WEBVTT - 2024 Milestone Recap: Opening Up About My Miscarriage 0:00:10.000 --> 0:00:16.360 Hi, guys, Welcome to this episode of Cheege's and Chill. 0:00:16.520 --> 0:00:19.279 This is going to be an intimate episode just you 0:00:19.320 --> 0:00:28.280 and I. It's in regards to my miscarriage. I decided 0:00:28.320 --> 0:00:32.680 to talk about it because, especially you guys, my listeners, 0:00:32.720 --> 0:00:35.479 have been with me through the journey. I have been 0:00:35.600 --> 0:00:41.560 very open with you guys about all the issues that 0:00:41.600 --> 0:00:45.400 I've had with my reproductive system, with things for my past. 0:00:45.760 --> 0:00:49.599 And also I had to make it very public. And 0:00:49.640 --> 0:00:52.279 I think the only reason I made it public in 0:00:52.320 --> 0:00:55.920 reality was because of the circumstances of how it happened. 0:00:55.920 --> 0:00:57.520 I think if it would have been during the week, 0:00:57.920 --> 0:01:03.840 I probably wouldn't have said anything because I wanted to 0:01:03.880 --> 0:01:06.440 keep it to myself. So let me just go back 0:01:06.720 --> 0:01:10.040 to how everything happened. How I even got pregnant. It 0:01:10.080 --> 0:01:14.560 happened naturally, you guys. I was very surprised. I was 0:01:14.640 --> 0:01:18.640 very shocked. I found out May thirteenth that I was pregnant. 0:01:18.800 --> 0:01:20.679 It was the day that I was leaving to New 0:01:20.760 --> 0:01:23.120 York because I had to go to some upfronts in 0:01:23.160 --> 0:01:27.240 New York for my docu. And I was only two 0:01:27.280 --> 0:01:32.480 days late. And I'm pretty regular, despite like endometriosis, like 0:01:32.520 --> 0:01:34.559 I'm very regular. I'm very in tune with my body. 0:01:34.959 --> 0:01:37.600 So I had just really noticed more than anything, like 0:01:37.640 --> 0:01:40.039 I didn't feel like my boobs weren't tender. I wasn't 0:01:40.080 --> 0:01:44.080 really having any symptoms. I was just very irritable and 0:01:44.200 --> 0:01:46.240 I didn't know that was a symptom until I started googling, 0:01:46.240 --> 0:01:49.120 because I was a Google freak during the time that 0:01:49.160 --> 0:01:53.400 I was pregnant. So anyways, I had only been two days. 0:01:53.520 --> 0:01:55.760 I told Kimberly, my assistant. I was like, Hey, just 0:01:55.760 --> 0:01:57.240 do me a favor on your way to work, just 0:01:57.280 --> 0:01:59.240 bring me a pregnancy testion and ask any questions. I 0:01:59.240 --> 0:02:01.760 didn't even tell me. I was just like, I've taken 0:02:01.760 --> 0:02:04.240 pregnancy test before. I'm gonna be fine. I don't feel 0:02:04.240 --> 0:02:08.960 anything like you know, I'm fine. So Emilia and I 0:02:09.000 --> 0:02:10.680 were like saying our goodbyes, and I was like, oh, wait, 0:02:10.720 --> 0:02:12.080 I got a pee. Let me just grab one of these. 0:02:12.120 --> 0:02:15.480 And he's like, what are you doing? And I'm like oh, anyways, 0:02:15.520 --> 0:02:17.600 and I just kept going on with my conversation because 0:02:17.600 --> 0:02:20.000 I was telling him something and I was just like 0:02:20.160 --> 0:02:23.560 very just casually just paying on the stick. And because 0:02:23.560 --> 0:02:25.360 again I really didn't think it was going to come 0:02:25.400 --> 0:02:29.080 out positive, and he's like, babe, what do you do. 0:02:29.120 --> 0:02:31.200 He's just like looking at me and like watching me pee, 0:02:31.240 --> 0:02:33.000 and I'm still talking. I'm like yeah, and I'm opening 0:02:33.040 --> 0:02:34.600 the package and I'm paying and like I pee on 0:02:34.639 --> 0:02:36.440 it and like wipe, and I do the whole thing. 0:02:36.480 --> 0:02:38.639 I put it to the side, and then I'm like yeah, babe, 0:02:38.680 --> 0:02:40.600 and he's like, are you okay. I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. 