1
00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:12,239
Speaker 1: Mm from grandmothers who whispered in their baby girl in

2
00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:16,920
Speaker 1: two fathers on dimly lit street corners, instructing young soldiers

3
00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:20,959
Speaker 1: to always keep their eyes open. You be queen, you

4
00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:24,279
Speaker 1: were fired. You will pass through centuries on the hands

5
00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:28,720
Speaker 1: of your daughters. They called you wisdom. Proverbs on the

6
00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:32,320
Speaker 1: backs of diamond eyed school children who growing into hymnals

7
00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:37,200
Speaker 1: recited by amethyst holding urban philosophers who recited neighborhood commandments

8
00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:40,680
Speaker 1: out of the windows of restored ALCHEMYO cheriots to keep

9
00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:46,080
Speaker 1: the warmth of their blood. Be wise, be smart, being black,

10
00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:50,720
Speaker 1: Opal Brown courts, bloodstone and prayer. Be every form of

11
00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:57,080
Speaker 1: Jim se King told, scribe, scribe, told son, son, told wife,

12
00:00:57,480 --> 00:01:00,360
Speaker 1: wife told her daughter, and daughter told the as this is.

13
00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:04,120
Speaker 1: And the ancestors told me that you would come to

14
00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:09,520
Speaker 1: give wisdom thousands. They said you would come Dropping Dropping

15
00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:12,760
Speaker 1: the Jim. All right, Welcome back to another episode of

16
00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:16,920
Speaker 1: The Dropping Jim's podcast. I'm your host Stebbie Brown. Today's show.

17
00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:20,280
Speaker 1: I'm super high because this girl is a fave of

18
00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:22,880
Speaker 1: most of the people that I've run into. It's funny

19
00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:26,440
Speaker 1: because sometimes people see that we talk on Instagram and

20
00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:28,320
Speaker 1: they'll be like, oh, my god, you know her what

21
00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:31,200
Speaker 1: I'm like? Not only do I know her? That is

22
00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:36,280
Speaker 1: my friend friend. That's so funny to hear today's show,

23
00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:40,720
Speaker 1: we have um just one of the bossiest boss women

24
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,919
Speaker 1: in the business. She is killing it in the broadcasting world.

25
00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:47,440
Speaker 1: You first saw her on TMZ, where she really broke

26
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:51,160
Speaker 1: so many barriers and created lanes for so many people

27
00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:53,520
Speaker 1: that came after her. She then went to The Insider.

28
00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:59,280
Speaker 1: You have seen her Taming Wild Wild Conversations as a

29
00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:02,560
Speaker 1: love and hip pop reunion host, and she is currently

30
00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:05,640
Speaker 1: a host on E with two of her own shows,

31
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:09,120
Speaker 1: Nightly Pop Dating No Filter. And you have seen her

32
00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:14,040
Speaker 1: on every red carpet giving absolutely serving looks and giving

33
00:02:14,080 --> 00:02:17,919
Speaker 1: expert commentary as a news correspondent. So, without further ado,

34
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:23,880
Speaker 1: we have the eyebrow God herself time so snatcher, Miss

35
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:26,920
Speaker 1: Nina Parker is on the show. Thank you for having me.

36
00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:29,040
Speaker 1: I'm so excited we could make a hand. I know

37
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:31,440
Speaker 1: you know what I want to so everybody in and

38
00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:34,000
Speaker 1: how we first met. I was trying to think back.

39
00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:36,120
Speaker 1: I was like, dang, at what point did did we

40
00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:39,800
Speaker 1: like fall in friend love? Remember how I met you?

41
00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:42,520
Speaker 1: It's been a long time. I don't Okay, you tell me,

42
00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:47,320
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna tell you. We were backstage at a Celo.

43
00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:52,000
Speaker 1: I went to my god, it was um shout, I

44
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:54,320
Speaker 1: feel so old. Those groups name? What was the group's name?

45
00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:59,079
Speaker 1: What group was Celo in? Oh? Narles Barkley. Wasn't there

46
00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:03,720
Speaker 1: one before that? Oh? Goody mob? Good? Yeah? Yeah, we went.

47
00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:08,200
Speaker 1: It was a goody Mob like something and Celo was

48
00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:14,760
Speaker 1: performing and Echo invited me. Our friend MPR had invited me,

49
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:17,240
Speaker 1: and you were there and I had seen you just

50
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,639
Speaker 1: like on social media. I think at the time, I'm

51
00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:21,520
Speaker 1: not sure what social media we were using, but I

52
00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:23,639
Speaker 1: remember giving you my business card and I was like, Hi,

53
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:27,000
Speaker 1: you know, I'm Nina from TMZ and I introduced myself

54
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,520
Speaker 1: to you and gave you my card and you were

55
00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:32,320
Speaker 1: super nice. We were both backstage and um, you know,

56
00:03:32,360 --> 00:03:34,760
Speaker 1: because you were doing radio, and I think I was

57
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:36,480
Speaker 1: just like, you were just somebody I wanted to know.

58
00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:38,000
Speaker 1: And mind you, this is like when I was kind

59
00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:39,800
Speaker 1: of still new to l A, so I was just like,

60
00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:41,880
Speaker 1: she just seems like somebody it would be cool to know.

61
00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:44,760
Speaker 1: And I remember introducing myself and being like, hit me up,

62
00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:46,840
Speaker 1: here's my email if you need anything like if you

63
00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:49,760
Speaker 1: get any stories, and you were like okay and super cool.

64
00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:52,400
Speaker 1: But that's the first time we met. I remember, and

65
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:55,440
Speaker 1: I thought it was so cool. Um, just you being

66
00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:59,600
Speaker 1: like a dope ass black woman on TMZ and like

67
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:02,280
Speaker 1: killing it in the broadcasting world. Um. And I loved,

68
00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:03,920
Speaker 1: like from the moment we met, I just loved the

69
00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:06,840
Speaker 1: way you carried yourself and you were so funny but

70
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:10,360
Speaker 1: so gracious, and you just had so much integrity, which

71
00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:14,480
Speaker 1: especially in that space, like the space of specifically TMZ

72
00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:17,880
Speaker 1: gossip heavy space, it's so rare like normally when you,

73
00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,560
Speaker 1: at least back then would meet people in that space,

74
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,800
Speaker 1: you kind of like maybe want to take a shower

75
00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:25,640
Speaker 1: later because you felt like you were getting finessed for

76
00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:29,520
Speaker 1: like information, you know. And I was like, Yo, she's dope,

77
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:31,320
Speaker 1: and then I remember, Okay. So I don't know if

78
00:04:31,320 --> 00:04:34,120
Speaker 1: you remember this, but one of my biggest memories of

79
00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:38,400
Speaker 1: our early early friendship was you like did me a

80
00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:42,920
Speaker 1: super solid yeah. So at that time. So what I

81
00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:46,720
Speaker 1: was really really early on the curve of was whenever

82
00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:50,200
Speaker 1: I'd have an interview, sending it places. This is before

83
00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:54,640
Speaker 1: obviously far before Instagram, um, and it's before like blogs

84
00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:57,760
Speaker 1: have evolved into what they are now. So like most

85
00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:01,880
Speaker 1: talent in radio did not cut up bits and pieces

86
00:05:01,880 --> 00:05:05,880
Speaker 1: of their interviews and even posted online, let alone cut

87
00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:09,000
Speaker 1: up pieces specifically and send them to blogs with like

88
00:05:09,279 --> 00:05:12,120
Speaker 1: recaps like Hey, today I interviewed so and so so,

89
00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:15,520
Speaker 1: like how you're seeing like the breakfast club interviews today.

90
00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:17,719
Speaker 1: That's kind of like what I was doing a long

91
00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:20,720
Speaker 1: long time ago. Um, obviously not the same reach. I'm

92
00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:24,600
Speaker 1: not trying to take no credit for nothing, but you know, yeah, yeah,

93
00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:26,720
Speaker 1: but I was early on stuff like that, on navigating

94
00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:30,760
Speaker 1: social So I had just started doing mixtapes. Me and

95
00:05:30,839 --> 00:05:35,680
Speaker 1: Terris Martin had released some products projects. We released this

96
00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:39,120
Speaker 1: project called Here My Dear, which did really well and

97
00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:42,080
Speaker 1: it had we had like a very early kindreck on it.

98
00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:45,080
Speaker 1: We had snoop on it, corrupt even Charlie Wilson, a

99
00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:47,839
Speaker 1: lot of lot of dope talent. And then we've released

100
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:51,200
Speaker 1: a second project called The Sex EP. And for those

101
00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:54,200
Speaker 1: not familiar, though I know many of you are, us

102
00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:59,160
Speaker 1: is he's a really really dope producer and artist, a

103
00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:02,680
Speaker 1: lot of infusion of jazz instrumentation meets hip hop. Right,

104
00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:05,440
Speaker 1: he's fired. He's produced some of your favorite music. We

105
00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:09,240
Speaker 1: did this project called the sex Cyp. My boy Rete

106
00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:12,960
Speaker 1: designed the cover of it, right, yes, I remember this now.

107
00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:16,360
Speaker 1: The cover of it was to Breasts in purple and

108
00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:20,159
Speaker 1: it said the sex Cyp Debbie dev Terrace Martin's and

109
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:25,360
Speaker 1: unbeknownst to me, it was an image of Kim Kardashian

110
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:30,520
Speaker 1: her breasts from her w mag shoot. Right, So this

111
00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:32,839
Speaker 1: is when the lines were really blurred. Like, we didn't

112
00:06:32,839 --> 00:06:35,640
Speaker 1: have the same type of content restrictions as we do now.

113
00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:40,600
Speaker 1: So it's like, just so if it was like a

114
00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:43,440
Speaker 1: free project, you didn't have to worry about getting songs

115
00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:46,320
Speaker 1: cleared um or samples cleared, and you didn't really have

116
00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:50,000
Speaker 1: to worry about photographs or attributing credit or anything like that. Right,

117
00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:57,400
Speaker 1: So I remember Kim tried to sue me. I've never

118
00:06:57,440 --> 00:07:04,000
Speaker 1: told this story before, so basically she somehow Well what

119
00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:06,239
Speaker 1: I thought it later was one of my friends loved

120
00:07:06,279 --> 00:07:10,200
Speaker 1: the project, was playing the project, was friends with someone

121
00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:12,680
Speaker 1: in her life. I think it was her brother. He

122
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:15,440
Speaker 1: saw it and was like, Hey, I know whose boobs

123
00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:19,119
Speaker 1: these are like, and then took took our mixtape back,

124
00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:24,040
Speaker 1: you know, to Calabasas and and then I got sent

125
00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:30,040
Speaker 1: from Chris genera season about this mix tape it ended

126
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:32,160
Speaker 1: up doing. It ended up great for us. But what

127
00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:35,480
Speaker 1: I loved was I had sent you the project because

128
00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:38,080
Speaker 1: because of that season desist letter, we had to pull

129
00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:41,800
Speaker 1: the project, um just to be safe, and we re

130
00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:45,000
Speaker 1: released it as the sex CP Season Desist, and we

131
00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:48,200
Speaker 1: used somebody else's breasts as to cover, and we put like,

132
00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:51,600
Speaker 1: you know, our season desists into the project. Right, great marketing.

133
00:07:52,160 --> 00:07:54,680
Speaker 1: But I had hit you up on like my blastlist

134
00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:58,360
Speaker 1: just in the hopes of you know, posting the project.

135
00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:03,280
Speaker 1: Right Obviously, I it probably wasn't gonna be material for you,

136
00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:05,360
Speaker 1: but I figured like, hey, you know, I want her

137
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,040
Speaker 1: to be in the you know, in the loop of

138
00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:09,360
Speaker 1: stuff that I'm working on. So you did me such

139
00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:12,160
Speaker 1: a solid because I remember you said, hey, girls, so

140
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:16,160
Speaker 1: we don't post mixtapes on TMZ, but I'm gonna turn

141
00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:17,960
Speaker 1: this into a story because we're gonna talk about this

142
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:23,080
Speaker 1: season desist, And you ended up featuring the our mixtape

143
00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:26,000
Speaker 1: on TMZ TV, like you did a whole segment about it.

144
00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:28,800
Speaker 1: You're like my girl, Debbie Dead and Kim Gardashian sent

145
00:08:28,840 --> 00:08:31,080
Speaker 1: her this letter and you know, and it ended up

146
00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,800
Speaker 1: really helping us with the project got us great exposure.

147
00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:37,520
Speaker 1: I was like, Yo, we're to me now for giving

148
00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:41,840
Speaker 1: us that look to be creative back then, because you know,

149
00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:44,880
Speaker 1: when I started there, I didn't have any contacts. I

150
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:46,959
Speaker 1: didn't know anybody in l A I had. I didn't

151
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:50,280
Speaker 1: start there with like rolodex, you know. And so I

152
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:52,800
Speaker 1: was like, I'm gonna just have to build this. And

153
00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:56,559
Speaker 1: there were Harvey had rules. We weren't to report on pregnancies,

154
00:08:56,600 --> 00:09:01,400
Speaker 1: we weren't to report on weddings, engagements, Uh, no, mixtapes, no,

155
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:05,839
Speaker 1: no music really unless it was like suing so often people.

156
00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:08,760
Speaker 1: Initially a lot of people I met in entertainment were black,

157
00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:10,880
Speaker 1: but a lot of them were in music. And I

158
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:12,840
Speaker 1: was like, well, damn, Like I have all these music contacts,

159
00:09:12,840 --> 00:09:15,680
Speaker 1: I need more news contacts. But how can I like

160
00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:18,319
Speaker 1: use this to to like get us get stories about

161
00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:20,440
Speaker 1: like black people out there. So that's why I was

162
00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:22,480
Speaker 1: trying to find different angles of stuff where I was like,

163
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:25,240
Speaker 1: I could cheat this and make up something else, but

164
00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:27,960
Speaker 1: I'm mentioning your thing, you know, So that's kind of

165
00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:30,679
Speaker 1: I would have to do. Like I'm mentioning you. You know,

166
00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:33,440
Speaker 1: people might come for you, but you know, but it

167
00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:36,480
Speaker 1: was it was. I actually remember that, still remember writing that.

168
00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:38,679
Speaker 1: That is so funny, you know. So I've been asking

169
00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:41,760
Speaker 1: Nina to come on the show forever. Instant response was yes,

170
00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:46,520
Speaker 1: but finding time in her schedule. And I feel like

171
00:09:46,559 --> 00:09:50,080
Speaker 1: such a horrible friend because I feel like I have

172
00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:54,800
Speaker 1: not mastered how to manage my time and outside of work.

173
00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:58,400
Speaker 1: I can manage work time perfect perfectly. I can squeeze

174
00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:02,080
Speaker 1: three jobs in one day and shoots, it's really difficult

175
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:05,360
Speaker 1: for me to manage my friendships with my work schedule

176
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:09,280
Speaker 1: um and being in a relationship. It's just a little overwhelming.

177
00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:12,120
Speaker 1: So I am just trying to always apologize to my

178
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:16,400
Speaker 1: friends about like my lack of availability or like choosing

179
00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:21,520
Speaker 1: to sleep over. I feel I feel very guilty lately.

180
00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:23,840
Speaker 1: But what do I say to you every time on text?

181
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:27,480
Speaker 1: I'm always like colon, no pressure. Yeah, oh, I mean

182
00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:31,080
Speaker 1: feel it from you. It's all from my own internal things.

183
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:33,960
Speaker 1: There are some friends who guilt me more way more

184
00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:35,400
Speaker 1: like You're one of those friends. I know if I

185
00:10:35,440 --> 00:10:37,520
Speaker 1: didn't even see you for six months, we would just

186
00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:39,360
Speaker 1: get back to where we are. You wouldn't judge me,

187
00:10:39,440 --> 00:10:40,880
Speaker 1: you wouldn't you just be like you would just be

188
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:43,560
Speaker 1: more like what's going on? Like have you been? But

189
00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:46,160
Speaker 1: there are certain people who definitely okay, So I guess

190
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:49,680
Speaker 1: we're starting this already. I have been struggling in my

191
00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:52,960
Speaker 1: friendships and this isn't something I've actually talked about, but

192
00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:55,040
Speaker 1: I have been struggling in my friendships as a woman

193
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:58,040
Speaker 1: in her thirties. Who is I live with my boyfriend.

194
00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:00,400
Speaker 1: We were in a home. We're kind of we you know,

195
00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:02,480
Speaker 1: we have a dog, where we have this life that

196
00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:08,280
Speaker 1: we're building together, working like three shows minimum, because sometimes

197
00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:11,000
Speaker 1: I guessed on other shows like Steve Harvey or Wendy

198
00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:13,800
Speaker 1: Williams where I'm flying out of town to do those shows.

199
00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:17,400
Speaker 1: So guesting on shows and then solidified two shows with

200
00:11:17,559 --> 00:11:20,719
Speaker 1: E and then also several times a year filming the

201
00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:24,520
Speaker 1: Love and Hip Hop Reunions. It's very overwhelming for huge

202
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:27,040
Speaker 1: chunks of your time. Yes, which is good, so thank

203
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:30,080
Speaker 1: you for these blessings. But what people don't tell you

204
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:35,199
Speaker 1: is like you managing your relationships outside of like your

205
00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:40,240
Speaker 1: own with work are very It's it's an art that

206
00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:42,560
Speaker 1: I have not mastered, and I'm not sure a lot

207
00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:45,440
Speaker 1: of people have because most successful people, I finally don't

208
00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:47,680
Speaker 1: have a ton of friends they have like a core

209
00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:52,320
Speaker 1: group family, and that's kind of it. And as I've

210
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:55,880
Speaker 1: gotten older, I've found that a lot of friends that

211
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:57,520
Speaker 1: are not in the business because my friends in the

212
00:11:57,559 --> 00:11:59,880
Speaker 1: business seemed to have a little bit more of an understanding,

213
00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:03,679
Speaker 1: but my friends outside of entertainment don't have the capacity

214
00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:07,880
Speaker 1: to understand kind of pouring your blood, sweat and tears

215
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:11,920
Speaker 1: into something seven And not that their jobs don't require that,

216
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,520
Speaker 1: but they have those boundaries, or that you don't have

217
00:12:14,559 --> 00:12:16,760
Speaker 1: friends who are you know and work for the city

218
00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:19,120
Speaker 1: that you know they do their holidays, they're nine five

219
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:21,840
Speaker 1: and that's that's what they're That's how they're fulfilled, and

220
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:24,000
Speaker 1: they have their families and that's it. You're busy is

221
00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:26,439
Speaker 1: different than that busy and not better than our lesson

222
00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:28,720
Speaker 1: It just looks different. It's funny that you say that,

223
00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:31,800
Speaker 1: because earlier today, um My girl jazz Fly have put

224
00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:35,880
Speaker 1: this on her story. She said, anybody that says you

225
00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:38,280
Speaker 1: make time for you know, excuse me, what you want

226
00:12:38,280 --> 00:12:40,440
Speaker 1: to make time for? Blah blah blah. She said, they've

227
00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:43,320
Speaker 1: never actually been busy. Yes, because there has been legit

228
00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:46,400
Speaker 1: things that I want nothing more than with my whole

229
00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:49,200
Speaker 1: soul to have time to do or people that to

230
00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:51,720
Speaker 1: have time to see, and it's just you're just a human.

231
00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:54,760
Speaker 1: It's just not possible. And I think especially when you're

232
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:57,800
Speaker 1: in media and you're you know, doing something like this,

233
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,560
Speaker 1: when you're doing a podcast and giving to people or

234
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,840
Speaker 1: for me, I often am you know, I'm not an actor,

235
00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:05,800
Speaker 1: so I'm giving myself every time I get on set

236
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:09,080
Speaker 1: my opinions. But I'm also you know, giving a pent

237
00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:14,720
Speaker 1: of my energy to be authentic. When you're off, you're decompressing.

238
00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:17,840
Speaker 1: So when you have those moments to decompress, you don't

239
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:20,720
Speaker 1: necessarily want to be surrounded by people because it's very

240
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:24,360
Speaker 1: hard to like give all of your energy to something

241
00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:27,400
Speaker 1: and then just go give it to other people. Sometimes

242
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,640
Speaker 1: you need those moments to recharge. And now that I'm

243
00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:31,920
Speaker 1: in at home with like a pool, sometimes I just

244
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,040
Speaker 1: go and I sit out there and I'm reading or

245
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,160
Speaker 1: I'm I just don't want to go anywhere, Like I

246
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,640
Speaker 1: was thinking to myself, like, am I having like a

247
00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:41,959
Speaker 1: social anxiety because I just haven't wanted to go anywhere lately.

248
00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:44,200
Speaker 1: You're protecting your magic. I think that's what it is,

249
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:48,360
Speaker 1: because yeah, you're protecting your magic Yeah, I think it's

250
00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:51,920
Speaker 1: it's just been I haven't it's I've never been i

251
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:55,360
Speaker 1: haven't had this much work in my career where I'm

252
00:13:55,400 --> 00:13:58,600
Speaker 1: at right now, Normally I'm managing one show. So over

253
00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:03,000
Speaker 1: the last couple of years, it's grown. And with that growth,

254
00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:07,200
Speaker 1: I haven't quite learned how to manage my social relationships,

255
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:10,480
Speaker 1: and they've become more important to me. So I've paid

256
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:13,440
Speaker 1: more attention to like who reaches out to me or

257
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:17,120
Speaker 1: who checks on me, and my energy has shifted towards

258
00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:20,880
Speaker 1: the people who don't do that, So I'm not necessarily

259
00:14:21,440 --> 00:14:24,320
Speaker 1: spending a lot of time with you know, I was

260
00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:26,720
Speaker 1: like the brunch queen like five years ago. Remember I

261
00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:31,160
Speaker 1: was planning brunches every weekend, like a group of women.

262
00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:34,440
Speaker 1: Like it was great, but I often found that a

263
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,320
Speaker 1: lot of the people that were coming to these brunches

264
00:14:36,360 --> 00:14:39,200
Speaker 1: would never reach out to me. It was always me

265
00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:43,760
Speaker 1: reaching out. Me trying to maintain this level of um.

