Speaker 1: The Nicky Glazer Podcast. Here's Nikki. Hello, here I am
Speaker 1: It's Nicki Glazer Podcast. Welcome to the show. I'm Nicki Glazer.
Speaker 1: I'm in Los Angeles, California. Andrew Colin is in St.
Speaker 1: Louis in his apartment. Noah is in Arizona, and here
Speaker 1: with me in Los Angeles, California. His friend of the show,
Speaker 1: friend of mine, comedian. UM. Just a wonderful person across
Speaker 1: the board. Uh, country music enthusiast. Uh. Carlisle Forrester, Hello,
Speaker 1: Hi Carlisle. UM, all this morning. Since we've been like
Speaker 1: gearing up for the show, Andrew and Carlisle have been
Speaker 1: singing country music. Um. Carlos would start a song and
Speaker 1: Andrew would finish it, or Andrew would start it and
Speaker 1: Carlisle would finish it. To prove that they know every
Speaker 1: country song, basically any song that you start, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: say from the years to seven, Okay, that's what they
Speaker 1: call prime country is Andrew, know that wasn't just prime
Speaker 1: country for you, Like, that wasn't just a formative time
Speaker 1: for you. You're talking about like those with like is
Speaker 1: the punt bad? Yeah? I think that's when I got
Speaker 1: into country. It was ninety seven where it was like, oh,
Speaker 1: the Dixie Chicks are on the scene. This is making
Speaker 1: it so that made a bad Chicks. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: I I would lump the Dixie Chicks in with that
Speaker 1: time frame where they after nineties seven, maybe they were okay, well,
Speaker 1: I mean they came out before them, but I think
Speaker 1: that they were really getting big in the late nineties.
Speaker 1: But I love that. I mean, when the Dixie Chicks
Speaker 1: came about, were you guys like because they seemed different
Speaker 1: to me in terms of instead of all these other
Speaker 1: song you're singing about, like the rain it falls and
Speaker 1: and I'm sad in the mall, It's like that that's
Speaker 1: kind black right there. Yeah, right, you were singing all
Speaker 1: the rain have fall for you, And I know just
Speaker 1: why you like rain. Okay, I second time around. The
Speaker 1: first time he goes sing it, I was like, this
Speaker 1: is a dud. But now I'm like, I'm I'm interested.
Speaker 1: I think it could be our single. Yeah okay, wait
Speaker 1: ocean from Property Property, No, that's your song? Um see,
Speaker 1: do you get what that's funny? Nicky? Because there is
Speaker 1: no ocean front property in Arizona. That's not funny. It's
Speaker 1: a comedic song. So what's the point of the song then,
Speaker 1: So what he says, he my million dead Californians. I
Speaker 1: got ninety million dead babies in an ocean near a Zona.
Speaker 1: They're floating around and had to destroy their crops. They're
Speaker 1: moving back. No, he's trying to take the girl that
Speaker 1: he's over her. And then he's saying, if you'll buy that,
Speaker 1: I've got some ocean front property. He's like, not really over.
Speaker 1: At the end, he goes, if you'll by that, I'll
Speaker 1: throw the golden gate in free. And the whole song
Speaker 1: is a big lie about Yeah, I get I mean,
Speaker 1: I get it that like he's making a point of
Speaker 1: like if I think not over you, I think he goes,
Speaker 1: like ship the ground, you walk off home, and I
Speaker 1: don't think about you every day, right, So that they're
Speaker 1: just building up to lies. And then I'm property And
Speaker 1: then you know he's not over and obsessed with you. Yes, um,
Speaker 1: and he is. He has seen an inconvenient truth recently
Speaker 1: and he just wanted to put some messaging in there.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's what my dad's climate change song is really about.
Speaker 1: I feel like writers, with country writers, they come up
Speaker 1: with something clever, you know, something clever like that, and
Speaker 1: people like adopt the fucking tape. Oh yeah, that's what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. Like when you guys were property in Arizona,
Speaker 1: you were all you probably fucking ship your overalls. Did
Speaker 1: they do it? Second? I know what you did. I
Speaker 1: mean I did. I felt that way too when I
Speaker 1: would hear like kind of like clever things and songs
Speaker 1: and blew my mind. Yeah you're trying to think of
Speaker 1: like like song lyrics that I know that. I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's so like, um, I could hide out under there.
Speaker 1: I just made you stay underwear. That was clever. And
Speaker 1: I really liked it because like you think of the
Speaker 1: you'd have to fill in the blank that I contend
Speaker 1: is actually clever, and the Arizona thing isn't bad. I
Speaker 1: kind of like it. I think that's a sweet song. Um, beautiful,
Speaker 1: I like that song. Don't know she's beautiful. No, she's
Speaker 1: not that guy Nikki has the new verse to that.
Speaker 1: I forget what I said. She's got low self esteem
Speaker 1: and that's why I'll always be with her. Tell her
Speaker 1: how beautiful she is, because she'll leave me for a
Speaker 1: better man. Like it's all just like yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: they'reden Gate, they go together. I want her to be
Speaker 1: on the brink of jumping off the Golden Gate, but
Speaker 1: not enough to actually do it. She jumps, just not
Speaker 1: on top of the bridge, just when she just gets
Speaker 1: in so she doesn't die. But she's still be up
Speaker 1: there with her hair blowing in the wind, contemplating death.
Speaker 1: No one she can't do better than me. Constant. I
Speaker 1: don't want to actually want her to do it. I
Speaker 1: just want to pull my pick up close enough to
Speaker 1: it can't your in the bed of t interse after death,
Speaker 1: and then we go. Fuck. It was an amazing day
Speaker 1: and thank God for love. I pictured this whole time.
Speaker 1: He has a shotgun to her head, like they have
Speaker 1: so many guns. It's like, how are you going to
Speaker 1: leave a guy with ten guns? It's hard? Look you
Speaker 1: think twice about it. I mean we're talking about some
Speaker 1: some tougher issues here. I mean, I think that is
Speaker 1: the reason why so many women are like, I don't
Speaker 1: think I can go. Do you know that he's ready
Speaker 1: for the Civil war? People are like, why staying at
Speaker 1: Sharon's house for the night. I think he'll be able
Speaker 1: to find me. It's funny too, because he only lets
Speaker 1: her use the musket like it's like you're not touching
Speaker 1: the good guns. There are so many women out there
Speaker 1: that have an inkling that if I left him, he
Speaker 1: might kill me, Like there's they might not say it
Speaker 1: out loud, but they like they know they there is
Speaker 1: something in the back. I mean, I've I thought people
Speaker 1: would kill me before, Like I've had like things where
Speaker 1: I'm like, this guy is acting a little weird, like
Speaker 1: am I gonna get murdered tonight at this thing? I
Speaker 1: know he's gonna be at like or know I'm that
Speaker 1: you last night murdered, but now you have to worry
Speaker 1: about murder. Oh yeah, I mean yeah kind of. I
Speaker 1: was thinking about that. I was like, what a good
Speaker 1: way to go if I get assassinated? Austin, did you
Speaker 1: turn off your exact location off of Instagram? Because that's
Speaker 1: the thing people are talking about. How would anyone put
Speaker 1: their exact location? Everybody's sharing this meme right now that
Speaker 1: says that with the new iPhone update with the Instagram
Speaker 1: app only if you update both, your exact location is shared,
Speaker 1: so you have to physically go into settings. But I
Speaker 1: haven't been able to find the settings to turn it off.
Speaker 1: Everybody's sharing this mean that's like go in your settings
Speaker 1: and turn off, Like, yeah, this is what it does.
Speaker 1: He's like, go into your settings and then come to
Speaker 1: my house and wear something skimpy. And it's like, wait,
Speaker 1: what I didn't read? This is all in general. So
Speaker 1: you go to general and then you go back to
Speaker 1: text and then you type in eight one eight to six, seven,
Speaker 1: four three five nine, and then you put in your address.
Speaker 1: Are you sure that's within the Okay? A picture of
Speaker 1: your nipple to that Latin? Okay with you just a
Speaker 1: security card underneath it? Okay, Um, it's in braille. You
Speaker 1: fucking demolished last night? Oh thank you. Yeah, you've probably
Speaker 1: heard a lot of positive things, but you really did
Speaker 1: you own that thing? Well, it was so nice to
Speaker 1: have Carlisle there. It was so nice to have the
Speaker 1: support of everyone that, um, like you guys and all
Speaker 1: my fronts, like just everyone that was texting and saying
Speaker 1: nice things, and then the staff there's just like so
Speaker 1: nice and like I just was not nervous at all,
Speaker 1: and I got to say I kind of didn't. I
Speaker 1: was just kind of like, it doesn't matter, This doesn't
Speaker 1: matter even if it goes well, if it doesn't go well,
Speaker 1: Like it doesn't like no one remembers anything that happened
Speaker 1: a week ago, Like we're all talking about it this week.
Speaker 1: None of us will even remember a single detail of
Speaker 1: it in a month, Like it just things go so fast,
Speaker 1: like this is like a good moment for me, but
Speaker 1: like in a week, you it'll be like, what's what
Speaker 1: is she doing next? Like it's it was. So it's
Speaker 1: not that I'm not like under playing it and it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter. It does matter, but I just had to
Speaker 1: go in with that attitude of like like there were
Speaker 1: so many flashes of like wait, why did you do that?
Speaker 1: Oh God, like cringing moments where you're just like I
Speaker 1: was reliving them. They were like flashbacks, you know, and
Speaker 1: yeah you didn't. It's the terms and condition. It wasn't
Speaker 1: not going to fall out. I wasn't wearing underwear, and
Speaker 1: so it was a slippery situation on there. It was.
Speaker 1: It was hot, it was I was scared that I
Speaker 1: was gonna like pus sweat through the dress as I
Speaker 1: was sitting, So I was clamping like my legs so
Speaker 1: tight so that it would like keep it from like
Speaker 1: maybe you know, just like saturating down because I was
Speaker 1: like just hot from the adrenaline. Um, and everybody's going
Speaker 1: to have a little bit that like how do you
Speaker 1: how do people that don't wear underwear do that and
Speaker 1: stand up and not have a small little spot? Oh.
