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Speaker 1: What Wine Down with Janet Kramer her radio podcast. Seriously,

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Speaker 1: how is it March four? What just happens? That is insane?

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Speaker 1: Jakes is going to be like five. He looks like

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Speaker 1: I love him, He's like, he's so precious. He is

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Speaker 1: the happiest baby ever ever. I'm literally obsessed with definition

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Speaker 1: of a happy baby. So, baby, um, what are you

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Speaker 1: mentioned on right now? What just happened? I just had

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Speaker 1: a birthday, birthday, babe, my birthday week? So what did

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Speaker 1: you do? What? What? What did you do for your birthday?

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Speaker 1: Tell everybody, Well, my wonderful wife planned a trip to

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Speaker 1: Vegas last weekend or my birthday weekend, and all thanks

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Speaker 1: to Amy Sugarman by the way, all thanks shout out

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Speaker 1: to and boys to men was like my bucket list

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Speaker 1: of people to meet. Yeah, so we were. We went

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Speaker 1: to Lionel Richie Um with Amy about a year so ago,

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Speaker 1: like maybe eight months okay whatever, years ago. We went.

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Speaker 1: I was like October, it's March, guys, I'm just still

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Speaker 1: trying to figure that out. I was pregnant. It wasn't

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Speaker 1: a year ago, but no, So we all went and

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Speaker 1: so I said to him, I said, you know who

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Speaker 1: would be your bucket list person to meet musically musically

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Speaker 1: and he said boys to men. So I've kind of

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Speaker 1: postmarked that in my in my brain and said, oh.

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Speaker 1: I was like birthday, that's a great birthday idea. But

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Speaker 1: I was like, Amy gotting hookups to boys to men,

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Speaker 1: which we do. They are the nicest guys. They actually

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Speaker 1: hung out with them and we've done multiple things with them.

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Speaker 1: They are nice. But I surprised him with it, and

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Speaker 1: did you have fun? I had the best time, Like

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Speaker 1: I felt like a little kid. I was just sitting

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Speaker 1: there the whole time with a smile on. My videos

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Speaker 1: were so funny and Jane was like even kept asking me,

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Speaker 1: like you having fun? I was like, you know what,

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Speaker 1: I can't wait for speaking of boys to men, they're

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Speaker 1: doing you know CMT Crossroads. You like that is going

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Speaker 1: to be That's gonna be so cool. That's cool there.

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Speaker 1: They just taped it. So yeah, we need to get

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Speaker 1: into them on the show. I think March, but I

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Speaker 1: might be wrong if we can get one of those,

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Speaker 1: so you know you got to cross that off your list. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that was very cool. Boy, two men on the show,

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Speaker 1: that would be I mean, I would love that. I've

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Speaker 1: never seen the thirty dollar you know, the binder that

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Speaker 1: has the picture of the three. It's like the essentially

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Speaker 1: like the picture of you on the roller coaster after

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Speaker 1: the ride. It was like it was like that before

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Speaker 1: the meat and great like they give you like to

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Speaker 1: like three by five for free, and they're like, well,

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Speaker 1: you can pay like eighty dollars for this. I was like, hey, honey,

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Speaker 1: do it like get a crack card up your question.

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Speaker 1: I was like, Michael, it's just the photo of the three.

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Speaker 1: It's like it's gonna the memory. You're not even in it,

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Speaker 1: are on the one side, but the other side is

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Speaker 1: like the picture that Janet posted on Instagram to my

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Speaker 1: face and she thought it was like a five year

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Speaker 1: old having ice cream for the first time. I was like,

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Speaker 1: this is amazing. And we're waiting in line to go

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Speaker 1: up and meet him, you know. I was. I don't

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Speaker 1: get nervous when I meet most people, but it's boys men,

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Speaker 1: so I was. And so I was like, how do

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Speaker 1: I do this? I was like, you know, any white

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Speaker 1: person going up there and meeting him is like giving

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Speaker 1: him a handshake for all the brothers are dapping him up.

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Speaker 1: I was like, come on, I gotta dap him up.

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Speaker 1: I'm not just gonna go up there and give him

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Speaker 1: I don't know what that means. I don't like I

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Speaker 1: gotta like, you know, the handshake in to the hug.

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Speaker 1: And I wasn't gonna be like, you know, straight hand, Hey,

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Speaker 1: how you doing for white person's ound? You know, I

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Speaker 1: had to give him some love. So what's he's straight up?

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Speaker 1: Just hugged him all and hugged They are the coolest guy.

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Speaker 1: How old you thirty two? Oh you're so young. I

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Speaker 1: know he's so young, eight year old. But still, I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm a cougar, so I'm living and I'm over here.

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Speaker 1: Who would be your bucketless person to meet? Um? Like,

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Speaker 1: who would you get? Nervous? Life? Sounds so gross? I

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Speaker 1: mean I've met I've met Taylor Swift and Sho and

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Speaker 1: I Twain and that was like really up, that was

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Speaker 1: kind of that was up there. There's nobody else, No,

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Speaker 1: there definitely are. But give her something because she's a

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Speaker 1: great friend. Okay, okay, she might try to make this happen.

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Speaker 1: I just like to make people's dreams. I'm true. Think

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Speaker 1: about it one second. Who's your mark? You guys, we're

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Speaker 1: going around the table right here. When you meet these people,

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Speaker 1: I always feel like I don't I won't know the

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Speaker 1: right thing to say, and it's going to be awkward.

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Speaker 1: But my two heroes of life are Bruce Springsteen and

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Speaker 1: David Letterman. When I was in high school, everyone else

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Speaker 1: had like, you know, musicians or hot girls their locker.

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Speaker 1: David letter magazine coverage, high school locker. But if I

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Speaker 1: met him would be so awful because I know he

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Speaker 1: would hate meeting me because he's just a guy who

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Speaker 1: people David. Yeah, he seems surly. Yeah, so I think

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Speaker 1: you'd hate it, And so I would hate to bother

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Speaker 1: him and Springsteen. He's a nice guy. But what am

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Speaker 1: I going to say that it's better experience with Bruce?

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Speaker 1: I think probably right? Yeah, Okay, well let's let's think Amy.

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Speaker 1: What about you? I know we meet people every day.

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Speaker 1: Person that's like, but I mean, is there the one

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Speaker 1: person I would not like to meet her? But I

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Speaker 1: would really enjoy having a lunch in Santa Barbara with Oprah.

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Speaker 1: I have spoken to her on the phone, but I

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Speaker 1: have never met her in person, and I like, I

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Speaker 1: don't mean to be the person, but she's like literally

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Speaker 1: the queen, Like I think she's so brilliant and amazing

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Speaker 1: and kind and all these things. So I always just

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Speaker 1: think Oprah Easton and he already met you, honey, yeah yeah, no, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: oh my god. I literally feel really bad right now

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Speaker 1: because Travis Barker isn't that blanknity two? Oh god? Why?

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Speaker 1: I mean here totally had Travis Jianna and he was like,

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Speaker 1: you say, to my house last weekend. Travis has like

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Speaker 1: he's been space. Right now, it looks like a sad

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Speaker 1: puppy dog. The big thing that will happen, honestly, this

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Speaker 1: is is that the other one? Oh yeah, okay, that's

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Speaker 1: gonna happen really soon. Um alright, lady Gaga. For my

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Speaker 1: whole life, it was Britney Spears. But I have like

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Speaker 1: a very bizarre story about that that already kind of happened.

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Speaker 1: That was like my peak of life. You met Brittany.

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Speaker 1: I went to dinner with her? What really weird? I mean,

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Speaker 1: how nonchalant was that? Because because I can't she was

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Speaker 1: totally annoyed during dinner, and I like, how did you

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Speaker 1: go to dinner with her? So a couple of years ago,

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Speaker 1: one of Ty's friends was dating her. Who I can't remember, no, no, Ken.

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Speaker 1: It was like two or three years ago that I

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Speaker 1: thought I had that. Yeah, And anyways, he basically was like,

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Speaker 1: would you and like Sarah want to go to dinner

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Speaker 1: with us? My parents were in town. I had dinner

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Speaker 1: with my parents. I'm in the car and I'm like, Mom,

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Speaker 1: I don't know, Tyler wants me to go to dinner

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Speaker 1: with like Britney spe My mom was like, where is he?

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Speaker 1: We're dropping you off, like we don't matter, like you're

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Speaker 1: going and I was like, okay, okay, okay. So we

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Speaker 1: went to some steakhouse in the valley and she was

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Speaker 1: so nice, like so nice. I couldn't breathe. I was

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Speaker 1: trying to be so that was the first city I

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Speaker 1: have Burth had. I wanted to be a backup dancer

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Speaker 1: for it when I was little, know, like it was whack,

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Speaker 1: that's in my life. That was like, this is not

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Speaker 1: real life. She was so nice, she was she's beyond nice. Normal. Well.

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Speaker 1: I met her manager, Larry Rudolph on a plane. We

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Speaker 1: were I was sitting up I think I don't know

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Speaker 1: how someone I must have been doing something. But I

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Speaker 1: got up first class and I was saying next to

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Speaker 1: Larry Rudolph. I didn't know. I didn't know who he was,

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Speaker 1: but we were just chatting about music and stuff and

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Speaker 1: he's said his name and I was like, that sounds

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Speaker 1: so familiar. And then we know, we got talking a

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Speaker 1: little more. I was digging a little bit more because

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Speaker 1: I like to talk. And he told me that he

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Speaker 1: was Britney Spears as manager, and we started talking about

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Speaker 1: Brittany and it just about how hard her life must be.

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Speaker 1: And He's like, look out, you know over the world

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Speaker 1: right now, down there, every single person down there probably

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Speaker 1: knows who Britney Spears is. And I was like, wow,

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Speaker 1: that's so true, and like I've obviously been places with

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Speaker 1: like Wayne and like airports, and I was like, there

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Speaker 1: was nothing like walking in and out of that restaurant

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Speaker 1: with her like Tie and I were just like it

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Speaker 1: was crazy, but that probably how now Taylor has so

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Speaker 1: she's now yeah, I'm sure because it was like, well,

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Speaker 1: but it was a really nice dinner. She was really nice.

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Speaker 1: They asked us to go play ping pong afterwards, and

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Speaker 1: Tyson no, and I will literally never forgive him for it.

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Speaker 1: She was like, do you guys want to come over

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Speaker 1: to my house? And play pink yeah the world boy,

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Speaker 1: because he was like why did Honestly I don't remember,

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Speaker 1: not by the ear, because I was like, you guys

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Speaker 1: have never seen me the way I was at that dinner.

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Speaker 1: But honestly, we like related, like we talked about like

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Speaker 1: like she was like, oh my god, like what are

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Speaker 1: you gonna get? And I was like I don't know,

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Speaker 1: like the fried chicken. She's like, I love fried chicken.

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Speaker 1: I was like I do too, Like I'm from Texas,

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Speaker 1: I'm from Louis So we kind of had that whole thing,

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Speaker 1: like the like Texas like southern girl thing. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: she was like, do you guys want to come over?

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Speaker 1: I cannot tie socks. I literally I think we actually

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Speaker 1: probably want to play. I was really like, we know

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Speaker 1: we're like her houses and now every time we drive

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Speaker 1: by them, like remember when like we could have play

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Speaker 1: ping pong and then that's probably And he was like,

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Speaker 1: you're so competitive it would have called weird. I was

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Speaker 1: like I wouldn't let her win, like I don't even care,

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Speaker 1: like it wouldn't have been weird, like I would have

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Speaker 1: turned into a regular ping pong knight. Then she came

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Speaker 1: to his graduation party. What whose graduation party his months later.

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Speaker 1: It was very It was a weird couple of months.

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Speaker 1: She like showed up at tides graduation party at his

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Speaker 1: parents house and everyone was like so nice, so nice. Well,

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Speaker 1: her sister Jamie Lynn wrote, I Got the Boy. So

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Speaker 1: that's how crazy is that? Yeah, so Brittany when when

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Speaker 1: when I Got the Boy was going for the number

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Speaker 1: one on radio because it was number three, Brittney Spears

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Speaker 1: retweeted or like tweeted out saying, hey, country radio play

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Speaker 1: and I'll never forget remember when I came to I

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Speaker 1: was like, she knows my name? You know a song

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Speaker 1: from Jamie Lynn. What a good songwriter she's written. She

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Speaker 1: wrote it with um Connie Harrington, Tim Nichols and Jamie

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Speaker 1: Lynn wrote it and so it was a song that

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Speaker 1: Jamie Lynn never ended up cutting. And so when my

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Speaker 1: old producer Scott Hendrix was with Tim Nichols, he's like,

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Speaker 1: you know, I have a song that might work for Janna.

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Speaker 1: It's about five years old, but it's such a great song.

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Speaker 1: And I heard it and it was you know, I

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Speaker 1: was always trying to write a song about my high

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Speaker 1: school sweetheart and I never saw like it never Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so like like no song ever you know that I wrote,

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Speaker 1: never worked, but I got the boy. When I heard it,

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Speaker 1: I was like, that's that's the song. It is a

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Speaker 1: very brilliantly written. It's so I mean, Tim and Connie

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Speaker 1: are and saying, then Jamie's she's you know, she's just

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Speaker 1: as equally as talented, and you know, I've I'm so

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Speaker 1: thankful that she let me have that song. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: I love that family. Yeah, but there there's so nice

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Speaker 1: they are a nice family. Cool but yeah, story story, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's a great story. And I told I told Janna

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Speaker 1: just across. Another one off my bucket list is Larry David.

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Speaker 1: If you just come to Brentwood. I just want not

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Speaker 1: to meet, but have like you said, Amy, like have

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Speaker 1: a lunch, Like I just want to have a lunch.

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Speaker 1: Just come to because then, actually, like Mark, I would

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Speaker 1: be able to have things to say. But when you

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Speaker 1: have that, like that one second interaction, there's nothing you

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Speaker 1: can say that's going to annoy him. The one second interaction.

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Speaker 1: Wouldn't know it. But I have a conversation and just

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Speaker 1: a bullshit about not even asking questions about life with

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Speaker 1: the perfect person to bullshit about life with the one

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Speaker 1: who invented that, like that would be the best thing ever.

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Speaker 1: Wasn't Jerry sign but he yeah, he co created like

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Speaker 1: Sinfeld with Jerry Sinfeld. Oh my god, this is we're

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Speaker 1: learning so much. Who's yours mine? Sleean don Okay, I'll

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Speaker 1: go We should be able to make that happen. But

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Speaker 1: she canceled her her her what's that thing called her

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Speaker 1: residency in Vegas? Maybe part of me. She might be

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Speaker 1: going on world tour. Really, I'm gonna have to look

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Speaker 1: it up. But she's she's she's my she's my number one.

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Speaker 1: It's it's her. And then j Lo, which those are

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Speaker 1: very j Loo can be done in a heartbeat, and

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Speaker 1: twelve times all of these are in Vegas, so I

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Speaker 1: think we should go back. Jo's done in Vegas. But Batt,

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Speaker 1: she's done in Vegas. She finished her residency, so yeah,

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Speaker 1: those are And then acting actor wise, I would love

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Speaker 1: to I'd actually love to sit down and have lunch

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Speaker 1: with um Julia Roberts. She'd be, she'd be in my

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Speaker 1: lunch person. She's just so I love her. She's just be.

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Speaker 1: When we were at Pebble, we got hooked on Pretty

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Speaker 1: Woman was on that night and I had never seen

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Speaker 1: and like we're like at the end and Tiz like

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Speaker 1: so wait now like now they're in. I was like,

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Speaker 1: just go away, like this is classic and I just

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Speaker 1: need to say every word while I watch it. But

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Speaker 1: I love her speaking at tie. It's March, No, biggie,

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Speaker 1: what's happening? Amy, I don't even know. And I talked

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Speaker 1: to him. I was going to say, Janney that I do.

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Speaker 1: You can say that. You can say that, but I

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Speaker 1: don't think say what, like have you found out? All right?

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Speaker 1: We know Mark is going to be like I have

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Speaker 1: an idea, Mark, can you mute the mics for a

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Speaker 1: second so that Jeanna so that all the mics are

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Speaker 1: down Janna can tell us what she found out and

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Speaker 1: then we can react to it. Oh but there, then

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Speaker 1: that's just not nice to the people. You know. You

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Speaker 1: got to give the people what they want. Me and

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Speaker 1: I have to get I don't think it was anything crazy.

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Speaker 1: I'm just saying like maybe not like I'm trying to

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Speaker 1: think of like what even happened. I was just let

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Speaker 1: me know. Let me just say I went to the bathroom.

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Speaker 1: She went to the bathroom. I forced her to the bathroom.

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Speaker 1: Now I need to seven texts from her. I was

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Speaker 1: in the bathroom and she's like, go to the bathroom,

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Speaker 1: Stay in the bathroom, Stay in the bathroom. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I don't have Like I'm coming back. She's like stay.

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Speaker 1: I'm like what, I was just trying to get it

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Speaker 1: out of him. Long story short, he just doesn't have

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Speaker 1: the urgency. He has something well maybe I don't know,

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Speaker 1: way it's positive. Maybe well no, here's nothing I didn't

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Speaker 1: really already know. But I feel like she for him

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Speaker 1: to I don't know. He just doesn't have the urgency

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Speaker 1: he needs to get. The urgency is basically what it is. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but you know what hateful emails. Then I'm not supportive

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Speaker 1: of what you want enough you hateful? Like, how dare

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Speaker 1: you amy? You need to support what Sarah wants? I'm

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Speaker 1: I'm just trying to have ties back. Listen, people hate,

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Speaker 1: they're gonna hate on it, and there's people just hate.

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Speaker 1: But I'll tell you what you shouldn't hate on is

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Speaker 1: being fit. All right, So getting fit and staying healthy

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Speaker 1: always sounds easier said than done, right, Well, open fit

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Speaker 1: is bringing you something new that makes it even easier

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Speaker 1: to miss, to never miss a sweat session. So Basically,

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Speaker 1: open fit is a super simple streaming service that allows

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Speaker 1: you to work out from the comfort of your living

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Speaker 1: room and as little as ten minutes a day. So

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Speaker 1: when people say I don't have enough time, I don't

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Speaker 1: have thirty minutes, I don't have an hour, You've got

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Speaker 1: ten minutes. Okay. Everyone's bodies are different. Open Fit gets that.

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Speaker 1: That's why it's personalized your needs with custom original content.

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Speaker 1: So open Fit classes are led by some of the

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Speaker 1: most effective and engaging trainers in the world. Um, you

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Speaker 1: can watch it on your TV, your tablet, smartphone, Roku, whatever.

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Speaker 1: My favorite program actually is the six hundred Seconds with

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Speaker 1: Devin Wiggins. It's ten minutes, it burns fat, it builds muscle,

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Speaker 1: and it sculpts your body for free. So all you

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Speaker 1: have to do right now is during the open Fit

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Speaker 1: thirty Day Challenge, my listeners get a special extended thirty

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Speaker 1: day free trial membership to open fit where you can

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Speaker 1: lose up to fifteen pound in thirty days. When you

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Speaker 1: text Joanna to thirty you will get full access to

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Speaker 1: open fit, all the workouts and nutrition information totally free. Again.

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Speaker 1: Just text jannat Okay. So I'm really excited because Michael

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Speaker 1: and I have been kind of going back and forth

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Speaker 1: on a few different diets. So I was super pumped

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Speaker 1: when I found out that Heather do Bro is in

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Speaker 1: the studio and she just walked in. So Heather, guys,

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Speaker 1: thanks for having me, Thank you so much for coming in.

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Speaker 1: We were talking about this well. Once we knew that

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Speaker 1: you were coming in, we obviously started doing the research

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Speaker 1: on the Dobro diet. And because we started doing the

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Speaker 1: whole thirty, I changed it to Wine thirty because I

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Speaker 1: didn't want to give up my wine. And he yeah,

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Speaker 1: we created a little bit. So what made you? I mean,

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Speaker 1: basically create your own diets. You it's your last name,

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Speaker 1: it's your right diet. We didn't actually intend to write

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Speaker 1: a book about this because our last book was all

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Speaker 1: about anti aging and whatnot, and we were talking about, like,

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Speaker 1: you know, what's next book. We were thinking about it.

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Speaker 1: But what happened was about three and a half years ago,

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Speaker 1: Terry started talking about fasting and I was like, that's crazy,

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Speaker 1: you fast. That's like that's like skinny tired people. That

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Speaker 1: sounds very unhealthy. It sounds like people laying on a couch.

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Speaker 1: And then we started talking about it and I realized

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Speaker 1: I was doing it just in my regular life, because

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Speaker 1: he was like, well, what time did you stop eating

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Speaker 1: last night? And what time did you start eating today?

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Speaker 1: And so we started really talking about the science of

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Speaker 1: it and delving into it and figuring out how to

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Speaker 1: make it work. And then, you know, Terry, being the

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Speaker 1: science nerd that he has, started looking up this Nobel

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Speaker 1: Prize winning um concept of auto f agy, which is

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Speaker 1: basically the Greek word for eating oneself. And we started

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Speaker 1: working on this and came up with this idea that

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Speaker 1: sixteen hours seems to be the goal of not eating.

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Speaker 1: But the thing is is that we did it. We

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Speaker 1: started doing it in a way that was really attainable

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Speaker 1: and sustainable. And what we realized was, not only are

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Speaker 1: you going to get to your goal weight super fast,

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Speaker 1: but you're gonna have more energy than you ever had

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Speaker 1: in your life. It makes your skin tighter, makes your

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Speaker 1: hair grow, I mean, it has all these incredible anti

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Speaker 1: aging effects. Sixteen hours from when to when it doesn't matter, okay,

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Speaker 1: but time out. What if it was during the day, though,

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Speaker 1: that's fine, but then you're working and then you're not.

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Speaker 1: Your body is not. So if you're not eating for

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Speaker 1: sixteen hours during the day, wouldn't you just pass out?

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Speaker 1: Because so, no, But the smarter way to do it,

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Speaker 1: we'd have part of it being your sleep hours, clearly,

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Speaker 1: because those are eight hours or for probably five hours

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Speaker 1: wherever we're not we're not sleeping, So for sure you

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Speaker 1: want to use your sleep hours and then add on

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Speaker 1: the other time. But we give you three different tracks

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Speaker 1: to make it work, so you can do a slow, medium,

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Speaker 1: or fast. So it's twelve, fourteen, or sixteen hours, but

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Speaker 1: clearly that sixteen hours sweet spot is the way to

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Speaker 1: go to get the best best results. Okay, And do

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Speaker 1: you like I'm saying it too, and you think it's

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Speaker 1: not doable, right, Well, I'm trying to think. So we

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Speaker 1: wake up at you go to bed. Let's say, what

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Speaker 1: are you done eating at night? We have dinner at six,

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Speaker 1: so you're done by seven and we're done eating. Okay, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so twelve hours is seven am, and then you add

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Speaker 1: four more hours. Oh my gosh, but then you don't.

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Speaker 1: Isn't breakfast the most important meal? It's not. It's absolutely not.

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Speaker 1: And what happens is and Terry is really good at

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Speaker 1: at explaining all the science behind it in the book

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Speaker 1: but it's about basically using your gly kitchen as storage.

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Speaker 1: So you're you're using your fat and your sugars that

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Speaker 1: are in your body already to as fuel as opposed

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Speaker 1: to the food that you're eating. Like, we also believe

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Speaker 1: in cardio fasting. So when I go to the gym

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Speaker 1: in the morning, I haven't eaten. But what we do

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Speaker 1: is we get I'm sorry, it's just so hard for

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Speaker 1: me because of my trainers always like you have to

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Speaker 1: eat before you work out. Important. As a matter of fact,

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Speaker 1: it's so much better to work out not having eaten.

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Speaker 1: But during that non feeding time you can have up

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Speaker 1: to a hundred calories. So if you're putting a little

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Speaker 1: non dairy creamer in your coffee, we give you lots

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Speaker 1: of tips to get through this bone broth, bullion energy,

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Speaker 1: natural energy drinks like Beat drinks and stuff like that.

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Speaker 1: That's what I do. I have a Beat drink in

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Speaker 1: the morning. An empty stomach, and an empty stom doesn't

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Speaker 1: make you go well, by the way, going is good,

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Speaker 1: that's true. That's all plus. And then drop my kids off,

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Speaker 1: go to the gym, come back and I have my

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Speaker 1: first meal at a round two. Wow. See, I feel

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Speaker 1: like that would just I'd be so tired, I would lag,

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Speaker 1: I would I mean, I just feel like to me,

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Speaker 1: to me that just And again I don't. I'm not

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Speaker 1: the nutritionalists. I don't. I don't know. I've just always

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Speaker 1: gone off of what I've known and heard. And that's

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Speaker 1: why it sounds so counterinto it if you think not

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Speaker 1: eating equals tired, but it really doesn't. Have to think

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Speaker 1: about this. Think about when people were hunting and gathering, Okay,

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Speaker 1: when they had to find food. They were starving, right,

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Speaker 1: So you get this burst of energy to go find

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Speaker 1: the food, and then they eat, and then they're tired,

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Speaker 1: and then they relax. They're not snacking. You know, when

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Speaker 1: they were hunting and gathering, they weren't stopping to, you know,

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Speaker 1: have a handful of almonds at two o'clock in the afternoon.

