Speaker 1: Hell I Suck At Dating with de Youngler and Jared
Speaker 1: Haven and I heard radio podcast What's going On? Everyone?
Speaker 1: Welcome to an all new episode of Help I Suck
Speaker 1: At Dating. Um. I first want to take a second
Speaker 1: and apologize for last week, but I think that my
Speaker 1: absence actually ended up benefiting the podcast in a lot
Speaker 1: of ways because Caitlyn and Caroline and Jared all did
Speaker 1: a great job. But this week's episode is going to
Speaker 1: be even better, if you can believe it. We have
Speaker 1: our favorite Heather Martin joining us. Heather, what's going on?
Speaker 1: What's going on? As it's been a long time. It
Speaker 1: has been a long time, at least like two months,
Speaker 1: I know, I think more than that. No, you're right,
Speaker 1: You're right, it's been a little bit longer than that. Well, Jared, also,
Speaker 1: I want to say, how do you Hi? Jared, haven't
Speaker 1: talked to you in a while. Hi, Gene. I know
Speaker 1: it's been a while. I'm still obviously in the coffee
Speaker 1: shop right now. Things are good. I'm a little sleep deprived,
Speaker 1: that's what happens with a kid. But Dawson's doing well.
Speaker 1: He had his first well yet. He had a pediatrician
Speaker 1: appointment this morning. His first one in Rhode Island because
Speaker 1: the other ones have been in Virginia, and they said
Speaker 1: that he's measuring in the PenTile in height, So I'm
Speaker 1: hoping this it's so like he might be six four.
Speaker 1: Everybody's saying he's got big hands, and this kid might
Speaker 1: be Tom Brady two point on. I'm just I'm just
Speaker 1: throwing it out there. You're right, you know, when you
Speaker 1: know when the NFL or the NBA do is that
Speaker 1: does their way too early predictions for next season. That's
Speaker 1: what this sounds like. It sounds like it's a little
Speaker 1: too early to be making these kind of predictions. But hey,
Speaker 1: more power to you if it happened. I know, you
Speaker 1: know he's only five weeks old, then he's already five ten.
Speaker 1: You gotta you gotta put a football in the baby's
Speaker 1: hands asap. Come on, do you think that the thing
Speaker 1: is velcrow to him? But how are are you doing?
Speaker 1: What's going on with you? I have to say, first, Jared,
Speaker 1: I don't think babies are that cute normally, and your
Speaker 1: baby is so cute. Yeah, he's kind of the cutest
Speaker 1: thing ever. And I don't just throw that out there
Speaker 1: with babies, I think most of the time. They're like,
Speaker 1: like people just say they're cute because like your parents,
Speaker 1: but you have a cute baby. Oh well thank you.
Speaker 1: Ashley and I say the same thing all the time,
Speaker 1: and we're like, is it us are biased because it
Speaker 1: came from us, so we love it more than others.
Speaker 1: But everybody says that he's a really cute baby, so
Speaker 1: there's some valided he's very cute. Babies five weeks old? Justum,
Speaker 1: catch up to see again on that real quick. So
Speaker 1: five weeks I helped my I helped my brother's uh
Speaker 1: five week old baby. I think, uh about when was
Speaker 1: your baby born? Jan He was February fourth, Okay, so
Speaker 1: his baby is five days behind your baby, and I've
Speaker 1: never I was telling him about this and I think
Speaker 1: the baby came out like a week early too, so um,
Speaker 1: you know, not underside what was a little undersized, but
Speaker 1: not like unhealthy undersize or anything like that. Um. All
Speaker 1: the babies you see like movies and stuff are all
Speaker 1: like probably like six to twelve months old, right, so
Speaker 1: they're like big and fat and like chru big looking. Um,
Speaker 1: but newborn babies are like kind of weird looking. A
Speaker 1: lot of newborns, no that's the first. That's the first
Speaker 1: like new baby I've ever been around, Like within the
Speaker 1: first you should see. You should see the kid when
Speaker 1: he first comes out. You you want to see weird
Speaker 1: looking it's he was a cone head because like when
Speaker 1: Dawson came out, Dude, he's purple head to toe. He
Speaker 1: looks like Fanos from Avengers. And then his head is
Speaker 1: like pointing in the back. It's pretty jarring. You're like,
Speaker 1: holy sh your head to go back to like normal shape.
Speaker 1: It honestly started going back, honestly that night it started
Speaker 1: getting normal. And then his it's weird. So he's got
Speaker 1: a soft spot on the top of his head and
Speaker 1: the back of his head. So the back of the
Speaker 1: head will be hardened by like four months, but the
Speaker 1: top of the head stays soft like the first fifteen
Speaker 1: months of his life. Mhlways, it's really Badfully, I want
Speaker 1: to squeeze babies heads. And I know it's like the
Speaker 1: cutest softest thing. It's like dangerous. Oh it's so dangerous,
Speaker 1: Like it's there is this really it is very real.
Speaker 1: You know how people are like something so cute you
Speaker 1: just want to like shake it. It's a very real thing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like, yeah, kissing him from up and down and
Speaker 1: like tickling him, and like, I can tell that he's
Speaker 1: not enjoying it. He's not at that age where he's
Speaker 1: like enjoying tickles. But I can't help myself. I'm like, bro,
Speaker 1: I just gotta like, I gotta tickle your feet. I
Speaker 1: can't help myself. I've never heard of cute aggression, but
Speaker 1: I see where you're coming from. I do the same
Speaker 1: thing with dogs all the time. I'm like, I just
Speaker 1: want to squeeze the living out of you, but I
Speaker 1: know I can't do that obviously. Yeah, I just want
Speaker 1: to hurt it because it's just so cute. I know.
Speaker 1: It's the thing some people have that some people don't.
