1 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:16,360 Speaker 1: Hi, guys, Welcome to this episode of Cheege's and Chill. 2 00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:19,279 Speaker 1: This is going to be an intimate episode just you 3 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:28,280 Speaker 1: and I. It's in regards to my miscarriage. I decided 4 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:32,680 Speaker 1: to talk about it because, especially you guys, my listeners, 5 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:35,479 Speaker 1: have been with me through the journey. I have been 6 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:41,560 Speaker 1: very open with you guys about all the issues that 7 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:45,400 Speaker 1: I've had with my reproductive system, with things for my past. 8 00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:49,599 Speaker 1: And also I had to make it very public. And 9 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:52,279 Speaker 1: I think the only reason I made it public in 10 00:00:52,320 --> 00:00:55,920 Speaker 1: reality was because of the circumstances of how it happened. 11 00:00:55,920 --> 00:00:57,520 Speaker 1: I think if it would have been during the week, 12 00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:03,840 Speaker 1: I probably wouldn't have said anything because I wanted to 13 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:06,440 Speaker 1: keep it to myself. So let me just go back 14 00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:10,040 Speaker 1: to how everything happened. How I even got pregnant. It 15 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:14,560 Speaker 1: happened naturally, you guys. I was very surprised. I was 16 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:18,640 Speaker 1: very shocked. I found out May thirteenth that I was pregnant. 17 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:20,679 Speaker 1: It was the day that I was leaving to New 18 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:23,120 Speaker 1: York because I had to go to some upfronts in 19 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:27,240 Speaker 1: New York for my docu. And I was only two 20 00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:32,480 Speaker 1: days late. And I'm pretty regular, despite like endometriosis, like 21 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:34,559 Speaker 1: I'm very regular. I'm very in tune with my body. 22 00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:37,600 Speaker 1: So I had just really noticed more than anything, like 23 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:40,039 Speaker 1: I didn't feel like my boobs weren't tender. I wasn't 24 00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:44,080 Speaker 1: really having any symptoms. I was just very irritable and 25 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:46,240 Speaker 1: I didn't know that was a symptom until I started googling, 26 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:49,120 Speaker 1: because I was a Google freak during the time that 27 00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:53,400 Speaker 1: I was pregnant. So anyways, I had only been two days. 28 00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:55,760 Speaker 1: I told Kimberly, my assistant. I was like, Hey, just 29 00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:57,240 Speaker 1: do me a favor on your way to work, just 30 00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:59,240 Speaker 1: bring me a pregnancy testion and ask any questions. I 31 00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:01,760 Speaker 1: didn't even tell me. I was just like, I've taken 32 00:02:01,760 --> 00:02:04,240 Speaker 1: pregnancy test before. I'm gonna be fine. I don't feel 33 00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:08,960 Speaker 1: anything like you know, I'm fine. So Emilia and I 34 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:10,680 Speaker 1: were like saying our goodbyes, and I was like, oh, wait, 35 00:02:10,720 --> 00:02:12,080 Speaker 1: I got a pee. Let me just grab one of these. 36 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:15,480 Speaker 1: And he's like, what are you doing? And I'm like oh, anyways, 37 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:17,600 Speaker 1: and I just kept going on with my conversation because 38 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:20,000 Speaker 1: I was telling him something and I was just like 39 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:23,560 Speaker 1: very just casually just paying on the stick. And because 40 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,360 Speaker 1: again I really didn't think it was going to come 41 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:29,080 Speaker 1: out positive, and he's like, babe, what do you do. 42 00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:31,200 Speaker 1: He's just like looking at me and like watching me pee, 43 00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:33,000 Speaker 1: and I'm still talking. I'm like yeah, and I'm opening 44 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:34,600 Speaker 1: the package and I'm paying and like I pee on 45 00:02:34,639 --> 00:02:36,440 Speaker 1: it and like wipe, and I do the whole thing. 46 00:02:36,480 --> 00:02:38,639 Speaker 1: I put it to the side, and then I'm like yeah, babe, 47 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:40,600 Speaker 1: and he's like, are you okay. I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. 48 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:43,200 Speaker 1: I'm just taking a pregnancy just to make sure. And 49 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:46,160 Speaker 1: he's like okay. So his face completely changed, like what 50 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:49,200 Speaker 1: is going on? Because I didn't tell him. So anyways, 51 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:50,920 Speaker 1: I go back into the restroom before I'm about to 52 00:02:50,919 --> 00:02:53,720 Speaker 1: walk out the door and to leave to New York 53 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:56,200 Speaker 1: because he wasn't going with me on that trip, and 54 00:02:56,240 --> 00:03:00,200 Speaker 1: it said positive and it was a box of three. 55 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:04,679 Speaker 1: So I was like, oh my god. I was the 56 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:06,840 Speaker 1: first thing I said. I was like f I was like, 57 00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:08,840 Speaker 1: are you f in kidding mer Ay, You're fucking kidding me, 58 00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:10,400 Speaker 1: That's what I said. And he's like what happened. I'm like, 59 00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:12,320 Speaker 1: look at this. I was like, no, this has to 60 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:13,679 Speaker 1: be wrong. He's like, well, take another one. I was 61 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:15,920 Speaker 1: like okay. So I started chugging water and I was like, oh, 62 00:03:15,919 --> 00:03:18,000 Speaker 1: I gotta go. I'm already laid to the airport and 63 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:22,240 Speaker 1: I chugged a whole like a bottle of water and 64 00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:23,919 Speaker 1: there I am sitting and waiting till I have to pee, 65 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:26,080 Speaker 1: and I and it was one. The first one that 66 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:29,160 Speaker 1: I took had like it was the lines. It wasn't 67 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:31,079 Speaker 1: the one that said pregnant, right. So the second one 68 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,240 Speaker 1: I took, it was the one that was either going 69 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:35,480 Speaker 1: to say not pregnant or pregnant. So I was like, Okay, 70 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:37,680 Speaker 1: this is really going to help me put things into perspective. 