Speaker 1: Welcome to the Women of Whiling Out podcast. You got
Speaker 1: baby Girl, Hollie boys, your girl be somebody, go pretty up,
Speaker 1: yore back your girl just being a V with pretty
Speaker 1: d and be somebore. What's the one? Everybody? Anybody? Can
Speaker 1: you show? Tonight We're gonna have the women a while
Speaker 1: and the podcast on the cars. Bubby Girl, Baby buy
Speaker 1: what's Welcome back to the Women, a wild and out
Speaker 1: podcast with the ladies of Wolentile control the mike. This
Speaker 1: is our world from our perspective. I end girl, You're beautiful, challenging. Okay,
Speaker 1: I want to be my child. It's be simone and
Speaker 1: Pretty V is not here with us. I know you're
Speaker 1: gonna miss my baby. Um, but I got my girl,
Speaker 1: the best free, stalent female, red head, beautiful, talented, just
Speaker 1: a Valentine. Was that, they says, My beautiful, manifesting, hard
Speaker 1: working queen is in the building. Be what's up it?
Speaker 1: And I know you can't see at home, but she
Speaker 1: got the blue Versace robot. She's just she's setting the tone.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to manifest. You gotta act, Richard and what
Speaker 1: you are like you know, it's like, okay, just put
Speaker 1: on a road you know, walk around, act like you're
Speaker 1: in a mansion, not an apartment. I know, that's right.
Speaker 1: I love it. But you looked amazing and I'm excited
Speaker 1: to be here with you. I miss V of course,
Speaker 1: but you know, yes, we have a dope guest today
Speaker 1: that I will introduce later. She has been on The
Speaker 1: Women While Our podcast before, but we brought her back.
Speaker 1: Some things have changed, so you know we need to
Speaker 1: we need to have another discussion, but I'll say that
Speaker 1: for later. Where are you at, Justina, I'm on set.
Speaker 1: I actually just wrapped up the months events with Nick,
Speaker 1: so I'm just here like in a little cubicle trying
Speaker 1: to find a little quiet space so you know we
Speaker 1: could get into it and bring it down to the ladies. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and being so funny because you know, like when I
Speaker 1: have my wrap ups, I do my research and whatever
Speaker 1: and it's a little teleprompter or whatever. But it's always
Speaker 1: good to be prepared. Because the little teleprompter today wasn't
Speaker 1: working on time. So your girl really had to go
Speaker 1: off the tippity top. You know, that's what you're professional
Speaker 1: at that though. That's easy, thank you, says Yeah, Nick
Speaker 1: was easy. Nick was funny after He's like, that teleprompter
Speaker 1: wasn't moving, huh. I was like no, He's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I know you were saying whatever. But that's a good
Speaker 1: thing about us being in show business. And you're the
Speaker 1: same way You're you're so great at just being on
Speaker 1: the spot with your comedy is like yeah, like you
Speaker 1: never know what's gonna happen, and when you can just
Speaker 1: keep going and and let the show go on without
Speaker 1: a hitch, the audience has no idea and those are
Speaker 1: the best moments. But you know, the first time I
Speaker 1: ever read a teleprompter was do you remember One of six?
Speaker 1: And part of course, yes, yes, I auditioned for one
Speaker 1: of six to search if you're looking up on YouTube.
Speaker 1: My audition is still on there, and I made to
Speaker 1: like the finals. Know what? It was my first time
Speaker 1: I read a teleprompter. I was like, hey, y'all speak
Speaker 1: some welcome back. They didn't choose me. They tells a
Speaker 1: little bow. I mean, I'm still mad at him throughout
Speaker 1: all I would have been like, now, oh, but that's cute.
Speaker 1: So did did you enjoy reading a tele prompter where
Speaker 1: you like, I love the teleprompter. It's cool, you feel
Speaker 1: like you can you really doing something. We're you know,
Speaker 1: I'm like, dang, I can really read, but sometimes they
Speaker 1: had to change those words because I was like, change
Speaker 1: the words. That word is to me? Right, You're like,
Speaker 1: that's about seven syllables. Yeah, but yeah, I like the teleprompter.
Speaker 1: But yeah, that's the first time I read a teleprompter.
Speaker 1: One so good. And you guys, you're on set one
Speaker 1: of those six in park howld be? I mean, now
Speaker 1: she's she don't even need to teleprompter at this point.
Speaker 1: Don't call me because my my price is way too happy.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm manifested. She's like, she's like, I'm serious about
Speaker 1: the price, but I'm kidding, y'all. That's how you manifest, y'all.
Speaker 1: You gotta talk like you already there, Like, no, I
Speaker 1: can't make it, you know what. Me and my best
Speaker 1: friend dude, we played the Manifest game. But you have
Speaker 1: to like tell the person you're gonna play it, so
Speaker 1: you should try to support do you play. We're like, okay,
Speaker 1: we're gonna play the Manifest game, and we just talk
Speaker 1: as if we're already there in life, so we'd be like, yeah, girl,
Speaker 1: Will Smith called he wants to meet in London. For lunch.
