 5: it and a lot of lessons learned. I mean, obviously

402
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Speaker 5: I come out on the other sides a lot stronger

403
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Speaker 5: and know what I want, what I don't want. I

404
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Speaker 5: would never put up something like that again, but I

405
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Speaker 5: guess from personal experience, I would want to say, I'm

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Speaker 5: so glad that you you know you you, you survived

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Speaker 5: it and you came out I had.

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Speaker 2: You know, you have a different perspective, You've had a

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Speaker 2: better guy, more supportive, your hab so happy ending.

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Speaker 1: I like it. Thanks for sharing, Thank you very much.

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Speaker 1: All right, good, Well that problems solve.

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Speaker 2: Look at that at least, lease the problem solve this, lady,

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Speaker 2: mind a new boyfriend?

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Speaker 6: Yep, you gotta go.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, sorry, the background check on his man.

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Speaker 1: Get Chris Hansen on it.