Speaker 1: I remember when I was doing f Boy Island and
Speaker 1: I was wearing a mini skirt and there was like
Speaker 1: a wooden I was sitting on a wooden like like
Speaker 1: a log, almost to do um. You know, I was
Speaker 1: sitting on one of their wooden hard bodies. I was,
Speaker 1: and I wish and I was. I remember was that
Speaker 1: that that I forget which one. It was like the
Speaker 1: yoga and strutter or something. Was sitting on the thing
Speaker 1: and it was so fucking hot. And I got up
Speaker 1: and there was like a wet spot but it was sweat,
Speaker 1: but it looked like I was just like sogging up
Speaker 1: this fucking branch, this old logging up the log. And
Speaker 1: all the guys saw it and they were like laughing.
Speaker 1: I was like, I really feel like a preschool teacher
Speaker 1: that like they're being like she pete And I was like,
Speaker 1: it's sweat, you guys, not corny for you at all. Um.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I'm always worried about that like leaving a
Speaker 1: puddle and having people think it's just like sweat pussy,
Speaker 1: like disgusting pussy juice, as opposed to like she's so
Speaker 1: horny for Danny de Vito or whatever. Whenever Brenna comes home,
Speaker 1: we call it business puss, which I think is a
Speaker 1: fun way to describe it. It's like not nine to
Speaker 1: five either, We're working twenty hours a day with that.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean I feel like goes back to
Speaker 1: smelling like pussy within minutes of the shower. Sometimes I
Speaker 1: just do it a test and I go did I
Speaker 1: forget to wash it? Not that it smells bad, but
Speaker 1: I'm like, how does it? How does it instant? Like
Speaker 1: armpits too, will instantly go back to armpit smell unless
Speaker 1: you nuke them with How do you test it my vagina?
Speaker 1: I just stick up a forekning or I throw it
Speaker 1: against the refrigerator and see if it sticks. Do you
Speaker 1: know that pasta tests? Um? Yeah, I just I think
Speaker 1: I just put it like I gently put my fingers
Speaker 1: down there and I just smell my fingers like classic.
Speaker 1: But I don't do it like I will do it
Speaker 1: very obviously. I never want to be caught doing anything
Speaker 1: like as so if I'm around Chris or something, I
Speaker 1: will do it. Chris doesn't like that kind of stuff,
Speaker 1: Like I just don't want Chris to like see me
Speaker 1: being gross, Like if I I'm getting ready for a
Speaker 1: trip and I picking up underwear, being like is this good?
Speaker 1: I don't want him to see me like being like,
Speaker 1: you know, so I try to hide it, but if
Speaker 1: someone catches me, I I'd rather be like obvious about
Speaker 1: smelling my vagina just to be like, but sometimes, I mean,
Speaker 1: it just smells like a vagina. It's not like it's
Speaker 1: like oh, but I mean there are some days where
Speaker 1: it's you know, I check my flow app to be
Speaker 1: like remember this day, Remember this day, it will go
Speaker 1: down and infamy b v D day. That was one
Speaker 1: of my favorite parts of the not you're smelling your
Speaker 1: pussy on late night, but uh when you asked a
Speaker 1: girl with your favorite date and she said June was
Speaker 1: the one of the funniest jokes. Like, it was so funny, dude,
Speaker 1: it was so funny. We didn't really like. I think
Speaker 1: one of the jokes you saw in there with the
Speaker 1: kids was when we gave them but the rust, which
Speaker 1: is so impressive with dealing with kids. I mean, most
Speaker 1: of the time you see things with kids. I know
Speaker 1: when someone's fed a line, I can tell, and so
Speaker 1: if I know it, then it's probably happening even more
Speaker 1: because kids do do a really What the trick is
Speaker 1: that you just have them say it, like repeat after you,
Speaker 1: you go, okay, repeat after me, my name is Megan,
Speaker 1: and they'll be like, my name is Megan. So then
Speaker 1: they just mimic exactly the way you're saying in so
Speaker 1: so you can get them to sound like they're unsure
Speaker 1: of it. So there's ways to trick, but we didn't
Speaker 1: have to do that. Like that kid at the end,
Speaker 1: who I just go, I think we're done here and
Speaker 1: he just goes And so I would have thought that
Speaker 1: was fake. If I saw that, I would have been like,
Speaker 1: that's so fake and what a dumb ending. That would
Speaker 1: really happened, And it was shocking, and um yeah, it
Speaker 1: really made me feel bad. It was. There was a
Speaker 1: touching moment where I asked a bunch of that took
Speaker 1: like four hours to shoot. I was sitting there for
Speaker 1: four hours. Um, I uh. There was one part where
Speaker 1: the kid I was asking them if I'd be a
Speaker 1: good mom and one of the kids was like yeah,
Speaker 1: and I was just like, like it got to like
Speaker 1: a motor where I was like, wait, why do you think?
Speaker 1: So he's like three, He's like I don't know, you're
Speaker 1: because you're nice and caring, and I was just like,
Speaker 1: can we cut it? Like it was just like will
Speaker 1: be married? He's like no, You're gonna get knocked up
Speaker 1: and the guy won't ever talk to you again. Oh
Speaker 1: my god. There were so many I mean, but that
Speaker 1: sketched to be edited so fast. I mean it was
Speaker 1: it went through like so many edits, like in the
Speaker 1: last minute, so there was a lot that was left
Speaker 1: on the Like it made me really excited to like
Speaker 1: maybe do a show where I could be in the
Speaker 1: edit room and like we could really tinker it with
Speaker 1: it for like a really long time because there were
Speaker 1: so many funny moments. It was Tuckey kids is so
Speaker 1: fun and they were so cute. You going from the
Speaker 1: roast jokes to that, like it just showed range and
Speaker 1: showed your heart and shows that like jokes are jokes
Speaker 1: and then like you know what I mean, I don't know,
Speaker 1: it was just I don't know, it's really refreshing. Thank
Speaker 1: you I'm glad you say that was exactly my intention was,
Speaker 1: like yeah, I was like, I want to do something
Speaker 1: with kids because I want to soften my image and
Speaker 1: I want to show people that I'm not like X
Speaker 1: rated and you don't need to keep me from them,
Speaker 1: and I can be like good with them and like
Speaker 1: and to show all my potential suitors like maybe I
Speaker 1: would make it good you wear like a skimpier outfit
Speaker 1: with the kids and you're like, so, what's it like
Speaker 1: to eat? Ask kids like, well, I wanted to sketch
Speaker 1: was to go, was to like toe the line, the
Speaker 1: entire sketch of being like when is it you know,
Speaker 1: when is it okay to go like t kiss on
Speaker 1: the first date? Should you ever go all the way
Speaker 1: on the first date? Like say things that kids don't
Speaker 1: understand means sex and not even ever answer. One time
Speaker 1: I asked a kid like, what's an F? Boy? What
Speaker 1: do you think the F stands for? Because it would
Speaker 1: just be funny for them to be like frog. But
Speaker 1: one of the moms was like, don't ask that, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not going to tell that. What are you?
Speaker 1: What do you think I am? Um? But then I
Speaker 1: wanted to end. I wanted to toe the line the
Speaker 1: entire sketch, and then I wanted to end with me
Speaker 1: being like, should you like suck a guy's dick on,
Speaker 1: you know, and swallows comment that on the end of
Speaker 1: a day, like on a first date? Is that too
Speaker 1: much to swallow? Commers? Should you spit out of the
Speaker 1: sucking um prius? And then I wanted it to like
Speaker 1: cut to just like and have people go like she
Speaker 1: did it. She would we knew she wouldn't. Then it
Speaker 1: cut to like a guy dressed as a child, like
Speaker 1: that would be funny. Yeah, yeah, I was, because if
Speaker 1: I wanted to play with that of like she's too
Speaker 1: much and then have them go to everyone go we
Speaker 1: knew it she was going to cross the line and
Speaker 1: then be like, no, I didn't, you idiots. I love them.
Speaker 1: I love the moment where you didn't kind of cross
Speaker 1: the line in like the most subtle way when you go, uh,
Speaker 1: what about if it's two women or two and she
Speaker 1: goes the older one who would pay? What about if
Speaker 1: it's two girls? Which that was because that's like for
Speaker 1: right wing people of being like, she doesn't need to
Speaker 1: know that two women can go on a date together,
Speaker 1: don't say gay grow Farmer's marketing for my daughter. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I know it's like it did Clint Black come back? Now? Yeah?
Speaker 1: And no, I I didn't think it crossed the line
Speaker 1: like for someone like me, but like no, but I
Speaker 1: was a little bit nervous. But I also like had
Speaker 1: it in my mind the whole time that we were
Speaker 1: doing this very heteronormative questioning about dating of like who
Speaker 1: should pay? Is it okay? Who should make the first move?
Speaker 1: Like everything was about straight relationships. So and I knew
Speaker 1: that little girl was probably like the thing is about
Speaker 1: kit now that I'm with my nieces and nephews, like
Speaker 1: they honestly don't know people are black and like think
Speaker 1: of that as like a different thing. They don't. Like
Speaker 1: I remember like trying to like be like, well, um,
Speaker 1: which where's the black guy? Like like asked like we
Speaker 1: were playing like a thing on like I don't know
Speaker 1: where's wald or something, and I'm just like where's this
Speaker 1: And I'm like trying to just be like, Okay, that's
Speaker 1: a person. It's not a big deal. They're black, but
Speaker 1: like where you know? And Lauren was like, they don't
Speaker 1: know what that is and I'm like, that's good, but
Speaker 1: like they just don't and especially in California, like two
Speaker 1: women is like all a bunch of their friends I
Speaker 1: think have two mommies. So she didn't blink an eye,
Speaker 1: but I loved her answer. It's so good the older
Speaker 1: and I like, ask you question it was and I
Speaker 1: was like, that's actually like a good system. Let's put
Speaker 1: it into place. All right, we have so much more
Speaker 1: to talk about. We will discuss all of it when
Speaker 1: we get back. I'm here in California with Carlisle and Andrews. No, no,
Speaker 1: it was an Arizona or lakefront property or ocean front
Speaker 1: view Andrews and St. Louis. All right, we'll be back
Speaker 1: with more. An I got an ocean from property in Hawaii.
