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Speaker 1: Text you will heal then Textual Most people who need

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Speaker 1: help texting are ninety six year old grandmas who can't

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Speaker 1: figure out which side of the iPhone is the touch part.

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Speaker 1: But occasionally regular folks need assistance with texting too, when

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Speaker 1: they're in an awkward predicament and they aren't sure what

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Speaker 1: to write.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we're going to be talking to one of our

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Speaker 2: ninety five year old listeners. Yeah, what might be?

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Speaker 1: It might be. That's the whole reason we created this segment,

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Speaker 1: Textual Healing, where we assist listeners of all ages, grandmas

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Speaker 1: to newborns, and we help them craft the perfect message.

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Speaker 1: And who's emailed the show today requesting our textual expertise

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Speaker 1: or expertise. Her name is Brianna. Brianna, welcome to the show.

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Speaker 3: Hi, thank you. I appreciate you taking my call.

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Speaker 2: You're welcome, Brianna, and we're going to be taking your text.

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Speaker 1: Yeah possible.

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Speaker 3: Oh I say what you did.

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Speaker 4: I'm really smart, We're really the smartest guy on the show.

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Speaker 1: So Brianna, tell us about what's your awkward situation? Why

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Speaker 1: do you need our help?

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Speaker 3: So I just don't know what you're saying, and I'm

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Speaker 3: hoping you guys can help me. So I had a

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Speaker 3: guy over for a date. That's not the problem.

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Speaker 2: That is a good thing to say our show, Like,

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Speaker 2: let me.

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Speaker 3: Just start that right there. Okay, But he found a

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Speaker 3: gold chain in one of my bathroom drawers. It's a

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Speaker 3: long story, but I look at it and I realized

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Speaker 3: it's my ex boyfriend.

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Speaker 5: Oh yeah, dude, I can't believe your date was snooping

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Speaker 5: in your bathroom drawers.

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Speaker 3: Well no, I asked him to get something out from me.

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Speaker 2: Oh okay, okay, that's good. Is it expensive gold chains?

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Speaker 2: I wouldn't get rid of it that either.

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Speaker 4: How thick was it? Was it like a thin one

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Speaker 4: or what?

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Speaker 3: Well, it's it's real gold, Like it's real. But it's

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Speaker 3: something I would have thrown out, except that his grandmother

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Speaker 3: gave it to him, like it's got sentimental values.

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Speaker 2: My gosh, you got to give it back to him.

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Speaker 3: I know. But well, see, now you're kind of getting

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Speaker 3: to exactly my problem because I texted him and I said, hey,

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Speaker 3: if I enter change, you want to come grab it?

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Speaker 3: And he sends me back this text and he's like, oh,

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Speaker 3: sure you did. You can just say you want some

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Speaker 3: of this with like one of those little squirky winky.

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Speaker 2: I see why it's your ex.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but in his defense, you did say you want

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Speaker 1: to come over and grab it. That can be interpreted

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Speaker 1: a lot of different.

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Speaker 3: I'm just saying, Yeah, I did definitely set myself up

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Speaker 3: for that one. And part of how I set myself

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Speaker 3: up for it was that two months ago his AirPods

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Speaker 3: were still here. We work up about three months ago,

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Speaker 3: and after about a month, I thought it AirPods and

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Speaker 3: I texted him to stop buy and grab him like

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Speaker 3: a the same kind of thing, and he came over

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Speaker 3: and we ended up pucking up.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Oh okay, So there's precedence for this now.

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Speaker 2: I mean, unfortunately is going to come over. It's just

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Speaker 2: good bound to happen.

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Speaker 1: Okay, kp X is away from Brooks House, it's just

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Speaker 1: definitely going to happen.

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Speaker 5: I mean, that's why you got to meet in a

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Speaker 5: place like a parking lot or well.

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Speaker 1: Parking lot that's parking lot with a gorgeous view the city.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: So I just I need to be able to text

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Speaker 3: him in a way that he knows this, like, no,

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Speaker 3: that's not what I want. I just want you to

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Speaker 3: get your stuff, okay, and he's coming over at six tonight,

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Speaker 3: Like he's already said straight up that he's coming over.

