Speaker 1: What Wine Down with Janet Kramer her radio podcast. Seriously,
Speaker 1: how is it March four? What just happens? That is insane?
Speaker 1: Jakes is going to be like five. He looks like
Speaker 1: I love him, He's like, he's so precious. He is
Speaker 1: the happiest baby ever ever. I'm literally obsessed with definition
Speaker 1: of a happy baby. So, baby, um, what are you
Speaker 1: mentioned on right now? What just happened? I just had
Speaker 1: a birthday, birthday, babe, my birthday week? So what did
Speaker 1: you do? What? What? What did you do for your birthday?
Speaker 1: Tell everybody, Well, my wonderful wife planned a trip to
Speaker 1: Vegas last weekend or my birthday weekend, and all thanks
Speaker 1: to Amy Sugarman by the way, all thanks shout out
Speaker 1: to and boys to men was like my bucket list
Speaker 1: of people to meet. Yeah, so we were. We went
Speaker 1: to Lionel Richie Um with Amy about a year so ago,
Speaker 1: like maybe eight months okay whatever, years ago. We went.
Speaker 1: I was like October, it's March, guys, I'm just still
Speaker 1: trying to figure that out. I was pregnant. It wasn't
Speaker 1: a year ago, but no, So we all went and
Speaker 1: so I said to him, I said, you know who
Speaker 1: would be your bucket list person to meet musically musically
Speaker 1: and he said boys to men. So I've kind of
Speaker 1: postmarked that in my in my brain and said, oh.
Speaker 1: I was like birthday, that's a great birthday idea. But
Speaker 1: I was like, Amy gotting hookups to boys to men,
Speaker 1: which we do. They are the nicest guys. They actually
Speaker 1: hung out with them and we've done multiple things with them.
Speaker 1: They are nice. But I surprised him with it, and
Speaker 1: did you have fun? I had the best time, Like
Speaker 1: I felt like a little kid. I was just sitting
Speaker 1: there the whole time with a smile on. My videos
Speaker 1: were so funny and Jane was like even kept asking me,
Speaker 1: like you having fun? I was like, you know what,
Speaker 1: I can't wait for speaking of boys to men, they're
Speaker 1: doing you know CMT Crossroads. You like that is going
Speaker 1: to be That's gonna be so cool. That's cool there.
Speaker 1: They just taped it. So yeah, we need to get
Speaker 1: into them on the show. I think March, but I
Speaker 1: might be wrong if we can get one of those,
Speaker 1: so you know you got to cross that off your list. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that was very cool. Boy, two men on the show,
Speaker 1: that would be I mean, I would love that. I've
Speaker 1: never seen the thirty dollar you know, the binder that
Speaker 1: has the picture of the three. It's like the essentially
Speaker 1: like the picture of you on the roller coaster after
Speaker 1: the ride. It was like it was like that before
Speaker 1: the meat and great like they give you like to
Speaker 1: like three by five for free, and they're like, well,
Speaker 1: you can pay like eighty dollars for this. I was like, hey, honey,
Speaker 1: do it like get a crack card up your question.
Speaker 1: I was like, Michael, it's just the photo of the three.
Speaker 1: It's like it's gonna the memory. You're not even in it,
Speaker 1: are on the one side, but the other side is
Speaker 1: like the picture that Janet posted on Instagram to my
Speaker 1: face and she thought it was like a five year
Speaker 1: old having ice cream for the first time. I was like,
Speaker 1: this is amazing. And we're waiting in line to go
Speaker 1: up and meet him, you know. I was. I don't
Speaker 1: get nervous when I meet most people, but it's boys men,
Speaker 1: so I was. And so I was like, how do
Speaker 1: I do this? I was like, you know, any white
Speaker 1: person going up there and meeting him is like giving
Speaker 1: him a handshake for all the brothers are dapping him up.
Speaker 1: I was like, come on, I gotta dap him up.
Speaker 1: I'm not just gonna go up there and give him
Speaker 1: I don't know what that means. I don't like I
Speaker 1: gotta like, you know, the handshake in to the hug.
Speaker 1: And I wasn't gonna be like, you know, straight hand, Hey,
Speaker 1: how you doing for white person's ound? You know, I
Speaker 1: had to give him some love. So what's he's straight up?
Speaker 1: Just hugged him all and hugged They are the coolest guy.
Speaker 1: How old you thirty two? Oh you're so young. I
Speaker 1: know he's so young, eight year old. But still, I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm a cougar, so I'm living and I'm over here.
Speaker 1: Who would be your bucketless person to meet? Um? Like,
Speaker 1: who would you get? Nervous? Life? Sounds so gross? I
Speaker 1: mean I've met I've met Taylor Swift and Sho and
Speaker 1: I Twain and that was like really up, that was
Speaker 1: kind of that was up there. There's nobody else, No,
Speaker 1: there definitely are. But give her something because she's a
Speaker 1: great friend. Okay, okay, she might try to make this happen.
Speaker 1: I just like to make people's dreams. I'm true. Think
Speaker 1: about it one second. Who's your mark? You guys, we're
Speaker 1: going around the table right here. When you meet these people,
Speaker 1: I always feel like I don't I won't know the
Speaker 1: right thing to say, and it's going to be awkward.
Speaker 1: But my two heroes of life are Bruce Springsteen and
Speaker 1: David Letterman. When I was in high school, everyone else
Speaker 1: had like, you know, musicians or hot girls their locker.
Speaker 1: David letter magazine coverage, high school locker. But if I
Speaker 1: met him would be so awful because I know he
Speaker 1: would hate meeting me because he's just a guy who
Speaker 1: people David. Yeah, he seems surly. Yeah, so I think
Speaker 1: you'd hate it, And so I would hate to bother
Speaker 1: him and Springsteen. He's a nice guy. But what am
Speaker 1: I going to say that it's better experience with Bruce?
Speaker 1: I think probably right? Yeah, Okay, well let's let's think Amy.
Speaker 1: What about you? I know we meet people every day.
Speaker 1: Person that's like, but I mean, is there the one
Speaker 1: person I would not like to meet her? But I
Speaker 1: would really enjoy having a lunch in Santa Barbara with Oprah.
Speaker 1: I have spoken to her on the phone, but I
Speaker 1: have never met her in person, and I like, I
Speaker 1: don't mean to be the person, but she's like literally
Speaker 1: the queen, Like I think she's so brilliant and amazing
Speaker 1: and kind and all these things. So I always just
Speaker 1: think Oprah Easton and he already met you, honey, yeah yeah, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: oh my god. I literally feel really bad right now
Speaker 1: because Travis Barker isn't that blanknity two? Oh god? Why?
Speaker 1: I mean here totally had Travis Jianna and he was like,
Speaker 1: you say, to my house last weekend. Travis has like
Speaker 1: he's been space. Right now, it looks like a sad
Speaker 1: puppy dog. The big thing that will happen, honestly, this
Speaker 1: is is that the other one? Oh yeah, okay, that's
Speaker 1: gonna happen really soon. Um alright, lady Gaga. For my
Speaker 1: whole life, it was Britney Spears. But I have like
Speaker 1: a very bizarre story about that that already kind of happened.
Speaker 1: That was like my peak of life. You met Brittany.
Speaker 1: I went to dinner with her? What really weird? I mean,
Speaker 1: how nonchalant was that? Because because I can't she was
Speaker 1: totally annoyed during dinner, and I like, how did you
Speaker 1: go to dinner with her? So a couple of years ago,
Speaker 1: one of Ty's friends was dating her. Who I can't remember, no, no, Ken.
Speaker 1: It was like two or three years ago that I
Speaker 1: thought I had that. Yeah, And anyways, he basically was like,
Speaker 1: would you and like Sarah want to go to dinner
Speaker 1: with us? My parents were in town. I had dinner
Speaker 1: with my parents. I'm in the car and I'm like, Mom,
Speaker 1: I don't know, Tyler wants me to go to dinner
Speaker 1: with like Britney spe My mom was like, where is he?
Speaker 1: We're dropping you off, like we don't matter, like you're
Speaker 1: going and I was like, okay, okay, okay. So we
Speaker 1: went to some steakhouse in the valley and she was
Speaker 1: so nice, like so nice. I couldn't breathe. I was
Speaker 1: trying to be so that was the first city I
Speaker 1: have Burth had. I wanted to be a backup dancer
Speaker 1: for it when I was little, know, like it was whack,
Speaker 1: that's in my life. That was like, this is not
Speaker 1: real life. She was so nice, she was she's beyond nice. Normal. Well.
Speaker 1: I met her manager, Larry Rudolph on a plane. We
Speaker 1: were I was sitting up I think I don't know
Speaker 1: how someone I must have been doing something. But I
Speaker 1: got up first class and I was saying next to
Speaker 1: Larry Rudolph. I didn't know. I didn't know who he was,
Speaker 1: but we were just chatting about music and stuff and
Speaker 1: he's said his name and I was like, that sounds
Speaker 1: so familiar. And then we know, we got talking a
Speaker 1: little more. I was digging a little bit more because
Speaker 1: I like to talk. And he told me that he
Speaker 1: was Britney Spears as manager, and we started talking about
Speaker 1: Brittany and it just about how hard her life must be.
Speaker 1: And He's like, look out, you know over the world
Speaker 1: right now, down there, every single person down there probably
Speaker 1: knows who Britney Spears is. And I was like, wow,
Speaker 1: that's so true, and like I've obviously been places with
Speaker 1: like Wayne and like airports, and I was like, there
Speaker 1: was nothing like walking in and out of that restaurant
Speaker 1: with her like Tie and I were just like it
Speaker 1: was crazy, but that probably how now Taylor has so
Speaker 1: she's now yeah, I'm sure because it was like, well,
Speaker 1: but it was a really nice dinner. She was really nice.
Speaker 1: They asked us to go play ping pong afterwards, and
Speaker 1: Tyson no, and I will literally never forgive him for it.
Speaker 1: She was like, do you guys want to come over
Speaker 1: to my house? And play pink yeah the world boy,
Speaker 1: because he was like why did Honestly I don't remember,
Speaker 1: not by the ear, because I was like, you guys
Speaker 1: have never seen me the way I was at that dinner.
Speaker 1: But honestly, we like related, like we talked about like
Speaker 1: like she was like, oh my god, like what are
Speaker 1: you gonna get? And I was like I don't know,
Speaker 1: like the fried chicken. She's like, I love fried chicken.
Speaker 1: I was like I do too, Like I'm from Texas,
Speaker 1: I'm from Louis So we kind of had that whole thing,
Speaker 1: like the like Texas like southern girl thing. But yeah,
Speaker 1: she was like, do you guys want to come over?
Speaker 1: I cannot tie socks. I literally I think we actually
Speaker 1: probably want to play. I was really like, we know
Speaker 1: we're like her houses and now every time we drive
Speaker 1: by them, like remember when like we could have play
Speaker 1: ping pong and then that's probably And he was like,
Speaker 1: you're so competitive it would have called weird. I was
Speaker 1: like I wouldn't let her win, like I don't even care,
Speaker 1: like it wouldn't have been weird, like I would have
Speaker 1: turned into a regular ping pong knight. Then she came
Speaker 1: to his graduation party. What whose graduation party his months later.
Speaker 1: It was very It was a weird couple of months.
Speaker 1: She like showed up at tides graduation party at his
Speaker 1: parents house and everyone was like so nice, so nice. Well,
Speaker 1: her sister Jamie Lynn wrote, I Got the Boy. So
Speaker 1: that's how crazy is that? Yeah, so Brittany when when
Speaker 1: when I Got the Boy was going for the number
Speaker 1: one on radio because it was number three, Brittney Spears
Speaker 1: retweeted or like tweeted out saying, hey, country radio play
Speaker 1: and I'll never forget remember when I came to I
Speaker 1: was like, she knows my name? You know a song
Speaker 1: from Jamie Lynn. What a good songwriter she's written. She
Speaker 1: wrote it with um Connie Harrington, Tim Nichols and Jamie
Speaker 1: Lynn wrote it and so it was a song that
Speaker 1: Jamie Lynn never ended up cutting. And so when my
Speaker 1: old producer Scott Hendrix was with Tim Nichols, he's like,
Speaker 1: you know, I have a song that might work for Janna.
Speaker 1: It's about five years old, but it's such a great song.
Speaker 1: And I heard it and it was you know, I
Speaker 1: was always trying to write a song about my high
Speaker 1: school sweetheart and I never saw like it never Yeah,
Speaker 1: so like like no song ever you know that I wrote,
Speaker 1: never worked, but I got the boy. When I heard it,
Speaker 1: I was like, that's that's the song. It is a
Speaker 1: very brilliantly written. It's so I mean, Tim and Connie
Speaker 1: are and saying, then Jamie's she's you know, she's just
Speaker 1: as equally as talented, and you know, I've I'm so
Speaker 1: thankful that she let me have that song. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I love that family. Yeah, but there there's so nice
Speaker 1: they are a nice family. Cool but yeah, story story, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a great story. And I told I told Janna
Speaker 1: just across. Another one off my bucket list is Larry David.
Speaker 1: If you just come to Brentwood. I just want not
Speaker 1: to meet, but have like you said, Amy, like have
Speaker 1: a lunch, Like I just want to have a lunch.
Speaker 1: Just come to because then, actually, like Mark, I would
Speaker 1: be able to have things to say. But when you
Speaker 1: have that, like that one second interaction, there's nothing you
Speaker 1: can say that's going to annoy him. The one second interaction.
Speaker 1: Wouldn't know it. But I have a conversation and just
Speaker 1: a bullshit about not even asking questions about life with
Speaker 1: the perfect person to bullshit about life with the one
Speaker 1: who invented that, like that would be the best thing ever.
Speaker 1: Wasn't Jerry sign but he yeah, he co created like
Speaker 1: Sinfeld with Jerry Sinfeld. Oh my god, this is we're
Speaker 1: learning so much. Who's yours mine? Sleean don Okay, I'll
Speaker 1: go We should be able to make that happen. But
Speaker 1: she canceled her her her what's that thing called her
Speaker 1: residency in Vegas? Maybe part of me. She might be
Speaker 1: going on world tour. Really, I'm gonna have to look
Speaker 1: it up. But she's she's she's my she's my number one.
Speaker 1: It's it's her. And then j Lo, which those are
Speaker 1: very j Loo can be done in a heartbeat, and
Speaker 1: twelve times all of these are in Vegas, so I
Speaker 1: think we should go back. Jo's done in Vegas. But Batt,
Speaker 1: she's done in Vegas. She finished her residency, so yeah,
Speaker 1: those are And then acting actor wise, I would love
Speaker 1: to I'd actually love to sit down and have lunch
Speaker 1: with um Julia Roberts. She'd be, she'd be in my
Speaker 1: lunch person. She's just so I love her. She's just be.
Speaker 1: When we were at Pebble, we got hooked on Pretty
Speaker 1: Woman was on that night and I had never seen
Speaker 1: and like we're like at the end and Tiz like
Speaker 1: so wait now like now they're in. I was like,
Speaker 1: just go away, like this is classic and I just
Speaker 1: need to say every word while I watch it. But
Speaker 1: I love her speaking at tie. It's March, No, biggie,
Speaker 1: what's happening? Amy, I don't even know. And I talked
Speaker 1: to him. I was going to say, Janney that I do.
Speaker 1: You can say that. You can say that, but I
Speaker 1: don't think say what, like have you found out? All right?