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Speaker 1: They didn't do that. They would not eat and then eat.

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Speaker 1: I think as humans, we were meant to live like that,

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Speaker 1: and our bodies actually reacts that. So even though it

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Speaker 1: sounds counter into, the science is there and the practicality

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Speaker 1: is there, and you'll see we have thousands of people

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Speaker 1: now on the diet that are saying they've had more

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Speaker 1: energy than like I don't even drink coffee. So because

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Speaker 1: of y'all's like scientific method behind all this, do you

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Speaker 1: think y'alls died is less subjective than maybe some others,

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Speaker 1: Like do you think this could affect and help a

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Speaker 1: broader range of of an audience because of the science

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Speaker 1: behind it. Absolutely, I think this is good for almost

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Speaker 1: I mean there's a little category like a brittle diabetic.

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00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:41,720
Speaker 1: I wouldn't recommend this for it, but anyone else a

423
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:45,159
Speaker 1: h can do this diet. And what's nice about it

424
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:48,240
Speaker 1: is it's sustainable, because I truly believe that every diet

425
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:51,080
Speaker 1: works for a period of time, but they're not sustainable.

426
00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:54,199
Speaker 1: You know that Keto diet. I watched my assistant go

427
00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:56,320
Speaker 1: on that Keto diet and she was chugging oil in

428
00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:59,040
Speaker 1: the car next to me. It was so gross and

429
00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:01,840
Speaker 1: very It takes you to get out of catosis and

430
00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:04,080
Speaker 1: get off that diet. So what we did was, like

431
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:05,719
Speaker 1: I was saying, we didn't really plan to write this,

432
00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:08,280
Speaker 1: but we came up with this program for each other

433
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,280
Speaker 1: and we started living this life. And my husband just

434
00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:14,880
Speaker 1: turned sixty. I just turned fifty, haven't had plastic surgery,

435
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:18,240
Speaker 1: you know, just all the non surgical sluges to anti aging.

436
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:21,080
Speaker 1: But notice how tight our skin was getting. And you

437
00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:23,880
Speaker 1: know I wear a bikini now. At thirty, I wouldn't

438
00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:25,920
Speaker 1: post a picture in a bikini, but now I feel

439
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:29,200
Speaker 1: so much more confident because of what this way of

440
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:31,399
Speaker 1: eating and living has done for me. So people are like,

441
00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:33,440
Speaker 1: how do you guys look like this? And we thought,

442
00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:36,520
Speaker 1: all right, let's write it down. So that's literally how

443
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:39,120
Speaker 1: you guys did them. So there's no So you're so,

444
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:42,600
Speaker 1: have you worked with the nutritionalist too, to kind of

445
00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:45,440
Speaker 1: how do you say that? Like? Back it up? What's

446
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:48,159
Speaker 1: professional background? You and Terry know? So Terry is a

447
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:51,040
Speaker 1: board certified general surgeon and plastic surgeons, so he has

448
00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:53,640
Speaker 1: all the science. And of course me being an actor's

449
00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:57,879
Speaker 1: television personality and huge consumer and professional diet or since

450
00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:01,960
Speaker 1: gaining the freshman, you know, for whenever I overachieved in

451
00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:04,480
Speaker 1: that subject. Um, you know, I've been on every diet

452
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:06,760
Speaker 1: on the Plan, I've done Weight Watchers, Neutral System, Jenny Gary,

453
00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:08,639
Speaker 1: I've been on all of them. And like I'm saying,

454
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:11,399
Speaker 1: I think every diet for a period of time works,

455
00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:15,000
Speaker 1: But we're talking about attainability and sustainability. This is actually

456
00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:19,280
Speaker 1: a lifetime plan. So Terry has really dialed in the

457
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:22,240
Speaker 1: science of why this is gonna work for you, and

458
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:25,119
Speaker 1: I have made it incredibly practical so you can do it.

459
00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:28,440
Speaker 1: What about the people that say scientifically proven and all

460
00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:30,679
Speaker 1: the studies they've done about having breakfast in the morning

461
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:33,439
Speaker 1: and in doing that, Like, what is what do you

462
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:36,000
Speaker 1: say to that, like to the evidence that they've had

463
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:38,919
Speaker 1: from that, I don't know what that. I mean. I

464
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:40,639
Speaker 1: haven't done a lot of studies on that, but I

465
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:43,800
Speaker 1: will tell you for our diet book, the studies are there,

466
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:47,080
Speaker 1: the sciences there, but even better than that, the practicalities there.

467
00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:49,200
Speaker 1: So when we put the book together, we put a

468
00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:51,840
Speaker 1: hundred people in a closed Facebook group, we put them

469
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:55,040
Speaker 1: on the diet, and they lost between thirty and ninety

470
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:58,400
Speaker 1: pounds wow, in a four to six month period of time.

471
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:00,639
Speaker 1: And one couple that we took on the news with

472
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:03,120
Speaker 1: us when we're doing segments with Greg and Tammy Hon

473
00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:07,119
Speaker 1: he is almost at a hundred pound weight loss. Can

474
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,359
Speaker 1: you give our listeners just a breakdown of one day,

475
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:11,000
Speaker 1: an example of one day of what it looks like

476
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:12,600
Speaker 1: when you wake up in the morning. Yeah, well, let

477
00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:14,560
Speaker 1: me break it into like the steps so you start

478
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:17,040
Speaker 1: with this red carpet ready, which is your quick fix.

479
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:19,280
Speaker 1: So you can use this as your start up for

480
00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:21,000
Speaker 1: the diet. You can use it as you know you

481
00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:22,879
Speaker 1: have a big like the oscars are coming up. You

482
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,000
Speaker 1: could use this for a big event that's coming up,

483
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:26,560
Speaker 1: or if you kind of get off track, to get

484
00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:29,199
Speaker 1: back on track. It's two to five days. It's a

485
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:33,080
Speaker 1: more limited food list. There's no alcohol only for those

486
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:35,360
Speaker 1: two to five days. Don't make a face, It's okay.

487
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:38,159
Speaker 1: It's a very very very short period of times. This

488
00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:40,760
Speaker 1: is just a couple of days. Um, and so you

489
00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:43,560
Speaker 1: do that for two fights. And that's so. Is there

490
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:47,119
Speaker 1: carbs down there anything like that? There are when you

491
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:50,240
Speaker 1: are in your feeding period. You we give you food

492
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:51,760
Speaker 1: list for each phase of the diet. So there's the

493
00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:53,800
Speaker 1: red carpet ready. Then there's the Summer's coming, which is

494
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:55,280
Speaker 1: the bulk of the diet that's going to take you

495
00:24:55,320 --> 00:25:00,000
Speaker 1: to the goal. There's alcohol. Girls gotta have her Champs.

496
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,640
Speaker 1: I have. It's my red wine. I get it. By

497
00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:04,680
Speaker 1: the way, I have four kids. I have to drink. Yeah,

498
00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:05,800
Speaker 1: I have to. We have to. And we have an

499
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:07,959
Speaker 1: eleven week old. So I'm like, you have an eleven

500
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:10,800
Speaker 1: week old. You look fabulous. Ridiculous. Yeah, it's crazy. See

501
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:14,240
Speaker 1: that's genetics. We almost it's just hard work. That's no,

502
00:25:14,359 --> 00:25:17,440
Speaker 1: it's great. I love it. It's but some people need

503
00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:21,520
Speaker 1: more guidelines, and so we give you the foodless and

504
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:23,720
Speaker 1: the second part is a little more expanded. You get

505
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:26,440
Speaker 1: to have your alcohol back. And then in the last

506
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:29,240
Speaker 1: phase is the maintenance program, which is more expanded foodless

507
00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:31,960
Speaker 1: and whatnot. But in general on these food lists are

508
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:37,240
Speaker 1: really good lean proteins, vegetables, certain fruits that you know

509
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:40,880
Speaker 1: have a lower sugar content, which fruits because I'm really

510
00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:42,680
Speaker 1: big on fruits and the truths. Could I eat like

511
00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:45,639
Speaker 1: my favorite food or sour cherries, that's one of the

512
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:50,360
Speaker 1: best fruits for you. I like grapefruit. Um, strawberries are

513
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:53,679
Speaker 1: really good. Um. There's so many fruits you can have.

514
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:56,480
Speaker 1: I would stay away from bananas. Yeah, bananas, I heard

515
00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:59,040
Speaker 1: were why is that? It's a lot of sugar, right,

516
00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:01,560
Speaker 1: there's a lot of sugar to really dense a lot

517
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:03,240
Speaker 1: of I was told if you eat a banana day,

518
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,440
Speaker 1: you can gain five pounds, Is that right? I never

519
00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:08,600
Speaker 1: read it in Cosmo. I don't know you read it

520
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:15,200
Speaker 1: in Cosmo. It must be true. That's hilarious. Um So anyway,

521
00:26:15,240 --> 00:26:16,639
Speaker 1: so we give you these foods and as far as

522
00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:20,800
Speaker 1: carbs go, really good high fiber carbs and limits on

523
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:24,000
Speaker 1: the portions is what I have always found. And I

524
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:25,639
Speaker 1: do this with my kids. And I'm sure, how old

525
00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:28,240
Speaker 1: are your kids? Three in eleven weeks? Okay, so you're

526
00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:29,959
Speaker 1: so you're not there yet, but way to you take

527
00:26:30,000 --> 00:26:31,679
Speaker 1: them to the movies and they want the whole box.

528
00:26:32,040 --> 00:26:35,000
Speaker 1: That's my husband, and you have well, let me let

529
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:37,439
Speaker 1: me help husband. So what I do? I think he

530
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:41,320
Speaker 1: starts with what he starts with his raisinets during the previews,

531
00:26:41,600 --> 00:26:43,359
Speaker 1: and then he eats the popcorn and then he'll have

532
00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:49,600
Speaker 1: in the popcorn every time, but it's usually raisin uts

533
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:53,399
Speaker 1: and sour patch kids. And then he downs his diet.

534
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:55,720
Speaker 1: That's only a drink, soda or any of that. But

535
00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:57,680
Speaker 1: that's okay, you're allowed to do that. You see, we

536
00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:01,800
Speaker 1: build cheating into the diet because, yeah, you have to cheat.

537
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:05,280
Speaker 1: It's unrealistic. So whether you're on the slow, medium or

538
00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:07,480
Speaker 1: fast track. If you're on the slow track, you get

539
00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:09,760
Speaker 1: a cheat snack a week. If you're on the medium track,

540
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:11,880
Speaker 1: you get a cheat meal a week, and if you're

541
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:14,560
Speaker 1: on the fast track, medium and then fast two to

542
00:27:14,600 --> 00:27:16,520
Speaker 1: five days right, No, No, the two to five days

543
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:19,240
Speaker 1: is just the little quick start. Then the middle part

544
00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:20,720
Speaker 1: is as long as it takes to get to your

545
00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:23,439
Speaker 1: goal weight. So you choose twelve, fourteen or sixteen hours.

546
00:27:23,800 --> 00:27:25,960
Speaker 1: You get a cheat snack, cheap meal, or cheap day,

547
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:28,440
Speaker 1: depending on what track you're on. But here's the thing.

548
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:30,879
Speaker 1: You have to understand cheating. And this is why we're

549
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:32,880
Speaker 1: talking about portion control. Like I turn over the box

550
00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:34,719
Speaker 1: and I show my kids not the calories, but the

551
00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:38,280
Speaker 1: serving size, because I think, especially the Americans, we don't

552
00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:42,160
Speaker 1: understand what a portion looks like. Explained to to her

553
00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:45,840
Speaker 1: about what we just had it, remember lunch, and you're like,

554
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:49,440
Speaker 1: now I see why Americans are overweight. Oh we went

555
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:53,679
Speaker 1: to uh the restaurant? Where were we in Nashville? Cold Rafferty.

556
00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:57,200
Speaker 1: It's like a Chilies or Applebee's right chain kind. Yeah,

557
00:27:57,200 --> 00:27:59,520
Speaker 1: we sit down, we all order salads which are gint

558
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:02,320
Speaker 1: Norman right, the biggest bowl you ever seen. And when

559
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:04,159
Speaker 1: we first sit down, we all order a drink. I

560
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:06,280
Speaker 1: happen to order a diet coke before we even were

561
00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:12,000
Speaker 1: a quarter. No, not you got me before we before

562
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:14,000
Speaker 1: any of us were even a quarterway through our drink,

563
00:28:14,080 --> 00:28:16,680
Speaker 1: they brought all of us a second one. So it's

564
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:18,560
Speaker 1: like we're like, we didn't even ask, but it's just

565
00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:20,439
Speaker 1: like we're sitting down, we have two diet cokes, a

566
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:23,320
Speaker 1: giant salad that has all the all over it, and

567
00:28:23,359 --> 00:28:24,800
Speaker 1: it's like, what do you want us to do? Of course,

568
00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:27,679
Speaker 1: America's because they're trying to give value, and that's the

569
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:29,440
Speaker 1: problem is that they want to give us so much

570
00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:32,359
Speaker 1: value for you know, our money, So they want to

571
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:34,919
Speaker 1: give you this huge portion. And salads at these places

572
00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:37,480
Speaker 1: are like ten thousand calories, right, and they've got so

573
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:39,680
Speaker 1: much stuff. People don't understand that I'm meeting us out.

574
00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:41,360
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, but you just put all that dressing

575
00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:44,800
Speaker 1: on it, which and all the right all the toppings

576
00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:46,920
Speaker 1: on it. So what we're trying to do is reprogram

577
00:28:46,920 --> 00:28:49,200
Speaker 1: people to eat like humans. So when I say cheat,

578
00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:52,600
Speaker 1: I don't mean go to a buffet and gorgeous. It's

579
00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:54,200
Speaker 1: like have the things you love. So if you're in

580
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:56,280
Speaker 1: your cheat day and you want cake, have a sliced cake,

581
00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:58,760
Speaker 1: don't eat the whole cake, have pasta, but have a

582
00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:02,120
Speaker 1: normal human size bowl posta. So I have a piece

583
00:29:02,120 --> 00:29:05,360
Speaker 1: of dark chocolate a little square every single night after

584
00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:07,440
Speaker 1: I eat. Is that okay? Well it's not really on

585
00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:11,320
Speaker 1: our giet, but once a week you can have it, Okay,

586
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:15,200
Speaker 1: I will say, though, it's it's nice, like we did.

587
00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:16,960
Speaker 1: Did you try that? Did you like the whole thirty

588
00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:18,640
Speaker 1: or did not like the whole third? I didn't. That

589
00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:20,800
Speaker 1: wasn't my thing. Wasn't your thing? I mean we we

590
00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:23,840
Speaker 1: definitely tried it, but it just it wasn't I'm excited

591
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:26,240
Speaker 1: to I do want to try this. There wasn't sustainable

592
00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:29,000
Speaker 1: with two kids or two young kids. But that's the thing,

593
00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:31,360
Speaker 1: is that all these programs are just not sustainable. I

594
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:35,000
Speaker 1: remember being on I think it was um Nutral system

595
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:37,680
Speaker 1: and they would give dehydrated food and I remember being

596
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:39,760
Speaker 1: at a restaurant like it when it was twenty three

597
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:43,200
Speaker 1: and pouring hot water over a dehydrated hamburger at a restaurant.

598
00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:46,640
Speaker 1: Is that that's not realistic? You can't live like that?

599
00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:49,120
Speaker 1: How is it with because whole thirty whole thing, there's

600
00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:50,960
Speaker 1: a lot of like meal prep and that's why we

601
00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:53,720
Speaker 1: ultimately after like two and a half weeks, we can't

602
00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:57,360
Speaker 1: do this like with a three year old and kids

603
00:29:57,360 --> 00:29:59,400
Speaker 1: got sick, it's like, we can't do this. Is there

604
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:03,720
Speaker 1: any at Well? I think in general meal prepping is

605
00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:07,280
Speaker 1: a good thing anyway, just because you know, when you are,

606
00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:09,640
Speaker 1: you know, hungry, you make bad choices. That's why you

607
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:11,680
Speaker 1: should never go to the supermarket when you're starving, you

608
00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:14,000
Speaker 1: know this, because then you, oh, that looks good, and

609
00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:15,880
Speaker 1: you end up with all this stuff you really don't want.

610
00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:19,320
Speaker 1: I'm meal prep as far as vegetables and fruits go.

611
00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:22,040
Speaker 1: That are always in the refrigerator, so there's easy things

612
00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:24,520
Speaker 1: to grab quick that are healthy if you need them,

613
00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:27,040
Speaker 1: because if you don't have those, and especially when you

614
00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:29,880
Speaker 1: have young kids, you end up eating their snacks. That

615
00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:32,960
Speaker 1: little bag of pirate booty, that little bag I have, Um,

616
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,800
Speaker 1: I have a thing of hers in my bag because

617
00:30:35,840 --> 00:30:38,080
Speaker 1: it was like, oh it's there, it's easy, and that's

618
00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:40,040
Speaker 1: what you grab. But if you had this other stuff

619
00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:42,520
Speaker 1: ready and available to you, you'd grab that. That's so true.

620
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:45,600
Speaker 1: So I do like the being prepared things. Having said that,

621
00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:48,800
Speaker 1: do I think you need to have twelve meals organized

622
00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:50,720
Speaker 1: ready to go for the week. No. And Terry and

623
00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:53,840
Speaker 1: I also eat out a lot, so you can absolutely

624
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:56,560
Speaker 1: eat out on this story. Hasn't married for we've been married.

625
00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:59,160
Speaker 1: It's actually our twenty year wedding anniversary and June. But

626
00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:02,040
Speaker 1: we've been together twenty two years. And what's your kind

627
00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:04,480
Speaker 1: of secret with with especially with you guys both being

628
00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:07,600
Speaker 1: in the spotlight as well? Separate bathrooms for sure. I

629
00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:11,800
Speaker 1: cannot share a bathroom, bad idea. You know that I

630
00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:17,320
Speaker 1: like separate things. We do. We have that with separate toilets. Yes,

631
00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 1: twenty two years, trust me, something we have separate We

632
00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:25,040
Speaker 1: kind of like we have a boot bathroom. That what

633
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:26,960
Speaker 1: you send him in the other room. I like that

634
00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:31,520
Speaker 1: totally work. Same idea. Yeah, So I think what we've

635
00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:34,440
Speaker 1: done well over the years, and look, you know, it's

636
00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:36,720
Speaker 1: a leap of faith. You can try your best to

637
00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:38,640
Speaker 1: pick the right partner, but you don't know what life

638
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:40,240
Speaker 1: is going to throw to you and how you're going

639
00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:42,360
Speaker 1: to grow together apart. So you know, we have been

640
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:44,680
Speaker 1: very lucky. But I think one of the things that

641
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:47,560
Speaker 1: we've done well is we have made a concentrated effort

642
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:50,920
Speaker 1: to make our relationship a priority. You always have date

643
00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:54,320
Speaker 1: nights and make sure we are having sex. We um

644
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:56,360
Speaker 1: we find things to do together now some people like

645
00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:59,320
Speaker 1: to hike together, or some people you know, have hobbies together,

646
00:31:59,480 --> 00:32:01,160
Speaker 1: and you get the two of you sitting here behind

647
00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:04,120
Speaker 1: the mics. We like to work together. So Terry has

648
00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:06,800
Speaker 1: his career obviously is a plastic surgeon. He's bodged. I

649
00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:09,680
Speaker 1: have my career, my podcast, Had to Brows World, YouTube

650
00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:13,760
Speaker 1: channel and TV things, and we together. We have our

651
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:16,320
Speaker 1: skincare and supplement line, Console Beauty that we sell at

652
00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:19,440
Speaker 1: a shopping channel and we are going our four year

653
00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:21,520
Speaker 1: anniversary with that. We write books together. We have a

654
00:32:21,520 --> 00:32:24,920
Speaker 1: podcast together, Dr Mrs Guinea Pig. So that's our Isn't

655
00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:27,680
Speaker 1: that weird? That's like our fun stuff together is creating things. No,

656
00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:30,040
Speaker 1: that's the same with us. And we love kind of

657
00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:32,880
Speaker 1: building this brand and and you know, doing the podcast together.

658
00:32:32,880 --> 00:32:34,520
Speaker 1: We have something else really exciting that we're doing together.

659
00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:36,280
Speaker 1: It's just like we're trying to build that because it's fun.

660
00:32:36,320 --> 00:32:39,200
Speaker 1: We enjoy working together, but also having what you guys,

661
00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:41,520
Speaker 1: your separate time as well. You have to because I

662
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:43,720
Speaker 1: think you need something to talk about it the end

663
00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:45,760
Speaker 1: of the day and if you're together. Although I've seen

664
00:32:45,800 --> 00:32:48,480
Speaker 1: couples make this work who are together all the time,

665
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:50,920
Speaker 1: but for me, personally, I feel like it's always been

666
00:32:50,960 --> 00:32:53,400
Speaker 1: really important that he does his thing. I do my thing,

667
00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:57,959
Speaker 1: and then there's like more layers to talk about being

668
00:32:57,960 --> 00:33:00,280
Speaker 1: a plastic surgeon. Have you ever, I mean, you said

669
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:02,239
Speaker 1: you happen to any plastic surgery, But what's the one

670
00:33:02,280 --> 00:33:04,000
Speaker 1: thing where you were kind of like, hey, honey, maybe,

671
00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:06,440
Speaker 1: Oh it's every morning. I'm like, I need an emergency

672
00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:08,560
Speaker 1: deck left and I have a bump on my nose

673
00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:09,920
Speaker 1: when I turned to the left. That's why I always

674
00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:11,280
Speaker 1: take pictures to the right, because when I turned to

675
00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:12,760
Speaker 1: the left, I don't like this bump bump my nose.

676
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:18,200
Speaker 1: He's like, uh huh, basically ignores me and moves on.

677
00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:21,000
Speaker 1: But you're just you. You just decided to know you

678
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,520
Speaker 1: don't want to do it. Well, I never say never,

679
00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:26,160
Speaker 1: but um, you know, he fixed my hernie. I had

680
00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:28,560
Speaker 1: an umbilical hernia, so he fixed that for me. And

681
00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:30,280
Speaker 1: while he was there, he cleaned up my C section scar.

682
00:33:30,360 --> 00:33:32,440
Speaker 1: That was very nice. I was that considered plastic surgery,

683
00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:38,640
Speaker 1: not really. Um, a little botox now and again, who

684
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:42,200
Speaker 1: does Doug Mast? By the way, Doug Mast is the best.

685
00:33:42,760 --> 00:33:44,280
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna have to get because I didn't like

686
00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:46,720
Speaker 1: my last it looks look at like my it's pulling

687
00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:48,920
Speaker 1: right there ya. But you know there's no roadmap and

688
00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:51,880
Speaker 1: there's sometimes that happened. But Terry doesn't do injectable so

689
00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:53,960
Speaker 1: like that anywhere, which is good because when he used

690
00:33:54,000 --> 00:33:55,760
Speaker 1: to do them, he was don't mean to me. He's

691
00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:57,360
Speaker 1: so nice to the patience. But if I came in

692
00:33:57,560 --> 00:33:59,800
Speaker 1: forgot it and I go to the Doug mast, Doug

693
00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:02,880
Speaker 1: is in amazing. He was actually just on botch last week.

694
00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:05,720
Speaker 1: He was one of the people that was instrumental in

695
00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:11,359
Speaker 1: getting sculpture approved um by the FDI. What's sculpt sculpture is?

696
00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:15,520
Speaker 1: You know there's fillers. Uh, this isn't a filler. It's

697
00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:18,600
Speaker 1: regrows your own collagen. It's injectable, but it regrows your

698
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:20,760
Speaker 1: In college, it was it was actually manufactured for AIDS

699
00:34:20,760 --> 00:34:24,040
Speaker 1: patients because they get very skeletal and lose facial fat

700
00:34:24,680 --> 00:34:27,640
Speaker 1: and so it's an incredible product. Anyway, So Doug, he's

701
00:34:27,640 --> 00:34:29,480
Speaker 1: the best. He's in her most of beach. There's a

702
00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:31,160
Speaker 1: plug for him. I love him. He's the best. So

703
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:35,160
Speaker 1: he does does your husband do breast augmentation? He does everything?

704
00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:38,160
Speaker 1: Say I I just had a consult um, don't believe

705
00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:41,799
Speaker 1: I'm saying this. I had a consult um a couple

706
00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:44,000
Speaker 1: of weeks ago, but I've been kind of nervous about it.