Speaker 1: It's actually pretty right home. Alright, we're back, um. Question,
Speaker 1: like I feel like form for me if I was
Speaker 1: doing something like that, the hardest part and and I
Speaker 1: think when you have to read their credits of when
Speaker 1: you're in like she's doing this, she was on the
Speaker 1: good life, and like do you have multiple takes with
Speaker 1: something like that or like you know, just like the
Speaker 1: little things where you have to read from the prompter
Speaker 1: where it's not funny. It's like, here's a little bit
Speaker 1: of seriousness. Is that tough? That well, it is Jimmy
Speaker 1: Kim alive, but it's actually um not live. And so
Speaker 1: with the monologue, I stopped and started probably four times
Speaker 1: because I just messed up, Like with roast jokes I've
Speaker 1: learned with doing I just knew that roast thing could
Speaker 1: possibly go viral and I did not want to flobb
Speaker 1: a line. I didn't. I just wanted to be perfect,
Speaker 1: and I knew it would be tough and editing, but
Speaker 1: also the audience kind of likes it when you funk
Speaker 1: up and then you go, listen, this is TV, We're
Speaker 1: all having fun here, and it just kind of cuts
Speaker 1: the tension of like this is a taping. So I
Speaker 1: taught me that, and it is so pro because it
Speaker 1: takes absolutely nothing away from it. You're just like, uh,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take that again, because why have this perfect
Speaker 1: thing where you just you know, flob one little thing
Speaker 1: and then the whole rest of the time you're talking.
Speaker 1: You go, I fun that one thing up and then
Speaker 1: and then it ruins the rest of your performance because
Speaker 1: you're still hung up. So I just I just stopped
Speaker 1: and say can we go back? And so they they
Speaker 1: I could tell they were probably like, Okay, this is
Speaker 1: a little too much, like she's taking liberties with like
Speaker 1: doing things over. But I just wanted to get it perfect.
Speaker 1: But then they were able to make it um. They
Speaker 1: just need places to cut, you know, so that it
Speaker 1: would look seamless, and so they ended up making it
Speaker 1: um like uh like I think the full screen they
Speaker 1: would go to images and they found a way to
Speaker 1: edit it that was easier for them. But that that's
Speaker 1: all I feel bad about, is like this editor is
Speaker 1: probably like Jesus Christ, I want to go home today,
Speaker 1: like or this is Thursday, it's our last day, Like
Speaker 1: come on, lady, um No, I think it would be
Speaker 1: worse if you flubbed the line and then he's sitting
Speaker 1: there trying to figure out how to fix that. It's
Speaker 1: like you're so pro do it for him. Well, that's
Speaker 1: something that would make I just know anyone that's gonna
Speaker 1: give me a late night show is not there in
Speaker 1: that studio watching me flub They're watching it online, and
Speaker 1: so that's more important. Like I think, I mean it
Speaker 1: could that it would also words to get out that
Speaker 1: I'm really fun to work with you know, like or
Speaker 1: that I'm really easy to work with, that I'm like
Speaker 1: all the things beyond the scenes. But no, you should
Speaker 1: how did the interview profect that part that you're talking
Speaker 1: about of Like you know here from four Seasons on
Speaker 1: the Good Place, she has a she hulk the whole
Speaker 1: thing that is honestly, um, reading a teleprompter is not
Speaker 1: for some reason some people is not easy, and it's
Speaker 1: just never been. It's never been a struggle for me.
Speaker 1: Like I've from Nicki and Sarah Live days when we
Speaker 1: would go live and have to read a teleprompter. I
Speaker 1: was always have a natural inclination for that. I would
Speaker 1: like the way that some people are just like natural
Speaker 1: born athletes. I can just read a teleprompter and like
Speaker 1: navigate it pretty simply. And there are moments where I'm
Speaker 1: sure there's times where I flow up lines because I
Speaker 1: just like too. There was something yesterday that I couldn't
Speaker 1: get the wording of because it was like two words
Speaker 1: together that just didn't seem right to me and it's
Speaker 1: not the way I say them or something. Um. But
Speaker 1: in those intros, No, I just got lucky and got
Speaker 1: him right the first time. It didn't even occur to
Speaker 1: me that they could funk up. I think the second
Speaker 1: I go, this could fuck then it sucks up. Um.
Speaker 1: But with the interview, feeling like when to come in
Speaker 1: because everything has to be tight, right, you got the
Speaker 1: hardest party, so how do you know? I was like,
Speaker 1: god damn it. Like the monologue, I was not worried
Speaker 1: about at all. The that was just like, oh I
Speaker 1: do this all the time. It's like doing stand up
Speaker 1: and it was easy peasy. The interview is like the
Speaker 1: hardest part where I was just like it it sound
Speaker 1: like an interview. It just sounds like you were chit
Speaker 1: chatting with them. It was so natural and even like
Speaker 1: when you threw yeah, like when when you threw to
Speaker 1: the video, you know, I know, the behind the scenes stuff.
Speaker 1: I just could not believe. I would not have expected
Speaker 1: you guys going to the video of Jamila getting kicked
Speaker 1: in the puss and it just seemed like they just
Speaker 1: had it ready. It was so seamless. Well they we
Speaker 1: they did. They have everything ready. Like it's such an
Speaker 1: interesting like the way I mean, the producers for these guests,
Speaker 1: like you don't know. I never knew what went into
Speaker 1: having a guest on a late night talk show. You interview,
Speaker 1: they interview them these people like comb They give you packets,
Speaker 1: like a thick packet of information about this person, about
Speaker 1: every you know, thing they've been like docks for you,
Speaker 1: like everything about their life, and it's like a biography.
Speaker 1: And then they also have a call with them to
Speaker 1: like talk about stories that would be good to talk about.
Speaker 1: And then I kind of came in with some ideas,
Speaker 1: like that mean idea for Danny DeVito, for him to
Speaker 1: recreate memes that was good pants. That was so funny.
Speaker 1: That's that he smiled. He was like I like it,
Speaker 1: whether you gotta push through or whatever. He said. It
Speaker 1: was funny you're lying to him about the oil, like
Speaker 1: the call back there. Yeah, that was going to be
Speaker 1: in prison together. That was so fun. And then what's
Speaker 1: her name was a perfect match for you. Thank god.
Speaker 1: We had done a podcast together before and both had
Speaker 1: like mutual admiration, and she found out I was guest hosting,
Speaker 1: and so she had reached out to me a couple
Speaker 1: of days before and was like, I'm so excited at you,
Speaker 1: and like it was so sweet and so as soon
Speaker 1: as Danny DeVito's interview was over, I was like completely
Speaker 1: calm because I was like, Okay, the show is over
Speaker 1: because Jamila, like this is it was I already know
Speaker 1: this person even though we've never met in person person,
Speaker 1: but um divito. I was just nervous about just because
Speaker 1: he's done this so many times that he could probably
Speaker 1: smell the fear or like just and I felt like bad, Like, man,
Speaker 1: he this is his tenth time on the show. It's
Speaker 1: like now he has to be with a guest host.
Speaker 1: Because I gotta say, like when you do a late
Speaker 1: night show and you find out it's a guest host,
Speaker 1: you're like, less eyes are gonna be on this, Like
Speaker 1: it's just not the it's not as special, it doesn't
Speaker 1: really count as much to you. So I kind of
Speaker 1: felt like bad that he was on when I was on.
Speaker 1: So um it was it was just nice once that
Speaker 1: interview was over and that meme thing like really made
Speaker 1: me feel like, oh we ended on such a high
Speaker 1: note and that was that was really fun. Like I
Speaker 1: found the things I liked do. His Arnold story was captivating,
Speaker 1: Like the whole thing was captivated. It wasn't like there
Speaker 1: wasn't I mean, yeah, he I love that. I mean
Speaker 1: I love when he he gave you really good props
Speaker 1: to about your jokes about the you know, your monologue,
Speaker 1: and then he's like fun and like he just leaned
Speaker 1: into it, and you could tell he respected the funk
Speaker 1: out of it, Like I don't know, you could see it.
Speaker 1: I kind of felt bad about the Marjorie Taylor Green
Speaker 1: joke where I said that she and I she looks
Speaker 1: like if we had, if I know what I would
Speaker 1: my daughter had a baby with Mickey Rourke, because it's
Speaker 1: just like making fun of someone being uglier than me.
Speaker 1: I guess is the joke like it's like an ugly
Speaker 1: woman joke, but she's such a cunt that, Like I
Speaker 1: felt like last night, I was kind of like, is
Speaker 1: that what I want to put out in the world
Speaker 1: where we like, what if a woman's watching that and
Speaker 1: she like has like a cross eyes and then she's
Speaker 1: going to feel like, oh, I'm less like I made
Speaker 1: people should laugh at me because my eyes are crossed,
Speaker 1: Like I felt like, man, that's and I did take
Speaker 1: out like a joke. When we said that Ted Cruz
Speaker 1: was fat, I was like, we're not going to say fat.
Speaker 1: Can we just say he's gained a little bit of weight?
Speaker 1: Because I don't want it to be like a thing
Speaker 1: where we eat fat. So I tried to lay off
Speaker 1: on some places, but there was a part of me
Speaker 1: that was like, I don't want this woman to be
Speaker 1: squatted anymore. That is awful. I don't want to be squatted.
Speaker 1: I um So there's a part of me because when
Speaker 1: you do the Comedy Central roast, it's like they people
Speaker 1: sign up for them, and these people didn't sign up
Speaker 1: for it, but in a way they did because they're
Speaker 1: terrible people who care about no one except money and themselves.
Speaker 1: So I just had to rationalize it that sometimes you
Speaker 1: just gotta meet him at it. I just like Trump saying.
