Speaker 1: Welcome back to Golden Hour. I'm Kathy and I'm Susan.
Speaker 2: And today, normally we would start out with a catch
Speaker 2: up about what we've done in the last few days
Speaker 2: where we've traveled, but today is kind of a different format.
Speaker 2: Today we are going to handle the podcast a little
Speaker 2: bit differently. Susan is going through a very tough time
Speaker 2: and she is unbelievably sad, and as one of her
Speaker 2: best friends, I'm hurt and with her. So without further ado,
Speaker 2: we're going to get right into today's episode and Susan.
Speaker 3: I'm just going to share with them was going on Kathy, and.
Speaker 2: That's what I want's And the first question is where
Speaker 2: do you stand with Fred today?
Speaker 3: Oh gosh, this is I'm struggling. I love Fred, and
Speaker 3: what makes this so difficult. I'm at a point where
Speaker 3: I was really questioning whether loving someone is enough when
Speaker 3: you know there are fundamental things that may not work
Speaker 3: long term. For instance, we're in such different places financially
Speaker 3: and have different expectations about lifestyle and retirement and things
Speaker 3: might not work come long term. And I'm trying to
Speaker 3: listen to my head as much as I've always listened
Speaker 3: to my heart.
Speaker 1: So are you and Fred still together or Kathy?
Speaker 3: I ended it and it was the most difficult thing
Speaker 3: I've ever done.
Speaker 2: So you know, my heart bleeds you and I know
Speaker 2: our listeners are sending their love just as much as
Speaker 2: I am. And it's really hard to talk about. So
Speaker 2: you know, Susan, you can add as much as you
Speaker 2: want to, and if you're not feeling like it, then
Speaker 2: we don't.
Speaker 1: Have to answer it.
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm going to share.
Speaker 1: Okay, So when did you first start to notice the
Speaker 1: problems in your relationship?
Speaker 3: You know, if I'm completely truthful, I saw some things
Speaker 3: pretty early. I ignored some red flags. I loved all
Speaker 3: the attention. My problem is that when I have chemistry
Speaker 3: with someone and I'm having fun and I'm feeling loved,
Speaker 3: I'm very very good at convincing myself that the other
Speaker 3: things will all work themselves out. And I also realized
Speaker 3: that that's a pattern of mine. Like I said, I
Speaker 3: ignored red flags. We talk about deal breakers all the time,
Speaker 3: and I, for one, am the first one to tell
Speaker 3: people that's a deal breaker. Yet I was ignoring the
Speaker 3: own signs that I saw.
Speaker 2: Yeah that I think it's hard you are. I mean,
Speaker 2: I know you so well, and you are someone who
Speaker 2: literally gets carried away by chemistry, where you know, I'm
Speaker 2: getting their their social Security number, their details, and I'm
Speaker 2: going to figure out whether or not I'm going to
Speaker 2: have a first or second date. Susan's already down the road.
Speaker 2: The chemistry sometimes controls your life. But it's interesting. You
Speaker 2: did see the red flags, and and I guess when
Speaker 2: you guys are together, it's it's condensed, right, but it's
Speaker 2: it's it's so startling because you haven't seen each other
Speaker 2: in a while, so those red flags probably even become
Speaker 2: more glaring.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: It wasn't like something you notice right away, some little
Speaker 3: things I did. But like I said, to be honest,
Speaker 3: I don't think I've ever been loved so genuinely by
Speaker 3: anyone in my life. I love the way this man
Speaker 3: loves me. I do. But as I said, there were
Speaker 3: so many differences for long term, and I can feeling
Speaker 3: like if I don't do it now, it's going to
Speaker 3: be even harder. I mean, like, I know you're going
Speaker 3: to talk about what's it like having a public relationship.
Speaker 3: I remember when I came out with Fred and introduced
Speaker 3: them to the world. If you will, it's so hard
Speaker 3: because people see photographs and videos and all these happy
Speaker 3: moments that we had that I would share online, but
Speaker 3: nobody sees the real conversations or the doubts that you
Speaker 3: have privately.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean you listen on our podcast before.
Speaker 2: You have mentioned things like the language barriers, the distance barriers,
Speaker 2: the fact that he doesn't have the same work ethic
Speaker 2: as you. You've mentioned all these things over time on
Speaker 2: our podcast. But I think so clearly it reached a
Speaker 2: watershed moment where if I'm reading you write that if
Speaker 2: you can't see you're happily ever after with this guy,
Speaker 2: it's better to end it and do what you know.
Speaker 2: Even though your heart is hurting. You know that you're
Speaker 2: now your mind is saying, look, this isn't enough.
Speaker 1: Is that fair to say?
