1 00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:03,080 Speaker 1: My friends keep reassuring me they'll be supportive when I 2 00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:05,000 Speaker 1: come out, but I'm straight. 3 00:00:05,800 --> 00:00:08,640 Speaker 2: How do I convince them, no, you don't. And this 4 00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:09,920 Speaker 2: all comes from. 5 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:12,760 Speaker 1: The question when should you give or take away support 6 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:15,760 Speaker 1: to those close to you? And this comes from user 7 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:18,639 Speaker 1: Toasty and Tea and they say, I want to start 8 00:00:18,640 --> 00:00:23,000 Speaker 1: this off by saying, my friends are wonderful people who 9 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:26,920 Speaker 1: are supportive and positive. We're a very diverse crowd. It 10 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:31,080 Speaker 1: would probably be considered progressive by most people's standards. There's 11 00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:34,159 Speaker 1: eight of us in this social circle, including me, and 12 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:38,440 Speaker 1: between us half or people of color, three are LGBT, 13 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:44,760 Speaker 1: plus one is a spicy sleep worker and another became 14 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:49,279 Speaker 1: a parent at fifteen. That is a heck a diverse 15 00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:52,480 Speaker 1: friend group. I like to think we're open minded people 16 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:56,120 Speaker 1: who see personality first and nothing else, and I love 17 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:59,360 Speaker 1: them all to shreds. The problem I'm having now is 18 00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:01,800 Speaker 1: that they're a bit two woke, the point that I'm 19 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:05,240 Speaker 1: now getting DMS from my friends who are sending me 20 00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:10,560 Speaker 1: links to organizations like this for coming out support. I 21 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:14,640 Speaker 1: literally have been in a straight relationship for five years now, 22 00:01:14,959 --> 00:01:17,320 Speaker 1: but I think they believe I'm bisexual. 23 00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:17,960 Speaker 2: But you're wrong. 24 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:20,399 Speaker 1: But you're wrong. Your friends know you better than you 25 00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:23,040 Speaker 1: know yourself, and you're given by energy. 26 00:01:23,319 --> 00:01:26,920 Speaker 3: You get to decide your identity. Ha, No, I decide. 27 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,760 Speaker 3: Everyone else decides your identity. You think you got this 28 00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:33,080 Speaker 3: internal monologue going on wrong. How would you react if 29 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:35,000 Speaker 3: someone gave you a pamphlet for like what to do 30 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:36,640 Speaker 3: when you're expecting to come out. 31 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:38,600 Speaker 2: I had a lot of allegations. Let me tell you, 32 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:39,559 Speaker 2: let me tell you something. 33 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:42,319 Speaker 3: Yeah, that was wearing these suits in high school in 34 00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:47,000 Speaker 3: Florida two thousand and ten, fourteen. 35 00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:50,200 Speaker 2: That he was mostly the twenty ten to twelve era. 36 00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:52,279 Speaker 1: He was wearing those suits. 37 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:54,919 Speaker 3: Fun fact, I was the main crush from the first 38 00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:58,240 Speaker 3: openly gay student at our school. And I was like, 39 00:01:58,280 --> 00:01:58,880 Speaker 3: heck yeah. 40 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:00,960 Speaker 1: Bro flex dude, flegs. 41 00:02:01,040 --> 00:02:01,760 Speaker 2: I'm like, I get it. 42 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:04,000 Speaker 1: I was giving by energy before it was cool. 43 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:07,280 Speaker 2: By energy buyer, buyer. Ain't the role of being a 44 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:07,800 Speaker 2: little gay. 45 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:09,040 Speaker 1: Everyone's a little bit gay. 46 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:10,040 Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying. 47 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:14,600 Speaker 1: I'm saying, all right, So getting back to this story 48 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:18,680 Speaker 1: that he said, other examples of my friends trying to 49 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:22,320 Speaker 1: support me would be when one of my LGBT plus 50 00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:25,680 Speaker 1: friends invited me to join their Alpha I'm just gonna 51 00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:30,520 Speaker 1: say alphabet Army because it's it's hard. Alphabet Army Society 52 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:33,880 Speaker 1: at UNI, we go to the same one. I pointed 53 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:38,160 Speaker 1: out it's for LGBT only and not allies, and they said, 54 00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:40,480 Speaker 1: that's the point. They can help you. 55 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:41,680 Speaker 2: What is this? 56 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:44,320 Speaker 1: This is forced indoctrination. 