Speaker 1: Hi, guys, Welcome to this episode of Cheege's and Chill.
Speaker 1: This is going to be an intimate episode just you
Speaker 1: and I. It's in regards to my miscarriage. I decided
Speaker 1: to talk about it because, especially you guys, my listeners,
Speaker 1: have been with me through the journey. I have been
Speaker 1: very open with you guys about all the issues that
Speaker 1: I've had with my reproductive system, with things for my past.
Speaker 1: And also I had to make it very public. And
Speaker 1: I think the only reason I made it public in
Speaker 1: reality was because of the circumstances of how it happened.
Speaker 1: I think if it would have been during the week,
Speaker 1: I probably wouldn't have said anything because I wanted to
Speaker 1: keep it to myself. So let me just go back
Speaker 1: to how everything happened. How I even got pregnant. It
Speaker 1: happened naturally, you guys. I was very surprised. I was
Speaker 1: very shocked. I found out May thirteenth that I was pregnant.
Speaker 1: It was the day that I was leaving to New
Speaker 1: York because I had to go to some upfronts in
Speaker 1: New York for my docu. And I was only two
Speaker 1: days late. And I'm pretty regular, despite like endometriosis, like
Speaker 1: I'm very regular. I'm very in tune with my body.
Speaker 1: So I had just really noticed more than anything, like
Speaker 1: I didn't feel like my boobs weren't tender. I wasn't
Speaker 1: really having any symptoms. I was just very irritable and
Speaker 1: I didn't know that was a symptom until I started googling,
Speaker 1: because I was a Google freak during the time that
Speaker 1: I was pregnant. So anyways, I had only been two days.
Speaker 1: I told Kimberly, my assistant. I was like, Hey, just
Speaker 1: do me a favor on your way to work, just
Speaker 1: bring me a pregnancy testion and ask any questions. I
Speaker 1: didn't even tell me. I was just like, I've taken
Speaker 1: pregnancy test before. I'm gonna be fine. I don't feel
Speaker 1: anything like you know, I'm fine. So Emilia and I
Speaker 1: were like saying our goodbyes, and I was like, oh, wait,
Speaker 1: I got a pee. Let me just grab one of these.
Speaker 1: And he's like, what are you doing? And I'm like oh, anyways,
Speaker 1: and I just kept going on with my conversation because
Speaker 1: I was telling him something and I was just like
Speaker 1: very just casually just paying on the stick. And because
Speaker 1: again I really didn't think it was going to come
Speaker 1: out positive, and he's like, babe, what do you do.
Speaker 1: He's just like looking at me and like watching me pee,
Speaker 1: and I'm still talking. I'm like yeah, and I'm opening
Speaker 1: the package and I'm paying and like I pee on
Speaker 1: it and like wipe, and I do the whole thing.
Speaker 1: I put it to the side, and then I'm like yeah, babe,
Speaker 1: and he's like, are you okay. I'm like, yeah, I'm fine.
Speaker 1: I'm just taking a pregnancy just to make sure. And
Speaker 1: he's like okay. So his face completely changed, like what
Speaker 1: is going on? Because I didn't tell him. So anyways,
Speaker 1: I go back into the restroom before I'm about to
Speaker 1: walk out the door and to leave to New York
Speaker 1: because he wasn't going with me on that trip, and
Speaker 1: it said positive and it was a box of three.
Speaker 1: So I was like, oh my god. I was the
Speaker 1: first thing I said. I was like f I was like,
Speaker 1: are you f in kidding mer Ay, You're fucking kidding me,
Speaker 1: That's what I said. And he's like what happened. I'm like,
Speaker 1: look at this. I was like, no, this has to
Speaker 1: be wrong. He's like, well, take another one. I was
Speaker 1: like okay. So I started chugging water and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I gotta go. I'm already laid to the airport and
Speaker 1: I chugged a whole like a bottle of water and
Speaker 1: there I am sitting and waiting till I have to pee,
Speaker 1: and I and it was one. The first one that
Speaker 1: I took had like it was the lines. It wasn't
Speaker 1: the one that said pregnant, right. So the second one
Speaker 1: I took, it was the one that was either going
Speaker 1: to say not pregnant or pregnant. So I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: this is really going to help me put things into perspective.