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Speaker 2: I understand why his response was the grab it thing. Then, yeah,

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Speaker 2: it makes sense now.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, he's thinking that you're trying to set it

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Speaker 1: up again. But can't you just tell him, like, no,

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Speaker 1: I'm just gonna leave it under my doormat, I'll be

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Speaker 1: like away from home.

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Speaker 3: I could, but I just don't wanted to get stolen, because,

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Speaker 3: like I said, his grandmother gave it time. So that's

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Speaker 3: why I didn't just put it in the mail?

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Speaker 5: Can I ask, yeah, is there any part of you

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Speaker 5: that kinda wants to hook up with it when he

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Speaker 5: comes over?

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Speaker 3: No?

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Speaker 2: Just jacket?

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Speaker 1: Okay, No, I.

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Speaker 3: Mean that's a fair question. But yeah, if you've been

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Speaker 3: there the last time, you would have understood why.

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Speaker 1: I did not want to do.

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Speaker 2: What was the last thing that was said between you two.

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Speaker 3: The last thing was that he was going to come

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Speaker 3: over at six, and he said, I'm going to give

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Speaker 3: you something of mine too.

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Speaker 4: Oh my gosh.

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Speaker 3: Yeah it was kind of gross.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, okay, so the wheels are already in motion,

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Speaker 1: and you're trying to make it really really clear to

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Speaker 1: him that nothing is going to happen and there's no

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Speaker 1: lingering feelings there.

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Speaker 3: Right, Like you're not coming inside. I'm just going to

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Speaker 3: hand it to you at the door. Peace out, Go

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Speaker 3: have a great life.

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Speaker 4: It should be easy. You should just be able to say, Hi,

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Speaker 4: I don't have a lot of time. That's it.

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Speaker 2: I think you need more than that.

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Speaker 5: I think you need to say I'm short on time.

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Speaker 5: I've got a date at six thirty.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, boyfriend already?

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Speaker 5: Right?

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Speaker 4: Then?

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Speaker 3: Does that not make me kind of sound like a

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Speaker 3: why do you? Yeah, you're right, you're right.

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Speaker 1: It sounds like you're trying to make him jealous a little.

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Speaker 3: Bit, like that's what I'm afraid of.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, then you say I poop my pants have

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Speaker 1: to change?

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Speaker 4: No, that would.

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Speaker 3: Probably take care of it.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, let's hope he doesn't have a rebuttal for that.

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Speaker 1: Can you be like really direct and say I think

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Speaker 1: you're reading too far into this?

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Speaker 3: I mean yeah, just be like you don't flatter yourself.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Or you really want him to leave you alone?

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Speaker 5: You say, well, last time was pretty disappoint so I

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Speaker 5: don't want to go down that road again. Honestly, that's

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Speaker 5: how my friends text their X like every time was disappointing, and.

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Speaker 3: That would not be a lie.

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Speaker 1: So so let's let's be direct. Sprinkle a little bit

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Speaker 1: of honesty in there too, and okay, so you're.

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Speaker 4: Bad in bed. Yeah, he's probably to take it as

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Speaker 4: a joke.

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Speaker 3: Well, I don't wan him to take it as a

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Speaker 3: personal challenge to be like a huh.

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Speaker 1: We probably should sprinkle a little bit of humor in

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Speaker 1: there too, just to lighten the blow. So if you're like, well,

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Speaker 1: slow down, Romeo, last time didn't go so well, you're

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Speaker 1: reading too far into this, okay, Or I.

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Speaker 3: Just want to hand it off at the door, like

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Speaker 3: that's it about last.

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Speaker 2: Time didn't leave me wanting more? We're good.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I still.

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Speaker 4: Feel like if you put yourself in a short time window,

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Speaker 4: like I only have two minutes, you know, something like

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Speaker 4: that got a helper now.

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Speaker 3: I think it might because I didn't say so. He

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Speaker 3: was as like I'm coming over tomorrow at six, Like

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Speaker 3: I didn't invite him over.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I can say I like the one that Brooks said,

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Speaker 1: last time didn't leave me? What did you say?

