WEBVTT - Ep131: Defining Dating Terms Feat Dustin Ross 0:00:02.680 --> 0:00:06.559 Welcome. It is horrible decisions. I'm your girl, Mandy b 0:00:07.000 --> 0:00:10.160 a k A that bitch a k A pet Stallion, 0:00:10.480 --> 0:00:12.920 and I'm sitting across from my co host with her 0:00:12.920 --> 0:00:21.800 and Haller. What's your name? Charge up? And y'all heard 0:00:21.840 --> 0:00:23.800 a third voice in the building and many of you 0:00:24.079 --> 0:00:26.439 may have already guessed, well not only by the title, 0:00:26.480 --> 0:00:29.960 because your name and the title, but we have another 0:00:30.120 --> 0:00:32.800 part of our family in the building today. Are very 0:00:32.840 --> 0:00:36.040 good friend dasty. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm happy to be here. 0:00:36.040 --> 0:00:40.680 I'm a whore. I want to see at the table, baby, yeah, 0:00:41.159 --> 0:00:44.600 I want to be here. I ain't gonna hold People 0:00:44.600 --> 0:00:46.360 were like, well, doesn't want to talking about like what's 0:00:46.360 --> 0:00:50.080 the nastiest ship you ever done? Um to who you? 0:00:50.560 --> 0:00:52.760 What have I ever done to somebody? Like the nastiest 0:00:52.760 --> 0:00:56.760 thing last name? Like I did like the nastiest the 0:00:56.760 --> 0:00:58.360 one where you were like I need a shower. I 0:00:58.360 --> 0:01:00.560 don't know if I had done if I did it 0:01:00.600 --> 0:01:02.639 to somebody else, if they did it to me your 0:01:02.640 --> 0:01:05.080 sexual experience, yeah, because one time, like I don't know, 0:01:05.120 --> 0:01:07.280 you know, gay niggas sink, so you know I'm gay 0:01:07.440 --> 0:01:09.680 on the weekends and ship you know. Yeah, so like 0:01:10.280 --> 0:01:13.040 niggas think like, you know, well, some gay niggas I 0:01:13.040 --> 0:01:17.120 shouldn't be used. Some gay niggas thinking sexy, like you know, 0:01:17.200 --> 0:01:19.399 for you to be sweaty and athletic and ship. And 0:01:19.480 --> 0:01:21.679 one time I met this guy at the gym who 0:01:21.800 --> 0:01:24.040 you know, it's just we had a friendly rapport or whatever, 0:01:24.640 --> 0:01:26.480 and we left the gym and got to pop in 0:01:26.680 --> 0:01:30.679 and like, no shower before. That's interesting because I think 0:01:30.720 --> 0:01:35.440 women it's the Yeah, like most gay male friends that 0:01:35.480 --> 0:01:38.080 I have discussed all types of ship with, like the 0:01:38.120 --> 0:01:40.479 gym meet ups, on the room ship like I don't 0:01:40.480 --> 0:01:42.240 do that. I feel like that's for people that look 0:01:42.280 --> 0:01:45.119 like virgins, you know what I'm saying. That's the people 0:01:45.160 --> 0:01:46.640 who you know what I'm saying, like they're going there 0:01:46.680 --> 0:01:51.960 to be sneaking as que quote and that's a big thing. Yeah, 0:01:52.040 --> 0:01:54.000 the way your sexual orientation. By the way, when I 0:01:54.040 --> 0:01:56.160 first met a sante like years ago, I had always 0:01:56.200 --> 0:01:59.160 thought you were by Yeah, he made me, gave me 0:01:59.160 --> 0:02:02.120 a little gay, So that really don't compliment. You ain't 0:02:02.160 --> 0:02:03.640 say like, oh I thought you were straight on the 0:02:03.800 --> 0:02:05.480 years ago. He was like, I thought you was fine. 0:02:10.720 --> 0:02:14.280 That he didn't say that be a compliment. Okay, I 0:02:14.320 --> 0:02:17.000 don't know how much you did, though, why like you 0:02:17.040 --> 0:02:20.959 knew that means you just thought he up here. I 0:02:21.000 --> 0:02:24.320 would never ever, ever say someone's appearance would be a compliment. 