57 00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:47,640 Speaker 3: It's when so the circle goes all the way back 58 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:49,079 Speaker 3: around where it's like you. 59 00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:50,840 Speaker 2: Don't get to choose your identity anymore. 60 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:52,960 Speaker 1: I know, I know you have to be. 61 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:56,240 Speaker 2: You have to be which. 62 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:01,640 Speaker 1: So I have said multiple time that I'm straight, I 63 00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:04,840 Speaker 1: love my partner and I've never been interested in anyone 64 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:08,600 Speaker 1: who isn't cis male before. When I politely remind them 65 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:10,600 Speaker 1: of this, they keep quiet for a month or so, 66 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:15,880 Speaker 1: but then some Mikyle it comes back again. Last Saturday, 67 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,520 Speaker 1: I'd have enough. We had all been on a video 68 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:21,040 Speaker 1: call together and a joke was made about how literally 69 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:24,800 Speaker 1: half of this darn group is gay, half of eight 70 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:28,400 Speaker 1: is four. There are three who are gay unless you 71 00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:31,640 Speaker 1: count me. Everyone else is so you have to be. 72 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:35,280 Speaker 1: I just outright asked why everyone was under the impression 73 00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:38,440 Speaker 1: I was gay. I was fed up of not knowing 74 00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:40,920 Speaker 1: how this started and why they weren't listening to me. 75 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:45,760 Speaker 1: Everything went so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Finally, 76 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:50,800 Speaker 1: one of them said, it was my body language, my mannerisms, 77 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:54,800 Speaker 1: how I talk to women, and the way I dress. 78 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:59,320 Speaker 2: Once again, if being queer is not a monolith, if 79 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:02,440 Speaker 2: we're not all this saying, Ben, can Opie not be 80 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,000 Speaker 2: how he wants to be? 81 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:06,680 Speaker 1: Hey, can't you just not like, can't you just identify 82 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:09,120 Speaker 1: just how how you just do what you want? 83 00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:11,640 Speaker 2: Wasn't that the whole point to begin with? 84 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:15,320 Speaker 1: Uh? Sidney without kidney, says man, everyone's gay once in 85 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:17,039 Speaker 1: a while, Robert Downey Jr. 86 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:19,359 Speaker 2: Uh, I ain't disagreeing with you. 87 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:23,080 Speaker 1: Apparently the vibe I give off is that of a 88 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:26,920 Speaker 1: woman who is gay but hasn't realized yet. Opie is 89 00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:30,839 Speaker 1: a woman, so right, she said, Sis sis men, I've 90 00:04:30,839 --> 00:04:32,560 Speaker 1: only been attracted to sis men, right. 91 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:33,919 Speaker 2: Ah. 92 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:37,560 Speaker 1: Another friend then pointed out how in high school there 93 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:41,040 Speaker 1: was a rumor I had a girlfriend because a female 94 00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:43,400 Speaker 1: friend of mine would sit on my knee and we 95 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:45,920 Speaker 1: would go to the bathroom together a lot, which I've 96 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,960 Speaker 1: completely forgotten about, Like in the same stall. Don't girls 97 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:51,799 Speaker 1: always go to the bathroom together? Though? Yeah, isn't that 98 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:54,520 Speaker 1: that's a thing. It sucks because I see their point. 99 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:57,719 Speaker 1: I do dress in baggies, men's clothes and shoes. I 100 00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:00,400 Speaker 1: do dye my hair funky colors and wear a lot 101 00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:04,200 Speaker 1: of links slash axe spray. I do probably come across 102 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:08,159 Speaker 1: flirty with women completely unintentionally by doing things like pulling 103 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:11,880 Speaker 1: out seats and holding doors open. I'm broadly built, and 104 00:05:11,880 --> 00:05:14,880 Speaker 1: many people over the years have said I stand and 105 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:17,839 Speaker 1: sit like a man. I've even had women make a 106 00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:20,400 Speaker 1: pass at me in gay clubs. This would be great 107 00:05:20,480 --> 00:05:22,840 Speaker 1: if I was gay, but I'm not. I can tell 108 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:25,760 Speaker 1: it's only a matter of time before my partner becomes concerned. 