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Speaker 2: I said, last time didn't leave me want anymore?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we're good, We're good.

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Speaker 2: Okay, I feel like this is going to be really simple.

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Speaker 4: He should read that and go, oh okay, no worries.

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Speaker 1: See at six did you send it?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, this may.

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Speaker 4: Be the most boring.

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Speaker 2: Uh want to keep right back And he says, okay.

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Speaker 4: It's like I have a great day. Okay.

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Speaker 1: I mean that would be the smoothest textual healing we

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Speaker 1: ever did. But I can't believe I'm hoping for boring

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Speaker 1: as we continue. But if he responds to that, when

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Speaker 1: we continue textual healing right after this, hold on, we're

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Speaker 1: just showing us we're in the middle of textual healing.

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Speaker 1: With our listener Brianna, who recently found her ex boyfriend's

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Speaker 1: gold chain in her bathroom drawer, and the chain has

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Speaker 1: sentimental value because his grandma gifted it to him, so

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Speaker 1: she can't just toss it out or pawned on eBay

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Speaker 1: like most of us would.

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Speaker 2: And she's actually a really nice person.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I mean, she's being much kinder to her ex than

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Speaker 2: I would have ever.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Oh, what would you do, bro, because you said

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Speaker 1: you would hook up with him?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I mean that could also be punishment.

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Speaker 1: Oh but when she texted him to come by and

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Speaker 1: get his chain, the X assumed that was an invitation

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Speaker 1: to exchange more than just jewelry.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, well because of what happened last time he stopped by, because.

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Speaker 1: Last time he forgot his AirPods or something and they

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Speaker 1: ended up hooking up. So he is coming by later today,

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Speaker 1: which is why Brianna needs help making it clear there

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Speaker 1: will be no romance happening, not tonight, not the next night,

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Speaker 1: not ever.

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Speaker 4: She's willing to give him the gold chain, but just

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Speaker 4: to hand off.

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Speaker 1: Yes, so Brooke came up with the text idea of

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Speaker 1: sending him. Honestly, last time didn't exactly leave me wanting more.

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Speaker 1: We're good. Just get the chain I get.

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Speaker 2: I still love it.

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Speaker 4: It's set in a boundary, though it is.

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Speaker 1: It's harsh now that was the goal. Yeah, yeah, Brianna,

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Speaker 1: has your ex responded to that? Yeah?

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Speaker 5: He did.

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Speaker 3: He did.

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Speaker 2: Oh gosh, I don't you have a smile in your voice?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: He wrote, ha ha ha. Well I'm with someone you

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Speaker 3: know anyway, and she doesn't have any complaints.

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Speaker 4: Oh you both went in that sense.

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Speaker 2: There you go, So he's not somebody else.

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Speaker 1: Coulate him and say I'll see it, and I clearly

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Speaker 1: he's trying to make her jealous by pointing out that

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Speaker 1: he has a new girl.

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Speaker 4: It didn't work on us, though, but it doesn't work

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Speaker 4: on her because.

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Speaker 1: No, I'm just pointing out, like the point of his

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Speaker 1: the ex boyfriend is trying to push back on you.

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Speaker 2: Clearly. Does that upset you that he's with somebody else?

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Speaker 3: No, I just look, I just texted him back real

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Speaker 3: quick because he's just acting like a child.

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Speaker 1: But we're supposed to craft one together to text back acting.

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Speaker 4: Like a child.

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Speaker 2: He was just telling you that he's in a relationship.

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Speaker 3: Well, I think you're right though, I think he was

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Speaker 3: just trying to make me jealous.

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Speaker 4: Pretend it's real.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, what did you write?

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Speaker 4: Oh?

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Speaker 3: No, I just wrote where did you find her? The

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Speaker 3: animal shelter? Like what?

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Speaker 4: That's really good?

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Speaker 1: Actually, I mean it is kind of funny, but it's.

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Speaker 2: Now spirally.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we don't want to get into a fight with him, right,

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Speaker 1: You kind of escalated this.

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Speaker 3: I didn't escalated, No, no, no, no, no, I didn't escalate this.

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Speaker 3: He escalated by bringing up some girl.