707
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:45,279
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm gonna go through with it

708
00:34:45,400 --> 00:34:47,560
Speaker 1: or not. Let me tell you something. I probably the

709
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:51,600
Speaker 1: only plastic surgeon's wife with real breasts. If that tells

710
00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:54,440
Speaker 1: you how I feel about Preston Player. I think for

711
00:34:54,560 --> 00:34:57,080
Speaker 1: me is I don't want big I just I you know,

712
00:34:57,080 --> 00:35:00,520
Speaker 1: they're saggy from two kids, and I I don't I

713
00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:03,399
Speaker 1: would like them just I don't really like wearing bras

714
00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:05,040
Speaker 1: a lot, so I would like it them to just

715
00:35:05,040 --> 00:35:07,000
Speaker 1: to be a little lifted and a little teeny bit

716
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:08,680
Speaker 1: more in there. Okay, can I tell you something? Because

717
00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 1: you have an eleven week old and this is my

718
00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:12,920
Speaker 1: big thing. So people talk with the mommy makeovers. A

719
00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:14,920
Speaker 1: lot of people rush right, They go, oh, I've had

720
00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:16,720
Speaker 1: my last kid. Now I'm gonna have a mommy makeover,

721
00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:18,399
Speaker 1: and they get tummy talks and they get their breast

722
00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:24,440
Speaker 1: done and whatever. The body has to rebound, And honest

723
00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:27,200
Speaker 1: I think after our third child, I was like, oh

724
00:35:27,200 --> 00:35:29,239
Speaker 1: my god, like what happened? These girls used to be

725
00:35:29,320 --> 00:35:32,359
Speaker 1: so good? Another gone, and what am I doing? And

726
00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:35,560
Speaker 1: we had talked about it and I didn't do anything,

727
00:35:35,880 --> 00:35:40,120
Speaker 1: and my breast tissue regroup, Like my body actually bounce back.

728
00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:43,279
Speaker 1: Now what is it? What it was? No, but it

729
00:35:43,320 --> 00:35:45,480
Speaker 1: did bounce back. And I feel like people rush to

730
00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:49,160
Speaker 1: the surgeon too fast. So give your body a chance

731
00:35:49,719 --> 00:35:53,160
Speaker 1: to recover and see what it's going to do. And

732
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:55,560
Speaker 1: are you sure you're done? You know he's he has

733
00:35:55,600 --> 00:36:01,719
Speaker 1: a vasectomy appointment. How do you decide that? Is that? Like?

734
00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:05,080
Speaker 1: Did you see sections or sections? So I really couldn't

735
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:06,960
Speaker 1: have open you didn't want to have a little like

736
00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:09,440
Speaker 1: a double knot? That's what I did? What do you mean?

737
00:36:09,520 --> 00:36:14,480
Speaker 1: I have my tubes tiede? So I was figured, okay, yeah,

738
00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:18,600
Speaker 1: I didn't want to be done, done done. I didn't

739
00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:22,520
Speaker 1: want for me personally, I just I want to know

740
00:36:22,719 --> 00:36:25,960
Speaker 1: that if I could have another baby, I could because

741
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:28,200
Speaker 1: as a woman, I just I didn't want to close

742
00:36:28,200 --> 00:36:30,600
Speaker 1: that door. Hunter, and I was making you're nervous, She's like,

743
00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:36,800
Speaker 1: I need to be able. Wait a second, you can

744
00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:40,040
Speaker 1: he can reverse his vasectomy. The doctor that he's actually

745
00:36:40,040 --> 00:36:44,319
Speaker 1: going to does more reversals than actually vasectomies. So the

746
00:36:44,360 --> 00:36:48,399
Speaker 1: fact that you can't reverse your tubes. So for me,

747
00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:50,840
Speaker 1: I just and as a woman, I just want to always.

748
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:53,400
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's just it don't take away my

749
00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:57,759
Speaker 1: right to have babies if I wanted to. For me,

750
00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:01,000
Speaker 1: I just felt ago through that. Like I said, we've

751
00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:03,359
Speaker 1: had this discussion, and I had my uproar. At first,

752
00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:05,040
Speaker 1: I was like, wait, what, Like I thought we were

753
00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:07,439
Speaker 1: deciding that we didn't want anymore. What's the difference if well,

754
00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:08,960
Speaker 1: what if I decide I want to happ one with

755
00:37:09,000 --> 00:37:15,120
Speaker 1: somebody else or you? Why did not? I don't know.

756
00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:18,719
Speaker 1: I did not say that. It's just it's almost like,

757
00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:21,640
Speaker 1: you know, she's like someone I didn't say. It's like

758
00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:24,600
Speaker 1: someone's taking away your ovaries. It just makes you not

759
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:27,440
Speaker 1: feel like a woman. Well I had to do IVF,

760
00:37:27,960 --> 00:37:32,120
Speaker 1: so do we? Oh? Okay, so you could? All right?

761
00:37:32,719 --> 00:37:35,200
Speaker 1: I always thought like if I had if I had to,

762
00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:37,400
Speaker 1: or I'm eighties, so I wasn't having another child. But

763
00:37:38,200 --> 00:37:41,040
Speaker 1: so we had three IVF and then one natural. Okay,

764
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:43,400
Speaker 1: so good that something's being done here. I'm just saying,

765
00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:47,239
Speaker 1: apparently if you have sex, you can get pregnant. I

766
00:37:47,239 --> 00:37:52,960
Speaker 1: don't know if you know that. After No, just in general, yes,

767
00:37:53,120 --> 00:37:55,719
Speaker 1: because funny because after my third I thought, well, we

768
00:37:55,760 --> 00:37:58,200
Speaker 1: can't we're done, but I can't get pregnant anyway, so

769
00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:01,600
Speaker 1: we didn't do anything about it, right, So it's interesting

770
00:38:01,640 --> 00:38:03,120
Speaker 1: to me that you decided to have a sect to

771
00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:05,160
Speaker 1: me when you had to do. Well, here's the thing.

772
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:08,040
Speaker 1: So both ivfs failed. I got pregnant but then lost

773
00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:13,919
Speaker 1: the babies. But we then got pregnant naturally one month

774
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:17,000
Speaker 1: each time. My fourth was natural. Yeah, that was like,

775
00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:18,400
Speaker 1: I don't know how that happened. I swear we had

776
00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:22,120
Speaker 1: a dry spell. Yeah, it's it's it's the whole infertility.

777
00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:24,920
Speaker 1: It's just kind of crazy with my body. But we

778
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:27,040
Speaker 1: at first the last couple of months of the pregnancy,

779
00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:28,799
Speaker 1: we actually were like, you know, what are we done?

780
00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:33,120
Speaker 1: And then even a month after we're like, we don't know,

781
00:38:33,280 --> 00:38:35,239
Speaker 1: and then recently we're both kind of like, you know what.

782
00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:38,560
Speaker 1: I but here's the things. I just I love babies.

783
00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:42,440
Speaker 1: I really if I could have Oh she wants no,

784
00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:47,400
Speaker 1: I just I just don't him last night, No, I

785
00:38:47,480 --> 00:38:51,040
Speaker 1: didn't know. But they get past that. I know, I know,

786
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:53,480
Speaker 1: but we don't. And here's the thing. My age too,

787
00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:56,120
Speaker 1: I'm getting older, and the chances are you know they

788
00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:58,719
Speaker 1: go up past you know, thirty five, and so it's

789
00:38:58,760 --> 00:39:01,359
Speaker 1: just it keeps, it keeps seeing them. We have two

790
00:39:01,480 --> 00:39:04,759
Speaker 1: very healthy children, and I want to I think we're

791
00:39:04,920 --> 00:39:10,719
Speaker 1: two children. I have twins. So I have fifteen, fifteen,

792
00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:15,239
Speaker 1: twelve and eight. Yeah, I was twins. It was like

793
00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:18,360
Speaker 1: could we curse or no? Yeah, it was a show.

794
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:19,919
Speaker 1: I mean it was crazy. I had never even held

795
00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:21,600
Speaker 1: a baby before. I wasn't one of those like I

796
00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:25,440
Speaker 1: had cousins and nieces and I had had no clue.

797
00:39:25,440 --> 00:39:28,359
Speaker 1: And then there were two. And Terry, you know, walks

798
00:39:28,360 --> 00:39:30,080
Speaker 1: around the house like he just scrubbed him for surgery,

799
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:33,080
Speaker 1: so he doesn't touch anything. So I had a fabulous

800
00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:36,879
Speaker 1: baby nurse, and you know, I figured it out. So

801
00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:39,120
Speaker 1: when I had the third, that was like having a

802
00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:41,759
Speaker 1: teddy bear. I'm sure because I already had two. I

803
00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:44,279
Speaker 1: can imagine and I don't know, but you know, because

804
00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:46,360
Speaker 1: now you have an eleven week call, I would imagine

805
00:39:46,360 --> 00:39:48,040
Speaker 1: that going from one to two has to be the

806
00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:51,120
Speaker 1: hardest transition because when you have one, it's just one,

807
00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:53,799
Speaker 1: and two must seem like twelve. I started with two,

808
00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:56,480
Speaker 1: so three or four was nothing. Yeah, that's where people

809
00:39:56,560 --> 00:39:58,319
Speaker 1: before we had our second one. People kept saying that

810
00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:00,000
Speaker 1: They're like, it's harder to go from one to two,

811
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:01,680
Speaker 1: and it is two to three and worth sitting there,

812
00:40:01,719 --> 00:40:03,799
Speaker 1: Like from a logical standpoint, that doesn't make sense. The

813
00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:05,600
Speaker 1: numbers just don't add up. But now after having to

814
00:40:05,719 --> 00:40:08,399
Speaker 1: we're like we get it, you get it. But now

815
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:12,160
Speaker 1: you have manned demand combat, which is good, right, totally outnumbered. Yeah,

816
00:40:12,239 --> 00:40:14,319
Speaker 1: but like doing something. It was so easy to do

817
00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:16,319
Speaker 1: something for yourself when it's like, hey, honey, can you

818
00:40:16,360 --> 00:40:18,600
Speaker 1: take Jolie our daughter, be like you got her for

819
00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:20,160
Speaker 1: a little bit, I'm gonna go do something or all

820
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:21,719
Speaker 1: takers so you can go do something. Now, it's like

821
00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:23,239
Speaker 1: we don't want to leave each other with the two

822
00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:26,279
Speaker 1: kids three a three year old in a eleven week old.

823
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:29,239
Speaker 1: It's like, uh, you're not doing this to me right now, Like, no,

824
00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:32,399
Speaker 1: you're staying here. So that's what's so difficult right now

825
00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:35,239
Speaker 1: is trying to be able to manage that. But it's

826
00:40:35,239 --> 00:40:37,799
Speaker 1: good that you guys have careers and you obviously take

827
00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:40,000
Speaker 1: care of your relationship because that's I think that period

828
00:40:40,040 --> 00:40:41,440
Speaker 1: of time is the most important. When I had my

829
00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:45,120
Speaker 1: third I had three under three, and it was insane

830
00:40:46,760 --> 00:40:48,520
Speaker 1: I'm but you know what, we had help we got

831
00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:51,319
Speaker 1: out of the house. I had made sure. Yeah, I

832
00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:53,360
Speaker 1: mean it's you have to rely on the helps. I

833
00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:55,960
Speaker 1: think that we have a hard time doing that. But

834
00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:59,120
Speaker 1: the one mistake I think we made so a year ago,

835
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:00,400
Speaker 1: year and a half ago too and I took a

836
00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:02,520
Speaker 1: trip to the Maldives and it was the longest we

837
00:41:02,520 --> 00:41:04,120
Speaker 1: had ever been away for the kids and our oldest

838
00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:07,400
Speaker 1: your fifteen, and we were gone for ten days, which

839
00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:10,439
Speaker 1: was huge. We had been away for two days, three days,

840
00:41:10,440 --> 00:41:13,560
Speaker 1: I think one time we went away for four. It

841
00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:16,719
Speaker 1: was the most incredible thing. And everyone told me to

842
00:41:16,760 --> 00:41:18,200
Speaker 1: travel when the kids were younger, but we don't have

843
00:41:18,239 --> 00:41:19,960
Speaker 1: family nearby that we could leave them with, and I

844
00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:22,960
Speaker 1: just felt uncomfortable. Gosh, I wish we had done it earlier.

845
00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:26,799
Speaker 1: That's the one mistake I feel like we made. You.

846
00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:30,800
Speaker 1: I'm telling you should find a way not at eleven weeks,

847
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:33,640
Speaker 1: but you know when the baby's like six months old

848
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:36,640
Speaker 1: or eight months of sleeping through the night and more

849
00:41:36,680 --> 00:41:40,120
Speaker 1: of like a baby baby, like do it. We're going,

850
00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:43,319
Speaker 1: We're going little trips, were going You're talking about like

851
00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:45,440
Speaker 1: tow three days. We have a wedding, that will be

852
00:41:45,480 --> 00:41:48,799
Speaker 1: gone in Europe for four But we wanted to stand up,

853
00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:51,080
Speaker 1: but we didn't because of the kids. But you should.

854
00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:53,319
Speaker 1: You should take it for me. That's the one thing

855
00:41:53,320 --> 00:41:55,040
Speaker 1: when I look back, I got gosh, I wish we

856
00:41:55,080 --> 00:41:57,040
Speaker 1: had done more of that. We blew it and they

857
00:41:57,080 --> 00:42:00,359
Speaker 1: don't remember. And now I have teenagers and they don't

858
00:42:00,400 --> 00:42:03,279
Speaker 1: really care. Yeah, now that I get out of here.

859
00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:06,840
Speaker 1: So there's the sweet spot in between, So take advantage now. Well,

860
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:09,120
Speaker 1: I love you. Where can our listeners find your book

861
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Speaker 1: and all about you? So you can find everything about

862
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Speaker 1: me at heather to brow dot com. You can find

863
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Speaker 1: the book wherever books are sold. It's finally back in

864
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Speaker 1: stock at Amazon and Barnes and Noble, which is cool

865
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Speaker 1: because it's sold out a couple of times. Did it find?

866
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Speaker 1: Do Brow diet Interval, Eating to Lose weight and feel ageless?

867
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Speaker 1: And my podcast heather to Prose World is on podcast one.

868
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Speaker 1: Who you love it? Well, thank you so much for coming.

869
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Speaker 1: For Hiring used to be hard, multiple job sites, stacks

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882
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883
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884
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885
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Speaker 1: when the switches and you get to say, oh, you

886
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887
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888
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889
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890
00:43:31,960 --> 00:43:34,080
Speaker 1: There's so many that the social media and the Internet

891
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Speaker 1: and of how do you get it out there that

892
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893
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894
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895
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896
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Speaker 1: not what you know. It's like, how are you gonna

897
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Speaker 1: if you don't know anybody that you can hire for

898
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Speaker 1: the job, what else are you supposed to do? Exactly?

899
00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:54,400
Speaker 1: And zip recruiter takes that wide open ocean of fish

900
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904
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905
00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:17,440
Speaker 1: the smartest way to hire toys. On to tell us

906
00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:19,800
Speaker 1: about noon, which I've heard a lot of great things about,

907
00:44:20,520 --> 00:44:22,680
Speaker 1: especially when it comes to nutrition and dieting and all that.

908
00:44:22,719 --> 00:44:25,080
Speaker 1: Tell us a little bit more about it. Yeah, uh, Well,

909
00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:27,720
Speaker 1: I was an athlete at U C l A. And

910
00:44:27,800 --> 00:44:30,719
Speaker 1: ever since I stopped and graduated, I've been like, oh

911
00:44:30,719 --> 00:44:33,719
Speaker 1: my gosh, I don't have a nutrition is It's hard

912
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:35,600
Speaker 1: right when you get out of sports, but you can't

913
00:44:35,640 --> 00:44:37,920
Speaker 1: eat the same stuff you used to not at all.

914
00:44:38,080 --> 00:44:39,759
Speaker 1: And when you come from an athlete, like you're used

915
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:41,399
Speaker 1: to that for so many years, you're like you don't

916
00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:43,480
Speaker 1: know any different. Or you have like people being like, hey,

917
00:44:43,520 --> 00:44:45,560
Speaker 1: would you eat this week, and you're like, oh my gosh, accountability,

918
00:44:45,880 --> 00:44:47,839
Speaker 1: Like I don't have that anymore either. Yeah, and you're

919
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:50,879
Speaker 1: like like carbs, carbs, carbs or your team protein. Yeah,

920
00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:53,640
Speaker 1: You're just like you're in like spandex working out. You're

921
00:44:53,680 --> 00:44:55,759
Speaker 1: going doing your thing, and then you come back and

922
00:44:55,800 --> 00:44:58,000
Speaker 1: you just you eat and then you have you talk

923
00:44:58,040 --> 00:44:59,799
Speaker 1: to you to Chichen is like cut this back, cut

924
00:44:59,840 --> 00:45:01,919
Speaker 1: the us out at this to your plan, and it's

925
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:04,600
Speaker 1: like you just don't have that in the normal world

926
00:45:04,880 --> 00:45:07,520
Speaker 1: unless you're like a celebrity and like kind of but

927
00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:11,200
Speaker 1: I can't. I'm we can't do that anymore. Post college kid.

928
00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:14,640
Speaker 1: Just yeah, we're so co dependent on our on our

929
00:45:14,719 --> 00:45:17,399
Speaker 1: nutritionists and strength coaches that now we're just stuck. Yeah,

930
00:45:17,440 --> 00:45:19,040
Speaker 1: you're just stuck. But you don't have to be with

931
00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:22,560
Speaker 1: new absolutely because with NOM you have personalized training and

932
00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:24,440
Speaker 1: your own support team for less than the price of

933
00:45:24,440 --> 00:45:27,040
Speaker 1: a single appointment with the nutritions or personal trainer. Right

934
00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:28,080
Speaker 1: and all you have to do is you take a

935
00:45:28,120 --> 00:45:30,840
Speaker 1: thirty second online evaluation. It kind of helps you like

936
00:45:30,840 --> 00:45:33,719
Speaker 1: with your age, with your weight, with your goals, and um,

937
00:45:33,760 --> 00:45:36,880
Speaker 1: like any allergies you have. So for me, I'm gluten intolerant,

938
00:45:36,920 --> 00:45:39,240
Speaker 1: so for me, I might track in so they're like, okay,

939
00:45:39,239 --> 00:45:41,600
Speaker 1: here's like here's what you should be doing and adding

940
00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:43,600
Speaker 1: in to counter that or because you do need to

941
00:45:43,640 --> 00:45:47,160
Speaker 1: have carbohydrates in your system. The people think it's bad,

942
00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:49,520
Speaker 1: it's actually not and attracts your meal habits. It gives

943
00:45:49,520 --> 00:45:52,440
Speaker 1: you visualized portion sizes and you can see your calorie

944
00:45:52,640 --> 00:45:55,320
Speaker 1: density at a glance. Right when you do go a

945
00:45:55,320 --> 00:45:57,719
Speaker 1: little a little overboard, there's no shaming, just tips on

946
00:45:57,760 --> 00:46:00,360
Speaker 1: getting back on track tomorrow. So even if you go

947
00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:02,080
Speaker 1: off your schedule, it's gonna be okay, they'll get you

948
00:46:02,120 --> 00:46:04,080
Speaker 1: back on track. Yeah, and it's all done from an app.

949
00:46:04,200 --> 00:46:06,360
Speaker 1: So you have seven with you. So if you have

950
00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:09,160
Speaker 1: a question on something, you can just message the nutritionists

951
00:46:09,160 --> 00:46:10,680
Speaker 1: and say hey, here's what I'm thinking about having and

952
00:46:10,719 --> 00:46:13,680
Speaker 1: they can just have a dialogue hold accountability to that.

953
00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:17,800
Speaker 1: And people need that nowadays, I know I do. And

954
00:46:17,880 --> 00:46:19,759
Speaker 1: new mis is on for results. Is that what the

955
00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:21,719
Speaker 1: old habits in with the new sign up for your

956
00:46:21,719 --> 00:46:24,600
Speaker 1: trial today at noon n O O M dot com

957
00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:27,239
Speaker 1: slash Jana, What do you have to lose? Visit noon

958
00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:29,600
Speaker 1: dot com slash Janna to start your trial today again,

959
00:46:29,680 --> 00:46:33,120
Speaker 1: that's noon dot com slash Jinna, start losing weight for good.

960
00:46:33,520 --> 00:46:37,040
Speaker 1: Dr Jen Man is in studio right now with us,

961
00:46:37,680 --> 00:46:41,600
Speaker 1: and would you like to give your would you say

962
00:46:41,719 --> 00:46:45,640
Speaker 1: you're I mean, obviously your therapist, but is your are

963
00:46:45,680 --> 00:46:48,239
Speaker 1: you mainly a sex therapist or is it like what

964
00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:51,480
Speaker 1: is your I do a lot of different things. Um,

965
00:46:51,800 --> 00:46:55,680
Speaker 1: She's like, I'm multi I'm pretty I am pretty multifaceted.

966
00:46:55,719 --> 00:46:58,680
Speaker 1: I actually wrote my doctoral dissertation about eating disorders and

967
00:46:58,719 --> 00:47:01,320
Speaker 1: weight loss, and it's of an app called No More Diets.

968
00:47:01,320 --> 00:47:03,920
Speaker 1: It's based on that. That's kind of what I originally

969
00:47:03,920 --> 00:47:07,240
Speaker 1: started talking about the most um. I've written a parenting

970
00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:10,799
Speaker 1: column for over ten years. It's printed in tended for magazines.

971
00:47:10,880 --> 00:47:13,759
Speaker 1: I'm now writing an in style colum about sex and relationships.

972
00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:16,480
Speaker 1: Most people know me from couples Therapy on v H

973
00:47:16,560 --> 00:47:18,560
Speaker 1: one or family Therapy on v H one, so I

974
00:47:18,640 --> 00:47:22,480
Speaker 1: really I've covered it all, and I'm an obsessive researcher

975
00:47:22,520 --> 00:47:26,280
Speaker 1: I love psychology. I love helping people, So there really

976
00:47:26,400 --> 00:47:30,000
Speaker 1: isn't a topic that I haven't covered. What's great because

977
00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:33,000
Speaker 1: kind of I'm like, where do we even start? Because

978
00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:36,839
Speaker 1: obviously Michael and are extreme open book. I love that

979
00:47:37,239 --> 00:47:41,000
Speaker 1: I actually do. This is so off topic and random,

980
00:47:41,080 --> 00:47:44,000
Speaker 1: but I wrote it down just because, um, you've talked

981
00:47:44,040 --> 00:47:46,680
Speaker 1: about eating disorders and I just have a question anything,

982
00:47:47,520 --> 00:47:51,120
Speaker 1: So what when is it? How do I say this

983
00:47:51,200 --> 00:47:54,239
Speaker 1: without I know I don't have an eating disorder. I'm

984
00:47:54,239 --> 00:47:58,480
Speaker 1: just gonna say that. But I've become obsessive with weighing myself.

985
00:47:58,800 --> 00:48:02,719
Speaker 1: Is that a problem? It absolutely is, because the problem

986
00:48:02,840 --> 00:48:05,799
Speaker 1: is that what you're doing then is you're making the

987
00:48:05,840 --> 00:48:09,560
Speaker 1: focus this external thing. This number do I feel good

988
00:48:09,600 --> 00:48:12,400
Speaker 1: about myself? Becomes about what the number is on the scale,

989
00:48:13,719 --> 00:48:16,160
Speaker 1: because literally, if it goes above that one number, I

990
00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:18,520
Speaker 1: am depressed the rest of the day. And I have

991
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:20,400
Speaker 1: to tell you, Look, I am someone who I'm recovered

992
00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:23,239
Speaker 1: from an eating disorder. I was not well for about

993
00:48:23,280 --> 00:48:25,279
Speaker 1: a decade. I was an elite level athlete. I was

994
00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:27,360
Speaker 1: a rhythmic gymnast. I was on the national team for

995
00:48:27,400 --> 00:48:31,120
Speaker 1: five years. I had a intense, hardcore Russian coach that

996
00:48:31,280 --> 00:48:33,640
Speaker 1: was like weighing us and screaming at us and doing

997
00:48:33,640 --> 00:48:37,719
Speaker 1: all kinds of crazy stuff. And after during the course

998
00:48:37,760 --> 00:48:40,840
Speaker 1: of my eating disorder, I did this like crazy medical

999
00:48:40,920 --> 00:48:44,160
Speaker 1: liquid diet, and I ended up I bought this talking

1000
00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:47,480
Speaker 1: scale because I was like obsessed like you with weighing myself.

1001
00:48:47,840 --> 00:48:49,759
Speaker 1: And what happened was I got on the scale and

1002
00:48:49,760 --> 00:48:52,400
Speaker 1: it would say like you, and this awful voice it

1003
00:48:52,400 --> 00:48:55,760
Speaker 1: would say, Hi, you wey blah blah blah, and you've

1004
00:48:55,800 --> 00:48:58,759
Speaker 1: gained one pound. Have a nice day. I can still

1005
00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:01,440
Speaker 1: hear that woman's voice in my head, and every day

1006
00:49:01,520 --> 00:49:03,720
Speaker 1: get on and it would say like and you've gained

1007
00:49:03,760 --> 00:49:07,320
Speaker 1: two pounds. And I flipped. And I was eating disordered

1008
00:49:07,360 --> 00:49:10,319
Speaker 1: at the time. Unlike you, I was full blown neating disordered.

