WEBVTT - EXCLUSIVE: Susan’s Big Relationship News | Golden Hour 0:00:07.640 --> 0:00:11.440 Welcome back to Golden Hour. I'm Kathy and I'm Susan. 0:00:12.600 --> 0:00:15.800 And today, normally we would start out with a catch 0:00:15.880 --> 0:00:18.400 up about what we've done in the last few days 0:00:18.480 --> 0:00:23.400 where we've traveled, but today is kind of a different format. 0:00:23.440 --> 0:00:26.680 Today we are going to handle the podcast a little 0:00:26.680 --> 0:00:29.840 bit differently. Susan is going through a very tough time 0:00:30.560 --> 0:00:34.279 and she is unbelievably sad, and as one of her 0:00:34.280 --> 0:00:38.320 best friends, I'm hurt and with her. So without further ado, 0:00:38.360 --> 0:00:41.879 we're going to get right into today's episode and Susan. 0:00:41.840 --> 0:00:44.800 I'm just going to share with them was going on Kathy, and. 0:00:44.920 --> 0:00:48.680 That's what I want's And the first question is where 0:00:48.680 --> 0:00:50.120 do you stand with Fred today? 0:00:50.479 --> 0:00:55.520 Oh gosh, this is I'm struggling. I love Fred, and 0:00:55.560 --> 0:01:02.160 what makes this so difficult. I'm at a point where 0:01:02.160 --> 0:01:08.040 I was really questioning whether loving someone is enough when 0:01:08.080 --> 0:01:12.600 you know there are fundamental things that may not work 0:01:12.840 --> 0:01:17.200 long term. For instance, we're in such different places financially 0:01:17.600 --> 0:01:23.920 and have different expectations about lifestyle and retirement and things 0:01:24.080 --> 0:01:27.120 might not work come long term. And I'm trying to 0:01:27.200 --> 0:01:31.600 listen to my head as much as I've always listened 0:01:31.640 --> 0:01:32.520 to my heart. 0:01:34.240 --> 0:01:38.200 So are you and Fred still together or Kathy? 0:01:38.240 --> 0:01:40.760 I ended it and it was the most difficult thing 0:01:40.840 --> 0:01:43.360 I've ever done. 0:01:43.680 --> 0:01:46.840 So you know, my heart bleeds you and I know 0:01:47.040 --> 0:01:52.120 our listeners are sending their love just as much as 0:01:52.160 --> 0:01:54.880 I am. And it's really hard to talk about. So 0:01:55.440 --> 0:01:58.240 you know, Susan, you can add as much as you 0:01:58.360 --> 0:02:01.000 want to, and if you're not feeling like it, then 0:02:01.080 --> 0:02:01.640 we don't. 0:02:01.400 --> 0:02:01.960 Have to answer it. 0:02:02.000 --> 0:02:03.600 Okay, I'm going to share. 0:02:03.920 --> 0:02:10.520 Okay, So when did you first start to notice the 0:02:10.560 --> 0:02:12.000 problems in your relationship? 0:02:12.280 --> 0:02:16.200 You know, if I'm completely truthful, I saw some things 0:02:16.280 --> 0:02:22.240 pretty early. I ignored some red flags. I loved all 0:02:22.280 --> 0:02:26.720 the attention. My problem is that when I have chemistry 0:02:26.760 --> 0:02:29.640 with someone and I'm having fun and I'm feeling loved, 0:02:30.000 --> 0:02:33.480 I'm very very good at convincing myself that the other 0:02:33.560 --> 0:02:37.359 things will all work themselves out. And I also realized 0:02:37.360 --> 0:02:40.560 that that's a pattern of mine. Like I said, I 0:02:40.560 --> 0:02:45.280 ignored red flags. We talk about deal breakers all the time, 0:02:45.560 --> 0:02:48.639 and I, for one, am the first one to tell 0:02:48.720 --> 0:02:51.640 people that's a deal breaker. Yet I was ignoring the 0:02:51.760 --> 0:02:54.560 own signs that I saw. 0:02:55.760 --> 0:02:59.320 Yeah that I think it's hard you are. I mean, 0:02:59.360 --> 0:03:02.480 I know you so well, and you are someone who 0:03:02.720 --> 0:03:06.320 literally gets carried away by chemistry, where you know, I'm 0:03:06.760 --> 0:03:10.240 getting their their social Security number, their