0:02:40.600 --> 0:02:43.200 I'm just taking a pregnancy just to make sure. And 0:02:43.200 --> 0:02:46.160 he's like okay. So his face completely changed, like what 0:02:46.240 --> 0:02:49.200 is going on? Because I didn't tell him. So anyways, 0:02:49.200 --> 0:02:50.920 I go back into the restroom before I'm about to 0:02:50.919 --> 0:02:53.720 walk out the door and to leave to New York 0:02:53.760 --> 0:02:56.200 because he wasn't going with me on that trip, and 0:02:56.240 --> 0:03:00.200 it said positive and it was a box of three. 0:03:00.600 --> 0:03:04.679 So I was like, oh my god. I was the 0:03:04.760 --> 0:03:06.840 first thing I said. I was like f I was like, 0:03:07.040 --> 0:03:08.840 are you f in kidding mer Ay, You're fucking kidding me, 0:03:08.840 --> 0:03:10.400 That's what I said. And he's like what happened. I'm like, 0:03:10.480 --> 0:03:12.320 look at this. I was like, no, this has to 0:03:12.360 --> 0:03:13.679 be wrong. He's like, well, take another one. I was 0:03:13.720 --> 0:03:15.920 like okay. So I started chugging water and I was like, oh, 0:03:15.919 --> 0:03:18.000 I gotta go. I'm already laid to the airport and 0:03:18.160 --> 0:03:22.240 I chugged a whole like a bottle of water and 0:03:22.280 --> 0:03:23.919 there I am sitting and waiting till I have to pee, 0:03:23.960 --> 0:03:26.080 and I and it was one. The first one that 0:03:26.120 --> 0:03:29.160 I took had like it was the lines. It wasn't 0:03:29.200 --> 0:03:31.079 the one that said pregnant, right. So the second one 0:03:31.120 --> 0:03:33.240 I took, it was the one that was either going 0:03:33.320 --> 0:03:35.480 to say not pregnant or pregnant. So I was like, Okay, 0:03:35.480 --> 0:03:37.680 this is really going to help me put things into perspective. 0:03:37.680 --> 0:03:39.760 Maybe the first one is like a like a faulty one. 0:03:39.840 --> 0:03:42.200 I don't know. So I took it and sure enough 0:03:42.400 --> 0:03:46.040 I said pregnant, and I was like, okay. I was 0:03:46.080 --> 0:03:48.800 like something's off. I was like, I have a plan 0:03:48.880 --> 0:03:51.200 for this year. The plan is to work work, work, work, 0:03:51.240 --> 0:03:52.480 and then at the end of the year, we're going 0:03:52.560 --> 0:03:54.280 to figure it out. We're going to decide after we've 0:03:54.280 --> 0:03:57.560 been married, the whole thing. So I was like in shock, 0:03:57.680 --> 0:04:01.840 complete shock. I almost felt sick because I was like, 0:04:01.920 --> 0:04:04.800 oh my gosh, I'm about to start my tour. What 0:04:04.960 --> 0:04:08.040 is happening? And I remember before I left, I looked 0:04:08.080 --> 0:04:11.160 up and I was like, God, you're funny. I remember 0:04:11.200 --> 0:04:13.000 saying that, like those were my exact words, and a me. 0:04:13.080 --> 0:04:15.440 He was like, are you okay. I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. 0:04:15.440 --> 0:04:16.960 I'm gonna take this last one with me and I'll 0:04:16.960 --> 0:04:19.239 take it to New York. I gotta go. He said, babar, 0:04:19.279 --> 0:04:22.240 are you fine. I was like, I'm fine. He walks 0:04:22.240 --> 0:04:23.839 out the door. I didn't know this until after, but 0:04:23.880 --> 0:04:26.359 he told Kimberly, my assistant, He's like, take care of 0:04:26.360 --> 0:04:29.160 her please. She didn't know what was going on, and 0:04:29.200 --> 0:04:31.120 she had asked me a little bit earlier. She was 0:04:31.120 --> 0:04:32.760 actually the one that reminded me to take the test 0:04:32.800 --> 0:04:34.560 because I had forgot. She say, hey, did you take 0:04:34.600 --> 0:04:35.919 the test? Are you good? I'm like, oh shit, no, 0:04:35.960 --> 0:04:37.840 I haven't yet, but I will. And that's what, like, 0:04:38.480 --> 0:04:41.160 you know, reminded me to take the tests. So anyways, 0:04:41.200 --> 0:04:42.880 I didn't say anything. I'm sitting in the car and 0:04:42.920 --> 0:04:44.880 I'm just like, oh my gosh, this is this is no, 0:04:45.279 --> 0:04:48.800 this is crazy, like what the heck. Anyways, we get 0:04:48.800 --> 0:04:53.159 to New York. I take that test the second the 0:04:53.160 --> 0:04:57.120 third test, should I say? And it said negative? When 0:04:57.120 --> 0:04:58.680 I was in New York it said negative, and I 0:04:58.720 --> 0:05:01.719 was like, look, babe, look negative. He's like okay. He 0:05:01.760 --> 0:05:05.520 starts googling, and it's like okay. Sometimes it's more common 0:05:05.640 --> 0:05:09.280 for it to be for to have a false negative 0:05:09.279 --> 0:05:12.320 than a false positive. That's I guess what he researched. 