Speaker 1: Maybe the first one is like a like a faulty one.
Speaker 1: I don't know. So I took it and sure enough
Speaker 1: I said pregnant, and I was like, okay. I was
Speaker 1: like something's off. I was like, I have a plan
Speaker 1: for this year. The plan is to work work, work, work,
Speaker 1: and then at the end of the year, we're going
Speaker 1: to figure it out. We're going to decide after we've
Speaker 1: been married, the whole thing. So I was like in shock,
Speaker 1: complete shock. I almost felt sick because I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I'm about to start my tour. What
Speaker 1: is happening? And I remember before I left, I looked
Speaker 1: up and I was like, God, you're funny. I remember
Speaker 1: saying that, like those were my exact words, and a me.
Speaker 1: He was like, are you okay. I'm like, yeah, I'm fine.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take this last one with me and I'll
Speaker 1: take it to New York. I gotta go. He said, babar,
Speaker 1: are you fine. I was like, I'm fine. He walks
Speaker 1: out the door. I didn't know this until after, but
Speaker 1: he told Kimberly, my assistant, He's like, take care of
Speaker 1: her please. She didn't know what was going on, and
Speaker 1: she had asked me a little bit earlier. She was
Speaker 1: actually the one that reminded me to take the test
Speaker 1: because I had forgot. She say, hey, did you take
Speaker 1: the test? Are you good? I'm like, oh shit, no,
Speaker 1: I haven't yet, but I will. And that's what, like,
Speaker 1: you know, reminded me to take the tests. So anyways,
Speaker 1: I didn't say anything. I'm sitting in the car and
Speaker 1: I'm just like, oh my gosh, this is this is no,
Speaker 1: this is crazy, like what the heck. Anyways, we get
Speaker 1: to New York. I take that test the second the
Speaker 1: third test, should I say? And it said negative? When
Speaker 1: I was in New York it said negative, and I
Speaker 1: was like, look, babe, look negative. He's like okay. He
Speaker 1: starts googling, and it's like okay. Sometimes it's more common
Speaker 1: for it to be for to have a false negative
Speaker 1: than a false positive. That's I guess what he researched.
Speaker 1: So anyways, he's like, go get another box. So then
Speaker 1: I go send. I said, Kim, go get another box
Speaker 1: in New York. I was like, maybe this one was
Speaker 1: like a weird box. I was like, oh, get another box.
Speaker 1: So she did, and I took the tests and they
Speaker 1: both came out positive. And I called my Obi and
Speaker 1: I said, hey, I know we talked about this plan.
Speaker 1: I just got a paps. We just removed the the
Speaker 1: you know, the polyups, because she did tell me, she's like, hey,
Speaker 1: once we remove these poll ups, it just opens everything up,
Speaker 1: so be careful. And it had been three years you
Speaker 1: guys having unprotected sex with Emilio and I wouldn't get pregnant.
Speaker 1: So I thought, okay, we did the IVF. We're good,
Speaker 1: We're chilling. I told my Obi, hey, is what's going on?
Speaker 1: I need an appointment. So she was wonderful enough to
Speaker 1: give me an appointment as soon as I landed, so I
Speaker 1: left it on a Wednesday. Everything in New York. People
Speaker 1: were asking me on the red carpet, you know, hey,
Speaker 1: when are you going to be a mom? And I
Speaker 1: was just like, I feel like I'm lying. I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't know. Whenever God wants. But I was like, literally,
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm lying right now. I was like,
Speaker 1: because of course I'm not going to tell him. It's
Speaker 1: way too early. I don't even know what's going on,
Speaker 1: and you like draw blood. I was freaking out, like
Speaker 1: I felt like the entire time I was in New York.
Speaker 1: I wasn't like there. I was just so in my head.
Speaker 1: I had to do a video shoot and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, Like but of course I was googling
Speaker 1: can I eat this? Can I drink this? I stopped
Speaker 1: drinking coffee, I stopped eating Deli meat. I like, from
Speaker 1: one day to another, you guys like I had just
Speaker 1: been the week before in Miami getting drunk on a
Speaker 1: yacht and I was like, oh my god, I was pregnant.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. Like I started feeling guilty right away,
Speaker 1: and then I'm like, okay, no, it's okay. The good
Speaker 1: thing is like I you know, I found out. So anyways,
Speaker 1: I was just like everywhere in my head in New York.