0:02:24.320 --> 0:02:26.760 I don't like you're passing. I don't like you look 0:02:27.360 --> 0:02:29.440 you know, like you're not gay. I hate saying ship 0:02:29.560 --> 0:02:31.800 like that. The reason I thought you were by was 0:02:31.840 --> 0:02:35.280 because I had gay friends. No. I was talking about 0:02:35.280 --> 0:02:40.200 it and m fantasy and was like, do it, that's 0:02:40.240 --> 0:02:41.960 me And I was like, oh well, if he'll do it, 0:02:42.040 --> 0:02:45.239 he must be fine. Me up to the nasty ship. 0:02:49.040 --> 0:02:52.760 And it's because sci is not ship, but what's crazy 0:02:52.919 --> 0:02:55.239 is and I ain't even gonna hold you. So I 0:02:55.280 --> 0:02:57.160 was with I was with y'all, Darren. I was with 0:02:57.240 --> 0:03:02.040 Dustin and the scient side weekend. First off, dustint know 0:03:02.160 --> 0:03:05.400 the finest niggas in all of the land, and I'm like, 0:03:05.520 --> 0:03:07.440 look at first off, they bow with your feet when 0:03:07.480 --> 0:03:12.799 we walk. I'm sorry, listen with Dustin. First of all, 0:03:13.120 --> 0:03:15.679 first off, dust't has them vibes. And Carl even said 0:03:15.680 --> 0:03:18.800 it just straight fu nigga vibes like he walked around like, 0:03:20.520 --> 0:03:24.160 thank you so much. I think I love the fact 0:03:24.160 --> 0:03:27.280 that it's connected, like he got beady eating all them 0:03:27.360 --> 0:03:30.919 niggas because they'd be like, oh Dustin, hey, Dustin Dustin 0:03:31.520 --> 0:03:35.160 like everybody though, can't you imagine, like I need that 0:03:35.200 --> 0:03:38.800 beat Dot. You do like the perfect gay, Like you're 0:03:38.840 --> 0:03:42.760 the perfect gays model, right, so like wanted to be 0:03:42.880 --> 0:03:46.400 black gay. You already could get all the niggas, right 0:03:46.400 --> 0:03:48.800 because you're like got the podcast, so you're popular in 0:03:48.840 --> 0:03:54.720 that way. Like, who can't you fuck um Republicans? That's 0:03:54.720 --> 0:03:57.280 a lie, you know. I don't want to. I don't 0:03:57.280 --> 0:03:59.760 even want that spirit jumping off on me. I'm saying. 0:04:00.400 --> 0:04:02.240 I say it's the studio just in case there was 0:04:02.240 --> 0:04:03.880 one in here, and you see how they'd be looking 0:04:03.920 --> 0:04:06.880 to all the Republicans inside. I think that was shade 0:04:06.880 --> 0:04:08.880 because I think we got a white cameraman. You thought 0:04:08.880 --> 0:04:12.680 he was a Republican? No are you? Are you white? Okay? 0:04:13.240 --> 0:04:14.720 You had dark hair. I didn't know you even, Like, 0:04:18.040 --> 0:04:19.680 I mean, I just don't assume white people in New 0:04:19.760 --> 0:04:23.520 York went against us like that much. But but this 0:04:23.600 --> 0:04:25.440 is red lad, it ain't it. But no flagrant be 0:04:25.440 --> 0:04:27.719 bringing on up. That's a Muslim dude who fucking like 0:04:27.800 --> 0:04:31.120 Trump and ship. Yeah, just a bunch of weirdos. Yeah, 0:04:31.440 --> 0:04:35.120 you never know who's but we did. We did have 0:04:35.160 --> 0:04:36.920 fun when we went to the club and ship. Oh 0:04:38.160 --> 0:04:40.120 you know, I'm so so I like to give hugs 0:04:40.160 --> 0:04:42.360 and say hi to everybody that you know I want 0:04:42.360 --> 0:04:45.880 to doesn't just tell you. It was actually a spot 0:04:45.880 --> 0:04:49.919 where I thought, oh, I'm gonna dance, bitch. I wasn't 0:04:49.960 --> 0:04:53.839 just giving a quick little um lot dance. This nigga 0:04:54.200 --> 0:04:57.640 picked me up over threw me on the couch. I said, 0:04:57.720 --> 0:04:59.839 I am not at dance hall vibes. I don't know. 0:05:00.200 --> 0:05:02.880 I wasn't all of that. This nigga literally picked me 0:05:03.000 --> 0:05:05.919 up like like nothing. It was like dancing on me 0:05:06.000 --> 0:05:08.240 like he was Chris Brown. And I was like, yeah, 0:05:08.320 --> 0:05:13.120 damn okay. So I'm guessing you've heard the show before 0:05:13.160 --> 0:05:15.280 if you're listening right now, and you would know that. 0:05:15.400 --> 0:05:17.920 Literally every nigga in my phone is game. So all 0:05:17.920 --> 0:05:19.760 I do is go to the gay club. And one 0:05:19.839 --> 0:05:23.040 thing that I have learned is like, hey, you need 0:05:23.080 --> 0:05:26.560 the right shoes and be you need good because when 0:05:26.560 --> 