1
00:00:01,520 --> 00:00:04,400
Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda land Audio

2
00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:14,720
Speaker 1: in partnership with I Heart Radio. Hi everybody, I'm Katie

3
00:00:14,720 --> 00:00:17,560
Speaker 1: Lows and this is Katie's Crib, a place to share

4
00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:20,240
Speaker 1: what it's really like raising a tiny human so we

5
00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:24,600
Speaker 1: can stay informed and sane together. Okay. On this episode,

6
00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:27,720
Speaker 1: I have the pleasure of chatting for the very first

7
00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:31,800
Speaker 1: time with actress Tica Sumter. This sugar Mama, we'll get

8
00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:34,280
Speaker 1: to that reference later. Has a host of credits to

9
00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:38,120
Speaker 1: her name, including films like Nobody's Fool and Sonic the Hedgehog,

10
00:00:38,159 --> 00:00:40,600
Speaker 1: as well as shows like Tyler Perry's The Haves and

11
00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:43,840
Speaker 1: the have Nots and more recently, Kenya barrass Is Mixed Dish.

12
00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:48,000
Speaker 1: You guys, I love Tica. I mean, I've always been

13
00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:50,240
Speaker 1: a huge fan of her work. I think she's amazing.

14
00:00:50,280 --> 00:00:52,440
Speaker 1: She's beautiful, she's super talented, and I was hoping she

15
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:55,160
Speaker 1: was going to like live up to all of that stuff.

16
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:58,319
Speaker 1: She surpassed it. She's the best. Now I'm obsessed with her,

17
00:00:58,360 --> 00:01:00,160
Speaker 1: And can we just all put it out there that

18
00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:02,480
Speaker 1: we're gonna be friends in real life? Great? She is

19
00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:09,000
Speaker 1: such a treat. Wait till you hear welcome, Tica. It's

20
00:01:09,040 --> 00:01:11,400
Speaker 1: so lovely to meet you. You guys, we have actually

21
00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:14,200
Speaker 1: we've never met before, which is insane. I feel like

22
00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:17,200
Speaker 1: we're like we move in similar circles, we're in the

23
00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:20,960
Speaker 1: same business like. But it's great that motherhood has brought

24
00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:26,240
Speaker 1: us together. Um So Tico. You and your partner Nick James,

25
00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:31,880
Speaker 1: you have a beautiful daughter named Ella Ella Lauren. Oh,

26
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:37,120
Speaker 1: I love it, Ella Laurn. Oh god, I just got goosems.

27
00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:40,440
Speaker 1: I love it. So let's rewind four years ago, which

28
00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:43,440
Speaker 1: it's two thousand and sixteen. You're promoting the film south

29
00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:47,199
Speaker 1: Side with You. You played Michelle Robinson before she became

30
00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:50,400
Speaker 1: a Chelle Obama America male like Hillary Clinton as the

31
00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:54,640
Speaker 1: first female president. Beyonce drops her album Lemonade, and you

32
00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:57,560
Speaker 1: find out you're having a girl. What did you feel

33
00:01:57,720 --> 00:02:01,360
Speaker 1: at that moment, Like, were you just so excited? Was

34
00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:04,400
Speaker 1: it a surprise? Well, you know, Nick surprised me with

35
00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:07,640
Speaker 1: a trip to San Diego for Valentine's Day. Oh, He's like,

36
00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:09,760
Speaker 1: we're gonna drink, we're gonna have a good time, we're

37
00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:13,480
Speaker 1: gonna let loose leave. And he's like, oh, and I

38
00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:16,320
Speaker 1: have a surprise for tomorrow and he's driving, and I'm like,

39
00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:18,520
Speaker 1: oh my god, I want McDonald's so bad. And I

40
00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:21,760
Speaker 1: don't eat McDonald's at all ever anymore. I mean I

41
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:24,639
Speaker 1: did when I was little a lot, actually not a

42
00:02:24,639 --> 00:02:26,560
Speaker 1: lot because it was a treat, but like, I don't

43
00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,960
Speaker 1: do it now. So I'm like, oh, I want McDonald's.

44
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:30,400
Speaker 1: I want a big Mac large fries in a coat.

45
00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:32,160
Speaker 1: But it was still morning time and they were only

46
00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:35,760
Speaker 1: serving breakfast, and so he's like surprised we're here and

47
00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:38,000
Speaker 1: we're jumping out of a plane. All right, we want

48
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:42,920
Speaker 1: to start diving? What? So we go sky diving. It

49
00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:44,760
Speaker 1: was crazy. I was like, I never need to do

50
00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:47,040
Speaker 1: that again. That was fun. I still want a big

51
00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:49,079
Speaker 1: Mac large fries and a coke, and so by the

52
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:50,920
Speaker 1: time we were done, I went back and got it.

53
00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:53,520
Speaker 1: And then we got back to the hotel and I'm like,

54
00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:56,560
Speaker 1: something's weird and I don't know what it is. Go

55
00:02:56,600 --> 00:03:00,200
Speaker 1: get a pregnancy test. And he was like, you're kidding, right,

56
00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:02,600
Speaker 1: and I was like, no, serious. So he goes to

57
00:03:02,639 --> 00:03:04,680
Speaker 1: the store, the CBS down the block. He comes back

58
00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:08,040
Speaker 1: with a generic brand um test. I go pe on

59
00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:11,800
Speaker 1: it right away. It's like positive. I'm like I don't

60
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:15,560
Speaker 1: know what this means. Get the EPT one, Yeah, go

61
00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:17,640
Speaker 1: get the one with the brand name or a commercial

62
00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:21,680
Speaker 1: that I have heard of. Sure. Sure. So then he

63
00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:25,520
Speaker 1: comes back and then literally it says pregnant, and I'm like,

64
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,120
Speaker 1: oh my god. So it was like we were in

65
00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:30,520
Speaker 1: a movie. We both sat on the ground, looked at

66
00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:33,480
Speaker 1: each other in the bathroom and we're like, we're doing

67
00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:36,880
Speaker 1: this because we were together for only basically at that point,

68
00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:40,640
Speaker 1: like a year, and so so much was happening. I

69
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,600
Speaker 1: was thirty six years old at the time. Kept pushing

70
00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:45,400
Speaker 1: it off, pushing it off because I was like, I'm

71
00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:48,320
Speaker 1: a curious and I love my job. Like, when I

72
00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:51,520
Speaker 1: get this, then I'll think about when this starts, of

73
00:03:51,560 --> 00:03:54,720
Speaker 1: course exactly. And so cut to us being pregnant with

74
00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:57,880
Speaker 1: my daughter, which was definitely a pleasant surprise, but a surprise,

75
00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:01,200
Speaker 1: and to be honest, when it was in my belly,

76
00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:04,960
Speaker 1: I'm running around town do an interview, I'm like, what

77
00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:07,960
Speaker 1: pregnancy is amazing? What is what do people talking about?