Speaker 1: Finally get home. The next day, I had the appointment
Speaker 1: and they did an ultrasound. They drew blood and the
Speaker 1: ultrasound showed a little cute sack. They're like in the sack,
Speaker 1: there's nothing there yet, like it still has to drop,
Speaker 1: and like the implantation and the whole thing. Like, okay,
Speaker 1: you know, they gave me an appointment for you know,
Speaker 1: like two weeks. And anyways, we got confirmation and Amelia
Speaker 1: was like, I just need to know, like, tell me,
Speaker 1: is she pregnant. She's like, yes, she is pregnant. Emilio,
Speaker 1: this is really happening. So our lives changed from one
Speaker 1: day to another. You guys, I'm not gonna lie. I
Speaker 1: was freaking out. I actually have videos that I was
Speaker 1: already making for the baby. I did like a vlog
Speaker 1: thing and I can't watch the videos right now. But
Speaker 1: I went from being so freaking scared, I was kind
Speaker 1: of upset. I'm not gonna lie, and I feel a
Speaker 1: little guilty talking about this, but you guys know I'm
Speaker 1: always real with you, and that's the only way that
Speaker 1: I can be. But I was a little upset. At first,
Speaker 1: I was very I was thinking of everything in a
Speaker 1: very negative or should I say in a selfish way,
Speaker 1: because I had my year planned. You know. We went
Speaker 1: to Kabo for a Milo's birthday. The following week after
Speaker 1: we got we found out we were pregnant, and I
Speaker 1: had this I got this particular room so that we
Speaker 1: can have fun and get drunk together and the whole thing.
Speaker 1: And it just like I was in Cabo, in this
Speaker 1: beautiful resort, celebrating in Milo's birthday, and I was upset
Speaker 1: because he got buzzed and I couldn't and I was
Speaker 1: just like, what is happening? Like why is this happening?
Speaker 1: And I was a little bothered. I cried so much
Speaker 1: in Cabbo. I was just like, God, like what's happening.
Speaker 1: I'm going to start my tour, like you knew the plan.
Speaker 1: Like I'm like, I had this plan of just my
Speaker 1: birthday and our marriage and like this whole thing. So
Speaker 1: I now I feel even more guilty because I'm like,
Speaker 1: did I cause this? You know? But then I got
Speaker 1: really excited. I went from being so scared to upset
Speaker 1: to being so excited. I feel like I was a
Speaker 1: really good pregnant woman because I wasn't having sushi. I
Speaker 1: was at the Noble Hotel in Kabo, Saint Lucas, and
Speaker 1: I love sushi, and I was like, I'm not having it.
Speaker 1: There were friends or I would like look, and I
Speaker 1: asked one particular person. I was like, hey, I didn't
Speaker 1: tell her I was pregnant, but I was like, hey,
Speaker 1: did you have sushi? Did you drink coffee when you
Speaker 1: were pregnant? And some would say yes, some would say no,
Speaker 1: but like are you pregnant. I'm like no, I'm just
Speaker 1: asking for a friend. Now they're probably like, oh, bitch,
Speaker 1: you were pregnant. But I stopped everything you guys, I
Speaker 1: stopped drinking coffee I didn't have. I was like cold turkey.
Speaker 1: And then I started thinking like, oh my god, God
Speaker 1: was preparing me for this. The first three months of
Speaker 1: the year, for ninety days, I was sober. I stopped
Speaker 1: like all these things. I was like, I feel like
Speaker 1: God was preparing me for this moment. And then I
Speaker 1: went into like this super woman feeling of I kept
Speaker 1: working out and I felt fine and my obi was like, yes,
Speaker 1: you can work out, Like, don't lift anything heavy other
Speaker 1: than twenty pounds, but you can still do your thing.
Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, and I felt like I
Speaker 1: had more energy in the weirdest way. There were times
Speaker 1: where I would get tired and I was like, I
Speaker 1: need a nap, But I felt like superwoman. I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm I'm like God is giving me everything,
Speaker 1: like I'm pregnant. It happened naturally and as scared as
Speaker 1: I am, but I can go on tour. Like I
Speaker 1: felt like a superwoman and I'm like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I'm like I kept telling myself in my meditation, I'm capable.