0:05:30.200 do you think for a fucking second that I didn't know, 0:05:30.200 --> 0:05:32.280 make sure you show your ass out, like look at 0:05:32.360 --> 0:05:38.359 everything around us. That's amazing, right, architecture, clothing, style, fashion 0:05:38.720 --> 0:05:41.320 TV shows. Bitch, do you think that you could just 0:05:41.520 --> 0:05:46.520 give a mediocre dance? No, you can't, danglings nothing. And 0:05:46.560 --> 0:05:48.279 that's why I get hugs because I believe when you, 0:05:48.440 --> 0:05:50.840 you know, spend time with people, you shouldn't leave them 0:05:50.839 --> 0:05:53.760 with a mediocre impression. So that's why they was everybody 0:05:53.880 --> 0:05:59.880 hug You didn't spend time. That's all entertaining, Nick, That's 0:06:00.440 --> 0:06:03.760 that's what I knew. Beard Bay was a fucking ho 0:06:04.440 --> 0:06:06.800 that one told me. I was like, yeah, where you working? 0:06:07.279 --> 0:06:09.440 He was like, I mean we entertain each other, but yeah, 0:06:09.640 --> 0:06:14.320 that's how I was like, Wow, you dog sum It 0:06:14.440 --> 0:06:18.400 was hot though, and at that honesty it it's funny 0:06:18.400 --> 0:06:21.480 because we're talking about sexuality and not to make this 0:06:22.279 --> 0:06:26.679 get deeper. Um, I did want to bring up because 0:06:26.680 --> 0:06:29.080 this is recent a lot of you guys maybe seeing 0:06:29.120 --> 0:06:33.520 the r I p. Reese hashtag. Um. I wanted to 0:06:33.800 --> 0:06:35.920 quickly talk about that because for a lot of people 0:06:35.920 --> 0:06:38.280 who listen to this show, we do actually have a 0:06:38.320 --> 0:06:41.599 lot of six hetero men who tune in, and I 0:06:41.600 --> 0:06:44.000 want to talk about kind of what happened. Um. This 0:06:44.080 --> 0:06:47.240 is a black man who recently killed himself after being 0:06:47.279 --> 0:06:50.920 bullied by other black men because he was openly outdating 0:06:51.080 --> 0:06:55.599 his transwoman partner. Um, this is actually big because I 0:06:55.640 --> 0:06:59.560 saw a a tweet that because we're in an era 0:06:59.640 --> 0:07:02.080 where a lot of trans women are dying because people 0:07:02.080 --> 0:07:05.680 are um not comfortable with what they like and being 0:07:05.720 --> 0:07:08.440 out at or whatever. I hate that he took his 0:07:08.520 --> 0:07:11.000 own life, but this could have also been another instance 0:07:11.000 --> 0:07:13.720 where he was pushed to possibly kill his partner because 0:07:13.720 --> 0:07:16.320 of the shame that's associated with it. And I just 0:07:16.360 --> 0:07:19.840 don't understand why we have And I don't want to 0:07:19.840 --> 0:07:21.360 bring up Black Lives Matter because I see a lot 0:07:21.400 --> 0:07:26.120 of people doing that, um comparison of how we're all 0:07:26.160 --> 0:07:28.840 together for Black Lives Matter, but we're not together in 0:07:29.160 --> 0:07:32.520 the sense of black people in their sexualities. And I 0:07:32.560 --> 0:07:36.400 just want to say that for the six hetero listeners 0:07:36.480 --> 0:07:38.120 or even some of you who may still have some 0:07:38.160 --> 0:07:41.680 sort of homophobic tendencies, like who someone dates is none 0:07:41.760 --> 0:07:45.320 of your mother fucking business and something really important to 0:07:45.400 --> 0:07:48.080 this story. Yes, I thought you would say at first. 0:07:49.120 --> 0:07:51.960 So the reason that this one is kind of crazy 0:07:52.240 --> 0:07:54.560 is because and actually go back to five minutes ago 0:07:54.560 --> 0:07:56.360 where I said I don't like saying things like straight 0:07:56.440 --> 0:07:59.520 or passing identified a straight right because he was straight 0:08:00.040 --> 0:08:03.119 get quote unquote is more so white people are saying 0:08:03.160 --> 0:08:07.520 that he got bullied, right because they're like because very 0:08:07.560 --> 0:08:10.440 few times, I guess, are we gonna think, like, Okay, 0:08:10.480 --> 0:08:12.880 we see a gay nigga with a trans woman, Like 0:08:13.200 --> 0:08:15.600 that's not as crazy as seeing someone who's quote unquote 0:08:15.640 --> 0:08:19.720 super straight, right, But trans women are women, right. The 0:08:19.920 --> 0:08:22.720 guy is may not have ever been with someone trans before. 