Speaker 3: Just so? Yes? Like I said that, when we give
Speaker 3: advice to all our listeners, it's difficult to practice what
Speaker 3: you preach. Yeah, just like it's difficult for our listeners
Speaker 3: to hear what we're suggesting. I mean, like you said,
Speaker 3: we're not therapist, right, but we have experience. I have
Speaker 3: life experience. I'm sixty nine years old, and I truly
Speaker 3: thought this was going to be it. But as you
Speaker 3: go on and realize that for the future, one person
Speaker 3: worked really hard to be able to retire and the
Speaker 3: other one isn't. That's difficult, It's really difficult.
Speaker 2: Well, I would, I mean, I would go further. I
Speaker 2: think it's impossible if you're living. You know, we you
Speaker 2: and I talk about lifestyle, and you and I've traveled
Speaker 2: a lot. And one thing I can tell everyone about
Speaker 2: Susan knowles. She loves to travel. She loves to eat
Speaker 2: at great restaurants, she likes to fly places. She's not
Speaker 2: taking a bus anywhere, and that takes a certain amount
Speaker 2: of money. And that's honest, Susan. That if you guys
Speaker 2: don't have the same lifestyle, the same lifestyle goals, that's
Speaker 2: that's that's.
Speaker 3: Toy with the idea, do you give it all up
Speaker 3: and live at the beach and have the sea and
Speaker 3: the sunsets. It's just not quite enough. And I know
Speaker 3: a million people out there are going to start online.
Speaker 3: We told you, we told you. He is a good man.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know him personally and I can vouch for that.
Speaker 2: He is a good guy. And absolutely everything Susan's saying
Speaker 2: is correct. He gave her tons of attention but you're right, Susan. Ultimately,
Speaker 2: language and work, ethic and lifestyle, all those things you know.
Speaker 2: On another podcast, Susan, you and I talked about is
Speaker 2: love enough? And at first it's funny that this has
Speaker 2: happened now, because I don't. It was a few podcasts ago.
Speaker 1: You said.
Speaker 2: That love was enough for you and I said not
Speaker 2: for me, and we talked about that, and then you
Speaker 2: sort of came around and you said, yeah, I guess
Speaker 2: that's right, And maybe that was sort of you thinking
Speaker 2: about your own relationship and isn't enough?
Speaker 1: I mean, if.
Speaker 3: Love was enough, nothing would have changed because I did
Speaker 3: love that man, I really did.
Speaker 1: And so sorry, go ahead.
Speaker 3: The distance it hides incompatibilities because you're very excited when
Speaker 3: you plan your next visit together. I mean, you overlook
Speaker 3: everything when you miss somebody and you're finally getting to
Speaker 3: be together like us, it's totally different and not necessarily
Speaker 3: experiencing normal every day life together that when you're here
Speaker 3: every single day together, like if he was here, it
Speaker 3: was just tire for twenty days, and you ask yourself
Speaker 3: some things that his habits, you know, in my habits,
Speaker 3: I'm a neat freak, like you know, and things that
Speaker 3: you don't realize until you're with each other day and
Speaker 3: day out. That, yeah, and those little things like people
Speaker 3: can change, I can change. I can certain things, but
Speaker 3: not big things. They don't change, right, And eventually you
Speaker 3: have to ask yourself, would this work out if it
Speaker 3: were everyday life?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I think it takes great courage Susan to admit these
Speaker 2: things because I know, I mean, the Bachelor Nation out there, y'all,
Speaker 2: you don't know, but Susan and I talk every day,
Speaker 2: multiple times a day. I know what she's been going
Speaker 2: through and I know the struggles she's had with us,
Speaker 2: and it does take a lot of courage to do
Speaker 2: what you're doing, especially, as you said, the public out there,
Speaker 2: they see the pictures of you dancing on the beach
Speaker 2: and they see.
Speaker 3: You know, those it's everything I ever wanted it, right.
Speaker 2: It's everything. Those are everything you wanted a man, those
Speaker 2: things are. But the but the disappointments of the other characters,
Speaker 2: characteristics that you can't get there, that's the hard part
Speaker 2: to acknowledge.
Speaker 1: That's just not enough. So I get it. I want
Speaker 1: to know.
Speaker 2: Uh, you know, we're we're we're always giving our listeners
Speaker 2: advice I'm curious what advice do you have.
Speaker 1: For anyone that's in your.
Speaker 2: Position, Well, not your position, because you've you've made the break,
Speaker 2: but someone who starts to.
Speaker 3: Say, don't fall in love with some potential And again,
Speaker 3: red flags are red flags. No matter how good he
Speaker 3: made me feel, I ignored a lot of things. Look
Speaker 3: at the person that's actually standing in front of you.