1009
00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:13,320
Speaker 1: Wasn't just kind of what we call subclinical eating disorder,

1010
00:49:13,320 --> 00:49:16,319
Speaker 1: which is where you know you're obsessive. You don't meet

1011
00:49:16,360 --> 00:49:18,560
Speaker 1: the criteria for a full blow needing disorder, but it's

1012
00:49:18,600 --> 00:49:21,440
Speaker 1: an issue in your life. But what ended up happening

1013
00:49:21,520 --> 00:49:25,040
Speaker 1: was I became so distraught that the scale kept telling

1014
00:49:25,040 --> 00:49:26,799
Speaker 1: me I was gaining weight that I started eating more

1015
00:49:26,920 --> 00:49:29,200
Speaker 1: because I was so upset, And then I ended up

1016
00:49:29,239 --> 00:49:33,239
Speaker 1: putting on weight. As it turned out, the scale was

1017
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:40,000
Speaker 1: broken stop. So it was a very valuable lesson about

1018
00:49:40,120 --> 00:49:44,120
Speaker 1: the external, focusing on the external versus the internal. What's

1019
00:49:44,200 --> 00:49:47,560
Speaker 1: really important is what's your relationship with food, like, what's

1020
00:49:47,560 --> 00:49:50,080
Speaker 1: your relations with your body? Like? What your body image like?

1021
00:49:50,160 --> 00:49:52,920
Speaker 1: Are you making healthy choices for yourself that feel good

1022
00:49:52,960 --> 00:49:56,879
Speaker 1: and reinforce things that you want for yourself. I come

1023
00:49:56,920 --> 00:49:59,760
Speaker 1: from a model. I don't believe in deprivation. What tends

1024
00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:02,480
Speaker 1: to happened, and all the studies show the more we

1025
00:50:02,560 --> 00:50:05,080
Speaker 1: deprive ourselves, the more out of control we tend to

1026
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:08,640
Speaker 1: get with specific foots. So I am a big believer.

1027
00:50:08,800 --> 00:50:10,959
Speaker 1: I love what we call the hunger scale, the hunger

1028
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:14,560
Speaker 1: scales of scale from zero to ten. Ten being the

1029
00:50:14,560 --> 00:50:17,400
Speaker 1: fullest you've ever been Thanksgiving, your stomach is going to

1030
00:50:17,840 --> 00:50:21,560
Speaker 1: just split open. Zero being you're about to faint, You're

1031
00:50:21,600 --> 00:50:23,680
Speaker 1: going to be on the floor. So five being neutral.

1032
00:50:24,280 --> 00:50:26,319
Speaker 1: I talk a lot about learning to eat when you

1033
00:50:26,320 --> 00:50:28,920
Speaker 1: are hungry, which is a three. It's all like, I

1034
00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:30,520
Speaker 1: know I'm hungry. If you're like I think I'm hungry,

1035
00:50:30,520 --> 00:50:32,840
Speaker 1: I'm not sure. You're probably a four. You can't wait

1036
00:50:33,440 --> 00:50:35,640
Speaker 1: if you let yourself get to two you probably have

1037
00:50:35,680 --> 00:50:38,120
Speaker 1: a headache, your stomach scrowl, and you're not feeling so good.

1038
00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:40,440
Speaker 1: Your energy is not good, and you certainly don't want

1039
00:50:40,440 --> 00:50:42,640
Speaker 1: to get to a one. You want to stop eating

1040
00:50:42,680 --> 00:50:45,160
Speaker 1: when you are five, which is neutral, or a six,

1041
00:50:45,160 --> 00:50:46,759
Speaker 1: which is yeah. I can tell your food myself if

1042
00:50:46,800 --> 00:50:48,279
Speaker 1: I could run down the block if I had to.

1043
00:50:49,080 --> 00:50:53,239
Speaker 1: Once you get to seven, you're full. Eight you're getting uncomfortable. Nine,

1044
00:50:53,239 --> 00:50:55,239
Speaker 1: you're in pain. So what you really want to do

1045
00:50:55,680 --> 00:50:58,520
Speaker 1: to respect your body is to eat when you're hungry

1046
00:50:58,600 --> 00:51:01,359
Speaker 1: a three and stop and you're satisfied, which is a five,

1047
00:51:01,440 --> 00:51:03,600
Speaker 1: and not deprive yourself of foods that you love, because

1048
00:51:03,600 --> 00:51:06,279
Speaker 1: then you're more likely to ban jo on them. I

1049
00:51:06,280 --> 00:51:10,280
Speaker 1: didn't know you we're on the scale that much every morning,

1050
00:51:11,040 --> 00:51:13,040
Speaker 1: and I anytime she jumps on the scale, I'm like, well,

1051
00:51:13,040 --> 00:51:16,160
Speaker 1: don't wear yourself. It's every morning incidents. I'll hide it

1052
00:51:16,200 --> 00:51:18,240
Speaker 1: from me. Is that a problem I can tell because

1053
00:51:18,440 --> 00:51:20,200
Speaker 1: obviously you do hide it for me because I didn't know.

1054
00:51:20,560 --> 00:51:21,880
Speaker 1: And then every time you do get on I'm like,

1055
00:51:21,880 --> 00:51:24,600
Speaker 1: why are you get on scale? What I tell you

1056
00:51:24,600 --> 00:51:26,319
Speaker 1: just you have shame around and you don't want to

1057
00:51:26,560 --> 00:51:32,040
Speaker 1: and you know something we had so our babies. You know, um,

1058
00:51:32,080 --> 00:51:34,600
Speaker 1: you know he's twelve twelve weeks. I don't know when

1059
00:51:34,600 --> 00:51:36,920
Speaker 1: this one's gonna air, but you know he's he's around that.

1060
00:51:37,040 --> 00:51:40,360
Speaker 1: But I just I was so obsessive getting back to

1061
00:51:40,400 --> 00:51:42,759
Speaker 1: my pre pregnancy weight, which is why I started to

1062
00:51:42,760 --> 00:51:45,520
Speaker 1: become like obsessive about the number. But like, sometimes I

1063
00:51:45,560 --> 00:51:48,120
Speaker 1: won't work out because if i'm if I'm too close

1064
00:51:48,160 --> 00:51:50,759
Speaker 1: to that number, I don't want my muscle weight to

1065
00:51:50,800 --> 00:51:54,719
Speaker 1: be to make me way more so that I that's

1066
00:51:54,800 --> 00:51:58,760
Speaker 1: not healthy. The best choice for your body is about working.

1067
00:51:59,000 --> 00:52:00,600
Speaker 1: That's good for your heart, it's good for your muscles,

1068
00:52:00,600 --> 00:52:02,279
Speaker 1: it's good for your strength, it's good for your back,

1069
00:52:02,520 --> 00:52:04,840
Speaker 1: you know, all that sort of stuff. So it's really

1070
00:52:04,880 --> 00:52:11,080
Speaker 1: important that you. I look, I would recommend not weighing yourself.

1071
00:52:11,120 --> 00:52:14,600
Speaker 1: I would lock up that scale and instead focus on

1072
00:52:14,719 --> 00:52:17,239
Speaker 1: how do you feel? Because also looks so what so

1073
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:21,640
Speaker 1: what if you gain muscle and you're still leaving the number.

1074
00:52:21,840 --> 00:52:23,839
Speaker 1: But but I'm telling you you gotta work on letting

1075
00:52:23,840 --> 00:52:25,920
Speaker 1: go of the number. The number is unhealthy for you.

1076
00:52:26,000 --> 00:52:30,000
Speaker 1: That that obsession about the number. And look, I always say,

1077
00:52:30,040 --> 00:52:31,640
Speaker 1: like when a client comes to my office and says

1078
00:52:31,680 --> 00:52:34,000
Speaker 1: like I feel fat. I always say, like, what do

1079
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:35,960
Speaker 1: you feel fat about? And so here's the things. I

1080
00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:39,839
Speaker 1: don't feel fat. I don't want to get thinner than

1081
00:52:39,880 --> 00:52:41,759
Speaker 1: a certain I just want to stay at where I'm

1082
00:52:41,800 --> 00:52:43,560
Speaker 1: at right now. So I'm I don't want to get

1083
00:52:43,640 --> 00:52:46,759
Speaker 1: over that number. But the obsession is the same. When

1084
00:52:46,760 --> 00:52:49,120
Speaker 1: a person is obsessing about being fat that isn't fat.

1085
00:52:49,160 --> 00:52:51,360
Speaker 1: It's no different than a person obsessing about a number

1086
00:52:51,440 --> 00:52:55,600
Speaker 1: that doesn't really matter. What you're doing is you're projecting

1087
00:52:55,760 --> 00:53:00,640
Speaker 1: something onto that number. And my question for you is

1088
00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:03,360
Speaker 1: if you weren't obsessing about the number, what would you

1089
00:53:03,360 --> 00:53:05,479
Speaker 1: be thinking about that you might not want to think about,

1090
00:53:05,600 --> 00:53:07,399
Speaker 1: And how would you feel about yourself if you didn't

1091
00:53:07,440 --> 00:53:11,040
Speaker 1: know the number. What's what's more painful that you don't

1092
00:53:11,080 --> 00:53:15,040
Speaker 1: want to think about than that number? I don't want

1093
00:53:15,040 --> 00:53:18,759
Speaker 1: to talk about it. So that's where the answer is, Yeah,

1094
00:53:18,840 --> 00:53:21,719
Speaker 1: well no, it's it's about not I want to be attractive,

1095
00:53:22,560 --> 00:53:25,080
Speaker 1: And I think that goes back to this one, be

1096
00:53:25,200 --> 00:53:29,920
Speaker 1: chosen and be attractive. But you know by me and

1097
00:53:29,960 --> 00:53:32,600
Speaker 1: how many times I tell you that, well, I know

1098
00:53:32,719 --> 00:53:36,200
Speaker 1: I want to stay there. That's even so I'm like,

1099
00:53:36,280 --> 00:53:38,120
Speaker 1: I don't want you under that number. No, I know,

1100
00:53:38,160 --> 00:53:39,480
Speaker 1: and I don't want either. That's why I want to

1101
00:53:39,480 --> 00:53:43,000
Speaker 1: stay there. But I look, I would venture to say,

1102
00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:44,640
Speaker 1: and I've been told we can talk about anything, that

1103
00:53:44,680 --> 00:53:48,160
Speaker 1: it has a very open that what's gone down between

1104
00:53:48,200 --> 00:53:51,839
Speaker 1: the two of you, that that probably felt very out

1105
00:53:51,840 --> 00:53:55,160
Speaker 1: of control for you, And controlling the number is a

1106
00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:57,600
Speaker 1: way of trying to control the bigger picture. If I

1107
00:53:57,640 --> 00:54:01,240
Speaker 1: can control the number, then I'm going to look perfect

1108
00:54:01,280 --> 00:54:03,400
Speaker 1: and I put that in quotes, and then I'll be

1109
00:54:03,440 --> 00:54:04,919
Speaker 1: safe with him and I don't have to worry about

1110
00:54:04,960 --> 00:54:09,600
Speaker 1: him cheating. Interesting, it what even if, like I've never

1111
00:54:09,640 --> 00:54:11,960
Speaker 1: said anything about weight or it's never been an issue.

1112
00:54:12,040 --> 00:54:15,640
Speaker 1: That's what she's making it about, is trying to control

1113
00:54:15,800 --> 00:54:18,640
Speaker 1: one thing that she can control. You can't go through

1114
00:54:18,680 --> 00:54:20,840
Speaker 1: what you guys have gone through and not feel some

1115
00:54:20,920 --> 00:54:24,160
Speaker 1: anxiety about your partner. You know, it's really interesting worry

1116
00:54:24,200 --> 00:54:26,680
Speaker 1: that it's going to happen again. Being very introspective about

1117
00:54:26,719 --> 00:54:29,760
Speaker 1: this is I started weighing myself when you were in treatment.

1118
00:54:31,080 --> 00:54:33,880
Speaker 1: That's very interesting. I got a scale when you were

1119
00:54:33,880 --> 00:54:39,640
Speaker 1: in treatment. Interesting, there you go. You you you projected

1120
00:54:39,680 --> 00:54:42,960
Speaker 1: all your anxiety and all your pain onto that scale

1121
00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:45,880
Speaker 1: and that number and it's not really about that number.

1122
00:54:47,440 --> 00:54:51,600
Speaker 1: I want to just tell you I love you. Well,

1123
00:54:51,600 --> 00:54:56,200
Speaker 1: I just I never thought of it like that. Interesting, Okay, Well,

1124
00:54:56,239 --> 00:54:58,279
Speaker 1: I just I feel like I don't I feel embarrassed.

1125
00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:03,479
Speaker 1: It's embarrassing, yes, but there's nothing to be embarrassed about.

1126
00:55:03,520 --> 00:55:04,759
Speaker 1: There are a lot of women who are going to

1127
00:55:04,840 --> 00:55:06,960
Speaker 1: hear this and relate to you. Yeah, why, but like,

1128
00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:09,640
Speaker 1: I don't want to throw away the scale because it's like,

1129
00:55:11,160 --> 00:55:14,799
Speaker 1: but that that speaks to how hard it is for

1130
00:55:14,840 --> 00:55:19,040
Speaker 1: you to let go of this thing and how important

1131
00:55:19,080 --> 00:55:22,400
Speaker 1: it is for you to work on those feelings and

1132
00:55:22,440 --> 00:55:24,279
Speaker 1: to be able to talk through those in your own

1133
00:55:24,360 --> 00:55:28,160
Speaker 1: therapy or in couples therapy because obviously this issue is

1134
00:55:28,160 --> 00:55:33,160
Speaker 1: not resolved, and that's understandable because that doesn't go away overnight,

1135
00:55:33,239 --> 00:55:36,319
Speaker 1: that kind of breach of trust, and it's important for you,

1136
00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:39,000
Speaker 1: guys to continue to work on the relationship and work

1137
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:42,000
Speaker 1: on your connection so that you can't feel safe again.

1138
00:55:43,040 --> 00:55:46,880
Speaker 1: I think it's interesting that because in most all the

1139
00:55:47,080 --> 00:55:50,319
Speaker 1: other areas we've addressed head on, we've discussed, we've talked

1140
00:55:50,360 --> 00:55:56,279
Speaker 1: circles around, and we're very mindful of it's like, this

1141
00:55:56,400 --> 00:55:59,080
Speaker 1: is like your one thing that has been like your

1142
00:55:59,080 --> 00:56:03,279
Speaker 1: own secret, so like validate yourself for something to hold

1143
00:56:03,360 --> 00:56:06,120
Speaker 1: on too, that we have an addressed or talked about.

1144
00:56:06,760 --> 00:56:11,440
Speaker 1: Mhm hm and you hit from me, well, I just

1145
00:56:11,560 --> 00:56:14,400
Speaker 1: because I mean not really. I mean you asked how

1146
00:56:14,480 --> 00:56:17,840
Speaker 1: much are you today? And I was like, yes, whatever that.

1147
00:56:18,600 --> 00:56:21,480
Speaker 1: But but first of all, I would recommend don't. That's

1148
00:56:21,480 --> 00:56:25,279
Speaker 1: why I was just about two days ago he said,

1149
00:56:25,280 --> 00:56:29,520
Speaker 1: what are you at? I don't do that often. If

1150
00:56:29,560 --> 00:56:34,440
Speaker 1: I don't know, I'm like, even if I do, I'm like,

1151
00:56:34,600 --> 00:56:38,440
Speaker 1: why are you worried about it? Yeah? You do? Ask yeah? Why? Yeah?

1152
00:56:39,080 --> 00:56:43,839
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, Okay, we move on. It's it's hard

1153
00:56:43,880 --> 00:56:47,000
Speaker 1: to talk about it's it's it's it's painful. I totally

1154
00:56:47,000 --> 00:56:50,239
Speaker 1: got it. Could I just do it like every one

1155
00:56:50,320 --> 00:56:53,560
Speaker 1: so week? Could I do that? Where it's because I

1156
00:56:53,600 --> 00:56:55,759
Speaker 1: want to make sure I'm not I'm like staying. Like

1157
00:56:55,800 --> 00:56:57,720
Speaker 1: my trainer always said, go buy a pair of pants.

1158
00:56:58,360 --> 00:57:00,560
Speaker 1: That's the pants that you would look if you're in

1159
00:57:00,640 --> 00:57:04,200
Speaker 1: touch with your body. You don't need a scale because

1160
00:57:04,320 --> 00:57:06,640
Speaker 1: you know when you feel good, you know when you

1161
00:57:06,640 --> 00:57:08,480
Speaker 1: feel bad, you know when you feel bloated, you know

1162
00:57:08,520 --> 00:57:11,759
Speaker 1: when you've eaten too much. I think right now you're

1163
00:57:11,800 --> 00:57:16,240
Speaker 1: holding on because you're holding onto that control, and that's

1164
00:57:16,240 --> 00:57:17,640
Speaker 1: okay if you're not ready to let go of that.

1165
00:57:17,840 --> 00:57:20,640
Speaker 1: But now you know what it is, and I think

1166
00:57:20,640 --> 00:57:22,479
Speaker 1: when you get on that scale, you're going to look

1167
00:57:22,480 --> 00:57:24,560
Speaker 1: at it a little differently and hopefully that will help

1168
00:57:24,560 --> 00:57:34,160
Speaker 1: you let go of it sooner. Completely interesting what society

1169
00:57:34,280 --> 00:57:36,960
Speaker 1: didn't Now? Are you mad at me? I want to

1170
00:57:37,000 --> 00:57:39,040
Speaker 1: be mad at you. I get it to the girl,

1171
00:57:39,600 --> 00:57:42,920
Speaker 1: Why what do you do wrong? I think she is

1172
00:57:42,960 --> 00:57:45,600
Speaker 1: shame around. She has a lot of shame around, and

1173
00:57:45,640 --> 00:57:48,040
Speaker 1: that's why she hit it from me. That's the secrecy.

1174
00:57:48,600 --> 00:57:52,240
Speaker 1: I'm sorry that you, through all that we've discussed and

1175
00:57:52,360 --> 00:57:57,800
Speaker 1: gone through that a part of you is still so

1176
00:57:58,040 --> 00:58:01,440
Speaker 1: unsure of things that you you still don't think it's unsure.

1177
00:58:01,480 --> 00:58:03,200
Speaker 1: I think it's just back to her because it's just

1178
00:58:03,280 --> 00:58:05,440
Speaker 1: the control of like I have. There's something that I

1179
00:58:05,440 --> 00:58:07,640
Speaker 1: can control. Because I can't control whether you step out.

1180
00:58:07,640 --> 00:58:09,560
Speaker 1: I can't control whether our marriage falls apart, but I

1181
00:58:09,560 --> 00:58:13,880
Speaker 1: can control right. But it still feels like something that

1182
00:58:14,560 --> 00:58:17,880
Speaker 1: um like we've done so much work around that, it's

1183
00:58:17,880 --> 00:58:21,840
Speaker 1: still something that we have an address that you're just

1184
00:58:21,840 --> 00:58:24,040
Speaker 1: trying to have. It's like your own work on the

1185
00:58:24,080 --> 00:58:26,040
Speaker 1: side that I don't know how to explain it. It's

1186
00:58:26,040 --> 00:58:28,800
Speaker 1: like your own thing you're holding onto, like outside of

1187
00:58:28,840 --> 00:58:32,360
Speaker 1: the work that we're addressing this head on, but it's

1188
00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:34,960
Speaker 1: like still something on the side that like you lean

1189
00:58:35,040 --> 00:58:40,240
Speaker 1: onto to make yourself feel better. She's not resolved. Yeah,

1190
00:58:40,480 --> 00:58:46,080
Speaker 1: and it takes time. It takes time to heal. I

1191
00:58:46,160 --> 00:58:51,880
Speaker 1: think it's just you know again, because yeah, it's just

1192
00:58:52,080 --> 00:58:57,280
Speaker 1: it's just a way to have that control and to

1193
00:58:57,440 --> 00:59:02,240
Speaker 1: feel like that and to almost feel like, Okay, I

1194
00:59:02,280 --> 00:59:04,880
Speaker 1: know him here, so he must won't choose me because

1195
00:59:05,080 --> 00:59:09,240
Speaker 1: I'm I'm looking good right now with this. What when

1196
00:59:09,280 --> 00:59:10,960
Speaker 1: you see the number that you want to see? Do

1197
00:59:11,000 --> 00:59:14,120
Speaker 1: you feel better about yourself? Do you feel better about us?

1198
00:59:15,080 --> 00:59:18,400
Speaker 1: I just I'm happier. Does that make sense? I guess yeah.

1199
00:59:18,440 --> 00:59:20,040
Speaker 1: And then if not, that I'm like so depressed and

1200
00:59:20,040 --> 00:59:22,440
Speaker 1: then I'll either not work out because I don't want

1201
00:59:22,480 --> 00:59:25,440
Speaker 1: to add more muffle weight, or I'll just be depressed

1202
00:59:25,440 --> 00:59:29,400
Speaker 1: and then sulk for a couple of hours and then

1203
00:59:29,520 --> 00:59:31,720
Speaker 1: make sure I don't make sure I don't eat as

1204
00:59:31,760 --> 00:59:33,280
Speaker 1: much so that the next morning I can wake up.

1205
00:59:33,280 --> 00:59:35,440
Speaker 1: And it's probably just the water way. It's probably point

1206
00:59:35,520 --> 00:59:38,240
Speaker 1: too of whatever, and then I'll wake up like, oh boom.

1207
00:59:38,560 --> 00:59:41,560
Speaker 1: And I know that our weight varies day by day

1208
00:59:42,400 --> 00:59:44,560
Speaker 1: in our cycle, how much salt we had, how much

1209
00:59:44,600 --> 00:59:46,919
Speaker 1: water we drank, Like I will every way myself after

1210
00:59:46,960 --> 00:59:48,920
Speaker 1: a flight because I know that I'll be more water

1211
00:59:49,160 --> 00:59:51,080
Speaker 1: or this. So it's because and then I'll know I'll

1212
00:59:51,120 --> 00:59:54,920
Speaker 1: get in my head about it. Yeah, you feel better

1213
00:59:55,000 --> 00:59:57,320
Speaker 1: or worse about us, though, depending on what you see

1214
00:59:57,320 --> 01:00:00,040
Speaker 1: on the scale, or is it just like you? I

1215
01:00:00,080 --> 01:00:04,440
Speaker 1: think it's yeah, yeah, that has no correlation to you.

1216
01:00:04,440 --> 01:00:08,520
Speaker 1: It's just I mean, yes, it's correlated with you, but

1217
01:00:08,600 --> 01:00:13,160
Speaker 1: not in that moment. So what do people listening do,

1218
01:00:13,360 --> 01:00:16,840
Speaker 1: because I'm relating so much to what Janna is saying,

1219
01:00:17,240 --> 01:00:20,280
Speaker 1: even in different ways, that manifests in different ways, whether

1220
01:00:20,320 --> 01:00:23,760
Speaker 1: it's weight or linking the lights up and down or

1221
01:00:23,920 --> 01:00:27,160
Speaker 1: totally do and whatever things you do to control, what

1222
01:00:27,240 --> 01:00:31,480
Speaker 1: do people listening do to try to work through it? Well?

1223
01:00:31,520 --> 01:00:33,840
Speaker 1: The first thing is to identify what it's really about

1224
01:00:33,880 --> 01:00:36,040
Speaker 1: the lights, which aren't really about the lights. It's again,

1225
01:00:36,120 --> 01:00:39,280
Speaker 1: it's about control. It's about binding anxiety to look at

1226
01:00:39,320 --> 01:00:42,040
Speaker 1: why are you feeling anxious? What's going on in your life?