Speaker 1: I'm capable, Like I don't have to stop doing anything
Speaker 1: that I'm doing because my body is doing this. So
Speaker 1: I had all these emotions. So then I got really
Speaker 1: excited and like Emilio and I were even doing, like
Speaker 1: I said, videos for the baby, doing vlogs. I did
Speaker 1: win in Cowbo. I did want any moment. Even when
Speaker 1: I was feeling sad and nervous, I was like talking
Speaker 1: to the baby and like hey, like this is how
Speaker 1: I'm feeling today. So I was really excited, and I
Speaker 1: bought all the books and I bought an anti radiation
Speaker 1: blanket for the airplane because I was like, I want
Speaker 1: to protect the baby, and I was like I was
Speaker 1: excited and anyways, I didn't think I was gonna get
Speaker 1: so emotional. But then I went on tour and my
Speaker 1: obie is amazing, by the way, like any question I had,
Speaker 1: she would answer at any time. And I was googling everything,
Speaker 1: like I was obsessed with Google how to erase, you know,
Speaker 1: like when you google things and then the tabs are open.
Speaker 1: Everything I had to do with babies. My whole freaking
Speaker 1: feed is baby stuff because that's all I was searching,
Speaker 1: and I had to like close everything out. I was like,
Speaker 1: I just for my healing process right now, I just
Speaker 1: need to just keep that hidden for right now. But anyways,
Speaker 1: I went on tour. I the first day of tour
Speaker 1: was very very very very stress very stressful, very over me.
Speaker 1: But the show went amazing. The show went amazing. I
Speaker 1: was wearing very high heels. My doctor just said, don't
Speaker 1: just be careful. You're fine to do your show. Just
Speaker 1: don't fall. Be careful coming down the stairs because now
Speaker 1: I have stairs, you know, like for my show. So
Speaker 1: everything went great. I felt so freaking like I felt
Speaker 1: like I was glowing on that first show, I felt
Speaker 1: so powerful. I felt like invincible, And of course I
Speaker 1: had like a bottle that showed that I was like
Speaker 1: drinking alcohol, but I wasn't. It was nothing but water.
Speaker 1: And I was nervous to start also my tour because
Speaker 1: I'm used to drinking at my shows, like it makes
Speaker 1: it very fun for me, and I'm like, Okay. Even
Speaker 1: with that, I was like, God is really trying to
Speaker 1: bring out the best version of myself with this pregnancy.
Speaker 1: So even though I had all these plans and I
Speaker 1: wanted to kind of like, you know, be a little
Speaker 1: crazy this year for the rest of the year, because
Speaker 1: I took that ninety day break and then the plan
Speaker 1: was to just party it out, you know, the rest
Speaker 1: of the year. So anyways, with that, I was even like, damn,
Speaker 1: it's gonna be weird. Am I going to do good
Speaker 1: at my show? And I did and it went freaking amazing,
Speaker 1: and I felt like my voice was on point. Everything
Speaker 1: was just so good and I didn't feel anything that day.
Speaker 1: Everything was fine. I had so much energy. As soon
Speaker 1: as I got off of stage and we drove home
Speaker 1: from San Diego two hours and Emilio and I were
Speaker 1: up and I took a thirty minute nap and I
Speaker 1: was fine, had so much energy. I was excited for
Speaker 1: the next show. We file out to Albuquerque, and you know,
Speaker 1: just to backtrack a little bit, like I went from,
Speaker 1: like I said, being scared and being upset to I
Speaker 1: woke up one morning and in my devotional it said
Speaker 1: something about taking yourself, like stop thinking about everything that
Speaker 1: you're missing and stop thinking about it in an egocentric
Speaker 1: way and think about what the one is. Obviously my
Speaker 1: devotion doesn't know what I'm talking about what's going on
Speaker 1: with me in my personal life, like I'm pregnant, but
Speaker 1: it completely changed everything for me. So again it just
Speaker 1: kind of set everything for me. And going into the tour,
Speaker 1: I was excited. I was like, oh my god, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be that like pregnant woman on tour and it's
Speaker 1: gonna beautiful. So I started just accepting and I was
Speaker 1: so excited. So anyways, we get to Albuquerque, everything was fine.