Speaker 3: Don't confuse the chemistry with compatibility, which I totally do.
Speaker 3: And I say that somebody that's still learning. Trust me,
Speaker 3: I don't know if I'll ever get it one hundred percent,
Speaker 3: but I am still learning, which is why I decided
Speaker 3: to end it before it got even harder. It's been
Speaker 3: a year and a half. That's a long time. But
Speaker 3: like you said, we have a distance between us, so
Speaker 3: that year and a half is not really a year
Speaker 3: and a half, right, if you.
Speaker 2: Will right well, and to be fair, you know, I
Speaker 2: think that you you said that you know he felt
Speaker 2: things weren't quite right because you Again, I know Susan
Speaker 2: very well. She is not someone who makes a snap
Speaker 2: judgment on anything unless it's a really pretty dressed in
Speaker 2: a store online and then she owns it. But but
Speaker 2: in matters of the heart and relationships.
Speaker 1: You are.
Speaker 2: I was gonna say stubborn, but I don't mean that
Speaker 2: in a bad way. You are thoughtial.
Speaker 3: I want what I want. I work hard for what
Speaker 3: I want. Yes, and I usually get what I want,
Speaker 3: but it's all because of me. I wouldn't say I
Speaker 3: was spoiled in any way. I spoil myself. But right,
Speaker 3: that's what I'm about.
Speaker 2: What you've said to me off off camera here is
Speaker 2: that you get what you want. You work hard to
Speaker 2: get what you want, and you know you you look
Speaker 2: at things and you say this is what I'm going
Speaker 2: to do. But I think you also said that you've
Speaker 2: learned that you can't make someone do or be what
Speaker 2: you want them to do.
Speaker 3: I think that's not as much as I try. And
Speaker 3: you know, talk about future and retirement, and he's quite
Speaker 3: a bit younger than me. However, you still have to
Speaker 3: plan for your future, and that part of him was
Speaker 3: not happening, and that scared me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think women. I think women.
Speaker 2: We want what we want, and especially as we've gotten older,
Speaker 2: you and I you know what I'm going through with
Speaker 2: my own dating issues.
Speaker 1: And you see.
Speaker 2: Someone that you think, wow, this is a great guy,
Speaker 2: and you go down the road, or you don't go
Speaker 2: down the road. But each guy that we meet, we
Speaker 2: look at him and say, could this be the guy
Speaker 2: for our last chapter, for this great last chapter?
Speaker 1: And we want we want it to be so.
Speaker 2: And I think women at all stage, just in life,
Speaker 2: whether they're young, they see the red flags. I don't
Speaker 2: know what it is about us, but we seem to
Speaker 2: stick around and think that those red flags are sort
Speaker 2: of magically going to turn green. They never do, they
Speaker 2: never do.
Speaker 3: But my King, Kathy, I admire you because you read
Speaker 3: people right away and you know not to waste your time.
Speaker 3: You don't let that lust or that crush carry you
Speaker 3: where I react on a feeling.
Speaker 2: Well, I don't think. I don't think either one of
Speaker 2: us are right or wrong. Susan, You and I are
Speaker 2: different people. I wish that I had the man who
Speaker 2: swept me away. I mean, I've always said to you
Speaker 2: when we've talked about this, I would my heart breaks.
Speaker 2: You're my friend, I want to make you feel better.
Speaker 2: I want to do anything I can to help you.
Speaker 2: But you're right, there were certain things about Fred that
Speaker 2: would have never allowed me to go down the road
Speaker 2: with him. But to that point, and I have never
Speaker 2: been Huh.
Speaker 3: I ignored it because it felt so good. As you know,
Speaker 3: we both went on National TV and we didn't find anybody,
Speaker 3: but we found each other and some great friendships. And
Speaker 3: in the beginning, when I first came off the show,
Speaker 3: I didn't care about dating Kathy. I did not care.
Speaker 3: I was okay by myself. And it was not for
Speaker 3: a couple of years later that you start wanting again.
Speaker 3: You start wanting And.
Speaker 1: Why do you think that is Susan not you? Why?
Speaker 1: I mean, I have my thoughts on it. Why do
Speaker 1: you think that is?
Speaker 3: Why do you want somebody?
Speaker 2: Because why do you go back to that? Why do
Speaker 2: we go back to that wanting somebody?
Speaker 3: Because you do want to grow old with somebody and
Speaker 3: finish that last chapter with someone, That's why.