1227
01:00:42,040 --> 01:00:44,000
Speaker 1: So that you can actually address it, whether it is

1228
01:00:44,040 --> 01:00:46,640
Speaker 1: having a conversation with someone, whether it is taking better

1229
01:00:46,680 --> 01:00:49,360
Speaker 1: care of yourself, whether it's getting in therapy, whether it's

1230
01:00:49,360 --> 01:00:51,880
Speaker 1: going to a twelve step meaning, whatever it is, that

1231
01:00:52,360 --> 01:00:55,320
Speaker 1: is the underlying issue is what needs to be addressed

1232
01:00:55,320 --> 01:00:59,880
Speaker 1: because that behavior serves a purpose, whether it's obsessing a

1233
01:01:00,000 --> 01:01:02,200
Speaker 1: out an a Verrano scale, or train the lights on

1234
01:01:02,240 --> 01:01:06,280
Speaker 1: and off, or anything else. You know, being a workaholic,

1235
01:01:06,400 --> 01:01:09,280
Speaker 1: a boyfriend not texting you back or like that can

1236
01:01:09,440 --> 01:01:13,640
Speaker 1: throw me. Yeah. I have a colleague who went said

1237
01:01:13,640 --> 01:01:17,640
Speaker 1: to me, no matter how successful a person is, especially

1238
01:01:17,640 --> 01:01:20,160
Speaker 1: a woman, that like when your relationship is falling apart,

1239
01:01:20,240 --> 01:01:22,560
Speaker 1: like you feel like everything is falling apart, that like,

1240
01:01:22,680 --> 01:01:24,800
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter how strong you are, it doesn't matter

1241
01:01:24,800 --> 01:01:28,040
Speaker 1: how accomplished you are. That typically that's something that tends

1242
01:01:28,080 --> 01:01:32,760
Speaker 1: to take us down. You know, are you feeling I'm good,

1243
01:01:33,120 --> 01:01:37,160
Speaker 1: I'm on the next thing, the next thing. Yeah, let's

1244
01:01:37,160 --> 01:01:40,000
Speaker 1: definitely talking about sex, which is which is interesting. So

1245
01:01:40,560 --> 01:01:44,960
Speaker 1: Janna and I today later today have a tantra therapy

1246
01:01:45,760 --> 01:01:49,200
Speaker 1: appointment with a tantra therapist, and so that's going to

1247
01:01:49,280 --> 01:01:57,000
Speaker 1: be for me, probably uncomfortable at first, but I'm excited

1248
01:01:57,040 --> 01:02:01,000
Speaker 1: to give it a try. Yeah, he is a harder

1249
01:02:01,000 --> 01:02:03,480
Speaker 1: time with intimacy, so that's something that he had set

1250
01:02:03,560 --> 01:02:06,880
Speaker 1: up to try to work on intimacy. Of that, that's

1251
01:02:06,920 --> 01:02:09,720
Speaker 1: great because tand a lot of tantric sex. And I

1252
01:02:09,760 --> 01:02:12,800
Speaker 1: wrote what my InStyle column, hump Day with Dr Jen

1253
01:02:12,960 --> 01:02:15,920
Speaker 1: comes out every Wednesday. I wrote one of my columns

1254
01:02:15,920 --> 01:02:18,120
Speaker 1: all about tantric sex. And one of the things that

1255
01:02:18,720 --> 01:02:20,760
Speaker 1: I learned as I was researching was a lot of

1256
01:02:20,800 --> 01:02:23,520
Speaker 1: it is about eye contact and breathing and kind of

1257
01:02:23,560 --> 01:02:27,360
Speaker 1: sinking yourselves as I feel like he's smiling, so it's

1258
01:02:27,400 --> 01:02:30,040
Speaker 1: going to be uncomfortable for him, So how how can

1259
01:02:30,080 --> 01:02:33,920
Speaker 1: we I like him uncomfortable. That's good for your relationship.

1260
01:02:33,960 --> 01:02:36,120
Speaker 1: I like you uncomfortable, not on your scale. I like

1261
01:02:36,200 --> 01:02:39,160
Speaker 1: him uncomfortable having intimacy with you, and we all live happily.

1262
01:02:39,200 --> 01:02:45,040
Speaker 1: Ever after all about stepping out of the comfort zone.

1263
01:02:45,080 --> 01:02:47,480
Speaker 1: That's where the work happens. You know, when we say

1264
01:02:47,480 --> 01:02:50,280
Speaker 1: in our comfort zone, we don't grow, our relationships don't change.

1265
01:02:50,360 --> 01:02:53,000
Speaker 1: We do the same patterns and we mess up in

1266
01:02:53,000 --> 01:02:55,400
Speaker 1: the same ways. So I think it's great to me.

1267
01:02:55,520 --> 01:02:57,800
Speaker 1: You know, I talk a lot in in my book

1268
01:02:57,840 --> 01:03:00,480
Speaker 1: The relationship fix about the whole chapter about how to

1269
01:03:00,480 --> 01:03:03,280
Speaker 1: make amends and about forgiveness, and one of the steps

1270
01:03:03,320 --> 01:03:05,560
Speaker 1: I was talking I talked about the four ours, about

1271
01:03:05,560 --> 01:03:11,240
Speaker 1: showing remorse, about taking responsibility, about recognition, like actually hearing

1272
01:03:11,320 --> 01:03:13,760
Speaker 1: the person talk about the feelings, and remedy, and to me,

1273
01:03:13,880 --> 01:03:16,439
Speaker 1: this is part of remedy. Remedy is a plan. How

1274
01:03:16,440 --> 01:03:19,600
Speaker 1: do how do we not make the same mistake again?

1275
01:03:19,720 --> 01:03:22,640
Speaker 1: What do I do? What boundaries do I initiate? What

1276
01:03:22,760 --> 01:03:25,720
Speaker 1: intimacy do we need to have, What ways do we

1277
01:03:25,800 --> 01:03:28,320
Speaker 1: need to connect to make me less vulnerable to this

1278
01:03:28,400 --> 01:03:31,280
Speaker 1: happen again in the future. And I think this is fantastic.

1279
01:03:31,320 --> 01:03:32,880
Speaker 1: I love that you're doing and I love that you

1280
01:03:32,920 --> 01:03:35,360
Speaker 1: initiated it. I think it's great. Let me ask you this,

1281
01:03:35,400 --> 01:03:40,280
Speaker 1: and this is actually something that fantastic. This is something

1282
01:03:40,280 --> 01:03:42,480
Speaker 1: I'm actually going to bring up with my individual therapists

1283
01:03:42,680 --> 01:03:44,640
Speaker 1: and try to process when I meet with him later

1284
01:03:44,680 --> 01:03:47,520
Speaker 1: this week. But so we talked about on a previous episode.

1285
01:03:48,400 --> 01:03:52,160
Speaker 1: I have an issue. If I initiate something, whether it's sex,

1286
01:03:52,400 --> 01:03:54,800
Speaker 1: whether it's time together, whatever it is, I have no

1287
01:03:54,840 --> 01:03:58,440
Speaker 1: problem with it. But for what, for whatever reason, if

1288
01:03:58,520 --> 01:04:00,920
Speaker 1: Janna initiates it or not even just her, but just

1289
01:04:01,000 --> 01:04:03,000
Speaker 1: someone else initiates and says, hey, do you want to

1290
01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:04,960
Speaker 1: do this? Hey do you want to work out? Hey,

1291
01:04:05,120 --> 01:04:08,360
Speaker 1: she initiates sex or whatever. I have an issue with it.

1292
01:04:08,680 --> 01:04:12,360
Speaker 1: I get uncomfortable. So for this example, just talking to you,

1293
01:04:13,080 --> 01:04:16,200
Speaker 1: if you take two scenarios, she initiates sex more times

1294
01:04:16,240 --> 01:04:18,480
Speaker 1: than not, I might be kind of uncomfortable and not

1295
01:04:18,680 --> 01:04:23,600
Speaker 1: as uh willing or whatever. But if I initiate it,

1296
01:04:23,720 --> 01:04:26,480
Speaker 1: I have no problem. I'm good to go. Like. There's

1297
01:04:26,480 --> 01:04:30,240
Speaker 1: no performance issues, there's no uncomfortableness, there's no anything. So

1298
01:04:30,320 --> 01:04:32,840
Speaker 1: you like to be in control. Yeah, I guess that's

1299
01:04:32,880 --> 01:04:36,000
Speaker 1: what it is, but I don't know. Yeah, is that feeling,

1300
01:04:36,000 --> 01:04:38,680
Speaker 1: that uncomfortable feeling? Is that an old feeling or a

1301
01:04:38,720 --> 01:04:41,920
Speaker 1: new feeling old? How far back does it go? It's

1302
01:04:41,920 --> 01:04:46,280
Speaker 1: the earliest time you can remember it? Um, I mean

1303
01:04:46,400 --> 01:04:52,440
Speaker 1: child Where in your childhood? Seven eight? Maybe then? What

1304
01:04:52,560 --> 01:04:56,040
Speaker 1: was going on? I think it's pay him turned the

1305
01:04:56,120 --> 01:05:05,760
Speaker 1: radio down? No, Um, I think it's just and you

1306
01:05:05,800 --> 01:05:08,760
Speaker 1: know my household it was. You know, I got a

1307
01:05:08,760 --> 01:05:11,040
Speaker 1: fantastic childhood. I don't take anything away from my childhood,

1308
01:05:11,040 --> 01:05:14,880
Speaker 1: but it was still as a child. I don't I

1309
01:05:15,040 --> 01:05:16,800
Speaker 1: never felt like you had much of a voice, where

1310
01:05:16,800 --> 01:05:18,200
Speaker 1: it's just you do what your parents said, you do

1311
01:05:18,240 --> 01:05:22,640
Speaker 1: what my father said. Period, There wasn't if you came

1312
01:05:22,680 --> 01:05:25,840
Speaker 1: from a very authoritarian household, even though you knew you

1313
01:05:25,880 --> 01:05:29,240
Speaker 1: were loved by your parents, you didn't have a locus

1314
01:05:29,240 --> 01:05:31,720
Speaker 1: of control. Right, So it was just I was I

1315
01:05:31,760 --> 01:05:34,480
Speaker 1: was always told what to do. It was never a discussion.

1316
01:05:34,480 --> 01:05:37,160
Speaker 1: I never felt like I could have a saying anything.

1317
01:05:37,480 --> 01:05:39,200
Speaker 1: It's just like you were told what to do and

1318
01:05:39,240 --> 01:05:42,480
Speaker 1: then just I don't know, I think now, I just

1319
01:05:42,520 --> 01:05:45,880
Speaker 1: feel when I've even if it's a suggestion by Janna,

1320
01:05:46,000 --> 01:05:47,720
Speaker 1: Hey do you want to work out later today, it

1321
01:05:47,760 --> 01:05:50,640
Speaker 1: feels like I'm being told what to do. And look,

1322
01:05:50,720 --> 01:05:53,400
Speaker 1: it clearly goes back to your childhood. And you know,

1323
01:05:53,480 --> 01:05:56,200
Speaker 1: chapter four of my book is about childhood. It's all

1324
01:05:56,240 --> 01:06:00,200
Speaker 1: about how your childhood impacts your relationship and the them

1325
01:06:00,280 --> 01:06:03,800
Speaker 1: Why I wrote that is because most people don't realize.

1326
01:06:03,920 --> 01:06:06,680
Speaker 1: And you know, every season on Couples Therapy, I do

1327
01:06:06,720 --> 01:06:09,800
Speaker 1: what we call the relationship trauma session, which is like

1328
01:06:10,120 --> 01:06:14,840
Speaker 1: it generally they've lasted anywhere from four to seven hours

1329
01:06:14,880 --> 01:06:18,240
Speaker 1: of therapy, intensive therapy with all these couples celebrity couples

1330
01:06:18,240 --> 01:06:20,480
Speaker 1: in a room with me talking about their childhoods because

1331
01:06:20,720 --> 01:06:24,280
Speaker 1: it's so eye opening, and it's really in a certain way.

1332
01:06:24,280 --> 01:06:29,040
Speaker 1: It's easy when the trauma is obvious. Oh, if you've

1333
01:06:29,080 --> 01:06:32,240
Speaker 1: been molested, obviously, it's not easy going through that trauma.

1334
01:06:32,240 --> 01:06:36,880
Speaker 1: It's horrific and life altering. But neglect abuse, you know,

1335
01:06:37,080 --> 01:06:39,840
Speaker 1: sexual abuse, all that sort of stuff, people go like, oh,

1336
01:06:39,920 --> 01:06:42,760
Speaker 1: I know this thing happened to me. Obviously, this is

1337
01:06:42,760 --> 01:06:46,040
Speaker 1: going to impact me. Where people don't realize their childhood

1338
01:06:46,040 --> 01:06:48,560
Speaker 1: impacts them is more subtle situations like yours, which is

1339
01:06:48,600 --> 01:06:51,440
Speaker 1: why I wrote about it in the book. It's being

1340
01:06:51,560 --> 01:06:53,960
Speaker 1: in a home where you don't feel understood, where you

1341
01:06:54,000 --> 01:06:55,960
Speaker 1: don't feel seen in her, where you don't feel like

1342
01:06:55,960 --> 01:06:58,760
Speaker 1: you have control over your future. It's more subtle things

1343
01:06:58,800 --> 01:07:01,680
Speaker 1: like a family of divorce that that's so common that

1344
01:07:01,680 --> 01:07:03,800
Speaker 1: people tend to go, oh, it doesn't impact me that much,

1345
01:07:03,880 --> 01:07:08,080
Speaker 1: but it impacts you. So it's it's all those subtle things,

1346
01:07:08,080 --> 01:07:10,440
Speaker 1: And it sounds like that feeling of not having control

1347
01:07:11,280 --> 01:07:14,360
Speaker 1: deeply impacted you, and and as a result, it makes

1348
01:07:14,360 --> 01:07:18,080
Speaker 1: you seek control in different ways in your relationship, even

1349
01:07:18,120 --> 01:07:20,560
Speaker 1: subtle ways that are going to have a negative impact

1350
01:07:20,760 --> 01:07:25,120
Speaker 1: on your wife because if she feels like she can't

1351
01:07:25,320 --> 01:07:28,400
Speaker 1: initiate sext, she can't say, hey, let's go work out. Hey,

1352
01:07:28,520 --> 01:07:30,520
Speaker 1: I you know, I got tickets to this concert. If

1353
01:07:30,520 --> 01:07:35,120
Speaker 1: for you it feels controlling, what happens is she loses control,

1354
01:07:35,400 --> 01:07:38,479
Speaker 1: she she she's got a catchway too. I can't ask

1355
01:07:38,520 --> 01:07:40,520
Speaker 1: for what I want in this relationship, otherwise you can

1356
01:07:40,560 --> 01:07:42,840
Speaker 1: feel controlled. So it makes a whole lot of sense

1357
01:07:43,040 --> 01:07:45,840
Speaker 1: that your control is on the scale right now. Well. So,

1358
01:07:45,880 --> 01:07:48,480
Speaker 1: which is funny because yesterday we were driving back and

1359
01:07:48,480 --> 01:07:51,200
Speaker 1: I said, so, I wanted to ask you to work

1360
01:07:51,200 --> 01:07:54,760
Speaker 1: out today, and I felt like I couldn't even ask

1361
01:07:54,800 --> 01:07:57,640
Speaker 1: you because you were going to say no because it

1362
01:07:57,680 --> 01:07:59,600
Speaker 1: wasn't your idea. So I'm kind of left, like what

1363
01:07:59,640 --> 01:08:02,000
Speaker 1: am I to do? Your arms are tied behind your

1364
01:08:02,040 --> 01:08:05,200
Speaker 1: back because I can't initiate things. I can't say things

1365
01:08:05,240 --> 01:08:08,440
Speaker 1: because you're going to say no because it wasn't your idea.

1366
01:08:08,520 --> 01:08:10,000
Speaker 1: So I don't know how I'm supposed to come to

1367
01:08:10,000 --> 01:08:11,360
Speaker 1: you with things. And I go, now, I'm just kind

1368
01:08:11,360 --> 01:08:14,480
Speaker 1: of confused, which I haven't. And we talked about this yesterday,

1369
01:08:14,520 --> 01:08:16,600
Speaker 1: which I haven't. I don't always say no if she

1370
01:08:16,680 --> 01:08:19,400
Speaker 1: brings something to me and she senses your energy, I

1371
01:08:19,400 --> 01:08:22,360
Speaker 1: can do just from being here for ten seconds. She's

1372
01:08:22,479 --> 01:08:26,559
Speaker 1: incredibly attuned to you and super hyper sensitive to you.

1373
01:08:26,560 --> 01:08:30,360
Speaker 1: You blink the wrong way and she is he in

1374
01:08:30,400 --> 01:08:33,559
Speaker 1: her head going Okay, what's going on with him? What's

1375
01:08:33,560 --> 01:08:35,720
Speaker 1: he doing? Why is he feeling this way? How is

1376
01:08:35,760 --> 01:08:37,960
Speaker 1: it going to impact our relationship? She's super in tune

1377
01:08:38,000 --> 01:08:40,200
Speaker 1: with you, so she's going to pick up on even

1378
01:08:40,280 --> 01:08:43,439
Speaker 1: if you say yes, the process that goes on in

1379
01:08:43,479 --> 01:08:45,720
Speaker 1: your head, She's gonna pick up on your energy about it.

1380
01:08:46,320 --> 01:08:49,240
Speaker 1: So you've got work to do here in order to

1381
01:08:49,360 --> 01:08:54,400
Speaker 1: be a giving, loving, open partner. And I can't help

1382
01:08:54,439 --> 01:08:58,120
Speaker 1: but wonder if on some level the affair had to

1383
01:08:58,160 --> 01:09:01,360
Speaker 1: do with control, because it puts you in a position

1384
01:09:01,600 --> 01:09:03,840
Speaker 1: where you have more control in your relationship because it

1385
01:09:03,880 --> 01:09:06,280
Speaker 1: creates so much anxiety with your partner up, Is you

1386
01:09:06,280 --> 01:09:08,080
Speaker 1: can do it again? Is you gonna leave me so

1387
01:09:08,080 --> 01:09:09,920
Speaker 1: you can have bad boundaries? What do I have to

1388
01:09:09,960 --> 01:09:15,080
Speaker 1: do to keep this relationship in check? Yeah? I mean, yeah,

1389
01:09:15,800 --> 01:09:19,760
Speaker 1: I'm sure there, you know, especially with what I was

1390
01:09:19,800 --> 01:09:24,880
Speaker 1: going through in my own world with depression and transitioning

1391
01:09:24,920 --> 01:09:27,320
Speaker 1: into different life and career and all that stuff. When

1392
01:09:27,400 --> 01:09:29,400
Speaker 1: we first met that, yeah, I felt like I had

1393
01:09:29,439 --> 01:09:32,080
Speaker 1: no control over anything. I was just along for the ride.

1394
01:09:32,479 --> 01:09:36,480
Speaker 1: So there's definitely some truth behind that. How do I

1395
01:09:36,520 --> 01:09:41,040
Speaker 1: go about asking or because I just want to spend

1396
01:09:41,040 --> 01:09:43,240
Speaker 1: time with them, I just want to hang out with them,

1397
01:09:43,479 --> 01:09:45,479
Speaker 1: you know, I just want to go to lunch or

1398
01:09:45,479 --> 01:09:48,600
Speaker 1: work out or you know, if I I have a

1399
01:09:48,640 --> 01:09:51,120
Speaker 1: hard time initiating because I haven't turned down a lot

1400
01:09:51,120 --> 01:09:54,240
Speaker 1: of times from him, So it's it's really hard for

1401
01:09:54,240 --> 01:09:56,800
Speaker 1: me to initiate because I'm so afraid to get turned

1402
01:09:56,840 --> 01:09:59,120
Speaker 1: on and then which will then trigger the trauma of

1403
01:09:59,200 --> 01:10:02,280
Speaker 1: not being chosen. And so I don't do that often,

1404
01:10:02,320 --> 01:10:04,960
Speaker 1: which i'd like two more, but I feel so uncomfortable

1405
01:10:05,000 --> 01:10:06,720
Speaker 1: because I'm so afraid of being turned down. And in

1406
01:10:06,760 --> 01:10:08,960
Speaker 1: the entire time, it's like, oh, I know in his head,

1407
01:10:09,120 --> 01:10:11,040
Speaker 1: he feels like he has to because if not, then

1408
01:10:11,240 --> 01:10:13,360
Speaker 1: I'm gonna feel not chosen, I'm gonna feel turned down,

1409
01:10:13,400 --> 01:10:15,080
Speaker 1: I'm going to feel all these things. So I don't

1410
01:10:15,120 --> 01:10:20,559
Speaker 1: know how how do I approach something as simple as hey,

1411
01:10:20,560 --> 01:10:23,440
Speaker 1: do you want to work out with me? To initiating

1412
01:10:23,439 --> 01:10:26,439
Speaker 1: sex without having to have that anxiety I'm going to

1413
01:10:26,560 --> 01:10:28,600
Speaker 1: give you some advice that you're gonna hate. It's going

1414
01:10:28,680 --> 01:10:31,120
Speaker 1: to be very challenging, but is going to be life

1415
01:10:31,200 --> 01:10:35,120
Speaker 1: changing for you. What I want your energy on this

1416
01:10:35,240 --> 01:10:39,720
Speaker 1: to be is great. Bring on the rejection. I can

1417
01:10:39,800 --> 01:10:42,920
Speaker 1: handle it. Bring it on, uh, and it is just

1418
01:10:43,040 --> 01:10:45,880
Speaker 1: an opportunity for me to work on myself and to

1419
01:10:46,040 --> 01:10:49,880
Speaker 1: be strong and to build myself up. I don't need

1420
01:10:50,120 --> 01:10:54,599
Speaker 1: his yes to feel good about me, and I welcome

1421
01:10:54,640 --> 01:11:00,200
Speaker 1: the rejection and bring it on. Come to him if

1422
01:11:00,240 --> 01:11:04,559
Speaker 1: that energy, have that energy within yourself and be less

1423
01:11:04,560 --> 01:11:08,000
Speaker 1: attached to the outcome, because what we want to do

1424
01:11:08,120 --> 01:11:11,559
Speaker 1: is give you your control back. That you can't ask

1425
01:11:12,479 --> 01:11:16,400
Speaker 1: is a problem. All you can do is change your

1426
01:11:16,479 --> 01:11:19,080
Speaker 1: side of that problem. He's got to do the work

1427
01:11:19,080 --> 01:11:23,840
Speaker 1: in his individual therapy so that he can learn to

1428
01:11:23,840 --> 01:11:26,559
Speaker 1: to say to say yes, or or even to say no,

1429
01:11:26,960 --> 01:11:30,439
Speaker 1: and to do it in a gracious, loving way. But

1430
01:11:31,640 --> 01:11:35,360
Speaker 1: what he has done is he has basically created a

1431
01:11:35,439 --> 01:11:38,000
Speaker 1: dynamic in your relationship where you feel the way he

1432
01:11:38,080 --> 01:11:42,599
Speaker 1: felt growing up. He couldn't ask. His parents were in control,

1433
01:11:42,640 --> 01:11:44,840
Speaker 1: he had to do whatever they said. You're in a

1434
01:11:44,880 --> 01:11:48,040
Speaker 1: situation now where you can't ask. He's in control, and

1435
01:11:48,040 --> 01:11:51,880
Speaker 1: you can't get your needs man, So all you can

1436
01:11:51,920 --> 01:11:55,280
Speaker 1: do is change your side and then have faith that

1437
01:11:55,479 --> 01:11:59,480
Speaker 1: he will work on his side. What if it doesn't change,

1438
01:11:59,760 --> 01:12:08,800
Speaker 1: then you'll have a decision to make h whether you

1439
01:12:08,840 --> 01:12:11,680
Speaker 1: want to be in a relationship with someone who is withholding,

1440
01:12:11,840 --> 01:12:14,640
Speaker 1: and if it goes that long unwilling to work on

1441
01:12:14,680 --> 01:12:18,719
Speaker 1: the issue, which isn't the case, which again, is willing

1442
01:12:18,760 --> 01:12:21,439
Speaker 1: to work on which even when you when you've asked things,

1443
01:12:21,560 --> 01:12:25,320
Speaker 1: I'll even say yes. Maybe I still will feel uncomfortable,

1444
01:12:25,479 --> 01:12:29,200
Speaker 1: but I'll say yes because I know what's something she wants.

1445
01:12:29,520 --> 01:12:31,400
Speaker 1: But but also what I want you to start to

1446
01:12:31,439 --> 01:12:34,160
Speaker 1: do is say yes, and not only because it's something

1447
01:12:34,240 --> 01:12:37,120
Speaker 1: you want, but because you want to work on yourself

1448
01:12:37,479 --> 01:12:40,599
Speaker 1: and you want to live life on different terms. Because

1449
01:12:40,880 --> 01:12:44,000
Speaker 1: as long as your childhood is dictating how you react

1450
01:12:44,000 --> 01:12:47,439
Speaker 1: to her, and you're coming from that place of someone

1451
01:12:47,439 --> 01:12:49,960
Speaker 1: else is in control, I have to get control by

1452
01:12:49,960 --> 01:12:52,720
Speaker 1: saying no, I have to be withholding. You're trapped in

1453
01:12:52,760 --> 01:12:54,840
Speaker 1: your childhood and ins way, You're a victim of your

1454
01:12:54,920 --> 01:12:57,760
Speaker 1: childhood for sure. And I've told this to Janna when

1455
01:12:57,800 --> 01:13:00,800
Speaker 1: we don't have the same sexual she used as we

1456
01:13:00,880 --> 01:13:03,599
Speaker 1: have in the past. But I told her even when

1457
01:13:03,600 --> 01:13:05,879
Speaker 1: we were having intimacy issues in that in the bedroom,

1458
01:13:06,000 --> 01:13:08,120
Speaker 1: it's like, I don't want this, like I don't want

1459
01:13:08,200 --> 01:13:11,600
Speaker 1: this to be my issue. I want to want to

1460
01:13:11,680 --> 01:13:14,040
Speaker 1: be so open minded and comfortable and be able to

1461
01:13:14,080 --> 01:13:16,400
Speaker 1: have sex, to do this or do that without any issue.