109 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:28,599 Speaker 1: But I'm not sure how to address this. My friends 110 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,599 Speaker 1: genuinely are lovely people, and they aren't being pushy. I 111 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:35,200 Speaker 1: think they're just worried I have internalized homophobia and want 112 00:05:35,279 --> 00:05:38,080 Speaker 1: me to be okay. So my questions are should I 113 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:41,520 Speaker 1: make a conscious effort to make my appearance and behaviors 114 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:46,159 Speaker 1: more feminine and less stereotypical butch and what's the best 115 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:48,599 Speaker 1: way I could sit my friends down and talk about 116 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:51,599 Speaker 1: this properly. I would be heartbroken if this affected my 117 00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:54,480 Speaker 1: relationship with my significant other. I love him to pieces 118 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:56,720 Speaker 1: and it was super hard to try to find a 119 00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:59,080 Speaker 1: guy that didn't want me to be their lady bro 120 00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:01,800 Speaker 1: in the first place. I don't want to lose the 121 00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:04,800 Speaker 1: person who can see past that and find it attractive. 122 00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:07,760 Speaker 1: Please help, And there is an at it relevant comments 123 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:09,919 Speaker 1: and an update. But John, what do we think of 124 00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:13,800 Speaker 1: those first two questions? Should I change my appearance? And 125 00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:15,240 Speaker 1: how do I sit down with my friends? 126 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:17,800 Speaker 3: Once again, we've gone all the way back around in 127 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:20,360 Speaker 3: the circle where it was like at first, like if 128 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:23,600 Speaker 3: you were gay and had certain attributes about you, it 129 00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:26,080 Speaker 3: was like, oh, that's you know, you can't do that. 130 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:27,799 Speaker 2: Op is literally just being herself. 131 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:28,159 Speaker 1: Yeah. 132 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:31,720 Speaker 2: Op is just existing as herself. And they're all my. 133 00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:33,080 Speaker 1: Friends like, you're not gay enough for this friend. 134 00:06:33,279 --> 00:06:36,320 Speaker 2: You have to be gay, Like there's no other way. 135 00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:39,279 Speaker 1: It's like an egg. People are saying, Op is an egg. 136 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:41,560 Speaker 1: Tell us what that means it break it down, break 137 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:41,839 Speaker 1: it down. 138 00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:42,160 Speaker 2: I don't know. 139 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:44,040 Speaker 3: I don't know what that means either hard on the outside, 140 00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:44,920 Speaker 3: gay on the inside? 141 00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:46,160 Speaker 2: Is that? 142 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:47,960 Speaker 1: Is that what that means? 143 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:48,280 Speaker 2: Oh? 144 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:51,599 Speaker 1: A scooter kid says, Egg is someone who hasn't come 145 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:54,480 Speaker 1: out yet. To that question, should I change my appearance? 146 00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:58,359 Speaker 1: If your friends are making you feel like you should 147 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:01,480 Speaker 1: change how you express your intern identity, then they are 148 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:02,480 Speaker 1: not being good friends. 149 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:03,760 Speaker 2: So what's happening? 150 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:07,240 Speaker 1: Absolutely not. I feel like it's been the joke. And 151 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:11,400 Speaker 1: maybe Opi hasn't expressed like that just isn't her and 152 00:07:11,440 --> 00:07:14,240 Speaker 1: like their friends need to respect her identity. Maybe she 153 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:16,440 Speaker 1: hasn't had that like the serious talk. It's just been 154 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:16,840 Speaker 1: a joke. 155 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:20,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I think if we're giving the friends the 156 00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:22,720 Speaker 3: benefit of the doubt, which I think I think we 157 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:25,360 Speaker 3: can do here, Opie hasn't like sat down him been 158 00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:28,320 Speaker 3: really seriously like, yeah, guys, like I thank you for 159 00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:32,880 Speaker 3: your concern, but like I truly am not gay, and 160 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,840 Speaker 3: like this is just who I am and I want 161 00:07:34,840 --> 00:07:37,960 Speaker 3: to be able to to present and be who I 162 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,600 Speaker 3: am naturally, have. 163 00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:40,320 Speaker 2: You believe me? 164 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:43,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, And also some people just don't like the label 165 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:47,280 Speaker 1: of it all too Lydia Whittaker says tomboy still exists. 