78
00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:11,080
Speaker 1: I just have a belly And I was filming pregnant

79
00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:14,720
Speaker 1: and people didn't know. Actually the crew didn't know until

80
00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:16,480
Speaker 1: I had to take off my top and they were

81
00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:22,359
Speaker 1: like so your your belly. I was like, yeah, so

82
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:25,800
Speaker 1: you're like literally the pregnancy dream. You are the pregnancy

83
00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:28,400
Speaker 1: dream that people wished for. Were like, he felt great.

84
00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:31,560
Speaker 1: I felt like you did not feel like I didn't

85
00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:34,080
Speaker 1: feel shitty. I mean, obviously I had the first like

86
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:38,320
Speaker 1: um month of like throwing up, being nauseous, and then

87
00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:41,360
Speaker 1: that ended, and then it was just like, oh, I'm

88
00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:43,520
Speaker 1: gonna go and promote and do all these things, and

89
00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:45,880
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, I'm so joyful and happy.

90
00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:49,720
Speaker 1: It wasn't a big wait to carry. It was just

91
00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:52,200
Speaker 1: like it was what it was. Where it started getting

92
00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:55,960
Speaker 1: dicey was like towards the end where my blood pressure

93
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,960
Speaker 1: started skyrocketing all of a sudden. So you start going

94
00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:01,440
Speaker 1: to your routine check and every single time you go

95
00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:03,080
Speaker 1: for one of your check up to your piano cup

96
00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:05,400
Speaker 1: and then you get your blood pressure taken, and so

97
00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:08,279
Speaker 1: your numbers started to come back too high. I went

98
00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:11,440
Speaker 1: to my doctor. She made me actually stay in her

99
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:15,520
Speaker 1: office to be monitored for more than an hour because

100
00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:20,240
Speaker 1: I had symptoms of basically preclmsia And I don't even

101
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,480
Speaker 1: think she named it at that point that that that's

102
00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:25,880
Speaker 1: what it was. But my blood pressure was getting high,

103
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:29,200
Speaker 1: and so then cut to me at home on my

104
00:05:29,279 --> 00:05:32,000
Speaker 1: couch with my mom and my fiance and I'm we're

105
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:37,560
Speaker 1: watching we're watching this show, and all of a sudden,

106
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:40,440
Speaker 1: my water breaks, and I'm like, when you're how far

107
00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:43,599
Speaker 1: along are you at this point? She's ready, like she's

108
00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:48,760
Speaker 1: I'm ready, she's cooked, she's ready to come out. Stand up.

109
00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:52,400
Speaker 1: The water comes out, and I'm thinking I can control it. Literally,

110
00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:55,200
Speaker 1: there's like no conture, it won't come stop coming up.

111
00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:59,080
Speaker 1: As soon as my water broke, that's when my like

112
00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:03,720
Speaker 1: crazy z cramp pains like labor pain starts like hitting

113
00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:06,800
Speaker 1: the floor labor. Yeah. Usually they say you have a

114
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:09,520
Speaker 1: little time, and yeah I did. I did for sure

115
00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:15,560
Speaker 1: right off, like killing me. So we go in the car.

116
00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:19,680
Speaker 1: I had this whole birth plan, decided this is where

117
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,279
Speaker 1: you throw those things out the window. So the birth

118
00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:25,680
Speaker 1: plan was I'm gonna do it natural, all these things.

119
00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:28,279
Speaker 1: I get in the car. I scream at my fiance

120
00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:34,599
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I can so literally he's jetting to

121
00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:38,520
Speaker 1: the hospital. This is how badly my pains were. I

122
00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:40,920
Speaker 1: wanted to somebody to hit me with their car literally,

123
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,960
Speaker 1: because I kept rolling the window down to scream out

124
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:48,120
Speaker 1: and then closing it every time a car came by. Wow,

125
00:06:48,839 --> 00:06:50,640
Speaker 1: that needs to be shot in a movie like that

126
00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:53,120
Speaker 1: I have not yet seen, and I think that would

127
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:55,560
Speaker 1: be wonderful. So you get to the hospital. I get

128
00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:58,719
Speaker 1: to the hospital. We pull up to the emergency room.

129
00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:00,800
Speaker 1: There's a cop there and she's like, oh, you gotta

130
00:07:00,839 --> 00:07:04,120
Speaker 1: go park. And at this point, like blood is starting

131
00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:07,040
Speaker 1: to come out in the car. I saw blood. Yeah,

132
00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:10,080
Speaker 1: like blood is starting to happen. I screamed. The cough

133
00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:12,720
Speaker 1: sees me on the floor screaming. She called um for

134
00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:16,360
Speaker 1: a wheelchair. I was like, I can't me. This is

135
00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:19,200
Speaker 1: killing me. Literally, I felt like I was dying. Were

136
00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:21,880
Speaker 1: you afraid or I thought for some reason that that

137
00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:25,120
Speaker 1: was natural, like, Okay, that's happening. But the pain is

138
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:28,560
Speaker 1: so it hurts so bad. Like the blood to me

139
00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:30,920
Speaker 1: wasn't phazing me. It was just like I'm in pain.

140
00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:33,080
Speaker 1: And I asked the nurse. I go, am I too

141
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,000
Speaker 1: late for an epidural? She goes, no, honey, but you

142
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:40,800
Speaker 1: gotta go through like three more. You know, um contraction cramps,

143
00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:43,160
Speaker 1: because they're not cramps, they're worse than that. I don't

144
00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:44,840
Speaker 1: know what people were talking about when they say it

145
00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:48,160
Speaker 1: feels like worse cramp. I'm like, no, honey, that give

146
00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:51,560
Speaker 1: me my worst day of a cramp. Because that I

147
00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:54,560
Speaker 1: couldn't agree with you more. I could not. I've never

148
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:57,000
Speaker 1: felt pain like that in my entire and I was sobbing,

149
00:07:57,280 --> 00:08:00,320
Speaker 1: like sobbing. That was awful. She was like, um, three

150
00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:03,080
Speaker 1: more contractions and then we can give you an epidoor

151
00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:05,440
Speaker 1: and I'm like, okay, and I did it. I did it.