0:08:22.760 --> 0:08:24.320 He may not have ever been with a man before. 0:08:24.320 --> 0:08:26.120 He may not have ever been We don't know. Well, 0:08:26.160 --> 0:08:29.440 I told y'all of the story of um, a good 0:08:29.480 --> 0:08:31.520 friend of mine and he's the person who I took 0:08:31.520 --> 0:08:34.480 to fairy tales and things like that. Um, he's into 0:08:34.520 --> 0:08:38.600 trans women. And he said that his trans women has like, 0:08:38.600 --> 0:08:41.319 like liking trans women and knowing that that's him has 0:08:41.400 --> 0:08:44.760 led him down through like alcoholism and even pushing his 0:08:44.840 --> 0:08:46.880 self away from his family because he's like, Yo, I 0:08:46.880 --> 0:08:48.720 brought a white woman home one time. Do you know 0:08:48.800 --> 0:08:50.880 the look my mom gave me? Do you know the 0:08:50.880 --> 0:08:53.320 look I would get to bring a trans woman home? Like, 0:08:53.679 --> 0:08:56.120 so like even just just the hate that you have 0:08:56.160 --> 0:08:58.520 in your own household, he feels like now I don't 0:08:58.520 --> 0:09:00.240 want to lose my family if I come out saying 0:09:00.240 --> 0:09:02.400 that this is what I like. But it's literally what 0:09:02.440 --> 0:09:04.880 he likes, and he knows it's what he likes. So 0:09:05.360 --> 0:09:08.240 it's just it just sucks that like people are hiding 0:09:08.280 --> 0:09:10.760 this part of themselves because of things like this. Your 0:09:10.760 --> 0:09:13.360 own family members, people that look just like you, were 0:09:13.400 --> 0:09:15.559 supposed to be brothers and sisters and root for each other. 0:09:15.600 --> 0:09:17.880 And we're bringing each other down just off of who 0:09:17.920 --> 0:09:20.920 we like to have sex with. Bros like come. It's ridiculous, 0:09:20.960 --> 0:09:25.040 and um, it's actually something that's a lot more common 0:09:25.040 --> 0:09:27.440 than people realize. And I wish people would just wake 0:09:27.559 --> 0:09:29.560 up and understand that this is a part of life 0:09:29.559 --> 0:09:33.559 that they've been really adjacent to, knowingly or unknowingly. Um, 0:09:33.600 --> 0:09:36.800 I can't tell you how many beautiful trans women I 0:09:36.840 --> 0:09:40.040 know who live a normal life just like you and 0:09:40.080 --> 0:09:43.240 I and everybody else, have healthy relationships, you know what 0:09:43.240 --> 0:09:45.719 I'm saying, and people just don't know. I can't tell 0:09:45.760 --> 0:09:48.800 you how many people I know who have had experiences 0:09:48.840 --> 0:09:51.040 with trans women and don't know that I know, but 0:09:51.120 --> 0:09:52.880 I know because I know that trans women they've had 0:09:52.880 --> 0:09:55.559 experiences with you know what I'm saying. This is something 0:09:55.600 --> 0:09:59.080 that is literally hidden in plain sight kind of. And 0:09:59.080 --> 0:10:01.040 it's just sad that, you know, people get to a 0:10:01.040 --> 0:10:04.600 point where they can't take um, the effects of quote 0:10:04.640 --> 0:10:07.480 unquote bullying or whatever, and it becomes an issue where 0:10:07.480 --> 0:10:11.280 they kill themselves. That's heartbreaking. Um And I God bless 0:10:11.360 --> 0:10:13.160 him man and funk all them niggas that was talking 0:10:13.400 --> 0:10:16.320 about him, who probably all have had experiences with either 0:10:16.400 --> 0:10:21.559 a man or a trans woman. I was gonna say, 0:10:21.640 --> 0:10:24.319 just it's it's all about to me, like what I've 0:10:24.360 --> 0:10:27.120 noticed from homophobia most of the time, like the niggas 0:10:27.160 --> 0:10:31.960 that I've sucked with, fuck with, fucked with, like my besties. 