Speaker 1: We were already like planning where we're gonna go eat.
Speaker 1: I was excited. I wanted barbecue. As soon as we
Speaker 1: got to like New Mexico and I go into the
Speaker 1: restroom and there's like a spot and I'm like, oh
Speaker 1: my god. Immediately, like I just my heart dropped. I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god. I was like, oh my my whole like,
Speaker 1: oh this shit. I told the media shit and not
Speaker 1: say anything. I just couldn't. Like, I was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I'm gonna start crying, like and I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna keep my cool, and I just I wiped
Speaker 1: my tears and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna walk out.
Speaker 1: But as soon as I saw a medio, he saw
Speaker 1: it all over my face. He's like, what's wrong. And
Speaker 1: I said, oh my god, I'm bleeding. And I just
Speaker 1: started crying in the middle of the airport. I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm bleeding. I was like freaking out, and He's like relax,
Speaker 1: Like he's so good at staying calm, even though like
Speaker 1: now I know he wasn't. He wanted to break down himself,
Speaker 1: but he was so good with staying strong for me
Speaker 1: because I was freaking out, you guys. And then I
Speaker 1: told Kim. I was like, Kim, like I'm bleeding. She's like, okay,
Speaker 1: it's fine, Like she started researching. He started researching, and
Speaker 1: then everything online said that it's okay that spotting is normal.
Speaker 1: So I said, okay, cool, I don't have any cramping.
Speaker 1: There are any like cloths, any blood clouds, so I'm good.
Speaker 1: So it was just a very little amount of blood.
Speaker 1: I called my Obie and she's like, it's okay, just
Speaker 1: no working out, don't work out tomorrow or today, like,
Speaker 1: go to your hotel room, put your legs up, just relax.
Speaker 1: So we went to go eat. I did that. Everything
Speaker 1: was fine. I didn't have any cramping. The next morning,
Speaker 1: the blood started getting a little bit more. It started
Speaker 1: kind of looking like a period, but they again everything online.
Speaker 1: My Obi said it's fine. I felt fine to go,
Speaker 1: you know, to sound check and start getting ready for
Speaker 1: the show, and so I did, and then I went.
Speaker 1: I did sound check, and I was really excited. I
Speaker 1: was so excited, you guys for the show because I
Speaker 1: felt like I didn't feel the pressure of the first show.
Speaker 1: And then the venue was amazing, the energy was so beautiful.
Speaker 1: I was so freaking excited, you guys. And in the
Speaker 1: middle of soundcheck, I started getting really bad cramps and
Speaker 1: I was like, damn, But I kept with, you know,
Speaker 1: with soundcheck, and we did a few songs. We did
Speaker 1: like maybe forty minutes of soundcheck and it started getting
Speaker 1: hard to walk. I was like, oh my gosh, something
Speaker 1: feels weird. I went right when I got off stage
Speaker 1: to start getting like finished getting ready. I went into
Speaker 1: the restroom. I said he yeah, yeah. I was like
Speaker 1: I don't. I didn't. I was like, I gotta go
Speaker 1: check if I'm bleeding more, what's going on? Oh you guys.
Speaker 1: And that's where it started. I went to the bathroom
Speaker 1: and that's when I saw a blood clot and I
Speaker 1: fucking went bananas. I was devastated. I was like fuck, like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, it's happening. I was crying. I haven't cried.
Speaker 1: I think the last time I cried like that was
Speaker 1: when I lost my mom, like that, like yelling. I
Speaker 1: was like no, I was like oh, and I thought
Speaker 1: what did I do wrong? Like I was like damn it,
Speaker 1: Like I stopped everything, Like I was like maybe because
Speaker 1: I was jumping at my show yesterday, like I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, or the other night, like I was
Speaker 1: like oh. And then I was like call Emilio and
Speaker 1: he kept his cool. But I was a mess. I
Speaker 1: was a mess, and the pain started just coming and
Speaker 1: I was like, damn it. I was and I knew it.
Speaker 1: I knew what was happening. And I told my Obi
Speaker 1: and she says, are you okay? And I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I was like and I was like,
Speaker 1: I think I'm okay still physically to keep going with
Speaker 1: the show. But that night it so happened to be
Speaker 1: that the outfit I took was white. So I was
Speaker 1: just like, oh my god. I was literally sitting there
Speaker 1: for two hours waiting for my makeup and my hair.