266
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:47,280
Speaker 1: You know, I guess, like, you know, a level of

267
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:51,040
Speaker 1: the relationship out in society that I didn't feel like,

268
00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:58,760
Speaker 1: you know what, you know what I found. Um, we

269
00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:01,480
Speaker 1: have to not only do we have to extend grace

270
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:04,320
Speaker 1: to our friendships, we have to allow our friendships to

271
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:08,960
Speaker 1: evolve into the age brackets that were in a thousand,

272
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:11,960
Speaker 1: you know. Like the thing is, life shifts, life changes,

273
00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:16,000
Speaker 1: and I think people that are not choosing growth and

274
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:19,320
Speaker 1: not expanding in their personal lives, they're the hit dogs

275
00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:22,400
Speaker 1: that holler when things change for other people and for them,

276
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:25,160
Speaker 1: we just have to still send them love and wish

277
00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:27,880
Speaker 1: them excuse me, growth and the best. Um. But we

278
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:30,200
Speaker 1: can't take that on and take it personally. They're upset

279
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:34,120
Speaker 1: if even if they're emotional because of it, it's not

280
00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:37,400
Speaker 1: our responsibility or job to fix it. We have to

281
00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:40,280
Speaker 1: focus on ourselves. I think that's something that I had

282
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:43,000
Speaker 1: to learn how to do because a lot of times

283
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:45,920
Speaker 1: I was hurt by it and like I wasn't that

284
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:50,160
Speaker 1: sin love person. I was like, forget them conversations with

285
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:53,320
Speaker 1: you to get me more centered because it hurt my feelings.

286
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,840
Speaker 1: And then I realized I was hurting people's feelings and

287
00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:58,920
Speaker 1: not knowing it. Um. You know. I even my my

288
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,320
Speaker 1: own cousin I had a conversation with, Like, my cousin

289
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:03,800
Speaker 1: lives in another state. We were very close for a

290
00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:06,520
Speaker 1: really long time, but my cousin got married at eighteen

291
00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:11,360
Speaker 1: and UM had three children and never quite got to

292
00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:14,520
Speaker 1: live her dream. She you know, did a lot. Her

293
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:18,520
Speaker 1: husband was in the military. She traveled, UM and she's

294
00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:20,400
Speaker 1: probably gonna hate that I'm telling this story, but I

295
00:16:20,440 --> 00:16:23,360
Speaker 1: love her UM. But she traveled with him for many

296
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:27,040
Speaker 1: years and just his his goals kind of she had

297
00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:29,280
Speaker 1: to live with his goals for a while. And she

298
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:31,680
Speaker 1: went to school online and she pursued her degree, and

299
00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:33,760
Speaker 1: she did things for her But I think her family,

300
00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:37,240
Speaker 1: especially so young, took a precedent over her life. So

301
00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:39,960
Speaker 1: now that she's UM, you know, her kids are are

302
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:43,760
Speaker 1: about to either in college or graduated. She's still very

303
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:46,520
Speaker 1: young in her early forties. I think her expectation of

304
00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:49,560
Speaker 1: our of our relationship was going to be different. But

305
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:51,920
Speaker 1: when she was coming out of that season, I was

306
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:55,320
Speaker 1: kind of coming into getting into a long term relationship,

307
00:16:55,720 --> 00:17:00,200
Speaker 1: solidifying my career. So the I think the relations ship

308
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:01,920
Speaker 1: she thought she would have with me once she got

309
00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:05,320
Speaker 1: to this place was different. But for me, I'm like, well, look,

310
00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:08,919
Speaker 1: you moved away when we were young, you traveled the world,

311
00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:11,920
Speaker 1: you know, with your man. Like I didn't say anything

312
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:15,439
Speaker 1: about you moving to Germany or you pursuing your life.

313
00:17:15,760 --> 00:17:19,119
Speaker 1: So for me, I felt the expectation from her to

314
00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:21,560
Speaker 1: me when she felt I couldn't reciprocate in the way

315
00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:23,400
Speaker 1: that she and I felt it was a little unfair

316
00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:26,640
Speaker 1: because we were just at different stages. Well, it's kind

317
00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:29,040
Speaker 1: of like the idea that you can't judge people based

318
00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:31,200
Speaker 1: on who you are. You have to judge them based

319
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,399
Speaker 1: on who they are, you know. We have to be

320
00:17:33,440 --> 00:17:36,679
Speaker 1: really really realistic about the rules of engagement of the

321
00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:39,840
Speaker 1: people that we have relationships with our lives, you know,

322
00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:42,240
Speaker 1: like you're one of them, right and some and I

323
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:44,800
Speaker 1: have other friends like this, like I'm at a season

324
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:47,800
Speaker 1: in my life where things are moving at a different

325
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:49,919
Speaker 1: beat because I just had a child, you know what

326
00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:52,920
Speaker 1: I mean. So my days look completely different than they

327
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,840
Speaker 1: used to, and the type of free time I have

328
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,919
Speaker 1: is at different hours. Even today meeting our time, you

329
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:00,359
Speaker 1: were like, are you coming at this time at this time?

330
00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:03,239
Speaker 1: Because I need to know for this baby. And it's like,

331
00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:04,719
Speaker 1: you know before where you might have been like how

332
00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:08,520
Speaker 1: many time you got you gotta tree Nina text me

333
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:10,040
Speaker 1: she was like, I'll be there at eleven, and I

334
00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:13,280
Speaker 1: was like, is it eleven eleven or is it eleven twelve?

335
00:18:13,480 --> 00:18:15,359
Speaker 1: Just let me know that means I can give the

336
00:18:15,359 --> 00:18:18,520
Speaker 1: baby a bottle. But that's what you like, that's an

337
00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:21,480
Speaker 1: adjustment that, yeah, you have to do that. Thirty minutes

338
00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:24,359
Speaker 1: makes a difference, Yeah, you know. And it's like and

339
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:27,679
Speaker 1: I think the older we get and the more responsibility have,

340
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:30,360
Speaker 1: the more we value those thirty minutes. Yeah, you know.

341
00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:33,440
Speaker 1: And I think you don't want to waste of doing

342
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:37,040
Speaker 1: anything that's not important to you or that is my

343
00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:40,760
Speaker 1: biggest issue with people in my life who run late.

344
00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:44,199
Speaker 1: I find running late to be, as adults, one of

345
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:46,720
Speaker 1: the most disrespectful things you can do to another person

346
00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:49,480
Speaker 1: running late happened, especially if, like us, you live in

347
00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:52,600
Speaker 1: l A because traffic is nets. But it's a matter

348
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:55,359
Speaker 1: of like how you finesse running late, Like don't tell

349
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:58,080
Speaker 1: me if we're meeting at twelve, don't hit me at

350
00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:01,040
Speaker 1: twelve or five to say running late. You hit me

351
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:03,840
Speaker 1: at eleven o'clock to tell me running late, because then

352
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,280
Speaker 1: I might not want to get on the road jett.

353
00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:08,919
Speaker 1: Or I could say, you know what, since they're running

354
00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:12,840
Speaker 1: fifteen thirty minutes behind, I needed to make this call anyway,

355
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:16,119
Speaker 1: Like allow me to maximize my time as I see

356
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:19,080
Speaker 1: fit instead of using it to check my watch and

357
00:19:19,119 --> 00:19:21,920
Speaker 1: look around the room. Yeah, well, it's like just I think,

358
00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:25,120
Speaker 1: you know, weren't in this space. I think where when

359
00:19:25,119 --> 00:19:27,119
Speaker 1: we met each other, we were in our twenties and

360
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:28,719
Speaker 1: we were in l A and we were living this

361
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,280
Speaker 1: life and going out and now you know, we're in

362
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:34,400
Speaker 1: our thirties and we're growing. You just had a baby,

363
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:38,360
Speaker 1: and I think it's just life just kind of adjust you.

364
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:42,680
Speaker 1: And it's it's hard and different too, Like you're like, dang,

365
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,880
Speaker 1: this is really my life now, And so people don't understand,

366
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:48,760
Speaker 1: Like if it's hard for them, imagine how hard it

367
00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:52,120
Speaker 1: is for us to like have this these different responsibilities

368
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:55,040
Speaker 1: on us and trying to articulate that to the people

369
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:58,040
Speaker 1: that you love who are used to you being one

370
00:19:58,119 --> 00:20:00,920
Speaker 1: way and can't accept that the things you used to

371
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:03,720
Speaker 1: do you can't do anymore. The bigger illustration of that

372
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:07,320
Speaker 1: type of scenario, too, is that sometimes we just grow

373
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:10,400
Speaker 1: at different rates. Right Like, even if it didn't show

374
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:13,719
Speaker 1: up right now, is a manifestation of people feeling a

375
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:17,359
Speaker 1: way about the way you use your time. They're at

376
00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:19,760
Speaker 1: a stunted level of growth, which is not a judgment,

377
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:22,520
Speaker 1: it just is. And so that would have shown up

378
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,800
Speaker 1: in other ways too, even if you had all the time.

379
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:28,320
Speaker 1: You know, sometimes it's just this like subconscious battle of

380
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:31,080
Speaker 1: I know I haven't grown, or I'm not growing that

381
00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:33,879
Speaker 1: person has. I'm triggered, you know, I think so. I

382
00:20:33,920 --> 00:20:36,520
Speaker 1: think a lot of it is projection, because I have

383
00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:41,560
Speaker 1: friends who um are very understanding, who are just like, okay, girl,

384
00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:43,200
Speaker 1: I'll see you when I see you, I'm I'm rooting

385
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:46,320
Speaker 1: for you. They retweet my projects or post my stuff

386
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:48,800
Speaker 1: and it's like I saw them yesterday. And then I

387
00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:51,920
Speaker 1: have other friends who feel away about not seeing me,

388
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:54,680
Speaker 1: and you know, it's like, well, I don't feel like

389
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:57,640
Speaker 1: this friendship is a priority for you anymore. God, come on, guys.

390
00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:01,159
Speaker 1: And I've had that. I recently just this conversation actually

391
00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:04,399
Speaker 1: with a friend who um is not a social media user.

392
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:09,000
Speaker 1: And everybody who uses Twitter knows you get two characters

393
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:12,400
Speaker 1: to to surmise a story, so sometimes you don't give

394
00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:14,840
Speaker 1: all the minute details. You just kind of especially if

395
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:16,760
Speaker 1: you're trying to empower other people, which I feel like

396
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:18,960
Speaker 1: I used my Twitter to help empower other people who

397
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,680
Speaker 1: were in my position and to talk about Game of Thrones,

398
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:25,159
Speaker 1: so like, yeah, you know, the two uses here, you know,

399
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:28,600
Speaker 1: news gathering and then just kind of talking about spirituality

400
00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:31,199
Speaker 1: or like you know, connections or what I may have

401
00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:33,600
Speaker 1: gone through because I made so many mistakes just kind

402
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:37,680
Speaker 1: of telling people the human side of this entertainment business.

403
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:41,199
Speaker 1: And I had someone who I get they're not on Twitter,

404
00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:44,919
Speaker 1: but they sent me a screen grab of a tweet

405
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:47,720
Speaker 1: of mine and said they felt away about it because

406
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:50,000
Speaker 1: I said, I didn't have any friends in l A

407
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:52,240
Speaker 1: when I first moved here, and they were my friend,

408
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:54,480
Speaker 1: so they felt away and didn't talk to me for

409
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:57,080
Speaker 1: months and I didn't even know that they felt away.

410
00:21:57,480 --> 00:21:59,520
Speaker 1: And my first and mind you, we're in our thirties,

411
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:02,760
Speaker 1: like we're this to me is a little bit of

412
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:06,359
Speaker 1: a curious conversation to be having. We should be a

413
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,960
Speaker 1: little bit more mature, because the first thing I would

414
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:11,960
Speaker 1: do if you tweeted something that I felt a way about,

415
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:15,080
Speaker 1: which I doubt whatever happened, but like I would just

416
00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:17,919
Speaker 1: call you or text you and just be like But

417
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,600
Speaker 1: even the act of that makes me feel paranoid, like

418
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:23,440
Speaker 1: I'm just like this. It just to me to think

419
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:25,760
Speaker 1: that this is about you. And and literally it was

420
00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:29,639
Speaker 1: a thread trying to a girl had reached out to

421
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:32,280
Speaker 1: me on Twitter saying that she felt alone in l A,

422
00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:35,280
Speaker 1: saying that you know, she was out here, she was hustling,

423
00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:37,919
Speaker 1: she didn't know, like, she didn't have any friends, and

424
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:39,960
Speaker 1: she was frustrated. And so I did this threat in

425
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:43,879
Speaker 1: response to that and basically saying like, look, sometimes not

426
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:47,200
Speaker 1: having friends can be a blessing because when I first

427
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:49,080
Speaker 1: moved here, and I still stand by what I said.

428
00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:51,320
Speaker 1: When I first moved here, I knew three people from

429
00:22:51,359 --> 00:22:54,240
Speaker 1: college and they were not available to me the first

430
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:56,360
Speaker 1: couple of years that I was here. I knew them,

431
00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:58,639
Speaker 1: but these were not people I was seeing all the time.

432
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:01,080
Speaker 1: They were this was in my space was big that

433
00:23:01,240 --> 00:23:03,159
Speaker 1: lets you know when it was they were having parties

434
00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:06,080
Speaker 1: and posting on my top eight okay exactly. I wasn't

435
00:23:06,080 --> 00:23:08,639
Speaker 1: invited and and they and we we were in our

436
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:10,960
Speaker 1: twenties and figuring life out. They didn't owe it to

437
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:13,480
Speaker 1: me to like embrace me and take me everywhere, but

438
00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:15,439
Speaker 1: they didn't. I was in the valley, they were all

439
00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:17,240
Speaker 1: the way in Englewood, and there were just things I

440
00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:19,359
Speaker 1: wasn't invited to. I felt very alone my first couple

441
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:21,280
Speaker 1: of years in l A. And I'm and I'm allowed

442
00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:25,080
Speaker 1: to tell my story. And because of that, though, because

443
00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:27,399
Speaker 1: I wasn't in my twenties and distracted by l A,

444
00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:29,960
Speaker 1: I was able to focus on work. I had landed

445
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:33,359
Speaker 1: the job at TMZ, and it allowed me to work weekends, holidays,

446
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:35,960
Speaker 1: allowed me to focus because I wasn't being invited anywhere.

447
00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:41,359
Speaker 1: It allowed me to use that like empty space and

448
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:44,840
Speaker 1: fill it with work and make connections and network and climb.

449
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:47,040
Speaker 1: And that's why I was able to And in the tweet,

450
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:48,879
Speaker 1: I basically said in the summary was like when I

451
00:23:48,880 --> 00:23:50,439
Speaker 1: first moved to l A, I didn't have any friends,

452
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:53,080
Speaker 1: and instead of looking at as rejection, I looked at

453
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:55,119
Speaker 1: it as God trying to show me something else. And

454
00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:58,280
Speaker 1: I used that space to fill it with productive things.

455
00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:02,439
Speaker 1: And sometimes you don't understand God's plan until hindsight. And

456
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:05,439
Speaker 1: she took that personally instead of seeing the message that

457
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:08,520
Speaker 1: I was trying to convey, and kind of it ended

458
00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:10,959
Speaker 1: the It ended our friendship for the most part, And

459
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:12,800
Speaker 1: it was sad to me that a tweet could end

460
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:15,360
Speaker 1: our friendship. But I know that it's not about me,

461
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:17,640
Speaker 1: and I still and you know, and and even in

462
00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:19,879
Speaker 1: the conversation it was still filled with love from my

463
00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:23,080
Speaker 1: ends as far as look, I love you this, but

464
00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:25,320
Speaker 1: I'm allowed to speak my truth. And the thing is,

465
00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:27,160
Speaker 1: when you're a public figure, you are allowed to talk

466
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:29,399
Speaker 1: about things that other people may not talk about on

467
00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:31,680
Speaker 1: a big space. So people, I can understand people feel

468
00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:34,120
Speaker 1: in a way about that. But you know, even when

469
00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:35,720
Speaker 1: you get older, you think this kind of stuff is

470
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:37,880
Speaker 1: gonna be relegated to your twenties, and it's not. People

471
00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:39,879
Speaker 1: feel away about everything you do for the rest of

472
00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:42,199
Speaker 1: your life. I know some seventy year olds that have

473
00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:45,679
Speaker 1: beef and I'd be like, how how are you and

474
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:49,800
Speaker 1: Mildred fighting like this? It's like the biggest facade that

475
00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:53,960
Speaker 1: we've been sold that you mature out of certain things. Well, yeah,

476
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:56,240
Speaker 1: that it's all about personal growth, because it's like, I

477
00:24:56,280 --> 00:25:00,000
Speaker 1: know people have like you may have someone in your life.

478
00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,439
Speaker 1: It's like, wait, we had so much in common in

479
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:04,960
Speaker 1: high school, but it seems like they haven't changed since

480
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 1: high school. But I'm so different and now you seem

481
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:11,199
Speaker 1: light years apart. Like age has nothing to do with it.

482
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:13,720
Speaker 1: If you don't stay open and you don't pursue growth,

483
00:25:13,960 --> 00:25:16,520
Speaker 1: you will have the exact same mentality and the exact

484
00:25:16,520 --> 00:25:19,879
Speaker 1: same emotional intelligence as a fifteen year old as you

485
00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:22,960
Speaker 1: did when you were fifteen, if you didn't challenge yourself

486
00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:26,119
Speaker 1: or rise city occasion and other aspects of your life

487
00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:29,359
Speaker 1: even when you are sent I have my dad is

488
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,720
Speaker 1: I think my dad is like sixty six now and

489
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:35,000
Speaker 1: he has his friend. And the friend has always been

490
00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:38,200
Speaker 1: this crazy guy who you know back in the day,

491
00:25:38,359 --> 00:25:40,239
Speaker 1: because my dad is from l A. Back in the day,

492
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:43,480
Speaker 1: when he was in his twenties, this guy was you know, pulling,

493
00:25:43,840 --> 00:25:47,120
Speaker 1: you know, doing, doing a lot of illegal things right,

494
00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:50,360
Speaker 1: and he was just in the streets moving. He's still

495
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:53,920
Speaker 1: in the streets. He literally called my dad last week

496
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:56,600
Speaker 1: at the border and was like, can you help me

497
00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:59,840
Speaker 1: because I lost everything. I need help to get Like

498
00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:02,399
Speaker 1: his life is still a crazy mess. He has like

499
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:05,359
Speaker 1: eight kids all over the place and he's in his

500
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:08,320
Speaker 1: sixties now doing the same thing. And my dad is like,

501
00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:12,080
Speaker 1: you better fun, you better get on the mega bus,

502
00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:16,160
Speaker 1: Like I have a fami Dad. It's like I have retired.

503
00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:18,240
Speaker 1: You've been doing this since we were in our twenties,

504
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:21,560
Speaker 1: Like aren't you exhausted? And it's like he was telling

505
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:23,840
Speaker 1: me the story and it was a funny story, but

506
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:26,960
Speaker 1: I couldn't believe how much his friend had not grown

507
00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:30,080
Speaker 1: for he was literally the same man, still irresponsible, still

508
00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:32,680
Speaker 1: no relationship with most of his children, still calling my

509
00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:34,479
Speaker 1: dad out the blue for help like he did when

510
00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:36,119
Speaker 1: they were in their twenties. It's one of the reasons

511
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:38,840
Speaker 1: my parents moved to the Bay Area and instead of

512
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:41,160
Speaker 1: raising me in l A, because all of my dad

513
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:44,399
Speaker 1: was surrounded by was his friends who were, you know, drinking,

514
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:46,280
Speaker 1: drugg and breaking the law. And my mom was like,

515
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:47,960
Speaker 1: I don't want to raise our kids in this type

516
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:49,880
Speaker 1: of environment. And I don't feel like you're strong enough

517
00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:52,320
Speaker 1: to tell these guys know when they need help, we're

518
00:26:52,359 --> 00:26:55,080
Speaker 1: going up north. And they ended up moving to the

519
00:26:55,119 --> 00:26:57,840
Speaker 1: Bay because my mom was like, it's cheaper housing and

520
00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:01,000
Speaker 1: no drama. And and he said in hindsight, like at

521
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:02,439
Speaker 1: the time he fought through the now. But my dad

522
00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:05,120
Speaker 1: did say my mom saved him because he was kind

523
00:27:05,119 --> 00:27:09,680
Speaker 1: of in the streets as women do. And they still

524
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:13,480
Speaker 1: together child, And it's so funny because it's like to

525
00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:16,520
Speaker 1: be alive, to be a human on this earth. Age

526
00:27:16,920 --> 00:27:22,200
Speaker 1: and time are guaranteed. Growth is not. You know, age

527
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:25,920
Speaker 1: and time are absolutely guaranteed to us that factor will

528
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:29,840
Speaker 1: never change. But growth is fully dependent on us, and

529
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:32,680
Speaker 1: melody of our life fully depending on us, and it's

530
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:35,520
Speaker 1: and it's been. I would say these last two years

531
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:42,080
Speaker 1: have been very sobering and heartbreaking at the same time.

532
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:45,919
Speaker 1: I've lost some friendships that I and I still deeply

533
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:49,720
Speaker 1: care about those people, but but I've learned that you

534
00:27:49,840 --> 00:27:53,639
Speaker 1: can't grow with everybody, and sometimes you kind of phase

535
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:59,000
Speaker 1: out of friendships and relationships with no intention to hurt anybody.