Speaker 1: I don't get how you can't have it, but it's
Speaker 1: a real thing. I judge people who walk by dogs
Speaker 1: and don't want to stick their face in them. Fully
Speaker 1: put your face and that dog's fur. What happens whenever
Speaker 1: stranger comes up to Lois and just show is his
Speaker 1: face in her for that kind of weird you will
Speaker 1: bite them. Yeah, Heather Phillis in what's going on? Where
Speaker 1: have you been? What have you been up to? Honestly,
Speaker 1: it's kind of been sambled, same wled. Nothing too crazy
Speaker 1: new the past few months. My my sister actually moved,
Speaker 1: which has been sad. I like the first one of
Speaker 1: us three. She's gone, like my best friend, so that's
Speaker 1: been sad. But she's back to visit this week, so
Speaker 1: that's fun. Um, you're still in southern California, right, yea,
Speaker 1: silen North County, San Diego. Carl's bad. I love it here.
Speaker 1: It's been so nice. It was like seventy six yesterday. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Are you You're not twin sisters, right, but you guys
Speaker 1: are just really close. Yeah, we're all two years apart,
Speaker 1: so I'm in the middle of three and we all
Speaker 1: cheers a part. But me and my little sister looked
Speaker 1: a lot like where did she moved to? Do you know?
Speaker 1: She had to boise her boyfriends. Her boyfriends there, so
Speaker 1: they're going to get married soon, get engaged pretty soon. Excited,
Speaker 1: tell her to tell her it's not too late. Dean,
Speaker 1: Are you do you have baby fever? Because Caitlyn last
Speaker 1: week in the podcast said that you might be getting
Speaker 1: baby fever ever after holding your brother's kid. She said
Speaker 1: that on with no grounds, There's no way I like
Speaker 1: didn't even talk to her about the baby. I just
Speaker 1: sent her a picture of me holding the baby and
Speaker 1: she probably formulated this whole I don't know idea in
Speaker 1: her head. Um. So we did talk. We did talk
Speaker 1: about babies the other day. Though I said I would
Speaker 1: I would be because I'm not. I'm pretty anti baby
Speaker 1: at the moment. But I told her if I ever
Speaker 1: get like a job and we've got a lot more
Speaker 1: financial security, then I'm more open to having the conversation
Speaker 1: about babies. But the uncertainty is really what the thing
Speaker 1: that scares me the most about having a child. Do
Speaker 1: you think that's going to happen? Though no, I don't.
Speaker 1: You know what's really funny he talks about financial and
Speaker 1: not being financially secured. As Calen last week of the
Speaker 1: podcast was like, yeah, we're thinking about buying in l A.
Speaker 1: We also have the house in Bagh. Short term, short
Speaker 1: term we're fine, We're chill, and short term I're talking
Speaker 1: like ten years down the line. I don't know we're
Speaker 1: gonna be flipping burgers at McDonald's in twenty years. I
Speaker 1: feel like, I think you're going to be fine. I
Speaker 1: I have faith, all right. Well, anyways, back to back
Speaker 1: to Heather, Back to Heather. No, I love to hear
Speaker 1: about when the baby's coming. Are you last time we
Speaker 1: talked to you, I think you said you were talking
Speaker 1: to some guy. Right. Are you dating? What's this? What's
Speaker 1: the update on your love life? Um? No, I currently No,
Speaker 1: not at the moment. I was. Yeah, recently, I'm not
Speaker 1: very timely that I'm on this podcast. I feel like
Speaker 1: I've come to the realization I really do suck a dating.
Speaker 1: I feel like You've got a lot to unpack their Phillison,
Speaker 1: what's going on? It's just you, me and Dan. Nobody
Speaker 1: else is here listening. No, I just know so I
Speaker 1: was talking to someone for dating someone for a few months. Um,
Speaker 1: And I think I just have come to realize, like
Speaker 1: I'm just really bad at like communicating um my emotions
Speaker 1: and my feelings towards people. I think I think he
Speaker 1: was super He's like the best guy ever, Like seriously,
Speaker 1: one of the best guys I've ever met, amazing, And
Speaker 1: he was super open and forward with his emotions and
Speaker 1: just like very expressive. And I think for my whole life,
Speaker 1: I've like I have such a fear of like hurting
Speaker 1: people are rejecting people or like that's just like my
Speaker 1: biggest fear, like makes you want to die. So I
Speaker 1: think I've always held back my feelings or emotions um
Speaker 1: out of that fear. And I think, um, in this
Speaker 1: situation where I actually like someone, I just kind of
Speaker 1: went back to my old habits of doing that, and
Speaker 1: I think that kind of um hurt me in the
Speaker 1: long run. It seems like you both really liked each
Speaker 1: other because you made it seem like he was very
Speaker 1: forward with his feelings his intentions, which makes me sound
Speaker 1: makes it feel like he said he wanted a relationship
Speaker 1: or he saw this going long term. Yes, so are
Speaker 1: you saying that maybe you like this guy more than
Speaker 1: you were leading on? And if so, why were you
Speaker 1: holding back in the beginning? I don't want to know.
Speaker 1: Two incluyees of the situation. The situation was very complicated,
Speaker 1: um one, with everything going on with just yeah, just
Speaker 1: in general, um so, I think I went in with
Speaker 1: a lot more fears than I normally would. But I
Speaker 1: also think, naturally, I'm just so guarded in general. So
Speaker 1: I think it like compounded on each other those two things,
Speaker 1: um so, and it made me I think, naturally, I
Speaker 1: just don't actress my feelings because it's like a fear
Speaker 1: of mine. I have like a million rolls. And then
Speaker 1: on top of that, the situation was kind of complicated,
Speaker 1: so I just really held back and he was so
Speaker 1: and I think I didn't even realize how much I
Speaker 1: was holding back until um until the end and I
Speaker 1: was like, dang it, Heather, like what's wrong with you?