Speaker 2: And we live in a couple's world and everyone I mean,
Speaker 2: I went out with friends last week. This guy that
Speaker 2: I've had a few dates with, I invited him to
Speaker 2: he didn't go here. I was literally the fifth whale
Speaker 2: to other couples. We live in a couple's world and
Speaker 2: it's hard to do that. So when we meet someone,
Speaker 2: I'm making this up, but I feel like this is
Speaker 2: what women do we were so afraid. Maybe I should
Speaker 2: speak in the first person. I'm not afraid of not
Speaker 2: finding someone. I think I'm mostly afraid of this last
Speaker 2: chapter being alone all the time. I like my own company.
Speaker 2: I think you like your own company. But we are
Speaker 2: designed as human beings to have a.
Speaker 3: Part of the relationship. And you know, sometimes I question
Speaker 3: the fact after like I said, I'd have him here
Speaker 3: for three weeks, or I'd be there for three weeks.
Speaker 3: And we lived totally differently, I mean totally differently.
Speaker 2: Can I just tell one funny story trying about him down?
Speaker 1: But so Susan called me this. We gotta have a
Speaker 1: little lightheart in this hare.
Speaker 2: Susan calls me when she was in Saint Martin with him,
Speaker 2: you know, three weeks in a time, she would call me, Shay, Kathy,
Speaker 2: I'm losing it, and I would say, what's going on?
Speaker 2: So Fred has a dog, unless it's a something poodle,
Speaker 2: you know, a boutique dog.
Speaker 1: They shed, and so she said the hair.
Speaker 2: I can't take there, And I said, I said, put
Speaker 2: the dog in a room, tire outside. She goes, you can't.
Speaker 2: He leaves the doors open, the dog comes in, and
Speaker 2: all I could think was Susan is going to ever
Speaker 2: lov him lose her mind because remember, folks, Susan, when
Speaker 2: I go to visit her, she is literally sweeping under
Speaker 2: the table while I'm eating.
Speaker 1: And I can only imagine.
Speaker 3: This dog difficult and plus that open air thing down
Speaker 3: on the eyeland, like I need air conditions. So not
Speaker 3: only am I sweeping and mopping floors three times a
Speaker 3: day because I wouldn't walk barefoot, I'm sweating my asshof because.
Speaker 2: It's humans, So you know, there's always there's always little
Speaker 2: bit of human airror. The other thing that I that
Speaker 2: I've been saying to Susan, because truth be told, I
Speaker 2: knew Susan and I've been talking since this happened yesterday,
Speaker 2: and if I could get on a plane, I'd be
Speaker 2: there and have my arms around her. I think that
Speaker 2: when people have breakups, and I know Susan's been struggling
Speaker 2: with this. You we all tend to remember the good times. Well,
Speaker 2: it's all we want, that's all we do. We don't
Speaker 2: remember the dog hair or the air. I remember it,
Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying. We we we tend we
Speaker 2: all tend to romanticize. I mean, no one's asking me,
Speaker 2: but that's sort of my advice to someone who's just
Speaker 2: gone through a horrible breakup like you have.
Speaker 1: Try to, of course, I'm a reality.
Speaker 3: Forget the reasons why exactly. That's important.
Speaker 2: It's important because otherwise you start second second guest sing,
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying you are, but no.
Speaker 3: I've I feel like, did I make a mistake? Like
Speaker 3: I said, I've never been loved so genuinely and everything
Speaker 3: about him as a person I adored, And it's the
Speaker 3: most difficult thing I've ever had to do. And I
Speaker 3: hope it's not a mistake. I don't think it is.
Speaker 3: My brain's telling me it's not.
Speaker 2: But and that's Susan, that's what we were talking about,
Speaker 2: the affairs and heart versus head.
Speaker 1: You know, our heart.
Speaker 2: Our heart is the wild thing in our life that
Speaker 2: lets us and wants us to do whatever we want
Speaker 2: to do. Just live in the moment, go for it.
Speaker 2: Our head is the one that's saying, you know, you
Speaker 2: better save some money. The taxman come at April fifteenth.
Speaker 2: It's like the logic part, and we don't want to
Speaker 2: be logical. We want to live in the moment. But
Speaker 2: I think for you, you're sad right now, and you're
Speaker 2: wrestling with it. But I think as women we have
Speaker 2: great intuition. And you didn't make this decision frivolously. You
Speaker 2: thought about it, you knew it was the right thing.
Speaker 2: It still doesn't make it easy, But I don't think
Speaker 2: you're truly and honestly second guessing yourself.
Speaker 1: I don't think you are.
Speaker 3: I do just because you'd start thinking I'll never find
Speaker 3: anyone that treats me like he treated me.
Speaker 1: And what do you always tell me?