Speaker 1: We know Mark is going to be like I have
Speaker 1: an idea, Mark, can you mute the mics for a
Speaker 1: second so that Jeanna so that all the mics are
Speaker 1: down Janna can tell us what she found out and
Speaker 1: then we can react to it. Oh but there, then
Speaker 1: that's just not nice to the people. You know. You
Speaker 1: got to give the people what they want. Me and
Speaker 1: I have to get I don't think it was anything crazy.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying like maybe not like I'm trying to
Speaker 1: think of like what even happened. I was just let
Speaker 1: me know. Let me just say I went to the bathroom.
Speaker 1: She went to the bathroom. I forced her to the bathroom.
Speaker 1: Now I need to seven texts from her. I was
Speaker 1: in the bathroom and she's like, go to the bathroom,
Speaker 1: Stay in the bathroom, Stay in the bathroom. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't have Like I'm coming back. She's like stay.
Speaker 1: I'm like what, I was just trying to get it
Speaker 1: out of him. Long story short, he just doesn't have
Speaker 1: the urgency. He has something well maybe I don't know,
Speaker 1: way it's positive. Maybe well no, here's nothing I didn't
Speaker 1: really already know. But I feel like she for him
Speaker 1: to I don't know. He just doesn't have the urgency
Speaker 1: he needs to get. The urgency is basically what it is. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but you know what hateful emails. Then I'm not supportive
Speaker 1: of what you want enough you hateful? Like, how dare
Speaker 1: you amy? You need to support what Sarah wants? I'm
Speaker 1: I'm just trying to have ties back. Listen, people hate,
Speaker 1: they're gonna hate on it, and there's people just hate.
Speaker 1: But I'll tell you what you shouldn't hate on is
Speaker 1: being fit. All right, So getting fit and staying healthy
Speaker 1: always sounds easier said than done, right, Well, open fit
Speaker 1: is bringing you something new that makes it even easier
Speaker 1: to miss, to never miss a sweat session. So Basically,
Speaker 1: open fit is a super simple streaming service that allows
Speaker 1: you to work out from the comfort of your living
Speaker 1: room and as little as ten minutes a day. So
Speaker 1: when people say I don't have enough time, I don't
Speaker 1: have thirty minutes, I don't have an hour, You've got
Speaker 1: ten minutes. Okay. Everyone's bodies are different. Open Fit gets that.
Speaker 1: That's why it's personalized your needs with custom original content.
Speaker 1: So open Fit classes are led by some of the
Speaker 1: most effective and engaging trainers in the world. Um, you
Speaker 1: can watch it on your TV, your tablet, smartphone, Roku, whatever.
Speaker 1: My favorite program actually is the six hundred Seconds with
Speaker 1: Devin Wiggins. It's ten minutes, it burns fat, it builds muscle,
Speaker 1: and it sculpts your body for free. So all you
Speaker 1: have to do right now is during the open Fit
Speaker 1: thirty Day Challenge, my listeners get a special extended thirty
Speaker 1: day free trial membership to open fit where you can
Speaker 1: lose up to fifteen pound in thirty days. When you
Speaker 1: text Joanna to thirty you will get full access to
Speaker 1: open fit, all the workouts and nutrition information totally free. Again.
Speaker 1: Just text jannat Okay. So I'm really excited because Michael
Speaker 1: and I have been kind of going back and forth
Speaker 1: on a few different diets. So I was super pumped
Speaker 1: when I found out that Heather do Bro is in
Speaker 1: the studio and she just walked in. So Heather, guys,
Speaker 1: thanks for having me, Thank you so much for coming in.
Speaker 1: We were talking about this well. Once we knew that
Speaker 1: you were coming in, we obviously started doing the research
Speaker 1: on the Dobro diet. And because we started doing the
Speaker 1: whole thirty, I changed it to Wine thirty because I
Speaker 1: didn't want to give up my wine. And he yeah,
Speaker 1: we created a little bit. So what made you? I mean,
Speaker 1: basically create your own diets. You it's your last name,
Speaker 1: it's your right diet. We didn't actually intend to write
Speaker 1: a book about this because our last book was all
Speaker 1: about anti aging and whatnot, and we were talking about, like,
Speaker 1: you know, what's next book. We were thinking about it.
Speaker 1: But what happened was about three and a half years ago,
Speaker 1: Terry started talking about fasting and I was like, that's crazy,
Speaker 1: you fast. That's like that's like skinny tired people. That
Speaker 1: sounds very unhealthy. It sounds like people laying on a couch.
Speaker 1: And then we started talking about it and I realized
Speaker 1: I was doing it just in my regular life, because
Speaker 1: he was like, well, what time did you stop eating
Speaker 1: last night? And what time did you start eating today?
Speaker 1: And so we started really talking about the science of
Speaker 1: it and delving into it and figuring out how to
Speaker 1: make it work. And then, you know, Terry, being the
Speaker 1: science nerd that he has, started looking up this Nobel
Speaker 1: Prize winning um concept of auto f agy, which is
Speaker 1: basically the Greek word for eating oneself. And we started
Speaker 1: working on this and came up with this idea that
Speaker 1: sixteen hours seems to be the goal of not eating.
Speaker 1: But the thing is is that we did it. We
Speaker 1: started doing it in a way that was really attainable
Speaker 1: and sustainable. And what we realized was, not only are
Speaker 1: you going to get to your goal weight super fast,
Speaker 1: but you're gonna have more energy than you ever had
Speaker 1: in your life. It makes your skin tighter, makes your
Speaker 1: hair grow, I mean, it has all these incredible anti
Speaker 1: aging effects. Sixteen hours from when to when it doesn't matter, okay,
Speaker 1: but time out. What if it was during the day, though,
Speaker 1: that's fine, but then you're working and then you're not.
Speaker 1: Your body is not. So if you're not eating for
Speaker 1: sixteen hours during the day, wouldn't you just pass out?
Speaker 1: Because so, no, But the smarter way to do it,
Speaker 1: we'd have part of it being your sleep hours, clearly,
Speaker 1: because those are eight hours or for probably five hours
Speaker 1: wherever we're not we're not sleeping, So for sure you
Speaker 1: want to use your sleep hours and then add on
Speaker 1: the other time. But we give you three different tracks
Speaker 1: to make it work, so you can do a slow, medium,
Speaker 1: or fast. So it's twelve, fourteen, or sixteen hours, but
Speaker 1: clearly that sixteen hours sweet spot is the way to
Speaker 1: go to get the best best results. Okay, And do
Speaker 1: you like I'm saying it too, and you think it's
Speaker 1: not doable, right, Well, I'm trying to think. So we
Speaker 1: wake up at you go to bed. Let's say, what
Speaker 1: are you done eating at night? We have dinner at six,
Speaker 1: so you're done by seven and we're done eating. Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: so twelve hours is seven am, and then you add
Speaker 1: four more hours. Oh my gosh, but then you don't.
Speaker 1: Isn't breakfast the most important meal? It's not. It's absolutely not.
Speaker 1: And what happens is and Terry is really good at
Speaker 1: at explaining all the science behind it in the book
Speaker 1: but it's about basically using your gly kitchen as storage.
Speaker 1: So you're you're using your fat and your sugars that
Speaker 1: are in your body already to as fuel as opposed
Speaker 1: to the food that you're eating. Like, we also believe
Speaker 1: in cardio fasting. So when I go to the gym
Speaker 1: in the morning, I haven't eaten. But what we do
Speaker 1: is we get I'm sorry, it's just so hard for
Speaker 1: me because of my trainers always like you have to
Speaker 1: eat before you work out. Important. As a matter of fact,
Speaker 1: it's so much better to work out not having eaten.
Speaker 1: But during that non feeding time you can have up
Speaker 1: to a hundred calories. So if you're putting a little
Speaker 1: non dairy creamer in your coffee, we give you lots
Speaker 1: of tips to get through this bone broth, bullion energy,
Speaker 1: natural energy drinks like Beat drinks and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: That's what I do. I have a Beat drink in
Speaker 1: the morning. An empty stomach, and an empty stom doesn't
Speaker 1: make you go well, by the way, going is good,
Speaker 1: that's true. That's all plus. And then drop my kids off,
Speaker 1: go to the gym, come back and I have my
Speaker 1: first meal at a round two. Wow. See, I feel
Speaker 1: like that would just I'd be so tired, I would lag,
Speaker 1: I would I mean, I just feel like to me,
Speaker 1: to me that just And again I don't. I'm not
Speaker 1: the nutritionalists. I don't. I don't know. I've just always
Speaker 1: gone off of what I've known and heard. And that's
Speaker 1: why it sounds so counterinto it if you think not
Speaker 1: eating equals tired, but it really doesn't. Have to think
Speaker 1: about this. Think about when people were hunting and gathering, Okay,
Speaker 1: when they had to find food. They were starving, right,
Speaker 1: So you get this burst of energy to go find
Speaker 1: the food, and then they eat, and then they're tired,
Speaker 1: and then they relax. They're not snacking. You know, when
Speaker 1: they were hunting and gathering, they weren't stopping to, you know,
Speaker 1: have a handful of almonds at two o'clock in the afternoon.
Speaker 1: They didn't do that. They would not eat and then eat.
Speaker 1: I think as humans, we were meant to live like that,
Speaker 1: and our bodies actually reacts that. So even though it
Speaker 1: sounds counter into, the science is there and the practicality
Speaker 1: is there, and you'll see we have thousands of people
Speaker 1: now on the diet that are saying they've had more
Speaker 1: energy than like I don't even drink coffee. So because
Speaker 1: of y'all's like scientific method behind all this, do you
Speaker 1: think y'alls died is less subjective than maybe some others,
Speaker 1: Like do you think this could affect and help a
Speaker 1: broader range of of an audience because of the science
Speaker 1: behind it. Absolutely, I think this is good for almost
Speaker 1: I mean there's a little category like a brittle diabetic.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't recommend this for it, but anyone else a
Speaker 1: h can do this diet. And what's nice about it
Speaker 1: is it's sustainable, because I truly believe that every diet
Speaker 1: works for a period of time, but they're not sustainable.
Speaker 1: You know that Keto diet. I watched my assistant go
Speaker 1: on that Keto diet and she was chugging oil in
Speaker 1: the car next to me. It was so gross and
Speaker 1: very It takes you to get out of catosis and
Speaker 1: get off that diet. So what we did was, like
Speaker 1: I was saying, we didn't really plan to write this,
Speaker 1: but we came up with this program for each other
Speaker 1: and we started living this life. And my husband just
Speaker 1: turned sixty. I just turned fifty, haven't had plastic surgery,
Speaker 1: you know, just all the non surgical sluges to anti aging.
Speaker 1: But notice how tight our skin was getting. And you
Speaker 1: know I wear a bikini now. At thirty, I wouldn't
Speaker 1: post a picture in a bikini, but now I feel
Speaker 1: so much more confident because of what this way of
Speaker 1: eating and living has done for me. So people are like,
Speaker 1: how do you guys look like this? And we thought,
Speaker 1: all right, let's write it down. So that's literally how
Speaker 1: you guys did them. So there's no So you're so,
Speaker 1: have you worked with the nutritionalist too, to kind of
Speaker 1: how do you say that? Like? Back it up? What's
Speaker 1: professional background? You and Terry know? So Terry is a
Speaker 1: board certified general surgeon and plastic surgeons, so he has
Speaker 1: all the science. And of course me being an actor's
Speaker 1: television personality and huge consumer and professional diet or since
Speaker 1: gaining the freshman, you know, for whenever I overachieved in
Speaker 1: that subject. Um, you know, I've been on every diet
Speaker 1: on the Plan, I've done Weight Watchers, Neutral System, Jenny Gary,
Speaker 1: I've been on all of them. And like I'm saying,
Speaker 1: I think every diet for a period of time works,
Speaker 1: But we're talking about attainability and sustainability. This is actually
Speaker 1: a lifetime plan. So Terry has really dialed in the
Speaker 1: science of why this is gonna work for you, and
Speaker 1: I have made it incredibly practical so you can do it.
Speaker 1: What about the people that say scientifically proven and all
Speaker 1: the studies they've done about having breakfast in the morning
Speaker 1: and in doing that, Like, what is what do you
Speaker 1: say to that, like to the evidence that they've had
Speaker 1: from that, I don't know what that. I mean. I
Speaker 1: haven't done a lot of studies on that, but I
Speaker 1: will tell you for our diet book, the studies are there,
Speaker 1: the sciences there, but even better than that, the practicalities there.
Speaker 1: So when we put the book together, we put a
Speaker 1: hundred people in a closed Facebook group, we put them
Speaker 1: on the diet, and they lost between thirty and ninety
Speaker 1: pounds wow, in a four to six month period of time.
Speaker 1: And one couple that we took on the news with
Speaker 1: us when we're doing segments with Greg and Tammy Hon
Speaker 1: he is almost at a hundred pound weight loss. Can
Speaker 1: you give our listeners just a breakdown of one day,
Speaker 1: an example of one day of what it looks like
Speaker 1: when you wake up in the morning. Yeah, well, let
Speaker 1: me break it into like the steps so you start
Speaker 1: with this red carpet ready, which is your quick fix.
Speaker 1: So you can use this as your start up for
Speaker 1: the diet. You can use it as you know you
Speaker 1: have a big like the oscars are coming up. You
Speaker 1: could use this for a big event that's coming up,
Speaker 1: or if you kind of get off track, to get
Speaker 1: back on track. It's two to five days. It's a
Speaker 1: more limited food list. There's no alcohol only for those
Speaker 1: two to five days. Don't make a face, It's okay.
Speaker 1: It's a very very very short period of times. This
Speaker 1: is just a couple of days. Um, and so you
Speaker 1: do that for two fights. And that's so. Is there
Speaker 1: carbs down there anything like that? There are when you
Speaker 1: are in your feeding period. You we give you food
Speaker 1: list for each phase of the diet. So there's the
Speaker 1: red carpet ready. Then there's the Summer's coming, which is
Speaker 1: the bulk of the diet that's going to take you
Speaker 1: to the goal. There's alcohol. Girls gotta have her Champs.
Speaker 1: I have. It's my red wine. I get it. By
Speaker 1: the way, I have four kids. I have to drink. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I have to. We have to. And we have an
Speaker 1: eleven week old. So I'm like, you have an eleven
Speaker 1: week old. You look fabulous. Ridiculous. Yeah, it's crazy. See
Speaker 1: that's genetics. We almost it's just hard work. That's no,
Speaker 1: it's great. I love it. It's but some people need
Speaker 1: more guidelines, and so we give you the foodless and
Speaker 1: the second part is a little more expanded. You get
Speaker 1: to have your alcohol back. And then in the last
Speaker 1: phase is the maintenance program, which is more expanded foodless
Speaker 1: and whatnot. But in general on these food lists are
Speaker 1: really good lean proteins, vegetables, certain fruits that you know
Speaker 1: have a lower sugar content, which fruits because I'm really
Speaker 1: big on fruits and the truths. Could I eat like
Speaker 1: my favorite food or sour cherries, that's one of the
Speaker 1: best fruits for you. I like grapefruit. Um, strawberries are
Speaker 1: really good. Um. There's so many fruits you can have.
Speaker 1: I would stay away from bananas. Yeah, bananas, I heard
Speaker 1: were why is that? It's a lot of sugar, right,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of sugar to really dense a lot
Speaker 1: of I was told if you eat a banana day,
Speaker 1: you can gain five pounds, Is that right? I never
Speaker 1: read it in Cosmo. I don't know you read it
Speaker 1: in Cosmo. It must be true. That's hilarious. Um So anyway,
Speaker 1: so we give you these foods and as far as
Speaker 1: carbs go, really good high fiber carbs and limits on
Speaker 1: the portions is what I have always found. And I
Speaker 1: do this with my kids. And I'm sure, how old
Speaker 1: are your kids? Three in eleven weeks? Okay, so you're
Speaker 1: so you're not there yet, but way to you take
Speaker 1: them to the movies and they want the whole box.