Speaker 1: And um? And you might have mentioned this was it
Speaker 1: your decision or his decision or was it's it's it's
Speaker 1: a uh, the situation is so are like I can't
Speaker 1: even get into the whole situation. But it was kind
Speaker 1: of just like I was not, um expressing my emotions
Speaker 1: in the way that I probably should, and I think
Speaker 1: it was like kind of hurting him. Um, what's holding
Speaker 1: you back from expressing your emotions? Now? I think I
Speaker 1: think I have now. I think I have now. Um,
Speaker 1: I think he knows where I am now. But I
Speaker 1: think it was just yeah, and this is all very
Speaker 1: new and there's not awkward. I just there's just like
Speaker 1: a lot It's really not award. There's just a lot.
Speaker 1: There's a lot um lots of different factors that are
Speaker 1: involved that Yeah, how do you guys it sounds like too,
Speaker 1: that there's a chance that you guys might rekindle or
Speaker 1: I'm way off base. Yeah I could be wrong, but
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know. Maybe it's so fresh, but
Speaker 1: it's possibly. Like I mean, I think we ended both
Speaker 1: um obviously still have lots of feelings involved. But yeah,
Speaker 1: when you say fresh, it sounds like you like called
Speaker 1: him right before this podcast. Okay, yeah, just bawling. Can
Speaker 1: you say how you guys met? Uh. Let me put
Speaker 1: it this way. Everybody listening is assuming that this guy
Speaker 1: is from the shows. That's what. Oh I wasn't assuming
Speaker 1: that either, and I was. I was because when you
Speaker 1: kept saying it was so overly complicated or there's a
Speaker 1: lot of factors, I was like, I wonder if this
Speaker 1: guy's like asked to go on Paradise or something. It's
Speaker 1: a more complicated than that. Well, we love complicated, we
Speaker 1: love bizarre. So I mean, this is the place to
Speaker 1: events and get it all out there. There is free
Speaker 1: therapy session, no names, no names, we'll call him. We'll
Speaker 1: call him John x UM. But that's I guess that's
Speaker 1: good news. It's good news in the sense that you're like,
Speaker 1: you know, you're starting to dial in those emotions and
Speaker 1: understand them a little bit better. I feel like, right,
Speaker 1: that's it with positive takeaway for sure. I think this
Speaker 1: has truly been like a really growing experience for me
Speaker 1: and like realizing um my flaws in a lot of
Speaker 1: ways that I don't think I realized that, like didn't
Speaker 1: realize to the extent. It seems like you're putting a
Speaker 1: lot of blame on yourself, which I can't help but
Speaker 1: think that you might be a little too hard on yourself,
Speaker 1: you know. I mean, let's ask the honest question. Do
Speaker 1: you think that there might have been things that he
Speaker 1: could have done better as well? Uh? No, I truly
Speaker 1: do like this guy's I don't I don't know. He's
Speaker 1: not saying it's me either. It wasn't like him like
Speaker 1: saying this isn't it's like eating like dang it, like
Speaker 1: I messed up because I truly, I truly feel like
Speaker 1: it was um But the situation is complicated, Like I
Speaker 1: think it wasn't for the situation that it wouldn't event
Speaker 1: the same results. But I do think my lack of
Speaker 1: communication skills was probably what with the whole with everything
Speaker 1: going on, is what. Yeah, it was the major issue.
Speaker 1: It sounds like there's something something's afoot, something so curious
Speaker 1: right now, Like now my mind is going in all
Speaker 1: the cogressions. I'm like, this guy's married, has has another family.
Speaker 1: That that's me. Sure, I'm a home wriner. No, no,
Speaker 1: but that's where our mind goes, at least for a
Speaker 1: brief second, and we're like, wait, no, no, that's not
Speaker 1: that's not that's not Heather. So I guess all we're
Speaker 1: left to do is fill in the blanks for yourself,
Speaker 1: which you know, that's kind of how it should be,
Speaker 1: I think at the end of the day anyways, But
Speaker 1: you're doing You're doing good. That's let me ask you
Speaker 1: how there. So, I'm sure a lot of people are
Speaker 1: going through similar situation that you are right now post breakup,
Speaker 1: so or I don't know if you're broken up, but
Speaker 1: post whatever the hell's going on right now? What are
Speaker 1: you focusing on now? How do you get your mindset
Speaker 1: out of focusing on this other person and focusing on
Speaker 1: either their future without them, or yourself or multiple factors. Um,
Speaker 1: that's a hard question. I think I honestly, I'm focusing
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm just moving forward with my life. I
Speaker 1: think it's kind of hard. I think it's been kind
Speaker 1: of a hard situation to move forward with the kind
Speaker 1: of like the limbo of like ending of like both
Speaker 1: still very much have feelings, but also like this is
Speaker 1: kind of the best choice right now. So I think
Speaker 1: that's been hard. I think just focusing on like can't
Speaker 1: linger on that, but also like how can I move forward?
Speaker 1: How can I grow from the situation, and then thinking
Speaker 1: like I just I think I just go back my
Speaker 1: faith and like I think God has planned. I think
Speaker 1: there's a plan in this, and I think it's going
Speaker 1: to all work out the way it's supposed to. Um,
Speaker 1: So just working through that and praying through that, and
Speaker 1: I think that's kind of what I've been relying on,
Speaker 1: to be honest, nice, No, I respect that. So, um,
Speaker 1: what do you think your next movie is gonna be
Speaker 1: just kind of like lay low and take time for
Speaker 1: yourself or uh yeah as far as dating goes, Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think just take a day by day and figure
Speaker 1: it out. I have no idea. Um, I think you
Speaker 1: should jump right back into it. I think that we Well.