166 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:50,360 Speaker 1: I am a tom Boy. I wish people would realize this. Yeah, 167 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:53,240 Speaker 1: so it's like exactly, it's like happen to Tom tom 168 00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:54,040 Speaker 1: Boy was fire. 169 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:54,440 Speaker 2: Yeah. 170 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:58,320 Speaker 1: I haven't heard the term tomboy thrown around in a while. 171 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:02,000 Speaker 1: Bring back tomboy, bring back Tom unless there's something problematic 172 00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:02,920 Speaker 1: that I don't know about that. 173 00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:06,120 Speaker 2: Let us know. Let us know super quick. Okay, story time. 174 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:10,640 Speaker 3: I had a friend who you do also know as well, 175 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:14,600 Speaker 3: but I won't reveal. And this was like way back 176 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:17,480 Speaker 3: in the like maybe five years ago, and she was 177 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:19,240 Speaker 3: We were like laughing. It was so funny because we 178 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:21,360 Speaker 3: have both had like multiple people and friends think think 179 00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:22,160 Speaker 3: we were both gay. 180 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:30,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, and then she is a lesbian now, John. 181 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:34,880 Speaker 1: I have actually a pamphlet for you, so edit. Can 182 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:38,760 Speaker 1: I just say, wow, you have been so incredibly supportive 183 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:40,880 Speaker 1: of me, and I want to say thank you. I 184 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:43,400 Speaker 1: was terrified at posting in case I came across like 185 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:46,240 Speaker 1: I was being sensitive and overreacting and that it was 186 00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:49,040 Speaker 1: my fault for being who I am. I can't thank 187 00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:52,800 Speaker 1: you guys enough. And there are some relevant comments before 188 00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:56,160 Speaker 1: we get into this update. So medical Fisherman fifty two says, 189 00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:59,760 Speaker 1: don't change who you are unless you want to, especially 190 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:02,640 Speaker 1: if your significant other accepts you as you are. Tell 191 00:09:02,679 --> 00:09:05,480 Speaker 1: your friends firmly you're not gay, and done with the hints. 192 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:07,480 Speaker 1: They can be who they want, but don't need to 193 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,240 Speaker 1: force it on you. It's almost like parents sending children 194 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:14,080 Speaker 1: to therapy. To ungay them what work doesn't help, and 195 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,720 Speaker 1: Opie responds, I know their heart is in the right place, 196 00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:19,880 Speaker 1: but it has left me concerned that one day they 197 00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:22,679 Speaker 1: could do this to someone who is actually gay, and 198 00:09:22,679 --> 00:09:25,160 Speaker 1: it could freak them out because they aren't ready. Don't 199 00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:27,920 Speaker 1: change who you are unless you want to, especially if 200 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:30,320 Speaker 1: you're sisking out. Other accepts you as they are. Ohe 201 00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:32,800 Speaker 1: you put that in quotes. Also, thank you for that. Genuinely. 202 00:09:33,080 --> 00:09:35,280 Speaker 1: I think he would be sad to see me change, 203 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:38,040 Speaker 1: but I think it must be crap for him being 204 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:40,679 Speaker 1: made to feel like I'm in the closet and I'm 205 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:43,199 Speaker 1: hiding in it. I'll have the discussion with him too. 206 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:46,280 Speaker 2: That's so crazy because literally she's in a relationship with it. 207 00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:47,320 Speaker 2: What about what about him? 208 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,520 Speaker 3: And that's basically saying they're all like that, you don't 209 00:09:49,559 --> 00:09:50,719 Speaker 3: love me and you don't want to be in. 210 00:09:50,679 --> 00:09:52,480 Speaker 2: A relationship with me, and they're not attracted to me. 211 00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:55,000 Speaker 1: Jj Wing says, come out to them as straight and 212 00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:57,079 Speaker 1: say that if they do this to anyone, they will 213 00:09:57,120 --> 00:10:00,400 Speaker 1: freak out for not being ready. Opie respond it has 214 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:02,960 Speaker 1: occurred to me before that if they really were gay, 215 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:05,079 Speaker 