152
00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:06,840
Speaker 1: They gave it to me, and then they laid me

153
00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:09,160
Speaker 1: down and they were like, press this button to keep

154
00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:13,400
Speaker 1: giving yourself more medicine. I was like, great, so but

155
00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:16,760
Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, these people just kept coming

156
00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:20,480
Speaker 1: in literally every five seconds to check asked me the

157
00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:23,080
Speaker 1: same questions over and over again. And I could tell

158
00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:27,600
Speaker 1: something was wrong because Nick turned the screen away from

159
00:08:27,600 --> 00:08:30,640
Speaker 1: me where it said my blood pressure and it was spiking,

160
00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:34,840
Speaker 1: and the hospital didn't really make me feel very secure,

161
00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:38,040
Speaker 1: and no one was giving you any information, no information.

162
00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:40,040
Speaker 1: They didn't want your blood pressure to get worse, I'm

163
00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:42,000
Speaker 1: sure was the reason. Well, They're like, we have to

164
00:08:42,040 --> 00:08:44,920
Speaker 1: call your doctor in and I was like, okay, cool,

165
00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:47,720
Speaker 1: call my doctor like and then Nick was trying to

166
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:50,120
Speaker 1: advocate for me and you know, tell them what they

167
00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:52,960
Speaker 1: needed to know. And but there's just really scary because

168
00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,840
Speaker 1: people kept coming in and out, in and out, in

169
00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:58,160
Speaker 1: and out, so she wasn't really dropping enough yet to

170
00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,520
Speaker 1: come out. So they were just like why watching that?

171
00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:03,839
Speaker 1: So then my doctor came in, she started checking me,

172
00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:06,439
Speaker 1: and then she left again. She didn't really say anything yet,

173
00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:09,720
Speaker 1: and then she came back. But by that time Ella

174
00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:12,720
Speaker 1: was ready to come out. She was she was dropped enough.

175
00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:15,439
Speaker 1: And what she said to me was that she was

176
00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:17,920
Speaker 1: putting her gloves on to get Ella. She was like,

177
00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:19,960
Speaker 1: I thought this was going to be a different conversation.

178
00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:23,080
Speaker 1: She's like, you were close to see her or having

179
00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:29,400
Speaker 1: a stroke. What are you kidding? Like so so in

180
00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:31,920
Speaker 1: that moment, has anyone said to you yet that you

181
00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:34,920
Speaker 1: have preclampsia? Is this something a word that you had

182
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:37,560
Speaker 1: her like, I know she didn't even like the one

183
00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:39,920
Speaker 1: time you had been watched for the hour in her

184
00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:41,920
Speaker 1: office was the only time it had even sort of

185
00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:44,320
Speaker 1: occurred to you that something might be up, right, she

186
00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:48,959
Speaker 1: did say this was preclamsia. So preclampsia is it's also

187
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:52,040
Speaker 1: known as toxemia. I've heard about it before. It's not

188
00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:54,920
Speaker 1: completely like rar or anything like that. It's actually it's

189
00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:57,760
Speaker 1: really to me not very clear. Um. I know it's

190
00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:00,480
Speaker 1: too much of something in your blood and in your yurine.

191
00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:04,040
Speaker 1: I think it's protein, but like it's almost like your

192
00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:07,720
Speaker 1: body is poisoning itself, like whatever the baby's in, Like

193
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:11,960
Speaker 1: something's happening with your body in the blood. Um. And

194
00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:15,520
Speaker 1: she said, you know, you were very close to stroking

195
00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:17,679
Speaker 1: or seizuring and that's why we would have had to

196
00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:20,720
Speaker 1: do an emergency C section. And then Nick told me

197
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:23,600
Speaker 1: afterwards he was in the hallway crying and praying, and

198
00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:26,959
Speaker 1: I'm like, what, yeah, he was like. I called my parents.

199
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,760
Speaker 1: I didn't know what to do. They just kept telling

200
00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:33,040
Speaker 1: me her blood pressure is horribly high, and I just

201
00:10:33,120 --> 00:10:35,760
Speaker 1: couldn't believe it. Um. So then when I had Ella,

202
00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:38,160
Speaker 1: it was weird because I had her and I looked

203
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:40,480
Speaker 1: at her and I was just like, I felt like

204
00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:42,800
Speaker 1: I was going through so much trauma. We just stared

205
00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:45,560
Speaker 1: at each other like, oh, that's who you are, okay,

206
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:49,120
Speaker 1: and then she It was weird because it wasn't the

207
00:10:49,559 --> 00:10:53,080
Speaker 1: movie like oh my God. For me. It was just

208
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:56,160
Speaker 1: like because it was really stressful and I probably I

209
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:59,560
Speaker 1: can't imagine that really high blood pressure mixed with an

210
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:02,560
Speaker 1: epidure can make you feel okay, oh my god. The

211
00:11:02,559 --> 00:11:04,959
Speaker 1: stress was so high that it was just like what

212
00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:08,680
Speaker 1: just happened. The labor was hard, but like like pushing

213
00:11:08,679 --> 00:11:11,200
Speaker 1: her out was literally ten minutes. It was like that

214
00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:14,719
Speaker 1: was the easiest part. Yeah, that it was for me too.

215
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:17,000
Speaker 1: It was for me to thank God. I know, thank

216
00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:19,640
Speaker 1: God because I have friends and guests who have been

217
00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:21,440
Speaker 1: on this podcast that that is not the case. They're

218
00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,640
Speaker 1: pushing for three hours and it is a fucking nightmare

219
00:11:23,679 --> 00:11:28,679
Speaker 1: and it's like horrible, like prolapse bladders and uteruses, like

220
00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:31,760
Speaker 1: it cannot be great. There are also stories for people

221
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:34,240
Speaker 1: listening that are just kind of boring, like not every

222
00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:38,679
Speaker 1: single thing is like, um, a thing, but it's good

223
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:41,320
Speaker 1: to have. Knowledge is power and information is key. And

224
00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:44,040
Speaker 1: so I'm hoping that listeners who've never heard of preclampsia before,

225
00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:49,360
Speaker 1: I know that you can get it, you can deliver safely. Um,

226
00:11:49,559 --> 00:11:51,600
Speaker 1: is there a greater chance of developing it in future

227
00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:54,080
Speaker 1: pregnancies if you've had it before? Well, I would be

228
00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:57,360
Speaker 1: high risk anyway because of my age. If I want

229
00:11:57,360 --> 00:12:01,400
Speaker 1: to have another child, but I don't know my doctor

230
00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:03,920
Speaker 1: really hasn't. I haven't really even asked about it, but

231
00:12:03,960 --> 00:12:06,480
Speaker 1: she was like, just go have fun, get pregnant. We'll

232
00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:12,120
Speaker 1: we'll figure it out after great. Great, I'll find out

233
00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:15,760
Speaker 1: if I'm gonna stroke or on the table. Um. Yeah.

