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Speaker 1: My whole marriage is a lie, and I think my

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Speaker 1: family might have found out the truth, you.

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Speaker 2: Know, Sam, Sometimes you are walking on the street and

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Speaker 2: you find a five dollars bill and you're like wow.

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Speaker 2: And then sometimes you're walking in down the street and

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Speaker 2: you realize your marriage is a lie. These are things,

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Speaker 2: These are the things that happen.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, you know. It's like some days are up, some

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Speaker 1: days are down exactly, you know, but some days are

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Speaker 1: really down, and some days go into the center of

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Speaker 1: the earth and they don't know how to climb back out.

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Speaker 1: And then you find yourself in a black hole of Reddit,

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Speaker 1: posting your sorrows to the Internet, and two guys in

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Speaker 1: a room. Sadly true. All right, So this is going

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Speaker 1: to be extremely weird. Me and my husband met in

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Speaker 1: college and we're part of a tight knit friend circle

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Speaker 1: of four people whom we are still friends with to

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Speaker 1: this day. So, due to personal reasons that I won't

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Speaker 1: dive into, my husband asked me for marriage. It was

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Speaker 1: supposed to be just a paper marriage, nothing emotional, which

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Speaker 1: we decided to end after some years. Maybe it was

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Speaker 1: like a green card marriage something, hmm. Okay. It was

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Speaker 1: perfect for me because we all belonged to a South

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Speaker 1: Asian country where women are expected to get married at

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Speaker 1: a young age, and I had pressure from my family,

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Speaker 1: so I did it and got to work in my

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Speaker 1: career like I've always wanted. Interesting. Interesting, Okay, We were

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Speaker 1: supposed to get a divorce after three years, and only

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Speaker 1: our friends knew the truth about our marriage, that it

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Speaker 1: was a lie. After only a year, my husband's sister

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Speaker 1: and her husband died in an accident, and their children,

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Speaker 1: a boy of seven and a girl of ten, had

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Speaker 1: no one besides us. Oh my goodness, my husband does

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Speaker 1: have a brother. But we were clearly a good option

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Speaker 1: for the children, and we genuinely wanted to take care

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Speaker 1: of them, and I just fell in love with the

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Speaker 1: kids and being a mother to them. They were so

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Speaker 1: young when we had them, and we just couldn't go

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Speaker 1: through the divorce because it would have been traumatizing for

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Speaker 1: the kids who were just starting to adjust. And plus

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Speaker 1: I did have a really great relationship with my husband,

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Speaker 1: and I think we got comfortable with just the idea

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Speaker 1: of what we had as a family, so we just

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Speaker 1: kind of got stuck. It's been seven years now and

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Speaker 1: we never consummated our marriage and have no romantic relationship

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Speaker 1: at all and don't intend to. Wow, that is an

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Speaker 1: odd situation. Yeah, his mom found out about that through

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Speaker 1: our friend's parents who apparently knew, and she is extremely

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Speaker 1: disappointed in us. Oh that sucks. Yeah, broh, keep the

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Speaker 1: secret in the friend group for real? What are you doing? Moms?

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Speaker 1: She wants him to have a real marriage and have

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Speaker 1: true kids of his own. If we are not willing

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Speaker 1: to do that, then we need to end this marriage

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Speaker 1: and find our true partners, which, like I understand from

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Speaker 1: the mom's point of view, where it's just like, hey,

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Speaker 1: like you should go find out, you should find the

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Speaker 1: people that you really love, like sham of a marriage.

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Speaker 2: Although I will say if for the wrong reasons. She

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Speaker 2: she's maybe saying that for the wrong wrong reasons. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I want you in a real marriage for the the look.

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Speaker 1: After us rejecting that and telling her she gets to

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Speaker 1: play her part of being a grandmother, she went insane

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Speaker 1: and told everyone in the family, and we are getting

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Speaker 1: a lot of heat from the people. So am I

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Speaker 1: the a hole? There is an edit? But John, what

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Speaker 1: do you think? Oh man?

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Speaker 2: This is one of the more unique situations. I feel

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Speaker 2: like we've stayen on the show. I would love to

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Speaker 2: hear what you all think, but I do not think

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Speaker 2: that OP is the a hole, although I will say

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Speaker 2: there is probably some sort of credibility to the point of, hey,

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Speaker 2: why not go out and find your true life partner

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Speaker 2: and totally understand that she's growing comfortable, And I mean, hey,

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Speaker 2: every person's different. Maybe this is a nice situation for them,

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Speaker 2: but I would wonder. And also, just by finding another

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Speaker 2: partner doesn't mean they can't co parent the children, which

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Speaker 2: is really sweet and I'm glad that's happened. But yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's very unique scenario.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I heard, what do you guys do? There's an update, though,

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Speaker 1: let's get into it. Extremely overwhelmed by the responses here.