Speaker 1: That's my husband, and you have well, let me let
Speaker 1: me help husband. So what I do? I think he
Speaker 1: starts with what he starts with his raisinets during the previews,
Speaker 1: and then he eats the popcorn and then he'll have
Speaker 1: in the popcorn every time, but it's usually raisin uts
Speaker 1: and sour patch kids. And then he downs his diet.
Speaker 1: That's only a drink, soda or any of that. But
Speaker 1: that's okay, you're allowed to do that. You see, we
Speaker 1: build cheating into the diet because, yeah, you have to cheat.
Speaker 1: It's unrealistic. So whether you're on the slow, medium or
Speaker 1: fast track. If you're on the slow track, you get
Speaker 1: a cheat snack a week. If you're on the medium track,
Speaker 1: you get a cheat meal a week, and if you're
Speaker 1: on the fast track, medium and then fast two to
Speaker 1: five days right, No, No, the two to five days
Speaker 1: is just the little quick start. Then the middle part
Speaker 1: is as long as it takes to get to your
Speaker 1: goal weight. So you choose twelve, fourteen or sixteen hours.
Speaker 1: You get a cheat snack, cheap meal, or cheap day,
Speaker 1: depending on what track you're on. But here's the thing.
Speaker 1: You have to understand cheating. And this is why we're
Speaker 1: talking about portion control. Like I turn over the box
Speaker 1: and I show my kids not the calories, but the
Speaker 1: serving size, because I think, especially the Americans, we don't
Speaker 1: understand what a portion looks like. Explained to to her
Speaker 1: about what we just had it, remember lunch, and you're like,
Speaker 1: now I see why Americans are overweight. Oh we went
Speaker 1: to uh the restaurant? Where were we in Nashville? Cold Rafferty.
Speaker 1: It's like a Chilies or Applebee's right chain kind. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we sit down, we all order salads which are gint
Speaker 1: Norman right, the biggest bowl you ever seen. And when
Speaker 1: we first sit down, we all order a drink. I
Speaker 1: happen to order a diet coke before we even were
Speaker 1: a quarter. No, not you got me before we before
Speaker 1: any of us were even a quarterway through our drink,
Speaker 1: they brought all of us a second one. So it's
Speaker 1: like we're like, we didn't even ask, but it's just
Speaker 1: like we're sitting down, we have two diet cokes, a
Speaker 1: giant salad that has all the all over it, and
Speaker 1: it's like, what do you want us to do? Of course,
Speaker 1: America's because they're trying to give value, and that's the
Speaker 1: problem is that they want to give us so much
Speaker 1: value for you know, our money, So they want to
Speaker 1: give you this huge portion. And salads at these places
Speaker 1: are like ten thousand calories, right, and they've got so
Speaker 1: much stuff. People don't understand that I'm meeting us out.
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, but you just put all that dressing
Speaker 1: on it, which and all the right all the toppings
Speaker 1: on it. So what we're trying to do is reprogram
Speaker 1: people to eat like humans. So when I say cheat,
Speaker 1: I don't mean go to a buffet and gorgeous. It's
Speaker 1: like have the things you love. So if you're in
Speaker 1: your cheat day and you want cake, have a sliced cake,
Speaker 1: don't eat the whole cake, have pasta, but have a
Speaker 1: normal human size bowl posta. So I have a piece
Speaker 1: of dark chocolate a little square every single night after
Speaker 1: I eat. Is that okay? Well it's not really on
Speaker 1: our giet, but once a week you can have it, Okay,
Speaker 1: I will say, though, it's it's nice, like we did.
Speaker 1: Did you try that? Did you like the whole thirty
Speaker 1: or did not like the whole third? I didn't. That
Speaker 1: wasn't my thing. Wasn't your thing? I mean we we
Speaker 1: definitely tried it, but it just it wasn't I'm excited
Speaker 1: to I do want to try this. There wasn't sustainable
Speaker 1: with two kids or two young kids. But that's the thing,
Speaker 1: is that all these programs are just not sustainable. I
Speaker 1: remember being on I think it was um Nutral system
Speaker 1: and they would give dehydrated food and I remember being
Speaker 1: at a restaurant like it when it was twenty three
Speaker 1: and pouring hot water over a dehydrated hamburger at a restaurant.
Speaker 1: Is that that's not realistic? You can't live like that?
Speaker 1: How is it with because whole thirty whole thing, there's
Speaker 1: a lot of like meal prep and that's why we
Speaker 1: ultimately after like two and a half weeks, we can't
Speaker 1: do this like with a three year old and kids
Speaker 1: got sick, it's like, we can't do this. Is there
Speaker 1: any at Well? I think in general meal prepping is
Speaker 1: a good thing anyway, just because you know, when you are,
Speaker 1: you know, hungry, you make bad choices. That's why you
Speaker 1: should never go to the supermarket when you're starving, you
Speaker 1: know this, because then you, oh, that looks good, and
Speaker 1: you end up with all this stuff you really don't want.
Speaker 1: I'm meal prep as far as vegetables and fruits go.
Speaker 1: That are always in the refrigerator, so there's easy things
Speaker 1: to grab quick that are healthy if you need them,
Speaker 1: because if you don't have those, and especially when you
Speaker 1: have young kids, you end up eating their snacks. That
Speaker 1: little bag of pirate booty, that little bag I have, Um,
Speaker 1: I have a thing of hers in my bag because
Speaker 1: it was like, oh it's there, it's easy, and that's
Speaker 1: what you grab. But if you had this other stuff
Speaker 1: ready and available to you, you'd grab that. That's so true.
Speaker 1: So I do like the being prepared things. Having said that,
Speaker 1: do I think you need to have twelve meals organized
Speaker 1: ready to go for the week. No. And Terry and
Speaker 1: I also eat out a lot, so you can absolutely
Speaker 1: eat out on this story. Hasn't married for we've been married.
Speaker 1: It's actually our twenty year wedding anniversary and June. But
Speaker 1: we've been together twenty two years. And what's your kind
Speaker 1: of secret with with especially with you guys both being
Speaker 1: in the spotlight as well? Separate bathrooms for sure. I
Speaker 1: cannot share a bathroom, bad idea. You know that I
Speaker 1: like separate things. We do. We have that with separate toilets. Yes,
Speaker 1: twenty two years, trust me, something we have separate We
Speaker 1: kind of like we have a boot bathroom. That what
Speaker 1: you send him in the other room. I like that
Speaker 1: totally work. Same idea. Yeah, So I think what we've
Speaker 1: done well over the years, and look, you know, it's
Speaker 1: a leap of faith. You can try your best to
Speaker 1: pick the right partner, but you don't know what life
Speaker 1: is going to throw to you and how you're going
Speaker 1: to grow together apart. So you know, we have been
Speaker 1: very lucky. But I think one of the things that
Speaker 1: we've done well is we have made a concentrated effort
Speaker 1: to make our relationship a priority. You always have date
Speaker 1: nights and make sure we are having sex. We um
Speaker 1: we find things to do together now some people like
Speaker 1: to hike together, or some people you know, have hobbies together,
Speaker 1: and you get the two of you sitting here behind
Speaker 1: the mics. We like to work together. So Terry has
Speaker 1: his career obviously is a plastic surgeon. He's bodged. I
Speaker 1: have my career, my podcast, Had to Brows World, YouTube
Speaker 1: channel and TV things, and we together. We have our
Speaker 1: skincare and supplement line, Console Beauty that we sell at
Speaker 1: a shopping channel and we are going our four year
Speaker 1: anniversary with that. We write books together. We have a
Speaker 1: podcast together, Dr Mrs Guinea Pig. So that's our Isn't
Speaker 1: that weird? That's like our fun stuff together is creating things. No,
Speaker 1: that's the same with us. And we love kind of
Speaker 1: building this brand and and you know, doing the podcast together.
Speaker 1: We have something else really exciting that we're doing together.
Speaker 1: It's just like we're trying to build that because it's fun.
Speaker 1: We enjoy working together, but also having what you guys,
Speaker 1: your separate time as well. You have to because I
Speaker 1: think you need something to talk about it the end
Speaker 1: of the day and if you're together. Although I've seen
Speaker 1: couples make this work who are together all the time,
Speaker 1: but for me, personally, I feel like it's always been
Speaker 1: really important that he does his thing. I do my thing,
Speaker 1: and then there's like more layers to talk about being
Speaker 1: a plastic surgeon. Have you ever, I mean, you said
Speaker 1: you happen to any plastic surgery, But what's the one
Speaker 1: thing where you were kind of like, hey, honey, maybe,
Speaker 1: Oh it's every morning. I'm like, I need an emergency
Speaker 1: deck left and I have a bump on my nose
Speaker 1: when I turned to the left. That's why I always
Speaker 1: take pictures to the right, because when I turned to
Speaker 1: the left, I don't like this bump bump my nose.
Speaker 1: He's like, uh huh, basically ignores me and moves on.
Speaker 1: But you're just you. You just decided to know you
Speaker 1: don't want to do it. Well, I never say never,
Speaker 1: but um, you know, he fixed my hernie. I had
Speaker 1: an umbilical hernia, so he fixed that for me. And
Speaker 1: while he was there, he cleaned up my C section scar.
Speaker 1: That was very nice. I was that considered plastic surgery,
Speaker 1: not really. Um, a little botox now and again, who
Speaker 1: does Doug Mast? By the way, Doug Mast is the best.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna have to get because I didn't like
Speaker 1: my last it looks look at like my it's pulling
Speaker 1: right there ya. But you know there's no roadmap and
Speaker 1: there's sometimes that happened. But Terry doesn't do injectable so
Speaker 1: like that anywhere, which is good because when he used
Speaker 1: to do them, he was don't mean to me. He's
Speaker 1: so nice to the patience. But if I came in
Speaker 1: forgot it and I go to the Doug mast, Doug
Speaker 1: is in amazing. He was actually just on botch last week.
Speaker 1: He was one of the people that was instrumental in
Speaker 1: getting sculpture approved um by the FDI. What's sculpt sculpture is?
Speaker 1: You know there's fillers. Uh, this isn't a filler. It's
Speaker 1: regrows your own collagen. It's injectable, but it regrows your
Speaker 1: In college, it was it was actually manufactured for AIDS
Speaker 1: patients because they get very skeletal and lose facial fat
Speaker 1: and so it's an incredible product. Anyway, So Doug, he's
Speaker 1: the best. He's in her most of beach. There's a
Speaker 1: plug for him. I love him. He's the best. So
Speaker 1: he does does your husband do breast augmentation? He does everything?
Speaker 1: Say I I just had a consult um, don't believe
Speaker 1: I'm saying this. I had a consult um a couple
Speaker 1: of weeks ago, but I've been kind of nervous about it.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm gonna go through with it
Speaker 1: or not. Let me tell you something. I probably the
Speaker 1: only plastic surgeon's wife with real breasts. If that tells
Speaker 1: you how I feel about Preston Player. I think for
Speaker 1: me is I don't want big I just I you know,
Speaker 1: they're saggy from two kids, and I I don't I
Speaker 1: would like them just I don't really like wearing bras
Speaker 1: a lot, so I would like it them to just
Speaker 1: to be a little lifted and a little teeny bit
Speaker 1: more in there. Okay, can I tell you something? Because
Speaker 1: you have an eleven week old and this is my
Speaker 1: big thing. So people talk with the mommy makeovers. A
Speaker 1: lot of people rush right, They go, oh, I've had
Speaker 1: my last kid. Now I'm gonna have a mommy makeover,
Speaker 1: and they get tummy talks and they get their breast
Speaker 1: done and whatever. The body has to rebound, And honest
Speaker 1: I think after our third child, I was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, like what happened? These girls used to be
Speaker 1: so good? Another gone, and what am I doing? And
Speaker 1: we had talked about it and I didn't do anything,
Speaker 1: and my breast tissue regroup, Like my body actually bounce back.
Speaker 1: Now what is it? What it was? No, but it
Speaker 1: did bounce back. And I feel like people rush to
Speaker 1: the surgeon too fast. So give your body a chance
Speaker 1: to recover and see what it's going to do. And
Speaker 1: are you sure you're done? You know he's he has
Speaker 1: a vasectomy appointment. How do you decide that? Is that? Like?
Speaker 1: Did you see sections or sections? So I really couldn't
Speaker 1: have open you didn't want to have a little like
Speaker 1: a double knot? That's what I did? What do you mean?
Speaker 1: I have my tubes tiede? So I was figured, okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: I didn't want to be done, done done. I didn't
Speaker 1: want for me personally, I just I want to know
Speaker 1: that if I could have another baby, I could because
Speaker 1: as a woman, I just I didn't want to close
Speaker 1: that door. Hunter, and I was making you're nervous, She's like,
Speaker 1: I need to be able. Wait a second, you can
Speaker 1: he can reverse his vasectomy. The doctor that he's actually
Speaker 1: going to does more reversals than actually vasectomies. So the
Speaker 1: fact that you can't reverse your tubes. So for me,
Speaker 1: I just and as a woman, I just want to always.
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's just it don't take away my
Speaker 1: right to have babies if I wanted to. For me,
Speaker 1: I just felt ago through that. Like I said, we've
Speaker 1: had this discussion, and I had my uproar. At first,
Speaker 1: I was like, wait, what, Like I thought we were
Speaker 1: deciding that we didn't want anymore. What's the difference if well,
Speaker 1: what if I decide I want to happ one with
Speaker 1: somebody else or you? Why did not? I don't know.
Speaker 1: I did not say that. It's just it's almost like,
Speaker 1: you know, she's like someone I didn't say. It's like
Speaker 1: someone's taking away your ovaries. It just makes you not
Speaker 1: feel like a woman. Well I had to do IVF,
Speaker 1: so do we? Oh? Okay, so you could? All right?
Speaker 1: I always thought like if I had if I had to,
Speaker 1: or I'm eighties, so I wasn't having another child. But
Speaker 1: so we had three IVF and then one natural. Okay,
Speaker 1: so good that something's being done here. I'm just saying,
Speaker 1: apparently if you have sex, you can get pregnant. I
Speaker 1: don't know if you know that. After No, just in general, yes,
Speaker 1: because funny because after my third I thought, well, we
Speaker 1: can't we're done, but I can't get pregnant anyway, so
Speaker 1: we didn't do anything about it, right, So it's interesting
Speaker 1: to me that you decided to have a sect to
Speaker 1: me when you had to do. Well, here's the thing.
Speaker 1: So both ivfs failed. I got pregnant but then lost
Speaker 1: the babies. But we then got pregnant naturally one month
Speaker 1: each time. My fourth was natural. Yeah, that was like,
Speaker 1: I don't know how that happened. I swear we had
Speaker 1: a dry spell. Yeah, it's it's it's the whole infertility.
Speaker 1: It's just kind of crazy with my body. But we
Speaker 1: at first the last couple of months of the pregnancy,
Speaker 1: we actually were like, you know, what are we done?
Speaker 1: And then even a month after we're like, we don't know,
Speaker 1: and then recently we're both kind of like, you know what.
Speaker 1: I but here's the things. I just I love babies.
Speaker 1: I really if I could have Oh she wants no,
Speaker 1: I just I just don't him last night, No, I
Speaker 1: didn't know. But they get past that. I know, I know,
Speaker 1: but we don't. And here's the thing. My age too,
Speaker 1: I'm getting older, and the chances are you know they
Speaker 1: go up past you know, thirty five, and so it's
Speaker 1: just it keeps, it keeps seeing them. We have two
Speaker 1: very healthy children, and I want to I think we're
Speaker 1: two children. I have twins. So I have fifteen, fifteen,
Speaker 1: twelve and eight. Yeah, I was twins. It was like
Speaker 1: could we curse or no? Yeah, it was a show.