71 00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:39,760 Speaker 1: Maybe the first one is like a like a faulty one. 72 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:42,200 Speaker 1: I don't know. So I took it and sure enough 73 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:46,040 Speaker 1: I said pregnant, and I was like, okay. I was 74 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:48,800 Speaker 1: like something's off. I was like, I have a plan 75 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:51,200 Speaker 1: for this year. The plan is to work work, work, work, 76 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:52,480 Speaker 1: and then at the end of the year, we're going 77 00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:54,280 Speaker 1: to figure it out. We're going to decide after we've 78 00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:57,560 Speaker 1: been married, the whole thing. So I was like in shock, 79 00:03:57,680 --> 00:04:01,840 Speaker 1: complete shock. I almost felt sick because I was like, 80 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:04,800 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I'm about to start my tour. What 81 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:08,040 Speaker 1: is happening? And I remember before I left, I looked 82 00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:11,160 Speaker 1: up and I was like, God, you're funny. I remember 83 00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:13,000 Speaker 1: saying that, like those were my exact words, and a me. 84 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:15,440 Speaker 1: He was like, are you okay. I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. 85 00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:16,960 Speaker 1: I'm gonna take this last one with me and I'll 86 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:19,239 Speaker 1: take it to New York. I gotta go. He said, babar, 87 00:04:19,279 --> 00:04:22,240 Speaker 1: are you fine. I was like, I'm fine. He walks 88 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:23,839 Speaker 1: out the door. I didn't know this until after, but 89 00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:26,359 Speaker 1: he told Kimberly, my assistant, He's like, take care of 90 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:29,160 Speaker 1: her please. She didn't know what was going on, and 91 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:31,120 Speaker 1: she had asked me a little bit earlier. She was 92 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:32,760 Speaker 1: actually the one that reminded me to take the test 93 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:34,560 Speaker 1: because I had forgot. She say, hey, did you take 94 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:35,919 Speaker 1: the test? Are you good? I'm like, oh shit, no, 95 00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:37,840 Speaker 1: I haven't yet, but I will. And that's what, like, 96 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:41,160 Speaker 1: you know, reminded me to take the tests. So anyways, 97 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:42,880 Speaker 1: I didn't say anything. I'm sitting in the car and 98 00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:44,880 Speaker 1: I'm just like, oh my gosh, this is this is no, 99 00:04:45,279 --> 00:04:48,800 Speaker 1: this is crazy, like what the heck. Anyways, we get 100 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:53,159 Speaker 1: to New York. I take that test the second the 101 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:57,120 Speaker 1: third test, should I say? And it said negative? When 102 00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:58,680 Speaker 1: I was in New York it said negative, and I 103 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:01,719 Speaker 1: was like, look, babe, look negative. He's like okay. He 104 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:05,520 Speaker 1: starts googling, and it's like okay. Sometimes it's more common 105 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:09,280 Speaker 1: for it to be for to have a false negative 106 00:05:09,279 --> 00:05:12,320 Speaker 1: than a false positive. That's I guess what he researched. 107 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:14,760 Speaker 1: So anyways, he's like, go get another box. So then 108 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:17,240 Speaker 1: I go send. I said, Kim, go get another box 109 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:18,840 Speaker 1: in New York. I was like, maybe this one was 110 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:21,080 Speaker 1: like a weird box. I was like, oh, get another box. 111 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:24,000 Speaker 1: So she did, and I took the tests and they 112 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:27,440 Speaker 1: both came out positive. And I called my Obi and 113 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:30,440 Speaker 1: I said, hey, I know we talked about this plan. 114 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:33,240 Speaker 1: I just got a paps. We just removed the the 115 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:35,719 Speaker 1: you know, the polyups, because she did tell me, she's like, hey, 116 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:39,000 Speaker 1: once we remove these poll ups, it just opens everything up, 117 00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:42,400 Speaker 1: so be careful. And it had been three years you 118 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:46,520 Speaker 1: guys having unprotected sex with Emilio and I wouldn't get pregnant. 