Speaker 1: The reason I say that is for multiple reasons, first
Speaker 1: and foremost, to make this guy jealous. I think we
Speaker 1: need I think because from what you've been telling me,
Speaker 1: you're looking I know, it seems like you're looking in
Speaker 1: word right now. What he said, this is the worst
Speaker 1: advice I've ever heard. Let me finish my piece of
Speaker 1: advice and then you can criticize it. It seems that
Speaker 1: you've been looking inward a lot about things that you've
Speaker 1: been doing wrong, things that you can approve on within
Speaker 1: a relationship, all great things. Having said that, it also
Speaker 1: sounds like you've expressed your feelings towards this person. So
Speaker 1: if you do maybe want to rekindle things, I think
Speaker 1: a great way it is just to go back out
Speaker 1: there and start dating, and who knows, you might meet
Speaker 1: Mr Perfect or maybe you know, he finds out that
Speaker 1: you're dating other people and then it's like, oh, I
Speaker 1: can't you know, let her go. I need to woo
Speaker 1: her back. I think before Heather, uh, before Heather speaks,
Speaker 1: I think that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard of.
Speaker 1: That that takes the kig. That's number one, And the
Speaker 1: reason being is she's just got done telling us how
Speaker 1: complicated the situation was. The last thing she needs to
Speaker 1: go and do is make it more complicated by dating
Speaker 1: a bunch of other guys and making him jealous. I'm
Speaker 1: an agent of chaos. Tein, I see that you're a monster.
Speaker 1: Because now I'm settled down with a kid and a wife,
Speaker 1: I need to live vicariously through other people. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: let's let's mess this situation up, Heather. How can you
Speaker 1: do us the favorite next time you have a conversation
Speaker 1: with the guy or just to go on a date,
Speaker 1: can you like instagram live it so you can just
Speaker 1: go along you two in friends? Perfect? Yeah? So what
Speaker 1: are your intentions with Heather? Would be like your big
Speaker 1: brothers since you don't have any brothers. Perfect? I need
Speaker 1: that for sure. Oh gosh um. Yeah, I honestly hate dating.
Speaker 1: I think I've told you guys before, So, like I
Speaker 1: don't just go on dates to date people ever, Like
Speaker 1: that just sounds like miserable to me. So I mean,
Speaker 1: I will date people if I feel like there could
Speaker 1: be potential here, but just going on a date, just
Speaker 1: just getting back out there, just like I just can't.
Speaker 1: I just actually cannot. What's your least favorite part of dating?
Speaker 1: I think I just hate I hate like just having
Speaker 1: to say no to people, like because I think I
Speaker 1: know pretty much like before like just talking to someone
Speaker 1: for like five minutes if it's going to be yes
Speaker 1: or no, and so like saying yes to someone having
Speaker 1: to go through a dinner and be like at the
Speaker 1: end or whatever later I have to like actually know,
Speaker 1: like that's just torture. Like I hate It's the worst. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the first and I feel well, I feel like, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, one, women have to do it more than men.
Speaker 1: Uh and too obviously you're you're very pretty, so I'm
Speaker 1: sure you've had to do it a lot more than
Speaker 1: someone like myself has to do it in the past,
Speaker 1: so I can only imagine. But everybody always says, like
Speaker 1: when they ask like about bachelor, you know, is it
Speaker 1: worse to break up with someone or is it worse
Speaker 1: to be broken up with? And I feel like everybody
Speaker 1: always says it's way worse to break up with someone
Speaker 1: because then you have the guilt on your shoulders. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's just terrible. It's the worst. Yeah, I hate it
Speaker 1: so much. I mean, being broken up with it can't
Speaker 1: be fun either, but pretty pretty sucky. But yeah, it's terrible.
Speaker 1: But we still don't know what happened with you, guys.
Speaker 1: We don't know who broke up with you, and I
Speaker 1: think you know what, let's live with a veil of
Speaker 1: mystery over it, perhaps because maybe some things are better
Speaker 1: left than them. Yeah, I agree, But if you want
Speaker 1: to tell us we're all I think that it would
Speaker 1: be like probably a three our conversation if I went
Speaker 1: into the details. I think we could. We could break
Speaker 1: up this podcast into like three segments. Well, we'll get um,
Speaker 1: we'll get HBO involved, will make a mini series out
Speaker 1: of it. Perfect. All right, welcome back to Help I
Speaker 1: Suck at Dating. We're gonna get into emails before we
Speaker 1: wrap out this podcast, Dean's favorite part of the episode.
Speaker 1: We have emails. Uh, Mark, I know you were there earlier.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if you're still here, but if you're
Speaker 1: out in the Help I Suck At Dating Universe more,
Speaker 1: I'm excited to be here and I can't wait to
Speaker 1: read these emails. Can I just have one question for you? Mark?
Speaker 1: Very quickly? Yes, yes or no? On Aaron Rodgers, do
Speaker 1: you want to back? Oh man, It's not as simple
Speaker 1: as that, but you know it's funny about a year
Speaker 1: ago you said to me, like, what do you think
Speaker 1: of your quarterbacks? And asshole and I was like, whoa, hey,
Speaker 1: easy there. But now now the whole world knows that
Speaker 1: that is an accurate statement. Yes, yes, I was right.
Speaker 1: It looks like he's coming back, so I'll say, let's
Speaker 1: bring him back. It doesn't look like dying in that camp.
Speaker 1: And I think he's going back to Green Bay. Congratulations.
Speaker 1: I haven't spoken to you since Dawson was born. To congratulations.
Speaker 1: I hope everything's going well. And I think I love
Speaker 1: the pictures on Instagram. I think you're a great dad.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be really great. Nice Mark. I appreciate buddy.