234
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:18,480
Speaker 1: And I don't think there are ways to lower your

235
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:21,120
Speaker 1: risk or have any treatments, because I literally think it's

236
00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:24,120
Speaker 1: like completely out of your control, similarly to when you

237
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:27,360
Speaker 1: have gesational diabetes, Like I think that's just the way

238
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:30,240
Speaker 1: your body process is sugar during pregnancy. I think the

239
00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:32,520
Speaker 1: only thing, probably now that I'm looking back at it

240
00:12:32,679 --> 00:12:34,680
Speaker 1: is at a certain point in my pregnancy, I should

241
00:12:34,720 --> 00:12:36,520
Speaker 1: have just sat my butt down, like I should have

242
00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:39,640
Speaker 1: just been like, take a you're not superwoman just because

243
00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:42,440
Speaker 1: you don't feel like you and carry and not a

244
00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:44,679
Speaker 1: big old human being in your body, you know what

245
00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:46,600
Speaker 1: I mean. I was like traveling, I was just doing

246
00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:49,040
Speaker 1: I think a little too much, and I'm like, next time,

247
00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:51,040
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna at a certain point, I'm just gonna chill.

248
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,040
Speaker 1: That would be nice. It would be nice. Yeah. But

249
00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:55,880
Speaker 1: it was a crazy, crazy, crazy experience. But I'm glad

250
00:12:55,880 --> 00:12:58,160
Speaker 1: that she's here. I had to stay in bed actually

251
00:12:58,200 --> 00:13:01,480
Speaker 1: for two days at the hospital, on magnesium and I

252
00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:06,079
Speaker 1: had a capeter. Why what is that about? Because they

253
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:08,520
Speaker 1: had to make sure my blood pressure was not it

254
00:13:08,559 --> 00:13:11,320
Speaker 1: was still like even though it went down a bit,

255
00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:14,959
Speaker 1: they needed it to come down slowly. Um, so nothing

256
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,960
Speaker 1: could happen to me. I was in bed for two days,

257
00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:20,800
Speaker 1: had to pee in bed obviously with the capeter. And

258
00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:22,680
Speaker 1: oh so they didn't even want you getting up to

259
00:13:22,679 --> 00:13:25,640
Speaker 1: go the bathroom. Nothing. You hear all these things about

260
00:13:25,679 --> 00:13:28,840
Speaker 1: older people having capeters high blood pressure, but you don't

261
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:31,640
Speaker 1: really know what it is like until you go through it,

262
00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:34,680
Speaker 1: which is so sad. Capeitters are not fun, first of all.

263
00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:37,439
Speaker 1: Second of all, I got off of it ready to

264
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:39,439
Speaker 1: go to the bathroom and I'm like, oh, I feel great,

265
00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:44,360
Speaker 1: and I faint and Nick catches me just in time. Yeah,

266
00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:47,240
Speaker 1: And I want, like, what's how what happened? And he

267
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:52,800
Speaker 1: was like, ticad your poor fiance. I can't even like,

268
00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,400
Speaker 1: I need to have him on so I can hear

269
00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:57,160
Speaker 1: his side of this because he must have just been

270
00:13:57,200 --> 00:14:01,080
Speaker 1: so fucking scared. Oh my god. I have to say

271
00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:04,720
Speaker 1: the catheter was like sort of the worst heat, well

272
00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,760
Speaker 1: not the worst. I mean my vagina was the worst

273
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:10,280
Speaker 1: healing part, but like my Um, I have to say, like,

274
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:13,760
Speaker 1: for a week or two after I came home, it's

275
00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:17,079
Speaker 1: still kind of burned when I peeed, and I would

276
00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:19,240
Speaker 1: text my Obi like what the funk is this and

277
00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:22,520
Speaker 1: she would be like, that's from the catheter. Wow, stay tuned, guys,

278
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:37,960
Speaker 1: Katie's crib. How was your transition into motherhood once you

279
00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:40,880
Speaker 1: got past the blood pressure, you got the catheter out,

280
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:44,520
Speaker 1: you were standing up, you were out of bed rest,

281
00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:48,120
Speaker 1: how did you feel? It was definitely like I'm grateful

282
00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:50,120
Speaker 1: that I have a partner who's so supportive. And then

283
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:53,640
Speaker 1: my mom was there at the time, so it was

284
00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:58,080
Speaker 1: still hard because you're trying. I'm trying to breastfeed, and

285
00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:00,280
Speaker 1: it felt like it was never enough for a lot,

286
00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:03,680
Speaker 1: like she was grunting at me at times, and it

287
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:06,760
Speaker 1: was like sleep deprivation also, So I felt like I

288
00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:08,960
Speaker 1: was going out of my mind, to be honest. And

289
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:11,880
Speaker 1: one day Ella was just crying and I couldn't get

290
00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:13,760
Speaker 1: her to stop, and my mom came in the room.

291
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:15,840
Speaker 1: She said, do you want me to take her? And

292
00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:17,400
Speaker 1: I said, yeah, I feel like I'm gonna jump out

293
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:19,360
Speaker 1: of a window. I'm like tired. She's like giving me

294
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:22,720
Speaker 1: her and um, I just went to sleep and I

295
00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:25,440
Speaker 1: didn't wake up until like the next morning. But like,

296
00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:28,000
Speaker 1: here's the thing, what I always want to tell moms,

297
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:30,120
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, you become a mom doesn't mean

298
00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:32,360
Speaker 1: you just know how to be mom, you know. Like

299
00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:34,960
Speaker 1: for me, putting the two of like Tica, Sumter and

300
00:15:35,080 --> 00:15:38,600
Speaker 1: Mom together has still been like I'm finally feeling like

301
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:42,120
Speaker 1: I'm getting the identity of it all of like, oh, okay, yeah,

302
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:44,800
Speaker 1: it's not separate there together, but I treat them so

303
00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:47,600
Speaker 1: separately because I haven't been able to mesh them in

304
00:15:47,640 --> 00:15:49,760
Speaker 1: a weird way. And I don't know if that is

305
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:53,120
Speaker 1: something that people can understand, but it was almost just

306
00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:55,120
Speaker 1: like somebody smacked me in the face and was like

307
00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:57,920
Speaker 1: you're a mom, Like get it together, you know, And

308
00:15:57,960 --> 00:16:00,480
Speaker 1: it was like, get what's together? I just became a

309
00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:04,200
Speaker 1: mom yesterday. I had a very similar experience. I did

310
00:16:04,280 --> 00:16:08,840
Speaker 1: not feel like myself. I definitely similarly to you, like

311
00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:13,600
Speaker 1: I love to work. It was really crazy to just

312
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:16,360
Speaker 1: like now I'm home for like a few months and

313
00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:19,040
Speaker 1: and every day is the same, and I'm not great

314
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:21,640
Speaker 1: at it, and breastfeeding is challenging and I and I'm

315
00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:24,640
Speaker 1: a disaster on no sleep which is really a huge

316
00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:27,560
Speaker 1: part of early motherhood. And you're like walking around in

317
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:30,760
Speaker 1: like a diaper and was just like really confused and

318
00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:33,480
Speaker 1: emotional and hormonal and unsteady. I mean, it was just

319
00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:38,000
Speaker 1: so in the factory to Yeah, it's it's like you

320
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:40,040
Speaker 1: feel like this milk factor. You just feel like a

321
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:43,800
Speaker 1: person who you know, this little person is dependent on it.