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Speaker 1: I guess when we started living together, we just saw

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Speaker 1: how easy it was for us. We have talked about

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Speaker 1: our arrangement. We just decided that this works well for

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Speaker 1: both of us. We have good communication and mutual respect,

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Speaker 1: and we don't need anything other than that. The reason

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Speaker 1: for making this post was that his mother told the

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Speaker 1: relatives recently and I didn't know how to respond. I've

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Speaker 1: decided to just agree that, yes, my marriage started out

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Speaker 1: that way, but we are truly a couple. Now and

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Speaker 1: we don't need to share details with anyone else. The

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Speaker 1: reason our friends knew about this arrangement was because they

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Speaker 1: helped set it up. But I'll be more careful now.

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Speaker 1: We'll update you guys after this mess gets sorted. Thank

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Speaker 1: you so much. I'm truly grateful for everyone's advice. Wow.

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Speaker 1: I mean, my real question is, like, are they voting

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Speaker 1: people on the side or are they like completely like

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Speaker 1: not doing it like that.

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Speaker 2: That was the like the undertone of I felt. I

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Speaker 2: thought they weren't because I didn't see I feel like

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Speaker 2: they would have said that we're like asexual or something

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Speaker 2: if that's like.

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Speaker 1: I feel like they would have said we're seeing other

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Speaker 1: people on the side if that was the case.

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Speaker 2: That's also a good point because there's many people who

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Speaker 2: do uh platonic life partnerships where they're just like, hey,

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Speaker 2: we get along, well, we don't have romantic interest, but

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Speaker 2: we're just like married for all of the other reasons

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Speaker 2: we have.

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Speaker 1: We have.

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Speaker 2: Good like chemistry. It's good to go through life with

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Speaker 2: a partner and they just have a platonic life partnership.

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Speaker 1: You know, there's many people.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's totally a thing. There was a good uh

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Speaker 2: CNBC video that they did on Platonic Life Partnerships.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and it kind of makes sense. Like, you know,

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Speaker 2: I had a great roommate during COVID who like it

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Speaker 2: was COVID, so we just spent all of our time

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Speaker 2: together and you know, like cooked and whatever. And it's

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Speaker 2: like I was like, oh, I could, I could see.

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Speaker 2: That's basically like like marrying your best friend and there's

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Speaker 2: no romantic things involl whatever, like magice, buying a house,

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Speaker 2: your best friend, getting finances set up right, you know,

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Speaker 2: like I I.

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Speaker 1: It makes that makes sense to me. That kind of

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Speaker 1: sounds sick. Yeah, yeah, I would do that with my

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Speaker 1: childhood best friend and current roommate, Christian should I could,

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Speaker 1: I could, Well, I've literally already talked to him about

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Speaker 1: buying house.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: We also need to in our in our Green Stream studio,

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Speaker 2: we need to do an homage to have Christian's feet

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Speaker 2: on a bed, because there was If there's og O

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Speaker 2: Kop fans, they will remember that Christian was like sleeping

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Speaker 2: in the background on a few a few very early.

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Speaker 1: I don't have to make an homage fricking back. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: all right, we'll see soon. Today I asked up by

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Speaker 1: sleeping with my second cousin. Yeah, that is not good.

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Speaker 1: So I twenty eight male, just got out of my

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Speaker 1: first ever relationship, a six year one, which does do.

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Speaker 1: It's a long long time. I live in London and

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Speaker 1: so does my ex, so being there with her was

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Speaker 1: making the whole getting over her part really difficult. I

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Speaker 1: just wanted to get away, so I thought myself, I

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Speaker 1: need a nice long holiday forty two days to be exact. Wow,

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Speaker 1: And I just wanted to spend that time being around

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Speaker 1: friend's family and live that single fuck wayesque lifestyle. Live

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Speaker 1: it up maybe, So I went on holiday to Zambia,

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Speaker 1: my home country. There we go. Now. A week before

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Speaker 1: doing so, I changed my location on all the dating

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Speaker 1: apps to prepare myself and line some dates up. Anyway,

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Speaker 1: I get to Zambia and I'm happy to be home.

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Speaker 1: I see old friends and family for a couple of days,

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Speaker 1: and then I start doing work. It was fun for

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Speaker 1: about a week, and then I start going to Poundtown.

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Speaker 2: Pound Town.

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Speaker 1: It was fun for about a week, but then it

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Speaker 1: quickly became more of a chore than anything. Around this time,

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Speaker 1: I matched with a cute mixed girl. I mixed too,

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Speaker 1: and the conversation was fluent from the day we matched.

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Speaker 1: We're sending paragraphs to each other, talking about any and everything.

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Speaker 1: We had so much in common, and honestly we thought

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Speaker 1: a lot alike too. Oh, I bet you have a

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Speaker 1: lot in common, because this actually didn't you feel like

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Speaker 1: a chour anymore. It felt like I was actually really

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Speaker 1: liking this girl. I'm just in enjoying the deep, long convos.