Speaker 1: But it's like, I don't know if that's gonna work
Speaker 1: because I've been on tour Martin and Oprah. You know,
Speaker 1: we have that meeting with her at six, so we
Speaker 1: just need to figure it all out. Like I hope
Speaker 1: Oprah isn't mad that I can't do the movie, but
Speaker 1: you know, it's just too much on the table right
Speaker 1: now and I just need a break. I need a vacation.
Speaker 1: I love that. That's so cute. So you have to
Speaker 1: talk like like we play the manifest game and we
Speaker 1: do it all day, but sometimes I'll be like, are
Speaker 1: you manifesting or just lying right? Like are we If
Speaker 1: you don't warnt someone, they're gonna be like, wait, what
Speaker 1: Oprah asked to be in a movie? You're you're you're
Speaker 1: You're not showing up to your lunch state with Will.
Speaker 1: It's like there's a lot going on, but speaking of
Speaker 1: so you gotta tell people speaking of busy women and manifesting,
Speaker 1: where is V today she like on the seven of
Speaker 1: the movie or I don't know, I think she's traveling.
Speaker 1: You know, if you don't do do you know traveling?
Speaker 1: I'm so spontaneous, I'd be like Brazil tomorrow. Cool, we
Speaker 1: all let's go passport ready? Come on? You know, girl,
Speaker 1: I know it's like she got a plan a month ahead.
Speaker 1: She's like, um, you know in May. I'm like, baby,
Speaker 1: I don't even know if I'm be alive in May.
Speaker 1: Call me in May. No, but I've been sweeting. I've
Speaker 1: been playing all your Instagram post body on fleek. Okay,
Speaker 1: be simone faces. Because you're are my close friends. I
Speaker 1: need to know what that close friends is all about.
Speaker 1: So maybe we speak about it later because you because
Speaker 1: I've seen you were on it and then it hit
Speaker 1: Man is on it, and I'm like, all right, I
Speaker 1: gotta pull up hit Man on it making bread. He's
Speaker 1: doing good, you know, me and my team providing that
Speaker 1: service for influence to herself. You. I want to close friends.
Speaker 1: I'll help you out out, you know. But but speaking
Speaker 1: of a close friend a mentor what she ain't a mentor.
Speaker 1: She's damning my therapist. But um, I want to introduce
Speaker 1: you guys to my love, my close friend, my relationship.
Speaker 1: She hated it when I call her a therapist because
Speaker 1: she's like me, I'm not a therapist. I'm like, sweetie,
Speaker 1: yes you are. You are a therapist Spicy Mdy, my
Speaker 1: relationship coach, is back on the Women A While Out podcast.
Speaker 1: I know she was on here before, but give her
Speaker 1: a warm Women a Wilding Out wheld my lady, Spicy,
Speaker 1: you know you was gonna be on today because you
Speaker 1: know I'll be looking at everything last minute. I was like,
Speaker 1: I just just now, I'm yeah, we loved it. We
Speaker 1: loved you. You know last time I was so in
Speaker 1: love and I was like, oh my gosh, Spicy is
Speaker 1: helping me with my soul mate, my purpose mate a
Speaker 1: year later broken up, Please help me. It happens. It happens.
Speaker 1: Right when I told her, y'all, she was the first
Speaker 1: person I called when I like was devastated, and she
Speaker 1: was like, I am mind blown. The red signs were
Speaker 1: not there. Yeah, I mean there's perpetrators, right, So, um,
Speaker 1: what you know, I often notice is that when we
Speaker 1: don't pick up on it, it's because we truly believe
Speaker 1: that that person is showing up for us, they're being
Speaker 1: you know, their authentic self. But like, there was other
Speaker 1: flags that I feel like I saw that we were
Speaker 1: that we ignored, that we're out of my control, and
Speaker 1: that I needed to just guide you through um, and
Speaker 1: I think that's why everything is a learning experience. And
Speaker 1: so it was more about okay, you know, the acceptance
Speaker 1: of this love that you had, but also um, being
Speaker 1: able to remove ourselves from the situation if it was toxic,
Speaker 1: if it wasn't healthy. And I think that that's something
Speaker 1: that you were a remarkable at which a lot of
Speaker 1: women don't have that strength. It is so good. I
Speaker 1: haven't talked to him since the day I lived. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, I cried every day. First we can love
Speaker 1: about it, but it's like really sad. Though, that's amazing,
Speaker 1: but but okay, we talked about relationships last time I
Speaker 1: was in a relationship aout a boyfriend. People know Justina
Speaker 1: has a boyfriend. She's very private with her her bood though,
Speaker 1: how do we get to the ring? We need to
Speaker 1: talk about that today, Like, because you're married, speaky, you
Speaker 1: just had a beautiful son, give us some advice on
Speaker 1: and you know what, Actually, Justina, I don't even know
Speaker 1: if um, you want to get married. I wonder if
Speaker 1: Justina wants to get married, UM, so do you just
Speaker 1: want to get married for me? Honestly, I'm not super traditional, um,
Speaker 1: you know with things like that, like I'm traditional as
Speaker 1: far as like you know, family and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm Italian, so like, oh that's important, But
Speaker 1: like as far as marriage to me especially not you know,
Speaker 1: we be and Marie like we don't live traditional lifestyles
Speaker 1: of what you know has has been in place for
Speaker 1: women for years. So, um, marriage to me, honestly is
Speaker 1: just a piece of paper. Because I'll tell you right now,
Speaker 1: I definitely don't want the I would never do the
Speaker 1: whole reception thing and all that. The way I look
Speaker 1: at it is like, be we have to be dressed up, makeup,
Speaker 1: hair done, body looking at as good as we could
Speaker 1: get it to look, you know, every day. So to
Speaker 1: have to plan and spend all that bread on a wedding, like,
Speaker 1: I'd rather, you know, keep going with real estate, put
Speaker 1: that money into a crypto. Um. I feel like when
Speaker 1: you have the understanding with someone and you have that bond,
Speaker 1: you know it is what it is. And marriage to
Speaker 1: me is just a piece of paper. So I don't
Speaker 1: need that. That's me personally. I feel like you're probably
Speaker 1: the opposite, Like you want the big wedding already. I
Speaker 1: need you to come down and take me to the Maldives.