322
00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:46,400
Speaker 1: But you also have this weird sense of like wanting

323
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:49,360
Speaker 1: to be near them, like wanting to take care of them,

324
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:54,920
Speaker 1: protective of them, at least for me, And it was

325
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:58,560
Speaker 1: almost like a dream of like who am I? What

326
00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:01,520
Speaker 1: is this? Oh? You want my breast? Oh, It's like

327
00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:04,159
Speaker 1: all these things were happening. So I don't know, I

328
00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:09,119
Speaker 1: just felt like a really crazy dream. Now, your mom

329
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:13,560
Speaker 1: you said she was with you, Um, how many kids

330
00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:16,560
Speaker 1: did she have? She had five and then she adopted

331
00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:20,399
Speaker 1: to what I know. I let me tell you something.

332
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:23,760
Speaker 1: I was born in Queens and I have two older siblings,

333
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:27,400
Speaker 1: two older sisters, one older brother, one younger brother. These

334
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:29,560
Speaker 1: are the kids that I grew up with. Right later on,

335
00:17:29,680 --> 00:17:33,000
Speaker 1: she adopted two more kids. But my mom was a

336
00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:36,400
Speaker 1: stay at home mom for thirteen years and my dad

337
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:41,520
Speaker 1: unfortunately fell to um drugs and you know, so she

338
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:43,960
Speaker 1: was a single mom for a very long time and

339
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,800
Speaker 1: once my mom, my dad and her got a divorce,

340
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:49,399
Speaker 1: she never worked. She was she was at home for

341
00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:52,760
Speaker 1: thirteen years. So she had her first job as a

342
00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:56,480
Speaker 1: secretary on Rikers Island. She made twelve dollars raising at

343
00:17:56,480 --> 00:18:00,320
Speaker 1: the time five kids. And then her boss, her who's

344
00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:03,800
Speaker 1: a captain, said, you know, they have openings for corrections officers,

345
00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:06,080
Speaker 1: but at the time there was weight requirements and my

346
00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:10,240
Speaker 1: mom was like ninety pounds, like wet, and so basically

347
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:12,840
Speaker 1: she went and they put weights on her and then

348
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:15,880
Speaker 1: under her clothes, and so she passed the test and

349
00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:18,960
Speaker 1: that like doubled her tripled her income at the time,

350
00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:22,800
Speaker 1: which made a huge difference in our life. What a badass,

351
00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:27,080
Speaker 1: What a badass hiding weights in her uniform. I can't

352
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:30,040
Speaker 1: even do you hear her coming out of your mouth

353
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:33,000
Speaker 1: all the time, like are you doing a completely different thing?

354
00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:37,200
Speaker 1: You know, like I feel like mom's You either are

355
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:39,800
Speaker 1: like slowly becoming your mother, which is what is happening

356
00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:43,639
Speaker 1: in my case, or you are or you are like

357
00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:47,520
Speaker 1: actively breaking cycles of things that you were raised with

358
00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:49,920
Speaker 1: that you don't want entering your house. My mom is

359
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:52,560
Speaker 1: like my best friend. I'm inspired by her, but I

360
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:54,720
Speaker 1: feel like I'm merging the two because there's certain things

361
00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:56,800
Speaker 1: that I don't want to do with my kids that

362
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:59,040
Speaker 1: she did. I'm like, you know, in my household, my

363
00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:01,080
Speaker 1: mom didn't have time for feelings. She didn't have time

364
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:04,359
Speaker 1: to talk to us about our feelings. So she was

365
00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:06,399
Speaker 1: just like, let me get some food on this table.

366
00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:09,719
Speaker 1: So for me, for Ella to say, Mom, I'm so

367
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:12,880
Speaker 1: frustrated at three and a half is so important to me,

368
00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:15,960
Speaker 1: or you know, saying you're not my mom, You're not

369
00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:18,359
Speaker 1: my best friend today and I say something like, well,

370
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:20,640
Speaker 1: I don't have to be your best friend. I'm your mother.

371
00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:23,480
Speaker 1: That's what my mom would say. Oh my god, so

372
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:27,080
Speaker 1: would mine. Like that's so my mom too. Yeah, I

373
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:30,879
Speaker 1: love that we have Libra babies. Ella is when is

374
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:35,360
Speaker 1: her birthday? And Albis October two? And you're like literally

375
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:38,600
Speaker 1: one year ahead of me, So can you tell me

376
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:43,160
Speaker 1: what is going on? Like, what's the big difference you've

377
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:46,480
Speaker 1: seen between two and three? What's hard? What's fun? What's

378
00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:50,960
Speaker 1: your preschool situation? Potty training? Big girl? Bet? How is

379
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:52,800
Speaker 1: it going for you? How is it three years? So

380
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:56,480
Speaker 1: it's weird because you're in between this stage of like

381
00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:59,320
Speaker 1: you see the big girl, right, but then they have

382
00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:02,639
Speaker 1: moments of tantrum right, moments just moments not like to

383
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:06,280
Speaker 1: where they're like they too, They're gathering their thoughts, they're

384
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:08,120
Speaker 1: trying to figure out how to say them. For me.

385
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:12,000
Speaker 1: Ella is very clear on what she wants. You know,

386
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:14,600
Speaker 1: what do you want? What kind of snap do you want?

387
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:16,720
Speaker 1: I'll get it. I'll show you like she wants. She's

388
00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:20,960
Speaker 1: very independent and wants to be a helper um potty training.