0:10:32.000 --> 0:10:33.800 You know, I'm not like you. I can't call my 0:10:33.840 --> 0:10:35.280 home girls to go on a hoe trip. It's like 0:10:35.360 --> 0:10:39.160 my niggas is really right, and the men that I 0:10:39.200 --> 0:10:42.080 deal with know that, and they know that. Sometimes if 0:10:42.080 --> 0:10:43.199 you want to link up with me and night I 0:10:43.280 --> 0:10:44.679 am at the Gate Club and you don't have to come, 0:10:44.679 --> 0:10:46.040 and you have to be cool about the ship. And 0:10:46.080 --> 0:10:47.480 if you're not cool about the ship, we need to 0:10:47.480 --> 0:10:50.960 talk about why, because that is an issue for me, right. 0:10:51.120 --> 0:10:52.960 I need to know what's going to make you uncomfortable. 0:10:52.960 --> 0:10:54.640 I need to know when my best friend gets married, 0:10:54.679 --> 0:10:56.679 that you're gonna be hyper as we're about to see 0:10:56.760 --> 0:10:58.959 him and his nigga get married and we all love 0:10:59.000 --> 0:11:00.800 each other. I need you know that our kids are 0:11:00.800 --> 0:11:04.240 gonna have a uncle and maybe his god Mama I 0:11:04.280 --> 0:11:06.320 won't have a vagina? Is that crazy for you? Is 0:11:06.360 --> 0:11:08.640 she not a woman anymore? And this is why socially 0:11:08.679 --> 0:11:12.439 conscious men are just really important to me, and in 0:11:12.559 --> 0:11:16.200 terms of Black lives matter and people thinking that these 0:11:16.200 --> 0:11:19.080 people are exempt, It's all about the shame that we 0:11:19.120 --> 0:11:23.199 feel right being bullied for wanting to kill yourself over 0:11:23.240 --> 0:11:25.320 that is because internally you think you're doing something wrong. 0:11:25.320 --> 0:11:28.080 You're not confident enough in choice. And in my opinion, 0:11:28.440 --> 0:11:32.040 men that tease other men for their choices aren't confident 0:11:32.280 --> 0:11:36.439 in their heterosexuality. I just don't feel that way at all. 0:11:36.559 --> 0:11:38.760 When I watched the men that I deal with embrace 0:11:38.840 --> 0:11:41.920 my gay friends and feeling comfortable and not feeling like 0:11:42.200 --> 0:11:45.000 this gay ass nigga because you know you like pussy. 0:11:45.240 --> 0:11:47.360 You know this nigga about to fuck you. We're not 0:11:47.360 --> 0:11:51.080 tripping at There's a confidence that certain hetero men have 0:11:51.520 --> 0:11:55.679 that leads them to not be ashamed of having relationships 0:11:55.679 --> 0:11:59.080 and friendships with gay men. That's shame is about feeling bad. 0:11:59.120 --> 0:12:01.480 That's where killing your off comes from. And we are 0:12:01.559 --> 0:12:05.160 perpetuating that stigma every day. See. I stopped the shift 0:12:05.360 --> 0:12:07.439 to even get rolling because to me, why it's sex 0:12:07.520 --> 0:12:09.280 even a part of the conversation. Why are you worried 0:12:09.280 --> 0:12:11.560 about who I fucked? You know what I'm saying, So 0:12:11.600 --> 0:12:13.360 why are you thinking about saying? Why are you thinking 0:12:13.360 --> 0:12:16.000 about gay sex? Weirdo? You know what I'm saying. I 0:12:16.080 --> 0:12:19.000 wish you would let me tell you something. Ain't no way, 0:12:19.280 --> 0:12:22.200 Ain't no motherfucking way that I'm about to walk outside 0:12:22.240 --> 0:12:25.320 in this world after paying rent, working hard to be 0:12:25.400 --> 0:12:27.280 a good person and ship, you know what I'm saying, 0:12:27.320 --> 0:12:29.840 being a stand up nigger, being there for my friends, 0:12:29.880 --> 0:12:32.280 ain't no way, no go on the street fit the 0:12:32.320 --> 0:12:35.079 funk with me for who I fucked. It just ain't happening. 