Speaker 1: It's like I just couldn't even articulate how much I
Speaker 1: hate him, like a Rose Show couldn't. It couldn't. Like
Speaker 1: at first, I think it was like, oh, now I
Speaker 1: know what soff crust pizza looks like if it could
Speaker 1: grab your puss. And I was like, self, crust pizza
Speaker 1: is not enough for me. Like she's like sunburnt, like uh,
Speaker 1: you know, abused factory farm, dead, bloated corpse pick. Like
Speaker 1: I was just like going store. I was like, I
Speaker 1: sulicity and that joke is so good. I was so
Speaker 1: impressed by y'all just working up until like the last moment,
Speaker 1: Like the writers would come in, they would rework stuff,
Speaker 1: then they would go retype it all out for her,
Speaker 1: then come out with more stuff highlighted than they go
Speaker 1: over it again. And that process is just like all
Speaker 1: day and an ever changing malleable set, and it's just
Speaker 1: really impressive how you like can like retain all of
Speaker 1: that as it's just this moving, ever changing organism and
Speaker 1: then you deliver it and you remember, Like that's my
Speaker 1: favorite part about it, is like you up until the
Speaker 1: last second, like on the dress, and I was like,
Speaker 1: is it funny to say that if Jimmy, if this
Speaker 1: goes bad, we're gonna green screen Jimmy kimel into the
Speaker 1: stress and they're like, that's great, let's just add it in.
Speaker 1: It was like two seconds for and like all these
Speaker 1: things like kept getting um at, Like me asking Gamo
Speaker 1: about his date was like they were like, hey, he's
Speaker 1: been on a bad date. Asking about a date that
Speaker 1: was right before it was like um rose jokes, skinning cup.
Speaker 1: But that I love that process of like, uh yeah,
Speaker 1: that was the most fun part. But that that was
Speaker 1: all day long, like I got there at nine. I
Speaker 1: arrived and I did not I think I had thirty
Speaker 1: minutes to myself where no one came in and like
Speaker 1: brief me, because it's like they come in, they talk
Speaker 1: to you about the monologue. Then you go and watch
Speaker 1: you go run through jokes with like the whole staff meeting,
Speaker 1: and they all clap when you enter the room, and
Speaker 1: like it's this big room of staff members, and then
Speaker 1: you watch all the clips that they have, and then
Speaker 1: you go back to your green room and then they
Speaker 1: bring in notes. Then the guest prep people come in
Speaker 1: and then they leave, and then they come back later
Speaker 1: to tell you what the guests was said, and then
Speaker 1: they come back later to to show you the cards
Speaker 1: and make sure the cards okay. Then they come back,
Speaker 1: like it is constant streams of people coming in. And
Speaker 1: the best part about it, though, is like it is
Speaker 1: such a fine oil machine. Like that was my worry
Speaker 1: was like two days ago, I had no idea what
Speaker 1: it's gonna do for any of this, Like I knew
Speaker 1: I was shooting that thing, but I had no idea.
Speaker 1: I was going to say, that is absurd for me
Speaker 1: to not know what I'm doing two days before a
Speaker 1: big deal, like it's not. But I could do that
Speaker 1: because I knew. I gave myself over the process, and
Speaker 1: there was you know, I gave myself over to like
Speaker 1: these people are better at this than I am. They
Speaker 1: know what they're doing. If they're not freaking out, I
Speaker 1: don't need to freak out. And it was a lesson
Speaker 1: in not thinking, you know, better, not trying to control things,
Speaker 1: because they they did say to me, like, we're so
Speaker 1: glad to have you as our last guest host because
Speaker 1: it's it's hard for them, Like I'm sure that on
Speaker 1: purpose they could go like cruise control a little bit.
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's good. You were the perfect vehicle
Speaker 1: for all of their talents to just like shine through.
Speaker 1: And when I was watching you last night, you know like, um,
Speaker 1: I just want to tell you, like, at the risk
Speaker 1: of like losing our work relationship, like you are meant
Speaker 1: for late night TV, Like you just fit perfectly. You
Speaker 1: know you're you're trying to don't ever have aspiration look
Speaker 1: over the mustache cut my life. I don't know, I
Speaker 1: I definitely see it in your future. You just just
Speaker 1: fit that role so well. It was so fun. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much. I like I really did, um, I
Speaker 1: love for you to get the job. And then you
Speaker 1: cut to like five years from now where you've done
Speaker 1: shows and you show up there at like four thirty
Speaker 1: in the afternoon. You're like, Okay, what are the fucking jokes? Okay,
Speaker 1: I gotta read like, yeah, Chris, my schedule to be
Speaker 1: like this was what this is what my life would
Speaker 1: look like if I had this kind of show, Like
Speaker 1: it's interesting to see the rundown of like all the
Speaker 1: meetings stacked like what your day looks like. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: it's a legit nine to five, Like I don't think
Speaker 1: I've ever had that, And he was like, Jimmy does
Speaker 1: not come in at nine And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: like you get to a place where like you don't
Speaker 1: have to come in that early. This is because they
Speaker 1: have to explain everything to me. But then I get
Speaker 1: there and I realized I think he does. Like Jimmy
Speaker 1: Kimmel is like he crosses every T, dots every I
Speaker 1: like everything goes through him, and you can tell it does.
Speaker 1: Like that staff everyone has been there forever. Everyone they
Speaker 1: have rituals where like when you run out, they're like
Speaker 1: best show ever, Best show ever. And you have to
Speaker 1: fist pound everyone and you have to like hit a
Speaker 1: certain thing on the ceiling, and like you have to
Speaker 1: like there's all these like fun family rituals. There's like
Speaker 1: there's tons of it's everyone there you can tell is
Speaker 1: really taken care of and like loves their job and um,
Speaker 1: but I would have to work it into a thing
Speaker 1: like in terms of our card, like our guest cards.
Speaker 1: Like I looked at what Jimmy has generally when he
Speaker 1: has a guest, and it looks like some pages out
Speaker 1: of like Moby Dick, Like it is fine print, like
Speaker 1: like he has all the questions like details, lots and
Speaker 1: lots of words. And he they said he worked up
Speaker 1: to that where he's able to like conduct an interview,
Speaker 1: read the is like long paragraphs, also deal with the
Speaker 1: prompter and like, but I was, like, I just want
Speaker 1: words like bullet points like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Uh cartoon with daughter,
Speaker 1: Like I just want big And so I think if
Speaker 1: I think I did it, I would probably do it
Speaker 1: away where I could show up at three some days
Speaker 1: and get it done, just because that's would be the
Speaker 1: best show for me. Whereas Kimmel, his best show is
Speaker 1: if he is like he wants he needs to be
Speaker 1: there whenever he shows up. So I think it's just like,
Speaker 1: you know, not one size fits all, but it does take. Um,
Speaker 1: it takes a lot. Like it would be fun to
Speaker 1: get good at guest interviews where you would just be like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm an old pro with this, because how it is
Speaker 1: so awkward to go from a conversation to go, all right, well,
Speaker 1: thank you so much, you're you can see Carlile Forrester
Speaker 1: this fall on, you know, like it's so awkward to
Speaker 1: go from a story to find an out, like all
Speaker 1: those all those little things that you kind of watch
Speaker 1: interviews and you go you never pay attention to him,
Speaker 1: think about doing it, you're self. I was not. I
Speaker 1: had some really awkward moments that thankfully they cut around,
Speaker 1: But like that was the joy of doing a show
Speaker 1: that's not live. And literally no one does a show
Speaker 1: live on TV ever anymore, so you don't you don't
Speaker 1: need to. And that's the joy of of taping these
Speaker 1: things is that you can just take them over and
Speaker 1: it's not a big deal, or if you funk up,
Speaker 1: it's just a good lesson. And like I just kept
Speaker 1: saying to myself every time I would suck up and
Speaker 1: it would be something that would like kind of stick
Speaker 1: in my head and kind of follow me. I'm just
Speaker 1: like dump it, man, like start over, like you gotta
Speaker 1: don't let that. Then make the rest of the ship
Speaker 1: like it it's gone, it happened, leave it. And throughout,
Speaker 1: like I was saying, throughout the night, I kept just
Speaker 1: like having intrusive thoughts of like, oh, that was a
Speaker 1: really awkward moment. Why did you say that? Oh you
Speaker 1: forgot to say that really funny thing. You could have
Speaker 1: said that, and it was just like it's done. What
Speaker 1: is the point of this? So that next time you're
Speaker 1: interviewing Danny de vito as in a green dress, you
Speaker 1: can say that line like these things you're worried that
Speaker 1: you did and say it's not this is not helping anything.
Speaker 1: It's just making yourself feel bad. Unless I'm worried about
Speaker 1: things that I go next time, I want to do
Speaker 1: that differently. But this is all stuff that's just why
Speaker 1: did you do that? You idiot? Like that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: Once you kind of think about the utility of those
Speaker 1: thoughts of like what is this doing for me, you
Speaker 1: can kind of go, oh, well, then let me drop
Speaker 1: it because I only kind of want to have thoughts
Speaker 1: that are helpful and doing something where you're teaching me
Speaker 1: that and I need to remember that, like about even
Speaker 1: like with comedy, like Nikki was the first person that
Speaker 1: taught me just like it's a set. Who cares, it's
Speaker 1: a comedy set. You're gonna have another one tomorrow night.
Speaker 1: Like let it go. You just it happens. That's a
Speaker 1: same thing with an audition, you know, do it, let
Speaker 1: it go. It's not gonna like help anything to dwell
Speaker 1: on it. It's going to perpetuate more so hard not to.
Speaker 1: It's the hardest, I think to do it. But I
Speaker 1: think we're the reason why we are artists. Were pretty
Speaker 1: emotional about it's hard for us to watch game film
Speaker 1: and not feel like if you had to watch it
Speaker 1: over again and break it down, Yeah, dude, I can.
Speaker 1: You were always like fast and loose with your words,
Speaker 1: and like any podcast or any interview, I'm always like, oh,
Speaker 1: why did I say that? Or what do you get
Speaker 1: like that after being on stage or being on a
Speaker 1: podcast or I did sometimes like I used to go
Speaker 1: on podcasts and be like, I gotta get my story
Speaker 1: out if I get these stories out people will like
Speaker 1: me and they like the stories, and so I, you know,
Speaker 1: I'd go on like Tuesday with stories. I remember I
Speaker 1: did a live show with them, and I put them
Speaker 1: on such a high pedestal in my mind. And I
Speaker 1: literally was throwing up outside Stand Up New York because
Speaker 1: I thought I was sick, but I just made myself
Speaker 1: sick with anxiety. God and uh and it was like
Speaker 1: I just went up there and I told like a
Speaker 1: fifteen minute story. But I didn't even let them have
Speaker 1: time to like like bullshit and like it wasn't present.