Speaker 3: Love? I felt adored everything I've ever wished for he
Speaker 3: gave me, but the other parts were scaring me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, and you can't fix them. That's the other
Speaker 2: thing is women, You know we we are fixed, You
Speaker 2: and I particularly, we're fixers. And we think we see
Speaker 2: a man. I don't care if you're eighteen, twenty eight,
Speaker 2: thirty eight, forty eight, keep going. We as women, I
Speaker 2: don't know what it's the nurturing capability that we that
Speaker 2: resides in all of our hearts. We meet a guy
Speaker 2: who has so many great qualities, even though he's got
Speaker 2: some really bad ones, and we're going to fix them.
Speaker 2: And the truth is, we know we're never going to
Speaker 2: fix them.
Speaker 1: Fun try.
Speaker 3: I pray to God up all my life. I always said,
Speaker 3: why am I here on this earth? I always find
Speaker 3: very needy people that didn't know what love felt like
Speaker 3: I was in a lot of my relationships. I feel
Speaker 3: like I have wings Kathy, and I would fix them,
Speaker 3: in other words, help them feel love. And then when
Speaker 3: they were all better, and then I, okay, it's my
Speaker 3: turn to exit because there wasn't anything for me for you,
Speaker 3: and I don't know what that means. I've studied about
Speaker 3: it a little bit and wonder what.
Speaker 1: You're an EmPATH.
Speaker 2: You're compassionate, you care about people, but in this but
Speaker 2: you have to learn to care well. I think you're
Speaker 2: learning to care what you actually need out of a relationship.
Speaker 2: And that's the hardest part, I think for me and
Speaker 2: for many women out there, many men. You know, it's
Speaker 2: not just a female deal here that when we aren't
Speaker 2: getting what we need, we don't want to give up
Speaker 2: because you and I are survivors, we're fighters.
Speaker 1: By God, we can make this work.
Speaker 2: We're gonna make it work, and it's we and we
Speaker 2: feel like failures when we have to give quote unquote
Speaker 2: give up when really it's the best and smartest path
Speaker 2: you could take.
Speaker 1: Okay, I have another.
Speaker 3: Question for you to get how hard it is?
Speaker 2: It's oh no, one's saying that I want and I
Speaker 2: really want you to give this, which youro is honest.
Speaker 2: But if you could go back, I'm we're time traveling
Speaker 2: right now, Susan. You and I are back in Saint
Speaker 2: Martin where we were eighteen months ago, right before you
Speaker 2: met Fred. I'm upstairs and you're on a computer, and
Speaker 2: now you meet this guy. Would, knowing what you know now, Susan,
Speaker 2: would you still have gone for him.
Speaker 3: I gotta be honest with you.
Speaker 1: That's twice. I'd be honest.
Speaker 3: What's crazy? I probably would do the same exact thing
Speaker 3: because I loved them. I had fun, There was incredible
Speaker 3: chemistry and the memories. I would never want to give
Speaker 3: up those memories. Everything was so good for so long.
Speaker 3: You know, not every relationship has to last forever. So
Speaker 3: that's saying that goes around, rather to have loved once
Speaker 3: than never to have loved at all. It kind of
Speaker 3: goes like that, but it meant something to me. I
Speaker 3: don't know that I would do anything different. Maybe start
Speaker 3: believing when I see the red flags earlier on to
Speaker 3: convince myself. I don't know, but to be honest with you,
Speaker 3: I enjoyed this relationship more than I've enjoyed it, to
Speaker 3: tell you the truth. Yeah, my guy, And that's what
Speaker 3: makes it so damn difficult.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, you know, I guess it's all semantics here.
Speaker 2: I mean, if he were really your guy, he'd be
Speaker 2: your guy. He's I think what you're saying. And I'm
Speaker 2: not trying to put words in your mouth, but you
Speaker 2: and I and the talks you've had since this all happened,
Speaker 2: he would be your guy if with a capital I,
Speaker 2: capital F. And I guess I want you to keep
Speaker 2: in mind that's fine if you would go back down
Speaker 2: the road again.
Speaker 1: But I want you to keep in mind that.
Speaker 2: When you these red flags that you saw with him,
Speaker 2: they morph, they evolved, I should say, over time into
Speaker 2: deal breakers. That's why you broke, if you will, that's
Speaker 2: why this deal is over. It's not a deal, but
Speaker 2: that's why it's over because those red flags grew to
Speaker 2: be deal breakers. So true that so so, I don't
Speaker 2: think he is your guy, Susan. And you're always telling me, always, Kathy,
Speaker 2: don't give up. Your guy is out there, someone is
Speaker 2: going to see through you know, my brash personality and
Speaker 2: see the real sweet person that I am. I'm still hoping,
Speaker 2: but you always say, don't put that stuff out in
Speaker 2: the universe, that this was my guy, there isn't gonna
Speaker 2: be another guy.