Speaker 1: I mean it was crazy. I had never even held
Speaker 1: a baby before. I wasn't one of those like I
Speaker 1: had cousins and nieces and I had had no clue.
Speaker 1: And then there were two. And Terry, you know, walks
Speaker 1: around the house like he just scrubbed him for surgery,
Speaker 1: so he doesn't touch anything. So I had a fabulous
Speaker 1: baby nurse, and you know, I figured it out. So
Speaker 1: when I had the third, that was like having a
Speaker 1: teddy bear. I'm sure because I already had two. I
Speaker 1: can imagine and I don't know, but you know, because
Speaker 1: now you have an eleven week call, I would imagine
Speaker 1: that going from one to two has to be the
Speaker 1: hardest transition because when you have one, it's just one,
Speaker 1: and two must seem like twelve. I started with two,
Speaker 1: so three or four was nothing. Yeah, that's where people
Speaker 1: before we had our second one. People kept saying that
Speaker 1: They're like, it's harder to go from one to two,
Speaker 1: and it is two to three and worth sitting there,
Speaker 1: Like from a logical standpoint, that doesn't make sense. The
Speaker 1: numbers just don't add up. But now after having to
Speaker 1: we're like we get it, you get it. But now
Speaker 1: you have manned demand combat, which is good, right, totally outnumbered. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but like doing something. It was so easy to do
Speaker 1: something for yourself when it's like, hey, honey, can you
Speaker 1: take Jolie our daughter, be like you got her for
Speaker 1: a little bit, I'm gonna go do something or all
Speaker 1: takers so you can go do something. Now, it's like
Speaker 1: we don't want to leave each other with the two
Speaker 1: kids three a three year old in a eleven week old.
Speaker 1: It's like, uh, you're not doing this to me right now, Like, no,
Speaker 1: you're staying here. So that's what's so difficult right now
Speaker 1: is trying to be able to manage that. But it's
Speaker 1: good that you guys have careers and you obviously take
Speaker 1: care of your relationship because that's I think that period
Speaker 1: of time is the most important. When I had my
Speaker 1: third I had three under three, and it was insane
Speaker 1: I'm but you know what, we had help we got
Speaker 1: out of the house. I had made sure. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean it's you have to rely on the helps. I
Speaker 1: think that we have a hard time doing that. But
Speaker 1: the one mistake I think we made so a year ago,
Speaker 1: year and a half ago too and I took a
Speaker 1: trip to the Maldives and it was the longest we
Speaker 1: had ever been away for the kids and our oldest
Speaker 1: your fifteen, and we were gone for ten days, which
Speaker 1: was huge. We had been away for two days, three days,
Speaker 1: I think one time we went away for four. It
Speaker 1: was the most incredible thing. And everyone told me to
Speaker 1: travel when the kids were younger, but we don't have
Speaker 1: family nearby that we could leave them with, and I
Speaker 1: just felt uncomfortable. Gosh, I wish we had done it earlier.
Speaker 1: That's the one mistake I feel like we made. You.
Speaker 1: I'm telling you should find a way not at eleven weeks,
Speaker 1: but you know when the baby's like six months old
Speaker 1: or eight months of sleeping through the night and more
Speaker 1: of like a baby baby, like do it. We're going,
Speaker 1: We're going little trips, were going You're talking about like
Speaker 1: tow three days. We have a wedding, that will be
Speaker 1: gone in Europe for four But we wanted to stand up,
Speaker 1: but we didn't because of the kids. But you should.
Speaker 1: You should take it for me. That's the one thing
Speaker 1: when I look back, I got gosh, I wish we
Speaker 1: had done more of that. We blew it and they
Speaker 1: don't remember. And now I have teenagers and they don't
Speaker 1: really care. Yeah, now that I get out of here.
Speaker 1: So there's the sweet spot in between, So take advantage now. Well,
Speaker 1: I love you. Where can our listeners find your book
Speaker 1: and all about you? So you can find everything about
Speaker 1: me at heather to brow dot com. You can find
Speaker 1: the book wherever books are sold. It's finally back in
Speaker 1: stock at Amazon and Barnes and Noble, which is cool
Speaker 1: because it's sold out a couple of times. Did it find?
Speaker 1: Do Brow diet Interval, Eating to Lose weight and feel ageless?
Speaker 1: And my podcast heather to Prose World is on podcast one.
Speaker 1: Who you love it? Well, thank you so much for coming.
Speaker 1: For Hiring used to be hard, multiple job sites, stacks
Speaker 1: of resumes, and a confusing review process. But there's one
Speaker 1: place you can go where hiring a simple, fast and smart,
Speaker 1: a place where growing businesses connect to qualified candidates. That
Speaker 1: place is zip recruiter dot com. Zipp recruiter sends your
Speaker 1: job to over a hundred of the webs leading job boards.
Speaker 1: But they don't stop there. With powerful matching technologies, zip
Speaker 1: Recruiters scans thousands of resumes to find people with the
Speaker 1: right experience invite them to apply to your job. Zip
Speaker 1: recruiters so effective employers who post on zip recruiter dot
Speaker 1: com get a quality candidate through the site within the
Speaker 1: first day hiring people. By the way, it's a great
Speaker 1: feeling when you are in the position to hire people,
Speaker 1: isn't it. Because I was always the one desperately trying
Speaker 1: to get a job, going into those interviews, stressing out,
Speaker 1: working on your resume and all this stuff. And then
Speaker 1: when the switches and you get to say, oh, you
Speaker 1: get to make somebody's life by giving them a job.
Speaker 1: It's exciting. But it's hard to find great people. And
Speaker 1: that's where zip recruiter comes along, absolutely, because how do
Speaker 1: you do it? I mean, there's so many different ways.
Speaker 1: There's so many that the social media and the Internet
Speaker 1: and of how do you get it out there that
Speaker 1: your job is open. You want as many you want
Speaker 1: to cast as wide as possible, Right, that's how you
Speaker 1: find the best people. And that's where zip recruiter comes in.
Speaker 1: And especially when nowadays it's all about who you know,
Speaker 1: not what you know. It's like, how are you gonna
Speaker 1: if you don't know anybody that you can hire for
Speaker 1: the job, what else are you supposed to do? Exactly?
Speaker 1: And zip recruiter takes that wide open ocean of fish
Speaker 1: and give you just the premium fish, exactly what you want.
Speaker 1: And right now our listeners can try zipp recruiter for
Speaker 1: free at this exclusive web address, zip recruiter dot com,
Speaker 1: slash Janna. That's zipp recruiter dot com, slash j a
Speaker 1: n a zip recruiter dot com slash Janna. Zip recruiter
Speaker 1: the smartest way to hire toys. On to tell us
Speaker 1: about noon, which I've heard a lot of great things about,
Speaker 1: especially when it comes to nutrition and dieting and all that.
Speaker 1: Tell us a little bit more about it. Yeah, uh, Well,
Speaker 1: I was an athlete at U C l A. And
Speaker 1: ever since I stopped and graduated, I've been like, oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, I don't have a nutrition is It's hard
Speaker 1: right when you get out of sports, but you can't
Speaker 1: eat the same stuff you used to not at all.
Speaker 1: And when you come from an athlete, like you're used
Speaker 1: to that for so many years, you're like you don't
Speaker 1: know any different. Or you have like people being like, hey,
Speaker 1: would you eat this week, and you're like, oh my gosh, accountability,
Speaker 1: Like I don't have that anymore either. Yeah, and you're
Speaker 1: like like carbs, carbs, carbs or your team protein. Yeah,
Speaker 1: You're just like you're in like spandex working out. You're
Speaker 1: going doing your thing, and then you come back and
Speaker 1: you just you eat and then you have you talk
Speaker 1: to you to Chichen is like cut this back, cut
Speaker 1: the us out at this to your plan, and it's
Speaker 1: like you just don't have that in the normal world
Speaker 1: unless you're like a celebrity and like kind of but
Speaker 1: I can't. I'm we can't do that anymore. Post college kid.
Speaker 1: Just yeah, we're so co dependent on our on our
Speaker 1: nutritionists and strength coaches that now we're just stuck. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're just stuck. But you don't have to be with
Speaker 1: new absolutely because with NOM you have personalized training and
Speaker 1: your own support team for less than the price of
Speaker 1: a single appointment with the nutritions or personal trainer. Right
Speaker 1: and all you have to do is you take a
Speaker 1: thirty second online evaluation. It kind of helps you like
Speaker 1: with your age, with your weight, with your goals, and um,
Speaker 1: like any allergies you have. So for me, I'm gluten intolerant,
Speaker 1: so for me, I might track in so they're like, okay,
Speaker 1: here's like here's what you should be doing and adding
Speaker 1: in to counter that or because you do need to
Speaker 1: have carbohydrates in your system. The people think it's bad,
Speaker 1: it's actually not and attracts your meal habits. It gives
Speaker 1: you visualized portion sizes and you can see your calorie
Speaker 1: density at a glance. Right when you do go a
Speaker 1: little a little overboard, there's no shaming, just tips on
Speaker 1: getting back on track tomorrow. So even if you go
Speaker 1: off your schedule, it's gonna be okay, they'll get you
Speaker 1: back on track. Yeah, and it's all done from an app.
Speaker 1: So you have seven with you. So if you have
Speaker 1: a question on something, you can just message the nutritionists
Speaker 1: and say hey, here's what I'm thinking about having and
Speaker 1: they can just have a dialogue hold accountability to that.
Speaker 1: And people need that nowadays, I know I do. And
Speaker 1: new mis is on for results. Is that what the
Speaker 1: old habits in with the new sign up for your
Speaker 1: trial today at noon n O O M dot com
Speaker 1: slash Jana, What do you have to lose? Visit noon
Speaker 1: dot com slash Janna to start your trial today again,
Speaker 1: that's noon dot com slash Jinna, start losing weight for good.
Speaker 1: Dr Jen Man is in studio right now with us,
Speaker 1: and would you like to give your would you say
Speaker 1: you're I mean, obviously your therapist, but is your are
Speaker 1: you mainly a sex therapist or is it like what
Speaker 1: is your I do a lot of different things. Um,
Speaker 1: She's like, I'm multi I'm pretty I am pretty multifaceted.
Speaker 1: I actually wrote my doctoral dissertation about eating disorders and
Speaker 1: weight loss, and it's of an app called No More Diets.
Speaker 1: It's based on that. That's kind of what I originally
Speaker 1: started talking about the most um. I've written a parenting
Speaker 1: column for over ten years. It's printed in tended for magazines.
Speaker 1: I'm now writing an in style colum about sex and relationships.
Speaker 1: Most people know me from couples Therapy on v H
Speaker 1: one or family Therapy on v H one, so I
Speaker 1: really I've covered it all, and I'm an obsessive researcher
Speaker 1: I love psychology. I love helping people, So there really
Speaker 1: isn't a topic that I haven't covered. What's great because
Speaker 1: kind of I'm like, where do we even start? Because
Speaker 1: obviously Michael and are extreme open book. I love that
Speaker 1: I actually do. This is so off topic and random,
Speaker 1: but I wrote it down just because, um, you've talked
Speaker 1: about eating disorders and I just have a question anything,
Speaker 1: So what when is it? How do I say this
Speaker 1: without I know I don't have an eating disorder. I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna say that. But I've become obsessive with weighing myself.
Speaker 1: Is that a problem? It absolutely is, because the problem
Speaker 1: is that what you're doing then is you're making the
Speaker 1: focus this external thing. This number do I feel good
Speaker 1: about myself? Becomes about what the number is on the scale,
Speaker 1: because literally, if it goes above that one number, I
Speaker 1: am depressed the rest of the day. And I have
Speaker 1: to tell you, Look, I am someone who I'm recovered
Speaker 1: from an eating disorder. I was not well for about
Speaker 1: a decade. I was an elite level athlete. I was
Speaker 1: a rhythmic gymnast. I was on the national team for
Speaker 1: five years. I had a intense, hardcore Russian coach that
Speaker 1: was like weighing us and screaming at us and doing
Speaker 1: all kinds of crazy stuff. And after during the course
Speaker 1: of my eating disorder, I did this like crazy medical
Speaker 1: liquid diet, and I ended up I bought this talking
Speaker 1: scale because I was like obsessed like you with weighing myself.
Speaker 1: And what happened was I got on the scale and
Speaker 1: it would say like you, and this awful voice it
Speaker 1: would say, Hi, you wey blah blah blah, and you've
Speaker 1: gained one pound. Have a nice day. I can still
Speaker 1: hear that woman's voice in my head, and every day
Speaker 1: get on and it would say like and you've gained
Speaker 1: two pounds. And I flipped. And I was eating disordered
Speaker 1: at the time. Unlike you, I was full blown neating disordered.
Speaker 1: Wasn't just kind of what we call subclinical eating disorder,
Speaker 1: which is where you know you're obsessive. You don't meet
Speaker 1: the criteria for a full blow needing disorder, but it's
Speaker 1: an issue in your life. But what ended up happening
Speaker 1: was I became so distraught that the scale kept telling
Speaker 1: me I was gaining weight that I started eating more
Speaker 1: because I was so upset, And then I ended up
Speaker 1: putting on weight. As it turned out, the scale was
Speaker 1: broken stop. So it was a very valuable lesson about
Speaker 1: the external, focusing on the external versus the internal. What's
Speaker 1: really important is what's your relationship with food, like, what's
Speaker 1: your relations with your body? Like? What your body image like?
Speaker 1: Are you making healthy choices for yourself that feel good
Speaker 1: and reinforce things that you want for yourself. I come
Speaker 1: from a model. I don't believe in deprivation. What tends
Speaker 1: to happened, and all the studies show the more we
Speaker 1: deprive ourselves, the more out of control we tend to
Speaker 1: get with specific foots. So I am a big believer.
Speaker 1: I love what we call the hunger scale, the hunger
Speaker 1: scales of scale from zero to ten. Ten being the
Speaker 1: fullest you've ever been Thanksgiving, your stomach is going to
Speaker 1: just split open. Zero being you're about to faint, You're
Speaker 1: going to be on the floor. So five being neutral.
Speaker 1: I talk a lot about learning to eat when you
Speaker 1: are hungry, which is a three. It's all like, I
Speaker 1: know I'm hungry. If you're like I think I'm hungry,
Speaker 1: I'm not sure. You're probably a four. You can't wait
Speaker 1: if you let yourself get to two you probably have
Speaker 1: a headache, your stomach scrowl, and you're not feeling so good.
Speaker 1: Your energy is not good, and you certainly don't want
Speaker 1: to get to a one. You want to stop eating
Speaker 1: when you are five, which is neutral, or a six,
Speaker 1: which is yeah. I can tell your food myself if
Speaker 1: I could run down the block if I had to.
Speaker 1: Once you get to seven, you're full. Eight you're getting uncomfortable. Nine,
Speaker 1: you're in pain. So what you really want to do
Speaker 1: to respect your body is to eat when you're hungry
Speaker 1: a three and stop and you're satisfied, which is a five,
Speaker 1: and not deprive yourself of foods that you love, because
Speaker 1: then you're more likely to ban jo on them. I
Speaker 1: didn't know you we're on the scale that much every morning,
Speaker 1: and I anytime she jumps on the scale, I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: don't wear yourself. It's every morning incidents. I'll hide it
Speaker 1: from me. Is that a problem I can tell because
Speaker 1: obviously you do hide it for me because I didn't know.