Speaker 1: I was just spitting it out because I was a
Speaker 1: girl like me if I tell you this story. And
Speaker 1: and I learned a lot though from that, you know,
Speaker 1: like I learned you know that they'll never have me
Speaker 1: on again, you know, like I learned that. I learned
Speaker 1: that they'll never respect me. You know, that is such
Speaker 1: a classic thing to do. I've done that so many
Speaker 1: times too. But you're right, you do learn that because
Speaker 1: maybe you would have done that on a more important
Speaker 1: podcast or like you had to learn that lesson that
Speaker 1: was like not going to be something you figured out
Speaker 1: without doing it and failing and talking about watching game
Speaker 1: tape or whatever. Like I was at the comedy store
Speaker 1: the other day and there's this guy that's following me
Speaker 1: around to do a piece on me for Esquire magazine,
Speaker 1: and he was talking to all these comics about their
Speaker 1: process and listening to your like self after you record it,
Speaker 1: and I was he was like, I was like, I've
Speaker 1: never listen to myself ever, ever, ever. I record every
Speaker 1: set and I never have and I never and that's
Speaker 1: why I don't post clips and myself, I you know,
Speaker 1: my Netflix or my both my Netflix special and my
Speaker 1: HBO special were like delayed because I couldn't, you know,
Speaker 1: watch myself. And Kurt Metzker was there being like, oh man,
Speaker 1: that's like you know, his friends with Louis. He's like,
Speaker 1: that's what Louis says, like, is the only reason he
Speaker 1: is who he is because he, you know, listen, he
Speaker 1: listens to himself right after he gets offstage, takes notes
Speaker 1: and everything. And I said to the guy, you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's what separates the greats from the you know, good
Speaker 1: enough like it will and he goes, then why don't
Speaker 1: you do it? And I go because it's I just
Speaker 1: I can't. I really have resigned myself to like it
Speaker 1: is not. It's so uncomfortable to me that i'd rather
Speaker 1: I'm I'm fine with the success that I've achieved from
Speaker 1: not doing that. And he's like, why do you think
Speaker 1: it is? Because it's never as bad as you think
Speaker 1: it's gonna be. The problem is it's I think it's
Speaker 1: gonna be worse then I think it is. But in
Speaker 1: my head, I'm like, that set was so good, I
Speaker 1: don't want to listen to it because it's going to
Speaker 1: be not as good as I have it in my head,
Speaker 1: and then I'll realize what a fraud I am. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna apt to watch a bad one that I
Speaker 1: know is an like, yeah, because that's probably better than
Speaker 1: what you haven't because you go either way. You either
Speaker 1: think it was the worst set ever and you go, oh,
Speaker 1: that wasn't so bad, or it's the best ever and
Speaker 1: you go, actually was kind of mediocre. But um he
Speaker 1: was like, and I go, you know, and we kind
Speaker 1: of determined. Part of the fear is like if you
Speaker 1: never if you always leave this thing of like if
Speaker 1: I did that, I could be the best. You always
Speaker 1: have an excuse why you're not the best. But I
Speaker 1: I'm not even saying that, being like, I know my potential.
Speaker 1: I'm always leaving potential on like and it's and I
Speaker 1: don't think it's because I'm scared that if I try,
Speaker 1: I won't actually be as good. I literally know how
Speaker 1: good I could be, Like I don't doubt it. There's
Speaker 1: no part of me that's like, but what if I'm
Speaker 1: not like I know it? Like I know that sounds
Speaker 1: like I just know what. Everyone must know this in
Speaker 1: their own lives of like I could be this good
Speaker 1: at this thing. If I went to the gym more,
Speaker 1: I could have this many muscles, like I could look,
Speaker 1: I could have that body. Oh if I didn't eat
Speaker 1: this every day, or if I if I s this
Speaker 1: much more time with my kids, I would have a
Speaker 1: better relationship. There's always things you're leaving on the table,
Speaker 1: and it's like, well, then why don't you do them?
Speaker 1: If you know? That's what's I don't know. I don't
Speaker 1: know why don't we do it? I don't mean because
Speaker 1: it's not that because things and you go I don't
Speaker 1: want it enough, But have you tried to do it?
Speaker 1: And have you really? I know what? I know it
Speaker 1: works because when I do a late nights. When I
Speaker 1: did the Kimmel thing, I meticulous with all those jokes,
Speaker 1: wrote every joke and you know, tinkered with them. Had
Speaker 1: you know even the jokes that you wrote for me
Speaker 1: that I had my friend JP right for me. Like
Speaker 1: I went in and like I paid it. I wrote
Speaker 1: them down, I paid attention to them, I practiced them.
Speaker 1: I went back and like went over my notes and
Speaker 1: it's and then used the proof is in the pudding.
Speaker 1: But then my own stand up I cannot do that
Speaker 1: with like I just don't want to go back to it.
Speaker 1: It's it's or when I've done a late night said,
Speaker 1: I have to give a transcript, so I write it
Speaker 1: all out and then it's like that's why I have
Speaker 1: such a great late night stand up set. Do you
Speaker 1: think do you think you're too connected to your stand Well,
Speaker 1: your stand up is way more personal than like a
Speaker 1: roast jokes. So it's it's you, it's who you are,
Speaker 1: like it's and it's just I don't listen to myself.
Speaker 1: The joy of doing stand up is the moment and
Speaker 1: having that like high on stage and then leaving it
Speaker 1: and just and also I'm not someone who like is
Speaker 1: so like live in the present, even though I know
Speaker 1: that's the key to like a good life, But listening
Speaker 1: to an old set, I set I just did when
Speaker 1: I had fun on stage is to me not living
Speaker 1: in the present, like I just want to go home,
Speaker 1: and like I wanted to be over And honestly, there's
Speaker 1: some things in life and I think we all have
Speaker 1: this where it's good enough, Like I know I could
Speaker 1: do better, whether it's a relationship, whether it's like friendships,
Speaker 1: whether it's your body, Like we're leaving so much on
Speaker 1: the table all the time. I have a good life.
Speaker 1: I don't need more money. I don't need to perform
Speaker 1: at Matterson Square Garden as a comedian. I don't care.
Speaker 1: But like I told this interview or the other day
Speaker 1: about um envisioning myself performing at Madison Square Garden and
Speaker 1: how you were like, oh, I thought you'd want to
Speaker 1: be there as a comedian, I'm like, oh no, I
Speaker 1: don't like the most I want to do as the
Speaker 1: VIC theater, Like I don't care about doing stand up
Speaker 1: in an amphitheater. That seems really dumb to me. Honestly,
Speaker 1: it just doesn't seem to have like be as like
Speaker 1: the best place for stand up. I just it's not
Speaker 1: that I don't love stand up and I will always
Speaker 1: do it, but I just, um, I don't I don't
Speaker 1: crave more from stand up. Right now, I feel like
Speaker 1: I've achieved exactly what I want to. There's something about,
Speaker 1: like I don't know if it's narcissist or what, like
Speaker 1: to listen to yourself back and be like, man, I
Speaker 1: really nailed that, or like that was such a good.
Speaker 1: Um these comedians that are listening to themselves I have
Speaker 1: mentioned is that they love them they hate themselves clearly
Speaker 1: because it's interesting the defeating behavior and the self sabotaging behavior.
Speaker 1: But like narcissism comes actually from a place I think
Speaker 1: of deep insecurity, Like you have to go the other
Speaker 1: way with it. So like when you you look at
Speaker 1: these people, like the other day Carlisle was talking about
Speaker 1: some when that is so confident, She's like, why can't
Speaker 1: I be as confident as he? As he just like
Speaker 1: exudes this, Like I mean, what were you saying like this?