389
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:22,639
Speaker 1: I was really scared because at too, I was like,

390
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,040
Speaker 1: oh my god, she should be you know, doing this

391
00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:28,919
Speaker 1: byrus mouth. But like literally they figure it out. In

392
00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:30,680
Speaker 1: the middle of the night. She wakes up and takes

393
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:34,160
Speaker 1: her her stool and goes to the potty. She's such

394
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,160
Speaker 1: a big girl. Like I just I'm like, my kid

395
00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:37,639
Speaker 1: is not going to get it. He's going to be

396
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:40,520
Speaker 1: the kid that is like he is not into it

397
00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:42,760
Speaker 1: at all. Right now, right now, before we we like

398
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:44,720
Speaker 1: before the shower, I'm like, let's sit on your party

399
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:48,320
Speaker 1: and he sits and he goes with his mouth. I'm done.

400
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:51,679
Speaker 1: That's it. He's never pete potty to get it. Katie

401
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:54,919
Speaker 1: I promise, I thought the same thing. I was like, Ella, like,

402
00:20:55,119 --> 00:20:58,639
Speaker 1: I promise you, Mommy's out there, it will happen. Just

403
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:01,280
Speaker 1: keep pushing them towards it, let them do it. But

404
00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:03,840
Speaker 1: I promise you buy three. You're gonna be like, what

405
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:06,879
Speaker 1: the heck happened? Like, I'm all about that. Is she

406
00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:09,040
Speaker 1: in a big girl bed? Is she still in a crib?

407
00:21:09,119 --> 00:21:10,880
Speaker 1: What's the deal with that? So she's in a big

408
00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:14,119
Speaker 1: girl bed. She loves it, like she's down for like

409
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:16,760
Speaker 1: the big moves, the big move. So first we transitioned

410
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:19,440
Speaker 1: her from the crib to the transitional bed. But what

411
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:23,560
Speaker 1: Nick did was like twuish. He allowed her to be

412
00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,760
Speaker 1: involved with changing it, and she loved it and then

413
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:29,000
Speaker 1: she took it. Was like it was like hers, you

414
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:30,920
Speaker 1: know what I mean. It was like I helped with

415
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,199
Speaker 1: this thing, and so she jumped in it and was

416
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:34,800
Speaker 1: like I want to go to bed now, you know

417
00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:36,640
Speaker 1: what I mean. So I would say, try to let

418
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:39,520
Speaker 1: them help and take the lead, let them have it,

419
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:55,520
Speaker 1: like be their idea or their creation. Um, what are

420
00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:59,359
Speaker 1: your thoughts on preschool? Oh my god, So Ella has

421
00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:01,240
Speaker 1: been in preschool since she was too. Nick and I

422
00:22:01,280 --> 00:22:05,840
Speaker 1: are really torn right now with schools. Uh. So, that's

423
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:09,760
Speaker 1: what's so crazy about parenting with the partner is that

424
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:11,560
Speaker 1: you guys aren't gonna always feel the same way. We're

425
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:13,280
Speaker 1: not gonna always feel the same way, and we don't.

426
00:22:13,359 --> 00:22:16,080
Speaker 1: And so so I kind of was obsessed with like

427
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:19,000
Speaker 1: French school one because Paris was the first place I've

428
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:22,000
Speaker 1: ever visited. When this is before I had any money,

429
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:24,600
Speaker 1: and I saved I worked at a hotel and I

430
00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:26,959
Speaker 1: saved my few coins that I had, and my friends like, oh,

431
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:28,359
Speaker 1: I'm going to school there. You want to come with

432
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:30,159
Speaker 1: me to like hang out and you have to like

433
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:32,439
Speaker 1: walk by yourself. I won't be able to be with you,

434
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:34,520
Speaker 1: but just be in Paris. And I was like, and

435
00:22:34,560 --> 00:22:38,280
Speaker 1: it was the first time I've ever traveled out of

436
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:41,680
Speaker 1: the country, and so it literally had the biggest impression

437
00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:44,800
Speaker 1: on me. And so I started visiting French schools with Ella.

438
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:48,320
Speaker 1: But I just loved how they treated human like kids

439
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:52,320
Speaker 1: as humans, and they it wasn't only about learning, it

440
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:54,639
Speaker 1: was just about the whole human being. And then I

441
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:56,280
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I want to give her the gift

442
00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:59,720
Speaker 1: of another language. And so with that, though we don't

443
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:04,960
Speaker 1: speak French, so it's hard, you know, like especially now,

444
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:09,000
Speaker 1: you know, school trying to really teach her certain words,

445
00:23:09,080 --> 00:23:12,120
Speaker 1: and like it's been a struggle, and she she takes

446
00:23:12,119 --> 00:23:14,439
Speaker 1: French in English classes, but the French side has been

447
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:16,840
Speaker 1: a little tough. So some of her classes are totally

448
00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:21,359
Speaker 1: in French, like it's an emergency school, it's totally in French.

449
00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:24,600
Speaker 1: But then some of her other classes in English, and

450
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:27,520
Speaker 1: can she go to the school all the way through?

451
00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:31,040
Speaker 1: Like yes? Is it okay? So you guys are figuring

452
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:33,000
Speaker 1: out whether or not you're going to do this thing

453
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:35,760
Speaker 1: or not. Yeah, we're figuring out. We like had a

454
00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:40,840
Speaker 1: big blowout like argument about it, a big old blowout argument,

455
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:43,080
Speaker 1: and I finally came to try to see his side

456
00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:45,480
Speaker 1: of like, well then maybe she'll go to a co

457
00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:48,199
Speaker 1: op of like maybe there's like a thing that she

458
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:50,240
Speaker 1: can do after school programs in front. I don't know,

459
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:52,560
Speaker 1: we'll see how it all works out. But what I

460
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:55,520
Speaker 1: did want was like consistency. I just don't want to

461
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:59,080
Speaker 1: keep hopping around, like okay, fifth grade, I have to

462
00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:01,480
Speaker 1: go and apply to another school again, and then it

463
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:05,560
Speaker 1: just changes everything of just the kids she's growing up

464
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:09,640
Speaker 1: with and all that stuff. So it's just been it's

465
00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:13,199
Speaker 1: so crazy where I so did. I I grew up

466
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:14,800
Speaker 1: in public school. It's like I went to the same

467
00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:17,480
Speaker 1: ship from elementary school to junior high to high school

468
00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:19,199
Speaker 1: with the same people. It was the same, you know,

469
00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:23,080
Speaker 1: but but it was great. I don't know, if you know,

470
00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:26,560
Speaker 1: I'm not there yet, but I did find the preschool

471
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:29,480
Speaker 1: thing to be fascinating. Not because I was like obsessed

472
00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:31,560
Speaker 1: with like where is he going to go? I was

473
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:35,080
Speaker 1: actually learning about education. Like I was like what speaks

474
00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:36,879
Speaker 1: to me? And like what do I think speaks for

475
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:39,320
Speaker 1: the type of kid my kid is? You know, like

476
00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:41,720
Speaker 1: there's not a story base, there's play base, there's French

477
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:44,399
Speaker 1: immersion schools, there's I mean, there's just tons of stuff,

478
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:47,680
Speaker 1: and it's really fascinating to sort of like figure out

479
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:53,360
Speaker 1: where you're parenting styles are lined up. Um, like, I

480
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:55,399
Speaker 1: just wanted my kid to be like a fucking hippie

481
00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:57,359
Speaker 1: in the dirt because that's who I dream of being.