Speaker 1: I'm going to turn that right back on you and say.
Speaker 3: Something I'd like to admit to everybody. Attention, chemistry that
Speaker 3: just sweeps me away. You know that about me? And
Speaker 3: sometimes I fall in lust and I'm thinking it's love
Speaker 3: before I've actually had enough time to know whether it
Speaker 3: is love or if this man is compatible with me.
Speaker 3: I felt all those things like we were very compatible.
Speaker 3: But you don't start a relationship by saying, you know,
Speaker 3: do you have a four to oh one k? Or
Speaker 3: how is your retirement looking?
Speaker 1: Or No? But but to be fair.
Speaker 3: And do you like doll care everywhere? No?
Speaker 2: But to be fair, Susan. And again, you and I
Speaker 2: have a very close relationship. There are things that rear
Speaker 2: their head that you did know the answers to those questions.
Speaker 2: But but you love and I'm not criticizing you. Hell,
Speaker 2: I wish I would love the way he loved you.
Speaker 2: The love, the attention, you know, the intimate moments that
Speaker 2: you guys had this, the relate, the sexual all of that, yes,
Speaker 2: kind of you know, blinded by the love. That's that
Speaker 2: you were blinded by the lust, the attention, And I
Speaker 2: get that.
Speaker 1: I guess you know.
Speaker 2: My question to you still would be how, how going
Speaker 2: forward would you decide if something's fixable? Because we say
Speaker 2: you can't fix anyone. You can't, but there's certain things
Speaker 2: that we can compromise, and and then that builds more
Speaker 2: compacts relationship.
Speaker 3: So learning that loving someone and being compatible aren't always
Speaker 3: the same thing.
Speaker 2: Kathy, right, But do you think there's anything that in
Speaker 2: relationships that can be fixed?
Speaker 3: You can't make someone prepare for their future. You can't
Speaker 3: make somebody do That's that was the biggest thing for us.
Speaker 3: He was he likes a simple life. I get it.
Speaker 3: And you know I always dreamed of my winters in
Speaker 3: Saint Martin and the summers appear, and you know, I
Speaker 3: have great, big dreams because as a person who's everything,
Speaker 3: I need it, I want it.
Speaker 2: But as a future, well, I'm gonna call you and
Speaker 2: I'll probably take help for this because but I love
Speaker 2: your pieces. I need you just for your own self
Speaker 2: so that you can start to heal he didn't have
Speaker 2: everything you wanted. You just said to me everything I wanted,
Speaker 2: but he didn't.
Speaker 3: And so as a man like the way he treated
Speaker 3: me there, the way we would laugh together and dance
Speaker 3: together in sex, and that part was I don't know
Speaker 3: that I'll ever find anybody like that.
Speaker 2: Okay, what what did I just tell you about putting
Speaker 2: that ship out in the universe?
Speaker 1: Start it?
Speaker 3: You know, I think compromises when two people can both
Speaker 3: adjust without the other person becoming somebody they're not like
Speaker 3: for me change, I did prepare a little bit, not
Speaker 3: enough for my future, and I just can't imagine just
Speaker 3: giving it all up because you love right, that's well.
Speaker 2: And I think you would start to you you know,
Speaker 2: you always talk about resentment. Would when you start You've
Speaker 2: always said when you start thinking about resentment that it's over.
Speaker 1: And I think this.
Speaker 2: Is a classic case of you would have started resenting
Speaker 2: the fact that you couldn't travel with him to Europe,
Speaker 2: you couldn't do the things you wanted to do, because
Speaker 2: you are more prepared for your retirement.
Speaker 1: Than he is.
Speaker 2: In that that is a huge So you're right. I
Speaker 2: think when you're on a date, you can't say to someone,
Speaker 2: so can I see your bank account? You can't do
Speaker 2: those things. But I always think we are smart, and we,
Speaker 2: when I say we women were intuitive. If we look carefully,
Speaker 2: we can see more clearly than we are willing to ad.
Speaker 3: It's lifestyle too, you know it's it was night and day,
Speaker 3: but you don't care. You know, people you try to
Speaker 3: explain how you feel, and some people would say, well,
Speaker 3: you must have low self esteem. And I really thought
Speaker 3: about that because I actually do not feel like a
Speaker 3: woman with low self esteem. I like who I am.
Speaker 3: I think my issue may be different because I do
Speaker 3: have so much empathy and I feel sorry for people.
Speaker 3: I get attached, and when I love someone, I have
Speaker 3: a really hard time walking away. I've shared that with you.