Speaker 1: He just exudes so much charisma and self confidence. I
Speaker 1: was like, he loves himself so much, And I was like, no,
Speaker 1: he doesn't, because to me, we saw the same person
Speaker 1: and I go theybe. That person is is not does
Speaker 1: not love them Like, yes, they they've accepted themselves, but
Speaker 1: they're not like that's not that comes from a deep
Speaker 1: place of insecurity. I mean if you look at that
Speaker 1: person's history, like I could point to things that I go, like,
Speaker 1: an insecure a confident person doesn't have this like or
Speaker 1: the you know. So it is interesting though that you
Speaker 1: do look at these people that are so fucking confident
Speaker 1: and you go, God, I think that's is that the
Speaker 1: missing thing for me? Is that the missing thing of
Speaker 1: like making it? It's just narcissism and believing, like the
Speaker 1: sociopathy because yea oftimes like I used to have that
Speaker 1: and it fades more as you like get smarter and
Speaker 1: why is it you know, older and whatever. But like
Speaker 1: whenever I was like eighteen years old, like I remember,
Speaker 1: people will be like my parents or whatever, like you
Speaker 1: just think you're like you're always going to be And
Speaker 1: it's I wonder why that with parents that go do
Speaker 1: you think you're gonna be someone you can't do? Ship
Speaker 1: Carlyle good look making it to the ghost Bridge. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you think you're this basketball machine at twelve. You think
Speaker 1: you're good at conceded remember the word conceded. You don't
Speaker 1: even hear it anymore. Us confidence rewarded even Yeah, and
Speaker 1: now it's it's the total opposite. It's like build yourself up. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if you come on and you talk about there's this
Speaker 1: guy entertained who just got kicked off everything whatever, whatever
Speaker 1: you want to say about freedom of speech, whatever, But
Speaker 1: he just talks like this and everything is confident, and
Speaker 1: I take women by the hair and I drag them
Speaker 1: around because I'm a strong alpha man. And everyone's like,
Speaker 1: whoa dude, This guy talks clear and with authority, and
Speaker 1: they get full. You get full, you full young kids
Speaker 1: like I don't know, like, but then you're like, what
Speaker 1: should I talk? Like? Hitler talked pretty confident. I'm sure
Speaker 1: he didn't love himself, but they he ended up murdering
Speaker 1: himself in a bunk, like you know, like these people
Speaker 1: end up painting suicide that they don't Actually, I'm actually happy,
Speaker 1: and I just think because I feel that way all
Speaker 1: the time when people about my own self, we gotta
Speaker 1: go to break. But like when I when people are
Speaker 1: like you are killing it, Like yesterday was like a
Speaker 1: day on social media that I'm sure anyone who is
Speaker 1: having a rough time in their career. They look at
Speaker 1: my Instagram who compares themselves to me, and they go, God,
Speaker 1: she's doing everything, like she's killing it. She hosts this,
Speaker 1: she's like and just projecting so much onto me that
Speaker 1: I would do the same thing. And there was just
Speaker 1: a part of me that was like I wish they
Speaker 1: could see, like me alone in my hotel room, like
Speaker 1: waiting for uber eats, literally having this be like the
Speaker 1: highlight of my day, taking a bath, really not knowing
Speaker 1: what to do in the bath, like being bored within
Speaker 1: two seconds, getting out reading a book, putting that down,
Speaker 1: being on Reddit until five in the morning, not being
Speaker 1: able to sleep, like reading about Columbine, like this isn't
Speaker 1: like this isn't really what it looks like my spray
Speaker 1: tand like the splott nous of my body, like that
Speaker 1: is all. Um. I have to remember that it's not
Speaker 1: all what it seems, because there there are times that
Speaker 1: I've lived like the perfect image and I'm just like,
Speaker 1: it's not that. But like they go, they go, you know,
Speaker 1: they talk like this, and then every fifteenth Instagram posts
Speaker 1: them just crying, and then I'm also just like you,
Speaker 1: and they're like all right, I need more tears. Can
Speaker 1: you put more people? You know what? That feels like
Speaker 1: this same kind of confident Yeah, but it's like it's
Speaker 1: confident in beam just like I don't know, there's an
Speaker 1: in performative yeah yeah, but like I'm a real person, um,
Speaker 1: even though it's a ring light on me and I'm
Speaker 1: crying with a filter on cry filter, so it's all
Speaker 1: such lies. It's um, it's more fun to just uh,
Speaker 1: I just like when but it is hard to hear
Speaker 1: someone like Jamie. Jamie will be like and I'm just
Speaker 1: a puddle with bangs and I'm like, You're like, stop it.
Speaker 1: You're gorgeous like that, like people that look so gorgeous. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Like I only bang my way down and she yeah,
Speaker 1: and you go, honey, I think you could bang at
Speaker 1: the top. You were like one of the most sunning
Speaker 1: people I've ever seen. I was literally gob smacked looking
Speaker 1: at her, Like she was one of those people that
Speaker 1: you see in person and you just go, WHOA. I
Speaker 1: get why she was discovered, Like she just radiates so um. Yeah,
Speaker 1: some people getting together, I know, colorful. You never you
Speaker 1: never see that. It's like we were like dumb and
Speaker 1: dumber going to parties. That's how right. All right, we
Speaker 1: gotta go to break. We'll come back with more right
Speaker 1: after this. Alright, we're back with Carlile Forrester. Um. We
Speaker 1: are going to play top one bottom one. It's Monday, okay.
Speaker 1: The category four today's top one bottom one is something
Speaker 1: in an airplane on a flight in an airplane, so
Speaker 1: when you're flying places, we're going to talk about the
Speaker 1: thing you like the most, and things like the least
Speaker 1: on Oh I thought it was stories from a flight.
Speaker 1: I apologize. I mean, this is a loose segment. There's
Speaker 1: no rules just right at but Statehouse. I think that
Speaker 1: was that was bad. Um, okay, so let's start with
Speaker 1: the least. That's the bottom one on a plane. I
Speaker 1: will say, um, the guy. Recently, I had a thing
Speaker 1: on the plane where the guy just really wanted to
Speaker 1: talk to me, and I could tell that they were
Speaker 1: just staring at like what I was doing, looking for
Speaker 1: anything to like comment on, and and then starting to
Speaker 1: like judge my movements and like just looking for something
Speaker 1: like not a pillow, or like just the guy next
Speaker 1: to you who wants to talk to you so badly,
Speaker 1: And then when you finally given and talk to them.
Speaker 1: They don't really want to talk to you. They want
Speaker 1: to talk about themselves, and they're not even interested in
Speaker 1: anything that you're sharing. They just want to talk about themselves.
Speaker 1: And that's that's this this energy I got from this
Speaker 1: guy recently of like, oh, he's watching everything I do,
Speaker 1: just waiting to go, like, okay, um, reading a book
Speaker 1: there don't like and you couldn't be you're the most
Speaker 1: closed off. It's essentially like you build your own little fort.
Speaker 1: It rarely happens. That's when I noticed this guy because
Speaker 1: I was like, he's way and for an inn and
Speaker 1: he doesn't even understand. He doesn't have air pods, so
Speaker 1: he doesn't understand how shut out I am to any
Speaker 1: noise he's making. So he's going to think I'm rude
Speaker 1: when he eventually talks to me because I will not
Speaker 1: hear it because I have noise canceling headphones, ones that
Speaker 1: are blaring airplane noise from my white noise app to
Speaker 1: double down on my favorite thing about an airplane, which
Speaker 1: is air blane noise. But yeah, um, I can't, I
Speaker 1: can't stay. I just learned so much in my early
Speaker 1: in my career of traveling all the time to never
Speaker 1: engage with an a man at the scene next to you.
Speaker 1: And I'm not talking about a man my age. It's
Speaker 1: usually uh fifty years plus. Do not talk to those
Speaker 1: men on plane if they are too chatty, and they
Speaker 1: will ask for your number and they will want to
Speaker 1: stay in touch, and it's just it becomes I made
Speaker 1: a mistake so many times of giving these old men
Speaker 1: my numbers, um, just to be nice and then just
Speaker 1: like flirting with me for years via text, and it's
Speaker 1: just so gross. Um and uh oh, but I did
Speaker 1: have us on the plane here the whole time, like
Speaker 1: I ate like so, I ate like a monster. Um,
Speaker 1: I slept like a monster. I was disgusting, and I
Speaker 1: had a feel like at the very start of the plane,
Speaker 1: I could sense that he kind of clocked me and
Speaker 1: then was texting a lot on his phone, and I
Speaker 1: was trying to see his phone if he was like
Speaker 1: because sometimes I'll look on their phone and I see
Speaker 1: them looking up. I see my face on their phone,
Speaker 1: so they're trying to verify it's me, So they like
Speaker 1: google my name to like see a picture, and it's
Speaker 1: like the it happens. It happens a lot. And I've
Speaker 1: done it before with celebrities, where I'm like, if you
Speaker 1: do that, just hide your phone so the celebrity doesn't see.
Speaker 1: So I looked at his phone. It didn't have me
Speaker 1: on it, but I could see like him feverishly texting
Speaker 1: his friends. And I was like, this guy who was
Speaker 1: like kind of quiet before, is all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: after he's clocked me, he's like writing. So I was
Speaker 1: like maybe, but then I was like, Nicky stopped being
Speaker 1: full of yourself, like you're not who cares, no one,
Speaker 1: no one knows who you are. And then as soon
Speaker 1: as we land, he just goes. I just want to
Speaker 1: say I'm a big fan. I'm like I have been
Speaker 1: farting next to you from five and a half. I
Speaker 1: like bend next to you. I put a blanket over
Speaker 1: my head, like uh, just went to the backroom like
Speaker 1: eight times, Like I just like that, dude. I really
Speaker 1: love how like you're just yourself and it's like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I know. I just let my head down,
Speaker 1: put a pillbottle between my my bucket and my like
Speaker 1: I to spread my toes. I was like doing some
Speaker 1: really weird stuff and I'm like, God, this would have
Speaker 1: been nice to know that you know who I am.
Speaker 1: It is a weird feeling to have to just be
Speaker 1: yourself on a plane or in any situation and then
Speaker 1: at the end of it for someone to go, I
Speaker 1: know who you are, Like that doesn't that doesn't happen
Speaker 1: in life where you know, unless maybe like I know
Speaker 1: your mom and you go, oh no, god, is someone
Speaker 1: my feeling? But yeah, so that was my worst That
Speaker 1: actually was nice. That guy was very nice, But um,
Speaker 1: I wish you would earn it earlier. What about what's
Speaker 1: the worst thing? I guess, Uh, this was pretty bad.
Speaker 1: I saw, Um, you know, my brother was was way
Speaker 1: smart to me, my older brother, and he'd like to
Speaker 1: outsmart me a lot, and uh, I don't even think this.
Speaker 1: It's funny when you think back and you're like, man,
Speaker 1: he tricked me. But really I should have saw it coming,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Like sometimes you're like, man,
Speaker 1: how did he think of this? But really this is
Speaker 1: exactly like he put two catchup packets down. He's like,
Speaker 1: I bet you should punch him, and I was like no,
Speaker 1: and he just punch him as hard as you can, yeah,
Speaker 1: to catch up packets, And I was like, are you
Speaker 1: sure I should do it? He's like, yeah, that'd be cool.
Speaker 1: And this was on your way to Jackson Hole last week.
Speaker 1: Like how old were you? I want to set the
Speaker 1: stage here. I would say I was like eight or nine.
Speaker 1: So he's like he's like twelve. Yeah, he's just smart
Speaker 1: enough to know that this is a horrible idea. And
Speaker 1: I fucking punched He's catchup pack because I want to
Speaker 1: impress him too at the same time. And I punched
Speaker 1: him and to catch up flies like seven ft and
Speaker 1: lands on like a hundred and forty year old woman's face,
Speaker 1: like and she's just like she was sitting next to you,
Speaker 1: like on the road. No, she was like it was back.