details, and I'm 0:03:10.240 --> 0:03:11.840 going to figure out whether or not I'm going to 0:03:11.880 --> 0:03:14.640 have a first or second date. Susan's already down the road. 0:03:15.000 --> 0:03:19.520 The chemistry sometimes controls your life. But it's interesting. You 0:03:19.560 --> 0:03:24.880 did see the red flags, and and I guess when 0:03:24.919 --> 0:03:29.960 you guys are together, it's it's condensed, right, but it's 0:03:30.000 --> 0:03:32.760 it's it's so startling because you haven't seen each other 0:03:32.800 --> 0:03:35.680 in a while, so those red flags probably even become 0:03:35.760 --> 0:03:36.440 more glaring. 0:03:36.600 --> 0:03:36.800 Right. 0:03:37.080 --> 0:03:41.040 It wasn't like something you notice right away, some little 0:03:41.040 --> 0:03:43.960 things I did. But like I said, to be honest, 0:03:44.120 --> 0:03:50.160 I don't think I've ever been loved so genuinely by 0:03:50.200 --> 0:03:53.320 anyone in my life. I love the way this man 0:03:53.400 --> 0:03:56.440 loves me. I do. But as I said, there were 0:03:56.640 --> 0:04:00.600 so many differences for long term, and I can feeling 0:04:00.680 --> 0:04:03.480 like if I don't do it now, it's going to 0:04:03.520 --> 0:04:08.000 be even harder. I mean, like, I know you're going 0:04:08.040 --> 0:04:11.600 to talk about what's it like having a public relationship. 0:04:11.640 --> 0:04:15.200 I remember when I came out with Fred and introduced 0:04:15.240 --> 0:04:19.599 them to the world. If you will, it's so hard 0:04:19.720 --> 0:04:23.560 because people see photographs and videos and all these happy 0:04:23.640 --> 0:04:26.840 moments that we had that I would share online, but 0:04:26.920 --> 0:04:31.000 nobody sees the real conversations or the doubts that you 0:04:31.120 --> 0:04:31.960 have privately. 0:04:32.440 --> 0:04:35.600 Yeah. I mean you listen on our podcast before. 0:04:36.160 --> 0:04:42.039 You have mentioned things like the language barriers, the distance barriers, 0:04:42.240 --> 0:04:44.360 the fact that he doesn't have the same work ethic 0:04:44.560 --> 0:04:48.200 as you. You've mentioned all these things over time on 0:04:48.400 --> 0:04:54.320 our podcast. But I think so clearly it reached a 0:04:54.400 --> 0:04:59.920 watershed moment where if I'm reading you write that if 0:05:00.080 --> 0:05:05.200 you can't see you're happily ever after with this guy, 0:05:05.680 --> 0:05:08.479 it's better to end it and do what you know. 0:05:09.080 --> 0:05:12.600 Even though your heart is hurting. You know that you're 0:05:12.680 --> 0:05:15.480 now your mind is saying, look, this isn't enough. 0:05:15.600 --> 0:05:16.520 Is that fair to say? 0:05:17.080 --> 0:05:19.800 Just so? Yes? Like I said that, when we give 0:05:19.960 --> 0:05:24.680 advice to all our listeners, it's difficult to practice what 0:05:24.720 --> 0:05:28.279 you preach. Yeah, just like it's difficult for our listeners 0:05:28.320 --> 0:05:31.320 to hear what we're suggesting. I mean, like you said, 0:05:31.320 --> 0:05:35.480 we're not therapist, right, but we have experience. I have 0:05:35.600 --> 0:05:39.320 life experience. I'm sixty nine years old, and I truly 0:05:39.360 --> 0:05:42.120 thought this was going to be it. But as you 0:05:42.200 --> 0:05:47.800 go on and realize that for the future, one person 0:05:48.080 --> 0:05:51.599 worked really hard to be able to retire and the 0:05:51.680 --> 0:05:55.640 other one isn't. That's difficult, It's really difficult. 