Speaker 3: I would stay in a relationship even though I was
Speaker 3: well past the ending and make it so that I
Speaker 3: would do things that would annoy them so they would
Speaker 3: want to end it, just so I didn't have to
Speaker 3: break somebody's heart.
Speaker 1: Right, And Susan, I literally.
Speaker 3: Like breaking somebody's heart.
Speaker 2: Well, but in some ways, and I said this to
Speaker 2: you before, in some ways, Susan, you've given him a
Speaker 2: gift because you've ended it at a time where yes,
Speaker 2: he's hurting too. You're hurting, but you both now have
Speaker 2: a chance to go to move forward. And you're my friend,
Speaker 2: so I you know, friend's a nice guy. But I
Speaker 2: genuinely want to see that smile and laugh back your face.
Speaker 2: And so I think you are so brave, so courageous
Speaker 2: to do this. Because I know Bachelor Nation. You may
Speaker 2: not know this. Susan never has broken.
Speaker 3: Up, especially when things are good. It wasn't even an.
Speaker 1: Argument or I mean, yeah, it was kad little.
Speaker 3: Tipson acted certain ways when we were away at the
Speaker 3: Outer Banks, and I thought, Okay, I gotta do it,
Speaker 3: this is it. But I didn't want to do it
Speaker 3: during an argument. That's very immature, and that's being reacting.
Speaker 3: You know. I had to think about things and I
Speaker 3: but I guess I am proud of myself too that
Speaker 3: I could. I really thought long and hard about it.
Speaker 3: It just hurts.
Speaker 2: But you know what, Susan, You know what that tells me,
Speaker 2: you're hurting that All that tells me is you have
Speaker 2: a big heart.
Speaker 1: It's overflowing with love.
Speaker 2: It's broken right now, but I believe in the future,
Speaker 2: and I believe that you're gonna hurt for a while,
Speaker 2: but you're also it's who you are. You are going
Speaker 2: to move forward. You're going to find your man, not
Speaker 2: your man, not today, not today. And you know now
Speaker 2: now the race begins, you or me who finds their
Speaker 2: guy first. But I'm saying you you should be proud
Speaker 2: of yourself look back.
Speaker 3: But how can you be proud of yourself when you
Speaker 3: know you hurt.
Speaker 1: Somebody because you did the right thing?
Speaker 3: Susan, But it's he's hurting and I feel so cruel.
Speaker 1: You're not cruel you the longer. Listen.
Speaker 2: I'm not a therapist. I'm your friendly therapist. But I
Speaker 2: believe the longer you stayed with him, the harder it
Speaker 2: was going to be for both of you. And you
Speaker 2: you're you cannot find the right person when your bucket
Speaker 2: is filled with the wrong person. You have to end
Speaker 2: one relationship that is the wrong one, even though you
Speaker 2: wanted it to be the right one, it's the wrong one.
Speaker 2: You have to end that to move forward and find
Speaker 2: your right guy because you only have so much time
Speaker 2: and energy, and you can't balance two things at once.
Speaker 1: You can't.
Speaker 2: You can't have one foot in a relationship and still
Speaker 2: be looking for your happily ever after, And I as
Speaker 2: much as you're hurting, you're now taking the step, in
Speaker 2: my opinion, towards your happily ever after. And I believe
Speaker 2: you're going to find it.
Speaker 3: I'm trying to learn that attraction happens instantly for me
Speaker 3: and we know that. But love needs evidence and there's
Speaker 3: more to just love. It's about lifestyle, it's about future. Yes,
Speaker 3: and you keep thinking about all that stuff, like you
Speaker 3: remember the old pros and cons list you're supposed to.
Speaker 3: I mean, who actually lives by that?
Speaker 1: Hello?
Speaker 2: So I told Susan we are going to take a
Speaker 2: vacation in February, and I told her this time, I'm
Speaker 2: tying her to the bed and manage her life. I'm
Speaker 2: never going through this with her again. You're You're gonna
Speaker 2: make you, Susan, you are gonna make it. You're gonna
Speaker 2: smile again, You're gonna laugh again. Fred is gonna go
Speaker 2: on and build or not build the life that he wants.
Speaker 2: He's going to be who he is.
Speaker 3: But I know when you heard somebody, when somebody's so
Speaker 3: angry at you and you care so deeply, that's hard
Speaker 3: to swallow.
Speaker 1: It is really is there.
Speaker 2: But Susan all you have to think about what is
Speaker 2: the alternative? What would what would be the way that
Speaker 2: you think it's better. Would you think it would be
Speaker 2: better to treat him like an asshole so he gets
Speaker 2: angry and breaks.
Speaker 1: Up with you.