Speaker 1: I need to thank you on a date and my
Speaker 1: whole family is behind the curtain crown. We in debt
Speaker 1: because of this ceremony. But you guys are talking wedding though,
Speaker 1: so like, let's get one thing clear. There's a huge
Speaker 1: difference between wedding and how much money you're spending right
Speaker 1: and marriage. And I mean, like studies do show that
Speaker 1: the more money that you spent on a wedding, the
Speaker 1: more likely you are to divorce because finance is usually
Speaker 1: the number one reason for divorce. So I think, you know,
Speaker 1: just you know, what you're saying is a sound decision,
Speaker 1: but it be you know, billion dollar b if you
Speaker 1: got it like that, like you know, and you can
Speaker 1: budget where it spends it. But when it comes to marriage, though,
Speaker 1: like we have a certificate, we have a contract, we
Speaker 1: have something for everything that we think official or is
Speaker 1: valid or we want you know, received from everything, and
Speaker 1: so when it comes to relationship, that's no different. And
Speaker 1: if our partners afraid to sign on the dotted line
Speaker 1: to fully commit, then I think that that's you know,
Speaker 1: assigned as well, Like, okay, we need to be paying
Speaker 1: attention to this. Why are you afraid to give the
Speaker 1: ultimate commitment, because there's no way that they would sign
Speaker 1: on that million dollar deal without a contract. You know,
Speaker 1: when it comes to our career, like we were like,
Speaker 1: where's the paper, show me my money, Like let's let's
Speaker 1: have all of this, you know, put in writing. But
Speaker 1: when it comes to our love life, we're like, I
Speaker 1: just wanted to be magical. I just want to hope
Speaker 1: and pray and wish on the start that this person
Speaker 1: shows up for me. And the truth of the matter
Speaker 1: is is like, yes, it's it's there's some business elements
Speaker 1: to it, but there's also a spiritual element to it.
Speaker 1: There's also a legal element that you have to respect.
Speaker 1: And if you're afraid of that component, then you know
Speaker 1: you made me to reconsider this commitment. So how long
Speaker 1: do you think you have to date before? Um, you
Speaker 1: know you can it. It was too soon because you know, Spicy,
Speaker 1: I was with my ex for eleven months and if
Speaker 1: you would have proposed, would have been like a damn.
Speaker 1: But that's because you said there were some things you
Speaker 1: were apprehensive about being like there really was, Yes, it
Speaker 1: was good, said, yes, you're right, there was. We have
Speaker 1: to keep we we have to keep it. One like
Speaker 1: you wanted to be married, and you did love and
Speaker 1: care for him, but there was a lot of things
Speaker 1: that we were still ironing out and working for sure
Speaker 1: that you were skeptical about. And so go ahead, go ahead,
Speaker 1: go ahead. No, I was gonna say so when it
Speaker 1: comes to marriage. And one of the things that like
Speaker 1: you brought me into was like, hey, you know, how
Speaker 1: do I, you know, make healthy decisions during this relationship
Speaker 1: and create longevity. One thing is you know that and
Speaker 1: I coached specifically to this with my clients, is the
Speaker 1: six levels of intimacy, right, So, like it's easy to
Speaker 1: feel the emotional intimacy sometimes that's like the rain drops,
Speaker 1: bubble gum feelings, like you know, the chemistry that you
Speaker 1: guys feel. It's even great to feel the physical intimacy,
Speaker 1: but that's the sexual intimacy that you feel. The hard
Speaker 1: conversations are about the financial intimacy that nobody wants to
Speaker 1: talk about. What's your credit account? How much money have
Speaker 1: you got in the bank? Do you have a savings
Speaker 1: like you know, do you do you do you pay
Speaker 1: for your mama's rent? Like we're not having those hard
Speaker 1: financial intimacy questions, and then we're also not having you
Speaker 1: know enough recreational intimacy, which is like the time that
Speaker 1: we spend and getting really to know our partner, We're
Speaker 1: not having the intellectual intimacy. What can I learn from you?