482
00:24:57,680 --> 00:25:00,600
Speaker 1: But my kid hates a mess, like he hates He's

483
00:25:00,640 --> 00:25:03,680
Speaker 1: the kid where if anything's on his hands, he's freaked out.

484
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:05,760
Speaker 1: And that's how like your kid is your kid, Like

485
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:10,880
Speaker 1: I know, I had to just like give into that,

486
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:13,679
Speaker 1: you know, because Ella doesn't like when her hands and dirty,

487
00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:16,560
Speaker 1: She's like, uh, can I have a napkin? Please? And

488
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:19,360
Speaker 1: so I'm like okay. But she loves jumping in puddles

489
00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:22,520
Speaker 1: when it rains. So I'll walk with her to the

490
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:24,960
Speaker 1: mailbox or something and she's just jumping in. At first,

491
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,119
Speaker 1: I was like, Ella, it's dirty. She doesn't care. I'm like,

492
00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:29,439
Speaker 1: go for it, go have fun. We'll just take it

493
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,919
Speaker 1: off when we get inside. So you just gotta accept

494
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:35,600
Speaker 1: who they are who they are, Yes, okay, So you

495
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:39,359
Speaker 1: launched this lifestyle brand, sugar Berry, which I was all

496
00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:42,720
Speaker 1: over the website yesterday. The work you're doing is so valuable,

497
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:47,439
Speaker 1: and I like, tell me all that. Sure. So almost

498
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:50,600
Speaker 1: four years ago with Ella, I just didn't see myself

499
00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:53,400
Speaker 1: in motherhood out there, you know. I just saw kind

500
00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:56,320
Speaker 1: of this one note of motherhood and there was just

501
00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:59,400
Speaker 1: no indulgence, there was no smiling. It was just drastically

502
00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:02,119
Speaker 1: different from when I saw white motherhood and like to

503
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:04,560
Speaker 1: be a woman of color pregnant and being like I

504
00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:07,640
Speaker 1: don't see this, Yeah, I don't see or even if

505
00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:11,240
Speaker 1: if it's just a spectrum, right, Like, yes, there are

506
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:18,080
Speaker 1: there are real issues around black maternal motherhood. They're significant right,

507
00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:21,240
Speaker 1: they are valid, but you gotta show the spectrum of

508
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:25,359
Speaker 1: it all. And because I was just like, well where

509
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:27,760
Speaker 1: am I? You know? And I started reading this book

510
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:32,040
Speaker 1: called Confessions of a Domestic Failure and I was just

511
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:34,600
Speaker 1: dying because it was just this person who was a

512
00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:39,520
Speaker 1: career woman who literally accidentally got pregnant. It was a surprise,

513
00:26:40,080 --> 00:26:43,080
Speaker 1: but it felt so me and many others like she

514
00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:45,359
Speaker 1: just felt like she was an okay mom, Like, but

515
00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:47,480
Speaker 1: we never get to see a black mediocre mom. Either

516
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:50,360
Speaker 1: she has to be like superwoman or it's like I'm

517
00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:52,359
Speaker 1: on drugs, you know what I mean. And it's like

518
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:55,320
Speaker 1: there's no in between, you know. And so I looked

519
00:26:55,359 --> 00:26:57,080
Speaker 1: at the back of the book and this black woman

520
00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:00,600
Speaker 1: named boomy Um wrote it from Canada, and I was like,

521
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:04,680
Speaker 1: what is this? And it made me so excited because

522
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:06,720
Speaker 1: I'm like, I feel like that also needs to be

523
00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:10,399
Speaker 1: on screen, because when when people don't see a visual

524
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:13,159
Speaker 1: and they see this one note of motherhood, especially for

525
00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:15,640
Speaker 1: black women, that's who you think we are and that's

526
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:19,000
Speaker 1: where also you I feel like empathy doesn't come into play.

527
00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:21,120
Speaker 1: Just so many different things don't come into play when

528
00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:24,320
Speaker 1: you don't we're visual, we're visual people of course, and

529
00:27:24,359 --> 00:27:26,960
Speaker 1: also the fact that my partner, I haven't even met

530
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:29,120
Speaker 1: a black woman who froze her eggs until I met her,

531
00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:32,120
Speaker 1: And just the steps of that and the options. It's

532
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:34,840
Speaker 1: almost like we weren't included in any of the conversations.

533
00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:40,600
Speaker 1: And your partner's name Tie Randolf. Yeah, and just this

534
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:44,240
Speaker 1: indulgence in space where we don't have to constantly say,

535
00:27:44,280 --> 00:27:47,159
Speaker 1: oh black black, It just is right. We're opening up

536
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:52,200
Speaker 1: conversations about fibroids, about proclemsia, all that stuff where sometimes

537
00:27:52,240 --> 00:27:55,399
Speaker 1: we are in a silo thinking we're the only ones.

538
00:27:55,560 --> 00:27:57,920
Speaker 1: But I also want the indulgence of like, I feel

539
00:27:57,920 --> 00:28:00,119
Speaker 1: like brands don't always speak to who we are, and

540
00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:03,600
Speaker 1: so we wanted to be able to bring commerce, content

541
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:07,040
Speaker 1: and community altogether. So that's what Sugarberry is. And then

542
00:28:07,080 --> 00:28:10,920
Speaker 1: the sugar podcast. I just I'm so fascinated by women

543
00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:16,760
Speaker 1: who are like like entrepreneurs, entrepreneurial, good luck Katie, my

544
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:21,320
Speaker 1: god um, during their pregnancy and around their pregnancy. Like

545
00:28:21,359 --> 00:28:24,720
Speaker 1: we did an episode about women who literally started businesses

546
00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:27,360
Speaker 1: during their pregnancy, like right after because it was like

547
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:29,960
Speaker 1: they saw something they've never seen before, which is sort

548
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:32,480
Speaker 1: of like the case in yours. You got pregnant, you

549
00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:35,919
Speaker 1: saw that there was a major lack in society, and

550
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:40,840
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, I'm going to start Sugarberry. How do

551
00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:46,400
Speaker 1: you maintain that job, all of your acting stuff, everything

552
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:49,160
Speaker 1: you do and being a mom? Like, how is how

553
00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:56,000
Speaker 1: is the work mom life? Nolan's going for you? Bab um.