0:05:12.440 --> 0:05:14.760 So anyways, he's like, go get another box. So then 0:05:14.880 --> 0:05:17.240 I go send. I said, Kim, go get another box 0:05:17.240 --> 0:05:18.840 in New York. I was like, maybe this one was 0:05:18.880 --> 0:05:21.080 like a weird box. I was like, oh, get another box. 0:05:21.120 --> 0:05:24.000 So she did, and I took the tests and they 0:05:24.040 --> 0:05:27.440 both came out positive. And I called my Obi and 0:05:27.480 --> 0:05:30.440 I said, hey, I know we talked about this plan. 0:05:30.880 --> 0:05:33.240 I just got a paps. We just removed the the 0:05:33.440 --> 0:05:35.719 you know, the polyups, because she did tell me, she's like, hey, 0:05:35.920 --> 0:05:39.000 once we remove these poll ups, it just opens everything up, 0:05:39.080 --> 0:05:42.400 so be careful. And it had been three years you 0:05:42.400 --> 0:05:46.520 guys having unprotected sex with Emilio and I wouldn't get pregnant. 0:05:46.720 --> 0:05:49.240 So I thought, okay, we did the IVF. We're good, 0:05:49.279 --> 0:05:53.200 We're chilling. I told my Obi, hey, is what's going on? 0:05:53.480 --> 0:05:56.360 I need an appointment. So she was wonderful enough to 0:05:56.360 --> 0:05:59.719 give me an appointment as soon as I landed, so I 0:05:59.800 --> 0:06:02.320 left it on a Wednesday. Everything in New York. People 0:06:02.320 --> 0:06:04.279 were asking me on the red carpet, you know, hey, 0:06:04.320 --> 0:06:05.400 when are you going to be a mom? And I 0:06:05.440 --> 0:06:06.640 was just like, I feel like I'm lying. I was like, 0:06:06.680 --> 0:06:09.440 I don't know. Whenever God wants. But I was like, literally, 0:06:09.480 --> 0:06:10.599 I was like, I'm lying right now. I was like, 0:06:10.600 --> 0:06:12.000 because of course I'm not going to tell him. It's 0:06:12.000 --> 0:06:13.440 way too early. I don't even know what's going on, 0:06:13.480 --> 0:06:16.000 and you like draw blood. I was freaking out, like 0:06:16.040 --> 0:06:17.920 I felt like the entire time I was in New York. 0:06:17.960 --> 0:06:20.839 I wasn't like there. I was just so in my head. 0:06:20.880 --> 0:06:23.080 I had to do a video shoot and I was like, 0:06:23.120 --> 0:06:24.760 oh my god, Like but of course I was googling 0:06:24.800 --> 0:06:26.320 can I eat this? Can I drink this? I stopped 0:06:26.360 --> 0:06:29.680 drinking coffee, I stopped eating Deli meat. I like, from 0:06:29.720 --> 0:06:32.200 one day to another, you guys like I had just 0:06:32.240 --> 0:06:35.080 been the week before in Miami getting drunk on a 0:06:35.160 --> 0:06:37.240 yacht and I was like, oh my god, I was pregnant. 0:06:37.240 --> 0:06:39.239 Oh my god. Like I started feeling guilty right away, 0:06:40.120 --> 0:06:42.200 and then I'm like, okay, no, it's okay. The good 0:06:42.200 --> 0:06:45.160 thing is like I you know, I found out. So anyways, 0:06:45.240 --> 0:06:47.960 I was just like everywhere in my head in New York. 0:06:49.440 --> 0:06:54.000 Finally get home. The next day, I had the appointment 0:06:54.360 --> 0:06:57.479 and they did an ultrasound. They drew blood and the 0:06:57.560 --> 0:07:00.480 ultrasound showed a little cute sack. They're like in the sack, 0:07:00.520 --> 0:07:02.559 there's nothing there yet, like it still has to drop, 0:07:02.600 --> 0:07:06.279 and like the implantation and the whole thing. Like, okay, 0:07:06.360 --> 0:07:09.720 you