119 00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:49,240 Speaker 1: So I thought, okay, we did the IVF. We're good, 120 00:05:49,279 --> 00:05:53,200 Speaker 1: We're chilling. I told my Obi, hey, is what's going on? 121 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:56,360 Speaker 1: I need an appointment. So she was wonderful enough to 122 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:59,719 Speaker 1: give me an appointment as soon as I landed, so I 123 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:02,320 Speaker 1: left it on a Wednesday. Everything in New York. People 124 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,279 Speaker 1: were asking me on the red carpet, you know, hey, 125 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:05,400 Speaker 1: when are you going to be a mom? And I 126 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:06,640 Speaker 1: was just like, I feel like I'm lying. I was like, 127 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:09,440 Speaker 1: I don't know. Whenever God wants. But I was like, literally, 128 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:10,599 Speaker 1: I was like, I'm lying right now. I was like, 129 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:12,000 Speaker 1: because of course I'm not going to tell him. It's 130 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:13,440 Speaker 1: way too early. I don't even know what's going on, 131 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:16,000 Speaker 1: and you like draw blood. I was freaking out, like 132 00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:17,920 Speaker 1: I felt like the entire time I was in New York. 133 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,839 Speaker 1: I wasn't like there. I was just so in my head. 134 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,080 Speaker 1: I had to do a video shoot and I was like, 135 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:24,760 Speaker 1: oh my god, Like but of course I was googling 136 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:26,320 Speaker 1: can I eat this? Can I drink this? I stopped 137 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:29,680 Speaker 1: drinking coffee, I stopped eating Deli meat. I like, from 138 00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:32,200 Speaker 1: one day to another, you guys like I had just 139 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:35,080 Speaker 1: been the week before in Miami getting drunk on a 140 00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:37,240 Speaker 1: yacht and I was like, oh my god, I was pregnant. 141 00:06:37,240 --> 00:06:39,239 Speaker 1: Oh my god. Like I started feeling guilty right away, 142 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:42,200 Speaker 1: and then I'm like, okay, no, it's okay. The good 143 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:45,160 Speaker 1: thing is like I you know, I found out. So anyways, 144 00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:47,960 Speaker 1: I was just like everywhere in my head in New York. 145 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:54,000 Speaker 1: Finally get home. The next day, I had the appointment 146 00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:57,479 Speaker 1: and they did an ultrasound. They drew blood and the 147 00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:00,480 Speaker 1: ultrasound showed a little cute sack. They're like in the sack, 148 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:02,559 Speaker 1: there's nothing there yet, like it still has to drop, 149 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:06,279 Speaker 1: and like the implantation and the whole thing. Like, okay, 150 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:09,720 Speaker 1: you know, they gave me an appointment for you know, 151 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:16,560 Speaker 1: like two weeks. And anyways, we got confirmation and Amelia 152 00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:18,880 Speaker 1: was like, I just need to know, like, tell me, 153 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:21,920 Speaker 1: is she pregnant. She's like, yes, she is pregnant. Emilio, 154 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:25,280 Speaker 1: this is really happening. So our lives changed from one 155 00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:27,120 Speaker 1: day to another. You guys, I'm not gonna lie. I 156 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:35,800 Speaker 1: was freaking out. I actually have videos that I was 157 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:41,320 Speaker 1: already making for the baby. I did like a vlog 158 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:44,360 Speaker 1: thing and I can't watch the videos right now. But 159 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:50,400 Speaker 1: I went from being so freaking scared, I was kind 160 00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:53,560 Speaker 1: of upset. I'm not gonna lie, and I feel a 161 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,320 Speaker 1: little guilty talking about this, but you guys know I'm 162 00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:58,640 Speaker 1: always real with you, and that's the only way that 163 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:02,520 Speaker 1: I can be. But I was a little upset. At first, 164 00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:04,920 Speaker 1: I was very I was thinking of everything in a 165 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:08,000 Speaker 1: very negative or should I say in a selfish way, 166 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:14,160 Speaker 1: because I had my year planned. You know. We went 167 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:17,400 Speaker 1: to Kabo for a Milo's birthday. The following week after 168 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:19,720 Speaker 1: we got we found out we were pregnant, and I 169 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,680 Speaker 1: had this I got this particular room so that we 170 00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:24,760 Speaker 1: can have fun and get drunk together and the whole thing. 171 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,560 Speaker 1: And it just like I was in Cabo, in this 172 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:32,040 Speaker 1: beautiful resort, celebrating in Milo's birthday, and I was upset 173 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:36,200 Speaker 1: because he got buzzed and I couldn't and I was 174 00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:38,520 Speaker 1: just like, what is happening? Like why is this happening? 175 00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:40,960 Speaker 1: And I was a little bothered. I cried so much 176 00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:42,880 Speaker 1: in Cabbo. I was just like, God, like what's happening. 177 00:08:42,880 --> 00:08:45,880 Speaker 1: I'm going to start my tour, like you knew the plan. 178 00:08:46,080 --> 00:08:49,720 Speaker 1: Like I'm like, I had this plan of just my 179 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:53,480 Speaker 1: birthday and our marriage and like this whole thing. So 180 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:57,840 Speaker 1: I now I feel even more guilty because I'm like, 181 00:08:57,920 --> 00:09:02,559 Speaker 1: did I cause this? You know? But then I got 182 00:09:02,559 --> 00:09:05,760 Speaker 1: really excited. I went from being so scared to upset 183 00:09:05,880 --> 00:09:09,200 Speaker 1: to being so excited. I feel like I was a 184 00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:12,040 Speaker 1: really good pregnant woman because I wasn't having sushi. I 185 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,880 Speaker 1: was at the Noble Hotel in Kabo, Saint Lucas, and 186 00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:17,400 Speaker 1: I love sushi, and I was like, I'm not having it. 187 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:19,760 Speaker 1: There were friends or I would like look, and I 188 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:22,240 Speaker 1: asked one particular person. I was like, hey, I didn't 189 00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:23,439 Speaker 1: tell her I was pregnant, but I was like, hey, 190 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:25,600 Speaker 1: did you have sushi? Did you drink coffee when you 191 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:27,960 Speaker 1: were pregnant? And some would say yes, some would say no, 192 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:29,640 Speaker 1: but like are you pregnant. I'm like no, I'm just 193 00:09:29,679 --> 00:09:32,439 Speaker 1: asking for a friend. Now they're probably like, oh, bitch, 194 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:36,520 Speaker 1: you were pregnant. But I stopped everything you guys, I 195 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:41,920 Speaker 1: stopped drinking coffee I didn't have. I was like cold turkey. 