554
00:28:56,040 --> 00:29:00,000
Speaker 1: It's crazy because you know we launched the day before

555
00:28:59,840 --> 00:29:06,320
Speaker 1: the quarantined um COVID. Yeah, we literally launched the day

556
00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:10,680
Speaker 1: before they said everybody must stay at home or everything's closed.

557
00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:13,880
Speaker 1: And I was freaking out because I'm like, we had

558
00:29:13,880 --> 00:29:16,640
Speaker 1: all this stuffed up planning that we're gonna do videos

559
00:29:16,680 --> 00:29:20,280
Speaker 1: and all these things with our side no, but it

560
00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:23,680
Speaker 1: actually pushed us to fight through it. And even though

561
00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:26,480
Speaker 1: at times I was like, what was this vision? Was

562
00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:29,280
Speaker 1: this vision or wrong vision? You know? I was like

563
00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:31,960
Speaker 1: as soon as our first podcast came out and then

564
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:34,560
Speaker 1: our second one came out, I had friends texting me

565
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:37,280
Speaker 1: and people saying this came out the perfect time for

566
00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:40,440
Speaker 1: me because not only is it about motherhood, but it's

567
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:43,760
Speaker 1: also for the undecided. It's also for the aunties who

568
00:29:43,800 --> 00:29:45,640
Speaker 1: don't want a kid and who was like, oh, but

569
00:29:45,680 --> 00:29:48,840
Speaker 1: this information is great for bla blah blah blah um

570
00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:51,360
Speaker 1: or people who are like just not sure but are

571
00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:54,600
Speaker 1: interested in dipping their toe in the pond. Um. So

572
00:29:55,120 --> 00:29:57,880
Speaker 1: it's crazy that we did it, but we did it.

573
00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:00,000
Speaker 1: That's the point, you know. And so I don't think

574
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:02,360
Speaker 1: there is ever a balance. I think I'm going to

575
00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:04,840
Speaker 1: always love to work, but I also love my child.

576
00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:08,040
Speaker 1: So I have to somehow figure out merging the two.

577
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:10,040
Speaker 1: And that's kind of what I'm doing right now. It's

578
00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:13,600
Speaker 1: just like she's sleeping and and I'm doing and I'm

579
00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:18,040
Speaker 1: on with you. Before we wrap up, what is something

580
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:23,560
Speaker 1: that Ella has taught you? Mm hmm. Ella has taught

581
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 1: me to let go of what I imagine perfection is.

582
00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:32,120
Speaker 1: And just a simple story. Nick was doing something. I

583
00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:33,880
Speaker 1: think he was playing a video game. He's like, oh,

584
00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:37,800
Speaker 1: I can't get past this thing. She goes, just try

585
00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:41,840
Speaker 1: your best, Dad, Like as simple as that. Just try

586
00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:45,200
Speaker 1: your best, you know. And it's just like the simple

587
00:30:45,240 --> 00:30:48,640
Speaker 1: things that they say. I'm like, yeah, just try your best,

588
00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:50,280
Speaker 1: and that's all it is, you know what I mean,

589
00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:54,760
Speaker 1: Just try your best. At French, Mom, try and she'll

590
00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:58,040
Speaker 1: literally say when I try to speak French, because oh Mom,

591
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:04,400
Speaker 1: you're trying, You're doing good. Um, any parting words of

592
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:07,400
Speaker 1: wisdom that you wish you had known before, you wish

593
00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:10,920
Speaker 1: someone had told you, I just would say, be gentle

594
00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:13,040
Speaker 1: with yourself in all phases. And I think you've got

595
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:15,800
Speaker 1: to constantly tell you tell that to yourself because even

596
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:19,000
Speaker 1: today where I'm like, I'm an okay, mom, I'm not

597
00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:23,400
Speaker 1: great today, but you gotta just mind yourself that be kind,

598
00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:28,200
Speaker 1: be kind to yourself, speak gently to yourself. I love that. Um,

599
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:33,760
Speaker 1: where can people find you? On Instagram? On Instagram, I'm

600
00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:36,959
Speaker 1: at Tica Sumter, and then on Twitter, I'm at i

601
00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:40,680
Speaker 1: am Tica Sumter. And then for Sugarberry, Um, it's at

602
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:44,280
Speaker 1: the sugar Berries. That's our community on Instagram the sugar Berries.

603
00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:46,680
Speaker 1: And then make sure you listen to our podcast, The

604
00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:53,200
Speaker 1: sugar wherever you listen to your favorite podcast. Yay, you

605
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:56,840
Speaker 1: are a dream and you are doing great. Thank you.

606
00:31:57,120 --> 00:31:59,680
Speaker 1: I can. I'm like, you're such goals. I'm like, oh

607
00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:03,360
Speaker 1: my god, you seem so like you've got this. I'm like,

608
00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:06,640
Speaker 1: let me get a little bit of that. Like that's

609
00:32:06,680 --> 00:32:10,280
Speaker 1: where we have it all together. Um, it's such a

610
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:12,160
Speaker 1: pleasure to meet you and talk to you and thank

611
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:14,480
Speaker 1: you so much for taking time during the precious nap

612
00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:17,000
Speaker 1: hours because I know that ship is precious, so for

613
00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:20,360
Speaker 1: you to actually use brain power with Katie's Crib, we

614
00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:24,160
Speaker 1: greatly greatly appreciate it. I appreciate being here, Thanks Katie.

615
00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:27,480
Speaker 1: Thank you all for tuning into Katie's Crib and for

616
00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:31,320
Speaker 1: your beautiful messages and reviews. I absolutely love connecting with

617
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:34,480
Speaker 1: you and hearing your stories and questions. So email me

618
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:38,000
Speaker 1: at Katie's Crib at Shonda land dot com. We may

619
00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:41,400
Speaker 1: just feature you on an episode, so hit me up.

620
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:51,560
Speaker 1: Thanks guys. Katie's Crib is a production of Shanda land

621
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:54,640
Speaker 1: Audio in partnership with I Heart Radio. For more podcasts

622
00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:57,960
Speaker 1: from Shandolan Audio, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts,

623
00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:00,640
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite ships. Look, I'm

624
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:03,360
Speaker 1: coming for you. I've gotten ticket to where I want

625
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:05,720
Speaker 1: you want you. I've gotten ticket to got to what

626
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:07,800
Speaker 1: I want you