know, they gave me an appointment for you know, 0:07:11.520 --> 0:07:16.560 like two weeks. And anyways, we got confirmation and Amelia 0:07:16.680 --> 0:07:18.880 was like, I just need to know, like, tell me, 0:07:19.000 --> 0:07:21.920 is she pregnant. She's like, yes, she is pregnant. Emilio, 0:07:22.520 --> 0:07:25.280 this is really happening. So our lives changed from one 0:07:25.320 --> 0:07:27.120 day to another. You guys, I'm not gonna lie. I 0:07:27.120 --> 0:07:35.800 was freaking out. I actually have videos that I was 0:07:35.840 --> 0:07:41.320 already making for the baby. I did like a vlog 0:07:41.440 --> 0:07:44.360 thing and I can't watch the videos right now. But 0:07:45.840 --> 0:07:50.400 I went from being so freaking scared, I was kind 0:07:50.440 --> 0:07:53.560 of upset. I'm not gonna lie, and I feel a 0:07:53.560 --> 0:07:55.320 little guilty talking about this, but you guys know I'm 0:07:55.320 --> 0:07:58.640 always real with you, and that's the only way that 0:07:59.120 --> 0:08:02.520 I can be. But I was a little upset. At first, 0:08:02.560 --> 0:08:04.920 I was very I was thinking of everything in a 0:08:05.000 --> 0:08:08.000 very negative or should I say in a selfish way, 0:08:08.720 --> 0:08:14.160 because I had my year planned. You know. We went 0:08:14.200 --> 0:08:17.400 to Kabo for a Milo's birthday. The following week after 0:08:17.440 --> 0:08:19.720 we got we found out we were pregnant, and I 0:08:19.800 --> 0:08:22.680 had this I got this particular room so that we 0:08:22.760 --> 0:08:24.760 can have fun and get drunk together and the whole thing. 0:08:24.800 --> 0:08:27.560 And it just like I was in Cabo, in this 0:08:27.640 --> 0:08:32.040 beautiful resort, celebrating in Milo's birthday, and I was upset 0:08:32.080 --> 0:08:36.200 because he got buzzed and I couldn't and I was 0:08:36.240 --> 0:08:38.520 just like, what is happening? Like why is this happening? 0:08:39.080 --> 0:08:40.960 And I was a little bothered. I cried so much 0:08:40.960 --> 0:08:42.880 in Cabbo. I was just like, God, like what's happening. 0:08:42.880 --> 0:08:45.880 I'm going to start my tour, like you knew the plan. 0:08:46.080 --> 0:08:49.720 Like I'm like, I had this plan of just my 0:08:49.840 --> 0:08:53.480 birthday and our marriage and like this whole thing. So 0:08:53.600 --> 0:08:57.840 I now I feel even more guilty because I'm like, 0:08:57.920 --> 0:09:02.559 did I cause this? You know? But then I got 0:09:02.559 --> 0:09:05.760 really excited. I went from being so scared to upset 0:09:05.880 --> 0:09:09.200 to being so excited. I feel like I was a 0:09:09.240 --> 0:09:12.040 really good pregnant woman because I wasn't having sushi. I 0:09:12.120 --> 0:09:14.880 was at the Noble Hotel in Kabo, Saint Lucas, and 0:09:14.960 --> 0:09:17.400 I love sushi, and I was like, I'm not having it. 0:09:17.440 --> 0:09:19.760 There were friends or I would like look, and I 0:09:19.800 --> 0:09:22.240 asked one particular person. I was like, hey, I didn't 0:09:22.240 --> 0:09:23.439 tell her I was pregnant, but I was like, hey, 0:09:23.440 --> 0:09:25.600 did you have sushi? Did you drink coffee when you 0:09:25.600 --> 0:09:27.960 were pregnant? And some would say yes, some would say no, 0:09:28.000 --> 0:09:29.640 but like are you pregnant. I'm like no, I'm just 0:09:29.679 --> 0:09:32.439 asking for a friend. Now they're probably like, oh, bitch, 0:09:32.840 --> 0:09:36.520 you were pregnant. But I stopped everything you guys, I 0:09:36.520 --> 0:09:41.920 stopped drinking coffee I didn't have. I was like cold turkey. 0:09:42.040 --> 0:09:43.559 And then I started thinking like, oh my god, God 0:09:43.679 --> 0:09:46.360 was preparing me for this. The first three months of 0:09:46.360 --> 0:09:49.600 the year, for ninety days, I was sober. I stopped 0:09:49.760 --> 0:09:51.440 like all these things. I was like, I feel like 0:09:51.559 --> 0:09:53.920 God was preparing me for this moment. And then I 0:09:53.960 --> 0:09:57.400 went into like this super woman feeling of I kept 0:09:57.400 --> 0:09:59.679 working out and I felt fine and my obi was like, yes, 0:09:59.720 --> 0:10:01.720 you can work out, Like, don't lift anything heavy other 0:10:01.720 --> 0:10:03.560 than twenty pounds, but you can still do your thing. 