0:05:56.040 --> 0:05:59.599 Well, I would, I mean, I would go further. I 0:05:59.640 --> 0:06:02.960 think it's impossible if you're living. You know, we you 0:06:03.040 --> 0:06:05.400 and I talk about lifestyle, and you and I've traveled 0:06:05.440 --> 0:06:08.560 a lot. And one thing I can tell everyone about 0:06:08.600 --> 0:06:12.400 Susan knowles. She loves to travel. She loves to eat 0:06:12.440 --> 0:06:16.400 at great restaurants, she likes to fly places. She's not 0:06:16.440 --> 0:06:21.560 taking a bus anywhere, and that takes a certain amount 0:06:21.600 --> 0:06:25.359 of money. And that's honest, Susan. That if you guys 0:06:25.520 --> 0:06:29.720 don't have the same lifestyle, the same lifestyle goals, that's 0:06:29.839 --> 0:06:32.480 that's that's. 0:06:31.640 --> 0:06:33.640 Toy with the idea, do you give it all up 0:06:33.680 --> 0:06:36.279 and live at the beach and have the sea and 0:06:36.360 --> 0:06:40.159 the sunsets. It's just not quite enough. And I know 0:06:40.360 --> 0:06:42.880 a million people out there are going to start online. 0:06:42.920 --> 0:06:46.720 We told you, we told you. He is a good man. 0:06:47.440 --> 0:06:50.719 Yeah, I know him personally and I can vouch for that. 0:06:50.800 --> 0:06:55.480 He is a good guy. And absolutely everything Susan's saying 0:06:55.560 --> 0:07:02.840 is correct. He gave her tons of attention but you're right, Susan. Ultimately, 0:07:03.320 --> 0:07:07.279 language and work, ethic and lifestyle, all those things you know. 0:07:07.360 --> 0:07:11.120 On another podcast, Susan, you and I talked about is 0:07:11.200 --> 0:07:14.400 love enough? And at first it's funny that this has 0:07:14.440 --> 0:07:17.640 happened now, because I don't. It was a few podcasts ago. 0:07:17.760 --> 0:07:18.520 You said. 0:07:20.560 --> 0:07:22.720 That love was enough for you and I said not 0:07:22.840 --> 0:07:25.200 for me, and we talked about that, and then you 0:07:25.280 --> 0:07:26.920 sort of came around and you said, yeah, I guess 0:07:27.000 --> 0:07:30.160 that's right, And maybe that was sort of you thinking 0:07:30.200 --> 0:07:33.120 about your own relationship and isn't enough? 0:07:33.240 --> 0:07:35.080 I mean, if. 0:07:35.040 --> 0:07:40.360 Love was enough, nothing would have changed because I did 0:07:40.560 --> 0:07:42.120 love that man, I really did. 0:07:42.560 --> 0:07:45.000 And so sorry, go ahead. 0:07:45.160 --> 0:07:50.640 The distance it hides incompatibilities because you're very excited when 0:07:50.640 --> 0:07:53.880 you plan your next visit together. I mean, you overlook 0:07:53.960 --> 0:07:57.000 everything when you miss somebody and you're finally getting to 0:07:57.040 --> 0:08:02.320 be together like us, it's totally different and not necessarily 0:08:02.680 --> 0:08:07.560 experiencing normal every day life together that when you're here 0:08:08.280 --> 0:08:10.800 every single day together, like if he was here, it 0:08:10.880 --> 0:08:15.640 was just tire for twenty days, and you ask yourself 0:08:15.680 --> 0:08:19.360 some things that his habits, you know, in my habits, 0:08:19.640 --> 0:08:22.720 I'm a neat freak, like you know, and things that 0:08:22.760 --> 0:08:26.680 you don't realize until you're with each other day and 0:08:26.840 --> 0:08:30.160 day out. That, yeah, and those little things like people 0:08:30.240 --> 0:08:34.120 can change, I can change. I can certain things, but 0:08:34.240 --> 0:08:38.440 not big things. They don't change, right, And eventually you 0:08:38.559 --> 0:08:41.680 have to ask yourself, would this work out if it 0:08:41.720 --> 0:08:43.360 were everyday life? 0:08:43.880 --> 0:08:44.600 Yeah? 0:08:44.760 --> 0:08:48.839 I think it takes great courage Susan to admit these 0:08:48.840 --> 0:08:52.679 things because I know, I mean, the Bachelor Nation out there, y'all, 0:08:52.840 --> 0:08:55.160 you don't know, but Susan and I talk every day, 0:08:55.280 --> 0:08:58.400 multiple times a day. I know what she's been going 0:08:58.400 --> 0:09:02.319 through and I know the struggles she's had with us, 0:09:02.760 --> 0:09:04.480 and it does take a lot of courage to do 0:09:04.559 --> 0:09:08.280 what you're doing, especially, as you said, the public out there, 0:09:08.320 --> 0:09:11.280 they see the pictures of you dancing on the beach 0:09:11.360 --> 0:09:12.520 and they see. 0:09:12.640 --> 0:09:15.520 You know, those it's everything I ever wanted it, right. 