Speaker 1: What can you, you know, teach me? What can I
Speaker 1: also teach you? Do you have to do all that
Speaker 1: before the sexual intimacy because I like this movie and
Speaker 1: I want to do it to you. No, Okay, So, like,
Speaker 1: if it depends on what your intentions are, right, Like,
Speaker 1: I'm not one of those you need to wait just
Speaker 1: for waiting sake. I don't agree with that. If you
Speaker 1: are in your um either your home phase, or you're
Speaker 1: in your I just want to get my rocks off phase,
Speaker 1: or I'm a you know, a strong independent woman and
Speaker 1: I love these man phase. Whatever phase you're in, go
Speaker 1: ahead and get your freak on. Let him hit it,
Speaker 1: you know, don't worry about the emotional intimacy. But if
Speaker 1: you are in a phase in your life where you
Speaker 1: want a real commitment and you want a hubby, then
Speaker 1: that takes strategy when it comes to how you govern
Speaker 1: your decision making in your life, because those are two
Speaker 1: completely different goals. If you want to come that's a
Speaker 1: completely different goal. Then I want to um go enter
Speaker 1: into a business with my lover and build our empire
Speaker 1: and walk in alignment with our purposes together. Those are
Speaker 1: completely two different goals, so our behaviors have to be
Speaker 1: in alignment with our goals. So if you haven't had
Speaker 1: a lot of those tough intimate conversations around the levels
Speaker 1: of intimacy that I'm describing, then you definitely shouldn't hop
Speaker 1: into the physical intimacy because the moment with that you
Speaker 1: hop into the physical intimacy, you don't care about the
Speaker 1: intellectual intimacy. You don't care about the financial intimacy. You're like,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, you made me feel so good, and
Speaker 1: you overlook the fact that he is living with his parents,
Speaker 1: or you know that he's got you know, five baby
Speaker 1: mamas that he can't take care of, Like you will
Speaker 1: start to overlook things because of the oxytocins that are
Speaker 1: released from your body and the hormones that now make
Speaker 1: you think that you love someone when really this person
Speaker 1: is making you feel good but not secure. If you
Speaker 1: don't feel safe and secure and you don't trust somebody,
Speaker 1: you should not be having sex with them. And oftentimes
Speaker 1: I will tell everyone like if you don't trust them
Speaker 1: with your social Security number, if you don't trust them
Speaker 1: with the keys to your house, if you don't trust
Speaker 1: him with um, you know, to put anyone on the mortgage,
Speaker 1: Why are we trusting him to come in between our legs?
Speaker 1: And trust is the number one factor. If you don't
Speaker 1: trust this person, you should have been sleeping with them.
Speaker 1: If you don't trust that they're committed to you, you
Speaker 1: should have been even Well, that's the room. So I
Speaker 1: was saying, if if you want just to hook I'm saying,
Speaker 1: trust your sneaking link. You want to trust them with
Speaker 1: your health? Okay, yeah, you're right, But you don't need
Speaker 1: to trust them to be committed to you because if
Speaker 1: this is someone that you're just hooking up with, then
Speaker 1: you have no set, you have no rights, you're not
Speaker 1: entitled to complain. If they got eight sneaking link like you,
Speaker 1: you can't do that. So it's like, what are your
Speaker 1: intentions with this relationship and what is his intentions? And
Speaker 1: you guys want to be on the same page with
Speaker 1: that because that's how you're gonna avoid getting hurt. So
Speaker 1: you need to have extension conversation. I'm not gonna do
Speaker 1: it to him. Now, I'm gonna tell you about him
Speaker 1: my session tomorrow. We have a relationship session tomorrow. So excited. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I can't wait. Oh, this conversation is getting juicy, but
Speaker 1: you guys will be right back. We have to take
Speaker 1: a break, don't go anywhere. Get more info from Spicy
Speaker 1: ba Hey, y'all, thanks for hanging tight. We are back
Speaker 1: with my girl Justine a Valentine and my relationship coach,
Speaker 1: Spicy Maddie. All right, let's get into these juicyats happics. So, Mari,
Speaker 1: I have a question for you. I already know I
Speaker 1: believe we're b stands on it because I feel like
Speaker 1: we've touched on it before. But like, as you know,
Speaker 1: a relationship coach, and you know you're so knowledgeable in this,
Speaker 1: how do you feel about cheating? Because the bottom line
Speaker 1: is I think of men cheat and that's being gracious,
Speaker 1: it might be, you know, and especially depending on what
Speaker 1: you consider cheating, because obviously it's other ways to cheat
Speaker 1: than just having sex, you know, So how do you
Speaker 1: feel about that as far as being a coach? If
Speaker 1: if so many men cheat, do you suggest giving someone
Speaker 1: a second chance or is it like that's just a deal? Breaker,
Speaker 1: and you better find that three percent that doesn't cheat.