Speaker 1: It was far enough where I don't even know I
Speaker 1: can't remember whether or not. Yeah, like the Vegas shooting,
Speaker 1: they're like, where is this coming from? I mean they
Speaker 1: can't they do not know where it's coming from. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: It was like JFK assassination. It was like this was
Speaker 1: it even displaced back into the left. Yeah, so I
Speaker 1: blamed I think it was blood too, because yeah, they
Speaker 1: were like she's yeah, she's just old enough where she
Speaker 1: just started bleeding randomly. Uh. Yeah. I didn't get caught though,
Speaker 1: somehow did your parents get mad at you? Um, I
Speaker 1: can't remember if they were even on the flight or
Speaker 1: listening to us or talking to us at that time.
Speaker 1: I think my mom was drunk and my dad was
Speaker 1: looking at reports, you know, didn't catch up on those reports.
Speaker 1: I don't know why. It wasn't like I guess I
Speaker 1: didn't get in that much trouble to think back, but
Speaker 1: I just felt so horrible for this old woman who
Speaker 1: she didn't need to screamed yeah, And also like I
Speaker 1: feel bad for that kid being so dumb to do that,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Oh, I like that we're
Speaker 1: looking at him as not you, But yeah, he was
Speaker 1: just a kid. He didn't no, no nothing. I remember
Speaker 1: one time spilling catch up on my hands and walking
Speaker 1: to the bathroom at a McDonald's when I was like
Speaker 1: maybe in third grade, and this man was like, are
Speaker 1: you OK? Like I thought it was like blood all
Speaker 1: over my hands, and I remember being so scared by
Speaker 1: his reaction, and I was just like, I don't know,
Speaker 1: like I just remember being like, Oh, that's what it's
Speaker 1: like to get like like real attention from some like
Speaker 1: some like too much, like someone being so concerned about
Speaker 1: you that it was just like Jesus Christ, chill out,
Speaker 1: and you're like, am I okay? Like am I? Like?
Speaker 1: You start questioning everything, starting me like someday you will
Speaker 1: start bleeding and it needs You're a woman like that,
Speaker 1: too young for this? Where's my dad? I handed my
Speaker 1: brother a knife one time and he took catch up
Speaker 1: and he put it all over his hands and said
Speaker 1: I stabbed him. And I was running around crying, thinking
Speaker 1: I stabbed my brother. That was in Jackson All. I
Speaker 1: got to be a successful one. Now, Um, okay, Garlan,
Speaker 1: what about you? Okay? Story or just like thing on
Speaker 1: a plane that's at least I'm just going right to
Speaker 1: story because I had to do the worst thing, which
Speaker 1: is did you autopilots? I had to get my two
Speaker 1: cats to Mississippi. And if you remember this, it was
Speaker 1: right before I was moving in with you to do
Speaker 1: Dancing with the Stars, and we thought we were going
Speaker 1: to live in this apartment for a lot longer than
Speaker 1: we actually did, but they did in the long So
Speaker 1: I had to get these two cats back to Mississippi
Speaker 1: in an airplane bag that goes under the seat to
Speaker 1: have to fit in the one that goes under the seat.
Speaker 1: That's the like rule f C C rule. But then
Speaker 1: fun cat cats are already had them drugged whatever, and
Speaker 1: they're like, now they wouldn't fight. No, how did you
Speaker 1: drug them? You're veable describe it and so prepared for
Speaker 1: them in the bag the whole time, she just blew
Speaker 1: smoke into the back, just smoked. No. So then the
Speaker 1: flight's about to start and the flight attendant comes around
Speaker 1: and she's like, okay, you need to take one of
Speaker 1: the cats out of the bag and I was like what,
Speaker 1: and she's like one needs to go on your lap.
Speaker 1: Two cats in there and everyone knows it's coming out
Speaker 1: of the back show. I was like, that is the
Speaker 1: worst idea ever. The bag like it's like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: just that's the rule, Like one has to ride on
Speaker 1: your lap. So I was like, which one is going
Speaker 1: to be more docile? And I just got like the
Speaker 1: older one and pulled her out and she's trying to
Speaker 1: like jump on the plane and I'm holding her and
Speaker 1: then she just took a ship. I don't want to stressed.
Speaker 1: She was so stressed out and she was medicated, and
Speaker 1: I felt so bad for the people next to me
Speaker 1: because they're like, who is this who brings two cats
Speaker 1: on a plane, Like I look like a crazy person.
Speaker 1: It's because I have to move them back, like they
Speaker 1: both live there now, so like it's the one time
Speaker 1: in life this is ever going to happen. But for
Speaker 1: that one plane, right, I was that this is a lesson,
Speaker 1: like don't get like, don't get animals if you don't
Speaker 1: have a plan. I know, well they live for twenty
Speaker 1: two years. I mean I had these cats two thousand.
Speaker 1: There are so many times where people have to move
Speaker 1: or like their situations where people are like I got
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do with my dog, like
Speaker 1: having pets. No, I would never really hold back people
Speaker 1: from so many things. My plan was always for them
Speaker 1: to go to their golden years in Mississippi, which is
Speaker 1: what's happening now, which is a great life for cats.
Speaker 1: Were the people next to you being like you could
Speaker 1: hear them like huffing and they were laughing. They were
Speaker 1: these two boys that were like on their way to
Speaker 1: a wedding and I think they were cousins, Like no,
Speaker 1: man like because it smells so bad, and I was
Speaker 1: just like, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. And the
Speaker 1: cats fighting the thing trying to get it. They were
Speaker 1: fighting in the bag too. In the bag they had
Speaker 1: gotten sick and everything, and I'm hold, why didn't just
Speaker 1: why did you do? Like when we know that the
Speaker 1: cats were going to do this? I think it was
Speaker 1: the medicine that the vet gave them just relaxed them
Speaker 1: and it relaxed their bows. You guys, stop giving your
Speaker 1: cat like when people fly with their animals, they medicate them.
Speaker 1: It's just such a bad ide. Yet just I don't
Speaker 1: know what it is with cats, but with dogs, just
Speaker 1: put them in the bag and stop checking on them,
Speaker 1: just like be confident that that's where they belong. And
Speaker 1: your dog will read your energy. It was the best
Speaker 1: advice I was ever given. It changed the way I
Speaker 1: traveled with pets. I was always dealing with dogs that
Speaker 1: were doing the same thing, freaking out, shitting like like
Speaker 1: trying to get out. And then the second these gay
Speaker 1: guys were like, oh, you're traveling with a dog's rough,
Speaker 1: isn't it? And I was like, I don't know what
Speaker 1: to do. Do you have any advice? And they were like,
Speaker 1: once you they are reading your energy. If you're nervous
Speaker 1: about them in the bag, they're going to be nervous
Speaker 1: about being in the bag. They go in the bag,
Speaker 1: you're confident they should be there. They're gonna take them
Speaker 1: out when the planes right over is over. If you
Speaker 1: are just confident they belong there and that it's not
Speaker 1: a big deal, and you're not constantly like are you okay?
Speaker 1: Are you Like they're not gonna worry about it either.
Speaker 1: And it was like magic. I couldn't believe how it worked.
Speaker 1: Where I was just like Luigi, that's where you're going,
Speaker 1: and I'm just leaving you there and you're fine and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go to sleep. Never an issue again traveling
Speaker 1: with pets. But I'm sure it's overall. And I was
Speaker 1: sitting in theself, know what, what's your at least favorite
Speaker 1: thing about a plane? I cannot stand when, um, someone
Speaker 1: who's in the window seat like opens their window and
Speaker 1: let's light into a dark plane, especially when it reaches
Speaker 1: My dad does that. My dad loves a window seat.
Speaker 1: And if he's sitting in the aisle and someone is
Speaker 1: the window and they don't open the window, he goes,
Speaker 1: she's not even open the windows, like that's the points
Speaker 1: next the window. Like He'll start huffing and puffing and
Speaker 1: being a little baby about it and be like, I
Speaker 1: mean I like the window. I would use the window
Speaker 1: like he loves the window. Then he gets mad if
Speaker 1: you're on a Southwest light and you pick like a
Speaker 1: seat for him that is on the wing, because then
Speaker 1: he doesn't have a good view because the winning like
Speaker 1: he loves out there doing he just likes the view.
Speaker 1: I mean it is kind of impressive. Air travel is amazing.
Speaker 1: But like my dad a wonder that is like a
Speaker 1: childlike wonder. It's right, but you're when it is dark
Speaker 1: on a plane and the light is abrasive, the sun
Speaker 1: is setting or the sun is howiver, get a sleep
Speaker 1: mask if you don't like his Other night, I was
Speaker 1: reading on a plane and it was dark, and I
Speaker 1: put my overhead light on because I wanted to read
Speaker 1: this book that I had a tangible book, and I
Speaker 1: felt bad because I'm like, oh, the cabin's dark. I'm
Speaker 1: putting on this reading light. And then I go, if
Speaker 1: people don't like light and they want to sleep, get
Speaker 1: a fucking sleep mask, Like there's a solution if you
Speaker 1: don't like light. So but I know some people don't
Speaker 1: like sleep mask. You see light coming in, let that
Speaker 1: be your queue to wake up and see the fucking
Speaker 1: Grand Canyon because it's on the left side of the plane,
Speaker 1: even though you're on the right. So look at the
Speaker 1: other look at the ocean view. If you look out
Speaker 1: a window of any plane, you see the Grand Canyon.
Speaker 1: It don't matter how far you are that Grand Canyon.
Speaker 1: It's okay. What's your favorite thing about being got a plane?
Speaker 1: Can I just say one more thing I hate real quick?
Speaker 1: I hate one people put up the airplane map of
Speaker 1: where we're going to. Oh, I hate it so much
Speaker 1: so I have to look and go we're in Tennessee
Speaker 1: and we have to be in Alaska, and you fucking
Speaker 1: are watching now, you prick. Now I have to watch
Speaker 1: the slow mo of this fucking I was like, I
Speaker 1: hope it crashes on there, and they really watch these
Speaker 1: people just like these people are such control freaks. They
Speaker 1: need to feel like they're in the cockpit some way,
Speaker 1: so they have like this is control freaks that are
Speaker 1: watching this. And Celsius did the fahrenheit. It's quite cold
Speaker 1: up here, and you believe that what I'm trying to think.
Speaker 1: I mean, we could just do all things we hate.