536
00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:02,400
Speaker 1: You find your self and no and no actual beats,

537
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:04,640
Speaker 1: like no, we didn't have some type of big blow

538
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:06,960
Speaker 1: up and just kind of eased away from each It's

539
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:08,480
Speaker 1: would be easier for me to just be able to

540
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:11,280
Speaker 1: cut somebody at It'll have closure, and it'll have it'll

541
00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:15,399
Speaker 1: have a definite reason we're not friends, because I have

542
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:17,600
Speaker 1: a couple of friendships where I'm like, I don't we

543
00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:20,399
Speaker 1: just don't. We just felt we just stopped speaking and

544
00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:22,960
Speaker 1: and you and and there's no beef, like we didn't

545
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,440
Speaker 1: un follow each other. We still like each other's photos

546
00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:28,600
Speaker 1: and I still wish nothing but the best for them.

547
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:33,240
Speaker 1: And in somewhere along the way, it just shifted, and

548
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:36,399
Speaker 1: I think and I think also in the past, my

549
00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:39,440
Speaker 1: priority has always been to fix that in the past,

550
00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:42,200
Speaker 1: my priority has always been to be cool with everybody,

551
00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:45,360
Speaker 1: make sure I'm on you know, good standing, and if

552
00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:47,480
Speaker 1: something is wrong, I got to fix the problem. But

553
00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:50,280
Speaker 1: I no longer have the energy for that. And so

554
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:53,840
Speaker 1: if it doesn't seem like it's reciprocated, not, it's not

555
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:55,880
Speaker 1: even about the energy, you know what it is I

556
00:28:55,920 --> 00:28:58,960
Speaker 1: think sometimes and you were kind of like blissfully moving

557
00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:02,160
Speaker 1: into this space. It's just the accepting of what is

558
00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:07,320
Speaker 1: and that being enough and that It's so funny because

559
00:29:08,640 --> 00:29:11,800
Speaker 1: it made me so sad at first. Not sad in

560
00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:15,360
Speaker 1: the sense that I necessarily wanted to maintain the friendship.

561
00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:17,959
Speaker 1: But I've always just one of those people that like,

562
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:20,080
Speaker 1: even once the lip couples break up, I'm sad. I'm like, oh,

563
00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:22,600
Speaker 1: really loved them together. Like I've always just had a

564
00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:24,960
Speaker 1: problem with people leaving each other's lives, even if I

565
00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:28,200
Speaker 1: wasn't involved, Like I always hated to see breakups. I've

566
00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:31,560
Speaker 1: always hated and I never could understand, like seeing somebody

567
00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:33,160
Speaker 1: together for a long time and then they just separate

568
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:34,960
Speaker 1: and they start dating other people, I wouldn't even be

569
00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:37,680
Speaker 1: ready to But why can't you fix it? Why can't

570
00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:41,320
Speaker 1: come to always just wanted that for other people. So

571
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:45,360
Speaker 1: for myself it's been it was initially difficult and now

572
00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:48,080
Speaker 1: it's easy, breezy, but it's I've always had a little

573
00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:51,360
Speaker 1: bit of separation anxiety with that for others and for myself,

574
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:55,160
Speaker 1: And I don't really know why, but as I've gotten older,

575
00:29:56,040 --> 00:30:00,520
Speaker 1: my I almost had like an emotional maybe mental even breakdown.

576
00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:04,120
Speaker 1: Earlier this year, I had a health scare I had,

577
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:09,400
Speaker 1: I lost my grandmother, um I had the month of February.

578
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:11,360
Speaker 1: I think I worked like one day. I had one

579
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:15,440
Speaker 1: day off in the whole month. I worked like every

580
00:30:15,520 --> 00:30:18,479
Speaker 1: job I had in February, plus awards season, and I

581
00:30:18,520 --> 00:30:21,880
Speaker 1: was going through like just a major turmoil, and I

582
00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:24,480
Speaker 1: just was like, I finally had to have a talk

583
00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:26,800
Speaker 1: with myself because I was gonna lose it, like I was.

584
00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:30,440
Speaker 1: I literally I was going in between doctor's appointments and

585
00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:33,720
Speaker 1: work and I was like, I don't have I People

586
00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:36,600
Speaker 1: were texting me about this innocuous stuff, and I was like,

587
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:38,800
Speaker 1: I finally had to make a decision that I could

588
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:42,360
Speaker 1: no longer give my energy to things that weren't serving

589
00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:44,200
Speaker 1: me for real, for real, Because sometimes I think people

590
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:46,160
Speaker 1: say that and they don't really mean it, but I

591
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:49,040
Speaker 1: really it was. It felt like it was either me

592
00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:53,160
Speaker 1: or them, and I had to just say two people

593
00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:55,920
Speaker 1: in text, I can't deal with this right now. I

594
00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:58,560
Speaker 1: can't help you with this right now. I am overwhelmed.

595
00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:01,680
Speaker 1: This is not in a negative way, but I just

596
00:31:01,720 --> 00:31:04,640
Speaker 1: can't give this to you right now. I gotta say.

597
00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:07,000
Speaker 1: I had to keep myself afloat, and there are a

598
00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:08,520
Speaker 1: lot of people who understood, and there were a lot

599
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:11,640
Speaker 1: of people who didn't, and that was okay, but there

600
00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:14,240
Speaker 1: was a point where I just I no longer. It

601
00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:16,479
Speaker 1: was like a breaking point where it was like I

602
00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:19,520
Speaker 1: have to choose myself, my health, my peace, my wellness,

603
00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:21,760
Speaker 1: and I had to do start doing things and into

604
00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:24,480
Speaker 1: my relationship as well. I had to start setting boundaries

605
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:27,760
Speaker 1: for everybody because it was killing me. It was trying

606
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:30,720
Speaker 1: to please everybody, keep everybody cool, pay my bills, go

607
00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:33,880
Speaker 1: to work. My health was suffering. It was just like

608
00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:37,480
Speaker 1: enough already and one. And I never realized where I

609
00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:40,080
Speaker 1: was at until I lost some family members, and that

610
00:31:40,160 --> 00:31:43,400
Speaker 1: was like that kind of final stress on top of everything.

611
00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:45,400
Speaker 1: I didn't realize how close I had been teetering for

612
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:49,080
Speaker 1: so long, how beautiful though, like I know, as you're

613
00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:52,080
Speaker 1: looking back on it, you're like, February it was like

614
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:54,680
Speaker 1: the worst month of my life, honestly, but it was

615
00:31:54,760 --> 00:31:58,800
Speaker 1: like the freedom that you needed to write. And I'm

616
00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:02,160
Speaker 1: a big, big believer um that. You know, God only

617
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:05,160
Speaker 1: comes to you through pain. Sometimes when we're not listening,

618
00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:09,200
Speaker 1: you know, like he'll whisper to you and if you

619
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:11,480
Speaker 1: you'll start knocking on that door, child, then he'll punch

620
00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:16,520
Speaker 1: you in the thing. God God stays catching faces with me.

621
00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:19,760
Speaker 1: And you think it's all gonna come together, Like it was, like,

622
00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:22,720
Speaker 1: my career is going so well, how can all these

623
00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:25,440
Speaker 1: things be happening? Like you, you in your in your

624
00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:29,080
Speaker 1: idealistic young mind, you think if you have the perfect job,

625
00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:31,960
Speaker 1: your life will be perfect. You don't realize. First of all,

626
00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:35,000
Speaker 1: you don't realize how much you gotta work. Nobody tells

627
00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:38,360
Speaker 1: you how much sleep you don't get. People don't tell

628
00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:41,440
Speaker 1: you how hard you have to work to stay where

629
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 1: you are, because you the journey and the things when

630
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:48,000
Speaker 1: I hear people speak is always about getting there. We

631
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:49,720
Speaker 1: don't hear a lot about people saying what you gotta

632
00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:52,240
Speaker 1: do to stay there? And it's a lot of work,

633
00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:55,720
Speaker 1: and it's a lot of and it really brings a

634
00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:58,960
Speaker 1: lot of reckoning to you, because actually it's funny. Me

635
00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:01,200
Speaker 1: and um n Cocaine from Excellent Nicole, we were having

636
00:33:01,240 --> 00:33:05,560
Speaker 1: this conversation oh weekend about how we had to become

637
00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:10,560
Speaker 1: really real, realistic with ourselves about what we really wanted

638
00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:13,040
Speaker 1: our day to day life to look like and success

639
00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:15,840
Speaker 1: to look like a lot of a lot of what

640
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:20,080
Speaker 1: we take on is the pressure of other people's expectations

641
00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:23,160
Speaker 1: of us, even in the best way, even right because

642
00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:25,920
Speaker 1: like you have fans that are like, oh my god, Queen.

643
00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:28,040
Speaker 1: I saw Nicole's post and she was like, don't ask

644
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:29,920
Speaker 1: me where my abs are, because a lot of people

645
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:33,040
Speaker 1: now see her body and they're like, she probably feels

646
00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:34,960
Speaker 1: like they have this expectation of how she's supposed to

647
00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:38,400
Speaker 1: look right right, and it's like, hey, this is still

648
00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:41,560
Speaker 1: my journey, guys, you know, like this is still my choice.

649
00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:45,360
Speaker 1: And she said something really profound to me. Um. She

650
00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:49,520
Speaker 1: was talking about how she had realized that she wants

651
00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:52,240
Speaker 1: to have the impact, but she doesn't care if it

652
00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:54,840
Speaker 1: makes her a billionaire, and so she doesn't want to

653
00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:57,320
Speaker 1: take on the lifestyle and pressure as if she is

654
00:33:57,400 --> 00:34:00,239
Speaker 1: looking to make a billion dollars because that at this

655
00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:02,960
Speaker 1: moment in her life's not what's important to her. And

656
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:05,400
Speaker 1: I think, like for this year, big, a big shift

657
00:34:05,440 --> 00:34:08,800
Speaker 1: for me came because my for so long, my self

658
00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:12,480
Speaker 1: worth was tied to my productivity, how productive it might be,

659
00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:15,799
Speaker 1: that's my value, you know. And and I've been in

660
00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:18,719
Speaker 1: transition out of that for many years now, just as

661
00:34:18,719 --> 00:34:21,680
Speaker 1: I've been making more breakthroughs about myself. But I heard

662
00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:23,640
Speaker 1: this quote at the top of the year, and I said,

663
00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:26,560
Speaker 1: that's my intention for the year, and it was, don't

664
00:34:26,680 --> 00:34:31,360
Speaker 1: build a life around your career, build a career around

665
00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:35,560
Speaker 1: your life. And I know, and that's not everybody's desire,

666
00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:38,560
Speaker 1: you know, But I know, Okay, what's really important to

667
00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:43,960
Speaker 1: me my piece, having time to grow, having time to share,

668
00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:47,120
Speaker 1: share my gifts and my purpose in the way that

669
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:48,759
Speaker 1: I feel is going to impact in the way that

670
00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:51,400
Speaker 1: I want to. And at this moment, that doesn't include

671
00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:55,040
Speaker 1: going viral, that doesn't include like which there's nothing wrong

672
00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:58,080
Speaker 1: with those things, it's just not for the long term

673
00:34:58,160 --> 00:35:00,760
Speaker 1: vision that I see for myself that other people don't

674
00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:04,440
Speaker 1: know about and couldn't comprehend. The things that are on

675
00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:07,399
Speaker 1: their goal list for me are far different than what's

676
00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:09,600
Speaker 1: on my goal list for me. And that's important to know.

677
00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:13,399
Speaker 1: I think, Um, when I was in transition from my relationship,

678
00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:15,520
Speaker 1: de have just snapped the hell out of her, y'all

679
00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:19,040
Speaker 1: thought she was taking herself out. You did a little

680
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:22,040
Speaker 1: John Wick move. Just now you know me? You know

681
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:26,960
Speaker 1: I am always popping my back and neck. Um, but

682
00:35:27,800 --> 00:35:30,600
Speaker 1: I forgot what I was saying. Um, you know they

683
00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:32,520
Speaker 1: Like I think someone asked me when I was on

684
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:34,680
Speaker 1: a break from my boyfriend, like what do you want

685
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:38,680
Speaker 1: in a relationship? And I didn't know? And I was like, damn,

686
00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:40,920
Speaker 1: how could I demand anything when I don't know? So

687
00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:43,800
Speaker 1: I had I took like a year to like figure

688
00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:46,040
Speaker 1: out what I wanted in life. And and I still

689
00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:49,600
Speaker 1: feel like I'm not quite there yet career wise, because

690
00:35:49,640 --> 00:35:51,880
Speaker 1: it's always changing for me and I'm very hard on

691
00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:55,160
Speaker 1: myself and that's something I'm learning about. But I think

692
00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:58,480
Speaker 1: it's important to know, like what like for me, how

693
00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:00,160
Speaker 1: I was telling you how just laying in my back

694
00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:03,200
Speaker 1: yard like that's peace to me. I feel like I

695
00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:06,799
Speaker 1: might have phased out of going out. And yeah, and

696
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:09,719
Speaker 1: that's the part that we girl, Can I just say

697
00:36:09,719 --> 00:36:12,760
Speaker 1: for a second, we put so much pressure on ourselves

698
00:36:12,800 --> 00:36:16,160
Speaker 1: about that because, especially like for people like us that

699
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:18,320
Speaker 1: are on more the top end of the millennial curve,

700
00:36:18,440 --> 00:36:20,520
Speaker 1: we remember life a little before, a little after. We

701
00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:22,480
Speaker 1: kind of have one foot in the way the old

702
00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:26,080
Speaker 1: regime operated and then in the way the new regime operates.

703
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:31,520
Speaker 1: And also, our twenties were so tied. And you know,

704
00:36:31,920 --> 00:36:34,680
Speaker 1: I'm speaking specifically to us because we came up in

705
00:36:34,719 --> 00:36:36,480
Speaker 1: our twenties. We were in l a, We read a

706
00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:38,920
Speaker 1: lot of events, we're doing a lot of things, and

707
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:42,759
Speaker 1: that's the way it's supposed to look in your twenties. Ideally,

708
00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:45,320
Speaker 1: by the time you make it to your thirties, your forties,

709
00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:50,280
Speaker 1: your fifties, you were in a different space with your career.

710
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:53,720
Speaker 1: So the need to be out every night is not there.

711
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:56,719
Speaker 1: But we don't. We don't take time to sit in that,

712
00:36:56,960 --> 00:36:59,000
Speaker 1: and we think, oh my god, if I'm not out

713
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:02,280
Speaker 1: every night, then misspelling off, missing out I have fomo.

714
00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:05,000
Speaker 1: People are gonna think I'm irrelevant because I was in here. No,

715
00:37:05,200 --> 00:37:07,600
Speaker 1: all of that stuff was necessary and fulfilling in a

716
00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:11,719
Speaker 1: different phase of my life. It's not actually necessary to

717
00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:15,560
Speaker 1: what I'm building in this moment. It's also not what

718
00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:18,719
Speaker 1: I want in this moment and listen the second you

719
00:37:18,800 --> 00:37:22,200
Speaker 1: hit thirty. The way you sleep, the way you're sleep

720
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:24,759
Speaker 1: is set up. It's a little different. People say it,

721
00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:26,520
Speaker 1: and you think when you're in your twenties, you think

722
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:29,000
Speaker 1: it's b s. You're like, my money isn't gonna change.

723
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:31,680
Speaker 1: You did it in a day. And then then it's

724
00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:35,440
Speaker 1: literally twelve oh five on the clock on your birthday

725
00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:37,560
Speaker 1: and you feel a little quick, you feel a little something.

726
00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:41,040
Speaker 1: It's different. Your metabolism slows down, like you need your

727
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:43,320
Speaker 1: sleep more. It has to be like your best friend.

728
00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:46,640
Speaker 1: You have to regulate a lot more. And it's difficult

729
00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:49,440
Speaker 1: to navigate because in your mind you're still in your

730
00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:52,399
Speaker 1: twenties and you're like, I can do this. I did

731
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:54,759
Speaker 1: it before. You think because you've always done it that way,

732
00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:57,279
Speaker 1: you can keep sustaining it, and your body is like, no,

733
00:37:57,400 --> 00:38:00,759
Speaker 1: you cannot, and you're not allowing yourself the race to

734
00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:05,600
Speaker 1: evolve into whatever. Then now you know it's so I

735
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:07,120
Speaker 1: don't know if I've told you this story, I'm gonna

736
00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:11,200
Speaker 1: tell you're gonna get hot. But also what I'm really

737
00:38:11,239 --> 00:38:13,120
Speaker 1: noticing a lot in my life right now is how

738
00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:18,959
Speaker 1: much I don't subscribe to the societal expectations placed on women. Um,

739
00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:23,719
Speaker 1: I think we are always if we allow society to

740
00:38:24,320 --> 00:38:27,120
Speaker 1: tell our tales and if we allow society to direct us,

741
00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:28,919
Speaker 1: we're always going to be in a place of lack

742
00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:31,560
Speaker 1: in deficit, you know, because on one end, it's like

743
00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:34,440
Speaker 1: if you're super career driven, if you're killing it, if

744
00:38:34,440 --> 00:38:37,959
Speaker 1: you're doing all this great stuff, then you're minimize that's

745
00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:41,040
Speaker 1: minimized and people will instead comment, oh, well you ain't

746
00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:44,040
Speaker 1: got no man, or well why don't you have a baby.

747
00:38:44,120 --> 00:38:46,400
Speaker 1: Oh you don't want a baby? Something's wrong with you?

748
00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:49,600
Speaker 1: What kind of woman doesn't want a baby? Right? Then,

749
00:38:49,719 --> 00:38:52,080
Speaker 1: if you have a child or you have a family,

750
00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:55,640
Speaker 1: then it's like, yeah, she has that, but what else

751
00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:58,680
Speaker 1: does she have going on? Oh but she's not doing exe,

752
00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:01,480
Speaker 1: she's not a ball us. It's like there and there's

753
00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:04,480
Speaker 1: no winning right when when you subscribe to those type

754
00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:09,600
Speaker 1: of projections, like the expectations for us are so high,

755
00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:13,560
Speaker 1: the expectations for men are bottom level medio. And as

756
00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:15,440
Speaker 1: soon as I figured that out, I said, oh, I'm

757
00:39:15,440 --> 00:39:19,040
Speaker 1: not putting myself through this stress. I'm letting my I'm

758
00:39:19,080 --> 00:39:21,120
Speaker 1: going by the beat of my own drum. But I

759
00:39:21,160 --> 00:39:24,000
Speaker 1: have this experience UM that I found out about like

760
00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:28,440
Speaker 1: last year, and it was just to me further further

761
00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:33,200
Speaker 1: confirmation that I am living the life that feels good

762
00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:36,200
Speaker 1: to me, the quality of life that matters to me

763
00:39:36,239 --> 00:39:39,880
Speaker 1: above all else. UM. When I was this former boss

764
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:43,200
Speaker 1: I used to have, he would always, you know, when

765
00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:46,440
Speaker 1: I'd be at work, killing it, excelling it, excelling, he

766
00:39:46,480 --> 00:39:49,920
Speaker 1: would always focus in on, well, you're married, so when

767
00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:51,759
Speaker 1: you're gonna have a child, Like you really need to

768
00:39:51,800 --> 00:39:53,359
Speaker 1: have a baby. First of all, you're my boss. Why

769
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:57,360
Speaker 1: are you're talking. Why are we discussing my wom at work?

770
00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:00,319
Speaker 1: But he would always have, you know, his two sense

771
00:40:00,360 --> 00:40:02,280
Speaker 1: about it, how much I needed to have a child

772
00:40:02,400 --> 00:40:04,279
Speaker 1: and blah blah blah. And I was just like, yeah,

773
00:40:04,320 --> 00:40:07,040
Speaker 1: you know, when I'm ready, I will. I always knew,

774
00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:09,439
Speaker 1: even after getting married, that I wanted to wait five

775
00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:11,839
Speaker 1: to seven years before I had a child. Always knew

776
00:40:11,880 --> 00:40:13,880
Speaker 1: I didn't want to have kids till I had minimum

777
00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:17,880
Speaker 1: hit thirty. Always, so I did things in the exact

778
00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:21,000
Speaker 1: time frame that I wanted to do them. I ran

779
00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:23,680
Speaker 1: into this person when I was nine months pregnant. Right

780
00:40:24,680 --> 00:40:27,239
Speaker 1: I was walking around the grove and I ran into

781
00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:30,840
Speaker 1: this person, and I was so excited to see him

782
00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:36,319
Speaker 1: because I have great relationships with probably of anyone that

783
00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:39,279
Speaker 1: I've ever worked with, and people matter to me, you know,

784
00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:41,759
Speaker 1: the relationships that I build, especially when it's the day

785
00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:44,480
Speaker 1: in and day out type of thing. We're invest in

786
00:40:44,480 --> 00:40:46,200
Speaker 1: each other's lives, it matter to me. So when I

787
00:40:46,239 --> 00:40:49,640
Speaker 1: saw him, I was so excited, Hey how are you,

788
00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:53,040
Speaker 1: And you know, he was just like, oh, Hi, good

789
00:40:53,080 --> 00:40:56,640
Speaker 1: to see you. Hadn't see me. I was nine months pregnant.

790
00:40:58,080 --> 00:41:01,719
Speaker 1: Multiple people that work at that place let me know

791
00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:05,360
Speaker 1: in the preceding months that when he got back home

792
00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:09,400
Speaker 1: and was in a staff meeting with everyone that I

793
00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:11,759
Speaker 1: had worked with for many years and with a lot

794
00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:15,160
Speaker 1: of the people that I had personally hired. In the meeting,

795
00:41:15,239 --> 00:41:20,000
Speaker 1: he said, Oh yeah, I ran into Devy. She's so pregnant. God,

796
00:41:20,040 --> 00:41:22,760
Speaker 1: I feel so bad for her. She's not doing anything

797
00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:27,280
Speaker 1: with her life in a meeting, in a in a

798
00:41:27,320 --> 00:41:32,520
Speaker 1: professional meeting with my former co workers and people that

799
00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:36,480
Speaker 1: I had hired. Girl, And I was so And I

800
00:41:36,520 --> 00:41:39,640
Speaker 1: remember when the first person told me that story and

801
00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:42,120
Speaker 1: related to me, like a tear fell out of my

802
00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:45,839
Speaker 1: eye because I felt so disrespected by someone that I respected,

803
00:41:46,440 --> 00:41:49,600
Speaker 1: And then I felt like, number one, you don't know

804
00:41:49,680 --> 00:41:52,920
Speaker 1: anything about anything that I'm working on because I no

805
00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:58,400
Speaker 1: longer subscribe to what you find to be you're calling,

806
00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:01,000
Speaker 1: or I no longer hair to have the day to

807
00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:04,320
Speaker 1: day rat race that you're still locked into, or because

808
00:42:04,360 --> 00:42:06,719
Speaker 1: maybe the vision of for my life and myself has

809
00:42:06,800 --> 00:42:10,319
Speaker 1: expanded in a way that you don't understand. Because you

810
00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:14,280
Speaker 1: are a man twenty years older than me. You would

811
00:42:14,320 --> 00:42:18,440
Speaker 1: tell a room full of people that me being pregnant

812
00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:20,920
Speaker 1: is me not knowing what I want to do when

813
00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:24,440
Speaker 1: you were pushing me towards that when I was And

814
00:42:24,440 --> 00:42:26,919
Speaker 1: then you're like, okay, yeah, as a woman, you can't win.