196 00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,559 Speaker 1: And then I started thinking like, oh my god, God 197 00:09:43,679 --> 00:09:46,360 Speaker 1: was preparing me for this. The first three months of 198 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:49,600 Speaker 1: the year, for ninety days, I was sober. I stopped 199 00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:51,440 Speaker 1: like all these things. I was like, I feel like 200 00:09:51,559 --> 00:09:53,920 Speaker 1: God was preparing me for this moment. And then I 201 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:57,400 Speaker 1: went into like this super woman feeling of I kept 202 00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:59,679 Speaker 1: working out and I felt fine and my obi was like, yes, 203 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:01,720 Speaker 1: you can work out, Like, don't lift anything heavy other 204 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:03,560 Speaker 1: than twenty pounds, but you can still do your thing. 205 00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:05,440 Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, and I felt like I 206 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,839 Speaker 1: had more energy in the weirdest way. There were times 207 00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:08,960 Speaker 1: where I would get tired and I was like, I 208 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:12,080 Speaker 1: need a nap, But I felt like superwoman. I was like, 209 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:15,480 Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm I'm like God is giving me everything, 210 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:19,800 Speaker 1: like I'm pregnant. It happened naturally and as scared as 211 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:21,680 Speaker 1: I am, but I can go on tour. Like I 212 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:24,520 Speaker 1: felt like a superwoman and I'm like, oh my god, 213 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:27,080 Speaker 1: I'm like I kept telling myself in my meditation, I'm capable. 214 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:29,240 Speaker 1: I'm capable, Like I don't have to stop doing anything 215 00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:32,720 Speaker 1: that I'm doing because my body is doing this. So 216 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,800 Speaker 1: I had all these emotions. So then I got really 217 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:37,199 Speaker 1: excited and like Emilio and I were even doing, like 218 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:39,280 Speaker 1: I said, videos for the baby, doing vlogs. I did 219 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:41,480 Speaker 1: win in Cowbo. I did want any moment. Even when 220 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,800 Speaker 1: I was feeling sad and nervous, I was like talking 221 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:45,560 Speaker 1: to the baby and like hey, like this is how 222 00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:48,560 Speaker 1: I'm feeling today. So I was really excited, and I 223 00:10:48,559 --> 00:10:51,600 Speaker 1: bought all the books and I bought an anti radiation 224 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:56,400 Speaker 1: blanket for the airplane because I was like, I want 225 00:10:56,480 --> 00:11:00,520 Speaker 1: to protect the baby, and I was like I was 226 00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:05,920 Speaker 1: excited and anyways, I didn't think I was gonna get 227 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:16,960 Speaker 1: so emotional. But then I went on tour and my 228 00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:19,679 Speaker 1: obie is amazing, by the way, like any question I had, 229 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:23,720 Speaker 1: she would answer at any time. And I was googling everything, 230 00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:27,800 Speaker 1: like I was obsessed with Google how to erase, you know, 231 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:30,080 Speaker 1: like when you google things and then the tabs are open. 232 00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:32,880 Speaker 1: Everything I had to do with babies. My whole freaking 233 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:35,400 Speaker 1: feed is baby stuff because that's all I was searching, 234 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:39,360 Speaker 1: and I had to like close everything out. I was like, 235 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:42,800 Speaker 1: I just for my healing process right now, I just 236 00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:49,400 Speaker 1: need to just keep that hidden for right now. But anyways, 237 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:54,560 Speaker 1: I went on tour. I the first day of tour 238 00:11:54,720 --> 00:12:00,360 Speaker 1: was very very very very stress very stressful, very over me. 239 00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:06,280 Speaker 1: But the show went amazing. The show went amazing. I 240 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:10,360 Speaker 1: was wearing very high heels. My doctor just said, don't 241 00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:14,040 Speaker 1: just be careful. You're fine to do your show. Just 242 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:16,360 Speaker 1: don't fall. Be careful coming down the stairs because now 243 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:19,800 Speaker 1: I have stairs, you know, like for my show. So 244 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:24,720 Speaker 1: everything went great. I felt so freaking like I felt 245 00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:27,200 Speaker 1: like I was glowing on that first show, I felt 246 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:30,720 Speaker 1: so powerful. I felt like invincible, And of course I 247 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:32,760 Speaker 1: had like a bottle that showed that I was like 248 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:35,640 Speaker 1: drinking alcohol, but I wasn't. It was nothing but water. 249 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:40,440 Speaker 1: And I was nervous to start also my tour because 250 00:12:41,679 --> 00:12:43,560 Speaker 1: I'm used to drinking at my shows, like it makes 251 00:12:43,559 --> 00:12:45,680 Speaker 1: it very fun for me, and I'm like, Okay. Even 252 00:12:45,679 --> 00:12:48,120 Speaker 1: with that, I was like, God is really trying to 253 00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:51,000 Speaker 1: bring out the best version of myself with this pregnancy. 