Speaker 1: Good Buddy. This is anonymous. I got engaged, so the
Speaker 1: best guy in the world on Christmas, and I'm planning
Speaker 1: out wedding for my fiance is very laid back and
Speaker 1: doesn't have any major opinions on the wedding, but I
Speaker 1: want some male input. Jared, your wedding looked incredible. What
Speaker 1: were the best parts and was there anything you would
Speaker 1: have done differently? Or don't think it's super important to
Speaker 1: put energy or money into Dean and Heather. From your
Speaker 1: perspective as a wedding guest, what makes a great wedding? Uh,
Speaker 1: that's a good question. I do think our wedding was incredible.
Speaker 1: I'm a little biased. I would say the best parts were, uh,
Speaker 1: being surrounded by the people that we loved the most
Speaker 1: under one roof, because you know, yeah, here's Here's my
Speaker 1: point is that one of the hardest parts of the
Speaker 1: wedding is the guest list. So make sure that you
Speaker 1: invite the people you want to invite and don't feel
Speaker 1: bad about the people that not necessarily you don't love
Speaker 1: or don't wouldn't want to be there. But everybody has
Speaker 1: a cap everybody has a budget, so there's only a
Speaker 1: certain amount of people you can invite. So that would
Speaker 1: be my advice is making sure that the people that
Speaker 1: you want to be there are there, because that was Honestly,
Speaker 1: my favorite part is the fact that like Dean was
Speaker 1: at the wedding and also my cousin from you know, Coventry,
Speaker 1: and it's so crazy that I love them both and
Speaker 1: they're both huge parts of my lives, but yet they've
Speaker 1: never met, never interacted, and it's so like to have
Speaker 1: those moments where I felt like my my separate lives
Speaker 1: came together was probably the best part for me. For
Speaker 1: money purposes, I mean, just put money into the things
Speaker 1: that you desperately want. Uh. I. Of course you have
Speaker 1: a budget and you want to save money, but like
Speaker 1: if there's something that you've always dreamt of, whether it
Speaker 1: be a band or a certain moment, a wedding cake,
Speaker 1: I would really prioritize and put money into the things
Speaker 1: that you really wanted and the things that you're kind
Speaker 1: of indifferent about than just don't worry about those things.
Speaker 1: Really focus on the moments and and and and um,
Speaker 1: you know, the the parts of the wedding that you
Speaker 1: really want to spend money on. That's my best advice, um,
Speaker 1: my advice. My favorite thing about Jared's wedding was, without
Speaker 1: a doubt, the open bar. So that's my advice is
Speaker 1: if you're gonna have a wedding, have an open bar.
Speaker 1: I think my favorite part of the wedding is I
Speaker 1: think think the most important is the DJ to like
Speaker 1: a good m C and a good DJ to like
Speaker 1: get the crowd going and dancing, because I feel like
Speaker 1: you don't remember the decor, You don't remember anything like
Speaker 1: you do remember like the dance bar. So for me,
Speaker 1: so it's my favorite. For sure, Mark, do you remember
Speaker 1: anything about your wedding? It was twenty years ago this summer.
Speaker 1: As a matter of fact, U, yes, remember a lot.
Speaker 1: And I was just reading. Actually recently a woman posted
Speaker 1: something about what she wasted money on that she would
Speaker 1: like to tell brides, don't waste your money on this.
Speaker 1: So how perfect isn't do these her wedding shoes. No
Speaker 1: one ever saw them because they were under the dress.
Speaker 1: She spent so much money on her wedding shoes. She'll
Speaker 1: never wear them again and no one ever saw them.
Speaker 1: Waste the money. Also, the invitations, they're going right in
Speaker 1: the garbage. There's really no reason. It's been a lot
Speaker 1: of money on invitations. And also she said she got
Speaker 1: like a special fragrance for the big day and it
Speaker 1: was really expensive and nobody noticed that. Nobody cares. So
Speaker 1: those are things maybe don't worry about. But I do
Speaker 1: have advice for your fiance, and this is an advice
Speaker 1: for all guys who are getting married. If you are
Speaker 1: asked for your opinion, give it. The last thing they
Speaker 1: want to hear is I don't care. Whatever, I don't care,
Speaker 1: you do it, it's fun. Whatever. Don't do that. Give
Speaker 1: an opinion now, if you have a difference of opinion.
Speaker 1: She wins but have an opinion. Yeah, I agree with you,
Speaker 1: but also, at least in my relationship, my opinion really
Speaker 1: doesn't matter because I, as Mark said, if I have
Speaker 1: a different opinion. A perfect example is there we just
Speaker 1: bought this I don't know Ottoman or I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's something that's in the living room and I was like, well,
Speaker 1: I don't like that, because she's like do you like this?
Speaker 1: To do not like this? And I was like, well,
Speaker 1: I don't like it, and she was like, well I do,
Speaker 1: and I was like okay, and then he was there
Speaker 1: the next day. So that's how much my opinion matters. Dared,
Speaker 1: Was there anything that you guys thought about that you
Speaker 1: won over? Um? No, I think I got you know,
Speaker 1: I got lucky. You guys know that Ashley and I
Speaker 1: are usually on the same page on a lot of things.
Speaker 1: Uh So trying to think of something that because I mean,
Speaker 1: the biggest thing for me was getting married in Rhode
Speaker 1: Island and she was like, yeah, I love it, and
Speaker 1: I was like that's great, Okay, great, mine was outside.
Speaker 1: I wanted to be outside, so that was that worked out. Actually,
Speaker 1: it was really hot that day, so it didn't work
Speaker 1: out great, but it was a ceremony. Um. One other
Speaker 1: thing I'll say is as an audience, which is not
Speaker 1: a word, but should be as an audience. Keep you
Speaker 1: want a quicker ceremony, and then let's get to the party.
Speaker 1: I hate the gap when you guys go take pictures
Speaker 1: for an hour and a half and we're just sitting
Speaker 1: there waiting for you short to show up at the reception.