0:09:15.640 --> 0:09:19.240 It's everything. Those are everything you wanted a man, those 0:09:19.280 --> 0:09:25.400 things are. But the but the disappointments of the other characters, 0:09:25.840 --> 0:09:30.080 characteristics that you can't get there, that's the hard part 0:09:30.080 --> 0:09:30.760 to acknowledge. 0:09:31.480 --> 0:09:36.920 That's just not enough. So I get it. I want 0:09:36.920 --> 0:09:37.160 to know. 0:09:37.679 --> 0:09:43.600 Uh, you know, we're we're we're always giving our listeners 0:09:43.640 --> 0:09:49.000 advice I'm curious what advice do you have. 0:09:50.400 --> 0:09:51.640 For anyone that's in your. 0:09:51.520 --> 0:09:55.840 Position, Well, not your position, because you've you've made the break, 0:09:56.120 --> 0:09:57.360 but someone who starts to. 0:09:57.400 --> 0:10:03.760 Say, don't fall in love with some potential And again, 0:10:04.120 --> 0:10:07.800 red flags are red flags. No matter how good he 0:10:07.920 --> 0:10:10.800 made me feel, I ignored a lot of things. Look 0:10:10.840 --> 0:10:14.040 at the person that's actually standing in front of you. 0:10:15.240 --> 0:10:20.719 Don't confuse the chemistry with compatibility, which I totally do. 0:10:22.120 --> 0:10:26.600 And I say that somebody that's still learning. Trust me, 0:10:27.200 --> 0:10:29.480 I don't know if I'll ever get it one hundred percent, 0:10:29.559 --> 0:10:33.079 but I am still learning, which is why I decided 0:10:33.160 --> 0:10:37.199 to end it before it got even harder. It's been 0:10:37.240 --> 0:10:39.640 a year and a half. That's a long time. But 0:10:40.600 --> 0:10:44.319 like you said, we have a distance between us, so 0:10:44.400 --> 0:10:46.959 that year and a half is not really a year 0:10:47.000 --> 0:10:48.520 and a half, right, if you. 0:10:48.480 --> 0:10:52.880 Will right well, and to be fair, you know, I 0:10:52.960 --> 0:10:58.000 think that you you said that you know he felt 0:10:58.720 --> 0:11:02.920 things weren't quite right because you Again, I know Susan 0:11:03.000 --> 0:11:07.480 very well. She is not someone who makes a snap 0:11:07.600 --> 0:11:10.719 judgment on anything unless it's a really pretty dressed in 0:11:10.760 --> 0:11:14.320 a store online and then she owns it. But but 0:11:14.480 --> 0:11:17.080 in matters of the heart and relationships. 0:11:17.440 --> 0:11:18.079 You are. 0:11:20.200 --> 0:11:22.040 I was gonna say stubborn, but I don't mean that 0:11:22.040 --> 0:11:24.520 in a bad way. You are thoughtial. 0:11:25.000 --> 0:11:27.600 I want what I want. I work hard for what 0:11:27.760 --> 0:11:30.959 I want. Yes, and I usually get what I want, 0:11:31.040 --> 0:11:34.400 but it's all because of me. I wouldn't say I 0:11:34.480 --> 0:11:38.280 was spoiled in any way. I spoil myself. But right, 0:11:38.600 --> 0:11:43.240 that's what I'm about. 