Speaker 1: I think that it's based on each person. So just
Speaker 1: like you said, you're not tripping off a marriage and
Speaker 1: be's like hail to the non I need to be married,
Speaker 1: So it is cheating. If cheating is a non negotiable
Speaker 1: for you, then you have to honor that. That is
Speaker 1: not a deal breaker for everybody. Some people care more
Speaker 1: about like how much money he makes than it is
Speaker 1: he faithful. There's certain things that a lot of women
Speaker 1: are willing to sacrifice, and men to They will sacrifice
Speaker 1: certain things. But when it comes to the cheating component,
Speaker 1: if that's something that you are like, absolutely not. I
Speaker 1: need to know that you are loyal to me and
Speaker 1: only me and this is a not a monogamous relationship,
Speaker 1: then you have to honor that. And you can't stay
Speaker 1: in a relationship if that is a deal breaker for you,
Speaker 1: even if he does um break the deal breaker, can
Speaker 1: you and do you believe that you're capable of trusting
Speaker 1: this person again? And is he willing to do the
Speaker 1: work to heal the heal himself and invest in this
Speaker 1: relationship enough to mend it. I don't believe every man
Speaker 1: cheese because the number that she's just said was in
Speaker 1: the nineties percentile, and that's wrong. It's like percentile maybe
Speaker 1: just maybe just New York statistically. Here statistically it's in
Speaker 1: the percentile and women is in the thirtieth percentile. And
Speaker 1: it's not that far off. It's like a difference of
Speaker 1: like six percent between men and women. But we have
Speaker 1: this idea to cheat, and we put that rhetoric out there,
Speaker 1: then we believe it. Then we behave in a way,
Speaker 1: we manifesto chating. But here's here's the thing. Be probably
Speaker 1: the type of guys that you and me would like.
Speaker 1: I think that category men does have a higher percentage
Speaker 1: of cheating than the overall percentage of all the men
Speaker 1: in the world. Because the man at Walmart is cheating
Speaker 1: on on he is, but he doesn't have as good
Speaker 1: at options, meaning like if you have no access to
Speaker 1: Rihanna or these may not cheating on us with Rihanna. Right.
Speaker 1: But what I'm saying is the higher you get and
Speaker 1: the more successful the man is, and the more money
Speaker 1: he has and so on and so forth, he has
Speaker 1: more options that are better options. Yeah, the Walmart guy
Speaker 1: can cheat, but he can't cheat with anyone that's you know,
Speaker 1: probably that much better than the wife he has. Whereas
Speaker 1: if your man is super rich and powerful, he's gonna have.
Speaker 1: But he usually doesn't cheat with anybody that's better than
Speaker 1: the girl he has, which is even if he's super successful,
Speaker 1: I mean be period. But to to bees point, um,
Speaker 1: it really doesn't. His profession doesn't make him a cheater, right,
Speaker 1: So like the access in the exposure isn't what makes
Speaker 1: you a cheater. So if you're not someone who values commitment,
Speaker 1: and you aren't able to commit in you know, all
Speaker 1: these other areas in your life, you know, you're kind
Speaker 1: of whimsical, you um give in to temptation, you don't
Speaker 1: have any self control. Then that could be the man
Speaker 1: at Walmart, or the NFL player, or the CEO of
Speaker 1: a top firm. Like and to your point though about
Speaker 1: like power and success. Yes, so things make you sexy
Speaker 1: here and more. You know, pussy does get thrown your way.
Speaker 1: But if you're a man of integrity, you're still gonna
Speaker 1: say no either way. It doesn't matter if someone comes
Speaker 1: to no. I get what you're saying, not that, but
Speaker 1: I changed. I still do think like the situation kind
Speaker 1: of controls how loyal made because the Walmart guy right
Speaker 1: might have five girls that come through you know what
Speaker 1: I mean to check out, and he might be like, oh,
Speaker 1: I would hit it. But the really rich, powerful guy,
Speaker 1: if he also has fame, fame to me is the
Speaker 1: highest quality. Yes, to show if a guy's gonna cheat,
Speaker 1: because if he has the money and the power and
Speaker 1: the fame, his DM is gonna be flooded with so
Speaker 1: many bad bitches that he's gonna have to be a saint,
Speaker 1: not the cheat. That's just my opinion, and I could
Speaker 1: be wrong, but now you're not wrong. That's the difference
Speaker 1: between the wolf. It's harder, it's harder. You're not wrong.
Speaker 1: If he's above six feet, his d M is being
Speaker 1: flooded period. So and if he don't even go have
Speaker 1: a job, so okay, Like you're not wrong when it
Speaker 1: comes to um because because one thing that women will
Speaker 1: always do is they are attracted to men with money
Speaker 1: and power. So will the Walmart person get as much
Speaker 1: women thrown at him. No, But women are still always
Speaker 1: in desire of relationship, of love, of access to getting
Speaker 1: the money that you have. Like we we are always
Speaker 1: um on the hunt and always looking. And so the
Speaker 1: temptation is going to be there, but it's like, you
Speaker 1: really do want to vet your partner before you go
Speaker 1: all in. And it's not even to say that your
Speaker 1: partner can't change, you, know what I'm saying, Like he
Speaker 1: could have started at the bottom now easier and at
Speaker 1: the top of his game, and he can't. He doesn't,
Speaker 1: He doesn't resis temptation anymore. You may not be in
Speaker 1: a position where you're ready to walk away from him
Speaker 1: if he did cheat. So is this person really proving
Speaker 1: to you in a way that makes you feel safe
Speaker 1: that it's not gonna happen again? And if that is
Speaker 1: a non negotiable for you, then he has to show
Speaker 1: you through his behavior, through his actions, not just through
Speaker 1: his words. So if you if okay, I was I
Speaker 1: had a boyfriend, So it was not easy. I definitely
Speaker 1: was devastated, but it was easy to walk away from
Speaker 1: my easy year, to walk away from a nonegostable because
Speaker 1: we didn't have no bank accounts, we ain't have no kids,
Speaker 1: I wasn't married, I didn't have to go through a divorce,
Speaker 1: we didn't just have a wedding. That it was like, okay,
Speaker 1: eleven months in next I'm gonna go date somebody else
Speaker 1: if you're doing all this eleven months in, I'm not
Speaker 1: walking down the owl thinking about that. Like you know,
Speaker 1: So if it's a boyfriend, I would say, like, how
Speaker 1: do you feel like, Okay, ten years in, three kids, cheating,
Speaker 1: it's harder. I'm of the notion that if my man cheats, right,
Speaker 1: we have a home together, we have a business together,
Speaker 1: I have my child with him. I just had a newborn,
Speaker 1: I am not going anywhere, okay, blood and blood out.