0:10:03.559 --> 0:10:05.440 And I was like, okay, and I felt like I 0:10:05.480 --> 0:10:07.839 had more energy in the weirdest way. There were times 0:10:07.840 --> 0:10:08.960 where I would get tired and I was like, I 0:10:08.960 --> 0:10:12.080 need a nap, But I felt like superwoman. I was like, 0:10:12.120 --> 0:10:15.480 oh my god, I'm I'm like God is giving me everything, 0:10:16.240 --> 0:10:19.800 like I'm pregnant. It happened naturally and as scared as 0:10:19.840 --> 0:10:21.680 I am, but I can go on tour. Like I 0:10:21.720 --> 0:10:24.520 felt like a superwoman and I'm like, oh my god, 0:10:24.720 --> 0:10:27.080 I'm like I kept telling myself in my meditation, I'm capable. 0:10:27.120 --> 0:10:29.240 I'm capable, Like I don't have to stop doing anything 0:10:29.240 --> 0:10:32.720 that I'm doing because my body is doing this. So 0:10:32.800 --> 0:10:34.800 I had all these emotions. So then I got really 0:10:34.840 --> 0:10:37.199 excited and like Emilio and I were even doing, like 0:10:37.240 --> 0:10:39.280 I said, videos for the baby, doing vlogs. I did 0:10:39.280 --> 0:10:41.480 win in Cowbo. I did want any moment. Even when 0:10:41.480 --> 0:10:43.800 I was feeling sad and nervous, I was like talking 0:10:43.800 --> 0:10:45.560 to the baby and like hey, like this is how 0:10:45.600 --> 0:10:48.560 I'm feeling today. So I was really excited, and I 0:10:48.559 --> 0:10:51.600 bought all the books and I bought an anti radiation 0:10:51.800 --> 0:10:56.400 blanket for the airplane because I was like, I want 0:10:56.480 --> 0:11:00.520 to protect the baby, and I was like I was 0:11:00.559 --> 0:11:05.920 excited and anyways, I didn't think I was gonna get 0:11:05.920 --> 0:11:16.960 so emotional. But then I went on tour and my 0:11:17.040 --> 0:11:19.679 obie is amazing, by the way, like any question I had, 0:11:19.720 --> 0:11:23.720 she would answer at any time. And I was googling everything, 0:11:23.960 --> 0:11:27.800 like I was obsessed with Google how to erase, you know, 0:11:27.880 --> 0:11:30.080 like when you google things and then the tabs are open. 0:11:30.760 --> 0:11:32.880 Everything I had to do with babies. My whole freaking 0:11:33.000 --> 0:11:35.400 feed is baby stuff because that's all I was searching, 0:11:36.400 --> 0:11:39.360 and I had to like close everything out. I was like, 0:11:39.400 --> 0:11:42.800 I just for my healing process right now, I just 0:11:42.880 --> 0:11:49.400 need to just keep that hidden for right now. But anyways, 0:11:49.480 --> 0:11:54.560 I went on tour. I the first day of tour 0:11:54.720 --> 0:12:00.360 was very very very very stress very stressful, very over me. 0:12:03.280 --> 0:12:06.280 But the show went amazing. The show went amazing. I 0:12:06.400 --> 0:12:10.360 was wearing very high heels. My doctor just said, don't 0:12:10.520 --> 0:12:14.040 just be careful. You're fine to do your show. Just 0:12:14.080 --> 0:12:16.360 don't fall. Be careful coming down the stairs because now 0:12:16.360 --> 0:12:19.800 I have stairs, you know, like for my show. So 0:12:20.720 --> 0:12:24.720 everything went great. I felt so freaking like I felt 0:12:24.720 --> 0:12:27.200 like I was glowing on that first show, I felt 0:12:27.240 --> 0:12:30.720 so powerful. I felt like invincible, And of course I 0:12:30.800 --> 0:12:32.760 had like a bottle that showed that I was like 0:12:32.880 --> 0:12:35.640 drinking alcohol, but I wasn't. It was nothing but water. 