1: it would be unfair for me to come out due 216 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:07,920 Speaker 1: to pressure and not self love and confidence, and JJ 217 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:10,560 Speaker 1: Wing says that's true, but I would be like, hey, guys, 218 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:13,319 Speaker 1: I have something to tell you. I'm straight, and you 219 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:16,480 Speaker 1: are extremely rude and you will destroy someone's life in 220 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:18,680 Speaker 1: this way, but you're happy in the way you are, 221 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:21,400 Speaker 1: and that is the most important thing. Opie response, It 222 00:10:21,440 --> 00:10:24,040 Speaker 1: is true. I'm hoping after this talk I have with them, 223 00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:26,880 Speaker 1: they will come to their senses and not approach a 224 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:30,560 Speaker 1: circumstance like this. Again. Closetive people are closeted for a reason, 225 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,600 Speaker 1: and usually it's a personal one and should be treated 226 00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:38,679 Speaker 1: as such. So what Opie's saying is, if I was closeted, 227 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:44,240 Speaker 1: it would probably be extremely hurtful and maybe problematic and 228 00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:47,720 Speaker 1: potentially harmful for you to drag me out of the closet, 229 00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:50,280 Speaker 1: because maybe there's reasons that I'm staying in there for 230 00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:53,520 Speaker 1: my own protection, either like physical or mental. 231 00:10:53,679 --> 00:10:56,959 Speaker 3: It would have to be like a very very close 232 00:10:57,000 --> 00:11:01,880 Speaker 3: and specific relationship, and almost certainly that person asking for 233 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:03,960 Speaker 3: help correct me if I'm wrong in the comments. But 234 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:09,320 Speaker 3: I feel like the whole point was to accept anyone 235 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:14,680 Speaker 3: for their identity and presentation and like create a world 236 00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:18,040 Speaker 3: where like anyone can just be who they truly are. 237 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:22,320 Speaker 1: Agreed. But so let's get in to this update. First 238 00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:25,360 Speaker 1: and foremost, thank you to everyone who has reached out 239 00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:28,840 Speaker 1: to me. I was blown away by how many others 240 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:32,000 Speaker 1: have gone through the same thing. There was some wonderful 241 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:34,520 Speaker 1: advice in there which I use going forward with my friends. 242 00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:36,360 Speaker 1: So without any further ado. 243 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,400 Speaker 2: Here is the updates. Let's freaking go. 244 00:11:39,679 --> 00:11:42,680 Speaker 1: Yesterday, I managed to coax everyone into a group video call. 245 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:44,600 Speaker 1: I knew it would be awkward because one of my 246 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:48,760 Speaker 1: friends came across my post on here and guessed it 247 00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:52,800 Speaker 1: was me from my title and usernames. 248 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:53,240 Speaker 2: Oops. 249 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:56,280 Speaker 1: Apparently having a unique situation and eating a toasty with 250 00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:58,800 Speaker 1: a cup of tea for lunch every day makes it obvious. 251 00:11:59,120 --> 00:11:59,679 Speaker 2: Oops. 252 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,600 Speaker 1: That friend promised that they would keep their discovery a secret, 253 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:04,800 Speaker 1: and I believe they did based on the reaction I 254 00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:07,400 Speaker 1: got from everyone on the video call. Going back to 255 00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:10,440 Speaker 1: my friend upon finding my post, be immediately sent a 256 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:14,040 Speaker 1: message where they apologized for not defending me when they 257 00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:17,280 Speaker 1: should have. They came across a specific chain of comments 258 00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:19,600 Speaker 1: where I talk about how forcing people to come out 259 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:23,880 Speaker 1: has negative consequences. These comments hurt to read because unbeknownst 260 00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:26,880 Speaker 1: to me, that happened to Bee's brother at the age 261 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:29,480 Speaker 1: of fourteen. He was too young and confused to deal 262 00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:31,920 Speaker 1: with the heavy burden of being outed before he was ready, 263 00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:35,920 Speaker 1: and as a result, he was thinking of unliving for years. 264 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:39,640 Speaker 1: A friend snooped on his phone and found some mail 265 00:12:39,679 --> 00:12:43,760 Speaker 1: on mail spicy video history screenshot at it, and it 266 00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:44,840 Speaker 1: all went downhill. 