Speaker 1: She was doing my hair, and I was like, I'm
Speaker 1: still gonna go on stage. I could do this, Like
Speaker 1: I can do this, like going full blown on like
Speaker 1: I'm having a miscarriage. Like I had to like accept it.
Speaker 1: I hadn't said anything yet to anyone besides the people
Speaker 1: that were in the room, which Jessica. Jessica didn't even
Speaker 1: know I was pregnant. The only people that knew were
Speaker 1: Kim and Immedio and and then the paine just started
Speaker 1: getting unbearable. I literally held onto the very last minute.
Speaker 1: I was like, no, I don't want to let people down,
Speaker 1: like I'm excited. I want to perform, But then I
Speaker 1: just had to make a decision. I was like, dude,
Speaker 1: like what if I just start bleeding out in the
Speaker 1: middle of my concert, Like no, I just I'm like,
Speaker 1: maybe physically I can pull through because that's who I am,
Speaker 1: but emotionally there's no way. And I felt like the
Speaker 1: people that were there don't don't deserve that. They deserve
Speaker 1: the best show, and that's what I want to give them.
Speaker 1: So I had to make the decision. I was like,
Speaker 1: I need to go to the hospital. So then that's
Speaker 1: when I told Richard. I told my managers because both
Speaker 1: of them were there, you know, Guiermo and Richard, and
Speaker 1: I told him. I was like, this is I was
Speaker 1: hiding something from you. And I was just so afraid
Speaker 1: to tell Richard, my manager, because I didn't want him
Speaker 1: to think that I wasn't. I wanted to show him
Speaker 1: before telling him I can still do this. I can
Speaker 1: be on tour. I'm fine. We went to the hospital
Speaker 1: and I just wanted to know if it was really happening.
Speaker 1: I still had hope, and Milli and I both still
Speaker 1: had hope that maybe it was just I don't know,
Speaker 1: but it just was coming out everything, and they did
Speaker 1: an ultrasound. We were there at the hospital for like
Speaker 1: the emergency room for like three hours. They were so
Speaker 1: nice to meet the people, all the nurses and the
Speaker 1: doctors in Albuquerque. While amazing, they were so nice. So
Speaker 1: like even when they told me like, yeah, it's a miscarriage,
Speaker 1: like you know, she's like, nothing you did is your fault.
Speaker 1: I was like I kept thinking, it was like, God,
Speaker 1: maybe it's my Maybe I can't but I'm sorry. But
Speaker 1: they made me feel better and they said that this
Speaker 1: is actually a great thing because you know, your body
Speaker 1: is showing that you can you can't get pregnant, and
Speaker 1: it's preparing to get pregnant. It's just it was a
Speaker 1: bad egg and it's you know, they made me feel
Speaker 1: better be like, hey, I have I have women that
Speaker 1: come in in their first trimester. They're running their runners,
Speaker 1: they run their entire pregnancy and they're fine and they
Speaker 1: you know, they're athletes and they lift weights and it
Speaker 1: all just depends. But no, it has nothing to do
Speaker 1: with you, anything that you did wrong. So that made
Speaker 1: me feel better for sure, But it was a very
Speaker 1: hard pill to swallow, and also to have to cancel
Speaker 1: my show, which is why I shared it because I
Speaker 1: was like, I know people were upset. Some people were
Speaker 1: commenting really mean things, and I was like, damn, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna share it because this is I know I'm not
Speaker 1: the only one, and this happens a lot more then
Speaker 1: people share, and I understand something so personal. But I
Speaker 1: chose to share it because I want you guys to
Speaker 1: know that I also go through things like you guys,
Speaker 1: you know, and if I can help someone, then that
Speaker 1: gives me peace, you know. So that's the reason I
Speaker 1: shared it. And people have been so understanding and so loving,
Speaker 1: and I've gotten so much love and it just feels
Speaker 1: so good to know that there are people that support
Speaker 1: me that don't even know me on a personal level
Speaker 1: and are setting us so much love. And I feel
Speaker 1: better now. I did my therapy session, and I am
Speaker 1: a woman of faith and I know that things happen
Speaker 1: the way they need to happen, and it just really
Speaker 1: helped put things into perspective for me, and it made
Speaker 1: me fall in love with the media even more. We're
Speaker 1: closer than ever and now I'm like excited. I'm even
Speaker 1: more excited to marry him, like he was so amazing,
Speaker 1: and I know it hurt him so much to see
Speaker 1: him so sad because he did break down. He was
Speaker 1: so sad. He was so sad, and I even said
Speaker 1: sorry to him. I'm like, I'm so sorry, I'm so
Speaker 1: sorry because I felt like, oh my god, like I'm
Speaker 1: not giving him what he really wants. And when you
Speaker 1: love someone, you just want to please them, and I
Speaker 1: want to give him a baby. Now. He's the only
Speaker 1: guy that's ever made me want to have a baby,
Speaker 1: because I've always been on the fence, and now this
Speaker 1: experience has showed me that I'm going to be a
Speaker 1: great freaking mom and that I do want a baby,
Speaker 1: and that I do want a baby with this man.