0:12:36.240 --> 0:12:40.440 And I was nervous to start also my tour because 0:12:41.679 --> 0:12:43.560 I'm used to drinking at my shows, like it makes 0:12:43.559 --> 0:12:45.680 it very fun for me, and I'm like, Okay. Even 0:12:45.679 --> 0:12:48.120 with that, I was like, God is really trying to 0:12:48.120 --> 0:12:51.000 bring out the best version of myself with this pregnancy. 0:12:51.120 --> 0:12:53.320 So even though I had all these plans and I 0:12:53.320 --> 0:12:56.000 wanted to kind of like, you know, be a little 0:12:56.000 --> 0:12:58.520 crazy this year for the rest of the year, because 0:12:58.559 --> 0:13:01.959 I took that ninety day break and then the plan 0:13:02.080 --> 0:13:04.200 was to just party it out, you know, the rest 0:13:04.200 --> 0:13:07.240 of the year. So anyways, with that, I was even like, damn, 0:13:07.280 --> 0:13:09.600 it's gonna be weird. Am I going to do good 0:13:09.600 --> 0:13:13.880 at my show? And I did and it went freaking amazing, 0:13:13.920 --> 0:13:16.040 and I felt like my voice was on point. Everything 0:13:16.120 --> 0:13:19.480 was just so good and I didn't feel anything that day. 0:13:19.520 --> 0:13:23.560 Everything was fine. I had so much energy. As soon 0:13:23.600 --> 0:13:26.320 as I got off of stage and we drove home 0:13:26.360 --> 0:13:29.199 from San Diego two hours and Emilio and I were 0:13:29.280 --> 0:13:31.320 up and I took a thirty minute nap and I 0:13:31.400 --> 0:13:34.080 was fine, had so much energy. I was excited for 0:13:34.120 --> 0:13:38.760 the next show. We file out to Albuquerque, and you know, 0:13:38.840 --> 0:13:41.920 just to backtrack a little bit, like I went from, 0:13:42.240 --> 0:13:46.040 like I said, being scared and being upset to I 0:13:46.320 --> 0:13:49.680 woke up one morning and in my devotional it said 0:13:49.720 --> 0:13:54.080 something about taking yourself, like stop thinking about everything that 0:13:54.120 --> 0:13:57.720 you're missing and stop thinking about it in an egocentric 0:13:57.760 --> 0:14:00.920 way and think about what the one is. Obviously my 0:14:00.960 --> 0:14:03.280 devotion doesn't know what I'm talking about what's going on 0:14:03.320 --> 0:14:04.960 with me in my personal life, like I'm pregnant, but 0:14:04.960 --> 0:14:08.520 it completely changed everything for me. So again it just 0:14:08.600 --> 0:14:11.280 kind of set everything for me. And going into the tour, 0:14:11.320 --> 0:14:12.880 I was excited. I was like, oh my god, I'm 0:14:12.880 --> 0:14:15.840 gonna be that like pregnant woman on tour and it's 0:14:15.840 --> 0:14:18.200 gonna beautiful. So I started just accepting and I was 0:14:18.240 --> 0:14:22.840 so excited. So anyways, we get to Albuquerque, everything was fine. 0:14:22.960 --> 0:14:24.920 We were already like planning where we're gonna go eat. 0:14:24.960 --> 0:14:26.920 I was excited. I wanted barbecue. As soon as we 0:14:26.960 --> 0:14:29.280 got to like New Mexico and I go into the 0:14:29.320 --> 0:14:35.320 restroom and there's like a spot and I'm like, oh 0:14:35.320 --> 0:14:38.320 my god. Immediately, like I just my heart dropped. I'm like, 0:14:38.360 --> 0:14:41.320 oh my god. I was like, oh my my whole like, 0:14:41.320 --> 0:14:42.560 oh this shit. I told the media shit and not 0:14:42.640 --> 0:14:44.120 say anything. I just couldn't. Like, I was like, oh 0:14:44.160 --> 0:14:46.240 my god, I'm gonna start crying, like and I was like, okay, 0:14:46.240 --> 0:14:49.880 I'm gonna keep my cool, and I just I wiped 0:14:49.920 --> 0:14:51.440 my tears and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna walk out. 0:14:51.560 --> 0:14:53.800 But as soon as I saw a medio, he saw 0:14:53.800 --> 0:14:55.440 it all over my face. He's like, what's wrong. And 0:14:55.480 --> 0:14:57.040 I said, oh my god, I'm bleeding. And I just 0:14:57.040 --> 0:14:58.680 started crying in the middle of the airport. I was like, 0:14:58.840 --> 0:15:01.720 I'm bleeding. I was like freaking out, and He's like relax, 0:15:01.800 --> 0:15:04.040 Like he's so good at staying calm, even though like 0:15:04.080 --> 0:15:06.640 now I know he wasn't. He wanted to break down himself, 0:15:06.640 --> 0:15:08.120 but he was so good with staying strong for me 0:15:08.120 --> 0:15:10.440 because I was freaking out, you guys. And then I 0:15:10.480 --> 0:15:13.920 told Kim. I was like, Kim, like I'm bleeding. She's like, okay, 0:15:14.000 --> 0:15:17.040 it's fine, Like she started researching. He started researching, and 0:15:17.400 --> 0:15:21.800 then everything online said that it's okay that spotting is normal. 