267 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:45,440 Speaker 2: From there. 268 00:12:45,679 --> 00:12:48,600 Speaker 1: I could tell they were truly sorry, so I accepted 269 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,880 Speaker 1: their apology without question. If you're reading this, you're an 270 00:12:50,880 --> 00:12:53,320 Speaker 1: amazing subling to your brother and a brilliant friend to me. 271 00:12:53,679 --> 00:12:57,359 Speaker 1: Please don't be harden yourself. All has since been forgotten 272 00:12:57,600 --> 00:13:01,680 Speaker 1: with them. One down, six to go. So next I 273 00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:04,079 Speaker 1: messaged the group chat and asked if we could have 274 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:07,360 Speaker 1: a video call because I had something to say. This 275 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:12,720 Speaker 1: is where it gets awkward. When everyone's camera came on, 276 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:16,880 Speaker 1: I noticed that four of them had party poppers and 277 00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:22,160 Speaker 1: two of those same four had Pride flags. No, they 278 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:28,080 Speaker 1: were prepping for rop to come out. Ah, their heart 279 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:31,520 Speaker 1: is in the right place, I think, but this is 280 00:13:31,679 --> 00:13:36,760 Speaker 1: another case where even if you have good intentions, the 281 00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:41,920 Speaker 1: outcome is bad. One even had a Pride flag painted 282 00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:45,200 Speaker 1: on their face. They thought I was finally coming out. 283 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:47,880 Speaker 1: I didn't entertain it for a second and told them 284 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:51,000 Speaker 1: all to calm down because they were wasting their excitement 285 00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:54,560 Speaker 1: as it wasn't what they thought. I condensed my sentiment 286 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:59,640 Speaker 1: down in about five minutes, short, sweet, concise, and summed up. 287 00:14:00,160 --> 00:14:03,440 Speaker 1: This is what I said. I am straight. I do 288 00:14:03,559 --> 00:14:07,800 Speaker 1: not have internalized homophobia. I really am just straight. I'm 289 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:11,560 Speaker 1: not bisexual nor lesbian using my boyfriend to divert attention. 290 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:17,679 Speaker 1: Two By invalidating my sexuality slash romantic leanings, they invalidated 291 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:21,680 Speaker 1: my love for my partner, which is unfair. Saying someone 292 00:14:21,720 --> 00:14:25,080 Speaker 1: is non binary, trans, a gender, etc. Purely is because 293 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:28,640 Speaker 1: of their interests, looks, and tastes and clothes is harmful 294 00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:33,080 Speaker 1: because it ironically forces the narrative that women are only 295 00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:37,640 Speaker 1: really women when they're feminine, soft and smell like roses, 296 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:40,800 Speaker 1: and vice versa for men. If I really were gay, 297 00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:43,680 Speaker 1: the way they were going about supporting me was technically 298 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:49,160 Speaker 1: forceful and thus harmful. If someone isn't ready, they aren't ready. 299 00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:52,040 Speaker 1: Once I blurted this all out at them, I noticed 300 00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:55,320 Speaker 1: that be my friend who found my post, was crying, 301 00:14:55,480 --> 00:15:01,200 Speaker 1: as was one other friend. Everybody else was complete least speechless. 302 00:15:01,880 --> 00:15:04,520 Speaker 1: I said I love them all and that I'm still 303 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:06,960 Speaker 1: their friend, but I was going to end the call 304 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:09,280 Speaker 1: because I felt it was best that I let everything 305 00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:12,400 Speaker 1: sink in and the rest was up to them, which 306 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:13,880 Speaker 1: I feel like is kind of good. Is like, don't 307 00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:17,680 Speaker 1: let them just stew and that publicly, just let them 308 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:21,840 Speaker 1: kind of go contextualize it, really let it sink in, 309 00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:23,760 Speaker 1: and then probably what will happen is each of them 310 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:25,720 Speaker 1: will reach out individually like we did. 311 00:15:25,680 --> 00:15:27,000 Speaker 2: Now, like we did now. 312 00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:30,400 Speaker 1: In my post, it became an errant that many of 313 00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:33,120 Speaker 1: you felt my friends weren't great friends, but I'd like 314 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:37,160 Speaker 1: to think their reaction disproves this. There wasn't a single 315 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:40,640 Speaker 1: one of them that didn't profusely apologize, but it was 316 00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:44,280 Speaker 1: the two who were pushing me to come out most 317 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,360 Speaker 1: that really went out of their way. Let's call these 318 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:50,120 Speaker 1: two friends. X and y X invited me to an 319 00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:53,280 Speaker 1: afternoon tea