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Speaker 1: And actually, if we really want to point fingers, Brook

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Speaker 1: is the one who came up with the first text,

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Speaker 1: and it was kind of sassy, and that started off

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Speaker 1: this whole chain new girlfriend escalated.

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Speaker 5: I think the more we get into this, the more

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Speaker 5: I'm sorted to feel that you still have feelings.

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Speaker 1: You guys need closure, Brooks projecting again.

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Speaker 3: I just say no, no, no, no, no, no no no,

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Speaker 3: miss brook No, I do not want to get back

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Speaker 3: together with him. I do not have feelings for him.

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Speaker 3: That is That is a big, fat noa.

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Speaker 2: I told you we should have said the fake boyfriend

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Speaker 2: thing first. He beat us to it.

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Speaker 1: Now you've already sent the animal shelter comment. Has he

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Speaker 1: responded back?

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Speaker 3: He did, Oh.

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Speaker 4: God, please, don't be something bad.

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Speaker 1: What did he say?

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Speaker 3: It's not bad, It's just stupid. It's like, if somebody

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Speaker 3: sounds jealous, I can bring her with me and we

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Speaker 3: can just act like adults and I get my necklace.

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Speaker 3: I mean.

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Speaker 5: Like playing the mature card, right, That's what your guys

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Speaker 5: fights were like when you were dating.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, who's the anyone? And who's so mature to bring

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Speaker 1: your new girlfriend to your ex girlfriend's apartment and parade

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Speaker 1: in front of you?

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Speaker 4: I'm mature, burning it's like a sarcastic.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, jealous of his love?

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Speaker 4: This too much?

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Speaker 1: Okay? So what do we ride back to respond? To

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Speaker 1: that with.

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Speaker 3: Actually already texted him.

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Speaker 1: The point of this segment.

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Speaker 2: You call this for help.

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Speaker 1: I don't care what did you say.

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Speaker 3: I just I just said, please really don't bring her

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Speaker 3: over here. I don't need her over here because I've

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Speaker 3: already had the apartment's breaks with pest spray.

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Speaker 2: You mean about her?

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Speaker 1: You are really good at burns.

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Speaker 3: I'm trying.

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Speaker 5: Well, shoot, now you got to pay for pest like

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Speaker 5: she's some sort of cockroach or something.

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Speaker 3: Wait for him, right, yeah, trust me, believe me, he's

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Speaker 3: probably worse than that. If he's dating her, she's probably

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Speaker 3: worse than that.

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Speaker 5: Okay, but you were dating him at some point, so

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Speaker 5: doesn't that make you on the same level as her?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it makes it worse.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but you know he was battan out of his

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Speaker 3: league when he was with me, and it's downgraded and

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Speaker 3: all right, yeah yeah, oh yeah. He said, you got

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Speaker 3: to be kidding me. He said, she's not going to

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Speaker 3: be with me, but I'm going to bring my overnight

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Speaker 3: bag just in case.

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Speaker 5: What he now, we went back to him hooking up

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Speaker 5: with you.

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Speaker 2: He got he got off track there.

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Speaker 1: Whatever he can get. Don't write anything back yet, Brianna. Okay,

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Speaker 1: don't write anything. We want to help you craft this

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Speaker 1: next text one.

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Speaker 5: I don't think this girlfriend even exists, to be honest,

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Speaker 5: I think she's made up.

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Speaker 1: That might be true, Okay, it might be true. But

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Speaker 1: at this point, he thinks he's coming over and he's

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Speaker 1: gonna stay the night.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because they're both being sassy back and forth. There's

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Speaker 2: like a tension thing going on.

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Speaker 4: How do you stop the tension? Does anybody know?

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Speaker 1: Brianna? What are your thoughts right now?

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Speaker 3: Like?

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Speaker 1: What are you well?

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Speaker 3: Like, I'm thinking about it, and I'm like, you know what,

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Speaker 3: it's fine. I can handle this. Like he can just

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Speaker 3: come over and watch a movie or whatever. But that's it.

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Speaker 1: Now you're gonna invite him in to watch a movie

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Speaker 1: with you?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, because then that way he can see is like, okay,

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Speaker 3: to the movie, and then he's gonna like close in

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Speaker 3: And I'm be like, Pisa, you need to go.