0:15:22.040 --> 0:15:23.840 So I said, okay, cool, I don't have any cramping. 0:15:24.320 --> 0:15:26.800 There are any like cloths, any blood clouds, so I'm good. 0:15:26.840 --> 0:15:29.200 So it was just a very little amount of blood. 0:15:29.240 --> 0:15:31.960 I called my Obie and she's like, it's okay, just 0:15:32.240 --> 0:15:35.040 no working out, don't work out tomorrow or today, like, 0:15:35.120 --> 0:15:38.600 go to your hotel room, put your legs up, just relax. 0:15:39.040 --> 0:15:41.600 So we went to go eat. I did that. Everything 0:15:41.680 --> 0:15:44.720 was fine. I didn't have any cramping. The next morning, 0:15:44.720 --> 0:15:46.640 the blood started getting a little bit more. It started 0:15:46.920 --> 0:15:50.240 kind of looking like a period, but they again everything online. 0:15:50.240 --> 0:15:52.920 My Obi said it's fine. I felt fine to go, 0:15:54.080 --> 0:15:56.400 you know, to sound check and start getting ready for 0:15:56.440 --> 0:15:59.920 the show, and so I did, and then I went. 0:16:00.200 --> 0:16:03.280 I did sound check, and I was really excited. I 0:16:03.320 --> 0:16:05.440 was so excited, you guys for the show because I 0:16:05.480 --> 0:16:07.840 felt like I didn't feel the pressure of the first show. 0:16:07.920 --> 0:16:11.160 And then the venue was amazing, the energy was so beautiful. 0:16:11.200 --> 0:16:14.080 I was so freaking excited, you guys. And in the 0:16:14.120 --> 0:16:17.520 middle of soundcheck, I started getting really bad cramps and 0:16:17.560 --> 0:16:20.120 I was like, damn, But I kept with, you know, 0:16:21.000 --> 0:16:22.680 with soundcheck, and we did a few songs. We did 0:16:22.720 --> 0:16:27.560 like maybe forty minutes of soundcheck and it started getting 0:16:27.560 --> 0:16:29.000 hard to walk. I was like, oh my gosh, something 0:16:29.040 --> 0:16:31.520 feels weird. I went right when I got off stage 0:16:31.960 --> 0:16:36.000 to start getting like finished getting ready. I went into 0:16:36.000 --> 0:16:37.440 the restroom. I said he yeah, yeah. I was like 0:16:37.480 --> 0:16:40.320 I don't. I didn't. I was like, I gotta go 0:16:40.400 --> 0:16:43.960 check if I'm bleeding more, what's going on? Oh you guys. 0:16:44.160 --> 0:16:47.720 And that's where it started. I went to the bathroom 0:16:48.040 --> 0:16:50.400 and that's when I saw a blood clot and I 0:16:51.680 --> 0:16:55.840 fucking went bananas. I was devastated. I was like fuck, like, 0:16:56.040 --> 0:17:01.160 oh my god, it's happening. I was crying. I haven't cried. 0:17:01.560 --> 0:17:03.400 I think the last time I cried like that was 0:17:03.440 --> 0:17:07.600 when I lost my mom, like that, like yelling. I 0:17:07.680 --> 0:17:10.480 was like no, I was like oh, and I thought 0:17:10.640 --> 0:17:12.800 what did I do wrong? Like I was like damn it, 0:17:12.840 --> 0:17:15.200 Like I stopped everything, Like I was like maybe because 0:17:15.240 --> 0:17:17.080 I was jumping at my show yesterday, like I was like, 0:17:17.080 --> 0:17:19.639 oh my god, or the other night, like I was 0:17:19.640 --> 0:17:23.920 like oh. And then I was like call Emilio and 0:17:26.080 --> 0:17:29.119 he kept his cool. But I was a mess. I 0:17:29.160 --> 0:17:32.080 was a mess, and the pain started just coming and 0:17:32.119 --> 0:17:35.560 I was like, damn it. I was and I knew it. 0:17:35.640 --> 0:17:37.959 I knew what was happening. And I