815
00:42:27,840 --> 00:42:32,719
Speaker 1: And also it's like you obviously clearly don't know me

816
00:42:33,440 --> 00:42:35,520
Speaker 1: or don't know like that's the most hurtful thing I

817
00:42:35,560 --> 00:42:39,319
Speaker 1: think win when you hear something like that, almost not

818
00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:42,960
Speaker 1: that the person said it, that it's someone who you

819
00:42:43,320 --> 00:42:47,040
Speaker 1: thought knew you. They might as well be a stranger.

820
00:42:47,080 --> 00:42:49,560
Speaker 1: Oh I thought you got me. But this whole time

821
00:42:49,600 --> 00:42:52,000
Speaker 1: you're saying, this whole time, you have not been able

822
00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:58,040
Speaker 1: to fully compute the fullness of who I actually see.

823
00:42:58,040 --> 00:43:00,960
Speaker 1: How disional that person is, one dimension on you. And

824
00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:03,279
Speaker 1: then you're like, well, damn was I was my meter off?

825
00:43:03,840 --> 00:43:07,400
Speaker 1: But you know, it's like sometimes I feel like people

826
00:43:07,719 --> 00:43:11,279
Speaker 1: regress as well. So I feel like that's almost a

827
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:14,000
Speaker 1: projection that he's in the same space, he's in the

828
00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:18,080
Speaker 1: same place, you know, because that has to be about

829
00:43:18,200 --> 00:43:20,640
Speaker 1: him and not about you. And it's and I was wondering,

830
00:43:20,680 --> 00:43:22,960
Speaker 1: I was actually having this conversation. This is a little

831
00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:25,080
Speaker 1: off topic, but I was having this conversation with my

832
00:43:25,120 --> 00:43:27,880
Speaker 1: best friend because I was saying, you know, in my

833
00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:30,480
Speaker 1: in my career, it's it's normal for me to call

834
00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:32,600
Speaker 1: a spade a spade. But I don't feel like I've

835
00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:35,239
Speaker 1: ever been a mean person, like you'll never You'll never

836
00:43:35,280 --> 00:43:38,160
Speaker 1: find anything of me saying this person is this person

837
00:43:38,239 --> 00:43:40,720
Speaker 1: is fat, this person is ugly, this person is stupid.

838
00:43:40,840 --> 00:43:43,080
Speaker 1: Like I don't. I don't talk like that, and I'm

839
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:45,920
Speaker 1: not around anybody who talks like that. I don't. You

840
00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:49,040
Speaker 1: and I have never had a conversation ever where you've

841
00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:53,439
Speaker 1: called someone out in a nasty way about the way

842
00:43:53,440 --> 00:43:57,080
Speaker 1: that they look or something is so surface. And I

843
00:43:57,600 --> 00:44:01,319
Speaker 1: often feel like there are some people who just kind

844
00:44:01,320 --> 00:44:05,880
Speaker 1: of stay in this small box of projection, like I

845
00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:08,719
Speaker 1: believe anybody who talks the way that he talked, or

846
00:44:08,719 --> 00:44:11,719
Speaker 1: anybody who calls someone ugly, or anyone who can say, oh, well,

847
00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:14,799
Speaker 1: they're just fat. Like people who talk like that to me,

848
00:44:15,000 --> 00:44:19,040
Speaker 1: I've never heard them say it and believed what they

849
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:21,560
Speaker 1: were saying about the other person. And a percent made

850
00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:24,120
Speaker 1: me look at them and wonder what was going on

851
00:44:24,160 --> 00:44:26,719
Speaker 1: with them to make them even say something like that.

852
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:29,799
Speaker 1: And I'm sure everybody at that meeting took that same thing,

853
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:31,839
Speaker 1: which is why I got back to you, because it's

854
00:44:31,840 --> 00:44:34,680
Speaker 1: such a one dimensional way of thinking. It just makes

855
00:44:34,719 --> 00:44:38,120
Speaker 1: you look So every person I talked to about that

856
00:44:38,239 --> 00:44:42,120
Speaker 1: was just like, first of all, clearly he doesn't know you,

857
00:44:42,239 --> 00:44:45,480
Speaker 1: but a mess like who would say that? And who

858
00:44:45,480 --> 00:44:48,120
Speaker 1: would say that in front of people? Exactly? It's just

859
00:44:48,680 --> 00:44:50,920
Speaker 1: I've just I've just I just feel like it's so

860
00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:55,640
Speaker 1: one note. I remember when I first started at tmz uh,

861
00:44:55,680 --> 00:44:57,400
Speaker 1: there was this copy editor that kind of took me

862
00:44:57,480 --> 00:44:59,719
Speaker 1: under his wing because when I first started there, I

863
00:44:59,719 --> 00:45:03,480
Speaker 1: was just writing, and you know, at the time teams,

864
00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:06,000
Speaker 1: he was really quirky. It was we you know, we

865
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:08,239
Speaker 1: were breaking stories, but it hadn't quite hit Like we

866
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:10,359
Speaker 1: hadn't broken the Michael Jackson death, like it was still

867
00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:12,879
Speaker 1: kind of a quirky site, and so we would write

868
00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:14,880
Speaker 1: about like the CELEBT videos and I think it was

869
00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:17,080
Speaker 1: like Rody Jenner or something like that, and I was

870
00:45:17,120 --> 00:45:21,080
Speaker 1: calling him like a rich kid or something, and um,

871
00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:24,440
Speaker 1: I remember the writer's pulling me aside and being like,

872
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:29,080
Speaker 1: I know you're not this one note, Like I know,

873
00:45:29,480 --> 00:45:32,360
Speaker 1: I know you have. There are so many funny things

874
00:45:32,360 --> 00:45:35,200
Speaker 1: you could say about this and yeah, he's rich, we

875
00:45:35,280 --> 00:45:38,400
Speaker 1: know that, Like what else? And and it really blew

876
00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:41,160
Speaker 1: me away because he was like, it's so easy to

877
00:45:41,239 --> 00:45:46,520
Speaker 1: call someone that or ugly or oh they look dirty

878
00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:48,880
Speaker 1: or you know, He's like, this is so it's also

879
00:45:48,960 --> 00:45:51,880
Speaker 1: one note like if you if you want to be funny,

880
00:45:51,920 --> 00:45:53,799
Speaker 1: be funny, and if you can't be funny, then just

881
00:45:53,800 --> 00:45:56,760
Speaker 1: write the story straight. And I was like, oh shoot,

882
00:45:56,880 --> 00:45:58,960
Speaker 1: like and it really checked me and I'm glad it

883
00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:02,879
Speaker 1: was in my twenties. Um, and I wanted to take

884
00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:05,080
Speaker 1: that outside of work and make sure that that's how

885
00:46:05,120 --> 00:46:08,040
Speaker 1: I applied it in my life. And I think because

886
00:46:08,080 --> 00:46:10,560
Speaker 1: I was that way, I only attracted people who were similar.

887
00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:13,520
Speaker 1: I think God that I've never into the friendship because

888
00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:16,080
Speaker 1: somebody was just a mean nasty person. It's been because

889
00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:18,160
Speaker 1: of our personal differences. But I would never say any

890
00:46:18,200 --> 00:46:21,520
Speaker 1: of those people are mean, nasty people something like what

891
00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:25,280
Speaker 1: he did. It's just so nasty and mean and dark.

892
00:46:26,800 --> 00:46:28,880
Speaker 1: Especially to even say that about a pregnant woman just

893
00:46:29,560 --> 00:46:33,040
Speaker 1: irks me, you know, and it's just it, you wonder,

894
00:46:33,160 --> 00:46:37,200
Speaker 1: like girl, And my pregnancy was so difficult. What he

895
00:46:37,239 --> 00:46:40,600
Speaker 1: didn't even see is like you seeing me sixty pounds

896
00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:45,320
Speaker 1: heavier than my norm Right, it was such a struggle

897
00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:48,040
Speaker 1: for me to get out of bed that day, Like

898
00:46:48,080 --> 00:46:52,080
Speaker 1: I was battling depression my pregnancy. Um a lot of

899
00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:54,319
Speaker 1: it obviously, it's chemical, and a lot of it was

900
00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:59,520
Speaker 1: because I was nauseous twenty four seven, throwing up seven

901
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:03,520
Speaker 1: for ten months. When you feel that way, it's so

902
00:47:03,600 --> 00:47:07,080
Speaker 1: hard to have joy in your life. Like imagine, imagine

903
00:47:07,120 --> 00:47:09,560
Speaker 1: when you normally get a cold or sick, or when

904
00:47:09,640 --> 00:47:13,040
Speaker 1: you have food poisoning, you feel like crap the whole day.

905
00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:15,160
Speaker 1: You're not going to run out and frolic and do

906
00:47:15,280 --> 00:47:18,080
Speaker 1: all these things, right, you're not feeling like your best self. Well,

907
00:47:18,120 --> 00:47:20,000
Speaker 1: when you feel like that every day for close to

908
00:47:20,040 --> 00:47:23,440
Speaker 1: a year, you know, like just being able to me

909
00:47:23,600 --> 00:47:26,200
Speaker 1: it took such a psychological toll on me. Me even

910
00:47:26,239 --> 00:47:28,080
Speaker 1: being able to get out of the house that day

911
00:47:28,120 --> 00:47:33,000
Speaker 1: into the sunshine right to walked experience like it was

912
00:47:33,080 --> 00:47:35,319
Speaker 1: so hard for me, I threw up on the way

913
00:47:35,360 --> 00:47:38,960
Speaker 1: there in the car, you know. And so then it's

914
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:43,600
Speaker 1: just I think, Um, I think it's also just such

915
00:47:45,360 --> 00:47:48,160
Speaker 1: people as we've talked about through this whole show their

916
00:47:48,239 --> 00:47:50,560
Speaker 1: their levels of projection, right, Like it also might have

917
00:47:50,640 --> 00:47:53,680
Speaker 1: just been he felt a kind of way because I quit,

918
00:47:54,520 --> 00:47:56,879
Speaker 1: you know, because I left that job though I thought

919
00:47:56,880 --> 00:47:59,880
Speaker 1: I left on good terms apparently but apparently maybe not.

920
00:48:00,560 --> 00:48:02,600
Speaker 1: But you know, I had left because I wanted to

921
00:48:02,680 --> 00:48:05,280
Speaker 1: pursue other things that were important to me in my life,

922
00:48:05,360 --> 00:48:07,720
Speaker 1: and I wanted to move back home to Los Angeles,

923
00:48:08,239 --> 00:48:11,560
Speaker 1: you know. Um. But yeah, hearing that and I quickly

924
00:48:11,640 --> 00:48:13,920
Speaker 1: let go of it. But in that afternoon, it definitely

925
00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:17,319
Speaker 1: it definitely made me sad. It made me sad that

926
00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:21,520
Speaker 1: someone I respected would see something that was both very

927
00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:24,919
Speaker 1: beautiful and challenging time in my life and carrying my son.

928
00:48:25,160 --> 00:48:28,680
Speaker 1: How would you not see that? And then also it

929
00:48:28,760 --> 00:48:31,719
Speaker 1: just blows my mind because and then guard me in

930
00:48:31,719 --> 00:48:34,640
Speaker 1: that way pushing right, you're talking to me every day

931
00:48:34,680 --> 00:48:37,319
Speaker 1: about my damn. When I do it, it's it's and

932
00:48:37,360 --> 00:48:40,360
Speaker 1: so that's how you know that it was never about

933
00:48:40,600 --> 00:48:44,799
Speaker 1: you having the baby. Yeah, And there's also no satisfying

934
00:48:44,840 --> 00:48:49,279
Speaker 1: people like that, right because anyone like that, any any

935
00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:52,120
Speaker 1: way that anybody sees you, it is fully based on

936
00:48:52,120 --> 00:48:54,320
Speaker 1: how they view themselves and how they be the world,

937
00:48:54,560 --> 00:48:56,279
Speaker 1: the good and the bad. And I tell people this

938
00:48:56,320 --> 00:48:58,280
Speaker 1: all the time, like when I have people like, oh, Debbie,

939
00:48:58,320 --> 00:49:00,719
Speaker 1: like you have so much peace or you have light,

940
00:49:00,760 --> 00:49:03,120
Speaker 1: I love you, It's like, yeah, you feel that way

941
00:49:03,160 --> 00:49:05,359
Speaker 1: about me, because you also see what's inside of you

942
00:49:05,760 --> 00:49:07,920
Speaker 1: and I'm giving you permission to tap into that. But

943
00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:12,720
Speaker 1: not everybody like I've seen you do with trolls on online,

944
00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:15,319
Speaker 1: and I know, especially like when Dwayne was leaving and

945
00:49:15,400 --> 00:49:17,440
Speaker 1: going to a different team, there were a lot of

946
00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:20,000
Speaker 1: people who were trolling you and you handled that with

947
00:49:20,040 --> 00:49:21,960
Speaker 1: a lot of grace and you let the choppolo a

948
00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:26,120
Speaker 1: couple of times, which was warranted, Which was very warranted,

949
00:49:26,120 --> 00:49:27,960
Speaker 1: because there's a lot of racist up in these up

950
00:49:27,960 --> 00:49:31,799
Speaker 1: in these comments sometimes, and I remember people were making

951
00:49:31,840 --> 00:49:35,200
Speaker 1: all kinds of crazy comments. And also please know I'm

952
00:49:35,200 --> 00:49:40,640
Speaker 1: always from l a right DEEPOC. But also have tupac. Okay,

953
00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:43,000
Speaker 1: you see her house. You know she got tupac everywhere,

954
00:49:43,360 --> 00:49:45,359
Speaker 1: But it was crazy. You handled it with a lot

955
00:49:45,360 --> 00:49:48,239
Speaker 1: more grace than most people would. But it was just

956
00:49:48,320 --> 00:49:50,799
Speaker 1: kind of like what people feel they have the right

957
00:49:50,840 --> 00:49:53,400
Speaker 1: to say to you because they think they know like

958
00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:56,440
Speaker 1: a caveat about your life that they get to dictate

959
00:49:56,480 --> 00:49:58,880
Speaker 1: what happens in it. Yeah, and I think it's like

960
00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:01,520
Speaker 1: people's own set of worth in their own sense of

961
00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:03,680
Speaker 1: luck in their life, because for them it's like whether

962
00:50:03,719 --> 00:50:07,840
Speaker 1: I give you a compliment or I'm giving you a criticism,

963
00:50:07,880 --> 00:50:10,239
Speaker 1: I'm I'm standing a little bit of a little bit

964
00:50:10,320 --> 00:50:14,640
Speaker 1: taller because you responded, which on a deeper soul level

965
00:50:14,680 --> 00:50:18,320
Speaker 1: as that is just them saying I don't feel important

966
00:50:18,360 --> 00:50:21,440
Speaker 1: in my life. I don't feel seen. Even if you

967
00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:24,560
Speaker 1: respond to me in a terrible way, you saw me.

968
00:50:25,360 --> 00:50:29,480
Speaker 1: I exists. It's why would people troll you and you

969
00:50:29,520 --> 00:50:32,520
Speaker 1: respond they say, oh, I was just kidding, or or

970
00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:36,440
Speaker 1: they like you responded that means this true, or it's

971
00:50:36,480 --> 00:50:39,200
Speaker 1: just and and and that's been It's gonna be interesting

972
00:50:39,280 --> 00:50:41,560
Speaker 1: when we look back in the history books in fifty

973
00:50:41,640 --> 00:50:44,640
Speaker 1: years and social media is taught in schools like the

974
00:50:44,680 --> 00:50:47,520
Speaker 1: origins of it are explained, um, and the mental, the

975
00:50:47,560 --> 00:50:50,480
Speaker 1: psychological and emotional toll that has taken. But my my

976
00:50:50,560 --> 00:50:53,920
Speaker 1: rule of thumb for stuff like that is, UM, ninety

977
00:50:54,040 --> 00:50:57,279
Speaker 1: percent of the time, never respond because you don't even

978
00:50:57,280 --> 00:50:59,839
Speaker 1: want to introduce your audience to whoever these people are,

979
00:51:00,239 --> 00:51:02,719
Speaker 1: because no one that follows you even knows this is

980
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:05,080
Speaker 1: happening to you. And then you plant the seed that

981
00:51:05,120 --> 00:51:07,959
Speaker 1: you talked to in that way for them. The other

982
00:51:08,000 --> 00:51:12,000
Speaker 1: ten percent of the time, though, yeah, I always think

983
00:51:12,480 --> 00:51:15,400
Speaker 1: respond if it can be a teachable moment, you know.

984
00:51:15,480 --> 00:51:18,200
Speaker 1: So there have been some comments that I mean, I

985
00:51:19,040 --> 00:51:22,000
Speaker 1: could care less about it. You you are easy block

986
00:51:22,080 --> 00:51:25,319
Speaker 1: or delete away, I won't think about it at all later. Um.

987
00:51:25,320 --> 00:51:29,080
Speaker 1: But some people I have actually responded to just because

988
00:51:29,160 --> 00:51:32,160
Speaker 1: I know people are watching and I want them to

989
00:51:32,280 --> 00:51:35,279
Speaker 1: see how I handle a scenario like that, right like

990
00:51:35,719 --> 00:51:38,280
Speaker 1: and so for some people, um, and it hasn't happened

991
00:51:38,280 --> 00:51:41,920
Speaker 1: a long time. But if I get a random like

992
00:51:42,120 --> 00:51:44,960
Speaker 1: comment from someone who has an anonymous page, because that's

993
00:51:44,960 --> 00:51:49,720
Speaker 1: what always is, like no pictures or zero followers. Uh,

994
00:51:49,800 --> 00:51:52,200
Speaker 1: you know, sometimes I've responded and just said I and

995
00:51:52,239 --> 00:51:55,160
Speaker 1: I truely I'm not even trying to be like petty positive,

996
00:51:55,280 --> 00:51:59,400
Speaker 1: like I truly mean this. I'm so sorry that you're hurting.

997
00:52:00,960 --> 00:52:04,200
Speaker 1: My life doesn't feel that way. You know, my life

998
00:52:04,239 --> 00:52:07,600
Speaker 1: does not feel that way. And so I can imagine

999
00:52:07,600 --> 00:52:09,439
Speaker 1: that if my life felt that way, that I would

1000
00:52:09,520 --> 00:52:12,320
Speaker 1: seek out someone I don't know or create a fake

1001
00:52:12,400 --> 00:52:18,160
Speaker 1: page to say something nasty to somebody. There's something wrong inside.

1002
00:52:18,680 --> 00:52:21,600
Speaker 1: Your life is not full. That's there's not that much

1003
00:52:21,760 --> 00:52:23,960
Speaker 1: joy when you're not mad. When you see it, you're

1004
00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:28,000
Speaker 1: more concerned, right, Like does your in shance com to therapy?

1005
00:52:28,040 --> 00:52:31,640
Speaker 1: Because you should get it. That's actually something I've struggled with. No,

1006
00:52:31,840 --> 00:52:33,799
Speaker 1: you do a great job. Because the other day and

1007
00:52:33,840 --> 00:52:35,960
Speaker 1: I meant to grab this tweet before I saw you,

1008
00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:41,080
Speaker 1: but quest baby life. But you the other day, you

1009
00:52:41,080 --> 00:52:43,759
Speaker 1: you had this tweet that I was like, oh, I

1010
00:52:43,840 --> 00:52:48,560
Speaker 1: want to frame this really Yeah, someone had made some comment. Um.

1011
00:52:49,320 --> 00:52:51,319
Speaker 1: I wish I could fully remember it. But someone had

1012
00:52:51,400 --> 00:52:54,680
Speaker 1: made this comment about you. Um, and I want to say,

1013
00:52:54,840 --> 00:52:56,960
Speaker 1: like it was in relation to you being curvy and

1014
00:52:56,960 --> 00:52:59,800
Speaker 1: being on the E network and the way that you responded.

1015
00:52:59,880 --> 00:53:05,279
Speaker 1: I said, Nina clap because it was so It's just

1016
00:53:05,520 --> 00:53:09,400
Speaker 1: it's fully highlighted how small their mind was and how

1017
00:53:09,600 --> 00:53:13,160
Speaker 1: simple they're thinking. I think I remember what you're talking about.