Speaker 1: So and you say you're divorce, I'm not going anywhere, Like,
Speaker 1: we're just gonna work through this, because if you're married,
Speaker 1: you're saying right now, I'm married. Right now, I'm telling
Speaker 1: you as an even a relationship expert who does not condone,
Speaker 1: and that is a non negotiable, a deal breaker for me.
Speaker 1: Any boyfriend in the past that would have cheated, I
Speaker 1: would have been out of there because that is just
Speaker 1: a trade loude to how they're going to behave And
Speaker 1: we're married. But now that I'm a wife and I
Speaker 1: have all of these things that I truly love just
Speaker 1: as much as you know I love him. We have
Speaker 1: built um so much together. If he were to make
Speaker 1: a mistake or stumble like that. Because I have witnessed
Speaker 1: his character through so many things, um in his his
Speaker 1: progressive mindset, his purposeful mindset. I know that if he
Speaker 1: were to fall when it comes to the cheating, that
Speaker 1: that's a situation where he would work so hard to
Speaker 1: redeem himself. Like he's not someone who just like lets
Speaker 1: things fall by the wayside. It would really have been
Speaker 1: a mistake, I believe, and we would work through it
Speaker 1: would be in therapy, we would be in a program.
Speaker 1: And so you think that's healthy to vocalize that because
Speaker 1: someone would say, I mean, I wouldn't leave, but I
Speaker 1: ain't gonna tell him that. I think that it's okay
Speaker 1: to be honest with yourself. And I've also very honest
Speaker 1: with him, like, and I know this is it's actually
Speaker 1: of something you're not supposed to do from a mental
Speaker 1: health perspective, but I'm very tip for tat, So I
Speaker 1: let him know. And you're not supposed to do that,
Speaker 1: You're not supposed to be tip for tat, but I
Speaker 1: let him know. You get it licking. You think that
Speaker 1: there's somebody that I don't got like that looks good
Speaker 1: that I would totally like you know, have fun. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like you geting it, I get one in And that's
Speaker 1: a totally wrong mindset to have. Okay, I'm putting out there,
Speaker 1: but would you do that? You know that? That? Would
Speaker 1: I do that? And then like heated me if he's
Speaker 1: lipped up? Oh, I would have to be such a
Speaker 1: big person. I don't know if I have it Jesus
Speaker 1: in me to not. However, I know it's the healthy thing, right, So,
Speaker 1: like I'm self aware enough to know, like I want
Speaker 1: to do this bad behavior if you were to do that, However,
Speaker 1: it only makes the problem worse, right, because now there's
Speaker 1: two things to forgive versus that one thing to forgive
Speaker 1: and heal. And now we have to work on not
Speaker 1: just him healing himself and whatever voids he had that
Speaker 1: made him cheating in the first place, but now we
Speaker 1: have to work on me healing myself and why I'm
Speaker 1: so petty and tip for tat, and then then to
Speaker 1: forgive me now for it. So it's like I'm adding
Speaker 1: on to the original kind of get alution. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: it's the wrong thing to do. However, I can't promise
Speaker 1: that I wouldn't, right because because emotions take over in
Speaker 1: those moments and you should be thinking more with the
Speaker 1: logical perspective. But that's why it happens, because we get
Speaker 1: emotional and we're human, and mistakes happen, and we try
Speaker 1: to correct mistakes with other mistakes, and that's really not
Speaker 1: what we should be doing. So I would try to
Speaker 1: control myself and not do that. But I might see red.
Speaker 1: You never know. I might be I'm going out with
Speaker 1: you tonight and you don't want to come out with me.
Speaker 1: I am not a man, Max, it ain't I'll be
Speaker 1: out like, hello, look at me, look at me. I'm
Speaker 1: a girl, like we guys be like you were so
Speaker 1: funny Stiss, But I always to have sex with you.
Speaker 1: But I always say that's because like of what a
Speaker 1: strong woman you are, like what a powerful voice you have,
Speaker 1: Like men are just intimidated by it. You do too,
Speaker 1: and you have a whole boyfriend I know, but you
Speaker 1: know what, you know what it is even as aggressive
Speaker 1: as I am, and like you know, people would say
Speaker 1: we have more like man characteristics. I'm not just talking
Speaker 1: about how I look. You know what they like to
Speaker 1: say in the show. You know the way we act.