told my Obi 0:17:37.960 --> 0:17:40.439 and she says, are you okay? And I'm like, no, 0:17:40.520 --> 0:17:42.520 I don't know. I was like and I was like, 0:17:42.800 --> 0:17:45.119 I think I'm okay still physically to keep going with 0:17:45.160 --> 0:17:48.520 the show. But that night it so happened to be 0:17:48.600 --> 0:17:51.879 that the outfit I took was white. So I was 0:17:51.920 --> 0:17:53.760 just like, oh my god. I was literally sitting there 0:17:54.760 --> 0:17:57.560 for two hours waiting for my makeup and my hair. 0:17:57.600 --> 0:17:58.879 She was doing my hair, and I was like, I'm 0:17:58.880 --> 0:18:00.320 still gonna go on stage. I could do this, Like 0:18:00.359 --> 0:18:02.840 I can do this, like going full blown on like 0:18:03.880 --> 0:18:06.360 I'm having a miscarriage. Like I had to like accept it. 0:18:06.800 --> 0:18:09.720 I hadn't said anything yet to anyone besides the people 0:18:09.760 --> 0:18:11.679 that were in the room, which Jessica. Jessica didn't even 0:18:11.720 --> 0:18:13.479 know I was pregnant. The only people that knew were 0:18:13.520 --> 0:18:19.119 Kim and Immedio and and then the paine just started 0:18:19.119 --> 0:18:22.080 getting unbearable. I literally held onto the very last minute. 0:18:22.160 --> 0:18:24.000 I was like, no, I don't want to let people down, 0:18:24.119 --> 0:18:28.040 like I'm excited. I want to perform, But then I 0:18:28.080 --> 0:18:29.639 just had to make a decision. I was like, dude, 0:18:29.680 --> 0:18:32.119 like what if I just start bleeding out in the 0:18:32.119 --> 0:18:37.760 middle of my concert, Like no, I just I'm like, 0:18:37.840 --> 0:18:41.639 maybe physically I can pull through because that's who I am, 0:18:42.000 --> 0:18:45.159 but emotionally there's no way. And I felt like the 0:18:45.160 --> 0:18:47.439 people that were there don't don't deserve that. They deserve 0:18:48.640 --> 0:18:50.520 the best show, and that's what I want to give them. 0:18:51.000 --> 0:18:52.320 So I had to make the decision. I was like, 0:18:52.359 --> 0:18:53.679 I need to go to the hospital. So then that's 0:18:53.680 --> 0:18:57.280 when I told Richard. I told my managers because both 0:18:57.280 --> 0:18:59.879 of them were there, you know, Guiermo and Richard, and 0:19:00.440 --> 0:19:02.199 I told him. I was like, this is I was 0:19:02.280 --> 0:19:04.920 hiding something from you. And I was just so afraid 0:19:04.960 --> 0:19:07.960 to tell Richard, my manager, because I didn't want him 0:19:07.960 --> 0:19:10.120 to think that I wasn't. I wanted to show him 0:19:10.160 --> 0:19:12.720 before telling him I can still do this. I can 0:19:12.760 --> 0:19:21.680 be on tour. I'm fine. We went to the hospital 0:19:21.720 --> 0:19:26.080 and I just wanted to know if it was really happening. 0:19:26.080 --> 0:19:28.680 I still had hope, and Milli and I both still 0:19:28.680 --> 0:19:32.040 had hope that maybe it was just I don't know, 0:19:32.520 --> 0:19:36.560 but it just was coming out everything, and they did 0:19:36.600 --> 0:19:39.520 an ultrasound. We were there at the hospital for like 0:19:39.920 --> 0:19:42.040 the emergency room for like three hours. They were so 0:19:42.160 --> 0:19:44.080 nice to meet the people, all the nurses and the 0:19:44.080 --> 0:19:48.840 doctors in Albuquerque. While amazing, they were so nice. So 0:19:49.160 --> 0:19:52.960 like even when they told me like, yeah, it's a miscarriage, 0:19:53.000 --> 0:19:57.399 like you know, she's like, nothing you did is your fault. 0:19:58.440 --> 0:20:01.440 I was like I kept thinking, it was like, God, 0:20:01.560 --> 0:20:14.719 maybe it's my Maybe I can't but I'm sorry. But 0:20:14.760 --> 0:20:19.760 they made me feel better and they said that this 0:20:19.880 --> 0:20:23.320 is actually a great thing because you know, your body 0:20:23.359 --> 0:20:26.600 is showing that you can you can't get pregnant, and 0:20:26.640 --> 0:20:30.119