1018
00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:15,920
Speaker 1: And I think he had said something like because I'm

1019
00:53:15,960 --> 00:53:18,359
Speaker 1: I think I was standing next to Zeri Hall, who

1020
00:53:18,480 --> 00:53:21,479
Speaker 1: was very small. She's like they is like a negative zero,

1021
00:53:21,800 --> 00:53:23,440
Speaker 1: and I think I was standing next to her and

1022
00:53:23,480 --> 00:53:26,040
Speaker 1: obviously like I've got boobs and you know what I mean,

1023
00:53:26,120 --> 00:53:29,360
Speaker 1: like I am a size fourteen child on TV, it

1024
00:53:29,360 --> 00:53:32,120
Speaker 1: looks bigger. And so I think it was someone like

1025
00:53:32,200 --> 00:53:34,880
Speaker 1: you shouldn't stand next to someone that's small, or it

1026
00:53:34,960 --> 00:53:38,640
Speaker 1: wasn't in that in that vein of like I should

1027
00:53:38,880 --> 00:53:41,759
Speaker 1: be embarrassed or or and it's just so funny because

1028
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:44,279
Speaker 1: I don't feel that at all. And the thing is,

1029
00:53:44,400 --> 00:53:46,879
Speaker 1: you feel that at all. I was just like, oh

1030
00:53:47,080 --> 00:53:49,480
Speaker 1: so it retweeting it even though he was insulting me.

1031
00:53:49,560 --> 00:53:52,560
Speaker 1: I retweeted and I think I said something and um

1032
00:53:52,760 --> 00:53:56,400
Speaker 1: b Lonnie Love ended up responding to it, um and

1033
00:53:56,400 --> 00:53:59,279
Speaker 1: and it started a conversation, which was great. But I

1034
00:53:59,320 --> 00:54:01,920
Speaker 1: feel like it's so funny how people want you to

1035
00:54:01,960 --> 00:54:05,720
Speaker 1: feel bad about who you are, Like it's it's so

1036
00:54:05,920 --> 00:54:08,920
Speaker 1: it's like this social it's It's something I'm fascinated with

1037
00:54:09,200 --> 00:54:12,239
Speaker 1: because I don't feel that way, it's I'm fascinated with

1038
00:54:12,239 --> 00:54:15,200
Speaker 1: people who want you to feel bad about being secure

1039
00:54:15,320 --> 00:54:17,920
Speaker 1: and who you are, and I'm I wouldn't say I'm

1040
00:54:17,960 --> 00:54:19,920
Speaker 1: secure all the time, like I have moments just like

1041
00:54:19,960 --> 00:54:23,520
Speaker 1: everybody else, but I'm very confident when I'm on air.

1042
00:54:24,239 --> 00:54:26,640
Speaker 1: Nobody's getting with me, and that's just the deal. I

1043
00:54:26,719 --> 00:54:31,040
Speaker 1: come prepared, I know my stuff, I'm well, it's well

1044
00:54:31,040 --> 00:54:33,960
Speaker 1: thought out. And I'm also encyclopedia for celebrity information as

1045
00:54:33,960 --> 00:54:36,160
Speaker 1: far because I've been doing it for so long, so

1046
00:54:36,200 --> 00:54:39,279
Speaker 1: I can give you backstory like I am. I to me,

1047
00:54:39,680 --> 00:54:43,279
Speaker 1: I am very confident when I'm on air about what

1048
00:54:43,360 --> 00:54:46,360
Speaker 1: I'm delivering. You may have a problem, in my opinion,

1049
00:54:46,400 --> 00:54:48,440
Speaker 1: but you'll never have a problem getting facts. For me,

1050
00:54:48,760 --> 00:54:51,360
Speaker 1: I'm never one of those people that gives wrong information

1051
00:54:51,840 --> 00:54:53,919
Speaker 1: and so in those in that sense, I just feel

1052
00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:57,799
Speaker 1: very fearless in front of the camera. And so for me,

1053
00:54:58,360 --> 00:54:59,840
Speaker 1: I would have been more offensive if he was like,

1054
00:55:00,000 --> 00:55:01,920
Speaker 1: you don't know what she's talking about. But it's never that.

1055
00:55:02,040 --> 00:55:04,160
Speaker 1: I never get tweeted I don't know what I'm talking about.

1056
00:55:04,400 --> 00:55:07,880
Speaker 1: It's always something one note about a look or you know,

1057
00:55:08,160 --> 00:55:10,840
Speaker 1: and people have a right to feel, you know, however

1058
00:55:10,880 --> 00:55:12,880
Speaker 1: they want to feel. But it warms my heart to

1059
00:55:12,920 --> 00:55:15,120
Speaker 1: get so many women because it's an E was known

1060
00:55:15,280 --> 00:55:19,200
Speaker 1: for being a very white, skinny girl network for a

1061
00:55:19,280 --> 00:55:22,520
Speaker 1: very long time and if they had maybe one, one

1062
00:55:22,600 --> 00:55:25,759
Speaker 1: or two black reporters, people felt like they fell in

1063
00:55:25,840 --> 00:55:29,839
Speaker 1: line with the traditional mold. So when he hired me,

1064
00:55:29,880 --> 00:55:34,040
Speaker 1: it was different. It was a different change. And you know,

1065
00:55:34,320 --> 00:55:36,400
Speaker 1: I'm I'm kind of a part of Black Twitter in

1066
00:55:36,440 --> 00:55:39,000
Speaker 1: a sense where people know me. People see me on

1067
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:40,840
Speaker 1: the Love and Hip Hop reunions, They've seen me on

1068
00:55:40,880 --> 00:55:42,840
Speaker 1: TMZ and now here I Am to eat. And I

1069
00:55:42,840 --> 00:55:44,360
Speaker 1: think for some people they want to keep you in

1070
00:55:44,400 --> 00:55:47,279
Speaker 1: a box so they don't understand where to put you.

1071
00:55:47,560 --> 00:55:49,400
Speaker 1: And I love that. I love when people don't know

1072
00:55:49,440 --> 00:55:54,719
Speaker 1: where to put me. I think that's a and I

1073
00:55:54,719 --> 00:55:57,359
Speaker 1: can navigate in most spaces like most black people can.

1074
00:55:57,680 --> 00:56:00,160
Speaker 1: Like where we all have to navigate in different space

1075
00:56:00,200 --> 00:56:02,480
Speaker 1: is that we may not normally be in. Is there

1076
00:56:02,520 --> 00:56:07,520
Speaker 1: a certain burden of responsibility when you're like the first Yeah,

1077
00:56:07,640 --> 00:56:09,600
Speaker 1: I mean I think sometimes. You know, I used to

1078
00:56:09,600 --> 00:56:12,040
Speaker 1: feel that at teams a lot because it was a

1079
00:56:12,080 --> 00:56:14,799
Speaker 1: lot it was very edgy, and I always felt like

1080
00:56:14,800 --> 00:56:17,279
Speaker 1: I had to be the voice of black people. You know,

1081
00:56:17,320 --> 00:56:20,120
Speaker 1: this van wasn't there yet. It was like just kind

1082
00:56:20,120 --> 00:56:23,359
Speaker 1: of me, And I was like I got exhausted because

1083
00:56:23,360 --> 00:56:24,759
Speaker 1: I feel like I always had to speak up. So

1084
00:56:24,800 --> 00:56:27,040
Speaker 1: every day it was a debate and they would gas

1085
00:56:27,040 --> 00:56:28,600
Speaker 1: like me. You know, they would do things that they

1086
00:56:28,680 --> 00:56:31,960
Speaker 1: knew I would have to say something about and it

1087
00:56:32,120 --> 00:56:33,920
Speaker 1: and I because if it aired and I didn't, then

1088
00:56:33,960 --> 00:56:35,680
Speaker 1: it was like Damnita, you just sat there and let

1089
00:56:35,680 --> 00:56:38,160
Speaker 1: them say these things. But I got tired of fighting

1090
00:56:38,200 --> 00:56:41,479
Speaker 1: every day because it gets tiring fighting a fight every

1091
00:56:41,600 --> 00:56:45,320
Speaker 1: day that you know it's impossible to win. It's nobody

1092
00:56:45,400 --> 00:56:50,319
Speaker 1: was changing their minds there. So if I thought it

1093
00:56:50,400 --> 00:56:53,480
Speaker 1: was gonna make a significant difference to the way we reported,

1094
00:56:53,840 --> 00:56:55,799
Speaker 1: then I think it would have been okay. But I

1095
00:56:55,880 --> 00:56:58,560
Speaker 1: was like, this is not. That's when I realized I

1096
00:56:58,600 --> 00:57:01,480
Speaker 1: had to leave because I was like, Okay, I get it.

1097
00:57:01,520 --> 00:57:03,799
Speaker 1: This is a stick for them, like this is let's

1098
00:57:03,840 --> 00:57:06,759
Speaker 1: anger everybody, role everybody up, and then we're gonna do

1099
00:57:06,800 --> 00:57:09,440
Speaker 1: it again tomorrow. We don't report this. We're gonna do

1100
00:57:09,480 --> 00:57:12,279
Speaker 1: these things the same way. And for me that was

1101
00:57:12,320 --> 00:57:16,560
Speaker 1: difficult because I like these stories really affected my community.

1102
00:57:16,880 --> 00:57:19,840
Speaker 1: Black people really get affected by what happens with our

1103
00:57:19,840 --> 00:57:23,360
Speaker 1: celebrities because it's not just the celebrity to us. Whitney's family,

1104
00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:26,439
Speaker 1: Michael Jackson was family, Prince was family. So when we're

1105
00:57:26,440 --> 00:57:29,080
Speaker 1: talking about these people and it's being treated with such

1106
00:57:29,160 --> 00:57:31,880
Speaker 1: light gloves. I walked out on TMZ on the Obama's

1107
00:57:31,880 --> 00:57:34,760
Speaker 1: inauguration day because they were making fun of Michelle's dress.

1108
00:57:35,120 --> 00:57:38,920
Speaker 1: I left that day. I walked out because I was

1109
00:57:39,040 --> 00:57:41,240
Speaker 1: crying in the office and we were watching the inauguration

1110
00:57:41,480 --> 00:57:43,080
Speaker 1: and they wanted to do and they did it. The

1111
00:57:43,120 --> 00:57:45,400
Speaker 1: story is still there. They did a story she was

1112
00:57:45,440 --> 00:57:48,080
Speaker 1: wearing that black and red dress and his inauguration and

1113
00:57:48,120 --> 00:57:50,640
Speaker 1: they thought it was ugly and they did a story

1114
00:57:50,680 --> 00:57:55,720
Speaker 1: about it. And I thought, this is such a monumental moment,

1115
00:57:55,800 --> 00:57:59,800
Speaker 1: and this woman is just such an embodiment of what

1116
00:58:00,120 --> 00:58:06,320
Speaker 1: black magic is to me. And this there was corn

1117
00:58:06,400 --> 00:58:08,800
Speaker 1: Rows in the White House and I see these little

1118
00:58:08,840 --> 00:58:11,800
Speaker 1: girls who are in the White House, and then they

1119
00:58:11,840 --> 00:58:13,600
Speaker 1: got she got her mama with her, and it was

1120
00:58:13,640 --> 00:58:16,120
Speaker 1: such an important moment for me, and they wanted to

1121
00:58:16,160 --> 00:58:18,840
Speaker 1: do a story and I just got so upset because

1122
00:58:18,880 --> 00:58:20,480
Speaker 1: I would fight in the news room. I would be like,

1123
00:58:20,480 --> 00:58:22,439
Speaker 1: we are not doing this, and I obviously I thought

1124
00:58:22,440 --> 00:58:24,680
Speaker 1: about it and they're like, it's your it's not that

1125
00:58:24,720 --> 00:58:26,880
Speaker 1: big of a deal, Nina, you're taking it too seriously.

1126
00:58:27,040 --> 00:58:29,560
Speaker 1: And I left and I was just like I'm out

1127
00:58:29,560 --> 00:58:34,600
Speaker 1: of here because I just felt like it's it doesn't

1128
00:58:34,640 --> 00:58:36,360
Speaker 1: mean it didn't mean as much to them as it

1129
00:58:36,400 --> 00:58:39,680
Speaker 1: did to me. And I just realized that our goal

1130
00:58:39,800 --> 00:58:42,520
Speaker 1: was never going to be the same and you know,

1131
00:58:42,840 --> 00:58:44,680
Speaker 1: and I had I had to move on. And there's

1132
00:58:44,720 --> 00:58:46,640
Speaker 1: no love loss in that area. Like they gotta do

1133
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:48,400
Speaker 1: what they gotta do. It's a it's a machine at

1134
00:58:48,400 --> 00:58:50,800
Speaker 1: that point. But for me, it was hurting my spirit

1135
00:58:50,840 --> 00:58:52,560
Speaker 1: because I was I wanted to be able to be

1136
00:58:52,560 --> 00:58:55,360
Speaker 1: at a place where if they wanted to say or

1137
00:58:55,360 --> 00:58:57,440
Speaker 1: do whatever, I could say it and do as much

1138
00:58:57,480 --> 00:58:59,920
Speaker 1: as I needed to do freely to defend my side.

1139
00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:01,760
Speaker 1: It also feel like it was going to make a difference.

1140
00:59:02,160 --> 00:59:05,360
Speaker 1: The celebrity space can really be a lot right like,

1141
00:59:05,520 --> 00:59:09,440
Speaker 1: especially when you have to offer up commentary, which means

1142
00:59:09,600 --> 00:59:13,880
Speaker 1: forming opinions, sometimes forming judgments like a lot, it can

1143
00:59:13,920 --> 00:59:16,760
Speaker 1: be a lot of chaos like the news that you're reporting. Um,

1144
00:59:16,800 --> 00:59:22,000
Speaker 1: it can be both heavy or just centis feel really salacious. Um,

1145
00:59:22,040 --> 00:59:27,920
Speaker 1: How how do you maintain the beautiful integrity that you

1146
00:59:28,000 --> 00:59:30,919
Speaker 1: carry yourself with and the peace that you invite into

1147
00:59:30,960 --> 00:59:35,040
Speaker 1: your life when your work is sometimes really dependent on

1148
00:59:35,720 --> 00:59:38,880
Speaker 1: hearing a lot of like cutting commentary. Well, for me,

1149
00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:41,000
Speaker 1: I made the decision, like I told you about the

1150
00:59:41,000 --> 00:59:42,560
Speaker 1: copy editor that I spoke to us, So I made

1151
00:59:42,600 --> 00:59:44,640
Speaker 1: the decision only in my career not to insult people

1152
00:59:45,000 --> 00:59:47,840
Speaker 1: for how they look, only for their behavior. So that

1153
00:59:47,920 --> 00:59:49,640
Speaker 1: was one of my rules. I only in told people

1154
00:59:49,640 --> 00:59:51,560
Speaker 1: for their behavior, never for how they look. If somebody

1155
00:59:51,600 --> 00:59:53,439
Speaker 1: came out with stains on the short, I wasn't gonna

1156
00:59:53,440 --> 00:59:55,800
Speaker 1: talk about that, right, But if you came out and

1157
00:59:55,840 --> 00:59:57,880
Speaker 1: you were drunk and you passed out on the street

1158
00:59:57,880 --> 00:59:59,920
Speaker 1: and the cameras caught it, then I might say, well,

1159
01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:02,120
Speaker 1: this person is acting a fool. But I made the

1160
01:00:02,160 --> 01:00:04,000
Speaker 1: decision to only say things on air that I would

1161
01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:06,040
Speaker 1: say to the person's face because I live in l

1162
01:00:06,120 --> 01:00:09,320
Speaker 1: A and I might run across them write that down.

1163
01:00:10,920 --> 01:00:13,360
Speaker 1: And I wanted to be able to defend myself because

1164
01:00:13,360 --> 01:00:15,320
Speaker 1: this is the thing, like we have a friendship where

1165
01:00:15,320 --> 01:00:17,040
Speaker 1: where we can be honest with each other with love.

1166
01:00:17,440 --> 01:00:19,919
Speaker 1: If I was messing up you I know you will

1167
01:00:19,960 --> 01:00:21,480
Speaker 1: put me aside and be like, girl, I love you,

1168
01:00:21,560 --> 01:00:24,880
Speaker 1: but you forgot to get your ass together. You would

1169
01:00:24,880 --> 01:00:26,600
Speaker 1: do that. And I feel the same way about some

1170
01:00:26,640 --> 01:00:29,160
Speaker 1: of these celebts. I love some of these people, these

1171
01:00:29,240 --> 01:00:32,080
Speaker 1: people I may have a crush on or whatever. But

1172
01:00:32,640 --> 01:00:34,640
Speaker 1: a lot of people think if you report on somebody,

1173
01:00:34,680 --> 01:00:37,080
Speaker 1: you always have to be nice to them. You're not

1174
01:00:37,120 --> 01:00:39,520
Speaker 1: allowed to have any type of real feeling about it,

1175
01:00:39,560 --> 01:00:42,520
Speaker 1: and you have to be have this general like happiness

1176
01:00:42,600 --> 01:00:44,920
Speaker 1: for them no matter what they're doing. And I always

1177
01:00:44,960 --> 01:00:47,600
Speaker 1: felt like I was doing disservice to the public who's

1178
01:00:47,640 --> 01:00:50,440
Speaker 1: screaming at the TV, like y'all don't see what I see,

1179
01:00:50,760 --> 01:00:53,440
Speaker 1: Like this person acted a damn fool. I'm not allowed,

1180
01:00:53,480 --> 01:00:55,640
Speaker 1: you know. So for me, I was like, I'm gonna

1181
01:00:55,960 --> 01:00:58,760
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say exactly what I would say to their

1182
01:00:58,800 --> 01:01:03,080
Speaker 1: face and the most eloquent way possible. Sometimes funny, sometimes

1183
01:01:03,080 --> 01:01:06,560
Speaker 1: it's just a joke. Sometimes it's just lighthearted than just

1184
01:01:06,600 --> 01:01:09,360
Speaker 1: a funny joke. And we all have been able to

1185
01:01:09,400 --> 01:01:11,520
Speaker 1: be the butt of a joke sometimes if we were

1186
01:01:11,520 --> 01:01:14,440
Speaker 1: looking or acting crazy. But for me, I've made the

1187
01:01:14,520 --> 01:01:16,440
Speaker 1: rule that I wanted to be able to say it

1188
01:01:16,480 --> 01:01:19,080
Speaker 1: to their face, and I wanted to be able to

1189
01:01:19,320 --> 01:01:23,680
Speaker 1: have ethics about like who I wasn't gonna if I

1190
01:01:23,720 --> 01:01:27,360
Speaker 1: wasn't on set, then it wasn't my business. So like

1191
01:01:27,400 --> 01:01:29,480
Speaker 1: if I was at a party and say you had

1192
01:01:29,480 --> 01:01:31,440
Speaker 1: an event here and you had a bunch of different

1193
01:01:31,440 --> 01:01:34,200
Speaker 1: celepse here, I would never take anything that happened here

1194
01:01:34,200 --> 01:01:36,400
Speaker 1: and talk about it on air. So what people started

1195
01:01:36,440 --> 01:01:39,120
Speaker 1: to notice after seeing me out in l A and

1196
01:01:39,160 --> 01:01:41,520
Speaker 1: they would never have their business repeated. They would never

1197
01:01:41,520 --> 01:01:44,360
Speaker 1: see me talk about it on air unless it was

1198
01:01:44,400 --> 01:01:47,520
Speaker 1: like an intense conversation where I would tell them, oh,

1199
01:01:47,560 --> 01:01:49,600
Speaker 1: I really want to talk about this. Most of the time,

1200
01:01:49,600 --> 01:01:51,120
Speaker 1: if it was in a conversation I felt need to

1201
01:01:51,160 --> 01:01:52,360
Speaker 1: go on air, they would just come in for an

1202
01:01:52,360 --> 01:01:55,360
Speaker 1: interview or something like that. But people would be around

1203
01:01:55,360 --> 01:01:58,200
Speaker 1: me and sometimes doing things that are illegal or whatever,

1204
01:01:58,720 --> 01:02:01,760
Speaker 1: and it would never get act to anybody. I made

1205
01:02:01,760 --> 01:02:03,520
Speaker 1: a choice that I was like, I'm not gonna repay

1206
01:02:03,520 --> 01:02:06,000
Speaker 1: anything I see when I'm not working. Now, if you're

1207
01:02:06,000 --> 01:02:08,200
Speaker 1: on a red carpet doing something crazy and cameras catch it,

1208
01:02:08,240 --> 01:02:10,840
Speaker 1: I can't protect you. But if I'm at a private

1209
01:02:10,840 --> 01:02:13,200
Speaker 1: event or if I'm at a party, I'm not taking

1210
01:02:13,240 --> 01:02:15,400
Speaker 1: any of that back because I have my off times too.