1462
01:13:16,439 --> 01:13:20,880
Speaker 1: So I want those things, but sometimes I think I'm

1463
01:13:20,920 --> 01:13:23,599
Speaker 1: also afraid of It's like the whole breakup scenario. It's like,

1464
01:13:23,920 --> 01:13:26,599
Speaker 1: I want you to want to do the dishes. It's like,

1465
01:13:26,840 --> 01:13:29,040
Speaker 1: sometimes there's gonna be things I might not want to do,

1466
01:13:29,080 --> 01:13:31,840
Speaker 1: but I do them because I know it's important to her.

1467
01:13:32,160 --> 01:13:34,519
Speaker 1: That's okay. Sometimes you take one for the team. We'll

1468
01:13:34,560 --> 01:13:38,360
Speaker 1: see sometime sometimes I might get the energy from Janna

1469
01:13:38,680 --> 01:13:41,800
Speaker 1: where because I don't have the same enthusiasm, I don't

1470
01:13:41,840 --> 01:13:46,479
Speaker 1: have the same you know whatever about that situation that

1471
01:13:46,520 --> 01:13:48,879
Speaker 1: it's not enough for her, that me just doing it

1472
01:13:48,920 --> 01:13:51,720
Speaker 1: isn't enough for her. That I have to want to

1473
01:13:51,760 --> 01:13:55,599
Speaker 1: do that as well. So it's and and and that's

1474
01:13:56,240 --> 01:13:59,280
Speaker 1: where your work is that that you have to work

1475
01:13:59,320 --> 01:14:02,160
Speaker 1: on that in order to get to an enthusiastic yes.

1476
01:14:02,240 --> 01:14:05,360
Speaker 1: Sometimes you have to get a lukewarm yes, And that's okay,

1477
01:14:06,479 --> 01:14:10,920
Speaker 1: But embrace it like reward the positive behavior. He says, yes,

1478
01:14:11,000 --> 01:14:13,880
Speaker 1: even if you sense a hesitation, that's okay. This is

1479
01:14:13,920 --> 01:14:17,679
Speaker 1: a guy who wants to grow. Help him grow, he says, yes,

1480
01:14:17,760 --> 01:14:21,720
Speaker 1: embrace it. What will be you think his path to

1481
01:14:21,880 --> 01:14:25,920
Speaker 1: trying to not have that uncomfortable nous when I'm at

1482
01:14:26,040 --> 01:14:28,200
Speaker 1: when I asked him to do something with me, He's

1483
01:14:28,200 --> 01:14:29,760
Speaker 1: got to work with his childhood, because this is not

1484
01:14:29,840 --> 01:14:32,880
Speaker 1: about you. This is about his childhood. This is about

1485
01:14:32,960 --> 01:14:35,760
Speaker 1: feeling powerless. This is about feeling like he had to

1486
01:14:35,760 --> 01:14:41,080
Speaker 1: do what he was told, and so he's starving for control,

1487
01:14:42,360 --> 01:14:44,160
Speaker 1: so he doesn't want you to have any When he

1488
01:14:44,320 --> 01:14:47,559
Speaker 1: is able to work through that, he won't be so

1489
01:14:47,600 --> 01:14:50,600
Speaker 1: starving for control, and he also will feel more powerful

1490
01:14:50,680 --> 01:14:52,920
Speaker 1: as a man. And when he feels that way, he

1491
01:14:52,960 --> 01:14:55,120
Speaker 1: can say yes. He can say no. And it's not

1492
01:14:55,160 --> 01:14:59,160
Speaker 1: about withholding. It's not about power and control. It's about

1493
01:14:59,680 --> 01:15:02,519
Speaker 1: I view and yeah, great, let's do it. And it's

1494
01:15:02,560 --> 01:15:05,519
Speaker 1: not about like a task or I'm telling him what

1495
01:15:05,560 --> 01:15:07,840
Speaker 1: to do, which I Finally, I've gotten to the point

1496
01:15:07,840 --> 01:15:10,320
Speaker 1: in our relationship where I can say no, because for

1497
01:15:10,360 --> 01:15:12,599
Speaker 1: a long time I didn't say no, and then resentment

1498
01:15:12,640 --> 01:15:15,880
Speaker 1: built up because against her, which is not her fault

1499
01:15:15,960 --> 01:15:19,000
Speaker 1: because it's just me not speaking how I really felt. Yeah,

1500
01:15:19,760 --> 01:15:21,760
Speaker 1: and it's you know, and I've told Janna too, it

1501
01:15:21,880 --> 01:15:24,840
Speaker 1: isn't just my issue with this isn't just towards Janna.

1502
01:15:24,880 --> 01:15:26,559
Speaker 1: It's been with teachers in my life, has been with

1503
01:15:26,600 --> 01:15:28,479
Speaker 1: coaches that I've had my entire life. It's been with

1504
01:15:28,560 --> 01:15:31,880
Speaker 1: just any authoritative figures that have always been one of

1505
01:15:31,920 --> 01:15:35,040
Speaker 1: those guys that just quick trigger to defend myself because

1506
01:15:35,560 --> 01:15:38,160
Speaker 1: I'm just not a big fan of authority and people

1507
01:15:38,200 --> 01:15:40,240
Speaker 1: telling me what to do. And when you grow up

1508
01:15:40,280 --> 01:15:42,280
Speaker 1: in a household like yours that was more of an

1509
01:15:42,320 --> 01:15:45,720
Speaker 1: authoritarian household, you tend to be more sensitive to that,

1510
01:15:45,800 --> 01:15:47,720
Speaker 1: and you tend to have a response that's about the

1511
01:15:47,760 --> 01:15:50,760
Speaker 1: rebellion as opposed to what's in my best interest? What

1512
01:15:50,760 --> 01:15:52,639
Speaker 1: do I really want to do? It become just kind

1513
01:15:52,640 --> 01:15:59,400
Speaker 1: of a trigger now, yeah, right, Yeah, And I think

1514
01:16:00,479 --> 01:16:04,520
Speaker 1: on the flip side, when I'm told the know or rejected,

1515
01:16:04,560 --> 01:16:07,240
Speaker 1: that just goes into the trauma of the past. But

1516
01:16:08,000 --> 01:16:10,760
Speaker 1: we have to build you up so that you're just

1517
01:16:10,840 --> 01:16:14,640
Speaker 1: like create bring it on. Yeah, I can handle rejection.

1518
01:16:15,080 --> 01:16:19,880
Speaker 1: I'm such a strong woman. Your no isn't isn't going

1519
01:16:20,000 --> 01:16:24,720
Speaker 1: to tear me down. I think it'll always Unfortunately, Yes,

1520
01:16:24,840 --> 01:16:26,360
Speaker 1: I think I've gotten better with that, but I think

1521
01:16:26,360 --> 01:16:30,160
Speaker 1: it's always gonna be there no matter what. Just that

1522
01:16:30,280 --> 01:16:33,240
Speaker 1: little piece of not But there's a different But there's

1523
01:16:33,240 --> 01:16:36,560
Speaker 1: a difference between I really wish he was in the

1524
01:16:36,600 --> 01:16:42,320
Speaker 1: mood too, and that I'm not the chosen. The I'm

1525
01:16:42,360 --> 01:16:44,719
Speaker 1: not the chosen is about the trauma of the past

1526
01:16:44,800 --> 01:16:47,599
Speaker 1: between the two of them and that that we need

1527
01:16:47,680 --> 01:16:51,200
Speaker 1: to clean up. So it's so it's a pure response

1528
01:16:51,760 --> 01:16:54,240
Speaker 1: that just like damn, I was hoping to have sex

1529
01:16:54,280 --> 01:16:56,800
Speaker 1: and he's not up for it. Okay, I'll go take

1530
01:16:56,800 --> 01:17:04,360
Speaker 1: care of myself. Yeah, maybe next time. It feels uh unfortunately,

1531
01:17:04,400 --> 01:17:06,240
Speaker 1: like when I when I hear that, like when she

1532
01:17:06,600 --> 01:17:09,200
Speaker 1: still feels that way about something I said. Know too,

1533
01:17:10,360 --> 01:17:12,559
Speaker 1: that makes me sometimes want to get offensive and say,

1534
01:17:12,720 --> 01:17:15,040
Speaker 1: well that just seems like you're focusing on the things

1535
01:17:15,080 --> 01:17:17,080
Speaker 1: I'm not doing as opposed to things that I am doing.

1536
01:17:17,760 --> 01:17:19,280
Speaker 1: What about the fact, And then I want to like

1537
01:17:19,680 --> 01:17:21,360
Speaker 1: keep score in a sense of well, we just had

1538
01:17:21,360 --> 01:17:23,240
Speaker 1: sex yesterday and I just did this with you. I

1539
01:17:23,280 --> 01:17:24,840
Speaker 1: just we just cut it on the couch. You know

1540
01:17:24,920 --> 01:17:26,800
Speaker 1: what about those things that I'm doing, and why you

1541
01:17:26,920 --> 01:17:28,519
Speaker 1: focus on this one thing and I just get all

1542
01:17:28,520 --> 01:17:31,360
Speaker 1: worked up and I'm like and like one of the

1543
01:17:31,439 --> 01:17:33,479
Speaker 1: things that I recommend for you guys, and talk about

1544
01:17:33,520 --> 01:17:36,080
Speaker 1: this a lot in the relationship fis in chapter one

1545
01:17:36,080 --> 01:17:41,280
Speaker 1: about communication is create a culture of appreciation in your relationship. Really,

1546
01:17:41,400 --> 01:17:44,320
Speaker 1: like a lot of the time couples don't thank each

1547
01:17:44,360 --> 01:17:47,040
Speaker 1: other for the things they take for granted, Oh gonna

1548
01:17:47,080 --> 01:17:49,439
Speaker 1: thank you so much for taking out the trash. We

1549
01:17:49,520 --> 01:17:53,400
Speaker 1: do that. Yeah, And I love that you put that

1550
01:17:53,400 --> 01:17:55,160
Speaker 1: in your book too. Is I agree with you that

1551
01:17:55,200 --> 01:17:57,000
Speaker 1: I think a lot of and there's just a lot

1552
01:17:57,040 --> 01:17:58,519
Speaker 1: of friends of mine too, they forget to thank their

1553
01:17:58,520 --> 01:18:02,240
Speaker 1: spouses for the little things that are so that are important.

1554
01:18:02,320 --> 01:18:06,680
Speaker 1: But I'm hearing that he doesn't feel fully recognized for

1555
01:18:06,760 --> 01:18:09,000
Speaker 1: the things that he's doing, the efforts that he's making.

1556
01:18:09,040 --> 01:18:14,479
Speaker 1: So I would recommend your gratitude. It's too. It's two things.

1557
01:18:14,640 --> 01:18:19,920
Speaker 1: It's one. I'll feel that because yes, maybe because the

1558
01:18:19,960 --> 01:18:23,360
Speaker 1: fact that she is is feeling a certain way or

1559
01:18:23,360 --> 01:18:25,200
Speaker 1: complaining about something I didn't do, then it makes me

1560
01:18:25,240 --> 01:18:26,880
Speaker 1: feel that way. But also the other half of is

1561
01:18:26,920 --> 01:18:28,840
Speaker 1: me because we actually just talked about this with some

1562
01:18:28,880 --> 01:18:32,240
Speaker 1: of the other day, like a week ago, is we'll

1563
01:18:32,320 --> 01:18:34,000
Speaker 1: thank each other for the small test. Hey, thanks for

1564
01:18:34,040 --> 01:18:36,360
Speaker 1: emptying the dishwasher, thanks for doing this. Those are mindless

1565
01:18:36,400 --> 01:18:39,000
Speaker 1: things that you just do as an adult anyway, and

1566
01:18:39,240 --> 01:18:42,360
Speaker 1: but we won't accept that from one another. Like if

1567
01:18:42,439 --> 01:18:44,599
Speaker 1: Janna says, hey, thanks for empty and dishwashing, I'm like, care,

1568
01:18:44,680 --> 01:18:46,680
Speaker 1: but you don't have to thank me, just say thank you.

1569
01:18:48,720 --> 01:18:51,240
Speaker 1: We both do that. The impression is that, well, first

1570
01:18:51,240 --> 01:18:54,799
Speaker 1: of all, both of you need to say you're welcome. Yeah, welcome.

1571
01:18:54,840 --> 01:18:57,799
Speaker 1: It's hard for us for whatever, recognizing that. That's cool.

1572
01:18:58,439 --> 01:19:01,960
Speaker 1: I really appreciate that. But it sounds like you get

1573
01:19:02,000 --> 01:19:05,120
Speaker 1: recognized for the dishwasher, but maybe a little bit less

1574
01:19:05,160 --> 01:19:09,600
Speaker 1: for your emotional reaches. I don't know. I feel like

1575
01:19:09,640 --> 01:19:13,040
Speaker 1: I I mean, if you if if that's true, then

1576
01:19:13,080 --> 01:19:14,680
Speaker 1: I then I apologize because I feel like I do

1577
01:19:14,720 --> 01:19:16,280
Speaker 1: a pretty good job of, you know, saying thank you

1578
01:19:16,320 --> 01:19:18,400
Speaker 1: for working on yourself, thank you for you know, showing

1579
01:19:18,479 --> 01:19:21,360
Speaker 1: up today. You do a great job. So she does.

1580
01:19:21,520 --> 01:19:24,800
Speaker 1: That's the thing. She does validate my the times that

1581
01:19:24,880 --> 01:19:29,240
Speaker 1: I am connected or intimate or whatever. It's just any

1582
01:19:29,280 --> 01:19:32,320
Speaker 1: time I have such an issue again, that goes back

1583
01:19:32,600 --> 01:19:34,280
Speaker 1: since I was a child of not feeling good enough

1584
01:19:34,920 --> 01:19:37,320
Speaker 1: that I have such a great issue with that where

1585
01:19:37,880 --> 01:19:41,400
Speaker 1: if I hear one thing, if I get triggered in

1586
01:19:41,439 --> 01:19:43,800
Speaker 1: my trauma and think it's triggered and she's like, you know,

1587
01:19:43,880 --> 01:19:45,800
Speaker 1: why don't you want to be intimate or she's not

1588
01:19:45,840 --> 01:19:49,080
Speaker 1: feeling a certain way, then I'm like, okay, so everything

1589
01:19:49,080 --> 01:19:52,160
Speaker 1: I've been doing isn't good enough? Everything Like that's not

1590
01:19:52,200 --> 01:19:53,840
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. I'm just saying, can you just hear

1591
01:19:53,880 --> 01:19:55,599
Speaker 1: me in this one moment right now where I'm just saying,

1592
01:19:55,600 --> 01:19:57,960
Speaker 1: I just in this moment, I don't feel chosen and

1593
01:19:58,000 --> 01:20:00,080
Speaker 1: that's my stuff. But I'm just saying in that, what

1594
01:20:00,439 --> 01:20:05,920
Speaker 1: do you do to help her feel safe and comfortable

1595
01:20:06,040 --> 01:20:07,840
Speaker 1: and loved in the relationship. Let's say you're not in

1596
01:20:07,840 --> 01:20:10,720
Speaker 1: the mood for a sex, that's okay, but what do

1597
01:20:10,840 --> 01:20:13,200
Speaker 1: you do or do you just get defensive and go like,

1598
01:20:13,360 --> 01:20:15,519
Speaker 1: but I do all these other things. I used to

1599
01:20:15,600 --> 01:20:19,519
Speaker 1: be straight to defensive now would blow blow us up.

1600
01:20:19,560 --> 01:20:22,439
Speaker 1: But now I'm able. We're both able to more times

1601
01:20:22,439 --> 01:20:24,479
Speaker 1: than not be understanding, like I'm really sorry you don't

1602
01:20:24,479 --> 01:20:26,320
Speaker 1: feel chosen. Just let you know like I do love

1603
01:20:26,360 --> 01:20:29,120
Speaker 1: you I do choose you, and now I'm just I'm sorry,

1604
01:20:29,120 --> 01:20:31,280
Speaker 1: I'm just not maybe in that particular mood. But you

1605
01:20:31,320 --> 01:20:33,160
Speaker 1: know that's cool. Can we do something else? Can we

1606
01:20:33,200 --> 01:20:35,200
Speaker 1: just lay together or whatever? And that's something that I

1607
01:20:35,200 --> 01:20:39,000
Speaker 1: still need to get better at. Spoon you for two hours.

1608
01:20:39,000 --> 01:20:41,920
Speaker 1: It's because he did. Yeah, but but unfortunately it's here

1609
01:20:41,960 --> 01:20:44,599
Speaker 1: you go straight to the You do that a lot,

1610
01:20:44,680 --> 01:20:48,360
Speaker 1: where you go straight to the everything. It's not it's

1611
01:20:48,400 --> 01:20:51,519
Speaker 1: not everything, it's you get to that point. And then

1612
01:20:51,560 --> 01:20:54,360
Speaker 1: I still have the the internal fear of Okay, see

1613
01:20:54,360 --> 01:20:56,479
Speaker 1: I say no, and I do those things. I validate

1614
01:20:56,520 --> 01:20:58,280
Speaker 1: her feelings and I say hey, let's just cut on

1615
01:20:58,320 --> 01:21:00,720
Speaker 1: the couch. Then in the back of mind mine that

1616
01:21:01,200 --> 01:21:03,840
Speaker 1: I'll start thinking like this is still not enough because

1617
01:21:03,880 --> 01:21:05,640
Speaker 1: she wanted this, but it would be enough for me.

1618
01:21:05,760 --> 01:21:07,640
Speaker 1: That's the things to do I have to then, and

1619
01:21:08,920 --> 01:21:12,280
Speaker 1: let's just say it wasn't. Let's just say you're like, hey,

1620
01:21:12,320 --> 01:21:14,639
Speaker 1: I'm not in the mood for let me, let's let's

1621
01:21:14,640 --> 01:21:16,960
Speaker 1: spoon let's go lay on the couch together, let me

1622
01:21:17,000 --> 01:21:18,760
Speaker 1: hold you, let me kiss you. I want I want

1623
01:21:18,800 --> 01:21:20,680
Speaker 1: you to know I love you, and I want you

1624
01:21:20,680 --> 01:21:22,519
Speaker 1: to feel loved even though I'm not in the mood,

1625
01:21:23,560 --> 01:21:26,800
Speaker 1: and you spoon her and you have a connected time

1626
01:21:26,880 --> 01:21:31,920
Speaker 1: and it's still not enough. That's okay. We don't necessarily

1627
01:21:31,960 --> 01:21:36,320
Speaker 1: always meet every single need perfectly of our partner, but

1628
01:21:36,360 --> 01:21:39,840
Speaker 1: you're still you're filling her love tank even if it's

1629
01:21:39,880 --> 01:21:44,639
Speaker 1: not full. Let's say you're filling it halfway. That's pretty good.

1630
01:21:44,680 --> 01:21:47,120
Speaker 1: That counts for something. It's not all or nothing. You know,

1631
01:21:47,240 --> 01:21:50,120
Speaker 1: as as as as an athlete, you tend to think

1632
01:21:50,120 --> 01:21:51,720
Speaker 1: in black and white terms, either you win or you

1633
01:21:51,840 --> 01:21:55,080
Speaker 1: lose it. But it's not that way. In relationships. There

1634
01:21:55,080 --> 01:21:57,519
Speaker 1: are a lot of shades of gray, and filling the

1635
01:21:57,640 --> 01:22:02,519
Speaker 1: tank is a positive. Don't under estimated it. Adds like that.

1636
01:22:02,840 --> 01:22:05,599
Speaker 1: I think that's school because I think all or nothing.

1637
01:22:05,600 --> 01:22:08,439
Speaker 1: I mean, what's what's perfect? You know what's not Every

1638
01:22:08,520 --> 01:22:11,599
Speaker 1: night is going to be a candle night of us.

1639
01:22:11,720 --> 01:22:14,800
Speaker 1: You know, having the most intimate sometimes it might just

1640
01:22:14,880 --> 01:22:17,280
Speaker 1: be holding a hand might just be enough. But at

1641
01:22:17,320 --> 01:22:20,679
Speaker 1: least you're showing up in that way for that day.

1642
01:22:20,800 --> 01:22:23,720
Speaker 1: And like we talked about on a previous episode, is

1643
01:22:24,439 --> 01:22:26,360
Speaker 1: say I said that, so she wants to have sex, right,

1644
01:22:26,479 --> 01:22:28,439
Speaker 1: And I say, hey, I'm just not really in the

1645
01:22:28,479 --> 01:22:31,040
Speaker 1: mood right now, like let's just cuddle or let's just

1646
01:22:31,520 --> 01:22:35,040
Speaker 1: lay on the couch together or laying bed together. I

1647
01:22:35,080 --> 01:22:38,000
Speaker 1: will if she's super accepting of that, it says, okay,

1648
01:22:38,000 --> 01:22:41,040
Speaker 1: I understand, like I'll do let's just do that in

1649
01:22:41,160 --> 01:22:43,719
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes, I'll probably want to have sex well because

1650
01:22:43,760 --> 01:22:47,439
Speaker 1: all because also what happens is it takes the pressure off.

1651
01:22:47,560 --> 01:22:50,280
Speaker 1: And I think that part of what you're looking for,

1652
01:22:51,640 --> 01:22:54,800
Speaker 1: but part of what part of what you're the reparative

1653
01:22:54,840 --> 01:22:58,760
Speaker 1: experience you're looking for in your relationship is I can

1654
01:22:58,800 --> 01:23:03,240
Speaker 1: say no to quote unquote authority because you project onto her,

1655
01:23:03,320 --> 01:23:05,960
Speaker 1: she becomes the authority. Because we project our parents onto

1656
01:23:05,960 --> 01:23:09,240
Speaker 1: our partners is kind of what we do. So what

1657
01:23:09,439 --> 01:23:15,040
Speaker 1: your craving is for the authority to say it's okay you.

1658
01:23:15,040 --> 01:23:17,280
Speaker 1: You don't have to do what I say. I still

1659
01:23:17,400 --> 01:23:21,559
Speaker 1: love you anyway, I still accept you. I still want

1660
01:23:21,600 --> 01:23:25,280
Speaker 1: to be with you. This is safe, this relationship is safe.

1661
01:23:25,280 --> 01:23:28,120
Speaker 1: We're good. And I think that when you feel that

1662
01:23:28,240 --> 01:23:31,840
Speaker 1: from her, when she doesn't get reactive and doesn't go like,

1663
01:23:32,040 --> 01:23:33,080
Speaker 1: what do you mean you don't want to have sex

1664
01:23:33,120 --> 01:23:35,000
Speaker 1: to me? And I'm not I'm not the chosen one.

1665
01:23:35,040 --> 01:23:37,160
Speaker 1: And you pick someone else, and then you walk down

1666
01:23:37,200 --> 01:23:40,920
Speaker 1: that historic, painful lane. Then you go up. I have

1667
01:23:41,040 --> 01:23:43,120
Speaker 1: to do I have to do what authority says. Oh

1668
01:23:43,160 --> 01:23:46,080
Speaker 1: that sucks, like I'm back in my childhood. But if

1669
01:23:46,160 --> 01:23:49,680
Speaker 1: she's able to go, yeah, I totally get it. You're

1670
01:23:49,680 --> 01:23:52,040
Speaker 1: not always in the mood. That's cool. Hey, Like, let's

1671
01:23:52,120 --> 01:23:54,600
Speaker 1: let's cuttle up together and you're able to go. I

1672
01:23:54,640 --> 01:23:57,040
Speaker 1: feel so lucky that I have such a sexy, beautiful wife.

1673
01:23:57,080 --> 01:23:59,720
Speaker 1: I want you to know I choose you. Let's just

1674
01:24:00,000 --> 01:24:02,519
Speaker 1: boon like, I want you to know that you are loved,

1675
01:24:02,640 --> 01:24:04,880
Speaker 1: and let's connect. I'm just kind of not in a

1676
01:24:04,920 --> 01:24:08,599
Speaker 1: sex mood. You will both. Her anxiety goes down. You

1677
01:24:08,680 --> 01:24:10,639
Speaker 1: feel like you don't have to do what you're told,

1678
01:24:10,800 --> 01:24:13,559
Speaker 1: which frees you up to actually maybe even want to

1679
01:24:13,600 --> 01:24:16,960
Speaker 1: do what's been requested of you in a genuine, authentic way.