0:12:35.200 --> 0:12:38.760 And also, I understand that if you know that I'm 0:12:38.880 --> 0:12:41.720 gay and you want to disrespect me, that should be 0:12:41.760 --> 0:12:44.800 your first move. So's so going to say it, so 0:12:44.840 --> 0:12:47.000 now we can get it popping, because I guarantee you 0:12:47.000 --> 0:12:55.480 you're never gonna forget what happens next. That's what sex 0:12:55.480 --> 0:12:57.840 a part of this conversation. I'm a human being and 0:12:57.880 --> 0:13:02.199 I live like a godparents and you're not Finn disrespect 0:13:02.240 --> 0:13:04.920 me period, whether it's about my sexuality or not. I'm 0:13:05.000 --> 0:13:08.959 you just not fin to disrespect me. It's so they 0:13:09.080 --> 0:13:11.720 can't be homophobic with me. You know what I'm saying, 0:13:11.880 --> 0:13:13.880 you can't do that with me. People are so weird 0:13:13.920 --> 0:13:16.600 about sexuality. It's so weird. There's there's so many um 0:13:16.679 --> 0:13:19.240 pictures and things that go around with even fathers and 0:13:19.280 --> 0:13:23.319 their daughters, and they create whole narratives. Is the way 0:13:23.360 --> 0:13:26.439 they kiss? Is this celebrity that was on top of him? 0:13:26.440 --> 0:13:30.360 I don't remember, but they everybody was like they turned 0:13:30.440 --> 0:13:34.280 everything sexual and it's just like why why why is 0:13:34.280 --> 0:13:36.760 the father do you think his daughter? Why are you 0:13:36.800 --> 0:13:39.720 thinking sexual? Because that's why I don't like when videos 0:13:39.720 --> 0:13:42.840 of kids doing something silly and people start sexualizing it. 0:13:42.840 --> 0:13:45.760 That is weird. It's weird as me and one, and 0:13:45.760 --> 0:13:50.560 I'm like, it's weird, Like I get the joke with 0:13:50.720 --> 0:13:52.800 this weird you know what I'm saying, It's weird, and 0:13:52.800 --> 0:13:55.680 it's crazy that like we have all of these different 0:13:55.720 --> 0:13:58.280 thoughts surrounding sex, but that sex, while it is still 0:13:58.360 --> 0:14:00.440 so taboo to even bring up in certain setting some 0:14:00.480 --> 0:14:03.680 things that everything becomes fucking sexualized. Even but we just 0:14:03.679 --> 0:14:05.760 talked about even the god damn vegetables were eating. Now 0:14:06.040 --> 0:14:08.920 they all dick shaped, the cue coumber. We can all 0:14:09.360 --> 0:14:18.000 ship cucumbers and just creating, and now we're look at vegition. 0:14:18.040 --> 0:14:19.760 You shouldn't even want a dick that looked like a 0:14:19.800 --> 0:14:22.120 cute cover. You know, cucumbers got them bumps all the 0:14:22.160 --> 0:14:24.680 way down, up and down. The motherfucker if you are 0:14:24.760 --> 0:14:26.640 right with putting a bumpy dick all the way up. 0:14:27.560 --> 0:14:30.520 We just talk about conversation. You understand what I'm saying. 0:14:30.560 --> 0:14:33.560 Worn and ship did we talk about? Did we talk 0:14:33.600 --> 0:14:36.280 about corn? There was something we just something we did 0:14:36.280 --> 0:14:39.640 talk about. You only talked about it or ate it. Well, 0:14:39.760 --> 0:14:43.040 I hadn't thought just now about curious to know how 0:14:43.080 --> 0:14:46.800 you guys think we could normalize. There's no normalizing ship. 0:14:46.880 --> 0:14:50.880 No, no no, no for other people. So for example, yes, um, 0:14:50.920 --> 0:14:53.520 not to say my father is or was transphobic, but 0:14:53.560 --> 0:14:55.880 I watched something happened to him when it became someone 0:14:55.920 --> 0:14:57.600 close to him. Right, So a lot of people have 0:14:57.680 --> 0:15:02.080 not met trans people or gays or whatever. Right, so 0:15:02.200 --> 0:15:06.200 my father is Israeli and my aunt this was maybe 0:15:06.200 --> 0:15:09.480 ten years ago, canceled a long time. They don't now 0:15:09.560 --> 0:15:13.480 my mother right, Like I said, my my godmother was 0:15:13.480 --> 0:15:15.720 a drag queen was growing up like I was born 0:15:15.720 --> 0:15:18.840 in San Francisco. It's case, so ten years ago, my 0:15:19.000 --> 0:15:20.400 kind of hys directed me. She had cancer for a 0:15:20.440 --> 0:15:22.760 while on and off, and when we went to the 0:15:23.080 --> 0:15:25.480 area to talk to the surgeon, the surgeon was a 0:15:25.480 --> 0:15:28.760 trans woman. And I remember looking at my dad's