1211
01:02:15,480 --> 01:02:17,320
Speaker 1: I argue my boy from New Public, like, I've had

1212
01:02:17,640 --> 01:02:20,640
Speaker 1: things that I don't want people to know. So I

1213
01:02:20,640 --> 01:02:23,160
Speaker 1: had to keep a line, and I always made sure

1214
01:02:23,240 --> 01:02:25,920
Speaker 1: that I'm not I'm more of a host now than

1215
01:02:25,960 --> 01:02:27,840
Speaker 1: I am a reporter in the sense of, like, I'm

1216
01:02:27,880 --> 01:02:31,520
Speaker 1: not calling reps and getting statements. I don't really do

1217
01:02:31,560 --> 01:02:34,080
Speaker 1: that anymore, but when I was, I made sure that

1218
01:02:34,120 --> 01:02:35,920
Speaker 1: if we were reporting a story, I always called and

1219
01:02:35,960 --> 01:02:37,800
Speaker 1: got their side of things. So if there was a

1220
01:02:37,840 --> 01:02:39,600
Speaker 1: story about a d y, if there was a story

1221
01:02:39,640 --> 01:02:42,200
Speaker 1: about domestic violence, if there was a story about a

1222
01:02:42,280 --> 01:02:45,040
Speaker 1: break in, or even if a story about something as

1223
01:02:45,080 --> 01:02:48,760
Speaker 1: small as like somebody says something about them, instead of

1224
01:02:48,800 --> 01:02:51,040
Speaker 1: just running the story, I would always make sure to

1225
01:02:51,080 --> 01:02:52,840
Speaker 1: call them. I would always make sure to either call

1226
01:02:52,880 --> 01:02:54,240
Speaker 1: them or their rep and let them know, Hey, the

1227
01:02:54,280 --> 01:02:56,760
Speaker 1: story is going up. This is what we're saying. It's

1228
01:02:56,760 --> 01:02:59,520
Speaker 1: going up regardless. I want to give you opportunity to

1229
01:02:59,520 --> 01:03:00,920
Speaker 1: tell your side of the story or at least give

1230
01:03:00,960 --> 01:03:02,880
Speaker 1: a statement. What do you want to do. Even if

1231
01:03:02,920 --> 01:03:05,400
Speaker 1: they decided not to respond, I just wanted to have

1232
01:03:05,560 --> 01:03:07,439
Speaker 1: fairness that they could be able to tell their side

1233
01:03:07,440 --> 01:03:09,800
Speaker 1: of the story, and a lot of people wouldn't say anything,

1234
01:03:09,880 --> 01:03:12,040
Speaker 1: but they respect the fact that they were asked, because

1235
01:03:12,120 --> 01:03:14,480
Speaker 1: you would be surprised how many stories go up where

1236
01:03:14,480 --> 01:03:17,439
Speaker 1: people don't even call and ask for comment. It's like you,

1237
01:03:17,440 --> 01:03:20,240
Speaker 1: you wouldn't even have a story to run. I would

1238
01:03:20,280 --> 01:03:22,400
Speaker 1: just tell you it wasn't true, and they And there's

1239
01:03:22,440 --> 01:03:25,920
Speaker 1: so many people who appreciate cultivated friendships just by calling

1240
01:03:25,920 --> 01:03:28,040
Speaker 1: and being like, hey, this is about to run. Just

1241
01:03:28,040 --> 01:03:30,440
Speaker 1: want to let you know. That's really how I think

1242
01:03:30,520 --> 01:03:33,640
Speaker 1: the ethic thing got instilled in me. Very early in

1243
01:03:33,680 --> 01:03:36,040
Speaker 1: my career. I had some really good people around me

1244
01:03:36,080 --> 01:03:39,760
Speaker 1: that were like, we don't operate like this. And my

1245
01:03:39,800 --> 01:03:41,800
Speaker 1: friends that are still in the business that are journalists,

1246
01:03:41,840 --> 01:03:43,280
Speaker 1: I tell them all the time, like, make sure you've

1247
01:03:43,280 --> 01:03:45,480
Speaker 1: given both sides of the story, Like don't just run

1248
01:03:45,520 --> 01:03:47,920
Speaker 1: with this, because you're gonna burn a lot of bridges

1249
01:03:48,000 --> 01:03:50,880
Speaker 1: running with a rumor. You know, it's just not ethical.

1250
01:03:51,760 --> 01:03:55,880
Speaker 1: And then like now the lines get blurred too because

1251
01:03:56,560 --> 01:03:59,960
Speaker 1: when you are a host, you're also now the celebrity too.

1252
01:04:00,400 --> 01:04:03,040
Speaker 1: I guess I still don't feel that way, but is

1253
01:04:03,080 --> 01:04:05,120
Speaker 1: that you know, how do you feel? Do you feel

1254
01:04:05,120 --> 01:04:07,640
Speaker 1: like people apply the same rules to you that you're

1255
01:04:07,680 --> 01:04:11,320
Speaker 1: given when you report on celebrity. Probably not. I always

1256
01:04:11,360 --> 01:04:15,360
Speaker 1: feel like my my boundaries are much harder than most people's.

1257
01:04:15,360 --> 01:04:17,120
Speaker 1: Like I feel like I'm old fashioned in that sense.

1258
01:04:17,160 --> 01:04:20,400
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm, you know, make I'm a person

1259
01:04:20,520 --> 01:04:24,640
Speaker 1: just likes boundaries, So I probably apply that boundary pressure

1260
01:04:24,720 --> 01:04:26,840
Speaker 1: more than most people. And that's okay. Like I don't

1261
01:04:26,880 --> 01:04:29,680
Speaker 1: expect everybody to treat me the same way. I don't

1262
01:04:29,960 --> 01:04:34,440
Speaker 1: probably won't get that same respect in in certain instances.

1263
01:04:34,800 --> 01:04:36,640
Speaker 1: I haven't been in the press a ton. Most of

1264
01:04:36,640 --> 01:04:38,400
Speaker 1: it is stories that people are calling me for to

1265
01:04:38,440 --> 01:04:41,040
Speaker 1: do an interview. I don't really get like gossip stories

1266
01:04:41,040 --> 01:04:42,720
Speaker 1: about me every now and then I'm on the shade room.

1267
01:04:42,760 --> 01:04:47,040
Speaker 1: But like for the most part, like normally is for

1268
01:04:47,160 --> 01:04:49,520
Speaker 1: something said on camera. So it's not like my personal

1269
01:04:49,560 --> 01:04:52,000
Speaker 1: life or anything like that. But it's different. I remember

1270
01:04:52,120 --> 01:04:54,600
Speaker 1: talking to Wendy Williams and she said that she doesn't

1271
01:04:54,640 --> 01:04:58,800
Speaker 1: have select friends on purpose because she was saying that

1272
01:04:58,840 --> 01:05:00,800
Speaker 1: it gets hard to do your job as a host

1273
01:05:00,880 --> 01:05:04,720
Speaker 1: because you're not you're you become biased, you know, And

1274
01:05:04,720 --> 01:05:07,080
Speaker 1: so that's been difficult for me too, because I genuinely

1275
01:05:07,120 --> 01:05:10,240
Speaker 1: meet people that may be celept that I genuinely like,

1276
01:05:10,840 --> 01:05:12,360
Speaker 1: but I have to tell them I still got to

1277
01:05:12,400 --> 01:05:13,880
Speaker 1: do my job and I'm gonna do it with the

1278
01:05:13,880 --> 01:05:16,240
Speaker 1: most respectful way possible. But I still have to be

1279
01:05:16,280 --> 01:05:18,280
Speaker 1: able to do my job and be who I am

1280
01:05:18,320 --> 01:05:20,920
Speaker 1: without you feeling offended by it. Because sometimes even when

1281
01:05:20,920 --> 01:05:23,120
Speaker 1: they follow you, you you don't want to retweet certain things,

1282
01:05:23,240 --> 01:05:26,200
Speaker 1: or you know, like Nicki Minaj follows me and then

1283
01:05:26,240 --> 01:05:28,840
Speaker 1: Cardi B follows me on Instagram, and sometimes I'm like,

1284
01:05:28,880 --> 01:05:31,360
Speaker 1: if I post this is someone's gonna go away. I

1285
01:05:31,400 --> 01:05:33,680
Speaker 1: think I'm like, I gotta do me, you know. So

1286
01:05:33,920 --> 01:05:35,760
Speaker 1: it's just just like they would do them. But it's

1287
01:05:36,000 --> 01:05:38,160
Speaker 1: sometimes you feel weird, especially because you know you have

1288
01:05:38,200 --> 01:05:42,160
Speaker 1: a platform and people you know want something from you.

1289
01:05:42,200 --> 01:05:45,240
Speaker 1: But so many nuances now to like the social world

1290
01:05:45,280 --> 01:05:48,200
Speaker 1: and the social relationships that we have, and it's like, oh,

1291
01:05:48,240 --> 01:05:51,320
Speaker 1: are you gonna see this? Even just in in in

1292
01:05:51,440 --> 01:05:55,880
Speaker 1: line of like how much of my life is going

1293
01:05:55,920 --> 01:05:58,400
Speaker 1: to remain personal and how do I keep it that way?

1294
01:05:58,600 --> 01:06:02,520
Speaker 1: You know, because since we kind of have first signed

1295
01:06:02,560 --> 01:06:06,040
Speaker 1: up for Instagram, where it was just before this space

1296
01:06:06,120 --> 01:06:09,400
Speaker 1: to kind of share your personality, your personal life, just

1297
01:06:09,480 --> 01:06:12,640
Speaker 1: little musings or we used to post random pictures of

1298
01:06:12,680 --> 01:06:15,920
Speaker 1: the most random things. Now it's more curated experience, and

1299
01:06:15,960 --> 01:06:18,720
Speaker 1: it's more especially for public figures, it's used as a

1300
01:06:18,720 --> 01:06:21,760
Speaker 1: marketing tool, not as a tool of self expression. So

1301
01:06:21,800 --> 01:06:23,480
Speaker 1: it's kind of like that weird balance, well what do

1302
01:06:23,520 --> 01:06:25,680
Speaker 1: I post? Well, do I want to post my man

1303
01:06:26,000 --> 01:06:28,080
Speaker 1: or do I want to only post work things? Or

1304
01:06:28,080 --> 01:06:29,720
Speaker 1: do I want to put you know, it's just like

1305
01:06:30,880 --> 01:06:33,720
Speaker 1: it's this hard thing that that it's hard, and then

1306
01:06:33,760 --> 01:06:36,200
Speaker 1: the bigger following you get, it's like, well, I'm really

1307
01:06:36,240 --> 01:06:39,960
Speaker 1: allowing a lot of people into my life. Um, that's

1308
01:06:40,000 --> 01:06:44,200
Speaker 1: part of the that's part of like the conflict I

1309
01:06:44,280 --> 01:06:46,520
Speaker 1: have about whether or not I ever want to post

1310
01:06:46,560 --> 01:06:49,960
Speaker 1: my son on social media. And it's not that I mean, obviously,

1311
01:06:50,080 --> 01:06:53,440
Speaker 1: you know, he's not Northwest, so I'm not not posting

1312
01:06:53,480 --> 01:06:56,920
Speaker 1: his face because I imagine that like, oh no, the problemically, Um,

1313
01:06:56,960 --> 01:07:00,800
Speaker 1: but I'm just still kind of struggling with how am

1314
01:07:00,800 --> 01:07:02,720
Speaker 1: I going to navigate this space for him and what

1315
01:07:02,960 --> 01:07:06,480
Speaker 1: is like considered too young to require consent and what

1316
01:07:06,640 --> 01:07:11,280
Speaker 1: isn't right because now, unlike me, everything about his life

1317
01:07:11,360 --> 01:07:15,040
Speaker 1: is going to be on the internet. Forever until you know,

1318
01:07:15,080 --> 01:07:18,120
Speaker 1: the end of time. So how do I want to

1319
01:07:18,160 --> 01:07:20,320
Speaker 1: introduce him to the world? And how much of him

1320
01:07:20,320 --> 01:07:22,040
Speaker 1: am I going to give to the world, because it's

1321
01:07:22,040 --> 01:07:25,520
Speaker 1: still his business. He's a baby, but it's still his life.

1322
01:07:25,720 --> 01:07:28,320
Speaker 1: It's still his business. You know what. I don't want

1323
01:07:28,400 --> 01:07:30,920
Speaker 1: naked pictures of him on the internet or not that

1324
01:07:30,920 --> 01:07:32,560
Speaker 1: that would happen, but you know, even what would be

1325
01:07:32,600 --> 01:07:35,840
Speaker 1: cute in the tub, it's like, well, how how is

1326
01:07:35,880 --> 01:07:37,840
Speaker 1: he going to feel about that when that is a

1327
01:07:37,880 --> 01:07:42,920
Speaker 1: piece of his information he can never scrub from being online. Um,

1328
01:07:43,000 --> 01:07:44,840
Speaker 1: And also just like I kind of want to keep

1329
01:07:44,920 --> 01:07:47,200
Speaker 1: him for me. It's you know, I think I don't.

1330
01:07:47,240 --> 01:07:49,280
Speaker 1: I don't unless it's like Mother's Day and it's an

1331
01:07:49,280 --> 01:07:53,280
Speaker 1: old picture. I rarely post pictures of my parents. Yeah,

1332
01:07:53,280 --> 01:07:55,520
Speaker 1: I don't post my any of my other family copers

1333
01:07:55,600 --> 01:07:58,760
Speaker 1: on social even for that reason. It's just you're inviting

1334
01:07:58,800 --> 01:08:01,000
Speaker 1: into their lives. Can say they didn't sign up for

1335
01:08:01,240 --> 01:08:03,160
Speaker 1: Like I can take it. I signed up for. People

1336
01:08:03,160 --> 01:08:06,880
Speaker 1: troll me, that's fine. But you know, like I have

1337
01:08:06,960 --> 01:08:09,520
Speaker 1: a mom who was sick, like my dad is you know,

1338
01:08:09,600 --> 01:08:13,480
Speaker 1: I just my sister, Like I just I am still me.

1339
01:08:13,800 --> 01:08:17,880
Speaker 1: I'm still you know, from the bay, and there's never

1340
01:08:18,000 --> 01:08:20,280
Speaker 1: there's always gonna be a biting part of me. Like

1341
01:08:20,600 --> 01:08:23,280
Speaker 1: that has been my hardest part with this whole transition,

1342
01:08:23,360 --> 01:08:25,640
Speaker 1: is that the way you want to clap back, you

1343
01:08:25,720 --> 01:08:27,960
Speaker 1: can't clap back because you could lose your damn job.

1344
01:08:28,600 --> 01:08:33,360
Speaker 1: So I have really worked since two thousand seven to

1345
01:08:33,439 --> 01:08:37,959
Speaker 1: try to just control my mouth right, And it's sometimes

1346
01:08:38,000 --> 01:08:41,000
Speaker 1: hard because people really really say things to you they

1347
01:08:41,000 --> 01:08:43,120
Speaker 1: would never say to you in person, and people can

1348
01:08:43,160 --> 01:08:47,200
Speaker 1: get really nasty, like they think there's no consequence. They

1349
01:08:47,240 --> 01:08:49,640
Speaker 1: think there's no consequence to it. And so sometimes I

1350
01:08:49,720 --> 01:08:51,960
Speaker 1: understand those celebs that have a million followers and they

1351
01:08:52,000 --> 01:08:54,760
Speaker 1: retweet the person's insult and then everybody says, well, they're

1352
01:08:54,760 --> 01:08:58,320
Speaker 1: getting docs and they're doing this. But it's like, even

1353
01:08:58,320 --> 01:09:00,639
Speaker 1: though I have a million followers, we're both still human beings.

1354
01:09:00,920 --> 01:09:03,360
Speaker 1: Like I'm allowed to feel emotion, and there's a part

1355
01:09:03,400 --> 01:09:04,920
Speaker 1: of you that does kind of have to turn off

1356
01:09:05,120 --> 01:09:08,080
Speaker 1: with these with these trolls. I controlled a lot for

1357
01:09:08,120 --> 01:09:11,280
Speaker 1: love and hip hop, so for my stuff with E

1358
01:09:11,520 --> 01:09:14,000
Speaker 1: and when I did stuff with access different audiences, very

1359
01:09:14,000 --> 01:09:16,280
Speaker 1: different audience, they would more come at me for my opinion.

1360
01:09:16,320 --> 01:09:19,040
Speaker 1: So it's like I disagree with you about this, that's fine,

1361
01:09:19,320 --> 01:09:21,599
Speaker 1: But like with love and hip hop, that audience is

1362
01:09:22,160 --> 01:09:27,080
Speaker 1: more visceral and obviously fueled by a lot of drama.

1363
01:09:27,360 --> 01:09:30,000
Speaker 1: And really, I have nothing to do with the show.

1364
01:09:30,080 --> 01:09:32,400
Speaker 1: Like I have nothing to do with the show. I come,

1365
01:09:32,479 --> 01:09:36,160
Speaker 1: I literally get emailed the episodes. I watched the episodes

1366
01:09:36,200 --> 01:09:38,000
Speaker 1: on my own and addition all my other work, and

1367
01:09:38,040 --> 01:09:40,840
Speaker 1: I come in. I cultivate these questions with production, and

1368
01:09:40,880 --> 01:09:43,880
Speaker 1: I do an interview that's a reunion, and then I

1369
01:09:44,040 --> 01:09:48,439
Speaker 1: go and I leave, and people are very intense about

1370
01:09:48,479 --> 01:09:50,679
Speaker 1: the show, and it's it's look, it's v H one's

1371
01:09:50,720 --> 01:09:54,040
Speaker 1: highest rated series and it does really well. But people

1372
01:09:54,040 --> 01:09:57,720
Speaker 1: are very invested in these other people's lives and they

1373
01:09:57,760 --> 01:10:00,320
Speaker 1: hold you personally accountable if they don't feel, oh that

1374
01:10:00,400 --> 01:10:03,080
Speaker 1: you ask what they would ask, or you know, everybody

1375
01:10:03,080 --> 01:10:05,360
Speaker 1: thinks they can be a host. Everybody thinks they can

1376
01:10:05,520 --> 01:10:07,840
Speaker 1: do these things until it's time to do it. And

1377
01:10:07,840 --> 01:10:09,960
Speaker 1: and there's also but people don't understand that this is

1378
01:10:10,000 --> 01:10:12,599
Speaker 1: not just like as easy as like me and you're

1379
01:10:12,600 --> 01:10:16,360
Speaker 1: sitting down, this is a production. So it's a you're

1380
01:10:16,400 --> 01:10:21,920
Speaker 1: trying to get your balancing the energy of people who

1381
01:10:21,920 --> 01:10:24,080
Speaker 1: want to have their own egos, who all have their

1382
01:10:24,080 --> 01:10:27,240
Speaker 1: own temperament, who all want you to talk about one thing.

1383
01:10:27,760 --> 01:10:30,840
Speaker 1: And then you have a network that's telling you what

1384
01:10:30,880 --> 01:10:35,280
Speaker 1: they want literally in your ear, like you have an earpiece.

1385
01:10:35,280 --> 01:10:37,880
Speaker 1: Then yeah, I think people don't realize that, they say,

1386
01:10:37,920 --> 01:10:39,960
Speaker 1: push them harder on this. Yeah. Well, there's like a

1387
01:10:40,000 --> 01:10:42,240
Speaker 1: full audience, so the audience is kind of fueling the

1388
01:10:42,360 --> 01:10:45,160
Speaker 1: energy in the in the room. So sometimes like even

1389
01:10:45,160 --> 01:10:47,839
Speaker 1: if the first person doesn't feel combative, if the audience

1390
01:10:47,880 --> 01:10:50,960
Speaker 1: is like oh or ah, then they because remind you,

1391
01:10:51,040 --> 01:10:53,639
Speaker 1: these are reality stars, so they're very much ego based,

1392
01:10:54,200 --> 01:10:57,280
Speaker 1: so they respond to that. So I'm dealing with, you know,

1393
01:10:57,439 --> 01:10:59,320
Speaker 1: a control room full of people talking to me. It's

1394
01:10:59,320 --> 01:11:01,479
Speaker 1: not one person, it's a control room full of people.

1395
01:11:01,520 --> 01:11:03,479
Speaker 1: In my ear, I have the audience, I have the

1396
01:11:03,520 --> 01:11:05,080
Speaker 1: cast members who were talking when I need to try

1397
01:11:05,120 --> 01:11:07,519
Speaker 1: to pay attention to, you know, I have questions that

1398
01:11:07,560 --> 01:11:10,519
Speaker 1: we've already had mapped out a floor director prompter. So

1399
01:11:10,560 --> 01:11:13,920
Speaker 1: it's a lot of moving pieces to navigate and still

1400
01:11:13,960 --> 01:11:17,200
Speaker 1: be able to have like fluid conversations that feel natural

1401
01:11:17,360 --> 01:11:20,080
Speaker 1: and still get some type of result from people who

1402
01:11:20,160 --> 01:11:22,360
Speaker 1: don't want to answer your questions, Like they want to

1403
01:11:22,360 --> 01:11:23,960
Speaker 1: be at the reunion and they want to be able

1404
01:11:24,000 --> 01:11:26,000
Speaker 1: to say whatever they want to say, but the questions

1405
01:11:26,040 --> 01:11:27,880
Speaker 1: are never going to be geared to cater to them.

1406
01:11:28,040 --> 01:11:30,400
Speaker 1: So if you acted, if you cheated or had a

1407
01:11:30,439 --> 01:11:32,840
Speaker 1: threesome on your wife, and I have to ask you

1408
01:11:32,880 --> 01:11:35,120
Speaker 1: about that, imagine how I'm going to be met. So

1409
01:11:35,200 --> 01:11:37,120
Speaker 1: I'm dealing with all of that, and then you get

1410
01:11:37,160 --> 01:11:39,360
Speaker 1: somebody else. It's not your fault. You have to ask

1411
01:11:39,400 --> 01:11:41,680
Speaker 1: that question. It's their behavior. Well, and that's the thing,

1412
01:11:41,680 --> 01:11:43,879
Speaker 1: and they don't want you to talk about the behavior

1413
01:11:43,960 --> 01:11:46,880
Speaker 1: on camera that they signed up for. So you're dealing

1414
01:11:46,960 --> 01:11:51,760
Speaker 1: you're literally getting paid for that exactly. So it's it's

1415
01:11:51,760 --> 01:11:57,040
Speaker 1: a sorry, let's have a smart home. So they've got

1416
01:11:57,040 --> 01:12:02,040
Speaker 1: this fancy house. People at my gate at the ranch. Um.

1417
01:12:02,080 --> 01:12:04,439
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's um. You know when I get people

1418
01:12:04,479 --> 01:12:06,160
Speaker 1: in my comments like you didn't do this or you

1419
01:12:06,160 --> 01:12:09,439
Speaker 1: didn't and also they edited however they see fit. So

1420
01:12:09,840 --> 01:12:12,840
Speaker 1: I very well may have asked the question and they

1421
01:12:12,920 --> 01:12:15,280
Speaker 1: chose not to include it. Sometimes the things that I

1422
01:12:15,320 --> 01:12:17,599
Speaker 1: want to ask are obviously more deep, like sometimes Mono

1423
01:12:17,720 --> 01:12:20,280
Speaker 1: be in my ear, Like okay Yama, She said that

1424
01:12:20,320 --> 01:12:22,680
Speaker 1: to me a few times and they'll cut it and

1425
01:12:22,720 --> 01:12:24,840
Speaker 1: I can't do anything about it. And it's not I'm

1426
01:12:24,880 --> 01:12:27,120
Speaker 1: not mad at it. It's not. I will not be

1427
01:12:27,120 --> 01:12:29,360
Speaker 1: in the edit bay for that. So whatever they choose

1428
01:12:29,360 --> 01:12:33,280
Speaker 1: to include is this is not a show executive producer

1429
01:12:33,400 --> 01:12:35,479
Speaker 1: right on. It's a job as a host. And I

1430
01:12:35,600 --> 01:12:38,360
Speaker 1: enjoy it for for what it's worth, and I leave

1431
01:12:38,400 --> 01:12:40,640
Speaker 1: it when I when I fly back to l A.