254 00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:53,320 Speaker 1: So even though I had all these plans and I 255 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:56,000 Speaker 1: wanted to kind of like, you know, be a little 256 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:58,520 Speaker 1: crazy this year for the rest of the year, because 257 00:12:58,559 --> 00:13:01,959 Speaker 1: I took that ninety day break and then the plan 258 00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:04,200 Speaker 1: was to just party it out, you know, the rest 259 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:07,240 Speaker 1: of the year. So anyways, with that, I was even like, damn, 260 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,600 Speaker 1: it's gonna be weird. Am I going to do good 261 00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:13,880 Speaker 1: at my show? And I did and it went freaking amazing, 262 00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:16,040 Speaker 1: and I felt like my voice was on point. Everything 263 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:19,480 Speaker 1: was just so good and I didn't feel anything that day. 264 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:23,560 Speaker 1: Everything was fine. I had so much energy. As soon 265 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:26,320 Speaker 1: as I got off of stage and we drove home 266 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:29,199 Speaker 1: from San Diego two hours and Emilio and I were 267 00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:31,320 Speaker 1: up and I took a thirty minute nap and I 268 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:34,080 Speaker 1: was fine, had so much energy. I was excited for 269 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:38,760 Speaker 1: the next show. We file out to Albuquerque, and you know, 270 00:13:38,840 --> 00:13:41,920 Speaker 1: just to backtrack a little bit, like I went from, 271 00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:46,040 Speaker 1: like I said, being scared and being upset to I 272 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:49,680 Speaker 1: woke up one morning and in my devotional it said 273 00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:54,080 Speaker 1: something about taking yourself, like stop thinking about everything that 274 00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:57,720 Speaker 1: you're missing and stop thinking about it in an egocentric 275 00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:00,920 Speaker 1: way and think about what the one is. Obviously my 276 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:03,280 Speaker 1: devotion doesn't know what I'm talking about what's going on 277 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:04,960 Speaker 1: with me in my personal life, like I'm pregnant, but 278 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:08,520 Speaker 1: it completely changed everything for me. So again it just 279 00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:11,280 Speaker 1: kind of set everything for me. And going into the tour, 280 00:14:11,320 --> 00:14:12,880 Speaker 1: I was excited. I was like, oh my god, I'm 281 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:15,840 Speaker 1: gonna be that like pregnant woman on tour and it's 282 00:14:15,840 --> 00:14:18,200 Speaker 1: gonna beautiful. So I started just accepting and I was 283 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:22,840 Speaker 1: so excited. So anyways, we get to Albuquerque, everything was fine. 284 00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:24,920 Speaker 1: We were already like planning where we're gonna go eat. 285 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:26,920 Speaker 1: I was excited. I wanted barbecue. As soon as we 286 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:29,280 Speaker 1: got to like New Mexico and I go into the 287 00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:35,320 Speaker 1: restroom and there's like a spot and I'm like, oh 288 00:14:35,320 --> 00:14:38,320 Speaker 1: my god. Immediately, like I just my heart dropped. I'm like, 289 00:14:38,360 --> 00:14:41,320 Speaker 1: oh my god. I was like, oh my my whole like, 290 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:42,560 Speaker 1: oh this shit. I told the media shit and not 291 00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:44,120 Speaker 1: say anything. I just couldn't. Like, I was like, oh 292 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:46,240 Speaker 1: my god, I'm gonna start crying, like and I was like, okay, 293 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:49,880 Speaker 1: I'm gonna keep my cool, and I just I wiped 294 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:51,440 Speaker 1: my tears and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna walk out. 295 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:53,800 Speaker 1: But as soon as I saw a medio, he saw 296 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:55,440 Speaker 1: it all over my face. He's like, what's wrong. And 297 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:57,040 Speaker 1: I said, oh my god, I'm bleeding. And I just 298 00:14:57,040 --> 00:14:58,680 Speaker 1: started crying in the middle of the airport. I was like, 299 00:14:58,840 --> 00:15:01,720 Speaker 1: I'm bleeding. I was like freaking out, and He's like relax, 300 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,040 Speaker 1: Like he's so good at staying calm, even though like 301 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:06,640 Speaker 1: now I know he wasn't. He wanted to break down himself, 302 00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:08,120 Speaker 1: but he was so good with staying strong for me 303 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:10,440 Speaker 1: because I was freaking out, you guys. And then I 304 00:15:10,480 --> 00:15:13,920 Speaker 1: told Kim. I was like, Kim, like I'm bleeding. She's like, okay, 305 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:17,040 Speaker 1: it's fine, Like she started researching. He started researching, and 306 00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:21,800 Speaker 1: then everything online said that it's okay that spotting is normal. 307 00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:23,840 Speaker 1: So I said, okay, cool, I don't have any cramping. 308 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:26,800 Speaker 1: There are any like cloths, any blood clouds, so I'm good. 309 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:29,200 Speaker 1: So it was just a very little amount of blood. 310 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:31,960 Speaker 1: I called my Obie and she's like, it's okay, just 311 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:35,040 Speaker 1: no working out, don't work out tomorrow or today, like, 312 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:38,600 Speaker 1: go to your hotel room, put your legs up, just relax. 