face 0:15:29.240 --> 0:15:31.200 and it was like just the wheels are turning while 0:15:31.200 --> 0:15:34.240 he's thinking, and I'm maybe I was old enough and 0:15:34.280 --> 0:15:36.120 not old enough, and I was like okay, And my 0:15:36.200 --> 0:15:38.880 dad hugged her for a long time and kept telling 0:15:38.880 --> 0:15:42.240 her thank you and how happy that she was there, 0:15:42.280 --> 0:15:44.160 like happy is that she was there, and blah blah blah, 0:15:44.440 --> 0:15:46.280 and like the whole card right home. I know he 0:15:46.320 --> 0:15:48.560 was thinking like wow, like this saved my fucking sister. 0:15:48.640 --> 0:15:53.960 And it's weird because what instance is this person? Okay, 0:15:54.200 --> 0:15:56.080 Like maybe my dad might have looked different from her 0:15:56.120 --> 0:15:58.880 on the street, but I know you kept her alive. 0:15:58.960 --> 0:16:01.560 I know you saved her. I have to think, what 0:16:01.640 --> 0:16:04.720 does it really hit you? Family? Friends, like, how do 0:16:04.760 --> 0:16:07.360 we normally family and friends to hit you when when 0:16:07.400 --> 0:16:09.960 it hits you, When it hits you, when it becomes 0:16:10.000 --> 0:16:13.560 a reflection of some sort to you, about you, because 0:16:13.560 --> 0:16:16.680 it's really internal. Really, it don't matter. It doesn't matter 0:16:16.680 --> 0:16:18.760 if you adjacent to me, you know what I'm saying. 0:16:18.760 --> 0:16:21.080 But if you my mama, if you use my mama, man, 0:16:21.960 --> 0:16:24.240 I'm saying, if you my mama or whatever, you feel 0:16:24.240 --> 0:16:26.480 some kind of way about how I live, you know 0:16:26.520 --> 0:16:28.520 you feel like it's a reflection on you. And that's 0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:31.359 where it comes. Happened in my household as well. Um, 0:16:31.520 --> 0:16:33.520 for a lot of you guys that do listen to 0:16:33.520 --> 0:16:36.080 the show, you guys know that I'm have Jamaican, So 0:16:36.480 --> 0:16:40.720 of course Jamaicans are very like homophobic in a sense, 0:16:40.760 --> 0:16:44.280 and my very homosexual too, but go ahead that too, 0:16:44.400 --> 0:16:50.280 Yes that too, um. But my cousin left Jamaica because 0:16:50.560 --> 0:16:52.840 he was gay and felt he feared his life. But 0:16:52.920 --> 0:16:56.560 also my sister came out as lesbian maybe when she 0:16:56.600 --> 0:17:00.000 was around eighteen nineteen, and she was always my dad's favorite, 0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:03.960 and my dad actually removed himself from her for quite 0:17:04.000 --> 0:17:07.280 some time because she was lesbian and he didn't understand 0:17:07.320 --> 0:17:09.600 that and also was like, so you'll never give me 0:17:09.640 --> 0:17:12.199 a granddaughter? Like it turned into of course now like 0:17:12.280 --> 0:17:14.679 just different things as lesbians have to deal with. And 0:17:14.720 --> 0:17:16.920 so luckily they do have a relationship now. But I 0:17:16.960 --> 0:17:19.440 think because they both hate me, but whatever, But I 0:17:20.359 --> 0:17:22.919 love you too. But I do feel like even to 0:17:23.040 --> 0:17:26.040 have experienced that with my own dad kind of distanced 0:17:26.080 --> 0:17:29.520 himself from my sister because of her sexual orientation. That's 0:17:29.560 --> 0:17:31.600 just the whole thing. Like, that's still your daughter. You 0:17:31.640 --> 0:17:34.040 love her as a person. Why does who she have 0:17:34.240 --> 0:17:37.359 sex with matter to you? Even as a father? Why 0:17:37.440 --> 0:17:41.679 does that matter? Parents think this made you gay? My 0:17:41.760 --> 0:17:43.840 mama was literally laid out on the floor and her 0:17:43.880 --> 0:17:47.399 walk in closet when she found out about me and ship, 0:17:47.480 --> 0:17:50.360 and my father told me not to tell her. Really, 0:17:50.960 --> 0:17:54.240 that's actually opposite. Did with like a religious family? Yeah, 0:17:54.320 --> 0:18:00.359 my parents are devout Christians. Yes, when what they found 0:18:00.359 --> 0:18:04.560 out I was gay? You were in your twenties, Yeah, 0:18:04.600 --> 0:18:09.040 when they found enough to say that, I'm thirty seven? 