Speaker 1: That's super boring. Quicker reception, keep it moving, make it
Speaker 1: unique to you, not like a fill in the blank thing.
Speaker 1: Make it feel like you, guys and things that you like,
Speaker 1: and then get to that reception quickly. Yeah. But if
Speaker 1: there's an open bar in that meantime, you know, in
Speaker 1: that purgatory phase, then take what else we got Mark.
Speaker 1: This is from Lily Dan. It's for you cool. Dana
Speaker 1: said a few times that he almost did not go
Speaker 1: back to Paradise to ask Klin to leave with him,
Speaker 1: and that he was going to wait until Calin left
Speaker 1: the show and then just mess did her Dean, when
Speaker 1: you made the decision, did you already know that Calin
Speaker 1: was seeing someone else? What do you think would have
Speaker 1: happened if you had not gone back? Would you be
Speaker 1: together today? Dean? Also said that he sent a long
Speaker 1: message to Carolin before its tiden to go back. What
Speaker 1: did you say in that message? Oh, that's funny. I
Speaker 1: I could probably pull it up. It would take a
Speaker 1: while to find though. Um did I know that Calin
Speaker 1: was seeing someone else? I think the reason I left
Speaker 1: was because I wanted her. Well, we, me and another
Speaker 1: person there had decided it was probably in Caylin's best
Speaker 1: interest for me to leave, so that way she could
Speaker 1: fully pursue a relationship with someone that she was excited
Speaker 1: to me. Does that make sense? Uh? It really self
Speaker 1: was moved with me, if I do say so myself. Uh.
Speaker 1: And then the other one was what do you think
Speaker 1: would have happened if I had not gone back? So yeah,
Speaker 1: as you alluded to, I sent her a message and uh,
Speaker 1: when you get put down there, I think all three
Speaker 1: of us can attest to this is when you're down there,
Speaker 1: you think, like every decision you make his life or death,
Speaker 1: and there's no life outside of the bubble that you're in.
Speaker 1: But in reality, all you're there. You're there for three
Speaker 1: weeks in your home and then everything goes back to normal.
Speaker 1: But you like, it's so hard to perceptualize the fact
Speaker 1: that you can get home and like pick up your
Speaker 1: phone and call someone because you haven't had your phone
Speaker 1: in so long, and it's just like it doesn't make
Speaker 1: sense for you. Um. So I think that when we
Speaker 1: got back, like Calen would have been four days into
Speaker 1: a relationship, and I would have been able to weasel
Speaker 1: my way into it somehow, I guess. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know if if she would have even let
Speaker 1: me do that, but uh probably would have made an
Speaker 1: effort too. And I was going to do that until
Speaker 1: I sat down with Jared and I was like, Jared,
Speaker 1: what should I do? And Jared was like, go to
Speaker 1: go go get her back. You're freaking idiot, and I
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, you're probably right, that's a good idea.
Speaker 1: I'll never forget that conversation. Yeah, in the back in
Speaker 1: the producer room at the because I walked in and
Speaker 1: I was like, Holy, you're back already, and you were
Speaker 1: like yeah, but I think I'm going back down and
Speaker 1: I was like what And then you told me what
Speaker 1: happened and then you were like, yeah, I'm gonna go
Speaker 1: back down for Calin And I was like, Okay, are
Speaker 1: you going back down to go to Paradise and the like,
Speaker 1: if you don't go with Calin, get with Calin, you're
Speaker 1: gonna stay, or you're just going for Kalin. If you
Speaker 1: don't get with her, you're gonna come back. And you're like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: we'll only going for Calin. And I was like, bro,
Speaker 1: you're going to be the White Knight. You can go
Speaker 1: on that plane, go get Kalin. And I was like,
Speaker 1: she's not going to say no, Like do you not
Speaker 1: not to you know, keep just kissing his ask. I'm like,
Speaker 1: you know, like who you are, what you look like?
Speaker 1: She's not gonna say no. You can keep too in
Speaker 1: my horn if you want. Dean, Dean, did you know
Speaker 1: when you left that you're gonna like immediately you're gonna
Speaker 1: want to dat her again? Or do you just like
Speaker 1: try to release it at all? What do you mean
Speaker 1: like when you're leaving when to her to date someone else, Like,
Speaker 1: did you think like, oh, Sho'll probably break up with
Speaker 1: that person and we'll probably date immediately? Well, No, I
Speaker 1: knew the second I got there. There was like she
Speaker 1: told me right away. She was like, yeah, I was
Speaker 1: really excited to meet this contrast guy. And I was
Speaker 1: like oh, I know. Contrast, he's always attractive, UM, he
Speaker 1: seems nice and smart, all those things that would excite
Speaker 1: you to date someone. UM. So I knew that he
Speaker 1: was coming in the next day, and my producer friend
Speaker 1: on the show knew that I, like, I wasn't really
Speaker 1: taking anything very seriously, and he was like he likes
Speaker 1: pulled me aside and he's like, do you think about it?
Speaker 1: Like you like this girl, but like you're not taking
Speaker 1: it seriously, you should leave and like give so give
Speaker 1: her the chance to be with someone that is going
Speaker 1: to take her seriously. Um. And so that was kind
Speaker 1: of the consensus where I was like, oh, you're right,
Speaker 1: you know that is it is kind of a dick
Speaker 1: move for me to be here, just I kind of
Speaker 1: waste her time. And then I left, UM and I
Speaker 1: was gone for a couple of days, and I was like,
Speaker 1: you know what, I think I am going to take
Speaker 1: this seriously. And so I texted the producer and I
Speaker 1: was like, we made the wrong decision. I should come back,
Speaker 1: and he's like, I don't know if you can come
Speaker 1: back yet, but let me let me see if I
Speaker 1: can pull some strings and get something UM set up.