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Speaker 4: The next morning.

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Speaker 2: In the ten minutes that I've known you, I know.

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Speaker 3: That I think it'll be fine. I really do. I

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Speaker 3: think if you can just come over and.

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Speaker 1: You can take your shirt off, come inside, and then

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Speaker 1: nothing will have happened.

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Speaker 4: Girl, watch him forget the chain.

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Speaker 1: After all this God.

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Speaker 3: So that's fine. So I just sent him the movie text,

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Speaker 3: tell me come over.

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Speaker 1: You already sent that.

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Speaker 4: Else you didn't have to do a lot of work today, Guys,

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Speaker 4: are you look.

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Speaker 3: You don't understand. I've already said, like, I'm not going

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Speaker 3: to do anything. You're gonna come over to watch a

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Speaker 3: movie and I'm going to kick him the beep out.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, there's gonna be a lot of beeping, that's for sure.

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Speaker 2: You set those boundaries strong exactly.

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Speaker 3: So like just I'll just keep you guys posted on

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Speaker 3: what happened.

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Speaker 5: Okay, I think we know what's gonna happen, but if

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Speaker 5: you want to call us and confirm it, that would

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Speaker 5: be great. You know what.

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Speaker 3: You can say that, but trust me, you are going

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Speaker 3: to be shocked and amazed because I am not doing anything.

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Speaker 3: I'm kicking him out.

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Speaker 2: I be shocked and amazed if that actually happened. I

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Speaker 2: do feel like she's going to find another item of his.

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Speaker 2: In two more months, when you.

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Speaker 1: Want your second date update with your ex boyfriend will

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Speaker 1: be here.

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Speaker 4: She has a sock for you.

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Speaker 3: Guys are crazy, all right?

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Speaker 1: So we okay, So at this point we started with

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Speaker 1: you wanting to tell your ex boyfriend that there is

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Speaker 1: no chance of any romance. You could just get his chain.

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Speaker 1: Now we're inviting him inside the apartment to watch a

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Speaker 1: movie with.

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Speaker 2: His pants, so then't kick him out again.

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Speaker 4: Yes, you better not kiss.

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Speaker 1: We're in a good place.

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Speaker 3: Oh I'm sorry, but that sounds like a good plan

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Speaker 3: to me, as.

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Speaker 1: Long as you're happy.

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Speaker 2: Freaking Jeffrey in the morning.

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Speaker 1: Well, I've actually got an update. Oh my god, I'm dying.

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Speaker 1: An update from Brianna, she wrote to us. She said,

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Speaker 1: Dear Brooke and Jeffrey, thanks again for your help. Although

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Speaker 1: I didn't really need much advice from you, I really

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Speaker 1: appreciate you having me on the show and hearing my story.

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Speaker 4: Okay, she thinks she doesn't need advice.

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Speaker 2: But she says, I wish she would have listened to us.

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Speaker 1: Yeah I didn't even here, she says. F Yi, he

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Speaker 1: did come over, we watched a movie. Yeah, and nothing happened.

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Speaker 2: Yeah right, no way.

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Speaker 1: She does go on in say, but the next morning

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Speaker 1: something did. Night after he's spent the night. I held

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Speaker 1: off for a very very long time, though, So give

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Speaker 1: a girl some credit. That is, she almost went a

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Speaker 1: full twenty four hours. Good.

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Speaker 2: She just needs to lead into it. Just get together

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Speaker 2: with a guy.

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Speaker 1: She's lying to herself. She says that was the last

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Speaker 1: time ever, so I hope he enjoyed it. Love always

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Speaker 1: your fan, Brianna.

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Speaker 2: Oh Man, I can't.

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Speaker 5: Wait for our next update for three months and then

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Speaker 5: hooked up again.

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Speaker 4: I found a paper clip you left over here.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god. But hey, if you ever need help

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Speaker 1: with texting, with your dating life, with anything, you can

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Speaker 1: always email the show. We'll reach out to that person

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Speaker 1: for you. Rookie Jeffrey in the morning