Speaker 1: But what's your favorite part about air travel or being
Speaker 1: on being on an airplane. I mean, my favorite story
Speaker 1: is when I was flying. My little brother was afraid
Speaker 1: to fly. And I've told you this before, but he
Speaker 1: was in the back and he was having a full
Speaker 1: on meltdown and UH and the pilot came back after
Speaker 1: we took off. He was crying so hard, he was
Speaker 1: like fighting, he had like super strength, and he finally
Speaker 1: calmed down because we gave him like a half of
Speaker 1: an X And the pilot comes all the way to
Speaker 1: the back of the plane and he looks down. He's like, son,
Speaker 1: I just want to let you know we're gonna get
Speaker 1: you home, all right. And Sam looks up and he goes,
Speaker 1: who's flying the plane? So I just envisioning like an
Speaker 1: empty steering wheel just go you know, Carlile like, it's
Speaker 1: just crazy. I would think that too, Yeah if I
Speaker 1: was Yeah, yeah, oh my god. It was the best
Speaker 1: moment of my life. I laugh every time I think
Speaker 1: of that story wedding, because he's the pilot thinks he's
Speaker 1: really like changing this kid's life, even though he's giving
Speaker 1: him so much more alarm. UM plane was when I
Speaker 1: sat next to Um, two of the only surviving UH
Speaker 1: Munchkins from the Wizard of Oz story. Jerry. Uh, he
Speaker 1: told it on you up. Jerry. Wait, let me look. Look,
Speaker 1: I remember that Jerry Munchkin. Him and his wife were
Speaker 1: both munchkins. Jerry Maron. That's right, Jerry Maron and his wife. Um,
Speaker 1: we're both in the Lollipop Guild. He died eighteen. He
Speaker 1: was old as funn He died at the age of UM.
Speaker 1: I met him and probably, I mean he was at
Speaker 1: the window, his wife was in the middle seat. I
Speaker 1: was on the aisle and I was flying out to
Speaker 1: l a from like some ship gig when I was
Speaker 1: just broke and like not doing well at all. And
Speaker 1: he and they were so nice. We started talking all
Speaker 1: about the business. And they were telling me all about
Speaker 1: the Lollipop Guild. They would make appearances. That was like
Speaker 1: how they were making money. So they were telling us
Speaker 1: all about me, all about you know, what it was
Speaker 1: like to be they still really represented the Lollipop Guild.
Speaker 1: And we're going out there. Uh. And they worked like
Speaker 1: they were so adorable. They loved each other so much,
Speaker 1: and and he told me I was going to make it.
Speaker 1: He was like, I just have a feeling about you.
Speaker 1: You're gonna make it and it was very like I
Speaker 1: really felt that he believed it, and like, I don't
Speaker 1: know if I felt like it was magical somehow having
Speaker 1: a munch can tell me that or something, but like
Speaker 1: it just felt it was such a lovely flight. We're
Speaker 1: talking to someone but under right now the Wizard of Oz. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so like nine, like he was in the Wizard of
Speaker 1: you're thinking of bloom Pas. We represent the lollipop Gilp,
Speaker 1: the lollipop Gilp. Yeah, those two, Um, it was like
Speaker 1: a fever dream. I couldn't even believe it that I
Speaker 1: was and got to sit next to them, and then
Speaker 1: they were so nice and we talked the whole way
Speaker 1: and that they I think they gave me like a
Speaker 1: present or something at the end of it to remember them.
Speaker 1: It was so nice. But it was such a wild
Speaker 1: um but that was my best flight. What about you,
Speaker 1: car Oh, I was just gonna say, I could really
Speaker 1: stretch out. You're like, that was a good fly. Can
Speaker 1: lay down on top of them, that's so funny. I
Speaker 1: just put them under the seat in front of me.
Speaker 1: I was like, you guys, can't down. You can't put
Speaker 1: too much in one bag. You have to have one
Speaker 1: on your lap and one under the seat. That's FCC
Speaker 1: regulation as we've learned. No, okay, this is very meta.
Speaker 1: Because I'm here now, I don't know how meta. How
Speaker 1: meta is this gonna be? Nikki, this is going this
Speaker 1: is I'm even using the word. That's what I'm on
Speaker 1: the fence about here, is that every what do I
Speaker 1: have a feeling that will be? I think she's going
Speaker 1: to nail it. My favorite thing about being on a
Speaker 1: plane is listening to this podcast. Well that is meta. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I'm inside of this podcast, so that is so
Speaker 1: nice of you to say. Also, right now, are you
Speaker 1: on a plane? It is Oh, yes, someone on a
Speaker 1: plane right now listening to this. It is nice. There's
Speaker 1: something about listening to podcasts on a plane. I love
Speaker 1: laughing so hard at something on the plane that I
Speaker 1: have to turn it off because I am being one
Speaker 1: of those people that's like I'm having so much fun
Speaker 1: by myself. Like I just hate people that like laughed
Speaker 1: themselves where it's just like we get it. You like
Speaker 1: are entertained by art. Like you you have your own
Speaker 1: little private world. You're having fun, you have a good life,
Speaker 1: Like there's parts of me as soon as I start laughing,
Speaker 1: like at a book or something. I'm reading them always
Speaker 1: just like everyone hates me around me anything. I'm like
Speaker 1: trying to happening on Columbine and Nicki's just like just
Speaker 1: like it's like chapter eight, like when they all died,
Speaker 1: and NICKI just like do it again. Oh the basement
Speaker 1: tapes chapter that's sort of big columnye mads out there.
Speaker 1: And it's funny when you laugh at yourself on a podcast,
Speaker 1: because do it really? You really laugh hard, and then
Speaker 1: you try to hide the laugh instead of just like
Speaker 1: let it naturally. You're just like it looks like you're
Speaker 1: doing sneak, like you're plotting, like you're just like thinking
Speaker 1: about how you're gonna hide you just suspicious. Yes, I'm
Speaker 1: just listen. I swear I had a wooden knife that
Speaker 1: I got from like disposable um. It's over there. I
Speaker 1: think it's wait, let me just get it. Did you
Speaker 1: bring a wooden knife on a plane, so like I
Speaker 1: had like disposable um, like you know, cutlery. There's so
Speaker 1: many times I find myself on the road where like
Speaker 1: I'll order uber eats and there's no you know, I
Speaker 1: have to use them. The stirring straws from the coffee
Speaker 1: filter thing to like use as chopsticks because they just
Speaker 1: never have they don't give it to you nerbery eats
Speaker 1: and then you just are like, oh what do I do?
Speaker 1: There's no restaurant, the hotel, I can't call down, So
Speaker 1: I've just saved stuff that's like good sometimes that I get.
Speaker 1: And I just had an individual wooden knife your jacket
Speaker 1: did your dad find out on the Missouri River? This
Speaker 1: looks so suspicious like it is. It looks like it
Speaker 1: looks like that someone's trying to sneak a murder weapon,
Speaker 1: but as a butter knife like your legs. It looks
Speaker 1: like something that someone would make to make it look
Speaker 1: like it's not as dangerous as it is. And this
Speaker 1: is was in I found this in my jean jacket
Speaker 1: while I was on the flight, and I was like, man,
Speaker 1: I'm glad because it's it wouldn't so it wouldn't come
Speaker 1: out on a metal detector like it is a perfect weapon.
Speaker 1: So if anyone terrorists out there listening, Yeah, if you
Speaker 1: want to make a gun, make it out of wood,
Speaker 1: Like I just love the idea of you, like you
Speaker 1: have a shank on you like, that's a straight up
Speaker 1: shank I've never even seen like it doesn't have with it.
Speaker 1: It would make sense to be like, oh, this is
Speaker 1: I just had the knife. There was no other There
Speaker 1: was the napkin or like the plastic that came with
Speaker 1: the set. It was just the knife. So suspicious. Um.
Speaker 1: Uh know what's your favorite thing about being a real
Speaker 1: quick I love when I'm like on a plane that's
Speaker 1: not too old but also not too new, so there's
Speaker 1: like a screen doesn't break apart in the sky. No,
Speaker 1: and um they have a map that I can track
Speaker 1: the flight and I can see it in the three
Speaker 1: different views like zoomed out medium. I hate you. I
Speaker 1: hate That's what Andrew hates. So we're going through each
Speaker 1: of the views where it goes like three D, like
Speaker 1: goes around the plane and it tells me how much Yeah,
Speaker 1: because I like knowing how much time is left, Like
Speaker 1: I like, these are people who want to be in
Speaker 1: the cockpit. They can't be. It's the closest they can get.
Speaker 1: I get it. I know that is exactly it's Noah,
Speaker 1: that's that person is it's the whole time You're gonna
Speaker 1: hate this answer. The answer is yes, I'd rather have
Speaker 1: a cat ship in my mouth. Now we know if
Speaker 1: we ever fly anywhere, I cannot sit next to Andrew
Speaker 1: because it's that that keeps going from like. I love they.
Speaker 1: I know exactly what you're talking about. They give these
Speaker 1: differed aspects of the plane and they go through the elevation,
Speaker 1: They trays around it. They show you where like where
Speaker 1: you are, like compares it to Africa. Yeah, you like
Speaker 1: that gives you like a little steering wheel, so you
Speaker 1: pretend that you're flying it. Look at me, okay, and
Speaker 1: we're gonna have to have fifteen mounctions in between us.
Speaker 1: I also like to do this. I like to turn
Speaker 1: the screen off, listen to a little bit of a podcast,
Speaker 1: then turn it back on and see how mar you've come.
Speaker 1: The plane has moved. Oh I don't mind that, Andrew.
Speaker 1: We need to get your sleep mask to be so
Speaker 1: you don't have to deal with these people. Sleep mass
Speaker 1: well would solve most of our issues, except Carlos Cash.
Speaker 1: He pulled the sleeps sound solution. He sleeps. All right, guys,
Speaker 1: that's our podcast for this Monday. We're back in acted.
Speaker 1: We'll be here all week. Um, thank you so much
Speaker 1: for listening. We will see you tomorrow on the show.
Speaker 1: Uh don't we cut and Jack to Nashville. Yeah, there
Speaker 1: you go tomorrow night in Nashville. Go see Andrew and
Speaker 1: come see me in Vegas September two. We'll see you
Speaker 1: out there by by