Speaker 1: And they texted me the next day. He's like, you're
Speaker 1: on a flight tonight at eight pm. You're coming back.
Speaker 1: And the thing too was I thought that they were
Speaker 1: gonna let me let us date down in Paradise. But
Speaker 1: then I got there and I was like, yeah, it's like,
Speaker 1: when I talked to her, what do I say? They're like,
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. Just make sure at the end of
Speaker 1: whatever you say, make sure you tell her that she
Speaker 1: has to leave Paradise with you right this very moment.
Speaker 1: And I was like, what. I didn't know that that
Speaker 1: was part of the deal. I thought that I was
Speaker 1: gonna like come back to the beach and like hang
Speaker 1: out for the last couple of days. The producer is
Speaker 1: you should be thanking them every day because that is
Speaker 1: an example of somebody having your best interest. Because that
Speaker 1: was the right move, and if you stayed down there,
Speaker 1: it wouldn't have been as impactful as it was. And oh,
Speaker 1: whoever that that is a friend right there, whoever, whoever
Speaker 1: told you that you're absolutely right, It made way more
Speaker 1: of a statement and it was. It was the perfect scenario.
Speaker 1: There's no question to asked, uh, And it would have
Speaker 1: been weird, like being down there while she was like,
Speaker 1: still they got like navigating any feelings with Connor, So
Speaker 1: while you're trying to find that message, dude, My favorite
Speaker 1: moment ever from Paradise I talked about on the podcast prior,
Speaker 1: but happened in that moment when you came down the
Speaker 1: stairs and looking as dashing as ever and you took
Speaker 1: Kalen to the side, and Contrast was sitting on the
Speaker 1: day bed with who is your ex? Who did you
Speaker 1: date in the first season in Paradise, Christina Christina, and uh,
Speaker 1: Contrast is like, I'm not worried. I'm not worried. No, no,
Speaker 1: I feel like we have a strunken action. And Christina
Speaker 1: looked at at Connors like have you met Dean? And
Speaker 1: he goes and she goes, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: Ashley and I turned to each other when that moment
Speaker 1: came by and was like that was awesome. He never
Speaker 1: said he never stood a chance. I don't. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't even know what. Yeah, he's doing, he's doing fine.
Speaker 1: I think he's got a girlfriend now to actually um
Speaker 1: and he's a nice guy too. It we're like not friends,
Speaker 1: but we're definitely gorged with each other. I not enemies
Speaker 1: not enemies. I mean I don't have a no issue
Speaker 1: with him, But are you still trying to find the
Speaker 1: message that was I'm going through like my very first
Speaker 1: Instagram message that I sent Kalin, which is you know
Speaker 1: you like send a lot of messages here to Ashley.
Speaker 1: I'm sure right, Oh yeah, Well I'm curious how far
Speaker 1: back are you right now? Like, are you even close?
Speaker 1: I am at November nine, so I like six more
Speaker 1: months to go, but you probably talked to most on
Speaker 1: Instagram in those six months. So now you're just what
Speaker 1: do you mean we had like we basically lived lived
Speaker 1: together essentially right away. So if anthing, you probably take
Speaker 1: the lass because you know we're talking face to face.
Speaker 1: I'm close. I'm like three months away. Just give me,
Speaker 1: like give me thirty seconds. Phil a void or something
Speaker 1: someone else. He's done. It's like, I'm not gonna sit
Speaker 1: down and wait for this. Heather, will we ever see
Speaker 1: you back in Paradise? You think, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: never say never. It's it's just not for me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: in Canada a couple of years ago doing Season two.
Speaker 1: I guess so, but yeah, it's just it's just me.
Speaker 1: I just can't see it, you wouldn't want to do
Speaker 1: the Canadian version If I don't want to do it's
Speaker 1: more in what way like I did Batchel in Paradise,
Speaker 1: Australia before ashe and I were together. This is and
Speaker 1: I've heard Canada. It was all right, but it's definitely
Speaker 1: way more low key, like you can, like of a
Speaker 1: good example is you know how we told this story
Speaker 1: last week in the podcast. I'll talk very briefly on
Speaker 1: the American version. And it's like you go to bed
Speaker 1: at two in the morning, you're up by eight, there's
Speaker 1: always a camera on you, you're always miked up, but
Speaker 1: you're never left alone. This is wildly different. Like we'd
Speaker 1: wake up at like ten in the morning, I just
Speaker 1: durmed on to breakfast, no Mike's, no cameras we did.
Speaker 1: We'd hang out with everybody, talk about what happened the
Speaker 1: night before, not being filmed, and then like noon one
Speaker 1: o'clock would roll around, they'd start making you up and
Speaker 1: start filming for the day. But like by that time,
Speaker 1: it was just like it was so chill and low key.
Speaker 1: Do you feel like it made it more real or
Speaker 1: like more fake? Like when you're actually on camera. I
Speaker 1: think it didn't either, more real, It didn't really affect that.
Speaker 1: I think what it affected was the overall um entertainment value.