Speaker 1: And then every time you do get on I'm like,
Speaker 1: why are you get on scale? What I tell you
Speaker 1: just you have shame around and you don't want to
Speaker 1: and you know something we had so our babies. You know, um,
Speaker 1: you know he's twelve twelve weeks. I don't know when
Speaker 1: this one's gonna air, but you know he's he's around that.
Speaker 1: But I just I was so obsessive getting back to
Speaker 1: my pre pregnancy weight, which is why I started to
Speaker 1: become like obsessive about the number. But like, sometimes I
Speaker 1: won't work out because if i'm if I'm too close
Speaker 1: to that number, I don't want my muscle weight to
Speaker 1: be to make me way more so that I that's
Speaker 1: not healthy. The best choice for your body is about working.
Speaker 1: That's good for your heart, it's good for your muscles,
Speaker 1: it's good for your strength, it's good for your back,
Speaker 1: you know, all that sort of stuff. So it's really
Speaker 1: important that you. I look, I would recommend not weighing yourself.
Speaker 1: I would lock up that scale and instead focus on
Speaker 1: how do you feel? Because also looks so what so
Speaker 1: what if you gain muscle and you're still leaving the number.
Speaker 1: But but I'm telling you you gotta work on letting
Speaker 1: go of the number. The number is unhealthy for you.
Speaker 1: That that obsession about the number. And look, I always say,
Speaker 1: like when a client comes to my office and says
Speaker 1: like I feel fat. I always say, like, what do
Speaker 1: you feel fat about? And so here's the things. I
Speaker 1: don't feel fat. I don't want to get thinner than
Speaker 1: a certain I just want to stay at where I'm
Speaker 1: at right now. So I'm I don't want to get
Speaker 1: over that number. But the obsession is the same. When
Speaker 1: a person is obsessing about being fat that isn't fat.
Speaker 1: It's no different than a person obsessing about a number
Speaker 1: that doesn't really matter. What you're doing is you're projecting
Speaker 1: something onto that number. And my question for you is
Speaker 1: if you weren't obsessing about the number, what would you
Speaker 1: be thinking about that you might not want to think about,
Speaker 1: And how would you feel about yourself if you didn't
Speaker 1: know the number. What's what's more painful that you don't
Speaker 1: want to think about than that number? I don't want
Speaker 1: to talk about it. So that's where the answer is, Yeah,
Speaker 1: well no, it's it's about not I want to be attractive,
Speaker 1: And I think that goes back to this one, be
Speaker 1: chosen and be attractive. But you know by me and
Speaker 1: how many times I tell you that, well, I know
Speaker 1: I want to stay there. That's even so I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't want you under that number. No, I know,
Speaker 1: and I don't want either. That's why I want to
Speaker 1: stay there. But I look, I would venture to say,
Speaker 1: and I've been told we can talk about anything, that
Speaker 1: it has a very open that what's gone down between
Speaker 1: the two of you, that that probably felt very out
Speaker 1: of control for you, And controlling the number is a
Speaker 1: way of trying to control the bigger picture. If I
Speaker 1: can control the number, then I'm going to look perfect
Speaker 1: and I put that in quotes, and then I'll be
Speaker 1: safe with him and I don't have to worry about
Speaker 1: him cheating. Interesting, it what even if, like I've never
Speaker 1: said anything about weight or it's never been an issue.
Speaker 1: That's what she's making it about, is trying to control
Speaker 1: one thing that she can control. You can't go through
Speaker 1: what you guys have gone through and not feel some
Speaker 1: anxiety about your partner. You know, it's really interesting worry
Speaker 1: that it's going to happen again. Being very introspective about
Speaker 1: this is I started weighing myself when you were in treatment.
Speaker 1: That's very interesting. I got a scale when you were
Speaker 1: in treatment. Interesting, there you go. You you you projected
Speaker 1: all your anxiety and all your pain onto that scale
Speaker 1: and that number and it's not really about that number.
Speaker 1: I want to just tell you I love you. Well,
Speaker 1: I just I never thought of it like that. Interesting, Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: I just I feel like I don't I feel embarrassed.
Speaker 1: It's embarrassing, yes, but there's nothing to be embarrassed about.
Speaker 1: There are a lot of women who are going to
Speaker 1: hear this and relate to you. Yeah, why, but like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to throw away the scale because it's like,
Speaker 1: but that that speaks to how hard it is for
Speaker 1: you to let go of this thing and how important
Speaker 1: it is for you to work on those feelings and
Speaker 1: to be able to talk through those in your own
Speaker 1: therapy or in couples therapy because obviously this issue is
Speaker 1: not resolved, and that's understandable because that doesn't go away overnight,
Speaker 1: that kind of breach of trust, and it's important for you,
Speaker 1: guys to continue to work on the relationship and work
Speaker 1: on your connection so that you can't feel safe again.
Speaker 1: I think it's interesting that because in most all the
Speaker 1: other areas we've addressed head on, we've discussed, we've talked
Speaker 1: circles around, and we're very mindful of it's like, this
Speaker 1: is like your one thing that has been like your
Speaker 1: own secret, so like validate yourself for something to hold
Speaker 1: on too, that we have an addressed or talked about.
Speaker 1: Mhm hm and you hit from me, well, I just
Speaker 1: because I mean not really. I mean you asked how
Speaker 1: much are you today? And I was like, yes, whatever that.
Speaker 1: But but first of all, I would recommend don't. That's
Speaker 1: why I was just about two days ago he said,
Speaker 1: what are you at? I don't do that often. If
Speaker 1: I don't know, I'm like, even if I do, I'm like,
Speaker 1: why are you worried about it? Yeah? You do? Ask yeah? Why? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, Okay, we move on. It's it's hard
Speaker 1: to talk about it's it's it's it's painful. I totally
Speaker 1: got it. Could I just do it like every one
Speaker 1: so week? Could I do that? Where it's because I
Speaker 1: want to make sure I'm not I'm like staying. Like
Speaker 1: my trainer always said, go buy a pair of pants.
Speaker 1: That's the pants that you would look if you're in
Speaker 1: touch with your body. You don't need a scale because
Speaker 1: you know when you feel good, you know when you
Speaker 1: feel bad, you know when you feel bloated, you know
Speaker 1: when you've eaten too much. I think right now you're
Speaker 1: holding on because you're holding onto that control, and that's
Speaker 1: okay if you're not ready to let go of that.
Speaker 1: But now you know what it is, and I think
Speaker 1: when you get on that scale, you're going to look
Speaker 1: at it a little differently and hopefully that will help
Speaker 1: you let go of it sooner. Completely interesting what society
Speaker 1: didn't Now? Are you mad at me? I want to
Speaker 1: be mad at you. I get it to the girl,
Speaker 1: Why what do you do wrong? I think she is
Speaker 1: shame around. She has a lot of shame around, and
Speaker 1: that's why she hit it from me. That's the secrecy.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry that you, through all that we've discussed and
Speaker 1: gone through that a part of you is still so
Speaker 1: unsure of things that you you still don't think it's unsure.
Speaker 1: I think it's just back to her because it's just
Speaker 1: the control of like I have. There's something that I
Speaker 1: can control. Because I can't control whether you step out.
Speaker 1: I can't control whether our marriage falls apart, but I
Speaker 1: can control right. But it still feels like something that
Speaker 1: um like we've done so much work around that, it's
Speaker 1: still something that we have an address that you're just
Speaker 1: trying to have. It's like your own work on the
Speaker 1: side that I don't know how to explain it. It's
Speaker 1: like your own thing you're holding onto, like outside of
Speaker 1: the work that we're addressing this head on, but it's
Speaker 1: like still something on the side that like you lean
Speaker 1: onto to make yourself feel better. She's not resolved. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it takes time. It takes time to heal. I
Speaker 1: think it's just you know again, because yeah, it's just
Speaker 1: it's just a way to have that control and to
Speaker 1: feel like that and to almost feel like, Okay, I
Speaker 1: know him here, so he must won't choose me because
Speaker 1: I'm I'm looking good right now with this. What when
Speaker 1: you see the number that you want to see? Do
Speaker 1: you feel better about yourself? Do you feel better about us?
Speaker 1: I just I'm happier. Does that make sense? I guess yeah.
Speaker 1: And then if not, that I'm like so depressed and
Speaker 1: then I'll either not work out because I don't want
Speaker 1: to add more muffle weight, or I'll just be depressed
Speaker 1: and then sulk for a couple of hours and then
Speaker 1: make sure I don't make sure I don't eat as
Speaker 1: much so that the next morning I can wake up.
Speaker 1: And it's probably just the water way. It's probably point
Speaker 1: too of whatever, and then I'll wake up like, oh boom.
Speaker 1: And I know that our weight varies day by day
Speaker 1: in our cycle, how much salt we had, how much
Speaker 1: water we drank, Like I will every way myself after
Speaker 1: a flight because I know that I'll be more water
Speaker 1: or this. So it's because and then I'll know I'll
Speaker 1: get in my head about it. Yeah, you feel better
Speaker 1: or worse about us, though, depending on what you see
Speaker 1: on the scale, or is it just like you? I
Speaker 1: think it's yeah, yeah, that has no correlation to you.
Speaker 1: It's just I mean, yes, it's correlated with you, but
Speaker 1: not in that moment. So what do people listening do,
Speaker 1: because I'm relating so much to what Janna is saying,
Speaker 1: even in different ways, that manifests in different ways, whether
Speaker 1: it's weight or linking the lights up and down or
Speaker 1: totally do and whatever things you do to control, what
Speaker 1: do people listening do to try to work through it? Well?
Speaker 1: The first thing is to identify what it's really about
Speaker 1: the lights, which aren't really about the lights. It's again,
Speaker 1: it's about control. It's about binding anxiety to look at
Speaker 1: why are you feeling anxious? What's going on in your life?
Speaker 1: So that you can actually address it, whether it is
Speaker 1: having a conversation with someone, whether it is taking better
Speaker 1: care of yourself, whether it's getting in therapy, whether it's
Speaker 1: going to a twelve step meaning, whatever it is, that
Speaker 1: is the underlying issue is what needs to be addressed
Speaker 1: because that behavior serves a purpose, whether it's obsessing a
Speaker 1: out an a Verrano scale, or train the lights on
Speaker 1: and off, or anything else. You know, being a workaholic,
Speaker 1: a boyfriend not texting you back or like that can
Speaker 1: throw me. Yeah. I have a colleague who went said
Speaker 1: to me, no matter how successful a person is, especially
Speaker 1: a woman, that like when your relationship is falling apart,
Speaker 1: like you feel like everything is falling apart, that like,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter how strong you are, it doesn't matter
Speaker 1: how accomplished you are. That typically that's something that tends
Speaker 1: to take us down. You know, are you feeling I'm good,
Speaker 1: I'm on the next thing, the next thing. Yeah, let's
Speaker 1: definitely talking about sex, which is which is interesting. So
Speaker 1: Janna and I today later today have a tantra therapy
Speaker 1: appointment with a tantra therapist, and so that's going to
Speaker 1: be for me, probably uncomfortable at first, but I'm excited
Speaker 1: to give it a try. Yeah, he is a harder
Speaker 1: time with intimacy, so that's something that he had set
Speaker 1: up to try to work on intimacy. Of that, that's
Speaker 1: great because tand a lot of tantric sex. And I
Speaker 1: wrote what my InStyle column, hump Day with Dr Jen
Speaker 1: comes out every Wednesday. I wrote one of my columns
Speaker 1: all about tantric sex. And one of the things that
Speaker 1: I learned as I was researching was a lot of
Speaker 1: it is about eye contact and breathing and kind of
Speaker 1: sinking yourselves as I feel like he's smiling, so it's
Speaker 1: going to be uncomfortable for him, So how how can
Speaker 1: we I like him uncomfortable. That's good for your relationship.
Speaker 1: I like you uncomfortable, not on your scale. I like
Speaker 1: him uncomfortable having intimacy with you, and we all live happily.
Speaker 1: Ever after all about stepping out of the comfort zone.
Speaker 1: That's where the work happens. You know, when we say
Speaker 1: in our comfort zone, we don't grow, our relationships don't change.
Speaker 1: We do the same patterns and we mess up in
Speaker 1: the same ways. So I think it's great to me.
Speaker 1: You know, I talk a lot in in my book
Speaker 1: The relationship fix about the whole chapter about how to
Speaker 1: make amends and about forgiveness, and one of the steps
Speaker 1: I was talking I talked about the four ours, about
Speaker 1: showing remorse, about taking responsibility, about recognition, like actually hearing
Speaker 1: the person talk about the feelings, and remedy, and to me,
Speaker 1: this is part of remedy. Remedy is a plan. How
Speaker 1: do how do we not make the same mistake again?
Speaker 1: What do I do? What boundaries do I initiate? What
Speaker 1: intimacy do we need to have, What ways do we
Speaker 1: need to connect to make me less vulnerable to this
Speaker 1: happen again in the future. And I think this is fantastic.
Speaker 1: I love that you're doing and I love that you
Speaker 1: initiated it. I think it's great. Let me ask you this,
Speaker 1: and this is actually something that fantastic. This is something
Speaker 1: I'm actually going to bring up with my individual therapists
Speaker 1: and try to process when I meet with him later
Speaker 1: this week. But so we talked about on a previous episode.
Speaker 1: I have an issue. If I initiate something, whether it's sex,
Speaker 1: whether it's time together, whatever it is, I have no
Speaker 1: problem with it. But for what, for whatever reason, if
Speaker 1: Janna initiates it or not even just her, but just
Speaker 1: someone else initiates and says, hey, do you want to
Speaker 1: do this? Hey do you want to work out? Hey,
Speaker 1: she initiates sex or whatever. I have an issue with it.
Speaker 1: I get uncomfortable. So for this example, just talking to you,
Speaker 1: if you take two scenarios, she initiates sex more times
Speaker 1: than not, I might be kind of uncomfortable and not
Speaker 1: as uh willing or whatever. But if I initiate it,
Speaker 1: I have no problem. I'm good to go. Like. There's
Speaker 1: no performance issues, there's no uncomfortableness, there's no anything. So
Speaker 1: you like to be in control. Yeah, I guess that's
Speaker 1: what it is, but I don't know. Yeah, is that feeling,
Speaker 1: that uncomfortable feeling? Is that an old feeling or a
Speaker 1: new feeling old? How far back does it go? It's
Speaker 1: the earliest time you can remember it? Um, I mean
Speaker 1: child Where in your childhood? Seven eight? Maybe then? What
Speaker 1: was going on? I think it's pay him turned the
Speaker 1: radio down? No, Um, I think it's just and you
Speaker 1: know my household it was. You know, I got a
Speaker 1: fantastic childhood. I don't take anything away from my childhood,
Speaker 1: but it was still as a child. I don't I
Speaker 1: never felt like you had much of a voice, where
Speaker 1: it's just you do what your parents said, you do
Speaker 1: what my father said. Period, There wasn't if you came
Speaker 1: from a very authoritarian household, even though you knew you
Speaker 1: were loved by your parents, you didn't have a locus
Speaker 1: of control. Right, So it was just I was I
Speaker 1: was always told what to do. It was never a discussion.
Speaker 1: I never felt like I could have a saying anything.
Speaker 1: It's just like you were told what to do and
Speaker 1: then just I don't know, I think now, I just
Speaker 1: feel when I've even if it's a suggestion by Janna,
Speaker 1: Hey do you want to work out later today, it
Speaker 1: feels like I'm being told what to do. And look,
Speaker 1: it clearly goes back to your childhood. And you know,
Speaker 1: chapter four of my book is about childhood. It's all
Speaker 1: about how your childhood impacts your relationship and the them
Speaker 1: Why I wrote that is because most people don't realize.