1680
01:24:17,120 --> 01:24:21,200
Speaker 1: And everyone see, I hear that. That struck a chord

1681
01:24:21,240 --> 01:24:27,800
Speaker 1: though with me, just her saying, like, you know, just

1682
01:24:27,880 --> 01:24:31,880
Speaker 1: feeling still supported, supported and love just or whatever, just

1683
01:24:31,960 --> 01:24:35,839
Speaker 1: because I don't agree with something or I don't follow

1684
01:24:35,880 --> 01:24:39,479
Speaker 1: what I feel like I'm being told, Yeah, just go,

1685
01:24:40,360 --> 01:24:44,920
Speaker 1: that's important part of his healing it. Yeah, this is

1686
01:24:45,000 --> 01:24:49,559
Speaker 1: really big for him. Yeah, okay, so she because I'm

1687
01:24:49,560 --> 01:24:51,880
Speaker 1: trying to put myself in her position too. So let's

1688
01:24:51,880 --> 01:24:54,360
Speaker 1: say she kind of is beling flirty and wants to

1689
01:24:54,400 --> 01:24:58,599
Speaker 1: be intimate with Mike, and she's leading him there. Will

1690
01:24:58,640 --> 01:25:01,680
Speaker 1: it land okay on her? When he says, Hey, I'm

1691
01:25:01,680 --> 01:25:03,240
Speaker 1: not in the mood right now, let's just cuddle on

1692
01:25:03,280 --> 01:25:07,000
Speaker 1: the couch. Could she interpret it as he doesn't want me,

1693
01:25:07,240 --> 01:25:10,560
Speaker 1: he doesn't think I'm hot, but not that it's true.

1694
01:25:10,840 --> 01:25:14,799
Speaker 1: But her job, like I said before, is to embrace rejection,

1695
01:25:14,840 --> 01:25:17,519
Speaker 1: to go bring it on. I can handle it. I

1696
01:25:17,800 --> 01:25:21,360
Speaker 1: am strong, I am powerful. I know I'm amazing. Whether

1697
01:25:21,400 --> 01:25:22,960
Speaker 1: he wants to have sex with me in this moment

1698
01:25:23,080 --> 01:25:27,600
Speaker 1: or not, like, that's her work, and that's also the

1699
01:25:27,600 --> 01:25:30,479
Speaker 1: work that will free her to say that's cool, baby,

1700
01:25:30,600 --> 01:25:33,200
Speaker 1: like maybe we can find another way to connect. And

1701
01:25:33,200 --> 01:25:36,360
Speaker 1: it also that's what will free him up to to

1702
01:25:36,479 --> 01:25:39,880
Speaker 1: make a choice based not on rebelling against his childhood,

1703
01:25:39,880 --> 01:25:42,760
Speaker 1: but based on what he actually ultimately wants, because he

1704
01:25:42,800 --> 01:25:46,320
Speaker 1: doesn't know what he wants. So I hear that, I

1705
01:25:46,360 --> 01:25:50,519
Speaker 1: also want to say, I I'm afraid now that I

1706
01:25:50,600 --> 01:25:55,000
Speaker 1: might play mind games with I'll say all right, good night,

1707
01:25:55,880 --> 01:26:00,479
Speaker 1: you know, in hopes that he'll then want to sleep

1708
01:26:00,479 --> 01:26:02,479
Speaker 1: with me or but if you're doing that, then you're

1709
01:26:02,520 --> 01:26:05,320
Speaker 1: not doing what I'm recommending right then, and that's not

1710
01:26:05,360 --> 01:26:08,640
Speaker 1: what's going to heal this right right, No, I know.

1711
01:26:08,720 --> 01:26:12,000
Speaker 1: But but also it's it's about that's about manipulating, that's

1712
01:26:12,000 --> 01:26:14,080
Speaker 1: about game playing. I'm like, I'm gonna say no, so

1713
01:26:14,080 --> 01:26:17,080
Speaker 1: he'll say yes, you're you're still then playing with the

1714
01:26:17,120 --> 01:26:21,120
Speaker 1: authority thing in his history, and he's going to sense

1715
01:26:21,160 --> 01:26:24,880
Speaker 1: it unconsciously. So just like you're in tune with him,

1716
01:26:25,000 --> 01:26:28,960
Speaker 1: he's in tune with you. Gen Man, You're amazing, and

1717
01:26:29,040 --> 01:26:33,960
Speaker 1: I want our listeners to also get um your help. Yes,

1718
01:26:34,520 --> 01:26:37,519
Speaker 1: So for everyone listening right now, if you like, seriously,

1719
01:26:37,560 --> 01:26:42,040
Speaker 1: nothing is off limits, whether it's sex, family, anything, relationship wise,

1720
01:26:42,840 --> 01:26:46,439
Speaker 1: or you know, literally literally anything. UM Gentleman is the

1721
01:26:46,439 --> 01:26:50,680
Speaker 1: best therapist. So please email us at wind down at

1722
01:26:50,680 --> 01:26:53,880
Speaker 1: I Heart radio dot com. Member Wine is w h

1723
01:26:53,920 --> 01:26:56,360
Speaker 1: I n E. So wind down I Heart radio dot

1724
01:26:56,400 --> 01:27:00,720
Speaker 1: com and give us your phone number and we will

1725
01:27:00,920 --> 01:27:04,479
Speaker 1: call you on air and gen Man will talk to

1726
01:27:04,520 --> 01:27:08,439
Speaker 1: you and help answer your questions. We have one. We

1727
01:27:08,439 --> 01:27:11,800
Speaker 1: have an email from UM from Cassie, can we read

1728
01:27:11,840 --> 01:27:16,160
Speaker 1: an email? Absolutely. Uh, it's called climbing the Hill. I'm

1729
01:27:16,200 --> 01:27:18,200
Speaker 1: listening to your podcast at the beginning, and where you

1730
01:27:18,240 --> 01:27:20,880
Speaker 1: offered to talk about sex. Is there a topic about

1731
01:27:20,960 --> 01:27:23,839
Speaker 1: not being able to climb the hill. I'm very happily

1732
01:27:23,880 --> 01:27:25,720
Speaker 1: married to my husband of seven months and we've been

1733
01:27:25,760 --> 01:27:28,320
Speaker 1: together for almost four years. Sex is absolutely great, but

1734
01:27:28,360 --> 01:27:35,599
Speaker 1: I've never been able to get Yes, she's not getting

1735
01:27:35,640 --> 01:27:41,519
Speaker 1: to fruition, is what she's saying. Yeah, go vibe vibrator.

1736
01:27:42,600 --> 01:27:45,000
Speaker 1: They're great. But it also sounds like she wants to

1737
01:27:45,040 --> 01:27:49,120
Speaker 1: have the experience with with her partner. And and so

1738
01:27:49,800 --> 01:27:53,599
Speaker 1: here here's my recommendation, a few recommendations for her. One

1739
01:27:54,040 --> 01:27:57,160
Speaker 1: is I'm assuming, since she's not saying that's an issue,

1740
01:27:57,160 --> 01:28:01,000
Speaker 1: that she's able to get there by herself. So one

1741
01:28:01,040 --> 01:28:05,120
Speaker 1: thing I recommend is have her husband watch how she

1742
01:28:05,160 --> 01:28:10,040
Speaker 1: gets herself there herself, because watching that technique. And you know,

1743
01:28:10,080 --> 01:28:13,280
Speaker 1: sometimes a lot of the time I had people and

1744
01:28:13,320 --> 01:28:15,920
Speaker 1: I wrote a whole column all about this. All at

1745
01:28:16,000 --> 01:28:19,800
Speaker 1: the time, women feel uncomfortable, like, you know, somehow men

1746
01:28:19,880 --> 01:28:21,680
Speaker 1: are kind of brought up and like, oh, yeah, we

1747
01:28:21,760 --> 01:28:24,640
Speaker 1: do that, whereas women tend to have more shame around this.

1748
01:28:24,640 --> 01:28:28,360
Speaker 1: This is not just about him watching like, oh are

1749
01:28:28,360 --> 01:28:30,080
Speaker 1: you sexy when you do this or not? This is

1750
01:28:30,120 --> 01:28:35,000
Speaker 1: about him actually learning where on your body, which side

1751
01:28:35,000 --> 01:28:38,639
Speaker 1: of you, which which angle are you sitting up? Are

1752
01:28:38,680 --> 01:28:41,200
Speaker 1: you rubbing against something? Like what is it that you're

1753
01:28:41,240 --> 01:28:44,320
Speaker 1: doing to get there? And then looking at how can

1754
01:28:44,360 --> 01:28:47,840
Speaker 1: we recreate this, whether it's a different position when you're

1755
01:28:47,840 --> 01:28:52,600
Speaker 1: having intercourse, or whether it is bringing in a little vibrator,

1756
01:28:52,720 --> 01:28:57,080
Speaker 1: or whether it is him doing stuff to her beforehand

1757
01:28:57,160 --> 01:29:00,559
Speaker 1: and then at the last minute going there. So there

1758
01:29:00,560 --> 01:29:02,160
Speaker 1: are a lot of different ways to get there, but

1759
01:29:02,240 --> 01:29:04,400
Speaker 1: one of the most important things, Yeah, he needs to

1760
01:29:04,520 --> 01:29:07,040
Speaker 1: exactly he needs to study the map so that he

1761
01:29:07,040 --> 01:29:09,080
Speaker 1: can help her to get there. And that's an important

1762
01:29:09,120 --> 01:29:12,519
Speaker 1: part of sex because it's we make a lot of

1763
01:29:12,520 --> 01:29:15,840
Speaker 1: assumptions about how we're supposed to get there, but the

1764
01:29:15,920 --> 01:29:19,439
Speaker 1: truth is that we have to know our partner's body

1765
01:29:19,479 --> 01:29:22,480
Speaker 1: and everyone is different and I think women in particular

1766
01:29:23,000 --> 01:29:27,439
Speaker 1: are incredibly complex in what gets us there. Dr jen Man.

1767
01:29:27,640 --> 01:29:31,280
Speaker 1: Dr jen Man has the Relationship Fix. It's Dr jen

1768
01:29:31,400 --> 01:29:34,439
Speaker 1: six Step Guy to improving communication, connection, intimacy. You can

1769
01:29:34,439 --> 01:29:38,000
Speaker 1: get this book anywhere right and then again, email your

1770
01:29:38,080 --> 01:29:40,599
Speaker 1: questions to wind down at i heeart Radio dot com.

1771
01:29:40,800 --> 01:29:43,040
Speaker 1: Any sex questions and send us your number if you

1772
01:29:43,080 --> 01:29:45,599
Speaker 1: want us to call you on air and Dr Jenn

1773
01:29:45,640 --> 01:29:48,360
Speaker 1: you'll be back right I would help answer my pleasure. Awesome,

1774
01:29:48,400 --> 01:29:51,320
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for coming in. Thanksure. You know

1775
01:29:51,360 --> 01:29:54,439
Speaker 1: we're moving. We're moving into the new house mark right summer,

1776
01:29:54,600 --> 01:29:59,000
Speaker 1: and we have so many boxes back in Nashville storage. Still,

1777
01:29:59,320 --> 01:30:01,519
Speaker 1: we have so many pictures and boxes here in l A.

1778
01:30:02,240 --> 01:30:04,639
Speaker 1: And it's like we're trying to It's like spring cleaning

1779
01:30:04,680 --> 01:30:07,320
Speaker 1: anytime you move anyway, right, So we're trying to consolidate things.

1780
01:30:07,960 --> 01:30:10,240
Speaker 1: So do you have any advice on what to do

1781
01:30:10,280 --> 01:30:12,639
Speaker 1: with all this stuff? It's like we're kind of pack

1782
01:30:12,720 --> 01:30:14,400
Speaker 1: racks within the thousand things where we don't want to

1783
01:30:14,400 --> 01:30:16,240
Speaker 1: get rid of it. At such a great moment last Sunday,

1784
01:30:16,280 --> 01:30:17,800
Speaker 1: and I was taken out the garbage because Monday is

1785
01:30:17,800 --> 01:30:21,200
Speaker 1: garbage day Newberry Park. And in that garbage that I

1786
01:30:21,200 --> 01:30:23,280
Speaker 1: took out to the street where half a dozen VHS

1787
01:30:23,320 --> 01:30:26,040
Speaker 1: cassettes and I was so happy to get rid of

1788
01:30:26,040 --> 01:30:28,000
Speaker 1: those vhs because that's because they've been in a cardboard

1789
01:30:28,040 --> 01:30:31,200
Speaker 1: box in the garage literally of my entire adult life,

1790
01:30:32,000 --> 01:30:38,559
Speaker 1: my high school graduation, my high school chorus concerts. Yes, yes,

1791
01:30:38,760 --> 01:30:40,560
Speaker 1: my high school I was a drummer too, so the

1792
01:30:40,560 --> 01:30:43,000
Speaker 1: band concerts. What else was in there? A play I

1793
01:30:43,000 --> 01:30:45,599
Speaker 1: did in high school? Uh? My, the show I did

1794
01:30:45,600 --> 01:30:47,320
Speaker 1: at disney Land, that who Wants to Be a Millionaire Show?

1795
01:30:47,320 --> 01:30:49,120
Speaker 1: There was some of those shows in there. I was

1796
01:30:49,120 --> 01:30:50,920
Speaker 1: the host of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire showt Disneys,

1797
01:30:50,920 --> 01:30:56,240
Speaker 1: California anyway, So I sent those to Lexi Box. They

1798
01:30:56,240 --> 01:31:00,559
Speaker 1: sent me back to things discs galore and thumb drive

1799
01:31:01,120 --> 01:31:03,920
Speaker 1: plug thumb drive in there's everything. All of my tapes

1800
01:31:04,160 --> 01:31:06,679
Speaker 1: very in quality, by the way, not legacy boxes fault.

1801
01:31:06,680 --> 01:31:10,400
Speaker 1: These are thirty year old VHS tapes. The quality varied,

1802
01:31:10,479 --> 01:31:12,920
Speaker 1: and I get it. Oh my wife's um, she was junior.

1803
01:31:12,960 --> 01:31:18,400
Speaker 1: Miss you have someone else other than just your marks,

1804
01:31:18,479 --> 01:31:21,639
Speaker 1: like none of my kids. This is Marks box, Baby,

1805
01:31:21,640 --> 01:31:23,639
Speaker 1: I don't all stuff, and now I have it all.

1806
01:31:23,720 --> 01:31:25,479
Speaker 1: And also, and this is not something they advertise, but

1807
01:31:25,520 --> 01:31:28,080
Speaker 1: I think this is cool. Each one isn't forty gigs.

1808
01:31:28,360 --> 01:31:30,360
Speaker 1: You know, they're actually compressed in a way that it

1809
01:31:30,360 --> 01:31:32,160
Speaker 1: doesn't take up a huge amount of space on your computer.

1810
01:31:32,360 --> 01:31:34,680
Speaker 1: But they're perfectly clear and perfectly enjoyable. And it's so

1811
01:31:34,760 --> 01:31:37,280
Speaker 1: fun to see my high cool graduation which actually didn't

1812
01:31:37,280 --> 01:31:40,439
Speaker 1: know it was on that tape. I never thought i'd

1813
01:31:40,439 --> 01:31:42,559
Speaker 1: see that again, and there it was. It was really cool.

1814
01:31:42,560 --> 01:31:45,479
Speaker 1: So I am a strong proponent of Legacy Box. You

1815
01:31:45,479 --> 01:31:47,840
Speaker 1: guys gotta jump on the Legacy boxes. Mark is all

1816
01:31:47,840 --> 01:31:50,720
Speaker 1: about it. Go get your year old highlight tapes and

1817
01:31:51,320 --> 01:31:53,479
Speaker 1: concerts and all that stuff. Don't worry about everyone else.

1818
01:31:53,479 --> 01:31:55,840
Speaker 1: It's just get your stuff saved. Like Mark, it's gonna

1819
01:31:55,920 --> 01:31:59,160
Speaker 1: be okay. And audio cassettes, old radio and tapes I

1820
01:31:59,240 --> 01:32:02,160
Speaker 1: made with a friend when I was kid. Yeah, all done.

1821
01:32:02,680 --> 01:32:04,040
Speaker 1: You gotta get all this stuff. You canna put this

1822
01:32:04,080 --> 01:32:06,320
Speaker 1: on Legacy Box too. I guess you have all these

1823
01:32:06,320 --> 01:32:10,080
Speaker 1: on digital now. Yeah, that's true. Nowadays a change. Lexi

1824
01:32:10,160 --> 01:32:13,639
Speaker 1: Boxes the world's largest most trusted digitizer at home movies

1825
01:32:13,640 --> 01:32:16,759
Speaker 1: and photos. Over four during fifty tho families have trusted

1826
01:32:16,840 --> 01:32:20,080
Speaker 1: Legacy Box like Mars. There's over a decade of experience

1827
01:32:20,080 --> 01:32:21,599
Speaker 1: and all the work is done by hand right here

1828
01:32:21,600 --> 01:32:23,800
Speaker 1: in the US. And Plus, for a limited time, they're

1829
01:32:23,800 --> 01:32:26,719
Speaker 1: offering our listeners an exclusive discount. Go to Lexi box

1830
01:32:26,760 --> 01:32:29,880
Speaker 1: dot com. Slash Janna to get off your first order,

1831
01:32:30,080 --> 01:32:33,240
Speaker 1: go to legacy box dot com, slash Janna and say

1832
01:32:33,640 --> 01:32:37,799
Speaker 1: today get started preserving your past. You've got some good emails,

1833
01:32:37,960 --> 01:32:39,599
Speaker 1: actually have some really good emails. I have so many

1834
01:32:39,600 --> 01:32:41,280
Speaker 1: good emails it's hard for me to pick just one

1835
01:32:42,200 --> 01:32:46,400
Speaker 1: or two, maybe three. Um, okay, let me start with

1836
01:32:46,439 --> 01:32:49,000
Speaker 1: this one. My husband and I failmed a routine of

1837
01:32:49,040 --> 01:32:52,559
Speaker 1: work and then playing video games for stress release. One night,

1838
01:32:52,600 --> 01:32:54,320
Speaker 1: I told him I would like to have sex in

1839
01:32:54,320 --> 01:32:58,959
Speaker 1: an hour, and he said, okay, it's interesting. I shave

1840
01:32:59,040 --> 01:33:02,000
Speaker 1: my legs, I got all pretty, I put on lingerie,

1841
01:33:02,120 --> 01:33:03,800
Speaker 1: I lit candles in the room, came out to the

1842
01:33:03,840 --> 01:33:05,920
Speaker 1: living room and stood in front of him. He fell asleep.

1843
01:33:06,040 --> 01:33:07,800
Speaker 1: He lightly nudged me out of the way and told

1844
01:33:07,800 --> 01:33:08,840
Speaker 1: me to get out of his waist so we could

1845
01:33:08,840 --> 01:33:11,400
Speaker 1: finish his game. I was so hurt by this. I

1846
01:33:11,439 --> 01:33:13,680
Speaker 1: broke down in tears. I took his Xbox and I

1847
01:33:13,720 --> 01:33:16,360
Speaker 1: threw it off the balcony. Can he have a full

1848
01:33:16,360 --> 01:33:19,080
Speaker 1: blown addiction to Xbox? How do I address this? And

1849
01:33:19,080 --> 01:33:20,800
Speaker 1: how do I compete with his Xbox? I think you

1850
01:33:20,840 --> 01:33:23,639
Speaker 1: have addressed this. I smashed it with a hammer, So

1851
01:33:23,680 --> 01:33:30,240
Speaker 1: that was there was an addiction. When I when Jolie

1852
01:33:30,280 --> 01:33:34,320
Speaker 1: was napping, I took it. I took his Xbox, his PlayStation.

1853
01:33:34,439 --> 01:33:36,880
Speaker 1: Mind you. My band guys were so mad at me.

1854
01:33:37,280 --> 01:33:39,200
Speaker 1: Why did you do that? Why didn't you just give

1855
01:33:39,200 --> 01:33:41,000
Speaker 1: it to us? I was like, because I had to

1856
01:33:41,040 --> 01:33:44,080
Speaker 1: take out my aggression, took a hammer and just went

1857
01:33:44,240 --> 01:33:48,880
Speaker 1: to town. Um. And then then then I got monkey

1858
01:33:49,000 --> 01:33:51,760
Speaker 1: from her nap. Also, what's warpsetting? And she shaved her

1859
01:33:51,840 --> 01:33:55,560
Speaker 1: legs for this, So yeah, Dina Carter Um Michael, do

1860
01:33:55,600 --> 01:33:58,439
Speaker 1: you think there's an addiction to it? I'm just curious.

1861
01:33:58,439 --> 01:34:00,920
Speaker 1: I'm like, you're because I I think they're deaf. What

1862
01:34:01,040 --> 01:34:03,599
Speaker 1: prompted you to do that? Was it? You just he

1863
01:34:03,680 --> 01:34:06,280
Speaker 1: was so obsessed with it. He played it all the time.

1864
01:34:07,800 --> 01:34:13,360
Speaker 1: It was it was around the discovery of everything. Oh okay,

1865
01:34:14,400 --> 01:34:16,920
Speaker 1: and so there's there's more to it than just me

1866
01:34:17,000 --> 01:34:19,680
Speaker 1: playing it and I you know, but it was it

1867
01:34:19,720 --> 01:34:23,840
Speaker 1: was it was one of those things I'm eating. Really

1868
01:34:24,000 --> 01:34:27,240
Speaker 1: really they are really good. Um yeah, I mean I

1869
01:34:27,240 --> 01:34:32,600
Speaker 1: think guys can addiction. I think so too. There's a

1870
01:34:32,640 --> 01:34:35,479
Speaker 1: reason we don't have video games in my house. I'm

1871
01:34:35,520 --> 01:34:39,360
Speaker 1: looking it up right now, But I think that with

1872
01:34:39,560 --> 01:34:42,320
Speaker 1: my nephews were like they've done because she's like very

1873
01:34:42,880 --> 01:34:44,320
Speaker 1: to all this and she's like, no, we like took

1874
01:34:44,320 --> 01:34:46,000
Speaker 1: it out of the house for like three weeks, no phones,

1875
01:34:46,080 --> 01:34:48,080
Speaker 1: no nothing, and she's like they literally went through withdrawals

1876
01:34:48,240 --> 01:34:51,400
Speaker 1: video gaming addiction therapy. I would ignore my wife and

1877
01:34:51,479 --> 01:34:53,040
Speaker 1: kids if I had a video game and I can't

1878
01:34:53,040 --> 01:34:54,840
Speaker 1: have it, I just can't. I know me, I know

1879
01:34:54,880 --> 01:34:58,040
Speaker 1: I'm have an addictive personality. I can't do it. Um

1880
01:34:58,160 --> 01:35:00,960
Speaker 1: feelings of restlessness and or a bill when you're unable

1881
01:35:01,000 --> 01:35:02,800
Speaker 1: to play. So for some reason, someone you know, what

1882
01:35:02,880 --> 01:35:04,559
Speaker 1: if you didn't have your iPad, Like I can't sleep,

1883
01:35:04,680 --> 01:35:06,960
Speaker 1: I have to like play my iPad or look at

1884
01:35:07,000 --> 01:35:09,880
Speaker 1: my pad. Well I'm just okay, but you know, I mean,

1885
01:35:09,920 --> 01:35:11,559
Speaker 1: I can admit if I didn't on my phone, it's

1886
01:35:11,600 --> 01:35:14,559
Speaker 1: like it got for two weeks, I would have this. Yeah.

1887
01:35:14,560 --> 01:35:16,439
Speaker 1: She was like my nephew started crying. She was like

1888
01:35:16,439 --> 01:35:19,840
Speaker 1: he literally like was not open your occupation with thoughts

1889
01:35:20,040 --> 01:35:23,000
Speaker 1: of previous online activity or anticipation in the next online

1890
01:35:23,040 --> 01:35:26,120
Speaker 1: session with your buddies, lying to friends or family members

1891
01:35:26,120 --> 01:35:29,360
Speaker 1: regarding the amount of time spent playing. It's an addiction

1892
01:35:29,479 --> 01:35:31,599
Speaker 1: that sounds like me watching how did you react when

1893
01:35:31,600 --> 01:35:33,360
Speaker 1: she did this where you're kind of like, she needs

1894
01:35:33,360 --> 01:35:34,920
Speaker 1: to do what she needs to do. Oh, I mean

1895
01:35:34,960 --> 01:35:40,559
Speaker 1: I did it when he was gone. You came out

1896
01:35:41,520 --> 01:35:45,240
Speaker 1: a bag of Xbox parts. Yeah, I mean I kind

1897
01:35:45,240 --> 01:35:47,839
Speaker 1: of anticipated. I didn't say anything about it. And it's

1898
01:35:47,880 --> 01:35:49,640
Speaker 1: been one of those things where, by the way, this

1899
01:35:49,680 --> 01:35:52,200
Speaker 1: is sounding like I just randomly took your Xbox. I

1900
01:35:52,280 --> 01:35:54,559
Speaker 1: said that was after it was after discovery and everything.