0:11:46.000 --> 0:11:48.760 What you've said to me off off camera here is 0:11:49.160 --> 0:11:52.480 that you get what you want. You work hard to 0:11:52.559 --> 0:11:56.960 get what you want, and you know you you look 0:11:57.000 --> 0:11:58.680 at things and you say this is what I'm going 0:11:58.760 --> 0:12:01.080 to do. But I think you also said that you've 0:12:01.160 --> 0:12:05.320 learned that you can't make someone do or be what 0:12:05.400 --> 0:12:06.080 you want them to do. 0:12:06.280 --> 0:12:10.079 I think that's not as much as I try. And 0:12:10.520 --> 0:12:14.640 you know, talk about future and retirement, and he's quite 0:12:14.640 --> 0:12:18.480 a bit younger than me. However, you still have to 0:12:18.600 --> 0:12:22.840 plan for your future, and that part of him was 0:12:22.880 --> 0:12:24.560 not happening, and that scared me. 0:12:25.160 --> 0:12:28.520 Yeah, I think women. I think women. 0:12:30.640 --> 0:12:34.280 We want what we want, and especially as we've gotten older, 0:12:34.320 --> 0:12:36.760 you and I you know what I'm going through with 0:12:36.760 --> 0:12:37.960 my own dating issues. 0:12:38.120 --> 0:12:39.520 And you see. 0:12:39.240 --> 0:12:42.440 Someone that you think, wow, this is a great guy, 0:12:43.120 --> 0:12:45.280 and you go down the road, or you don't go 0:12:45.360 --> 0:12:48.679 down the road. But each guy that we meet, we 0:12:49.440 --> 0:12:51.520 look at him and say, could this be the guy 0:12:51.600 --> 0:12:54.040 for our last chapter, for this great last chapter? 0:12:54.600 --> 0:12:57.160 And we want we want it to be so. 0:12:57.840 --> 0:13:00.880 And I think women at all stage, just in life, 0:13:01.160 --> 0:13:05.000 whether they're young, they see the red flags. I don't 0:13:05.000 --> 0:13:07.080 know what it is about us, but we seem to 0:13:07.800 --> 0:13:10.400 stick around and think that those red flags are sort 0:13:10.440 --> 0:13:13.920 of magically going to turn green. They never do, they 0:13:14.200 --> 0:13:14.679 never do. 0:13:14.880 --> 0:13:19.960 But my King, Kathy, I admire you because you read 0:13:20.120 --> 0:13:24.240 people right away and you know not to waste your time. 0:13:24.600 --> 0:13:30.800 You don't let that lust or that crush carry you 0:13:31.640 --> 0:13:34.520 where I react on a feeling. 0:13:34.920 --> 0:13:37.280 Well, I don't think. I don't think either one of 0:13:37.320 --> 0:13:39.000 us are right or wrong. Susan, You and I are 0:13:39.000 --> 0:13:43.440 different people. I wish that I had the man who 0:13:43.559 --> 0:13:46.880 swept me away. I mean, I've always said to you 0:13:46.920 --> 0:13:50.480 when we've talked about this, I would my heart breaks. 0:13:50.520 --> 0:13:52.440 You're my friend, I want to make you feel better. 0:13:52.440 --> 0:13:54.120 I want to do anything I can to help you. 0:13:55.000 --> 0:14:00.520 But you're right, there were certain things about Fred that 0:14:00.559 --> 0:14:02.720 would have never allowed me to go down the road 0:14:02.720 --> 0:14:05.920 with him. But to that point, and I have never 0:14:05.960 --> 0:14:07.040 been Huh. 0:14:07.080 --> 0:14:10.560 I ignored it because it felt so good. As you know, 0:14:10.640 --> 0:14:14.360 we both went on National TV and we didn't find anybody, 0:14:14.400 --> 0:14:18.280 but we found each other and some great friendships. And 0:14:18.360 --> 0:14:20.480 in the beginning, when I first came off the show, 0:14:20.520 --> 0:14:23.720 I didn't care about dating Kathy. I did not care. 0:14:24.200 --> 0:14:27.280 I was okay by myself. And it was not for 0:14:27.280 --> 0:14:31.080 a couple of years later that you start wanting again. 0:14:31.240 --> 0:14:32.280 You start wanting And. 0:14:32.200 --> 0:14:34.400 Why do you think that is Susan not you? Why? 0:14:34.640 --> 0:14:36.600 I mean, I have my thoughts on it. Why do 0:14:36.640 --> 0:14:37.400 you think that is? 0:14:37.680 --> 0:14:38.840 Why do you want somebody? 0:14:38.840 --> 0:14:41.160 Because why do you go back to that? Why do 0:14:41.200 --> 0:14:42.960 we go back to that wanting somebody? 