in their back garden, allowed in my country 320 00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:56,160 Speaker 1: because it was sunny, and they said that it was 321 00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:59,640 Speaker 1: just going to be our friend group. Naturally, I said 322 00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:02,440 Speaker 1: yes because I took this as a sign they wanted 323 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:05,880 Speaker 1: to talk. Turns out it was more they threw me 324 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:09,840 Speaker 1: a surprise coming out party, but as an ally. Okay, 325 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:12,640 Speaker 1: there were pride flags everywhere, but they had written the 326 00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:16,120 Speaker 1: words acceptance on them. After many apologies and hugs, there 327 00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:19,920 Speaker 1: was food, booze, laughing and joking. We had a giant 328 00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:23,160 Speaker 1: water fight with water guns, water balloons, loaded up on 329 00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:26,480 Speaker 1: drunken enthusiasm. When the sun went down and it got cold, 330 00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:29,600 Speaker 1: we bundled inside and watched She's the Man on DVD 331 00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:34,400 Speaker 1: with Mango Sorbet, my effing favorite. I love my friends. 332 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:36,840 Speaker 1: They gave me the acceptance I was looking for and 333 00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:39,600 Speaker 1: I couldn't be happier. Why our eyes being like that? 334 00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:41,720 Speaker 2: I got to figure it out. I feel like. 335 00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:45,960 Speaker 1: What happened was pretty good. Although having a coming out 336 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:47,720 Speaker 1: party could have backfire. 337 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:50,280 Speaker 2: Could have backfired. It could have backfired. That was the 338 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,560 Speaker 2: like little nugget that I was like. 339 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,280 Speaker 1: OPI took it well, and like, but I feel like 340 00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:58,000 Speaker 1: it it ended well and OPI was like, oh great, 341 00:16:58,320 --> 00:16:59,920 Speaker 1: but it could have backfired. 342 00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:00,560 Speaker 2: It does. 343 00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:02,800 Speaker 3: It could have backfire, but also at the same time, 344 00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:05,680 Speaker 3: it does tell me that they understand Op's sense of 345 00:17:05,760 --> 00:17:08,720 Speaker 3: humor and like, it seemed like everyone enjoyed it and 346 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:11,600 Speaker 3: it was a great time. It exactly worked out. But yeah, 347 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:13,240 Speaker 3: there was a risk, but there was a rest it 348 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:15,520 Speaker 3: would have been worked out so as well, I guess. 349 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:18,000 Speaker 1: And there is a ps A TLDR and a quick 350 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:21,840 Speaker 1: relevant comment that op You responded to. So TLDR, everything 351 00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,160 Speaker 1: is great. My friends, my relationship, my self esteem, it's 352 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:26,280 Speaker 1: all good. We have a big happy friendship circle and 353 00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:29,800 Speaker 1: everyone pulled through with a big talk and boozy water fight. 354 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:33,359 Speaker 1: Ps I hope those of you reading this who are 355 00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:38,119 Speaker 1: LGBT plus don't take offense to them throwing me the party, 356 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:43,280 Speaker 1: because I understand genuinely being LGBT plus and coming out 357 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:46,680 Speaker 1: isn't easy and is definitely not a joke. The reason 358 00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:49,239 Speaker 1: they threw a party, I believe, is because I had 359 00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:51,879 Speaker 1: thrown both X and Y a coming out party. I 360 00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:55,320 Speaker 1: see this as an I accept you and you accept 361 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:59,760 Speaker 1: me sort of move. And one more relevant comments, Ludo 362 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,840 Speaker 1: eventeen eighty nine says, I'm so glad this turned out 363 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:04,320 Speaker 1: the way it did. It sounds like you do have 364 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:08,399 Speaker 1: good friends who had the best intentions in mind but 365 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:12,119 Speaker 1: unconsciously acted in a damaging way. Bisexual woman here, and 366 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:15,720 Speaker 1: Opie responds, thank you kindly, This is honestly the best 367 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:18,800 Speaker 1: way it could have gone. They really did have the 368 00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:21,400 Speaker 1: best intentions. It just came out wrong. At least now 369 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:25,480 Speaker 1: they are aware it won't happen again, and that is 370 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:27,080 Speaker 1: where that story ends.