313 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:41,600 Speaker 1: So we went to go eat. I did that. Everything 314 00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:44,720 Speaker 1: was fine. I didn't have any cramping. The next morning, 315 00:15:44,720 --> 00:15:46,640 Speaker 1: the blood started getting a little bit more. It started 316 00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:50,240 Speaker 1: kind of looking like a period, but they again everything online. 317 00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:52,920 Speaker 1: My Obi said it's fine. I felt fine to go, 318 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:56,400 Speaker 1: you know, to sound check and start getting ready for 319 00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:59,920 Speaker 1: the show, and so I did, and then I went. 320 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:03,280 Speaker 1: I did sound check, and I was really excited. I 321 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:05,440 Speaker 1: was so excited, you guys for the show because I 322 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:07,840 Speaker 1: felt like I didn't feel the pressure of the first show. 323 00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:11,160 Speaker 1: And then the venue was amazing, the energy was so beautiful. 324 00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:14,080 Speaker 1: I was so freaking excited, you guys. And in the 325 00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:17,520 Speaker 1: middle of soundcheck, I started getting really bad cramps and 326 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:20,120 Speaker 1: I was like, damn, But I kept with, you know, 327 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:22,680 Speaker 1: with soundcheck, and we did a few songs. We did 328 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:27,560 Speaker 1: like maybe forty minutes of soundcheck and it started getting 329 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:29,000 Speaker 1: hard to walk. I was like, oh my gosh, something 330 00:16:29,040 --> 00:16:31,520 Speaker 1: feels weird. I went right when I got off stage 331 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:36,000 Speaker 1: to start getting like finished getting ready. I went into 332 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:37,440 Speaker 1: the restroom. I said he yeah, yeah. I was like 333 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:40,320 Speaker 1: I don't. I didn't. I was like, I gotta go 334 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:43,960 Speaker 1: check if I'm bleeding more, what's going on? Oh you guys. 335 00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:47,720 Speaker 1: And that's where it started. I went to the bathroom 336 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,400 Speaker 1: and that's when I saw a blood clot and I 337 00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:55,840 Speaker 1: fucking went bananas. I was devastated. I was like fuck, like, 338 00:16:56,040 --> 00:17:01,160 Speaker 1: oh my god, it's happening. I was crying. I haven't cried. 339 00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:03,400 Speaker 1: I think the last time I cried like that was 340 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:07,600 Speaker 1: when I lost my mom, like that, like yelling. I 341 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:10,480 Speaker 1: was like no, I was like oh, and I thought 342 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,800 Speaker 1: what did I do wrong? Like I was like damn it, 343 00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:15,200 Speaker 1: Like I stopped everything, Like I was like maybe because 344 00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:17,080 Speaker 1: I was jumping at my show yesterday, like I was like, 345 00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:19,639 Speaker 1: oh my god, or the other night, like I was 346 00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:23,920 Speaker 1: like oh. And then I was like call Emilio and 347 00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:29,119 Speaker 1: he kept his cool. But I was a mess. I 348 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:32,080 Speaker 1: was a mess, and the pain started just coming and 349 00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:35,560 Speaker 1: I was like, damn it. I was and I knew it. 350 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,959 Speaker 1: I knew what was happening. And I told my Obi 351 00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:40,439 Speaker 1: and she says, are you okay? And I'm like, no, 352 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:42,520 Speaker 1: I don't know. I was like and I was like, 353 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:45,119 Speaker 1: I think I'm okay still physically to keep going with 354 00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:48,520 Speaker 1: the show. But that night it so happened to be 355 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:51,879 Speaker 1: that the outfit I took was white. So I was 356 00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:53,760 Speaker 1: just like, oh my god. I was literally sitting there 357 00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:57,560 Speaker 1: for two hours waiting for my makeup and my hair. 358 00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:58,879 Speaker 1: She was doing my hair, and I was like, I'm 359 00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:00,320 Speaker 1: still gonna go on stage. I could do this, Like 360 00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:02,840 Speaker 1: I can do this, like going full blown on like 361 00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:06,360 Speaker 1: I'm having a miscarriage. Like I had to like accept it. 362 00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:09,720 Speaker 1: I hadn't said anything yet to anyone besides the people 363 00:18:09,760 --> 00:18:11,679 Speaker 1: that were in the room, which Jessica. Jessica didn't even 364 00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:13,479 Speaker 1: know I was pregnant. The only people that knew were 365 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:19,119 Speaker 1: Kim and Immedio and and then the paine just started 366 00:18:19,119 --> 00:18:22,080 Speaker 1: getting unbearable. I literally held onto the very last minute. 367 00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:24,000 Speaker 1: I was like, no, I don't want to let people down, 368 00:18:24,119 --> 00:18:28,040 Speaker 1: like I'm excited. I want to perform, But then I 369 00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:29,639 Speaker 1: just had to make a decision. I was like, dude, 370 00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:32,119 Speaker 1: like what if I just start bleeding out in the 371 00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:37,760 Speaker 1: middle of my concert, Like no, I just I'm like, 372 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:41,639 Speaker 1: maybe physically I can pull through because that's who I am, 373 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:45,159 Speaker 1: but emotionally there's no way. And I felt like the 374 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:47,439 Speaker 1: people that were there don't don't deserve that. They deserve 375 00:18:48,640 --> 00:18:50,520 Speaker 1: the best show, and that's what I want to give them. 376 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:52,320 Speaker 1: So I had to make the decision. I was like, 377 00:18:52,359 --> 00:18:53,679 Speaker 