Speaker 1: And you know, every season on Couples Therapy, I do
Speaker 1: what we call the relationship trauma session, which is like
Speaker 1: it generally they've lasted anywhere from four to seven hours
Speaker 1: of therapy, intensive therapy with all these couples celebrity couples
Speaker 1: in a room with me talking about their childhoods because
Speaker 1: it's so eye opening, and it's really in a certain way.
Speaker 1: It's easy when the trauma is obvious. Oh, if you've
Speaker 1: been molested, obviously, it's not easy going through that trauma.
Speaker 1: It's horrific and life altering. But neglect abuse, you know,
Speaker 1: sexual abuse, all that sort of stuff, people go like, oh,
Speaker 1: I know this thing happened to me. Obviously, this is
Speaker 1: going to impact me. Where people don't realize their childhood
Speaker 1: impacts them is more subtle situations like yours, which is
Speaker 1: why I wrote about it in the book. It's being
Speaker 1: in a home where you don't feel understood, where you
Speaker 1: don't feel seen in her, where you don't feel like
Speaker 1: you have control over your future. It's more subtle things
Speaker 1: like a family of divorce that that's so common that
Speaker 1: people tend to go, oh, it doesn't impact me that much,
Speaker 1: but it impacts you. So it's it's all those subtle things,
Speaker 1: And it sounds like that feeling of not having control
Speaker 1: deeply impacted you, and and as a result, it makes
Speaker 1: you seek control in different ways in your relationship, even
Speaker 1: subtle ways that are going to have a negative impact
Speaker 1: on your wife because if she feels like she can't
Speaker 1: initiate sext, she can't say, hey, let's go work out. Hey,
Speaker 1: I you know, I got tickets to this concert. If
Speaker 1: for you it feels controlling, what happens is she loses control,
Speaker 1: she she she's got a catchway too. I can't ask
Speaker 1: for what I want in this relationship, otherwise you can
Speaker 1: feel controlled. So it makes a whole lot of sense
Speaker 1: that your control is on the scale right now. Well. So,
Speaker 1: which is funny because yesterday we were driving back and
Speaker 1: I said, so, I wanted to ask you to work
Speaker 1: out today, and I felt like I couldn't even ask
Speaker 1: you because you were going to say no because it
Speaker 1: wasn't your idea. So I'm kind of left, like what
Speaker 1: am I to do? Your arms are tied behind your
Speaker 1: back because I can't initiate things. I can't say things
Speaker 1: because you're going to say no because it wasn't your idea.
Speaker 1: So I don't know how I'm supposed to come to
Speaker 1: you with things. And I go, now, I'm just kind
Speaker 1: of confused, which I haven't. And we talked about this yesterday,
Speaker 1: which I haven't. I don't always say no if she
Speaker 1: brings something to me and she senses your energy, I
Speaker 1: can do just from being here for ten seconds. She's
Speaker 1: incredibly attuned to you and super hyper sensitive to you.
Speaker 1: You blink the wrong way and she is he in
Speaker 1: her head going Okay, what's going on with him? What's
Speaker 1: he doing? Why is he feeling this way? How is
Speaker 1: it going to impact our relationship? She's super in tune
Speaker 1: with you, so she's going to pick up on even
Speaker 1: if you say yes, the process that goes on in
Speaker 1: your head, She's gonna pick up on your energy about it.
Speaker 1: So you've got work to do here in order to
Speaker 1: be a giving, loving, open partner. And I can't help
Speaker 1: but wonder if on some level the affair had to
Speaker 1: do with control, because it puts you in a position
Speaker 1: where you have more control in your relationship because it
Speaker 1: creates so much anxiety with your partner up, Is you
Speaker 1: can do it again? Is you gonna leave me so
Speaker 1: you can have bad boundaries? What do I have to
Speaker 1: do to keep this relationship in check? Yeah? I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm sure there, you know, especially with what I was
Speaker 1: going through in my own world with depression and transitioning
Speaker 1: into different life and career and all that stuff. When
Speaker 1: we first met that, yeah, I felt like I had
Speaker 1: no control over anything. I was just along for the ride.
Speaker 1: So there's definitely some truth behind that. How do I
Speaker 1: go about asking or because I just want to spend
Speaker 1: time with them, I just want to hang out with them,
Speaker 1: you know, I just want to go to lunch or
Speaker 1: work out or you know, if I I have a
Speaker 1: hard time initiating because I haven't turned down a lot
Speaker 1: of times from him, So it's it's really hard for
Speaker 1: me to initiate because I'm so afraid to get turned
Speaker 1: on and then which will then trigger the trauma of
Speaker 1: not being chosen. And so I don't do that often,
Speaker 1: which i'd like two more, but I feel so uncomfortable
Speaker 1: because I'm so afraid of being turned down. And in
Speaker 1: the entire time, it's like, oh, I know in his head,
Speaker 1: he feels like he has to because if not, then
Speaker 1: I'm gonna feel not chosen, I'm gonna feel turned down,
Speaker 1: I'm going to feel all these things. So I don't
Speaker 1: know how how do I approach something as simple as hey,
Speaker 1: do you want to work out with me? To initiating
Speaker 1: sex without having to have that anxiety I'm going to
Speaker 1: give you some advice that you're gonna hate. It's going
Speaker 1: to be very challenging, but is going to be life
Speaker 1: changing for you. What I want your energy on this
Speaker 1: to be is great. Bring on the rejection. I can
Speaker 1: handle it. Bring it on, uh, and it is just
Speaker 1: an opportunity for me to work on myself and to
Speaker 1: be strong and to build myself up. I don't need
Speaker 1: his yes to feel good about me, and I welcome
Speaker 1: the rejection and bring it on. Come to him if
Speaker 1: that energy, have that energy within yourself and be less
Speaker 1: attached to the outcome, because what we want to do
Speaker 1: is give you your control back. That you can't ask
Speaker 1: is a problem. All you can do is change your
Speaker 1: side of that problem. He's got to do the work
Speaker 1: in his individual therapy so that he can learn to
Speaker 1: to say to say yes, or or even to say no,
Speaker 1: and to do it in a gracious, loving way. But
Speaker 1: what he has done is he has basically created a
Speaker 1: dynamic in your relationship where you feel the way he
Speaker 1: felt growing up. He couldn't ask. His parents were in control,
Speaker 1: he had to do whatever they said. You're in a
Speaker 1: situation now where you can't ask. He's in control, and
Speaker 1: you can't get your needs man, So all you can
Speaker 1: do is change your side and then have faith that
Speaker 1: he will work on his side. What if it doesn't change,
Speaker 1: then you'll have a decision to make h whether you
Speaker 1: want to be in a relationship with someone who is withholding,
Speaker 1: and if it goes that long unwilling to work on
Speaker 1: the issue, which isn't the case, which again, is willing
Speaker 1: to work on which even when you when you've asked things,
Speaker 1: I'll even say yes. Maybe I still will feel uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: but I'll say yes because I know what's something she wants.
Speaker 1: But but also what I want you to start to
Speaker 1: do is say yes, and not only because it's something
Speaker 1: you want, but because you want to work on yourself
Speaker 1: and you want to live life on different terms. Because
Speaker 1: as long as your childhood is dictating how you react
Speaker 1: to her, and you're coming from that place of someone
Speaker 1: else is in control, I have to get control by
Speaker 1: saying no, I have to be withholding. You're trapped in
Speaker 1: your childhood and ins way, You're a victim of your
Speaker 1: childhood for sure. And I've told this to Janna when
Speaker 1: we don't have the same sexual she used as we
Speaker 1: have in the past. But I told her even when
Speaker 1: we were having intimacy issues in that in the bedroom,
Speaker 1: it's like, I don't want this, like I don't want
Speaker 1: this to be my issue. I want to want to
Speaker 1: be so open minded and comfortable and be able to
Speaker 1: have sex, to do this or do that without any issue.
Speaker 1: So I want those things, but sometimes I think I'm
Speaker 1: also afraid of It's like the whole breakup scenario. It's like,
Speaker 1: I want you to want to do the dishes. It's like,
Speaker 1: sometimes there's gonna be things I might not want to do,
Speaker 1: but I do them because I know it's important to her.
Speaker 1: That's okay. Sometimes you take one for the team. We'll
Speaker 1: see sometime sometimes I might get the energy from Janna
Speaker 1: where because I don't have the same enthusiasm, I don't
Speaker 1: have the same you know whatever about that situation that
Speaker 1: it's not enough for her, that me just doing it
Speaker 1: isn't enough for her. That I have to want to
Speaker 1: do that as well. So it's and and and that's
Speaker 1: where your work is that that you have to work
Speaker 1: on that in order to get to an enthusiastic yes.
Speaker 1: Sometimes you have to get a lukewarm yes, And that's okay,
Speaker 1: But embrace it like reward the positive behavior. He says, yes,
Speaker 1: even if you sense a hesitation, that's okay. This is
Speaker 1: a guy who wants to grow. Help him grow, he says, yes,
Speaker 1: embrace it. What will be you think his path to
Speaker 1: trying to not have that uncomfortable nous when I'm at
Speaker 1: when I asked him to do something with me, He's
Speaker 1: got to work with his childhood, because this is not
Speaker 1: about you. This is about his childhood. This is about
Speaker 1: feeling powerless. This is about feeling like he had to
Speaker 1: do what he was told, and so he's starving for control,
Speaker 1: so he doesn't want you to have any When he
Speaker 1: is able to work through that, he won't be so
Speaker 1: starving for control, and he also will feel more powerful
Speaker 1: as a man. And when he feels that way, he
Speaker 1: can say yes. He can say no. And it's not
Speaker 1: about withholding. It's not about power and control. It's about
Speaker 1: I view and yeah, great, let's do it. And it's
Speaker 1: not about like a task or I'm telling him what
Speaker 1: to do, which I Finally, I've gotten to the point
Speaker 1: in our relationship where I can say no, because for
Speaker 1: a long time I didn't say no, and then resentment
Speaker 1: built up because against her, which is not her fault
Speaker 1: because it's just me not speaking how I really felt. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and it's you know, and I've told Janna too, it
Speaker 1: isn't just my issue with this isn't just towards Janna.
Speaker 1: It's been with teachers in my life, has been with
Speaker 1: coaches that I've had my entire life. It's been with
Speaker 1: just any authoritative figures that have always been one of
Speaker 1: those guys that just quick trigger to defend myself because
Speaker 1: I'm just not a big fan of authority and people
Speaker 1: telling me what to do. And when you grow up
Speaker 1: in a household like yours that was more of an
Speaker 1: authoritarian household, you tend to be more sensitive to that,
Speaker 1: and you tend to have a response that's about the
Speaker 1: rebellion as opposed to what's in my best interest? What
Speaker 1: do I really want to do? It become just kind
Speaker 1: of a trigger now, yeah, right, Yeah, And I think
Speaker 1: on the flip side, when I'm told the know or rejected,
Speaker 1: that just goes into the trauma of the past. But
Speaker 1: we have to build you up so that you're just
Speaker 1: like create bring it on. Yeah, I can handle rejection.
Speaker 1: I'm such a strong woman. Your no isn't isn't going
Speaker 1: to tear me down. I think it'll always Unfortunately, Yes,
Speaker 1: I think I've gotten better with that, but I think
Speaker 1: it's always gonna be there no matter what. Just that
Speaker 1: little piece of not But there's a different But there's
Speaker 1: a difference between I really wish he was in the
Speaker 1: mood too, and that I'm not the chosen. The I'm
Speaker 1: not the chosen is about the trauma of the past
Speaker 1: between the two of them and that that we need
Speaker 1: to clean up. So it's so it's a pure response
Speaker 1: that just like damn, I was hoping to have sex
Speaker 1: and he's not up for it. Okay, I'll go take
Speaker 1: care of myself. Yeah, maybe next time. It feels uh unfortunately,
Speaker 1: like when I when I hear that, like when she
Speaker 1: still feels that way about something I said. Know too,
Speaker 1: that makes me sometimes want to get offensive and say,
Speaker 1: well that just seems like you're focusing on the things
Speaker 1: I'm not doing as opposed to things that I am doing.
Speaker 1: What about the fact, And then I want to like
Speaker 1: keep score in a sense of well, we just had
Speaker 1: sex yesterday and I just did this with you. I
Speaker 1: just we just cut it on the couch. You know
Speaker 1: what about those things that I'm doing, and why you
Speaker 1: focus on this one thing and I just get all
Speaker 1: worked up and I'm like and like one of the
Speaker 1: things that I recommend for you guys, and talk about
Speaker 1: this a lot in the relationship fis in chapter one
Speaker 1: about communication is create a culture of appreciation in your relationship. Really,
Speaker 1: like a lot of the time couples don't thank each
Speaker 1: other for the things they take for granted, Oh gonna
Speaker 1: thank you so much for taking out the trash. We
Speaker 1: do that. Yeah, And I love that you put that
Speaker 1: in your book too. Is I agree with you that
Speaker 1: I think a lot of and there's just a lot
Speaker 1: of friends of mine too, they forget to thank their
Speaker 1: spouses for the little things that are so that are important.
Speaker 1: But I'm hearing that he doesn't feel fully recognized for
Speaker 1: the things that he's doing, the efforts that he's making.
Speaker 1: So I would recommend your gratitude. It's too. It's two things.
Speaker 1: It's one. I'll feel that because yes, maybe because the
Speaker 1: fact that she is is feeling a certain way or
Speaker 1: complaining about something I didn't do, then it makes me
Speaker 1: feel that way. But also the other half of is
Speaker 1: me because we actually just talked about this with some
Speaker 1: of the other day, like a week ago, is we'll
Speaker 1: thank each other for the small test. Hey, thanks for
Speaker 1: emptying the dishwasher, thanks for doing this. Those are mindless
Speaker 1: things that you just do as an adult anyway, and
Speaker 1: but we won't accept that from one another. Like if
Speaker 1: Janna says, hey, thanks for empty and dishwashing, I'm like, care,
Speaker 1: but you don't have to thank me, just say thank you.
Speaker 1: We both do that. The impression is that, well, first
Speaker 1: of all, both of you need to say you're welcome. Yeah, welcome.
Speaker 1: It's hard for us for whatever, recognizing that. That's cool.
Speaker 1: I really appreciate that. But it sounds like you get
Speaker 1: recognized for the dishwasher, but maybe a little bit less
Speaker 1: for your emotional reaches. I don't know. I feel like
Speaker 1: I I mean, if you if if that's true, then
Speaker 1: I then I apologize because I feel like I do
Speaker 1: a pretty good job of, you know, saying thank you
Speaker 1: for working on yourself, thank you for you know, showing
Speaker 1: up today. You do a great job. So she does.
Speaker 1: That's the thing. She does validate my the times that
Speaker 1: I am connected or intimate or whatever. It's just any
Speaker 1: time I have such an issue again, that goes back
Speaker 1: since I was a child of not feeling good enough
Speaker 1: that I have such a great issue with that where
Speaker 1: if I hear one thing, if I get triggered in
Speaker 1: my trauma and think it's triggered and she's like, you know,
Speaker 1: why don't you want to be intimate or she's not
Speaker 1: feeling a certain way, then I'm like, okay, so everything
Speaker 1: I've been doing isn't good enough? Everything Like that's not
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. I'm just saying, can you just hear
Speaker 1: me in this one moment right now where I'm just saying,
Speaker 1: I just in this moment, I don't feel chosen and
Speaker 1: that's my stuff. But I'm just saying in that, what
Speaker 1: do you do to help her feel safe and comfortable
Speaker 1: and loved in the relationship. Let's say you're not in
Speaker 1: the mood for a sex, that's okay, but what do
Speaker 1: you do or do you just get defensive and go like,
Speaker 1: but I do all these other things. I used to
Speaker 1: be straight to defensive now would blow blow us up.