0:14:42.960 --> 0:14:46.000 Because you do want to grow old with somebody and 0:14:46.040 --> 0:14:49.480 finish that last chapter with someone, That's why. 0:14:49.640 --> 0:14:53.440 And we live in a couple's world and everyone I mean, 0:14:53.520 --> 0:14:57.600 I went out with friends last week. This guy that 0:14:57.680 --> 0:14:59.960 I've had a few dates with, I invited him to 0:15:00.280 --> 0:15:03.640 he didn't go here. I was literally the fifth whale 0:15:03.880 --> 0:15:06.600 to other couples. We live in a couple's world and 0:15:06.640 --> 0:15:10.280 it's hard to do that. So when we meet someone, 0:15:10.600 --> 0:15:13.280 I'm making this up, but I feel like this is 0:15:13.320 --> 0:15:17.000 what women do we were so afraid. Maybe I should 0:15:17.000 --> 0:15:21.240 speak in the first person. I'm not afraid of not 0:15:21.440 --> 0:15:24.840 finding someone. I think I'm mostly afraid of this last 0:15:24.920 --> 0:15:29.120 chapter being alone all the time. I like my own company. 0:15:29.480 --> 0:15:32.760 I think you like your own company. But we are 0:15:32.880 --> 0:15:35.520 designed as human beings to have a. 0:15:35.440 --> 0:15:38.360 Part of the relationship. And you know, sometimes I question 0:15:38.480 --> 0:15:40.920 the fact after like I said, I'd have him here 0:15:40.960 --> 0:15:43.200 for three weeks, or I'd be there for three weeks. 0:15:43.200 --> 0:15:47.960 And we lived totally differently, I mean totally differently. 0:15:48.000 --> 0:15:51.280 Can I just tell one funny story trying about him down? 0:15:51.520 --> 0:15:54.960 But so Susan called me this. We gotta have a 0:15:55.000 --> 0:15:56.040 little lightheart in this hare. 0:15:56.400 --> 0:15:59.400 Susan calls me when she was in Saint Martin with him, 0:15:59.760 --> 0:16:02.560 you know, three weeks in a time, she would call me, Shay, Kathy, 0:16:02.720 --> 0:16:05.320 I'm losing it, and I would say, what's going on? 0:16:05.960 --> 0:16:10.720 So Fred has a dog, unless it's a something poodle, 0:16:11.040 --> 0:16:12.720 you know, a boutique dog. 0:16:13.000 --> 0:16:16.320 They shed, and so she said the hair. 0:16:16.440 --> 0:16:20.480 I can't take there, And I said, I said, put 0:16:20.480 --> 0:16:23.440 the dog in a room, tire outside. She goes, you can't. 0:16:23.520 --> 0:16:26.120 He leaves the doors open, the dog comes in, and 0:16:26.280 --> 0:16:28.920 all I could think was Susan is going to ever 0:16:29.000 --> 0:16:32.440 lov him lose her mind because remember, folks, Susan, when 0:16:32.440 --> 0:16:35.600 I go to visit her, she is literally sweeping under 0:16:35.640 --> 0:16:36.880 the table while I'm eating. 0:16:37.120 --> 0:16:39.600 And I can only imagine. 0:16:39.280 --> 0:16:42.680 This dog difficult and plus that open air thing down 0:16:42.720 --> 0:16:45.200 on the eyeland, like I need air conditions. So not 0:16:45.280 --> 0:16:49.600 only am I sweeping and mopping floors three times a 0:16:49.760 --> 0:16:54.960 day because I wouldn't walk barefoot, I'm sweating my asshof because. 0:16:54.760 --> 0:16:58.520 It's humans, So you know, there's always there's always little 0:16:58.520 --> 0:17:02.040 bit of human airror. The other thing that I that 0:17:02.160 --> 0:17:05.320 I've been saying to Susan, because truth be told, I 0:17:05.840 --> 0:17:08.640 knew Susan and I've been talking since this happened yesterday, 0:17:08.640 --> 0:17:11.240 and if I could get on a plane, I'd be 0:17:11.320 --> 0:17:15.639 there and have my arms around her. I think that 0:17:17.119 --> 0:17:20.800 when people have breakups, and I know Susan's been struggling 0:17:20.880 --> 0:17:26.160 with this. You we all tend to remember the good times. Well, 0:17:26.200 --> 0:17:28.560 it's all we want, that's all we do. We don't 0:17:28.640 --> 0:17:32.760 remember the dog hair or the air. I remember it, 0:17:33.640 --> 0:17:36.160 you know what I'm saying. We we we tend we 0:17:36.240 --> 0:17:40.679 all tend to romanticize. I mean, no one's asking me, 0:17:40.840 --> 0:17:44.000 but that's sort of my advice to someone who's just 0:17:44.040 --> 0:17:46.040 gone through a horrible breakup like you have. 0:17:46.880 --> 0:17:48.800 Try to, of course, I'm a reality. 