1: I need to go to the hospital. So then that's 378 00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:57,280 Speaker 1: when I told Richard. I told my managers because both 379 00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,879 Speaker 1: of them were there, you know, Guiermo and Richard, and 380 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:02,199 Speaker 1: I told him. I was like, this is I was 381 00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:04,920 Speaker 1: hiding something from you. And I was just so afraid 382 00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:07,960 Speaker 1: to tell Richard, my manager, because I didn't want him 383 00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:10,120 Speaker 1: to think that I wasn't. I wanted to show him 384 00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:12,720 Speaker 1: before telling him I can still do this. I can 385 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:21,680 Speaker 1: be on tour. I'm fine. We went to the hospital 386 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:26,080 Speaker 1: and I just wanted to know if it was really happening. 387 00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:28,680 Speaker 1: I still had hope, and Milli and I both still 388 00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:32,040 Speaker 1: had hope that maybe it was just I don't know, 389 00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:36,560 Speaker 1: but it just was coming out everything, and they did 390 00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:39,520 Speaker 1: an ultrasound. We were there at the hospital for like 391 00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:42,040 Speaker 1: the emergency room for like three hours. They were so 392 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:44,080 Speaker 1: nice to meet the people, all the nurses and the 393 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:48,840 Speaker 1: doctors in Albuquerque. While amazing, they were so nice. So 394 00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:52,960 Speaker 1: like even when they told me like, yeah, it's a miscarriage, 395 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:57,399 Speaker 1: like you know, she's like, nothing you did is your fault. 396 00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:01,440 Speaker 1: I was like I kept thinking, it was like, God, 397 00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:14,719 Speaker 1: maybe it's my Maybe I can't but I'm sorry. But 398 00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:19,760 Speaker 1: they made me feel better and they said that this 399 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:23,320 Speaker 1: is actually a great thing because you know, your body 400 00:20:23,359 --> 00:20:26,600 Speaker 1: is showing that you can you can't get pregnant, and 401 00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:30,119 Speaker 1: it's preparing to get pregnant. It's just it was a 402 00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:33,920 Speaker 1: bad egg and it's you know, they made me feel 403 00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:36,800 Speaker 1: better be like, hey, I have I have women that 404 00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:39,399 Speaker 1: come in in their first trimester. They're running their runners, 405 00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:41,920 Speaker 1: they run their entire pregnancy and they're fine and they 406 00:20:42,520 --> 00:20:44,840 Speaker 1: you know, they're athletes and they lift weights and it 407 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,639 Speaker 1: all just depends. But no, it has nothing to do 408 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:50,880 Speaker 1: with you, anything that you did wrong. So that made 409 00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:55,760 Speaker 1: me feel better for sure, But it was a very 410 00:20:55,760 --> 00:20:57,959 Speaker 1: hard pill to swallow, and also to have to cancel 411 00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:59,760 Speaker 1: my show, which is why I shared it because I 412 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:02,360 Speaker 1: was like, I know people were upset. Some people were 413 00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:07,960 Speaker 1: commenting really mean things, and I was like, damn, I'm 414 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,720 Speaker 1: gonna share it because this is I know I'm not 415 00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:15,800 Speaker 1: the only one, and this happens a lot more then 416 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,879 Speaker 1: people share, and I understand something so personal. But I 417 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:23,000 Speaker 1: chose to share it because I want you guys to 418 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:26,720 Speaker 1: know that I also go through things like you guys, 419 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:30,439 Speaker 1: you know, and if I can help someone, then that 420 00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:33,679 Speaker 1: gives me peace, you know. So that's the reason I 421 00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:38,080 Speaker 1: shared it. And people have been so understanding and so loving, 422 00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:40,359 Speaker 1: and I've gotten so much love and it just feels 423 00:21:40,359 --> 00:21:42,439 Speaker 1: so good to know that there are people that support 424 00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:44,879 Speaker 1: me that don't even know me on a personal level 425 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:47,480 Speaker 1: and are setting us so much love. And I feel 426 00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:53,399 Speaker 1: better now. I did my therapy session, and I am 427 00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:55,879 Speaker 1: a woman of faith and I know that things happen 428 00:21:56,359 --> 00:21:58,560 Speaker 1: the way they need to happen, and it just really 429 00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,240 Speaker 1: helped put things into perspective for me, and it made 430 00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:03,520 Speaker 1: me fall in love with the media even more. We're 431 00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:08,400 Speaker 1: closer than ever and now I'm like excited. I'm even 432 00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:12,359 Speaker 1: more excited to marry him, like he was so amazing, 433 00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:15,040 Speaker 1: and I know it hurt him so much to see 434 00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:17,480 Speaker 1: him so sad because he did break down. He was 435 00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:21,840 Speaker 1: so sad. He was so sad, and I even said 436 00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:23,800 Speaker 1: sorry to him. I'm like, I'm so sorry, I'm so 437 00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:26,600 Speaker 1: sorry because I felt like, oh my god, like I'm 438 00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:28,879 Speaker 1: not giving him what he really wants. And when you 439 00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:31,719 Speaker 1: love someone, you just want to please them, and I 440 00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:33,960 Speaker 1: want to give him a baby. Now. He's the only 441 00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:36,120 Speaker 1: guy that's ever made me want to have a baby, 442 00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:38,360 Speaker 1: because I've always been on the fence, and now this 443 00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:40,919 Speaker 1: experience has showed me that I'm going to be a 444 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:44,760 Speaker 1: great freaking mom and that I do want a baby, 445 00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:46,360 Speaker 1: and that I do want a baby with this man. 446 00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:49,000 Speaker 1: So even if it was for that to just bring 447 00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:55,800 Speaker 1: that confirmation, I'm grateful. Very painful situation, very painful experience. 