Speaker 1: But now I'm able. We're both able to more times
Speaker 1: than not be understanding, like I'm really sorry you don't
Speaker 1: feel chosen. Just let you know like I do love
Speaker 1: you I do choose you, and now I'm just I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm just not maybe in that particular mood. But you
Speaker 1: know that's cool. Can we do something else? Can we
Speaker 1: just lay together or whatever? And that's something that I
Speaker 1: still need to get better at. Spoon you for two hours.
Speaker 1: It's because he did. Yeah, but but unfortunately it's here
Speaker 1: you go straight to the You do that a lot,
Speaker 1: where you go straight to the everything. It's not it's
Speaker 1: not everything, it's you get to that point. And then
Speaker 1: I still have the the internal fear of Okay, see
Speaker 1: I say no, and I do those things. I validate
Speaker 1: her feelings and I say hey, let's just cut on
Speaker 1: the couch. Then in the back of mind mine that
Speaker 1: I'll start thinking like this is still not enough because
Speaker 1: she wanted this, but it would be enough for me.
Speaker 1: That's the things to do I have to then, and
Speaker 1: let's just say it wasn't. Let's just say you're like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm not in the mood for let me, let's let's
Speaker 1: spoon let's go lay on the couch together, let me
Speaker 1: hold you, let me kiss you. I want I want
Speaker 1: you to know I love you, and I want you
Speaker 1: to feel loved even though I'm not in the mood,
Speaker 1: and you spoon her and you have a connected time
Speaker 1: and it's still not enough. That's okay. We don't necessarily
Speaker 1: always meet every single need perfectly of our partner, but
Speaker 1: you're still you're filling her love tank even if it's
Speaker 1: not full. Let's say you're filling it halfway. That's pretty good.
Speaker 1: That counts for something. It's not all or nothing. You know,
Speaker 1: as as as as an athlete, you tend to think
Speaker 1: in black and white terms, either you win or you
Speaker 1: lose it. But it's not that way. In relationships. There
Speaker 1: are a lot of shades of gray, and filling the
Speaker 1: tank is a positive. Don't under estimated it. Adds like that.
Speaker 1: I think that's school because I think all or nothing.
Speaker 1: I mean, what's what's perfect? You know what's not Every
Speaker 1: night is going to be a candle night of us.
Speaker 1: You know, having the most intimate sometimes it might just
Speaker 1: be holding a hand might just be enough. But at
Speaker 1: least you're showing up in that way for that day.
Speaker 1: And like we talked about on a previous episode, is
Speaker 1: say I said that, so she wants to have sex, right,
Speaker 1: And I say, hey, I'm just not really in the
Speaker 1: mood right now, like let's just cuddle or let's just
Speaker 1: lay on the couch together or laying bed together. I
Speaker 1: will if she's super accepting of that, it says, okay,
Speaker 1: I understand, like I'll do let's just do that in
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes, I'll probably want to have sex well because
Speaker 1: all because also what happens is it takes the pressure off.
Speaker 1: And I think that part of what you're looking for,
Speaker 1: but part of what part of what you're the reparative
Speaker 1: experience you're looking for in your relationship is I can
Speaker 1: say no to quote unquote authority because you project onto her,
Speaker 1: she becomes the authority. Because we project our parents onto
Speaker 1: our partners is kind of what we do. So what
Speaker 1: your craving is for the authority to say it's okay you.
Speaker 1: You don't have to do what I say. I still
Speaker 1: love you anyway, I still accept you. I still want
Speaker 1: to be with you. This is safe, this relationship is safe.
Speaker 1: We're good. And I think that when you feel that
Speaker 1: from her, when she doesn't get reactive and doesn't go like,
Speaker 1: what do you mean you don't want to have sex
Speaker 1: to me? And I'm not I'm not the chosen one.
Speaker 1: And you pick someone else, and then you walk down
Speaker 1: that historic, painful lane. Then you go up. I have
Speaker 1: to do I have to do what authority says. Oh
Speaker 1: that sucks, like I'm back in my childhood. But if
Speaker 1: she's able to go, yeah, I totally get it. You're
Speaker 1: not always in the mood. That's cool. Hey, Like, let's
Speaker 1: let's cuttle up together and you're able to go. I
Speaker 1: feel so lucky that I have such a sexy, beautiful wife.
Speaker 1: I want you to know I choose you. Let's just
Speaker 1: boon like, I want you to know that you are loved,
Speaker 1: and let's connect. I'm just kind of not in a
Speaker 1: sex mood. You will both. Her anxiety goes down. You
Speaker 1: feel like you don't have to do what you're told,
Speaker 1: which frees you up to actually maybe even want to
Speaker 1: do what's been requested of you in a genuine, authentic way.
Speaker 1: And everyone see, I hear that. That struck a chord
Speaker 1: though with me, just her saying, like, you know, just
Speaker 1: feeling still supported, supported and love just or whatever, just
Speaker 1: because I don't agree with something or I don't follow
Speaker 1: what I feel like I'm being told, Yeah, just go,
Speaker 1: that's important part of his healing it. Yeah, this is
Speaker 1: really big for him. Yeah, okay, so she because I'm
Speaker 1: trying to put myself in her position too. So let's
Speaker 1: say she kind of is beling flirty and wants to
Speaker 1: be intimate with Mike, and she's leading him there. Will
Speaker 1: it land okay on her? When he says, Hey, I'm
Speaker 1: not in the mood right now, let's just cuddle on
Speaker 1: the couch. Could she interpret it as he doesn't want me,
Speaker 1: he doesn't think I'm hot, but not that it's true.
Speaker 1: But her job, like I said before, is to embrace rejection,
Speaker 1: to go bring it on. I can handle it. I
Speaker 1: am strong, I am powerful. I know I'm amazing. Whether
Speaker 1: he wants to have sex with me in this moment
Speaker 1: or not, like, that's her work, and that's also the
Speaker 1: work that will free her to say that's cool, baby,
Speaker 1: like maybe we can find another way to connect. And
Speaker 1: it also that's what will free him up to to
Speaker 1: make a choice based not on rebelling against his childhood,
Speaker 1: but based on what he actually ultimately wants, because he
Speaker 1: doesn't know what he wants. So I hear that, I
Speaker 1: also want to say, I I'm afraid now that I
Speaker 1: might play mind games with I'll say all right, good night,
Speaker 1: you know, in hopes that he'll then want to sleep
Speaker 1: with me or but if you're doing that, then you're
Speaker 1: not doing what I'm recommending right then, and that's not
Speaker 1: what's going to heal this right right, No, I know.
Speaker 1: But but also it's it's about that's about manipulating, that's
Speaker 1: about game playing. I'm like, I'm gonna say no, so
Speaker 1: he'll say yes, you're you're still then playing with the
Speaker 1: authority thing in his history, and he's going to sense
Speaker 1: it unconsciously. So just like you're in tune with him,
Speaker 1: he's in tune with you. Gen Man, You're amazing, and
Speaker 1: I want our listeners to also get um your help. Yes,
Speaker 1: So for everyone listening right now, if you like, seriously,
Speaker 1: nothing is off limits, whether it's sex, family, anything, relationship wise,
Speaker 1: or you know, literally literally anything. UM Gentleman is the
Speaker 1: best therapist. So please email us at wind down at
Speaker 1: I Heart radio dot com. Member Wine is w h
Speaker 1: I n E. So wind down I Heart radio dot
Speaker 1: com and give us your phone number and we will
Speaker 1: call you on air and gen Man will talk to
Speaker 1: you and help answer your questions. We have one. We
Speaker 1: have an email from UM from Cassie, can we read
Speaker 1: an email? Absolutely. Uh, it's called climbing the Hill. I'm
Speaker 1: listening to your podcast at the beginning, and where you
Speaker 1: offered to talk about sex. Is there a topic about
Speaker 1: not being able to climb the hill. I'm very happily
Speaker 1: married to my husband of seven months and we've been
Speaker 1: together for almost four years. Sex is absolutely great, but
Speaker 1: I've never been able to get Yes, she's not getting
Speaker 1: to fruition, is what she's saying. Yeah, go vibe vibrator.
Speaker 1: They're great. But it also sounds like she wants to
Speaker 1: have the experience with with her partner. And and so
Speaker 1: here here's my recommendation, a few recommendations for her. One
Speaker 1: is I'm assuming, since she's not saying that's an issue,
Speaker 1: that she's able to get there by herself. So one
Speaker 1: thing I recommend is have her husband watch how she
Speaker 1: gets herself there herself, because watching that technique. And you know,
Speaker 1: sometimes a lot of the time I had people and
Speaker 1: I wrote a whole column all about this. All at
Speaker 1: the time, women feel uncomfortable, like, you know, somehow men
Speaker 1: are kind of brought up and like, oh, yeah, we
Speaker 1: do that, whereas women tend to have more shame around this.
Speaker 1: This is not just about him watching like, oh are
Speaker 1: you sexy when you do this or not? This is
Speaker 1: about him actually learning where on your body, which side
Speaker 1: of you, which which angle are you sitting up? Are
Speaker 1: you rubbing against something? Like what is it that you're
Speaker 1: doing to get there? And then looking at how can
Speaker 1: we recreate this, whether it's a different position when you're
Speaker 1: having intercourse, or whether it is bringing in a little vibrator,
Speaker 1: or whether it is him doing stuff to her beforehand
Speaker 1: and then at the last minute going there. So there
Speaker 1: are a lot of different ways to get there, but
Speaker 1: one of the most important things, Yeah, he needs to
Speaker 1: exactly he needs to study the map so that he
Speaker 1: can help her to get there. And that's an important
Speaker 1: part of sex because it's we make a lot of
Speaker 1: assumptions about how we're supposed to get there, but the
Speaker 1: truth is that we have to know our partner's body
Speaker 1: and everyone is different and I think women in particular
Speaker 1: are incredibly complex in what gets us there. Dr jen Man.
Speaker 1: Dr jen Man has the Relationship Fix. It's Dr jen
Speaker 1: six Step Guy to improving communication, connection, intimacy. You can
Speaker 1: get this book anywhere right and then again, email your
Speaker 1: questions to wind down at i heeart Radio dot com.
Speaker 1: Any sex questions and send us your number if you
Speaker 1: want us to call you on air and Dr Jenn
Speaker 1: you'll be back right I would help answer my pleasure. Awesome,
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for coming in. Thanksure. You know
Speaker 1: we're moving. We're moving into the new house mark right summer,
Speaker 1: and we have so many boxes back in Nashville storage. Still,
Speaker 1: we have so many pictures and boxes here in l A.
Speaker 1: And it's like we're trying to It's like spring cleaning
Speaker 1: anytime you move anyway, right, So we're trying to consolidate things.
Speaker 1: So do you have any advice on what to do
Speaker 1: with all this stuff? It's like we're kind of pack
Speaker 1: racks within the thousand things where we don't want to
Speaker 1: get rid of it. At such a great moment last Sunday,
Speaker 1: and I was taken out the garbage because Monday is
Speaker 1: garbage day Newberry Park. And in that garbage that I
Speaker 1: took out to the street where half a dozen VHS
Speaker 1: cassettes and I was so happy to get rid of
Speaker 1: those vhs because that's because they've been in a cardboard
Speaker 1: box in the garage literally of my entire adult life,
Speaker 1: my high school graduation, my high school chorus concerts. Yes, yes,
Speaker 1: my high school I was a drummer too, so the
Speaker 1: band concerts. What else was in there? A play I
Speaker 1: did in high school? Uh? My, the show I did
Speaker 1: at disney Land, that who Wants to Be a Millionaire Show?
Speaker 1: There was some of those shows in there. I was
Speaker 1: the host of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire showt Disneys,
Speaker 1: California anyway, So I sent those to Lexi Box. They
Speaker 1: sent me back to things discs galore and thumb drive
Speaker 1: plug thumb drive in there's everything. All of my tapes
Speaker 1: very in quality, by the way, not legacy boxes fault.
Speaker 1: These are thirty year old VHS tapes. The quality varied,
Speaker 1: and I get it. Oh my wife's um, she was junior.
Speaker 1: Miss you have someone else other than just your marks,
Speaker 1: like none of my kids. This is Marks box, Baby,
Speaker 1: I don't all stuff, and now I have it all.
Speaker 1: And also, and this is not something they advertise, but
Speaker 1: I think this is cool. Each one isn't forty gigs.
Speaker 1: You know, they're actually compressed in a way that it
Speaker 1: doesn't take up a huge amount of space on your computer.
Speaker 1: But they're perfectly clear and perfectly enjoyable. And it's so
Speaker 1: fun to see my high cool graduation which actually didn't
Speaker 1: know it was on that tape. I never thought i'd
Speaker 1: see that again, and there it was. It was really cool.
Speaker 1: So I am a strong proponent of Legacy Box. You
Speaker 1: guys gotta jump on the Legacy boxes. Mark is all
Speaker 1: about it. Go get your year old highlight tapes and
Speaker 1: concerts and all that stuff. Don't worry about everyone else.
Speaker 1: It's just get your stuff saved. Like Mark, it's gonna
Speaker 1: be okay. And audio cassettes, old radio and tapes I
Speaker 1: made with a friend when I was kid. Yeah, all done.
Speaker 1: You gotta get all this stuff. You canna put this
Speaker 1: on Legacy Box too. I guess you have all these
Speaker 1: on digital now. Yeah, that's true. Nowadays a change. Lexi
Speaker 1: Boxes the world's largest most trusted digitizer at home movies
Speaker 1: and photos. Over four during fifty tho families have trusted
Speaker 1: Legacy Box like Mars. There's over a decade of experience
Speaker 1: and all the work is done by hand right here
Speaker 1: in the US. And Plus, for a limited time, they're
Speaker 1: offering our listeners an exclusive discount. Go to Lexi box
Speaker 1: dot com. Slash Janna to get off your first order,
Speaker 1: go to legacy box dot com, slash Janna and say
Speaker 1: today get started preserving your past. You've got some good emails,
Speaker 1: actually have some really good emails. I have so many
Speaker 1: good emails it's hard for me to pick just one
Speaker 1: or two, maybe three. Um, okay, let me start with
Speaker 1: this one. My husband and I failmed a routine of
Speaker 1: work and then playing video games for stress release. One night,
Speaker 1: I told him I would like to have sex in
Speaker 1: an hour, and he said, okay, it's interesting. I shave
Speaker 1: my legs, I got all pretty, I put on lingerie,
Speaker 1: I lit candles in the room, came out to the
Speaker 1: living room and stood in front of him. He fell asleep.
Speaker 1: He lightly nudged me out of the way and told
Speaker 1: me to get out of his waist so we could
Speaker 1: finish his game. I was so hurt by this. I
Speaker 1: broke down in tears. I took his Xbox and I
Speaker 1: threw it off the balcony. Can he have a full
Speaker 1: blown addiction to Xbox? How do I address this? And
Speaker 1: how do I compete with his Xbox? I think you
Speaker 1: have addressed this. I smashed it with a hammer, So
Speaker 1: that was there was an addiction. When I when Jolie
Speaker 1: was napping, I took it. I took his Xbox, his PlayStation.
Speaker 1: Mind you. My band guys were so mad at me.