Speaker 1: So even if it was for that to just bring
Speaker 1: that confirmation, I'm grateful. Very painful situation, very painful experience.
Speaker 1: And I don't I don't like upon anybody, of course,
Speaker 1: but I learned a lot and now it makes perfect
Speaker 1: sense for me. And now I want to just be
Speaker 1: proactive and strengthen my uterus and I've been taking I've
Speaker 1: been drinking teas. I'm like, I want to do everything
Speaker 1: to make sure that I am ready, you know, and
Speaker 1: also prepare to have a baby when I'm not as busy,
Speaker 1: because I want to enjoy it more so. I think
Speaker 1: my faith is what's getting me through and obviously having
Speaker 1: a very supportive fan base and family. My sister Jackie
Speaker 1: was so amazing as well, Like h she helped me
Speaker 1: so much. She cried with me when I told her
Speaker 1: and I called her, I was like, sister, it's I'm
Speaker 1: losing the baby, and she was just like oh, she
Speaker 1: cried with me. And she's the one that said, listen
Speaker 1: to your body. Don't you worry too much about letting
Speaker 1: people down, Like if you cannot pull through, don't do it.
Speaker 1: And I was like, you're right, yes, I I have
Speaker 1: to cancel the show, like I have to. So shout
Speaker 1: out to my sister and to like my amazing partner
Speaker 1: because I have a great support system, like honestly, even Kim,
Speaker 1: like my assistant, was wonderful throughout the whole thing, and
Speaker 1: she cried with me too. We cried. It was like, oh,
Speaker 1: but anyways, guys, that is you know, my experience, and
Speaker 1: I wanted to share it because that's what I do
Speaker 1: with you guys. You know, I tell you guys everything,
Speaker 1: and I'm fine. I don't blame myself and we shouldn't.
Speaker 1: Other women that have had miscarriages, don't take that guilt away.
Speaker 1: It's nothing that you did wrong. It's your body and
Speaker 1: God in the universe doing what maybe you won't be
Speaker 1: able to do if they tell you that you have
Speaker 1: an abnormal pregnancy or it's just you know. So I
Speaker 1: don't know. I just know, guys that I'm with you
Speaker 1: and that we're gonna be okay, We're gonna be fine,
Speaker 1: and now we're gonna have I learned what a rainbow
Speaker 1: baby is. I don't know what a rainbow baby was,
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh my god, I want a
Speaker 1: rainbow baby. It's the baby that comes after the miscarriage.
Speaker 1: And I didn't know about that. And I'm like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, Now I see all this rainbow stuff on TikTok.
Speaker 1: So I'm just like, okay, I'm having a rainbow baby.
Speaker 1: So anyways, you guys again, thank you for listening, and
Speaker 1: thank you for showing me grace. And I love you, guys,
Speaker 1: and I hope that anyone that has gone through this
Speaker 1: before can just know that I'm with you, I got you,
Speaker 1: and and I'm sending everyone love because this is such
Speaker 1: a painful experience. But God knows what's up. He knows why.
Speaker 1: So thank you for listening, and I love you guys
Speaker 1: so much. This is a production of iHeartRadio and Mike
Speaker 1: podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at my Kuitura Podcasts
Speaker 1: and follow me Cheeky's That's c h i q u
Speaker 1: i s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your favorite shows.