1432
01:12:40,920 --> 01:12:42,400
Speaker 1: And they can do what they want with it. And

1433
01:12:42,439 --> 01:12:44,960
Speaker 1: so you know, people are very invested in it. I

1434
01:12:45,000 --> 01:12:47,679
Speaker 1: suggest they get careers in production to try to make

1435
01:12:47,720 --> 01:12:49,519
Speaker 1: their thing and and and see if they can be

1436
01:12:49,640 --> 01:12:53,639
Speaker 1: saying encourage that. Okay, before I get you out of here,

1437
01:12:54,280 --> 01:12:57,320
Speaker 1: because girl, when we be talking, let me tell you,

1438
01:12:57,360 --> 01:13:00,320
Speaker 1: me and Nina are brunches. Go for ten hours. It's bad.

1439
01:13:00,960 --> 01:13:03,920
Speaker 1: We were. I'm sure our significant others are, like, are

1440
01:13:04,000 --> 01:13:09,360
Speaker 1: y'all really with each other? Or having you where? Because

1441
01:13:09,439 --> 01:13:11,360
Speaker 1: we can go, we can go for a lunch and

1442
01:13:11,400 --> 01:13:13,000
Speaker 1: then like me and you the way that we are,

1443
01:13:13,120 --> 01:13:15,120
Speaker 1: like the type of connection we have. If we don't

1444
01:13:15,160 --> 01:13:17,519
Speaker 1: have enough time, then we'd be like dang. But I

1445
01:13:17,560 --> 01:13:19,200
Speaker 1: wanted to talk about them. Why are all these other

1446
01:13:19,200 --> 01:13:21,680
Speaker 1: people here? Because I wanted to talk about X. We

1447
01:13:21,720 --> 01:13:24,160
Speaker 1: get mad sometimes when it's not just us and because

1448
01:13:24,160 --> 01:13:26,600
Speaker 1: we're like because and then and then we kind of

1449
01:13:26,600 --> 01:13:28,639
Speaker 1: click up because I'll be whispering to you like we'll

1450
01:13:28,680 --> 01:13:30,960
Speaker 1: just with and I'm like, I don't want other people

1451
01:13:31,000 --> 01:13:32,880
Speaker 1: to feel, you know, left up. But sometimes the only

1452
01:13:32,880 --> 01:13:35,120
Speaker 1: thing for your ears, So you know, we have to

1453
01:13:35,160 --> 01:13:38,280
Speaker 1: do our own solo stuff sometimes. So what are some

1454
01:13:38,360 --> 01:13:41,080
Speaker 1: things for your spiritual health, for your self care, your

1455
01:13:41,080 --> 01:13:44,800
Speaker 1: self development. Tell me some for our listeners, some podcasts,

1456
01:13:45,200 --> 01:13:48,840
Speaker 1: some books that have enriched you that other people need

1457
01:13:48,880 --> 01:13:51,519
Speaker 1: to get there. So funny because you have the seven

1458
01:13:51,560 --> 01:13:55,519
Speaker 1: Spiritual Laws of Success right here, which I just reread

1459
01:13:55,640 --> 01:13:58,479
Speaker 1: not too long ago. I have that. Um, I have

1460
01:13:58,560 --> 01:14:03,000
Speaker 1: to say, I'm trying to think about Okay, I'm actually reading. Okay,

1461
01:14:03,000 --> 01:14:05,720
Speaker 1: you guys are gonna laugh at me. So I'm reading.

1462
01:14:06,160 --> 01:14:08,320
Speaker 1: I can't believe I'm gonna say this. I'm reading Men

1463
01:14:08,360 --> 01:14:12,040
Speaker 1: are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. Right now, Bok's book.

1464
01:14:12,160 --> 01:14:16,759
Speaker 1: I'm sure you've heard your parents talk about it. So books,

1465
01:14:19,040 --> 01:14:21,559
Speaker 1: obviously you've got to put your own spin on it

1466
01:14:21,600 --> 01:14:23,800
Speaker 1: because it's a dated book. So they're probably gonna be

1467
01:14:23,880 --> 01:14:26,200
Speaker 1: some social norms for men and women in there that

1468
01:14:26,280 --> 01:14:28,760
Speaker 1: you should ignore, like they're gonna be like if you're

1469
01:14:28,760 --> 01:14:31,680
Speaker 1: in the A O L chat room, you know. I mean,

1470
01:14:32,000 --> 01:14:34,320
Speaker 1: the author does kind of have certain things for men

1471
01:14:34,360 --> 01:14:37,000
Speaker 1: and women that are very like some things you feel

1472
01:14:37,000 --> 01:14:40,880
Speaker 1: a little outdated, but okay. So my mom recommended the

1473
01:14:40,880 --> 01:14:43,320
Speaker 1: book because I'm in a relationship and we have growing

1474
01:14:43,360 --> 01:14:46,200
Speaker 1: pain just like everybody else. And there's definitely been some

1475
01:14:46,240 --> 01:14:50,000
Speaker 1: headbuttings for like a man's way of thinking in a

1476
01:14:50,040 --> 01:14:53,400
Speaker 1: woman's way of begging, just like why doesn't he understand

1477
01:14:53,400 --> 01:14:56,759
Speaker 1: when I do this? I mean this, Why doesn't understand

1478
01:14:56,800 --> 01:14:59,439
Speaker 1: when I vent? I don't want advice. I just wanna vent.

1479
01:15:00,520 --> 01:15:07,360
Speaker 1: I don't need your advice. And so my mom recommended

1480
01:15:07,400 --> 01:15:08,840
Speaker 1: that I read this because she was like, your dad

1481
01:15:08,920 --> 01:15:11,000
Speaker 1: was frustrating me for a really long time. And I

1482
01:15:11,040 --> 01:15:12,760
Speaker 1: read this and then really, there are some there are

1483
01:15:12,800 --> 01:15:14,760
Speaker 1: some gyms in there that you can take to help

1484
01:15:14,800 --> 01:15:18,519
Speaker 1: improve your relationship. So I kept telling her I would

1485
01:15:18,520 --> 01:15:20,120
Speaker 1: read it. I never did, so she sent it to me.

1486
01:15:20,640 --> 01:15:23,080
Speaker 1: So I'm reading it now, and I have to tell you,

1487
01:15:23,439 --> 01:15:26,840
Speaker 1: as archaic as this book is, it has a section

1488
01:15:26,880 --> 01:15:28,639
Speaker 1: in it on how to talk to your man when

1489
01:15:28,720 --> 01:15:32,360
Speaker 1: you want to discuss something and when the best time

1490
01:15:32,439 --> 01:15:35,519
Speaker 1: is to do it. Because I realized that my timing

1491
01:15:35,520 --> 01:15:36,960
Speaker 1: has always been off, which is why I haven't been

1492
01:15:36,960 --> 01:15:40,719
Speaker 1: getting the result I want it. And this book tells

1493
01:15:40,720 --> 01:15:44,599
Speaker 1: you about men their moods, how men have this thing.

1494
01:15:44,680 --> 01:15:47,960
Speaker 1: It says men have this thing where they tucked themselves

1495
01:15:47,960 --> 01:15:50,519
Speaker 1: in their own mental cave. And if you're trying to

1496
01:15:50,520 --> 01:15:52,240
Speaker 1: talk to them while they're in that, like they phase

1497
01:15:52,280 --> 01:15:54,400
Speaker 1: in and out of it. That's just a man's way,

1498
01:15:54,520 --> 01:15:56,400
Speaker 1: if that's what the book says. And it's like, if

1499
01:15:56,439 --> 01:15:58,080
Speaker 1: you're talking to them while they're in it and you

1500
01:15:58,160 --> 01:16:00,640
Speaker 1: try to pull them out, you're gonna get more resistance.

1501
01:16:00,920 --> 01:16:02,439
Speaker 1: So it's like, when you feel like you're not being

1502
01:16:02,520 --> 01:16:04,599
Speaker 1: heard or listen to, you've got you've got a phase

1503
01:16:04,640 --> 01:16:07,120
Speaker 1: of timing right. So it's taught me a little patience

1504
01:16:07,160 --> 01:16:09,080
Speaker 1: and it's taught me how to And I was like,

1505
01:16:09,120 --> 01:16:10,960
Speaker 1: this is a bunch of bs. So I tried it,

1506
01:16:11,000 --> 01:16:14,439
Speaker 1: actually tried it today. I was reading it yesterday and

1507
01:16:14,520 --> 01:16:16,960
Speaker 1: I tried to approach something I wanted to talk about

1508
01:16:17,680 --> 01:16:22,120
Speaker 1: and how and realized how you approach things and how

1509
01:16:22,200 --> 01:16:25,519
Speaker 1: you phrase things can change. And it gives you, it'll

1510
01:16:25,560 --> 01:16:28,320
Speaker 1: tell you like how to talk to him, how to

1511
01:16:28,400 --> 01:16:29,720
Speaker 1: phrase it in a way that it will be the

1512
01:16:29,720 --> 01:16:32,360
Speaker 1: best received. And I was laughing at it, but it

1513
01:16:32,360 --> 01:16:35,639
Speaker 1: worked today. So I was like, this is actually notice

1514
01:16:35,720 --> 01:16:37,679
Speaker 1: say that's what I'm reading right now, And you guys

1515
01:16:37,720 --> 01:16:39,920
Speaker 1: can laugh at me if you want to. But sometimes

1516
01:16:40,000 --> 01:16:42,000
Speaker 1: I feel like when I talked to my girlfriends about

1517
01:16:42,040 --> 01:16:44,720
Speaker 1: my relationship, we're all kind of like they're dumb, you know,

1518
01:16:44,920 --> 01:16:51,000
Speaker 1: So so I wanted to just get a different perspective, right, Like,

1519
01:16:51,040 --> 01:16:54,240
Speaker 1: when when you get in my group conversations with women,

1520
01:16:54,240 --> 01:16:56,600
Speaker 1: it always will boil down to men are trash, Like

1521
01:16:56,800 --> 01:17:00,320
Speaker 1: it's just like we love y'all, but like some times

1522
01:17:00,360 --> 01:17:03,160
Speaker 1: I just truly don't understand their frame of thinking. Like

1523
01:17:03,280 --> 01:17:06,599
Speaker 1: I truly do feel like they're a we have we

1524
01:17:06,600 --> 01:17:11,680
Speaker 1: we do have just such fundamental differences. Um and specifically

1525
01:17:11,720 --> 01:17:15,920
Speaker 1: because of the way society has boxed men and women.

1526
01:17:16,080 --> 01:17:17,880
Speaker 1: You know, how we got into the conversation. I was

1527
01:17:17,920 --> 01:17:19,920
Speaker 1: able to ease into it because I used to curry

1528
01:17:19,960 --> 01:17:23,600
Speaker 1: statements today that came out. Um, it'll probably be a

1529
01:17:23,600 --> 01:17:25,439
Speaker 1: little dated when the podcast comes out, but that's okay.

1530
01:17:25,640 --> 01:17:27,760
Speaker 1: So she made the comments basically saying that she didn't

1531
01:17:27,760 --> 01:17:30,960
Speaker 1: feel attractive and she was insecure about her attractiveness because

1532
01:17:31,160 --> 01:17:34,720
Speaker 1: everybody knows that she's with Steph, so men don't approach her,

1533
01:17:35,000 --> 01:17:36,560
Speaker 1: and how she was saying that she still wants to

1534
01:17:36,560 --> 01:17:39,559
Speaker 1: be hit on even though she's married, because she feels

1535
01:17:39,640 --> 01:17:42,640
Speaker 1: like no one is attracted to her because they're so

1536
01:17:42,800 --> 01:17:44,760
Speaker 1: used to her being this mom and wife, and how

1537
01:17:44,760 --> 01:17:48,040
Speaker 1: it makes her feel a little insecure her to say,

1538
01:17:48,439 --> 01:17:51,280
Speaker 1: So that was my take. I took it as her

1539
01:17:51,560 --> 01:17:54,360
Speaker 1: being vulnerable. Most of us don't talk about our insecurities.

1540
01:17:54,800 --> 01:17:57,720
Speaker 1: My man felt that she was giving a green light

1541
01:17:57,840 --> 01:18:00,000
Speaker 1: for men to come hit on her, and I thought

1542
01:18:00,120 --> 01:18:02,720
Speaker 1: that was a very simple take. Well, men are so territorial,

1543
01:18:02,760 --> 01:18:04,760
Speaker 1: and that's what he said. He's like, you're giving men

1544
01:18:04,800 --> 01:18:06,559
Speaker 1: a green light to come and hit on you. When

1545
01:18:06,680 --> 01:18:08,960
Speaker 1: we created the safe space together, so we had at

1546
01:18:08,960 --> 01:18:11,240
Speaker 1: first we started with this debate because I was like,

1547
01:18:11,439 --> 01:18:15,200
Speaker 1: you're ridiculous, and then it ended up being able to

1548
01:18:15,800 --> 01:18:17,559
Speaker 1: I was able to kind of maneuver it into talking

1549
01:18:17,600 --> 01:18:21,679
Speaker 1: about us and you know, our boundaries and social cues

1550
01:18:21,720 --> 01:18:23,120
Speaker 1: and what would be And I was like, so you're

1551
01:18:23,160 --> 01:18:26,559
Speaker 1: not really upset about her being, you know, feeling insecure.

1552
01:18:26,600 --> 01:18:29,519
Speaker 1: You're upset that she said it publicly, and he was like, well,

1553
01:18:29,560 --> 01:18:31,280
Speaker 1: I guess it was just the way she phrased it,

1554
01:18:31,400 --> 01:18:34,080
Speaker 1: but we were able to kind of I'm always curious

1555
01:18:34,160 --> 01:18:36,920
Speaker 1: as to how men think, because I think they're thinking

1556
01:18:37,040 --> 01:18:40,759
Speaker 1: is more zigzact than ours. What's funny to like, even

1557
01:18:40,880 --> 01:18:43,519
Speaker 1: Jez and I had a conversation like this a while back,

1558
01:18:43,600 --> 01:18:47,120
Speaker 1: but I totally here and get what she's saying, like,

1559
01:18:47,400 --> 01:18:49,479
Speaker 1: and I was very brave that she would say that

1560
01:18:49,479 --> 01:18:52,040
Speaker 1: out loud because the fact of the matter, like the

1561
01:18:52,080 --> 01:18:55,559
Speaker 1: way that men and women see the opposite sex and

1562
01:18:55,720 --> 01:18:58,800
Speaker 1: see what the you know, proverbial green light or would

1563
01:18:58,800 --> 01:19:01,519
Speaker 1: be is so different because for a man, if a

1564
01:19:01,560 --> 01:19:05,160
Speaker 1: man is in a relationship, it makes women hit on

1565
01:19:05,360 --> 01:19:08,720
Speaker 1: them more. That's what I said this morning, because they say,

1566
01:19:08,760 --> 01:19:11,960
Speaker 1: I see what you're capable of giving, and I want

1567
01:19:12,000 --> 01:19:16,000
Speaker 1: that for me. I also, like a lot of women,

1568
01:19:16,000 --> 01:19:20,080
Speaker 1: they're worth is tied into whether they feel comparatively that

1569
01:19:20,240 --> 01:19:22,439
Speaker 1: they have one up on another woman, right like a

1570
01:19:22,479 --> 01:19:25,320
Speaker 1: better fashion or more men like them are better career

1571
01:19:25,400 --> 01:19:28,120
Speaker 1: or more money. So a lot of women's self worth

1572
01:19:28,200 --> 01:19:31,040
Speaker 1: is tied into that. So for a woman, for some

1573
01:19:31,760 --> 01:19:34,880
Speaker 1: certain types of women, if they see a married man,

1574
01:19:35,800 --> 01:19:38,240
Speaker 1: they're they're saying, if I can get him to pay

1575
01:19:38,320 --> 01:19:42,120
Speaker 1: attention to me, that means that I have value. That

1576
01:19:42,160 --> 01:19:44,639
Speaker 1: means that I can feel better about myself. And they

1577
01:19:44,680 --> 01:19:47,639
Speaker 1: see it more as a challenge for them to feel

1578
01:19:47,680 --> 01:19:50,639
Speaker 1: that they have worth, and they also see it as,

1579
01:19:50,960 --> 01:19:54,360
Speaker 1: oh God, I don't. I personally don't come across good men.

1580
01:19:54,880 --> 01:19:57,639
Speaker 1: So if I see somebody treating someone else really good,

1581
01:19:58,080 --> 01:20:00,519
Speaker 1: they're capable of it, and I want something of that

1582
01:20:01,160 --> 01:20:04,639
Speaker 1: at any cost. Men. The way that men view women

1583
01:20:04,640 --> 01:20:08,040
Speaker 1: in relationships for the most part, uh, the way they

1584
01:20:08,120 --> 01:20:12,640
Speaker 1: view women in relationships or marriages is they're too territorial.

1585
01:20:13,080 --> 01:20:15,439
Speaker 1: You have someone else, there's a turn the light off.

1586
01:20:15,479 --> 01:20:19,040
Speaker 1: There's a chance that you are being uh interred by

1587
01:20:19,040 --> 01:20:23,720
Speaker 1: another person. I don't not interested saying. That's what they

1588
01:20:23,720 --> 01:20:25,519
Speaker 1: were telling her. She was on there with Jada, which

1589
01:20:25,560 --> 01:20:27,320
Speaker 1: is why I think. I don't think she was prepared

1590
01:20:27,360 --> 01:20:28,840
Speaker 1: for the conversation, which is why I don't think she

1591
01:20:28,920 --> 01:20:31,840
Speaker 1: articulated it in a way that everybody received it. Because

1592
01:20:31,880 --> 01:20:33,840
Speaker 1: I think Jada has a way of making people open

1593
01:20:33,960 --> 01:20:36,320
Speaker 1: up that make them talk about subjects that they were

1594
01:20:36,360 --> 01:20:38,840
Speaker 1: not necessarily prepared for and the way she articulated. A

1595
01:20:38,880 --> 01:20:40,840
Speaker 1: lot of men had a problem with how she said it,

1596
01:20:41,080 --> 01:20:43,120
Speaker 1: but I think she was just probably saying it for

1597
01:20:43,160 --> 01:20:45,760
Speaker 1: the first time out loud to even herself. And she

1598
01:20:45,840 --> 01:20:48,519
Speaker 1: was around these strong women who are all experienced in

1599
01:20:48,600 --> 01:20:50,519
Speaker 1: marriage where she felt like she could relate. Her mom

1600
01:20:50,640 --> 01:20:53,240
Speaker 1: was there, her sister in law was there, you know,

1601
01:20:53,320 --> 01:20:56,479
Speaker 1: Jada was there, Willow was there. She was saying these things,

1602
01:20:56,560 --> 01:20:58,559
Speaker 1: and I think she was kind of resonating for the

1603
01:20:58,600 --> 01:21:01,720
Speaker 1: first time about like what is my worth based in

1604
01:21:01,960 --> 01:21:03,919
Speaker 1: my have this? And she was talking about how groupies

1605
01:21:03,960 --> 01:21:07,120
Speaker 1: bother her, that she has so bad, she has bad anxiety,

1606
01:21:07,200 --> 01:21:09,679
Speaker 1: she has to take medication for it. So for me,

1607
01:21:10,120 --> 01:21:13,479
Speaker 1: I felt that I saw the vulnerability and how brave

1608
01:21:13,640 --> 01:21:16,519
Speaker 1: of her. That's what I didn't see it. That's a

1609
01:21:16,800 --> 01:21:20,080
Speaker 1: that's I can imagine that that was an incredibly difficult

1610
01:21:20,120 --> 01:21:24,000
Speaker 1: conversation for And she is going to be hit everybody.

1611
01:21:24,360 --> 01:21:26,320
Speaker 1: I mean, if you go on Twitter later, it's people,

1612
01:21:26,479 --> 01:21:28,599
Speaker 1: you know, people are taking her to task for it,

1613
01:21:28,960 --> 01:21:31,599
Speaker 1: mainly people who are seeing it in in a selfish way.

1614
01:21:31,760 --> 01:21:34,120
Speaker 1: But like my boyfriend was like, well, she's telling people

1615
01:21:34,120 --> 01:21:35,960
Speaker 1: that stuff doesn't make her feel beautiful and I'm like,

1616
01:21:36,640 --> 01:21:40,040
Speaker 1: I don't think that's what it is. It's just into

1617
01:21:40,080 --> 01:21:43,080
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, not that we should be tapped

1618
01:21:43,080 --> 01:21:45,880
Speaker 1: into our ego, but it's the ego of it, right

1619
01:21:45,920 --> 01:21:49,080
Speaker 1: because for him, as a married man, you can still

1620
01:21:49,520 --> 01:21:51,519
Speaker 1: not act on it but feel flattered that you know,

1621
01:21:51,600 --> 01:21:54,639
Speaker 1: a lot of people think you are dope. A lot

1622
01:21:54,680 --> 01:21:58,120
Speaker 1: of women want top off, top right, and you can

1623
01:21:58,160 --> 01:22:00,439
Speaker 1: get that little like have that little smile. Oh when

1624
01:22:00,560 --> 01:22:02,479
Speaker 1: you know you're walking down the street and you know

1625
01:22:03,280 --> 01:22:06,280
Speaker 1: that feeling of you know that someone wants your time

1626
01:22:06,280 --> 01:22:09,840
Speaker 1: and attention or finds you attractive, it feels good even

1627
01:22:09,880 --> 01:22:12,000
Speaker 1: if you don't act on it and imagine it, it

1628
01:22:12,080 --> 01:22:15,720
Speaker 1: feels good on that scale attention. And then you on

1629
01:22:15,760 --> 01:22:18,639
Speaker 1: the flip side because of the way men protected. Men

1630
01:22:18,720 --> 01:22:21,160
Speaker 1: aren't going to cat call you, and they're not going

1631
01:22:21,200 --> 01:22:25,960
Speaker 1: to she's a she's stunningly gorgeous, very talented, very gifted.