Speaker 1: Why did you do that? Why didn't you just give
Speaker 1: it to us? I was like, because I had to
Speaker 1: take out my aggression, took a hammer and just went
Speaker 1: to town. Um. And then then then I got monkey
Speaker 1: from her nap. Also, what's warpsetting? And she shaved her
Speaker 1: legs for this, So yeah, Dina Carter Um Michael, do
Speaker 1: you think there's an addiction to it? I'm just curious.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you're because I I think they're deaf. What
Speaker 1: prompted you to do that? Was it? You just he
Speaker 1: was so obsessed with it. He played it all the time.
Speaker 1: It was it was around the discovery of everything. Oh okay,
Speaker 1: and so there's there's more to it than just me
Speaker 1: playing it and I you know, but it was it
Speaker 1: was it was one of those things I'm eating. Really
Speaker 1: really they are really good. Um yeah, I mean I
Speaker 1: think guys can addiction. I think so too. There's a
Speaker 1: reason we don't have video games in my house. I'm
Speaker 1: looking it up right now, But I think that with
Speaker 1: my nephews were like they've done because she's like very
Speaker 1: to all this and she's like, no, we like took
Speaker 1: it out of the house for like three weeks, no phones,
Speaker 1: no nothing, and she's like they literally went through withdrawals
Speaker 1: video gaming addiction therapy. I would ignore my wife and
Speaker 1: kids if I had a video game and I can't
Speaker 1: have it, I just can't. I know me, I know
Speaker 1: I'm have an addictive personality. I can't do it. Um
Speaker 1: feelings of restlessness and or a bill when you're unable
Speaker 1: to play. So for some reason, someone you know, what
Speaker 1: if you didn't have your iPad, Like I can't sleep,
Speaker 1: I have to like play my iPad or look at
Speaker 1: my pad. Well I'm just okay, but you know, I mean,
Speaker 1: I can admit if I didn't on my phone, it's
Speaker 1: like it got for two weeks, I would have this. Yeah.
Speaker 1: She was like my nephew started crying. She was like
Speaker 1: he literally like was not open your occupation with thoughts
Speaker 1: of previous online activity or anticipation in the next online
Speaker 1: session with your buddies, lying to friends or family members
Speaker 1: regarding the amount of time spent playing. It's an addiction
Speaker 1: that sounds like me watching how did you react when
Speaker 1: she did this where you're kind of like, she needs
Speaker 1: to do what she needs to do. Oh, I mean
Speaker 1: I did it when he was gone. You came out
Speaker 1: a bag of Xbox parts. Yeah, I mean I kind
Speaker 1: of anticipated. I didn't say anything about it. And it's
Speaker 1: been one of those things where, by the way, this
Speaker 1: is sounding like I just randomly took your Xbox. I
Speaker 1: said that was after it was after discovery and everything.
Speaker 1: I mean you were in treatment, yes, yeah, so that's yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: so that's where I was very upset. So that's yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: so there's more to it for us. But it's one
Speaker 1: of those things where, you know, even my buddies who
Speaker 1: have a bunch of buddies that still play, some have
Speaker 1: young kids, most don't that are still able to play,
Speaker 1: So it's like, you know, do you ever want to
Speaker 1: get back on I'm like, yeah, because it's fun with
Speaker 1: my buddy, especially because all my buddies are back East.
Speaker 1: But it doesn't even matter even if I had it,
Speaker 1: I don't have time. So it's and like you said,
Speaker 1: like it would be a distraction where it's like you
Speaker 1: try to make time. So I can see where the
Speaker 1: people can get addicted but a strong have time. So
Speaker 1: what was your game? Everything? I would play everything, I
Speaker 1: think for our kids though, I mean, you know, because
Speaker 1: I've seen our kids, you know, our our girlfriend right well,
Speaker 1: I mean all them, the boys, they play video games,
Speaker 1: and I don't know. I'm not saying I'm not going
Speaker 1: to have it in the house because I think that's
Speaker 1: naive of me to say that, because I think it's
Speaker 1: a good distraction. It's just like putting the TV on
Speaker 1: for them. But I think there has to be a
Speaker 1: time limits, especially nowadays with the way it's consuming people.
Speaker 1: But I was watching something I thought was interesting. It
Speaker 1: was it's called like Seven Days Out. It's like the
Speaker 1: series on Netflix that talks about like the Westminster Dog Show,
Speaker 1: like going into that the opening of the world's number
Speaker 1: one restaurant in New York. And one of them, one
Speaker 1: of them was this Gaming Tournament or whatever. And Rick Fox,
Speaker 1: the old l a Laker, he owns one of the
Speaker 1: teams that plays in this legal legends like gaming tournament.
Speaker 1: And his son like when he was raising his son,
Speaker 1: like he tried him in all the sports, like you know,
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, he played professional basketball, like put
Speaker 1: us on basketball football, This or whatever just to get
Speaker 1: him to do something. But when it came down to it,
Speaker 1: video of games is what he really enjoyed his son,
Speaker 1: and he was like, well, I can't force him to
Speaker 1: do anything. He tried everything, and this is what he enjoys.
Speaker 1: So instead of making his son do something, he conformed
Speaker 1: to his son. It's like, you know what, this is
Speaker 1: how we spend time, this is how I teach him lessons,
Speaker 1: or this is whatever. So it's still something I appreciate that,
Speaker 1: especially coming from a professional athlete who everyone has that
Speaker 1: stigma of like they're gonna want their si, their sons
Speaker 1: or whatever to make sure they play in this and that.
Speaker 1: He was just like, no, this is what my son's into.
Speaker 1: You know what. I'm going to get into that too.
Speaker 1: So now he plays with his son, he owns a
Speaker 1: professional gaming team and stuff. So IM not saying I
Speaker 1: would do that or people should do that, but I
Speaker 1: just thought it was interesting mindset to have as opposed
Speaker 1: to just making your son do something. If we talked
Speaker 1: about whether your son would be able to play football,
Speaker 1: if you got to play football like daddy, I will not. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I have the stance of I'm not gonna make him
Speaker 1: or encourage, but I'm not going to stop him. But
Speaker 1: what age though, because they say that if you too soon,
Speaker 1: is too is dangerous. Yeah. Fortunately, nowadays, like we were
Speaker 1: talking about this recently, like back when I played, you
Speaker 1: were wearing full pads at like seven years old, eight
Speaker 1: years old. Nowadays they don't. A lot of places don't
Speaker 1: have that where it is flag football until a certain age.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't let him play tackle football. I was twelve
Speaker 1: when I started, and now I was even back you know,
Speaker 1: in the in the nineties, and my parents didn't let
Speaker 1: me play until us twelve, So I would probably have
Speaker 1: a similar rule, no tackle football until twelve years old,
Speaker 1: was six seventh grade and then go from there. By
Speaker 1: the way, I feel like we got kind of off base,
Speaker 1: and I just want to say I'm sorry to the
Speaker 1: reader or sorry to the listener who wrote that email,
Speaker 1: because that's that mustn't really suck to have done all that,
Speaker 1: gone through that and have been turned down like that.
Speaker 1: That you have every right to have been upset. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and hopefully you guys can just set some everything boundaries around.
Speaker 1: But I I do believe in the addiction of SAMs
Speaker 1: for sure, Right that's an issue but he needs to
Speaker 1: realize he has an issue with it. Especially it's not
Speaker 1: like she just randomly came up to him and tried
Speaker 1: to surprise him. Where if you try to interrupt someone
Speaker 1: whether they're doing something they enjoy, I can see why
Speaker 1: maybe you maybe dismiss him and don't want to be interrupted.
Speaker 1: But she said I want to have sex in it
Speaker 1: out and he's like okay, and he was cool, and
Speaker 1: then he was still dismissed. That's I hate that bad
Speaker 1: playing your part, dude. This is Caitlin who has kind
Speaker 1: of a reverse situation of yours. Caitlin's as I had
Speaker 1: a nine month long affair with a woman and it's
Speaker 1: been almost an entire year of my husband and I'm
Speaker 1: working on our marriage. I love my husband more than
Speaker 1: he'll ever know, and those nine months were a very
Speaker 1: dark time for me. During the last year, I've been
Speaker 1: doing anything and everything I can think of to prove
Speaker 1: to my husband I love him and want to be
Speaker 1: with only him. Overall, I think he's doing very well,
Speaker 1: but there are still time when he's sad for no
Speaker 1: reason and almost anything can trigger him. So my question is,
Speaker 1: what do you guys do in those moments? Mike, how
Speaker 1: do you handle Jane and support her during those times?
Speaker 1: And Jana, what does Mike do for you that actually
Speaker 1: works and helps you get through it and see that
Speaker 1: he's genuine because she wants to be seen as genuine
Speaker 1: to her husband. Well, I appreciate you putting the work in.
Speaker 1: I think that's awesome. And I think unfortunately she said
Speaker 1: it with nine months ago it was a nine month affair.
Speaker 1: It's been how long? Um, it's been almost a year?
Speaker 1: You most year. It's just it's time. I mean time
Speaker 1: and consistency. So for me, how I know Mike loves
Speaker 1: me is because he's showing up and he's being consistent
Speaker 1: with his actions. And when he's constant with his actions
Speaker 1: and consistent in what he does and what he says
Speaker 1: and how he treats me, and that things kind of
Speaker 1: equal out, then it makes me feel chosen. It makes
Speaker 1: me feel like he's doing the right thing. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: I mean we are work coming up on three years
Speaker 1: post and I have a hard time with that though,
Speaker 1: because I for us, it's I really just see it
Speaker 1: the past year. Correct. But but just for this argument
Speaker 1: sent sake of where she's at, it's been almost a
Speaker 1: year and think about where we were a year out.
Speaker 1: It's like it was. I mean, we still had a
Speaker 1: lot of work to do. Yeah, I guess I still
Speaker 1: had a lot of work to do myself. So you know,
Speaker 1: it's just been in the last yeah, yeah, ten months,
Speaker 1: twelve months, I mean year basically that it's basically been, yeah, year,
Speaker 1: almost a year. Um that we've really now since however,
Speaker 1: so however that's almost year yeah, sorry, Um, so it's still,
Speaker 1: like Janna said, is just going to take consistent, consistency
Speaker 1: over time. That's it. There's no quick fix unfortunately no.
Speaker 1: And for her, she's got to try to grieve with him.
Speaker 1: And that's the thing. When Janna would be able to
Speaker 1: see my pain that it hurt me to what the
Speaker 1: things that happened. I haven't said that to you. Last
Speaker 1: night I brought up to him, I said, what might
Speaker 1: help me sometimes because we are getting so far away
Speaker 1: from it is And he's like, you know, if you
Speaker 1: think about it every so often, I'm like, I know,
Speaker 1: I think about it every day, and I just don't
Speaker 1: tell you every day that I think about it. I
Speaker 1: don't think about it as many times as I used
Speaker 1: think about it severity, but I think about it at
Speaker 1: least comes in my brain at least once a day,
Speaker 1: and it's my it's my growth to be able to
Speaker 1: let it go in and let it go out and
Speaker 1: not let me go down the rabbit hole. But what
Speaker 1: I said, what might help me, I go, you know
Speaker 1: what would help me is I didn't know. I don't
Speaker 1: know that you have those days too. Would be nice
Speaker 1: to know that you have days of shame or days
Speaker 1: of and then I can we can be we can
Speaker 1: what's that word like? We can grieve together? Can grieve together? Yeah,
Speaker 1: And she may think in this email, she may think
Speaker 1: that if she brings that she she may be feeling
Speaker 1: that stuff, but not bring it up because and this
Speaker 1: is how I would feel. I wouldn't bring it up
Speaker 1: because wouldn't want to trigger it and bring it to
Speaker 1: Jan's intention when really she's thinking about it all the time,
Speaker 1: especially at that point. So bring it to him and
Speaker 1: share with him how you're feeling about it, and that
Speaker 1: might soften him be like, oh, wow, you do really care.
Speaker 1: There's probably a whole another aspect for him too, because
Speaker 1: it was with a woman, So maybe for him he's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: that'd be tough. He's probably very confused, and there's probably
Speaker 1: a lot going on in there. I mean I would
Speaker 1: when you be confused, if Ty wasn't the guy, I
Speaker 1: would be and then came back and then I would
Speaker 1: just I'm sure I would. I feel like she needs
Speaker 1: to be really understanding of like what, like how's going
Speaker 1: on in his Do you think that's more hurtful? Is
Speaker 1: it fair to say one it's fair to one is
Speaker 1: more horful than the other. I really don't. I don't
Speaker 1: think it's more. I don't think it's fair to say, well,
Speaker 1: you didn't love any of the people you're with, or
Speaker 1: they she didn't love this person. It was just a
Speaker 1: quick fix. It's I don't think any of those there's
Speaker 1: no amount of pain. Also, it's nine months. I mean
Speaker 1: it wasn't a one night stand. Yeah, yeah, so I
Speaker 1: mean that too. I think that's just hard. In the
Speaker 1: extra layer of so you still do start to earn
Speaker 1: trust back, but it's like you're not just worried about
Speaker 1: the one sex, You're worried about her making a new girlfriend.
Speaker 1: You're hanging out with this female more and you guys
Speaker 1: are just friends. But get the trust back, But does
Speaker 1: she always been back? In my mind? Does she really
Speaker 1: even want to be with me? Men? In general? It's interesting.
Speaker 1: I'd like to end of the light lighter. This is
Speaker 1: from Brittany, and this is hilarious. Six years ago, I
Speaker 1: fell off a bar stool and broke my collar bone
Speaker 1: and was prescribed pain medication that made me the most
Speaker 1: emotional and crazy human I've ever been. I guess one
Speaker 1: night I tweeted Janet Ramer sucks live. Thank you. I remember.
Speaker 1: I remember the next day looking at my phone and
Speaker 1: seeing that Janet tweeted me back, and a lot of
Speaker 1: her fans did. And when I first thought I had
Speaker 1: no idea what was going on, I don't remember tweeting
Speaker 1: that at all, but apparently I did. I would like
Speaker 1: to apologize for tweeting her six years ago that she
Speaker 1: sucks live. I'm so sorry. First of all, don't be sorry, Brittney,
Speaker 1: We've been look. First of all, love you. I'm I'm
Speaker 1: glad that I retreated you. I'm sorry if anyone anyone
Speaker 1: remain to you, but I probably did. I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: not the greatest live, so I do kind of suck live.
Speaker 1: Challenge challenge I've always said, and this is completely unbiased,
Speaker 1: don't you see service again coming out. I think you're
Speaker 1: one of the best live performers I've seen period, hands
Speaker 1: down over every all the you know shows I've been
Speaker 1: to with you. I think you are hands down one
Speaker 1: of the best where even some of your songs you
Speaker 1: perform live. I like that version better than the album. Thanks,
Speaker 1: I completely he's your husband check with somebody who's not
Speaker 1: your husband. Incredible. She brings the energy every single time. Well,
Speaker 1: I I was funny, but now Brett Brett, It's all
Speaker 1: good girl. It's you know, we all do things. We
Speaker 1: all have the ambient tweets, right, it's all good. She
Speaker 1: was drawn, she was, but she was mixing. Yeah. That
Speaker 1: On that note, a huge thank you to open Fit.
Speaker 1: You will get full access to open Fit totally free
Speaker 1: when you text Janna to zip Recruiter. Try zip recruiter
Speaker 1: for free at this exclusive website, zip recruiter dot com
Speaker 1: slash Janna, Visit noon dot com slash Janna to start
Speaker 1: your child today, and last, but not least, our favorite,
Speaker 1: Legacy Box. Go to legacy box dot com slash Janna
Speaker 1: to get off your first order. I'm it's gonna stop
Speaker 1: talking because apparently I suck. So you're saying under the
Speaker 1: sea last night. Alright, let's wind down again next week. Guys,
Speaker 1: that fun