1901
01:35:54,760 --> 01:36:00,719
Speaker 1: I mean you were in treatment, yes, yeah, so that's yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

1902
01:36:00,800 --> 01:36:04,080
Speaker 1: so that's where I was very upset. So that's yeah, yeah,

1903
01:36:04,120 --> 01:36:06,559
Speaker 1: so there's more to it for us. But it's one

1904
01:36:06,560 --> 01:36:09,519
Speaker 1: of those things where, you know, even my buddies who

1905
01:36:09,600 --> 01:36:12,320
Speaker 1: have a bunch of buddies that still play, some have

1906
01:36:12,439 --> 01:36:14,880
Speaker 1: young kids, most don't that are still able to play,

1907
01:36:14,960 --> 01:36:17,000
Speaker 1: So it's like, you know, do you ever want to

1908
01:36:17,040 --> 01:36:19,200
Speaker 1: get back on I'm like, yeah, because it's fun with

1909
01:36:19,200 --> 01:36:21,280
Speaker 1: my buddy, especially because all my buddies are back East.

1910
01:36:21,320 --> 01:36:23,160
Speaker 1: But it doesn't even matter even if I had it,

1911
01:36:23,160 --> 01:36:26,120
Speaker 1: I don't have time. So it's and like you said,

1912
01:36:26,160 --> 01:36:27,800
Speaker 1: like it would be a distraction where it's like you

1913
01:36:27,840 --> 01:36:29,479
Speaker 1: try to make time. So I can see where the

1914
01:36:29,560 --> 01:36:32,599
Speaker 1: people can get addicted but a strong have time. So

1915
01:36:32,720 --> 01:36:38,680
Speaker 1: what was your game? Everything? I would play everything, I

1916
01:36:38,720 --> 01:36:40,400
Speaker 1: think for our kids though, I mean, you know, because

1917
01:36:40,400 --> 01:36:43,200
Speaker 1: I've seen our kids, you know, our our girlfriend right well,

1918
01:36:43,240 --> 01:36:45,200
Speaker 1: I mean all them, the boys, they play video games,

1919
01:36:45,240 --> 01:36:47,720
Speaker 1: and I don't know. I'm not saying I'm not going

1920
01:36:47,760 --> 01:36:49,519
Speaker 1: to have it in the house because I think that's

1921
01:36:49,760 --> 01:36:51,200
Speaker 1: naive of me to say that, because I think it's

1922
01:36:51,200 --> 01:36:52,880
Speaker 1: a good distraction. It's just like putting the TV on

1923
01:36:52,960 --> 01:36:54,640
Speaker 1: for them. But I think there has to be a

1924
01:36:54,640 --> 01:36:59,599
Speaker 1: time limits, especially nowadays with the way it's consuming people.

1925
01:36:59,640 --> 01:37:02,760
Speaker 1: But I was watching something I thought was interesting. It

1926
01:37:02,880 --> 01:37:04,560
Speaker 1: was it's called like Seven Days Out. It's like the

1927
01:37:04,600 --> 01:37:08,200
Speaker 1: series on Netflix that talks about like the Westminster Dog Show,

1928
01:37:08,240 --> 01:37:10,639
Speaker 1: like going into that the opening of the world's number

1929
01:37:10,680 --> 01:37:13,400
Speaker 1: one restaurant in New York. And one of them, one

1930
01:37:13,439 --> 01:37:17,719
Speaker 1: of them was this Gaming Tournament or whatever. And Rick Fox,

1931
01:37:17,720 --> 01:37:21,880
Speaker 1: the old l a Laker, he owns one of the

1932
01:37:21,960 --> 01:37:25,200
Speaker 1: teams that plays in this legal legends like gaming tournament.

1933
01:37:25,880 --> 01:37:29,040
Speaker 1: And his son like when he was raising his son,

1934
01:37:29,160 --> 01:37:31,280
Speaker 1: like he tried him in all the sports, like you know,

1935
01:37:31,320 --> 01:37:34,200
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, he played professional basketball, like put

1936
01:37:34,280 --> 01:37:36,200
Speaker 1: us on basketball football, This or whatever just to get

1937
01:37:36,240 --> 01:37:38,639
Speaker 1: him to do something. But when it came down to it,

1938
01:37:39,320 --> 01:37:41,599
Speaker 1: video of games is what he really enjoyed his son,

1939
01:37:42,160 --> 01:37:43,720
Speaker 1: and he was like, well, I can't force him to

1940
01:37:43,720 --> 01:37:47,479
Speaker 1: do anything. He tried everything, and this is what he enjoys.

1941
01:37:47,520 --> 01:37:49,960
Speaker 1: So instead of making his son do something, he conformed

1942
01:37:49,960 --> 01:37:50,960
Speaker 1: to his son. It's like, you know what, this is

1943
01:37:50,960 --> 01:37:53,240
Speaker 1: how we spend time, this is how I teach him lessons,

1944
01:37:53,360 --> 01:37:56,320
Speaker 1: or this is whatever. So it's still something I appreciate that,

1945
01:37:56,439 --> 01:37:59,600
Speaker 1: especially coming from a professional athlete who everyone has that

1946
01:37:59,640 --> 01:38:02,759
Speaker 1: stigma of like they're gonna want their si, their sons

1947
01:38:02,840 --> 01:38:04,439
Speaker 1: or whatever to make sure they play in this and that.

1948
01:38:04,600 --> 01:38:06,160
Speaker 1: He was just like, no, this is what my son's into.

1949
01:38:06,200 --> 01:38:07,840
Speaker 1: You know what. I'm going to get into that too.

1950
01:38:08,200 --> 01:38:10,640
Speaker 1: So now he plays with his son, he owns a

1951
01:38:10,640 --> 01:38:13,160
Speaker 1: professional gaming team and stuff. So IM not saying I

1952
01:38:13,200 --> 01:38:14,640
Speaker 1: would do that or people should do that, but I

1953
01:38:14,680 --> 01:38:18,240
Speaker 1: just thought it was interesting mindset to have as opposed

1954
01:38:18,280 --> 01:38:19,720
Speaker 1: to just making your son do something. If we talked

1955
01:38:19,760 --> 01:38:21,880
Speaker 1: about whether your son would be able to play football,

1956
01:38:21,880 --> 01:38:26,960
Speaker 1: if you got to play football like daddy, I will not. Yeah,

1957
01:38:27,000 --> 01:38:31,400
Speaker 1: I have the stance of I'm not gonna make him

1958
01:38:31,479 --> 01:38:33,880
Speaker 1: or encourage, but I'm not going to stop him. But

1959
01:38:33,960 --> 01:38:36,840
Speaker 1: what age though, because they say that if you too soon,

1960
01:38:37,000 --> 01:38:40,920
Speaker 1: is too is dangerous. Yeah. Fortunately, nowadays, like we were

1961
01:38:40,920 --> 01:38:43,000
Speaker 1: talking about this recently, like back when I played, you

1962
01:38:43,040 --> 01:38:46,680
Speaker 1: were wearing full pads at like seven years old, eight

1963
01:38:46,760 --> 01:38:48,920
Speaker 1: years old. Nowadays they don't. A lot of places don't

1964
01:38:48,920 --> 01:38:51,280
Speaker 1: have that where it is flag football until a certain age.

1965
01:38:51,680 --> 01:38:54,160
Speaker 1: I wouldn't let him play tackle football. I was twelve

1966
01:38:54,400 --> 01:38:56,559
Speaker 1: when I started, and now I was even back you know,

1967
01:38:56,840 --> 01:38:58,600
Speaker 1: in the in the nineties, and my parents didn't let

1968
01:38:58,640 --> 01:39:00,960
Speaker 1: me play until us twelve, So I would probably have

1969
01:39:00,960 --> 01:39:03,960
Speaker 1: a similar rule, no tackle football until twelve years old,

1970
01:39:04,320 --> 01:39:07,280
Speaker 1: was six seventh grade and then go from there. By

1971
01:39:07,280 --> 01:39:09,200
Speaker 1: the way, I feel like we got kind of off base,

1972
01:39:09,200 --> 01:39:11,439
Speaker 1: and I just want to say I'm sorry to the

1973
01:39:11,520 --> 01:39:14,719
Speaker 1: reader or sorry to the listener who wrote that email,

1974
01:39:14,720 --> 01:39:17,760
Speaker 1: because that's that mustn't really suck to have done all that,

1975
01:39:17,880 --> 01:39:20,480
Speaker 1: gone through that and have been turned down like that.

1976
01:39:20,479 --> 01:39:24,040
Speaker 1: That you have every right to have been upset. Yeah,

1977
01:39:24,160 --> 01:39:28,519
Speaker 1: and hopefully you guys can just set some everything boundaries around.

1978
01:39:28,840 --> 01:39:31,200
Speaker 1: But I I do believe in the addiction of SAMs

1979
01:39:31,240 --> 01:39:33,559
Speaker 1: for sure, Right that's an issue but he needs to

1980
01:39:33,600 --> 01:39:36,439
Speaker 1: realize he has an issue with it. Especially it's not

1981
01:39:36,520 --> 01:39:38,960
Speaker 1: like she just randomly came up to him and tried

1982
01:39:38,960 --> 01:39:41,719
Speaker 1: to surprise him. Where if you try to interrupt someone

1983
01:39:41,760 --> 01:39:43,679
Speaker 1: whether they're doing something they enjoy, I can see why

1984
01:39:44,080 --> 01:39:46,599
Speaker 1: maybe you maybe dismiss him and don't want to be interrupted.

1985
01:39:46,600 --> 01:39:47,760
Speaker 1: But she said I want to have sex in it

1986
01:39:47,800 --> 01:39:50,200
Speaker 1: out and he's like okay, and he was cool, and

1987
01:39:50,240 --> 01:39:54,040
Speaker 1: then he was still dismissed. That's I hate that bad

1988
01:39:54,040 --> 01:39:56,880
Speaker 1: playing your part, dude. This is Caitlin who has kind

1989
01:39:56,880 --> 01:40:00,400
Speaker 1: of a reverse situation of yours. Caitlin's as I had

1990
01:40:00,439 --> 01:40:04,360
Speaker 1: a nine month long affair with a woman and it's

1991
01:40:04,360 --> 01:40:06,120
Speaker 1: been almost an entire year of my husband and I'm

1992
01:40:06,160 --> 01:40:08,040
Speaker 1: working on our marriage. I love my husband more than

1993
01:40:08,040 --> 01:40:09,840
Speaker 1: he'll ever know, and those nine months were a very

1994
01:40:09,920 --> 01:40:12,040
Speaker 1: dark time for me. During the last year, I've been

1995
01:40:12,040 --> 01:40:13,920
Speaker 1: doing anything and everything I can think of to prove

1996
01:40:13,960 --> 01:40:15,360
Speaker 1: to my husband I love him and want to be

1997
01:40:15,400 --> 01:40:17,800
Speaker 1: with only him. Overall, I think he's doing very well,

1998
01:40:17,840 --> 01:40:19,240
Speaker 1: but there are still time when he's sad for no

1999
01:40:19,360 --> 01:40:22,000
Speaker 1: reason and almost anything can trigger him. So my question is,

2000
01:40:22,520 --> 01:40:24,439
Speaker 1: what do you guys do in those moments? Mike, how

2001
01:40:24,439 --> 01:40:27,479
Speaker 1: do you handle Jane and support her during those times?

2002
01:40:27,520 --> 01:40:29,919
Speaker 1: And Jana, what does Mike do for you that actually

2003
01:40:29,960 --> 01:40:31,640
Speaker 1: works and helps you get through it and see that

2004
01:40:31,680 --> 01:40:34,559
Speaker 1: he's genuine because she wants to be seen as genuine

2005
01:40:34,600 --> 01:40:37,760
Speaker 1: to her husband. Well, I appreciate you putting the work in.

2006
01:40:38,080 --> 01:40:42,800
Speaker 1: I think that's awesome. And I think unfortunately she said

2007
01:40:42,800 --> 01:40:45,160
Speaker 1: it with nine months ago it was a nine month affair.

2008
01:40:46,120 --> 01:40:49,639
Speaker 1: It's been how long? Um, it's been almost a year?

2009
01:40:49,640 --> 01:40:52,320
Speaker 1: You most year. It's just it's time. I mean time

2010
01:40:52,360 --> 01:40:55,679
Speaker 1: and consistency. So for me, how I know Mike loves

2011
01:40:55,760 --> 01:40:58,439
Speaker 1: me is because he's showing up and he's being consistent

2012
01:40:58,479 --> 01:41:00,880
Speaker 1: with his actions. And when he's constant with his actions

2013
01:41:00,920 --> 01:41:02,840
Speaker 1: and consistent in what he does and what he says

2014
01:41:02,840 --> 01:41:06,439
Speaker 1: and how he treats me, and that things kind of

2015
01:41:06,439 --> 01:41:10,320
Speaker 1: equal out, then it makes me feel chosen. It makes

2016
01:41:10,320 --> 01:41:13,760
Speaker 1: me feel like he's doing the right thing. Yeah, And

2017
01:41:13,800 --> 01:41:16,400
Speaker 1: I mean we are work coming up on three years

2018
01:41:17,640 --> 01:41:19,840
Speaker 1: post and I have a hard time with that though,

2019
01:41:19,840 --> 01:41:22,280
Speaker 1: because I for us, it's I really just see it

2020
01:41:22,400 --> 01:41:26,240
Speaker 1: the past year. Correct. But but just for this argument

2021
01:41:26,360 --> 01:41:29,000
Speaker 1: sent sake of where she's at, it's been almost a

2022
01:41:29,080 --> 01:41:32,479
Speaker 1: year and think about where we were a year out.

2023
01:41:32,720 --> 01:41:34,920
Speaker 1: It's like it was. I mean, we still had a

2024
01:41:34,960 --> 01:41:36,880
Speaker 1: lot of work to do. Yeah, I guess I still

2025
01:41:36,920 --> 01:41:39,760
Speaker 1: had a lot of work to do myself. So you know,

2026
01:41:39,920 --> 01:41:44,799
Speaker 1: it's just been in the last yeah, yeah, ten months,

2027
01:41:45,560 --> 01:41:49,680
Speaker 1: twelve months, I mean year basically that it's basically been, yeah, year,

2028
01:41:49,760 --> 01:41:55,880
Speaker 1: almost a year. Um that we've really now since however,

2029
01:41:55,960 --> 01:42:05,679
Speaker 1: so however that's almost year yeah, sorry, Um, so it's still,

2030
01:42:05,960 --> 01:42:08,960
Speaker 1: like Janna said, is just going to take consistent, consistency

2031
01:42:09,040 --> 01:42:12,760
Speaker 1: over time. That's it. There's no quick fix unfortunately no.

2032
01:42:12,960 --> 01:42:17,760
Speaker 1: And for her, she's got to try to grieve with him.

2033
01:42:17,960 --> 01:42:19,640
Speaker 1: And that's the thing. When Janna would be able to

2034
01:42:19,680 --> 01:42:23,040
Speaker 1: see my pain that it hurt me to what the

2035
01:42:23,080 --> 01:42:25,120
Speaker 1: things that happened. I haven't said that to you. Last

2036
01:42:25,160 --> 01:42:26,720
Speaker 1: night I brought up to him, I said, what might

2037
01:42:26,720 --> 01:42:29,040
Speaker 1: help me sometimes because we are getting so far away

2038
01:42:29,080 --> 01:42:31,400
Speaker 1: from it is And he's like, you know, if you

2039
01:42:31,439 --> 01:42:33,960
Speaker 1: think about it every so often, I'm like, I know,

2040
01:42:34,000 --> 01:42:35,760
Speaker 1: I think about it every day, and I just don't

2041
01:42:35,800 --> 01:42:37,080
Speaker 1: tell you every day that I think about it. I

2042
01:42:37,120 --> 01:42:38,840
Speaker 1: don't think about it as many times as I used

2043
01:42:38,840 --> 01:42:42,320
Speaker 1: think about it severity, but I think about it at

2044
01:42:42,400 --> 01:42:44,360
Speaker 1: least comes in my brain at least once a day,

2045
01:42:44,560 --> 01:42:49,679
Speaker 1: and it's my it's my growth to be able to

2046
01:42:49,760 --> 01:42:51,400
Speaker 1: let it go in and let it go out and

2047
01:42:51,479 --> 01:42:54,360
Speaker 1: not let me go down the rabbit hole. But what

2048
01:42:54,760 --> 01:42:56,320
Speaker 1: I said, what might help me, I go, you know

2049
01:42:56,360 --> 01:42:58,599
Speaker 1: what would help me is I didn't know. I don't

2050
01:42:58,600 --> 01:43:00,479
Speaker 1: know that you have those days too. Would be nice

2051
01:43:00,479 --> 01:43:03,080
Speaker 1: to know that you have days of shame or days

2052
01:43:03,120 --> 01:43:06,800
Speaker 1: of and then I can we can be we can

2053
01:43:06,920 --> 01:43:09,800
Speaker 1: what's that word like? We can grieve together? Can grieve together? Yeah,

2054
01:43:09,840 --> 01:43:12,720
Speaker 1: And she may think in this email, she may think

2055
01:43:12,760 --> 01:43:14,719
Speaker 1: that if she brings that she she may be feeling

2056
01:43:14,760 --> 01:43:16,519
Speaker 1: that stuff, but not bring it up because and this

2057
01:43:16,600 --> 01:43:18,240
Speaker 1: is how I would feel. I wouldn't bring it up

2058
01:43:18,240 --> 01:43:20,120
Speaker 1: because wouldn't want to trigger it and bring it to

2059
01:43:20,200 --> 01:43:22,840
Speaker 1: Jan's intention when really she's thinking about it all the time,

2060
01:43:23,120 --> 01:43:25,120
Speaker 1: especially at that point. So bring it to him and

2061
01:43:25,400 --> 01:43:27,880
Speaker 1: share with him how you're feeling about it, and that

2062
01:43:27,960 --> 01:43:30,120
Speaker 1: might soften him be like, oh, wow, you do really care.

2063
01:43:30,160 --> 01:43:32,320
Speaker 1: There's probably a whole another aspect for him too, because

2064
01:43:32,360 --> 01:43:35,599
Speaker 1: it was with a woman, So maybe for him he's like, yeah,

2065
01:43:35,640 --> 01:43:39,920
Speaker 1: that'd be tough. He's probably very confused, and there's probably

2066
01:43:39,920 --> 01:43:42,080
Speaker 1: a lot going on in there. I mean I would

2067
01:43:42,120 --> 01:43:44,200
Speaker 1: when you be confused, if Ty wasn't the guy, I

2068
01:43:44,200 --> 01:43:47,719
Speaker 1: would be and then came back and then I would

2069
01:43:47,720 --> 01:43:50,240
Speaker 1: just I'm sure I would. I feel like she needs

2070
01:43:50,280 --> 01:43:53,559
Speaker 1: to be really understanding of like what, like how's going

2071
01:43:53,600 --> 01:43:57,400
Speaker 1: on in his Do you think that's more hurtful? Is

2072
01:43:57,439 --> 01:44:00,360
Speaker 1: it fair to say one it's fair to one is

2073
01:44:00,360 --> 01:44:02,040
Speaker 1: more horful than the other. I really don't. I don't

2074
01:44:02,080 --> 01:44:04,320
Speaker 1: think it's more. I don't think it's fair to say, well,

2075
01:44:04,360 --> 01:44:06,040
Speaker 1: you didn't love any of the people you're with, or

2076
01:44:06,160 --> 01:44:08,320
Speaker 1: they she didn't love this person. It was just a

2077
01:44:08,400 --> 01:44:10,599
Speaker 1: quick fix. It's I don't think any of those there's

2078
01:44:10,680 --> 01:44:13,760
Speaker 1: no amount of pain. Also, it's nine months. I mean

2079
01:44:13,800 --> 01:44:16,320
Speaker 1: it wasn't a one night stand. Yeah, yeah, so I

2080
01:44:16,320 --> 01:44:18,800
Speaker 1: mean that too. I think that's just hard. In the

2081
01:44:18,920 --> 01:44:21,720
Speaker 1: extra layer of so you still do start to earn

2082
01:44:21,720 --> 01:44:24,800
Speaker 1: trust back, but it's like you're not just worried about

2083
01:44:25,520 --> 01:44:29,520
Speaker 1: the one sex, You're worried about her making a new girlfriend.

2084
01:44:30,360 --> 01:44:32,760
Speaker 1: You're hanging out with this female more and you guys

2085
01:44:32,760 --> 01:44:35,840
Speaker 1: are just friends. But get the trust back, But does

2086
01:44:35,880 --> 01:44:38,200
Speaker 1: she always been back? In my mind? Does she really

2087
01:44:38,240 --> 01:44:42,360
Speaker 1: even want to be with me? Men? In general? It's interesting.

2088
01:44:43,720 --> 01:44:46,880
Speaker 1: I'd like to end of the light lighter. This is

2089
01:44:46,920 --> 01:44:49,840
Speaker 1: from Brittany, and this is hilarious. Six years ago, I

2090
01:44:49,880 --> 01:44:51,880
Speaker 1: fell off a bar stool and broke my collar bone

2091
01:44:52,720 --> 01:44:55,120
Speaker 1: and was prescribed pain medication that made me the most

2092
01:44:55,120 --> 01:44:58,280
Speaker 1: emotional and crazy human I've ever been. I guess one

2093
01:44:58,400 --> 01:45:03,160
Speaker 1: night I tweeted Janet Ramer sucks live. Thank you. I remember.

2094
01:45:04,760 --> 01:45:07,040
Speaker 1: I remember the next day looking at my phone and

2095
01:45:07,080 --> 01:45:09,200
Speaker 1: seeing that Janet tweeted me back, and a lot of

2096
01:45:09,200 --> 01:45:10,840
Speaker 1: her fans did. And when I first thought I had

2097
01:45:10,840 --> 01:45:13,080
Speaker 1: no idea what was going on, I don't remember tweeting

2098
01:45:13,080 --> 01:45:15,160
Speaker 1: that at all, but apparently I did. I would like

2099
01:45:15,200 --> 01:45:19,080
Speaker 1: to apologize for tweeting her six years ago that she

2100
01:45:19,160 --> 01:45:25,200
Speaker 1: sucks live. I'm so sorry. First of all, don't be sorry, Brittney,

2101
01:45:25,320 --> 01:45:29,519
Speaker 1: We've been look. First of all, love you. I'm I'm

2102
01:45:29,560 --> 01:45:31,799
Speaker 1: glad that I retreated you. I'm sorry if anyone anyone

2103
01:45:32,040 --> 01:45:34,599
Speaker 1: remain to you, but I probably did. I mean, I'm

2104
01:45:34,600 --> 01:45:38,519
Speaker 1: not the greatest live, so I do kind of suck live.

2105
01:45:38,680 --> 01:45:41,720
Speaker 1: Challenge challenge I've always said, and this is completely unbiased,

2106
01:45:41,840 --> 01:45:45,280
Speaker 1: don't you see service again coming out. I think you're

2107
01:45:45,320 --> 01:45:49,080
Speaker 1: one of the best live performers I've seen period, hands

2108
01:45:49,120 --> 01:45:52,479
Speaker 1: down over every all the you know shows I've been

2109
01:45:52,479 --> 01:45:55,040
Speaker 1: to with you. I think you are hands down one

2110
01:45:55,080 --> 01:45:57,720
Speaker 1: of the best where even some of your songs you

2111
01:45:57,760 --> 01:46:00,679
Speaker 1: perform live. I like that version better than the album. Thanks,

2112
01:46:01,479 --> 01:46:06,559
Speaker 1: I completely he's your husband check with somebody who's not

2113
01:46:06,560 --> 01:46:17,120
Speaker 1: your husband. Incredible. She brings the energy every single time. Well,

2114
01:46:17,160 --> 01:46:20,479
Speaker 1: I I was funny, but now Brett Brett, It's all

2115
01:46:20,479 --> 01:46:23,760
Speaker 1: good girl. It's you know, we all do things. We

2116
01:46:23,840 --> 01:46:27,880
Speaker 1: all have the ambient tweets, right, it's all good. She

2117
01:46:27,920 --> 01:46:31,360
Speaker 1: was drawn, she was, but she was mixing. Yeah. That

2118
01:46:34,720 --> 01:46:36,720
Speaker 1: On that note, a huge thank you to open Fit.

2119
01:46:36,800 --> 01:46:38,960
Speaker 1: You will get full access to open Fit totally free

2120
01:46:39,000 --> 01:46:42,519
Speaker 1: when you text Janna to zip Recruiter. Try zip recruiter

2121
01:46:42,600 --> 01:46:46,439
Speaker 1: for free at this exclusive website, zip recruiter dot com

2122
01:46:46,479 --> 01:46:49,519
Speaker 1: slash Janna, Visit noon dot com slash Janna to start

2123
01:46:49,520 --> 01:46:52,280
Speaker 1: your child today, and last, but not least, our favorite,

2124
01:46:52,360 --> 01:46:54,679
Speaker 1: Legacy Box. Go to legacy box dot com slash Janna

2125
01:46:54,720 --> 01:46:58,120
Speaker 1: to get off your first order. I'm it's gonna stop

2126
01:46:58,160 --> 01:47:02,760
Speaker 1: talking because apparently I suck. So you're saying under the

2127
01:47:02,760 --> 01:47:08,639
Speaker 1: sea last night. Alright, let's wind down again next week. Guys,

2128
01:47:13,200 --> 01:47:13,840
Speaker 1: that fun