0:17:48.520 --> 0:17:52.879 Forget the reasons why exactly. That's important. 0:17:53.240 --> 0:17:57.560 It's important because otherwise you start second second guest sing, 0:17:57.600 --> 0:17:57.919 I don't know. 0:17:58.000 --> 0:17:59.359 I'm not saying you are, but no. 0:17:59.480 --> 0:18:02.320 I've I feel like, did I make a mistake? Like 0:18:02.400 --> 0:18:05.880 I said, I've never been loved so genuinely and everything 0:18:05.960 --> 0:18:10.280 about him as a person I adored, And it's the 0:18:10.280 --> 0:18:13.320 most difficult thing I've ever had to do. And I 0:18:13.359 --> 0:18:16.240 hope it's not a mistake. I don't think it is. 0:18:16.320 --> 0:18:17.840 My brain's telling me it's not. 0:18:18.000 --> 0:18:21.160 But and that's Susan, that's what we were talking about, 0:18:21.160 --> 0:18:23.800 the affairs and heart versus head. 0:18:24.240 --> 0:18:25.160 You know, our heart. 0:18:25.640 --> 0:18:29.040 Our heart is the wild thing in our life that 0:18:29.200 --> 0:18:31.800 lets us and wants us to do whatever we want 0:18:31.840 --> 0:18:34.240 to do. Just live in the moment, go for it. 0:18:34.480 --> 0:18:38.320 Our head is the one that's saying, you know, you 0:18:38.400 --> 0:18:41.160 better save some money. The taxman come at April fifteenth. 0:18:41.240 --> 0:18:44.119 It's like the logic part, and we don't want to 0:18:44.119 --> 0:18:47.119 be logical. We want to live in the moment. But 0:18:47.240 --> 0:18:51.560 I think for you, you're sad right now, and you're 0:18:51.600 --> 0:18:54.119 wrestling with it. But I think as women we have 0:18:54.320 --> 0:18:59.159 great intuition. And you didn't make this decision frivolously. You 0:18:59.359 --> 0:19:01.679 thought about it, you knew it was the right thing. 0:19:01.720 --> 0:19:05.600 It still doesn't make it easy, But I don't think 0:19:05.720 --> 0:19:08.800 you're truly and honestly second guessing yourself. 0:19:09.040 --> 0:19:09.919 I don't think you are. 0:19:11.240 --> 0:19:15.159 I do just because you'd start thinking I'll never find 0:19:15.240 --> 0:19:17.520 anyone that treats me like he treated me. 0:19:17.800 --> 0:19:19.240 And what do you always tell me? 0:19:19.560 --> 0:19:24.000 Love? I felt adored everything I've ever wished for he 0:19:24.119 --> 0:19:29.399 gave me, but the other parts were scaring me. 0:19:30.560 --> 0:19:33.320 Yeah, well, and you can't fix them. That's the other 0:19:33.359 --> 0:19:37.720 thing is women, You know we we are fixed, You 0:19:37.760 --> 0:19:41.800 and I particularly, we're fixers. And we think we see 0:19:41.800 --> 0:19:44.840 a man. I don't care if you're eighteen, twenty eight, 0:19:44.960 --> 0:19:49.080 thirty eight, forty eight, keep going. We as women, I 0:19:49.119 --> 0:19:52.719 don't know what it's the nurturing capability that we that 0:19:52.840 --> 0:19:55.480 resides in all of our hearts. We meet a guy 0:19:55.760 --> 0:19:58.480 who has so many great qualities, even though he's got 0:19:58.480 --> 0:20:00.880 some really bad ones, and we're going to fix them. 0:20:01.280 --> 0:20:04.520 And the truth is, we know we're never going to 0:20:04.560 --> 0:20:05.040 fix them. 0:20:06.040 --> 0:20:06.920 Fun try. 0:20:07.160 --> 0:20:11.080 I pray to God up all my life. I always said, 0:20:11.480 --> 0:20:14.879 why am I here on this earth? I always find 0:20:15.160 --> 0:20:18.919 