Speaker 1: It's still a time and a place like when I'm
Speaker 1: with my man, And this is why I do like
Speaker 1: a certain type of man like I like very manly men,
Speaker 1: thugged out rough like I can't have like, But that's
Speaker 1: just because of how I am. So when I'm with
Speaker 1: my man behind closed doors, I am like, you know,
Speaker 1: like more demure, like I said, combs him and that
Speaker 1: he is the man, you know, but man exactly. But
Speaker 1: I think it's only a certain type of man that
Speaker 1: goes or a female like us, because we are not
Speaker 1: just the little like trophy girl that's not gonna say
Speaker 1: much like. We are a whole personality out here and
Speaker 1: we have our own life and our own things going.
Speaker 1: So that's the only reason why I think people sits
Speaker 1: you is love because they're too you know, intimidated to
Speaker 1: do otherwise. I'm trying to give you heads alright, guys,
Speaker 1: I definitely want to get more into that because I
Speaker 1: definitely feel that it's two ways to look at that topic.
Speaker 1: But let's take a little break and we'll be right
Speaker 1: back to delve into that even further. But that gets
Speaker 1: me to to gender roles, because like, what do you
Speaker 1: believe about that spicy like gender roles? And then these
Speaker 1: ladies proposing nowadays, I would never okay so proposed sensitive
Speaker 1: topic because um, we want and desire so um much
Speaker 1: success and power for ourselves. Right, Like the dynamics have
Speaker 1: changed as far as gender roles have concerned from ours
Speaker 1: for our parents and our parents parents. Right, So we're
Speaker 1: for the first time, I think, also learning and getting
Speaker 1: the hang of our gender roles and what our gender
Speaker 1: roles look like. In two it no longer is just
Speaker 1: us like us, barefoot and pregnant, waiting at home for
Speaker 1: someone to take care of us. So we've lost a
Speaker 1: lot of our feminine energy. And because a lot of
Speaker 1: us have been raised by their single parent homes who
Speaker 1: had to be the mom and the dad or you know, um,
Speaker 1: you know, our father wasn't there to give us that
Speaker 1: balance of masculine and feminine energy in the household. Um,
Speaker 1: we've taken a lot of responsibility on ourselves to do
Speaker 1: that when it comes to parenting, and when it comes
Speaker 1: also to just our decision making and how to navigate
Speaker 1: and also the role that we play in relationship. We
Speaker 1: don't know also how to pivot between our masculine femine
Speaker 1: energy because now we're such boss bitches in the workplace
Speaker 1: that that requires very masculine energy. Masculine energy, for those
Speaker 1: who don't understand, is um a very strong, direct energy
Speaker 1: that guides. It's a competitive energy. It's an energy that
Speaker 1: is stern and energy that's quick to decision, to make decisions.
Speaker 1: Of Feminine energy is going to be more free flowing
Speaker 1: at ease, allowing, loving, caring, nurturing. Right, So there's a
Speaker 1: difference between those and when we are born, we're born
Speaker 1: with both energies, but based on our environment, based on
Speaker 1: our upbringing, our experiences, and our parents, yeah, who were around,
Speaker 1: we choose a certain energy to lean into what works
Speaker 1: for us with the successes that we've seen. Well, when
Speaker 1: I'm when I'm femininite, you know, these benefits. When I'm
Speaker 1: in my masculine energy, these benefits and that's his career.
Speaker 1: Women are masculine energy has served us to make bank
Speaker 1: because when we you know, do make those boss decisions,
Speaker 1: when we are aggressive, when we are assertive, like that's
Speaker 1: how decisions get made in the workplace. And when we
Speaker 1: get home and we have to sit in our from
Speaker 1: the energy because now we want a very masculine man
Speaker 1: who's a leader and who you know, guides us it's
Speaker 1: hard to pivot, and a lot of boss women don't
Speaker 1: know how to pivot, which is why my whole business exists,
Speaker 1: because I get a lot of these you know women
Speaker 1: who are making you know, well over you know six
Speaker 1: of it figures, and they're like, damn it, I'm beautiful
Speaker 1: and I make a lot of money. Why don't I
Speaker 1: have a partner? Why is my relationship suffering? And they
Speaker 1: very much want to very you know, masculine man, but
Speaker 1: they don't know how to pivot. They don't know and
Speaker 1: how to switch between energies back and forth to there
Speaker 1: has to be a balance. It is true because even
Speaker 1: like sometimes when I'll get home and I've been like
Speaker 1: either just shooting a season or gone or working all day,
Speaker 1: you come home and it's like just still on that
Speaker 1: wavelength and then like I've gotten in fight with my man,
Speaker 1: he'd be like, all right, Justine, the camera's off. I'm
Speaker 1: like what cameras? Motherfucker? Like what cameras? So it's like
Speaker 1: you still, you know, that energy is like still here.
Speaker 1: And sometimes I mean like even I know for me
Speaker 1: it does take a little bit too, like I like
Speaker 1: come down again a little bit. But I agree with
Speaker 1: you be like, even though I'm not very traditional like
Speaker 1: proposing to the man's like ah, because no matter what
Speaker 1: I feel like, your man is supposed to like you
Speaker 1: and love you a little bit more than you do him.