Speaker 1: You know. The American version is so entertaining because because
Speaker 1: we're always on camera and do stupid things, they have everything,
Speaker 1: you know, and so I feel like the other versions
Speaker 1: are just a little bit more low key, which means
Speaker 1: it's not as dramatic or as stressful or you know,
Speaker 1: you don't get as good as stuff. Totally do something
Speaker 1: to keep in mind, Heather, what is it like when
Speaker 1: you when you start dating someone and you tell them
Speaker 1: that you were on The Bachelor? Does it has it
Speaker 1: ever met with like criticism or anything? Uh? No? I
Speaker 1: mean think yeah, no, they I mean the last person
Speaker 1: that I did knew that I was. They knew before,
Speaker 1: you know. So I don't think there ever been the
Speaker 1: thing a situation where it's like to like and this
Speaker 1: I was on, you know, like I didn't never to
Speaker 1: reveal it in any sort of way. Okay, that's good,
Speaker 1: that's helpful. All right. How close are you because I
Speaker 1: was broadcast up, I was. I thought we started doing
Speaker 1: we started in I'm November nineteen, so I'm like four
Speaker 1: months away. Jared did you meet someone in Australia or no. No,
Speaker 1: I actually made I lasted there for two weeks and
Speaker 1: made it through like five verse over. It is not
Speaker 1: kissing anybody. It was quite pathetic. I don't know how
Speaker 1: the hell I did it. Did you not like anyone
Speaker 1: at all? No? There was one girl what I liked,
Speaker 1: but she was a little bit younger and unsure about
Speaker 1: what she wanted to do, and and she liked someone else,
Speaker 1: and there was like a complicated situation. So after a
Speaker 1: couple of days it just like fizzled out. And then
Speaker 1: of course, like you know, then she wanted to be
Speaker 1: with me after a while, and then it was just
Speaker 1: kind of and honestly, throughout this entire time, Uh, I
Speaker 1: was honestly thinking of Ashley, because that was the I'll
Speaker 1: never forget sitting down on a bench talking to a
Speaker 1: particular girl, and I was like, I just wish Ashley
Speaker 1: was here, so much easier and more comfortable, and just
Speaker 1: I want to be with her. And then that's you know,
Speaker 1: obviously she was filming Winter Games, and so I came
Speaker 1: back home and then she was off filming still with Dean,
Speaker 1: and uh, you know, that's where the whole thing started,
Speaker 1: don't even't do anything? Was at a turning point you
Speaker 1: think then that kind of made you realize, like, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I always kind of knew, but I think
Speaker 1: it was just another um, you know, another slap in
Speaker 1: the face being like, chard you can do something, my god, yeah,
Speaker 1: and then you did it. From then I did it,
Speaker 1: and now we have that little Dawson. He's a good one.
Speaker 1: All right. How close are you? I got it. It's funny.
Speaker 1: I haven't read it since I sent it. Oh wait,
Speaker 1: can you don't read it? Don't read it out loud.
Speaker 1: I want to hear reactions. Okay, if you want to,
Speaker 1: you don't have to. But no, it's just a little embarrassing.
Speaker 1: But I've done worse on this podcast. So uh. At
Speaker 1: June seventeen, I sent it at ten in the morning,
Speaker 1: you said, screenshot this. I'm sorry about how things had
Speaker 1: to end there. I've done some reflecting and agree with
Speaker 1: you that it was up of me to make a
Speaker 1: decision that affected us both. But I hope you know
Speaker 1: I made it because I thought it was what you
Speaker 1: needed to flourish and make the most of your time
Speaker 1: down there. I think there was still a lot left
Speaker 1: unsaid not sure where your head will be at when
Speaker 1: you make it out of there, but if you're up
Speaker 1: for it, it would be good to hear from you
Speaker 1: nothing oh, wishing you nothing but the best. And I
Speaker 1: left at my phone number. I thought at all, it's just,
Speaker 1: you know, just a little like a peek into the
Speaker 1: way that I say things to people. It's just I
Speaker 1: don't know, it's very cute. That was a lot of scrolling.
Speaker 1: Holy cow, I didn't realize how much we've message each
Speaker 1: other on Instagram. Also, how cool of it is for
Speaker 1: it to still be your Instagram all screenshot it, we'll
Speaker 1: post it on the help I suck at dating um Instagram. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we'll blur out that. Oh that's right. I'm sorry Mark
Speaker 1: for that. So okay, So there's That was the longest
Speaker 1: answer to any email question we've ever had. UM. Long
Speaker 1: story short. I'm glad I went back. I'm glad I
Speaker 1: have friends like Jared who pushed me in the right direction.
Speaker 1: I'm glad that I have a girlfriend who decided to
Speaker 1: take me back after three days of me making that decisions.
Speaker 1: So you know, it could have been a lot worse,
Speaker 1: but here we are. I was thinking of calin earlier
Speaker 1: because someone came in and talked about Cam ABC. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: and uh because they were like, oh, my favorite contestant
Speaker 1: is Cam ABC showed me which I totally forgot about.
Speaker 1: He did like a rap for his intro in Paradise
Speaker 1: that included Kalin, and I think he liked Caitlin, had
Speaker 1: a big crush on Kalin, and I was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I forgot about that. Cam. Cam is a
Speaker 1: nice guy. Um that he wrote her, He wrote her
Speaker 1: a letter. That's because they kissed, and um, Calin wasn't
Speaker 1: ashamed about it, but she just, you know, she wanted
Speaker 1: to move on past it, and so I would bring
Speaker 1: it up sometimes She's like to tease her. And he
Speaker 1: wrote her a letter and he on the letter he said,
Speaker 1: I can still taste the hell of peni a rita
Speaker 1: on your lip. And so for the longest time, I
Speaker 1: would she would taste, like take a sip of her
Speaker 1: drink and I would kiss her real quick and be like,
Speaker 1: I can still taste that peach mimosa on your lips. God,
Speaker 1: all the best of Cam. It was just a simple
Speaker 1: little tease. I guess you know he's thinking a good
Speaker 1: all right, that's gonna do it. For this week's episode
Speaker 1: of Help I Suck at Dating, We've got this new
Speaker 1: format where we're doing two a week now, so just
Speaker 1: because you listen to this one doesn't mean you're not
Speaker 1: getting another one. So I'm not sure what day, maybe
Speaker 1: like a Thursday, this is going to come out. This
Speaker 1: next one's gonna come out, so stick for that where
Speaker 1: maybe we suck just a little bit less. Follow help
Speaker 1: by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever
Speaker 1: you listen to podcast