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Speaker 1: And during these convos we talk about our families to

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Speaker 1: see if we know each other quos lusaka. The capital

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Speaker 1: is really small. Everyone knows everyone here. But as I'm

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Speaker 1: here staying with my dad and us his family name,

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Speaker 1: she's never heard of him. She goes by her stepfather's surname,

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Speaker 1: as she was adopted at two years old. We don't

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Speaker 1: know each other. I asked my dad if he's heard

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Speaker 1: of her surname, and he has. Says they are a

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Speaker 1: good family and the father is a good man. There

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Speaker 1: we go, sounded great, so far, sound great. Around day three,

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Speaker 1: she drunkenly invites me over. It was lovely mordip convos,

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Speaker 1: making out more deep convos. She's on our period, so

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Speaker 1: nothing further happens. Spend the night, though we really get

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Speaker 1: to know each other. I go home. Three days later,

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Speaker 1: I visit again and do the d oh oh.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: At this point, I feel like we're in a mini relationship.

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Speaker 1: We're texting, calling, and facetiming every day. After about a week,

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Speaker 1: I think to myself, this is lovely. She might be

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Speaker 1: relationship material. There already is an expiration date on this

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Speaker 1: when I leave, because I don't want to do long distance. Plus,

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Speaker 1: I did come here to enjoy myself, and I've just

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Speaker 1: gotten out of a year relationships. I'm not trying to

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Speaker 1: jump back into anything too soon. But at this point

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Speaker 1: I was so close. I felt like I was cheating

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Speaker 1: talking to other girls to explain my stance where I'm

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Speaker 1: at mentally and what I want to do. She understood,

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Speaker 1: but her stance was she wanted to be safe SDD wise,

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Speaker 1: and me doing what I wanted meant the end of

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Speaker 1: anything physical with her. I understood, and we ended things physically,

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Speaker 1: but we still continue to talk every day, still as

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Speaker 1: close as we ever were. I fantasized about one day

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Speaker 1: getting in a relationship together. When I eventually moved back

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Speaker 1: here in like two years.

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Speaker 2: Seems like a pretty like mature, like adult conversation. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: they're really like sorting things out, communicating right.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So this morning I asked her about her day.

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Speaker 1: How's the farm? I know from yesterday's chat she's visiting

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Speaker 1: her parents, who run a farm. She tells me it's good.

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Speaker 1: I just had a long conversation with my mom though,

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Speaker 1: me cool? What about her us? Me? Okay, what did

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Speaker 1: you tell her her? It's more about what she told

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Speaker 1: me me the fuck? I'm lost? Well, what does she

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Speaker 1: say her? It's just so so sad. I don't even

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Speaker 1: want to tell you me. I'm confused. What are you

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Speaker 1: on about her? Promise you won't hate me me? I

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Speaker 1: could never hate such a lovely person. Did you do

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Speaker 1: something that? What's going on her? You promise me? I

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Speaker 1: don't know now because you're freaking me out. Just tell

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Speaker 1: me Jasmine for real? Her? Well, we might be related oooo.

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Speaker 1: I doubt it though, because lots of people have your

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Speaker 1: mother's surname. Me, what, and this is from your og dad?

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Speaker 1: What's his name? I'll ask my mom? She then sends

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Speaker 1: his name. I forward to my mom who's in London,

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Speaker 1: asking if she knows this person. She does, it's her

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Speaker 1: first cousin. No, I feel disgusted I'm upset, I'm angry,

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Speaker 1: and the anger came from me at this time, thinking

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Speaker 1: my dad should have known, considering I told him who

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Speaker 1: she was and he knew her stepfather, so I feel

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Speaker 1: like this dad should have known. Yeah, for real, my

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Speaker 1: stomach was having this weird, tingly feeling. My wiener wanted

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Speaker 1: to disappear inside my body. Straight turtle show, straight turtled.

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Speaker 1: I asked my dad how he couldn't know that the

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Speaker 1: girl I was seeing was his first cousin's daughter. He says,

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Speaker 1: oh crap, he knew he dated the mother, but he

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Speaker 1: didn't know they had kids because she went by the

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Speaker 1: other name. He thought the stepdad was the real father. Oh,

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Speaker 1: my dad also lived between three countries in the past

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Speaker 1: twelve years. So anyway, I'm disgusted by the whole situation.

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Speaker 1: She's trying to justify it in a way, saying that

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Speaker 1: they aren't really her family anyway. They abandoned her, treated

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Speaker 1: her mom like crap, Her father was abusive. She hasn't

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Speaker 1: spoken fifteen years, and I've told her all this doesn't matter.

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Speaker 1: You can dounce them all, but at the end of

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Speaker 1: the day, your blood is my blood. Yeah, I fly

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Speaker 1: out this Saturday, and she's asked to come talk about

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Speaker 1: the situation face to face before I go, so we'll

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Speaker 1: see how it goes. Edit. I've read the responses, and

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Speaker 1: apparently genetically, I'm all good people who are saying it

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Speaker 1: isn't a big deal, though I doubt they are close

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Speaker 1: to their second cousins. I've grown up raising some, looking

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Speaker 1: up to others, and going to school with some. I

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Speaker 1: have a huge family, so the relation to a second

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Speaker 1: cousin is real to me. I couldn't imagine doing what

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Speaker 1: we did with the ones. I'm close to. Finding out

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Speaker 1: she is one. I'll never look at her the same.

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Speaker 1: Look your fam up before you start messing around, you know,

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Speaker 1: do your research. Do your research.