1632
01:22:27,040 --> 01:22:29,439
Speaker 1: But men are never going to come out of pocket

1633
01:22:30,120 --> 01:22:33,320
Speaker 1: to tell her like, wow, you look beautiful today, or

1634
01:22:33,439 --> 01:22:36,240
Speaker 1: damn girl, or whatever ego boosts however can come to

1635
01:22:36,280 --> 01:22:39,120
Speaker 1: you because the way men see women is, oh, she's

1636
01:22:39,160 --> 01:22:42,760
Speaker 1: off limits, not gonna waste my time. Um, And so yeah,

1637
01:22:42,800 --> 01:22:45,080
Speaker 1: that that would give you a certain level of deficit,

1638
01:22:45,240 --> 01:22:48,280
Speaker 1: Like your man is getting that ego boost of of

1639
01:22:48,600 --> 01:22:50,960
Speaker 1: being set into in that way, and you don't get

1640
01:22:50,960 --> 01:22:53,760
Speaker 1: any of that except from him. Not to say it's

1641
01:22:53,800 --> 01:22:57,559
Speaker 1: not enough or good from him, but it's a difference.

1642
01:22:57,560 --> 01:22:59,840
Speaker 1: I understood exactly what she's coming from, and even though

1643
01:22:59,880 --> 01:23:02,360
Speaker 1: I'm may not feel the way she feels, I can

1644
01:23:02,400 --> 01:23:06,559
Speaker 1: definitely empathize with someone saying that. And I just don't think.

1645
01:23:06,600 --> 01:23:08,879
Speaker 1: I think in this world we're supposed to be perfect.

1646
01:23:09,120 --> 01:23:11,960
Speaker 1: So anytime anybody is vulnerable, it's always up for debate

1647
01:23:12,000 --> 01:23:15,599
Speaker 1: and for people to be critical. But I don't think

1648
01:23:15,640 --> 01:23:18,240
Speaker 1: people understand how hard it is to be a public

1649
01:23:18,280 --> 01:23:21,760
Speaker 1: figure and be that your authentic self and your She

1650
01:23:21,840 --> 01:23:25,840
Speaker 1: was criticized when she was Betty Crocker imperfect, and now

1651
01:23:25,880 --> 01:23:28,760
Speaker 1: she's being criticized for being vulnerable. So you it's like

1652
01:23:28,800 --> 01:23:31,400
Speaker 1: what you were saying, women can't win, You can't win.

1653
01:23:31,520 --> 01:23:35,280
Speaker 1: So the thing is like and say what you want, Yeah, yeah,

1654
01:23:35,400 --> 01:23:39,240
Speaker 1: what's brought me some pieces. I know that no matter what,

1655
01:23:39,320 --> 01:23:41,920
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be universally liked ever, because that's

1656
01:23:41,960 --> 01:23:46,519
Speaker 1: not how humanity is. Listen, if Jesus wasn't universally liked

1657
01:23:46,760 --> 01:23:49,479
Speaker 1: what hope do I have? It's so it's so true,

1658
01:23:49,520 --> 01:23:51,559
Speaker 1: and I think when you let that go, when you

1659
01:23:51,640 --> 01:23:53,120
Speaker 1: you know, and I had to have that. I had

1660
01:23:53,120 --> 01:23:56,080
Speaker 1: that conversation actually with the coworker of mine because of

1661
01:23:56,080 --> 01:23:57,960
Speaker 1: a troll or something, and I was irritated and she

1662
01:23:58,080 --> 01:24:00,439
Speaker 1: was like, you know, I don't believe with the people

1663
01:24:00,479 --> 01:24:02,240
Speaker 1: who hate me, saying I don't believe with the people

1664
01:24:02,240 --> 01:24:05,280
Speaker 1: who love exactly online. Yeah, you know, because she was like,

1665
01:24:05,400 --> 01:24:08,479
Speaker 1: it's so fleeting, and it was such a gain point.

1666
01:24:08,600 --> 01:24:11,840
Speaker 1: It's wrapped in the way they view themselves and the

1667
01:24:11,840 --> 01:24:14,000
Speaker 1: way that they view the world. Just like you know.

1668
01:24:14,080 --> 01:24:18,200
Speaker 1: Something that that used to like be kind of irritating

1669
01:24:18,240 --> 01:24:21,599
Speaker 1: to me was like I would know people right that

1670
01:24:21,680 --> 01:24:24,200
Speaker 1: we're in the public space, and I would see that

1671
01:24:24,240 --> 01:24:26,920
Speaker 1: they would be very hurtful to other people. Like the

1672
01:24:27,000 --> 01:24:30,760
Speaker 1: personal version of them to me was like, oh, your

1673
01:24:30,920 --> 01:24:33,760
Speaker 1: your spirit is trash at this moment in your life, right,

1674
01:24:33,840 --> 01:24:37,320
Speaker 1: like you are you are at your court not a

1675
01:24:37,320 --> 01:24:40,640
Speaker 1: good person, or you're steeped in narcissism, or you might

1676
01:24:40,680 --> 01:24:44,400
Speaker 1: be a sociopath. Right. But because whatever they did publicly

1677
01:24:45,560 --> 01:24:50,160
Speaker 1: got attention or no, no, no, like whatever they did publicly,

1678
01:24:50,280 --> 01:24:53,200
Speaker 1: the same part of it. People would constantly message them,

1679
01:24:53,640 --> 01:24:56,880
Speaker 1: you are the most incredible human being I've ever seen.

1680
01:24:57,280 --> 01:25:01,000
Speaker 1: Wait what because you like that they acted in this

1681
01:25:01,120 --> 01:25:04,759
Speaker 1: or played that, and and it gives it gives people

1682
01:25:04,880 --> 01:25:09,160
Speaker 1: this sense of I can be trashed inside because I'm

1683
01:25:09,200 --> 01:25:11,760
Speaker 1: still gonna get praise. And that used to I mean,

1684
01:25:11,840 --> 01:25:14,479
Speaker 1: that used to really irritate me, you know, because you

1685
01:25:14,520 --> 01:25:16,200
Speaker 1: feel like you're in the scary movie and you're the

1686
01:25:16,240 --> 01:25:19,760
Speaker 1: only one who knows like the killer. You're like one

1687
01:25:19,760 --> 01:25:23,480
Speaker 1: who knows you. Guys are very fooled. It's a frustrating

1688
01:25:23,479 --> 01:25:25,559
Speaker 1: place to be in. But that's why too. It's like

1689
01:25:25,600 --> 01:25:27,960
Speaker 1: you can't go off of the praise to the to

1690
01:25:28,000 --> 01:25:30,200
Speaker 1: the earlier point you were making, like you can't go

1691
01:25:30,280 --> 01:25:32,160
Speaker 1: off of the praise or the criticis if you're in

1692
01:25:32,240 --> 01:25:35,680
Speaker 1: this industry and you're in a season where all you're

1693
01:25:35,680 --> 01:25:39,400
Speaker 1: getting his praise and then for whatever reason, that season changes,

1694
01:25:39,439 --> 01:25:41,639
Speaker 1: which it will, because that's just the nature of the business.

1695
01:25:42,120 --> 01:25:45,519
Speaker 1: And you've put all of your worth in your career

1696
01:25:45,800 --> 01:25:49,080
Speaker 1: based on what these people are saying, you won't make it.

1697
01:25:49,600 --> 01:25:52,240
Speaker 1: There are people who we've started careers with who are

1698
01:25:52,240 --> 01:25:55,560
Speaker 1: no longer in this business because they couldn't deal with

1699
01:25:55,600 --> 01:25:59,040
Speaker 1: the ups and downs, you know, and it's you. You

1700
01:25:59,240 --> 01:26:02,679
Speaker 1: have to be so solid in what you're doing that

1701
01:26:02,920 --> 01:26:07,000
Speaker 1: you won't waiver either way. Because while it's amazing to

1702
01:26:07,080 --> 01:26:10,320
Speaker 1: get that love, we all want it, it's if it's

1703
01:26:10,439 --> 01:26:13,200
Speaker 1: your sole basis from these people who don't know you,

1704
01:26:13,680 --> 01:26:18,840
Speaker 1: it will ultimately lead to your demise because they have

1705
01:26:18,920 --> 01:26:21,880
Speaker 1: no saying what your value is and and your your

1706
01:26:21,920 --> 01:26:25,639
Speaker 1: moral compass is not in alignment, you know, Like, then

1707
01:26:25,680 --> 01:26:28,760
Speaker 1: you're going to start making decisions just based on how

1708
01:26:28,800 --> 01:26:32,400
Speaker 1: they'll be received or how you'll be perceive, and you'll

1709
01:26:32,439 --> 01:26:34,080
Speaker 1: go through that where you'll figure it out. I've done that.

1710
01:26:34,960 --> 01:26:37,320
Speaker 1: I actually had a reading that's the Journey. Yeah, I

1711
01:26:37,360 --> 01:26:40,640
Speaker 1: had a reading actually where the lady told me, uh,

1712
01:26:40,920 --> 01:26:44,760
Speaker 1: do not change when I was being she told me

1713
01:26:44,800 --> 01:26:47,280
Speaker 1: I was going to get the job before I got it,

1714
01:26:47,960 --> 01:26:51,880
Speaker 1: and what she told me was, do not change your

1715
01:26:51,920 --> 01:26:55,639
Speaker 1: behavior for this network because you're going to think they

1716
01:26:55,680 --> 01:26:58,840
Speaker 1: want something else, and you will. You'll skew yourself to

1717
01:26:58,880 --> 01:27:01,400
Speaker 1: give them that and they won't want you. So I

1718
01:27:01,479 --> 01:27:03,519
Speaker 1: made sure when I was doing everything at E I

1719
01:27:03,560 --> 01:27:06,479
Speaker 1: was authentically myself. She just told me, and she was right.

1720
01:27:06,520 --> 01:27:08,519
Speaker 1: I did go through those moments where listen, I am

1721
01:27:08,560 --> 01:27:12,600
Speaker 1: around everybody who's a size zero and they don't necessarily

1722
01:27:12,640 --> 01:27:14,400
Speaker 1: look like me or even think the way I do,

1723
01:27:14,760 --> 01:27:16,519
Speaker 1: and so you think, well, damn, I am not going

1724
01:27:16,600 --> 01:27:19,200
Speaker 1: to be accepted in this space, like I'm too much

1725
01:27:19,240 --> 01:27:21,120
Speaker 1: for some people off camera? So am I going to

1726
01:27:21,200 --> 01:27:23,320
Speaker 1: be too much for? You know? And I did have

1727
01:27:23,439 --> 01:27:26,679
Speaker 1: that thought, and but I would. I remembered her telling

1728
01:27:26,720 --> 01:27:28,840
Speaker 1: me that, and I made sure that I was. I

1729
01:27:28,920 --> 01:27:30,320
Speaker 1: was like, you know what, I'm gonna just give it.

1730
01:27:30,520 --> 01:27:32,840
Speaker 1: I'm gonna just be me and if if it's not enough,

1731
01:27:32,840 --> 01:27:34,800
Speaker 1: then it's just not for me. But I can no

1732
01:27:34,840 --> 01:27:38,960
Speaker 1: longer temper who I am to cater to what I

1733
01:27:38,960 --> 01:27:41,760
Speaker 1: think people want me to be. And I so I

1734
01:27:41,800 --> 01:27:44,120
Speaker 1: didn't and I got the job. And I remember her

1735
01:27:44,160 --> 01:27:45,880
Speaker 1: telling me. She was like, do not change who you

1736
01:27:45,880 --> 01:27:48,680
Speaker 1: are because of who you think they want you to be.

1737
01:27:49,200 --> 01:27:52,960
Speaker 1: And I keep that with me because sometimes you want

1738
01:27:52,960 --> 01:27:54,439
Speaker 1: to waiver a little bit. You're like, oh, it would

1739
01:27:54,439 --> 01:27:56,480
Speaker 1: be so much easier if I could just be agreeable,

1740
01:27:56,720 --> 01:27:58,720
Speaker 1: or you know, be so much easier if I just

1741
01:27:58,840 --> 01:28:02,360
Speaker 1: didn't have this opinion. But which, yeah, it'll keep you afloat.

1742
01:28:02,400 --> 01:28:04,880
Speaker 1: But then ultimately, what is your impact on the world

1743
01:28:05,200 --> 01:28:09,080
Speaker 1: If you're not being your authentic self, what is your point?

1744
01:28:09,320 --> 01:28:12,120
Speaker 1: What's the point and the impact there are you helping.

1745
01:28:12,200 --> 01:28:13,720
Speaker 1: There are days when I don't get in these, like

1746
01:28:13,920 --> 01:28:19,040
Speaker 1: Twitter conversations. I just let everybody debate and you know,

1747
01:28:19,120 --> 01:28:21,760
Speaker 1: my mention stay empty and dry. But the days where

1748
01:28:21,760 --> 01:28:25,160
Speaker 1: I do get involved or I say something, it really

1749
01:28:25,160 --> 01:28:27,960
Speaker 1: resonates with certain people. Not everybody, but there are people

1750
01:28:27,960 --> 01:28:32,559
Speaker 1: who resonates with And when I see that, when I

1751
01:28:32,600 --> 01:28:36,760
Speaker 1: see that it's really being received, I'm like, Okay, this

1752
01:28:36,800 --> 01:28:38,720
Speaker 1: is a converse. These are conversations. I'm supposed to be

1753
01:28:38,760 --> 01:28:40,439
Speaker 1: a part of it. And as easy as it would

1754
01:28:40,479 --> 01:28:42,800
Speaker 1: be just to dip out and not participate, I just

1755
01:28:42,840 --> 01:28:46,240
Speaker 1: don't feel like that's part of my journey. Like I

1756
01:28:46,640 --> 01:28:50,080
Speaker 1: got this big amount for reason. It's intentional. I love

1757
01:28:50,160 --> 01:28:53,800
Speaker 1: that Nina. Listen as we close out this show, I

1758
01:28:53,880 --> 01:28:57,160
Speaker 1: just want to celebrate you. I celebrate you in private

1759
01:28:57,160 --> 01:29:00,280
Speaker 1: a lot, and I'm like, probably the number one always

1760
01:29:00,320 --> 01:29:02,800
Speaker 1: on your Twitter and in your d MS, like yes,

1761
01:29:03,680 --> 01:29:06,600
Speaker 1: but listen, I I want to celebrate you on my

1762
01:29:06,720 --> 01:29:09,639
Speaker 1: platform in front of the people that are listening. And

1763
01:29:09,680 --> 01:29:12,040
Speaker 1: just let you know that I think you are such

1764
01:29:12,080 --> 01:29:16,360
Speaker 1: a phenomenal woman, and I am so grateful and blessed

1765
01:29:16,400 --> 01:29:18,080
Speaker 1: not just to have you in my life, but I'm

1766
01:29:18,120 --> 01:29:20,120
Speaker 1: just so grateful and blessed that you exist for the

1767
01:29:20,160 --> 01:29:23,599
Speaker 1: world because I think the impact that you're making, you're

1768
01:29:23,640 --> 01:29:27,479
Speaker 1: not even going to fully understand the depths of it

1769
01:29:27,560 --> 01:29:29,720
Speaker 1: and the range of it until you're looking back in

1770
01:29:29,760 --> 01:29:34,400
Speaker 1: twenty years. And I think you're right, especially because I'm

1771
01:29:34,439 --> 01:29:36,800
Speaker 1: so hard on myself, and it's even sometimes hard when

1772
01:29:36,800 --> 01:29:39,840
Speaker 1: you compliment me, because I'm like, oh, I'm not doing that.

1773
01:29:40,120 --> 01:29:42,479
Speaker 1: I saw you typen up, like you got uncomfortable, like

1774
01:29:42,479 --> 01:29:45,400
Speaker 1: like even right now you're crying like yourself off. I

1775
01:29:45,400 --> 01:29:50,400
Speaker 1: don't know your heart except this love like you are.

1776
01:29:50,560 --> 01:29:54,040
Speaker 1: You're just a phenomenal woman, and I love like I

1777
01:29:54,080 --> 01:29:55,880
Speaker 1: know you in my personal life, and I think that

1778
01:29:55,920 --> 01:29:59,080
Speaker 1: you're you're just an incredible friend. You're always there. You're

1779
01:29:59,120 --> 01:30:02,200
Speaker 1: like you will show up when I need you and

1780
01:30:02,240 --> 01:30:05,640
Speaker 1: I and I can respect when you're unable to, you know,

1781
01:30:06,240 --> 01:30:09,479
Speaker 1: but in the world, in the form of what you do,

1782
01:30:09,960 --> 01:30:12,960
Speaker 1: you carry yourself with the standard of excellence and this

1783
01:30:13,080 --> 01:30:17,160
Speaker 1: level of integrity that I think is just it's just

1784
01:30:17,280 --> 01:30:20,519
Speaker 1: stunning to watch, and I think it's giving not just

1785
01:30:20,680 --> 01:30:23,479
Speaker 1: permission to the people that want to stand up and

1786
01:30:23,520 --> 01:30:26,320
Speaker 1: being a space like you, but it's giving them the

1787
01:30:26,360 --> 01:30:29,400
Speaker 1: actual blueprint of how to do it the right way,

1788
01:30:30,000 --> 01:30:32,280
Speaker 1: even in this day and age where that's very hard

1789
01:30:32,320 --> 01:30:35,920
Speaker 1: to understand, especially a lot of young women are being

1790
01:30:35,960 --> 01:30:38,200
Speaker 1: pulled in these different ways that they think are the

1791
01:30:38,240 --> 01:30:42,360
Speaker 1: best way to get attention that ultimately or not going

1792
01:30:42,400 --> 01:30:45,000
Speaker 1: to get them close to their dreams. But you are

1793
01:30:45,080 --> 01:30:48,559
Speaker 1: a great blueprint for that of just showing someone how

1794
01:30:48,600 --> 01:30:52,600
Speaker 1: to show up as your authentic self in all moments,

1795
01:30:53,080 --> 01:30:55,519
Speaker 1: no matter who it's in front of, and just how

1796
01:30:55,560 --> 01:30:58,599
Speaker 1: to have such a high level of personal integrity. So

1797
01:30:58,920 --> 01:31:02,240
Speaker 1: I'm just grateful for you. I'm I love you, I

1798
01:31:02,280 --> 01:31:06,160
Speaker 1: celebrate you keep me grounded and just I think Van

1799
01:31:06,280 --> 01:31:08,000
Speaker 1: Leathan had tweeted the other day that you got him

1800
01:31:08,000 --> 01:31:10,320
Speaker 1: together in like fifteen minutes or something, and I think

1801
01:31:10,320 --> 01:31:12,240
Speaker 1: I tweeted, like, she's good for that, and you are,

1802
01:31:12,240 --> 01:31:14,599
Speaker 1: like you are you allow me to kind of sometimes

1803
01:31:14,640 --> 01:31:18,360
Speaker 1: emotionally vomit on you and just kind of like, oh,

1804
01:31:18,920 --> 01:31:20,800
Speaker 1: I feel like you ground me because you keep me,

1805
01:31:20,840 --> 01:31:23,519
Speaker 1: you checked me, But you also like you'll say, no, look,

1806
01:31:23,520 --> 01:31:25,519
Speaker 1: you did this right, this you could work on like

1807
01:31:25,600 --> 01:31:26,880
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, And I think we all

1808
01:31:26,960 --> 01:31:30,680
Speaker 1: need somebody like that who you know. Just it's just

1809
01:31:30,720 --> 01:31:33,559
Speaker 1: talking to you feels like a nice massage and such

1810
01:31:33,600 --> 01:31:40,120
Speaker 1: a girl my Instagram girl, It's true. You give a

1811
01:31:40,160 --> 01:31:43,120
Speaker 1: little soul massage to your friends and we need that.

1812
01:31:43,280 --> 01:31:44,880
Speaker 1: So it's just, you know, it's good to have a

1813
01:31:44,880 --> 01:31:47,599
Speaker 1: good tribe. And I'm so happy that I'm a part

1814
01:31:47,640 --> 01:31:49,680
Speaker 1: of yours and you're a part of mine. Yes, I

1815
01:31:49,680 --> 01:31:52,760
Speaker 1: see you, I love you. Thank you. It's been a

1816
01:31:52,800 --> 01:31:56,640
Speaker 1: Dropping Gems podcast. Peace, big thank you for listening to

1817
01:31:56,720 --> 01:32:00,000
Speaker 1: this episode of the Dropping Gems podcast. This show's exactly

1818
01:32:00,000 --> 01:32:03,840
Speaker 1: to produced by Adrian Scott and me Debbie Brown. Our

1819
01:32:03,920 --> 01:32:06,519
Speaker 1: theme music was created by producer Day one, and the

1820
01:32:06,560 --> 01:32:08,160
Speaker 1: poem that you heard at the beginning of the show,

1821
01:32:08,200 --> 01:32:10,719
Speaker 1: well that was created especially for us by award winning

1822
01:32:10,720 --> 01:32:13,880
Speaker 1: poet Nambie Okaf. Do you have a quick moment right now,

1823
01:32:14,080 --> 01:32:16,720
Speaker 1: please hit subscribe on the show and if you like

1824
01:32:16,800 --> 01:32:19,040
Speaker 1: what you heard, take it a step further and give

1825
01:32:19,120 --> 01:32:21,840
Speaker 1: us a five star rating. Until next time you connect

1826
01:32:21,880 --> 01:32:24,200
Speaker 1: with me on I g at Debbie Brown or my

1827
01:32:24,280 --> 01:32:26,839
Speaker 1: website Debbie brown dot com be blessed