very needy people that didn't know what love felt like 0:20:19.160 --> 0:20:22.080 I was in a lot of my relationships. I feel 0:20:22.080 --> 0:20:26.040 like I have wings Kathy, and I would fix them, 0:20:26.440 --> 0:20:30.160 in other words, help them feel love. And then when 0:20:30.200 --> 0:20:32.399 they were all better, and then I, okay, it's my 0:20:32.520 --> 0:20:35.520 turn to exit because there wasn't anything for me for you, 0:20:36.119 --> 0:20:39.440 and I don't know what that means. I've studied about 0:20:39.440 --> 0:20:41.679 it a little bit and wonder what. 0:20:43.200 --> 0:20:43.920 You're an EmPATH. 0:20:44.000 --> 0:20:47.720 You're compassionate, you care about people, but in this but 0:20:47.920 --> 0:20:49.880 you have to learn to care well. I think you're 0:20:49.960 --> 0:20:55.120 learning to care what you actually need out of a relationship. 0:20:55.240 --> 0:20:58.600 And that's the hardest part, I think for me and 0:20:58.640 --> 0:21:01.080 for many women out there, many men. You know, it's 0:21:01.119 --> 0:21:05.200 not just a female deal here that when we aren't 0:21:05.200 --> 0:21:08.479 getting what we need, we don't want to give up 0:21:08.560 --> 0:21:11.160 because you and I are survivors, we're fighters. 0:21:11.560 --> 0:21:13.440 By God, we can make this work. 0:21:13.520 --> 0:21:15.840 We're gonna make it work, and it's we and we 0:21:15.880 --> 0:21:18.760 feel like failures when we have to give quote unquote 0:21:18.800 --> 0:21:23.000 give up when really it's the best and smartest path 0:21:23.200 --> 0:21:23.879 you could take. 0:21:24.800 --> 0:21:26.240 Okay, I have another. 0:21:26.000 --> 0:21:28.080 Question for you to get how hard it is? 0:21:28.160 --> 0:21:31.080 It's oh no, one's saying that I want and I 0:21:31.119 --> 0:21:33.520 really want you to give this, which youro is honest. 0:21:33.800 --> 0:21:38.040 But if you could go back, I'm we're time traveling 0:21:38.119 --> 0:21:40.000 right now, Susan. You and I are back in Saint 0:21:40.080 --> 0:21:43.520 Martin where we were eighteen months ago, right before you 0:21:43.640 --> 0:21:46.800 met Fred. I'm upstairs and you're on a computer, and 0:21:46.840 --> 0:21:54.720 now you meet this guy. Would, knowing what you know now, Susan, 0:21:55.359 --> 0:21:57.359 would you still have gone for him. 0:21:57.920 --> 0:22:00.000 I gotta be honest with you. 0:22:00.320 --> 0:22:01.600 That's twice. I'd be honest. 0:22:02.640 --> 0:22:07.200 What's crazy? I probably would do the same exact thing 0:22:08.440 --> 0:22:13.080 because I loved them. I had fun, There was incredible 0:22:13.200 --> 0:22:17.400 chemistry and the memories. I would never want to give 0:22:17.480 --> 0:22:21.240 up those memories. Everything was so good for so long. 0:22:21.440 --> 0:22:25.720 You know, not every relationship has to last forever. So 0:22:26.200 --> 0:22:30.359 that's saying that goes around, rather to have loved once 0:22:30.480 --> 0:22:32.720 than never to have loved at all. It kind of 0:22:32.720 --> 0:22:40.439 goes like that, but it meant something to me. I 0:22:40.440 --> 0:22:44.119 don't know that I would do anything different. Maybe start 0:22:44.320 --> 0:22:49.399 believing when I see the red flags earlier on to 0:22:49.560 --> 0:22:53.240 convince myself. I don't know, but to be honest with you, 0:22:54.640 --> 0:23:00.240 I enjoyed this relationship more than I've enjoyed it, to 0:23:00.280 --> 0:23:05.600 tell you the truth. Yeah, my guy, And that's what 0:23:05.720 --> 0:23:07.800 makes it so damn difficult. 0:23:08.440 --> 0:23:13.280 Yeah, well, you know, I guess it's all semantics here. 0:23:13.359 --> 0:23:17.720 I mean, if he were really your guy, he'd be 0:23:17.800 --> 0:23:21.000