Speaker 2: No, so you tell me what is the alternative? You
Speaker 2: did a kindness? You know, it's just I I hate
Speaker 2: to use this analogy, but you know when our children
Speaker 2: are little and we have to punish them. I know
Speaker 2: he's not a child, but it breaks our heart. It
Speaker 2: breaks our heart to see to have to punish our children.
Speaker 2: Or it breaks our heart when we see our kid
Speaker 2: not get the gold medal at the swim meet. They're crying,
Speaker 2: they're so disappointed. But you know what else we know
Speaker 2: at the same time, that's what builds character. That's what
Speaker 2: our children need to grow. I know he's a full
Speaker 2: grown man. But sometimes the saddest times in your life
Speaker 2: produce the most growth. And I know that firsthand. I've
Speaker 2: told you that that my husband's death has caused more
Speaker 2: growth than me. And sometimes the hardest things you go
Speaker 2: through in life, Susan, and this is one of those
Speaker 2: really hard things is going to produce real growth in you.
Speaker 2: So celebrate that when you try, you just.
Speaker 3: Start, you know, second guess in yourself at sixteen, nine
Speaker 3: years old. I didn't get it.
Speaker 2: Right, I get you know what, That's the great thing
Speaker 2: about life. We get to pick ourselves up, learn from
Speaker 2: our mistakes, hopefully, and put the next foot forward and
Speaker 2: try to make the next best, good decision. That's all
Speaker 2: we can do. We're human, we make mistakes.
Speaker 3: But usually people write in like, who's somebody cheated on you?
Speaker 3: Or somebody you know took money from you or lied
Speaker 3: or was rude or you don't need abusive I don't
Speaker 3: have any.
Speaker 1: Well you do.
Speaker 2: You have your reasons for ending this relationship, and they
Speaker 2: are as valid as Remember, we talk about loss and
Speaker 2: we say it doesn't matter if you lose your partner
Speaker 2: by death or cheating or divorced or whatever.
Speaker 3: It is.
Speaker 1: Loss is loss, loss loss.
Speaker 2: So you're experiencing loss, and you're experiencing in your way
Speaker 2: and acknowledge it, embrace it, because that's how you're going
Speaker 2: to come out of it, Susan, not by trying to
Speaker 2: forget it. You've got to live through this grief and
Speaker 2: not break yourself.
Speaker 3: I'm well aware. It's just new for me. It just happened.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I just you know, I want to end
Speaker 2: this by again, Susan. I know her so well and
Speaker 2: this took a lot for her to do. She is
Speaker 2: brave and courageous and I love you, dear friend, for
Speaker 2: being able to do the right thing that you knew
Speaker 2: you had to do. And I think for our friends
Speaker 2: out there listening Susan's Susan's problem, what she's dealing with
Speaker 2: right now, a lot of you are there dealing with
Speaker 2: exactly the same thing. And you know in your heart
Speaker 2: how you're feeling, if it's right or if it's wrong.
Speaker 2: And I know I'm speaking for Susan too. We wish
Speaker 2: you all the courage and bravery to do the right thing,
Speaker 2: whatever that is in your heart.
Speaker 3: It's not easy, but later I'll thank myself that's right,
Speaker 3: because I wouldn't be happy in the end. So, like
Speaker 3: Kathy said, if your question your relationship, really do some
Speaker 3: soul searching, and it might be the hardest thing you
Speaker 3: ever do to do what I did, But in the
Speaker 3: end you'll be rewarded. If you will, you.
Speaker 1: Will, And you always have me, Susan.
Speaker 2: You always have good friends to pick you up, and
Speaker 2: you know what you can ride on my shoulders until
Speaker 2: you're strong enough to walk yourself.
Speaker 3: And my favorite saying, and some people don't even like
Speaker 3: to hear time heals, It's true.
Speaker 1: I do hate it.
Speaker 2: Speaking of time, we got to end this. We want
Speaker 2: to thank you all. Thank you Susan for being so candid,
Speaker 2: so real, showing your heart, showing your bravery and courage.
Speaker 2: I'm so proud of you. I love you, dear friend.
Speaker 2: Thank you to the rest of us, To the rest
Speaker 2: of you for joining us on Bachelor Golden Hour. You
Speaker 2: can follow Golden Hour on social media at Bachelor Happy
Speaker 2: Hour and at Bachelor Nations, and.
Speaker 3: Don't forget to write in and let us know your thoughts.
Speaker 3: I'm sure I'm going to be overwhelmed with messages.
Speaker 1: Yees.
Speaker 2: All you gotta do is go to bachelornation dot com
Speaker 2: slash Goldenour.
Speaker 1: Please write in. We'd love to hear from you until
Speaker 1: next week.
Speaker 3: See you next week.