Speaker 1: So like that wholeheartedly, wholeheartedly. A lot of us are
Speaker 1: tripping because we're getting into relationship with people who are
Speaker 1: lukewarm about how they feel about us, and we want
Speaker 1: to partner so bad that we will receive that. I
Speaker 1: am the notion that if you don't worship me, I
Speaker 1: can't funk with you. I need you to worship my
Speaker 1: SORTI draws. I need you to be so into me
Speaker 1: because that also makes us feel as women cherished and
Speaker 1: more confident when it comes to our decision making and
Speaker 1: how we navigate. And a man has to be more
Speaker 1: into you than you are to him. But the problem
Speaker 1: is where it talks to men who ain't that into us. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because I'm probably too easy Like the man boy, I
Speaker 1: mean with the man the ground man. I mean, he
Speaker 1: was like, you know, come out, we're going out, let's
Speaker 1: have a drink. That I was like, I'm not going out.
Speaker 1: I'm so tired that he was like you are so beautiful.
Speaker 1: I was like Okay, I'm gonna go to the clip
Speaker 1: call me beautiful, I said. He was like, you are
Speaker 1: so beautiful. I was like, okay, let's go to the
Speaker 1: clip club. I want to tea. So what happened? A
Speaker 1: close friends story, A storytime on my close friends tonight
Speaker 1: my close friends. Y'all will hear the close friends. But
Speaker 1: that's my little bood. I hope you don't he this. Hey,
Speaker 1: you know, I'm already got the man. I'm gonna manage this.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be like doing the chickens with you, Like, Okay,
Speaker 1: did he do this? Is he your pizza? Is he? This?
Speaker 1: Is he that? Like? We're starting tomorrow, spicy, Spicy, are
Speaker 1: starting all the way over because I have been. She
Speaker 1: has been my relationship ship coach for a little over
Speaker 1: a year now actually, and when I met her, See,
Speaker 1: she's a magnetic mac Mart taker, right, um so she
Speaker 1: hopes you meet your purpose mate in life. He thought
Speaker 1: I had my purpose night. Oh I was so stupid
Speaker 1: baby trying to sell him to me. We went to
Speaker 1: her together. He was doing, he was doing, he was
Speaker 1: doing the work. He's a nice person. So his whole
Speaker 1: energy and his um aura is lovable. I see what
Speaker 1: she loved about him. However, when it comes to lifestyle
Speaker 1: and when it comes to his decision making and his past.
Speaker 1: While you don't want to be judged on your past,
Speaker 1: your past is a prelude to your decision making for
Speaker 1: the future. And based on his decision making, there were
Speaker 1: certain things that we needed to address and that we
Speaker 1: need to be mindful of while she was dating him,
Speaker 1: and because I didn't have a say in picking him. Um,
Speaker 1: And that happens all the time. Couples come to me
Speaker 1: for relationship counseling all the time, and I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: be like, oh no, I don't think you should be
Speaker 1: with him, need to be with someone else. I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: how do we make this relations How do we fix this? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Because the notion that we don't break up unless we
Speaker 1: need to walk away super non negotiable. Right, Yeah. So
Speaker 1: do you think do you guys think then that men
Speaker 1: can change? Because you mentioned the past and you know
Speaker 1: what people's track records are. So do you think a
Speaker 1: person can change? And is it their partner that changes
Speaker 1: them or is it just that they're ready in their
Speaker 1: own life to change? You're probably you two different things,
Speaker 1: but that doesn't necessarily mean that that inspires you. So um,
Speaker 1: it's called growth through mate regulations. So what that looks
Speaker 1: like is is UM, I can introduce you to our
Speaker 1: I can introduce you to science, that can introduce you
Speaker 1: to all of these things with culture self help. But
Speaker 1: that doesn't necessarily mean that because I'm introducing you to that,
Speaker 1: that you're gonna latch on and take that for yourself.
Speaker 1: You have to want your own self growth. You have
Speaker 1: to want to evolve on your own. So your partner
Speaker 1: can definitely evolve, but you need to look for the
Speaker 1: evidence of that. They can't just say I want to grow.
Speaker 1: You have to actually look. Okay, did he do his
Speaker 1: growth assignment? Did he do, um, you know, make those
Speaker 1: phone calls to the doctor like he said he would,
Speaker 1: Did he, you know, do his rehab like? You have
Speaker 1: to look at the things that he's actually doing in
Speaker 1: order to evolve. Did he make that investment on time
Speaker 1: like he said he would? Like? Is he keeping the
Speaker 1: commitment to his growth that he said he would and
Speaker 1: his past Yes? I do. I think that your past decisions,
Speaker 1: um are a reflection of you, But that doesn't mean
Speaker 1: that you're stuck in that. So there has to be evidence,
Speaker 1: clear evidence of this person has pulled themselves out and
Speaker 1: that they are preparing for a different future and outcome.
Speaker 1: Because we all want to grow, we all want to
Speaker 1: be better than we were in our past. But like
Speaker 1: if he cheated on his ex, and he's already cheated
Speaker 1: on you, and I'm promising he's not gonna cheat. Okay,
Speaker 1: come on, now, what are we doing, ladies? Okay, you guys,
Speaker 1: we had spicy mighty on here. It was juicy. We
Speaker 1: had so many timbos, so many good discussions. I hope
Speaker 1: you guys got some gems. But we have to bring
Speaker 1: her back next week. Her party to lean past a
Speaker 1: p