0:18:10.400 --> 0:18:18.000 What did you think I was seven? Right? So wait, okay, 0:18:18.200 --> 0:18:28.240 so you when your mom finds out that, yes, when 0:18:28.240 --> 0:18:30.120 did your dad know? Since he said don't tell her? 0:18:30.480 --> 0:18:33.760 My father found out before that because someone in my 0:18:33.880 --> 0:18:36.919 family went and told him. So. One of my family 0:18:36.960 --> 0:18:39.239 members was living with me at the time because they 0:18:39.280 --> 0:18:42.199 were about to get married and they had kind of 0:18:42.200 --> 0:18:44.720 been envious of I've always had a close relationship with 0:18:44.760 --> 0:18:47.160 like my siblings, money and my parents always been cool. 0:18:47.359 --> 0:18:49.199 I've done what I want to do. You know, I 0:18:49.240 --> 0:18:52.080 never really once I decided not to kind of follow 0:18:52.119 --> 0:18:54.120 the program of what they wanted for me as far 0:18:54.160 --> 0:18:56.440 as like the religion and all that. Ship, I still 0:18:56.520 --> 0:18:58.720 maintained some sort of like you know, good rapport with 0:18:58.800 --> 0:19:01.840 them and so, um, but I was still doing my thing. 0:19:02.000 --> 0:19:04.719 And so once I had started like hanging out and 0:19:04.760 --> 0:19:10.920 really actually going to gate clubs and ship or whatever. Yeah, man, 0:19:11.400 --> 0:19:17.440 you know that glory day. So but uh manbe it's 0:19:17.440 --> 0:19:20.600 so stupid. But um, so, long story short, my family 0:19:20.640 --> 0:19:23.080 member was living with me, saw I saw that I 0:19:23.080 --> 0:19:25.000 had been coming back and forth to New York. Actually 0:19:25.080 --> 0:19:29.680 had met this guy here named Kareem. He was so fun. Yeah, 0:19:29.960 --> 0:19:32.119 he was like it was just different. You know what 0:19:32.160 --> 0:19:34.119 I'm saying. I wasn't. I had just started working with 0:19:34.200 --> 0:19:38.679 niggas or whatever. So anyway, my family member saw that 0:19:38.920 --> 0:19:41.399 saw something like that on my computer and ship about me, 0:19:41.480 --> 0:19:45.400 you know whatever. I went and told my father, okay, 0:19:45.600 --> 0:19:48.600 and so my father one day, this was actually right 0:19:48.600 --> 0:19:51.119 around new It was New Year's Eve, New Year's Eve. 0:19:51.200 --> 0:19:52.919 I was out party and in the next morning I 0:19:52.920 --> 0:19:55.720 was supposed to go help my father repair like some eaves, 0:19:55.760 --> 0:19:58.359 traffic like gutters on my grandfather's house because you know, 0:19:58.400 --> 0:19:59.840 my father told me how to do all that kind 0:19:59.840 --> 0:20:04.199 of it. So um so, but I overslept because I 0:20:04.240 --> 0:20:06.240 was out party and I really never even came back 0:20:06.240 --> 0:20:08.880 to my apartment or nothing, and so my father called 0:20:08.880 --> 0:20:10.600 me kind of upsetting. He was like, YO, come meet 0:20:10.600 --> 0:20:12.520 me at Bob Evans or whatever so we can like, 0:20:12.640 --> 0:20:15.159 you know, I guess go do it. I'm assuming, But 0:20:15.240 --> 0:20:16.720 what he really wanted me to do was come up 0:20:16.720 --> 0:20:19.600 there and talk to him. Because I overslept and ship, 0:20:19.640 --> 0:20:22.040 he knew I was doing something he didn't know, you know, 0:20:22.119 --> 0:20:24.399 specifically where I was. I think that that kind of 0:20:24.440 --> 0:20:27.480 just made him think, you know, that something else was 0:20:27.520 --> 0:20:28.919 going on, and he might as well just talk to 0:20:28.960 --> 0:20:31.320 me about what he had heard. And so that's what 0:20:31.440 --> 0:20:35.960 he did, and he wasn't disrespectful. Um Surprisingly, my dad 0:20:36.080 --> 0:20:37.960 was like he just kept it a buck from the 0:20:38.000 --> 0:20:40.080