448 00:22:55,880 --> 00:23:01,719 Speaker 1: And I don't I don't like upon anybody, of course, 449 00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:06,480 Speaker 1: but I learned a lot and now it makes perfect 450 00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:10,439 Speaker 1: sense for me. And now I want to just be 451 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:14,880 Speaker 1: proactive and strengthen my uterus and I've been taking I've 452 00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:17,160 Speaker 1: been drinking teas. I'm like, I want to do everything 453 00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:20,520 Speaker 1: to make sure that I am ready, you know, and 454 00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:24,480 Speaker 1: also prepare to have a baby when I'm not as busy, 455 00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:29,720 Speaker 1: because I want to enjoy it more so. I think 456 00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:32,680 Speaker 1: my faith is what's getting me through and obviously having 457 00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:36,560 Speaker 1: a very supportive fan base and family. My sister Jackie 458 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:39,840 Speaker 1: was so amazing as well, Like h she helped me 459 00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:41,719 Speaker 1: so much. She cried with me when I told her 460 00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:44,040 Speaker 1: and I called her, I was like, sister, it's I'm 461 00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:46,439 Speaker 1: losing the baby, and she was just like oh, she 462 00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:49,320 Speaker 1: cried with me. And she's the one that said, listen 463 00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:52,359 Speaker 1: to your body. Don't you worry too much about letting 464 00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:56,639 Speaker 1: people down, Like if you cannot pull through, don't do it. 465 00:23:57,480 --> 00:24:00,359 Speaker 1: And I was like, you're right, yes, I I have 466 00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:03,600 Speaker 1: to cancel the show, like I have to. So shout 467 00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:06,159 Speaker 1: out to my sister and to like my amazing partner 468 00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:10,840 Speaker 1: because I have a great support system, like honestly, even Kim, 469 00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:14,040 Speaker 1: like my assistant, was wonderful throughout the whole thing, and 470 00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:17,879 Speaker 1: she cried with me too. We cried. It was like, oh, 471 00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:23,040 Speaker 1: but anyways, guys, that is you know, my experience, and 472 00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:26,040 Speaker 1: I wanted to share it because that's what I do 473 00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:28,080 Speaker 1: with you guys. You know, I tell you guys everything, 474 00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:34,120 Speaker 1: and I'm fine. I don't blame myself and we shouldn't. 475 00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:37,920 Speaker 1: Other women that have had miscarriages, don't take that guilt away. 476 00:24:38,119 --> 00:24:42,119 Speaker 1: It's nothing that you did wrong. It's your body and 477 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:45,840 Speaker 1: God in the universe doing what maybe you won't be 478 00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:48,399 Speaker 1: able to do if they tell you that you have 479 00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:54,560 Speaker 1: an abnormal pregnancy or it's just you know. So I 480 00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:58,280 Speaker 1: don't know. I just know, guys that I'm with you 481 00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:04,320 Speaker 1: and that we're gonna be okay, We're gonna be fine, 482 00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:07,280 Speaker 1: and now we're gonna have I learned what a rainbow 483 00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:09,000 Speaker 1: baby is. I don't know what a rainbow baby was, 484 00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:11,200 Speaker 1: and I was like, oh my god, I want a 485 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:13,959 Speaker 1: rainbow baby. It's the baby that comes after the miscarriage. 486 00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:15,520 Speaker 1: And I didn't know about that. And I'm like, oh 487 00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:17,560 Speaker 1: my god, Now I see all this rainbow stuff on TikTok. 488 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,320 Speaker 1: So I'm just like, okay, I'm having a rainbow baby. 489 00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:24,080 Speaker 1: So anyways, you guys again, thank you for listening, and 490 00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:29,600 Speaker 1: thank you for showing me grace. And I love you, guys, 491 00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:32,480 Speaker 1: and I hope that anyone that has gone through this 492 00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:37,439 Speaker 1: before can just know that I'm with you, I got you, 493 00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:41,920 Speaker 1: and and I'm sending everyone love because this is such 494 00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:48,760 Speaker 1: a painful experience. But God knows what's up. He knows why. 495 00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:51,800 Speaker 1: So thank you for listening, and I love you guys 496 00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:58,680 Speaker 1: so much. This is a production of iHeartRadio and Mike 497 00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:03,560 Speaker 1: podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at my Kuitura Podcasts 498 00:26:03,800 --> 00:26:07,159 Speaker 1: and follow me Cheeky's That's c h i q u 499 00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:11,639 Speaker 1: i s. For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, 500 00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:14,680 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your favorite shows.